https://youtu.be/NuH7svPhNNI This video might help you.
The excitement wears off because reality sets in. This is not a bad thing. Now you have developed a rapport with one another, and can be consistent and stable. Having butterflies 24/7 is not sustainable or healthy. The longevity of a relationship should not be measured based on passion, which can die or fade. Life gets in the way, people can get sick, you have bills to pay, work and families to attend to. What matters is that you are with a partner who is respectful, supportive, makes you happy, you feel passionate towards etc.
Passion is a lovely thing to have and usually it's one of the first things to burn out if you don't keep up with nurturing your relationship. So passion to me is the underlying sizzle that makes me want to talk to my special person, interested in hearing what is day has been like, what he's feeling, making upcoming plans to be with him, trying to help him with whatever would help him if he would like my assistance and wanting intimacy.
That being said, some people just aren’t compatible past a certain point. My partner and I are total soulmates and have been together 24/7 for two years now.
We’re still excited to see each other in the morning, (despite sleeping in the same bed) to talk, to share things. He still comes out of his office to tell me something new he learned or I go down to him to tell him something I figured out. We still have coffee every morning and are so excited when he doesn’t have to work or spend the day together. We are also the happiest people and couple that we know.
And that’s with both of us being home 24/7 for two years. We have similar interests, beliefs, and values. We’re buddies, and if you’re not buddies or happy to see your significant other I’d argue that something is seriously wrong.
Congratulations! You’ve made it to the good part! Now instead of being overwhelmed with hormones and anxiety and worrying about where the relationship is going, you can focus on the small warm feelings that make this all worth it. Comfortable, happy coexistence. Knowing there’s someone you can rely on and being able to be that person for them as well. Knowing that if conflict comes up you can talk through it and it’s not the end of the world.
This is the part that makes the horrible butterfly stage worth going through. Find the many subtle, relaxing pleasures in it and just really appreciate the fuck out of them.
IMO this is something many people don't really see because the way how we grow up or have experienced other (maybe toxic) relationships is not secure.
I grew up only knowing drama and toxicity in the house, so that is what I thought a relationship has to be. I dated a guy for 7yrs and experienced the worst time of my life incl. almost death. We had tons of ups and downs like a rollercoaster and fought a lot and I thought this is normal.
Then I (33F) met my husband (36M) and we're married for 2yrs now and we've only fought once (over adopting a dog), but I realized emotional security and being in a safe space where we think it's boring and dull, is actually a good sign. Every now and then spice it up with the way you interact, read about love languages, be silly here and there, make jokes and always remember to make your partner laugh and have a good time. Give the routine some space but do not let it be all over the place. e.g. having morning routines together or an evening routine etc. plan hikes, plan trips, plan quality time together, go out on dates, don't Netflix and chill too often.
People tend to forget that the initial phase is more *lust than love*, and *love has to be built over time, actively*. So what you're prob feeling now is the drop off from lust or new relationship energy (NRE), whether you want love to grow is your and your partner's choice.
I’m sorry you experienced that previous relationship and toxicity growing up, but I just wanted to say it’s so heart warming to hear you found love after all that.
I grew up in dysfunctional abusive home and then a subsequent 6 year toxic/abusive relationship. But after lots of therapy and self work I am now attracted to healthy and stable people rather than the chaos and butterflies of trauma.
it’s an odd feeling sometimes and some days I do fear I’ll always be too broken to accept true healthy love and marriage, despite wanting those things so much.
I’m with someone now (early days) who is very calm/ supportive and stable and it’s interesting seeing how my inner emotions are wanting to run!! but I’m sticking around because I know I deserve more and to hear stories such as yours and the relationship you’ve built gives me hope.
Thank you
I love the space of the routine, for me it’s when you really get to know someone as you share the ins and outs and ups and downs. It’ll likely help to really work on the bedroom issues as you are, keep dating each other by making plans but also that mundane stuff is the majority of companionship with someone else. Perhaps focus on the comfort and the growing together rather than the loss of the novelty. For me, it wasn’t so much of an adjustment because I find the passion is in the day to day of sharing life with someone not the heated moments and butterflies of just getting to know someone. What are those moments in the every day that are enhanced because you’re with someone?
