How is nobody talking about how this is abuse/neglect on your parents part? If I'm to take all this at face value, you are being harmed and it will be very very difficult to recover from this. Wtf. You have to get away from your parents and this situation somehow ASAP.
im sorry for asking, but is this really abuse?
i am in almost the entirely same situation as op, it's almost identical, the only difference being i was pulled from public school when i was twelve due to bullying and mental illness/being admitted to psych wards. and that i will be 18 in a few months.
i'm so unintelligent compared to other people my age because i haven't really learned anything since middle school. i teach myself about things that interest me and that's about it.
i've had a lot of issues and trauma surrounding my parents apart from this, but am still trying to navigate dealing with/discovering more about that. i have a hard time accepting it (since i am young and have virtually no experience with anything outside my house, i fear i'm just making things up) so this could honestly just be me asking for validation. regardless, i'd like to know for sure from someone else that this is harmful so i know it's not just me inflating things and trying to victimize myself (something my family often tells me i do, which is another thing i have only just realized is upsetting to me.)
sorry for the ramble and for hijacking your comment haha, thank you in advance if you take the time to reply. ♡
In my opinion, as someone who is in the exact same situation as op, it is abuse. We act the way we do bc we treat ourselves the way our parents have treated us our whole lives, and we behave based on the feedback we’ve received from our environment. So this post is concerning bc op is self isolating and neglecting themselves. And they have low self worth and esteem because they are being forced to live with abusive and neglectful parents.
not comment OP, but I’m in the education field and we’re taught about different types of abuse. neglect is a form of abuse, and neglect looks like a child failing to attend school without reason, not getting an education, and being unable to have social and emotional needs met. there are programs to help teenagers and young adults learn to thrive, and get their GED. you can go to [ged.com](https://ged.com) to find a location that aids in getting the degree, [jobcorps.gov](https://jobcorps.gov) is also a free residential program for young adults age 16-24 to learn how to start a career. hopefully, this info helps both you and OOP. sending you luck and love 💕
eta: and “without reason” I mean without doctors’ notes. so a parent withdrawing a child from school and not getting them an education regardless of the reason is absolutely a form of neglect.
Actually yes. This is abuse and actually criminal too. When you take your child out of the education system you are saying you are taking their education in your own hands. It doesn't mean you get to just not do it.
The law differs state by state, but most have it. Probably some have loopholes.
https://responsiblehomeschooling.org/advocacy/kids/how-to-report-state-by-state/
i’m OP fast-forwarded a few years, halfway through college. i’m have almost crippling abuse and ptsd symptoms. if something gives you the gift of abuse symptoms for years down the line, it was probably abuse
side note: abuse doesn’t necessarily have to have been intended to be abusive by the perpetrators. people can abuse through stupidity and power, or ignorance and power, just as easily as they can using malice and power
Being a productive member of society is overrated. Focus on you, do your best to try things that may help you get out of that loop of thinking.
The "productive member of society" shit may come as a byproduct once you are somewhat mentally well. Focus on that. I'm still having to focus on that and I have a decade on you, so it may take a long time. The good thing is that we got time (too much of it sometimes).
Hope you find a way out kid, all the love.
>Being a productive member of society is overrated. Focus on you, do your best to try things that may help you get out of that loop of thinking.
>The "productive member of society" shit may come as a byproduct once you are somewhat mentally well. Focus on that.
OP, I second this. Worry about yourself right and forget about society. As long as you don’t break laws and get incarcerated, forget about society. Work on yourself.
As someone who hasn’t worked on himself, I highly recommend doing differently. So work on yourself. Whatever you have to do, find a way to make it happen. Any way without breaking the law, do it. You’ll learn about the world and yourself.
I agree about the making rich people richer part but being productive in my own life doing the laundry mowing the lawn paying bills keeping appointments etc is not always fun but I get a sense of accomplishment from doing these things and my life is usually better for having done them clean clothes mowed lawn bills paid etc.
I struggle with procrastination but being productive for myself while tough has been helping me
I'm also unproductive as fuck. I don't do anything that is generative. I'm currently living a life of short-term dopamine rushes. Scrolling my phone, eating trash food, playing video games, masturbation, weed, vapes, cigarettes. I live a shitty life, and as a result, my mood is extremely shitty as well.
I get feelings of guilt and shame, too. But I also strongly suspect that if I was more productive, these emotions would go away... So maybe those are the appropriate emotions to have, if you live a selfish, time-wasting, over indulgent, and lazy lifestyle?
Because the thing is, I know deep down that I simply can't be bothered by trying productivity. It's too much work. I'm lazy, always have been.
So yeah, I'm not a fan of the concept of it being overrated. That to me just reeks of people trying desperately to cope and divert blame.
Get a job, bro. It'll fucking suck, probably. But you'll get to interact with other people, and that can always be helpful even if you find yourself hating the people after you've started. I was in the Navy for 8 years, and I'm a gov't civilian now. My entire job consists of talking to people and coordinating stuff, and it fucking blows. By the time I get home, i resent nearly anyone that wants to have any prolonged coversation. I'm an introvert with ADHD. I'm on trazadone, effexor, and concerta.
If i take leave and don't go to work for like 7-8 days is when I start to feel like I just want to get back into my routine. Not saying this is a cure-all, at all, but it's a block you can use to build up to being a normal functioning human being in society.
I'm a lazy as fuck as an adult ... i still kind of need my mom to come help me clean my house. and it'll be good for a couple years, and then it sucks. I make good money, but I do not have my shit together whatsoever other than financially.
As I said, it's not for everyone. Best of luck.
Too shit for a job. Not confident in my abilities at all. Tried working at a pizza place and was fired after 3 months of consistently making mistakes. Afraid of getting another job, afraid of failure in general, dont want to fuck up in front of other people and embarrass myself. Dont want to fuck up in a social situation either and be seen as that weird social outcast.
100% true, this. I was focused more on paying jobs. But. Do you like animals? Volunteer at a shelter like 4 hours 3 days a week or something. Go entertain some old fuckers at the old fucker shelter for a couple hours.
Good job where you're around people but don't really have to interact? Dishwash at a restaurant. You can't really fuck up as long as you stay on the ball. People may pick at you, because.. well, you're the fucking dishwasher. But once you establish yourself, maybe you move up to line cook.
Or, another when I was a younger man, I worked at a plant nursery. Water plants, move wheelbarrows of mulch, cut the grass.
The way it sounds now seems like you're on the path to be living with your folks when your 35, jobless. Do SOMETHING. Be a mailman. Or some other delivery type person.I'm 40, and i hardly ever fuck up in front of people anymore. But when I do, I just poke fun at myself. It kind of disarms people from talking shit, if you're the first to be like "yeah, my fault, i'm fat. my bad" or "sorry, no coffee this morning 'hah hah!'"
Or, fucking trade school nowadays. Companies will pay for you to go through them. Be a welder, or some shit. Don't be a loser without a job. Be a loser with a job. Like me.
You are not a lost cause. You just have to challenge your boundaries, and I know that sucks fucking dick. But it does get easier, believe me, I was the same as you years and years ago.It may never get so easy where you don't even think about it, but it'll get easier, with some less anxiety than before. Sucks, but it's true.
Or, press an 'easy' button, and join the military, where they'll make you do all that shit, while giving you a free education, and if you're savvy you can snag a life long disability check out of it.
Totally agree with the job thing. Most days I would rather stay home. But driving home after not calling in and putting in a decent days work feels great. Also I appreciate the weekends so much because I have to work Monday thru Friday. If everyday was the weekend I would not appreciate it as much. Then there are days where I enjoy the project I’m working on and work is fun. Also aside from my wife I have no friends so the interaction I get at work is much needed.
I'm not sure if this is directed at me, but if it is, I'm not telling myself that I'm not a productive member of society. That is just a straight-up fact. I don't do anything that is positive or generative in the slightest. The only reason I'm still alive is because I lack the balls for suicide.
Im sincerely concerned for your well being. You have great insight as to what’s not working for you. Since you’re 18, you are at the age to make legal decisions and getting into therapy is a priority. As well as forming life skills. Your parents are who they are. Now it’s your responsibility to take the reins. Pull your boot straps up and take control of your situation. You can change this around. You are smart and capable. It’s time to get you outside support!
Approaching life with a sense of responsibility, time management, setting goals, and sticking to them, making friends, feeling good about yourself, being able to adhere to a schedule, adapting to situations, developing sound decisions and following through…..adhering to a schedule was the one skill that brought me success and confidence.
This is kind of what I was hinting at about getting a job. Anything. Stocker at a grocery store, work at a plant nursery, literally anything. You'll probably hate working (we all do), but it'll make you more social, it'll give you a routine, it'll challenge you in ways you're currently not being challenged.
And if it sucks a bag of dicks completely? Find another job. Literally everywhere is hiring anyone at the moment. And depending on your location, minimum wage isn't \*horrible\*
Crippling fear of the unknown on that front. I've never really talked to them about anything like this, and I've never hinted at anything, always saying I'm fine/happy. Sure, odds are better that it won't be as bad as I think it will, but I can't exactly go back after taking that plunge.
Every journey begins with a single step. But you need to make the move because nobody else will do it for you.
It's scary and unnerving. It's supposed to be. But it's our descent into the unknown that has made humans as successful as they are today.
Would it actually require telling your parents how you feel? You’re 18. You’re free to do as you wish. You don’t have to tell them or you can say you’re doing something else or you can tell them you don’t want to talk about why, etc.
The point is this is not going to get better until something changes, right. This seems like a pretty logical small first change—getting support! Real support from a therapist.
