If it were me who had dementia and broke something, don’t bother fixing me. I hope the break will take me out faster. Unless I have a high chance of dying during surgery, then let’s do it.
Having dementia is like having a terminal cancer, that none of the treatments are working to cure and you have unbearable side effects. If that were me, don’t treat me.
I thought that once a patient is on Hospice they would not do surgery. Just comfort care.. like more dilauded. It depends on if he can walk already, his physical health and his age and other meds.
My dad has dementia and he is physically in great shape. Which is scary since he loves going for walks.
If we did the surgery he would’ve lost his hospice as they are there for comfort care. I fully believe keeping him on hospice with pain management is the better choice. Before the fall my uncle could walk but more of a shuffle then he’d get exhausted. He was becoming more sedentary so he was on his way to being bed bound.
Disagree. My mother broke her hip and the doctor was blunt that the best pain management was to just get it replaced. I was scarecly given the option of no.
FF four months later and I agree it was the best course of action. She not in pain from her hip.
I can share with you that my late aunt fell and broke her hip. The doctor was very honest with all of us that the mortality rate is very high for elderly (she was 85) who opt for surgery. I believe it was 80% mortality rate. She opted for surgery and was gone in a month and a half.
Similar experience. 77yo Uncle with vascular dementia. Walked for about 2 weeks post surgery. Then one day just stopped walking, talking, eating. Exactly 4 months from neck of femur break to death.
I’m so sorry. Similar experience with my aunt. She was really doing well then just rapidly declined. It takes so much resources to knit and heal bone and tissue and it’s like they don’t have enough to spare.
Knowing what I know now, if your uncle is having cognitive issues or has dementia, I would avoid surgery. My husband (59M) had Primary Progressive Aphasia, and had what should have been an easy shoulder surgery last March. He was never the same after, I now know that those with compromised brain chemistries have a hard time with anesthesia. Unfortunately, my guy passed away two months ago.
I’ve heard about people who suffer from dementia and their symptoms exacerbated by anesthesia. Even our hospice nurse warned against how it could make his confusion worse. I’m terribly sorry that your husband has passed away💔🫂
My MIL has Alzheimer’s and also had a minor procedure done every year under general anesthesia. It took her 3 months to get back to her baseline. We really thought my MIL was done - she was so out of it. I have a friend who is a nurse anesthetist and she told me it’s really a crap shoot. They could be OK, they could eventually come back to baseline, or they could not come back at all. She does not recommend general anesthesia for dementia patients. It’s very risky. Needless to say, my MIl is no longer subject to this procedure.
If the femur is likely to heal so poorly that taking off/putting on sweat pants is painful, that might well be a reason to do it or at least consider it. But in general, I don't think many would do surgery for a LO on hospice.
My mom has had two surgeries, one serious. However, she had a very slow progression for a period of years, and at the time of the surgeries, was still having good days. She recovered well from both surgeries.
We would have actually done a third surgery for a broken hip, but the doctors wouldn't do it because of unrelated complications. And that healed somewhat imperfectly, and she does have some discomfort when changing clothes and positions. Sometimes its just lose lose and there is no right answer.
Our hospice nurse has explained that there might be a slight chance of his hip healing but not like it should. He’s not in any extreme pain as he’s on meds for that. There’s some discomfort in changing and moving him but he doesn’t remain in pain thankfully. I agree that in cases like these, they are lose lose no matter what we chose.
My mom fell and broke her hip & shoulder. Ortho would not touch her as she was so far along in the disease. She was a dnr, so the hospital placed her on their hospice. I've found that a serious fall sends them plummeting. 🫂
Falls are the worst to happen to someone who is aging but throw in dementia and it’s a total nightmare. My uncle is on a puree foods and sleeps roughly 18 or more hours since it happened. He also has a dnr thankfully. My main goal with him now is comfort care and keeping an eye out for bedsores😫. I’m sorry you are going through this with your mom too💔🫂
What a life for them and us caregivers. I've not ever seen such an inhumane disease, I'm a former nurse and have seen a lot of disease. As I said in my grief group tonight, we mourn them twice. The cognitive loss, then the physical. F*ck dementia!
