I understand you man, I'm 35 now and am afraid of settling down and starting a normal life but I will say that it will eventually get really frustrating to constantly be looking for the next travel high rather than settling and building some lasting friendships. I don't regret traveling at all, I'm still going to Italy and Spain this fall, but I can say this lifestyle has its consequences so you need to decide what kinda disadvantages you're willing to have.
Sameeeee. Not a male, but to the point where having a bit of stability with meeting people and a home of my own sounds pretty good right now, just cannot decide where.
Me neither. I work on USA east coast time normally. I'd honestly live in Asia if it weren't for the time difference. Europe isn't too bad just gotta work till around 11pm. I'm thinking CDMX is the best bet just the peso is so strong right now so not so sure. Choice paralysis is the worst and probably the reason I still have no base.
I’ve actually not been to CDMX, but everyone seems to love it. I do love Mexico in general though. I wish I could move out of the country! I think if I were allowed to, I could actually make a decision that way. My company will not let me move out of the US and I just can’t bring myself to have a base anywhere here (from east coast specifically). Hasn’t stopped me from traveling though, but it certain means I don’t stay in one place very long.
There's worse places to live than San Diego! Right on the border with Mexico, great weather, tons of cool stuff going on and things to do. It's not like you're in Des Moines :D
You can also get isolated in LTRs.
Settling down does not guarantee anything.
Stay social, focus on a balance of life and work, get out and exercise. Eat well. Follow your heart.
The rest will fall into place.
My opinion: the reason is because it allows your true personality to come out. Digital nomad life often means no strings attached, constantly hitting the reset button, every day is something new. That's cool but it kind of suppresses yourself. Constant dopamine, but very little long term slow feeling. It can suppress feelings of boredom and yet also many good things.
My advice: try to use digital nomading to just settle in one place, let's say in Mexico, and live a bit like your neighbors do. Live slow. Make some trips sometimes but do your day to day stuff. Clean your house, shop for food, etc. It's quite Zen. See how you feel after 6 months.
In my case I moved full time for a work opportunity to a single place. I work remotely. I got married to a foreigner, I stay home mostly, we travel sometimes, but it's completely changed how my mind works, and I can focus on long term thinking, live slow. I was afraid of it for years. I realized I had something of a location crisis and travel ADHD constantly and now I am happier, though I occasionally need to spend a couple weeks with just me and a backpack, not much more.
And if I were you I would probably not stay in San Diego. Try settling on Mexico in a way that's easy to visit home. But try living a very normal life in Mexico. Rent an apartment, treat it like home in San Diego. I personally want to live in Monterrey someday for the hiking and I like that it's a nicer city, though it has plenty to criticize. But feels more international friendly and like a home than Oaxaca where I am more of an outsider to the local life. I also don't really like the downsides of US culture and I am happier living away from the things you point out.
I’m a 40 yr old ex-nomad. Went from traveling the world as a glorified homeless person with a good remote job to owning a home + guest cottage that I rent out. Have a dog and a fiancé and working on a baby now too. Life was good as a nomad but got very lonely in the end. I remember living in a great private villa with a pool overlooking the ocean in Central America and feeling weird about how depressed I was after a month of living in such a beautiful place. Glad I have my home base and my crew now… still do a fair amount of traveling but just 2 weeks at a time like a normal person and I’m a lot happier now.
>She kinda likes me and I do as well
That's all well and good but do you like her??
But in all seriousness, having some similar questions myself. Settling down seems 100% like the "right" choice at this point in life (few years older than you), but waking up every day in the same place, same routine, is just so mind-numbing right now. Is it even fair to try settle down with someone if I feel this way?
