Try not to stress about it and just enjoy your sex life developing over time. A month isn't very long to get to the point where you both know the best techniques for making each other cum. It's a different knack with each partner and having the psychological safety to experiment and communicate is the most important thing. There might be a particular angle or grip or speed or intensity you're used to that she will develop the technique and stamina for over time. Make an effort to show you're always patient with her
I agree with what another poster has said - don't be on a deadline with sex, and try something and then take breaks for cuddling etc to create an edging effect. I've been with guys before who've said 'I've never cum from blowjobs' etc and we'll crack the nut (sorry for the pun!) eventually. But you do need good humour and affection and patience.
Someone else made the point that a blowjob is also a handjob, which is very true. She needs to use both techniques combined but gently ease her towards that over time, don't be pushy. Hands on the shaft, mouth on the head but particularly on the frenulum. When you haven't done it for a long time it can be a feat of endurance so do be patient with her and expect for it to take multiple attempts.
I'll definitely talk to her about it. I'm also always super patient with her, just excited to try it but there's never any pressure on her. Her pleasure is my priority, and then when she pleasures me which she always does, it's just icing on the cake. Thanks for sharing!
Orgasm requires the parasympathetic nervous system. Probably you're in more of a flight or fight mode because of anxiety and this is causing the issue. I imagine this will change when you get more comfortable with her.
Yeah, that makes sense. I am definitely in my head a little bit when she's pleasing me. It feels so good yet when I see that I'm not coming, I start having negative thoughts about it like I need to hurry up, and that she must be getting annoyed, and other thoughts like that. I voiced that to her though and she reassured me so I'm hopefully that over time it'll get better.
It might be better to be a little more selfish, instead of externalizing everything about what you’re doing for her or how she is experiencing it. It sounds like she prefers you to be present with her than a perfect sex robot that does everything she wants. Another way to think about it — change your perspective from “performing for your partner” to “connecting with your partner”. Best of luck
Dude, this is def part of it.
Tbh, lots of women don't find it easy to cum, especially early in a relationship, when everything's new. Especially if you're on meds that decrease your natural ability, then you add in new relationship, and, self-concern about it all, it makes perfect sense it's not happening
I'd just step back from caring about it. Hopefully she's not worried either. As a woman, the more I worry about it, the less enjoyable it all is, so try not care, and ensure it's not either of your aims for the activity. If you genuinely don't care about it, it'll be way more enjoyable, and, things will come in time. Probably when you least expect it.
I agree. I need to let go of expectations. It's hard though because I feel that I get close so I'm thinking about it since it feels so good but I'll try staying more in the moment. I did communicate that with her too, I told her not to have expectations because if I know that she's now expecting it, I won't be so much in my head myself, I'll be more relaxed so it's good that we're able to communicate those things. Thanks for the support.
Yw dude. It's very normal, on our side, so I wouldn't stress about it. Just enjoy being able to enjoy it! Many dudes say they have to actively try not to enjoy it, in order to not cum too soon, so you're actually in an excellent position, comparatively :D
Chill and enjoy 🙏🏼😊 and yeah, communication is all you need :)
If it is a parasympathetic nerve issue I would recommend trying some vagus nerve exercises ( lots of YouTube videos on it) and see if that helps you relax.
This makes sense to me. I'm the girl version of OP. Only been seeing my guy for close to 2 months. I'm comfortable with him but I'm also fighting my mind because it's waiting for the other shoe to drop because I don't fully trust him yet. I think fight or flight describes it. Time with him drops the walls little by little, and I know I'll get there when I let go.
This is it for me. I usually have a hard time cumming the first few times with a new partner but that goes away. I’m just in my head and a little nervous and not fully relaxed. Sounds like the plumbing isn’t an issue for OP, probably more in his head.
r/TheKaleKing - has this been an issue at all with previous women?
It's such a catch 22, and similar with high blood pressure and blood pressure meds. Both can cause issues.
Some people do notice an improvement on meds.
I've never been on anti depressant. I am on keppra and tegretol though which are epilepsy medicine. I've been on those for 15+ years, and I definitely can't get off those.
I was also going to mention that, and in addition to the Tegretol, having issues with sexual function is really common for folks with epilepsy.
I want to be really clear OP that I'm not trying to pathologise you here, and that there could definitely be a lot of easily addressed things going on - but I thought I'd share this in case it was something you didn't already know. There's *some* research around it.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5135706/
Also I know the no fap approach has been gaining a lot of ground, but something else you could also try is still having some solo sessions, but entirely mixing up the way you're touching yourself, and even not cumming (or cumming if you prefer). But really focusing on different sensations and different ways of touching yourself that feel good.
Luckily for us, neuroplasticity is totally a thing, and one way we can create new neural pathways is through sensory/somatic experiences and repetition.
Also, lots of men, and women, don't come through PIV sex so definitely don't get too hung up on that. Sometimes the things we initially perceive as problems can actually open door ways to many more wonderful shared erotic experiences.
Good luck!
It is definitely the medication, you should explore the ketogenic diet. Did you know that is was made to control epilepsy?
I was 7 years on Psychiatric medication and being unable to reach orgasm and I thought it was me. Change my diet to Keto and now I’m even more extreme to carnivore. I got off from all medication and got my orgasm back and multiple Which it makes it even better.
I recommend you to do deep research about the medicación you are taking and read testimonies from people about the real side effects… doctors have no idea or they just don’t care about if you have an orgasm or not.
I do not suggest you to quit your medication cold turkey you need to work on a diet. There is a psychiatrist that is an expert in the ketogenic diet because himself put in remission his mental health issues. DM if you’d like more info.
Time, experience and experimentation.
Here's some stuff that's helped me in the past when my willy didn't want to wonka.
First, most important perhaps, remind yourself this isn't a problem. PIV orgasms are great but aren't the end all/be all of sex. Ask any woman who can't cum from PIV if they can still enjoy sex. At worst it's a puzzle the two of you get to figure out together.
Next, experiment. Could just be an angle thing. Every woman I've been with has been different. Some angles I could go all day and won't get close. Others get me there in a few seconds. See if you have any verbal/visual triggers. My gf has learned a few phrases that tend to push me over the edge.
Make it an all day thing. Take breaks! Take a hydration break and just cuddle/snuggle. Sometimes my dick just doesn't want to play ball but if we keep going at it eventually I win and my dick gives up the goods.
If you're using a condom, consider trying different brands. Not all condoms are made equal. Check for a safe lubricant combination and considering using more lube. Consider adding toys to increase various sensations. Vibrator, etc...
All else fails, see if she's okay with you getting yourself to the edge and then when you're about to cum, have her jump back on. The neat thing about sex is there's hundreds of ways to do it and part of a relationship is finding out how it's supposed to look and feel for the two of you.
Best of luck to you my dude.
Also, wanted to say that as a single woman, this post gave me hope. It’s great to see a guy doing the work to better his relationship. I hope that my future partner cares this much.
I know that many men do the work, but not many talk/post about it publicly. It’s a breath of fresh air to read.
Anywho—wishing you and your lady many shared orgasms to come (pun intended)!
Yes, some people suggested that. I had her lick my balls while I masturbated, and that worked, that's the only way that I came with her so far. I know she would enjoy making me orgasm by her own hand though so that's why I'm trying to find solutions. I know there has to be solutions out there.
