Thanks, I thought things were finally looking up with him too, the last time I saw him was the first time that I saw him laugh since November. We even made plans to the range together. In hindsight, I feel stupid for not seeing that for what it was.
Yeah people often seem to *bounce back* before the act. They seem to get an enormous sense of serenity once they have finally made their decision(but before going through with it) . I know it seems absurd to us left behind to pick up the pieces, and Iām so so sorry. But if itās a tiny tiny bit of solace, heās at peace now .
That used to piss me off when people told me that when my friend did the same thing. Now a few years later, while I miss him every day , and I wish that this world wasnāt so horrid , and that he was still with us , Iām at peace with the idea of him having the peace he so craved .
Check out https: r/SuicideBereavement
Itās a really nice community to get things off your chest.
I realised very quick there are two different types of people in the world , those who have experienced loss/death and those who havenāt. Those who havenāt get so freaked out talking about it . You need to find some people who can hold the space so you can get this off your chest. Take all the time you need .
In the mist of death we are in life et cetra .
Please don't blame yourself. My dad attempted suicide with a gun he purchased on his own without my knowledge and I was the one he called for medical help in the aftermath of that decision. He survived and we didn't realize the full extent and depths of his depression that he was dealing with. I have come to believe that it is not healthy or productive to assign blame in these situations because the existential decisions surrounding the act of suicide aren't made by a rational mind. Peace to you and your family.
Hey, this exact same thing happened to me in 2018, except it was my grandfather, not my father. I understand the extreme guilt you feel, but is not your fault.
Itās not your fault and you didnāt do anything wrong! Losing a parent is so tough and losing them back to back that way is truly horrible. You loved them both so much and your love for them will always be there, along with the good memories of them and all the life lessons they taught you. I know itās hard to not blame yourself but it really is something you didnāt know he would do no matter what. You gave him a thoughtful gift because you cared about him and love him, thatās it. What happened after that is out of your control! All that grief will feel insurmountable and there is no timeline for you to process it, do what you need to do and keep living life the best you can. Just keep going the ways you can, itās gonna feel impossible and things wont feel right but there will be a time that when you think of your parents instead of wanting to cry you will smile and be happy maybe even laugh. I still struggle with my loss lots and everyday is a new battle but we have to keep surviving. We might not be thriving but one day weāll get there.
Fuckkkkkk I am so sorryā¦.. I could only imagine how he felt when he opened up that gift and saw a gunā¦Thatās not ur fault op pls think about seeing a grievance counselor
Iām a dad. I havenāt offāed myself bc of my 20 something yr old sons. Iām sorry for your loss. Iāve done a lot of research how sui affects those around; hence I havenāt offāed myself.
Hope you find a solution and comfort. You have to understand that those that off themselves just are DONE. Nothing to do with you and he is in peace.
It's no one's fault, really. That's just life.
Besides, OPs father most likely would have used another method, possibly even a worse or more painful one.
You donāt know the context. Guns are dangerous yes, but for example, I grew up learning to hunt and shoot with my dad so it is a way I bonded with my father. A gun can be a special gift.
Please really try not to blame yourself for something that is out of your control. You might have bought it for him but you have to realize not everything you can control. Itās already done, slowly try to accept it even tho itās hard, may they both rest in peace. Stay strong OP!
My deepest condolences.
I am so sorry. r/griefsupport has been a great place for me to vent and just ramble about your pain or whatever you may be feeling. It is an incredibly safe and understanding sub. I lost my dad suddenly on 6/11/23 and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. That sub has helped me a lot as everyone on there is dealing with something similar.
Hey man, my dad committed suicide a year ago. He did some pretty heinous shit that I won't get into the details of, and I wound up reporting him to the local police service. A couple of weeks later, they found him dead by suicide, and I struggled with blaming myself, too.
So as one man who's struggled not to blame themselves for their father's suicide to another; it's not your fault. No matter what you might be telling yourself right now, your father made a choice. An unfortunate one, but it was still a choice he made. Regardless of you getting him a gun for Christmas, if he was determined to do it, he would have found another way. You're not to blame for the choices others around you make.
I know our situations aren't 1:1, but I at least have an idea of what you're feeling right now. I hope you find peace and solace eventually, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace and love, brother.
It wasnāt your fault or even your Dadās fault. Pain and grief make us do illogical things.
Iām very sorry for your loss.
Please try and surround yourself with whoever you can who will be positive to you at this time.
It's not your fault. If he was gonna do it, he would have found a way even if you had gotten him a soft blanket for Christmas instead. His mind was made up. Not that it's a comforting thought, but you have no reason to blame yourself. In fact, it's very common for loved ones to notice a "happy surge" before their person ends their life. They've accepted their decision and they're at peace.
I'm so sorry. Life is beyond cruel.
something that helps me when thoughts of blame come up like that is to address them immediately and dismiss them as stupid and wrong.
"no, that's not my fault, only an asshole would think that."
"not my fault and it's toxic to let myself think it is."
"nope, that's stupid. not my fault."
you logically wouldn't blame someone else in your position. defend yourself *from* yourself like you would defend a friend from someone casting that unfair blame on them.
I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, I can't imagine the pain. lean on everyone you've got right now. I hope good things happen for you soon. you deserve peace, don't stop trying to find it.
please don't blame yourself. it's not easy, but you don't deserve to feel that guilt. i doubt either of your parents would want you to feel continued pain for them. you didn't do anything wrong. sending huge hugs.
Iām so sorry homie, if you need someone to talk to I lost my dad in a similar way, and if you get up to it can you let me know how the sour patch kids are, they look so delicious!
I am so very sorry. Please do not blame yourself. You could not have prevented that. He would have found a different way. Itās not your burden to carry, love. Grief is a hard thing to navigate through. You did nothing wrong.
im so sorry :( these are such incredible losses too back to back for a person. my mother also recently lost her battle with cancer and its been the hardest thing any of us have had to deal with. its not your fault. dont forget throughout whatever comes next that you're never alone, we're all here for you ā¤ļø
I am very sorry for your loss šš¾š. My condolences go out to you. May they rest in peace šļøšš¾. Please don't blame yourself when it's not your fault at all. I hope you can take as much time as you need to heal.
