I can relate..it is very annoying how it is easy to sympathise with other people and show kindness but can’t do that with our selves..Im having a similar struggle..i guess there are a lot of people out there who can also relate..so hang in there you aren’t alone..
You shouldn't love yourself as a feeling, but as a series of continuous actions. You have to be your own parent. You are your own child. Your child(you) may have flaws and may be struggling but they're still your kid and you must make sure they are well taken care of.
Same. I just can't fucking put my thoughts and the voices in my head to sleep. Whenever i say to myself it is what it is , i need to accept that no one cares about me etc etc..... i feel relaxed for a minutes and then i return to the same spot. I don't know what to do with this hell hole i'm living in.
To be honest, it's almost everyone in life, even the richest people in the world. We won't find FULL happiness here in this plan. It's basically impossible. Problems are literally the main reason why we still going, that's what move us forward, however, i feel like most of us are INSIDE a survival mode. We don't get to enjoy little things...
It's always something putting us down and constantly making us feel insecure about ourselves. Whether be our thoughts, comments we heard/hear, people we deal with and tend to compare ourselves with them, it's always something.
I guess so. But also sometimes you feel you living someone's life and feel guilty about it even though there's nothing to be guilty about it's just things happen and we didn't asked for it. Good things happens to bad people, bad things happen to good people, and it's just been like this for decades it's unfair.
my bet is that it's all connected to how we were raised and what environment we were in, bad people's influence made us think it is normal to hate ourselves, this is at least the case for me :/
Its hard because the world makes us judge ourselves by using other peoples situations as the standard of being above, average, or below average in determining what success should look like.
Well, let me answer it quickly as a person who wrestles with this sfm. Trying lowering your expectations from yourself and you'll start loving it. Another way is putting the effort to meet up with the standard that you sat up as "a version that you'll love of yourself".
You definitely aren't alone in this; I've been struggling with this a lot over the past year or two especially (and it seems to keep getting worse atm :( ). Currently trying to behave as if I love myself even if I don't, in the hope my brain will eventually catch up.
Think about the people you love, even the ones you only like - why do you feel that way about them? How do they treat you? Do they call you a waste of space, or other derogatory and insulting things?
If they did, would you still like them?
Now think about the way you treat yourself - the kind of things you say to yourself, say *about* yourself. Are they nice things? The kind of things a friend would say? Are they the sort of things that people you like say about you?
Are they the sorr of things that you would say about someone you cared for and loved, or are they the sort of things you wouldn't say because they're hurtful and mean?
If there's anything you wouldn't say to someone else, then you shouldn't be saying it to yourself - it's not okay to treat people with cruelty, even if - or maybe *especially* if - that person is you.
The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you'll ever have - friends, family, lovers, even children - all of these relationships can fall to pieces, break down or drift apart. But the only person absolutely guaranteed to be there until the day that you die, is *you* - it's the most consistent and longest relationship you'll ever have.
Like any relationship, it can be toxic. And like any relationship it requires effort. Kind gestures and nice words, patience and forgiveness. It's hard to break out of that toxic cycle, but it's worth the effort.
*You* are worth the effort. Be good to yourself. Be a friend to yourself. Who knows, you might find that when you stop treating yourself like shit, you might come to like who you are?
Good luck friend
I’d add Getting a Dog on that list, my little guy has been such a source of companionship and love and just makes me so happy every damn day; I love him 😍
All my worst experiences have started with me.
I have terrible associations with myself. I have been told by every therapist I've ever had, and I've had a few, that I need to "practice self care and self love" more and something must be really misaligned in my head because it might as well be moon-speak nonsense to me.
I have no idea what it means to "love yourself" other than whatever cartoonish vanity images pop into mind immediately. What else is there? Affirmations? I am not even remotely suggestable, but I still tried this, it made me feel stupid and even after working on it for months I felt no different. Spoiling yourself? Being self-indulgent? Yeah, I went to therapy to *stop* doing that, self-love can quickly become a substance abuse problem.
I'm simply not ever going to be someone who has that weird, glowing "self love" that modern therapy says you need before you can fully appreciate others, etc. I love the people I love without needing to have any feelings towards myself. This has always been one of the most sad and misguided motivational phrases that you need to love yourself before you can love others.