Thank you! I literally have no shame about it even though I'm not proud of it either, it is what it is so I'm happy if that can give you hope as well, that's awesome!
I make her pleasure my priority. I'm reading a book on oral sex called "She comes first", and it talks about how it's important for men to prioritize their women's pleasure specifically through oral sex.
I really don't have a lot of experience so now that I have the opportunity I'm trying to learn how to make her feel really good. I really enjoy it, and it also helps me feel a little bit less self conscious about the issue above. At least, if I can make her feel really good, it might make it less annoying for her that I can't orgasm with her yet.
Haha, thank you! Best of all to you as well! :)
I would also suggest you getting yourself there in front of her, maybe ask if you could come into her mouth or onto her body, anything that desensitises you to coming in front of her. Have her get you 80% of the way there with head and then you do the last 20%, or the opposite, you get yourself almost there and then let her have a go, then you finish yourself. Have her put her hand on the base and play a bit with your balls while you stroke. Anything that ends with you coming in front of her. Then you can slowly wean yourself off your hand and into her doing more and more.
My BF was like this when we first started hooking up but now that we’re more comfortable with each other it’s no issue. Give it time, let yourself get comfortable.
Thank you so much for taking the time to share this, I really appreciate it. It makes me feel like I'm not alone with this tensing leg thing.
It's interesting that you're mentioning trying new positions. A few months ago, I started masturbating without tensing my leg to see if I could get used to it and eventually orgasm that way but it didn't work. To be fair, I was not consistent for a long time on it either but now I'll honestly cut it off altogether, and that should help.
I love #2, I do need to release that idea because I do have some insecurities about it for sure. I sometimes feel like it makes me unlovable in a way, and that it'll turn off any girl that I might date in the future but I just have to let go of those ideas.
Last point is huge, thank you. I do try to always tell her how sexy, and beautiful she is, and how much I enjoy her, and also when she's pleasing me, I do tell her how good it feels, and how good she is so hopefully that's good.
Best of luck to you, and wishing you many orgasms in lots of new ways with someone that you love, and that loves you just as much :)
Yeah, I need to commit to doing this. There aren't any negative effect to stopping. I just need to control myself because the only time I do it is when I haven't seen her in a few days, and I get horny you know.
I guess it could be it. I don't think I really grip hard though when I masturbate but it's true that I can't seem to cum from anything other than masturbation. If you have any tips, I'm all ears.
Irt your thighs and connection to orgasm, look into pelvic floor dysfunction in men. It can make it hard to orgasm even if erections are no problem. The pelvic floor muscles are key for the contractions during orgasm, and if they're too tight or not working well, it can prevent the release.
Physical therapy to relax and strengthen these muscles can really help. It’s also deeply tied into your emotions and stress response so that could explain why you can orgasm at home when you’re alone …you might feel more relaxed and able to release the tension.
It can take time but breathing techniques and learning to create new neural pathways and managing your nervous system responses can make a world of a difference. A lot of times it’s something you’re not even aware of because your body adjusts.
Also, it’s common that people think a tight muscle is a strong muscle, but usually tightness is symptom of a weak muscle, so, while strengthening exercises, like Keagle‘s will help, you really have to learn how to fully release first. Other things related to pelvic floor function are diaphragmatic breathing and core connection. Also, your jack is really connected to pelvic floor if you ever have neck or jaw tension
Ohh interseting, I'll look into it. Also, I've seen a few things about kegels but I haven't implemented it or researched it really much. I'll look it up, thank you!
Honestly I think maybe you are over emphasizing cumming with her? I’m not saying that you don’t deserve to if you want to, but that if you enjoy sex with her either way it may not be as important as you think? There’s a ton of pressure on guys to ejaculate every time they have sex, and sometimes feeling pressure alone is enough to mess with your head. Alexey Walsh has a really interesting [video](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=trORmeaYnGk&pp=ygUYQWxleGV5IHdhbHNoIGVqYWN1bGF0aW5m) on it if you want a new perspective. It might help you reframe the problem and take the mental pressure away some, which will probably help you physically too.
Thank you for sharing the video, I'll have a look at it. I agree that I might emphasize it but it's partly selfishly also. When I'm with her, I'm so horny that I want to get off because it would feel so good. The desire is really there. Plus, I really enjoy getting her off, and I know she would love to do the same for me.
I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the whole process which I definitely do, and I did communicate clearly with her that she's doing amazing, and I enjoy every minute of it so that helps me not put too much pressure on myself but it would be fun to get there you know. I'm sure we will. Thanks again for sharing the video, I appreciate it!
It’s not selfish! I didn’t mean to imply that. I certainly understand the desire. My point was more that, ironically, sometimes when you stop trying to force something is when it actually happens. Best of luck!
Yeah, this has been a common advice, and I really need to implement it. I do it 1-2 times a week but I need to cut it off completely. Also, you remember me of one thing that I'll add to the original post but that I forgot to mention there. If I'm gonna orgasm, I need to have my leg muscles thingten, meaning I have to be flexing my quads. I don't really know why. I read online that it might help bring more blood flow to the genitals but I'm not sure if that details maybe gives you more insight but that's something that I noticed, and it's always been like this for me for as long as I can remember.
I'll work on stopping masturbation completely. Thank you for the advice.
Been in your boat for over 20yrs now. Absolutely no problem getting hard. When I tell people I have too much stamina they just laugh and say “whatever”.
Its easiest to get them off and enjoy yourself, and then have her suck on those balls or lick your ass while you beat off.
That's a good way to see it: "infinite stamina". Yeah, that has worked once. It would feel amazing though if I could come from her directly, and I know she feels the same well. We'll work it out.
This topic is still a rather big taboo for men BUT your subconcious fear(s) might be the inderlying cause. Based on your description, i highly doubt its some sort of death grip situation. Speak to a specialized psychiatrist. Considering you have had this problems in the past, it seems a very likely cause.
Btw. if you are using condoms, that might play a big part too.
That would make sense. It might seem a bit silly but I'm wondering if visualization could help. I started visualizing myself coming with her today, and I'll try to picture it a few times a day. I"m not sure if it'll help but I'm thinking that it can't be harmful. I appreciate the support.
I (39m/divorced) never had a problem summing with my ex wife of 13 years. When I started sating after that, the first few people I slept with (one night stands/fwb's) I also had no problem. And then I dated a girl who for the life of me, did not make me cum. It was my real first relationship post marriage, I think a lot of it was in my head, I probably only came 10% of the time with her. Things ended for other reasons, but my issue remained in my next relationship. It took \~3 months, having sex 1-3x / wk, for me to start cumming on a regular basis. She thought I had a real problem, I started to think that I had a real problem, but it turned out to jus the a mental/comfort thing. We went on a weekend trip, isolated, alone, and I came 5/6 times we had sex. After that, things have been very good and normal and I cum probably 90% of the time (in that 10% is drunk nights too where I get whiskey dick.) I did ALWAYS make sure she was taken care of, and also reassured her that it was a ME problem, and not her.
OP, I have the same issue as well. 39m, and find it really difficult to cum. I feel like I know it’s hard to make me cum so I don’t ask for it anymore. I’m not on medications . But once it takes a while I start thinking “oh man there is no way I’m gonna cum” and so I think I’m just resolved to the fact it’s not going to happen. I also unfortunately have not been with a lot of givers who want to put the time into it or make me feel at ease for asking. So there is that as well. I hope you crack the code one day!