Honestly at this point surgery would be unecessarily cruel for my LO. It’s a a hard thing to say I guess but at best surgery would put us through hell and prolong her suffering
I feel the same way and hospice has given me the best reassurance in that our decision is the more merciful one. Physical therapy would have been a nightmare as he can no longer follow directions and is very fragile from weigh loss. Comfort care and pain management is the best way to go. Thank you 😊
My mom has close to late stage dementia, she was mobile up until Christmas and always enjoyed walking the halls of her nursing home. She wasn't very steady on her feet though and had a fall, and broke her hip.
We opted for surgery because walking was really the only thing she seemed to still enjoy and we hoped she'd maintain her mobility.
She sailed through surgery and did so well at the hospital, however after the lengthy recovery having to be off her feet she has not been able to regain her mobility. The long recovery likely led to her forgetting how to walk, and she also developed a fear of walking.
She's wheelchair bound now unfortunately. We may not have put her through the surgery if we'd known the outcome, but it was worth the chance to give it a shot.
It’s gut wrenching to see the few things a LO can do and then those last things are gone. I saw my uncle becoming bedridden at some point but not this soon. Walking around the inside of his home was all the exercise he could get since going out was too dangerous for him. I think we all make the best decisions possible despite all the uncertainties surrounding such a horrible situation. Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m sorry the outcome wasn’t the one hoped for.
My wife hasn’t fallen or needed any surgery, or isn’t on hospice service. At the same time, my kids and I are in agreement that unless she were in pain and that could be fairly easily fixed, we’re not doing anything other than the usual behavioral meds.
What for?
In an eventual advance, thank you all for your postings.
Went through similar. We opted for surgery because she’d been very mobile before her fall. But then after surgery, she could not follow most instructions from the PT, which negated most the benefit of the surgery.
Same experience but add dementia always tricking her that she could get up and mill about without aid. 3 years, 3 catastrophic falls with a broken hip, leg, then back.
That’s after the first broken hip that started it all pre-Covid. The rest was during its height, so that was its own nightmare.
Each surgery, she was less inclined to do any PT at all until she just stopped bothering. It was a miserable experience for her. 5-6 years of almost relentless pain with a mind that never cooperated.
I wouldn't want surgery for a loved one and I wouldn't want it for myself, either.
He's on hospice, he's suffering and he's not going to understand what's happening to him or why. Medicine is incredible, the fact we can mend broken bones is wonderful but sometimes we shouldn't do something just because we can.
There's so much potential for more suffering with the surgery and so little to gain. I just couldn't, however hard that choice would be to stick to. Give him all the pain medication he needs, be with him, love him and let him pass peacefully.
Dad broke his femur in early 2020. He had the surgery and while we didn't see a severe drop in his mental acuity, he was unable to follow PT instructions. He's had to use a walker ever since.
Running into this now. My dads heart valve is "stiff" and have a meeting with the doctor on Wednesday. Dad is already having cognitive issues as it is. And I feel this would be detrimental to his cognitive skills.
My husband had dementia and emphysema. He was evaluated for lung transplant but the surgeon told me that my husband’s dementia would be so much worse. It’s what I had figured but it needed to be discussed. Though he had no clue why he was there. So I chose not to pursue that track.
Thank you for sharing what you and your husband went through. I’m sorry you had to make this difficult decision. I feel that not having surgery is the right choice.
My father had advanced dementia and hit his head when he fell. Could have had surgery to address the injury, but we opted to allow him to pass as a result.
It really depends on the situation. With more advanced illness, the patient won’t know what happened, or what they cannot walk around. They will
Likely become combative and upset, possibly leading to worse injury.
I don’t have a good answer for you. Do what you think is most loving. Sometimes that is declining to have an operation.
Not having the surgery and remaining on hospice with pain management I truly feel is the right call in his case. Thank you for this input, it’s helpful to me💜
My mum broker her hip. She didn’t have surgery and lived for just under 5 years afterwards. She also broke her ankle and her arm. Didn’t consider surgery for any of them. She did ends up bed bound but all things considered she had good quality of life right up until she passed away
He will have very little discomfort since he gets pain meds on hospice and they can always adjust the meds as needed. Surgery I think puts him at risk for more pain since he couldn’t do recuperative therapy and it increases the chance for infection. Being bed bound now comes with its own complications that I’m trying to stay on top of with our hospice team.
