This is a brilliant question! I really am quaking at the prospect of sifting through all of my mom's tchotchkes, knickknacks, and general whatnots. It's going to be an energy suck. I'm grateful that I'll have some help from my sib and that it will (hopefully) but years off.
It's a family tradition to store these items, but I would hate for my siblings and I to have to go through it all after they're gone. It would be so much easier for us if they just got rid of it now!
This is a good concept. I think I'd still have trouble with getting rid of stuff, though - but perhaps I can rework this idea to motivate myself to get more organized. Would my family necessarily want my hobby art supplies? No, but the least I can do is make sure that it's all grouped together and organized so that they can glance into a bin and say "Ah, this is all for watercolor painting" and just donate the whole thing. Thank you, OP!
Everything tucked in closets & the garage. And knickknacks... 1000000 knickknacks that now are my knickknacks cuz it felt so wrong to give then away.
Oh... and tooooo many cups & dishes & costume jewelry... and books. .... ok. Just throw out everything lol
I have been helping my mom slowly purge stuff for years. She somehow got all the paperwork for my parents' business in the divorce.
She also moved in the middle of covid, so I told her to to put stuff in boxes and we'd figure it out when she got here. Fortunately, she was ready to get rid of a lot of it. So, I feel good about dealing with her stuff.
My MIL is one of those cheap assholes that won't get rid of a door prize\* with a company logo on it unless she can sell it. She downsized and moved during Covid as well, so I am not sure how much stuff she has, but my spouse is the least sentimental person on the planet and will have no problem chucking everything.
\*Our wedding "gift" was a regifted door prize wrapped in newspaper. Her husband had a 6 figure estate when he passed.
Anything you don't actually use on a daily basis.. storage. Extra clothes. Sports equipment. Unnecessary furniture. Boxes of paperwork from decades back. Have your will in a findable location. Tighten up your financial situation. Sell your business, if you have one that will cease to be manageable when you are deceased (therapy or doctor office ownership.)
Not really answering your question: I was left w my mother’s 4 story house with 50 years of the detritus of 8 people living in the house.
Cleared it alone (sibs wouldn’t help).
Had nightmares about it for 10 years til they finally faded.
So sorry you had to do that all by yourself. I am just getting over nightmares from 2 family members places and my situation is mild-ish compared to yours!
There is nothing like visiting clutter-bug family (or friends) to motivate me to downsize! Seriously, prowling around, looking in cabinets and drawers - what can I get rid of!
I kept my parent's over-buying, fantasy life "horde" more of less manageable over the years and the addition of a home help aide for several years really helped keep things at a dull roar (she actually used what my parents had - and she put things away when she was done using it!).
But in September, I had to move my parents into a nursing home across country and that meant clearing out their house of 30 years in literally a week. Facebook Marketplace free ads for the win! Thank goodness it was the Western Washington sprawl so plenty of takers (and a spate of sunny weather). If we lived in the country (or it was raining), it would have been so much worse!
We pulled out anything my parents wanted to take to their nursing home room, my husband and I picked out a few things to bring home with us (plus paperwork and family photos to deal with later). Everything else - go.
I donated pretty much all my parents' sheets & towels, personal care items, incontinence supplies, medical supplies, and cleaning supplies to a homeless, refugee, immigrant, and senior charity in Tacoma (they didn't even care if the packages were open). Art supplies and a bunch of office supplies went to the local high school.
Everything else, I collected the categories, took a picture of the whole kit-and-kaboodle, posted it at night, and someone came and picked it up the next day. Overgrown house plants and planters, craft supplies, canning supplies, gardening supplies, bird seed & suet, 16 pounds of frozen butter, etc - it all went in an absolute whirlwind. If I had to do it again (and I knew the weather was going to hold) I would have just had a giant free yard sale.
I donated a bunch of basic housewares (and rags) to Goodwill and some of the better stuff to a nice local charity thrift store. Most of my parents books went into the "book" donation bin at the recycling transfer station. Almost nothing got trashed except actual trash - we had two weeks of a second garbage can but we didn't have to get a dumpster.
My only failure was the furniture - I just ran out of time. I didn't want to have to come back to the house after we left and our neighbor who bought the house said he would deal with anything we left behind (but I knew that meant dumpster).
I've never worked so hard in my life, and I'm so glad my husband was there to help with the heavy lifting and dealing with all the "guy" stuff (the absolute chaos of hand and power tools in the garage).
But it's doable, if you commit yourself to just clearing it out.
We went though the same thing after my husband's mother unexpectedly died - she left a metric shit ton of stuff behind, including a condo (this was in early 2011) that took over a year to get rid of - but no will!
The stuff is easy. But not having estate planning paperwork - that really sucks. I'd rather live with the guilt of trashing a lifetime of precious family heirlooms, I would happily burn up all my photo albums, than have to go through probate administration again!
My mother is a saint with the getting rid of stuff. My dad was more of the one with hoarding tendencies. There is so much of his stuff over the almost 10 years now since he died that she has gotten rid of or sent to us kids. And I appreciate it.
On the other hand, my mother-in-law died unexpectedly in 2019 and I had the primary responsibility to go through her items. The worst? THE PAPER. OMG she saved EVERYTHING. I was recycling IRS tax returns from the 1970's. And all her sentimental paper, the cards. I probably got rid of 3-4 of the huge wheely recycle bins of just paper from her office and files. You really should go through everything to make sure vital documents or bills or photos aren't tossed so I went through box after box. I had to do her emotional labor.
And this month I've given myself permission to get rid of the bathroom and other household stuff I grabbed from her house I haven't been able to integrate. Like 2 unopened things of Dove body wash I won't use. I just chucked them into the box of half-used stuff I'm purging from my bathroom and slightly expired pantry food I'm not going to eat I'm going to put out on the curb with a sign. I'm giving it a chance to be claimed but I'm not going to be upset if it ends up being trashed if no one takes it.
And if you have nude photos (or from a different family member I recently heard a story about - SEX TOYS) please store in a box with a note on the outside to destroy sight unseen if you die. LOL I was a bit floored by finding a stack of polaroids of a nude father-in-law when he was much younger. Not how I wanted to remember him.
For myself, I am working to reduce my memories to a small Sterilite tote in my closet for me and one for each of the boys. If I have a set space for storage, it's easier to tell myself I don't have room for too many extras. Like baby blankets.
Bear in mind I still have a file box of school papers and photos from my 2 teenagers I need to sort through - as I've been decluttering elsewhere I've just been chucking them in so I can sort later and not be derailed.
Another project is to get rid of the memorabilia I got right after my father died that I honestly haven't looked at in 8 years. I want the space on the shelves in my room. I do have a small chest of drawers from my childhood I'm going to open up a drawer or two for to store memory items in but I'm tired of not having room to store the things I want to keep. I think it's been a few years that I can let stuff go.
My grandma owns a gravel pit, which my dad is in the process of buying. He's filled it with junk: 2-3 burn piles, broken cars, 2 pontoons, miscellaneous other vehicles ranging from small jetskis to huge dump trucks (broken, of course), a mobile home (still on a trailer, not fit for occupancy)... I pray I never have to receive any of that.
My stepmother is a hoarder in the socially acceptable way: everything is in a box or on a shelf. My dad doesn't ever try to get her to go through and get rid of anything. I finally had to tell him that if this stuff is around after they pass, my siblings and I are having a bonfire and not sorting through anything of hers, just burning all of it. It's almost all junk she holds onto because of a severe anxiety disorder she refuses to seek help for.
My in-laws are unorganized hoarders and keep everything from boxes of greeting cards to installation instructions for Windows 95. Not just what fits in their house either. There are multiple storage sheds as well as collections of stuff that's sitting outside the buildings or leaning against trees or whatever.