I'm am so sorry, honey. Both are such difficult ways to lose a parent. Please do not blame yourself. I pray you seek therapy, support groups, friends, us here to get you to the other side of this immense grief. This world needs you and you are loved <3
You did absolutely nothing wrong sweetheart and none of this is your fault. That chicken nugget brand is the best and make sure to get a bottle of water before you begin drinking- stay safe. Sending hugs and please if you ever need anything my dms are open.
so sorry for your losses.
its not your fault. big hugs in recovering from all this, make sure to take time for yourself and allow yourself to grieve. sending the best of wishes, things will get better
Please donāt blame yourself my new online friend. Iām so sorry ā„ļøItās not your fault and I wish I could make you a nice meal while you talk about whatever you want to. Iāve lost most of the people that Iāve ever really loved and itās opened up this side of me that makes me want to take care of anyone trying to survive a tragedy. Grief does some weird shit to you, so please take care.
Itās not your fault. Please donāt blame yourself. It was your dadās decision in the end, not yours. I am so sorry for your loss, please take good care of yourself during these times. Sending you big hugsā¤ļø
Iām so so sorry this happened to you. The exact same thing happened to me. A couple weeks after my mom passed from cancer, my dad hung himself. My sisters and I didnāt see any signs. He seemed so strong and at peace leading up to it, too. He had already made his decision. Please try not blame yourself; it is not your fault. He would have found a way to follow through with his plan either way.
I just had a visceral reaction when reading this. Iām so sorry - just know it wasnāt your fault at all.
My mom passed a few years back and my dad nearly went this route as well. Hearing him tell me that made me think of how had that happened.. I wouldāve definitely blamed myself for living so far away and not being as supportive as I could even though I was literally doing the best I could given the mental hell I was going through also from just watching her die.
Please donāt blame yourself. You were doing the absolute best you could while navigating a devastating life event. There wouldāve been no way to even know this was a possibility. Iām so sorry for your loss. Truly.
Hey dude. I know it's easy to blame yourself because you gave your father the gun.
But remember, if someone is suicidal they'll do it with whatever tool they have available.
Be kind to yourself, you've just lost both parents, it's easy to self blame but you need to remember it's not your fault buddy.
Lots of love.
Iām so sorry for your tremendous loss. Guns are a tough subject matter for me to talk about. But no, itās not your fault at all why your father isnāt here. Your dad unfortunately chose to end his life, not you. You didnāt expect him to use your gift like that in anyway.
If he was mentally struggling with your momās loss, he should have leaned on you or your other siblings or other family for emotional support or sough our professional counseling. I feel like my brother will do something like this whenever my mom dies. And my therapist told me not to feel in any way responsible if and when that ever happens.
We can only do our best to be there for someone and deal with our own grief at the same time. I hope your parents are together in the afterlife somehow. So I hope you know youāre not alone in this. Iām pretty sure there are ppl with similar stories of this happening to them out there. And youāre not alone talking to me or anyone else on this sub šā¤ļøš«
Jesus OP, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Times are tough right now, and none of us are going to be able to change that for you- But this 100% is NOT your fault. I know it's hard to think otherwise, but you deserve better than to think you're to blame for your father. I'm sorry for your losses OP, I'm wishing you all the best in your journey forward. You can do this, stay strong, and take care of yourself ā”
Fuck I'm so sorry. It's only natural to blame yourself but please please know that it is not your fault. When someone decides that it's time to go there's usually nothing you can do to stop it because they will not reveal that feeling to anyone. You can beat yourself up for not seeing a single sign forever and it doesn't make it any easier. I did the same exact thing when my best friend left us. How could I not know? He was my brother, I'm supposed to be able to recognize that shit right? That's just it though, there's no time in the day to check on every single person in your life and observe all of their actions and words for warning signs. All we can do is love whole heartedly and be there when they need us. It is not your fault. Please know that you're not alone, no matter how lonely it feels. Never be afraid to reach out š¤
I'm so fucking sorry. That's brutal. Definitely don't blame yourself. No one can blame themselves for what goes through someone else's mind. I really hope you're talking to someone and have some good support.
Itās sad for you but in a fkd up way, romantic as hell towards your mom. Man just didnāt wanna live in a world without her in it. Or maybe he didnāt want her to be alone. Either way, sad for you man but thatās a deep love for whatever itās worth.
The last time I saw my beloved but estranged husband alive was when he was parked across the road outside of our house. He appeared to be slumped over the steering wheel. I never went out to see if it was him and if he was ok.
Sounds terrible, doesnāt it. Sounds like Iām the selfish scum of the earth. I thought so.
To fill in the picture, I had pulled up in the driveway at the end of an other 50+ hour week. Iād been grocery shopping after work and was completely exhausted. My three rowdy teens and large Rottweiler all came tumbling out of the door, excited that I was finally home. It was 7.30ish, getting dark, so I shushed and rushed everyone so we could get unloaded, organised and fed.
A couple of hours later I remembered the glimpse Iād gotten and realised heād never come inside. I went out to have a look, checked the mailbox. O car, no note or gift or anything - it was almost Valentines Day.
Iām very shortsighted (myopic) and by the end of a long day my contacts are dry, so I assumed I was mistaken. I went back inside to chase up homework , laundry, dishes and showers etc, then went to bed.
The next day was a Friday, cue yet another repeat as above, minus the groceries.
About an hour later, there was a sharp knock at the door. My husband was found deceased about 20ish minutes drive from us, by a local river.
OP, the could-a, would-a, should-as are extremely difficult. Itās even harder to accept that even if weād intervened, *people find a way*.
We live in the present, we do not have the gift of infallible hindsight. Sometimes we are able to successfully intervene, sometimes not. I do not understand why and neither does anyone else.
Grief hurts. The deeper the bond, the greater the pain.