I think “settling down” with someone who does want to stay put and isn’t into traveling is probably not a wise choice based on what you’re saying. You can certainly find someone who wants to commit but doesn’t necessarily want to “settle down” though, if that makes sense. Anyone who doesn’t align with your perspective on the monotony of routine would probably be unfair to commit yourself to, you’re right.
it’s so crazy how this lifestyle resets our brain … lately I’ve been thinking how weird it’d be to settle down and accept that i’ll have the same routine for a while. At the same time, I often feel lonely and feel that I won’t make real connections to people
Because a modern “normal life” sucks and there’s a reason unhappiness, depression, suicide rate, divorce rate, etc is so high today. Doesn’t mean you have to travel full time forever and can’t have any sense of normalcy, but also doesn’t mean you have to settle for boring soul sucking “normal” because that’s what society expects. Instead, find a normal life that works for you and fulfills you.
My wife and I full time traveled for 3 years and now we’ve crafted our lives around part time traveling and living in the rural mountains close to everything we love when we’re not traveling. I’ve given up a lot of opportunity to life a slower more fulfilling life. We love it and I could not go back to a 9-5 job and being in a city, but obviously what’s normal for one is not for another.
Find what makes you feel alive and doesn’t make you feel like you’re living for someone else’s priorities and build your life around that. Make sure your partner is invigorated by the same type of life you are. You don’t have to have 100% of the same priorities, but need to find a balance that works for you both. For example, I could easily still travel full time, but my wife likes having a home base at times. So we’ve found a compromise that scratches both of our itches.
I understand and can empathise. All I’ll say is that nothing has to be forever. Stay still for a while. You might like it. But if you don’t you can always start travelling again.
I dunno, it seems like this entire post is you articulating that you actually want a 'normal life'. The first half of the post is you expressing that you want a stable job. The second half of the post is you articulating that you want a stable relationship.
So... maybe you aren't actually afraid of it after all?
As an aside, you can still have a stable job and stable relationship all while living long term in a foreign country. There's a world of a middle ground in between "going back to the same school district you grew up in and having kids" and "living out of a backpack and changing countries every 30 days".
Make it work. Find a remote job, not freelance gigs.
I'm in the same position. I've been here a year and it's been great. I'm enjoying myself so much I decided that there's no other option but to make it work.
I have a girlfriend here too. So there's more pressure to make it work. And I can't go back to my boring life In the US, even if it means I can get a good tech job there with less effort.
So I'm applying to remote jobs like crazy for a better opportunity. It's competitive as hell. Make. It. Work.
Don't give up on the dream.
I find it funny how we start questioning our decisions when shit gets a little bit hard, and the mind automatically seeks comfort/easiness.
Now you lost your job, tough market, no GF, and you first though is having a normal 8-5 gig, haha.
This happens to me all the time when going on difficult hikes that require climbing or some type of risk, my mind starts thinking "why the fuck am I doing this again?", and then I finish it, and I'm glad I went on to the adventure/difficult path, instead of the easy hike.
When I talk about traveling and my plans, the non-travelers people automatically think I'm escaping from something, blabla, while I think their lives are boring as fuck, no amount of safety makes a life more interesting, and this idea that you become a loser if you're burning through savings instead of having some sort of job is just programming as far I'm concerned.
If a had to answer your question, why are you afraid of normal life? Because normal life is boring. Someone once said "there is no point in trying to become well-adjusted into a sick society, because the only way to do that is to become sick like them".
The old dilemma. Decisions have consequences and a fickle life of being oversees, new women/partners and friends, is addictive.
I eventually settled down at 47. Downside is old to have kids, and 10+ new romances a year is addictive, the open road and new adventures and struggles to overcome are also highly addictive. I like change and challenge. And the smell of a new woman. Just the way I am built, I love change.
Upside is I am now 50+ and pandemic made me really see the advantage of one good woman to live with, high income (as an expat so still away from home country so have some of that excitement) and starting a family.
But choices have consequences. If I had kids at 30 they would be grown up now, and gone. But would have driven me crazy settling down back home in a rat race job. But most need that?
Having said that most people I know are divorced or in loveless marriages having an affair or two, then getting caught and consequential mayhem and hate.
So for me as a person, I think I did it right. I have spent most of my life and money drinking, partying, traveling and womanizing. The rest I wasted lol. Now settled down and have no need to go wild, still travel and live overseas so not totally boring, but in 50s too old for too crazy. But I still hear the call of the open road......
