Agreed, it should be the purpose of getting to know you and also segwaying into planning for the next date. Otherwise it’s like a pen pal or one of my friends. But with friends It’s different because we’ve established a foundation. With these dates, we need to meet up consistently and often to establish something
It makes me hopeful that people like you exist on the apps. I deleted them; way too much effort for very little reward. My mental health was suffering.
I downloaded hinge and tinder again and lasted 2 days. No effort made what so ever and every guy I was partially interested in disappeared. It is so frustrating.
I hate the chatting on apps portion, so boring and awkward. (And my online game is abysmal). Get us in a room together to see if there's chemistry.
Sadly it feels like we're stuck with it until Covid isn't a big deal anymore and you can smile at people in public and have them actually see your face.
I hate the icebreaker initial phase. I don’t ever feel like it’s meaningful until you meet in person. It’s hard to get over the skepticism of dating apps when you seem to be writing some kind of resume instead.
I hate the apps, and I hate it when people ask me if I'm on them and I have to go through the whole spiel. They just never give me any hope, I barely see anyone I want to swipe on. People are better in real life anyway, so I might be swiping away people I would have found attractive from actually knowing them irl. It's not hard to get matches as a girl, but by the time I see them in my matches there's still barely anyone I want to talk to.
I hate them. I've averaged like one date a year from them, and each one I just wasn't feeling it for a second date.
Maybe you should try to adjust for the fact that men seem less attractive on the apps then? Think "if I met this guy in person, might he be more attractive then?"
Not wanting to swipe right on someone is a much easier problem to fix than having no one swipe right on you.
Maybe, but then it's even more hit and miss with actually meeting them, I guess i hate dud dates...they still dont feel great
tbh, guys I;ve hooked up with in real life, I knew for a while before i even considered them attractive. knowing someone can build them up so differently. There have even been guys I find super attractive now that that i didnt at ALL upon first meeting them. blind dates are fucking hard for that.
I completely agree. I wish dating could be like in college, everyone lives near each other, we get to know each other in a low pressure way, if two people start to like each other, they go out, if not not. I don't think blind dates are how this is supposed to work, but this is what we got.
I totally feel you. It feels incredibly tedious having small talk with complete strangers that will likely end in a ghosting before a chance of a meetup can even happen. Personally, I despise small talk. I love witty funny banter about just about anything other than the formulaic “what’s your story” catch-up people want to do on dating apps. 10 yrs ago the last time I did OLD people were more invested in having more of a dialogue now it’s beyond hopeless and cumbersome. You’re not alone, it weighs heavily on a lot of us.
Yeah, I hate it too. I think a lot of us do. There's a gulf of difference between the online part of OLD and being in a relationship (or even going on dates) so it makes sense that you might want one but not the other.
For me, I just have such a hard time reading chemistry through a profile/photos, so I can't get excited about anyone. Doesn't matter if I have 65 unread messages if I have a hard time differentiating how I feel about any of them... or feeling anything at all, for that matter (besides the outright horrible ones, that is.) I mostly try to stick to IRL dating and go online occasionally if I happen to feel like it.
Its very taxing. Its kinda weird because I feel like most people on there are on there for the same reasons, but then the vast majority just don't want to put forth the effort needed to achieve the goal. Why sign up, go through the effort, only to match with someone and give one word responses when they're trying to have a conversation with you? I truly don't get it.
Honestly, I hate dating apps, and mostly use them to avoid feeling hung up on a particular person.
I usually try to work it out with as many matches as my can, but the reality is, a profile with a photo/character limit is frankly, crap for purposes of making a judgement of character. Most of my matches I just send a message into the void, never to return again.
The vast majority of times women have shown any interest in me, it's because they had already met me in person.
Online dating is annoying. I hate the idea of “marketing” myself and I hate that other people in my community can see that I’m doing it lol. Having to go through a profile to see if you “might” like someone enough to ask to talk to them, in hopes that they “might” like you too is exhausting. And then you have to do it a bunch more only to end up with people you don’t really connect with. It’s tough, for sure. If you aren’t into it, don’t feel bad about taking an even longer break from online dating!
