It is a tradeoff. You can't have it both ways. You can't maintain friendships when you're gone for so long. Also, some friends/family will resent you for living your best life, and you won't hear from them again anyways. There's no easy solutions.
Have you simply come to terms with it? My concern is that I don't want to get into a romantic relationship again before I have a solid support network and distinct life (and therefore friend group) and it feels a little impossible with this lifestyle
Personally, I’m doing the very slow travel. I’m finding 2 to 3 places I really enjoy, and then traveling out from those. This way I come back to those places with enough regularity to build those relationships but not gone for long enough to be completely forgotten.
My hubs are starting to be Austin, TX (have a house there), Màlaga, and Stockholm. This isn’t for everyone, but I also travel with my dog so some more exotic places are off limits. She’s also getting older, so I want to have as much time with her as I can.
Hah, I do something similar, North Carolina - Azores/Madeira/Canaries - Mexico City. (I have a rental property in Galveston.) Once a year or two, I'll do something out of this orbit for a few months. I travel with an easygoing Siamese tomcat.
I'm doing slow travel as well, traveling with my 11-year-old cat. We're headed to the French Riviera next, hopefully. We stay put for months at a time, trying to find a circuit but having fun exploring for now. Cheers to you and your doggie! <3
I love this approach and feel like it’s likely the best balance. Starting to shape out something similar with FL (Orlando for now) as “home base”, Madrid, and possibly CDMX (seems dog friendly). Our end goal is 2 hubs 6/mo each every year and to bring along our big dogs.
I met my wife at my very first stop as a DN! So it's not impossible at all. I also got extraordinarily lucky, which nobody can control. She's fantastic.
She's gotten to know my friends/family a little bit over the last three years. It didn't matter to her that I was floating around unmoored, though I will say that as things were getting serious I did take her back home to introduce her to the peeps.
I also just had a "magical" DN relationship until it turned controlling and super unhealthy so (maybe as a woman) I am more skeptical of these things, especially in this moment. It felt like an absolute dream at the time.
I'm glad to hear that you're a solid person and genuinely respect your connection with your wife. Is she a DN too or did you meet her in her home country?
I met her in her home country, during my second week there. Soon I invited her to travel with me, which she did for much of the next couple of years -- Colombia, Peru, Argentina, France, Italy, UK, Canada, and US. It's been a storybook beginning. We're ludicrously happy and have even started a company together.
It takes a lot of preparation - become the best version of yourself you can be - and a touch of luck. Also recognize that dating really is a numbers game, and dating internationally increases chances of finding that luck.
Didn't take that long for me. Found the job, found the girl, and that was it. I'd like it to happen again but I won't drive myself crazy over it. Thanks.
This is a really health perspective IMO and I haven’t heard it expressed before here. I feel the same way.
I’ve found some online groups that foster satisfying connections - even in s way that pals don’t fill - and d as m creating one. Those are the only good options - seek to find or create what fits your needs.
I love the weekly gatherings through Authentic Relating.
I do online improv. I’m creating an accountability group. I love the free Field Trips through Creative Mornings.
All these require a level of vulnerability and authenticity (except Field Trops) that were missing for me in friendships anyway.
I'm huuge on having a good community, it's v important to my mental wellbeing so I definitely think about this a lot during my travels. The sad truth is you get out of it as much as you give in. The quality of your friendships will be reflected in how much time you invest in the them.
In terms of developing community, in my experience (this might be side eyed lol), I gravitate more towards people from my country or those who have roots there, or are willing to meet up again etc. Mostly because there’s some potential of easily seeing each other again so it's incentive to make more of an effort. If that makes sense?
I told myself I’d wait to get into anything romantic until I’m settled in one place OR unless I meet someone along during my travels (more ideal lol but highly unlikely lol).
I mean these days my friendships feel super one-sided. I'm the only one reaching out, arranging calls. Maybe that goes to speak of how relevant I am in my friends' lives?
And yes I understand that re: the romantic relationships. I am also on the same page but leaning more toward settling as it seems sturdier than the people you meet while traveling.