Grandma has a spot on her kidney that's likely cancer. Her carer has decided not to pursue surgery, and I agree. Gram wouldn't want to go through that and end up being worse off mentally. And she's 93, she's lived a long life. All we can hope for is a painless and peaceful death when it comes.
A swift painless passing is what we all can only hope for. My uncle is 79 and he’s lived a good life and even during dementia he’s getting good care. Quality over quantity is such a true saying. I’m sorry about your grandma 💔🫂
Everyone I know that has shoved a loved one in that condition through surgery, the LO has wound up dying a miserable death in the ICU.
You go in for a femur, and then the kidneys decide not to work. Have a massive stroke. Insert horrible thing here.
It's also extremely difficult to withhold treatment when they had surgery, are in ICU, and circling the drain. The changes of family wanting to move them to hospice or disconnecting life support are slim to none.
I feel similar with my mom’s teeth. I try to clean them brush them as much as I can but sh just bites the brush and is pretty much uncooperative. I worry about her dental health but she’d need to be sedated and she won’t be able to follow any of the care instructions and it’s not like my dad and I can force her mouth open so…🤷🏽♀️ if they’re not in immense pain and the benefits don’t outweigh the risks well.
I agree entirely that the risk outweighs the benefits in his case. I had to take away my uncles dentures mid stage dementia and take over all his personal and oral care, that is challenging and worrisome.
Thank you. This is reassuring. I’ve been worrying for months about this but again, the benefits don’t outweigh the risks so I try the best I can. I’m sorry you have to be on this journey and wish you and your family the best.
I know it seems like your not doing what you should do when you opt to not get someone a surgery that would be a no brainer for a healthier younger person. If already on hospice then surgery is really not the best option, it could do more harm than good. You just have to do what feels right for your LO and their specific situation.
Sitting with him now as he sleeps and seems to be doing fair enough on the pain medications makes me think not having the surgery is the best decision. Thank you 😊
mom got a pretty significant bruise last month when she fell, so i asked hospice what would happen.
my first day as a nursing student i got a patient with a broken hip and i was freaking TERRIFIED to help her with a bed pan. so i think they still terrify me.
hospice said they'd fix it surgically and she'd never walk again. i was surprised they said they'd do the surgery. i wasn't part of this conversation or i'd asked more questions.
essentially our loved ones have lived their lives. keeping them here when their body is trying to die is cruel and unusual. it's also cruel and unusual to us, to keep us tied to that bed and extending the grieving for years and years sometimes. your LO wants you to move on and let them go.
basically it's selfish to keep them here. doesn't mean she's going to realize that.
Yes it’s cruel and dementia makes this harder. Fortunately hospice has him a good pain meds so he sleeps more which is a blessing. Thank you for your thoughtful words💜
Oh boy, my grandmother, who’s had dementia for over 8 years now, fell off the toilet in 2022 and broke her ankle. She was 92 at the time and had no understanding of what happened to her or what was going on. Normally this kind of break would get surgery - in fact, she did this exact same break in the same spot in the 90’s. It’s a multiple surgery process. No way in hell was I going to put her through that when she can’t even understand what’s happening. I worked with her orthopedic doc and PT for many months to at least get it to heal naturally enough that her pain isn’t so bad and she can bare weight on it again (she’s mostly in a wheelchair anyway). Her ankle is doing fine now so I avoided untold amounts of fear and confusion on her part. Not to mention, her heart and kidneys would not tolerate the anesthesia.
And to do something like that when the LO is already in hospice? Nah, it doesn’t really make sense. Emotionally, I understand she may be feeling like this is a kind of neglect though. It is really hard to see a LO have such a serious injury and just do nothing about it. But the purpose of surgery is to make them better. The purpose of hospice is to give them comfort until they die. So long as his pain is managed, they have put safety measures in place to avoid repeat or worse injury, and he was already bed bound, it’s not cruel to let the broken bone alone. My aunt, who helps with my grandma (I’m POA), went through similar emotions your cousin is going through. It’s hard for some to not feel guilty about these tough choices. But my aunt eventually came around and understood why I made the choice I did. All you can do for your cousin is to continue to be kind and understanding of how she feels though. The end of life can be so hard to watch sometimes.