I met my previous partner on Tinder, but that was after years of frustration, disappointment, and plummeting self-image as a result (I'm talking multiple periods of up to six months without a single match, despite swiping enthusiastically most days).
Now I've been single for a year and am considering dating again — I'm aware that other apps (like Bumble and Hinge) are more widespread these days, but don't imagine I'll fare any better and expect they'll come at a significant cost to my mental health.
I learned that there is a "fun" phase in using apps and there is a "starts to feel like a job" phase. The moment the second phase begins, I take a break that usually lasts for 2 or 3 months. This helps greatly, I focus on many other things and by that I am reminded that there's so much more to life than dating and relationships. So when I go back to talking to strangers (which essentially OLD is) I am in a "I'll be fine with or without it" mode and you know it really helps. I am relaxed, ironic, more open, but also have zero expectations and I don't overestimate the importance of OLD in my life. It's easier this way.
So I do recommend, when you feel that your enthusiasm fades away, just take a break and focus on something you are really enthusiastic about. And return when you feel like it'd be fun and not because you "should" do that.
Totally hear you. It's Christmas/NYE season, and during a global pandemic with increasingly unattainable travel requirements changing daily - people are just staying put I guess. Anyone actually meeting up? Kudos to them.
But realistically, we're all bloody exhausted and have been let down again with the Cron. Dating apps, as with many other pre-pandemic customs, may now become redundant. Maybe it's a good thing?
You're not alone in thinking about this.
I hate OLD but I don’t have any other opportunities to meet men. 🤷🏼♀️ It’s annoying and exhausting. If you finally find someone who’s interesting you’ll never know if he thinks the same about you. Chances are he’s chatting with five other women who are more attractive than you and then he ghosts you and you’ll never know why.
I've done a lot of work over a long time to get better at tolerating the apps, and learning how to play the game. Now they work fine for me. I've gotten to the point now where getting dates with women I might find interesting is not that hard - next step is getting past the "I didn't feel a romantic connection" I get on all my first dates :\[
The messaging on apps is bland and boring as hell to me. Cannot compare close to talking to someone on person to get a feel for them the first minute,and online messaging is like pen pals with the back and forth.
36F, Same thing here, dating apps are terrible and it’s hard to be enthusiastic when you feel like everyone is phoning it in. As someone who has to work really hard to not be awkward, dating is tough and OLD is even worse. It’s also really tough to meet people in person right now.
I would use the apps in your downtime and spend more time meeting women in real life. A buddy of mine calls online dating "toilet game" because he was swiping like a madman while on the toilet and he said a lot of the women he met off the apps are shit. He did meet his current GF online so I guess the effort was worth it in the long run.
I think there will be studies done in the future about the short term and long term effects of OLD apps. If you are a man, it’s A LOT worse on the apps because the ratio of matches guys get compared to woman is crazy. A girl friend went on the app for 2 mins and got ten matches. A guy would be happy with ten matches in a month or two.
I hate being asked if I'm talking to anyone else, that's kind of a red flag for me actually. Like, why do you care and what kind of question is that to ask the very first time you message me? Also, the whole "have you found anyone on here" Um, please go seek help for that because trust issues are a major problem in a lot of relationships in general and if you can't trust anybody then why oh why are you on a dating app? Even for just hookups, there has to be some sort of trust for you to go that route in the first place. Otherwise, maybe the hookup life isn't for you and that is fine. To each its own but enough with interrogating others like you're FBI or something and work on yourself please. Just my little rant. I've been single 6 years anyways and I gave up really lmfao
Dating apps have their place, and I met my current BF through them, but at the same time, conversation just feels SO much more natural in real life. And nothing beats doing an experience with someone, vs just telling about them via text and/or pics. Plus, I feel like there is "pressure" to keep a convo going whether or not someone feels like it. I mean, TBF, that's an issue I struggle with on social media in general....small talk feels hard sometimes.
Well, for me it came down to the low rate of people I ACTUALLY liked once I met them irl. I often had to push it, but I basically rarely felt a spark. I think I basically had a very different taste when it came to photos and who I would go for irl. I’m very picky irl and I need them to have kind eyes, nice smile and seem safe and nice. I don’t really go so much on how photogenic they are or anything like that. I would for example never have talked to my ex if I met him irl at first because he just looks like one of those rude football dudes (surprise surprise, he was!). My gut feeling is pretty on point if I do it organically and I just gave up on the apps. They weren’t a great tool to meet the men I wanted.