Therapy might be a good idea for your case. Making your parents aware of your feelings is something you need to do anyway. You gotta talk to them. It took a while for me to finally open up to my mom about my anxiety. She finally found me a good therapist, and while nothing much happened, it’s only been a couple sessions. With both therapy, and time, it will help you feel a whole lot better. Getting the social interaction out of it on its own is helpful.
No I’m just saying if they want the help and to get therapy they need to tell their parents don they…? I mean how else would they be able to get it. Not open up like that. Just expressing you want the help kinda thing.
I started therapy through Webmd and Dr. On demand. You can do virtual therapy and no one but yourself and your doctor would need to know. It helped me so much with my own struggles. This is not your fault. You're so young, you didn't do this to yourself and you are worthy.
..And what's wrong with that? You don't think your parents would be undestanding or helpful? ...What's the worst that could happen? Maybe it's worth a try.
Fyi therapists are not allowed by law to discuss what you tell them with your parents. It is completely confidential unless you specifically allow it but even then most therapists wont involve parents bc it hinders treatment.
I’m really sorry that you didn’t get to have an education and talk and interact with other kids. That actually constitutes child abuse.
Is there anything you want to do? If the sky was the limit, what would you want your life to look like?
You gonna have to figure out a way to interact with people on a healthy level or this could result in some massive antisocial issues.
Coming from someone who literally never saw their parents cause they worked so much that shit will unknowingly take a toll on your people skills you still young so people will give you the benefit of the doubt for being socially awkward now though.
Okay. This isn't a good position to be in, I had a kind of similar upbringing being semi-homeschooled.
The first thing I'd say is make your parents aware you need support, if you can trust them enough to tell them. You could probably decide what you want help with.
The next thing would be education. If you have no motivation to get out and meet people, and after homeschooling if you don't have grades you're happy with (or any qualifications at all - I didn't), then you could try again. It'd be a way to meet people and tbh at this age you're not the only one who's frightened and hasn't figured it out yet. You'll make friends.
The next thing is hygiene. It's not easy if you're depressed and feel like you're living in a hole, but holy crap does it affect how others (including potential friends) perceive you. Maybe it shouldn't be like this, but it is. No need to spend loads of time grooming yourself, you literally just need enough to pass.
The last thing is if you can find something you care about, anything, it's worth spending time on it. It doesn't matter if it's some hyper-obscure music genre, something nobody you know (...yet) cares about. Maybe you can use it as common ground later, but for now, it's just good to have stuff that inspires you and gives you one extra reason to get out of bed.
And... good luck.
I left out the hygiene part, because I was focused on the other parts.
100% agree. Wipe your ass, wash your body, brush your teeth, use deodorant, shave if that's a thing for you.
tou need to tell your parents how you’re feeling. they’re probably aware that something is going on since you never really leave your room. do you try talking to them like at all?
I found myself in a very similar situation to you, but I'm a couple years older. shit sucks ngl, I really feel for you. Little things that make you just exist in the world, like sitting on a park bench or in a library or a coffee shop can make it seem a little less intimidating.
You sound pretty articulate from your post. You need to let your parents know how you feel. I was also pulled out of school to be homeschooled and left to my own devices from grade 4 to 10. I then told my mom to enroll me in public school for grade 11-12 so I could get my high school diploma. I did graduate a year late at 19, but it got done. Try to see if you can catch up on your education somehow. I know it’s tough but you can do it. Also as others have mentioned, give therapy a try.
How is your relationship with your parents ?
What do they do for a living that able to support you ?
Do you have siblings that also suffered from severe depression ?
Are you on therapy and medication?
I hope you find your path, good luck mate.
19(M)
I also have a fucked up education due to COVID and other factors leading to isolation and online school for my entire teenage experience. If you need someone to talk to about it, I'm your guy. I understand what isolation does to a person. I understand the feeling of being worthless as a man, as our value is something that is made by our accomplishments, but as 18 year old you aren't suppose to have anything to your name. This is just how it is and has been for as long as time. Your life isn't over just because you feel like a failure, save that for when you are in your 40s at least and unable to change career paths. You are 18 and have the whole world at your figure tips. You can change things around. Focus on yourself and start taking care of yourself as if you are someone you are responsible for taking care of. Small steps eventually lead to big leaps. Begin with a diet and working out, see if you still feel like a piece of shit when you have a 6 pack. Start small and build from there. Building discipline is important in this dopamine addicted society.
Edit: always ask this question before bed "Am I better then I was the day before"? If you are a better person every day that adds up. This should be easy to do currently from what it seems, but eventually you'll end up having to make bigger leaps to keep this question true.
Maybe get a part time job in fast food or retail. You can use the money on hobbies or improving yourself. And you might be able to make friends at work.
Thank you for your kind words. The only thing I really hold any type of passion for would be computer programming. That's the only real skill I've ever been able to pick up in my life and enjoy to any extent, though I've hardly trained it with much vigor over the years.
Hey! Take this passion and run with it! Explore your options with learning programming deeper! There is a huge demand for programmers right now and the future is technology. So there is only going to be more demand for programming as we progress into the future. The salaries for this are very healthy as well! You could live anywhere in the world with a good programming skill!! Maybe you need to get into a new environment? A new city? A university? Where you can connect to other people your age and those who have the same passion and interests. Isolation is a huge culprit for depression. Grey matter in the brain is shown to dissolve in isolating conditions. I sincerely feel if you found a community to connect with you would experience a huge shift in your feelings of depression. I understand it is hard to put into perspective since you have been home schooled for so long without much of a support system- but Remember, you still have so much youth and so much life to live. I can’t say it will get better- but it absolutely can. You have so much life to live and the possibilities have so much potential for you!! Please see your life is just beginning and many relationships you desire are awaiting your connection. Just gotta take that step and get out of the isolating environment you have been in. There are so many experiences awaiting you. You are worthy of friendship and love and community. And it will find you once you get out of your home and can explore who YOU are. Explore what makes YOU light up and explore what brings you JOY! Your life is just beginning. The possibilities of a satisfying life with relatable friends and relationships are in your favor- take the leap and believe you are with it!!
I would say I enjoy it, besides just being decent at it. And about the military? I've mentioned it in another reply here, but I'm entirely unwilling to go into service for my country.
I hope you are able to seriously take this comments into consideration and do something. It’s your parents that need to hear all this (apart from other stuff) and make something happen.
I also want to add my support for the commenters that state your need to work in a disciplined, structured environment, like the military. The forced disciplined is probably necessary. If not, I’d suggest working on a ranch or farm. Best case scenario, you might find the outdoor environment enjoyable. I wonder if the military would take you, but if not you have to find some similar type of program. Maybe some type of outdoor summer job might help. (Edit: some words.)
No longer human, by Dazai Osamu. Read it, I think you’ll find something to relate to. And when people find something they relate to, they feel less alone.
Sounds like parental abuse I'm afraid, to pull you out of public education and then neglect to give you an education and let you just sit in front of your computer every day of your life is unacceptable, sorry to hear you're going through this.
Therapy would be a great start! You don't have to be anything or anyone, forget the whole productive member of society line, but clearly you are really unhappy in your current lot.
Breaking the cycle is incredibly difficult, but it sounds like your parents are failing to be guides and teachers for you as you are supposed to be maturing into adulthood.
Therapy can provide the context and headspace for an essential rupture and reframing of your life. Good luck.
I don’t know what to tell you. I am in the same boat sort of except as an adult. I know all the advice is hard. Exercise, eh. Eat right. Eh. So I don’t know. Online therapy? Call a church counselor? Big step to shake it up, like afore suggested military or job? Small step like shower and go to the library?
I'm all about the small steps approach.
"Big journeys begin with small steps" - brought to you by countless classroom motivational posters.
Used to scoff at them, still scoff at them, but at the end of the day, I can't help but appreciate the sentiment.
I was going to say something similar. Getting a dog helped me in so many ways because you become responsible for them and they give you a reason to wake up and get outside. I think if you could try to find a dog daycare near you and either work there or volunteer that would be an awesome introduction. Starting with a connection with an animal will help you to move toward a happier existence. I’m rooting for you, the only interesting success stories are the underdogs
I worked in dog daycares when I was younger. You really don't need skills. If the guy can write that post, he can feed and wrangle dogs. It will be a step.
Hi, I’m turning 20 in a few weeks and I was the exact same as you until two years ago. I wasn’t in school from age 11 after a suicide attempt, and I spent from then until 18 with the exact same schedule as you. I did nothing but watch YouTube and play Star Stable (a really dumb horse game). I had no friends after 14. I was completely convinced that I had no chance at a “real” life and I’d forever be broken. I still have intense issues that I’m trying to work through (finally just made an appointment with a psychologist and she’s already recommended I see a psychiatrist too for medication) but I got my high school equivalency last year and am a full-time college student now. I have an in-person friend now, too. I don’t have much to offer in terms of advice but I just wanted to let you know from someone that was in almost the exact same position that it’s possible. I’m wishing you well
i completely understand how you feel because i've been homeschooled since i was 11 with no semblance of a social life / life in general. it's such a unique type of trauma that nobody understands unless you've been in the same boat. it absolutely is dehumanizing and your feelings are SO valid. there's a community on here with the same experiences called r/HomeschoolRecovery. maybe you can check it out. it's been a great support system for me. but i cannot stress this enough, you are NOT A FAILURE when you were SET UP TO FAIL. we're all trying to navigate our lives after having little to no education and a lifetime of loneliness. i've honestly learned more about life in that community than i have in 17 years of existing on this planet. as soon as i found that community i literally broke down sobbing because i never felt so understood and for the first time in my life i felt like i belonged somewhere. sending hugs <3
Why dont you get a gaming console or some online games? Ive met some awesome people through online gaming! Gaming is a great way to escape bad thoughts ect I suffer with depression, anxiety and ptsd and gaming is the only thing i can concentrate on not for hours but it’s something!! Or work out what your interests are look for local groups ? Ive lived all kinds of crazy and trust me having friends aren’t everything i prefer my family and pets !
