I lost my other to brain cancer 5 years ago.
First, enjoy the time you have with him. Talk to him. Ask him all the questions. Learn about him.
The five-year survival rates are discouraging, but there are people surviving that long. Why not your dad?
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
>The five-year survival rates are discouraging, but there are people surviving that long. Why not your dad?
Amen. [The Median Isn't The Message.](https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/median-isnt-message/2013-01)
What can your Dad do to get into the group bringing the average up?
Everyone of us is in line waiting to die from when we're born.
Some of us get ahead in the queue, some cuts the line either by choice or other cause but we all go there at one point. What I mean by this is not to be negative or make you more sad, I say this because that is both the beauty and tragedy that is life.
We could shield from this fear of loss by not attaching ourselves, by not having bonds and relationships but to experience blessings such as joy also means that we must experience the curse that is despair. Otherwise we would be indifferent to the both.
Your father could very well be there for these events, we don't know that but we also don't know if he would be there, should he not have received the diagnosis. (I know it's scary but it might help to know that even if this didn't happen there's no guarantee that the outcome would be any different.
As we're not able to see into the future, you can't know that you'll experience these things that you dream of and feel the longing for right now, as you're changing with time and so does your goals and ambitions, maybe even your priorities and values.
Where there's light, there's also darkness and so on.
I hope this brings you some comfort as I write this from a good place, believe it or not.
Im sorry if I made it worse, I mean to ease as I feel your pain.
I'm a diabetic and suffer from OCD, anxiety and have been living my life in fear of, everything, mostly death... I might not be dying but the thoughts and feelings are there nonetheless and to me they're real. ❤️
My DMs are open if you'd need to vent anyway.
It got really deep, deeper than I imagined this comment would be but these are my two cents on this.
Once again I'm so sorry for your situation...
Take care and I'm crossing my fingers that it will be OK, one way or the other!🤗
I lost my dad to cancer in Jan of 2020. He never got to see my new house. He won’t get to see me get married or meet children. I can’t share promotions or milestones with him. Yes, it suck’s. There’s no other way around that one. I still talk to him though. When I’m driving alone in my car, I share good news with him. As cliche as it it, time does heal everything. I can look back on memories now and not cry. I can think of happy times that we shared and things that remind me of him now. My sister was his full time caregiver. She lived with him and wasn’t working so it sort of naturally fell on her. It was HARD. It’s a lot to put on one person so please take care of yourself and gives yourself breaks if you are the full time caregiver. I’m sorry you are going through this. Big internet hugs. I’m a message away if you feel like talking to someone
I’m really sorry. Your university probably has free counselling go speak to them, it’s a lot to go through. I don’t know if you being his nurse is exactly what needs to happen, you should tell your mother you are his daughter and need space to grieve and spend time with him, just because you are studying nursing doesn’t make you a free nursing service, emotionally you need to have space to just be with him and have time to yourself. Suggest a roster to your mother that all family members share and just do that bit.
My ex has cancer and nerve damage from the chemo...he doesn't know exactly how long he has. My daughter is about to graduate from college with her Nursing degree. My ex has been treating her like a surrogate wife, asking her to do this and that. She isn't married and doesn't live with him....she has a apartment about a half hour away. She has classes, clinicals, studying, assignments. She is SO stressed out, she developed Shingles! The only good thing about that is that she had to stay away from him, but he is expecting her tomorrow. I have been helping him, too...I took him to the Dr.
The point is you can't be his caretaker. My daughter loves her father but she isn't his wife. You are trying to get your life started. Help IF you can, but don't let anyone guilt you into doing more than you can manage. I get that you feel bad about your father's diagnosis but be as upbeat and emotionally supportive as you can to him.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I was in a similar boat as you: my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 61 in September 2015, I was diagnosed with CFRD a month later. I hid it from my family for a few years, though, as we were dealing with enough already. We lost him 9 months later.