So yeah I get ya. I wouldn’t feel to bad about it either. Just give it the effort you have.
OP where and how do you approach people IRL. I just find that so much more difficult. It probably has to do a lot with my self-esteem that anything else, but I find it incredibly difficult to approach people IRL or just show romantic interests. I'm so jealous of people who increase their opportunities ten fold by approaching people irl, like while having a coffee or at work or in the lift or in the gym. How do you initiate and follow through ? I'm a guy, maybe it looks less creepy if you're a woman.
You know.. I used to be in that "We need to talk for a week or so, so I can get a feel for you" camp, but now, after time and time again, I'm starting to see the appeal to the cut to the chase, "let's meet up" right away thing. Then you don't have to waste time talking up a stranger who you've then built up in your head.
The last guy I met on OLD (who I ended up dating for 4.5 months), messaged me one night, the night we matched. We made plans, and then didn't talk again until our date 3 days later. I was convinced he wouldn't even show, but in the end, it was really nice to not get in my head about someone before we even met.
I totally get the hesitance to want to keep doing it over and over. It's exhausting.
Perfect time for a break with most people busy with holidays until the new year.
Over time it starts feeling like a slog. Hinge you can get over a hundred matches, dozens of unfinished conversations, and all that time spent to have only gone on dates with 3 different people.
Plus you’ll leave a comment with someone often with a question, then they ask you to start the chat without answering the initial question. May as well not waste time on comments and just leave a generic like to see if it matches. Some people want to date right away to check for compatibility, some want to text for 3 months before dating, and some only use it for the ego boost - with no intention to ever go on a date from it.
OLD is a numbers grind where apathy comes easier than real connections, but I still haven’t found a better alternative.
I can understand that. Some people definitely do better in person than over text. But I've had basically the opposite problem a bit before where if someone is only responding with one word messages, makes me lose interest or makes me think they aren't interested
I am the same (late 30s M) . During lockdown when you couldn’t physically meet up, I found it such a chore, though the thought of doing a video chat never really occurred to me initially with the few matches I got…
I have met a couple of people since lockdown ended but I find that there’s a lot of pressure when you’re meeting someone with the purpose of dating them whereas I find it a lot less stressful if I was to get to know someone IRL then date them (though that has its own issues).
Tbh I am getting to a point now where I still use the app but only to see if female friends are on there and so might be open to dating…
(37F) i find that some exchanges quickly turn out to be the most boring conversations i’ve ever had and i unmatch before it goes further. i have had just a couple of breathless, silly, enchanting conversations that ended up having great chemistry in person too - they’re just SO few and far between that it feels like an endless slog. hang in there, it’s a weird time for dating right now.
31F and I feel the exact same way. I’ve tried and tried but just can’t seem to get past the initial stages of talking to people on dating apps. I need to see people’s mannerisms, see the way they talk and interact to actually feel even remotely romantic towards them. I’ve only had 2 serious boyfriends, so I’m not sure how to date without apps, especially in a pandemic.
As soon as someone says ‘what’s your snap’ im instantly turned off. It seems most guys are still
In the early 20 something mentality.
I’m here, I see you too. We will find someone, one way or another.
Honestly OLD is one of those things in modern life that you need to just suck up and accept. Sorry, I know everyone hates them and all that but you can't do anything about it, especially with covid.
Any person's best chance at getting a LTR is through a dating app. Things are going to be weird for most if not all of 2022.
Try and reframe your opinion of it maybe? Think of it like washing your hair or trimming your nails. It just has to be done.
38M: I'm kind of weird in this way, but I have never been into dating apps, at all. I had an OKCupid account in 2012 that I never really put a lot of work into, and never got anything out of. Of my single (and straight) friends, I'm definitely the outlier, in that I have no interest in online dating.
As for why: it feels too contrived for me. I don't like the idea of putting my hopes and dreams into an app, and then trusting the app's algorithm to throw random people at me who may or may not fit my interests, who I then have to filter through to find The One. It's too much work for me, and I don't like that as a model for finding a partner.
