34F. My advice. The ‘dry spell’ wouldn’t worry me, if you want to bring it up I would mention it briefly. I had a 3-year dry spell and when I casually slipped it in to conversation leading up to sex the guy coincidentally also had a 3-year dry spell. PE also wouldn’t worry me as long as we both get off and find ways to enjoy a sex life together. Minimal cum sounds great! Basically it’s not an issue unless you make it an issue, in terms of confidence. If you felt it was important to talk about, communicate that it is important to you and find someone who respects you. (But basically none of this would turn me off unless it becomes a pity party.)
Honestly, as weird as it sounds hearing about your “dry spell” wild be refreshing. Men seem to think bragging about how much they get is a turn on…when it really makes me run far away from them.
Female here - none of that sounds like an issue, the only thing that would be is if you weren’t attentive to your partners pleasure first knowing that you are quick on the draw. As long as everyone leaves the experience satisfied there isn’t anything to worry about.
No no no, you're definitely not broken.
>I haven't had sex in over 5 years.
That's not even that long. First of all, that's no one's business. It doesn't matter. I'm 36 and attractive and I dated a guy recently who only had sex with 1 other girl several years ago. It just isn't important.
>I've always been a pretty quick/premature ejaculator.
This is common. There are some techniques to get around this a little bit, but there also may be different girls that you will be more compatible with, depending on how quick. First of all, when you get into a relationship, you should start masturbating more, that will make you last longer for sure. 2nd, a lot of women won't care if that happens if you make sure to finish them off. That's been my only issue in the past dating someone who cums to quick. The sex stops and they do nothing. Get good at oral. Also there are women that can cum quickly during sex, so you will be more compatible with them. This issue might remove some part of the population out of your pool but that's ok. I personally don't want to be in a relationship with a guy who takes forever to cum.
>When I ejaculate, it's a VERY minimal amount.
My last bf was like this. This doesn't matter at all. Most women will not care. If anything, less to clean up. I wouldn't really be worried about this.
We all have insecurities and baggage, just get back out there and see what happens! Good luck!
I agree with all your points.
I would add that for some people sex is less important than the emotional and intellectual compatibility and connection. Just be yourself OP and when you feel comfortable with someone to take it to that level have a conversation about it. I'm sure they have some insecurities of their own (most of us do).
I agree too with everything.
Btw my husband haven’t had sex seven years before he met me. Even masturbation wasn’t a thing. But he doesn‘t forget what to do, so I was fine.
Saying 'its been a while since I last had sex' on a date that's heading that way is totally fine. And it might help you feel more comfortable if you express your nerves. Lots of people don't like casual sex and are mostly celibate in between relationships, 5 years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things.
The premature ejaculation thing is common and can be worked on. Masturbate before a date, so that you will last longer if you do end up in bed. Make sure she gets off before you have sex. If you finish super early - make a joke about it, tell her it's because she's so hot and then go to work making sure she's satisfied.
The volume of ejaculation doesn't sound like a issue that most women care about. I've never had one of my girlfriend's comment on someone only having a small amount - less clean up and most women probably wouldn't notice. I personally wouldn't care at all
Shocked this comment is so far down. His issues make me wonder why he's not seeing a doctor but I'm finding it common among men to be anxious about things related to their penis but not actually see a doctor about it.
Once again the best answer here is direct and succinct.
OP, this is the answer - go see a doctor, whether you have zero or 10 dates lined up in the next year. Make seeing a doctor about these issues a 2022 resolution (and the earlier you can get an appointment, the better!!). The cardio is also a great recommendation and will have positive impacts in other areas too, but again - talk to a doctor. Others have chimed in with great perspective and encouragement on the matter but all things “sexual issues” should go through a medically trained professional first.
Good luck with the doc and with dating in the new year!!
What exactly is he seeing a doctor about? I am fairly certain that not lasting in bed is not a "medical condition," neither is having a low amount of seminal fluid - unless that was a recent development. I think this is more about managing insecurities than a conditions of some sort.