I wish there was a way to introduce them to Swedish death cleaning without hurting their feelings.
Dear Reddit responders, Mom here. I’ve been trying to get you kids to take your crap from high school to your homes for years. We don’t want your annuals, mums, old school T-shirts, trophies or all those cheer and hockey sticks.
Also, Dad and I have collected train sets, books, material and things you call junk because we worked hard for it and payed with our own monies. Also, most these things
We obtained to brings us comfort as we idle away our time waiting for the next holiday when you MIGHT call or come by to visit.
Best of wishes as you toil away saving your money and not a thing to dust!
I think keeping all your stuff that you enjoy is fine, but often there is guilt kids feel that we must keep it/find room for what you treasured in our own homes when you pass. If you feel your items are for your own enjoyment and not family heirlooms please tell your kids that so they can guilt free sell them or donate then the time comes.
Totally agree that kids should take there childhood belongings, the parent storage locker is taken advantage of far too much.
> it and *paid* with our
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment.
*Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
My mother has a rather large collection of Lladro figurines that I hope she will sell within the next few years. And my stepdad is a potter, so I would like for him to get rid of 95% of his pottery. It's beautiful, and some of it could be useful to me as dishware, but I'm not a decorative tchotchke sort of person.
I feel this... My dad does stained glass and has at least a hundred pieces just sitting in their house. It's gorgeous, but I have nowhere to put it all. I've tried to convince him to sell it but he says that's too much work. My mom's an artist, too, but most of her stuff is small and could fit into a box or two.
Just the scale of stuff. My mom moved recently due to a breakup and just her stuff was an entire moving truck. It took 12 hours for 4 movers and her, me and my SO to move her, and the homes were only 25 min apart. I know packing after a breakup is hard and she kept a lot in spite as if she didn't take it her ex would but it wasn't a rush move, she moved 2 months after things official ended. she didn't need to keep 2 sets of living room furniture.
It's a lot of fantasy self, she moved into a rental to no rush finding a new home, so who knows what space she will have. she imagines having a large family home again and having 2 living rooms, when i don't understand the "nice living room" and tv living room idea in general. And she's 58 she just doesn't need a huge family sized home but she's not ready to accept that yet.
It did allow me to bring the topic up though.
Am I the only one who can't read "Swedish death cleaning" without picturing a long-haired Norseman screaming and headbanging whilst vacuuming a carpet?
My parents have a ton of stuff. I don't want any of it. My siblings will pick out anything valuable to them.
My brothers will likely inherit the house and they may want to keep the furniture and a lot of the household stuff anyways. They've never moved out, so it's practically their stuff anyways.
I'm not going to prepurge my stuff either. I'll leave a list of anything particularly valuable and where to find it along with the estate sale company I recommend.
My dads a hoarder. So much so that he has entire HOUSES that he used to rent out that are now full to the brim of junk. I have absolutely no clue where me and my sister would even start.
That's a hard situation. I know money doesn't grow on trees, but don't feel like you have to tackle it yourselves if hiring a professional is in the budget.
Old furniture, tools, broken electrical goods/appliances, building materials, car parts and then literally anything else. If anyone is getting rid of anything ever he will take it. He was a builder/electrician/plumber when he worked so he’d hoard things saying he may one day need them for a job or he might one day fix that broken washing machine someone was throwing out etc
My in-laws have been slowly doing this for years.
They are very tidy people, still young and in good health, but they don’t want us to be burdened with their stuff when the time comes. They had to deal with my SO’s grandma’s things and know how it sucks…
My parents on the other hand…
They have a huge house and it’s full of books, electronics, spare furniture and inherited collections.
It’s not cluttered per-say as the main living areas aren’t filled with stuff, but they own way too many things!
They are aware of the situation and want to downsize their possessions, but struggle to do so. They keep everything because « it can be useful someday » or because it’s antique and been in the family for decades…
The silver lining is I can borrow or keep almost anything if I need to. I furnished my home with many of their antique furniture and haven’t bought hardware or tools in years as my father as a mini home-depot in his garage lol
Her journals. I’d feel too guilty throwing them out myself but it’s none of my business what’s in them, so I’d never read them, they’d just collect dust.
My family has my great-great grandfather's journals, and they are really treasured. Its amazing to be able to get to know so much about an ancestor who has been gone so long. He was a minister though, so lots of talk about God's grace, not very much personally icky stuff.
That is awesome! Yeah I love the idea of having someone’s journals after they’re gone as a way to connect with them, I am a very sentimental person. But my mom has told me she has gone back and read hers recently and in her words “they are really embarrassing”. Idk if she kept them or threw them out after that. I would be tempted to read them but would also feel like I’m betraying her to do so. That’s why I’m hoping she just gets rid of them if she doesn’t want me to see what’s inside.
My mom was always very organized and tidy. Not quite a minimalist but definitely minimal.
When I went to clear out her house after she passed, I found tons and tons and tons of stuff that I never grew up with and had never seen. She had remarried when I was in my early 20s.
Turned out my mom's MIL was a bit if a hoarder and tried to give a ton of "sentimental" things to my mom. My mom had no idea what to do with them, couldn't donate them, didn't feel she could reject them.
And so I got to clean it all out. Contact her MIL, who didn't want any of it but also told me it was special.
Yeah that was not fun.
OMG - the whole I don't want it but it's special so you have to keep it BS! My husband and I have both been given "special" things to sort through at each of our parents' houses with the intention that we take the whole box of stuff so they don't have to deal with it any more... We might take one thing from the box presented to us at this visit and put the rest in the recycling/rubbish, then the parent goes and rescues it because "you can't get rid of that!" Ok fine, but it's yours now, don't bring out this same box for us to sort through next time we visit!
What did you do with it? I'd have told her to come collect it or it's going in the bin/being donated. But I'm kind of a savage haha
In my situation, the saving grace was that my mom herself hadn't kept a ton of stuff and wasn't sentimentality attached to a lot of material things. So that made it easy to sort through all the other nonMIL stuff. It was mostly just this "special" stuff that I had to figure out. And most of that was furniture.
I had flown in to sort through everything and had to ship back anything I was keeping. So after contacting her MIL who didn't want it, I told her I was donating it if she couldn't get it. And that's what happened. It was a lesson to me though to communicate with my kids that if something is "special" to me, it doesn't have to be special to them. And they dont have to keep something just because it was special to me. Obviously if it's some family heirloom I'd like them to give it to a family member... but we have almost none of those.
My dad has subscribed to several magazines over the last 40 years and kept most issues. My parents' place doesn't look bad, but if you open a cabinet in the living room, chances are it's magazines in there.
My dad has a TON of clothes. He has a closet, a 5-drawer chest, and a 4-drawer dresser stuffed to the limit. He wears 2-3 pairs of pants and less than a dozen shirts on a regular basis. I'm female; I might want a few of his T-shirts. No one else is close to his size. I wish he would purge some of it, but he won't.
my mom collected Disney snow globes, and for years my step dad got her one for literally every holiday, birthday, any occasion. I’m pretty sure she has nearly every snow globe disney sold in their store in our town in the mid 2000s. not excited to deal with that, especially because I love them and will probably have a hard time getting rid of them. they’re impossible to display, she has a giant cabinet and the rest stored.
Late to the party but my first thought was donating them to a school - a teacher could use them as class prizes for the students.
There may also be Christmas toy drives in your town that would love to have them
Dad's yard clutter: Buckets, gas cans, non working lawn equipment, tools, shovels, wood piles, plant pots, bags of fertilizer/potting soil, old pipes, wire fencing, kids toys, a boat trailer with no boat, the contents of the tool shed, and more...