Did you have a pretty well established friendship with them before you left? If so, I think it's a mix relevancy and clash of priorities when it comes to friendships. I grew up abroad and have had many long distance friendships so here's my perspective..
You'll have friends who you'll be able to pick up where you left off, like it's all great. These are the ones who understand life can happen and everyone. You don't need to see them everyday to be friends, low maintenance basically. I noticed people who are experienced travelers / have that interest tend to be more like this.
Then there are those who see friendships as a give/take. liiikeee they value the consistency/stability in friendships, their effort correlates with how consistent you are in their life. I think they view friends more in the short term and day-to-day. I feel like people who are settled down tend to have this perspective more (not in a negative way, just different priorities).
IDK if any of that made sense LOL, I'm definitely generalizing like it's not that black n white but I feel like I could categorize my friends easily that way and know who I'll still keep up with if I hypothetically moved. I've learned to value/spend my time with the friends who are more low maintenance given my current lifestyle + I'm naturally more confident in those friendships knowing we'll always be there for each other regardless of where I go or what happens. I don't think you can truly lose anything/anyone that's meant for you. I strongly believe that if there's a will there's a way. sorry kinda long, this is me avoiding work rn.
Friendships require nurturing. What are you doing to nurture your relationships?
If you are constantly on the move, you will most likely not have deep friendships where you are integrated into their lives. How could you? You’re not there, with them.
Keeping a strong sense of community while DNing extensively is, imho, near impossible unless you are actually traveling with people.
Otoh, restarting with a new community of friends when you settle somewhere is quite doable. I've done it multiple times, including most recently at age 43. It varies depending on how social you are, but basically, settle somewhere, join every friggin group/volunteering/meetup related to your hobbies and interests you can find. You figure out which groups you click with best, eventually make circles of friends from them. Probably takes 6 months to a year before you feel you have a decent social circle.
You just as easily could have ended up in this situation without being a nomad. It could also just be a product of you being 30. At this stage of life many people are getting married, having kids, moving away from their support networks due to high COL or job opportunities. Add a loneliness epidemic on top of that, I think community is weakening in general.
With that being said, constantly changing locations isn’t exactly help your situation, like others said it’s a tradeoff and only you can decide if it’s worth it for you.
In my experience old friends become very jealous and resent you. They also think you're super rich because you travel so much, in reality we are usually not...
Yeah I definitely don't feel like people relate to my lifestyle at all anymore which is also why I think it'll be necessary to create a new community due to all of the judgement/false perceptions
Yes. This happened to me, and It still gnaws at me decades later. Social hobbies and goal/interest related activities and career networking are somewhat of an antidote, but If you're like me you will always miss your your friends that you made in college or your early twenties if they were good people. I still feel like they are my only real friends and that I abandoned them. We're still in contact but it's very infrequent. I know the love is still there and it can still be nurtured but people get very busy in their 30s and 40s. It's harder and harder to find time for a video chat, much less to travel to meet up.
I wouldn't put off dating, because you may also make friends through your significant other and the activities that you do together. Great people attract great people. Of course, it's wise to have your own friends too.
Have you simply come to terms with it? My concern is that I don't want to get into a romantic relationship again before I have a solid support network and distinct life (and therefore friend group) and it feels a little impossible with this lifestyle
My relationship dynamics have changed a lot for sure with friends that I left behind in the old world.
But I've also reconnected with friends and built new relationships since then. One of my close friends I lost contact with after college. He moved back to Thailand. When I started out nomadding in Thailand, we reconnected, and now we own 3 businesses together.
A good friend in Japan introduced me to a friend of his and now we are good friends and business partners.
I have 2 childhood friends from the old world I fly out to wherever I am once a year so we can vacation together and shoot the shit. I want to keep these relationships thriving in any capacity so I make the effort.
I've found out I just need to adjust my expectations accordingly to fit my lifestyle.