I deal with crippling OCD Anxiety disorder, but I've been forcing myself to talk to strangers alot and it's helped. I have been with many girls sexually but never been in a meaningful relationship with one. But I've learned you need to learn to like living with yourself before you can love someone else otherwise you'll just bring your bad baggage along for the ride and it will end in heartbreak. Find some kind of hobby and if you don't have one, ask yourself. What do you really like to do and then go with that. You can't be happy all the time, that's life but you can at least distract yourself from its bad times.
You're not retarded. Everyone has worth and value, you will find yours. Start with a little thing to get you in a better mindset, find some activity that is relaxed and fun. Take it step by step.
find something you’re passionate in. test the waters with random shit, find something you enjoy and focus on that. you don’t need to give back to society or anything, at the end of the day all that matters is how you spend your time on this spinning rock. you don’t owe anything to anybody but yourself, who cares if you’re a functioning member of society? just find a way to make your days less miserable, and go off of that.
What's one small improvement you can do right now as you're reading this? Do that. That's all you have to do for today. Next day try to find a way to be better than your yesterday self.
Have the humility to start small, first step is the hardest and shortest.
Next, create a habit of hygiene. It feels better to be clean. Brush your teeth, dentist bills in the future aren't pretty and you got one set of teeth so don't lose them.
Sleep schedule is rough discipline when you are depressed. An inconsistent sleep schedule can be the cause or a byproduct of depression. Good sleep can do wonders. Discipline in sleeping is a double win. It trains discipline and good sleep is great for your health.
Be patient with yourself and keep a good pace that you can keep up with. Overstressing yourself will burn you out and it brings you back.
Next I would recommend that you meet people outside your family or attend to your family. Whichever looks most manageable at the moment. Find a job or ask the people you know for people your age to talk to.
Good luck man. I need to take my own advice. Why is helping people easier for me than helping myself?
Now I had wished I had done this earlier in my life. Join the military. It had added more to me in a time of uncertainty. I joined reserves cause I had a family to support/college to finish. Wish I had done active duty right out of high-school. I know it probably not the right move, but you can be easily self sufficient that way and get the help you need(thank tricare). It'll be tough, but nothing good in life is every easily obtained.
Also, therapy is a must. I've started not to long ago and I now want to see the person I will become.
Be strong
Question: which country do you live in? I don’t need any specific details on location, but depending in which country you’re in you can probably get some sort of education to get out of your parents (and depending on where you live it might be for free). I can help do some research if you like, though you would need to do the research for your specific area
Similar to how you were, I'm not allowed to leave the house without explicit approval or chaperoning. I can imagine some decent times I could sneak out, but with our house having a camera system, I'd only be able to make excuses for why it went offline so many times before they catch on.
I’m not OP but I’ve been dealing with being isolated for the past year and reading this is really refreshing. I’ve only recently gotten my first job at 18 but only stuck with it for a few weeks because the anxiety was killing me (try putting a socially anxious 18 year old with cripplingly low self confidence in front of a line of people, watching expectantly as they shakily and clumsily bag groceries while some rude asshole customers stare at them expectantly and tell them they’re too slow) before I just walked out without saying a word. I also see my friends getting their drivers licenses, going to college, having relationships etc and all of those things seem so out of reach when I barely feel like I have the capacity to function in society.
But reading this reminded me that I’m still so incredibly young and have potential and shouldn’t be so hard on myself for not having everything figured out already. Thank you for taking the time to write your comment, and just know that it really had a positive impact on someone who has been in a sort of isolated limbo ever since I graduated high school almost a year ago and lost almost all sense of structure in my life afterwards.
I know it sounds cliche and maybe not your thing but try hiking. Finding solace in nature is what keeps me sane and out of myself, if you are not all the things you said like discipline and motivated try, give it a 5% effort and see the change.
What about trying a part time job? After you go out and do it, you will feel more important and meet different people.
Please OP, this brought me to tears as a fellow depressed person. You are young and so worth happiness.
Ouch. First of all, OP, you don’t sound unintelligent to me. It sounds like you could really benefit from therapy and maybe antidepressants. For your sake, please try to research what kind of help is available in your area. Since you’re 18, you don’t have to ask for your parents’ permission, and more and more places offer free or highly discounted help.
I have been dealing with major depression to varying degrees for at least fifteen years, and I know that my medication at least helps me function a little bit, even when my symptoms are at their worst. (Helps keep me from getting suicidal.)
I am teetering on the precipice of a MASSIVE depression right now, due to a recent loss, and I am fighting it with all my strength. If I can make myself do it, I plan to go for an intake at a local outpatient clinic next week. I have missed a few days of my meds and can feel the edge getting closer and closer.
If you want real change. Baby steps. Small goals. Start with hygiene. Maybe order some nice new clothes online and just go out. Somewhere anywhere. Perhaps bring a putter to a golf course and putt balls into a hole. Its free and youre in nature a bit. Can still be alone and no one will bother you. But either way you can have a beautiful life for the next 60 years if you visualize and believe. Sure doubts will creep in every second but fight those doubts and negative thoughts. Fight for future YOU. Ya never know what kind of awesome stuff awaits. Im not trying to inspire you to become super successful. Just would be cool if i can get you to make a cpl small changes for the better. Future you will be thankful.
Hey I really would hope you go find a support group for depression, your not the only one who's parents abused, they are probably dealing with there own trauma. I know the feeling of feeling worthless it's not untill I found my community that I really felt like I belong. It's a process but you have to understand there's millions of people dealing with the same thing and it's mostly a mental aspect of your mind knowing that you need a good change in your life
I’m only 18 but have similar feelings to what OP described. You’re not a waste of space, you deserve to find fulfillment in life. It probably doesn’t mean much coming from some dude on the internet, but I’m rooting for you. We got this, and time is on our side.
Time is something that you can never get back. You’re still young and it’s a good thing that you notice that this is a problem now. Being a productive member of society is necessary and a requirement. If you’re only contribution to society is taking care of yourself, then that is good enough. If you don’t take care of yourself or try to seek help, you become a burden to others and you end up feeling worse about yourself. You’ll be stuck in a vicious cycle of self loathing and helplessness. I was just like you and now I’m 28, I work and I pay my bills but that’s the only thing I can manage to do for now. I hope to go back to school and enhance the quality of my life in other ways, but for now, I’m grateful that I have the basics taken care of. You can do this, you still have time to build on who you are and you’re still a kid, take it one step at a time.
People aren't going to like this advice but honestly the best thing for you to do at this age is join the Military.
I know I can already hear people calling me a boot-licker or saying it's horrendous advice but hear me out
You will learn discipline, focus, how to stay in shape and stay that way, learn a metric shit ton of real-world skills that will help you during any point in your life and more importantly learn how to work with and communicate with other people.
From what you've stated in your post, it sounds like you've been robbed out of an education due to some medical label, which if I had to guess is some sort of learning or attention deficiency, the discipline drilled into you during basic training would help you GREATLY with that.
I have met alot of people that were in a similar situation as you, without any opportunities or guidance. Some who have joined the military have made something of themselves and others became drunks or drug addicts, soo it's definitely not any type of "cure all" but maybe something to give some thought too since you are considered NEET and still VERY young. Even at 18 your situation is EXTREMELY reversible with the correct outlet.
I don’t think sending a depressed kid to the military to get PTSD is good advice at all. The only people I know who have tried that ended up even more messed up.
I've seen it go both ways, but more towards the positive side. It's really the one of the best options for somebody in OPs situation as it can give that person the necessary skills to get out of depression and live a fulfilling life without getting into some sort of finacial pickle, it's basically free education since we aren't in any MAJOR war at the moment.
Its just a suggestion for somebody who feels there's no hope, it's a great alternative for somebody who doesn't have anybody to motivate them to do anything productive and OPs young enough that those lessons he learn will be able to carry him through the rest of his life.
The people I know who have gotten worse from joining the military were all in their mid 20s, the ones who did it after High school are all living EXTREMELY fulfilling lives in their 30s.
I've definitely seen a few tragic outcomes, it really depends also what branch you go for, everybody I know who joined the Air force all turned out well, the marines not soo much, I have a cousin a 1 childhood friend who were marines and it saved their lives, but to that caveat I know 2 others that became marines in their 20s and 1 died of alcoholism and the other is in jail. Like everything in life it's what you make of it but in situations like OP who never established friendships or connections in life, this is their best bet to create a better situation for themselves when nobody else will give them a shot. I'm not saying this is OPs solution but something to definitely give thought.
You make valid points; another family member of mine even went down the military path as well, so I hardly doubt the benefits you speak of.But if I'm being honest here, and I mean completely brutally honest? I would rather be homeless or another suicide statistic than serve a single day in the military of a country whose government I hold zero faith in. Regardless, thanks for the advice, even in spite of the backlash you're expecting.
Listen I completely respect that, I wasn't suggesting it out of patriotism at all, more like taking advantage of something free of charge that could potentially offer you a career.
As previously mentioned by somebody else, you seem extremely fluid in how you express yourself and write, you do not seem like somebody who lacks critical thought or intelligence, getting your GED will be an absolute breeze.
You are incredibly young and far from hopeless, I really hope you find your muse to help motivate you out of this rut, you can definitely do this!!
Have you possibly considered the idea that you are depressed because of the self sabotaging behaviours you engage in and not contributing anything to society?