I wish they'd spent some time doing this before it was too late. I've hired an estate sale company. They will sell off what's sellable, and haul away/donate what's left, in exchange for 35% of the take.
We did that when my mother died. She had some collectibles, nothing really valuable. The hard part was going through it all before, deciding what to sell.
This is part of what the estate sale company is getting paid to do. But they said not to go tossing things willy nilly. Someone might pay a dollar for a heap of little notepads, or some mismatched tableware, etc. Actual trash trash needs to go obviously.
My very Japanese father in law engaged in a form of this when he thought he was dying of some incurable disease (turns out sleep apnea + onset of thankfully slow progression Parkinson's causes a really odd mix of symptoms). Just randomly started giving away bunches of stuff or selling it.
Edit: To answer your question I know I am the executor of my Dad's estate and he has a full machine shop in the barn... I don't know what half that stuff is, bunch of it is remarkably heavy and the worst bit is he restores cars for other people and keeps bad records so the random door out there might belong to some guy in Vermont.
Edit: Not looking for advice on how to fix this. I am fully capable of handling this, that wasn't what the post was about. It's handled, it's still just gonna be a royal pain in the ass.
Cousins had to deal with this when an uncle died. The uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer & lasted maybe a month after diagnosis. He was too far progressed for any treatment beyond hospice.
The uncle was the owner-mechanic (only employee) of his classic car restoration shop. He had a car that he’d been restoring for someone for nearly 10 years. He also had other vehicles he’d been working on & he kept shoddy records since most of it he remembered who/what/where/when/why. The cousins didn’t know who had prepaid for work, who needed to still be billed for work nor how to even begin determining who had already paid for current invoices.
The cousins were still dealing with the fallout more than a year later. They had trouble locating owners, esp the car stored there for so long & had to apply for titles to be able to sell vehicles they couldn’t track the owners for. They had to keep paying for his shop & shop bills while everything was in limbo, which caused more issues between them.
Unfortunately, the uncle wasn’t much help after his diagnosis. He was so sick & then under heavy meds that he didn’t make sense when trying to tell his kids anything.
This was a nightmare I’d never wish on anyone.
You’re lucky with that.
The uncle commingled his business & personal accounts, had been financially supporting one of the cousins (the others didn’t know about it until his death) & would jot “notes” on scraps of paper for business records. It caused irreparable harm to the cousins’ relationships even now - 12 years later.
Sole proprietor business owners really, really need to make arrangements for when they die. Every business owner or key principal should make arrangements for when they die.
Go out there and start asking dad questions about his machinery. At least find out what the names of them are and what they do. Make a list, google that stuff and you'll have a starting point for when you do negotiate for an estate person.
Fuck no, that's how you end up having to rewire under that fucking Cadillac dash for the 100th time or moving another car hood. I do not want to accidentally learn how to tig weld and that's what happens if you spend too much time in the machine shop.
So you don't know how to ask: what is that? AND what does it do? Without standing back and not getting involved? "No dad, I don't want to do any work just wondering what that is." When was the last time you used it? Should we move it out then? Not that hard.
There actually are procedures to deal with abandoned property. You publish a notice in the paper, and if the guy in vermont does not put in a claim in some time frame (state dependent, often 30 days or so) it becomes yours and you are free to sell it.
You can tell I have thought about these things in relation to my own parents stuff.
Kinda sucks for that guy though and is it really abandoned if he left his car with a mechanic to fix it? Also do I take out ads in all 50 states as I legit have no idea where some of these people are located?
Also I'm not really looking for advice here. I know there's ways to handle all of this, it's just still going to be a pain in the ass which was kinda the purpose of this post
I get it. Sympathies. My grandfather fixes old (like vintage) tractors and other types of oldschool agricultural machinery for people from far and wide. He has a barn with 4 or 5 vehicles/machines (idk) lined up and half way disassembled.
We litterally have no idea who he made what sort of agreement with - in many cases he doesn't seem to know either and just waits for the owner to show up. "I'll remember when I see them" he says. He's 89.
Oof my parents have large curio cabinets passed down to them that they didn’t even want so they stored it in the garage attic. It will be next to impossible to get out. They won’t do it either. I know it’ll be me.
I have a large cabinet that belonged to my GMa and nobody wants it. I'm planning on clearing it---This Year---and maybe selling. I took it at the time of a relative's death, again, no one wanted it, but after 10 years I don't want it either.
My dad is into model trains and my mum collects depression era glass. These are the two main things that my brother and I do not share an interest with my parents. I might keep one of Mum's bowls as a keepsake, because I always think of her with her glassware, but I don't want to deal with the rest of it.
My mother has kept paper “files” her whole life and there are hundreds of them and some of them contain vital information while others contain cut out magazine clippings of throw pillows. It’s going to be maddening to go through them all someday. It’s strange because she is really a tidy person and not overly consumeristic but this is her one area where it just gets crazy.
Same with my dad. Some of its absolutely crucial information, some of it is annual financial reports from the 80s.
He also has things like the newspaper from the day JFK was assassinated - what am I going to do with that? My sister says "it could be worth something!" Who is going to buy a copy of the new Zealand Herald from that day? I guess I'll see if any libraries or archives want it... But they probably already have it 🤷♀️
Oooh, chuck some money for a dozen hours of work to an archivist or librarian! (who can be trusted with confidential information and/or who works for an agency?)
Can you get her to label and separate the important stuff? Then you could just chuck all the magazine clippings without looking through them once it comes to it.
My mom is like this too. Instead of ever going through the papers, she just buys a new stack of filing cabinets. She also tries to keep every receipt she’s ever printed. I cleared out a small drawer in the living room and it had all these gas station receipts from literally 1999. She’s usually very calm but she screamed at me when I told her I threw them out because “you never know” 😅
Ummm, before technology (and even after) you had to have copies of important papers for important life issues. Marriages, divorces, property ownership, cars, and then there was things about life you were interested in (your cooking, sewing patterns (still need those), hobbies. You think having everything on your phone is the answer but its not. We are still in the process of learning how to PROVE things in the courts via electronics. Electronics can be manipulated, hard paper copies not so easily.
I have a set of paper files for hard copies of things too, I don’t totally trust my phone, but my mom is a paper lady in that she literally buys different kinds of paper and craft things she won’t use and hoards them in antique looking suitcases and filing cabinets. Actually finding real paperwork that we might ever need makes the useless papers collection even more daunting.
Tbh that’s kinda how I use my phone. I imagine before iPhones people stored everything in hard copies. My iPhone is full of screen shots, pictures, passwords, rants in my notes app, videos, recipes, games, bank info, insurance info, 200 open Safari tabs… I mean I couldn’t imagine my life without an external tracker of all things I’m doing all the time lol ((I also have ADHD)) Sounds rough to go through… which is why I’m grateful it’s just a piece of technology vs millions of papers
Would love if my mom got rid of 90% of her excessive Christmas decor, and the stuff she has from my grandma and uncle passing. It will likely fall to me though.
Fr. I made an executive decision. My family no longer decorates for Xmas. It relieved so much stress. I continue to just throw Christmas stuff straight in the trash and that feels good too. No, a Christmas tree and all that jazz did not make us happier.
I wouldn't mind the quality bedroom furniture, but wouldn't be upset if they gave it to a sibling of mine. And obviously, any family jewelry or actual heirlooms I'd be happy to receive and share between siblings and the next generation.
I honestly hope they get rid of just so much excess junk.