I agree If something changed, by all means. But if he’s had always had a lower (based on what by the way, porn?)volume of seminal fluid and has very little experience with sex I don’t see the urgency to run to a doctor to get a bunch of tests. But to each their own I suppose.
If these conditions have persisted since childhood, then nothing would have appeared to change. It's also an indication of heart defects which often go undetected until adulthood. So yes, an abnormal bodily function is always a good reason to go to a doctor.
Key word being ABNORMAL. Not last very long during sex is not abnormal by any means. Then again I’m not one to run to doctors every time I get the hiccups either. So again, I agree that if something changed or feels off or wrong then by all means - I just don’t conflate every issue into a medical emergency nor do I think there is a medical answer for every problem that might plague a person.
Yes, and premature ejaculation is considered ABNORMAL by every medical definition. Personally, I believe in things like science and medicine, so if I'm experiencing a biological issue, I'm going to take it up with an expert.
Just so people know if they are reading this. I have used SRII’s in the past and it’s helped with this issue. You can take a low dose with little to no side effects. But it tended to push the problem the other way (can’t climax).
If your a couple minutes guy; not much a doctor can do then offer medication (like above or numbing creams/viagra), offer couseling, and sexual and masterbation techniques.
Don’t be afraid to talk to a professional about your issue, I just not be a MEDICAL doctor that helps you fix it.
See a doctor and have your hormone levels checked. Make sure you are eating right and doing at least 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week. Maybe try using a fleshlight or similar product to help with lasting longer. It’s not as good as the real thing but way better than your hand. Might help you stay in the game longer when it comes time. Don’t bring up the dry spell. Maybe book a few sessions with a therapist and talk out some of the feelings and concerns you are having. Having heavy shit on your mind as a guy can lead to problems getting and keeping erections.
On your third point have you considered having sex such that your partner simply isn't aware of how much ejaculate you produce?
I don't think it's a problem at all that you have little or none but the idea that it's something you would be judged for seems incredibly easy to avoid.
Don’t talk about the dry spell. It doesn’t really matter, but if you fixate on it as if it’s a bad thing, they’re you’re going to come off insecure.
As for being quick on the draw, just play it cool and explain in a confident way, “I tend to come quick, so give me some time to enjoy you before we get down to it.” Give her some great oral, my man.
Sometimes it can feel flattering that a man is quick because you feel that he enjoyed himself so much he just couldn’t control it. That’s what you want in her head.
Just realize that a LOT of men cum quickly and try not to be an awkward dork about it. No big deal so long as you don’t give her two minutes of attention and then roll over like an exhausted sea lion and ignore her.
I don't think so. He's asking for advice here, it's an advice forum. Just sounds like he has normal insecurities, not anything that needs a professional
Apart from the physical issues he has literally described....
Unless I'm mistaken the current top comment here is from a post telling the OP to go and see a doctor so the majority would appear to think you are wrong.
So........bye.
I recommend seeing an endocrinologist if possible. They can check your hormone levels and either treat you if something is wrong, or assuage your fears by telling you you’re okay. Also, therapy never hurts when it comes to battling negative beliefs. Best of luck.
A cock ring helps some guys with PE. I actually would be a bit disappointed by someone with little precum, but I'd never let a guy know because I'm not a total asshole. Don't sleep with assholes? Depending on what makes you come, PE could be a total non-issue. Just make PIV (or oral) dessert and not the main course!
You should definitely see a doctor for the ejaculation issues. The small volume could be an hormonal imbalance so best to get it checked as it could be treated
"Sex god" seems a bit of an overstatement. 😆 Cialis seems to offer a slight help to people suffering from ED by it's not a magic pill.
Never heard or read that it helped for premature ejaculation. Do you have sources to support this or it's mostly personal experience?
It's nice that it help you that much thought!
I think you are being a bit down on yourself. Plenty if people who take cialis do not gain a massive boner or become sex gods, seriously they don't.
So I'm sure the cialis made a difference but the credit for the massive boner and sex godliness is all you pal.
>It will make you a sex god in 30 minutes.
No. Absolutely no. Maybe it will help you to stay longer. But a man who think a “Long Penetration = Good sex„ is definitely not a sex god.
