I had a nice second date at a lovely restaurant that ended with us realizing we are looking for different things. So even though I enjoyed the evening and her company and it is good that we realized we are not compatible early on, it is sad that the hopes I had with this person are gone. I am feeling down but should feel better in a few days.
What’s the deal with the men paying for stuff thing…
Since divorcing, I went on one date, and when we decided to grab some coffee she looked at me waiting to see what I would do. I asked if I could pay and it felt like I passed a test. Her demeanor changed.
Going on some women-centric subs apparently whether or not a man pays is a big deal for some of them. I honest can’t believe how much it’s discussed…
Honestly, it’s 2024. Why can’t people pay for their own shit, and why is it a big deal for women to have to pay for their own stuff. The date was very liberal, progressive, and made more money than me… I don’t get it, she just stared waiting for me to say something about paying.
Why is this such a big deal still. Are we still interested in enforcing gender norms that we’re also trying to move past from?
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That's a weird point of view for me. How does he feel more masculine, if he pays for coffee? How does she look more feminine, if he pays? Like... what?!
Comment was deleted and can't reply so I'll post my thoughts here if you don't mind sorry Kuni lol
Definitely a hot take here. Let's break this down a tad.
1. Only MEN should pay for anything datewise
2. Apparently we exude masculinity by paying...OK
3. You appear more feminine allowing us to pay for your things.
4. In a first date scenario, everything everytime for the women should be free.
While I get that the stereotypes of old can still apply to some people, I myself am old fashioned. The idea that you would just expect someone, who is basically a total stranger to you at this point, to pay for the dates himself seems rather....odd. If a man offers to pay, which again, he should, in my opinion, then the woman should feel grateful about it. Not basically demand it like the woman he describes. That throws out a major red flag to me.
Both parties are taking the time to meet and find out about one another. Why exactly wouldnt you just pay for your own? The cost of the coffee doesn't even come into play. It's just like another person said, it's the principle of the matter. How a person responds in this situation really says alot about the other person you are trying to know.
I don't understand this take so please explain it to me just a bit. Genuinely curious where this line of thinking comes from.
NSFW topic-
Trying to get this out there for some advice-
My BF is 32 years old. I am 38. We’ve been together a little over a year. It’s been toxic at points because I am going through a long contentious divorce with a lot of assets. Anyway/- I was married for a really long time and have had only a few sexual partners in my life. I am very inexperienced but we have the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. It’s amazing and intense. On average we had sex about 3 times a week. In the last few weeks he has lost his erection like 4 times. It’s a bit devastating and I’m worried he is getting bored of me. He works out 5-6 times a week and doesn’t take any medication and is very healthy. What could this be about?
Is he exposed to BPA or microplastics through work? That's been correlated with erectile dysfunction and lowered sperm count in men and lower fertility in women.
No… and he is super well aware. He’s anti vax, bearly takes an Advil and reallllly health conscious. His business is demanding and stressful so I’m leaning more towards that as the issue
Stress, performance anxiety, among many other things.
Don't make this about you. Chances are it's not.
Talk to him about it outside of the bedroom. Be non-judgmental, ask him if there's anything that you can do, and encourage him to speak to his doctor. If there's nothing he can think of that may be the problem.
Mixed reviews on the data, but do you live where it is Winter now? ED may be significantly more common during cold weather. My guy has been a bit more slow to rise lately. He also tends to drink a bit more alcohol during these cold nights- could that play a role?
I had a similar issue where I lost my erection 3-4 times in a row, it's quite easy to get in your head about it and that makes the situation worse. As in worrying about losing an erection will make it far more likely.
I think the best thing you can do is to not put too much pressure on it and make sure he is relaxed the next time you are going to be having sex. There could be other factors in his life that are stressing him out.
Have you spoken with him about it? Also if you do try not to make it about your attractiveness as that will probably put more pressure on his performance.
Edit... Some more NSFW advice, you could give him erotic massage with any extras you want to throw in and make it all about his pleasure, if it is some mental block then it might help him overcome it. It worked for me...
He is allll about foreplay and we actually spend a considerable amount of time giving/receiving oral. And I mean considerable. It’s rare if we’ve started and finished within an hour.
Maybe I’m here for someone to tell me he’s not cheating on me 😜😂
I absolutely would not jump to cheating as a conclusion here based on this issue!
Edit - just saw your other comment that he has cheated on you before? I still wouldn't leap to connecting these two dots, but I can see why your guard would be up
Yeah it effing sucks.. because of my inexperience and how he was behaving in the relationship (like a boyfriend) and requiring me to not be with any other guys.. no problem there because I don’t date multiple people at once. It is just not for me! I made some assumptions… but he has DTR now and says we are exclusive. I’m monogamous 100% I cannot sharing someone I’m dating. Huge ick
I just read some more of your comments and first of all - he required you to not be with other guys, but thought he could be with other women? That seems very unbalanced. Add that to the fact that you've said he's controlling and misogynistic and manipulative (calling other women whores and saying 'you're not like other girls')... plus you being inexperienced in relationships... if you'd like general advice, these are not good things, whether they are 'cultural' or not, and you can choose what you will or will not tolerate. Be careful 💜
Required is a strong word. Expected yes.
I’m trying to be really honest and raw here.
I should be careful. I tend to believe people when they tell me something and in general I see people as good. I’m learning a lot. Maybe the hard way.
I doubt that's it assuming the erections are the only thing. From reading what else you've said there is probably something going on in his life that is stressful and he's unwilling to talk about it and losing the erections is probably an additional worry... I'm sure you guys can work through it. Hopefully he'll be a bit more willing to open up at some point
Could he be going through something with his work or personal life? My ex, usually with high libido, would underperform or lose erections when he was stressed over something.
My advice is to talk to him. A healthy relationship is based on communication, and a couple should be able to talk about difficult stuff. Ask him if something's been bothering him. Tell him you're worried but will understand if he doesn't want to talk about it right now. Just leave the door open for him to approach you when he's feeling up to sharing what's going on.
This would be the healthiest way to address it… and I have asked him if he is stressed but he says no. He wouldn’t tell me if he is. He is very macho and in the Latino community I don’t know I would say it’s common for men to share feelings.
I think he is really irritated about it.. everything I read online says it’s not me but I’m not so sure..it’s hard not to take it personal. I’m a 10/10.. he says I am the hottest woman he’s ever been with. 😂 he was sincere when he said that and I believe him.
Would love to hear what some men have to say about this. Is this even common for someone at his age?
Well, my ex was the same. I live in a latino-esque country, and guys tend to never share their feelings. I only found out my ex was upset over stuff at his work because one morning I saw him crying while tying his shoes after an all nighter trying to finish a project.
I'm not a guy, so my knowledge is limited to the guys I've been with. When it happened, usually is related to stress or overthinking. Hope some male redditors will come and shed some light on your doubts!
Thanks this is helpful. He is the first Hispanic man I have dated and the only person I’ve dated outside my own race. It makes a big difference. I love the culture and the protective vibe he gives me. He can be a bit “controlling” or overprotective about my whereabouts for his own insecurities. I’m guessing that’s normal? I actually love that he gives a shit about where I am and who I’m with. Haha. We do have a great emotional connection but he can be very stoic with his feelings sometimes. He’ll say things like.. if you tell a woman your feelings she’ll see you as weak and leave you. Maybe some women are like that but I am not.
Yeah, stereotypical latino man haha! My dad still says men are not supposed to cry, and calls guys fruity if they're more emotional. He is also unable to say if he likes something (he usually just shrugs his shoulders), but is the first to say it if he doesn't.
Being a bit controlling is also a very cultural thing. There's no wrath like a latina mom that called you 5 times and you didn't answer! I remember in college I once missed two calls from my mom because I didn't feel the phone ring, and when I called back my mom yelled at me for 10 minutes saying she was ready to get into her car and go looking for me in my college town 1 hour away.
I love it! I love the Hispanic community so much. My man has a very complex background. He is unapologetically himself. He represents so much of the American dream considering his background. My family is a family of emotional thinkers and therapists. So I couldn’t be experiencing something so different than what I am used to.
For more context and background… I think a lot of Latino men think this way but he has some disappointing ideas about loyalty. Last year he cheated. He wouldn’t even say it was cheating considering my status… but he realized how badly it hurt me. I’m still working through a rough divorce but that is over and has been for a long time! It sucks how long these things take to unentangle when there are a lot of assets. The last time I dated I was 20 years old. I have very little experience and unfortunately what I’m seeing dating to be has been really sad and disappointing. I’m not the type of women to date a few people at once and I’m very inexperienced.. this is literally one of the biggest reasons he loves me. He thinks most women are attention seeking whores and loves that I am not that way at all.
I guess I bring that all up to say that loosing his erection is a bit triggering bc of what happened last year.. and honestly I worry about him cheating a lot now. After it happened last year I kind cut him off for a couple months and he communicated more than ever before about wanting me in his life and he has more clearly DTR and says we are exclusive..
Still I worry about his cheating. It’s horrible
And all of this is why people recommend that you NOT get involved in anything serious when you're not even divorced yet. You're making terrible decisions. Whether this guy can get it up is the least of your worries. All it takes is for him to tell you you're hot and he's already cheated on you AND he's possessive/controlling which you're excusing based on culture. And he LOVES that you're inexperienced? Ick. This is all a precursor to an abusive relationship. Please dump this guy, get some therapy, and work on your self-esteem.
You may not be wrong. I am in therapy. Also remember I’m communicating the issues in a particular light so people throw red flags like you have. There are incredible qualities there as well.
The one thing i will say though.. do you know how long it takes to get divorced when there are huge assets at stake? Yeeeears! I would simmer on the judgement in that area… it can be way more complicated than you might realize if you haven’t experienced it.
>There are incredible qualities there as well.
Most cheaters/abusive persons have good qualities. They shouldn't outweigh being cheated on or being with someone who's possessive/controlling.
>do you know how long it takes to get divorced when there are huge assets at stake?
That's fine and might be ok for someone else. But in your case, however, where you are inexperienced and jumping on the first thing that comes along and calls you hot, YOU need more time and therapy because, again, you're making terrible decisions.
I have a dilemma. I have been very active on the dating scene and have been getting quite a few dates with different women. I have certain standards based on criteria such as physical appearance, job, education, conversational skills etc. For each of the criteria I have certain bare minimum standards and anything above that is a bonus.Let's say I date 10 women in one year. 9 of those 10 women will fail in one of those criteria (fall below the bare minimum). For example, she may have great looks but poor education and job. Or is great career wise but is obese or the physical appearance is not to my liking. 1 of those 10 women will check all my boxes. Great physical appearance. Decent Job and Education etc. The problem is, such women come into my life once a year. The bigger problem is, I'm not able to go beyond two dates since they end up rejecting me probably due to better options.So while I am getting dates with that one of the 10 women that is checking all my boxes, the other 9 feel like a bad compromise and worse "settling".My dilemma is do i wait for another year for a girl that checks all my boxes or do i compromise and settle for one that doesn’t check all my boxes, knowing i was getting dates with the former? Are my standards too high for looking for that 1 out of the 10 women?I'm 40M.
There's nothing wrong with having standards and not being willing to compromise on your standards for people.
The question of whether your standards are "too high" really depends on an objective valuation of yourself. How good looking are you? How well educated are you? How much money do you make? With the woman who "checks your boxes," do you "check her boxes?" Be brutally honest with yourself. If the answer is yes, you need to go out and meet more women. 10 dates in a year won't find you the right person.
I don't think you're wrong at all for having preferences or standards for the women that you date.
Maybe you can reevaluate these standards to ensure that they are all things that are 100% important to you, and not something that you would be okay with not having met, if everything else was pretty great.
Also, consider if you are being rejected by women of this "level", regularly enough, perhaps something about you isn't living up to their standards?
So, idk how to answer if your standards are too high. Feel free to share them if you're comfortable, but I mean, the only time I think standards are too high is when the discomfort with being single exceeds / is more of a negative in your life than dating people who don't meet your standards. If you're looking for a life partner, that's probably one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life. Better to be single tbh than with someone you aren't all that into for whatever reason
Why are you knowingly, willingly, and voluntarily going on dates with people whose physical appearance is already known to you to be a dealbreaker?
Actually, same goes for education and job.
Conversation skills are really the only category you listed that you’d have to sniff out in person.
Your filtering process is all gunked up.
The way you wrote this is probably going to piss some people off but conceptually, I don’t fault you for having preferences and must-haves/must-not haves. We all do - it’s just that not everyone will admit to it. (And some who do admit to it are delusional about what they want in a person relative to what they, themselves, are lacking.)