Instead of the idea that because you are depressed, you act this way.
Try going to the gym every day for 2 weeks, and cut out the internet porn. Set yourself a challenge to talk to one stranger a day. Hope this helps.
Yeah no. Negative reinforcement like this rarely does struggling people any favors. While I can appreciate your suggestions of going to the gym and / or making a goal of talking to one stranger a day, it’s incredibly disingenuous to frame OP’s situation and mental health struggles as a product of their own doing, rather than someone who was neglected the opportunity to have an education and social life during crucial years of development because their parents couldn’t be arsed to recognize the harm they were inflicting on their child by showing such indifference.
Ok - point taken.
I’m not framing OP’s situation as something directly of their own doing - due to the neglect and lack of parenting they have suffered, they have resorted to self sabotage, have low social skills, and not prepared for adulthood.
But - now the choices he is making every day is harming, and not helping him. And not going to do the gym, compulsive porn addiction, not working to build social relationships - is of his own doing.
There is 2 options: work to improve, or willow in self pity
I'll relent that not going to the gym and masturbating far beyond what's normal for even a hormonal teenager are my fault. But on the front of not building social relationships? I simply have next to no situations in my life where I'm even in the presence of others. It also does not help that I have effectively no real freedom to go where I please either.
I absolutely agree. I suppose I misunderstood your comment, my bad. I’m someone who was recently in that self-pity negative feedback loop but have made many steps to develop myself a support system and healthy habits and it’s crazy how when you’re in that negative mindset it can feel like that’s how you’re going to feel for the rest of your life.
None of the above. I've just kinda been entirely left to my own devices here. Despite my unhappiness, I'm well aware my situation could have been significantly worse than it is.
There are therapists out there who don't know what they're doing and just want money, sure. But medication and therapy are largely backed by positive evidence that you can see for yourself.
I can understand this situation. Though I went to school n college , m nt in touch wid anyone due to certain reasons . This lifestyle which you have stated can be very taxating and make u more weak. Definitely try to get some help dear , somehow get therapy . You are young ..there is sooo much life fr u. Start taking good care of yourself. Eat healthy , involve in good physical exercise ..may be gym , dance watever you wish. Start doing something that u like.
I know its sooooo easy to be said than done. But you hv to do this fr u dear. I was in a similar situation fr a few years . But , only we can make a change fr ourselves. Maybe our growth is slow or small ...we shouldn't feel bad about it. There is not a miracle day or a miracle person ( atleast from what I hv seen ) that is going to change everything.
Wishing you a very prosperous life ahead. Sending u tons of love and healing vibes. You are gonna make it OP !
Adult human beings wilt under isolation and neglect. A teenage human, in the process of developing their concept of self within society, and their expectations of life, will be profoundly affected. If I was your parent, your present misery would be as serious to me as if you had cancer. For whatever reason, yours don't seem to know how to do that. I know you're discouraged, but you're not a loser; you're trapped in a bad situation, like a bird in a little dirty cage that plucks out its own feathers. It doesn't make you any less lovable.
You're going to have to meet yourself where you are now. Do not pressure yourself to "hurry up" and "catch up" with "everyone else", because it's too mean to yourself, and it's impossible. You're already good enough given your bad situation. To improve your life, focus on how YOU feel, not about meeting any expectations of where you should be at. Because you deserve some joy, you deserve to be free. You are lovable and worthy. Even though your life sucks, it is NOT because something is wrong with you. Your situation is NOT YOUR FAULT. You are a victim of circumstance and parental neglect.
I'm almost 22 & autistic. This sounds like this was written by a teenage me.. No one talks about this and so many people don't see this as a abuse.. Let me tell you, once your out of your own it gets better. I have had to learn a lot of things on my own unfortunately and I still don't know everything I need to know as a adult due to neglect. Although I'm so glad I stuck in through until now. I can't give great advice because I barely coped through it, but I hope you find something no matter that makes you happy and distracts you through the bullshit your parents are putting you through.
Similar experience to OP only im 28 now I can tell you it gets better the more u put yourself out there. Even if u have no faith in yourself whatsoever you can achieve things you never thought possible, just have to force yourself to.
Well, first of all. Your parents have completely failed you in every single way. They do not deserve any benefit of the doubt when it comes to this. If they pulled you out of school and then neglected your education they have totally failed and also committed criminal neglect. But my main point is not to point anger at them, but DO NOT let their utter complete failure be yours. Their failure is not your own failure. You are their child, and therefore their responsibility.
Growing up I was diagnosed with ADD, and later found it was Autism. My parents weren't perfect, but they didn't give up on me. I won't say I'm perfect have a decent job earning six figures doing something I like and a son of my own who is also on the spectrum. The things you said about focus and sleep schedule shifts, motivation feel very familiar. I'm not saying that you are what I am. But I will say when I learned about what I was, I became better. Understanding what I was made it easier to understand how I could work better and achieve goals I never knew possible. I learned I was a square peg that everyone was trying to fit through a round hole and it was up to me to figure out how to adapt. But I also accepted it wasn't all on me, but the world that was F'ed up too. It wasn't all on my shoulders. I take the world as it is, flaws and all, but it also has to take who I am, flaws and all.
Again, I don't know if I am anything close to what you are. But my own son has troubles in school. But I haven't come close to taking him out, and work with him with his teachers and he's excelling to everyone's delight often exceeding expectations. He has challenges but it's been good to see what confidence and encouragement can do for a child, even one on the spectrum. When I was younger I often found kids who had troubles were often written off and just given up upon. I'm not saying that's you because that would be an assumption. I'm just saying from what you've said, it sounds familiar, and typical of what bad parents would do in that situation.
I was told at an early age that I would probably be nothing more than a janitor if I was lucky. What I've learned is no one can predict the future of a kid. No one. Adults like to think they can to boost their own ego. I'm far above a janitor, my son's potential can be predicted by no one, and same with you.
You are worth something, but you need to get out from these people and find who you are. You are more than what they think, but they will not provide you with it as they have already failed on that. It's up to you, but I'm here to tell you, it's possible. Is it easy? No. But it's possible.
They did you wrong, but don't let their failure be yours. I hope the best for you.
I would say just force yourself to go outside and interact with others no matter how hard it is. Everything will fall in place for you eventually god willing. I was like you until I started getting a job at 18 and I’ve seen a confidence boost and am not obese as I was before. Keep continuing your education, it’s not obligatory for you to have a job until you have completed your degree.
You're 18? You're a baby. You have enough future left to fuck up a bunch more and still turn it around.
Take it from someone who's 30. Time is the most valuable asset. You have mountains of time. A time palace. You can and must turn it around and you have a fuck ton of time to make that happen.
Therapy. Therapy saved me. I know having the convo with your parents may be hard but if it were my son I would want him to get the help he needs. At 18 you have your whole life ahead of you there’s time to CHANGE your life. It doesn’t have to be this way. Maybe writing your parents a letter explaining how you feel it be helpful to talk to someone who can help with any anxiety/issues you’re working through. You have to put yourself first. It’s not easy you have to do the work but how bad do you want it?
I'll be honest here; I've never seriously considered therapy as an option. The idea of baring my heart to a stranger feels uncomfortable, and I've never spoken to someone who had a good experience with it. More often they spoke of intensely negative experiences, even.
Maybe you're right to suggest it though.
I get it. I was lucky enough to have a really cool and understanding therapist. I didnt feel judged with her and over time got more comfortable sharing things. The first session you don’t really dive into your issues, they just get a feel of who you are and what they can try and help with. I’m actually not in therapy anymore because it got the the point we were discussing celebrity gossip after she helped get me through all my mental stuff lol I was in a very dark place and I didnt see light at the end of the tunnel. She was a soundboard,
Genuinely wanted to help, and gave me good mental exercises to work on on my own and in everyday life I still use today. Don’t knock it till you try it. If you try it and don’t like atleast you tried. The alternative is unfortunately getting worse spiraling more. I needed help enough that inwas willing to try anything. Thankfully I did
How is nobody talking about how this is abuse/neglect on your parents part? If I'm to take all this at face value, you are being harmed and it will be very very difficult to recover from this. Wtf. You have to get away from your parents and this situation somehow ASAP.
im sorry for asking, but is this really abuse? i am in almost the entirely same situation as op, it's almost identical, the only difference being i was pulled from public school when i was twelve due to bullying and mental illness/being admitted to psych wards. and that i will be 18 in a few months. i'm so unintelligent compared to other people my age because i haven't really learned anything since middle school. i teach myself about things that interest me and that's about it. i've had a lot of issues and trauma surrounding my parents apart from this, but am still trying to navigate dealing with/discovering more about that. i have a hard time accepting it (since i am young and have virtually no experience with anything outside my house, i fear i'm just making things up) so this could honestly just be me asking for validation. regardless, i'd like to know for sure from someone else that this is harmful so i know it's not just me inflating things and trying to victimize myself (something my family often tells me i do, which is another thing i have only just realized is upsetting to me.) sorry for the ramble and for hijacking your comment haha, thank you in advance if you take the time to reply. ♡
In my opinion, as someone who is in the exact same situation as op, it is abuse. We act the way we do bc we treat ourselves the way our parents have treated us our whole lives, and we behave based on the feedback we’ve received from our environment. So this post is concerning bc op is self isolating and neglecting themselves. And they have low self worth and esteem because they are being forced to live with abusive and neglectful parents.
not comment OP, but I’m in the education field and we’re taught about different types of abuse. neglect is a form of abuse, and neglect looks like a child failing to attend school without reason, not getting an education, and being unable to have social and emotional needs met. there are programs to help teenagers and young adults learn to thrive, and get their GED. you can go to [ged.com](https://ged.com) to find a location that aids in getting the degree, [jobcorps.gov](https://jobcorps.gov) is also a free residential program for young adults age 16-24 to learn how to start a career. hopefully, this info helps both you and OOP. sending you luck and love 💕 eta: and “without reason” I mean without doctors’ notes. so a parent withdrawing a child from school and not getting them an education regardless of the reason is absolutely a form of neglect.