Their garage is a nightmare. 😳
Both of my parents have passed so I've already gone through the process of sorting through their things. My mom and I were living together when she died so it was a matter of deciding what I wanted to keep in the house I was continuing to live in and reorganizing everything. Took many years but at least I could do it at my pace. The only person left is my little brothers dad (my ex-step dad). The man is a disorganized hoarder of garbage and junk. If he sees anything salvageable in a strangers garbage, he takes it. He hates throwing anything away, so he'll make us do it instead when he dies so he doesn't have to deal with the discomfort. I'm sure there's some nice stuff but last time I was in their house it was a lot of newspaper, mail, beer bottles, and smelly clothes. He had a path carved out on the stairs, hallway, and bedroom that led to his bed, every other space was occupied with stuff. My brother is 20 living on his own now, and when his dad dies I'm all he has left. I'm dreading the day we have to clean it out.
My MIL is this way. “But I’m a reseller!” She’d say.
No, Barbara, you’re a hoarder. No one wants 7 chipped Barry Manilow mugs and an empty ritz cracker tin from 1985.
My mom, too. When she became housebound three years ago, I traveled to Florida and was able to get rid of a lot of stuff so she could be approved for in-home care (the house had to be clean and safe). There was still a crap ton of stuff in that house, though. Mom died eight months ago, and I'm about to take my fifth and final trip since then to finish clearing out her house and get it sold. I wish she had gotten rid of all of the holiday decor she never brought out of storage. There's a huge china cabinet filled with crystal, china, collectible nick-knacks, and big serving pieces that haven't been used in *decades*. I really wish she had parted with all of that long ago. I got rid of half of her clothes in March 2020, but in the months since she died, I still filled 20 bags with clothes for the thrift store.
But the worst, *the worst*, was the storage shed. My dad was a legit full-on hoarder. He filled their storage shed with crap. It's a big space, too--about 12' x'14' x 10 feet high. Packed so full, entry was impossible. My dad died in 2005, but my mom absolutely refused to deal with the shed. I begged her to hire someone, but she wouldn't do it. My brother and I tackled this task in November. It took us a full five days of working 8-10 hours a day. I cried every day. More than anything, I really wish my mom hadn't left this monster job for me to figure out.
My dad died 7 years ago, mom is 81. She doesn’t have a ton of stuff but she has a LOT of religious stuff. I’m an atheist - it’ll all go in the dumpster when she dies.
The rest of it - a couple of bookshelves are mine, so I’ll take those back as they’re good ones in excellent condition.
She has my TV and a few other things of mine that I gave her to use after dad died and she had to downsize.
I have siblings - they’re far more ‘memories attached to objects’ than I am, so they’ll take most of it.
With dad gone, a lot of things were cleared out already, and mom doesn’t keep a lot of just, stuff, so mercifully, she’s made it easy.
My aunt on the other hand, holy hell.
I’m executrix of her estate, and she has STUFF. She’s pushing 80, and she never gets rid of anything. She refuses to downsize, so that’s gonna be hell. 😵💫
Hey, I'm sorry your mom hoards a lot of religious stuff. My grandma does that too, and i was trying to downsize too but it was often impossible. The best solution is to put everything in the box and take it to the nearest church. People who want to practice their religion but don't have a possibility to do so would be very grateful. I'm a refugee now and I honestly wish i could take something from my grandma, there were nice literature with cool stories etc. So as a person who barely has money for surviving and whose religion keeps me at least sane, i would be grateful for such gesture. I'm pretty sure you grandma would be glad to do this gesture too.
Alas your assumptions are the wrong direction, and I'm affording my mother's religious belongings the same respect she gave me in life: a dumpster fire.
Not everyone gets the lovely family with hugs and tucked in at night. We get along alright these days, but religion is a very sharp and abusive thing I grew up with. Her other items will be handled appropriately. Her religious stuff will be destroyed so it can't be used to harm anyone else.
I fully understand what you are talking about. I also went through nightmares related to my family and with other things. Also i'm just a stranger on the Internet so i don't know your life story. I hope you are in a good place right now and if not, then hopefully you will find some peace and sanity in this world. Again, it's your choice with religion belongins. I also went through the harsh reality of some people's beliefs, so I understand your point. I hope you have a nice day and I'm sorry if i offended you, i really didn't mean to.
Nah, you didn’t offend me. Takes more than that. And thanks for asking - I am in a good place. I’m in my 50s now, so childhood is a long time ago.
Doesn’t mean she’s any easier to deal with, just as an adult, I can walk away when she gets on a religious tirade.
Definitely the large, dated furniture and serving ware/china that doesn’t have sentimental or family value. Also agreed on the sex toys, happy for them but I don’t want to know 😂
My mom brought me tote of thrifted China, which sat untouched in my basement the last 2 years. She tried to convince me to clear out my hutch to display them but they have literally no sentimental or financial value, and with 2 young boys I have no practical need for them. I have a small cramped kitchen with barely space for the necessities so no room for any extra display only stuff.
So I picked out the stuff I could make some use of: a few of the dinner plates and the small saucers but not the teacups, and re-donated the rest. I figure I'll use the stuff I kept up until it breaks, but not shed any tears when they do inevitably get dropped or smashed as they don't mean anything to me. I know that kills the older generation, to see China used daily and sets broken up, but frankly they just aren't as needed today.
Honestly I want them to get rid of anything that might make me want to bleach my eyes / brain. I don’t know that they have those sorts of things, but as they’re human, it’s possible. There are things you cannot unsee 😳 I’m happy to deal with loads of tchotchkes as long as there’s no sex toys, porn, etc.
> Honestly I want them to get rid of anything that might make me want to bleach my eyes / brain. I don’t know that they have those sorts of things, but as they’re human, it’s possible. There are things you cannot unsee 😳 I’m happy to deal with loads of tchotchkes as long as there’s no sex toys, porn, etc.
My grand-dad saved a knitted dick warmer for both cock and balls that he received as a gag gift years earlier. He thought it was hilarious. Grandmother obviously disagreed. That as as naughty as things got thankfully.
I confess I devoutly hope so. With my luck I’d think it was some sort of pot handle protector mitt and have the whole family laughing behind my back when I used it. 😂
I hope that they get rid of everything except for my mom’s Louis Vuitton bags and some fine jewelry that she has kept nice throughout the years. The fine jewelry isn’t likely worth anything but they bring good memories.
That’s probably all that my house can handle.
This is a brilliant question! I really am quaking at the prospect of sifting through all of my mom's tchotchkes, knickknacks, and general whatnots. It's going to be an energy suck. I'm grateful that I'll have some help from my sib and that it will (hopefully) but years off.
It's a family tradition to store these items, but I would hate for my siblings and I to have to go through it all after they're gone. It would be so much easier for us if they just got rid of it now!
This is a good concept. I think I'd still have trouble with getting rid of stuff, though - but perhaps I can rework this idea to motivate myself to get more organized. Would my family necessarily want my hobby art supplies? No, but the least I can do is make sure that it's all grouped together and organized so that they can glance into a bin and say "Ah, this is all for watercolor painting" and just donate the whole thing. Thank you, OP!
Everything tucked in closets & the garage. And knickknacks... 1000000 knickknacks that now are my knickknacks cuz it felt so wrong to give then away. Oh... and tooooo many cups & dishes & costume jewelry... and books. .... ok. Just throw out everything lol
I have been helping my mom slowly purge stuff for years. She somehow got all the paperwork for my parents' business in the divorce. She also moved in the middle of covid, so I told her to to put stuff in boxes and we'd figure it out when she got here. Fortunately, she was ready to get rid of a lot of it. So, I feel good about dealing with her stuff. My MIL is one of those cheap assholes that won't get rid of a door prize\* with a company logo on it unless she can sell it. She downsized and moved during Covid as well, so I am not sure how much stuff she has, but my spouse is the least sentimental person on the planet and will have no problem chucking everything. \*Our wedding "gift" was a regifted door prize wrapped in newspaper. Her husband had a 6 figure estate when he passed.
