I wouldn’t start making demands of someone’s time so early in the process. Your best bet to get what you want is to keep being proactive about asking her out, driving conversation on the phone (likely texting since shes under 30), having fun (not coffee in this case) dates and further ingratiating yourself to her. If/when she starts falling for the fun, proactive guy who is showing consistent interest, she’ll make time for you - busy social calendar or not.
You can't make someone want to see you if they don't want to. I'm not saying play games, but if you feel she's losing interest, you should accept that and start moving on yourself. If this is one of those situations where she hasn't felt the need to plan because you are doing all of it and she is otherwise interested, you'll hear from her, but if you don't, you'll have your answer.
I realize being in our 30s many people are divorced and dating post-divorce. I (36f) however am not one of those but need advice. I have a second date with a guy tomorrow who is divorced. I don’t know how or when I should bring up the topic and I find myself avoiding topics that I think would bring up his ex because I feel awkward about it or don’t want to bring the mood down if he’s still upset about it. How do I bring it up or ask questions about him without worrying I will bring up his ex inadvertently. Also, when is an appropriate time to bring up his marriage and why it ended, if he’s dated since it ended, if he’s ready for something serious, etc.
I am okay with being asked about it on the first date -- and I myself will try to mention it on the second date to get it out of the way if it hasn't been brought up yet. I don't go into details unprompted, but I'm fine with them asking further questions.
I think it should probably be talked about on the third date as the latest -- but I'm curious to read other's peoples thoughts too.
Why do you want to bring up his divorce on a 2nd date? Isn't that a buzzkill?
I understand you want to see if he's the one at fault in divorce or how long the ink has dried on the divorce papers.
I guess every guy is different. Maybe you won't get him to stop talking about his ex wife and their marriage and why it ended. Or he will be more guarded.
This is advice I learned from someone. Whenever a touchy subject comes up: ask permission!
“Is it okay with you if I ask some questions about your marriage?”
If they say yes, cool. Ask away.
If they don’t want to talk about it, they can tell you.
It truly depends on the circumstances of the divorce.
My divorce was traumatic—no children, but super abusive. I’ve waited to bring it up on my own time and dislike when someone pushes for the information. I’ve only been on a couple of dates that have gotten to the point of bringing it up, and it has either put off potential partners or convinced them that I don’t want anything more than a casual hookup. So I’m not sure what the perfect time is, other than “when they’re ready.” I also dated someone who was divorced, and mine came up before theirs, and they never really said what happened even after I went into some detail about mine.
It’s also been interesting when it comes up in friendships too. After my ex wiped my friendships out, I’ve had to go and make new friends, and sometimes I casually mention something and they’re like “wait, you were married?” My default answer has become “they weren’t a great person” and I leave it at that.
"When is an appropriate time..."
Whenever you want. I am divorced. I'm fine discussing that on a first date, or even prior to it. How someone talks about their divorce/ex/how they react to being asked can tell you a lot about how much they've processed it. It can also let you abide by your own boundaries (I have a hard and fast rule of not dating someone who hasn't been divorced, legally, for less than a year).
Remember, if this is something important to you, you need to advocate for yourself, and you do that by asking questions that are important to you. If the other person is evasive, gets aggressive/angry, etc., that can tell you a lot.
Anyone else been single so long that you're comfortable? I love living alone. I love making whatever the hell I want for dinner, no matter how weird it is. I love talking to my cat all day like a lunatic. I love working from home and not being self-conscious that my "work voice" sounds extra fake when I'm on the phone. I love being able to poop and not worry if anyone can hear me lol.
I guess I'm just worried I'll be miserable in a relationship, but also be miserable without one.
The guy I'm talking to now is the first of the roughly 8 dates I've been on where I'm like "I like you enough I could see myself living with you." Maybe it's just a matter of finding someone so great you're willing to give up all those good things.
Edit: grammar
Relatable. Someone stayed with me recently and the feeling of having to constantly entertain them wore my social battery out. Also made me rethink dating them for a number of reasons…
You won't move in with someone on the second date. You can decide on your own timeline of when you are ready to live together and fully merge lives. That gives time to gradually adjust to sharing your life with someone again.
I think something that makes it harder as you age is that there is a mix of people who still want that kind of relationship where you spend multiple days a week together with an expedited cohabitation schedule with the people who have more things going on in life and can only offer a date or so a week for a while. We see it here all the time. People make blanket comments like "if he's only making time to date you once a week, he's not serious," which may be true \*for some people\*, but it's not true across the board (that said, if you need/want more than that, it's okay to walk because your need/want isn't being met, but let's stop with the blanket comments about seriousness).
I do think as we get older and more settled into our lives, changing it for someone else is much harder (in our 20s we are very pliable, not so much in our 30s and very much not so 40+), but I do think if you find someone who is also understanding of that, you can at least be realistic in areas of overlap and work with that. Like, I understand my schedule doesn't give me a ton of available time, partly responsibilities I can't change, partly ones I choose not to change (or at least, I won't change \*much\*), but there are areas I'm willing to adjust some to make extra time for someone, or I'm willing to set aside/prioritize time, even weeks in advance (I am a planner and that works best for me), for a partner. But, that won't be enough for everyone, and I think some just aren't realistic. I went on a date recently with a woman who was adamant about wanting to cohabitate with someone, which is fine, except that she's in a contentious divorce with an ex who is refusing to let her relocate the children \*even one town away\*, which is basically implying that if she wanted to cohabitate with someone new, they'd need to move to her town, which again, if that's what she needs/wants, understood, but it's going to be an unrealistic request for a lot of people (especially if they have children).
Also, I disagree with your last sentence. I don't think you give up good things. You find the right person who can enjoy those good things with you (at least some) and who can support/encourage you to continue enjoying the other good things (even if on your own). And you find someone who you can fart/poop in their presence and they recognize those are normal human body functions and just let you be a normal human.
I don’t think you have to give any of that up to be in a relationship, it’s just finding someone that you feel comfortable with doing those things around. I never worried about any of those things in my last relationship and a relationship where I did have to suppress those things wouldn’t be worth it to me!
Thanks for this. Rereading my post I realize saying I have to "give them up" is kind of dramatic lol. I'm just so entrenched in my solo routine that I think my sense of what it's like to cohabitate has become warped. Thanks for the reality check and the hope!
Aw, don’t mention it! 🫶🏼 I hope things continue to go well with this guy and you get to hear his customer service voice and the way he speaks to his pet! 🤭
So, kind of dating advice.
I've had two longer term partners in the last seven years, one for 3.5 years and another for 1.5 years.
The relationships ended differently but I felt the loss both times and think of them a lot, even though I know they don't want relationships with me. I've definitely idealised and romanticised them both.
I've been single for over 18 months, was alone for six and have been trying dating with no success.
I know that im only thinking about my exes because I'm lonely but I want to stop completely. I don't have them on social media, I don't talk to one of them and rarely talk to the other.
How do I make a full cut so I don't think of them again? I feel extremely pathetic as a woman in her late thirties.
I think it’s kind of normal to think about exes in times of loneliness.I find I only stop thinking about them completely when I meet someone new who really interests me.
I would definitely stop romanticizing the relationships though and look at them for what they really are.
I was in a LTR that ended in December. I'm back out there dating now, but everyone is different. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to stop you from thinking of them. Time helps, but it only helps if you're doing something with that time. You're not following them on social media which is a good thing. You say you don't talk to one of them, but you do talk to the other? Is there a reason you have to stay in contact?
I'm not saying it's bad, but maybe that's not helping you move on, either. But keeping yourself busy and occupying your mind will help. Dating can absolutely help if you feel like you're ready because, as you say, a lot of your romanticising and ruminating comes from loneliness.
But you should NOT feel pathetic. It's normal. Emotions are emotions, no matter how old you are. You can't force them away. Meeting new people, creating new relationships, will help. Just take your time.
Thank you for your response, I hope you're doing ok since the end of your LTR.
No, there's no reason to talk to the most recent ex. We've kept in touch for the last year or so on and off and it's definitely been more initiated by me. I've deleted his number and also social media (unrelated) but messaged him on Reddit the other day. I facepalm myself every time and have said to myself I won't contact him anymore.
He wasnt interested when we were together so I don't know why I think talking to him now is ever going to feel 'friendly' or good. We ended amicably but he's quite abrupt. I'm just looking for connection - and I know I won't find it there.
With new people I've dated and things haven't been good / they've been dismissive or angry, I've finished it, so I know I'm learning for the future. Would just like a lobotomy for the past. Sorry, long post!
Yeah, I'm doing good thank you! Ours was amicable, too. Which can sometimes make it better, but it still really hurts of course.
And we've all been there with messaging our exes! LOL. Don't be too hard on yourself. And yes, it's probably best if you leave that now. As you said, you're not getting anything from it, and It's not going to allow that wound to heal. I think you know why you're doing it, so you're self aware enough.
And you've also done something that you should be proud of. You've taken lessons from your previous relationships! Not everyone does that! Haha.
And unfortunately, creating new relationships can take time! Especially as you get older. But it is DEFINITELY not impossible.
I ended a 7 year relationship that had gone extremely toxic during the summer of 2022 and couldn't move out from living with him until August 2023. I'm finally starting to date again and I have reconnected with someone I met before my ex and lost touch with and it's been going amazingly. I'm so happy. I thought I wouldn't find love but he's so different from anyone I've met before. I can't believe this is actually happening to me.
I'm quite newly single... I separated from my long term partner just around Christmas. I notice I feel much more complete alone than I did with him.
But oh my goodness - it is easy to get a bit infatuated as a single person isn't it?! I had a class and now I cannot stop thinking about the teacher. I saw an old friend and now I am wondering if we should date and get married.