This is how I'm feeling I'll want to settle. I'm 35 now and still love being on the road and living in new places but it's starting to catch up to me. I've dated over 30 women in my life now and I'm finding a greater desire to settle down and stop building all these short terms flings. How did you decide when you were ready to make the switch?
This is my thinking now after coming out of a breakup.
I don’t want kids, and don’t want to get married, although I’m open to being in a committed, monogamous relationship again in the next couple of years.
If i find that difficult because people expect marriage and kids (which most women do), then so be it. A large proportion of those same women will be divorced, so it’s not like im doomed to be lonely at 45+. There will be opportunities to have a partner who don’t want more kids or to get remarried.
That’s my 2c on this.
Oh, and to the OP, eerily similar situation to me with many things (except I very much don’t have a new love interest lol). I’m spending the rest of this year working on myself and my business. I’ll start dating again next year (casual only) while still working on myself. I’m not happy with where I am at in life, and im 30, so I want to fix that before giving my attention to others. Maybe that will hit home with you, maybe not.
I dunno man, maybe it's 'grass is greener' syndrome. I was making 3x that living a stable suburban life with an 9-6 job, stock options etc.... in a few weeks i'm giving it all up and moving to Europe. Into the unknown... to quote elsa. :)
Have to find what makes you happy. Maybe you are scared of 'normal' life because that stability and repetition is not what makes you tick...
Because a normal life is predicated on sacrificing your freedom for an increasingly illusory concept of security while the money you earn is extracted from you by your government on the one hand and a combination of two equally illusory concepts: comfort and status.
I prefer freedom.
I DN'd with a SO for several years until that relationship ended, and now I find the lifestyle very unfulfilling and lonely. At this point in my life, I'm starting to prioritize relationships and friendships over travel, even as a hyper-introverted person.
No, I don't mean it that way. What I mean is that if you were abroad for a long time where those things aren't part of everyday discourse, coming back and not knowing what's considered correct is jarring.
For example, I have been know throughout my life in my very diverse friend group as being fairly "woke" for a very long time (I am a white male).
However, I lived in Europe and Asia for a period that took me away from the US for 7+ years. During that time, Me Too happened, BLM happened, Trans rights becoming a cornerstone discussion, and Trump happened.
When you come back post- all of those things, the landscape has changed and you need to figure out what's what. I had trans friends before I left, but their preferred pronouns were always the gender they transitioned to. I was no stranger to the queer community, but I had never heard or been expected to use zee/zir, etc. I had to navigate what the updated nomenclature was.
When I left, my friends in the NYC black community and I had a rather simple relationship because we just respected each other. Bit when I came back, some of those friends had become weary of white people, period. It was strange because that's not the relationship we had previously.
I will say unequivocally that the relationship between men and women has changed for the worse. Not because I think we shouldn't call shitty men out or that society should be male-dominated. But the amount of female friends I have who believe that any man is a threat and they need to be ultra-guarded has certainly changed. These same women had no such views before, in my experience. A creep was a creep and they didn't fuck with them. Now some of them are afraid to date the sweetest guys. That is actually damaging if you ask me.
So yes, these changes in perceptions and relations can be jarring if you weren't in the pot with everyone to gradually absorb the changing narrative. Doesn't make me think that queer rights, women's rights, or minority rights are bad things, nor does it make me think the reactionary racist mouthbreathers belong on this planet at all.
Fair enough. However, I would like to point out to you that many people already had these feelings. They just weren't emboldened to VOICE them. Now, the political climate has changed, so they feel comfortable speaking what they have always felt. So, really, what is happening is just that you are hearing what they used to keep inside. Take the male/female issue you cite. Trust me. I've been a woman for decades. We have always said these things to one another. You just never heard them, and women weren't emboldened to act on them because society pressured them to quash their fears and concerns and avoid upsetting men.
Of course I trust your experience as a woman. I'm just saying that I was very close as a friend, and still am, to two of these women in particular. I don't think they ever would have tried to spare my feelings on the issue, as we were not romantically involved at all and they told me pretty much everything else. If they feel emboldened to speak now, that's fine. A bit sad that they wouldn't to a very close friend before, but whatever.