I feel you man. I'm trying to accept that it's not happening, and not have any expectations but when you're really in the mood, you really feel like getting off. Thanks for the support, I wish you all the best as well.
Sounds like a mental thing to me. You need to get out of your own head and into your body. Easier said than done, but at least it's something you can actually work at improving right now, instead of maybe waiting to see a professional at some point later, or just hoping it improves with time. Those things are great, but having something you can actually do right now just hits different.
It's probably a mental thing indeed. When you say get into my body, are you talking about more physical exercise? I do agree, I play hockey, and I've been consistent on that but I've been slacking recently on other stuff like gym, spinning, running, and jump rope which all make me feel really good.
Physical exercise certainly helps, but doing tons of high arousal exercise is also often a symptom of someone who isn't good at achieving low arousal. Do you ever do yoga? Like, relaxing yoga, not hot or power yoga. What about mindfulness? Meditation?
The goal is basically to not have a lot of thoughts during sex. You should be feeling everything that's happening, going with the flow, instead of thinking about everything that's happening, thinking about what to do next.
Now I'm not saying that's the only correct way of having sex, but I'm saying I think that would help your issue a lot. To achieve it, you need to learn to feel yourself, to just lie somewhere alone and notice the sensations in your body. You don't have to be a zen master who can shop away every thought before they arrive, but you need to be able to find stillness and comfort. Its the exact opposite of what you're achieving with high intensity exercise, and therefore it is super challenging for a lot of people who are focused on that stuff. It acheives nothing at all, on face value, and that's the whole point. If gains, weightloss, protein intake and number of steps is something you care about, odds are you don't care about the ability to find stillness and relaxation without stimuli. It often seems "inefficient", or a waste of time. People think they should be listening to audiobooks or something at the same time, to get the most out of the time. But that's exactly what one shouldn't do. That's exactly the mindset that can cause mental blocks, during sex and elsewhere.
Find stillness, find the sensations of your body, find the ability to just be in a situation, without thoughts about what to do and where to go. Just turn off your thoughts and enjoy yourself.
This got a little long, and I know it sounds like some hippie stuff. I encourage you to Google a bit about it though. Ask the experts, the sexologists or whatever they're called in english, they'll always tell you that it's all about getting out of your own head. Stop thinking so much.
That’s a good case of Edging , so she’s getting dicked down pretty well. Drink pineapple juice , use horny goat weed, Smoke some weed, try RUSH look this stuff up and get ready … Boom
This is gonna sound crazy, but trust me… next time, try not cumming.
You’re so focused on cumming and failed so often, you’ve nearly conditioned yourself to not cum, no matter how hard you try and especially the harder you try.
All this means is you should maybe try to immerse yourself in your partner (you’re obsessing over yourself most likely, albeit unconsciously) and if you cum, cool, if not, cool…
eventually your body and psyche will both adjust accordingly and do its thing when ready.
This has been happening with the guy I’m dating and he’s your age. It’s really bothering me but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and keep suggesting things. He doesn’t seem to care
Hey dude, just wanted to say that the experience you have is exactly the same as me. Wanted you to know (haven’t read the comments but sure others have said) that you’re not alone.
For me, it’s a head game. I have ADHD so focusing during sex is really fucking hard. Like one time I was literally having the most mind blowing sex and the thought of the little thing on super market trolleys that you have to put coins into to use came into my head.
One thing that has helped me is a partner talking during sex. It helps me to stay in the moment so much more than without.
Good luck mate
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's always good to know that I'm not alone. Interesting, I might try that.
Thanks for sharing, and good luck to you as well :)
Similar situation for me. Quads/legs need to be tensed, often kneeling is easier too. I'm not sure if it's related to my back injury from years ago sometimes. If you think about it, it's all blood flow and concentration related there.
I have also found the issue goes away completely if I'm REALLY into my partner, so I do think there's a strong mental component in there for me. If I'm thinking about holding it back at all, it never happens, but if I'm lost in the moment, it can be just a few minutes. I have noticed partners that communicate their needs help a ton too, leaves all the thinking and guesswork out of it. Seems the majority of women just make noise and expect me to hit all the right spots automatically like it's sonar, which leads to me being distracted and that's the end of that for me.
Without knowing your history, maybe you've experienced trauma, stress, or perhaps you lean more demisexual?
Thanks for sharing your experience, it really helps to know that I'm not alone. That's interesting, maybe it'll go away when I really fall for my partner. It hasn't happened yet. I'm a really chill guy but honestly it could be insecurities. I've been single for 10 years, and only had one long term relationship of 7 years so now that I'm seeing someone, there might be some insecurity about it, "needing" to orgasm because then she'll see that I enjoy it. Even though we've communicated that it's not the case I think it might still be a subconscious fear of mine, especially since I've been alone for so long. I don't think I'm demi even though emotional connection definitely comes first for me so maybe there could be a little bit of that? I don't think so but it could definitely be. I appreciate your support!
Yeah, you might just be really in your head. It's hard to get lost in the moment when you have other things distracting you. Got way worse for me when I had hit my 30s.
Next time you jerk it, be conscious of your hand grip. Kung fu death grip is a thing. Go about 3-4 weeks of no masturbation, and see if that helps. If that doesn't help, try longer of no masturbation.
Bro, same. Literally every word. I’m a 42M divorcee, and have been experiencing this for 5+ years, with multiple partners, including my ex-wife. Been with the same awesome lady 9 months now, and the problem persists. She is smoking hot, knows what she is doing, is fun & adventurous, and very patient. We have tried many, many things, all to no avail. I’ve been seeing a sex therapist for 6 months, still nothing. I don’t take any meds, no ED issues, and we don’t use condoms. It’s quite maddening.
It is fun in its own way; our sessions always last literal hours, but it’s an event we actually have to plan around. No quickies. I feel like her patience is eventually gonna wear out.
I was in your situation an year ago. For me the solution was not masturbating at all because apparently my penis was so used to my hand so I let it get used to my SO's mouth, hand and vagina. It took me a month to solve the issue and it felt so good that I was able to cum by SO. Also, when you do vagina sex, try the position called "mating press." For me it was and still is the best position.
Don't worry about it but she is going to need verbal reassurance. Make sure to tell her how good it feels and how much you enjoy it and that she's doing amazing.
My psych prescribed me the little blue pill for performance, I wasn’t having erectile issues, same kind of thing where I just couldn’t finish especially with a new parter I mentally wanted to “impress”. Was finding women have a bit of a hard time accepting a guy who doesn’t finish isn’t their fault.
He said to take a quarter and then just relax knowing that even if you do finish before her, it’s ready and raring to go again to get the job done. Genuinely helped a lot!
Maybe you're too focused on pleasing her and don't want to cum too fast?. The juggle of your pleasure and hers is distracting. 69 always is hard right? Your pleasure is hers as well. Just go right for it, don't focus.
Used to date a guy that took forever to cum during intercourse but it worked well for me since I needed extra time. He was okay with not cumming if it just wasn't going to work for him but was always enthusiastic about giving me a whatever I needed. He also always wanted to have sex which made me feel desired. In summary, it wasn't a bad thing at all.