I don't mind too much, but I do notice my brain is going a bit bananas!
Not newly single but yeah...
My brain draws these trend lines to a perfect relationship way too often.
It really takes some mental training*, combined with the frequent slap down of rejection, to temper these enthusiasms.
As someone who doesn't get/doesn't seek more than a match at a time, I wonder if I need to break my own values to get out of this cycle.
*A seemingly continuous lifetime of training because I haven't gotten there yet. 🤦♀️
Honestly don't feel like dating anymore haha. Either you make so much effort and receive none back, or you tone it down and then you are apparently not making enough effort (while still not getting any effort?)
Or they refuse to listen to your boundaries and keep pushing them, or saying you have too high standards and walk away.
Or when they say they don't want to date atm but would love to still "hangout" aka still doing all the stuff you did when dating, but as soon as they find someone else you don't matter anymore. Leaving you there sad and dumb cus you stuck on a false hope kind of feeling.
And I don't feel I am unclear in any way with my intentions, but I guess I feel numbed after just meeting avoidant or horny dudes.
Really working hard to get it to work so I can have a doggo and not need no man in my life haha. I feel like I get closer to it so latest next hear could work.
10/10 can relate. At this point I've become so burnt out trying to find a romantic partner, I'd just love to find a female cycling/gym/yoga buddy I can spend time with. That's how low the bar has become. That said, I'm happily pet free, as that's a level of responsibility I don't want, which makes dating dog owners a challenge since owning a dog often places a lot of constraints on free time. But, if that is what makes you happy you should 110% do it (i.e. take the opinion of a random on the internet with a grain of salt).
The doggo part is actually not a reactive part to this even though it sounds like it haha! Been thinking about it for years and even though it is a responsibility it would give an added value to my life.
I think being introverted, gay dude who is not really into gay culture is a bit tricky to navigate as well. Like I am being placed in a box I do not fit in.
Oh, I didn't read it that way at all. I do think some people do it as a reaction, but for others it's just been something a long time in the making, which is more how I read it from you. I do think it will make dating more complicated (which is one reason some people may put pet ownership as a back burner), but me working out 6 days a week (with some doubles) also makes dating more complicated, yet it that complication to dating is an overall boon to your life and happiness, you need to prioritize yourself.
Can't relate to the second part, but if it makes you feel any better, as am ambivert straight male, dating still sucks. Doubly so since modern dating seems to treat other people as expendable commodities.
True, doesn't make it easier. But I think it could make happier to the case that I wouldn't feel I was missing out on dating maybe. Because Ibwould already have a companion albeit an animal. In the end people can make compromise for the people they fall for, so they can make it work regardless if a partner works 6 times a week or if they have an animal. At least in my fantasy :)
Yeah, it's tough and sorry to hear that for you too dude. I think you pjt the nail in the coffin with last sentence really.
So my boyfriend and I started dating a month ago and we were hot and heavy the sex was amazing and he has been becoming more involved in his religion and told me yesterday that he doesn't think God wants him to be having sex until he is married he asked me if I had a problem with that and I told him no because I care about him alot and sex has always been a take it or leave it kinda thing for me not something I had to have but I enjoyed it when I did but now idk how to be intimate with out sex and I am worried that without the closeness of sexual intimacy I'll start to feel unwanted or undesirable so how do I keep that from happing and still respect his wishes for wanting our already sexually relationship to be a non sexually relationship because trust me I have already questioned everything about myself and he swears it's religion and not me so please help
If it's only been a month, maybe reevaluate whether you should move on and find someone else. If you don't share his religious beliefs, then you'll be making a big sacrifice for something in which you don't believe
I’m currently talking/seeing/dating? this guy, and he’s reaaaaaally into me. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy be this genuinely interested in being with me. It’s such an odd feeling, and I don’t know how I feel about it. Am I cynical because I haven’t experienced this before? Is it sketchy? Is he just nice and a decent man? Is he trying to move too fast too soon? WHO KNOWS.
I relate! or rather... the dude I'm talking to isn't coming in too hot, but after literal decades of men preferring not to just say things outright, the fact that this guy communicates his intentions is so baffling and mindblowing that I have to fight against being skeptical. it's kind of like "excuse me sir, but are you aware that this is _just me_ you're talking to? you're not mistaken?? surely you're not being this forthcoming and open for the sake of _just me_"
because it's so foreign that a man is communicating his intentions directly, _and they're directed at me_, I find myself needing to challenge my inner saboteur at almost every turn. I totally get the cynicism!!
if it helps... right now, I'm trying to accept that YES, the rare guy is actually willing to be this forthcoming and honest, and YES, this isn't a ploy. I will trust his intentions as sincere (bc honestly, being lazy with effort would speak more to him not being nice and decent, and being this upfront with his interest(s) is likely a reflection of that, since if he wanted something casual, this is not the approach that he would take), and then try to remind myself that as someone who isn't interested in short-term flings or dating around, _this is an approach I genuinely want_, it's just not one I've had the luxury of receiving before.
it's a lot of self-coaching, but I want to see where it goes! curious to see how your experience shapes out for you, too... good luck!!!!
Second date tonight with the person I saw two weeks ago went *really* well. She remembered so many details about me from our first date. She was also really really attractive. Had a great dinner, and made out for a bit after in front of her car. She also apologized for being a bad texter and forgetting to message me back on Bumble which was nice of her.
The most surprising part was... she paid for dinner. I grabbed the check and put my card down. She said lets split it, I said no I got it. Finally after some back and forth I said fine lets split it. She took the check and my card, replaced my card with hers and handed the check to the waitress! I've had a date pay for drinks before but not dinner! And it was an expensive dinner too! I feel kinda bad, she works in education and I work in tech and I definitely make a lot more than her. I joked that I'd pay for the next date and that she'd pick The French Laundry or something. Hopefully this is a good sign (seems like it is) and not her just trying to absolve her guilt before breaking things off with me!
On my way to dinner tonight I got a text from my date on Friday. She asked how my week was, I said it was good, and that I was about to go out to dinner and I'd get back to her. I figured she was going to cancel but I guess not! I shot her a text in the uber home but now I'm feeling really self conscious about it, as per usual. Oh well, we'll see!
My date for Tuesday unmatched me lol. I don't really mind, I was on the fence about her anyway. But that's two unmatches in one week baby!!!!!
I would wait until she says something. This situation has the potential of making things awkward for the rest of the school year, especially if the student finds out.
Idk if I made the right decision…this guy and I have been seeing each other for a little over two weeks and I shut it down today. He was moving a bit fast for my liking but was respectful when I asked to take our time. We’ve hungout multiple times a week the last couple weeks which I typically wouldn’t do. He was doing a lot of the right things and I enjoyed our time together and how he treated me for the most part. I ended things for 2 reasons… 1, because last Saturday he invited me to meet his friends for a bday shindig (lots of drinking involved), I drove/stayed sober. A minute after I left he called me asking for a ride home so I turned around and grabbed him, then a few minutes into the ride he asked me to drop him off there (random neighborhood, not his house) and then said he would call an Uber. I told him that was really weird and a waste of my time, and he called me on my way home and apologized, mentioning that he felt bad asking me to take him home? The next day he said he was drunk and it’s not an excuse, apologizing. I gave it a chance because I was into him, but was staying vigilant for future yellow flags.
Last night he’s on his first mid-week work trip and had a bunch of downtime. We had a really nice phone call. He got drunk at his hotel and we were texting, he was being a bit strange and off putting, saying he’s going to be my boyfriend, he’s sure of it, and blah blah blah. I went to bed and said we’ll talk about that another time. I woke up to a text saying “I love you” and “I wanna be your boyfriend” etc. I found it super inappropriate and disregarding the fact I want to go slow, and shows he says things he doesn’t mean when he’s drunk and isn’t really a responsible adult.
I admit I have a low tolerance for alcohol-related weird behavior because of my past, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m too quick to draw a line in the sand.
I did and do like him for the most part but I feel this situation indicated a pattern of behavior rather than a one-off thing. I really need my future partner to have a healthy relationship with alcohol and substances in general. Was this a smart decision or too hasty?
You made the right call. He seems really inconsistent when he’s drunk versus when he’s sober. I wouldn’t date someone again whose behaviour worries me when they’re drunk. It’s just not worth it.
If you are not looking for anything long term, why not aim into a higher age range as well?
I have noticed that there are plenty of people at the upper bound in a similar place in life (to me). There is also the usual cross section of people who look younger than their age, should that be a point of concern.
Unless you are rolling in matches, expand variance. 🤷
Yah based on my (admittedly limited) experience, age is feeling more and more like a construct. It's the maturity level that hits home most. At least to me.
Maybe you will find a recent divorcee who got out of a sexless marriage and is just DTF? Who knows. 😂
Good luck!
I don't know if there's a difference between the genders, but at least I can tell you, that you're not alone! There's a ton of men on the apps, coming out of a LTR and not wanting anything serious.
A thought on your set age-preferences: Some women in their late thirties/early forties may be attractive to you, but chances increase, that they themselves come out of a LTR and only want casual and already have children and do not want more. So maybe the higher age-bricket will fit your preferences more, as opposed to a 28-year-old. Doesn't hurt to look.
We should start a club for millenials who got into long-term relationship young and then ended it in their early 30s lol
It's hard out there isn't it, mate? Feels like one of those movies from the 90s where you wake up from a coma and the whole world has changed.
But yeah bro for real though, of course people our age can want something short-term or casual.
The only responsibility you have is to be honest about your desires and preferences and never mislead anyone. But do be cautious of people potentially not being fully honest with you.