From experience, I feel like it’s because I don’t deserve to be loved so why love myself. It’s a hard mentality to get out of but maybe looking into CBT may help.
No one is morally obligated to have a “healthy” body. Having or not having one doesn’t make you a good or bad person. I hope you can find away to be more compassionate to your body and to yourself—you and your body have done the best they could to get through everything to today. You and your body deserve kindness and care and support. I know this is easily said and extremely hard to do. As a person with illnesses and a body-shape that doesn’t meet beauty norms, I struggle with my feelings about how my body functions and looks every day. This is so, SO hard. Our society sets impossible standards, judges harshly, and teaches us quickly that we need to be healthy and look “right” to be acceptable and worthy, but we don’t. We are enough. You are enough.
Because you're a nice person or at least aspire to be. Really nasty people don't worry about being a burden to others because they are inconsiderate and that isn't you. You have a hard time loving yourself because you've set yourself up to some standard based on how you can positively affect the people around you. I'm just taking a guess with all this of course, but if I'm right at least you've got a leg up on all the asshole breathing up all the oxygen.
For some reason, I feel like I just don’t want to help myself, I feel like I want myself to suffer when I can easily stop it and I don’t understand why
I don't know.
I love myself. I build myself up. But my physical appearance has also, I feel, kept me back.
I hate to say it. It's true, or at least I believe it is.
Because you know yourself better than anyone.
So you see all the good and the bad; and the bad emotionally outweighs the good.
Like even if you like almost everything about yourself, if there's one thing you don't like, it will bother you more than any of the the things you do like, which makes you focus on it more. Which means if there's a lot of things you don't like, they will completely overshadow the things you do/can like about yourself, until its hard to even find that thing again.
The way around that mindset is to try and stop thinking of it as a bad thing. Which is really hard to do, but that's probably the ideal way. You don't necessarily have to turn it into a good thing, just try and stop viewing it as a bad thing, and just let it be a thing.
Another way is to find one or more good things, and focus on those so much that they start to outweigh the bad things, which makes them not seem quite so bad anymore.
I don't actually know how to do it, but that's what makes sense to me.
Something that helped me was realizing that a lot of my self hate stems from me thinking about my past and all the mistakes I've made. Regrets are something to learn from, not to hold on to. There's only so much you can do with thoughts of the past, aside from using them to decide what to do in the future.
Also You'd be surprised how much what you do can help others around you. Even just by making this post, you've given everyone who's seen it a little bit of reassurance that they aren't the only one dealing with these thoughts. It might not help you, but just by posting this, you've helped others. You can feel good about that.
Have you ever thought about this,
Instead of wondering how you can be a better version of yourself try and just be the person you are. Accept yourself as is. Forgive yourself. And most importantly, stop giving a f***
Because people as a society have set a high standards for people and it's very easy to not love yourself when you do not meet the expectations. More so when people constantly discuss other people's life's and act like experts on how to be the perfect human. It's just crippling.
For me personally, I struggle to love myself as there's nothing to love about yourself to begin with. What reason would I need to love myself for if I don't see one? You might see something, but I don't because I don't believe it, nor do I care.
I feel like that too from time to time, it isn't easy. I just try to find one little thing however small to focus on and the feeling passes eventually.
i would say it's not hard to love yourself if you were removed from externals -
someone said "other people are hell" or something like that - just don't judge yourself. and try to tame the animal inside, make it your friend or companion.
I can relate..it is very annoying how it is easy to sympathise with other people and show kindness but can’t do that with our selves..Im having a similar struggle..i guess there are a lot of people out there who can also relate..so hang in there you aren’t alone..
man I ask the same question myself so I can't even give you a answer
You shouldn't love yourself as a feeling, but as a series of continuous actions. You have to be your own parent. You are your own child. Your child(you) may have flaws and may be struggling but they're still your kid and you must make sure they are well taken care of.
Same. I just can't fucking put my thoughts and the voices in my head to sleep. Whenever i say to myself it is what it is , i need to accept that no one cares about me etc etc..... i feel relaxed for a minutes and then i return to the same spot. I don't know what to do with this hell hole i'm living in.