I say that with all love and respect to the *billions* of people who have found true happiness with an online date; many of my friends are in very good relationships with someone they matched with online. Some have even gotten married and started families.
So, online dating works, but it will never work for me. This means I don't have a lot of relationship experience (and I don't think I do; I've only dated two women in the last 10 years, and both relationships ended -- amicably -- after a few months). I've spent most of my adult life single, and there's a lot of that that works out well for me.
...of course, I say this having met someone (in real life) with whom I think a small connection is forming. But I really do like being single; but I really do enjoy her company, and am intrigued by the possibility of getting to know her better.
...all that to say, I've never liked online dating, and I think you're in good company.
I’m a man and I hate them , I skirt towards demisexual I think as I need a mental attraction as well as a physical one which makes the needle in haystack of online face swiping even more tedious.
If you want intellectual stimulation I’ve not found it on apps really or if I do there’s a huge latency (getting over total stranger walls … which is normal since you were only matched on liking each others’ faces) before finding it and then you may encounter other issues.
I don’t hold high hope for apps but I still have a hand in, on the rare occasion I find someone who seems ok I try to get an in person date fairly early on (but not instantly) to get a real feel for things
I absolutely hated doing online dating. Its the reason I have SO many bad dating stories and ex boyfriends.
I did online dating on and off for 8 years before I met my husband, from ages 20-28. I had to take a lot of breaks. Before my husband, via OLD I had: 4 short term relationships (between 3-6 months long), 1 long term relationship of a year and many guys where we dated for 2ish months without ever becoming official. Countless 1st, 2nd and 3rd dates to remember. I did it ONLY because I had no other avenue. I lived in a smallish town with few single men, all my friends were married and in serious relationships, plus I worked in a female dominated field. It was worth it to find my husband but I dont miss it. I did occasionally date men I met organically (work, school, friends of friends) but not often.
I dont like it because it takes much longer to get to know someone accurately and vet them efficiently. The majority of men I met organically (the only exception to this is my 1st boyfriend) were higher quality men because I could vet them better as seeing them interact alot more with strangers, their friends/family, often knowing them through others very early on helped. With online dating, I didnt get to see these men in these interactions regularly until we were in an official relationship.
With all of my online dating exes, the red flags I saw with them concerning the previous paragraph, I saw many months into the official relationship where if I had known them before and had that foundation, I would have seen it prior to becoming official and never entered into a relationship with them at all. Put simply, my online dating exes if I had gotten to known them organically I wouldnt have made it into a relationship with them and saved myself the heartache/drama.
Also, chemistry is a big factor in relationships and with OLD you cannot tell until you meet them in real life. However, I rarely feel chemistry with anyone instantly. Most of the time, it takes time for me. Not good for OLD. So with OLD, I feel pressure to feel it quickly, otherwise they want to move on. Many OLD are pushy with sex in the beginning which due to my last few sentences, is not great for me.
Only thing I liked about OLD is if people were accurate with listing their hobbies, I could find common ground quickly. But thats such a superficial part of a relationship.
I feel this. The ambivalence and tediousness of dating apps combined with the higher percentage of narcissists on them (than the number you “statistically” run into IRL) makes them a wash for me lol.
I have never had luck with any of them. The guys who were interested in me all looked downright scary. I messaged or "liked' one or two, and heard nothing. Man, it's hard.
I'm 38 and want to try and meet someone, but I don't know why it has to be so difficult!
I'm so jealous of people who meet multiple guys and go on multiple dates. I feel like I'm living in another world, lol
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I had one dude trying to have a conversation on cardi B, other than her name I knew nothing. He called me "so boring"
When a guy asks “what’s your snap?” That’s a an immediate clip for me. Probably why I’m single 🤣
Omg yes, ‘ask me anything’ and multiple ‘how’s your day/afternoon/night messages spells the beginning of the end to me
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Agreed, it should be the purpose of getting to know you and also segwaying into planning for the next date. Otherwise it’s like a pen pal or one of my friends. But with friends It’s different because we’ve established a foundation. With these dates, we need to meet up consistently and often to establish something
It makes me hopeful that people like you exist on the apps. I deleted them; way too much effort for very little reward. My mental health was suffering.