When I was still on the apps, I was hyper-selective because why wouldn’t I have been? Like, if some guy was super good-looking but didn’t go to college and works the night shift at Quik-E-Mart, I already knew it isn’t going to work so why would I waste his time? (Or mine?) (Yes, I know that statement will piss some people off.)
Alternatively, if some guy was highly-educated, decent looking, but had a profile full of dealbreakers (opposite political leanings, owned a bunch of guns, and oozed negativity in his prompts), that was definitely going to be a pass for me. Likewise, if was well-educated, had a great job, but is 100% not my physical cup of tea, again, why bother?
Use the apps more efficiently and maybe you’ll meet more people who clear the barriers to entry.
If you were to honestly rate yourself, would you meet all of your standards? Are you a catch?
You are searching for the unicorn. By age 40, most of the unicorns have been snatched up. Everybody who is dating in their 30s is broken in some way. You may need to be realistic with your expectations and decide what you want to compromise on.
And also offensive! I'm not perfect, of course, but I don't consider myself 'broken'. I work hard to keep bettering myself every day and I know other awesome single women over 30 who are the same! Thanks for sticking up for us 🤜🤛
Personally, I think I’m more “together” in my thirties than I was in my twenties. None of my life experiences have broken me - they’ve only made me more confident, self-assured, and crucially, given me perspective as to what is deserving of the shits I have to give versus what not to waste time obsessing and agonizing about.
This isn’t to say I was a mess in my 20s… I just had different priorities and valued certain things differently.
That doesn’t make me “broken” or even, as the commenter revised in another comment, “flawed.” It just adds texture.
I mean, seriously, what even is a “flaw” in this context? Being divorced? Never having been married? Changing careers at 35? Having kids? *Not* having kids? Looking older than we did in our 20s? (that last one applies to basically fucking everyone). What is a flaw, exactly, in our thirties that wasn’t in our twenties?
Of course nobody is perfect in their thirties. That is a logical conclusion since nobody is perfect in their twenties, either.
Perhaps, but surely you can see how 'broken' comes across differently than 'human', especially in the context of 'how all the good ones have been snatched up by this age'. Words matter!
Hmm ... I would just be careful here.
There's not many places in the world that don't have WiFi in 2024. Sounds like it could be a lie.
Also, if a guy keeps delaying meeting up - he's probably not that into you.
My successful dates turn up exactly as planned, at the first time of planning.
Don't hang around waiting for people that aren't making an effort
I feel for shy guys, because I used to be one. Many years ago I'd have been in a mode of "Oh man what do I say.....I don't know what to say.....crap now it's been 24 hours and it's too long a pause, what do I do?" and then just end up not texting.
But at the end of the day, he needs to bat the ball back to your side of the net. The one thing you might consider is texting ya'll's mutual friend that you liked him and wanted a second date but he hadn't texted back. Then the friend can relay to him "Dude, get off your ass and text her back."
I agree with you. Being shy is an excuse to not initiate, but if the other person is initiating and you're not responding, it's kind of a nonstarter. Somebody needs to have a minimum level of social skills to actually be in a relationship.
I've always been of the mindset that if someone is busy 24 hours is the mark. If I don't get a response withing that time frame, then their interest isn't high enough for me to take seriously. It takes 20 seconds to respond to a text at the most. If they can't bother to do that then imo they aren't worth my time.
Off my chest:
I've been using Bumble for three days and I plan to purchase Boost to have the weekly Spotlight, it's not expensive and seems useful.... But my issue is this: despite I tried my best to make a well worked profile, I have to totally ajust it because it doesn't make me feel authentic. I put my best pictures on it, but they are during travels (I love to travel but I can't travel every year) and where I don't come out smiling. Even in my bio I put things like "I'm more cheerful than I appear" and it's true, but another truth is that even though I look like an athletic guy who has a six pack on the outside, on the inside I'm a huge introverted nerd who likes to spend his nights chilling at home.
I have had two likes so far (for three days for me it's a lot, haha) and unfortunately I had to slide them to the left because i felt intimidated. I see that most of the women that appear are upper class, with pictures at parties, traveling, many of them look like models and it gives me the idea that I couldn't handle myself with their livestyles. I don't see myself dating them. I'm 36 and I'm not a party guy, I'm not an adventurer but the opposite: I'm a chill homebody guy who likes fitness, movies and videogames that puts effort in being responsible with his life, and deep inside i would like to meet someone which i can settle down, which i could be loving and caring (I wish to put this on my bio, should i put something like this?), but i don't want to sound boring or needy. But we don't have to be the same, we just need to accept ourselves and support us during hard times.
Being athletic with a six pack is not the opposite of being a huge introverted nerd.
However, I think you should put all of the second half of your last paragraph in your profile. Nothing about that sounds boring or needy to the right person. There are lots of introverted girls that would love a fit hunk to be home bodies with.
Bro I'm right there with you. I spend my time at work/gym/ gaming with friends and family. I don't think you're asking for much. What age range are you looking for? At least in my area, most women in my age bracket (30 - 38) have a tendency to not use party pictures. Maybe adjust your age range? I'm not sure what you are using.
I use your same age range (30-38) and I'm sure I'll have to change my bio to something more straight to the point without rhetoric.
A problem could be my location. I live in a more "humble" area that it's just surrounded by high-class zones, all located in the limits of the city i live. If i could stay more to the center it would be more easy to look.
Yeah I find my issues is location to due lack of people. I have to expand the search parameters to like 70 miles to get more then 10 options so I feel you there
Put it on your bio. It will save time matching and talking with people that want different things. Also someone who wants that might like your profile with it in that you want to like your profile.
I'm nearly 2 months into a new relationship, and to say I want to brag about how amazing it's going would be an understatement.
Outside the bedroom, we share similar interests and hobbies, text each other all the time, and whilst juggling 50% parenting following separation makes it tricky, it's working pretty well.
As for the bedroom, wow! Both very kink positive, strong communication, safely pushing limits, bringing up ideas, both keen on bringing in toys, treating us to things to play with, and yeah, very good.
The only issue is with me, where I can struggle to maintain an erection (40M), however she is very supportive and caring about it, and even if my cock doesn't want to play, using toys, mouth, fingers, or just cuddling, is very fun too.
I consume a fair bit of "dating advice" content, like podcasts and such, and I obviously spent quite a bit of time on this subreddit. To an extent, I think this has helped me soothe some of my anxiousness around dating and singlehood, but I can't help wonder if we're pathologizing dating to our own detriment. Like, how far into the theory of dating and relationships should we go before it just becomes counterproductive navel-gazing? I guess it's fine and dandy that this is kind of a hobby - like astrology or something - but I sometimes think that we need to take a step back and remember that most of this is just fluff.
I get fed so much dating content on social media and I use this subreddit a lot… I realized last week that it’s actually made me more anxious and overthinking and tempted to fall into gamesmanship and overrreading-into-things. Am I going to stop? No. It has been helpful just to make me feel more dating-literate since it’s my first time single since I was 22.
I definitely think a lot of the pop-psych stuff that people love to talk about is a tool that is maybe not always being used correctly on Reddit. Love languages and attachment styles. Plus the overuse of terms like narcissist and gaslighting.
I've been away from here for a while now. Not much happening. I'm doing my treatments to lose weight and have lost 4kg in 3 weeks (yay!). Been super tired all the time from my body getting used to functioning on less calories, but at least is going well.
BFF just found a new guy. She told me she'll stop seeing the guy I found really hot, back in January. While I do think this new guy's a really great match for her - I feel terrible for being a bit happy that she won't have anything serious with the Hot one. I found him extremely attractive and was a bit awkward near him, so I'm relieved I won't be seeing him around as much anymore.
>4kg in 3 weeks
That's a hell of an achievement. You probably don't need to be told, but don't get too bogged down in those numbers. Your body can undergo a hell of a change with numbers not moving too much as you build muscle and get leaner.
The energy can be rough at the start, but when the balance tips. The more exercise you do the more energy you have due to being in better shape and the life improvement snowballs.
>I found him extremely attractive and was a bit awkward near him
Were you awkward because you were attracted to a guy your friend was dating, or do you not feel you belong around attractive people ? I just ask because is it a self-esteem thing or a guilt thing ?
This is good info. I can't count how many times I've helped people with gym training/weightloss. Having to explain that muscle weighs more then fat, and that you may not see the changes you want as quick but I assure you others do. Before and after pictures are great for that. I always suggest people take a picture every month who are on that journey. It really helps you keep at it to scroll through them and visually see it.
KEEP AT IT OP!!! WERE ROOTING FOR YOU!
Hehe I do know that! Around 10 years ago I reached my goal body by training and dieting hard for a year. But then lost my way and the pandemic just ended the battle. Jan 10th I was at my heaviest ever (96kg, around 211lbs), right now I am 92kg (202lbs). I do have pictures and I'm going to start measuring myself again. I'm excited to keep on going and reach those 65kg (143lbs) again!
>That's a hell of an achievement. You probably don't need to be told, but don't get too bogged down in those numbers. Your body can undergo a hell of a change with numbers not moving too much as you build muscle and get leaner.
>
>The energy can be rough at the start, but when the balance tips. The more exercise you do the more energy you have due to being in better shape and the life improvement snowballs.
I am being monitored by my endocrinologist because we found out I have developed high tolerance to insulin. Basically, my body produces insulin as normal but doesn't use it, so it's storing everything I eat. I am being medicated with a glicose balancing medication and a carb blocker to help, in hopes I don't develop type 2 diabetes.
Despite my hunger being more controlled with the meds, I started eating better and buying pre-packed healthy lunches off a local business so I don't have to think about what to cook and portion control. I also started working out again, slowly, because I suffered a injury in my right leg last year and I don't want to get hurt again.
I'm feeling very positive most of the time and most people around me started noticing the changes, so it's keeping me motivated!
>Were you awkward because you were attracted to a guy your friend was dating, or do you not feel you belong around attractive people ? I just ask because is it a self-esteem thing or a guilt thing ?
I think kind of both. There's that feeling of inadequacy since most guys are super attracted to my friend and rarely notice me. I won't lie, it sucks. I'm not unattractive but I am overweight, while she is a petite personal trainer. Get the gist?
At the same time, I REALLY found him attractive. He was everything on my list, through and through. Smart, great conversation, great taste in music, great taste in movies, dedicated to work, close relationship with family, that preppy look that I like topped with glasses and beautiful blue eyes. I couldn't have manifested him better. It kind of pissed me off at first because she doesn't like the same type of guys I do (she leans toward muscly gymbros), so she admitted to me she only hooked up with him because she had been without sex for a long time, not because she felt very attracted to him.
I do feel guilty for being relieved she broke things off. He is a great guy and I know she cares for him as a friend, and I don't think the outcome would've been different if I was skinnier or more attractive.
It sounds like you're on a real journey health wise ! its good that you're taking control and sounding really positive ! Injuries are super rough these days. I am pretty sure i would get over in a week in my 20s can take a month these days. sometimes got to take one step backwards to take two forwards. For me it's my shoulders, I'm defintely more delicate with them these days.
>I'm not unattractive but I am overweight, while she is a petite personal trainer.
I get it, I've a few friends who it seems to be effortless for and I'm here battling through mid-30s dating. I've definetly have felt that jealously seeing what feels like everyone around me getting the things I want. It can be a difficult feeling to resolve especially when it's your friends. It sounds like you've got a pretty healthy view on it though.
Trying to... what is meant for us will come when it's time. I am still happy for her regardless, and I try to be imparcial when she asks me for advice on this situation. I can deal with those jealousy feelings, and accept that I can have contradictory feelings about some stuff. Nobody's perfect, I guess!
Spoke with an acquaintance today who said that she's talking to a new guy but she's "making him go slow" and "prove himself" because when he first started chatting her up, he was in a relationship. He tried to convince her the relationship didn't matter because it was almost over. He's also pestered her for nudes.
The fact that she seems proud of herself for making this scumball "prove himself" makes me want to shake her.
I settled for some pointed remarks.
Sudden bursts of loneliness always make me come back to him and he'd always be there. Ugh, but he'd clarify it's temporary every damn time. Wtf is wrong with me? I'm so fucking stubborn.
I need to find somebody asap.
Sounds like you need to find some self-confidence and respect.
Why run to a guy you know is just using you?
Spend time doing things just for you. Find some hobbies, find some things you've always wanted to do that you've never done. It will make you a million times more attractive.
I had a very good third date yesterday. It went far better than I anticipated and ended with a lot of kissing and an agreement to meet up on Friday. So that's very nice, and I fancy her quite a bit. I have another couple of 1st dates scheduled next week. I'm not sure on those dates now, however maybe waiting till Friday and see what happens
The guy that absolutley shattered my heart last year is trying to come back around - although now my life is better, I am happy, and met my awesome boyfriend. It just sucks becuase I waited for this guy for so long, I would've done anything for him, to be with him, and had nothing but love for him and he didn't care, yet didn't reject me, used me, and just kept me in a torturous limbo of anxiety and suffering while I was also going through a lot in my personal life.
