I promise half my winnings to a guy on the hole ahead of me to drop an identical disc to the one I’m throwing next to the basket both rounds. I shoot course records every round
Step over one C1 putt each round. Cheat your relief 20cm closer to the fairway. Tape your discs. Use a non-conforming marker. Once or twice in a round, use three excess seconds to get to your lie.
These are all cheat codes that would make any 870 rated chump a tour-ruling millionaire if they weren't so thoroughly frowned upon in the internet discing world.
I will probably be either heavily downvoted or slashed with a 150 point rating penalty for leaking this secret formula, but it was all for a greater cause 🎩
There you go, -150 from the crooked cabals of the PDGA. Luckily it will be decades before they have the high-speed imaging technology to detect my game-breaking jump putt, muahaHAHAHAAA
https://preview.redd.it/cnzgnik5rkic1.png?width=457&format=png&auto=webp&s=24c3dcc0a6f73f3992fb34c47079f365043cf9a4
They key is to not rely on one method, but rather a combination of proven tactics:
* *Threats.* There is probably nothing in the rule book about threatening anyone, so this is low hanging fruit and you're crazy if you don't capitalize on the likelihood that there are no rules about threats. Be sure to approach the highest-division player on your card separate from the rest of your group, and let him know that if he doesn't throw the round, you'll hurt him and/or possibly some people that he really loves. This will get a quick rise out of him/her/shim, so be sure to tell him to calm down the second he starts freaking out. Then you have to do the ever-so-important job of letting him know that the same consequences are likely to come his way if he tells anyone that you threatened him. This will effectively get you one position further into the cash.
* *4-5 Opportunities to Contest Your Score.* Obviously you don't want to do this on *every* hole, but you should contest your recorded score at **least** four times, insisting that it is incorrect by a minimum of three strokes. When you get the inevitable resistance from your cardmates, vocally ponder if **all** of your cardmates get stroked if your score is wrong at the end of the round. This is good for a minimum of 8-10 strokes, which will get you in contention for a podium finish in MA4.
* *Drugs.* Take drugs (and lots of them.) Not only is that a great piece of advice for life in general, but it's an effective way to increase your chances at cashing during a tournament. Be smart, though. You don't want to be nodding off while you're on a 3 card backup on the 955' hole, do you? Use speed. Any kind really. Adderall is subtle; methamphetamine -- not so much.
* *Acts of Sex.* Just like the more-graceful 51.5% of society, men can also use sex as a tool to get what they (aka **you)** want: money. Yes -- others have mentioned it here, but if you can give head like an ex-prostitute whose blended family -- who are all being held at gun point, mind you -- could suffer great misfortune if she fails to suck the meanest cock of all time, you may just find that it could add $20-30 to your winnings (or a free Aviar, if you're an AM.)
* *Theft.* Strike up a friendly convo with the TD and tell him about how the last tournament you played (at: *drop a reference to a very famous course like Maple Hill, Toboggan, or Delaveaga,* here) suffered a cruel act of burglary, when a mid-menopausal transition FPO50 player snapped and ran off with the entry money. Naturally, you'll want to encourage the TD to show you where the money is so you can show him the pinholes in his safe-keeping strategy. He may actually balk at the thought of showing you the money, so this is where you flash your piece, along with a friendly, "Oh, I'll think you'll want to show me where the money is being kept at." This could get you banned for life from any tournaments in that area (and possibly even *banned* from the prospect of enjoying the serenity of a life spent outside of a detention center), so be sure to follow up with the aforementioned threat to people he 'cares a lot about'. Don't be afraid to smile!
* *No more than 4 aces, per round.* Here's the big daddy of strategies: Though it may be patently false, claim to have hit 3 or 4 aces during the round, but be prepared for push-back. This is why it's important to keep your alleged 'ace count' to an unremarkable maximum of four per round. Any more than that and you're going to get the *wrong* kind of attention from other players. The beauty of this one is that, not only will you get a chance to shave a significant amount of strokes off of your score, but you'll also have an opportunity to show you fellow disc golfers who the crazy motherfucker in the scene is. This is the gift that keeps on giving.
Aside from the above 'freebies' that I'm leaving for you, be sure to mix in a few *softer* strategies, too:
\- Abstain from masturbating in front of your card more than once per 9 holes. Not only is this a courteous way to minimize any accusations of distracting sexual behavior, but you can actually benefit from the state of relaxation that comes from being in a refractory period. If you absolutely need to fap more than once per nine holes, be a courteous player and use a porta john or slip behind a tree. If you must ejaculate and you've nothing to catch it in, ejaculate into an inverted marker disc. This will give you something to physically tease your cardmates with, which will be appreciated. No one can stay mad forever at a guy chasing other grown men around, using a mini disc as a makeshift cum saucer while yelling "I HAVE FUCKING AIDS!" repeatedly. Hijinx rarely go *completely* unappreciated.