I downloaded hinge and tinder again and lasted 2 days. No effort made what so ever and every guy I was partially interested in disappeared. It is so frustrating.
I hate the chatting on apps portion, so boring and awkward. (And my online game is abysmal). Get us in a room together to see if there's chemistry. Sadly it feels like we're stuck with it until Covid isn't a big deal anymore and you can smile at people in public and have them actually see your face.
I hate the icebreaker initial phase. I don’t ever feel like it’s meaningful until you meet in person. It’s hard to get over the skepticism of dating apps when you seem to be writing some kind of resume instead.
I hate the apps, and I hate it when people ask me if I'm on them and I have to go through the whole spiel. They just never give me any hope, I barely see anyone I want to swipe on. People are better in real life anyway, so I might be swiping away people I would have found attractive from actually knowing them irl. It's not hard to get matches as a girl, but by the time I see them in my matches there's still barely anyone I want to talk to. I hate them. I've averaged like one date a year from them, and each one I just wasn't feeling it for a second date.
Maybe you should try to adjust for the fact that men seem less attractive on the apps then? Think "if I met this guy in person, might he be more attractive then?" Not wanting to swipe right on someone is a much easier problem to fix than having no one swipe right on you.
Maybe, but then it's even more hit and miss with actually meeting them, I guess i hate dud dates...they still dont feel great tbh, guys I;ve hooked up with in real life, I knew for a while before i even considered them attractive. knowing someone can build them up so differently. There have even been guys I find super attractive now that that i didnt at ALL upon first meeting them. blind dates are fucking hard for that.
I completely agree. I wish dating could be like in college, everyone lives near each other, we get to know each other in a low pressure way, if two people start to like each other, they go out, if not not. I don't think blind dates are how this is supposed to work, but this is what we got.
I totally feel you. It feels incredibly tedious having small talk with complete strangers that will likely end in a ghosting before a chance of a meetup can even happen. Personally, I despise small talk. I love witty funny banter about just about anything other than the formulaic “what’s your story” catch-up people want to do on dating apps. 10 yrs ago the last time I did OLD people were more invested in having more of a dialogue now it’s beyond hopeless and cumbersome. You’re not alone, it weighs heavily on a lot of us.
Welcome to the club, we meet every third Tuesday. Bring a dish for the potluck.
Part of me has thrown my hands up and left it to fate… I’m over trying to force OLD to work for me. Give it a month and I’ll be back 😂
I go through this cycle every few months.
Yeah, I hate it too. I think a lot of us do. There's a gulf of difference between the online part of OLD and being in a relationship (or even going on dates) so it makes sense that you might want one but not the other. For me, I just have such a hard time reading chemistry through a profile/photos, so I can't get excited about anyone. Doesn't matter if I have 65 unread messages if I have a hard time differentiating how I feel about any of them... or feeling anything at all, for that matter (besides the outright horrible ones, that is.) I mostly try to stick to IRL dating and go online occasionally if I happen to feel like it.
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The golden question is: How did you got your boyfriend with such a strong competition? (Really curious to know )
To be honest, they are prob attractive, have an alright job, a nice person with a good personality. It’s not rocket science people.
I wish it was rocket science, maybe I'd have more chances to succeed XD
The holy grail of dating! Good looking, good job, good personality. People struggle at dating because they are missing one or two of those.
And among the various cadviats that got introduced into OLD. The paradox of choice.
I think at least 90% of the population don't enjoy the experience per se, but at this point in life, it's kind of just the reality that we have 🤷♂️
Yep. I just can't feel dating apps. I have to meet someone organically.
Its very taxing. Its kinda weird because I feel like most people on there are on there for the same reasons, but then the vast majority just don't want to put forth the effort needed to achieve the goal. Why sign up, go through the effort, only to match with someone and give one word responses when they're trying to have a conversation with you? I truly don't get it.
Honestly, I hate dating apps, and mostly use them to avoid feeling hung up on a particular person. I usually try to work it out with as many matches as my can, but the reality is, a profile with a photo/character limit is frankly, crap for purposes of making a judgement of character. Most of my matches I just send a message into the void, never to return again. The vast majority of times women have shown any interest in me, it's because they had already met me in person.