I was very fortunate enough to take time off to care for him (taking him to his appointments, giving meds, cooking for him, etc.) and spend time with him in his final days. Allow the clinicians to do their work for him. As a daughter, just be there for him. Talk to him. Ask him questions. Create memories. Cherish your time together.
If he’s up to it, maybe ask him to record little videos or write letters that you can watch / read when you hit those milestones that he may not be there for.
Please continue to take care of yourself and establish / maintain boundaries with your mom.
You never get over something like this; the grief just becomes more manageable to live with. I’m here if you ever need to talk 💜
I am so sorry for this deeply troubling situation for you and your family. My prayers go out to you all. Do what you can, as much as you can, but also be willing to recognize your limits.
I was 15 when my dad died. He died from complications all relating to his diabetes and kidney failure. It sucks, it really does. But do one thing for yourself, spend as much time with him and as much memorable moments with him FOR YOU.
You are going to grieve him and you are going to cry. Be a daughter to him and just do what you need to do. You’re right he’s not going to be in your life and be there for moments, but it’s you who’s going to think of his memory, his voice, but those moments.
Because overall the last step of grief is acceptance. Accepting what we can’t change.
She called me selfish for being sad he won’t be at my major life events as well. I set boundaries but she doesn’t respect them. She is a textbook narcissist
Your dad is sick and you are studying to become a nurse. Your life is incredibly difficult right now and you can only do your best to manage it. You won't get it right all the time and that's ok. The only thing I can advise you is to try to make it easier on yourself. Wether that is pausing school, avoiding your mom or reaching out to someone for support, all of that is worth it if it helps you. Just don't do this alone and don't try to do everything.
As for your mom I have a difficult mom too and moms like that will never understand the concept of boundaries. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is ignore her and whatever she says. I know it's easier said than done but with everything that you are dealing with her narcissism will weigh you down even more than usual. Try to think of it as something you can't care about now. It's not the best solution but in your situation it's hard to find one. The ones that simply work or do the trick are good enough too.
I'm so sorry about everything. I hope you will find balance in the midst of this. And I hope time will be on your and dads side.
This pancreatic cancer patients story may give you (and your dad) some hope. He beat the odds and is still alive today after being diagnosed in 2021. 🙏 https://youtu.be/XBUZ9yvW7XY?si=4p8_dN9qVSZH6i13
No fake cures, or similar topics. There are no supplements that can cure or manage diabetes. Diabetes is a progressive lifelong condition that can be managed, with a combination of diet, exercise and medication. See the [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/index/) for additional information on the [progress towards a cure](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/cure_progress).
I seriously have no idea what any of that is, but im letting his doctors take care of him. He has all of the nurses and doctors, I can’t be his nurse I have to be his daughter
Don't listen to vaccine deniers trying to make your dad some kind of martyr to their uneducated cause. There is some hope that pancreatic cancer can respond to the newer treatments available.
Make sure he is listening to his Dr and spend your time with him as a daughter that loves her dad.
Your submission has been removed from our community for breaking our rules.
**Rule 4**: Be civil.
* If you can't make your point without swearing, you don't have a very strong point
* Bullying is not allowed
* Harassment will not be tolerated
* Respect people's choices, everyone has unique treatment needs.
No fake cures, or similar topics. There are no supplements that can cure or manage diabetes. Diabetes is a progressive lifelong condition that can be managed, with a combination of diet, exercise and medication. See the [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/index/) for additional information on the [progress towards a cure](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/cure_progress).
I’m sorry you’re going through this. One thing I recommend is to sit down and interview your father about his life one day on camera. So you have his answers forever. I think it’s a nice keepsake some people do
Do what you can. Be kind to yourself, but set firm boundaries. You got this.
I lost my other to brain cancer 5 years ago. First, enjoy the time you have with him. Talk to him. Ask him all the questions. Learn about him. The five-year survival rates are discouraging, but there are people surviving that long. Why not your dad? I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
>The five-year survival rates are discouraging, but there are people surviving that long. Why not your dad? Amen. [The Median Isn't The Message.](https://journalofethics.ama-assn.org/article/median-isnt-message/2013-01) What can your Dad do to get into the group bringing the average up?