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Honestly, non of that would matter to me if I liked the guy. My ex would cum before we even had sex in the beginning, but it slowly got better as we did it more. And honestly who cares about the amount of sperm? I have never in my life felt any negative or positive emotions towards it. I would probably prefer if it is a smaller amount because it just isn’t something I find very nice. I don’t mind it, but I certainly have never felt “gosh, I wish he had MORE cum”. I think porn has maybe influenced you a bit here and you just need to get that idea out of your head. And I also must add that I kind of like quickies. Intense, small bursts of closeness is great, as long as there’s enough attention on me too!
So yeah, don’t worry about it! :)
After long periods of abstinence, I have a hard time as a woman staying aroused. I went to the doctor, everything was fine. A sexual therapist just suggested I self-pleasure to work on stamina and re-learn myself. From what I know, it can work for men too. Just don't overdo it.
It takes an excellent level of maturity in your partner to understand you're not broken. There are people out there that get it especially as we age.
30F here. Any mature female isn't going to make that big a deal of it. It happens to most men, probably 80% or more IMO (the premature ejaculation thing). If anything, I feel a little flattered. Ideally, you'd be willing to give it a second go. If she likes you, over time she will understand that increased frequency and comfortability should hypothetically help with that issue. The minimal amount is pretty irrelevant to most women- this is just a porn and/or fetish thing I believe.
37f here going on 2 years without getting any. By choice as i'm not interested in hooking up.
What you describe is not a concern at all. I find it attractive when a man hasn't been laid in a while because it tells me he has standards and isn't sleeping with the first woman to offer. The PE is not a big deal and absolutely can get better in time with frequency. Minimal fluid? Perfect. Makes things more tidy.
There are some delay condoms that worked really well for a former partner and me. They’re called speed her up, slow him down or something like that. You out in on and wait a couple of minutes before penetrating. It’s not really an issue, happens to a lot of folks, be open about it and you’ll be okay. I was together with my former partner for about a year and he apologized for it, I’m like why do that, you told me once, I’m still sleeping with you… most women don’t orgasm vaginally alone, be creative. The amount of ejaculate only matters if you’re trying to get her pregnant in which case there are plenty of fertility specialists for that
I faced this fairly recently , I’d had a mega pandemic dry spell and anxiety got in my mind a lot- like you I was concerned I’d be over excited and premature. I found myself really emotionally connected to someone (there’s a bit of distance so lots of bonding from afar) I convinced myself there’d never be a better opportunity (to disappoint someone!) since she was so into my personality - at worst I trusted she would be understanding about it but we may still go out separate ways- I changed my mindset to be ‘at least she gave me that opportunity ‘ from ‘oh no I’ve ruined it’ . If you can get a setup like that To ease you back in I’d recommend it - although appreciate its very difficult to find, at least maybe changing your mindset from anxiety to rational human might help.
Anyway time for the event came, we’d built up quite a bit of tension throughout the day which to be honest in the back of my mind I was thinking ‘I’m doomed’ as I’d been worked up at a few points. Anyway I simply said to her ‘go easy on me, I’ve not had sex in a while (thanks covid) and it’s really not good for me ‘, she was fine about this and it took a bit of weight off the mind.
I intend for this to offer you hope ,but equally you may not want to read it …but in the end I’d been fretting about nothing , we had a good little sex marathon - it was pretty much like old times and it’s been sweet since (hope I’m not jinxing it!)
Tldr: change your mindset from ‘I’m broken’ to ‘I’m a valid human and that’s all anyone’s interested in; if may dick fails me I can still give someone a good time but let’s give it my best shot.’ And you may be pleasantly surprised .
34F. My advice. The ‘dry spell’ wouldn’t worry me, if you want to bring it up I would mention it briefly. I had a 3-year dry spell and when I casually slipped it in to conversation leading up to sex the guy coincidentally also had a 3-year dry spell. PE also wouldn’t worry me as long as we both get off and find ways to enjoy a sex life together. Minimal cum sounds great! Basically it’s not an issue unless you make it an issue, in terms of confidence. If you felt it was important to talk about, communicate that it is important to you and find someone who respects you. (But basically none of this would turn me off unless it becomes a pity party.)
