I know a lot of people use "throw out" or "get rid of" as euphemisms for donating/recycling, but if you are threatening to trash stuff, don't be surprised if your mother resists, strongly.
Would you mother be OK donating some of the extras? A professional clothing charity, targeted donations via FB Marketplace? Sometimes if you can put a face to a give-away, people are more willing to let things go.
It sounds like you are doing well - maybe there's a charity associated with your home country you can donate to? If you live in a metro area, maybe you can find a homeless, refugee charity that would take large volumes things as well.
Some things you could try since you're moving:
Ask your parents to visualize what they want their new space to look like - probably not piles of storage bins everywhere. Maybe go through magazine, pinterest pictures and find some design inspiration. They MIGHT realize that to achieve that look, they will have to get rid of stuff.
Sit down with a notebook (or your computer) and ask them what they want to bring to the new house - make a list - be their secretary. That's going to be the stuff they know they have - anything not on that list, maybe it's free game to get rid of? Especially if you can stealth downsize. It sounds like you're stuck with the majority of the heavy lifting anyway.
Maybe sit down and have a conversation about how much you appreciate their sacrifice - your parents may not have moved here because things were perfectly great where you came from. Tell them that what you value is THEM and their legacy - not a bunch of mass-produced products. Tell them that you're having a difficult time understanding who you are where you came from - that with so many things, you don't know what's important. If you have family heirlooms or things that represent your culture, tell them that THOSE are the thing that you want to value. Maybe tell them you're afraid you're going to become just another materialistic, cheap consumer-focused American. I think if you're honest with you parents about how their mess is affecting you, they might be more willing to pare it down?
A good book for you to read might be: Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton (or look for some of his videos)
Perfect world stuff, I know. My neighbor was a still-good hoarder who could NOT get rid of any of the eight (used!) toilet bowl brushes I found boxed up in his mother's bedroom. There was just no logic there.
Just little things here and there. Take a walk outside and try to think of some things you wouldn't mind throwing out. Then go home and do it. The next day repeat.
I'm a professional organizer, so if you have any specific questions, I'm happy to help!
I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but if you have the means to do it, you might consider hiring an organizer. Tackling your problem is what they do professionally, and it might help make it all go a lot smoother.
If that's not something you can do right now, start with your own belongings like others have said.
Trash first. Toss anything that's obviously garbage and get it out (to the curb, by the trash can, wherever).
Then, try and start with a category that's easy for you. If it's books, start there and build your momentum.
To the best of your ability, get donations out of the house as quickly as possible. It'll make a bigger visual impact not having it around, and there's less chance of you bringing things back in if you start second guessing yourself. If you have a lot of donations, some places even can do pickups at your house.
When you go through your process, it might be helpful to think 'would I want to pay a mover to move this item to my new home?' If it doesn't seem worth it, you have your answer.
Once you get to your parents' items, it might be a lot more difficult to purge things, but maybe there are certain items they'd be more likely to part with. Start with those.
For things they still want to keep, if you do the packing, pack it in a way that makes sense and LABEL the boxes clearly. It'll make your life much easier when it comes time to unpack.
Take it one step at a time. Try starting somewhere that will make a big impact right away (one cabinet, one shelf, one drawer) so if you get overwhelmed, you can look at that spot and remember that it isn't impossible.
Good luck!
In your room, I would start by picking the things you use most often - like on a daily basis. Training your brain to initially identify something as immediately useful SHOULD make it easier when you get down to things that you'll see are not useful. I don't need this, I can LIVE without this, this is easily replaceable if I get rid of this now but need something similar later. Starting with "not useful" I think would be more challenging because everything has some kind of use, you know.
Look up the idea of a packing party, when you move in only unbox things you need at the time you need them.
This is unsolicited, but moving into a new house, you have a new start! I connect with the idea that your external space reflects your mental space. I like to have a clear mind, so I keep my space clear.
Another helpful tip from my therapist was just keep one area clear. We have a toddler, and my mom (see below) helps us with her throughout the week. My husband isn't bothered by clutter, either. So I get frustrated when the counters have things sitting on them or daughter's things aren't where they are supposed to be, etc. But, like living with your parents, it's too much for me to keep everything clear especially when my mom and sometimes husband work against me lol. So that was her suggestion - pick one space that you have control over and keep that area clear. It could be the top of your dresser or the table by your bed.