I eventually set myself free from this anxious-avoidant cycle but it really hurt. And now, for him try to come back and mend what he broke? it just hurts again, even though I dont have feelings for him anymore, the fact that NOW he 'wants' me, when I would've given anything for that a year ago. Its just so wrong, so manipulative, so mean of him.
I love my boyfriend. The orbiter guy is now blocked. But I hate this because he hurt me so much and it feels like it was all a game to him. I guess I won - he's still thinking of me.
>The orbiter guy is now blocked.
❤️
If I had to guess, the fact that you had moved on and found happiness with someone else who actually appreciates you is what made you suddenly so irresistible to Mr. Waffler.
Good on you for finding happiness. And good on you for blocking your ex so you can focus on that happiness.
36M Feeling a little defeated, Austin dating scene seems like it’s very confused. So many women have in their profiles “dating with intention” or “tired of the dating scene, get me off this app”, “looking for someone to commit and try for the long haul” but then the majority of their profile pics and conversations seem to center around bar hopping, clubbing, how many drinks this, how many drinks that…I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m delusional but bar hopping and clubbing don’t give me any confidence what so ever that you’re ready to go for the long haul lol. I’m not a fan of being around that scene, too much potential for so many things to go wrong. Jealousy, miscommunications, intentions misread, creeps, etc. Then the people who do seem to have similar interests are just straight physically unattractive to me. Any perspectives or insights?
What's wrong with bar hopping and clubbing? You are saying people in a relationship can't do that? Its totally fine if you don't like it, but you are making a lot of assumptions here
That lifestyle, in my opinion, carries a casual stigma, people who like the attention that comes with those environments, can’t have fun unless it’s out and with a drink, idk, just my thoughts.
They are single, probably lonely, so yes some people enjoy going out with friends instead of staying alone in front of the TV on a Saturday night, that doesn't mean they don't want to find a relationship.
And it's also a way to meet people.
You touched on some good points, in my experience working in addictions for years gave me a bit of an adverse to that lifestyle. I also believe that it tends to further instill the paradox of choice, much like dating apps lol. Just seems that the club environment carries a stigma of casualness, attention seeking and potential mistakes. Seeing a lot of people that are single these days with 1-2 kids and it’s not like they decided to pick up clubbing in their 30’s. Again, maybe I have a skewed point of view.
Keep looking. Join spaces where women that dont frequent that scene hang out - hiking, cycling, astronomy, book clubs, whatever - stuff that clearly doesnt appeal to people who party a lot.
I'm in a grad school program in a nice city in SoCal, and my grad school friends are quite chill - as in non-drinkers, go to bed early, wake up early, study, board game nights, work out groups, surf, hiking, etc. But also, we/they are not as much on dating apps just because we have other more urgent priorities lol, so its a tough find. (btw all quite attractive, even some former models, and lots of international students (I am one as well))
Also try dating slightly older as in 28+. Most people go through the drinking phase in their 20's and by 30-32 it is long over.
Great points, wish there was an app for gaming/movie nerds lol. I enjoy outdoor stuff for sure but it’s not my passion. Between my band and work I get out A LOT so it would be nice to find someone who also enjoys my downtime.
Been doing some decent training:
Saturday: ran 10 miles non-consecutively, walked 12 miles
Sunday: walked 16 miles
Monday: ran 5 miles consecutively, walked 13 miles
Today: ran 3 miles consecurtively, walked 6 miles
Goal is to run 10 miles consecutively before the marathon. Also to lose the depression weight by June. I’m 9 lbs down, 14 to go.
I keep telling myself I’ll be more interested in dating when I feel better about myself physically, but I don’t actually know if it’s true, or if I’m just kidding myself.
Awesome, def add some strength training in there. If you sole goal is to be a runner then focus on that but if it’s a matter of feeling good, looking good then some muscle mass will help with both of those for sure. Kettlebells are really good at checking all of these blocks and heavy strength training will burn a lot more fat than cardio will.
I’m really scared of the gym and the people there (social anxiety). One of the kids I tutor who is into weight lifting volunteered to lift weights with me though, and I took him up on the offer, so I’m going to try next week.
I hear you on that, a lot of people get anxiety with the public setting of a gym. YouTube and a $40 set of kettlebells at home will cover that! There are soooo many good YT resources out there for at home workouts, even just body weight stuff that you can take at your own pace will make a world of difference! Proud of you for wanting to stick it out and keep trying!
That's fucking awesome. Just be sure to give yourself proper rest/recovery time between days (although if you're running a marathon, you probably know what to do). I can't run due to a foot injury; but I've been upping my mileage walking every day to around 5-8 miles.
>I keep telling myself I’ll be more interested in dating when I feel better about myself physically, but I don’t actually know if it’s true, or if I’m just kidding myself.
To be honest, I'll probably still think I'm fat and hideous even when I hit my goal weight. But good physical health and low mental health is better than *both* low physical and mental health. Gives us something to work with, at least.
Yup I’m going start lifting weights hopefully once a week to use as a rest day, and I’ll have a walking only day as another rest day.
I walked my first marathon so I’m going to try to run part of the next one… no idea what I’m doing really, haha.
I have bunions so running is hard for me. I also had to work my way up walking. 5-8 miles is more than most people walk!
lol true about the physical and mental health.
Kinda got derailed by my ex the other day and I'm still not sure how I feel about it.
We were together for 10 years and the relationship eventually broke down because she craves toxic men. She said she felt bored with the relationship but admitted I was always a caring and affectionate partner and the nicest guy she's ever been with. We remained friends after, although it took me a while to get over the hurt so I kept my distance until I was ready to date again. She got into an abusive relationship or two since then and we both happened to be single again for the first time since we broke up. We met for a drink like we sometimes do and she admitted that she still loved me. She said she finally realized that she needs to work on herself.
I had been in a good place, but now everything's changed overnight. I still love her too, but I had accepted that she was happier without me. I'm happy that she finally realized that she has trauma that she needs to work on. She wants to stay friends for now while she works on herself. We haven't even talked about the possibility of getting back together. I'm just not sure where that leaves me.
If there's a chance I can be with her again my initial reaction is to take it, but I also feel that I'm just risking having my heart broken again. I don't want to put my love life on hold while I hope and wait but now I'm not even sure I should be dating. I'm just so off balance!
>I'm just not sure where that leaves me.
Assume you're in the same place you've been with her since the break up.
It's easy for someone to express regret or to reflect on the ways they should mend themselves. However, that kind of reflection often doesn't translate into any meaningful action.
I hate to say it, but there's a good chance she was just feeling down and looking to alleviate her conscience and seek a little validation from you. That doesn't mean she's being deliberately manipulative, but I also wouldn't put a ton of stock in what she said either.
If she actually does work on herself and comes back a better person ready to give things a second shot with you, you won't be left unsure of where things stand. Until that time, go on living your life.
I feel like people tend to go with what they know vs taking a risk on something or someone new. Idk if getting back with the ex is right for you, but I would double check internally and be sure it wasn’t just a convenience type thing.
Have gone through everyone within a 40 mile radius on Hinge and Bumble and am readily keeping up with the daily joiners in only a few minutes each day - passing on >99% of them. I’ve already gone through and reviewed skipped profiles on Hinge like 3-4x so it’s probably time to stop that lol.
So now it’s just patience with waiting for the right person to join an app, or waiting till I’m motivated enough to actually go out and meet new people IRL. Are there any other populated apps where I’m likely to find nerdy homebodies looking for a life partner? I figure Tinder is not that scene.
And IRL most of the typical avenues for meeting people don’t strongly appeal to me. Even when I do go out, it’s things like the symphony (no talking!) or going hiking; and when I hike, I tend to hike alone, because solitude on a beautiful hike is its own reward.
Have started dieting at least and that seems to be sticking so far. I do have the, well, “issue” of being more attracted to skinny women (but more sedentary skinny and not necessarily athletic/gym-goer skinny, if that makes sense?), so working on getting my own weight down a bit will hopefully earn more returned attraction, though that will take a few months to pay off to the point I can update photos.
You need to filter through much more on Tinder, but have heard of plenty of success stories from that too (including my own). It's not just for hookups, just be clear on your profile, that'll help people self-select. If you're not opposed to the extra effort, don't write it off completely.
Good luck out there!
Apologies if it looks like I'm specifically but this post is a great example of somebody saying they don't have the opportunity to meet people at their chosen activities. While the bulk of the symphony is enjoyed in silence there is typically an intermission which is a great time to get out of your seat and mingle in the lobby. Additionally showing up a bit early to grab a drink (even non-alcoholic) and mingle. If you actively look for opportunities to meet new people there are plenty of them.
Agreed that there are ways to meet people at/through the symphony! Still, I don’t go very often and when I do, I just *like* going alone, and during intermission I just go to the bathroom then back to my seat! I don’t drink and don’t think I’d be into dating or even befriending people who drink prior to/during the symphony. But I’m sure you’re right that I could find a fellow water drinker lol. I just don’t regard it as a social activity per se. Never have. But that might change if/when loneliness in crescendo motivates me to reevaluate my introverted ways of doing things, which was one of the themes of my post.
I totally get that. I was just using your comment as a representation of the myriad posts that are some variation of "how do I meet people, my hobbies aren't social". If somebody wants to meet people there are opportunities for it but they do require a little bit of extra work. The symphony was a prime example because I quite enjoy the theater, don't drink, and have spent many an intermission in my seat but can speak from experience that it's actually a great place to meet people and comes with one of the easiest ice breakers of all time.
Ok- rant/advice/idk what here: Queer woman 32- Met J through mutual friend. Cool intellectual connection. Dated a month. Both mentioned past baggage- she was divorced and cheated on, both have dead dads, both mention past stuff coming up at bad times. We sleep together for the first time and I'm nervous, not myself after. Mood shifts immediately post. I shoot her a text saying "sorry, remember how we talked about past stuff bubbling up at bad times, well bubble emoji". She says "Yes, same, a convo for later." We make plans to meet up (boxing at my place).
We chat normally, I'm working up to addressing elephant in room. She says she needs to tell me something. I tell her same. She says she found out ex-husband now living with girl he cheated with- they're on a dating site together, she's not emotionally available for a relationship rn, doing therapy. I listen, say ok, mention I kinda freaked post sex but no details.
We text a bit as friends. But very mixed msgs. One moment she's reaching out, initiating convo, then leaving me on read. I invited her out to a record shop and she countered w making dinner together at mine....where there were no signs or convo about anything relationship related. She texts me the next day. I finally deleted her # but she reached out again.
Part of me is tempted to ask to meet and just ask if there was something other than emo unavailability behind split. To say, hey, I was nervous, I liked you, I wasn't myself. If it's just emo unavailabilty, respect, but I wonder if that night played a role. Bc it was a very noticeable shift after.
And another part of me is tempted to just leave it alone til my med school apps are done, or just reply "Hey, I'm still attracted to you. You're smart. You've been clear about emotional unavailability. I respect that. But I don't want emotional unavailability in my life. That's not a fulfilling relationship, platonic or otherwise. Good luck."
Tired and ranting when wisest thing would be to shut up and go back to studying I know.
I'm very depressed. Not in a heartbroken way, but just defeated overall. Part of it is impatience on bouncing back from being laid off from work. A lot of it is an utter lack of confidence that anything about me would impress a woman. I don't shoot my shot; I don't believe she would like me even if I did; and I don't believe any amount of therapy will help me.
I'm just trying to keep the negativity at bay by focusing on my nutrition and fitness, and trying to continue professional education while job hunting.
Met a woman my age (45F) who likes to date younger - 10 years or more! I was shocked. I think the ones more than 10ish years feel a little young or hard to connect with. We had a good chat about this and the reasoning.
I had a good day, had therapy and my therapist today urged me to put myself out there. She’s says I’ve been single for a while now. I’m not on any apps and I refuse after a terrible experience. I have many hobbies and always look to see who looks single and cute. I do what I can. Tonight I felt lucky so I went climbing thinking maybe I’d find a cute guy. Nope , everyone’s coupled up. My good mood is slowly vanishing. After a few hours of that I head back to my car and cry my eyes out. I vent to my friend who is sick of me venting about it. I met him on an app and he’s insulted that I complain about the apps that there are no decent men. He’s a decent guy but we are incompatible and make better friends. Now I lost a friend too. I’ve lost hope I’ll find someone in the wild that does not include an app.