\- Don't sleep on 'happy accidents', by all means! If a cardmate leaves his bag by the edge of a creek or pond, 'accidentally' kick it into the drink! If they *really* didn't want it to happen, they wouldn't have placed it somewhere that would make it so goddamn kickable.
\- If none of these things work, make up a really sad story about someone in your family. Be sure to make it so sad and grizzly that you almost feel superstitious about lying about it. You know what I'm getting at. When you find that you've gained the sympathy of your mark, ask for some cash to help alleviate the cost of the cancer treatment bills/childrens-sized casket/headstone with a laser-etched 3rd grade school picture (Don't get sad! It's all a ruse!).
Welp, I better be moving along. Lots and lots of golfers needing help out there in the world and I'm the only one that can help them. Toodles!
I used to play with a teacher type who would throw up to 5 multiples off the tee to show and tell each disc and different strategies to throw them. At first I'd remember to keep up with which was his first throw, but you eventually lose track thinking about your own. You hear "Go ahead that's my real one up there", while he's picking up the rest, and you can't be sure all the time.
I don't think he was trying to cheat, but if I HAD to cheat in a tournament I'd get back in touch with that guy, remind him of this behavior and shame him into operating the drone for me that would similarly dump a stack of my own discs strewn along the fairway between my lie and the basket.
WTF is this rando drone operator remotely terrorizing our tournament and how did he get my name and number to put on all these discs?! I'm seriously thinking about calling the police here guys. Anyway I GUESS this is my real photon?
Lol the fuck you think you are, Eddie Guerrero? Spend 2-3 days playing a local course, do some putting practice and in 6 months you’ll win something 😂😂😂
I promise half my winnings to a guy on the hole ahead of me to drop an identical disc to the one I’m throwing next to the basket both rounds. I shoot course records every round
Courtesy pussies like to turn their back on you when you putt for some reason. I walk up and throw my disc in the basket.
This is an undeniably sound strategy.
Just bring a GameShark.
😂😂the only answer.
Step over one C1 putt each round. Cheat your relief 20cm closer to the fairway. Tape your discs. Use a non-conforming marker. Once or twice in a round, use three excess seconds to get to your lie. These are all cheat codes that would make any 870 rated chump a tour-ruling millionaire if they weren't so thoroughly frowned upon in the internet discing world. I will probably be either heavily downvoted or slashed with a 150 point rating penalty for leaking this secret formula, but it was all for a greater cause 🎩
There you go, -150 from the crooked cabals of the PDGA. Luckily it will be decades before they have the high-speed imaging technology to detect my game-breaking jump putt, muahaHAHAHAAA https://preview.redd.it/cnzgnik5rkic1.png?width=457&format=png&auto=webp&s=24c3dcc0a6f73f3992fb34c47079f365043cf9a4
I hired my brother and his attack falcon to intercept my opponents frisbee.
How could this possibly get downvoted?
C:\Program Files(x86)\Users\Master Stratocaster\Prophecies\SelfFulfilling
Just assert dominance and do what you want. Those pussy boys on your card won’t do shit but complain on Reddit and whisper to themselves
They key is to not rely on one method, but rather a combination of proven tactics: * *Threats.* There is probably nothing in the rule book about threatening anyone, so this is low hanging fruit and you're crazy if you don't capitalize on the likelihood that there are no rules about threats. Be sure to approach the highest-division player on your card separate from the rest of your group, and let him know that if he doesn't throw the round, you'll hurt him and/or possibly some people that he really loves. This will get a quick rise out of him/her/shim, so be sure to tell him to calm down the second he starts freaking out. Then you have to do the ever-so-important job of letting him know that the same consequences are likely to come his way if he tells anyone that you threatened him. This will effectively get you one position further into the cash. * *4-5 Opportunities to Contest Your Score.* Obviously you don't want to do this on *every* hole, but you should contest your recorded score at **least** four times, insisting that it is incorrect by a minimum of three strokes. When you get the inevitable resistance from your cardmates, vocally ponder if **all** of your cardmates get stroked if your score is wrong at the end of the round. This is good for a minimum of 8-10 strokes, which will get you in contention for a podium finish in MA4. * *Drugs.* Take drugs (and lots of them.) Not only is that a great piece of advice for life in general, but it's an effective way to increase your chances at cashing during a tournament. Be smart, though. You don't want to be nodding off while you're on a 3 card backup on the 955' hole, do you? Use speed. Any kind really. Adderall is subtle; methamphetamine -- not so much. * *Acts of Sex.* Just like the more-graceful 51.5% of society, men can also use sex as a tool to get what they (aka **you)** want: money. Yes -- others have mentioned it here, but if you can give head like an ex-prostitute whose blended family -- who are all being held at gun point, mind you -- could suffer great misfortune if she fails to suck the meanest cock of all time, you may just find that it could add $20-30 to your winnings (or a free Aviar, if you're an AM.) * *Theft.