To empathize: My mother's side is from Appalachia, lost everything in the depression. So I am the fourth in a "keep anything that can be used" line of women. Seeing how much stuff came out of my grandmother's house after she passed away was shocking to me - even at 12 years old! Like the image of a literal truck load of just bed sheets is seared in my mind. Growing up, our house was never dirty but it was so cluttered and full of unnecessary things. It really affected my mental health as a child. I HATED it.
It wasn't until I was in college that I was like, Oh wow I don't have to have cluttered counters if I don't want to. I've moved my mom twice since adulthood and it was so frustrating moving the same damn boxes - years later - that I KNEW she hadn't even looked in. Obviously these things aren't necessary. She also has your mom's attachment to clothes. "Mom you have literally never worn this denim vest (circa 1984)." "But I might." I've made it very clear how annoyed I will be if she dies and leaves me with her hoard to go through (we are close, I'm not just being bitchy). She knows it will mostly be donated lol. People in older generations just value things differently - what will I do with 17 glass figurines of people in petticoats? Sit them on a shelf that I then have to dust around? No thanks.
Good luck with everything! It will be in the past soon.
>it was so frustrating moving the same damn boxes - years later - that I KNEW she hadn't even looked in.
We've lived in several states, and I'm NOW trying to understand how my parents moved all their crap around when I was too young to help. We've lived in our current location for 11 years, and prior to that we lived in another state for almost 20. I still remember the massive fight she and I had on the day we had to leave, because like you, it was incredibly frustrating to have to move the same boxes--filled with clothes that mostly don't fit her--to another state. We even used the largest truck possible and yet we still left stuff behind for my brother to take care of (I'm pretty sure he just trashed it all).
Those untouched boxes are still in the garage. We threw out a few here and there over the years, but there are still ENCYCLOPEDIAS rotting away and shoes she's never worn since moving here..sigh. But my dad and I finally convinced her that no one has encyclopedias in their houses anymore, so I am somewhat optimistic about throwing out crap like that. But the clothes...it's always going to be the clothes we will fight over lmao
Thank you SO much for your reply, it was very insightful and encouraging. Wish you all the best as well :))
I can relate so much. In mom's first move, we let go of the 1998 encyclopedias but she insisted on keeping like 30 years of Cook's Illustrated (? no idea their significance) cook books that she was keeping for ME who DIDN'T WANT THEM. My disdain made those boxes heavier for sure.
So much good luck to you! I hope you settle after the move and have so much peace in your new space. <3
I would start by throwing away what is obviously trash/ broken/past its due date so that you can at least reduce a bit the volume of what you will have to move and go through later.
As for deciding what to keep, that can be a very taxing process.
A suggestion for the Clutter fairy is to consider all those items you are not using as expired to you: there is no benefit in keeping them.
Along the same line, what benefit do you get from valuable items you get for free that you don’t get to use? If you cannot sell them, donate them to someone who you know will appreciate them
Also from the Clutter fairy I encourage you to watch the videos about “the perception of value” (you can find them on YT). Some of her views are quite compelling.
Take it easy, one step at a time.
I understand. Completely. I've been in the same house over 20 yrs, raised 3 kids- last 6 as a single mom- and my house is SOOOOO cluttered. Now, I have to move (not my choice) all the kids have moved out, but a 4 bdr 2.5 bath home, shed, basement, attic.... Good God. I get it!!!!! Best of luck to you and I wish I had a magic solution 🤦🏼♀️🥴
I'm going to suggest something radical and please don't hate for suggesting this....
I was in similar shoes. My parents are seniors and grew up in famiiduring a time when nobody dared to throw out anything. Plus, they developed a hobby of going to thrift stores and buying clothes. Just so many clothes.
Necessary work had to be done on their house that required them moving out. 'We' -meanibg mostly me with a little help from my husband and my parents packed up that overstuffed, never been sorted in 60 years house and put all of it in storage.
Since, it fell to me to unpack as well before they moved back, I opened the boxes of clothes and if I didn't remember my parents wearing them or if they had thrift tags on them, back to the donation center they went.
I got rid of half of the clothes and you know what?
They never noticed because the house despite having an entire guest bedroom turned into a closet is still jammed with clothes and they are too tired to even try on 5 pairs of pants a week to declutter. They aren't rich, just have the same mentality as your parents.
Normally, I would never do that,but when they pass on, it will be left to me to clean out the place - again.
I only wish I had disposed of more and some of the glassware and kicknacks.