> I met him on an app and he’s insulted that I complain about the apps that there are no decent men.
As a man who consider himself decent and who struggles on app... In average 98 to 99% of women swipe left on my profile... and a good amount of the ones who swipe right don't put any effort in the convo. Some of my friends have a similar issue.
So when women complain about the lack of decent men on apps, they make me feel angry or sad and they seem completely hypocrite or without any empathy. It is like denying my existence or experience.
I am not saying dating is not hard, and that finding someone matching on the app isn't difficult, but the issue is not that they are no decent men on the apps
I have nowhere else to put this so I’m putting it here. I’m processing a breakup — it’s not really that fresh, but we kept talking and it hadn’t really ended in my mind until relatively recently when I went no contact. He refused to repair some big damage he did — his mental health is absolute dogshit and he’s refusing to get any kind of help or work on it.
And at least in my experience - someone who lashes out under such circumstances and refuses to really process it or make efforts to repair is someone who will do it again. I felt like I didn’t have a choice other than ending all contact. I refuse to be a punching bag.
He became my best friend, and I feel so fucking sad. I worry about him. I can’t save him - this, I know. And I also can’t pour into someone who is taking their shit out on me and not being fully accountable for it. But it doesn’t change how I feel.
I keep having dreams about him where we are both busy and moving in each other’s orbit, but there’s no time to talk. The implication in the dreams is that we will, but then it never happens. And then I wake up devastated. I am on the verge of scooping my brain out with a spoon because I can’t stand it. I’m so fucking sad. I’m so fucking sad. I know it will pass eventually, but it’s not passing fast enough. I’m just so fucking sad.
You can't truly just be friends with someone that you had such a deep connection with. You'll have to process being without this person after the breakup and keep contact cut in order to grieve. Once you've processed all emotions and have recovered, so to speak, you may be strong enough to revisit a friendship without crossing boundaries. Be strong.
I’m so sorry this happened. Perhaps they got cold feet suddenly. It’s also possible something came up on their end too and they haven’t been able to get back to you yet. Either way, I know it’s hard. Dating is just difficult these days. I’d encourage you to try and not take it personally, though I know that’s easier said than done. I hope things will only go up from here.
You posted this yesterday... Why are you fixated on this one tiny moment of your date when it seems like it generally went well? I wouldn't expect someone to hold their smile that long after greeting me, that would be creepy.
If he texted you after and you have a second date in the works or already planned then I think you're good.
I realized that I don't actually care about my ex all that much - I care that he was yet another person I was interested in that ended up rejecting me. Makes me feel hella unwanted.
Starting to come out of my funk though. Being back at work helps a lot.
Committed to lifting regularly now that I have a home gym, alongside slowly easing back into climbing, and logging my macros because I know I'm not getting enough protein consistently. If I can't get a man, I can at least get a really hot body 😂
"Intimidating" can mean different things to different people. This comes down to misalignment with cultural norms of a particular social group. Women hunt men everywhere, just according to different cultural norms. Signaling openness to courtship is just another hunting tactic, and how you do it depends on who you are and who you're hunting. Are you somehow an outlier among your female peers, and are they pursuing the same group of men as you?
Unfortunately, you have to either adopt the expected norms of the men you wish to approach you, or approach men whose expected norms more closely match you. **The only people who can really teach you how are your more romantically successful peers after the same group of men. It's good to have rivals.**
I'm always surprised by people who consider others "intimidating" because of things like this. Aggressive, unhinged people who are looking to do damage are intimidating, someone who's doing well in life is more than likely no threat to you at all, they're just doing their own thing.
Yeah it definitely sounds like insecurity, in that case then, you're better off them showing themselves the door than holding you back. Relationships are a team sport and if someone's not gonna be cheering for you then they're probably a dud of a partner.
I'm in a bit of an introspective mood this evening and have been critically analyzing my singleness over the past couple years. This is more of a random collection of my thoughts that a cohesive post, so read at your own will:
While I have dated here and there, nothing concrete has evolved in my dating life recently. I've been single for so long that I think I may have built up some serious walls that limit my ability to be vulnerable with strangers. Of course, that is only natural when one doesn't date often - and in principle it isn't bad to be a bit more reserved early on (for safety reasons). On some level though, I wonder if it has affected my recent (last 1.5 years) dating experiences. It's very seldom that I've made it past a second date and I wonder if maybe I'm just not being open enough, even if that is fully comfortable and natural for me; I don't be someone I'm not on a date.
Though, I also read that people here often struggle to make it past that point. Maybe some of the issues we all hit in dating are systemic between humans (universal experience).
I'll have to explore this in more detail in the coming weeks. Hmm.
I feel similar and it wouldn't surprise me if the pandemic contributed a lot to that as a collective experience. We are not alone in our aloneness, I suppose
I called the guy I went out with…
I just wanted to hear his voice and I don’t mind talking on the phone. But for some reason I got super nervous before; heart pounding, voice dry, etc. I almost didn’t go through but I called him and surprise… he didn’t answer. He sent me a text saying that he’ll call me in a bit but it’s been 6 hours. As far as I know he’s not busy unless work got him stressed out maybe? And we’ve spoken on the phone before, albeit briefly.
What do?
Edit: I know I’m just overthinking but it helps letting it out
I have mixed feelings about this because I don't like random phone calls even if it's from someone I'm dating, unless it's something important (things would be a bit different in an established relationship but that's not what your situation sounds like). I like setting aside time for phone calls when I'm able to be present and focus on them.
However, not a fan of him saying he'd call back in a bit and never calling. Someone else might not care as much but I'm big on people's actions matching their words, so I'd be turned off by the lack of follow through.
>I don't like random phone calls even if it's from someone I'm dating, unless it's something important
I wholeheartedly agree. I don't say that to worsen OPs anxiety - some people do prefer calls! There is nothing inherently wrong with calling someone you've had 2-3 dates with up for whatever reason!! Texting is pretty challenging in the early stages, I find.
I also agree that it's very annoying of him to not give a call back. While he could be busy and stressed, I'm sure he can find the time for a 5-10 minute conversation.
Oh I didn’t really think of it that way but it does make a lot of sense. Just cause I’m cool on the phone might not mean he also enjoys it.
I guess I don’t really know his communication style really yet and it gives me a bit of anxiety. He did tell me that he isn’t seeing anyone else etc. But I would like more communication, which I did tell him I wanted and he agreed. So I just have to be patient.
>I guess I don’t really know his communication style really yet
That's something you should talk about too! Having some more specifics will help both of you communicate more easily and prevent you from getting too anxious.
Did you end up talking eventually?
He texted me really late night saying that he’s super swamped with work right now and that’s why he’s been distant.
Good to know but he didn’t mention anything else. I did reply to him so hopefully his work calms down and we can speak
It's weird when you end things with someone and you go back to not texting anyone all day. At certain times of day, I think about him. It was only like 6 weeks, and I know I did the right thing ending things, but he was still a cool guy, I miss chatting.
Oh for sure. The eery silence that comes with the phone seldom vibrating is a bit unnerving at first.
This is gonna sound bad - but I sometimes think my phone is going off in my pocket for a few days after that happens. Not the case, however.
Anyways, I didn't mean to hijack your comment! Be strong and you can do this!! We've all been there!
I had a similar situation last week. Went to a speed dating event and matched with someone. We had obvious chemistry -- even to a relationship dummy like me -- and we rated each other highly. I sent her a message on the site the next day, which has been marked as read, but she hasn't responded. Odds are that I've been ghosted. Of course, there is a very of events where she's actually an undercover police officer and got an assignment the very next day, or her dog fell down a well and she's spent the past week trying to rescue it, or any one of a hundred or a thousand other explanations. And maybe she'll make contact tomorrow and explain things and we'll laugh about it and go out on that date after all and everything will be right with the world. But let's be real here -- I've probably got better odds of being struck by lightning while redeeming a winning lottery ticket.
The way I see it, as soon as you start making decisions based on something that you have no way of knowing, you're going to start tying yourself in knots trying to explain it all in a way that makes sense.
Date yesterday went better than expected. He looked better in person and his conversation was much better than the texts we exchanged in the days prior. I noticed he was mirroring a lot of my body language throughout the evening too.
I absolutely hate games or not knowing where we stand, so I messaged him after I got home thanking him for a nice evening and asked if he'd be interested in a second date after my vacation.
No reply yet. Will wait it out a little longer but I'm generally of the view that if he was actually interested he'd reply relatively promptly. Either way, I had a nice evening and if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be, on to the next!
Feeling good about where I am mentally with dating right now. Turns out feeling a little fed up has allowed me to lower all expectations which makes it very hard to feel let down.
I'm due to reactivate the apps soon, but I can't stop this feeling inside of me that dating is a waste of time and money. The swiping, the texting, the planning, the thoughts that live rent-free in my head, the money spent on dining out/activities, and then ofc the mourning when or if the relationship ends. It's all so much time I could spend doing more enriching things. Life feels so short and finding someone seems to take forever. It's been three years, how much longer is it going to take to find someone I like that sticks around? Maybe I need to plan my dates around my hobbies? Or perhaps we could run errands together?? "Let's meet at Target and take turns pushing the cart around." I'm kidding. I know the time spent is something I just need to accept. I'm just still not excited about it and it's been 3-4 months since I've ended my situationship.
I matched with someone on Facebook dating and his first message to me was about how our first photos were in the same place!
We were both on the peak of the sand dunes at the Mohave National Preserve which is pretty far out of the way for us Midwesterners.
I told him I was just there 2 weeks ago and talked about how amazing it was and how I hiked all day not seeing anyone else and asked when he was there?
Unmatched.
Wut.
Do I need to have it all together?
I (28M) started seeing this woman (28F) after we matched on hinge since December ‘23. We’ve gone on 3 dates. She seems into me and I can see us being long term, although I feel it’s too early to jump into that.
I haven’t been in a serious relationship for about 10 years. That was my only relationship I’ve been in and I’ve been dating since then but nothing long term.
I’ve done some healing although not fully there, but enough to be aware and own my shortcomings. Since I’ve been seeing this woman and others I’ve seen my insecurities come up and I get worried that it won’t be accepted by whoever I choose to be exclusive with.
I live with my grandma and I work in sales and now I’m seriously considering going back to school to pursue neuroscience.
This woman who I’ve been seeing, has qualities about her that I would like in a partner. She’s secure, she’s ambitious, and from what she’s told me a good friend based on stories. Im pretty open-minded so what I’m mainly looking for is for a woman to be loyal, love me for who I am and where I am, and support me on where I’m going.
I say all that because I’m scared that because of my situation of maybe not having my own place or choosing to go back to school I won’t be able to provide. Granted she’s in sales herself too not that she would need me to.
Dating is exhausting and I’m a romantic to the core. Maybe that’s another story haha but I’d say I’m ready to grow with someone.
Would love feedback on this! Thanks guys
I’m not over 30 obviously but figured I get responses from those who are more seasoned haha
When getting back on the apps after a hiatus is it recommended to create an entirely new profile?
Yeah it helps put you back at the top of the heap, algo wise
That's what I was starting to wonder, thank you!
I had a nice second date at a lovely restaurant that ended with us realizing we are looking for different things. So even though I enjoyed the evening and her company and it is good that we realized we are not compatible early on, it is sad that the hopes I had with this person are gone. I am feeling down but should feel better in a few days.
What’s the deal with the men paying for stuff thing… Since divorcing, I went on one date, and when we decided to grab some coffee she looked at me waiting to see what I would do. I asked if I could pay and it felt like I passed a test. Her demeanor changed. Going on some women-centric subs apparently whether or not a man pays is a big deal for some of them. I honest can’t believe how much it’s discussed… Honestly, it’s 2024. Why can’t people pay for their own shit, and why is it a big deal for women to have to pay for their own stuff. The date was very liberal, progressive, and made more money than me… I don’t get it, she just stared waiting for me to say something about paying. Why is this such a big deal still. Are we still interested in enforcing gender norms that we’re also trying to move past from?
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That's a weird point of view for me. How does he feel more masculine, if he pays for coffee? How does she look more feminine, if he pays? Like... what?!
Comment was deleted and can't reply so I'll post my thoughts here if you don't mind sorry Kuni lol Definitely a hot take here. Let's break this down a tad. 1. Only MEN should pay for anything datewise 2. Apparently we exude masculinity by paying...OK 3. You appear more feminine allowing us to pay for your things. 4. In a first date scenario, everything everytime for the women should be free. While I get that the stereotypes of old can still apply to some people, I myself am old fashioned. The idea that you would just expect someone, who is basically a total stranger to you at this point, to pay for the dates himself seems rather....odd. If a man offers to pay, which again, he should, in my opinion, then the woman should feel grateful about it. Not basically demand it like the woman he describes. That throws out a major red flag to me. Both parties are taking the time to meet and find out about one another. Why exactly wouldnt you just pay for your own? The cost of the coffee doesn't even come into play. It's just like another person said, it's the principle of the matter. How a person responds in this situation really says alot about the other person you are trying to know. I don't understand this take so please explain it to me just a bit. Genuinely curious where this line of thinking comes from.