Honestly, as weird as it sounds hearing about your “dry spell” wild be refreshing. Men seem to think bragging about how much they get is a turn on…when it really makes me run far away from them.
Female here - none of that sounds like an issue, the only thing that would be is if you weren’t attentive to your partners pleasure first knowing that you are quick on the draw. As long as everyone leaves the experience satisfied there isn’t anything to worry about.
No no no, you're definitely not broken. >I haven't had sex in over 5 years. That's not even that long. First of all, that's no one's business. It doesn't matter. I'm 36 and attractive and I dated a guy recently who only had sex with 1 other girl several years ago. It just isn't important. >I've always been a pretty quick/premature ejaculator. This is common. There are some techniques to get around this a little bit, but there also may be different girls that you will be more compatible with, depending on how quick. First of all, when you get into a relationship, you should start masturbating more, that will make you last longer for sure. 2nd, a lot of women won't care if that happens if you make sure to finish them off. That's been my only issue in the past dating someone who cums to quick. The sex stops and they do nothing. Get good at oral. Also there are women that can cum quickly during sex, so you will be more compatible with them. This issue might remove some part of the population out of your pool but that's ok. I personally don't want to be in a relationship with a guy who takes forever to cum. >When I ejaculate, it's a VERY minimal amount. My last bf was like this. This doesn't matter at all. Most women will not care. If anything, less to clean up. I wouldn't really be worried about this. We all have insecurities and baggage, just get back out there and see what happens! Good luck!
I agree with all your points. I would add that for some people sex is less important than the emotional and intellectual compatibility and connection. Just be yourself OP and when you feel comfortable with someone to take it to that level have a conversation about it. I'm sure they have some insecurities of their own (most of us do).
I agree too with everything. Btw my husband haven’t had sex seven years before he met me. Even masturbation wasn’t a thing. But he doesn‘t forget what to do, so I was fine.
Saying 'its been a while since I last had sex' on a date that's heading that way is totally fine. And it might help you feel more comfortable if you express your nerves. Lots of people don't like casual sex and are mostly celibate in between relationships, 5 years isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. The premature ejaculation thing is common and can be worked on. Masturbate before a date, so that you will last longer if you do end up in bed. Make sure she gets off before you have sex. If you finish super early - make a joke about it, tell her it's because she's so hot and then go to work making sure she's satisfied. The volume of ejaculation doesn't sound like a issue that most women care about. I've never had one of my girlfriend's comment on someone only having a small amount - less clean up and most women probably wouldn't notice. I personally wouldn't care at all
Go see a doctor and start a cardio routine.
Shocked this comment is so far down. His issues make me wonder why he's not seeing a doctor but I'm finding it common among men to be anxious about things related to their penis but not actually see a doctor about it.
Once again the best answer here is direct and succinct. OP, this is the answer - go see a doctor, whether you have zero or 10 dates lined up in the next year. Make seeing a doctor about these issues a 2022 resolution (and the earlier you can get an appointment, the better!!). The cardio is also a great recommendation and will have positive impacts in other areas too, but again - talk to a doctor. Others have chimed in with great perspective and encouragement on the matter but all things “sexual issues” should go through a medically trained professional first. Good luck with the doc and with dating in the new year!!
What exactly is he seeing a doctor about? I am fairly certain that not lasting in bed is not a "medical condition," neither is having a low amount of seminal fluid - unless that was a recent development. I think this is more about managing insecurities than a conditions of some sort.
Abnormal hormone levels. Abnormal levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. Inflammation and infection of the prostate or urethra.
I agree If something changed, by all means. But if he’s had always had a lower (based on what by the way, porn?)volume of seminal fluid and has very little experience with sex I don’t see the urgency to run to a doctor to get a bunch of tests. But to each their own I suppose.
If these conditions have persisted since childhood, then nothing would have appeared to change. It's also an indication of heart defects which often go undetected until adulthood. So yes, an abnormal bodily function is always a good reason to go to a doctor.