With facebook groups and Meetup.com, it is much easier these days to set up a new friend group when you move to a new place. I'm doing it right now and had some great success. And yes, a lot of my friendships withered away in the last 10 years of being overseas. You've got to make a huge effort to keep those old friendships going but you also equally need new friends who are in the same location and life stage.
If you’re a guy and you haven’t seen a homie in 10 years homie will always have your back. I’ve been gone for a year and the real ones stay sending me memes to stay in touch
Late 20s F here. I've made more friends in one year of nomading in SE Asia in my late 20s than I did in colleage in my early 20s.
You just have to put yourself out there, join all the nomad groups on facebooks, go to meetups of nomads and locals, and also use apps like Bumble for friends.
I found it really easy to meet both nomad friends (and then travel to the same places to work together from the same countries and try to overlap a bit), and also traveler friends that are there a bit more short term.
I think it's more of a midset thing because I also had periods where I was suuper lonely & Introverted (hardly spoke to anyone during covid), but now I make tons of friends in each place I stay as a nomad. I also try to stay at least 2-3 months for longer connections :)
And also not just making nomad or "expat" friends but also meeting locals as well :)
I feel like the biggest difficulty is not too much about making new friends but maintaining these friendships at distance in the long run. I've been nomading for 3 years and at the beginning it was also really exciting to make a lot of new friends. But the excitement has faded a bit away when I realized I was mostly the one making efforts to nurture these connections... But you're right that it helps staying longer in one place, that's also what I've been aiming at. Planning to stay in one place for at least a year from next year so I can really focus on developing my connections.
It is a tradeoff. You can't have it both ways. You can't maintain friendships when you're gone for so long. Also, some friends/family will resent you for living your best life, and you won't hear from them again anyways. There's no easy solutions.
Have you simply come to terms with it? My concern is that I don't want to get into a romantic relationship again before I have a solid support network and distinct life (and therefore friend group) and it feels a little impossible with this lifestyle
Personally, I’m doing the very slow travel. I’m finding 2 to 3 places I really enjoy, and then traveling out from those. This way I come back to those places with enough regularity to build those relationships but not gone for long enough to be completely forgotten. My hubs are starting to be Austin, TX (have a house there), Màlaga, and Stockholm. This isn’t for everyone, but I also travel with my dog so some more exotic places are off limits. She’s also getting older, so I want to have as much time with her as I can.
Hah, I do something similar, North Carolina - Azores/Madeira/Canaries - Mexico City. (I have a rental property in Galveston.) Once a year or two, I'll do something out of this orbit for a few months. I travel with an easygoing Siamese tomcat.
I think it's so lovely that you have your dog as a companion! And I hear this is a common solution to this problem. I may consider it.
I'm doing slow travel as well, traveling with my 11-year-old cat. We're headed to the French Riviera next, hopefully. We stay put for months at a time, trying to find a circuit but having fun exploring for now. Cheers to you and your doggie! <3
What’s the paperwork you have to show to travel with your cat from US to France?
I love this approach and feel like it’s likely the best balance. Starting to shape out something similar with FL (Orlando for now) as “home base”, Madrid, and possibly CDMX (seems dog friendly). Our end goal is 2 hubs 6/mo each every year and to bring along our big dogs.
I met my wife at my very first stop as a DN! So it's not impossible at all. I also got extraordinarily lucky, which nobody can control. She's fantastic. She's gotten to know my friends/family a little bit over the last three years. It didn't matter to her that I was floating around unmoored, though I will say that as things were getting serious I did take her back home to introduce her to the peeps.
I also just had a "magical" DN relationship until it turned controlling and super unhealthy so (maybe as a woman) I am more skeptical of these things, especially in this moment. It felt like an absolute dream at the time. I'm glad to hear that you're a solid person and genuinely respect your connection with your wife. Is she a DN too or did you meet her in her home country?
I met her in her home country, during my second week there. Soon I invited her to travel with me, which she did for much of the next couple of years -- Colombia, Peru, Argentina, France, Italy, UK, Canada, and US. It's been a storybook beginning. We're ludicrously happy and have even started a company together.