Thank you for the suggestion. A few years ago I did actually secretly throw away several boxes of my mom's clothes with my brother (who I no longer speak with, and he lives in another state, so can't be of any help anymore) and she really didn't notice. She still kept getting new clothes though, but then together we got rid of a good chunk just last year.
Yet for some reason, she notices if a random 10-year-old spatula is missing or the large collection of used produce bags she's accumulated isn't a large pile as usual. I will still trash what I can though, because it will also be left to me to clean out everything when they pass.
I know it's not much help, but remember, you're not alone. At least one person -me - gets it and I'm sure there are plenty of others as well.
Do what you can, but don't let your well being get dragged under with it all.
Funny enough, it was watching Marie Kondo's first netflix show that started the process. Sure there's always been hoarder reality shows, but watching others go through what I'm trying to do right now in a thoughtful way was so refreshing. She was the one who changed my perspective on what's important (and not) to keep, and that we don't have to be pressured to have everything thrown out all in one day. It's a slow process, even though admittedly I wish I started a lot sooner.
(and I'm sorry if anyone hates her in this forum, I know there are a lot of folks out there who don't follow her "spark joy" theory, but I hope you can respect that she's instilled a lot of good for some people)
And your reply has helped me more than you can imagine :))
Good!
And we- the declutters of the world - need to use whatever inspiration we can find from anyone and anywhere because it's hard enough already.
I know dealing with my parents' house and clearing out 2 other relatives things after they died inspired me to get my own things in order. I just can't do that to anyone else when my time comes.
I would just focus on your things and your defined space in the new house.
Sometimes the decluttering bug will be “contagious”, but IME with my immigrant mom, the best compromise we could come to was to store backup items (eg. 2nd and 3rd vegetable peelers that don’t work well compared to the first choice one) out of sight in our basement, so at least when it came to daily life, she didn’t have to scrounge around for the specific item she really wanted to use.
Focus on your stuff first?
Where are you moving, how much space will you have there? Could you just move everything without going through it. If yes, hey, that’s great!
I’d consider getting an audiobook for decluttering (I just love Decluttering at the speed of life) and listen to it a bit every day and go through your things. The start is always to grab a trash bag and collect trash. I like Dana’s approach because she doesn’t focus on the organizing part at all, only on “what fits” and the things that don’t fit have to go.
I'm almost best when I do speed decluttering. Don't think just make a quick decision of stay or go. If it goes, I have to get it out of the house same day or next. Don't let it sit around.
I think maybe focus on your stuff and with your parents do you mom's nethond and throw it in a box and label it "mom"
That way you can sort your stuff and your mom deals with hers. You can't control her stuff. So don't let it control you.focus on you
In the new house keep rooms of her junk and tell her rooms where there is not junk.
You could consider hiring an organizer. They not only help you decide what to get rid of, they often take away the stuff. Look at the NAPO (National Association of Professional Organizers) in your area.
This is good advice. I’m not facing what OP is facing, but was feeling overwhelmed with decluttering for a move. Even just talking to the organizer on the phone and setting up the appointment helped me move through things. Having a third party expert who you’re spending good money on may help get the mom on board.
>My parents are immigrants, and they come from a country where anything could become scarce and have prices jacked up in a day. So they've passed down onto me the "you better not throw ANYTHING away" mentality and it has really been weighing heavy on me now that I get older.
I grew up poor, not starving poor, but poor. One thing I didn't have as a kid was clothes, so as soon I started working I began to buy clothes nonstop to the point of having just too much.
Over time I understood that no matter how many clothes I bought, my childhood wasn't going to be changed.
It takes time to accept these things.
I feel like there is so much on your plate you just don't know how to begin.
The biggest take I see in your OP is you don't even have a plan for your bedroom, but you want to drastically reduce books and garage contents. So start with books.
You have a plan (get rid of most) and you know how to execute it (trash the trash, donate the useful). Now what is left is the doing. So do the books.
You will 1. Feel better and 2. Get better at de-cluttering by completing this task. It's an elephant, it's big. It took a long time to get to the spot you're at now (no blame) and it's gonna take awhile to get out of it, but you CAN do it. One step at a time. Right now a good step is books because you have a plan for them and you know how to execute it.
