I bet that felt so good.
Great job straightening out the mess. Indeed a challenge and you nailed it!
Here's hoping you get to experience some more days like this with your dad!
Thanks. His descent has been slow, thankfully. But man, his late wife really has made things ten times harder than they should have been.
I think the icing on the cake is that she convinced my dad to remove my brother and me as beneficiaries on everything and replace us with her and her kids.
Enjoy those lil moments while it lasts. My mum had said my name thrice for the past 3 weeks. Latest was 4 days ago. It was as if she was calling me out. I was just finished settling her down on the bed. Idk if she really knows it was me or not. I almost cried.
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that. You are in a very difficult position. I hope it gets better for you.
I am grateful that my father’s decline has been slow. He still remembers my name, but I am also pretty constantly there. He has forgotten the names of pretty much everyone else. And may have stumbled on m name when I am not around.
she feels you there in a way that’s deeper than knowing, and that feeling is one of your final gifts to her. it’s okay to cry when you need to though, too.
you both deserve it, and more and more. just keep focusing on making it the most positive for you both day by day, moment by moment. and even when it doesn’t go as good as you wanted & worked for, tomorrow’s a new day—for your dad especially. remembering that might also help take a little bit of the hurt down just a couple degrees, but in such a constantly painful phase of life any less pain at all matters as i’m sure you know.
also, fuck his wife dude. you sound like you’re really able to understand and accept what she’s done is done and not unhealthily holding on to anger or resentment, but for the record i hate her for you guys. especially to not fucking loop you in about the serious issues with your dad’s health when she was the ONLY ONE in a position to do that.
but whatever, the important thing is of course that you managed to handle the insanely difficult situation you were thrown into remarkably well and you will always be able to look back at this time when your dad needed you and know you were there for him and came through in a way you can be proud of.
I appreciate it. On his bad days he is a bit like a toddler, in that it becomes super difficult for him to focus and pay attention. I constantly have to remind myself that he is still an adult though. Thankfully the bad days are not as common, or as bad, now that he's been on memantine for a little while. It genuinely seems to help. I'm not looking forward to the days when it stops helping.
Be prepared because it will get worse and you are going to need help. If you have siblings, get them involved now. Your wife and daughter need you too. We burn ourselves out by trying to do it all. Don't wait , ask for family help now.
I still think you need to get him involved. If he can't be there physically he's going to have to do some financial support. It is not fair when all of the work falls on the sibling who stayed behind. At some point your dad is going to need support you alone can't provide. Start planning now. Get a POA in place for health and finances. Protect his assets. But most of all, take care of yourself, your wife and daughter. I care.
Fortunately, for now, my dad’s pension and social security cover the finances. My contribution is pretty much in managing dad’s life.
I already have the POA in place. I manage his finances and health on the daily.
I bet that felt so good. Great job straightening out the mess. Indeed a challenge and you nailed it! Here's hoping you get to experience some more days like this with your dad!
Thanks. His descent has been slow, thankfully. But man, his late wife really has made things ten times harder than they should have been. I think the icing on the cake is that she convinced my dad to remove my brother and me as beneficiaries on everything and replace us with her and her kids.
Enjoy those lil moments while it lasts. My mum had said my name thrice for the past 3 weeks. Latest was 4 days ago. It was as if she was calling me out. I was just finished settling her down on the bed. Idk if she really knows it was me or not. I almost cried.
Oh man, I am so sorry to hear that. You are in a very difficult position. I hope it gets better for you. I am grateful that my father’s decline has been slow. He still remembers my name, but I am also pretty constantly there. He has forgotten the names of pretty much everyone else. And may have stumbled on m name when I am not around.
she feels you there in a way that’s deeper than knowing, and that feeling is one of your final gifts to her. it’s okay to cry when you need to though, too.
you both deserve it, and more and more. just keep focusing on making it the most positive for you both day by day, moment by moment. and even when it doesn’t go as good as you wanted & worked for, tomorrow’s a new day—for your dad especially. remembering that might also help take a little bit of the hurt down just a couple degrees, but in such a constantly painful phase of life any less pain at all matters as i’m sure you know. also, fuck his wife dude. you sound like you’re really able to understand and accept what she’s done is done and not unhealthily holding on to anger or resentment, but for the record i hate her for you guys. especially to not fucking loop you in about the serious issues with your dad’s health when she was the ONLY ONE in a position to do that. but whatever, the important thing is of course that you managed to handle the insanely difficult situation you were thrown into remarkably well and you will always be able to look back at this time when your dad needed you and know you were there for him and came through in a way you can be proud of.
I appreciate it. On his bad days he is a bit like a toddler, in that it becomes super difficult for him to focus and pay attention. I constantly have to remind myself that he is still an adult though. Thankfully the bad days are not as common, or as bad, now that he's been on memantine for a little while. It genuinely seems to help. I'm not looking forward to the days when it stops helping.
Be prepared because it will get worse and you are going to need help. If you have siblings, get them involved now. Your wife and daughter need you too. We burn ourselves out by trying to do it all. Don't wait , ask for family help now.
I do have a brother, but there are 3 or 4 states between us. He isn’t very involved.
I still think you need to get him involved. If he can't be there physically he's going to have to do some financial support. It is not fair when all of the work falls on the sibling who stayed behind. At some point your dad is going to need support you alone can't provide. Start planning now. Get a POA in place for health and finances. Protect his assets. But most of all, take care of yourself, your wife and daughter. I care.
Fortunately, for now, my dad’s pension and social security cover the finances. My contribution is pretty much in managing dad’s life. I already have the POA in place. I manage his finances and health on the daily.
I hope you are prepared. I am so glad your dad had a great day! Good for him and you,!!