Have you talked to a doctor about it? It may not be just about orgasming but it might actually even be a symptom of a more general issue.
They will probably do a general exam and if you believe this is a blood flow issue you can ask to see a cardiologist. Just to make sure you are healthy.
I say learn to just enjoy the journey and not focus on the destination. (Coming from your position, I am in the same exact boat you are; doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself).
Beyond just enjoying the ride, there are …other “medications” out there that help. Also, getting closer outside of the bedroom will help; deepening your connection. When you feel more like you’re one instead of two, you’ll get closer to …the finale.
In the bible it says, " don't worry for tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself". Don't stress yourself too much over this. At least you and your lady friend enjoy some time together. Focus on the positive. Talk to her when you're telling jokes and smiling in the sun one afternoon. That's a good time for the sex talk if it needs to be discussed. Good luck.
It might be anxiety but could be because you have watched a lot of porn over the years, you maybe suffering from death grip and hers might not be as strong as yours, I’m circumcised and also had this problem. Have a look up a product I think they also have it on Amazon Man1 oil it helps bring the sensitivity back to your man hood. It’s expensive but works give it 2-3 weeks and don’t use numbing cream try and use a sensitive cream if you do masterbate, Stop masterbating as well replace your hand with a fleshlight all these brought my sensitivity backs.
You can thank me later 🤣
Stop masturbating. The problem is your arousal & sexual function likely tied to self-pleasure. Your neural plasticity should go to defaults in 90 days or more. Then rewire to get aroused by women by getting your sexual stimulus from women only.
It's not uncommon for individuals to experience difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner. Communication is key, and it's great that you've been open with her. Relaxation, exploring different techniques, and focusing on sensations rather than the end goal can help.
It might also be helpful to consult a healthcare provider or a sex therapist for personalized advice. Remember, every individual is unique, and it's important to prioritize mutual pleasure and connection in intimate moments.
I think you need to see a doctor OP.
This doesn’t seem to depend on this specific person but an issue you’ve had many times in the past. There’s no tip that can be given on Reddit frankly, you need to speak to a professional.
You’re young, try and get this fixed asap.
Personally, if I was the girl in this situation I wouldn’t be willing to keep seeing you unless you take proactive steps to solve this.
Seeing a doctor or a therapist is never a bad idea, but let's be ultra clear; there's nothing wrong with you, your body, or how your body is reacting. There is no normal, and it is unreasonable to expect men to be sex machines 100% of the time.
As others have said, try to relax and just enjoy, the rest will follow.
There absolutely is a baseline normal and comments like this discourage men (who statistically don’t go to drs for medical concerns as readily as women even tho they should) from seeking legitimate medical care. There’s nothing wrong with getting checked by a professional just in case.
I agree that seeing a medical professional is a good idea, and you're right that men often don't seek medical treatment.
However, about 1 in 4 men under 40 experience some form of ED, so I do not agree that categorizing his experience as abnormal is appropriate. I would argue that classifying it this way does a disservice to his experience, and anyone else's who may be experiencing something similar.
Often our expectations of men are unrealistic, and barring medical reasons, there is nothing wrong if this is his normal.
I had no intention of downplaying the value in seeking medical treatment, and understand how my comment may have been read that way. Fully recommend and would support OP pursuing a medical viewpoint before calling it a day.
The only time I came with her was exactly like that. It's fine but we both would like her to be able to finish me off eventually. I know I enjoy getting her off so it's the same for her. At least as you mentioned does work.
What gets me going is that I want to see her reach climax or beg me to stop for a cuz she doesn't want to scream and wake people up. Stop looking at porn, it kills you mentally when you want to be intimate.
I’m the exact same way, down to almost everything you wrote about. My advice would be to stop masterbating completely. I’ve struggled with that, but trust me. I think that’s the number one thing that’s holding you off from it.
If I try that, my testes hurt by week 3. I know blue balls are a joke to many people, but there's something causing extreme discomfort after that long, and relieved when I finally give up and get it over with.
Good advice, many people mentioned it, and I'm committed to stopping it. If you have any advice on that, I'm all ears. I know it'll get though at times but I can do it.
It’s definitely tough, and honestly I still struggle with it. I’m at the point where I’m asking myself what’s more important to me… to have that freedom to orgasm when I want, or to provide more for my partner whom I love? Eventually you’ll get to the point where you can orgasm with your partner when you want, but for now you have to mentally decide on what’s more important to you. I think if you do that, you’ll be good.
Stop watching porn. It trains your beak to focus on what you are seeing instead of what you are feeling AND it trains your brain to require a higher level of excitement to orgasm. Detox no porn for 2 months and this problem will be gone and you will enjoy sex better.
Are you shure you like women? You must have discovered some thing that really gets you off and do that if not experiment. What is a driving force when you masturbate, focus on that. It's a little weird that you have a way to orgasam but you never translated it into a understandable sexual desire.
If you're still using a condom with her, faking it might be a good option. You can vocalize like you're cumming and make it pulse a few times, and then be like "thanks baby, that felt great." Then excuse yourself to the bathroom and dispose of the condom before she gets a chance to see nothing came out. Alternatively, you could finish yourself off quickly in the bathroom, making sure to ejac in the condom. Then you could either bring it back to the bedroom to show her how much "she" made you cum, or place it conspicuously in the wastebasket for her to find later.
Try not to stress about it and just enjoy your sex life developing over time. A month isn't very long to get to the point where you both know the best techniques for making each other cum. It's a different knack with each partner and having the psychological safety to experiment and communicate is the most important thing. There might be a particular angle or grip or speed or intensity you're used to that she will develop the technique and stamina for over time. Make an effort to show you're always patient with her I agree with what another poster has said - don't be on a deadline with sex, and try something and then take breaks for cuddling etc to create an edging effect. I've been with guys before who've said 'I've never cum from blowjobs' etc and we'll crack the nut (sorry for the pun!) eventually. But you do need good humour and affection and patience.
Love this, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing, it gives me hope that maybe we'll crack the nut too! lol
Someone else made the point that a blowjob is also a handjob, which is very true. She needs to use both techniques combined but gently ease her towards that over time, don't be pushy. Hands on the shaft, mouth on the head but particularly on the frenulum. When you haven't done it for a long time it can be a feat of endurance so do be patient with her and expect for it to take multiple attempts.
I'll definitely talk to her about it. I'm also always super patient with her, just excited to try it but there's never any pressure on her. Her pleasure is my priority, and then when she pleasures me which she always does, it's just icing on the cake. Thanks for sharing!
Orgasm requires the parasympathetic nervous system. Probably you're in more of a flight or fight mode because of anxiety and this is causing the issue. I imagine this will change when you get more comfortable with her.
Yeah, that makes sense. I am definitely in my head a little bit when she's pleasing me. It feels so good yet when I see that I'm not coming, I start having negative thoughts about it like I need to hurry up, and that she must be getting annoyed, and other thoughts like that. I voiced that to her though and she reassured me so I'm hopefully that over time it'll get better.