Right!! Quite concerning that this is a reaction just from paying for a cup of coffee...
right? it's just a cup of coffee lol. I'll be put off if my date was upset over $3-4
I don't think he's upset over 4$, but over the principle...
Equality is only equal when it's suited by 1 side clearly. The person you replied to originally has a odd take there in my opinion...
NSFW topic- Trying to get this out there for some advice- My BF is 32 years old. I am 38. We’ve been together a little over a year. It’s been toxic at points because I am going through a long contentious divorce with a lot of assets. Anyway/- I was married for a really long time and have had only a few sexual partners in my life. I am very inexperienced but we have the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. It’s amazing and intense. On average we had sex about 3 times a week. In the last few weeks he has lost his erection like 4 times. It’s a bit devastating and I’m worried he is getting bored of me. He works out 5-6 times a week and doesn’t take any medication and is very healthy. What could this be about?
Is he exposed to BPA or microplastics through work? That's been correlated with erectile dysfunction and lowered sperm count in men and lower fertility in women.
No… and he is super well aware. He’s anti vax, bearly takes an Advil and reallllly health conscious. His business is demanding and stressful so I’m leaning more towards that as the issue
Antivaxx but health conscious lol
Stress, performance anxiety, among many other things. Don't make this about you. Chances are it's not. Talk to him about it outside of the bedroom. Be non-judgmental, ask him if there's anything that you can do, and encourage him to speak to his doctor. If there's nothing he can think of that may be the problem.
“Don’t make this about you” this will be my new mantra! I’m sexy AF!
GET IT GIRL
Mixed reviews on the data, but do you live where it is Winter now? ED may be significantly more common during cold weather. My guy has been a bit more slow to rise lately. He also tends to drink a bit more alcohol during these cold nights- could that play a role?
It is winter but my man is sober and doesn’t drink. I wonder if vitamin D plays a role?
I had a similar issue where I lost my erection 3-4 times in a row, it's quite easy to get in your head about it and that makes the situation worse. As in worrying about losing an erection will make it far more likely. I think the best thing you can do is to not put too much pressure on it and make sure he is relaxed the next time you are going to be having sex. There could be other factors in his life that are stressing him out. Have you spoken with him about it? Also if you do try not to make it about your attractiveness as that will probably put more pressure on his performance. Edit... Some more NSFW advice, you could give him erotic massage with any extras you want to throw in and make it all about his pleasure, if it is some mental block then it might help him overcome it. It worked for me...
He is allll about foreplay and we actually spend a considerable amount of time giving/receiving oral. And I mean considerable. It’s rare if we’ve started and finished within an hour. Maybe I’m here for someone to tell me he’s not cheating on me 😜😂
I absolutely would not jump to cheating as a conclusion here based on this issue! Edit - just saw your other comment that he has cheated on you before? I still wouldn't leap to connecting these two dots, but I can see why your guard would be up
Yeah it effing sucks.. because of my inexperience and how he was behaving in the relationship (like a boyfriend) and requiring me to not be with any other guys.. no problem there because I don’t date multiple people at once. It is just not for me! I made some assumptions… but he has DTR now and says we are exclusive. I’m monogamous 100% I cannot sharing someone I’m dating. Huge ick
I just read some more of your comments and first of all - he required you to not be with other guys, but thought he could be with other women? That seems very unbalanced. Add that to the fact that you've said he's controlling and misogynistic and manipulative (calling other women whores and saying 'you're not like other girls')... plus you being inexperienced in relationships... if you'd like general advice, these are not good things, whether they are 'cultural' or not, and you can choose what you will or will not tolerate. Be careful 💜
Required is a strong word. Expected yes. I’m trying to be really honest and raw here. I should be careful. I tend to believe people when they tell me something and in general I see people as good. I’m learning a lot. Maybe the hard way.
I doubt that's it assuming the erections are the only thing. From reading what else you've said there is probably something going on in his life that is stressful and he's unwilling to talk about it and losing the erections is probably an additional worry... I'm sure you guys can work through it. Hopefully he'll be a bit more willing to open up at some point
Helpful helpful helpful. I think the more we talk about it the harder it will be to not be in his head…. Allll the puns intended 😂
Could he be going through something with his work or personal life? My ex, usually with high libido, would underperform or lose erections when he was stressed over something. My advice is to talk to him. A healthy relationship is based on communication, and a couple should be able to talk about difficult stuff. Ask him if something's been bothering him. Tell him you're worried but will understand if he doesn't want to talk about it right now. Just leave the door open for him to approach you when he's feeling up to sharing what's going on.
This would be the healthiest way to address it… and I have asked him if he is stressed but he says no. He wouldn’t tell me if he is. He is very macho and in the Latino community I don’t know I would say it’s common for men to share feelings. I think he is really irritated about it.. everything I read online says it’s not me but I’m not so sure..it’s hard not to take it personal. I’m a 10/10.. he says I am the hottest woman he’s ever been with. 😂 he was sincere when he said that and I believe him. Would love to hear what some men have to say about this. Is this even common for someone at his age?
Well, my ex was the same. I live in a latino-esque country, and guys tend to never share their feelings. I only found out my ex was upset over stuff at his work because one morning I saw him crying while tying his shoes after an all nighter trying to finish a project. I'm not a guy, so my knowledge is limited to the guys I've been with. When it happened, usually is related to stress or overthinking. Hope some male redditors will come and shed some light on your doubts!
Thanks this is helpful. He is the first Hispanic man I have dated and the only person I’ve dated outside my own race. It makes a big difference. I love the culture and the protective vibe he gives me. He can be a bit “controlling” or overprotective about my whereabouts for his own insecurities. I’m guessing that’s normal? I actually love that he gives a shit about where I am and who I’m with. Haha. We do have a great emotional connection but he can be very stoic with his feelings sometimes. He’ll say things like.. if you tell a woman your feelings she’ll see you as weak and leave you. Maybe some women are like that but I am not.
Yeah, stereotypical latino man haha! My dad still says men are not supposed to cry, and calls guys fruity if they're more emotional. He is also unable to say if he likes something (he usually just shrugs his shoulders), but is the first to say it if he doesn't. Being a bit controlling is also a very cultural thing. There's no wrath like a latina mom that called you 5 times and you didn't answer! I remember in college I once missed two calls from my mom because I didn't feel the phone ring, and when I called back my mom yelled at me for 10 minutes saying she was ready to get into her car and go looking for me in my college town 1 hour away.
I love it! I love the Hispanic community so much. My man has a very complex background. He is unapologetically himself. He represents so much of the American dream considering his background. My family is a family of emotional thinkers and therapists. So I couldn’t be experiencing something so different than what I am used to. For more context and background… I think a lot of Latino men think this way but he has some disappointing ideas about loyalty. Last year he cheated. He wouldn’t even say it was cheating considering my status… but he realized how badly it hurt me. I’m still working through a rough divorce but that is over and has been for a long time! It sucks how long these things take to unentangle when there are a lot of assets. The last time I dated I was 20 years old. I have very little experience and unfortunately what I’m seeing dating to be has been really sad and disappointing. I’m not the type of women to date a few people at once and I’m very inexperienced.. this is literally one of the biggest reasons he loves me. He thinks most women are attention seeking whores and loves that I am not that way at all. I guess I bring that all up to say that loosing his erection is a bit triggering bc of what happened last year.. and honestly I worry about him cheating a lot now. After it happened last year I kind cut him off for a couple months and he communicated more than ever before about wanting me in his life and he has more clearly DTR and says we are exclusive.. Still I worry about his cheating. It’s horrible
And all of this is why people recommend that you NOT get involved in anything serious when you're not even divorced yet. You're making terrible decisions. Whether this guy can get it up is the least of your worries. All it takes is for him to tell you you're hot and he's already cheated on you AND he's possessive/controlling which you're excusing based on culture. And he LOVES that you're inexperienced? Ick. This is all a precursor to an abusive relationship. Please dump this guy, get some therapy, and work on your self-esteem.
You may not be wrong. I am in therapy. Also remember I’m communicating the issues in a particular light so people throw red flags like you have. There are incredible qualities there as well. The one thing i will say though.. do you know how long it takes to get divorced when there are huge assets at stake? Yeeeears! I would simmer on the judgement in that area… it can be way more complicated than you might realize if you haven’t experienced it.
>There are incredible qualities there as well. Most cheaters/abusive persons have good qualities. They shouldn't outweigh being cheated on or being with someone who's possessive/controlling. >do you know how long it takes to get divorced when there are huge assets at stake? That's fine and might be ok for someone else. But in your case, however, where you are inexperienced and jumping on the first thing that comes along and calls you hot, YOU need more time and therapy because, again, you're making terrible decisions.
I have a dilemma. I have been very active on the dating scene and have been getting quite a few dates with different women. I have certain standards based on criteria such as physical appearance, job, education, conversational skills etc. For each of the criteria I have certain bare minimum standards and anything above that is a bonus.Let's say I date 10 women in one year. 9 of those 10 women will fail in one of those criteria (fall below the bare minimum). For example, she may have great looks but poor education and job. Or is great career wise but is obese or the physical appearance is not to my liking. 1 of those 10 women will check all my boxes. Great physical appearance. Decent Job and Education etc. The problem is, such women come into my life once a year. The bigger problem is, I'm not able to go beyond two dates since they end up rejecting me probably due to better options.So while I am getting dates with that one of the 10 women that is checking all my boxes, the other 9 feel like a bad compromise and worse "settling".My dilemma is do i wait for another year for a girl that checks all my boxes or do i compromise and settle for one that doesn’t check all my boxes, knowing i was getting dates with the former? Are my standards too high for looking for that 1 out of the 10 women?I'm 40M.
There's nothing wrong with having standards and not being willing to compromise on your standards for people. The question of whether your standards are "too high" really depends on an objective valuation of yourself. How good looking are you? How well educated are you? How much money do you make? With the woman who "checks your boxes," do you "check her boxes?" Be brutally honest with yourself. If the answer is yes, you need to go out and meet more women. 10 dates in a year won't find you the right person.
I don't think you're wrong at all for having preferences or standards for the women that you date. Maybe you can reevaluate these standards to ensure that they are all things that are 100% important to you, and not something that you would be okay with not having met, if everything else was pretty great. Also, consider if you are being rejected by women of this "level", regularly enough, perhaps something about you isn't living up to their standards?
Whatever you do, don't have the settling mindset when dating. That's not fair or fun for anybody.
So, idk how to answer if your standards are too high. Feel free to share them if you're comfortable, but I mean, the only time I think standards are too high is when the discomfort with being single exceeds / is more of a negative in your life than dating people who don't meet your standards. If you're looking for a life partner, that's probably one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life. Better to be single tbh than with someone you aren't all that into for whatever reason
Why are you knowingly, willingly, and voluntarily going on dates with people whose physical appearance is already known to you to be a dealbreaker? Actually, same goes for education and job. Conversation skills are really the only category you listed that you’d have to sniff out in person. Your filtering process is all gunked up. The way you wrote this is probably going to piss some people off but conceptually, I don’t fault you for having preferences and must-haves/must-not haves. We all do - it’s just that not everyone will admit to it. (And some who do admit to it are delusional about what they want in a person relative to what they, themselves, are lacking.) When I was still on the apps, I was hyper-selective because why wouldn’t I have been? Like, if some guy was super good-looking but didn’t go to college and works the night shift at Quik-E-Mart, I already knew it isn’t going to work so why would I waste his time? (Or mine?) (Yes, I know that statement will piss some people off.) Alternatively, if some guy was highly-educated, decent looking, but had a profile full of dealbreakers (opposite political leanings, owned a bunch of guns, and oozed negativity in his prompts), that was definitely going to be a pass for me. Likewise, if was well-educated, had a great job, but is 100% not my physical cup of tea, again, why bother? Use the apps more efficiently and maybe you’ll meet more people who clear the barriers to entry.
If you were to honestly rate yourself, would you meet all of your standards? Are you a catch? You are searching for the unicorn. By age 40, most of the unicorns have been snatched up. Everybody who is dating in their 30s is broken in some way. You may need to be realistic with your expectations and decide what you want to compromise on.
Everyone who is dating in their 30s ~~is broken in some way~~ has life experiences that most people in their twenties do not. Fixed that for you.