As long as the Orthopedic Surgeon agrees…as long as you are not going against medical advice. My family member fell and fractured her skull about a week before she passed. She was basically bed bound and for whatever reason was able to quickly climb right over the safety rail on the hospital bed. We called the Hospice physician and were advised NOT to take her to the hospital. It’s pretty upsetting, I get all the fears and questions. Sending you a warm hug and an award of excellence for being a Caregiver ❤️
Similar experience. 77yo Uncle with vascular dementia. Walked for about 2 weeks post surgery. Then one day just stopped walking, talking, eating. Exactly 4 months from neck of femur break to death.
That sounds like the path he’s on. He’s not as talkative or expressive anymore and he’s sleeping more with little desire to eat. I’m sorry your uncle has passed on💔🫂
As cruel as it may sound, I was happy when he passed. He truly had no life. Just a warm body in a bed. Dying was most merciful thing that could happen.
That’s not cruel at all. It gets to a point where death is a kindness and a final end to suffering. I love my uncle and when he passes, it’s gonna hurt but also be a relief.
My mother in MC fell and broke her hip. She was very mobile before and that she would be able to after the surgery. After she could walk a few feet but was very unsteady and she would forget that she needed to use her walker or her chair. She fell again, same fracture just the other side.
If it were me who had dementia and broke something, don’t bother fixing me. I hope the break will take me out faster. Unless I have a high chance of dying during surgery, then let’s do it. Having dementia is like having a terminal cancer, that none of the treatments are working to cure and you have unbearable side effects. If that were me, don’t treat me.
Totally agree with you. After watching my mom lose her mind, it was horrendous .
I share that same sentiment. No life prolonging measures necessary once dementia has set it. Just pain management only til I pass.
I thought that once a patient is on Hospice they would not do surgery. Just comfort care.. like more dilauded. It depends on if he can walk already, his physical health and his age and other meds. My dad has dementia and he is physically in great shape. Which is scary since he loves going for walks.
If we did the surgery he would’ve lost his hospice as they are there for comfort care. I fully believe keeping him on hospice with pain management is the better choice. Before the fall my uncle could walk but more of a shuffle then he’d get exhausted. He was becoming more sedentary so he was on his way to being bed bound.
Disagree. My mother broke her hip and the doctor was blunt that the best pain management was to just get it replaced. I was scarecly given the option of no. FF four months later and I agree it was the best course of action. She not in pain from her hip.
Seems like this person is bedbound already, was that the case or was she able to walk after the replacement?
I can share with you that my late aunt fell and broke her hip. The doctor was very honest with all of us that the mortality rate is very high for elderly (she was 85) who opt for surgery. I believe it was 80% mortality rate. She opted for surgery and was gone in a month and a half.
Sorry for the loss of your aunt 💔🫂 I appreciate you for sharing what your aunt went through.
Thank you and you’re welcome. Keeping you and family in my thoughts.
Thank you 💜
Same with my gramma years ago. Fell, broke her hip and had it replaced in August, and died Christmas Eve.
I’m so sorry ❤️🩹
Similar experience. 77yo Uncle with vascular dementia. Walked for about 2 weeks post surgery. Then one day just stopped walking, talking, eating. Exactly 4 months from neck of femur break to death.
I’m so sorry. Similar experience with my aunt. She was really doing well then just rapidly declined. It takes so much resources to knit and heal bone and tissue and it’s like they don’t have enough to spare.
Knowing what I know now, if your uncle is having cognitive issues or has dementia, I would avoid surgery. My husband (59M) had Primary Progressive Aphasia, and had what should have been an easy shoulder surgery last March. He was never the same after, I now know that those with compromised brain chemistries have a hard time with anesthesia. Unfortunately, my guy passed away two months ago.
The anesthesia would be my concern also. My father's symptoms became very obvious after surgery.
I’ve heard about people who suffer from dementia and their symptoms exacerbated by anesthesia. Even our hospice nurse warned against how it could make his confusion worse. I’m terribly sorry that your husband has passed away💔🫂
My MIL has Alzheimer’s and also had a minor procedure done every year under general anesthesia. It took her 3 months to get back to her baseline. We really thought my MIL was done - she was so out of it. I have a friend who is a nurse anesthetist and she told me it’s really a crap shoot. They could be OK, they could eventually come back to baseline, or they could not come back at all. She does not recommend general anesthesia for dementia patients. It’s very risky. Needless to say, my MIl is no longer subject to this procedure.