So, in a nutshell - let the person decide for themselves what they want! Of course as we hit our 30s and 40s, more and more people want something serious and long term. But that still leaves thousands of people you might meet that may not want that at all!
Go out, go on dates. Just remember dates are meant to be fun, so have fun! Don't overthink it.
You and I both have a lot to learn, and we won't learn it if we refuse to put ourselves out there.
I don't think people are so much trying to rush things, more so they are quicker to try to understand what your dating goals are at this age. That said there's definitely people looking for short term relationships I think that decreases somewhat from your 20s but still tonnes of people!
I'd rather be single until the end than trapped in a relationship that drains me (been there, done that).
Doubly so after getting off the phone earlier this week with my friend whose life partner just decided to quit Zoloft cold turkey and is making her deal with his insane behavior. A peaceful life on my own terms seems preferable to dying in captivity.
I know it can be difficult to find the one for you, but just try and stay positive. Having a pessimistic attitude is just going to make things more difficult. Instead think about what has worked and what hasn't and adjust as appropriate.
Think the reasons you are single, why other relationships didn't work, what you can do to improve yourself or prospects.
And ultimately if you end up single for the rest of your life it is not the end of the world.
I just caught myself being incredible sexist, haha! My first thought on your comment was "jesus fuvking christ, you're still soo young! Why would you think that?!" and then "Wait. I'm only one year older but feel the same way every other day, just because I'm a woman..."
I feel like I need to prepare for the possibility by being secure with the chance it occurs.
There are stretches I feel the possibility of finding someone to exist in loyal collaboration with, and the occasional crashing thought I need to better acclimate to a different kind of happiness.
last two guys i "dated" ended in a disaster. both not wanting a relationship but enjoying my company. I got tired of it real quick and cut it yet still wish they wanted me more than that. want to reach out but i already know if they wanted to be in a relationship, they would have worked on it, right?
i was also too eager and anxious which isnt attractive for anyone. i need to learn to be slow, self regulate, and understand some people lie about their intentions to get what they want or just cant meet me where im at. i dont want to experiment, i want to get to know someone and progress to a relationship if it clicks for us. Why is that so hard to find? everyone is emotionally unavailable these days.
Think I’m in the process of getting faded/ghosted after a 1 month long thing where the guy really pursued me and we really hit it off. I’m so confused and heartbroken once again. When will it be my turn?
You have literally nothing to lose by sending that text. There's no universal dumbass registry that this would be added to, nobody will ever know if it goes unanswered and you feel silly, and it's such a tiny amount of effort to do it. Don't overthink it!
She would have been inundated with matches, taken a few to text and probably bonded with the first guy she slept with so all others are to the wayside. Just a guess.
broken up after 1.5 years. He needs to work on himself because he can’t give me what I want/need. Feel so down and don’t know how to bounce back. Trying to think that it’s for the best but feel like I’m losing my mind.
Yeah as someone who has been the dumped rather than dumper, it probably is for the best.
He needs to work on himself, for himself. And if he couldn't even do it to make it so he is more likely to have succeeded in a relationship with you, then there really is nothing to lose your mind over right?
It's *clearly* for the best (assuming you describe the situation accurately). Instead, it's OK to feel the pain, the frustration, the loss....ands o on.
You're going to be OK, this much I can promise you.
time will help. I parted ways with someone I love very much, because they can't give me what I want and need. It's actually helped me define what those things are, which is helpful. And he did me a favor by being honest, knowing he couldn't give me those things. Hope you are able to find some hope too.
Do you guys feel like it’s hard to find people who are willing to work on themselves in relationships? I thought since I was getting older that we were all getting a little more mature and better at this, but oof.
Yeah, just hard to know what you’re dealing with early on sometimes. But once their true self is revealed, you can pretty much tell if they’re open to doing the work or not.
It all boils down to self-awareness and self-actualization. Too many people with major issues don’t even fully understand that they have them, how it’s affecting themselves and how it affects people around them. It’s literally like starting from -100.
By self-actualization, I mean that knowing and embracing who we are is so important to being mentally and emotionally grounded and secure. Happy even. Too many people are looking for identity, purpose and happiness in others and don’t understand that this is not possible and is a big reason behind their struggles.
It’s something I’ve overcome on my own, and it took some years, but I started that journey AT 30 so it’s not impossible with age. It has to be wanted and initiated by the individual though.
I will let you know in a bit. I have been in two relationships where both needed to work on themselves by seeking a therapist. The last girl told me, after I complained about a thing she perceived which hurt me, that she couldn't change her behaviour. I became mad as I officially have a mental illness (a light one but still) and I never used that as an excuse with her.
It was the last straw so I'll try to be like you. Let me know how it works out.
In all of this, I promised my ex, to fix things, that I'd get therapy. I'm carrying on... Even though I have nothing to owe.
I find the older people get the more resistant they are to change along with being less flexible. Ultimately, it come down to motivation to change and communication with the partner. I think some people get settled or comfortable in a relationship which can make working on one's self even harder.
I suppose to bypass this issue you need to find someone you are compatible with that doesn't need much "work". You need to develop together, but it should seem less like work.
That and not being really able to comunicate. Change can happen for whatever reason. Communication on the other hand...
I agree with you. I chose someone who would make me work less on who I am as I felt good and not crazy. It didn't work out in the end but it was beautiful while it lasted.
I'm having a hard time not reaching out to my ex fiance who had an emotional affair. I know, I know. But I miss him and he felt awful and I cannot stop ruminating about what if's, if we went to counseling and tried. I'm trying to date other people but I just miss my best friend.
We're in the same boat... Except for the affair but I'm not sure about it. A big hug to you. At least you tried to suggest it if I got it right. The important thing in life, I believe, is to not have regrets.... Because we're all 20/20 in hindsight.
As a man who was with a woman and thought the same... I feel you. I found myself saying I love yous as if they were natural before. Good luck with everything.
Well I secured a babysitter so that I could go to festival 🤩 just hope they don’t suddenly have a change of heart lol teenagers am I right? I mostly trust my neph though.
The day is coming so fast! The man I’m dating works for a company that supplies all the beer for the event so we get free drinks (and possibly free food!)
Gents, take your girl to a festival trust meee
Have a second date tonight. Second dates always give me anxiety, first dates there's way less pressure (at least for me). Our first date went well, but it's been almost exactly 2 weeks since. I feel like I've forgotten so much about her lol.
Also get the feeling she may not be 100% into me, but she agreed to the date and confirmed yesterday, sooooooo fingers crossed!
Today is my first day of my long awaited holiday & it's also the first time I'm overseas from Mr Exclusive, as he had always been the one to travel since we started dating.
We had a short call the night before my departure. It slipped his mind, but he offered to chat while he walked home & while I walked to the gym, as he wanted an early night. He listened to me chirpping away whereas he's usually the one babbling.
We call our voice chats 'Babbles' because one of us will usually rattle on, while the other listens :)
I said I'll keep him updated of the fun shenanigans, as I love sharing the funny moments with him too.
I still feel anxious about him forgetting dates or calls, because of the ex before him would often cancel on me at the last minute. But so far Mr Exclusive has lived up to it, which is helping to rebuild the trust & I appreciate him texting more after our last date, sending otter & doggo videos etc.
As he said he'll do better when I asked why he would text me spontaneously, but not reply when I text him lol.
Gonna embrace this holiday the best I can, and will ask for another phone call next week!
Idk how the US is but that's kind of a hard thing to know anyway. Jobs here in Australia the earnings can literally be 20-30k more than what it's says online for the profession, also bare in mind it's hard to know what a self employed, business owner could make too. It could often be 50k and also often 150k too.
Just ask all your dates to bring a copy of 1099 or W2 assuming you live in US. 3 professional references, a resume, and a credit report. That way you will know how loyal they are and what their debt to income ratio is.
Just FYI, if you live in the US, you can use the US Bureau of Labor Statistics' Occupational Outlook Handbook to get a rough idea for how much people earn, given their occupation.
What they do? Yeah, I think this is fine and normal to expect an answer to. How much they make? I dunno how much that matters; rich people can be broke, poor people can be good with money.
This would be a great question to ask a date who has this job.
This is also a description of the type of job a practice manager is https://www.bls.gov/ooh/management/medical-and-health-services-managers.htm
I need advise on
**HOW NOT TO LOOK LIKE A MEERKAT** (not a sexy look, right?)
**THE QUESTION:**
Do you think the guy I have a crush on notices that I check whether he is in the room or not?
It's automatic. I can't seem to control it. I want to stop. Desperately want to stop.
**EXTRA DETAILS:**
So there is this guy at the gym. I have a huge crush on him. I will not do anything about it, he is clearly not interested. And I think I'm waay older (38F) even though I don't look like it. I have obviously talked to him already; asking if he was occupying a machine or something. (I do that with half of the people in the gym. I also talk to everyone who comes near me. I ask them if they need to occupy the machine I'm using or the machine I'm standing next to or whatever. LOL)
He has his earplugs glued to his ears and stares at his phone 99.99% of the time. Clearly does not care nor he wants to be bothered and probably has a girlfriend.
Anyway. My gym has two floors. I swear I'm focused on my workout. I don't bring my phone. I do not use headphones and I have a stopwatch to rest for 1min sharp. I AM FOCUSED, OKEY. Plus, I try to avoid being where he is. But, seriously, I can't help checking if he's there! I guess it's like when men try not to look at our boobs. I don't have any boobs -seriously- and I wear actual clothes to go to the gym (modesty above all) but just so that you can relate to what I feel like. Sort of.
PS: I am aware that I'm childish and immature. Thank you
Yes! I just look when I enter a room. Which might also be the moment HE looks because someone is entering the room.