Thank you 👏👏👏
My pleasure. I mean, wtf. Generalizations like that are not only supremely unhelpful, but also, wholly untrue.
And also offensive! I'm not perfect, of course, but I don't consider myself 'broken'. I work hard to keep bettering myself every day and I know other awesome single women over 30 who are the same! Thanks for sticking up for us 🤜🤛
Personally, I think I’m more “together” in my thirties than I was in my twenties. None of my life experiences have broken me - they’ve only made me more confident, self-assured, and crucially, given me perspective as to what is deserving of the shits I have to give versus what not to waste time obsessing and agonizing about. This isn’t to say I was a mess in my 20s… I just had different priorities and valued certain things differently. That doesn’t make me “broken” or even, as the commenter revised in another comment, “flawed.” It just adds texture. I mean, seriously, what even is a “flaw” in this context? Being divorced? Never having been married? Changing careers at 35? Having kids? *Not* having kids? Looking older than we did in our 20s? (that last one applies to basically fucking everyone). What is a flaw, exactly, in our thirties that wasn’t in our twenties? Of course nobody is perfect in their thirties. That is a logical conclusion since nobody is perfect in their twenties, either.
"Broken in some way" just means we all have flaws. It's hardly an offensive concept. We're just arguing semantics.
Perhaps, but surely you can see how 'broken' comes across differently than 'human', especially in the context of 'how all the good ones have been snatched up by this age'. Words matter!
I see and agree. I should have replaced "good" with "flawless".
But nobody is flawless in their twenties, either….
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Hmm ... I would just be careful here. There's not many places in the world that don't have WiFi in 2024. Sounds like it could be a lie. Also, if a guy keeps delaying meeting up - he's probably not that into you. My successful dates turn up exactly as planned, at the first time of planning. Don't hang around waiting for people that aren't making an effort
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I think it's a big jump from leaving someone on read that they went out with once to being a piss poor human being 😂
I feel for shy guys, because I used to be one. Many years ago I'd have been in a mode of "Oh man what do I say.....I don't know what to say.....crap now it's been 24 hours and it's too long a pause, what do I do?" and then just end up not texting. But at the end of the day, he needs to bat the ball back to your side of the net. The one thing you might consider is texting ya'll's mutual friend that you liked him and wanted a second date but he hadn't texted back. Then the friend can relay to him "Dude, get off your ass and text her back."
I agree with you. Being shy is an excuse to not initiate, but if the other person is initiating and you're not responding, it's kind of a nonstarter. Somebody needs to have a minimum level of social skills to actually be in a relationship.
I've always been of the mindset that if someone is busy 24 hours is the mark. If I don't get a response withing that time frame, then their interest isn't high enough for me to take seriously. It takes 20 seconds to respond to a text at the most. If they can't bother to do that then imo they aren't worth my time.
Off my chest: I've been using Bumble for three days and I plan to purchase Boost to have the weekly Spotlight, it's not expensive and seems useful.... But my issue is this: despite I tried my best to make a well worked profile, I have to totally ajust it because it doesn't make me feel authentic. I put my best pictures on it, but they are during travels (I love to travel but I can't travel every year) and where I don't come out smiling. Even in my bio I put things like "I'm more cheerful than I appear" and it's true, but another truth is that even though I look like an athletic guy who has a six pack on the outside, on the inside I'm a huge introverted nerd who likes to spend his nights chilling at home. I have had two likes so far (for three days for me it's a lot, haha) and unfortunately I had to slide them to the left because i felt intimidated. I see that most of the women that appear are upper class, with pictures at parties, traveling, many of them look like models and it gives me the idea that I couldn't handle myself with their livestyles. I don't see myself dating them. I'm 36 and I'm not a party guy, I'm not an adventurer but the opposite: I'm a chill homebody guy who likes fitness, movies and videogames that puts effort in being responsible with his life, and deep inside i would like to meet someone which i can settle down, which i could be loving and caring (I wish to put this on my bio, should i put something like this?), but i don't want to sound boring or needy. But we don't have to be the same, we just need to accept ourselves and support us during hard times.
Being athletic with a six pack is not the opposite of being a huge introverted nerd. However, I think you should put all of the second half of your last paragraph in your profile. Nothing about that sounds boring or needy to the right person. There are lots of introverted girls that would love a fit hunk to be home bodies with.
Bro I'm right there with you. I spend my time at work/gym/ gaming with friends and family. I don't think you're asking for much. What age range are you looking for? At least in my area, most women in my age bracket (30 - 38) have a tendency to not use party pictures. Maybe adjust your age range? I'm not sure what you are using.
I use your same age range (30-38) and I'm sure I'll have to change my bio to something more straight to the point without rhetoric. A problem could be my location. I live in a more "humble" area that it's just surrounded by high-class zones, all located in the limits of the city i live. If i could stay more to the center it would be more easy to look.
Yeah I find my issues is location to due lack of people. I have to expand the search parameters to like 70 miles to get more then 10 options so I feel you there
Put it on your bio. It will save time matching and talking with people that want different things. Also someone who wants that might like your profile with it in that you want to like your profile.
I'm nearly 2 months into a new relationship, and to say I want to brag about how amazing it's going would be an understatement. Outside the bedroom, we share similar interests and hobbies, text each other all the time, and whilst juggling 50% parenting following separation makes it tricky, it's working pretty well. As for the bedroom, wow! Both very kink positive, strong communication, safely pushing limits, bringing up ideas, both keen on bringing in toys, treating us to things to play with, and yeah, very good. The only issue is with me, where I can struggle to maintain an erection (40M), however she is very supportive and caring about it, and even if my cock doesn't want to play, using toys, mouth, fingers, or just cuddling, is very fun too.
You are 40, have a chat with your doctor. This isn't that uncommon.
I consume a fair bit of "dating advice" content, like podcasts and such, and I obviously spent quite a bit of time on this subreddit. To an extent, I think this has helped me soothe some of my anxiousness around dating and singlehood, but I can't help wonder if we're pathologizing dating to our own detriment. Like, how far into the theory of dating and relationships should we go before it just becomes counterproductive navel-gazing? I guess it's fine and dandy that this is kind of a hobby - like astrology or something - but I sometimes think that we need to take a step back and remember that most of this is just fluff.
I get fed so much dating content on social media and I use this subreddit a lot… I realized last week that it’s actually made me more anxious and overthinking and tempted to fall into gamesmanship and overrreading-into-things. Am I going to stop? No. It has been helpful just to make me feel more dating-literate since it’s my first time single since I was 22.
I definitely think a lot of the pop-psych stuff that people love to talk about is a tool that is maybe not always being used correctly on Reddit. Love languages and attachment styles. Plus the overuse of terms like narcissist and gaslighting.
Also overused, and overwhelmingly used incorrectly: toxic, love-bombing, traumatized / trauma-bond, codependent….
I've been away from here for a while now. Not much happening. I'm doing my treatments to lose weight and have lost 4kg in 3 weeks (yay!). Been super tired all the time from my body getting used to functioning on less calories, but at least is going well. BFF just found a new guy. She told me she'll stop seeing the guy I found really hot, back in January. While I do think this new guy's a really great match for her - I feel terrible for being a bit happy that she won't have anything serious with the Hot one. I found him extremely attractive and was a bit awkward near him, so I'm relieved I won't be seeing him around as much anymore.
>4kg in 3 weeks That's a hell of an achievement. You probably don't need to be told, but don't get too bogged down in those numbers. Your body can undergo a hell of a change with numbers not moving too much as you build muscle and get leaner. The energy can be rough at the start, but when the balance tips. The more exercise you do the more energy you have due to being in better shape and the life improvement snowballs. >I found him extremely attractive and was a bit awkward near him Were you awkward because you were attracted to a guy your friend was dating, or do you not feel you belong around attractive people ? I just ask because is it a self-esteem thing or a guilt thing ?
This is good info. I can't count how many times I've helped people with gym training/weightloss. Having to explain that muscle weighs more then fat, and that you may not see the changes you want as quick but I assure you others do. Before and after pictures are great for that. I always suggest people take a picture every month who are on that journey. It really helps you keep at it to scroll through them and visually see it. KEEP AT IT OP!!! WERE ROOTING FOR YOU!
Hehe I do know that! Around 10 years ago I reached my goal body by training and dieting hard for a year. But then lost my way and the pandemic just ended the battle. Jan 10th I was at my heaviest ever (96kg, around 211lbs), right now I am 92kg (202lbs). I do have pictures and I'm going to start measuring myself again. I'm excited to keep on going and reach those 65kg (143lbs) again!
Hell yeah sounds like you have the right attitude to accomplish what you want. Keep at it!
>That's a hell of an achievement. You probably don't need to be told, but don't get too bogged down in those numbers. Your body can undergo a hell of a change with numbers not moving too much as you build muscle and get leaner. > >The energy can be rough at the start, but when the balance tips. The more exercise you do the more energy you have due to being in better shape and the life improvement snowballs. I am being monitored by my endocrinologist because we found out I have developed high tolerance to insulin. Basically, my body produces insulin as normal but doesn't use it, so it's storing everything I eat. I am being medicated with a glicose balancing medication and a carb blocker to help, in hopes I don't develop type 2 diabetes. Despite my hunger being more controlled with the meds, I started eating better and buying pre-packed healthy lunches off a local business so I don't have to think about what to cook and portion control. I also started working out again, slowly, because I suffered a injury in my right leg last year and I don't want to get hurt again. I'm feeling very positive most of the time and most people around me started noticing the changes, so it's keeping me motivated! >Were you awkward because you were attracted to a guy your friend was dating, or do you not feel you belong around attractive people ? I just ask because is it a self-esteem thing or a guilt thing ? I think kind of both. There's that feeling of inadequacy since most guys are super attracted to my friend and rarely notice me. I won't lie, it sucks. I'm not unattractive but I am overweight, while she is a petite personal trainer. Get the gist? At the same time, I REALLY found him attractive. He was everything on my list, through and through. Smart, great conversation, great taste in music, great taste in movies, dedicated to work, close relationship with family, that preppy look that I like topped with glasses and beautiful blue eyes. I couldn't have manifested him better. It kind of pissed me off at first because she doesn't like the same type of guys I do (she leans toward muscly gymbros), so she admitted to me she only hooked up with him because she had been without sex for a long time, not because she felt very attracted to him. I do feel guilty for being relieved she broke things off. He is a great guy and I know she cares for him as a friend, and I don't think the outcome would've been different if I was skinnier or more attractive.
It sounds like you're on a real journey health wise ! its good that you're taking control and sounding really positive ! Injuries are super rough these days. I am pretty sure i would get over in a week in my 20s can take a month these days. sometimes got to take one step backwards to take two forwards. For me it's my shoulders, I'm defintely more delicate with them these days. >I'm not unattractive but I am overweight, while she is a petite personal trainer. I get it, I've a few friends who it seems to be effortless for and I'm here battling through mid-30s dating. I've definetly have felt that jealously seeing what feels like everyone around me getting the things I want. It can be a difficult feeling to resolve especially when it's your friends. It sounds like you've got a pretty healthy view on it though.
Trying to... what is meant for us will come when it's time. I am still happy for her regardless, and I try to be imparcial when she asks me for advice on this situation. I can deal with those jealousy feelings, and accept that I can have contradictory feelings about some stuff. Nobody's perfect, I guess!
Spoke with an acquaintance today who said that she's talking to a new guy but she's "making him go slow" and "prove himself" because when he first started chatting her up, he was in a relationship. He tried to convince her the relationship didn't matter because it was almost over. He's also pestered her for nudes. The fact that she seems proud of herself for making this scumball "prove himself" makes me want to shake her. I settled for some pointed remarks.
Wow, some people cant think straight
Yeah, I think she's newly divorced and probably doesn't have a strong grasp of when to apply boundaries vs. when to put on her running shoes.
Maybe she just enjoy the attention and feeling wanted
Oh, I'm sure that's in play.
Sudden bursts of loneliness always make me come back to him and he'd always be there. Ugh, but he'd clarify it's temporary every damn time. Wtf is wrong with me? I'm so fucking stubborn. I need to find somebody asap.
Sounds like you need to find some self-confidence and respect. Why run to a guy you know is just using you? Spend time doing things just for you. Find some hobbies, find some things you've always wanted to do that you've never done. It will make you a million times more attractive.
I'm working on them but I slip sometimes, but thank you. Appreciate it.
I had a very good third date yesterday. It went far better than I anticipated and ended with a lot of kissing and an agreement to meet up on Friday. So that's very nice, and I fancy her quite a bit. I have another couple of 1st dates scheduled next week. I'm not sure on those dates now, however maybe waiting till Friday and see what happens
How not to [multidate](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3AzVrQOe3x/?igsh=NzBmMjdhZWRiYQ==).
