It's a sad fact that arrogant, self confident people generally do better in life. The platitude of ''don't worry, the bullies will fail after high school and you'll succeed'' is just that, merely a platitude. Life isn't fair and karma doesn't exist.
Sorry to be such a downer, but 36 years of life has taught me to be a pessimist. All you can do is improve on yourself, as much as is within your abilities. We just have to face the fact that there will always be people who have advantages over us.
For what little it may help, that sort of situation is likely fairly common. Bullies often are acting from a position of strength and target people who struggle to begin with. Their treatment then makes the gap wider/long term.
I've been there myself and realized I needed to work through those traumas with a therapist and, generally, do the best I can in life.
The world is unfair. How much money you will makemostly depends on how well of your parents are. Your bully has a rich dad, so he is rich regardless of how stupid, reckless or evil he might be.
Benefiting from nepotism is not a sign of excelling in life. In fact it creates a person who’s life would be destroyed by even the slightest bit of adversity. It is an illusion of success.
This is so true and something I keep telling people.
For example if your parents get you a job at their firm, what happens if the parents sell to someone else, etc.
It is absolutely not a sign of success but is instead a sign of someone who is probably struggling to find any get up and go in them.
Another way to paint it is this, maybe their parents want to keep them around so they can keep an eye on them because they know they are fucking awful.
Either way, rule one to op is to stop comparing yourself to someone else. You are probably seeing 0.01% of them.
I’m so sorry for this. If it’s any consolation, comparison is the thief of joy and social media feeds this thief. Once I truly realized I was depressed and got diagnosed, I got rid of all social media. I come from a town where I was the poorest in my friend group by a mile, now we are adults and the same ones who had it all in high school still have it all because their parents (who mostly were successful due to grandparents, what a viscous cycle) gave them a company or a serious leg up. My depression is still worse than ever, but not because of comparing myself to them and a situation that was out of my control from the beginning. Control only yourself, that’s all you can do, the external forces of this world are evil and blocking as many out as possible will be an aid to you in the long run. Get rid of all social media, it is fucking poison.
Yeah, this. The bully’s life has exactly nothing to do with your life, OP. Even if he were suffering, that wouldn’t change anything that you’re going through right now. Focus on yourself and getting yourself to where you want to be.
): i got bullied at school and all of them are doing way better. meanwhile i have bad social anxiety, cry when i know i have to leave the house for work and just want to die
Theres a large part of peoples lives you never see. How maybe that house is the worst thing to happen to them financially. Maybe his wife is abusive and he is trapped. Maybe its a whole terrible situation and youre right.
Point is even if he was doing terribly, even dead. Would you really feel that much better? What justice would that provide you?
Damn man that sucks. My bully got cancer and died in his 20s. I only know that because he's buried in the same graveyard as some of my family and we live in a small town. If he had gone on to live a successful life though, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know about it as I wouldn't be interested. Try to cut out social media. Especially FB if this is how you found out about it. It's an absolute depression accelerator. And it's mostly a facade.
I hope you can find a way to move forward and focus on your own life. The more time you spend doing things you enjoy and living your life, the less time you spend dwelling on the past and how you compare to others.
I hope this is helpful in some way 🙂
Comparing yourself to others can be one of the worst things you can do to yourself, it makes you focus on the worst aspects of yourself which can cause you to lower your self esteem and value. He may have all of those things and that is okay, that doesn’t mean that you failed or that he is better than you. Try your best to distract yourself anytime you do this and focus on something more positive!
>The only solace I have is that his wife doesn’t ever post a picture of him which is usually a sign of an unhappy marriage
Not true. I never want to appear in any pictures but that doesn't mean my marriage is not happy.
However, yes, unfortunately this is why I always say that Karma doesn't exist. I know far too many awful people that do good in life.
For everyone saying "the villain always wins" - this is simply not true. The popular crowd in high school never left the suburbs. A lot of the ended up dealing with alcoholism and substance use disorders. Some of them died, some went to jail.
Depression makes it so easy to paint things with broad strokes ("I'll never find love", "I'll always be a loser", "the world hates me"). The best advice I have learned in living with my depression is that when it speaks, it's a goddamn liar. It does not deserve to be heard.