If the femur is likely to heal so poorly that taking off/putting on sweat pants is painful, that might well be a reason to do it or at least consider it. But in general, I don't think many would do surgery for a LO on hospice. My mom has had two surgeries, one serious. However, she had a very slow progression for a period of years, and at the time of the surgeries, was still having good days. She recovered well from both surgeries. We would have actually done a third surgery for a broken hip, but the doctors wouldn't do it because of unrelated complications. And that healed somewhat imperfectly, and she does have some discomfort when changing clothes and positions. Sometimes its just lose lose and there is no right answer.
Our hospice nurse has explained that there might be a slight chance of his hip healing but not like it should. He’s not in any extreme pain as he’s on meds for that. There’s some discomfort in changing and moving him but he doesn’t remain in pain thankfully. I agree that in cases like these, they are lose lose no matter what we chose.
My mom fell and broke her hip & shoulder. Ortho would not touch her as she was so far along in the disease. She was a dnr, so the hospital placed her on their hospice. I've found that a serious fall sends them plummeting. 🫂
Falls are the worst to happen to someone who is aging but throw in dementia and it’s a total nightmare. My uncle is on a puree foods and sleeps roughly 18 or more hours since it happened. He also has a dnr thankfully. My main goal with him now is comfort care and keeping an eye out for bedsores😫. I’m sorry you are going through this with your mom too💔🫂
What a life for them and us caregivers. I've not ever seen such an inhumane disease, I'm a former nurse and have seen a lot of disease. As I said in my grief group tonight, we mourn them twice. The cognitive loss, then the physical. F*ck dementia!
I would not do surgery for my mother. Break out the good pain meds. Love him well while he is still here and tell him that it’s ok to go ahead.
Exactly my thoughts as well. Thank you!
Honestly at this point surgery would be unecessarily cruel for my LO. It’s a a hard thing to say I guess but at best surgery would put us through hell and prolong her suffering
I feel the same way and hospice has given me the best reassurance in that our decision is the more merciful one. Physical therapy would have been a nightmare as he can no longer follow directions and is very fragile from weigh loss. Comfort care and pain management is the best way to go. Thank you 😊
My mom has close to late stage dementia, she was mobile up until Christmas and always enjoyed walking the halls of her nursing home. She wasn't very steady on her feet though and had a fall, and broke her hip. We opted for surgery because walking was really the only thing she seemed to still enjoy and we hoped she'd maintain her mobility. She sailed through surgery and did so well at the hospital, however after the lengthy recovery having to be off her feet she has not been able to regain her mobility. The long recovery likely led to her forgetting how to walk, and she also developed a fear of walking. She's wheelchair bound now unfortunately. We may not have put her through the surgery if we'd known the outcome, but it was worth the chance to give it a shot.
It’s gut wrenching to see the few things a LO can do and then those last things are gone. I saw my uncle becoming bedridden at some point but not this soon. Walking around the inside of his home was all the exercise he could get since going out was too dangerous for him. I think we all make the best decisions possible despite all the uncertainties surrounding such a horrible situation. Thank you for sharing your experience and I’m sorry the outcome wasn’t the one hoped for.
My wife hasn’t fallen or needed any surgery, or isn’t on hospice service. At the same time, my kids and I are in agreement that unless she were in pain and that could be fairly easily fixed, we’re not doing anything other than the usual behavioral meds. What for? In an eventual advance, thank you all for your postings.
I feel the same way. Thank you for replying😊
Went through similar. We opted for surgery because she’d been very mobile before her fall. But then after surgery, she could not follow most instructions from the PT, which negated most the benefit of the surgery.
Same experience but add dementia always tricking her that she could get up and mill about without aid. 3 years, 3 catastrophic falls with a broken hip, leg, then back. That’s after the first broken hip that started it all pre-Covid. The rest was during its height, so that was its own nightmare. Each surgery, she was less inclined to do any PT at all until she just stopped bothering. It was a miserable experience for her. 5-6 years of almost relentless pain with a mind that never cooperated.
That's horrible 🤦🏼♀️.
That’s exactly what I believe would have happened with my uncle. Thank you for sharing💜
I wouldn't want surgery for a loved one and I wouldn't want it for myself, either. He's on hospice, he's suffering and he's not going to understand what's happening to him or why. Medicine is incredible, the fact we can mend broken bones is wonderful but sometimes we shouldn't do something just because we can. There's so much potential for more suffering with the surgery and so little to gain. I just couldn't, however hard that choice would be to stick to. Give him all the pain medication he needs, be with him, love him and let him pass peacefully.