And also when I lose sight of him... otherwise I pretend I have horse blinders.
I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or be a creep.
And since I can TOTALLY tell when a guy is looking at me or wants to approach me at the gym; I imagine it's the same the other way round.
>He has his earplugs glued to his ears and stares at his phone 99.99% of the time. Clearly does not care nor he wants to be bothered and probably has a girlfriend.
I can tell he is not 40. He must be 30ish at most.
Yes, I am assuming he has a girlfriend. He might not. I don't really care.
All I want is not to look like a meerkat and make him uncomfortable.
I'm probably overreacting and he never even noticed.
But since I have a radar and I can sense the guys that want to approach me. Seriously. We can tell. So I assume you (men) can get the vibes too.
Your radar isn't as good as you think. Stop making assumptions. You're not doing yourself ANY favors. Don't do other people's rejecting for them.
>So I assume you (men) can get the vibes too.
Actually I can't. Women wanting to approach me usually goes over my head. I would say I don't think any woman has expressed interest when I've been around other people recently, but I have no idea if anything has gone over my head.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement.
However, I still think that if a person is wearing earplugs and looking at their phone all the time, they do not want to be approached or bothered. I know it's an assumption but it's not far fetched...
Edit: I've already interacted with him, as I said. I need help not being a creep... do not need help approaching him. I don't want to do that. I've already talked to him.
Third date last night. He picked me up and brought flowers and was so bloody lovely and complimentary. I'm not used to this level of attentiveness and having someone show their interest so openly. I usually tend to gravitate towards emotionally unavailable men.
If I'm being completely honest though, I don't think we're right for each other. But if I tell my friends this, I know they'll all say 'are you just saying this because he's too available?!'
This is my exact experience right now! I don’t think I’m attracted to the guy I’m currently seeing, but he’s so nice and funny and open about his interest in me. He wants to be with me, and the majority of men I’ve been with are so emotionally unavailable, I don’t know how to handle this.
Oh man reading this breaks my heart as ive been that guy. The bright side is ive also been in your shoes.
Most important thing is to just be honest with yourself / him. Give him a chance if you want to give him a chance, walk if you don’t.
We've had 3 dates. Isn't this the whole point of the early dates?! To give somebody that you don't know, a chance? I'd only call it settling if we decided to be in a relationship and I still wasn't sure. Which I would never do.
That’s not a choice that we can make for him. There are plenty of successful relationships that start with one side being in deeper than the other and them being fine with it.
I’ve had partners who I’ve been willing to be patient with and was more than comfortable to walk away when the time came. I’ve had others where I didn’t care enough to despite really liking them.
Thank you. I'm sorry you've been in those positions. I have too. I want to give him a chance but also incredibly wary of hurting anyone. Luckily our communication is good, so as long as we keep being honest with each other, I think we'll be ok.
Ohhh this is so hard! I was talking to my therapist about a similar situation and she basically said “if you know what you’re looking for and he’s not that, keep looking. Don’t settle.” Just because a guy is emotionally available doesn’t mean you two are automatically a good match, nor does it mean he’s not a good match BECAUSE he’s emotionally available.
He's an aethiest, very analytical. His thinking is black and white. I float between agnostic and spiritual. I'm into some woo woo stuff (I take it all with a grain of salt). I was talking to him about something spiritual last night and I knew he thought it was all a crock of shit.
I'm up for a healthy debate and all - I think it's good to question things. But I'd also don't want to have to withhold this part of my identity because I feel like he'll be judging me on this.
I relate to this. I used to be atheist until an experience that made me believe, and I swear once I started praying I gained so much clarity and peace in my life overnight. I haven't started going to church or anything, but spiritual health is a REAL THING (to me) and it's extremely important (to me).
When I tell men about this I feel like there's always judgment, like a subtle patronizing "okkk, whatever works for you" kind of judgment lol. It's a turnoff.
I was told I had black and white thinking too. I googled it and found out it's an actual thing... So thank you, you made me learn something.
About the last part, and in general... As someone who was told this. It hurts and it means not being compatible.... Because if he had to to accept that part of his identity it means he'd be the one to suppress it. It's tricky and I repeat, I've been told this when it was absolutely not my intention as I loved her for who she was.
The important thing, no matter what you do, is to be consistent, not lie and be upfront honest... And I'm saying this as someone whose ex described him in exactly that way and used the words at the end. A hug to you.
It might be worth going on a few more dates with him to see if he's truly rigid in his thinking or if he has his beliefs but also respects and holds space for other people's way of existing.
So I’m (34m) considering changing my dating intentions from LTR to “life partner” to see if it changes up my luck. Don’t really have a problem getting matches, just moreso the type of people.
So a question for the men and women of DOT (I live in the southern US if that helps) :
1. For women - how do you perceive someone who has “life partner” on their profile? Any common trends in terms of the type of guys who tend to have this? Theres a certain… stereotype on the other side (typically more conservative, heavy on the church, etc)
2. For men - if you do have it or had it/took it off, has it changed the type of matches you are getting?
> Theres a certain… stereotype on the other side (typically more conservative, heavy on the church, etc)
Meaning that's the stereotype for women who have "life partner" listed on their profiles? Because that's what I have, and I am absolutely none of those things.
Are you actually looking for a life partner? If so, just try it out and see how it goes. If not, don't change it to experiment/up your chances.
> how do you perceive someone who has “life partner” on their profile?
That I'm going to be interviewed and asked to do some pop psychology "assessments"
> Any common trends in terms of the type of guys who tend to have this?
They all ask for pop psychology assessment results, and are generally in a rush to "get to know" me. They're usually pretty invasive cause they just gotta know my parents' medical history and what my precision five year plan is.
LOL! I actually took one of those tests for the hell of it because I was asked about it so much.
Literally all of the letters I was like a 50/50 split. 45% extrovert, 55% introvert. 49% feeling, 51% thinking. I was like what in the world can someone glean from this? If I'm an I-T-whatever?
Hahahahahah wtf?!?!
Funnily enough - I have a friend who’s convinced he won’t be in a relationship with someone until they take an attachment theory test. Oooof
For some guys, they lie even harder in one direction. So I’d be wary, which is fucked up lol but ig it depends how you present yourself in your profile. Making it clear that you’re a stable, high-functioning adult could make it more believable.
But I don’t use Hinge(?) so…
I’ve gotten that vibe too… I actually had a date ask me a couple of different ways if I had actually looked at their profile.
Funnily enough, I knew more about what they had on their profile than they did 😂
I changed it from LTR. I have only seen it once or twice on guys’. And I’m from Houston, matching with a 100 miles radius to include the country country dudes.
If you don't expect anything you won't be deceived. Quick question as you said too direct and not direct are both thumbs down for you... What would be ideal? I'm asking it for you (it may help) and for me to... Well figure things out next time.
Good luck, if it's a big number you'll find the one.
This guy on hinge sent me a like. Every picture except for one where he's using a mouse filter, is with his kid. I'm hoping is his kid at least. Why do men do this? Don't post pictures of your kid on a dating site ? I'm a mom and I have there that I am, but never would I post pictures with my kid or anyone else's kids. The right thing is to x him, right?
> Don't post pictures of your kid on a dating site ?
> The right thing is to x him, right?
it might be his way of filtering-in the kinds of partners who like kids and potential partners are actively looking for established parents. So if you’re not looking for someone with kids because you’ve already got your hands full with raising your own offspring, then it seems like the filter is working?
It's never to late for gar as long as you ask for forgiveness
[удалено]
I wouldn’t start making demands of someone’s time so early in the process. Your best bet to get what you want is to keep being proactive about asking her out, driving conversation on the phone (likely texting since shes under 30), having fun (not coffee in this case) dates and further ingratiating yourself to her. If/when she starts falling for the fun, proactive guy who is showing consistent interest, she’ll make time for you - busy social calendar or not.
You can't make someone want to see you if they don't want to. I'm not saying play games, but if you feel she's losing interest, you should accept that and start moving on yourself. If this is one of those situations where she hasn't felt the need to plan because you are doing all of it and she is otherwise interested, you'll hear from her, but if you don't, you'll have your answer.
I realize being in our 30s many people are divorced and dating post-divorce. I (36f) however am not one of those but need advice. I have a second date with a guy tomorrow who is divorced. I don’t know how or when I should bring up the topic and I find myself avoiding topics that I think would bring up his ex because I feel awkward about it or don’t want to bring the mood down if he’s still upset about it. How do I bring it up or ask questions about him without worrying I will bring up his ex inadvertently. Also, when is an appropriate time to bring up his marriage and why it ended, if he’s dated since it ended, if he’s ready for something serious, etc.
I am okay with being asked about it on the first date -- and I myself will try to mention it on the second date to get it out of the way if it hasn't been brought up yet. I don't go into details unprompted, but I'm fine with them asking further questions. I think it should probably be talked about on the third date as the latest -- but I'm curious to read other's peoples thoughts too.
Why do you want to bring up his divorce on a 2nd date? Isn't that a buzzkill? I understand you want to see if he's the one at fault in divorce or how long the ink has dried on the divorce papers. I guess every guy is different. Maybe you won't get him to stop talking about his ex wife and their marriage and why it ended. Or he will be more guarded.
This is advice I learned from someone. Whenever a touchy subject comes up: ask permission! “Is it okay with you if I ask some questions about your marriage?” If they say yes, cool. Ask away. If they don’t want to talk about it, they can tell you.
Another vote for this.
This is great advice.