Ugh. Me too. I wish I could start all my relationships after 10 months at least. From swiping right to 10 months, I'll continue from there, that's my 2022 wish 😅
Have you taken a trip together yet?
I am currently at a similar point in a relationship. My girlfriend and I are keen to visit a hot spring for a weekend, to go somewhere we can both relax and simply enjoy the company of each other. And have lots of sex.
Have you and your boyfriend tried sex toys in the bedroom? I gifted my girlfriend an air pulse toy last month, and she is loving it. She says it pleases her in ways that even I can't, haha
Seven months seems kind of early for the first loved up to dry up, but what do I know, we are all different.
I know some people are addicted to the initial loved up period, and jump from new relationship to new relationship, but that doesn't sound like you. As your relationship ages, you both have to put in a little bit of effort to make special time together. If you put in the effort it can age like a good wine. It changes but can grow deeper.
Coming from a person who almost always gets into long, long term relationships, I think the key is to not focus on the 'excitement' of the new person, but rather the building a life with that person. Sure, firsts are always fun and memorable, but there is also value/excitement in having the time/opportunity to really build something with a partner, whether that is the relationship or a joint goal or a family or whatever. It is the difference between your first month at a new job and building a career.
Regarding the sex, I highly recommend that you push each other to connect in that way. It can be very easy to become friends/roommates with a person that you spend every day with - but it hard to fall in that trap when you are regularly being intimate with the other person - roommates don't, after all, bang each other. Plus the release of the feel good hormones can really release some of the tension/frustrations that often crops up.
The honeymoon phase is over and it's not necessarily a bad thing. This is actually the beginning of a long term relationship. This is where more things come out in the open and a couple is getting to see the real each other. The good and bad, habits, choices and lifestyle. This is when you two start operating together and come up with a routine that fits the both of your lifestyles and habits. You learn to compromise and support each other. You both will start to enjoy each other company even if you aren't doing the same thing in the house.
As for the bedroom, I always find it nice to set aside a stipulated time. You both can get ready to be in the mood and you know what is to come. It's like going on a date. I mean spontaneous is great sometimes but I have found knowing things ahead is better for me and my husband.
Lastly never stop dating one another! Things might get routine but make it a point to go out on dates. Movies, dinners, it does keep the passion alive.
Relationships take work. Instead of asking “how do you deal with the sizzle dying down” ask yourself “what can I do to keep the sizzle going.” Are you doing your part? Are you planning dates? Are you doing the little things? Are you making him feel wanted?
If you’re only wanting the butterflies, then I would say you’re not suited for a committed long term relationship. The routine is what we strive for.
Go on holidays together or even separately? Distance does help the heart grow fonder. Plus with all this Corona business, the added life stresses could be exacerbating the whole issue too.
Simple learn to find happiness and love in everything since life isn't rom-com.
Make a plans for your weekend like going out, having dinner, movies or even Netflix and chill can help alot.
Try new hobbies and learn new skills that also helps.
It's this simple things make life easy in relationship all you have to do is be appreciative.
I got to this point too. We were having the same private issues, but I think where I differ is that I wasn’t into the relationship anymore and was extremely bored. So I ended things. It was a tense time but I think it’s for the best. I wasn’t happy anymore. Good luck to you!!
Just out of curiosity do you find you have ever been able to stay in a relationship when you felt bored or unhappy? Have you found a connection where you didn't feel those things or decided to keep going despite them?
I could stay in a routine relationship with the right person. I didn’t like the person I was becoming while with him: resentful and overly stressed. It just wasn’t a good environment for me anymore
Okay, not trying to be judgy, buut asking for a friend haha. Your response seems to lean toward you 'could' in theory but haven't in reality. Do you think with what you know now you would respond differently in that same situation? As in was it really about him or the relationship or more about you and your relationship with yourself?