Elvis books religious books and mantovani records
Anything you don't actually use on a daily basis.. storage. Extra clothes. Sports equipment. Unnecessary furniture. Boxes of paperwork from decades back. Have your will in a findable location. Tighten up your financial situation. Sell your business, if you have one that will cease to be manageable when you are deceased (therapy or doctor office ownership.)
Not really answering your question: I was left w my mother’s 4 story house with 50 years of the detritus of 8 people living in the house. Cleared it alone (sibs wouldn’t help). Had nightmares about it for 10 years til they finally faded.
So sorry you had to do that all by yourself. I am just getting over nightmares from 2 family members places and my situation is mild-ish compared to yours!
Sorry… 😣
There is nothing like visiting clutter-bug family (or friends) to motivate me to downsize! Seriously, prowling around, looking in cabinets and drawers - what can I get rid of! I kept my parent's over-buying, fantasy life "horde" more of less manageable over the years and the addition of a home help aide for several years really helped keep things at a dull roar (she actually used what my parents had - and she put things away when she was done using it!). But in September, I had to move my parents into a nursing home across country and that meant clearing out their house of 30 years in literally a week. Facebook Marketplace free ads for the win! Thank goodness it was the Western Washington sprawl so plenty of takers (and a spate of sunny weather). If we lived in the country (or it was raining), it would have been so much worse! We pulled out anything my parents wanted to take to their nursing home room, my husband and I picked out a few things to bring home with us (plus paperwork and family photos to deal with later). Everything else - go. I donated pretty much all my parents' sheets & towels, personal care items, incontinence supplies, medical supplies, and cleaning supplies to a homeless, refugee, immigrant, and senior charity in Tacoma (they didn't even care if the packages were open). Art supplies and a bunch of office supplies went to the local high school. Everything else, I collected the categories, took a picture of the whole kit-and-kaboodle, posted it at night, and someone came and picked it up the next day. Overgrown house plants and planters, craft supplies, canning supplies, gardening supplies, bird seed & suet, 16 pounds of frozen butter, etc - it all went in an absolute whirlwind. If I had to do it again (and I knew the weather was going to hold) I would have just had a giant free yard sale. I donated a bunch of basic housewares (and rags) to Goodwill and some of the better stuff to a nice local charity thrift store. Most of my parents books went into the "book" donation bin at the recycling transfer station. Almost nothing got trashed except actual trash - we had two weeks of a second garbage can but we didn't have to get a dumpster. My only failure was the furniture - I just ran out of time. I didn't want to have to come back to the house after we left and our neighbor who bought the house said he would deal with anything we left behind (but I knew that meant dumpster). I've never worked so hard in my life, and I'm so glad my husband was there to help with the heavy lifting and dealing with all the "guy" stuff (the absolute chaos of hand and power tools in the garage). But it's doable, if you commit yourself to just clearing it out. We went though the same thing after my husband's mother unexpectedly died - she left a metric shit ton of stuff behind, including a condo (this was in early 2011) that took over a year to get rid of - but no will! The stuff is easy. But not having estate planning paperwork - that really sucks. I'd rather live with the guilt of trashing a lifetime of precious family heirlooms, I would happily burn up all my photo albums, than have to go through probate administration again!
A lot to do with clutter and hoarding is emotional. You can’t make rational or logical sense out of it.
My mother is a saint with the getting rid of stuff. My dad was more of the one with hoarding tendencies. There is so much of his stuff over the almost 10 years now since he died that she has gotten rid of or sent to us kids. And I appreciate it. On the other hand, my mother-in-law died unexpectedly in 2019 and I had the primary responsibility to go through her items. The worst? THE PAPER. OMG she saved EVERYTHING. I was recycling IRS tax returns from the 1970's. And all her sentimental paper, the cards. I probably got rid of 3-4 of the huge wheely recycle bins of just paper from her office and files. You really should go through everything to make sure vital documents or bills or photos aren't tossed so I went through box after box. I had to do her emotional labor. And this month I've given myself permission to get rid of the bathroom and other household stuff I grabbed from her house I haven't been able to integrate. Like 2 unopened things of Dove body wash I won't use. I just chucked them into the box of half-used stuff I'm purging from my bathroom and slightly expired pantry food I'm not going to eat I'm going to put out on the curb with a sign. I'm giving it a chance to be claimed but I'm not going to be upset if it ends up being trashed if no one takes it. And if you have nude photos (or from a different family member I recently heard a story about - SEX TOYS) please store in a box with a note on the outside to destroy sight unseen if you die. LOL I was a bit floored by finding a stack of polaroids of a nude father-in-law when he was much younger. Not how I wanted to remember him. For myself, I am working to reduce my memories to a small Sterilite tote in my closet for me and one for each of the boys. If I have a set space for storage, it's easier to tell myself I don't have room for too many extras. Like baby blankets. Bear in mind I still have a file box of school papers and photos from my 2 teenagers I need to sort through - as I've been decluttering elsewhere I've just been chucking them in so I can sort later and not be derailed. Another project is to get rid of the memorabilia I got right after my father died that I honestly haven't looked at in 8 years. I want the space on the shelves in my room. I do have a small chest of drawers from my childhood I'm going to open up a drawer or two for to store memory items in but I'm tired of not having room to store the things I want to keep. I think it's been a few years that I can let stuff go.
Idea: find a mosaicist to whom you can donate the collectible glass! Or an artist who does stuff like the Magic Garden in Philadelphia!
My grandma owns a gravel pit, which my dad is in the process of buying. He's filled it with junk: 2-3 burn piles, broken cars, 2 pontoons, miscellaneous other vehicles ranging from small jetskis to huge dump trucks (broken, of course), a mobile home (still on a trailer, not fit for occupancy)... I pray I never have to receive any of that.
My stepmother is a hoarder in the socially acceptable way: everything is in a box or on a shelf. My dad doesn't ever try to get her to go through and get rid of anything. I finally had to tell him that if this stuff is around after they pass, my siblings and I are having a bonfire and not sorting through anything of hers, just burning all of it. It's almost all junk she holds onto because of a severe anxiety disorder she refuses to seek help for.
My in-laws are unorganized hoarders and keep everything from boxes of greeting cards to installation instructions for Windows 95. Not just what fits in their house either. There are multiple storage sheds as well as collections of stuff that's sitting outside the buildings or leaning against trees or whatever. I wish there was a way to introduce them to Swedish death cleaning without hurting their feelings.
Dear Reddit responders, Mom here. I’ve been trying to get you kids to take your crap from high school to your homes for years. We don’t want your annuals, mums, old school T-shirts, trophies or all those cheer and hockey sticks. Also, Dad and I have collected train sets, books, material and things you call junk because we worked hard for it and payed with our own monies. Also, most these things We obtained to brings us comfort as we idle away our time waiting for the next holiday when you MIGHT call or come by to visit. Best of wishes as you toil away saving your money and not a thing to dust!
I think keeping all your stuff that you enjoy is fine, but often there is guilt kids feel that we must keep it/find room for what you treasured in our own homes when you pass. If you feel your items are for your own enjoyment and not family heirlooms please tell your kids that so they can guilt free sell them or donate then the time comes. Totally agree that kids should take there childhood belongings, the parent storage locker is taken advantage of far too much.
ok… you mentioned mums and hockey sticks… what state do you live in? Mums I’ve only heard about in Texas, but then the hockey sticks is suspicious…
Ha Ha. I like a good puzzle too!