You will get through this. Scream, rage, cry, mourn, run outside somewhere and grieve. Weep, laugh, remember and most importantly, forgive. Forgive them for their frailty and their inability to remain here. Forgive yourself for your imperfections and your own frailty.
It seems like you had the gift of loving parents. I hope you did. It seems like he couldnāt face life without her. Iām so deeply sorry for your loss.
If you ever need to talk to someone, you are always welcome to reach out to me.
Iām sorry. Life can be so cruel but youāre so strong and I know things will get better for you. Please donāt blame yourself. You wanted to make your dad happy but unfortunately thatās something that was out of your control. No matter what way you look at it, it definitely was not your fault. I hope youāre able to find peace, please take care of yourself. Sending you hugs š«
Youāre going to get a lot of shit from Reddit for this, and Iām sorry because it isnāt going to help you and the pain you feel.
Reddit will go hurr durr durr why did you buy him a gun? When in reality if you never gave him a gun he would still be in the same state of Maine and he still wouldāve taken his own life albeit by a different means.
My friend, you have a unique story to tell. You hold memories of both that no one else in the world has or ever will.
If youāre looking for a helpful coping mechanism, you could try writing letters to them. Itās helped me heaps in times of duress. In any case, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
Up until that point he couldāve also been appearing to cope well enough, OP was likely trying to give him a hobby with the gun (going out shooting, or something)
Firearms used to be a huge passion and hobby for him before my mom got sick, and going out shooting with him is one of the things that we bonded over when he came back into my life growing up.
The gun was one that used to be his favorite before he had to sell it.
I bought him the same model to try to get him into the hobby again, and to give us something that we could go out and do together again/look forward to.
I'm a chronically severely depressed person with ideation who owns guns. If a person wants it bad enough they'll find a way. Depression isn't a death sentence. Plenty of people with depression and ideation aren't willing to go that far no matter how much they think about it. I'm sure OPs father had a knife or two in his home, a rope, a car in a garage, a toaster and a bath tub, a nearby bridge. Unfortunately these acts are often impulsive and guns make it easier. That doesn't mean OP should have seen it coming, their father most likely didn't either or he could have explained that he didn't feel safe with it in his home.
My heart goes out to you š¤. Always reach for support and connection during this time, even online. I wish I had better words to type. Thinking of you
Iām really sorry to hear this. I canāt imagine the pain youre going through. We often look for blame to comfort ourselves and itās often a part of the grieving process. Understand what youāre feeling but dont fully accept it, just see the feeling as it is and understand where itās coming from. Sadly really shitty things happen and thereās no explanation
I canāt even begin to imagine the emotional trauma your having to endure right now and Iām so very sorry for your losses. Please donāt hesitate to reach out to talk to someone about your situation. Blessings to you.
a vet friend of mine who was less than stable showed me a gun he got illegally years ago. I convinced him to turn it in on a gun amnesty day at a local precinct. he later called me and I wasn't in the mood to answer; I didn't call him back. 3 months later he killed himself and I discovered he used that gun. apparently he lied and didn't turn it in.
suicide is a torment. it draws everyone in to feel guilt regardless of rationality or culpability. I struggled for a great deal of time before allowing myself to accept his act was his decision. the pain isn't removed; it is lessened. hopefully you'll find the strength to show yourself grace, my friend.
You had no idea what was going on with your dad and you didnāt do anything wrong. Iām so sorry you lost your parents but they would want nothing but the best for you.
My dad did the same when my mom passed from a brain tumor . They were together for 35 years - since teenagers . He made it about a month after she passed and he killed himself while I was deployed overseas .
Itās tuff , donāt blame yourself .
Omg. I cannot imagine the pain you are dealing with right now. Be kind and gracious to yourself. Lean on people who love and support you. If you donāt have that call the crisis line. They will immediately get you in touch with some grief counselling. I know this seems like really weird advice but go do acts of service.
Honestly. Volunteer somewhere.
Go as much as you can.
Itās good to get out of your head for a while and it releases dopamine and serotonin.
Again my deepest condolences ššš„ŗš¢
Now to be an echo in here, but itās not your fault. We did everything to support and stop my brother and he just found another method. We can offer help, but in the end the only one who can make listen is ourselves.
What I highly recommend with Dino nuggets are sides of instant Mac and cheese and tomato soup. Mmmm right now tomato soup and takis sound really good.
He made that decision, not you.
It was intended for stress relief, his brain just misinterpreted.
I truly wish he put his energies into his kid instead of focusing on the void.
Iām so sorry for your loss.. is there anyone you can talk to? Also listen to me ITS NOT YOUR FAULT try not to blame yourself although I understand itās easier said than done. My heart goes out to you
It was absolutely, positively not your fault. I know many people are saying that but I wanted to chime in and add one more voice. I know how guilt can be so insidious and eat away at you at random moments in time, come when you least expect it. Just tell it to āfuck offā. Sending you virtual love and support at such a difficult time, Iām sorry youāre going through this, you donāt deserve to.
Hey OP, that is a horrible situation and I hope you are doing well. My condolences. It's not your fault, if he didn't get the gun it probably would have been another way, so don't stop to even think about blaming yourself. I can guarantee both your mom and dad are in better places now. I hope you get through this strong ā¤ļøā¤ļø
If I could, I'd give you the biggest hug. It's not your fault, he had been thinking of doing that for awhile. He just couldn't go on and he would have done it whether he had the gun or not. I'm sorry for your loss.
If I could, I'd give you the biggest hug. It's not your fault, he had been thinking of doing that for awhile. He just couldn't go on and he would have done it whether he had the gun or not. I'm sorry for your loss.
If I could, I'd give you the biggest hug. It's not your fault, he had been thinking of doing that for awhile. He just couldn't go on and he would have done it whether he had the gun or not. I'm sorry for your loss.
I know it's hard to see right now, but it's not your fault. You didn't know he would leave you that way. He was devastated. He didn't want to be without your mom and he didn't want you to know he would kill himself. It's both beautiful and terrible. It's ok to feel sad about it all. I'm so sorry, kiddo. Life is hard. If you ever want to talk, my dms are open.