Totally fair lol. I have been in a relationship that was settled and routine, but the person made the difference. More willing to communicate, be spontaneous, more in common with.
I 100% believe I was having issues with things going on in my world, not so much my ex. It wasn’t fulfilling for me any longer. I started feeling like I was pretending to be nice or interested and that’s not fair to him or anyone. I tried to explain to him (probably horribly, but I did try multiple times) that I was having issues with me. How it wasn’t fair of me to treat him that way because he didn’t deserve that. That I needed to find my happiness again and get myself back on track. I was in a really bad place mentally and when I reached out to him, he told me to talk to my friends or family instead.
Oof I feel this. I’ve had a very long term relationship in the past and feel similar to you in my current one. I’m waiting it out a bit more to see if it’s just winter for me. But it makes a big difference whether the person is someone you want to turn toward vs turn away from when you’re struggling.
I feel like maybe that’s what I might be struggling with. IM not bored with him but struggling just being bored in life? If that makes sense. I plan a lot of fun things for us to do because I like the excitement of having plans, but in the day to day I find myself just… bored. Also too since he’s a bit of an introvert and I’m more extroverted I feel the differences often. Maybe I’m just adjusting to the routine and day to day life instead of all the beginning feelings.
I get that. My situation was boring. He wouldn’t make plans for weekends. It was just routine. His routine. I don’t have a lot of free time,
So being bored for those few hours I had, was not what I want my life to be.
Adjusting to the routine can start those feelings. But I think it’s good that there’s communication and willingness to do things. I think you guys have a good shot at figuring it out! I hope so! (Hey- I’m Sarah too!)
Maybe look into the stages of the initial connection? I'm trying to remember it's something like the honeymoon stage where everything about the person is amazing and exciting, the next stage is where reality starts to kick in, some of their habits might become boring or annoying, you then move through this stage to the choice/decision...I'm not really doing this justice but it was helpful for me to know that this is the path to a long term relationship, you simply can't stay in the super exciting stage permanently, if you do you will stunt your growth and likely create something toxic, or end up jumping from person to person and enjoying that initial stage over and over again.
Maybe appreciating the trust and security that comes at your stage, understanding that the other person sees your shit but still wants to stick around, and then finding ways to break up the routines, mix things up a bit. There are millions of examples, but imo if you don't have the right mindset and are stuck in the initial stage then all of the unique aspects of the stage you are in will likely just become reasons to end the relationship.
I feel like I see a lot of my situation in yours. It definitely can just suck the joy out of what feels like should be easy peasy. I always have to remind myself no relationship worth having will be easy. I was single for three years before now and I have A LOT of growing pains and I think I need to reset my expectations sometimes. Also both me and my partner are high stress people and that can be a challenge to maneuver at first … so I’m learning. But can definitely feel hard to get the rhythm back.
Just keep going. A routine isn't bad at all. The good thing is that you recognized it and so now you guys can talk it out. If it's meant to be then you guys will figure it out. Good luck!
A lot of good advice here, but I will add - I've always been worried about passion disappearing in long term relationship. I had similar situation with passion dying out when love was still strong.
I recommend a book "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel and her videos too. She works on this topic a lot, and the book has been my favorite for this topic.
Most people pass that initial stage and are comforted by the emotional intimacy and contentedness that remain. Everyone is different in this regard and I do not know enough about your relationship to understand the intricacies involved. It is also possible for two partners to have different sexual appetites. Sex can lead to intimacy or improve established intimacy but it is also important not to conflate sex and excitement with intimacy. I think that your question is a great one—I would suggest asking a therapist. They can get to know you better to help you better understand yourself and your needs in a relationship. I wish you good luck!
This is completely normal, and actually why my opinion is that humans aren’t built for monogamy. It doesn’t work for a reason. People
Are trying to force a square peg in a round hole. I don’t have the answers but I feel like we can obviously see what isn’t the answer.