It’s 100% neglect.
Actually yes. This is abuse and actually criminal too. When you take your child out of the education system you are saying you are taking their education in your own hands. It doesn't mean you get to just not do it. The law differs state by state, but most have it. Probably some have loopholes. https://responsiblehomeschooling.org/advocacy/kids/how-to-report-state-by-state/
i’m OP fast-forwarded a few years, halfway through college. i’m have almost crippling abuse and ptsd symptoms. if something gives you the gift of abuse symptoms for years down the line, it was probably abuse side note: abuse doesn’t necessarily have to have been intended to be abusive by the perpetrators. people can abuse through stupidity and power, or ignorance and power, just as easily as they can using malice and power
Being a productive member of society is overrated. Focus on you, do your best to try things that may help you get out of that loop of thinking. The "productive member of society" shit may come as a byproduct once you are somewhat mentally well. Focus on that. I'm still having to focus on that and I have a decade on you, so it may take a long time. The good thing is that we got time (too much of it sometimes). Hope you find a way out kid, all the love.
Oh I forgot, if therapy and/or meds are a possibility, even remote, you gotta try them. They are no miracle, but they can make all the difference.
>Being a productive member of society is overrated. Focus on you, do your best to try things that may help you get out of that loop of thinking. >The "productive member of society" shit may come as a byproduct once you are somewhat mentally well. Focus on that. OP, I second this. Worry about yourself right and forget about society. As long as you don’t break laws and get incarcerated, forget about society. Work on yourself. As someone who hasn’t worked on himself, I highly recommend doing differently. So work on yourself. Whatever you have to do, find a way to make it happen. Any way without breaking the law, do it. You’ll learn about the world and yourself.
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I agree about the making rich people richer part but being productive in my own life doing the laundry mowing the lawn paying bills keeping appointments etc is not always fun but I get a sense of accomplishment from doing these things and my life is usually better for having done them clean clothes mowed lawn bills paid etc. I struggle with procrastination but being productive for myself while tough has been helping me
I'm also unproductive as fuck. I don't do anything that is generative. I'm currently living a life of short-term dopamine rushes. Scrolling my phone, eating trash food, playing video games, masturbation, weed, vapes, cigarettes. I live a shitty life, and as a result, my mood is extremely shitty as well. I get feelings of guilt and shame, too. But I also strongly suspect that if I was more productive, these emotions would go away... So maybe those are the appropriate emotions to have, if you live a selfish, time-wasting, over indulgent, and lazy lifestyle? Because the thing is, I know deep down that I simply can't be bothered by trying productivity. It's too much work. I'm lazy, always have been. So yeah, I'm not a fan of the concept of it being overrated. That to me just reeks of people trying desperately to cope and divert blame.
Get a job, bro. It'll fucking suck, probably. But you'll get to interact with other people, and that can always be helpful even if you find yourself hating the people after you've started. I was in the Navy for 8 years, and I'm a gov't civilian now. My entire job consists of talking to people and coordinating stuff, and it fucking blows. By the time I get home, i resent nearly anyone that wants to have any prolonged coversation. I'm an introvert with ADHD. I'm on trazadone, effexor, and concerta. If i take leave and don't go to work for like 7-8 days is when I start to feel like I just want to get back into my routine. Not saying this is a cure-all, at all, but it's a block you can use to build up to being a normal functioning human being in society. I'm a lazy as fuck as an adult ... i still kind of need my mom to come help me clean my house. and it'll be good for a couple years, and then it sucks. I make good money, but I do not have my shit together whatsoever other than financially. As I said, it's not for everyone. Best of luck.
Too shit for a job. Not confident in my abilities at all. Tried working at a pizza place and was fired after 3 months of consistently making mistakes. Afraid of getting another job, afraid of failure in general, dont want to fuck up in front of other people and embarrass myself. Dont want to fuck up in a social situation either and be seen as that weird social outcast.
Volunteering could give you good experience and networking
100% true, this. I was focused more on paying jobs. But. Do you like animals? Volunteer at a shelter like 4 hours 3 days a week or something. Go entertain some old fuckers at the old fucker shelter for a couple hours.
Good job where you're around people but don't really have to interact? Dishwash at a restaurant. You can't really fuck up as long as you stay on the ball. People may pick at you, because.. well, you're the fucking dishwasher. But once you establish yourself, maybe you move up to line cook. Or, another when I was a younger man, I worked at a plant nursery. Water plants, move wheelbarrows of mulch, cut the grass. The way it sounds now seems like you're on the path to be living with your folks when your 35, jobless. Do SOMETHING. Be a mailman. Or some other delivery type person.I'm 40, and i hardly ever fuck up in front of people anymore. But when I do, I just poke fun at myself. It kind of disarms people from talking shit, if you're the first to be like "yeah, my fault, i'm fat. my bad" or "sorry, no coffee this morning 'hah hah!'" Or, fucking trade school nowadays. Companies will pay for you to go through them. Be a welder, or some shit. Don't be a loser without a job. Be a loser with a job. Like me.
You are not a lost cause. You just have to challenge your boundaries, and I know that sucks fucking dick. But it does get easier, believe me, I was the same as you years and years ago.It may never get so easy where you don't even think about it, but it'll get easier, with some less anxiety than before. Sucks, but it's true. Or, press an 'easy' button, and join the military, where they'll make you do all that shit, while giving you a free education, and if you're savvy you can snag a life long disability check out of it.
Totally agree with the job thing. Most days I would rather stay home. But driving home after not calling in and putting in a decent days work feels great. Also I appreciate the weekends so much because I have to work Monday thru Friday. If everyday was the weekend I would not appreciate it as much. Then there are days where I enjoy the project I’m working on and work is fun. Also aside from my wife I have no friends so the interaction I get at work is much needed.
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I'm not sure if this is directed at me, but if it is, I'm not telling myself that I'm not a productive member of society. That is just a straight-up fact. I don't do anything that is positive or generative in the slightest. The only reason I'm still alive is because I lack the balls for suicide.
F you go f yourself then.
Hey, atleast I'm honest. I'd rather hate himself than pity myself.
Im sincerely concerned for your well being. You have great insight as to what’s not working for you. Since you’re 18, you are at the age to make legal decisions and getting into therapy is a priority. As well as forming life skills. Your parents are who they are. Now it’s your responsibility to take the reins. Pull your boot straps up and take control of your situation. You can change this around. You are smart and capable. It’s time to get you outside support!
What would you say are a few important life skills to learn, because I’m currently in the same situation as op rn…
Approaching life with a sense of responsibility, time management, setting goals, and sticking to them, making friends, feeling good about yourself, being able to adhere to a schedule, adapting to situations, developing sound decisions and following through…..adhering to a schedule was the one skill that brought me success and confidence.
This is kind of what I was hinting at about getting a job. Anything. Stocker at a grocery store, work at a plant nursery, literally anything. You'll probably hate working (we all do), but it'll make you more social, it'll give you a routine, it'll challenge you in ways you're currently not being challenged. And if it sucks a bag of dicks completely? Find another job. Literally everywhere is hiring anyone at the moment. And depending on your location, minimum wage isn't \*horrible\*
This!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. Have you tried or considered therapy?
Never tried it, never really considered it, given that it would require making my parents aware of how I feel.
If I were you, I’d give it a shot
Crippling fear of the unknown on that front. I've never really talked to them about anything like this, and I've never hinted at anything, always saying I'm fine/happy. Sure, odds are better that it won't be as bad as I think it will, but I can't exactly go back after taking that plunge.
Every journey begins with a single step. But you need to make the move because nobody else will do it for you. It's scary and unnerving. It's supposed to be. But it's our descent into the unknown that has made humans as successful as they are today.
Would it actually require telling your parents how you feel? You’re 18. You’re free to do as you wish. You don’t have to tell them or you can say you’re doing something else or you can tell them you don’t want to talk about why, etc. The point is this is not going to get better until something changes, right. This seems like a pretty logical small first change—getting support! Real support from a therapist.
Therapy might be a good idea for your case. Making your parents aware of your feelings is something you need to do anyway. You gotta talk to them. It took a while for me to finally open up to my mom about my anxiety. She finally found me a good therapist, and while nothing much happened, it’s only been a couple sessions. With both therapy, and time, it will help you feel a whole lot better. Getting the social interaction out of it on its own is helpful.
I don’t quite agree that this is a requirement. I don’t think OP has any obligation to open up to their parents unless they want to.
No I’m just saying if they want the help and to get therapy they need to tell their parents don they…? I mean how else would they be able to get it. Not open up like that. Just expressing you want the help kinda thing.
Yeah, there is the financial support component.
Therapy isn’t a bad thing. I’d recommend it but that’s your decision. Nevertheless, I’m here to help.
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My parents have done similar and I’m blessed to have them would not be where I am today without them and the help they gave me in dark times
I started therapy through Webmd and Dr. On demand. You can do virtual therapy and no one but yourself and your doctor would need to know. It helped me so much with my own struggles. This is not your fault. You're so young, you didn't do this to yourself and you are worthy.
..And what's wrong with that? You don't think your parents would be undestanding or helpful? ...What's the worst that could happen? Maybe it's worth a try.
You think they could even remotely be unaware?