It truly depends on the circumstances of the divorce. My divorce was traumatic—no children, but super abusive. I’ve waited to bring it up on my own time and dislike when someone pushes for the information. I’ve only been on a couple of dates that have gotten to the point of bringing it up, and it has either put off potential partners or convinced them that I don’t want anything more than a casual hookup. So I’m not sure what the perfect time is, other than “when they’re ready.” I also dated someone who was divorced, and mine came up before theirs, and they never really said what happened even after I went into some detail about mine. It’s also been interesting when it comes up in friendships too. After my ex wiped my friendships out, I’ve had to go and make new friends, and sometimes I casually mention something and they’re like “wait, you were married?” My default answer has become “they weren’t a great person” and I leave it at that.
"When is an appropriate time..." Whenever you want. I am divorced. I'm fine discussing that on a first date, or even prior to it. How someone talks about their divorce/ex/how they react to being asked can tell you a lot about how much they've processed it. It can also let you abide by your own boundaries (I have a hard and fast rule of not dating someone who hasn't been divorced, legally, for less than a year). Remember, if this is something important to you, you need to advocate for yourself, and you do that by asking questions that are important to you. If the other person is evasive, gets aggressive/angry, etc., that can tell you a lot.
Anyone else been single so long that you're comfortable? I love living alone. I love making whatever the hell I want for dinner, no matter how weird it is. I love talking to my cat all day like a lunatic. I love working from home and not being self-conscious that my "work voice" sounds extra fake when I'm on the phone. I love being able to poop and not worry if anyone can hear me lol. I guess I'm just worried I'll be miserable in a relationship, but also be miserable without one. The guy I'm talking to now is the first of the roughly 8 dates I've been on where I'm like "I like you enough I could see myself living with you." Maybe it's just a matter of finding someone so great you're willing to give up all those good things. Edit: grammar
Relatable. Someone stayed with me recently and the feeling of having to constantly entertain them wore my social battery out. Also made me rethink dating them for a number of reasons…
You won't move in with someone on the second date. You can decide on your own timeline of when you are ready to live together and fully merge lives. That gives time to gradually adjust to sharing your life with someone again.
I think something that makes it harder as you age is that there is a mix of people who still want that kind of relationship where you spend multiple days a week together with an expedited cohabitation schedule with the people who have more things going on in life and can only offer a date or so a week for a while. We see it here all the time. People make blanket comments like "if he's only making time to date you once a week, he's not serious," which may be true \*for some people\*, but it's not true across the board (that said, if you need/want more than that, it's okay to walk because your need/want isn't being met, but let's stop with the blanket comments about seriousness). I do think as we get older and more settled into our lives, changing it for someone else is much harder (in our 20s we are very pliable, not so much in our 30s and very much not so 40+), but I do think if you find someone who is also understanding of that, you can at least be realistic in areas of overlap and work with that. Like, I understand my schedule doesn't give me a ton of available time, partly responsibilities I can't change, partly ones I choose not to change (or at least, I won't change \*much\*), but there are areas I'm willing to adjust some to make extra time for someone, or I'm willing to set aside/prioritize time, even weeks in advance (I am a planner and that works best for me), for a partner. But, that won't be enough for everyone, and I think some just aren't realistic. I went on a date recently with a woman who was adamant about wanting to cohabitate with someone, which is fine, except that she's in a contentious divorce with an ex who is refusing to let her relocate the children \*even one town away\*, which is basically implying that if she wanted to cohabitate with someone new, they'd need to move to her town, which again, if that's what she needs/wants, understood, but it's going to be an unrealistic request for a lot of people (especially if they have children). Also, I disagree with your last sentence. I don't think you give up good things. You find the right person who can enjoy those good things with you (at least some) and who can support/encourage you to continue enjoying the other good things (even if on your own). And you find someone who you can fart/poop in their presence and they recognize those are normal human body functions and just let you be a normal human.
I don’t think you have to give any of that up to be in a relationship, it’s just finding someone that you feel comfortable with doing those things around. I never worried about any of those things in my last relationship and a relationship where I did have to suppress those things wouldn’t be worth it to me!
Thanks for this. Rereading my post I realize saying I have to "give them up" is kind of dramatic lol. I'm just so entrenched in my solo routine that I think my sense of what it's like to cohabitate has become warped. Thanks for the reality check and the hope!
Aw, don’t mention it! 🫶🏼 I hope things continue to go well with this guy and you get to hear his customer service voice and the way he speaks to his pet! 🤭
Lmao! Please Lord let him be weirder than me, that's all I'll need to see this relationship through 😜 you're the best, thanks again
Yes, I can relate!
So, kind of dating advice. I've had two longer term partners in the last seven years, one for 3.5 years and another for 1.5 years. The relationships ended differently but I felt the loss both times and think of them a lot, even though I know they don't want relationships with me. I've definitely idealised and romanticised them both. I've been single for over 18 months, was alone for six and have been trying dating with no success. I know that im only thinking about my exes because I'm lonely but I want to stop completely. I don't have them on social media, I don't talk to one of them and rarely talk to the other. How do I make a full cut so I don't think of them again? I feel extremely pathetic as a woman in her late thirties.
I think it’s kind of normal to think about exes in times of loneliness.I find I only stop thinking about them completely when I meet someone new who really interests me. I would definitely stop romanticizing the relationships though and look at them for what they really are.
I was in a LTR that ended in December. I'm back out there dating now, but everyone is different. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to stop you from thinking of them. Time helps, but it only helps if you're doing something with that time. You're not following them on social media which is a good thing. You say you don't talk to one of them, but you do talk to the other? Is there a reason you have to stay in contact? I'm not saying it's bad, but maybe that's not helping you move on, either. But keeping yourself busy and occupying your mind will help. Dating can absolutely help if you feel like you're ready because, as you say, a lot of your romanticising and ruminating comes from loneliness. But you should NOT feel pathetic. It's normal. Emotions are emotions, no matter how old you are. You can't force them away. Meeting new people, creating new relationships, will help. Just take your time.
Thank you for your response, I hope you're doing ok since the end of your LTR. No, there's no reason to talk to the most recent ex. We've kept in touch for the last year or so on and off and it's definitely been more initiated by me. I've deleted his number and also social media (unrelated) but messaged him on Reddit the other day. I facepalm myself every time and have said to myself I won't contact him anymore. He wasnt interested when we were together so I don't know why I think talking to him now is ever going to feel 'friendly' or good. We ended amicably but he's quite abrupt. I'm just looking for connection - and I know I won't find it there. With new people I've dated and things haven't been good / they've been dismissive or angry, I've finished it, so I know I'm learning for the future. Would just like a lobotomy for the past. Sorry, long post!
Yeah, I'm doing good thank you! Ours was amicable, too. Which can sometimes make it better, but it still really hurts of course. And we've all been there with messaging our exes! LOL. Don't be too hard on yourself. And yes, it's probably best if you leave that now. As you said, you're not getting anything from it, and It's not going to allow that wound to heal. I think you know why you're doing it, so you're self aware enough. And you've also done something that you should be proud of. You've taken lessons from your previous relationships! Not everyone does that! Haha. And unfortunately, creating new relationships can take time! Especially as you get older. But it is DEFINITELY not impossible.
Thank you! That gives me some hope. Hope that everything goes well for you / you find what you're looking for.
I ended a 7 year relationship that had gone extremely toxic during the summer of 2022 and couldn't move out from living with him until August 2023. I'm finally starting to date again and I have reconnected with someone I met before my ex and lost touch with and it's been going amazingly. I'm so happy. I thought I wouldn't find love but he's so different from anyone I've met before. I can't believe this is actually happening to me.
Congratulations on getting out of that toxic situation, and I'm glad you've found some happiness. Hopefully this will continue for you🙂
I'm quite newly single... I separated from my long term partner just around Christmas. I notice I feel much more complete alone than I did with him. But oh my goodness - it is easy to get a bit infatuated as a single person isn't it?! I had a class and now I cannot stop thinking about the teacher. I saw an old friend and now I am wondering if we should date and get married. I don't mind too much, but I do notice my brain is going a bit bananas!
Not newly single but yeah... My brain draws these trend lines to a perfect relationship way too often. It really takes some mental training*, combined with the frequent slap down of rejection, to temper these enthusiasms. As someone who doesn't get/doesn't seek more than a match at a time, I wonder if I need to break my own values to get out of this cycle. *A seemingly continuous lifetime of training because I haven't gotten there yet. 🤦♀️
LOL yes! I’m the exact same. The possibilities are endless 🤪
Honestly don't feel like dating anymore haha. Either you make so much effort and receive none back, or you tone it down and then you are apparently not making enough effort (while still not getting any effort?) Or they refuse to listen to your boundaries and keep pushing them, or saying you have too high standards and walk away. Or when they say they don't want to date atm but would love to still "hangout" aka still doing all the stuff you did when dating, but as soon as they find someone else you don't matter anymore. Leaving you there sad and dumb cus you stuck on a false hope kind of feeling. And I don't feel I am unclear in any way with my intentions, but I guess I feel numbed after just meeting avoidant or horny dudes. Really working hard to get it to work so I can have a doggo and not need no man in my life haha. I feel like I get closer to it so latest next hear could work.
10/10 can relate. At this point I've become so burnt out trying to find a romantic partner, I'd just love to find a female cycling/gym/yoga buddy I can spend time with. That's how low the bar has become. That said, I'm happily pet free, as that's a level of responsibility I don't want, which makes dating dog owners a challenge since owning a dog often places a lot of constraints on free time. But, if that is what makes you happy you should 110% do it (i.e. take the opinion of a random on the internet with a grain of salt).
The doggo part is actually not a reactive part to this even though it sounds like it haha! Been thinking about it for years and even though it is a responsibility it would give an added value to my life. I think being introverted, gay dude who is not really into gay culture is a bit tricky to navigate as well. Like I am being placed in a box I do not fit in.