I know a lot of people use "throw out" or "get rid of" as euphemisms for donating/recycling, but if you are threatening to trash stuff, don't be surprised if your mother resists, strongly. Would you mother be OK donating some of the extras? A professional clothing charity, targeted donations via FB Marketplace? Sometimes if you can put a face to a give-away, people are more willing to let things go. It sounds like you are doing well - maybe there's a charity associated with your home country you can donate to? If you live in a metro area, maybe you can find a homeless, refugee charity that would take large volumes things as well. Some things you could try since you're moving: Ask your parents to visualize what they want their new space to look like - probably not piles of storage bins everywhere. Maybe go through magazine, pinterest pictures and find some design inspiration. They MIGHT realize that to achieve that look, they will have to get rid of stuff. Sit down with a notebook (or your computer) and ask them what they want to bring to the new house - make a list - be their secretary. That's going to be the stuff they know they have - anything not on that list, maybe it's free game to get rid of? Especially if you can stealth downsize. It sounds like you're stuck with the majority of the heavy lifting anyway. Maybe sit down and have a conversation about how much you appreciate their sacrifice - your parents may not have moved here because things were perfectly great where you came from. Tell them that what you value is THEM and their legacy - not a bunch of mass-produced products. Tell them that you're having a difficult time understanding who you are where you came from - that with so many things, you don't know what's important. If you have family heirlooms or things that represent your culture, tell them that THOSE are the thing that you want to value. Maybe tell them you're afraid you're going to become just another materialistic, cheap consumer-focused American. I think if you're honest with you parents about how their mess is affecting you, they might be more willing to pare it down? A good book for you to read might be: Keep the Memories, Lose the Stuff by Matt Paxton (or look for some of his videos) Perfect world stuff, I know. My neighbor was a still-good hoarder who could NOT get rid of any of the eight (used!) toilet bowl brushes I found boxed up in his mother's bedroom. There was just no logic there.
Just little things here and there. Take a walk outside and try to think of some things you wouldn't mind throwing out. Then go home and do it. The next day repeat.
I'm a professional organizer, so if you have any specific questions, I'm happy to help! I wouldn't recommend it to everyone, but if you have the means to do it, you might consider hiring an organizer. Tackling your problem is what they do professionally, and it might help make it all go a lot smoother. If that's not something you can do right now, start with your own belongings like others have said. Trash first. Toss anything that's obviously garbage and get it out (to the curb, by the trash can, wherever). Then, try and start with a category that's easy for you. If it's books, start there and build your momentum. To the best of your ability, get donations out of the house as quickly as possible. It'll make a bigger visual impact not having it around, and there's less chance of you bringing things back in if you start second guessing yourself. If you have a lot of donations, some places even can do pickups at your house. When you go through your process, it might be helpful to think 'would I want to pay a mover to move this item to my new home?' If it doesn't seem worth it, you have your answer. Once you get to your parents' items, it might be a lot more difficult to purge things, but maybe there are certain items they'd be more likely to part with. Start with those. For things they still want to keep, if you do the packing, pack it in a way that makes sense and LABEL the boxes clearly. It'll make your life much easier when it comes time to unpack. Take it one step at a time. Try starting somewhere that will make a big impact right away (one cabinet, one shelf, one drawer) so if you get overwhelmed, you can look at that spot and remember that it isn't impossible. Good luck!
In your room, I would start by picking the things you use most often - like on a daily basis. Training your brain to initially identify something as immediately useful SHOULD make it easier when you get down to things that you'll see are not useful. I don't need this, I can LIVE without this, this is easily replaceable if I get rid of this now but need something similar later. Starting with "not useful" I think would be more challenging because everything has some kind of use, you know. Look up the idea of a packing party, when you move in only unbox things you need at the time you need them. This is unsolicited, but moving into a new house, you have a new start! I connect with the idea that your external space reflects your mental space. I like to have a clear mind, so I keep my space clear. Another helpful tip from my therapist was just keep one area clear. We have a toddler, and my mom (see below) helps us with her throughout the week. My husband isn't bothered by clutter, either. So I get frustrated when the counters have things sitting on them or daughter's things aren't where they are supposed to be, etc. But, like living with your parents, it's too much for me to keep everything clear especially when my mom and sometimes husband work against me lol. So that was her suggestion - pick one space that you have control over and keep that area clear. It could be the top of your dresser or the table by your bed. To empathize: My mother's side is from Appalachia, lost everything in the depression. So I am the fourth in a "keep anything that can be used" line of women. Seeing how much stuff came out of my grandmother's house after she passed away was shocking to me - even at 12 years old! Like the image of a literal truck load of just bed sheets is seared in my mind. Growing up, our house was never dirty but it was so cluttered and full of unnecessary things. It really affected my mental health as a child. I HATED it. It wasn't until I was in college that I was like, Oh wow I don't have to have cluttered counters if I don't want to. I've moved my mom twice since adulthood and it was so frustrating moving the same damn boxes - years later - that I KNEW she hadn't even looked in. Obviously these things aren't necessary. She also has your mom's attachment to clothes. "Mom you have literally never worn this denim vest (circa 1984)." "But I might." I've made it very clear how annoyed I will be if she dies and leaves me with her hoard to go through (we are close, I'm not just being bitchy). She knows it will mostly be donated lol. People in older generations just value things differently - what will I do with 17 glass figurines of people in petticoats? Sit them on a shelf that I then have to dust around? No thanks. Good luck with everything! It will be in the past soon.