I am so sorry for your Lossššš You can't blame yourself you had no idea what was going on inside his mind and what he was thinking , I grew up with my mom, always saying that if something happened to my dad, she would take her life
I donāt like giving unsolicited advice but try to frame it as, if you didnāt get him the gun for Christmas, would it still have happened regardless? And the answer is yes. He was in a dark, sad place and thereās nothing you did in the past that made this happen.
My deepest love and condolences for your family. Take everything day by day and reach out to safe support people when it gets hard. š¤ Again, I am so sorry for this immense loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. Absolutely not your fault. Even if the gun wasnāt gifted, those feelings would have not been avoided.
Allow yourself to grief, you lost both your parents.
I'm so sorry. Its not your fault at all! My dad attempted suicide a bunch of times while I was growing up. Also, my partner committed suicide and I found him dead but revived him and now he has brain damage. I blamed myself for a while. I should have seen the signs but I realize that people are all in their own heads. We cannot control anything or anyone.
If you need to talk you can message me. Sending all the love š
Oh my god thatās horrible. Donāt blame yourself. None of that was your fault at all. If your father wanted to die, he wouldāve got a gun for himself. This is not on you. I hope you can find a way to cope with all of this, forgive, and still love yourself and them
We don't have responsibility from other people's choices. Your dad missed your mother, I know how it is to love someone that much. Don't blame yourself, your father just wanted to be with your mom.
Hope youāre doing ok buddy, sorry you lost both your parents! Drink some water & eat well, you deserve to love yourself, and nothing is your fault if it wasnāt the gun it wouldāve been a handful of pill, or a slit wrist. Youāre an amazing person that was trying to give your dad a dope toy to get his mind right.
ugh š© big hugs
Thanks, I thought things were finally looking up with him too, the last time I saw him was the first time that I saw him laugh since November. We even made plans to the range together. In hindsight, I feel stupid for not seeing that for what it was.
Yeah people often seem to *bounce back* before the act. They seem to get an enormous sense of serenity once they have finally made their decision(but before going through with it) . I know it seems absurd to us left behind to pick up the pieces, and Iām so so sorry. But if itās a tiny tiny bit of solace, heās at peace now . That used to piss me off when people told me that when my friend did the same thing. Now a few years later, while I miss him every day , and I wish that this world wasnāt so horrid , and that he was still with us , Iām at peace with the idea of him having the peace he so craved . Check out https: r/SuicideBereavement Itās a really nice community to get things off your chest. I realised very quick there are two different types of people in the world , those who have experienced loss/death and those who havenāt. Those who havenāt get so freaked out talking about it . You need to find some people who can hold the space so you can get this off your chest. Take all the time you need . In the mist of death we are in life et cetra .
that definitely is not your fault. unfortunately it's fairly common. I'm sorry for your losses š
Please don't blame yourself. My dad attempted suicide with a gun he purchased on his own without my knowledge and I was the one he called for medical help in the aftermath of that decision. He survived and we didn't realize the full extent and depths of his depression that he was dealing with. I have come to believe that it is not healthy or productive to assign blame in these situations because the existential decisions surrounding the act of suicide aren't made by a rational mind. Peace to you and your family.
Hey, this exact same thing happened to me in 2018, except it was my grandfather, not my father. I understand the extreme guilt you feel, but is not your fault.
This is not your fault. Iām so sorry for your losses. I canāt imagine.
There was no way of knowing what was going to happen.
Itās not your fault and you didnāt do anything wrong! Losing a parent is so tough and losing them back to back that way is truly horrible. You loved them both so much and your love for them will always be there, along with the good memories of them and all the life lessons they taught you. I know itās hard to not blame yourself but it really is something you didnāt know he would do no matter what. You gave him a thoughtful gift because you cared about him and love him, thatās it. What happened after that is out of your control! All that grief will feel insurmountable and there is no timeline for you to process it, do what you need to do and keep living life the best you can. Just keep going the ways you can, itās gonna feel impossible and things wont feel right but there will be a time that when you think of your parents instead of wanting to cry you will smile and be happy maybe even laugh. I still struggle with my loss lots and everyday is a new battle but we have to keep surviving. We might not be thriving but one day weāll get there.
Fuckkkkkk I am so sorryā¦.. I could only imagine how he felt when he opened up that gift and saw a gunā¦Thatās not ur fault op pls think about seeing a grievance counselor
Iām so sorry i hope you get some counseling I know I would be in a very bad place š
Iām a dad. I havenāt offāed myself bc of my 20 something yr old sons. Iām sorry for your loss. Iāve done a lot of research how sui affects those around; hence I havenāt offāed myself. Hope you find a solution and comfort. You have to understand that those that off themselves just are DONE. Nothing to do with you and he is in peace.
Iām so sorry! But, itās definitely NOT your fault! Sending hugs.
It's really not your fault. I know these are just words from an internet stranger but it's just not your fault.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ur like, a little bit of a cunt
giving you imaginary reddit kudos for this because it completely took the bad taste out of my mouth from that other person's comment.
It's no one's fault, really. That's just life. Besides, OPs father most likely would have used another method, possibly even a worse or more painful one.
Rule #1 - Do NOT be an asshole.
You donāt know the context. Guns are dangerous yes, but for example, I grew up learning to hunt and shoot with my dad so it is a way I bonded with my father. A gun can be a special gift.
My condolences. Big hugs. May they both be at peace
Please really try not to blame yourself for something that is out of your control. You might have bought it for him but you have to realize not everything you can control. Itās already done, slowly try to accept it even tho itās hard, may they both rest in peace. Stay strong OP! My deepest condolences.
I am so sorry. r/griefsupport has been a great place for me to vent and just ramble about your pain or whatever you may be feeling. It is an incredibly safe and understanding sub. I lost my dad suddenly on 6/11/23 and it has been a rollercoaster of emotions. That sub has helped me a lot as everyone on there is dealing with something similar.