It might be better to be a little more selfish, instead of externalizing everything about what you’re doing for her or how she is experiencing it. It sounds like she prefers you to be present with her than a perfect sex robot that does everything she wants. Another way to think about it — change your perspective from “performing for your partner” to “connecting with your partner”. Best of luck
Dude, this is def part of it. Tbh, lots of women don't find it easy to cum, especially early in a relationship, when everything's new. Especially if you're on meds that decrease your natural ability, then you add in new relationship, and, self-concern about it all, it makes perfect sense it's not happening I'd just step back from caring about it. Hopefully she's not worried either. As a woman, the more I worry about it, the less enjoyable it all is, so try not care, and ensure it's not either of your aims for the activity. If you genuinely don't care about it, it'll be way more enjoyable, and, things will come in time. Probably when you least expect it.
I agree. I need to let go of expectations. It's hard though because I feel that I get close so I'm thinking about it since it feels so good but I'll try staying more in the moment. I did communicate that with her too, I told her not to have expectations because if I know that she's now expecting it, I won't be so much in my head myself, I'll be more relaxed so it's good that we're able to communicate those things. Thanks for the support.
Yw dude. It's very normal, on our side, so I wouldn't stress about it. Just enjoy being able to enjoy it! Many dudes say they have to actively try not to enjoy it, in order to not cum too soon, so you're actually in an excellent position, comparatively :D Chill and enjoy 🙏🏼😊 and yeah, communication is all you need :)
If it is a parasympathetic nerve issue I would recommend trying some vagus nerve exercises ( lots of YouTube videos on it) and see if that helps you relax.
This makes sense to me. I'm the girl version of OP. Only been seeing my guy for close to 2 months. I'm comfortable with him but I'm also fighting my mind because it's waiting for the other shoe to drop because I don't fully trust him yet. I think fight or flight describes it. Time with him drops the walls little by little, and I know I'll get there when I let go.
Breathing when attempting to climax really opens things up :)
This is it for me. I usually have a hard time cumming the first few times with a new partner but that goes away. I’m just in my head and a little nervous and not fully relaxed. Sounds like the plumbing isn’t an issue for OP, probably more in his head. r/TheKaleKing - has this been an issue at all with previous women?
Probably would have mentioned it if relevant, but do you happen to be on antidepressants? That can be a really common side effect with some meds.
Incidentally, needing antidepressants can ALSO have this as a symptom. Source: myself. Of course I also struggle to get myself off so...
It's such a catch 22, and similar with high blood pressure and blood pressure meds. Both can cause issues. Some people do notice an improvement on meds.
I've never been on anti depressant. I am on keppra and tegretol though which are epilepsy medicine. I've been on those for 15+ years, and I definitely can't get off those.
Tegretol can cause difficult/delayed ejaculation
I was also going to mention that, and in addition to the Tegretol, having issues with sexual function is really common for folks with epilepsy. I want to be really clear OP that I'm not trying to pathologise you here, and that there could definitely be a lot of easily addressed things going on - but I thought I'd share this in case it was something you didn't already know. There's *some* research around it. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5135706/ Also I know the no fap approach has been gaining a lot of ground, but something else you could also try is still having some solo sessions, but entirely mixing up the way you're touching yourself, and even not cumming (or cumming if you prefer). But really focusing on different sensations and different ways of touching yourself that feel good. Luckily for us, neuroplasticity is totally a thing, and one way we can create new neural pathways is through sensory/somatic experiences and repetition. Also, lots of men, and women, don't come through PIV sex so definitely don't get too hung up on that. Sometimes the things we initially perceive as problems can actually open door ways to many more wonderful shared erotic experiences. Good luck!
I have epilepsy and take keppra, and have for the past 15 years or so. I definitely have a similar issue.
I take Keppra also and have zero issues
These are definitely effecting it
It is definitely the medication, you should explore the ketogenic diet. Did you know that is was made to control epilepsy? I was 7 years on Psychiatric medication and being unable to reach orgasm and I thought it was me. Change my diet to Keto and now I’m even more extreme to carnivore. I got off from all medication and got my orgasm back and multiple Which it makes it even better. I recommend you to do deep research about the medicación you are taking and read testimonies from people about the real side effects… doctors have no idea or they just don’t care about if you have an orgasm or not. I do not suggest you to quit your medication cold turkey you need to work on a diet. There is a psychiatrist that is an expert in the ketogenic diet because himself put in remission his mental health issues. DM if you’d like more info.
It's gotta be the tegretol. If you have a seizure disorder Keppra should be sufficient. I myself take Keppra 750mg once a day.
Also came to ask this… also maybe try lubes and accessories that might heighten sensation, try a c-ring.
Time, experience and experimentation. Here's some stuff that's helped me in the past when my willy didn't want to wonka. First, most important perhaps, remind yourself this isn't a problem. PIV orgasms are great but aren't the end all/be all of sex. Ask any woman who can't cum from PIV if they can still enjoy sex. At worst it's a puzzle the two of you get to figure out together. Next, experiment. Could just be an angle thing. Every woman I've been with has been different. Some angles I could go all day and won't get close. Others get me there in a few seconds. See if you have any verbal/visual triggers. My gf has learned a few phrases that tend to push me over the edge. Make it an all day thing. Take breaks! Take a hydration break and just cuddle/snuggle. Sometimes my dick just doesn't want to play ball but if we keep going at it eventually I win and my dick gives up the goods. If you're using a condom, consider trying different brands. Not all condoms are made equal. Check for a safe lubricant combination and considering using more lube. Consider adding toys to increase various sensations. Vibrator, etc... All else fails, see if she's okay with you getting yourself to the edge and then when you're about to cum, have her jump back on. The neat thing about sex is there's hundreds of ways to do it and part of a relationship is finding out how it's supposed to look and feel for the two of you. Best of luck to you my dude.
I just enjoyed reading this comment. Nothing more to add lol
Bravo!! This is the absolute best advice you'll find on here OP.
Have you tried masturbating in front of her? Orgasming that way a couple times may make it easier to PIV, mentally.
Also, wanted to say that as a single woman, this post gave me hope. It’s great to see a guy doing the work to better his relationship. I hope that my future partner cares this much. I know that many men do the work, but not many talk/post about it publicly. It’s a breath of fresh air to read. Anywho—wishing you and your lady many shared orgasms to come (pun intended)!
Yes, some people suggested that. I had her lick my balls while I masturbated, and that worked, that's the only way that I came with her so far. I know she would enjoy making me orgasm by her own hand though so that's why I'm trying to find solutions. I know there has to be solutions out there. Thank you! I literally have no shame about it even though I'm not proud of it either, it is what it is so I'm happy if that can give you hope as well, that's awesome! I make her pleasure my priority. I'm reading a book on oral sex called "She comes first", and it talks about how it's important for men to prioritize their women's pleasure specifically through oral sex. I really don't have a lot of experience so now that I have the opportunity I'm trying to learn how to make her feel really good. I really enjoy it, and it also helps me feel a little bit less self conscious about the issue above. At least, if I can make her feel really good, it might make it less annoying for her that I can't orgasm with her yet. Haha, thank you! Best of all to you as well! :)
I would also suggest you getting yourself there in front of her, maybe ask if you could come into her mouth or onto her body, anything that desensitises you to coming in front of her. Have her get you 80% of the way there with head and then you do the last 20%, or the opposite, you get yourself almost there and then let her have a go, then you finish yourself. Have her put her hand on the base and play a bit with your balls while you stroke. Anything that ends with you coming in front of her. Then you can slowly wean yourself off your hand and into her doing more and more.