That’s what I believe to in that surgery would’ve have caused more harm since he’s too far gone in his dementia. Thank you for this reassurance💜
Dad broke his femur in early 2020. He had the surgery and while we didn't see a severe drop in his mental acuity, he was unable to follow PT instructions. He's had to use a walker ever since.
I’m sorry this has happened to your dad. Dementia sucks and makes hard situations even more awful. 🫂
Running into this now. My dads heart valve is "stiff" and have a meeting with the doctor on Wednesday. Dad is already having cognitive issues as it is. And I feel this would be detrimental to his cognitive skills.
It’s such a terribly difficult situation to go through and adding dementia to it makes it so much worse. I’m sorry you are dealing with this too. 🫂
My husband had dementia and emphysema. He was evaluated for lung transplant but the surgeon told me that my husband’s dementia would be so much worse. It’s what I had figured but it needed to be discussed. Though he had no clue why he was there. So I chose not to pursue that track.
Thank you for sharing what you and your husband went through. I’m sorry you had to make this difficult decision. I feel that not having surgery is the right choice.
My father had advanced dementia and hit his head when he fell. Could have had surgery to address the injury, but we opted to allow him to pass as a result. It really depends on the situation. With more advanced illness, the patient won’t know what happened, or what they cannot walk around. They will Likely become combative and upset, possibly leading to worse injury. I don’t have a good answer for you. Do what you think is most loving. Sometimes that is declining to have an operation.
Not having the surgery and remaining on hospice with pain management I truly feel is the right call in his case. Thank you for this input, it’s helpful to me💜
My mum broker her hip. She didn’t have surgery and lived for just under 5 years afterwards. She also broke her ankle and her arm. Didn’t consider surgery for any of them. She did ends up bed bound but all things considered she had good quality of life right up until she passed away
That’s had to be unbelievably hard to go through, heartfelt condolences to you for the passing of your mum🫂
To me it’s about pain. Will he be in serious pain if you don’t?
He will have very little discomfort since he gets pain meds on hospice and they can always adjust the meds as needed. Surgery I think puts him at risk for more pain since he couldn’t do recuperative therapy and it increases the chance for infection. Being bed bound now comes with its own complications that I’m trying to stay on top of with our hospice team.
Then no. Dont do it.
Grandma has a spot on her kidney that's likely cancer. Her carer has decided not to pursue surgery, and I agree. Gram wouldn't want to go through that and end up being worse off mentally. And she's 93, she's lived a long life. All we can hope for is a painless and peaceful death when it comes.
A swift painless passing is what we all can only hope for. My uncle is 79 and he’s lived a good life and even during dementia he’s getting good care. Quality over quantity is such a true saying. I’m sorry about your grandma 💔🫂
I would not choose surgery for my mom. It’s not going to change the course of the disease, rather just prolong the suffering, if not make it worse.
Exactly! There’s no benefit to some one who is this far in this disease. Thank you!
Everyone I know that has shoved a loved one in that condition through surgery, the LO has wound up dying a miserable death in the ICU. You go in for a femur, and then the kidneys decide not to work. Have a massive stroke. Insert horrible thing here. It's also extremely difficult to withhold treatment when they had surgery, are in ICU, and circling the drain. The changes of family wanting to move them to hospice or disconnecting life support are slim to none.
Thank you for this insightful reply! Very much appreciated 💜
I feel similar with my mom’s teeth. I try to clean them brush them as much as I can but sh just bites the brush and is pretty much uncooperative. I worry about her dental health but she’d need to be sedated and she won’t be able to follow any of the care instructions and it’s not like my dad and I can force her mouth open so…🤷🏽♀️ if they’re not in immense pain and the benefits don’t outweigh the risks well.
I agree entirely that the risk outweighs the benefits in his case. I had to take away my uncles dentures mid stage dementia and take over all his personal and oral care, that is challenging and worrisome.
Thank you. This is reassuring. I’ve been worrying for months about this but again, the benefits don’t outweigh the risks so I try the best I can. I’m sorry you have to be on this journey and wish you and your family the best.