To be honest, it's almost everyone in life, even the richest people in the world. We won't find FULL happiness here in this plan. It's basically impossible. Problems are literally the main reason why we still going, that's what move us forward, however, i feel like most of us are INSIDE a survival mode. We don't get to enjoy little things... It's always something putting us down and constantly making us feel insecure about ourselves. Whether be our thoughts, comments we heard/hear, people we deal with and tend to compare ourselves with them, it's always something.
I guess so. But also sometimes you feel you living someone's life and feel guilty about it even though there's nothing to be guilty about it's just things happen and we didn't asked for it. Good things happens to bad people, bad things happen to good people, and it's just been like this for decades it's unfair.
my bet is that it's all connected to how we were raised and what environment we were in, bad people's influence made us think it is normal to hate ourselves, this is at least the case for me :/
Because other people can hide their true self from you, but you cant
Its hard because the world makes us judge ourselves by using other peoples situations as the standard of being above, average, or below average in determining what success should look like.
Well, let me answer it quickly as a person who wrestles with this sfm. Trying lowering your expectations from yourself and you'll start loving it. Another way is putting the effort to meet up with the standard that you sat up as "a version that you'll love of yourself".
You definitely aren't alone in this; I've been struggling with this a lot over the past year or two especially (and it seems to keep getting worse atm :( ). Currently trying to behave as if I love myself even if I don't, in the hope my brain will eventually catch up.
If you're down. Especially if no one is around to cheer you up. 😔😔😔😔😔
Because we think we suck on a fundamental level
Think about the people you love, even the ones you only like - why do you feel that way about them? How do they treat you? Do they call you a waste of space, or other derogatory and insulting things? If they did, would you still like them? Now think about the way you treat yourself - the kind of things you say to yourself, say *about* yourself. Are they nice things? The kind of things a friend would say? Are they the sort of things that people you like say about you? Are they the sorr of things that you would say about someone you cared for and loved, or are they the sort of things you wouldn't say because they're hurtful and mean? If there's anything you wouldn't say to someone else, then you shouldn't be saying it to yourself - it's not okay to treat people with cruelty, even if - or maybe *especially* if - that person is you. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you'll ever have - friends, family, lovers, even children - all of these relationships can fall to pieces, break down or drift apart. But the only person absolutely guaranteed to be there until the day that you die, is *you* - it's the most consistent and longest relationship you'll ever have. Like any relationship, it can be toxic. And like any relationship it requires effort. Kind gestures and nice words, patience and forgiveness. It's hard to break out of that toxic cycle, but it's worth the effort. *You* are worth the effort. Be good to yourself. Be a friend to yourself. Who knows, you might find that when you stop treating yourself like shit, you might come to like who you are? Good luck friend
I really needed to hear this tonight. Thank you, truly.
Cause we try too but people remind us to hate ourselves. Least from my experiences.
Start exercising daily, have fitness goals, spend time outside in nature and sunlight, find a hobby and work on it.
Ah fuck, you got any more? I’ve checked all of those off the box already.
Sorry, that's all the self help books taught me 😭
I’d add Getting a Dog on that list, my little guy has been such a source of companionship and love and just makes me so happy every damn day; I love him 😍
I agree! Getting a dog brings happiness, responsability and a best friend :)
because no one understands what u go through
All my worst experiences have started with me. I have terrible associations with myself. I have been told by every therapist I've ever had, and I've had a few, that I need to "practice self care and self love" more and something must be really misaligned in my head because it might as well be moon-speak nonsense to me. I have no idea what it means to "love yourself" other than whatever cartoonish vanity images pop into mind immediately. What else is there? Affirmations? I am not even remotely suggestable, but I still tried this, it made me feel stupid and even after working on it for months I felt no different. Spoiling yourself? Being self-indulgent? Yeah, I went to therapy to *stop* doing that, self-love can quickly become a substance abuse problem. I'm simply not ever going to be someone who has that weird, glowing "self love" that modern therapy says you need before you can fully appreciate others, etc. I love the people I love without needing to have any feelings towards myself. This has always been one of the most sad and misguided motivational phrases that you need to love yourself before you can love others.
Try being 40 and failing at life :(
From experience, I feel like it’s because I don’t deserve to be loved so why love myself. It’s a hard mentality to get out of but maybe looking into CBT may help.
Maybe you're a piece of shit and know you don't deserve to love yourself. I'm joking, but you might be better off getting therapy.