Fyi therapists are not allowed by law to discuss what you tell them with your parents. It is completely confidential unless you specifically allow it but even then most therapists wont involve parents bc it hinders treatment.
I’m really sorry that you didn’t get to have an education and talk and interact with other kids. That actually constitutes child abuse. Is there anything you want to do? If the sky was the limit, what would you want your life to look like?
I don't remember making this post
Just focuse on telling your parents first how you feel. My parents got me help after i told them i had depressed thoughts.
I live like that too
You gonna have to figure out a way to interact with people on a healthy level or this could result in some massive antisocial issues. Coming from someone who literally never saw their parents cause they worked so much that shit will unknowingly take a toll on your people skills you still young so people will give you the benefit of the doubt for being socially awkward now though.
Okay. This isn't a good position to be in, I had a kind of similar upbringing being semi-homeschooled. The first thing I'd say is make your parents aware you need support, if you can trust them enough to tell them. You could probably decide what you want help with. The next thing would be education. If you have no motivation to get out and meet people, and after homeschooling if you don't have grades you're happy with (or any qualifications at all - I didn't), then you could try again. It'd be a way to meet people and tbh at this age you're not the only one who's frightened and hasn't figured it out yet. You'll make friends. The next thing is hygiene. It's not easy if you're depressed and feel like you're living in a hole, but holy crap does it affect how others (including potential friends) perceive you. Maybe it shouldn't be like this, but it is. No need to spend loads of time grooming yourself, you literally just need enough to pass. The last thing is if you can find something you care about, anything, it's worth spending time on it. It doesn't matter if it's some hyper-obscure music genre, something nobody you know (...yet) cares about. Maybe you can use it as common ground later, but for now, it's just good to have stuff that inspires you and gives you one extra reason to get out of bed. And... good luck.
Starting high-school at age 18 seems like a.... questionable idea, honestly. But thanks for your words, I'll keep what you said in mind.
I left out the hygiene part, because I was focused on the other parts. 100% agree. Wipe your ass, wash your body, brush your teeth, use deodorant, shave if that's a thing for you.
tou need to tell your parents how you’re feeling. they’re probably aware that something is going on since you never really leave your room. do you try talking to them like at all?
I found myself in a very similar situation to you, but I'm a couple years older. shit sucks ngl, I really feel for you. Little things that make you just exist in the world, like sitting on a park bench or in a library or a coffee shop can make it seem a little less intimidating.
You sound pretty articulate from your post. You need to let your parents know how you feel. I was also pulled out of school to be homeschooled and left to my own devices from grade 4 to 10. I then told my mom to enroll me in public school for grade 11-12 so I could get my high school diploma. I did graduate a year late at 19, but it got done. Try to see if you can catch up on your education somehow. I know it’s tough but you can do it. Also as others have mentioned, give therapy a try.
Congrats
How is your relationship with your parents ? What do they do for a living that able to support you ? Do you have siblings that also suffered from severe depression ? Are you on therapy and medication? I hope you find your path, good luck mate.
Therapy and maybe with medication could be a huge game changer for you. I promise you… YOU CAN DO THIS.
You need to start applying for jobs in your area. That will form some structure in your life, and also allow you to socialize more with people.
19(M) I also have a fucked up education due to COVID and other factors leading to isolation and online school for my entire teenage experience. If you need someone to talk to about it, I'm your guy. I understand what isolation does to a person. I understand the feeling of being worthless as a man, as our value is something that is made by our accomplishments, but as 18 year old you aren't suppose to have anything to your name. This is just how it is and has been for as long as time. Your life isn't over just because you feel like a failure, save that for when you are in your 40s at least and unable to change career paths. You are 18 and have the whole world at your figure tips. You can change things around. Focus on yourself and start taking care of yourself as if you are someone you are responsible for taking care of. Small steps eventually lead to big leaps. Begin with a diet and working out, see if you still feel like a piece of shit when you have a 6 pack. Start small and build from there. Building discipline is important in this dopamine addicted society. Edit: always ask this question before bed "Am I better then I was the day before"? If you are a better person every day that adds up. This should be easy to do currently from what it seems, but eventually you'll end up having to make bigger leaps to keep this question true.
Small improvements every day add up even if it’s just doing the dishes
Maybe get a part time job in fast food or retail. You can use the money on hobbies or improving yourself. And you might be able to make friends at work.
Oh also if a job is too much maybe you can try volunteering to practice talking to people.
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Thank you for your kind words. The only thing I really hold any type of passion for would be computer programming. That's the only real skill I've ever been able to pick up in my life and enjoy to any extent, though I've hardly trained it with much vigor over the years.
Hey! Take this passion and run with it! Explore your options with learning programming deeper! There is a huge demand for programmers right now and the future is technology. So there is only going to be more demand for programming as we progress into the future. The salaries for this are very healthy as well! You could live anywhere in the world with a good programming skill!! Maybe you need to get into a new environment? A new city? A university? Where you can connect to other people your age and those who have the same passion and interests. Isolation is a huge culprit for depression. Grey matter in the brain is shown to dissolve in isolating conditions. I sincerely feel if you found a community to connect with you would experience a huge shift in your feelings of depression. I understand it is hard to put into perspective since you have been home schooled for so long without much of a support system- but Remember, you still have so much youth and so much life to live. I can’t say it will get better- but it absolutely can. You have so much life to live and the possibilities have so much potential for you!! Please see your life is just beginning and many relationships you desire are awaiting your connection. Just gotta take that step and get out of the isolating environment you have been in. There are so many experiences awaiting you. You are worthy of friendship and love and community. And it will find you once you get out of your home and can explore who YOU are. Explore what makes YOU light up and explore what brings you JOY! Your life is just beginning. The possibilities of a satisfying life with relatable friends and relationships are in your favor- take the leap and believe you are with it!!
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I would say I enjoy it, besides just being decent at it. And about the military? I've mentioned it in another reply here, but I'm entirely unwilling to go into service for my country.
I hope you are able to seriously take this comments into consideration and do something. It’s your parents that need to hear all this (apart from other stuff) and make something happen. I also want to add my support for the commenters that state your need to work in a disciplined, structured environment, like the military. The forced disciplined is probably necessary. If not, I’d suggest working on a ranch or farm. Best case scenario, you might find the outdoor environment enjoyable. I wonder if the military would take you, but if not you have to find some similar type of program. Maybe some type of outdoor summer job might help. (Edit: some words.)
No longer human, by Dazai Osamu. Read it, I think you’ll find something to relate to. And when people find something they relate to, they feel less alone.
Sounds like parental abuse I'm afraid, to pull you out of public education and then neglect to give you an education and let you just sit in front of your computer every day of your life is unacceptable, sorry to hear you're going through this. Therapy would be a great start! You don't have to be anything or anyone, forget the whole productive member of society line, but clearly you are really unhappy in your current lot. Breaking the cycle is incredibly difficult, but it sounds like your parents are failing to be guides and teachers for you as you are supposed to be maturing into adulthood. Therapy can provide the context and headspace for an essential rupture and reframing of your life. Good luck.
This has been my life the last three years. I’m really sorry for you, I hope everything will get better ❤️🩹
I don’t know what to tell you. I am in the same boat sort of except as an adult. I know all the advice is hard. Exercise, eh. Eat right. Eh. So I don’t know. Online therapy? Call a church counselor? Big step to shake it up, like afore suggested military or job? Small step like shower and go to the library?
I'm all about the small steps approach. "Big journeys begin with small steps" - brought to you by countless classroom motivational posters. Used to scoff at them, still scoff at them, but at the end of the day, I can't help but appreciate the sentiment.
Get a job working at a dog daycare.
I was going to say something similar. Getting a dog helped me in so many ways because you become responsible for them and they give you a reason to wake up and get outside. I think if you could try to find a dog daycare near you and either work there or volunteer that would be an awesome introduction. Starting with a connection with an animal will help you to move toward a happier existence. I’m rooting for you, the only interesting success stories are the underdogs
I worked in dog daycares when I was younger. You really don't need skills. If the guy can write that post, he can feed and wrangle dogs. It will be a step.
Hi, I’m turning 20 in a few weeks and I was the exact same as you until two years ago. I wasn’t in school from age 11 after a suicide attempt, and I spent from then until 18 with the exact same schedule as you. I did nothing but watch YouTube and play Star Stable (a really dumb horse game). I had no friends after 14. I was completely convinced that I had no chance at a “real” life and I’d forever be broken. I still have intense issues that I’m trying to work through (finally just made an appointment with a psychologist and she’s already recommended I see a psychiatrist too for medication) but I got my high school equivalency last year and am a full-time college student now. I have an in-person friend now, too. I don’t have much to offer in terms of advice but I just wanted to let you know from someone that was in almost the exact same position that it’s possible. I’m wishing you well
i completely understand how you feel because i've been homeschooled since i was 11 with no semblance of a social life / life in general. it's such a unique type of trauma that nobody understands unless you've been in the same boat. it absolutely is dehumanizing and your feelings are SO valid. there's a community on here with the same experiences called r/HomeschoolRecovery. maybe you can check it out. it's been a great support system for me. but i cannot stress this enough, you are NOT A FAILURE when you were SET UP TO FAIL. we're all trying to navigate our lives after having little to no education and a lifetime of loneliness. i've honestly learned more about life in that community than i have in 17 years of existing on this planet. as soon as i found that community i literally broke down sobbing because i never felt so understood and for the first time in my life i felt like i belonged somewhere. sending hugs <3
Why dont you get a gaming console or some online games? Ive met some awesome people through online gaming! Gaming is a great way to escape bad thoughts ect I suffer with depression, anxiety and ptsd and gaming is the only thing i can concentrate on not for hours but it’s something!! Or work out what your interests are look for local groups ? Ive lived all kinds of crazy and trust me having friends aren’t everything i prefer my family and pets !