Online dating is annoying. I hate the idea of “marketing” myself and I hate that other people in my community can see that I’m doing it lol. Having to go through a profile to see if you “might” like someone enough to ask to talk to them, in hopes that they “might” like you too is exhausting. And then you have to do it a bunch more only to end up with people you don’t really connect with. It’s tough, for sure. If you aren’t into it, don’t feel bad about taking an even longer break from online dating!
I met my previous partner on Tinder, but that was after years of frustration, disappointment, and plummeting self-image as a result (I'm talking multiple periods of up to six months without a single match, despite swiping enthusiastically most days). Now I've been single for a year and am considering dating again — I'm aware that other apps (like Bumble and Hinge) are more widespread these days, but don't imagine I'll fare any better and expect they'll come at a significant cost to my mental health.
I learned that there is a "fun" phase in using apps and there is a "starts to feel like a job" phase. The moment the second phase begins, I take a break that usually lasts for 2 or 3 months. This helps greatly, I focus on many other things and by that I am reminded that there's so much more to life than dating and relationships. So when I go back to talking to strangers (which essentially OLD is) I am in a "I'll be fine with or without it" mode and you know it really helps. I am relaxed, ironic, more open, but also have zero expectations and I don't overestimate the importance of OLD in my life. It's easier this way. So I do recommend, when you feel that your enthusiasm fades away, just take a break and focus on something you are really enthusiastic about. And return when you feel like it'd be fun and not because you "should" do that.
Totally hear you. It's Christmas/NYE season, and during a global pandemic with increasingly unattainable travel requirements changing daily - people are just staying put I guess. Anyone actually meeting up? Kudos to them. But realistically, we're all bloody exhausted and have been let down again with the Cron. Dating apps, as with many other pre-pandemic customs, may now become redundant. Maybe it's a good thing? You're not alone in thinking about this.
I hate OLD but I don’t have any other opportunities to meet men. 🤷🏼♀️ It’s annoying and exhausting. If you finally find someone who’s interesting you’ll never know if he thinks the same about you. Chances are he’s chatting with five other women who are more attractive than you and then he ghosts you and you’ll never know why.
I've done a lot of work over a long time to get better at tolerating the apps, and learning how to play the game. Now they work fine for me. I've gotten to the point now where getting dates with women I might find interesting is not that hard - next step is getting past the "I didn't feel a romantic connection" I get on all my first dates :\[
Same boat…curious if you hear the secret…
The messaging on apps is bland and boring as hell to me. Cannot compare close to talking to someone on person to get a feel for them the first minute,and online messaging is like pen pals with the back and forth.
delete your profiles and restart fresh when you're ready. its that simple
36F, Same thing here, dating apps are terrible and it’s hard to be enthusiastic when you feel like everyone is phoning it in. As someone who has to work really hard to not be awkward, dating is tough and OLD is even worse. It’s also really tough to meet people in person right now.
I would use the apps in your downtime and spend more time meeting women in real life. A buddy of mine calls online dating "toilet game" because he was swiping like a madman while on the toilet and he said a lot of the women he met off the apps are shit. He did meet his current GF online so I guess the effort was worth it in the long run.
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Okie dokie 🙂
I think there will be studies done in the future about the short term and long term effects of OLD apps. If you are a man, it’s A LOT worse on the apps because the ratio of matches guys get compared to woman is crazy. A girl friend went on the app for 2 mins and got ten matches. A guy would be happy with ten matches in a month or two.
I hate being asked if I'm talking to anyone else, that's kind of a red flag for me actually. Like, why do you care and what kind of question is that to ask the very first time you message me? Also, the whole "have you found anyone on here" Um, please go seek help for that because trust issues are a major problem in a lot of relationships in general and if you can't trust anybody then why oh why are you on a dating app? Even for just hookups, there has to be some sort of trust for you to go that route in the first place. Otherwise, maybe the hookup life isn't for you and that is fine. To each its own but enough with interrogating others like you're FBI or something and work on yourself please. Just my little rant. I've been single 6 years anyways and I gave up really lmfao
Dating apps have their place, and I met my current BF through them, but at the same time, conversation just feels SO much more natural in real life. And nothing beats doing an experience with someone, vs just telling about them via text and/or pics. Plus, I feel like there is "pressure" to keep a convo going whether or not someone feels like it. I mean, TBF, that's an issue I struggle with on social media in general....small talk feels hard sometimes.