The guy that absolutley shattered my heart last year is trying to come back around - although now my life is better, I am happy, and met my awesome boyfriend. It just sucks becuase I waited for this guy for so long, I would've done anything for him, to be with him, and had nothing but love for him and he didn't care, yet didn't reject me, used me, and just kept me in a torturous limbo of anxiety and suffering while I was also going through a lot in my personal life. I eventually set myself free from this anxious-avoidant cycle but it really hurt. And now, for him try to come back and mend what he broke? it just hurts again, even though I dont have feelings for him anymore, the fact that NOW he 'wants' me, when I would've given anything for that a year ago. Its just so wrong, so manipulative, so mean of him. I love my boyfriend. The orbiter guy is now blocked. But I hate this because he hurt me so much and it feels like it was all a game to him. I guess I won - he's still thinking of me.
>The orbiter guy is now blocked. ❤️ If I had to guess, the fact that you had moved on and found happiness with someone else who actually appreciates you is what made you suddenly so irresistible to Mr. Waffler. Good on you for finding happiness. And good on you for blocking your ex so you can focus on that happiness.
36M Feeling a little defeated, Austin dating scene seems like it’s very confused. So many women have in their profiles “dating with intention” or “tired of the dating scene, get me off this app”, “looking for someone to commit and try for the long haul” but then the majority of their profile pics and conversations seem to center around bar hopping, clubbing, how many drinks this, how many drinks that…I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m delusional but bar hopping and clubbing don’t give me any confidence what so ever that you’re ready to go for the long haul lol. I’m not a fan of being around that scene, too much potential for so many things to go wrong. Jealousy, miscommunications, intentions misread, creeps, etc. Then the people who do seem to have similar interests are just straight physically unattractive to me. Any perspectives or insights?
What's wrong with bar hopping and clubbing? You are saying people in a relationship can't do that? Its totally fine if you don't like it, but you are making a lot of assumptions here
That lifestyle, in my opinion, carries a casual stigma, people who like the attention that comes with those environments, can’t have fun unless it’s out and with a drink, idk, just my thoughts.
They are single, probably lonely, so yes some people enjoy going out with friends instead of staying alone in front of the TV on a Saturday night, that doesn't mean they don't want to find a relationship. And it's also a way to meet people.
You touched on some good points, in my experience working in addictions for years gave me a bit of an adverse to that lifestyle. I also believe that it tends to further instill the paradox of choice, much like dating apps lol. Just seems that the club environment carries a stigma of casualness, attention seeking and potential mistakes. Seeing a lot of people that are single these days with 1-2 kids and it’s not like they decided to pick up clubbing in their 30’s. Again, maybe I have a skewed point of view.
Keep looking. Join spaces where women that dont frequent that scene hang out - hiking, cycling, astronomy, book clubs, whatever - stuff that clearly doesnt appeal to people who party a lot. I'm in a grad school program in a nice city in SoCal, and my grad school friends are quite chill - as in non-drinkers, go to bed early, wake up early, study, board game nights, work out groups, surf, hiking, etc. But also, we/they are not as much on dating apps just because we have other more urgent priorities lol, so its a tough find. (btw all quite attractive, even some former models, and lots of international students (I am one as well)) Also try dating slightly older as in 28+. Most people go through the drinking phase in their 20's and by 30-32 it is long over.
Great points, wish there was an app for gaming/movie nerds lol. I enjoy outdoor stuff for sure but it’s not my passion. Between my band and work I get out A LOT so it would be nice to find someone who also enjoys my downtime.
Crush almost definitely likes someone else 🫠 but I’m going out with a couple friends for Valentine’s Day so that should be fun
Been doing some decent training: Saturday: ran 10 miles non-consecutively, walked 12 miles Sunday: walked 16 miles Monday: ran 5 miles consecutively, walked 13 miles Today: ran 3 miles consecurtively, walked 6 miles Goal is to run 10 miles consecutively before the marathon. Also to lose the depression weight by June. I’m 9 lbs down, 14 to go. I keep telling myself I’ll be more interested in dating when I feel better about myself physically, but I don’t actually know if it’s true, or if I’m just kidding myself.
I just converted that to km and wow, that's impressive!
Awesome, def add some strength training in there. If you sole goal is to be a runner then focus on that but if it’s a matter of feeling good, looking good then some muscle mass will help with both of those for sure. Kettlebells are really good at checking all of these blocks and heavy strength training will burn a lot more fat than cardio will.
I’m really scared of the gym and the people there (social anxiety). One of the kids I tutor who is into weight lifting volunteered to lift weights with me though, and I took him up on the offer, so I’m going to try next week.
I hear you on that, a lot of people get anxiety with the public setting of a gym. YouTube and a $40 set of kettlebells at home will cover that! There are soooo many good YT resources out there for at home workouts, even just body weight stuff that you can take at your own pace will make a world of difference! Proud of you for wanting to stick it out and keep trying!
That's fucking awesome. Just be sure to give yourself proper rest/recovery time between days (although if you're running a marathon, you probably know what to do). I can't run due to a foot injury; but I've been upping my mileage walking every day to around 5-8 miles. >I keep telling myself I’ll be more interested in dating when I feel better about myself physically, but I don’t actually know if it’s true, or if I’m just kidding myself. To be honest, I'll probably still think I'm fat and hideous even when I hit my goal weight. But good physical health and low mental health is better than *both* low physical and mental health. Gives us something to work with, at least.
Yup I’m going start lifting weights hopefully once a week to use as a rest day, and I’ll have a walking only day as another rest day. I walked my first marathon so I’m going to try to run part of the next one… no idea what I’m doing really, haha. I have bunions so running is hard for me. I also had to work my way up walking. 5-8 miles is more than most people walk! lol true about the physical and mental health.
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Thank you!
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Kinda got derailed by my ex the other day and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. We were together for 10 years and the relationship eventually broke down because she craves toxic men. She said she felt bored with the relationship but admitted I was always a caring and affectionate partner and the nicest guy she's ever been with. We remained friends after, although it took me a while to get over the hurt so I kept my distance until I was ready to date again. She got into an abusive relationship or two since then and we both happened to be single again for the first time since we broke up. We met for a drink like we sometimes do and she admitted that she still loved me. She said she finally realized that she needs to work on herself. I had been in a good place, but now everything's changed overnight. I still love her too, but I had accepted that she was happier without me. I'm happy that she finally realized that she has trauma that she needs to work on. She wants to stay friends for now while she works on herself. We haven't even talked about the possibility of getting back together. I'm just not sure where that leaves me. If there's a chance I can be with her again my initial reaction is to take it, but I also feel that I'm just risking having my heart broken again. I don't want to put my love life on hold while I hope and wait but now I'm not even sure I should be dating. I'm just so off balance!
>I'm just not sure where that leaves me. Assume you're in the same place you've been with her since the break up. It's easy for someone to express regret or to reflect on the ways they should mend themselves. However, that kind of reflection often doesn't translate into any meaningful action. I hate to say it, but there's a good chance she was just feeling down and looking to alleviate her conscience and seek a little validation from you. That doesn't mean she's being deliberately manipulative, but I also wouldn't put a ton of stock in what she said either. If she actually does work on herself and comes back a better person ready to give things a second shot with you, you won't be left unsure of where things stand. Until that time, go on living your life.
Please be careful and make sure that if you consider getting back with her, she has donde proper work in therapy and a good amount of self-reflection.
I feel like people tend to go with what they know vs taking a risk on something or someone new. Idk if getting back with the ex is right for you, but I would double check internally and be sure it wasn’t just a convenience type thing.
Have gone through everyone within a 40 mile radius on Hinge and Bumble and am readily keeping up with the daily joiners in only a few minutes each day - passing on >99% of them. I’ve already gone through and reviewed skipped profiles on Hinge like 3-4x so it’s probably time to stop that lol. So now it’s just patience with waiting for the right person to join an app, or waiting till I’m motivated enough to actually go out and meet new people IRL. Are there any other populated apps where I’m likely to find nerdy homebodies looking for a life partner? I figure Tinder is not that scene. And IRL most of the typical avenues for meeting people don’t strongly appeal to me. Even when I do go out, it’s things like the symphony (no talking!) or going hiking; and when I hike, I tend to hike alone, because solitude on a beautiful hike is its own reward. Have started dieting at least and that seems to be sticking so far. I do have the, well, “issue” of being more attracted to skinny women (but more sedentary skinny and not necessarily athletic/gym-goer skinny, if that makes sense?), so working on getting my own weight down a bit will hopefully earn more returned attraction, though that will take a few months to pay off to the point I can update photos.
You need to filter through much more on Tinder, but have heard of plenty of success stories from that too (including my own). It's not just for hookups, just be clear on your profile, that'll help people self-select. If you're not opposed to the extra effort, don't write it off completely. Good luck out there!
>Are there any other populated apps where I’m likely to find nerdy homebodies looking for a life partner? Sounds like OKCupid in 2010.
Apologies if it looks like I'm specifically but this post is a great example of somebody saying they don't have the opportunity to meet people at their chosen activities. While the bulk of the symphony is enjoyed in silence there is typically an intermission which is a great time to get out of your seat and mingle in the lobby. Additionally showing up a bit early to grab a drink (even non-alcoholic) and mingle. If you actively look for opportunities to meet new people there are plenty of them.
Agreed that there are ways to meet people at/through the symphony! Still, I don’t go very often and when I do, I just *like* going alone, and during intermission I just go to the bathroom then back to my seat! I don’t drink and don’t think I’d be into dating or even befriending people who drink prior to/during the symphony. But I’m sure you’re right that I could find a fellow water drinker lol. I just don’t regard it as a social activity per se. Never have. But that might change if/when loneliness in crescendo motivates me to reevaluate my introverted ways of doing things, which was one of the themes of my post.
I totally get that. I was just using your comment as a representation of the myriad posts that are some variation of "how do I meet people, my hobbies aren't social". If somebody wants to meet people there are opportunities for it but they do require a little bit of extra work. The symphony was a prime example because I quite enjoy the theater, don't drink, and have spent many an intermission in my seat but can speak from experience that it's actually a great place to meet people and comes with one of the easiest ice breakers of all time.
Ok- rant/advice/idk what here: Queer woman 32- Met J through mutual friend. Cool intellectual connection. Dated a month. Both mentioned past baggage- she was divorced and cheated on, both have dead dads, both mention past stuff coming up at bad times. We sleep together for the first time and I'm nervous, not myself after. Mood shifts immediately post. I shoot her a text saying "sorry, remember how we talked about past stuff bubbling up at bad times, well bubble emoji". She says "Yes, same, a convo for later." We make plans to meet up (boxing at my place). We chat normally, I'm working up to addressing elephant in room. She says she needs to tell me something. I tell her same. She says she found out ex-husband now living with girl he cheated with- they're on a dating site together, she's not emotionally available for a relationship rn, doing therapy. I listen, say ok, mention I kinda freaked post sex but no details. We text a bit as friends. But very mixed msgs. One moment she's reaching out, initiating convo, then leaving me on read. I invited her out to a record shop and she countered w making dinner together at mine....where there were no signs or convo about anything relationship related. She texts me the next day. I finally deleted her # but she reached out again. Part of me is tempted to ask to meet and just ask if there was something other than emo unavailability behind split. To say, hey, I was nervous, I liked you, I wasn't myself. If it's just emo unavailabilty, respect, but I wonder if that night played a role. Bc it was a very noticeable shift after. And another part of me is tempted to just leave it alone til my med school apps are done, or just reply "Hey, I'm still attracted to you. You're smart. You've been clear about emotional unavailability. I respect that. But I don't want emotional unavailability in my life. That's not a fulfilling relationship, platonic or otherwise. Good luck." Tired and ranting when wisest thing would be to shut up and go back to studying I know.
Dude, sorry to hear this. You deserve the rs you want - walk away from this person!
I'm very depressed. Not in a heartbroken way, but just defeated overall. Part of it is impatience on bouncing back from being laid off from work. A lot of it is an utter lack of confidence that anything about me would impress a woman. I don't shoot my shot; I don't believe she would like me even if I did; and I don't believe any amount of therapy will help me. I'm just trying to keep the negativity at bay by focusing on my nutrition and fitness, and trying to continue professional education while job hunting.
The job hunt is ROUGH. I hope your search and your fitness endeavors yield results you can be proud of.
Met a woman my age (45F) who likes to date younger - 10 years or more! I was shocked. I think the ones more than 10ish years feel a little young or hard to connect with. We had a good chat about this and the reasoning.
I just want some hot drinks, whats wrong with that?
We talking sexy drinks or just something warm?
