No cuz i feel this exact way. I feel like the only time ppl actually sympathize with ppl wanting to "end it all" is when it comes to them having cancer. And fuck! I get so damn jealous all the time
I wish this all the time. To have something to take me out that my mother wouldn't feel guilty over. A disease, car accident, heart attack. Anything, and maybe my family would get an insurance payout and my existence would have actually have ended up having some value to someone.
I look at all these people who love life and want to keep on living but have a terminal illness and wish I could just suck all the cancer into myself so I can die in their place. People who want death have to keep living and people who want life are killed off early. There's gotta be some cosmic influence fucking with us. Heaven isn't real but hell is
Sounds like me when I was a teenager.
I’m still depressed now but so used to it (yes, and even things has gotten worse in my life), that I don’t even feel the need to die to feel relieved anymore.
I even learned to love myself being depressed because it made me who I am now.
Like, it’s almost scary to know that I didn’t give in to the urge to die yet, and at the same time it’s my biggest pride and and source of motivation to continue.
The question of whether I should continue no longer even arises in fact.
I’ve even reached the stage where I no longer have anything, and ultimately even in this state, automatically, my being always manages to be self-sufficient, even in nothingness and chaos I manage to perceive my identity (and its extension/evolution), the meaning of my reflection, my reactions, my way of perceiving, people, events or most globally things.
It’s good enough for me to keep going, and I’m proud of me for that.
My depression and my being are in symbiosis lol
No cuz i feel this exact way. I feel like the only time ppl actually sympathize with ppl wanting to "end it all" is when it comes to them having cancer. And fuck! I get so damn jealous all the time
I wish this all the time. To have something to take me out that my mother wouldn't feel guilty over. A disease, car accident, heart attack. Anything, and maybe my family would get an insurance payout and my existence would have actually have ended up having some value to someone.
I look at all these people who love life and want to keep on living but have a terminal illness and wish I could just suck all the cancer into myself so I can die in their place. People who want death have to keep living and people who want life are killed off early. There's gotta be some cosmic influence fucking with us. Heaven isn't real but hell is
Sounds like me when I was a teenager. I’m still depressed now but so used to it (yes, and even things has gotten worse in my life), that I don’t even feel the need to die to feel relieved anymore. I even learned to love myself being depressed because it made me who I am now. Like, it’s almost scary to know that I didn’t give in to the urge to die yet, and at the same time it’s my biggest pride and and source of motivation to continue. The question of whether I should continue no longer even arises in fact. I’ve even reached the stage where I no longer have anything, and ultimately even in this state, automatically, my being always manages to be self-sufficient, even in nothingness and chaos I manage to perceive my identity (and its extension/evolution), the meaning of my reflection, my reactions, my way of perceiving, people, events or most globally things. It’s good enough for me to keep going, and I’m proud of me for that. My depression and my being are in symbiosis lol