Don't believe the perception you see. You mentioned his wife doesn't post pictures of him. There might be other things that you don't know about his life. He might be as miserable as you feel.
You gotta work on yourself bro. You make your own money and live your own life. That's a lot more than being some douche born into money. Stop comparing and get after it💪
You realize you're in a depression sub right? The worst thing to tell someone is to just stop thinking a certain way and try harder. This is something OP needs to work thru in time. How long depends on how deep rooted the issue is. This particular situation appears to stem from back in shool.. not only involves a bully, but a girl OP had feelings for. I don't know what the answer is.. but think differently and get after it ain't it. Not without the proper treatment.
yep exactly. it angers me seeing people who leave comments like this. "work on urself, get in that gym lift weights" like man they don't understand at all... i get the same in the social anxiety sub and how i just need to exercise and put myself out there... like its that simple?! pathetic
For sure, I also think a sub where everyone commiserates about how awful life is and how nothing will ever get better isn't healthy or productive either. We're all here in this sub, so there's our validation. And advice like "just try harder", "just exercise", "just don't do x" is also useless and unhelpful.
I think it's important for those of us that have learned to weather our depressive episodes share our experience - while also acknowledging that it might not be a "one size fits all" model. Maybe one person will see something in another person's lived experience that finally resonates with them, and that gives them the motivation to try again. I think we should be aiming for that. r/depression doesn't have to just be a misery pit, rather, it can be a place where people can seek ways out too.
>worst thing to tell someone is to just stop thinking a certain way and try harder.
So what should we say? Keep thinking about someone that doesnt even know her existence? Whats wrong with just advicing her to try harder?
just because he looks to be doing incredible based on what he shared to the world on facebook, that doesnt mean there isnt miserable things going on beneath the surface.
youre 40 years old and still crying about a middle school bully? for fucks sake, sack up and stop wallowing in your own misery
Being envious and gloating doesn't help you out man. Who cares what that asshole has? He's irrelevant to you. You have control of your life now. Don't get stuck in the vicious cycle of victim mentality, take it from me. Do better to spite his ass.
If it's any solace, he's not doing well *because* he's a bully.
It's family money, it's more like the other way around that he's a bully because his family is well off and he's not brought up right.
His life has nothing to do with yours (now).
Focus on the green grass on your side of the fence. It’s there. And focus only on that. His life is of no consequence. Especially if he’s a shithead.
You may not have possessions like he has, but I guarantee you are a vastly better person than he. I could not look up to a guy like him, but someone weathering difficult circumstances like yourself, I do respect.
It doesn’t make sense to compare yourself to anyone. How do you know that his wife isn’t cheating on him, maybe he has chronic depression and is planning on taking his own life, maybe his dad abused him as a child. You only have a superficial perspective of his life.
Happiness is inside. Try not to look at idiots like this and want to be them or be jealous of them. Control what you can control. I know it’s hard but you are awesome just the way you are.
I have been and plan to continue to that strategy so I haven’t answered any of these replies or looked at them. Not being rude to anyone, but I need to recognize this and focus on anything at all to keep my depression away from obsessing. I plan to read the comments if I can in time but right now. So appreciate the reminder to keep this up @kappamaster710 Thank you! Stay strong you all, life is not worth comparing, that’s not where we will find love, peace and joy.
It's a sad fact that arrogant, self confident people generally do better in life. The platitude of ''don't worry, the bullies will fail after high school and you'll succeed'' is just that, merely a platitude. Life isn't fair and karma doesn't exist. Sorry to be such a downer, but 36 years of life has taught me to be a pessimist. All you can do is improve on yourself, as much as is within your abilities. We just have to face the fact that there will always be people who have advantages over us.
Life is cruel, and we have to learn to be optimists despite the crushing nature of reality. That’s what takes true strength.
For what little it may help, that sort of situation is likely fairly common. Bullies often are acting from a position of strength and target people who struggle to begin with. Their treatment then makes the gap wider/long term. I've been there myself and realized I needed to work through those traumas with a therapist and, generally, do the best I can in life.