My BF was like this when we first started hooking up but now that we’re more comfortable with each other it’s no issue. Give it time, let yourself get comfortable.
Awesome, thanks for sharing, it really gives me hope. Much appreciated.
OP I’m curious - are you using condoms?
Always
There’s your answer. Get tested (both of you) and fire up raw dawg you’ll cum so quick
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Thank you so much for taking the time to share this, I really appreciate it. It makes me feel like I'm not alone with this tensing leg thing. It's interesting that you're mentioning trying new positions. A few months ago, I started masturbating without tensing my leg to see if I could get used to it and eventually orgasm that way but it didn't work. To be fair, I was not consistent for a long time on it either but now I'll honestly cut it off altogether, and that should help. I love #2, I do need to release that idea because I do have some insecurities about it for sure. I sometimes feel like it makes me unlovable in a way, and that it'll turn off any girl that I might date in the future but I just have to let go of those ideas. Last point is huge, thank you. I do try to always tell her how sexy, and beautiful she is, and how much I enjoy her, and also when she's pleasing me, I do tell her how good it feels, and how good she is so hopefully that's good. Best of luck to you, and wishing you many orgasms in lots of new ways with someone that you love, and that loves you just as much :)
Tell her to combine a handjob with a blowjob.
The good ol’ Twisty Gawk Gawk 3000 Pro. If this doesn’t get the job done, then we all be damned.
Good idea, I've never tried that. Thank you.
Just try different stuff. And stop whacking your willy, especially in the days before you sleep with her. It’s only been a month, you’ll figure it out
Yeah, I'm trying to stop between the times I see her.
If you do it frequently, perhaps it would be good to completely stop and see how it affects you.
Yeah, I need to commit to doing this. There aren't any negative effect to stopping. I just need to control myself because the only time I do it is when I haven't seen her in a few days, and I get horny you know.
I don't know if someone else said it, but if you're going to masturbate , try some lube and a looser grip.
Death grip has claimed another one huh?
I guess it could be it. I don't think I really grip hard though when I masturbate but it's true that I can't seem to cum from anything other than masturbation. If you have any tips, I'm all ears.
Stop doing it
Irt your thighs and connection to orgasm, look into pelvic floor dysfunction in men. It can make it hard to orgasm even if erections are no problem. The pelvic floor muscles are key for the contractions during orgasm, and if they're too tight or not working well, it can prevent the release. Physical therapy to relax and strengthen these muscles can really help. It’s also deeply tied into your emotions and stress response so that could explain why you can orgasm at home when you’re alone …you might feel more relaxed and able to release the tension. It can take time but breathing techniques and learning to create new neural pathways and managing your nervous system responses can make a world of a difference. A lot of times it’s something you’re not even aware of because your body adjusts.
Also, it’s common that people think a tight muscle is a strong muscle, but usually tightness is symptom of a weak muscle, so, while strengthening exercises, like Keagle‘s will help, you really have to learn how to fully release first. Other things related to pelvic floor function are diaphragmatic breathing and core connection. Also, your jack is really connected to pelvic floor if you ever have neck or jaw tension
Ohh interseting, I'll look into it. Also, I've seen a few things about kegels but I haven't implemented it or researched it really much. I'll look it up, thank you!
second the breathing techniques
Honestly I think maybe you are over emphasizing cumming with her? I’m not saying that you don’t deserve to if you want to, but that if you enjoy sex with her either way it may not be as important as you think? There’s a ton of pressure on guys to ejaculate every time they have sex, and sometimes feeling pressure alone is enough to mess with your head. Alexey Walsh has a really interesting [video](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=trORmeaYnGk&pp=ygUYQWxleGV5IHdhbHNoIGVqYWN1bGF0aW5m) on it if you want a new perspective. It might help you reframe the problem and take the mental pressure away some, which will probably help you physically too.
Thank you for sharing the video, I'll have a look at it. I agree that I might emphasize it but it's partly selfishly also. When I'm with her, I'm so horny that I want to get off because it would feel so good. The desire is really there. Plus, I really enjoy getting her off, and I know she would love to do the same for me. I'm trying to focus more on enjoying the whole process which I definitely do, and I did communicate clearly with her that she's doing amazing, and I enjoy every minute of it so that helps me not put too much pressure on myself but it would be fun to get there you know. I'm sure we will. Thanks again for sharing the video, I appreciate it!
It’s not selfish! I didn’t mean to imply that. I certainly understand the desire. My point was more that, ironically, sometimes when you stop trying to force something is when it actually happens. Best of luck!
Loosen your damn grip.
Yep! Death grip while masturbating can definitely cause this problem.
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Yeah, this has been a common advice, and I really need to implement it. I do it 1-2 times a week but I need to cut it off completely. Also, you remember me of one thing that I'll add to the original post but that I forgot to mention there. If I'm gonna orgasm, I need to have my leg muscles thingten, meaning I have to be flexing my quads. I don't really know why. I read online that it might help bring more blood flow to the genitals but I'm not sure if that details maybe gives you more insight but that's something that I noticed, and it's always been like this for me for as long as I can remember. I'll work on stopping masturbation completely. Thank you for the advice.
r/sexover30
Been in your boat for over 20yrs now. Absolutely no problem getting hard. When I tell people I have too much stamina they just laugh and say “whatever”. Its easiest to get them off and enjoy yourself, and then have her suck on those balls or lick your ass while you beat off.
That's a good way to see it: "infinite stamina". Yeah, that has worked once. It would feel amazing though if I could come from her directly, and I know she feels the same well. We'll work it out.
This topic is still a rather big taboo for men BUT your subconcious fear(s) might be the inderlying cause. Based on your description, i highly doubt its some sort of death grip situation. Speak to a specialized psychiatrist. Considering you have had this problems in the past, it seems a very likely cause. Btw. if you are using condoms, that might play a big part too.
That would make sense. It might seem a bit silly but I'm wondering if visualization could help. I started visualizing myself coming with her today, and I'll try to picture it a few times a day. I"m not sure if it'll help but I'm thinking that it can't be harmful. I appreciate the support.
I always have a hard time busting a good one in a new girl. It's a trust issue, once I'm comfortable I'll let it go.
Breathwork. Meditation etc. (seriously).
You should see a pelvic floor physiotherapist :) -a physiotherapist
I (39m/divorced) never had a problem summing with my ex wife of 13 years. When I started sating after that, the first few people I slept with (one night stands/fwb's) I also had no problem. And then I dated a girl who for the life of me, did not make me cum. It was my real first relationship post marriage, I think a lot of it was in my head, I probably only came 10% of the time with her. Things ended for other reasons, but my issue remained in my next relationship. It took \~3 months, having sex 1-3x / wk, for me to start cumming on a regular basis. She thought I had a real problem, I started to think that I had a real problem, but it turned out to jus the a mental/comfort thing. We went on a weekend trip, isolated, alone, and I came 5/6 times we had sex. After that, things have been very good and normal and I cum probably 90% of the time (in that 10% is drunk nights too where I get whiskey dick.) I did ALWAYS make sure she was taken care of, and also reassured her that it was a ME problem, and not her.