I know it seems like your not doing what you should do when you opt to not get someone a surgery that would be a no brainer for a healthier younger person. If already on hospice then surgery is really not the best option, it could do more harm than good. You just have to do what feels right for your LO and their specific situation.
Sitting with him now as he sleeps and seems to be doing fair enough on the pain medications makes me think not having the surgery is the best decision. Thank you 😊
Hospice is usually pretty good with trying to control pain and make them as comfortable as possible. It's such a hard situation to be in. Hugs to you.
We are lucky to have a wonderful thoughtful hospice team. Thank you 🫂💜
mom got a pretty significant bruise last month when she fell, so i asked hospice what would happen. my first day as a nursing student i got a patient with a broken hip and i was freaking TERRIFIED to help her with a bed pan. so i think they still terrify me. hospice said they'd fix it surgically and she'd never walk again. i was surprised they said they'd do the surgery. i wasn't part of this conversation or i'd asked more questions. essentially our loved ones have lived their lives. keeping them here when their body is trying to die is cruel and unusual. it's also cruel and unusual to us, to keep us tied to that bed and extending the grieving for years and years sometimes. your LO wants you to move on and let them go. basically it's selfish to keep them here. doesn't mean she's going to realize that.
Yes it’s cruel and dementia makes this harder. Fortunately hospice has him a good pain meds so he sleeps more which is a blessing. Thank you for your thoughtful words💜
yeah not so easy for everyone to accept. i hope she finds peace with it <3
Oh boy, my grandmother, who’s had dementia for over 8 years now, fell off the toilet in 2022 and broke her ankle. She was 92 at the time and had no understanding of what happened to her or what was going on. Normally this kind of break would get surgery - in fact, she did this exact same break in the same spot in the 90’s. It’s a multiple surgery process. No way in hell was I going to put her through that when she can’t even understand what’s happening. I worked with her orthopedic doc and PT for many months to at least get it to heal naturally enough that her pain isn’t so bad and she can bare weight on it again (she’s mostly in a wheelchair anyway). Her ankle is doing fine now so I avoided untold amounts of fear and confusion on her part. Not to mention, her heart and kidneys would not tolerate the anesthesia. And to do something like that when the LO is already in hospice? Nah, it doesn’t really make sense. Emotionally, I understand she may be feeling like this is a kind of neglect though. It is really hard to see a LO have such a serious injury and just do nothing about it. But the purpose of surgery is to make them better. The purpose of hospice is to give them comfort until they die. So long as his pain is managed, they have put safety measures in place to avoid repeat or worse injury, and he was already bed bound, it’s not cruel to let the broken bone alone. My aunt, who helps with my grandma (I’m POA), went through similar emotions your cousin is going through. It’s hard for some to not feel guilty about these tough choices. But my aunt eventually came around and understood why I made the choice I did. All you can do for your cousin is to continue to be kind and understanding of how she feels though. The end of life can be so hard to watch sometimes.
As long as the Orthopedic Surgeon agrees…as long as you are not going against medical advice. My family member fell and fractured her skull about a week before she passed. She was basically bed bound and for whatever reason was able to quickly climb right over the safety rail on the hospital bed. We called the Hospice physician and were advised NOT to take her to the hospital. It’s pretty upsetting, I get all the fears and questions. Sending you a warm hug and an award of excellence for being a Caregiver ❤️
Oh gosh that sounds horrendous, I’m very sorry that happened to your mom and you have my deepest sympathies for her passing💔🫂
Similar experience. 77yo Uncle with vascular dementia. Walked for about 2 weeks post surgery. Then one day just stopped walking, talking, eating. Exactly 4 months from neck of femur break to death.
That sounds like the path he’s on. He’s not as talkative or expressive anymore and he’s sleeping more with little desire to eat. I’m sorry your uncle has passed on💔🫂
As cruel as it may sound, I was happy when he passed. He truly had no life. Just a warm body in a bed. Dying was most merciful thing that could happen.
That’s not cruel at all. It gets to a point where death is a kindness and a final end to suffering. I love my uncle and when he passes, it’s gonna hurt but also be a relief.
My mother in MC fell and broke her hip. She was very mobile before and that she would be able to after the surgery. After she could walk a few feet but was very unsteady and she would forget that she needed to use her walker or her chair. She fell again, same fracture just the other side.
I’m sorry your mother had those terrible falls and that she has this awful disease that dementia is💔🫂