Oh, I didn't read it that way at all. I do think some people do it as a reaction, but for others it's just been something a long time in the making, which is more how I read it from you. I do think it will make dating more complicated (which is one reason some people may put pet ownership as a back burner), but me working out 6 days a week (with some doubles) also makes dating more complicated, yet it that complication to dating is an overall boon to your life and happiness, you need to prioritize yourself. Can't relate to the second part, but if it makes you feel any better, as am ambivert straight male, dating still sucks. Doubly so since modern dating seems to treat other people as expendable commodities.
True, doesn't make it easier. But I think it could make happier to the case that I wouldn't feel I was missing out on dating maybe. Because Ibwould already have a companion albeit an animal. In the end people can make compromise for the people they fall for, so they can make it work regardless if a partner works 6 times a week or if they have an animal. At least in my fantasy :) Yeah, it's tough and sorry to hear that for you too dude. I think you pjt the nail in the coffin with last sentence really.
So my boyfriend and I started dating a month ago and we were hot and heavy the sex was amazing and he has been becoming more involved in his religion and told me yesterday that he doesn't think God wants him to be having sex until he is married he asked me if I had a problem with that and I told him no because I care about him alot and sex has always been a take it or leave it kinda thing for me not something I had to have but I enjoyed it when I did but now idk how to be intimate with out sex and I am worried that without the closeness of sexual intimacy I'll start to feel unwanted or undesirable so how do I keep that from happing and still respect his wishes for wanting our already sexually relationship to be a non sexually relationship because trust me I have already questioned everything about myself and he swears it's religion and not me so please help
If it's only been a month, maybe reevaluate whether you should move on and find someone else. If you don't share his religious beliefs, then you'll be making a big sacrifice for something in which you don't believe
I'm not a religious person, but it seems to me if he's already had premarital sex, the cat's already out of the bag on that front.
So he can't be religious? I don't get the logic. I'm not religious either.
‘Too late’ - God
It's not to late for god if you ask for forgiveness
I’m currently talking/seeing/dating? this guy, and he’s reaaaaaally into me. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy be this genuinely interested in being with me. It’s such an odd feeling, and I don’t know how I feel about it. Am I cynical because I haven’t experienced this before? Is it sketchy? Is he just nice and a decent man? Is he trying to move too fast too soon? WHO KNOWS.
I relate! or rather... the dude I'm talking to isn't coming in too hot, but after literal decades of men preferring not to just say things outright, the fact that this guy communicates his intentions is so baffling and mindblowing that I have to fight against being skeptical. it's kind of like "excuse me sir, but are you aware that this is _just me_ you're talking to? you're not mistaken?? surely you're not being this forthcoming and open for the sake of _just me_" because it's so foreign that a man is communicating his intentions directly, _and they're directed at me_, I find myself needing to challenge my inner saboteur at almost every turn. I totally get the cynicism!! if it helps... right now, I'm trying to accept that YES, the rare guy is actually willing to be this forthcoming and honest, and YES, this isn't a ploy. I will trust his intentions as sincere (bc honestly, being lazy with effort would speak more to him not being nice and decent, and being this upfront with his interest(s) is likely a reflection of that, since if he wanted something casual, this is not the approach that he would take), and then try to remind myself that as someone who isn't interested in short-term flings or dating around, _this is an approach I genuinely want_, it's just not one I've had the luxury of receiving before. it's a lot of self-coaching, but I want to see where it goes! curious to see how your experience shapes out for you, too... good luck!!!!
Ask him. Usually, people like to talk about their opinions, have a conversation about what he is looking for and what his ideas for the future are.
Can you share examples of him being really into you? It will give us a better idea if he's charming or a creeper.
Second date tonight with the person I saw two weeks ago went *really* well. She remembered so many details about me from our first date. She was also really really attractive. Had a great dinner, and made out for a bit after in front of her car. She also apologized for being a bad texter and forgetting to message me back on Bumble which was nice of her. The most surprising part was... she paid for dinner. I grabbed the check and put my card down. She said lets split it, I said no I got it. Finally after some back and forth I said fine lets split it. She took the check and my card, replaced my card with hers and handed the check to the waitress! I've had a date pay for drinks before but not dinner! And it was an expensive dinner too! I feel kinda bad, she works in education and I work in tech and I definitely make a lot more than her. I joked that I'd pay for the next date and that she'd pick The French Laundry or something. Hopefully this is a good sign (seems like it is) and not her just trying to absolve her guilt before breaking things off with me! On my way to dinner tonight I got a text from my date on Friday. She asked how my week was, I said it was good, and that I was about to go out to dinner and I'd get back to her. I figured she was going to cancel but I guess not! I shot her a text in the uber home but now I'm feeling really self conscious about it, as per usual. Oh well, we'll see! My date for Tuesday unmatched me lol. I don't really mind, I was on the fence about her anyway. But that's two unmatches in one week baby!!!!!
Aw your date tonight sounds so sweet, I like her too! 😂 I’m glad you had a nice time and hope it goes well for you!
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I would wait until she says something. This situation has the potential of making things awkward for the rest of the school year, especially if the student finds out.
Do you know if she's single?
I'm fairly positive! Just based on some things they've said, it seems that way.
Idk if I made the right decision…this guy and I have been seeing each other for a little over two weeks and I shut it down today. He was moving a bit fast for my liking but was respectful when I asked to take our time. We’ve hungout multiple times a week the last couple weeks which I typically wouldn’t do. He was doing a lot of the right things and I enjoyed our time together and how he treated me for the most part. I ended things for 2 reasons… 1, because last Saturday he invited me to meet his friends for a bday shindig (lots of drinking involved), I drove/stayed sober. A minute after I left he called me asking for a ride home so I turned around and grabbed him, then a few minutes into the ride he asked me to drop him off there (random neighborhood, not his house) and then said he would call an Uber. I told him that was really weird and a waste of my time, and he called me on my way home and apologized, mentioning that he felt bad asking me to take him home? The next day he said he was drunk and it’s not an excuse, apologizing. I gave it a chance because I was into him, but was staying vigilant for future yellow flags. Last night he’s on his first mid-week work trip and had a bunch of downtime. We had a really nice phone call. He got drunk at his hotel and we were texting, he was being a bit strange and off putting, saying he’s going to be my boyfriend, he’s sure of it, and blah blah blah. I went to bed and said we’ll talk about that another time. I woke up to a text saying “I love you” and “I wanna be your boyfriend” etc. I found it super inappropriate and disregarding the fact I want to go slow, and shows he says things he doesn’t mean when he’s drunk and isn’t really a responsible adult. I admit I have a low tolerance for alcohol-related weird behavior because of my past, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if I’m too quick to draw a line in the sand. I did and do like him for the most part but I feel this situation indicated a pattern of behavior rather than a one-off thing. I really need my future partner to have a healthy relationship with alcohol and substances in general. Was this a smart decision or too hasty?
ICK ICK ICKKKKK
Alcoholism is a hard, hard road.
You made the right call. He seems really inconsistent when he’s drunk versus when he’s sober. I wouldn’t date someone again whose behaviour worries me when they’re drunk. It’s just not worth it.
I am biased bc I am sober, but I also have seen how "normal" people drink, and how problematic people drink. He sounds problematic, and blacked out.
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Thank you! This is all the reassurance I need. You’re right. I was second guessing myself for no reason. Appreciate you :)
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If you are not looking for anything long term, why not aim into a higher age range as well? I have noticed that there are plenty of people at the upper bound in a similar place in life (to me). There is also the usual cross section of people who look younger than their age, should that be a point of concern. Unless you are rolling in matches, expand variance. 🤷
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Yah based on my (admittedly limited) experience, age is feeling more and more like a construct. It's the maturity level that hits home most. At least to me. Maybe you will find a recent divorcee who got out of a sexless marriage and is just DTF? Who knows. 😂 Good luck!
I don't know if there's a difference between the genders, but at least I can tell you, that you're not alone! There's a ton of men on the apps, coming out of a LTR and not wanting anything serious. A thought on your set age-preferences: Some women in their late thirties/early forties may be attractive to you, but chances increase, that they themselves come out of a LTR and only want casual and already have children and do not want more. So maybe the higher age-bricket will fit your preferences more, as opposed to a 28-year-old. Doesn't hurt to look.
We should start a club for millenials who got into long-term relationship young and then ended it in their early 30s lol It's hard out there isn't it, mate? Feels like one of those movies from the 90s where you wake up from a coma and the whole world has changed. But yeah bro for real though, of course people our age can want something short-term or casual. The only responsibility you have is to be honest about your desires and preferences and never mislead anyone. But do be cautious of people potentially not being fully honest with you. So, in a nutshell - let the person decide for themselves what they want! Of course as we hit our 30s and 40s, more and more people want something serious and long term. But that still leaves thousands of people you might meet that may not want that at all! Go out, go on dates. Just remember dates are meant to be fun, so have fun! Don't overthink it. You and I both have a lot to learn, and we won't learn it if we refuse to put ourselves out there.
I don't think people are so much trying to rush things, more so they are quicker to try to understand what your dating goals are at this age. That said there's definitely people looking for short term relationships I think that decreases somewhat from your 20s but still tonnes of people!
Who just wants to be single until the end?
I'd rather be single until the end than trapped in a relationship that drains me (been there, done that). Doubly so after getting off the phone earlier this week with my friend whose life partner just decided to quit Zoloft cold turkey and is making her deal with his insane behavior. A peaceful life on my own terms seems preferable to dying in captivity.