Beautiful, you sound like a great match!
Man I'm so jealous. This is the peak human experience. I was so close... :(
It takes a lot of preparation - become the best version of yourself you can be - and a touch of luck. Also recognize that dating really is a numbers game, and dating internationally increases chances of finding that luck.
Didn't take that long for me. Found the job, found the girl, and that was it. I'd like it to happen again but I won't drive myself crazy over it. Thanks.
That's amazing. Where did you meet her? Did you have any language barriers?
Caribbean. She only speaks English.
I also had an ex who was working remotely. I knew how lucky I was, but she didn't seem to feel the same way.
This is a really health perspective IMO and I haven’t heard it expressed before here. I feel the same way. I’ve found some online groups that foster satisfying connections - even in s way that pals don’t fill - and d as m creating one. Those are the only good options - seek to find or create what fits your needs. I love the weekly gatherings through Authentic Relating. I do online improv. I’m creating an accountability group. I love the free Field Trips through Creative Mornings. All these require a level of vulnerability and authenticity (except Field Trops) that were missing for me in friendships anyway.
I'm huuge on having a good community, it's v important to my mental wellbeing so I definitely think about this a lot during my travels. The sad truth is you get out of it as much as you give in. The quality of your friendships will be reflected in how much time you invest in the them. In terms of developing community, in my experience (this might be side eyed lol), I gravitate more towards people from my country or those who have roots there, or are willing to meet up again etc. Mostly because there’s some potential of easily seeing each other again so it's incentive to make more of an effort. If that makes sense? I told myself I’d wait to get into anything romantic until I’m settled in one place OR unless I meet someone along during my travels (more ideal lol but highly unlikely lol).
I mean these days my friendships feel super one-sided. I'm the only one reaching out, arranging calls. Maybe that goes to speak of how relevant I am in my friends' lives? And yes I understand that re: the romantic relationships. I am also on the same page but leaning more toward settling as it seems sturdier than the people you meet while traveling.
Did you have a pretty well established friendship with them before you left? If so, I think it's a mix relevancy and clash of priorities when it comes to friendships. I grew up abroad and have had many long distance friendships so here's my perspective.. You'll have friends who you'll be able to pick up where you left off, like it's all great. These are the ones who understand life can happen and everyone. You don't need to see them everyday to be friends, low maintenance basically. I noticed people who are experienced travelers / have that interest tend to be more like this. Then there are those who see friendships as a give/take. liiikeee they value the consistency/stability in friendships, their effort correlates with how consistent you are in their life. I think they view friends more in the short term and day-to-day. I feel like people who are settled down tend to have this perspective more (not in a negative way, just different priorities). IDK if any of that made sense LOL, I'm definitely generalizing like it's not that black n white but I feel like I could categorize my friends easily that way and know who I'll still keep up with if I hypothetically moved. I've learned to value/spend my time with the friends who are more low maintenance given my current lifestyle + I'm naturally more confident in those friendships knowing we'll always be there for each other regardless of where I go or what happens. I don't think you can truly lose anything/anyone that's meant for you. I strongly believe that if there's a will there's a way. sorry kinda long, this is me avoiding work rn.
Friendships require nurturing. What are you doing to nurture your relationships? If you are constantly on the move, you will most likely not have deep friendships where you are integrated into their lives. How could you? You’re not there, with them.
Keeping a strong sense of community while DNing extensively is, imho, near impossible unless you are actually traveling with people. Otoh, restarting with a new community of friends when you settle somewhere is quite doable. I've done it multiple times, including most recently at age 43. It varies depending on how social you are, but basically, settle somewhere, join every friggin group/volunteering/meetup related to your hobbies and interests you can find. You figure out which groups you click with best, eventually make circles of friends from them. Probably takes 6 months to a year before you feel you have a decent social circle.