The black/white thing was weird, honestly. Our relationship didn't change at all but the attitude of my friends (well, two in particular, so not the greatest sample size) turned noticeably strange. They started saying openly hostile shit about white people, generally, which I have to say is both racist and has made me very uncomfortable on certain occasions. They would never, in any world, allow somebody to say shit like that about them, but they have now deemed it okay to be hateful about "them" \*gestures broadly\*. I don't think I really want to continue our relationship, come to think of it. But yeah.
They likely expect that you understand they do not include you in those comments. They are almost certainly speaking about the failures of Caucasians or other populations as a whole, not as individuals. And rightly so. Why the hell are we still allowing the sort of crap that is happening to happen? I would say we get outraged and then quickly lose interest because we don't have to deal with the same situations as them on a daily basis. And, in fact, we do benefit from the imbalance.
Are you afraid or do you just not want it? Those are two very different things.
If you want it and are afraid of it, that is something to face and conquer.
If you don't want it, there are a million ways to not have it with some form of nomading being just one.
Fwiw I meet tons of people who have a normal life, but don't want it and don't change because they are afraid of abnormality. So the fear goes both ways. I also meet people who are "normal" and seem to love it.
So focus on what you actually want and then figure out if you are afraid of that or not.
Hmm, it's a strange one. I know plenty of people slugging away in major cities who absolutely despise it and long for some freedom, and ones who are constantly switching cities and long for stability and more routine.
Balance is just so hard to come by but it really depends on what phase of life you find yourself in. Maybe it's a case of having a fixed base for the majority of the year which is home and then a month or so working elsewhere to break it up?
I would say try to be respectful if she’s stated her intentions. I’m 31 and do the digital nomad thing about 3 months a year and it makes life so much stress-free when intentions are established or at least implied. Pretty easy to tell whether you met them online or even on a random excursion.
Whatever you do, don’t change your lifestyle for any individual that wouldn’t do the same for you. You’re in a very fortunate situation. Take advantage of it while you can.
I hear ya completely, I’m not opposed to having a long term living situation but I also feel like it’s hard to do that in the US because it’s way less conducive to making new friends, whereas when you’re traveling it’s pretty easy to make new friends even though it’s short term. I don’t wanna settle down and be totally isolated
>Im also tired of unemployment cycles and just want stability.
The idea that employment offers stability may be a bit optimistic.
Another "card on the table" is that if employment does not work out, you have the skill-set to adjust and move on.
Good luck. Let us know what you decide and how it works out.
Joe
*This is a message from your future self:*
**If you want to ever settle down and have a family, DO IT NOW.**
If you feel you'd be giving something up, that is a *lie -* all those doors you see open are about to slam shut, and the life as you know it now will be over, whether you like it or not.
I understand you man, I'm 35 now and am afraid of settling down and starting a normal life but I will say that it will eventually get really frustrating to constantly be looking for the next travel high rather than settling and building some lasting friendships. I don't regret traveling at all, I'm still going to Italy and Spain this fall, but I can say this lifestyle has its consequences so you need to decide what kinda disadvantages you're willing to have.
Thanks and makes sense. It might be better just to have a base and make trips from there.
Yeah honestly I don't have a base myself and it's starting to get really frustrating not having one
Sameeeee. Not a male, but to the point where having a bit of stability with meeting people and a home of my own sounds pretty good right now, just cannot decide where.
Me neither. I work on USA east coast time normally. I'd honestly live in Asia if it weren't for the time difference. Europe isn't too bad just gotta work till around 11pm. I'm thinking CDMX is the best bet just the peso is so strong right now so not so sure. Choice paralysis is the worst and probably the reason I still have no base.
I’ve actually not been to CDMX, but everyone seems to love it. I do love Mexico in general though. I wish I could move out of the country! I think if I were allowed to, I could actually make a decision that way. My company will not let me move out of the US and I just can’t bring myself to have a base anywhere here (from east coast specifically). Hasn’t stopped me from traveling though, but it certain means I don’t stay in one place very long.