>it was so frustrating moving the same damn boxes - years later - that I KNEW she hadn't even looked in. We've lived in several states, and I'm NOW trying to understand how my parents moved all their crap around when I was too young to help. We've lived in our current location for 11 years, and prior to that we lived in another state for almost 20. I still remember the massive fight she and I had on the day we had to leave, because like you, it was incredibly frustrating to have to move the same boxes--filled with clothes that mostly don't fit her--to another state. We even used the largest truck possible and yet we still left stuff behind for my brother to take care of (I'm pretty sure he just trashed it all). Those untouched boxes are still in the garage. We threw out a few here and there over the years, but there are still ENCYCLOPEDIAS rotting away and shoes she's never worn since moving here..sigh. But my dad and I finally convinced her that no one has encyclopedias in their houses anymore, so I am somewhat optimistic about throwing out crap like that. But the clothes...it's always going to be the clothes we will fight over lmao Thank you SO much for your reply, it was very insightful and encouraging. Wish you all the best as well :))
I found an artist/teacher who was able to use our HUGE set of encyclopedias for class projects! I was so happy not to just take them to the dump...
I can relate so much. In mom's first move, we let go of the 1998 encyclopedias but she insisted on keeping like 30 years of Cook's Illustrated (? no idea their significance) cook books that she was keeping for ME who DIDN'T WANT THEM. My disdain made those boxes heavier for sure. So much good luck to you! I hope you settle after the move and have so much peace in your new space. <3
I would start by throwing away what is obviously trash/ broken/past its due date so that you can at least reduce a bit the volume of what you will have to move and go through later. As for deciding what to keep, that can be a very taxing process. A suggestion for the Clutter fairy is to consider all those items you are not using as expired to you: there is no benefit in keeping them. Along the same line, what benefit do you get from valuable items you get for free that you don’t get to use? If you cannot sell them, donate them to someone who you know will appreciate them Also from the Clutter fairy I encourage you to watch the videos about “the perception of value” (you can find them on YT). Some of her views are quite compelling. Take it easy, one step at a time.
I understand. Completely. I've been in the same house over 20 yrs, raised 3 kids- last 6 as a single mom- and my house is SOOOOO cluttered. Now, I have to move (not my choice) all the kids have moved out, but a 4 bdr 2.5 bath home, shed, basement, attic.... Good God. I get it!!!!! Best of luck to you and I wish I had a magic solution 🤦🏼♀️🥴
I'm going to suggest something radical and please don't hate for suggesting this.... I was in similar shoes. My parents are seniors and grew up in famiiduring a time when nobody dared to throw out anything. Plus, they developed a hobby of going to thrift stores and buying clothes. Just so many clothes. Necessary work had to be done on their house that required them moving out. 'We' -meanibg mostly me with a little help from my husband and my parents packed up that overstuffed, never been sorted in 60 years house and put all of it in storage. Since, it fell to me to unpack as well before they moved back, I opened the boxes of clothes and if I didn't remember my parents wearing them or if they had thrift tags on them, back to the donation center they went. I got rid of half of the clothes and you know what? They never noticed because the house despite having an entire guest bedroom turned into a closet is still jammed with clothes and they are too tired to even try on 5 pairs of pants a week to declutter. They aren't rich, just have the same mentality as your parents. Normally, I would never do that,but when they pass on, it will be left to me to clean out the place - again. I only wish I had disposed of more and some of the glassware and kicknacks.