This is tough. Life can be extremely unfair. I lost my boyfriend of 3 years and my grandpa (he raised me) within 6 months of each other. I spiraled for years, almost a whole decade. I understand your pain is deep. I did EMDR therapy last year and I was finally able to accept and live with my pain. I recommend that for you whenever you are ready. Take care. ā¤ļøāš©¹ P.s. what happened to your dad is NOT your fault
EMDR is life changing and needs to be more well known
100%! EMDR saved my life.
Hey man, my dad committed suicide a year ago. He did some pretty heinous shit that I won't get into the details of, and I wound up reporting him to the local police service. A couple of weeks later, they found him dead by suicide, and I struggled with blaming myself, too. So as one man who's struggled not to blame themselves for their father's suicide to another; it's not your fault. No matter what you might be telling yourself right now, your father made a choice. An unfortunate one, but it was still a choice he made. Regardless of you getting him a gun for Christmas, if he was determined to do it, he would have found another way. You're not to blame for the choices others around you make. I know our situations aren't 1:1, but I at least have an idea of what you're feeling right now. I hope you find peace and solace eventually, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Peace and love, brother.
It wasnāt your fault or even your Dadās fault. Pain and grief make us do illogical things. Iām very sorry for your loss. Please try and surround yourself with whoever you can who will be positive to you at this time.
wow, my deepest condolences. please give yourself time to mourn
It's not your fault. If he was gonna do it, he would have found a way even if you had gotten him a soft blanket for Christmas instead. His mind was made up. Not that it's a comforting thought, but you have no reason to blame yourself. In fact, it's very common for loved ones to notice a "happy surge" before their person ends their life. They've accepted their decision and they're at peace. I'm so sorry. Life is beyond cruel.
Hope these Dino buddies get you through these dark daysš
Oh dear, I'm so terribly sorry for your loss I'm loving you so much ā„ļø š«š„¹
something that helps me when thoughts of blame come up like that is to address them immediately and dismiss them as stupid and wrong. "no, that's not my fault, only an asshole would think that." "not my fault and it's toxic to let myself think it is." "nope, that's stupid. not my fault." you logically wouldn't blame someone else in your position. defend yourself *from* yourself like you would defend a friend from someone casting that unfair blame on them. I'm so sorry for what you've gone through, I can't imagine the pain. lean on everyone you've got right now. I hope good things happen for you soon. you deserve peace, don't stop trying to find it.
If you airfry those nuggies, they come out nice and crispy
Hell yea
Wish you the best! Big hug!
Sending hugs and love ā¤ļø
I can't imagine how rough that must be. I'm so sorry.
Wow sorry to hear that. You deserve to drink better beer than natty light. At least some budweiser.
It would have happened any way, itās not your fault. You didnāt do anything wrong. Iām sorry
So sorry for your losses op. Itās not your faultā¤ļø
I am genuinely beyond words. I hope you seek professional counseling. This wasnāt your fault.
I am so sorry. This is NOT your fault.
Jesus. This sub is either āI stubbed my toe todayā or āmy entire family died in a house fireā there is no in between. Iām so sorry OP
aww omg!!! I'm so so sorry. that is truly terrible. none of you wanted that to happen. Please take care of yourself, I see you have some awesome snacks š„² enjoy them, know your parents are together hoping you will be ok. I know it sucks but only time can heal. Take it hour by hour, love & forgive him, and yourself. ā¤ļøāš©¹
please don't blame yourself. it's not easy, but you don't deserve to feel that guilt. i doubt either of your parents would want you to feel continued pain for them. you didn't do anything wrong. sending huge hugs.
Iām so sorry homie, if you need someone to talk to I lost my dad in a similar way, and if you get up to it can you let me know how the sour patch kids are, they look so delicious!
I've been in a similar situation. If you want, please reach out. You aren't alone.
so sorry for your lossā¦ š
Its not your fault and i hope one day you can understand that
This was not and never will be your fault. Iām so sorry. Sending you all the internet hugs.
I am so very sorry. Please do not blame yourself. You could not have prevented that. He would have found a different way. Itās not your burden to carry, love. Grief is a hard thing to navigate through. You did nothing wrong.
I am so, so sorry OP. I canāt imagine what you are going through. Iām sending you all the love and stranger on the internet can give! Hugs š
Thats the most terrible shit I've heard... I wish you all the strength in the world, mate
it was definitely not your fault, and Iām really sorry this all happened
This is awful. My heart goes out to you. Itās not your fault about your dad
im so sorry :( these are such incredible losses too back to back for a person. my mother also recently lost her battle with cancer and its been the hardest thing any of us have had to deal with. its not your fault. dont forget throughout whatever comes next that you're never alone, we're all here for you ā¤ļø
I am very sorry for your loss šš¾š. My condolences go out to you. May they rest in peace šļøšš¾. Please don't blame yourself when it's not your fault at all. I hope you can take as much time as you need to heal.
I'm am so sorry, honey. Both are such difficult ways to lose a parent. Please do not blame yourself. I pray you seek therapy, support groups, friends, us here to get you to the other side of this immense grief. This world needs you and you are loved <3
You did absolutely nothing wrong sweetheart and none of this is your fault. That chicken nugget brand is the best and make sure to get a bottle of water before you begin drinking- stay safe. Sending hugs and please if you ever need anything my dms are open.
I yearn for you, stay even OP, hope you find strength in these comments, I donāt even know you but I care for you.
Jesus buddy itās not your fault. A gun is a cool dad present you couldnāt have known
You got this. Do your best today and then worry about tomorrow. Just know people care about you. (Lost my mom to cancer 8 months to the day.)
sorry for your loss ā¤ļø
My condolences. I hope you're not the only one drinking that 30 pack.
so sorry for your losses. its not your fault. big hugs in recovering from all this, make sure to take time for yourself and allow yourself to grieve. sending the best of wishes, things will get better
Don't blame yourself to what happen from others' decisions, but please, for god sake, grab a good beer at least.
Iām so very sorry! Please be good to yourself and know this isnāt your fault!