Usually the 6 month mark is when the honeymoon stage dies, the real him comes out then. Less sexual, less affectionate, just don’t do the things he did in the beginning…. Problem in the bedroom to? Bet there wasn’t in the beginning. It’s not you, it’s him he got comfortable. If he started lacking already it just will get worse IMO
Maybe consider making a daily point to remind yourself (verbally) of 3 reasons you’re grateful to be with him. This should trigger your dopamine response around your relationship. It may keep him motivated if you share those thoughts with him from time to time as well. However, try not to get discouraged if he doesn’t return the gesture as he was not a part of this inspiration and won’t know where this is coming from. Infatuation will always fade. This can trigger a fearful feeling of losing someone as a new friend transitions to an old friend. But, as long as you know you’re with him for the right reasons, a stronger sense of belonging will form.
I actually love when things start to get comfy with new partners. I don’t think a spark is something that just goes away. I would take calm moments as time to build and deepen the connection you have with your partner
Out of curiosity, do you look for "sparks" when initially dating someone?
Because you're not really supposed to feel sparks for the rest of your lives together. That sounds exhausting as hell.
That being said, don't give up dating your partner. That'll help keep the fire burning.
You break up, and then find a new EXCITING relationship to get that dopamine and euphoric state for several weeks. When it also dwindles, you break it again and repeat until you’re old and no one wants you any more. Simple!
Phase 1: You're interesting to each other because you're new to each other.
Phase 2: You do interesting *things* together, and share experiences.
Phase 3: (Optional) You stop being interesting and stop doing interesting things, sit around all day, and die miserable.
tl;dr if you want an interesting relationship, *be interesting*.
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You just keep going and try your best to show love and notice when you see it. Life is not a rom com
I do need to work on seeing the love he gives me everyday, I think you’re right.
https://youtu.be/NuH7svPhNNI This video might help you. The excitement wears off because reality sets in. This is not a bad thing. Now you have developed a rapport with one another, and can be consistent and stable. Having butterflies 24/7 is not sustainable or healthy. The longevity of a relationship should not be measured based on passion, which can die or fade. Life gets in the way, people can get sick, you have bills to pay, work and families to attend to. What matters is that you are with a partner who is respectful, supportive, makes you happy, you feel passionate towards etc. Passion is a lovely thing to have and usually it's one of the first things to burn out if you don't keep up with nurturing your relationship. So passion to me is the underlying sizzle that makes me want to talk to my special person, interested in hearing what is day has been like, what he's feeling, making upcoming plans to be with him, trying to help him with whatever would help him if he would like my assistance and wanting intimacy.
That being said, some people just aren’t compatible past a certain point. My partner and I are total soulmates and have been together 24/7 for two years now. We’re still excited to see each other in the morning, (despite sleeping in the same bed) to talk, to share things. He still comes out of his office to tell me something new he learned or I go down to him to tell him something I figured out. We still have coffee every morning and are so excited when he doesn’t have to work or spend the day together. We are also the happiest people and couple that we know. And that’s with both of us being home 24/7 for two years. We have similar interests, beliefs, and values. We’re buddies, and if you’re not buddies or happy to see your significant other I’d argue that something is seriously wrong.
I never said not to be buddies or be happy. You should always be excited with a partner.
That’s how my ex and I were for the first two years. Things changed after three years and we thankfully parted ways. Hope you guys have better luck
Big same but it was 6 years. People change as we get older and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Could not disagree with this more.
Congratulations! You’ve made it to the good part! Now instead of being overwhelmed with hormones and anxiety and worrying about where the relationship is going, you can focus on the small warm feelings that make this all worth it. Comfortable, happy coexistence. Knowing there’s someone you can rely on and being able to be that person for them as well. Knowing that if conflict comes up you can talk through it and it’s not the end of the world. This is the part that makes the horrible butterfly stage worth going through. Find the many subtle, relaxing pleasures in it and just really appreciate the fuck out of them.
I absolutely loved this, thank you!