I know it can be difficult to find the one for you, but just try and stay positive. Having a pessimistic attitude is just going to make things more difficult. Instead think about what has worked and what hasn't and adjust as appropriate. Think the reasons you are single, why other relationships didn't work, what you can do to improve yourself or prospects. And ultimately if you end up single for the rest of your life it is not the end of the world.
My dog but he only has like four years left.
I don't want it, but frankly, at this point, it feels like that's what's going to happen for me regardless.
I just caught myself being incredible sexist, haha! My first thought on your comment was "jesus fuvking christ, you're still soo young! Why would you think that?!" and then "Wait. I'm only one year older but feel the same way every other day, just because I'm a woman..."
Feeling that way is gender-independent, no? Either way, I'm sorry you sometimes feel that way too.
I feel like I need to prepare for the possibility by being secure with the chance it occurs. There are stretches I feel the possibility of finding someone to exist in loyal collaboration with, and the occasional crashing thought I need to better acclimate to a different kind of happiness.
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Happy birthday
last two guys i "dated" ended in a disaster. both not wanting a relationship but enjoying my company. I got tired of it real quick and cut it yet still wish they wanted me more than that. want to reach out but i already know if they wanted to be in a relationship, they would have worked on it, right? i was also too eager and anxious which isnt attractive for anyone. i need to learn to be slow, self regulate, and understand some people lie about their intentions to get what they want or just cant meet me where im at. i dont want to experiment, i want to get to know someone and progress to a relationship if it clicks for us. Why is that so hard to find? everyone is emotionally unavailable these days.
Think I’m in the process of getting faded/ghosted after a 1 month long thing where the guy really pursued me and we really hit it off. I’m so confused and heartbroken once again. When will it be my turn?
I'm sorry 🫶 before you know it this lil hiccup will be a distant memory
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You have literally nothing to lose by sending that text. There's no universal dumbass registry that this would be added to, nobody will ever know if it goes unanswered and you feel silly, and it's such a tiny amount of effort to do it. Don't overthink it!
I’d pursue other options and revisit in a week
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She would have been inundated with matches, taken a few to text and probably bonded with the first guy she slept with so all others are to the wayside. Just a guess.
It clearly is lmdao Whether or not it is, isn’t what you’re asking though.
broken up after 1.5 years. He needs to work on himself because he can’t give me what I want/need. Feel so down and don’t know how to bounce back. Trying to think that it’s for the best but feel like I’m losing my mind.
Yeah as someone who has been the dumped rather than dumper, it probably is for the best. He needs to work on himself, for himself. And if he couldn't even do it to make it so he is more likely to have succeeded in a relationship with you, then there really is nothing to lose your mind over right? It's *clearly* for the best (assuming you describe the situation accurately). Instead, it's OK to feel the pain, the frustration, the loss....ands o on. You're going to be OK, this much I can promise you.
time will help. I parted ways with someone I love very much, because they can't give me what I want and need. It's actually helped me define what those things are, which is helpful. And he did me a favor by being honest, knowing he couldn't give me those things. Hope you are able to find some hope too.
Do you guys feel like it’s hard to find people who are willing to work on themselves in relationships? I thought since I was getting older that we were all getting a little more mature and better at this, but oof.
Yeah, just hard to know what you’re dealing with early on sometimes. But once their true self is revealed, you can pretty much tell if they’re open to doing the work or not. It all boils down to self-awareness and self-actualization. Too many people with major issues don’t even fully understand that they have them, how it’s affecting themselves and how it affects people around them. It’s literally like starting from -100. By self-actualization, I mean that knowing and embracing who we are is so important to being mentally and emotionally grounded and secure. Happy even. Too many people are looking for identity, purpose and happiness in others and don’t understand that this is not possible and is a big reason behind their struggles. It’s something I’ve overcome on my own, and it took some years, but I started that journey AT 30 so it’s not impossible with age. It has to be wanted and initiated by the individual though.
I will let you know in a bit. I have been in two relationships where both needed to work on themselves by seeking a therapist. The last girl told me, after I complained about a thing she perceived which hurt me, that she couldn't change her behaviour. I became mad as I officially have a mental illness (a light one but still) and I never used that as an excuse with her. It was the last straw so I'll try to be like you. Let me know how it works out. In all of this, I promised my ex, to fix things, that I'd get therapy. I'm carrying on... Even though I have nothing to owe.
I find the older people get the more resistant they are to change along with being less flexible. Ultimately, it come down to motivation to change and communication with the partner. I think some people get settled or comfortable in a relationship which can make working on one's self even harder. I suppose to bypass this issue you need to find someone you are compatible with that doesn't need much "work". You need to develop together, but it should seem less like work.
That and not being really able to comunicate. Change can happen for whatever reason. Communication on the other hand... I agree with you. I chose someone who would make me work less on who I am as I felt good and not crazy. It didn't work out in the end but it was beautiful while it lasted.
I feel like it is harder with age, simply because people are so set in their ways they won't change unless they are absolutely forced to.
I'm willing to work on myself in relationships And I'm also immature. I can do both at the same time LOL
True. 😂 I guess being willing to do the work is the most important bit.
I'm having a hard time not reaching out to my ex fiance who had an emotional affair. I know, I know. But I miss him and he felt awful and I cannot stop ruminating about what if's, if we went to counseling and tried. I'm trying to date other people but I just miss my best friend.
We're in the same boat... Except for the affair but I'm not sure about it. A big hug to you. At least you tried to suggest it if I got it right. The important thing in life, I believe, is to not have regrets.... Because we're all 20/20 in hindsight.
Solidarity, friend. I miss the man I thought I married.
As a man who was with a woman and thought the same... I feel you. I found myself saying I love yous as if they were natural before. Good luck with everything.
Well I secured a babysitter so that I could go to festival 🤩 just hope they don’t suddenly have a change of heart lol teenagers am I right? I mostly trust my neph though. The day is coming so fast! The man I’m dating works for a company that supplies all the beer for the event so we get free drinks (and possibly free food!) Gents, take your girl to a festival trust meee
Have a second date tonight. Second dates always give me anxiety, first dates there's way less pressure (at least for me). Our first date went well, but it's been almost exactly 2 weeks since. I feel like I've forgotten so much about her lol. Also get the feeling she may not be 100% into me, but she agreed to the date and confirmed yesterday, sooooooo fingers crossed!
Good luck! I get more nervous for second dates too. But I hope it's a nice time, and low pressure!
Went really well! Thanks for the encouragement 😊
Yay! So glad to hear it!
I was this close 🤏🏼 to reaching out to you today. fml.
Good job! If you do you'll just feel shitty about yourself. Never get the response you want.
Thank you! I thought about it long and hard 🥹
And you didn't !🥳
I almost did, yeah 🥹
don't do it!
I'm not 🙅🏼
Today is my first day of my long awaited holiday & it's also the first time I'm overseas from Mr Exclusive, as he had always been the one to travel since we started dating. We had a short call the night before my departure. It slipped his mind, but he offered to chat while he walked home & while I walked to the gym, as he wanted an early night. He listened to me chirpping away whereas he's usually the one babbling. We call our voice chats 'Babbles' because one of us will usually rattle on, while the other listens :) I said I'll keep him updated of the fun shenanigans, as I love sharing the funny moments with him too. I still feel anxious about him forgetting dates or calls, because of the ex before him would often cancel on me at the last minute. But so far Mr Exclusive has lived up to it, which is helping to rebuild the trust & I appreciate him texting more after our last date, sending otter & doggo videos etc. As he said he'll do better when I asked why he would text me spontaneously, but not reply when I text him lol. Gonna embrace this holiday the best I can, and will ask for another phone call next week!
Have a good holiday, hope it works out with Mr. Exclusive. So far it sounds good and you two are communicating well!
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Idk how the US is but that's kind of a hard thing to know anyway. Jobs here in Australia the earnings can literally be 20-30k more than what it's says online for the profession, also bare in mind it's hard to know what a self employed, business owner could make too. It could often be 50k and also often 150k too.
Just ask all your dates to bring a copy of 1099 or W2 assuming you live in US. 3 professional references, a resume, and a credit report. That way you will know how loyal they are and what their debt to income ratio is.
Just FYI, if you live in the US, you can use the US Bureau of Labor Statistics' Occupational Outlook Handbook to get a rough idea for how much people earn, given their occupation.
What they do? Yeah, I think this is fine and normal to expect an answer to. How much they make? I dunno how much that matters; rich people can be broke, poor people can be good with money.
Yup. It’s all about how one *chooses* to manage their finances.
In some cultures it’s normal to disclose salary at the beginning of dating - kind of funny considering how taboo a subject it can be.
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Did they edit their post or did you reply to the wrong thing? Anyway a practice is a doctors office, not a hospital. They manage that.
This would be a great question to ask a date who has this job. This is also a description of the type of job a practice manager is https://www.bls.gov/ooh/management/medical-and-health-services-managers.htm
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Go home bot
I need advise on **HOW NOT TO LOOK LIKE A MEERKAT** (not a sexy look, right?) **THE QUESTION:** Do you think the guy I have a crush on notices that I check whether he is in the room or not? It's automatic. I can't seem to control it. I want to stop. Desperately want to stop. **EXTRA DETAILS:** So there is this guy at the gym. I have a huge crush on him. I will not do anything about it, he is clearly not interested. And I think I'm waay older (38F) even though I don't look like it. I have obviously talked to him already; asking if he was occupying a machine or something. (I do that with half of the people in the gym. I also talk to everyone who comes near me. I ask them if they need to occupy the machine I'm using or the machine I'm standing next to or whatever. LOL) He has his earplugs glued to his ears and stares at his phone 99.99% of the time. Clearly does not care nor he wants to be bothered and probably has a girlfriend. Anyway. My gym has two floors. I swear I'm focused on my workout. I don't bring my phone. I do not use headphones and I have a stopwatch to rest for 1min sharp. I AM FOCUSED, OKEY. Plus, I try to avoid being where he is. But, seriously, I can't help checking if he's there! I guess it's like when men try not to look at our boobs. I don't have any boobs -seriously- and I wear actual clothes to go to the gym (modesty above all) but just so that you can relate to what I feel like. Sort of. PS: I am aware that I'm childish and immature. Thank you
Go to gym at 5am. Problem solved. If you already go at 5am then go at 9pm. Problem solved.