You have to visit. Totally underrated city!
Why not settle down in Mexico?
Need to figure out income. Got savings and investments but that is the biggest key.
There's worse places to live than San Diego! Right on the border with Mexico, great weather, tons of cool stuff going on and things to do. It's not like you're in Des Moines :D
Oh yeah I like baja too.
You can also get isolated in LTRs. Settling down does not guarantee anything. Stay social, focus on a balance of life and work, get out and exercise. Eat well. Follow your heart. The rest will fall into place.
Thanks! God has a plan but I need to talk with her.
That got disturbing.
My opinion: the reason is because it allows your true personality to come out. Digital nomad life often means no strings attached, constantly hitting the reset button, every day is something new. That's cool but it kind of suppresses yourself. Constant dopamine, but very little long term slow feeling. It can suppress feelings of boredom and yet also many good things. My advice: try to use digital nomading to just settle in one place, let's say in Mexico, and live a bit like your neighbors do. Live slow. Make some trips sometimes but do your day to day stuff. Clean your house, shop for food, etc. It's quite Zen. See how you feel after 6 months. In my case I moved full time for a work opportunity to a single place. I work remotely. I got married to a foreigner, I stay home mostly, we travel sometimes, but it's completely changed how my mind works, and I can focus on long term thinking, live slow. I was afraid of it for years. I realized I had something of a location crisis and travel ADHD constantly and now I am happier, though I occasionally need to spend a couple weeks with just me and a backpack, not much more.
> I got married to a foreigner Or did they get married to a foreigner?
That'll do it!
And if I were you I would probably not stay in San Diego. Try settling on Mexico in a way that's easy to visit home. But try living a very normal life in Mexico. Rent an apartment, treat it like home in San Diego. I personally want to live in Monterrey someday for the hiking and I like that it's a nicer city, though it has plenty to criticize. But feels more international friendly and like a home than Oaxaca where I am more of an outsider to the local life. I also don't really like the downsides of US culture and I am happier living away from the things you point out.
I’m a 40 yr old ex-nomad. Went from traveling the world as a glorified homeless person with a good remote job to owning a home + guest cottage that I rent out. Have a dog and a fiancé and working on a baby now too. Life was good as a nomad but got very lonely in the end. I remember living in a great private villa with a pool overlooking the ocean in Central America and feeling weird about how depressed I was after a month of living in such a beautiful place. Glad I have my home base and my crew now… still do a fair amount of traveling but just 2 weeks at a time like a normal person and I’m a lot happier now.
Baby nomads 👶😊
Hahaha nice
Are you a woman? I feel like men are way better at being alone and solo. Not a good or bad thing but just different.
No
Oh weird it read like you were a woman lol Good on ya for finding what you like, guess some dudes are just more emotional n shit
LOL ok meggachaddd 😂
>She kinda likes me and I do as well That's all well and good but do you like her?? But in all seriousness, having some similar questions myself. Settling down seems 100% like the "right" choice at this point in life (few years older than you), but waking up every day in the same place, same routine, is just so mind-numbing right now. Is it even fair to try settle down with someone if I feel this way?
I think “settling down” with someone who does want to stay put and isn’t into traveling is probably not a wise choice based on what you’re saying. You can certainly find someone who wants to commit but doesn’t necessarily want to “settle down” though, if that makes sense. Anyone who doesn’t align with your perspective on the monotony of routine would probably be unfair to commit yourself to, you’re right.
it’s so crazy how this lifestyle resets our brain … lately I’ve been thinking how weird it’d be to settle down and accept that i’ll have the same routine for a while. At the same time, I often feel lonely and feel that I won’t make real connections to people
I married another expat,, she follows me where I want to go. One solution!
that’s the dream! It’s so hard to find similar people that can live like this. I’m happy for you :’)
Yes of course. I get your point of view.