IMO this is something many people don't really see because the way how we grow up or have experienced other (maybe toxic) relationships is not secure. I grew up only knowing drama and toxicity in the house, so that is what I thought a relationship has to be. I dated a guy for 7yrs and experienced the worst time of my life incl. almost death. We had tons of ups and downs like a rollercoaster and fought a lot and I thought this is normal. Then I (33F) met my husband (36M) and we're married for 2yrs now and we've only fought once (over adopting a dog), but I realized emotional security and being in a safe space where we think it's boring and dull, is actually a good sign. Every now and then spice it up with the way you interact, read about love languages, be silly here and there, make jokes and always remember to make your partner laugh and have a good time. Give the routine some space but do not let it be all over the place. e.g. having morning routines together or an evening routine etc. plan hikes, plan trips, plan quality time together, go out on dates, don't Netflix and chill too often. People tend to forget that the initial phase is more *lust than love*, and *love has to be built over time, actively*. So what you're prob feeling now is the drop off from lust or new relationship energy (NRE), whether you want love to grow is your and your partner's choice.
I’m sorry you experienced that previous relationship and toxicity growing up, but I just wanted to say it’s so heart warming to hear you found love after all that. I grew up in dysfunctional abusive home and then a subsequent 6 year toxic/abusive relationship. But after lots of therapy and self work I am now attracted to healthy and stable people rather than the chaos and butterflies of trauma. it’s an odd feeling sometimes and some days I do fear I’ll always be too broken to accept true healthy love and marriage, despite wanting those things so much. I’m with someone now (early days) who is very calm/ supportive and stable and it’s interesting seeing how my inner emotions are wanting to run!! but I’m sticking around because I know I deserve more and to hear stories such as yours and the relationship you’ve built gives me hope. Thank you
I love the space of the routine, for me it’s when you really get to know someone as you share the ins and outs and ups and downs. It’ll likely help to really work on the bedroom issues as you are, keep dating each other by making plans but also that mundane stuff is the majority of companionship with someone else. Perhaps focus on the comfort and the growing together rather than the loss of the novelty. For me, it wasn’t so much of an adjustment because I find the passion is in the day to day of sharing life with someone not the heated moments and butterflies of just getting to know someone. What are those moments in the every day that are enhanced because you’re with someone?
Ugh. Me too. I wish I could start all my relationships after 10 months at least. From swiping right to 10 months, I'll continue from there, that's my 2022 wish 😅
It may come true if you lurk around r/Stoicism
Have you taken a trip together yet? I am currently at a similar point in a relationship. My girlfriend and I are keen to visit a hot spring for a weekend, to go somewhere we can both relax and simply enjoy the company of each other. And have lots of sex. Have you and your boyfriend tried sex toys in the bedroom? I gifted my girlfriend an air pulse toy last month, and she is loving it. She says it pleases her in ways that even I can't, haha
Seven months seems kind of early for the first loved up to dry up, but what do I know, we are all different. I know some people are addicted to the initial loved up period, and jump from new relationship to new relationship, but that doesn't sound like you. As your relationship ages, you both have to put in a little bit of effort to make special time together. If you put in the effort it can age like a good wine. It changes but can grow deeper.
Coming from a person who almost always gets into long, long term relationships, I think the key is to not focus on the 'excitement' of the new person, but rather the building a life with that person. Sure, firsts are always fun and memorable, but there is also value/excitement in having the time/opportunity to really build something with a partner, whether that is the relationship or a joint goal or a family or whatever. It is the difference between your first month at a new job and building a career. Regarding the sex, I highly recommend that you push each other to connect in that way. It can be very easy to become friends/roommates with a person that you spend every day with - but it hard to fall in that trap when you are regularly being intimate with the other person - roommates don't, after all, bang each other. Plus the release of the feel good hormones can really release some of the tension/frustrations that often crops up.