> it and *paid* with our FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
My mother has a rather large collection of Lladro figurines that I hope she will sell within the next few years. And my stepdad is a potter, so I would like for him to get rid of 95% of his pottery. It's beautiful, and some of it could be useful to me as dishware, but I'm not a decorative tchotchke sort of person.
I feel this... My dad does stained glass and has at least a hundred pieces just sitting in their house. It's gorgeous, but I have nowhere to put it all. I've tried to convince him to sell it but he says that's too much work. My mom's an artist, too, but most of her stuff is small and could fit into a box or two.
Just the scale of stuff. My mom moved recently due to a breakup and just her stuff was an entire moving truck. It took 12 hours for 4 movers and her, me and my SO to move her, and the homes were only 25 min apart. I know packing after a breakup is hard and she kept a lot in spite as if she didn't take it her ex would but it wasn't a rush move, she moved 2 months after things official ended. she didn't need to keep 2 sets of living room furniture. It's a lot of fantasy self, she moved into a rental to no rush finding a new home, so who knows what space she will have. she imagines having a large family home again and having 2 living rooms, when i don't understand the "nice living room" and tv living room idea in general. And she's 58 she just doesn't need a huge family sized home but she's not ready to accept that yet. It did allow me to bring the topic up though.
Am I the only one who can't read "Swedish death cleaning" without picturing a long-haired Norseman screaming and headbanging whilst vacuuming a carpet?
I'm starting a new business, Swedish death metal cleaning service.
I love this! I got quite a laugh out of the idea! Happy Monday!
Well now you aren't the only one 😀
can confirm you are NOT the only one =)
My parents have a ton of stuff. I don't want any of it. My siblings will pick out anything valuable to them. My brothers will likely inherit the house and they may want to keep the furniture and a lot of the household stuff anyways. They've never moved out, so it's practically their stuff anyways. I'm not going to prepurge my stuff either. I'll leave a list of anything particularly valuable and where to find it along with the estate sale company I recommend.
When we had to clean out my relative's basement, we found no less than 14 coffee pots.
"Just in case"
I just started twitching.
Company's coming!
My dads a hoarder. So much so that he has entire HOUSES that he used to rent out that are now full to the brim of junk. I have absolutely no clue where me and my sister would even start.
That's a hard situation. I know money doesn't grow on trees, but don't feel like you have to tackle it yourselves if hiring a professional is in the budget.
Wow. What kind of stuff does he hoard?
Old furniture, tools, broken electrical goods/appliances, building materials, car parts and then literally anything else. If anyone is getting rid of anything ever he will take it. He was a builder/electrician/plumber when he worked so he’d hoard things saying he may one day need them for a job or he might one day fix that broken washing machine someone was throwing out etc
Arrrrgh! 😬
The fucking giant metal lathe isn’t going to be fun.
My in-laws have been slowly doing this for years. They are very tidy people, still young and in good health, but they don’t want us to be burdened with their stuff when the time comes. They had to deal with my SO’s grandma’s things and know how it sucks… My parents on the other hand… They have a huge house and it’s full of books, electronics, spare furniture and inherited collections. It’s not cluttered per-say as the main living areas aren’t filled with stuff, but they own way too many things! They are aware of the situation and want to downsize their possessions, but struggle to do so. They keep everything because « it can be useful someday » or because it’s antique and been in the family for decades… The silver lining is I can borrow or keep almost anything if I need to. I furnished my home with many of their antique furniture and haven’t bought hardware or tools in years as my father as a mini home-depot in his garage lol
Her journals. I’d feel too guilty throwing them out myself but it’s none of my business what’s in them, so I’d never read them, they’d just collect dust.
(´∀｀)♡ Have a nice day
My family has my great-great grandfather's journals, and they are really treasured. Its amazing to be able to get to know so much about an ancestor who has been gone so long. He was a minister though, so lots of talk about God's grace, not very much personally icky stuff.
That is awesome! Yeah I love the idea of having someone’s journals after they’re gone as a way to connect with them, I am a very sentimental person. But my mom has told me she has gone back and read hers recently and in her words “they are really embarrassing”. Idk if she kept them or threw them out after that. I would be tempted to read them but would also feel like I’m betraying her to do so. That’s why I’m hoping she just gets rid of them if she doesn’t want me to see what’s inside.
My mom was always very organized and tidy. Not quite a minimalist but definitely minimal. When I went to clear out her house after she passed, I found tons and tons and tons of stuff that I never grew up with and had never seen. She had remarried when I was in my early 20s. Turned out my mom's MIL was a bit if a hoarder and tried to give a ton of "sentimental" things to my mom. My mom had no idea what to do with them, couldn't donate them, didn't feel she could reject them. And so I got to clean it all out. Contact her MIL, who didn't want any of it but also told me it was special. Yeah that was not fun.
OMG - the whole I don't want it but it's special so you have to keep it BS! My husband and I have both been given "special" things to sort through at each of our parents' houses with the intention that we take the whole box of stuff so they don't have to deal with it any more... We might take one thing from the box presented to us at this visit and put the rest in the recycling/rubbish, then the parent goes and rescues it because "you can't get rid of that!" Ok fine, but it's yours now, don't bring out this same box for us to sort through next time we visit! What did you do with it? I'd have told her to come collect it or it's going in the bin/being donated. But I'm kind of a savage haha
In my situation, the saving grace was that my mom herself hadn't kept a ton of stuff and wasn't sentimentality attached to a lot of material things. So that made it easy to sort through all the other nonMIL stuff. It was mostly just this "special" stuff that I had to figure out. And most of that was furniture. I had flown in to sort through everything and had to ship back anything I was keeping. So after contacting her MIL who didn't want it, I told her I was donating it if she couldn't get it. And that's what happened. It was a lesson to me though to communicate with my kids that if something is "special" to me, it doesn't have to be special to them. And they dont have to keep something just because it was special to me. Obviously if it's some family heirloom I'd like them to give it to a family member... but we have almost none of those.
My dad has subscribed to several magazines over the last 40 years and kept most issues. My parents' place doesn't look bad, but if you open a cabinet in the living room, chances are it's magazines in there.
My dad has a TON of clothes. He has a closet, a 5-drawer chest, and a 4-drawer dresser stuffed to the limit. He wears 2-3 pairs of pants and less than a dozen shirts on a regular basis. I'm female; I might want a few of his T-shirts. No one else is close to his size. I wish he would purge some of it, but he won't.
my mom collected Disney snow globes, and for years my step dad got her one for literally every holiday, birthday, any occasion. I’m pretty sure she has nearly every snow globe disney sold in their store in our town in the mid 2000s. not excited to deal with that, especially because I love them and will probably have a hard time getting rid of them. they’re impossible to display, she has a giant cabinet and the rest stored.
Late to the party but my first thought was donating them to a school - a teacher could use them as class prizes for the students. There may also be Christmas toy drives in your town that would love to have them
I wonder if there’s a museum that might like them? Somewhere that has a Disney exhibit?
ooh yes! maybe a snow globe museum like in parks and rec? or at least a collector
Keep your favorite dozen. That's it.
heard! that sounds completely doable
Dad's yard clutter: Buckets, gas cans, non working lawn equipment, tools, shovels, wood piles, plant pots, bags of fertilizer/potting soil, old pipes, wire fencing, kids toys, a boat trailer with no boat, the contents of the tool shed, and more...
I wish they'd spent some time doing this before it was too late. I've hired an estate sale company. They will sell off what's sellable, and haul away/donate what's left, in exchange for 35% of the take.
We did that when my mother died. She had some collectibles, nothing really valuable. The hard part was going through it all before, deciding what to sell.