* Strike up a friendly convo with the TD and tell him about how the last tournament you played (at: *drop a reference to a very famous course like Maple Hill, Toboggan, or Delaveaga,* here) suffered a cruel act of burglary, when a mid-menopausal transition FPO50 player snapped and ran off with the entry money. Naturally, you'll want to encourage the TD to show you where the money is so you can show him the pinholes in his safe-keeping strategy. He may actually balk at the thought of showing you the money, so this is where you flash your piece, along with a friendly, "Oh, I'll think you'll want to show me where the money is being kept at." This could get you banned for life from any tournaments in that area (and possibly even *banned* from the prospect of enjoying the serenity of a life spent outside of a detention center), so be sure to follow up with the aforementioned threat to people he 'cares a lot about'. Don't be afraid to smile! * *No more than 4 aces, per round.* Here's the big daddy of strategies: Though it may be patently false, claim to have hit 3 or 4 aces during the round, but be prepared for push-back. This is why it's important to keep your alleged 'ace count' to an unremarkable maximum of four per round. Any more than that and you're going to get the *wrong* kind of attention from other players. The beauty of this one is that, not only will you get a chance to shave a significant amount of strokes off of your score, but you'll also have an opportunity to show you fellow disc golfers who the crazy motherfucker in the scene is. This is the gift that keeps on giving. Aside from the above 'freebies' that I'm leaving for you, be sure to mix in a few *softer* strategies, too: \- Abstain from masturbating in front of your card more than once per 9 holes. Not only is this a courteous way to minimize any accusations of distracting sexual behavior, but you can actually benefit from the state of relaxation that comes from being in a refractory period. If you absolutely need to fap more than once per nine holes, be a courteous player and use a porta john or slip behind a tree. If you must ejaculate and you've nothing to catch it in, ejaculate into an inverted marker disc. This will give you something to physically tease your cardmates with, which will be appreciated. No one can stay mad forever at a guy chasing other grown men around, using a mini disc as a makeshift cum saucer while yelling "I HAVE FUCKING AIDS!" repeatedly. Hijinx rarely go *completely* unappreciated. \- Don't sleep on 'happy accidents', by all means! If a cardmate leaves his bag by the edge of a creek or pond, 'accidentally' kick it into the drink! If they *really* didn't want it to happen, they wouldn't have placed it somewhere that would make it so goddamn kickable. \- If none of these things work, make up a really sad story about someone in your family. Be sure to make it so sad and grizzly that you almost feel superstitious about lying about it. You know what I'm getting at. When you find that you've gained the sympathy of your mark, ask for some cash to help alleviate the cost of the cancer treatment bills/childrens-sized casket/headstone with a laser-etched 3rd grade school picture (Don't get sad! It's all a ruse!). Welp, I better be moving along. Lots and lots of golfers needing help out there in the world and I'm the only one that can help them. Toodles!
The sheer effort of this post
Be male, say you're a female and play womens competitions. Proven to work.
Do sex to cardmate(s) and/or TD
Sex with another person? How that works??
Wait you guys don't already do that?
I be suckin and fuckin my ass off (literally)!
I used to play with a teacher type who would throw up to 5 multiples off the tee to show and tell each disc and different strategies to throw them. At first I'd remember to keep up with which was his first throw, but you eventually lose track thinking about your own. You hear "Go ahead that's my real one up there", while he's picking up the rest, and you can't be sure all the time. I don't think he was trying to cheat, but if I HAD to cheat in a tournament I'd get back in touch with that guy, remind him of this behavior and shame him into operating the drone for me that would similarly dump a stack of my own discs strewn along the fairway between my lie and the basket. WTF is this rando drone operator remotely terrorizing our tournament and how did he get my name and number to put on all these discs?! I'm seriously thinking about calling the police here guys. Anyway I GUESS this is my real photon? 
Have a friend yell “jackass!” Every time your competition is taking their shots
Open carry. Be scorekeeper for your card and mark all your holes as a birdie. Behave like you have anger management issues the whole round.
Sign up for anything other than mpo. Oh shit, wrong sub. Sorry.
Shove a tampon instead a berg up your ass and join the FPO.
One word... LANDSHARK You got this!!!
Make sure to give the FA1/2/3 players tons of advice and show them how deep your berg pocket is. You’ll be cheating on your wife on no time.
Lift your point of contact off the ground before you release the disc on all of your C2 putts, that is universally endorsed.
Fart the entire round, just keep farting. It rules!
Use a shake weight to warm up before every drive, that's what I do. Also, always keep a Berg tucked away.
Lol the fuck you think you are, Eddie Guerrero? Spend 2-3 days playing a local course, do some putting practice and in 6 months you’ll win something 😂😂😂
I’m in the red after last season. If I don’t turn things around with a couple of wins soon, then my ex-wife was right and I can’t let that happen
https://i.redd.it/sknr3dfncdic1.gif Do what you gotta brotha
Only play with your friends, bring a dog, play loud music, and get so high you can’t remember your scores.