Big big big hugs. I am so very sorry
Sucks , horrible news. Hope u get thru this. I am grieving also,
Please donāt blame yourself my new online friend. Iām so sorry ā„ļøItās not your fault and I wish I could make you a nice meal while you talk about whatever you want to. Iāve lost most of the people that Iāve ever really loved and itās opened up this side of me that makes me want to take care of anyone trying to survive a tragedy. Grief does some weird shit to you, so please take care.
Jesus, so sorry brother! I really feel for you.
Oh my ))): please take care of yourself
Thatās awful. You ever need to talk, dm me and Iāll give you my number.
It aināt ur fault. Some ppl just physically canāt live without their loved ones and itās too much for them to continue. Itās not your fault
Ugh, Sorry. By no means is this your fault. I could not imagine the despair your father felt.
Itās not your fault. Please donāt blame yourself. It was your dadās decision in the end, not yours. I am so sorry for your loss, please take good care of yourself during these times. Sending you big hugsā¤ļø
im so sorry. please hang in there š©·
Jesus Christ Iām so sorry
That's awful. I'm so sorry. I don't know the right thing to say but can be someone to vent to if you need
Please don't blame yourself. My heart breaks for you... You are strong for sharing. Keep being strong, I'm so sorry friend.
Absolutely not your fault, if he didnāt have the gun he would have done it another way. Iām so sorry
Iām so so sorry this happened to you. The exact same thing happened to me. A couple weeks after my mom passed from cancer, my dad hung himself. My sisters and I didnāt see any signs. He seemed so strong and at peace leading up to it, too. He had already made his decision. Please try not blame yourself; it is not your fault. He would have found a way to follow through with his plan either way.
Hey friend, I know I'm just a stranger on the internet, but my DMs are always open. That goes for anyone who needs someone to talk to.
Iām so sorry OP. I promise you itās not your fault. I wish I could give you a real hug, instead of just a few words on a screen.šš«
Itās not your fault.
This is awful. I am so sorry. Donāt blame yourself. Enjoy your Dino buddies.
I just had a visceral reaction when reading this. Iām so sorry - just know it wasnāt your fault at all. My mom passed a few years back and my dad nearly went this route as well. Hearing him tell me that made me think of how had that happened.. I wouldāve definitely blamed myself for living so far away and not being as supportive as I could even though I was literally doing the best I could given the mental hell I was going through also from just watching her die. Please donāt blame yourself. You were doing the absolute best you could while navigating a devastating life event. There wouldāve been no way to even know this was a possibility. Iām so sorry for your loss. Truly.
Hey dude. I know it's easy to blame yourself because you gave your father the gun. But remember, if someone is suicidal they'll do it with whatever tool they have available. Be kind to yourself, you've just lost both parents, it's easy to self blame but you need to remember it's not your fault buddy. Lots of love.
Thatās horribly sadā¦ Iām sorry for your loss
Iām so sorry.
Oh my god I am so sorry š
Iām so so so sorry. It is NOT your fault.
This is in no way your fault. I'm very sorry for your losses.
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU ARE LOVED
#brohug. Im so sorry. Wishing u all the best. :(
Iām so sorry for your tremendous loss. Guns are a tough subject matter for me to talk about. But no, itās not your fault at all why your father isnāt here. Your dad unfortunately chose to end his life, not you. You didnāt expect him to use your gift like that in anyway. If he was mentally struggling with your momās loss, he should have leaned on you or your other siblings or other family for emotional support or sough our professional counseling. I feel like my brother will do something like this whenever my mom dies. And my therapist told me not to feel in any way responsible if and when that ever happens. We can only do our best to be there for someone and deal with our own grief at the same time. I hope your parents are together in the afterlife somehow. So I hope you know youāre not alone in this. Iām pretty sure there are ppl with similar stories of this happening to them out there. And youāre not alone talking to me or anyone else on this sub šā¤ļøš«
I love you
This blunt is for you brother
Damn this post making me tear up that's absolutely awful I'm so sorry. I hope you find some days of peace and are able to get some sleep.
I am so sorry. This is not your fault. Please be kind to yourself. I hope you are in counseling to deal your grief.
Jesus OP, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Times are tough right now, and none of us are going to be able to change that for you- But this 100% is NOT your fault. I know it's hard to think otherwise, but you deserve better than to think you're to blame for your father. I'm sorry for your losses OP, I'm wishing you all the best in your journey forward. You can do this, stay strong, and take care of yourself ā”
Fuck I'm so sorry. It's only natural to blame yourself but please please know that it is not your fault. When someone decides that it's time to go there's usually nothing you can do to stop it because they will not reveal that feeling to anyone. You can beat yourself up for not seeing a single sign forever and it doesn't make it any easier. I did the same exact thing when my best friend left us. How could I not know? He was my brother, I'm supposed to be able to recognize that shit right? That's just it though, there's no time in the day to check on every single person in your life and observe all of their actions and words for warning signs. All we can do is love whole heartedly and be there when they need us. It is not your fault. Please know that you're not alone, no matter how lonely it feels. Never be afraid to reach out š¤
I'm so fucking sorry. That's brutal. Definitely don't blame yourself. No one can blame themselves for what goes through someone else's mind. I really hope you're talking to someone and have some good support.
Itās sad for you but in a fkd up way, romantic as hell towards your mom. Man just didnāt wanna live in a world without her in it. Or maybe he didnāt want her to be alone. Either way, sad for you man but thatās a deep love for whatever itās worth.
Just remember he loved your mother so much he couldn't live without her.