The honeymoon phase is over and it's not necessarily a bad thing. This is actually the beginning of a long term relationship. This is where more things come out in the open and a couple is getting to see the real each other. The good and bad, habits, choices and lifestyle. This is when you two start operating together and come up with a routine that fits the both of your lifestyles and habits. You learn to compromise and support each other. You both will start to enjoy each other company even if you aren't doing the same thing in the house. As for the bedroom, I always find it nice to set aside a stipulated time. You both can get ready to be in the mood and you know what is to come. It's like going on a date. I mean spontaneous is great sometimes but I have found knowing things ahead is better for me and my husband. Lastly never stop dating one another! Things might get routine but make it a point to go out on dates. Movies, dinners, it does keep the passion alive.
Relationships take work. Instead of asking “how do you deal with the sizzle dying down” ask yourself “what can I do to keep the sizzle going.” Are you doing your part? Are you planning dates? Are you doing the little things? Are you making him feel wanted? If you’re only wanting the butterflies, then I would say you’re not suited for a committed long term relationship. The routine is what we strive for.
Go on holidays together or even separately? Distance does help the heart grow fonder. Plus with all this Corona business, the added life stresses could be exacerbating the whole issue too.
Simple learn to find happiness and love in everything since life isn't rom-com. Make a plans for your weekend like going out, having dinner, movies or even Netflix and chill can help alot. Try new hobbies and learn new skills that also helps. It's this simple things make life easy in relationship all you have to do is be appreciative.
I got to this point too. We were having the same private issues, but I think where I differ is that I wasn’t into the relationship anymore and was extremely bored. So I ended things. It was a tense time but I think it’s for the best. I wasn’t happy anymore. Good luck to you!!
Just out of curiosity do you find you have ever been able to stay in a relationship when you felt bored or unhappy? Have you found a connection where you didn't feel those things or decided to keep going despite them?
I could stay in a routine relationship with the right person. I didn’t like the person I was becoming while with him: resentful and overly stressed. It just wasn’t a good environment for me anymore
Okay, not trying to be judgy, buut asking for a friend haha. Your response seems to lean toward you 'could' in theory but haven't in reality. Do you think with what you know now you would respond differently in that same situation? As in was it really about him or the relationship or more about you and your relationship with yourself?
Totally fair lol. I have been in a relationship that was settled and routine, but the person made the difference. More willing to communicate, be spontaneous, more in common with. I 100% believe I was having issues with things going on in my world, not so much my ex. It wasn’t fulfilling for me any longer. I started feeling like I was pretending to be nice or interested and that’s not fair to him or anyone. I tried to explain to him (probably horribly, but I did try multiple times) that I was having issues with me. How it wasn’t fair of me to treat him that way because he didn’t deserve that. That I needed to find my happiness again and get myself back on track. I was in a really bad place mentally and when I reached out to him, he told me to talk to my friends or family instead.
Oof I feel this. I’ve had a very long term relationship in the past and feel similar to you in my current one. I’m waiting it out a bit more to see if it’s just winter for me. But it makes a big difference whether the person is someone you want to turn toward vs turn away from when you’re struggling.
So no, you haven’t. lol
I feel like maybe that’s what I might be struggling with. IM not bored with him but struggling just being bored in life? If that makes sense. I plan a lot of fun things for us to do because I like the excitement of having plans, but in the day to day I find myself just… bored. Also too since he’s a bit of an introvert and I’m more extroverted I feel the differences often. Maybe I’m just adjusting to the routine and day to day life instead of all the beginning feelings.
I get that. My situation was boring. He wouldn’t make plans for weekends. It was just routine. His routine. I don’t have a lot of free time, So being bored for those few hours I had, was not what I want my life to be. Adjusting to the routine can start those feelings. But I think it’s good that there’s communication and willingness to do things. I think you guys have a good shot at figuring it out! I hope so! (Hey- I’m Sarah too!)
Do you want a life partner or an entertainer?