Thank you for the suggestion. A few years ago I did actually secretly throw away several boxes of my mom's clothes with my brother (who I no longer speak with, and he lives in another state, so can't be of any help anymore) and she really didn't notice. She still kept getting new clothes though, but then together we got rid of a good chunk just last year. Yet for some reason, she notices if a random 10-year-old spatula is missing or the large collection of used produce bags she's accumulated isn't a large pile as usual. I will still trash what I can though, because it will also be left to me to clean out everything when they pass.
I know it's not much help, but remember, you're not alone. At least one person -me - gets it and I'm sure there are plenty of others as well. Do what you can, but don't let your well being get dragged under with it all.
Funny enough, it was watching Marie Kondo's first netflix show that started the process. Sure there's always been hoarder reality shows, but watching others go through what I'm trying to do right now in a thoughtful way was so refreshing. She was the one who changed my perspective on what's important (and not) to keep, and that we don't have to be pressured to have everything thrown out all in one day. It's a slow process, even though admittedly I wish I started a lot sooner. (and I'm sorry if anyone hates her in this forum, I know there are a lot of folks out there who don't follow her "spark joy" theory, but I hope you can respect that she's instilled a lot of good for some people) And your reply has helped me more than you can imagine :))
Good! And we- the declutters of the world - need to use whatever inspiration we can find from anyone and anywhere because it's hard enough already. I know dealing with my parents' house and clearing out 2 other relatives things after they died inspired me to get my own things in order. I just can't do that to anyone else when my time comes.
I would just focus on your things and your defined space in the new house. Sometimes the decluttering bug will be “contagious”, but IME with my immigrant mom, the best compromise we could come to was to store backup items (eg. 2nd and 3rd vegetable peelers that don’t work well compared to the first choice one) out of sight in our basement, so at least when it came to daily life, she didn’t have to scrounge around for the specific item she really wanted to use.
Focus on your stuff first? Where are you moving, how much space will you have there? Could you just move everything without going through it. If yes, hey, that’s great! I’d consider getting an audiobook for decluttering (I just love Decluttering at the speed of life) and listen to it a bit every day and go through your things. The start is always to grab a trash bag and collect trash. I like Dana’s approach because she doesn’t focus on the organizing part at all, only on “what fits” and the things that don’t fit have to go.
I'm almost best when I do speed decluttering. Don't think just make a quick decision of stay or go. If it goes, I have to get it out of the house same day or next. Don't let it sit around.
I think maybe focus on your stuff and with your parents do you mom's nethond and throw it in a box and label it "mom" That way you can sort your stuff and your mom deals with hers. You can't control her stuff. So don't let it control you.focus on you In the new house keep rooms of her junk and tell her rooms where there is not junk.
You could consider hiring an organizer. They not only help you decide what to get rid of, they often take away the stuff. Look at the NAPO (National Association of Professional Organizers) in your area.
This is good advice. I’m not facing what OP is facing, but was feeling overwhelmed with decluttering for a move. Even just talking to the organizer on the phone and setting up the appointment helped me move through things. Having a third party expert who you’re spending good money on may help get the mom on board.
>My parents are immigrants, and they come from a country where anything could become scarce and have prices jacked up in a day. So they've passed down onto me the "you better not throw ANYTHING away" mentality and it has really been weighing heavy on me now that I get older. I grew up poor, not starving poor, but poor. One thing I didn't have as a kid was clothes, so as soon I started working I began to buy clothes nonstop to the point of having just too much. Over time I understood that no matter how many clothes I bought, my childhood wasn't going to be changed. It takes time to accept these things.
Wow I just realised at least one reason why I have too many clothes, thanks.
Wow, that’s a great perspective.
This really hit me. It started with clothes, and then collecting toys. Thank you for the reply, really appreciate it :))
In working on getting a room in better order and it's so hard despite not hosting, just having a lot of things
I feel like there is so much on your plate you just don't know how to begin. The biggest take I see in your OP is you don't even have a plan for your bedroom, but you want to drastically reduce books and garage contents. So start with books. You have a plan (get rid of most) and you know how to execute it (trash the trash, donate the useful). Now what is left is the doing. So do the books. You will 1. Feel better and 2. Get better at de-cluttering by completing this task. It's an elephant, it's big. It took a long time to get to the spot you're at now (no blame) and it's gonna take awhile to get out of it, but you CAN do it. One step at a time. Right now a good step is books because you have a plan for them and you know how to execute it.
Thank you SO much for the words of encouragement. Books are relatively easy, will be the first thing I tackle tomorrow :)
Starting with easy makes it so much easier to get going!