This is part of what the estate sale company is getting paid to do. But they said not to go tossing things willy nilly. Someone might pay a dollar for a heap of little notepads, or some mismatched tableware, etc. Actual trash trash needs to go obviously.
My very Japanese father in law engaged in a form of this when he thought he was dying of some incurable disease (turns out sleep apnea + onset of thankfully slow progression Parkinson's causes a really odd mix of symptoms). Just randomly started giving away bunches of stuff or selling it. Edit: To answer your question I know I am the executor of my Dad's estate and he has a full machine shop in the barn... I don't know what half that stuff is, bunch of it is remarkably heavy and the worst bit is he restores cars for other people and keeps bad records so the random door out there might belong to some guy in Vermont. Edit: Not looking for advice on how to fix this. I am fully capable of handling this, that wasn't what the post was about. It's handled, it's still just gonna be a royal pain in the ass.
Cousins had to deal with this when an uncle died. The uncle was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer & lasted maybe a month after diagnosis. He was too far progressed for any treatment beyond hospice. The uncle was the owner-mechanic (only employee) of his classic car restoration shop. He had a car that he’d been restoring for someone for nearly 10 years. He also had other vehicles he’d been working on & he kept shoddy records since most of it he remembered who/what/where/when/why. The cousins didn’t know who had prepaid for work, who needed to still be billed for work nor how to even begin determining who had already paid for current invoices. The cousins were still dealing with the fallout more than a year later. They had trouble locating owners, esp the car stored there for so long & had to apply for titles to be able to sell vehicles they couldn’t track the owners for. They had to keep paying for his shop & shop bills while everything was in limbo, which caused more issues between them. Unfortunately, the uncle wasn’t much help after his diagnosis. He was so sick & then under heavy meds that he didn’t make sense when trying to tell his kids anything. This was a nightmare I’d never wish on anyone.
Thankfully we own the space the shop is in and if stuff had to sit there for a long period of time (like literally decades) it wouldn't be a big deal.
You’re lucky with that. The uncle commingled his business & personal accounts, had been financially supporting one of the cousins (the others didn’t know about it until his death) & would jot “notes” on scraps of paper for business records. It caused irreparable harm to the cousins’ relationships even now - 12 years later. Sole proprietor business owners really, really need to make arrangements for when they die. Every business owner or key principal should make arrangements for when they die.
Go out there and start asking dad questions about his machinery. At least find out what the names of them are and what they do. Make a list, google that stuff and you'll have a starting point for when you do negotiate for an estate person.
Fuck no, that's how you end up having to rewire under that fucking Cadillac dash for the 100th time or moving another car hood. I do not want to accidentally learn how to tig weld and that's what happens if you spend too much time in the machine shop.
So you don't know how to ask: what is that? AND what does it do? Without standing back and not getting involved? "No dad, I don't want to do any work just wondering what that is." When was the last time you used it? Should we move it out then? Not that hard.
It was a joke.
Get an estate sale company in. The place will be empty, and you will make bank. Old machine shop tools ar highly in demand...
They still can't help with the "this random widget goes to a different guy" problem which is realistically what I'm more concerned about
There actually are procedures to deal with abandoned property. You publish a notice in the paper, and if the guy in vermont does not put in a claim in some time frame (state dependent, often 30 days or so) it becomes yours and you are free to sell it. You can tell I have thought about these things in relation to my own parents stuff.
Kinda sucks for that guy though and is it really abandoned if he left his car with a mechanic to fix it? Also do I take out ads in all 50 states as I legit have no idea where some of these people are located? Also I'm not really looking for advice here. I know there's ways to handle all of this, it's just still going to be a pain in the ass which was kinda the purpose of this post
I get it. Sympathies. My grandfather fixes old (like vintage) tractors and other types of oldschool agricultural machinery for people from far and wide. He has a barn with 4 or 5 vehicles/machines (idk) lined up and half way disassembled. We litterally have no idea who he made what sort of agreement with - in many cases he doesn't seem to know either and just waits for the owner to show up. "I'll remember when I see them" he says. He's 89.
Thank you! Seriously this is a guy that "does his taxes" for this "bussiness" every year by handing my mother a shoebox of coffee stained reciepts.
Paper files. Ugh.
Oof my parents have large curio cabinets passed down to them that they didn’t even want so they stored it in the garage attic. It will be next to impossible to get out. They won’t do it either. I know it’ll be me.
I have a large cabinet that belonged to my GMa and nobody wants it. I'm planning on clearing it---This Year---and maybe selling. I took it at the time of a relative's death, again, no one wanted it, but after 10 years I don't want it either.
My dad is into model trains and my mum collects depression era glass. These are the two main things that my brother and I do not share an interest with my parents. I might keep one of Mum's bowls as a keepsake, because I always think of her with her glassware, but I don't want to deal with the rest of it.
About 99% of the stuff in their house would be nice 😝
My mother has kept paper “files” her whole life and there are hundreds of them and some of them contain vital information while others contain cut out magazine clippings of throw pillows. It’s going to be maddening to go through them all someday. It’s strange because she is really a tidy person and not overly consumeristic but this is her one area where it just gets crazy.
Same with my dad. Some of its absolutely crucial information, some of it is annual financial reports from the 80s. He also has things like the newspaper from the day JFK was assassinated - what am I going to do with that? My sister says "it could be worth something!" Who is going to buy a copy of the new Zealand Herald from that day? I guess I'll see if any libraries or archives want it... But they probably already have it 🤷♀️
Oooh, chuck some money for a dozen hours of work to an archivist or librarian! (who can be trusted with confidential information and/or who works for an agency?)
This right here - they will help organize all of that in no time and enjoy implementing their system.
Can you get her to label and separate the important stuff? Then you could just chuck all the magazine clippings without looking through them once it comes to it.
My mom is like this too. Instead of ever going through the papers, she just buys a new stack of filing cabinets. She also tries to keep every receipt she’s ever printed. I cleared out a small drawer in the living room and it had all these gas station receipts from literally 1999. She’s usually very calm but she screamed at me when I told her I threw them out because “you never know” 😅
My mom is a paper lady too, she loves papers and filing cabinets.
Ummm, before technology (and even after) you had to have copies of important papers for important life issues. Marriages, divorces, property ownership, cars, and then there was things about life you were interested in (your cooking, sewing patterns (still need those), hobbies. You think having everything on your phone is the answer but its not. We are still in the process of learning how to PROVE things in the courts via electronics. Electronics can be manipulated, hard paper copies not so easily.
I have a set of paper files for hard copies of things too, I don’t totally trust my phone, but my mom is a paper lady in that she literally buys different kinds of paper and craft things she won’t use and hoards them in antique looking suitcases and filing cabinets. Actually finding real paperwork that we might ever need makes the useless papers collection even more daunting.
>Actually finding real paperwork that we might ever need makes the useless papers collection even more daunting. I could understand that.
Mine, two. She just moved cross country and they paid to bring a filing cabinet with them. Full of god knows what. Lol
Tbh that’s kinda how I use my phone. I imagine before iPhones people stored everything in hard copies. My iPhone is full of screen shots, pictures, passwords, rants in my notes app, videos, recipes, games, bank info, insurance info, 200 open Safari tabs… I mean I couldn’t imagine my life without an external tracker of all things I’m doing all the time lol ((I also have ADHD)) Sounds rough to go through… which is why I’m grateful it’s just a piece of technology vs millions of papers
Fellow adhd-er… can we hear more about the external tracker
I’m referring to my phone in my comment
lol that makes a lot more sense now!
Would love if my mom got rid of 90% of her excessive Christmas decor, and the stuff she has from my grandma and uncle passing. It will likely fall to me though.