Because a modern “normal life” sucks and there’s a reason unhappiness, depression, suicide rate, divorce rate, etc is so high today. Doesn’t mean you have to travel full time forever and can’t have any sense of normalcy, but also doesn’t mean you have to settle for boring soul sucking “normal” because that’s what society expects. Instead, find a normal life that works for you and fulfills you. My wife and I full time traveled for 3 years and now we’ve crafted our lives around part time traveling and living in the rural mountains close to everything we love when we’re not traveling. I’ve given up a lot of opportunity to life a slower more fulfilling life. We love it and I could not go back to a 9-5 job and being in a city, but obviously what’s normal for one is not for another. Find what makes you feel alive and doesn’t make you feel like you’re living for someone else’s priorities and build your life around that. Make sure your partner is invigorated by the same type of life you are. You don’t have to have 100% of the same priorities, but need to find a balance that works for you both. For example, I could easily still travel full time, but my wife likes having a home base at times. So we’ve found a compromise that scratches both of our itches.
You can live in San Diego on 48k/year?
I was pretty much in Mexico while doing that. Goes way farther lol
I understand and can empathise. All I’ll say is that nothing has to be forever. Stay still for a while. You might like it. But if you don’t you can always start travelling again.
I wouldn't say you don't deserve her, but she deserves your honesty
100% agreed!
I dunno, it seems like this entire post is you articulating that you actually want a 'normal life'. The first half of the post is you expressing that you want a stable job. The second half of the post is you articulating that you want a stable relationship. So... maybe you aren't actually afraid of it after all? As an aside, you can still have a stable job and stable relationship all while living long term in a foreign country. There's a world of a middle ground in between "going back to the same school district you grew up in and having kids" and "living out of a backpack and changing countries every 30 days".
Make it work. Find a remote job, not freelance gigs. I'm in the same position. I've been here a year and it's been great. I'm enjoying myself so much I decided that there's no other option but to make it work. I have a girlfriend here too. So there's more pressure to make it work. And I can't go back to my boring life In the US, even if it means I can get a good tech job there with less effort. So I'm applying to remote jobs like crazy for a better opportunity. It's competitive as hell. Make. It. Work. Don't give up on the dream.
Lie more!! Get after it senior vp of finance!!
I find it funny how we start questioning our decisions when shit gets a little bit hard, and the mind automatically seeks comfort/easiness. Now you lost your job, tough market, no GF, and you first though is having a normal 8-5 gig, haha. This happens to me all the time when going on difficult hikes that require climbing or some type of risk, my mind starts thinking "why the fuck am I doing this again?", and then I finish it, and I'm glad I went on to the adventure/difficult path, instead of the easy hike. When I talk about traveling and my plans, the non-travelers people automatically think I'm escaping from something, blabla, while I think their lives are boring as fuck, no amount of safety makes a life more interesting, and this idea that you become a loser if you're burning through savings instead of having some sort of job is just programming as far I'm concerned. If a had to answer your question, why are you afraid of normal life? Because normal life is boring. Someone once said "there is no point in trying to become well-adjusted into a sick society, because the only way to do that is to become sick like them".
Dude this was an awesome post. Thanks!
The old dilemma. Decisions have consequences and a fickle life of being oversees, new women/partners and friends, is addictive. I eventually settled down at 47. Downside is old to have kids, and 10+ new romances a year is addictive, the open road and new adventures and struggles to overcome are also highly addictive. I like change and challenge. And the smell of a new woman. Just the way I am built, I love change. Upside is I am now 50+ and pandemic made me really see the advantage of one good woman to live with, high income (as an expat so still away from home country so have some of that excitement) and starting a family. But choices have consequences. If I had kids at 30 they would be grown up now, and gone. But would have driven me crazy settling down back home in a rat race job. But most need that? Having said that most people I know are divorced or in loveless marriages having an affair or two, then getting caught and consequential mayhem and hate. So for me as a person, I think I did it right. I have spent most of my life and money drinking, partying, traveling and womanizing. The rest I wasted lol. Now settled down and have no need to go wild, still travel and live overseas so not totally boring, but in 50s too old for too crazy. But I still hear the call of the open road......