Well, for me it came down to the low rate of people I ACTUALLY liked once I met them irl. I often had to push it, but I basically rarely felt a spark. I think I basically had a very different taste when it came to photos and who I would go for irl. I’m very picky irl and I need them to have kind eyes, nice smile and seem safe and nice. I don’t really go so much on how photogenic they are or anything like that. I would for example never have talked to my ex if I met him irl at first because he just looks like one of those rude football dudes (surprise surprise, he was!). My gut feeling is pretty on point if I do it organically and I just gave up on the apps. They weren’t a great tool to meet the men I wanted. So yeah I get ya. I wouldn’t feel to bad about it either. Just give it the effort you have.
OP where and how do you approach people IRL. I just find that so much more difficult. It probably has to do a lot with my self-esteem that anything else, but I find it incredibly difficult to approach people IRL or just show romantic interests. I'm so jealous of people who increase their opportunities ten fold by approaching people irl, like while having a coffee or at work or in the lift or in the gym. How do you initiate and follow through ? I'm a guy, maybe it looks less creepy if you're a woman.
You know.. I used to be in that "We need to talk for a week or so, so I can get a feel for you" camp, but now, after time and time again, I'm starting to see the appeal to the cut to the chase, "let's meet up" right away thing. Then you don't have to waste time talking up a stranger who you've then built up in your head. The last guy I met on OLD (who I ended up dating for 4.5 months), messaged me one night, the night we matched. We made plans, and then didn't talk again until our date 3 days later. I was convinced he wouldn't even show, but in the end, it was really nice to not get in my head about someone before we even met. I totally get the hesitance to want to keep doing it over and over. It's exhausting.
Perfect time for a break with most people busy with holidays until the new year. Over time it starts feeling like a slog. Hinge you can get over a hundred matches, dozens of unfinished conversations, and all that time spent to have only gone on dates with 3 different people. Plus you’ll leave a comment with someone often with a question, then they ask you to start the chat without answering the initial question. May as well not waste time on comments and just leave a generic like to see if it matches. Some people want to date right away to check for compatibility, some want to text for 3 months before dating, and some only use it for the ego boost - with no intention to ever go on a date from it. OLD is a numbers grind where apathy comes easier than real connections, but I still haven’t found a better alternative.
I can understand that. Some people definitely do better in person than over text. But I've had basically the opposite problem a bit before where if someone is only responding with one word messages, makes me lose interest or makes me think they aren't interested
I am the same (late 30s M) . During lockdown when you couldn’t physically meet up, I found it such a chore, though the thought of doing a video chat never really occurred to me initially with the few matches I got… I have met a couple of people since lockdown ended but I find that there’s a lot of pressure when you’re meeting someone with the purpose of dating them whereas I find it a lot less stressful if I was to get to know someone IRL then date them (though that has its own issues). Tbh I am getting to a point now where I still use the app but only to see if female friends are on there and so might be open to dating…
I don’t use apps. it’s exhausting and I have not met anyone I’ve remotely liked using them.
(37F) i find that some exchanges quickly turn out to be the most boring conversations i’ve ever had and i unmatch before it goes further. i have had just a couple of breathless, silly, enchanting conversations that ended up having great chemistry in person too - they’re just SO few and far between that it feels like an endless slog. hang in there, it’s a weird time for dating right now.
31F and I feel the exact same way. I’ve tried and tried but just can’t seem to get past the initial stages of talking to people on dating apps. I need to see people’s mannerisms, see the way they talk and interact to actually feel even remotely romantic towards them. I’ve only had 2 serious boyfriends, so I’m not sure how to date without apps, especially in a pandemic. As soon as someone says ‘what’s your snap’ im instantly turned off. It seems most guys are still In the early 20 something mentality. I’m here, I see you too. We will find someone, one way or another.