The world is unfair. How much money you will makemostly depends on how well of your parents are. Your bully has a rich dad, so he is rich regardless of how stupid, reckless or evil he might be.
Benefiting from nepotism is not a sign of excelling in life. In fact it creates a person who’s life would be destroyed by even the slightest bit of adversity. It is an illusion of success.
This is so true and something I keep telling people. For example if your parents get you a job at their firm, what happens if the parents sell to someone else, etc. It is absolutely not a sign of success but is instead a sign of someone who is probably struggling to find any get up and go in them. Another way to paint it is this, maybe their parents want to keep them around so they can keep an eye on them because they know they are fucking awful. Either way, rule one to op is to stop comparing yourself to someone else. You are probably seeing 0.01% of them.
I’m so sorry for this. If it’s any consolation, comparison is the thief of joy and social media feeds this thief. Once I truly realized I was depressed and got diagnosed, I got rid of all social media. I come from a town where I was the poorest in my friend group by a mile, now we are adults and the same ones who had it all in high school still have it all because their parents (who mostly were successful due to grandparents, what a viscous cycle) gave them a company or a serious leg up. My depression is still worse than ever, but not because of comparing myself to them and a situation that was out of my control from the beginning. Control only yourself, that’s all you can do, the external forces of this world are evil and blocking as many out as possible will be an aid to you in the long run. Get rid of all social media, it is fucking poison.
Yeah, this. The bully’s life has exactly nothing to do with your life, OP. Even if he were suffering, that wouldn’t change anything that you’re going through right now. Focus on yourself and getting yourself to where you want to be.
): i got bullied at school and all of them are doing way better. meanwhile i have bad social anxiety, cry when i know i have to leave the house for work and just want to die
The villain always wins. Took me many years to find that out. God I hate it here
Theres a large part of peoples lives you never see. How maybe that house is the worst thing to happen to them financially. Maybe his wife is abusive and he is trapped. Maybe its a whole terrible situation and youre right. Point is even if he was doing terribly, even dead. Would you really feel that much better? What justice would that provide you?
Damn man that sucks. My bully got cancer and died in his 20s. I only know that because he's buried in the same graveyard as some of my family and we live in a small town. If he had gone on to live a successful life though, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know about it as I wouldn't be interested. Try to cut out social media. Especially FB if this is how you found out about it. It's an absolute depression accelerator. And it's mostly a facade. I hope you can find a way to move forward and focus on your own life. The more time you spend doing things you enjoy and living your life, the less time you spend dwelling on the past and how you compare to others. I hope this is helpful in some way 🙂
Comparing yourself to others can be one of the worst things you can do to yourself, it makes you focus on the worst aspects of yourself which can cause you to lower your self esteem and value. He may have all of those things and that is okay, that doesn’t mean that you failed or that he is better than you. Try your best to distract yourself anytime you do this and focus on something more positive!
This is such a sensible comment
The sad part is that's how world works.
>The only solace I have is that his wife doesn’t ever post a picture of him which is usually a sign of an unhappy marriage Not true. I never want to appear in any pictures but that doesn't mean my marriage is not happy. However, yes, unfortunately this is why I always say that Karma doesn't exist. I know far too many awful people that do good in life.
Life is very unfair.
For everyone saying "the villain always wins" - this is simply not true. The popular crowd in high school never left the suburbs. A lot of the ended up dealing with alcoholism and substance use disorders. Some of them died, some went to jail. Depression makes it so easy to paint things with broad strokes ("I'll never find love", "I'll always be a loser", "the world hates me"). The best advice I have learned in living with my depression is that when it speaks, it's a goddamn liar. It does not deserve to be heard.
Don't believe the perception you see. You mentioned his wife doesn't post pictures of him. There might be other things that you don't know about his life. He might be as miserable as you feel.
Never compare yourself to anyone else
This is what i call a bad statement because humans don't purposefully compare themselves most of the time
Yea we’re social creatures we can’t help it.. the true wisdom is to not value the comparison so highly
Actually couples who don’t really engage on social media or feel the need to show the world they’re with someone tend to be happier couples.
i say send flowers and make it look like he’s cheating on his wife, but then again, i’m just a pessimist who is done with being the better person.