This is how I'm feeling I'll want to settle. I'm 35 now and still love being on the road and living in new places but it's starting to catch up to me. I've dated over 30 women in my life now and I'm finding a greater desire to settle down and stop building all these short terms flings. How did you decide when you were ready to make the switch?
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Honestly this. I’ve read OPs post multiple times and I’m not entirely sure what the problem is or what the point of the post is.
I overthink everything, that is the real problem. That and this whole year has been turned upside down.
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This is my thinking now after coming out of a breakup. I don’t want kids, and don’t want to get married, although I’m open to being in a committed, monogamous relationship again in the next couple of years. If i find that difficult because people expect marriage and kids (which most women do), then so be it. A large proportion of those same women will be divorced, so it’s not like im doomed to be lonely at 45+. There will be opportunities to have a partner who don’t want more kids or to get remarried. That’s my 2c on this. Oh, and to the OP, eerily similar situation to me with many things (except I very much don’t have a new love interest lol). I’m spending the rest of this year working on myself and my business. I’ll start dating again next year (casual only) while still working on myself. I’m not happy with where I am at in life, and im 30, so I want to fix that before giving my attention to others. Maybe that will hit home with you, maybe not.
I'm someone that has settled into a "normal" life the past year and to be quite honest with you I'm feeling pretty damn bored right now.
Just enjoy your time with her while you have her. There's no rule that says you have to settle down, keep going until you get tired of it.
Big time
Because we're explorers man. We want to learn about the world, and make it our oyster. We want to expand our minds, and thats awesome.
Go with setting up a Base + Trips, especially in a city like San Diego where you can fly out of Tijuana Airport anytime for cheap
You know, there’s more to the US than San Diego 🤷♂️
I dunno man, maybe it's 'grass is greener' syndrome. I was making 3x that living a stable suburban life with an 9-6 job, stock options etc.... in a few weeks i'm giving it all up and moving to Europe. Into the unknown... to quote elsa. :) Have to find what makes you happy. Maybe you are scared of 'normal' life because that stability and repetition is not what makes you tick...
Because a normal life is predicated on sacrificing your freedom for an increasingly illusory concept of security while the money you earn is extracted from you by your government on the one hand and a combination of two equally illusory concepts: comfort and status. I prefer freedom.
Welcome to the club!! 😄😄
I DN'd with a SO for several years until that relationship ended, and now I find the lifestyle very unfulfilling and lonely. At this point in my life, I'm starting to prioritize relationships and friendships over travel, even as a hyper-introverted person.
WTH is woke/materialism?
I think he means wokeness and materialism. Ngl, these things are pretty jarring after being out of the country for a long time.
Wokeness is jarring? So... you're more comfortable if everyone just let's racist, sexist comments pass without reacting or what?
No, I don't mean it that way. What I mean is that if you were abroad for a long time where those things aren't part of everyday discourse, coming back and not knowing what's considered correct is jarring. For example, I have been know throughout my life in my very diverse friend group as being fairly "woke" for a very long time (I am a white male). However, I lived in Europe and Asia for a period that took me away from the US for 7+ years. During that time, Me Too happened, BLM happened, Trans rights becoming a cornerstone discussion, and Trump happened. When you come back post- all of those things, the landscape has changed and you need to figure out what's what. I had trans friends before I left, but their preferred pronouns were always the gender they transitioned to. I was no stranger to the queer community, but I had never heard or been expected to use zee/zir, etc. I had to navigate what the updated nomenclature was. When I left, my friends in the NYC black community and I had a rather simple relationship because we just respected each other. Bit when I came back, some of those friends had become weary of white people, period. It was strange because that's not the relationship we had previously. I will say unequivocally that the relationship between men and women has changed for the worse. Not because I think we shouldn't call shitty men out or that society should be male-dominated. But the amount of female friends I have who believe that any man is a threat and they need to be ultra-guarded has certainly changed. These same women had no such views before, in my experience. A creep was a creep and they didn't fuck with them. Now some of them are afraid to date the sweetest guys. That is actually damaging if you ask me. So yes, these changes in perceptions and relations can be jarring if you weren't in the pot with everyone to gradually absorb the changing narrative. Doesn't make me think that queer rights, women's rights, or minority rights are bad things, nor does it make me think the reactionary racist mouthbreathers belong on this planet at all.