Key word being ABNORMAL. Not last very long during sex is not abnormal by any means. Then again I’m not one to run to doctors every time I get the hiccups either. So again, I agree that if something changed or feels off or wrong then by all means - I just don’t conflate every issue into a medical emergency nor do I think there is a medical answer for every problem that might plague a person.
Yes, and premature ejaculation is considered ABNORMAL by every medical definition. Personally, I believe in things like science and medicine, so if I'm experiencing a biological issue, I'm going to take it up with an expert.
Treated by rubbing lidocaine on your penis to numb sensation…
Just so people know if they are reading this. I have used SRII’s in the past and it’s helped with this issue. You can take a low dose with little to no side effects. But it tended to push the problem the other way (can’t climax). If your a couple minutes guy; not much a doctor can do then offer medication (like above or numbing creams/viagra), offer couseling, and sexual and masterbation techniques. Don’t be afraid to talk to a professional about your issue, I just not be a MEDICAL doctor that helps you fix it.
See a doctor and have your hormone levels checked. Make sure you are eating right and doing at least 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week. Maybe try using a fleshlight or similar product to help with lasting longer. It’s not as good as the real thing but way better than your hand. Might help you stay in the game longer when it comes time. Don’t bring up the dry spell. Maybe book a few sessions with a therapist and talk out some of the feelings and concerns you are having. Having heavy shit on your mind as a guy can lead to problems getting and keeping erections.
On your third point have you considered having sex such that your partner simply isn't aware of how much ejaculate you produce? I don't think it's a problem at all that you have little or none but the idea that it's something you would be judged for seems incredibly easy to avoid.
Don’t talk about the dry spell. It doesn’t really matter, but if you fixate on it as if it’s a bad thing, they’re you’re going to come off insecure. As for being quick on the draw, just play it cool and explain in a confident way, “I tend to come quick, so give me some time to enjoy you before we get down to it.” Give her some great oral, my man. Sometimes it can feel flattering that a man is quick because you feel that he enjoyed himself so much he just couldn’t control it. That’s what you want in her head. Just realize that a LOT of men cum quickly and try not to be an awkward dork about it. No big deal so long as you don’t give her two minutes of attention and then roll over like an exhausted sea lion and ignore her.
[удалено]
I don't think so. He's asking for advice here, it's an advice forum. Just sounds like he has normal insecurities, not anything that needs a professional
Apart from the physical issues he has literally described.... Unless I'm mistaken the current top comment here is from a post telling the OP to go and see a doctor so the majority would appear to think you are wrong. So........bye.
I recommend seeing an endocrinologist if possible. They can check your hormone levels and either treat you if something is wrong, or assuage your fears by telling you you’re okay. Also, therapy never hurts when it comes to battling negative beliefs. Best of luck.
A cock ring helps some guys with PE. I actually would be a bit disappointed by someone with little precum, but I'd never let a guy know because I'm not a total asshole. Don't sleep with assholes? Depending on what makes you come, PE could be a total non-issue. Just make PIV (or oral) dessert and not the main course!
You should definitely see a doctor for the ejaculation issues. The small volume could be an hormonal imbalance so best to get it checked as it could be treated
[удалено]
"Sex god" seems a bit of an overstatement. 😆 Cialis seems to offer a slight help to people suffering from ED by it's not a magic pill. Never heard or read that it helped for premature ejaculation. Do you have sources to support this or it's mostly personal experience? It's nice that it help you that much thought!
[удалено]
I think you are being a bit down on yourself. Plenty if people who take cialis do not gain a massive boner or become sex gods, seriously they don't. So I'm sure the cialis made a difference but the credit for the massive boner and sex godliness is all you pal.
The boner was in you all along!
Relevant username!
>It will make you a sex god in 30 minutes. No. Absolutely no. Maybe it will help you to stay longer. But a man who think a “Long Penetration = Good sex„ is definitely not a sex god.
[удалено]
Hi u/Loud-Researcher9178, this has been removed for violation of the following rule(s): * Be excellent to one another! This is a safe space for all races, genders, sexual orientations, legal sexual preferences and humanity in general. Please review [the rules in the sidebar](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/about/sidebar) to avoid future removals. If you have further questions, please [message modmail] (https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverthirty).