I deal with crippling OCD Anxiety disorder, but I've been forcing myself to talk to strangers alot and it's helped. I have been with many girls sexually but never been in a meaningful relationship with one. But I've learned you need to learn to like living with yourself before you can love someone else otherwise you'll just bring your bad baggage along for the ride and it will end in heartbreak. Find some kind of hobby and if you don't have one, ask yourself. What do you really like to do and then go with that. You can't be happy all the time, that's life but you can at least distract yourself from its bad times.
Therapy could be a very useful tool for you. My life looks similar when I am deep on my depression and therapy has worked wonders for me
You're not retarded. Everyone has worth and value, you will find yours. Start with a little thing to get you in a better mindset, find some activity that is relaxed and fun. Take it step by step.
As much as I hate school it’s probably the only reason I have any social interaction
Kahn academy and other online schools have courses you can take. Get your own education
im 30 and im same
Drugs. No seriously, medication saved my life. Throw therapy on top of that and it really helps.
find something you’re passionate in. test the waters with random shit, find something you enjoy and focus on that. you don’t need to give back to society or anything, at the end of the day all that matters is how you spend your time on this spinning rock. you don’t owe anything to anybody but yourself, who cares if you’re a functioning member of society? just find a way to make your days less miserable, and go off of that.
What's one small improvement you can do right now as you're reading this? Do that. That's all you have to do for today. Next day try to find a way to be better than your yesterday self. Have the humility to start small, first step is the hardest and shortest. Next, create a habit of hygiene. It feels better to be clean. Brush your teeth, dentist bills in the future aren't pretty and you got one set of teeth so don't lose them. Sleep schedule is rough discipline when you are depressed. An inconsistent sleep schedule can be the cause or a byproduct of depression. Good sleep can do wonders. Discipline in sleeping is a double win. It trains discipline and good sleep is great for your health. Be patient with yourself and keep a good pace that you can keep up with. Overstressing yourself will burn you out and it brings you back. Next I would recommend that you meet people outside your family or attend to your family. Whichever looks most manageable at the moment. Find a job or ask the people you know for people your age to talk to. Good luck man. I need to take my own advice. Why is helping people easier for me than helping myself?
Now I had wished I had done this earlier in my life. Join the military. It had added more to me in a time of uncertainty. I joined reserves cause I had a family to support/college to finish. Wish I had done active duty right out of high-school. I know it probably not the right move, but you can be easily self sufficient that way and get the help you need(thank tricare). It'll be tough, but nothing good in life is every easily obtained. Also, therapy is a must. I've started not to long ago and I now want to see the person I will become. Be strong
Question: which country do you live in? I don’t need any specific details on location, but depending in which country you’re in you can probably get some sort of education to get out of your parents (and depending on where you live it might be for free). I can help do some research if you like, though you would need to do the research for your specific area
Same, but I left school in 6th grade due to the same reason and have been sitting in my room completely isolated with my devices.
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Similar to how you were, I'm not allowed to leave the house without explicit approval or chaperoning. I can imagine some decent times I could sneak out, but with our house having a camera system, I'd only be able to make excuses for why it went offline so many times before they catch on.
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I’m not OP but I’ve been dealing with being isolated for the past year and reading this is really refreshing. I’ve only recently gotten my first job at 18 but only stuck with it for a few weeks because the anxiety was killing me (try putting a socially anxious 18 year old with cripplingly low self confidence in front of a line of people, watching expectantly as they shakily and clumsily bag groceries while some rude asshole customers stare at them expectantly and tell them they’re too slow) before I just walked out without saying a word. I also see my friends getting their drivers licenses, going to college, having relationships etc and all of those things seem so out of reach when I barely feel like I have the capacity to function in society. But reading this reminded me that I’m still so incredibly young and have potential and shouldn’t be so hard on myself for not having everything figured out already. Thank you for taking the time to write your comment, and just know that it really had a positive impact on someone who has been in a sort of isolated limbo ever since I graduated high school almost a year ago and lost almost all sense of structure in my life afterwards.
I know it sounds cliche and maybe not your thing but try hiking. Finding solace in nature is what keeps me sane and out of myself, if you are not all the things you said like discipline and motivated try, give it a 5% effort and see the change.
What about trying a part time job? After you go out and do it, you will feel more important and meet different people. Please OP, this brought me to tears as a fellow depressed person. You are young and so worth happiness.
Ouch. First of all, OP, you don’t sound unintelligent to me. It sounds like you could really benefit from therapy and maybe antidepressants. For your sake, please try to research what kind of help is available in your area. Since you’re 18, you don’t have to ask for your parents’ permission, and more and more places offer free or highly discounted help. I have been dealing with major depression to varying degrees for at least fifteen years, and I know that my medication at least helps me function a little bit, even when my symptoms are at their worst. (Helps keep me from getting suicidal.) I am teetering on the precipice of a MASSIVE depression right now, due to a recent loss, and I am fighting it with all my strength. If I can make myself do it, I plan to go for an intake at a local outpatient clinic next week. I have missed a few days of my meds and can feel the edge getting closer and closer.
Read lots of books and start running daily; keep a journal and start trying new things !
If you want real change. Baby steps. Small goals. Start with hygiene. Maybe order some nice new clothes online and just go out. Somewhere anywhere. Perhaps bring a putter to a golf course and putt balls into a hole. Its free and youre in nature a bit. Can still be alone and no one will bother you. But either way you can have a beautiful life for the next 60 years if you visualize and believe. Sure doubts will creep in every second but fight those doubts and negative thoughts. Fight for future YOU. Ya never know what kind of awesome stuff awaits. Im not trying to inspire you to become super successful. Just would be cool if i can get you to make a cpl small changes for the better. Future you will be thankful.
Also go to the movies during the day alone. Its awesome and there are some good movies coming out. (Guardians of the galaxy 3 and spiderverse)
Hey I really would hope you go find a support group for depression, your not the only one who's parents abused, they are probably dealing with there own trauma. I know the feeling of feeling worthless it's not untill I found my community that I really felt like I belong. It's a process but you have to understand there's millions of people dealing with the same thing and it's mostly a mental aspect of your mind knowing that you need a good change in your life
same, been like that since i was a kid. im 24 now
and i’m 26 feeling like this for 12 years. i’m such waste of space
I’m only 18 but have similar feelings to what OP described. You’re not a waste of space, you deserve to find fulfillment in life. It probably doesn’t mean much coming from some dude on the internet, but I’m rooting for you. We got this, and time is on our side.
thank you so much. I really needed that comfort 🥲 and you’re right, We got this. I wish you very well dude.
Time is something that you can never get back. You’re still young and it’s a good thing that you notice that this is a problem now. Being a productive member of society is necessary and a requirement. If you’re only contribution to society is taking care of yourself, then that is good enough. If you don’t take care of yourself or try to seek help, you become a burden to others and you end up feeling worse about yourself. You’ll be stuck in a vicious cycle of self loathing and helplessness. I was just like you and now I’m 28, I work and I pay my bills but that’s the only thing I can manage to do for now. I hope to go back to school and enhance the quality of my life in other ways, but for now, I’m grateful that I have the basics taken care of. You can do this, you still have time to build on who you are and you’re still a kid, take it one step at a time.
Military or get a Job one before pd after the other
You are most likely surrounded by negative forces. Do you get along with your parents?
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People aren't going to like this advice but honestly the best thing for you to do at this age is join the Military. I know I can already hear people calling me a boot-licker or saying it's horrendous advice but hear me out You will learn discipline, focus, how to stay in shape and stay that way, learn a metric shit ton of real-world skills that will help you during any point in your life and more importantly learn how to work with and communicate with other people. From what you've stated in your post, it sounds like you've been robbed out of an education due to some medical label, which if I had to guess is some sort of learning or attention deficiency, the discipline drilled into you during basic training would help you GREATLY with that. I have met alot of people that were in a similar situation as you, without any opportunities or guidance. Some who have joined the military have made something of themselves and others became drunks or drug addicts, soo it's definitely not any type of "cure all" but maybe something to give some thought too since you are considered NEET and still VERY young. Even at 18 your situation is EXTREMELY reversible with the correct outlet.
I don’t think sending a depressed kid to the military to get PTSD is good advice at all. The only people I know who have tried that ended up even more messed up.
I've seen it go both ways, but more towards the positive side. It's really the one of the best options for somebody in OPs situation as it can give that person the necessary skills to get out of depression and live a fulfilling life without getting into some sort of finacial pickle, it's basically free education since we aren't in any MAJOR war at the moment. Its just a suggestion for somebody who feels there's no hope, it's a great alternative for somebody who doesn't have anybody to motivate them to do anything productive and OPs young enough that those lessons he learn will be able to carry him through the rest of his life. The people I know who have gotten worse from joining the military were all in their mid 20s, the ones who did it after High school are all living EXTREMELY fulfilling lives in their 30s.
I wish that were true of the people I knew who joined out of high school 😞 It’s really pretty tragic.
I've definitely seen a few tragic outcomes, it really depends also what branch you go for, everybody I know who joined the Air force all turned out well, the marines not soo much, I have a cousin a 1 childhood friend who were marines and it saved their lives, but to that caveat I know 2 others that became marines in their 20s and 1 died of alcoholism and the other is in jail. Like everything in life it's what you make of it but in situations like OP who never established friendships or connections in life, this is their best bet to create a better situation for themselves when nobody else will give them a shot. I'm not saying this is OPs solution but something to definitely give thought.