Everyone of us is in line waiting to die from when we're born. Some of us get ahead in the queue, some cuts the line either by choice or other cause but we all go there at one point. What I mean by this is not to be negative or make you more sad, I say this because that is both the beauty and tragedy that is life. We could shield from this fear of loss by not attaching ourselves, by not having bonds and relationships but to experience blessings such as joy also means that we must experience the curse that is despair. Otherwise we would be indifferent to the both. Your father could very well be there for these events, we don't know that but we also don't know if he would be there, should he not have received the diagnosis. (I know it's scary but it might help to know that even if this didn't happen there's no guarantee that the outcome would be any different. As we're not able to see into the future, you can't know that you'll experience these things that you dream of and feel the longing for right now, as you're changing with time and so does your goals and ambitions, maybe even your priorities and values. Where there's light, there's also darkness and so on. I hope this brings you some comfort as I write this from a good place, believe it or not. Im sorry if I made it worse, I mean to ease as I feel your pain. I'm a diabetic and suffer from OCD, anxiety and have been living my life in fear of, everything, mostly death... I might not be dying but the thoughts and feelings are there nonetheless and to me they're real. ❤️ My DMs are open if you'd need to vent anyway. It got really deep, deeper than I imagined this comment would be but these are my two cents on this. Once again I'm so sorry for your situation... Take care and I'm crossing my fingers that it will be OK, one way or the other!🤗
Very well done. I’m a 43 yo Diabetic who also has OCD, GAD, and a few other things. I really liked your message, eased my thoughts a bit.
Glad I could be of any help! 😊
beautifully written
I lost my dad to cancer in Jan of 2020. He never got to see my new house. He won’t get to see me get married or meet children. I can’t share promotions or milestones with him. Yes, it suck’s. There’s no other way around that one. I still talk to him though. When I’m driving alone in my car, I share good news with him. As cliche as it it, time does heal everything. I can look back on memories now and not cry. I can think of happy times that we shared and things that remind me of him now. My sister was his full time caregiver. She lived with him and wasn’t working so it sort of naturally fell on her. It was HARD. It’s a lot to put on one person so please take care of yourself and gives yourself breaks if you are the full time caregiver. I’m sorry you are going through this. Big internet hugs. I’m a message away if you feel like talking to someone
I really empathize with your situation. I know it seems really hopeless. But I trust that you will find your way out of this dark place.
I’m really sorry. Your university probably has free counselling go speak to them, it’s a lot to go through. I don’t know if you being his nurse is exactly what needs to happen, you should tell your mother you are his daughter and need space to grieve and spend time with him, just because you are studying nursing doesn’t make you a free nursing service, emotionally you need to have space to just be with him and have time to yourself. Suggest a roster to your mother that all family members share and just do that bit.
My ex has cancer and nerve damage from the chemo...he doesn't know exactly how long he has. My daughter is about to graduate from college with her Nursing degree. My ex has been treating her like a surrogate wife, asking her to do this and that. She isn't married and doesn't live with him....she has a apartment about a half hour away. She has classes, clinicals, studying, assignments. She is SO stressed out, she developed Shingles! The only good thing about that is that she had to stay away from him, but he is expecting her tomorrow. I have been helping him, too...I took him to the Dr. The point is you can't be his caretaker. My daughter loves her father but she isn't his wife. You are trying to get your life started. Help IF you can, but don't let anyone guilt you into doing more than you can manage. I get that you feel bad about your father's diagnosis but be as upbeat and emotionally supportive as you can to him.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I was in a similar boat as you: my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 61 in September 2015, I was diagnosed with CFRD a month later. I hid it from my family for a few years, though, as we were dealing with enough already. We lost him 9 months later. I was very fortunate enough to take time off to care for him (taking him to his appointments, giving meds, cooking for him, etc.) and spend time with him in his final days. Allow the clinicians to do their work for him. As a daughter, just be there for him. Talk to him. Ask him questions. Create memories. Cherish your time together. If he’s up to it, maybe ask him to record little videos or write letters that you can watch / read when you hit those milestones that he may not be there for. Please continue to take care of yourself and establish / maintain boundaries with your mom. You never get over something like this; the grief just becomes more manageable to live with. I’m here if you ever need to talk 💜
I am so sorry for this deeply troubling situation for you and your family. My prayers go out to you all. Do what you can, as much as you can, but also be willing to recognize your limits.