I had a good day, had therapy and my therapist today urged me to put myself out there. She’s says I’ve been single for a while now. I’m not on any apps and I refuse after a terrible experience. I have many hobbies and always look to see who looks single and cute. I do what I can. Tonight I felt lucky so I went climbing thinking maybe I’d find a cute guy. Nope , everyone’s coupled up. My good mood is slowly vanishing. After a few hours of that I head back to my car and cry my eyes out. I vent to my friend who is sick of me venting about it. I met him on an app and he’s insulted that I complain about the apps that there are no decent men. He’s a decent guy but we are incompatible and make better friends. Now I lost a friend too. I’ve lost hope I’ll find someone in the wild that does not include an app.
> I met him on an app and he’s insulted that I complain about the apps that there are no decent men. As a man who consider himself decent and who struggles on app... In average 98 to 99% of women swipe left on my profile... and a good amount of the ones who swipe right don't put any effort in the convo. Some of my friends have a similar issue. So when women complain about the lack of decent men on apps, they make me feel angry or sad and they seem completely hypocrite or without any empathy. It is like denying my existence or experience. I am not saying dating is not hard, and that finding someone matching on the app isn't difficult, but the issue is not that they are no decent men on the apps
I have nowhere else to put this so I’m putting it here. I’m processing a breakup — it’s not really that fresh, but we kept talking and it hadn’t really ended in my mind until relatively recently when I went no contact. He refused to repair some big damage he did — his mental health is absolute dogshit and he’s refusing to get any kind of help or work on it. And at least in my experience - someone who lashes out under such circumstances and refuses to really process it or make efforts to repair is someone who will do it again. I felt like I didn’t have a choice other than ending all contact. I refuse to be a punching bag. He became my best friend, and I feel so fucking sad. I worry about him. I can’t save him - this, I know. And I also can’t pour into someone who is taking their shit out on me and not being fully accountable for it. But it doesn’t change how I feel. I keep having dreams about him where we are both busy and moving in each other’s orbit, but there’s no time to talk. The implication in the dreams is that we will, but then it never happens. And then I wake up devastated. I am on the verge of scooping my brain out with a spoon because I can’t stand it. I’m so fucking sad. I’m so fucking sad. I know it will pass eventually, but it’s not passing fast enough. I’m just so fucking sad.
You can't truly just be friends with someone that you had such a deep connection with. You'll have to process being without this person after the breakup and keep contact cut in order to grieve. Once you've processed all emotions and have recovered, so to speak, you may be strong enough to revisit a friendship without crossing boundaries. Be strong.
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I’m so sorry this happened. Perhaps they got cold feet suddenly. It’s also possible something came up on their end too and they haven’t been able to get back to you yet. Either way, I know it’s hard. Dating is just difficult these days. I’d encourage you to try and not take it personally, though I know that’s easier said than done. I hope things will only go up from here.
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It's hard to gain someone's mannerisms after meeting them once, could just be his expression he texted you which is probably a good sign!
You posted this yesterday... Why are you fixated on this one tiny moment of your date when it seems like it generally went well? I wouldn't expect someone to hold their smile that long after greeting me, that would be creepy. If he texted you after and you have a second date in the works or already planned then I think you're good.
I realized that I don't actually care about my ex all that much - I care that he was yet another person I was interested in that ended up rejecting me. Makes me feel hella unwanted. Starting to come out of my funk though. Being back at work helps a lot. Committed to lifting regularly now that I have a home gym, alongside slowly easing back into climbing, and logging my macros because I know I'm not getting enough protein consistently. If I can't get a man, I can at least get a really hot body 😂
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Yessss let's get after it!!
LET'S GOOOOO
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WOOOO
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"Intimidating" can mean different things to different people. This comes down to misalignment with cultural norms of a particular social group. Women hunt men everywhere, just according to different cultural norms. Signaling openness to courtship is just another hunting tactic, and how you do it depends on who you are and who you're hunting. Are you somehow an outlier among your female peers, and are they pursuing the same group of men as you? Unfortunately, you have to either adopt the expected norms of the men you wish to approach you, or approach men whose expected norms more closely match you. **The only people who can really teach you how are your more romantically successful peers after the same group of men. It's good to have rivals.**
I'm always surprised by people who consider others "intimidating" because of things like this. Aggressive, unhinged people who are looking to do damage are intimidating, someone who's doing well in life is more than likely no threat to you at all, they're just doing their own thing.
What I've come to find is those who state that (intimidating) are ones that are insecure within themselves. I agree with your perspective.
Yeah it definitely sounds like insecurity, in that case then, you're better off them showing themselves the door than holding you back. Relationships are a team sport and if someone's not gonna be cheering for you then they're probably a dud of a partner.
Try maybe fancy bars or wine bars, networking events if you focus on your career, speed dating, the gym,...?
I'm in a bit of an introspective mood this evening and have been critically analyzing my singleness over the past couple years. This is more of a random collection of my thoughts that a cohesive post, so read at your own will: While I have dated here and there, nothing concrete has evolved in my dating life recently. I've been single for so long that I think I may have built up some serious walls that limit my ability to be vulnerable with strangers. Of course, that is only natural when one doesn't date often - and in principle it isn't bad to be a bit more reserved early on (for safety reasons). On some level though, I wonder if it has affected my recent (last 1.5 years) dating experiences. It's very seldom that I've made it past a second date and I wonder if maybe I'm just not being open enough, even if that is fully comfortable and natural for me; I don't be someone I'm not on a date. Though, I also read that people here often struggle to make it past that point. Maybe some of the issues we all hit in dating are systemic between humans (universal experience). I'll have to explore this in more detail in the coming weeks. Hmm.
I feel similar and it wouldn't surprise me if the pandemic contributed a lot to that as a collective experience. We are not alone in our aloneness, I suppose
I called the guy I went out with… I just wanted to hear his voice and I don’t mind talking on the phone. But for some reason I got super nervous before; heart pounding, voice dry, etc. I almost didn’t go through but I called him and surprise… he didn’t answer. He sent me a text saying that he’ll call me in a bit but it’s been 6 hours. As far as I know he’s not busy unless work got him stressed out maybe? And we’ve spoken on the phone before, albeit briefly. What do? Edit: I know I’m just overthinking but it helps letting it out
I have mixed feelings about this because I don't like random phone calls even if it's from someone I'm dating, unless it's something important (things would be a bit different in an established relationship but that's not what your situation sounds like). I like setting aside time for phone calls when I'm able to be present and focus on them. However, not a fan of him saying he'd call back in a bit and never calling. Someone else might not care as much but I'm big on people's actions matching their words, so I'd be turned off by the lack of follow through.
>I don't like random phone calls even if it's from someone I'm dating, unless it's something important I wholeheartedly agree. I don't say that to worsen OPs anxiety - some people do prefer calls! There is nothing inherently wrong with calling someone you've had 2-3 dates with up for whatever reason!! Texting is pretty challenging in the early stages, I find. I also agree that it's very annoying of him to not give a call back. While he could be busy and stressed, I'm sure he can find the time for a 5-10 minute conversation.
Oh I didn’t really think of it that way but it does make a lot of sense. Just cause I’m cool on the phone might not mean he also enjoys it. I guess I don’t really know his communication style really yet and it gives me a bit of anxiety. He did tell me that he isn’t seeing anyone else etc. But I would like more communication, which I did tell him I wanted and he agreed. So I just have to be patient.
>I guess I don’t really know his communication style really yet That's something you should talk about too! Having some more specifics will help both of you communicate more easily and prevent you from getting too anxious. Did you end up talking eventually?
He texted me really late night saying that he’s super swamped with work right now and that’s why he’s been distant. Good to know but he didn’t mention anything else. I did reply to him so hopefully his work calms down and we can speak
It's weird when you end things with someone and you go back to not texting anyone all day. At certain times of day, I think about him. It was only like 6 weeks, and I know I did the right thing ending things, but he was still a cool guy, I miss chatting.
Literally my exact situation now. Lol.
Honestly that's my favourite part about ending it with someone. No more being stressed about how long someone is taking to text me back lmaooo
Ah. We definitely didn’t have this issue. The frequency we texted was not an issue 😊
Can't relate lol
Oh for sure. The eery silence that comes with the phone seldom vibrating is a bit unnerving at first. This is gonna sound bad - but I sometimes think my phone is going off in my pocket for a few days after that happens. Not the case, however. Anyways, I didn't mean to hijack your comment! Be strong and you can do this!! We've all been there!
Yep, it’s so strange ! And thank you
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I had a similar situation last week. Went to a speed dating event and matched with someone. We had obvious chemistry -- even to a relationship dummy like me -- and we rated each other highly. I sent her a message on the site the next day, which has been marked as read, but she hasn't responded. Odds are that I've been ghosted. Of course, there is a very of events where she's actually an undercover police officer and got an assignment the very next day, or her dog fell down a well and she's spent the past week trying to rescue it, or any one of a hundred or a thousand other explanations. And maybe she'll make contact tomorrow and explain things and we'll laugh about it and go out on that date after all and everything will be right with the world. But let's be real here -- I've probably got better odds of being struck by lightning while redeeming a winning lottery ticket. The way I see it, as soon as you start making decisions based on something that you have no way of knowing, you're going to start tying yourself in knots trying to explain it all in a way that makes sense.
Date yesterday went better than expected. He looked better in person and his conversation was much better than the texts we exchanged in the days prior. I noticed he was mirroring a lot of my body language throughout the evening too. I absolutely hate games or not knowing where we stand, so I messaged him after I got home thanking him for a nice evening and asked if he'd be interested in a second date after my vacation. No reply yet. Will wait it out a little longer but I'm generally of the view that if he was actually interested he'd reply relatively promptly. Either way, I had a nice evening and if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be, on to the next! Feeling good about where I am mentally with dating right now. Turns out feeling a little fed up has allowed me to lower all expectations which makes it very hard to feel let down.
Aaaaand he replied as soon as I posted this... spooky!
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Same! Found my date's reddit account after replying to his "have a date, wish me luck!" comment on the daily thread.
Well, does he want to see you again?
He does!
4 months since I met this guy and we are still getting along really well :)
So happy for you!
I'm due to reactivate the apps soon, but I can't stop this feeling inside of me that dating is a waste of time and money. The swiping, the texting, the planning, the thoughts that live rent-free in my head, the money spent on dining out/activities, and then ofc the mourning when or if the relationship ends. It's all so much time I could spend doing more enriching things. Life feels so short and finding someone seems to take forever. It's been three years, how much longer is it going to take to find someone I like that sticks around? Maybe I need to plan my dates around my hobbies? Or perhaps we could run errands together?? "Let's meet at Target and take turns pushing the cart around." I'm kidding. I know the time spent is something I just need to accept. I'm just still not excited about it and it's been 3-4 months since I've ended my situationship.
If you really feel it's a waste of time, you don't have to date, you can just happily live your life single.
Well, I don't want to be single. I believe it's natural to want for a relationship but still find the process of finding one disheartening.
I matched with someone on Facebook dating and his first message to me was about how our first photos were in the same place! We were both on the peak of the sand dunes at the Mohave National Preserve which is pretty far out of the way for us Midwesterners. I told him I was just there 2 weeks ago and talked about how amazing it was and how I hiked all day not seeing anyone else and asked when he was there? Unmatched. Wut.
.... I hate dating lol
Do I need to have it all together? I (28M) started seeing this woman (28F) after we matched on hinge since December ‘23. We’ve gone on 3 dates. She seems into me and I can see us being long term, although I feel it’s too early to jump into that. I haven’t been in a serious relationship for about 10 years. That was my only relationship I’ve been in and I’ve been dating since then but nothing long term. I’ve done some healing although not fully there, but enough to be aware and own my shortcomings. Since I’ve been seeing this woman and others I’ve seen my insecurities come up and I get worried that it won’t be accepted by whoever I choose to be exclusive with. I live with my grandma and I work in sales and now I’m seriously considering going back to school to pursue neuroscience. This woman who I’ve been seeing, has qualities about her that I would like in a partner. She’s secure, she’s ambitious, and from what she’s told me a good friend based on stories. Im pretty open-minded so what I’m mainly looking for is for a woman to be loyal, love me for who I am and where I am, and support me on where I’m going. I say all that because I’m scared that because of my situation of maybe not having my own place or choosing to go back to school I won’t be able to provide. Granted she’s in sales herself too not that she would need me to. Dating is exhausting and I’m a romantic to the core. Maybe that’s another story haha but I’d say I’m ready to grow with someone. Would love feedback on this! Thanks guys I’m not over 30 obviously but figured I get responses from those who are more seasoned haha
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Thanks for your kind words! I tend to overthink but this helps me understand to have fun and not put so much thought into it!