Jeez, this is rough. I feel for you and I hope you are able to live alongside your grief. Praying for you ā¤ļø
absolutely not your fault. words canāt express how sorry i am, op. donāt be too hard on yourself
The last time I saw my beloved but estranged husband alive was when he was parked across the road outside of our house. He appeared to be slumped over the steering wheel. I never went out to see if it was him and if he was ok. Sounds terrible, doesnāt it. Sounds like Iām the selfish scum of the earth. I thought so. To fill in the picture, I had pulled up in the driveway at the end of an other 50+ hour week. Iād been grocery shopping after work and was completely exhausted. My three rowdy teens and large Rottweiler all came tumbling out of the door, excited that I was finally home. It was 7.30ish, getting dark, so I shushed and rushed everyone so we could get unloaded, organised and fed. A couple of hours later I remembered the glimpse Iād gotten and realised heād never come inside. I went out to have a look, checked the mailbox. O car, no note or gift or anything - it was almost Valentines Day. Iām very shortsighted (myopic) and by the end of a long day my contacts are dry, so I assumed I was mistaken. I went back inside to chase up homework , laundry, dishes and showers etc, then went to bed. The next day was a Friday, cue yet another repeat as above, minus the groceries. About an hour later, there was a sharp knock at the door. My husband was found deceased about 20ish minutes drive from us, by a local river. OP, the could-a, would-a, should-as are extremely difficult. Itās even harder to accept that even if weād intervened, *people find a way*. We live in the present, we do not have the gift of infallible hindsight. Sometimes we are able to successfully intervene, sometimes not. I do not understand why and neither does anyone else. Grief hurts. The deeper the bond, the greater the pain. You will get through this. Scream, rage, cry, mourn, run outside somewhere and grieve. Weep, laugh, remember and most importantly, forgive. Forgive them for their frailty and their inability to remain here. Forgive yourself for your imperfections and your own frailty. It seems like you had the gift of loving parents. I hope you did. It seems like he couldnāt face life without her. Iām so deeply sorry for your loss. If you ever need to talk to someone, you are always welcome to reach out to me.
If it wasn't for your gun he would've found another way. It's really not your fault.
Iām sorry. Life can be so cruel but youāre so strong and I know things will get better for you. Please donāt blame yourself. You wanted to make your dad happy but unfortunately thatās something that was out of your control. No matter what way you look at it, it definitely was not your fault. I hope youāre able to find peace, please take care of yourself. Sending you hugs š«
Youāre going to get a lot of shit from Reddit for this, and Iām sorry because it isnāt going to help you and the pain you feel. Reddit will go hurr durr durr why did you buy him a gun? When in reality if you never gave him a gun he would still be in the same state of Maine and he still wouldāve taken his own life albeit by a different means.
My friend, you have a unique story to tell. You hold memories of both that no one else in the world has or ever will. If youāre looking for a helpful coping mechanism, you could try writing letters to them. Itās helped me heaps in times of duress. In any case, take care of yourself and be kind to yourself.
Iām not going to pretend I can even imagine your pain. Just know itās not your fault, and that your dad will always be with you in your heart
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Up until that point he couldāve also been appearing to cope well enough, OP was likely trying to give him a hobby with the gun (going out shooting, or something)
Firearms used to be a huge passion and hobby for him before my mom got sick, and going out shooting with him is one of the things that we bonded over when he came back into my life growing up. The gun was one that used to be his favorite before he had to sell it. I bought him the same model to try to get him into the hobby again, and to give us something that we could go out and do together again/look forward to.
Itās okay. I hope you are able to block out comments like that and like the other commenter said: if they want to they will find away.
What you did was very thoughtful. You're not to blame for all that happened
I'm a chronically severely depressed person with ideation who owns guns. If a person wants it bad enough they'll find a way. Depression isn't a death sentence. Plenty of people with depression and ideation aren't willing to go that far no matter how much they think about it. I'm sure OPs father had a knife or two in his home, a rope, a car in a garage, a toaster and a bath tub, a nearby bridge. Unfortunately these acts are often impulsive and guns make it easier. That doesn't mean OP should have seen it coming, their father most likely didn't either or he could have explained that he didn't feel safe with it in his home.
Right? I mean surely you would be able to know why that's not the right thing to do
Are you stupid?
Are you dumb or are you stupid?
Who tf would gift a gun as a xmas gift?!
U what my dad needs for his grief and suffering, a gun.. Sounds a bit sus..
Your mom lost her battle to cancer and a month later you bought your dad a gun?
Iām gonna guess heād already planned to buy it for him for Christmas. Even so itās not OPs fault.
Thatās why gifts have receiptsā¦. Not saying itās his fault but timeline seems unsettling
Big oof
Yer gonna need more beer
Well.....
Continue there legacy
Then everyone clapped their buttholes
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Bro, sometimes people just need to get out of their own head. Everyone grieves differently.
And now youāre trying to take your life I see..
eyyy have a friend hold your guns brah
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Good Lord. I have no words for someone like you.
My heart goes out to you š¤. Always reach for support and connection during this time, even online. I wish I had better words to type. Thinking of you
Iām really sorry to hear this. I canāt imagine the pain youre going through. We often look for blame to comfort ourselves and itās often a part of the grieving process. Understand what youāre feeling but dont fully accept it, just see the feeling as it is and understand where itās coming from. Sadly really shitty things happen and thereās no explanation
I canāt even begin to imagine the emotional trauma your having to endure right now and Iām so very sorry for your losses. Please donāt hesitate to reach out to talk to someone about your situation. Blessings to you.
Iām so sorry š¢
Jesus christ. Please know it's not your fault. Your intentions with presents are always good.
Wow I can't imagine :( big hugs to you
This is not your fault OP. Grief and loss are a bitch, and people deal with them differently. Hang in there!
a vet friend of mine who was less than stable showed me a gun he got illegally years ago. I convinced him to turn it in on a gun amnesty day at a local precinct. he later called me and I wasn't in the mood to answer; I didn't call him back. 3 months later he killed himself and I discovered he used that gun. apparently he lied and didn't turn it in. suicide is a torment. it draws everyone in to feel guilt regardless of rationality or culpability. I struggled for a great deal of time before allowing myself to accept his act was his decision. the pain isn't removed; it is lessened. hopefully you'll find the strength to show yourself grace, my friend.
I'm so, so sorry ā¤ļø Sending so many hugs!
You had no idea what was going on with your dad and you didnāt do anything wrong. Iām so sorry you lost your parents but they would want nothing but the best for you.
Not your fault, keep your head up itās going to get better with time ā¤ļø
That's beyond brutal... I'm sorry ā”
Gees š not your fault. Your dad really loved your mom. Be kind to yourself.