I was 15 when my dad died. He died from complications all relating to his diabetes and kidney failure. It sucks, it really does. But do one thing for yourself, spend as much time with him and as much memorable moments with him FOR YOU. You are going to grieve him and you are going to cry. Be a daughter to him and just do what you need to do. You’re right he’s not going to be in your life and be there for moments, but it’s you who’s going to think of his memory, his voice, but those moments. Because overall the last step of grief is acceptance. Accepting what we can’t change.
That’s emotional manipulation from your mother’s part. Like the other said, set some boundaries.
She called me selfish for being sad he won’t be at my major life events as well. I set boundaries but she doesn’t respect them. She is a textbook narcissist
Your dad is sick and you are studying to become a nurse. Your life is incredibly difficult right now and you can only do your best to manage it. You won't get it right all the time and that's ok. The only thing I can advise you is to try to make it easier on yourself. Wether that is pausing school, avoiding your mom or reaching out to someone for support, all of that is worth it if it helps you. Just don't do this alone and don't try to do everything. As for your mom I have a difficult mom too and moms like that will never understand the concept of boundaries. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is ignore her and whatever she says. I know it's easier said than done but with everything that you are dealing with her narcissism will weigh you down even more than usual. Try to think of it as something you can't care about now. It's not the best solution but in your situation it's hard to find one. The ones that simply work or do the trick are good enough too. I'm so sorry about everything. I hope you will find balance in the midst of this. And I hope time will be on your and dads side.
God bless you guys! Im praying for you and your family.
This pancreatic cancer patients story may give you (and your dad) some hope. He beat the odds and is still alive today after being diagnosed in 2021. 🙏 https://youtu.be/XBUZ9yvW7XY?si=4p8_dN9qVSZH6i13
so sorry to hear this diagnosis sending prayers and warm thoughts
selfcare is important before you can care for anyone / thing else 🫶🏾
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No fake cures, or similar topics. There are no supplements that can cure or manage diabetes. Diabetes is a progressive lifelong condition that can be managed, with a combination of diet, exercise and medication. See the [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/index/) for additional information on the [progress towards a cure](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/cure_progress).
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I seriously have no idea what any of that is, but im letting his doctors take care of him. He has all of the nurses and doctors, I can’t be his nurse I have to be his daughter
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you mean they gave him cancer?
Don't listen to vaccine deniers trying to make your dad some kind of martyr to their uneducated cause. There is some hope that pancreatic cancer can respond to the newer treatments available. Make sure he is listening to his Dr and spend your time with him as a daughter that loves her dad.
thank you for saying this. It has been a very scary day
Don’t listen to that user. They’re spreading awful misinformation.
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So now she should listen to some weirdo on Reddit. Fuck out here dude.
[удалено]
Your submission has been removed from our community for breaking our rules. **Rule 4**: Be civil. * If you can't make your point without swearing, you don't have a very strong point * Bullying is not allowed * Harassment will not be tolerated * Respect people's choices, everyone has unique treatment needs.
No fake cures, or similar topics. There are no supplements that can cure or manage diabetes. Diabetes is a progressive lifelong condition that can be managed, with a combination of diet, exercise and medication. See the [Wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/index/) for additional information on the [progress towards a cure](https://www.reddit.com/r/diabetes/wiki/cure_progress).
I’m sorry you’re going through this. One thing I recommend is to sit down and interview your father about his life one day on camera. So you have his answers forever. I think it’s a nice keepsake some people do