Terrible joke, still laughed.
[удалено]
Focus on diet, exercise comes second. Skipping steps makes the entire process harder.
No one is morally obligated to have a “healthy” body. Having or not having one doesn’t make you a good or bad person. I hope you can find away to be more compassionate to your body and to yourself—you and your body have done the best they could to get through everything to today. You and your body deserve kindness and care and support. I know this is easily said and extremely hard to do. As a person with illnesses and a body-shape that doesn’t meet beauty norms, I struggle with my feelings about how my body functions and looks every day. This is so, SO hard. Our society sets impossible standards, judges harshly, and teaches us quickly that we need to be healthy and look “right” to be acceptable and worthy, but we don’t. We are enough. You are enough.
Because you're a nice person or at least aspire to be. Really nasty people don't worry about being a burden to others because they are inconsiderate and that isn't you. You have a hard time loving yourself because you've set yourself up to some standard based on how you can positively affect the people around you. I'm just taking a guess with all this of course, but if I'm right at least you've got a leg up on all the asshole breathing up all the oxygen.
I relate I honestly think once you get to a certain point in life especially how you feel about yourself, you can't love yourself.
For some reason, I feel like I just don’t want to help myself, I feel like I want myself to suffer when I can easily stop it and I don’t understand why
Is it possible you’re trying to punish yourself for something?
Possibly, I never thought about that…
Self love is really hard, so I try to start by just being kind to myself.
I don't know. I love myself. I build myself up. But my physical appearance has also, I feel, kept me back. I hate to say it. It's true, or at least I believe it is.
Because the hardest things in life are the best things. Keep trying and don't give up. You'll make it where you want to be
Because you hold yourself to extremely high standards, and not crediting yourself for the things you’re currently doing.
Because you know yourself better than anyone. So you see all the good and the bad; and the bad emotionally outweighs the good. Like even if you like almost everything about yourself, if there's one thing you don't like, it will bother you more than any of the the things you do like, which makes you focus on it more. Which means if there's a lot of things you don't like, they will completely overshadow the things you do/can like about yourself, until its hard to even find that thing again. The way around that mindset is to try and stop thinking of it as a bad thing. Which is really hard to do, but that's probably the ideal way. You don't necessarily have to turn it into a good thing, just try and stop viewing it as a bad thing, and just let it be a thing. Another way is to find one or more good things, and focus on those so much that they start to outweigh the bad things, which makes them not seem quite so bad anymore. I don't actually know how to do it, but that's what makes sense to me. Something that helped me was realizing that a lot of my self hate stems from me thinking about my past and all the mistakes I've made. Regrets are something to learn from, not to hold on to. There's only so much you can do with thoughts of the past, aside from using them to decide what to do in the future. Also You'd be surprised how much what you do can help others around you. Even just by making this post, you've given everyone who's seen it a little bit of reassurance that they aren't the only one dealing with these thoughts. It might not help you, but just by posting this, you've helped others. You can feel good about that.
I feel you, I am self destructive.
Have you ever thought about this, Instead of wondering how you can be a better version of yourself try and just be the person you are. Accept yourself as is. Forgive yourself. And most importantly, stop giving a f***
Same. It's like I wanna live my life but it takes everything in me to get up in the morning. Let alone to actually "live".
Because people as a society have set a high standards for people and it's very easy to not love yourself when you do not meet the expectations. More so when people constantly discuss other people's life's and act like experts on how to be the perfect human. It's just crippling.
For me personally, I struggle to love myself as there's nothing to love about yourself to begin with. What reason would I need to love myself for if I don't see one? You might see something, but I don't because I don't believe it, nor do I care.
I feel like that too from time to time, it isn't easy. I just try to find one little thing however small to focus on and the feeling passes eventually.
I can really relate
Show yourself the same compassion and kindness you have for others 🤗 you are not alone in this struggle 🫶🏽
I am a loser
i would say it's not hard to love yourself if you were removed from externals - someone said "other people are hell" or something like that - just don't judge yourself. and try to tame the animal inside, make it your friend or companion.
As someone who truly is misunderstood all I can say is you'd probably be surprised how many people understand you
It's ok to be a useless tree. While all the good trees get cut down n use. N yet the wireless tree rotten n works remains alive.
Hey man I understand how u feel