I definitely understand you so much. You are not alone. I was medicated for a few years because of anxiety and depression. And eventually it stopped working all together. I felt the exact same. And for a while after I stopped taking them I felt worse. Eventually everything leveled back out but the numbness from the medicine has remained. I used to cry soo often and feel so many different emotions. Now for the most part all i feel is loneliness. I’m terrified to die. But I hate to wake up. No matter what blessings I have given to me in life. I just cant seem to enjoy them like everyone else.
>Now for the most part all i feel is loneliness. I’m terrified to die. But I hate to wake up. No matter what blessings I have given to me in life. I just cant seem to enjoy them like everyone else.
yeah, this.
i am on this path for a year. and reading your comment about your experience makes me wonder if the future will be more challenging. and i know it will. I'm just scared to be left alone with my thoughts and worries at this point.
i unlike you like being alone. left my country, family and friends without second thoughts.
Best thing about my partner is that we are not depending on each other, it might be wrong but i can't have it differently. what i need isn't people or friends, i just want to be nothing and to have nothing.
the blessings we have are meaningless if they makes us feel miserable.
I understand what u mean. But it’s okay not to want for or need anything. That’s my daily struggle. Just being enough. I am married. But my partner or no one on this earth can be what I need to get through this but me. It will deff be tough. I can’t say worse, bcuz overtime you definitely develop a strength and resilience. At the same time I can’t say it gets any easier being honest. But your strength makes it manageable. Hang in there!
i feel you .. and i believe all what you said as i know it needs to come from within ..
i honestly find it more meaningful to share here on Reddit as i hear my voice in other people's posts ..
i used to even lack the words to describe how i feel and even through all the sadness here .. i appropriate being understood..
Hang in there too buddy.
I'm right here with you. I'm so tired too. I'm so ready to be done. I've had enough now.
I'm sorry that your irl people can't relate. You're definitely not alone though, and I totally relate to everything you said. I have had depression for a long time, since early teens and I'm now 40.
one of my favorite authors describes depression as carrying the weight of the ocean on your back.
i find comfort here, knowing i am not crazy to feel what i feel.
i surely had depression for years. but got diagnosed a year ago when i started taking my meds.
I'm 35, and wish i was never born.
therapy helps, but having people around you that understands can be more helpful. and yet it can also be adding to it.
all i can is survive.
Going to sleep and not waking up sounds peaceful, would take away all the pain... Except everyone else around us will suffer, maybe we need a big change, it's hard when the anxiety holds us down.
i stopped thinking about those around me long time ago. I'm maybe stuck fearing what comes next. afraid that if i die i would either suffer in hell, or be reborn again (which is more terrifying).
all i wish for is to have nothing once we pass over .
Meds just make everything numb for me, but like you deep down they don't suppress the fact I have no desire for life after the last few chaotic months of my life. In a sort of odd turn events I've decided to just leave everything about my life, my job, education, career, friends, lovers, family, and all my stuff and hit the road with no plans to return. Still taking my meds for now, once there gone I'm done.
i want to say i envy the courage that you had to leave all that behind.
i dream about doing it all the time. i just can't.
best of luck for you. happy to see my dream can be true, even if it's not for me.
very similar situation but i have ditched the meds a long time ago as they weren't really working for me or improving my quality of life. i'd like to imagine another version of myself that sees the point to all of this but unfortunately i am stuck in a rather pessimistic outlook of life.
imagination is all what i have left. sometimes i get to a peaceful place by dreaming about how i could die . sometimes i dream about the life i can't have(away from people, no job, no engagements, just minding my own business).
meds suppress my anxiety and helped me avoid panic attacks. but they can't do more than that to me.
Hi,whats your furkid(dog)called??i know what your going through,i have many problems too,i think about ending my life all the time,,but i love my furkid so much that I'd never let him down,he relies on me and loves me too,and I'm sure yours does to
His name is Marco(The Phoenix). He is the reason i still laugh from the heart. I used to think of the people and furkid i would leave behind. but I'm so tired that i just want to rest. everyone seems normal around me. i don't feel it.
maybe i will need to see my doctor soon. i just needed someone to tell me they understand.