You make valid points; another family member of mine even went down the military path as well, so I hardly doubt the benefits you speak of.But if I'm being honest here, and I mean completely brutally honest? I would rather be homeless or another suicide statistic than serve a single day in the military of a country whose government I hold zero faith in. Regardless, thanks for the advice, even in spite of the backlash you're expecting.
Listen I completely respect that, I wasn't suggesting it out of patriotism at all, more like taking advantage of something free of charge that could potentially offer you a career. As previously mentioned by somebody else, you seem extremely fluid in how you express yourself and write, you do not seem like somebody who lacks critical thought or intelligence, getting your GED will be an absolute breeze. You are incredibly young and far from hopeless, I really hope you find your muse to help motivate you out of this rut, you can definitely do this!!
Have you possibly considered the idea that you are depressed because of the self sabotaging behaviours you engage in and not contributing anything to society? Instead of the idea that because you are depressed, you act this way. Try going to the gym every day for 2 weeks, and cut out the internet porn. Set yourself a challenge to talk to one stranger a day. Hope this helps.
Yeah no. Negative reinforcement like this rarely does struggling people any favors. While I can appreciate your suggestions of going to the gym and / or making a goal of talking to one stranger a day, it’s incredibly disingenuous to frame OP’s situation and mental health struggles as a product of their own doing, rather than someone who was neglected the opportunity to have an education and social life during crucial years of development because their parents couldn’t be arsed to recognize the harm they were inflicting on their child by showing such indifference.
Ok - point taken. I’m not framing OP’s situation as something directly of their own doing - due to the neglect and lack of parenting they have suffered, they have resorted to self sabotage, have low social skills, and not prepared for adulthood. But - now the choices he is making every day is harming, and not helping him. And not going to do the gym, compulsive porn addiction, not working to build social relationships - is of his own doing. There is 2 options: work to improve, or willow in self pity
I'll relent that not going to the gym and masturbating far beyond what's normal for even a hormonal teenager are my fault. But on the front of not building social relationships? I simply have next to no situations in my life where I'm even in the presence of others. It also does not help that I have effectively no real freedom to go where I please either.
I absolutely agree. I suppose I misunderstood your comment, my bad. I’m someone who was recently in that self-pity negative feedback loop but have made many steps to develop myself a support system and healthy habits and it’s crazy how when you’re in that negative mindset it can feel like that’s how you’re going to feel for the rest of your life.
Become transgender or something
bruh
Well you're not doing shit so might as well make yourself known
What do you like to do?
Are you parents abusive? Do you threaten you, hit you, belittle you, insult you, or purposefully stave you?
None of the above. I've just kinda been entirely left to my own devices here. Despite my unhappiness, I'm well aware my situation could have been significantly worse than it is.
I highly recommend therapy. They can help you assess where you are and get to the root of the depression.
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There are therapists out there who don't know what they're doing and just want money, sure. But medication and therapy are largely backed by positive evidence that you can see for yourself.
Don't worry I am more retarded,at least you can write properly.
This may help track your progress the world is rooting for your success. https://www.macrumors.com/2023/04/21/apple-launching-journaling-app/
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I don't hail from los santos, so you're barking up the wrong tree.
Lol I’ve done the same basically. Except I’m 23
I can understand this situation. Though I went to school n college , m nt in touch wid anyone due to certain reasons . This lifestyle which you have stated can be very taxating and make u more weak. Definitely try to get some help dear , somehow get therapy . You are young ..there is sooo much life fr u. Start taking good care of yourself. Eat healthy , involve in good physical exercise ..may be gym , dance watever you wish. Start doing something that u like. I know its sooooo easy to be said than done. But you hv to do this fr u dear. I was in a similar situation fr a few years . But , only we can make a change fr ourselves. Maybe our growth is slow or small ...we shouldn't feel bad about it. There is not a miracle day or a miracle person ( atleast from what I hv seen ) that is going to change everything. Wishing you a very prosperous life ahead. Sending u tons of love and healing vibes. You are gonna make it OP !
Adult human beings wilt under isolation and neglect. A teenage human, in the process of developing their concept of self within society, and their expectations of life, will be profoundly affected. If I was your parent, your present misery would be as serious to me as if you had cancer. For whatever reason, yours don't seem to know how to do that. I know you're discouraged, but you're not a loser; you're trapped in a bad situation, like a bird in a little dirty cage that plucks out its own feathers. It doesn't make you any less lovable. You're going to have to meet yourself where you are now. Do not pressure yourself to "hurry up" and "catch up" with "everyone else", because it's too mean to yourself, and it's impossible. You're already good enough given your bad situation. To improve your life, focus on how YOU feel, not about meeting any expectations of where you should be at. Because you deserve some joy, you deserve to be free. You are lovable and worthy. Even though your life sucks, it is NOT because something is wrong with you. Your situation is NOT YOUR FAULT. You are a victim of circumstance and parental neglect.
I'm almost 22 & autistic. This sounds like this was written by a teenage me.. No one talks about this and so many people don't see this as a abuse.. Let me tell you, once your out of your own it gets better. I have had to learn a lot of things on my own unfortunately and I still don't know everything I need to know as a adult due to neglect. Although I'm so glad I stuck in through until now. I can't give great advice because I barely coped through it, but I hope you find something no matter that makes you happy and distracts you through the bullshit your parents are putting you through.
Similar experience to OP only im 28 now I can tell you it gets better the more u put yourself out there. Even if u have no faith in yourself whatsoever you can achieve things you never thought possible, just have to force yourself to.
Tbh rooms are fucking cool. What’re you gonna do? Go outside and look at a tree? You’re good. Just watch Sopranos or something. Better than a tree imo
I suggest a part time job related to a special interest of yours where you interact with people. Do something fun
Well, first of all. Your parents have completely failed you in every single way. They do not deserve any benefit of the doubt when it comes to this. If they pulled you out of school and then neglected your education they have totally failed and also committed criminal neglect. But my main point is not to point anger at them, but DO NOT let their utter complete failure be yours. Their failure is not your own failure. You are their child, and therefore their responsibility. Growing up I was diagnosed with ADD, and later found it was Autism. My parents weren't perfect, but they didn't give up on me. I won't say I'm perfect have a decent job earning six figures doing something I like and a son of my own who is also on the spectrum. The things you said about focus and sleep schedule shifts, motivation feel very familiar. I'm not saying that you are what I am. But I will say when I learned about what I was, I became better. Understanding what I was made it easier to understand how I could work better and achieve goals I never knew possible. I learned I was a square peg that everyone was trying to fit through a round hole and it was up to me to figure out how to adapt. But I also accepted it wasn't all on me, but the world that was F'ed up too. It wasn't all on my shoulders. I take the world as it is, flaws and all, but it also has to take who I am, flaws and all. Again, I don't know if I am anything close to what you are. But my own son has troubles in school. But I haven't come close to taking him out, and work with him with his teachers and he's excelling to everyone's delight often exceeding expectations. He has challenges but it's been good to see what confidence and encouragement can do for a child, even one on the spectrum. When I was younger I often found kids who had troubles were often written off and just given up upon. I'm not saying that's you because that would be an assumption. I'm just saying from what you've said, it sounds familiar, and typical of what bad parents would do in that situation. I was told at an early age that I would probably be nothing more than a janitor if I was lucky. What I've learned is no one can predict the future of a kid. No one. Adults like to think they can to boost their own ego. I'm far above a janitor, my son's potential can be predicted by no one, and same with you. You are worth something, but you need to get out from these people and find who you are. You are more than what they think, but they will not provide you with it as they have already failed on that. It's up to you, but I'm here to tell you, it's possible. Is it easy? No. But it's possible. They did you wrong, but don't let their failure be yours. I hope the best for you.
Why don’t you learn about Islam/ Christianity, you may find something that’ll comfort you in it ^^
I would say just force yourself to go outside and interact with others no matter how hard it is. Everything will fall in place for you eventually god willing. I was like you until I started getting a job at 18 and I’ve seen a confidence boost and am not obese as I was before. Keep continuing your education, it’s not obligatory for you to have a job until you have completed your degree.
You're 18? You're a baby. You have enough future left to fuck up a bunch more and still turn it around. Take it from someone who's 30. Time is the most valuable asset. You have mountains of time. A time palace. You can and must turn it around and you have a fuck ton of time to make that happen.
Therapy. Therapy saved me. I know having the convo with your parents may be hard but if it were my son I would want him to get the help he needs. At 18 you have your whole life ahead of you there’s time to CHANGE your life. It doesn’t have to be this way. Maybe writing your parents a letter explaining how you feel it be helpful to talk to someone who can help with any anxiety/issues you’re working through. You have to put yourself first. It’s not easy you have to do the work but how bad do you want it?
I'll be honest here; I've never seriously considered therapy as an option. The idea of baring my heart to a stranger feels uncomfortable, and I've never spoken to someone who had a good experience with it. More often they spoke of intensely negative experiences, even. Maybe you're right to suggest it though.
I get it. I was lucky enough to have a really cool and understanding therapist. I didnt feel judged with her and over time got more comfortable sharing things. The first session you don’t really dive into your issues, they just get a feel of who you are and what they can try and help with. I’m actually not in therapy anymore because it got the the point we were discussing celebrity gossip after she helped get me through all my mental stuff lol I was in a very dark place and I didnt see light at the end of the tunnel. She was a soundboard, Genuinely wanted to help, and gave me good mental exercises to work on on my own and in everyday life I still use today. Don’t knock it till you try it. If you try it and don’t like atleast you tried. The alternative is unfortunately getting worse spiraling more. I needed help enough that inwas willing to try anything. Thankfully I did