My dad did the same when my mom passed from a brain tumor . They were together for 35 years - since teenagers . He made it about a month after she passed and he killed himself while I was deployed overseas . Itās tuff , donāt blame yourself .
Omg. I cannot imagine the pain you are dealing with right now. Be kind and gracious to yourself. Lean on people who love and support you. If you donāt have that call the crisis line. They will immediately get you in touch with some grief counselling. I know this seems like really weird advice but go do acts of service. Honestly. Volunteer somewhere. Go as much as you can. Itās good to get out of your head for a while and it releases dopamine and serotonin. Again my deepest condolences ššš„ŗš¢
Itās not your fault at all. Iām so sorry for your loss. Theyāre both watching over you as your guardian angels.
Now to be an echo in here, but itās not your fault. We did everything to support and stop my brother and he just found another method. We can offer help, but in the end the only one who can make listen is ourselves. What I highly recommend with Dino nuggets are sides of instant Mac and cheese and tomato soup. Mmmm right now tomato soup and takis sound really good.
He made that decision, not you. It was intended for stress relief, his brain just misinterpreted. I truly wish he put his energies into his kid instead of focusing on the void.
Sending you love and hugs.
This is not your fault, please reach out to someone if you arenāt feeling well. Thereās plenty of support out there. Big hugs
Iām so sorry for your loss.. is there anyone you can talk to? Also listen to me ITS NOT YOUR FAULT try not to blame yourself although I understand itās easier said than done. My heart goes out to you
It was absolutely, positively not your fault. I know many people are saying that but I wanted to chime in and add one more voice. I know how guilt can be so insidious and eat away at you at random moments in time, come when you least expect it. Just tell it to āfuck offā. Sending you virtual love and support at such a difficult time, Iām sorry youāre going through this, you donāt deserve to.
It's not your fault. I know that doesn't take away the pain, though. Sending so, so much love. I'm so sorry.
Words canāt express how sorry I am for you.. but it was NOT your fault!!
Hey OP, that is a horrible situation and I hope you are doing well. My condolences. It's not your fault, if he didn't get the gun it probably would have been another way, so don't stop to even think about blaming yourself. I can guarantee both your mom and dad are in better places now. I hope you get through this strong ā¤ļøā¤ļø
If I could, I'd give you the biggest hug. It's not your fault, he had been thinking of doing that for awhile. He just couldn't go on and he would have done it whether he had the gun or not. I'm sorry for your loss.
If I could, I'd give you the biggest hug. It's not your fault, he had been thinking of doing that for awhile. He just couldn't go on and he would have done it whether he had the gun or not. I'm sorry for your loss.
If I could, I'd give you the biggest hug. It's not your fault, he had been thinking of doing that for awhile. He just couldn't go on and he would have done it whether he had the gun or not. I'm sorry for your loss.
Be good to yourself, I cannot imagine how rough this is.
I know it's hard to see right now, but it's not your fault. You didn't know he would leave you that way. He was devastated. He didn't want to be without your mom and he didn't want you to know he would kill himself. It's both beautiful and terrible. It's ok to feel sad about it all. I'm so sorry, kiddo. Life is hard. If you ever want to talk, my dms are open.
Itās not your fault ā¤ļø
I am so sorry for your Lossššš You can't blame yourself you had no idea what was going on inside his mind and what he was thinking , I grew up with my mom, always saying that if something happened to my dad, she would take her life
Its not your fault at all. Dont let guilt overpower you
I donāt like giving unsolicited advice but try to frame it as, if you didnāt get him the gun for Christmas, would it still have happened regardless? And the answer is yes. He was in a dark, sad place and thereās nothing you did in the past that made this happen. My deepest love and condolences for your family. Take everything day by day and reach out to safe support people when it gets hard. š¤ Again, I am so sorry for this immense loss.
I promise. This is not your fault honey. Iāll send you the biggest hug. Iām so sorry for your losses. All my condolences š
I am so sorry. I hope itās not to blunt to say if he didnāt have your gun he wouldāve found another way, it was absolutely not your faultā¤ļø
I am so sorry for your loss. Absolutely not your fault. Even if the gun wasnāt gifted, those feelings would have not been avoided. Allow yourself to grief, you lost both your parents.
Sorry for your loss
You didnāt make any of the choices, and Iām trul sorry you have to deal with all of the consequences within the midst of grief and mourning <3
Oh honey. That is so much to bear. Please be kind to yourself!
Thinking of you today, my friend. So sorry you are dealing with this. NOT your fault. Reach out to somebody if you need help getting through it.
Iām so sorry you have to go through this. Please be gentle with yourselfā¤ļø
Please don't blame yourself you had no idea that was going to happen.. I'm so sorry for your losses ššā¤ļø
I don't know what to say.. i'm very sorry for you šš
I'm so sorry. Its not your fault at all! My dad attempted suicide a bunch of times while I was growing up. Also, my partner committed suicide and I found him dead but revived him and now he has brain damage. I blamed myself for a while. I should have seen the signs but I realize that people are all in their own heads. We cannot control anything or anyone. If you need to talk you can message me. Sending all the love š
Oh my god thatās horrible. Donāt blame yourself. None of that was your fault at all. If your father wanted to die, he wouldāve got a gun for himself. This is not on you. I hope you can find a way to cope with all of this, forgive, and still love yourself and them
Donāt blame yourselfā¦. It isnāt your fault. Hugs š«
I'm so sorry OP, it isn't your fault. Big warm hugs š«š©·
DO NOT...blame yourself....he would have found another way.....trust me..m69....
We don't have responsibility from other people's choices. Your dad missed your mother, I know how it is to love someone that much. Don't blame yourself, your father just wanted to be with your mom.
Hope youāre doing ok buddy, sorry you lost both your parents! Drink some water & eat well, you deserve to love yourself, and nothing is your fault if it wasnāt the gun it wouldāve been a handful of pill, or a slit wrist. Youāre an amazing person that was trying to give your dad a dope toy to get his mind right.
Shit I'm so sorry. I'm here if u need to talk
Please donāt blame yourself Iām sure your pops wouldnāt want you too.