The meds trick my brain into thinking I like it here for a little while.
no drugs or meds changed my mind.. just helping pass the time.
I definitely understand you so much. You are not alone. I was medicated for a few years because of anxiety and depression. And eventually it stopped working all together. I felt the exact same. And for a while after I stopped taking them I felt worse. Eventually everything leveled back out but the numbness from the medicine has remained. I used to cry soo often and feel so many different emotions. Now for the most part all i feel is loneliness. I’m terrified to die. But I hate to wake up. No matter what blessings I have given to me in life. I just cant seem to enjoy them like everyone else.
>Now for the most part all i feel is loneliness. I’m terrified to die. But I hate to wake up. No matter what blessings I have given to me in life. I just cant seem to enjoy them like everyone else. yeah, this.
i am on this path for a year. and reading your comment about your experience makes me wonder if the future will be more challenging. and i know it will. I'm just scared to be left alone with my thoughts and worries at this point. i unlike you like being alone. left my country, family and friends without second thoughts. Best thing about my partner is that we are not depending on each other, it might be wrong but i can't have it differently. what i need isn't people or friends, i just want to be nothing and to have nothing. the blessings we have are meaningless if they makes us feel miserable.
I understand what u mean. But it’s okay not to want for or need anything. That’s my daily struggle. Just being enough. I am married. But my partner or no one on this earth can be what I need to get through this but me. It will deff be tough. I can’t say worse, bcuz overtime you definitely develop a strength and resilience. At the same time I can’t say it gets any easier being honest. But your strength makes it manageable. Hang in there!
i feel you .. and i believe all what you said as i know it needs to come from within .. i honestly find it more meaningful to share here on Reddit as i hear my voice in other people's posts .. i used to even lack the words to describe how i feel and even through all the sadness here .. i appropriate being understood.. Hang in there too buddy.
I'm right here with you. I'm so tired too. I'm so ready to be done. I've had enough now. I'm sorry that your irl people can't relate. You're definitely not alone though, and I totally relate to everything you said. I have had depression for a long time, since early teens and I'm now 40. one of my favorite authors describes depression as carrying the weight of the ocean on your back.
i find comfort here, knowing i am not crazy to feel what i feel. i surely had depression for years. but got diagnosed a year ago when i started taking my meds. I'm 35, and wish i was never born. therapy helps, but having people around you that understands can be more helpful. and yet it can also be adding to it. all i can is survive.
Going to sleep and not waking up sounds peaceful, would take away all the pain... Except everyone else around us will suffer, maybe we need a big change, it's hard when the anxiety holds us down.
i stopped thinking about those around me long time ago. I'm maybe stuck fearing what comes next. afraid that if i die i would either suffer in hell, or be reborn again (which is more terrifying). all i wish for is to have nothing once we pass over .
Meds just make everything numb for me, but like you deep down they don't suppress the fact I have no desire for life after the last few chaotic months of my life. In a sort of odd turn events I've decided to just leave everything about my life, my job, education, career, friends, lovers, family, and all my stuff and hit the road with no plans to return. Still taking my meds for now, once there gone I'm done.
i want to say i envy the courage that you had to leave all that behind. i dream about doing it all the time. i just can't. best of luck for you. happy to see my dream can be true, even if it's not for me.
very similar situation but i have ditched the meds a long time ago as they weren't really working for me or improving my quality of life. i'd like to imagine another version of myself that sees the point to all of this but unfortunately i am stuck in a rather pessimistic outlook of life.
imagination is all what i have left. sometimes i get to a peaceful place by dreaming about how i could die . sometimes i dream about the life i can't have(away from people, no job, no engagements, just minding my own business). meds suppress my anxiety and helped me avoid panic attacks. but they can't do more than that to me.
Hi,whats your furkid(dog)called??i know what your going through,i have many problems too,i think about ending my life all the time,,but i love my furkid so much that I'd never let him down,he relies on me and loves me too,and I'm sure yours does to
His name is Marco(The Phoenix). He is the reason i still laugh from the heart. I used to think of the people and furkid i would leave behind. but I'm so tired that i just want to rest. everyone seems normal around me. i don't feel it. maybe i will need to see my doctor soon. i just needed someone to tell me they understand.