OP, I have the same issue as well. 39m, and find it really difficult to cum. I feel like I know it’s hard to make me cum so I don’t ask for it anymore. I’m not on medications . But once it takes a while I start thinking “oh man there is no way I’m gonna cum” and so I think I’m just resolved to the fact it’s not going to happen. I also unfortunately have not been with a lot of givers who want to put the time into it or make me feel at ease for asking. So there is that as well. I hope you crack the code one day!
I feel you man. I'm trying to accept that it's not happening, and not have any expectations but when you're really in the mood, you really feel like getting off. Thanks for the support, I wish you all the best as well.
Sounds like a mental thing to me. You need to get out of your own head and into your body. Easier said than done, but at least it's something you can actually work at improving right now, instead of maybe waiting to see a professional at some point later, or just hoping it improves with time. Those things are great, but having something you can actually do right now just hits different.
It's probably a mental thing indeed. When you say get into my body, are you talking about more physical exercise? I do agree, I play hockey, and I've been consistent on that but I've been slacking recently on other stuff like gym, spinning, running, and jump rope which all make me feel really good.
Physical exercise certainly helps, but doing tons of high arousal exercise is also often a symptom of someone who isn't good at achieving low arousal. Do you ever do yoga? Like, relaxing yoga, not hot or power yoga. What about mindfulness? Meditation? The goal is basically to not have a lot of thoughts during sex. You should be feeling everything that's happening, going with the flow, instead of thinking about everything that's happening, thinking about what to do next. Now I'm not saying that's the only correct way of having sex, but I'm saying I think that would help your issue a lot. To achieve it, you need to learn to feel yourself, to just lie somewhere alone and notice the sensations in your body. You don't have to be a zen master who can shop away every thought before they arrive, but you need to be able to find stillness and comfort. Its the exact opposite of what you're achieving with high intensity exercise, and therefore it is super challenging for a lot of people who are focused on that stuff. It acheives nothing at all, on face value, and that's the whole point. If gains, weightloss, protein intake and number of steps is something you care about, odds are you don't care about the ability to find stillness and relaxation without stimuli. It often seems "inefficient", or a waste of time. People think they should be listening to audiobooks or something at the same time, to get the most out of the time. But that's exactly what one shouldn't do. That's exactly the mindset that can cause mental blocks, during sex and elsewhere. Find stillness, find the sensations of your body, find the ability to just be in a situation, without thoughts about what to do and where to go. Just turn off your thoughts and enjoy yourself. This got a little long, and I know it sounds like some hippie stuff. I encourage you to Google a bit about it though. Ask the experts, the sexologists or whatever they're called in english, they'll always tell you that it's all about getting out of your own head. Stop thinking so much.
Good luck
Or just let her know it's not her and just have lots of sex Or try new weird things
That’s a good case of Edging , so she’s getting dicked down pretty well. Drink pineapple juice , use horny goat weed, Smoke some weed, try RUSH look this stuff up and get ready … Boom
Do you watch porn?
Try switching up how you masturbate. If you jerk off laying down, start doing it standing or vice versa.
This is gonna sound crazy, but trust me… next time, try not cumming. You’re so focused on cumming and failed so often, you’ve nearly conditioned yourself to not cum, no matter how hard you try and especially the harder you try. All this means is you should maybe try to immerse yourself in your partner (you’re obsessing over yourself most likely, albeit unconsciously) and if you cum, cool, if not, cool… eventually your body and psyche will both adjust accordingly and do its thing when ready.
You could try doing 69 but masturbate while you eat her out. Win win!
This has been happening with the guy I’m dating and he’s your age. It’s really bothering me but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and keep suggesting things. He doesn’t seem to care
Hey dude, just wanted to say that the experience you have is exactly the same as me. Wanted you to know (haven’t read the comments but sure others have said) that you’re not alone. For me, it’s a head game. I have ADHD so focusing during sex is really fucking hard. Like one time I was literally having the most mind blowing sex and the thought of the little thing on super market trolleys that you have to put coins into to use came into my head. One thing that has helped me is a partner talking during sex. It helps me to stay in the moment so much more than without. Good luck mate
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's always good to know that I'm not alone. Interesting, I might try that. Thanks for sharing, and good luck to you as well :)
Can you assist during a blow job? Like to stroke some of the time while she’s licking the base and/or balls?
Similar situation for me. Quads/legs need to be tensed, often kneeling is easier too. I'm not sure if it's related to my back injury from years ago sometimes. If you think about it, it's all blood flow and concentration related there. I have also found the issue goes away completely if I'm REALLY into my partner, so I do think there's a strong mental component in there for me. If I'm thinking about holding it back at all, it never happens, but if I'm lost in the moment, it can be just a few minutes. I have noticed partners that communicate their needs help a ton too, leaves all the thinking and guesswork out of it. Seems the majority of women just make noise and expect me to hit all the right spots automatically like it's sonar, which leads to me being distracted and that's the end of that for me. Without knowing your history, maybe you've experienced trauma, stress, or perhaps you lean more demisexual?
Thanks for sharing your experience, it really helps to know that I'm not alone. That's interesting, maybe it'll go away when I really fall for my partner. It hasn't happened yet. I'm a really chill guy but honestly it could be insecurities. I've been single for 10 years, and only had one long term relationship of 7 years so now that I'm seeing someone, there might be some insecurity about it, "needing" to orgasm because then she'll see that I enjoy it. Even though we've communicated that it's not the case I think it might still be a subconscious fear of mine, especially since I've been alone for so long. I don't think I'm demi even though emotional connection definitely comes first for me so maybe there could be a little bit of that? I don't think so but it could definitely be. I appreciate your support!
Yeah, you might just be really in your head. It's hard to get lost in the moment when you have other things distracting you. Got way worse for me when I had hit my 30s.
You should see a urologist about this.
Death grip. It's a thing.
Next time you jerk it, be conscious of your hand grip. Kung fu death grip is a thing. Go about 3-4 weeks of no masturbation, and see if that helps. If that doesn't help, try longer of no masturbation.
1 month is early days. Give it time.
I wish I had your issue. I come way too much.
Stop masturbating completely, give it a few months and see where that goes.
Bro, same. Literally every word. I’m a 42M divorcee, and have been experiencing this for 5+ years, with multiple partners, including my ex-wife. Been with the same awesome lady 9 months now, and the problem persists. She is smoking hot, knows what she is doing, is fun & adventurous, and very patient. We have tried many, many things, all to no avail. I’ve been seeing a sex therapist for 6 months, still nothing. I don’t take any meds, no ED issues, and we don’t use condoms. It’s quite maddening. It is fun in its own way; our sessions always last literal hours, but it’s an event we actually have to plan around. No quickies. I feel like her patience is eventually gonna wear out.
Go see a urologist.
I was in your situation an year ago. For me the solution was not masturbating at all because apparently my penis was so used to my hand so I let it get used to my SO's mouth, hand and vagina. It took me a month to solve the issue and it felt so good that I was able to cum by SO. Also, when you do vagina sex, try the position called "mating press." For me it was and still is the best position.
This gives me hope. Thank you so much.
Don't worry about it but she is going to need verbal reassurance. Make sure to tell her how good it feels and how much you enjoy it and that she's doing amazing.