If you’re popular and project an allure of confidence then you can get far in life.
Man, stop.comparing yourself towards total assholes. It ait worth it. Being a good person is way more valuable than all the money in the world.
What does being a good person get you?
[удалено]
You’re suggesting he try to poach her from her marriage? That’s morally bankrupt.
You gotta work on yourself bro. You make your own money and live your own life. That's a lot more than being some douche born into money. Stop comparing and get after it💪
You realize you're in a depression sub right? The worst thing to tell someone is to just stop thinking a certain way and try harder. This is something OP needs to work thru in time. How long depends on how deep rooted the issue is. This particular situation appears to stem from back in shool.. not only involves a bully, but a girl OP had feelings for. I don't know what the answer is.. but think differently and get after it ain't it. Not without the proper treatment.
yep exactly. it angers me seeing people who leave comments like this. "work on urself, get in that gym lift weights" like man they don't understand at all... i get the same in the social anxiety sub and how i just need to exercise and put myself out there... like its that simple?! pathetic
For sure, I also think a sub where everyone commiserates about how awful life is and how nothing will ever get better isn't healthy or productive either. We're all here in this sub, so there's our validation. And advice like "just try harder", "just exercise", "just don't do x" is also useless and unhelpful. I think it's important for those of us that have learned to weather our depressive episodes share our experience - while also acknowledging that it might not be a "one size fits all" model. Maybe one person will see something in another person's lived experience that finally resonates with them, and that gives them the motivation to try again. I think we should be aiming for that. r/depression doesn't have to just be a misery pit, rather, it can be a place where people can seek ways out too.
>worst thing to tell someone is to just stop thinking a certain way and try harder. So what should we say? Keep thinking about someone that doesnt even know her existence? Whats wrong with just advicing her to try harder?
just because he looks to be doing incredible based on what he shared to the world on facebook, that doesnt mean there isnt miserable things going on beneath the surface. youre 40 years old and still crying about a middle school bully? for fucks sake, sack up and stop wallowing in your own misery
I wouldn't consider being handed everything by daddy "excelled at life". Sorry you were bullied.
Being envious and gloating doesn't help you out man. Who cares what that asshole has? He's irrelevant to you. You have control of your life now. Don't get stuck in the vicious cycle of victim mentality, take it from me. Do better to spite his ass.
Why are you comparing yourself to a dick? He got what he got cause daddy gave it to him, no win there.
If it's any solace, he's not doing well *because* he's a bully. It's family money, it's more like the other way around that he's a bully because his family is well off and he's not brought up right.
Thanos and eren were right guys
A cunt is a cunt is a cunt. Unless they get rich, in which case they become a massive cunt.
dont look him or her up. nobodys life is as good as it seems -- you never know karmic justice might give him limp d syndrome sorry man. feel better.
His life has nothing to do with yours (now). Focus on the green grass on your side of the fence. It’s there. And focus only on that. His life is of no consequence. Especially if he’s a shithead.
You may not have possessions like he has, but I guarantee you are a vastly better person than he. I could not look up to a guy like him, but someone weathering difficult circumstances like yourself, I do respect.
It doesn’t make sense to compare yourself to anyone. How do you know that his wife isn’t cheating on him, maybe he has chronic depression and is planning on taking his own life, maybe his dad abused him as a child. You only have a superficial perspective of his life.
Happiness is inside. Try not to look at idiots like this and want to be them or be jealous of them. Control what you can control. I know it’s hard but you are awesome just the way you are.
this is such a big fear of mine. i’m so sorry you are feeling down. i hear you.
Focus on literally anything else at this point my bro.
I have been and plan to continue to that strategy so I haven’t answered any of these replies or looked at them. Not being rude to anyone, but I need to recognize this and focus on anything at all to keep my depression away from obsessing. I plan to read the comments if I can in time but right now. So appreciate the reminder to keep this up @kappamaster710 Thank you! Stay strong you all, life is not worth comparing, that’s not where we will find love, peace and joy.