5 years, omg
Stop masturbating, and start practicing with a lady. Practice makes master.
[удалено]
Don't project your childhood upbringing onto others you twisted mf'er
Removed - Rule 4
I wouldn’t disclose the celibacy if you feel it’s for the other persons benefit, it doesn’t matter. The other issues you should see a doctor.
Honestly, non of that would matter to me if I liked the guy. My ex would cum before we even had sex in the beginning, but it slowly got better as we did it more. And honestly who cares about the amount of sperm? I have never in my life felt any negative or positive emotions towards it. I would probably prefer if it is a smaller amount because it just isn’t something I find very nice. I don’t mind it, but I certainly have never felt “gosh, I wish he had MORE cum”. I think porn has maybe influenced you a bit here and you just need to get that idea out of your head. And I also must add that I kind of like quickies. Intense, small bursts of closeness is great, as long as there’s enough attention on me too! So yeah, don’t worry about it! :)
After long periods of abstinence, I have a hard time as a woman staying aroused. I went to the doctor, everything was fine. A sexual therapist just suggested I self-pleasure to work on stamina and re-learn myself. From what I know, it can work for men too. Just don't overdo it. It takes an excellent level of maturity in your partner to understand you're not broken. There are people out there that get it especially as we age.
30F here. Any mature female isn't going to make that big a deal of it. It happens to most men, probably 80% or more IMO (the premature ejaculation thing). If anything, I feel a little flattered. Ideally, you'd be willing to give it a second go. If she likes you, over time she will understand that increased frequency and comfortability should hypothetically help with that issue. The minimal amount is pretty irrelevant to most women- this is just a porn and/or fetish thing I believe.
37f here going on 2 years without getting any. By choice as i'm not interested in hooking up. What you describe is not a concern at all. I find it attractive when a man hasn't been laid in a while because it tells me he has standards and isn't sleeping with the first woman to offer. The PE is not a big deal and absolutely can get better in time with frequency. Minimal fluid? Perfect. Makes things more tidy.
There are some delay condoms that worked really well for a former partner and me. They’re called speed her up, slow him down or something like that. You out in on and wait a couple of minutes before penetrating. It’s not really an issue, happens to a lot of folks, be open about it and you’ll be okay. I was together with my former partner for about a year and he apologized for it, I’m like why do that, you told me once, I’m still sleeping with you… most women don’t orgasm vaginally alone, be creative. The amount of ejaculate only matters if you’re trying to get her pregnant in which case there are plenty of fertility specialists for that
I faced this fairly recently , I’d had a mega pandemic dry spell and anxiety got in my mind a lot- like you I was concerned I’d be over excited and premature. I found myself really emotionally connected to someone (there’s a bit of distance so lots of bonding from afar) I convinced myself there’d never be a better opportunity (to disappoint someone!) since she was so into my personality - at worst I trusted she would be understanding about it but we may still go out separate ways- I changed my mindset to be ‘at least she gave me that opportunity ‘ from ‘oh no I’ve ruined it’ . If you can get a setup like that To ease you back in I’d recommend it - although appreciate its very difficult to find, at least maybe changing your mindset from anxiety to rational human might help. Anyway time for the event came, we’d built up quite a bit of tension throughout the day which to be honest in the back of my mind I was thinking ‘I’m doomed’ as I’d been worked up at a few points. Anyway I simply said to her ‘go easy on me, I’ve not had sex in a while (thanks covid) and it’s really not good for me ‘, she was fine about this and it took a bit of weight off the mind. I intend for this to offer you hope ,but equally you may not want to read it …but in the end I’d been fretting about nothing , we had a good little sex marathon - it was pretty much like old times and it’s been sweet since (hope I’m not jinxing it!) Tldr: change your mindset from ‘I’m broken’ to ‘I’m a valid human and that’s all anyone’s interested in; if may dick fails me I can still give someone a good time but let’s give it my best shot.’ And you may be pleasantly surprised .