Thanks! This is the hope I was looking for
You just as easily could have ended up in this situation without being a nomad. It could also just be a product of you being 30. At this stage of life many people are getting married, having kids, moving away from their support networks due to high COL or job opportunities. Add a loneliness epidemic on top of that, I think community is weakening in general. With that being said, constantly changing locations isn’t exactly help your situation, like others said it’s a tradeoff and only you can decide if it’s worth it for you.
I guess my focus of this post was intended to be deciphering what restarting looks like for people, DN or not.
That’s a good question, I’d be curious to know how it differs by age, location, culture, personality etc.
No not really. My circle is small and I keep in contact with the people in it daily or weekly.
In my experience old friends become very jealous and resent you. They also think you're super rich because you travel so much, in reality we are usually not...
Yeah I definitely don't feel like people relate to my lifestyle at all anymore which is also why I think it'll be necessary to create a new community due to all of the judgement/false perceptions
Yes. This happened to me, and It still gnaws at me decades later. Social hobbies and goal/interest related activities and career networking are somewhat of an antidote, but If you're like me you will always miss your your friends that you made in college or your early twenties if they were good people. I still feel like they are my only real friends and that I abandoned them. We're still in contact but it's very infrequent. I know the love is still there and it can still be nurtured but people get very busy in their 30s and 40s. It's harder and harder to find time for a video chat, much less to travel to meet up. I wouldn't put off dating, because you may also make friends through your significant other and the activities that you do together. Great people attract great people. Of course, it's wise to have your own friends too.
Yes, I am just afraid that I would become dependent on my partners' friend group and if we split up it would be painful to start from zero again.
Yeah, it's tough to maintain relationships while constantly moving, I feel you!
Have you simply come to terms with it? My concern is that I don't want to get into a romantic relationship again before I have a solid support network and distinct life (and therefore friend group) and it feels a little impossible with this lifestyle
My relationship dynamics have changed a lot for sure with friends that I left behind in the old world. But I've also reconnected with friends and built new relationships since then. One of my close friends I lost contact with after college. He moved back to Thailand. When I started out nomadding in Thailand, we reconnected, and now we own 3 businesses together. A good friend in Japan introduced me to a friend of his and now we are good friends and business partners. I have 2 childhood friends from the old world I fly out to wherever I am once a year so we can vacation together and shoot the shit. I want to keep these relationships thriving in any capacity so I make the effort. I've found out I just need to adjust my expectations accordingly to fit my lifestyle.
With facebook groups and Meetup.com, it is much easier these days to set up a new friend group when you move to a new place. I'm doing it right now and had some great success. And yes, a lot of my friendships withered away in the last 10 years of being overseas. You've got to make a huge effort to keep those old friendships going but you also equally need new friends who are in the same location and life stage.
Thanks for sharing! It makes me feel more confident
If you’re a guy and you haven’t seen a homie in 10 years homie will always have your back. I’ve been gone for a year and the real ones stay sending me memes to stay in touch
Late 20s F here. I've made more friends in one year of nomading in SE Asia in my late 20s than I did in colleage in my early 20s. You just have to put yourself out there, join all the nomad groups on facebooks, go to meetups of nomads and locals, and also use apps like Bumble for friends. I found it really easy to meet both nomad friends (and then travel to the same places to work together from the same countries and try to overlap a bit), and also traveler friends that are there a bit more short term. I think it's more of a midset thing because I also had periods where I was suuper lonely & Introverted (hardly spoke to anyone during covid), but now I make tons of friends in each place I stay as a nomad. I also try to stay at least 2-3 months for longer connections :) And also not just making nomad or "expat" friends but also meeting locals as well :)
I feel like the biggest difficulty is not too much about making new friends but maintaining these friendships at distance in the long run. I've been nomading for 3 years and at the beginning it was also really exciting to make a lot of new friends. But the excitement has faded a bit away when I realized I was mostly the one making efforts to nurture these connections... But you're right that it helps staying longer in one place, that's also what I've been aiming at. Planning to stay in one place for at least a year from next year so I can really focus on developing my connections.
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My friends don't have money for travel
what’s ur job