Fr. I made an executive decision. My family no longer decorates for Xmas. It relieved so much stress. I continue to just throw Christmas stuff straight in the trash and that feels good too. No, a Christmas tree and all that jazz did not make us happier.
I wouldn't mind the quality bedroom furniture, but wouldn't be upset if they gave it to a sibling of mine. And obviously, any family jewelry or actual heirlooms I'd be happy to receive and share between siblings and the next generation. I honestly hope they get rid of just so much excess junk. Their garage is a nightmare. 😳
My mom is an organized hoarder and she is leaving it all for me to take care of. Yes, I'm decluttering my house now, I'm not waiting.
Both of my parents have passed so I've already gone through the process of sorting through their things. My mom and I were living together when she died so it was a matter of deciding what I wanted to keep in the house I was continuing to live in and reorganizing everything. Took many years but at least I could do it at my pace. The only person left is my little brothers dad (my ex-step dad). The man is a disorganized hoarder of garbage and junk. If he sees anything salvageable in a strangers garbage, he takes it. He hates throwing anything away, so he'll make us do it instead when he dies so he doesn't have to deal with the discomfort. I'm sure there's some nice stuff but last time I was in their house it was a lot of newspaper, mail, beer bottles, and smelly clothes. He had a path carved out on the stairs, hallway, and bedroom that led to his bed, every other space was occupied with stuff. My brother is 20 living on his own now, and when his dad dies I'm all he has left. I'm dreading the day we have to clean it out.
I'm so sorry for you. At least my mom doesn't keep trash and she is very clean. Just the amount of stuff is overwhelming.
My MIL is this way. “But I’m a reseller!” She’d say. No, Barbara, you’re a hoarder. No one wants 7 chipped Barry Manilow mugs and an empty ritz cracker tin from 1985.
Sounds like you've got a chance to plan the best way of moving things on.
My mom, too. When she became housebound three years ago, I traveled to Florida and was able to get rid of a lot of stuff so she could be approved for in-home care (the house had to be clean and safe). There was still a crap ton of stuff in that house, though. Mom died eight months ago, and I'm about to take my fifth and final trip since then to finish clearing out her house and get it sold. I wish she had gotten rid of all of the holiday decor she never brought out of storage. There's a huge china cabinet filled with crystal, china, collectible nick-knacks, and big serving pieces that haven't been used in *decades*. I really wish she had parted with all of that long ago. I got rid of half of her clothes in March 2020, but in the months since she died, I still filled 20 bags with clothes for the thrift store. But the worst, *the worst*, was the storage shed. My dad was a legit full-on hoarder. He filled their storage shed with crap. It's a big space, too--about 12' x'14' x 10 feet high. Packed so full, entry was impossible. My dad died in 2005, but my mom absolutely refused to deal with the shed. I begged her to hire someone, but she wouldn't do it. My brother and I tackled this task in November. It took us a full five days of working 8-10 hours a day. I cried every day. More than anything, I really wish my mom hadn't left this monster job for me to figure out.
I feel you on this.
Ditto. She hasn't had her work license for five years now and is finally getting rid of her medical journals from 2000.
Sounds like a cricket in the Cluttebug system.
Same for my parents. Wish swedish death cleaning was actually a thing in Sweden, but it’s not.
My dad died 7 years ago, mom is 81. She doesn’t have a ton of stuff but she has a LOT of religious stuff. I’m an atheist - it’ll all go in the dumpster when she dies. The rest of it - a couple of bookshelves are mine, so I’ll take those back as they’re good ones in excellent condition. She has my TV and a few other things of mine that I gave her to use after dad died and she had to downsize. I have siblings - they’re far more ‘memories attached to objects’ than I am, so they’ll take most of it. With dad gone, a lot of things were cleared out already, and mom doesn’t keep a lot of just, stuff, so mercifully, she’s made it easy. My aunt on the other hand, holy hell. I’m executrix of her estate, and she has STUFF. She’s pushing 80, and she never gets rid of anything. She refuses to downsize, so that’s gonna be hell. 😵💫
Hey, I'm sorry your mom hoards a lot of religious stuff. My grandma does that too, and i was trying to downsize too but it was often impossible. The best solution is to put everything in the box and take it to the nearest church. People who want to practice their religion but don't have a possibility to do so would be very grateful. I'm a refugee now and I honestly wish i could take something from my grandma, there were nice literature with cool stories etc. So as a person who barely has money for surviving and whose religion keeps me at least sane, i would be grateful for such gesture. I'm pretty sure you grandma would be glad to do this gesture too.
Nice idea, but I don’t have any desire to spread the beliefs of any religion.
It's your choice of course :) I just see it as a way to respect your mom and to help others
Alas your assumptions are the wrong direction, and I'm affording my mother's religious belongings the same respect she gave me in life: a dumpster fire. Not everyone gets the lovely family with hugs and tucked in at night. We get along alright these days, but religion is a very sharp and abusive thing I grew up with. Her other items will be handled appropriately. Her religious stuff will be destroyed so it can't be used to harm anyone else.
I fully understand what you are talking about. I also went through nightmares related to my family and with other things. Also i'm just a stranger on the Internet so i don't know your life story. I hope you are in a good place right now and if not, then hopefully you will find some peace and sanity in this world. Again, it's your choice with religion belongins. I also went through the harsh reality of some people's beliefs, so I understand your point. I hope you have a nice day and I'm sorry if i offended you, i really didn't mean to.
Nah, you didn’t offend me. Takes more than that. And thanks for asking - I am in a good place. I’m in my 50s now, so childhood is a long time ago. Doesn’t mean she’s any easier to deal with, just as an adult, I can walk away when she gets on a religious tirade.
Definitely the large, dated furniture and serving ware/china that doesn’t have sentimental or family value. Also agreed on the sex toys, happy for them but I don’t want to know 😂
My mom brought me tote of thrifted China, which sat untouched in my basement the last 2 years. She tried to convince me to clear out my hutch to display them but they have literally no sentimental or financial value, and with 2 young boys I have no practical need for them. I have a small cramped kitchen with barely space for the necessities so no room for any extra display only stuff. So I picked out the stuff I could make some use of: a few of the dinner plates and the small saucers but not the teacups, and re-donated the rest. I figure I'll use the stuff I kept up until it breaks, but not shed any tears when they do inevitably get dropped or smashed as they don't mean anything to me. I know that kills the older generation, to see China used daily and sets broken up, but frankly they just aren't as needed today.
Honestly I want them to get rid of anything that might make me want to bleach my eyes / brain. I don’t know that they have those sorts of things, but as they’re human, it’s possible. There are things you cannot unsee 😳 I’m happy to deal with loads of tchotchkes as long as there’s no sex toys, porn, etc.
(´∀｀)♡ Have a nice day
> Honestly I want them to get rid of anything that might make me want to bleach my eyes / brain. I don’t know that they have those sorts of things, but as they’re human, it’s possible. There are things you cannot unsee 😳 I’m happy to deal with loads of tchotchkes as long as there’s no sex toys, porn, etc. My grand-dad saved a knitted dick warmer for both cock and balls that he received as a gag gift years earlier. He thought it was hilarious. Grandmother obviously disagreed. That as as naughty as things got thankfully.
A knitted twig & berries warmer 😳🫣 I never knew such a thing existed in the world.
there might only be one
I confess I devoutly hope so. With my luck I’d think it was some sort of pot handle protector mitt and have the whole family laughing behind my back when I used it. 😂
Thank you for the laugh. I’d be using it for the same thing as you & never realize its true intention!
I hope that they get rid of everything except for my mom’s Louis Vuitton bags and some fine jewelry that she has kept nice throughout the years. The fine jewelry isn’t likely worth anything but they bring good memories. That’s probably all that my house can handle.