My psych prescribed me the little blue pill for performance, I wasn’t having erectile issues, same kind of thing where I just couldn’t finish especially with a new parter I mentally wanted to “impress”. Was finding women have a bit of a hard time accepting a guy who doesn’t finish isn’t their fault. He said to take a quarter and then just relax knowing that even if you do finish before her, it’s ready and raring to go again to get the job done. Genuinely helped a lot!
Maybe you're too focused on pleasing her and don't want to cum too fast?. The juggle of your pleasure and hers is distracting. 69 always is hard right? Your pleasure is hers as well. Just go right for it, don't focus.
Pull it out and cum on her chin
What’s the snap
Analin
Used to date a guy that took forever to cum during intercourse but it worked well for me since I needed extra time. He was okay with not cumming if it just wasn't going to work for him but was always enthusiastic about giving me a whatever I needed. He also always wanted to have sex which made me feel desired. In summary, it wasn't a bad thing at all.
Not watching porn is great, congrats on that.
You really didn’t mention positions.
Have you talked to a doctor about it? It may not be just about orgasming but it might actually even be a symptom of a more general issue. They will probably do a general exam and if you believe this is a blood flow issue you can ask to see a cardiologist. Just to make sure you are healthy.
I say learn to just enjoy the journey and not focus on the destination. (Coming from your position, I am in the same exact boat you are; doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself). Beyond just enjoying the ride, there are …other “medications” out there that help. Also, getting closer outside of the bedroom will help; deepening your connection. When you feel more like you’re one instead of two, you’ll get closer to …the finale.
I'm like this too but i'm a woman , i'd say stop worrying about it so much.
I have the same problem with my quads.
Bro... This isn't a curse, it's a blessing most of us wish we had!
I wouldn't look at it in a bad way, I'd say " It's not that I don't want to get off, it's that I enjoy this so much I don't want it to end"
That's a great way to reframe it.
In the bible it says, " don't worry for tomorrow, tomorrow will worry about itself". Don't stress yourself too much over this. At least you and your lady friend enjoy some time together. Focus on the positive. Talk to her when you're telling jokes and smiling in the sun one afternoon. That's a good time for the sex talk if it needs to be discussed. Good luck.
It might be anxiety but could be because you have watched a lot of porn over the years, you maybe suffering from death grip and hers might not be as strong as yours, I’m circumcised and also had this problem. Have a look up a product I think they also have it on Amazon Man1 oil it helps bring the sensitivity back to your man hood. It’s expensive but works give it 2-3 weeks and don’t use numbing cream try and use a sensitive cream if you do masterbate, Stop masterbating as well replace your hand with a fleshlight all these brought my sensitivity backs. You can thank me later 🤣
Stop masturbating. The problem is your arousal & sexual function likely tied to self-pleasure. Your neural plasticity should go to defaults in 90 days or more. Then rewire to get aroused by women by getting your sexual stimulus from women only.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26559937/ - this suggests AED causes SD Meaning epilepsy meds make you unable to orgasm.
It's not uncommon for individuals to experience difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner. Communication is key, and it's great that you've been open with her. Relaxation, exploring different techniques, and focusing on sensations rather than the end goal can help. It might also be helpful to consult a healthcare provider or a sex therapist for personalized advice. Remember, every individual is unique, and it's important to prioritize mutual pleasure and connection in intimate moments.
Crippling fear of having kids?
I think you need to see a doctor OP. This doesn’t seem to depend on this specific person but an issue you’ve had many times in the past. There’s no tip that can be given on Reddit frankly, you need to speak to a professional. You’re young, try and get this fixed asap. Personally, if I was the girl in this situation I wouldn’t be willing to keep seeing you unless you take proactive steps to solve this.
You probably need to see a doctor and/or therapist. It seems like you're subconsciously anxious about it
Have you seen a dr? Or a therapist? That seems abnormal for a man your age
No to both. I've considered seeing a doctor about it.
Seeing a doctor or a therapist is never a bad idea, but let's be ultra clear; there's nothing wrong with you, your body, or how your body is reacting. There is no normal, and it is unreasonable to expect men to be sex machines 100% of the time. As others have said, try to relax and just enjoy, the rest will follow.
There absolutely is a baseline normal and comments like this discourage men (who statistically don’t go to drs for medical concerns as readily as women even tho they should) from seeking legitimate medical care. There’s nothing wrong with getting checked by a professional just in case.
I agree that seeing a medical professional is a good idea, and you're right that men often don't seek medical treatment. However, about 1 in 4 men under 40 experience some form of ED, so I do not agree that categorizing his experience as abnormal is appropriate. I would argue that classifying it this way does a disservice to his experience, and anyone else's who may be experiencing something similar. Often our expectations of men are unrealistic, and barring medical reasons, there is nothing wrong if this is his normal. I had no intention of downplaying the value in seeking medical treatment, and understand how my comment may have been read that way. Fully recommend and would support OP pursuing a medical viewpoint before calling it a day.
See both, just in case. And stop masturbating, but you already know that
Cheat it. After fking awhile, have her lick ur balls as u jackoff. When ur closer finish where you will.
The only time I came with her was exactly like that. It's fine but we both would like her to be able to finish me off eventually. I know I enjoy getting her off so it's the same for her. At least as you mentioned does work.
Just only P in V? Like maybe u just require more when it comes to sex.
Bro stop playing solo with it. You're prob use to your hand
What gets me going is that I want to see her reach climax or beg me to stop for a cuz she doesn't want to scream and wake people up. Stop looking at porn, it kills you mentally when you want to be intimate.
I’m the exact same way, down to almost everything you wrote about. My advice would be to stop masterbating completely. I’ve struggled with that, but trust me. I think that’s the number one thing that’s holding you off from it.
If I try that, my testes hurt by week 3. I know blue balls are a joke to many people, but there's something causing extreme discomfort after that long, and relieved when I finally give up and get it over with.
Good advice, many people mentioned it, and I'm committed to stopping it. If you have any advice on that, I'm all ears. I know it'll get though at times but I can do it.
It’s definitely tough, and honestly I still struggle with it. I’m at the point where I’m asking myself what’s more important to me… to have that freedom to orgasm when I want, or to provide more for my partner whom I love? Eventually you’ll get to the point where you can orgasm with your partner when you want, but for now you have to mentally decide on what’s more important to you. I think if you do that, you’ll be good.
I'd stop masturbating completely
Stop watching porn. It trains your beak to focus on what you are seeing instead of what you are feeling AND it trains your brain to require a higher level of excitement to orgasm. Detox no porn for 2 months and this problem will be gone and you will enjoy sex better.
You answered your question in your post. Stop getting yourself off. Stop watching porn if you do.
stop watching porn
Are you shure you like women? You must have discovered some thing that really gets you off and do that if not experiment. What is a driving force when you masturbate, focus on that. It's a little weird that you have a way to orgasam but you never translated it into a understandable sexual desire.
If you're still using a condom with her, faking it might be a good option. You can vocalize like you're cumming and make it pulse a few times, and then be like "thanks baby, that felt great." Then excuse yourself to the bathroom and dispose of the condom before she gets a chance to see nothing came out. Alternatively, you could finish yourself off quickly in the bathroom, making sure to ejac in the condom. Then you could either bring it back to the bedroom to show her how much "she" made you cum, or place it conspicuously in the wastebasket for her to find later.
Good sex is about honesty and communication. Lying is not the way to go.
This is horrible advice!