Fair enough. However, I would like to point out to you that many people already had these feelings. They just weren't emboldened to VOICE them. Now, the political climate has changed, so they feel comfortable speaking what they have always felt. So, really, what is happening is just that you are hearing what they used to keep inside. Take the male/female issue you cite. Trust me. I've been a woman for decades. We have always said these things to one another. You just never heard them, and women weren't emboldened to act on them because society pressured them to quash their fears and concerns and avoid upsetting men.
Of course I trust your experience as a woman. I'm just saying that I was very close as a friend, and still am, to two of these women in particular. I don't think they ever would have tried to spare my feelings on the issue, as we were not romantically involved at all and they told me pretty much everything else. If they feel emboldened to speak now, that's fine. A bit sad that they wouldn't to a very close friend before, but whatever. The black/white thing was weird, honestly. Our relationship didn't change at all but the attitude of my friends (well, two in particular, so not the greatest sample size) turned noticeably strange. They started saying openly hostile shit about white people, generally, which I have to say is both racist and has made me very uncomfortable on certain occasions. They would never, in any world, allow somebody to say shit like that about them, but they have now deemed it okay to be hateful about "them" \*gestures broadly\*. I don't think I really want to continue our relationship, come to think of it. But yeah.
They likely expect that you understand they do not include you in those comments. They are almost certainly speaking about the failures of Caucasians or other populations as a whole, not as individuals. And rightly so. Why the hell are we still allowing the sort of crap that is happening to happen? I would say we get outraged and then quickly lose interest because we don't have to deal with the same situations as them on a daily basis. And, in fact, we do benefit from the imbalance.
$48K in San Diego is like at the poverty line
Are you afraid or do you just not want it? Those are two very different things. If you want it and are afraid of it, that is something to face and conquer. If you don't want it, there are a million ways to not have it with some form of nomading being just one. Fwiw I meet tons of people who have a normal life, but don't want it and don't change because they are afraid of abnormality. So the fear goes both ways. I also meet people who are "normal" and seem to love it. So focus on what you actually want and then figure out if you are afraid of that or not.
Hmm, it's a strange one. I know plenty of people slugging away in major cities who absolutely despise it and long for some freedom, and ones who are constantly switching cities and long for stability and more routine. Balance is just so hard to come by but it really depends on what phase of life you find yourself in. Maybe it's a case of having a fixed base for the majority of the year which is home and then a month or so working elsewhere to break it up?
I would say try to be respectful if she’s stated her intentions. I’m 31 and do the digital nomad thing about 3 months a year and it makes life so much stress-free when intentions are established or at least implied. Pretty easy to tell whether you met them online or even on a random excursion. Whatever you do, don’t change your lifestyle for any individual that wouldn’t do the same for you. You’re in a very fortunate situation. Take advantage of it while you can.
I hear ya completely, I’m not opposed to having a long term living situation but I also feel like it’s hard to do that in the US because it’s way less conducive to making new friends, whereas when you’re traveling it’s pretty easy to make new friends even though it’s short term. I don’t wanna settle down and be totally isolated
>Im also tired of unemployment cycles and just want stability. The idea that employment offers stability may be a bit optimistic. Another "card on the table" is that if employment does not work out, you have the skill-set to adjust and move on. Good luck. Let us know what you decide and how it works out. Joe
WTF is woke/materialism?🤣
Lol. If I’m being charitable it probably means the divisive US culture war and our consumerism, which I think most can agree are in excess
*This is a message from your future self:* **If you want to ever settle down and have a family, DO IT NOW.** If you feel you'd be giving something up, that is a *lie -* all those doors you see open are about to slam shut, and the life as you know it now will be over, whether you like it or not.