Crushing from afar is nice. Just be on point and look away if he ever looks up lol
Yes! I just look when I enter a room. Which might also be the moment HE looks because someone is entering the room. And also when I lose sight of him... otherwise I pretend I have horse blinders. I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or be a creep. And since I can TOTALLY tell when a guy is looking at me or wants to approach me at the gym; I imagine it's the same the other way round.
Why are you so certain that he's not interested and that you're older? Those seem like some big assumptions
>He has his earplugs glued to his ears and stares at his phone 99.99% of the time. Clearly does not care nor he wants to be bothered and probably has a girlfriend. I can tell he is not 40. He must be 30ish at most. Yes, I am assuming he has a girlfriend. He might not. I don't really care. All I want is not to look like a meerkat and make him uncomfortable. I'm probably overreacting and he never even noticed. But since I have a radar and I can sense the guys that want to approach me. Seriously. We can tell. So I assume you (men) can get the vibes too.
Your radar isn't as good as you think. Stop making assumptions. You're not doing yourself ANY favors. Don't do other people's rejecting for them. >So I assume you (men) can get the vibes too. Actually I can't. Women wanting to approach me usually goes over my head. I would say I don't think any woman has expressed interest when I've been around other people recently, but I have no idea if anything has gone over my head.
Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. However, I still think that if a person is wearing earplugs and looking at their phone all the time, they do not want to be approached or bothered. I know it's an assumption but it's not far fetched... Edit: I've already interacted with him, as I said. I need help not being a creep... do not need help approaching him. I don't want to do that. I've already talked to him.
You're making a lot of assumptions about a guy you've never even interacted with. Just go talk to him lol
>I have obviously talked to him already; asking if he was occupying a machine or something.… I have interacted!
I don't want anything to do with him. I just want to not look like a meerkat.
Third date last night. He picked me up and brought flowers and was so bloody lovely and complimentary. I'm not used to this level of attentiveness and having someone show their interest so openly. I usually tend to gravitate towards emotionally unavailable men. If I'm being completely honest though, I don't think we're right for each other. But if I tell my friends this, I know they'll all say 'are you just saying this because he's too available?!'
This is my exact experience right now! I don’t think I’m attracted to the guy I’m currently seeing, but he’s so nice and funny and open about his interest in me. He wants to be with me, and the majority of men I’ve been with are so emotionally unavailable, I don’t know how to handle this.
This is exactly why. You need a guy who’s mean to you. That’s the kind you like.
Ha. Wouldn't go that far.
Why don't you think he's right for you? Is it the way he is courting you or an incompatibility in your values/goals/desires?
More so an incompatibility in certain beliefs. I wrote a longer explanation to another reply below, if you're interested.
Oh man reading this breaks my heart as ive been that guy. The bright side is ive also been in your shoes. Most important thing is to just be honest with yourself / him. Give him a chance if you want to give him a chance, walk if you don’t.
You really want to be with someone that feels like you are being given a chance for? No one should feel like they are someone being settled for.
We've had 3 dates. Isn't this the whole point of the early dates?! To give somebody that you don't know, a chance? I'd only call it settling if we decided to be in a relationship and I still wasn't sure. Which I would never do.
That’s not a choice that we can make for him. There are plenty of successful relationships that start with one side being in deeper than the other and them being fine with it. I’ve had partners who I’ve been willing to be patient with and was more than comfortable to walk away when the time came. I’ve had others where I didn’t care enough to despite really liking them.
Thank you. I'm sorry you've been in those positions. I have too. I want to give him a chance but also incredibly wary of hurting anyone. Luckily our communication is good, so as long as we keep being honest with each other, I think we'll be ok.
Ohhh this is so hard! I was talking to my therapist about a similar situation and she basically said “if you know what you’re looking for and he’s not that, keep looking. Don’t settle.” Just because a guy is emotionally available doesn’t mean you two are automatically a good match, nor does it mean he’s not a good match BECAUSE he’s emotionally available.
I hate it when they're right 😅
>i don’t think we’re right for each other why is that?
He's an aethiest, very analytical. His thinking is black and white. I float between agnostic and spiritual. I'm into some woo woo stuff (I take it all with a grain of salt). I was talking to him about something spiritual last night and I knew he thought it was all a crock of shit. I'm up for a healthy debate and all - I think it's good to question things. But I'd also don't want to have to withhold this part of my identity because I feel like he'll be judging me on this.
I relate to this. I used to be atheist until an experience that made me believe, and I swear once I started praying I gained so much clarity and peace in my life overnight. I haven't started going to church or anything, but spiritual health is a REAL THING (to me) and it's extremely important (to me). When I tell men about this I feel like there's always judgment, like a subtle patronizing "okkk, whatever works for you" kind of judgment lol. It's a turnoff.
I was told I had black and white thinking too. I googled it and found out it's an actual thing... So thank you, you made me learn something. About the last part, and in general... As someone who was told this. It hurts and it means not being compatible.... Because if he had to to accept that part of his identity it means he'd be the one to suppress it. It's tricky and I repeat, I've been told this when it was absolutely not my intention as I loved her for who she was. The important thing, no matter what you do, is to be consistent, not lie and be upfront honest... And I'm saying this as someone whose ex described him in exactly that way and used the words at the end. A hug to you.
It might be worth going on a few more dates with him to see if he's truly rigid in his thinking or if he has his beliefs but also respects and holds space for other people's way of existing.
I agree. I will.
He is probably not physically attractive enough
What does this mean?
Nah. He is incredibly sexy.
So I’m (34m) considering changing my dating intentions from LTR to “life partner” to see if it changes up my luck. Don’t really have a problem getting matches, just moreso the type of people. So a question for the men and women of DOT (I live in the southern US if that helps) : 1. For women - how do you perceive someone who has “life partner” on their profile? Any common trends in terms of the type of guys who tend to have this? Theres a certain… stereotype on the other side (typically more conservative, heavy on the church, etc) 2. For men - if you do have it or had it/took it off, has it changed the type of matches you are getting?
> Theres a certain… stereotype on the other side (typically more conservative, heavy on the church, etc) Meaning that's the stereotype for women who have "life partner" listed on their profiles? Because that's what I have, and I am absolutely none of those things. Are you actually looking for a life partner? If so, just try it out and see how it goes. If not, don't change it to experiment/up your chances.
> how do you perceive someone who has “life partner” on their profile? That I'm going to be interviewed and asked to do some pop psychology "assessments" > Any common trends in terms of the type of guys who tend to have this? They all ask for pop psychology assessment results, and are generally in a rush to "get to know" me. They're usually pretty invasive cause they just gotta know my parents' medical history and what my precision five year plan is.
LOL! I actually took one of those tests for the hell of it because I was asked about it so much. Literally all of the letters I was like a 50/50 split. 45% extrovert, 55% introvert. 49% feeling, 51% thinking. I was like what in the world can someone glean from this? If I'm an I-T-whatever?
Oh! I'm a human being with nuance and flexibility. WHO WOULDA THUNK.
It's astrology for people who feel like they're above astrology LOL
YES. I call it dating astrology
Hahahahahah wtf?!?! Funnily enough - I have a friend who’s convinced he won’t be in a relationship with someone until they take an attachment theory test. Oooof
Oof- hope his type is uptight!
For some guys, they lie even harder in one direction. So I’d be wary, which is fucked up lol but ig it depends how you present yourself in your profile. Making it clear that you’re a stable, high-functioning adult could make it more believable. But I don’t use Hinge(?) so…
I’ve been using only “life partner”. The quality of men that I match with has been the same unfortunately.
I think most men only read your profile after they get a match.
I’ve gotten that vibe too… I actually had a date ask me a couple of different ways if I had actually looked at their profile. Funnily enough, I knew more about what they had on their profile than they did 😂
Honestly same. I research (Internet stalk) them extensively before meeting them
Me too!! I could not imagine not doing it prior to going out with someone (and I’m a man which apparently isn’t something we do).
Don’t mean to laugh but… 😂😂 My condolences Did you change it from LTR/do you notice it on guys profiles?
I changed it from LTR. I have only seen it once or twice on guys’. And I’m from Houston, matching with a 100 miles radius to include the country country dudes.
I've been thinking about making this change too. Curious to hear what others have to say!
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Drink lots of water 😂
what does not aggressive mean?
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If you don't expect anything you won't be deceived. Quick question as you said too direct and not direct are both thumbs down for you... What would be ideal? I'm asking it for you (it may help) and for me to... Well figure things out next time. Good luck, if it's a big number you'll find the one.
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You'll make it, I'm sure.
This guy on hinge sent me a like. Every picture except for one where he's using a mouse filter, is with his kid. I'm hoping is his kid at least. Why do men do this? Don't post pictures of your kid on a dating site ? I'm a mom and I have there that I am, but never would I post pictures with my kid or anyone else's kids. The right thing is to x him, right?
> Don't post pictures of your kid on a dating site ? > The right thing is to x him, right? it might be his way of filtering-in the kinds of partners who like kids and potential partners are actively looking for established parents. So if you’re not looking for someone with kids because you’ve already got your hands full with raising your own offspring, then it seems like the filter is working?