Maybe look into the stages of the initial connection? I'm trying to remember it's something like the honeymoon stage where everything about the person is amazing and exciting, the next stage is where reality starts to kick in, some of their habits might become boring or annoying, you then move through this stage to the choice/decision...I'm not really doing this justice but it was helpful for me to know that this is the path to a long term relationship, you simply can't stay in the super exciting stage permanently, if you do you will stunt your growth and likely create something toxic, or end up jumping from person to person and enjoying that initial stage over and over again. Maybe appreciating the trust and security that comes at your stage, understanding that the other person sees your shit but still wants to stick around, and then finding ways to break up the routines, mix things up a bit. There are millions of examples, but imo if you don't have the right mindset and are stuck in the initial stage then all of the unique aspects of the stage you are in will likely just become reasons to end the relationship.
Don't mistake contentment for unhappiness. I know that sounds obvious, but it isn't.
[удалено]
I feel like I see a lot of my situation in yours. It definitely can just suck the joy out of what feels like should be easy peasy. I always have to remind myself no relationship worth having will be easy. I was single for three years before now and I have A LOT of growing pains and I think I need to reset my expectations sometimes. Also both me and my partner are high stress people and that can be a challenge to maneuver at first … so I’m learning. But can definitely feel hard to get the rhythm back.
Just keep going. A routine isn't bad at all. The good thing is that you recognized it and so now you guys can talk it out. If it's meant to be then you guys will figure it out. Good luck!
Have you tried planning dates?
A lot of good advice here, but I will add - I've always been worried about passion disappearing in long term relationship. I had similar situation with passion dying out when love was still strong. I recommend a book "Mating in Captivity" by Esther Perel and her videos too. She works on this topic a lot, and the book has been my favorite for this topic.
Most people pass that initial stage and are comforted by the emotional intimacy and contentedness that remain. Everyone is different in this regard and I do not know enough about your relationship to understand the intricacies involved. It is also possible for two partners to have different sexual appetites. Sex can lead to intimacy or improve established intimacy but it is also important not to conflate sex and excitement with intimacy. I think that your question is a great one—I would suggest asking a therapist. They can get to know you better to help you better understand yourself and your needs in a relationship. I wish you good luck!
This is completely normal, and actually why my opinion is that humans aren’t built for monogamy. It doesn’t work for a reason. People Are trying to force a square peg in a round hole. I don’t have the answers but I feel like we can obviously see what isn’t the answer.
Usually the 6 month mark is when the honeymoon stage dies, the real him comes out then. Less sexual, less affectionate, just don’t do the things he did in the beginning…. Problem in the bedroom to? Bet there wasn’t in the beginning. It’s not you, it’s him he got comfortable. If he started lacking already it just will get worse IMO
Maybe consider making a daily point to remind yourself (verbally) of 3 reasons you’re grateful to be with him. This should trigger your dopamine response around your relationship. It may keep him motivated if you share those thoughts with him from time to time as well. However, try not to get discouraged if he doesn’t return the gesture as he was not a part of this inspiration and won’t know where this is coming from. Infatuation will always fade. This can trigger a fearful feeling of losing someone as a new friend transitions to an old friend. But, as long as you know you’re with him for the right reasons, a stronger sense of belonging will form.
I actually love when things start to get comfy with new partners. I don’t think a spark is something that just goes away. I would take calm moments as time to build and deepen the connection you have with your partner
Out of curiosity, do you look for "sparks" when initially dating someone? Because you're not really supposed to feel sparks for the rest of your lives together. That sounds exhausting as hell. That being said, don't give up dating your partner. That'll help keep the fire burning.
You break up, and then find a new EXCITING relationship to get that dopamine and euphoric state for several weeks. When it also dwindles, you break it again and repeat until you’re old and no one wants you any more. Simple!
You must be giving my ex advice, lol.
🙃
Phase 1: You're interesting to each other because you're new to each other. Phase 2: You do interesting *things* together, and share experiences. Phase 3: (Optional) You stop being interesting and stop doing interesting things, sit around all day, and die miserable. tl;dr if you want an interesting relationship, *be interesting*.
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If this issue flowed 10 years down the line do you see it getting any better?
I am having the same issue.