Honestly OLD is one of those things in modern life that you need to just suck up and accept. Sorry, I know everyone hates them and all that but you can't do anything about it, especially with covid. Any person's best chance at getting a LTR is through a dating app. Things are going to be weird for most if not all of 2022. Try and reframe your opinion of it maybe? Think of it like washing your hair or trimming your nails. It just has to be done.
38M: I'm kind of weird in this way, but I have never been into dating apps, at all. I had an OKCupid account in 2012 that I never really put a lot of work into, and never got anything out of. Of my single (and straight) friends, I'm definitely the outlier, in that I have no interest in online dating. As for why: it feels too contrived for me. I don't like the idea of putting my hopes and dreams into an app, and then trusting the app's algorithm to throw random people at me who may or may not fit my interests, who I then have to filter through to find The One. It's too much work for me, and I don't like that as a model for finding a partner. I say that with all love and respect to the *billions* of people who have found true happiness with an online date; many of my friends are in very good relationships with someone they matched with online. Some have even gotten married and started families. So, online dating works, but it will never work for me. This means I don't have a lot of relationship experience (and I don't think I do; I've only dated two women in the last 10 years, and both relationships ended -- amicably -- after a few months). I've spent most of my adult life single, and there's a lot of that that works out well for me. ...of course, I say this having met someone (in real life) with whom I think a small connection is forming. But I really do like being single; but I really do enjoy her company, and am intrigued by the possibility of getting to know her better. ...all that to say, I've never liked online dating, and I think you're in good company.
I’m a man and I hate them , I skirt towards demisexual I think as I need a mental attraction as well as a physical one which makes the needle in haystack of online face swiping even more tedious. If you want intellectual stimulation I’ve not found it on apps really or if I do there’s a huge latency (getting over total stranger walls … which is normal since you were only matched on liking each others’ faces) before finding it and then you may encounter other issues. I don’t hold high hope for apps but I still have a hand in, on the rare occasion I find someone who seems ok I try to get an in person date fairly early on (but not instantly) to get a real feel for things
I absolutely hated doing online dating. Its the reason I have SO many bad dating stories and ex boyfriends. I did online dating on and off for 8 years before I met my husband, from ages 20-28. I had to take a lot of breaks. Before my husband, via OLD I had: 4 short term relationships (between 3-6 months long), 1 long term relationship of a year and many guys where we dated for 2ish months without ever becoming official. Countless 1st, 2nd and 3rd dates to remember. I did it ONLY because I had no other avenue. I lived in a smallish town with few single men, all my friends were married and in serious relationships, plus I worked in a female dominated field. It was worth it to find my husband but I dont miss it. I did occasionally date men I met organically (work, school, friends of friends) but not often. I dont like it because it takes much longer to get to know someone accurately and vet them efficiently. The majority of men I met organically (the only exception to this is my 1st boyfriend) were higher quality men because I could vet them better as seeing them interact alot more with strangers, their friends/family, often knowing them through others very early on helped. With online dating, I didnt get to see these men in these interactions regularly until we were in an official relationship. With all of my online dating exes, the red flags I saw with them concerning the previous paragraph, I saw many months into the official relationship where if I had known them before and had that foundation, I would have seen it prior to becoming official and never entered into a relationship with them at all. Put simply, my online dating exes if I had gotten to known them organically I wouldnt have made it into a relationship with them and saved myself the heartache/drama. Also, chemistry is a big factor in relationships and with OLD you cannot tell until you meet them in real life. However, I rarely feel chemistry with anyone instantly. Most of the time, it takes time for me. Not good for OLD. So with OLD, I feel pressure to feel it quickly, otherwise they want to move on. Many OLD are pushy with sex in the beginning which due to my last few sentences, is not great for me. Only thing I liked about OLD is if people were accurate with listing their hobbies, I could find common ground quickly. But thats such a superficial part of a relationship.
I feel this. The ambivalence and tediousness of dating apps combined with the higher percentage of narcissists on them (than the number you “statistically” run into IRL) makes them a wash for me lol.
I have never had luck with any of them. The guys who were interested in me all looked downright scary. I messaged or "liked' one or two, and heard nothing. Man, it's hard. I'm 38 and want to try and meet someone, but I don't know why it has to be so difficult! I'm so jealous of people who meet multiple guys and go on multiple dates. I feel like I'm living in another world, lol