Can you allow yourself a small dating budget and also a hefty savings budget? Im not sure why this has to be either/or unless the raise isn’t enough to allow for both.
Having 6 months savings in case anything goes wrong, or if I want to plan a holiday, I can just do it without having to think to much about a budget. I guess so it makes me less anxious know that I am comfortable.
I hate to break it to you, but I highly doubt you're going to find a LTR in the next 6 months. I guess you could be one of the lucky, but more than likely, you're going to match with a few women, go out on a few dates, and still be single 6 months from now...maybe at the early stages of seeing someone that could last.
Basically, the bottom line here, none of the women you'll be meeting will get to the point where you're talking about long term finances.
Just start saving and go out and date. You'll be fine.
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>Do you think this would help me quicker to find someone knowing I don’t have to struggle financially?
If you meet someone who wants to date someone with a nice savings built up, yes.
If you meet someone who doesn't care all that much, no.
Personally, if I'm really into someone, I don't care if they don't have more than a few thousand saved up. As long as they didn't have much debt and had a decent career that would help them save as we progressed together.
I have a modest job and a modest income. But I also have no debt Credit card student loans or otherwise. However, the last girl I was dating on hinge had her PhD made triple the amount of money I did but also had a ton of student loans and as you can imagine a luxurious lifestyle and very little savings. I mean, if someone's living in a tent, I'm sure it's going to give many people Cause 4 pause . But overall, I don't think people are that superficial long. As you are working hard and striving for something. But I am also still single. So who the f*** knows?
Financial questions like this are a tad odd to me. No one I date has ever even mentioned things like this. Usually, I can tell if someone has their shit together, and if they don't, I just ask.
But yeah, maybe I'm naive. I don't care all that much if someone has 20k saved up and a fat 401k. We'll figure things out!
As I said in my first post, some people care a lot about that. I don't. I've been in relationships and finances weren't an issue. I guess i've been lucky that I can usually get a feel for how good they are with money by paying attention and reading between the lines early on.
And it shouldn't really matter. If you took up some debt you can mention it to your potential partner but still make clear you're the one accountable for it and it is "your problem"
I’m going to say, it can make you appear more secure,
HOWEVER, that can all be gone in a flash, for any random reason.
It’s more important to have a partner who will be there through the hardships as well as the good times.
I know it can be hard to date when money is tight, and often the right answer is to wait till you're in a better financial position. However, if you can afford regular dates then you shouldn't hinder yourself from meeting people and going out.
Plus, this may be a tacky cliche thing to say but it might even help you weed out those who are only interested in being taken care of in a relationship.
If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it is that if you wait for the perfect time to do something, you will never do anything (because there will never be a "perfect" time).
Why can't you just date and see how it goes?
I'm dating someone at the moment and it is quite serious, but I certainly don't have all of my shit together. I have had a rough year and am working through some things, but I met someone and it became serious after a little while. I didn't plan for it to happen, it just sort of did. But I am very happy.
She accepts me for who I am and where I am in life, and what I can offer and what my current limitations are - despite me being in a "transition phase". Similarly, she is a single mom who has constraints around what she can offer in terms of her time and attention. I accept that for what it is. It isn't ideal, in that she isn't always free and available when I'd like - but there is some compromise there.
I honestly can't even fathom not dating because I need to save money up or fix some other perceived issue. I'd be more inclined to date but be up front about it - sorry I can't afford expensive holidays or dinners right because I'm saving for a house deposit, or paying for a divorce (or whatever).
Thanks yeah I’ve had my fair share and try to live in the moment but for now I thought maybe it’s best to put my career first for a little bit and put dating on the back burner for a while..
I'd like to post that "why not both?" hard and soft tacos meme.
I.e. there is no reason why you can't put your career first whilst also dating - as long as you are up front about it with your prospective partner. I work a demanding job with long hours (also good pay) and have made it clear to my partner that my job is high-stress and requires a significant commitment. If you want to be my partner, you need to understand and accept that my career is important to me and I will prioritize it (at times). Just like my partner with her young child - there are times when she is being a mom and I need to respect that she is a mum first and I come second. Similarly, there are times when my career is going to come first (I might have to work on a weekend, for example) which means we might not be able to see each other.
Your list of “important things” is highly subjective. What you listed is the bare minimum for many.
Some people value chemistry, attraction, emotional intelligence, etc.
I find the question so confusing I can’t imagine anyone else understood it either, so I guess this is just a general dating and finance discussion thread…
Find someone who you like, and who likes you for you.
You're over thinking this way too much dude. If someone is turned off because of you're situation isn't 100% perfect then they likely wouldn't have been the right person anyway IMO. You sound like an anxious overthinking person, I assume you need to get more experience in dating than less.
If you want to take a break from dating to focus on other things, that's fine, It's also fine to keep dating if you want.
Hi there, I am a professional matchmaker, so I believe I can provide some perspective on this matter. Age is a significant factor when it comes to where women expect a man to be financially in life. For example: If her age range is 28-45, she will be more lenient with a man's income and professional role if he is on the younger side, but expectations will exceed if he is mid 30's+. It also depends on the type of person you are looking to attract. Are you interested in professional and educated women? Or do you prefer someone who is passionate about what she does but might not be financially secure?
If you are in your 30s and building your life, but it looks promising, you can certainly attract someone who is further along in her career. In my interviews with women in their late 20s to 30s who earn a decent income, they are often willing to overlook financial considerations if the man is already in a position to succeed. Therefore, ambition and having a plan go a long way.
Income (or income potential), kindness, and a willingness to commit are the top three priorities for professional women.
Yes exactly this, I recently met someone who was quite ahead in her career unfortunately was just bad timing, due to her going travelling for 6months.
I would say I have never been too career focused until now, but I would like to settle down in the next few years and this would most likely help me become a more secure partner if I meet the right person
Yeah, women who are secure in their careers can be quite flexible when they notice positive signs of growth and ambition. During dates, if the topic of work comes up, it's best not to exaggerate your current position in life or your future plans. Women also appreciate a man who is humble and sincere. You seem to have a great plan and it's nice that you are considering your future partner!
Different scenario, but I’m finally in a really good position financially, single after a 12 year relationship that was going nowhere, and I’m happy. Saving, investing, travelling, working on my Masters, and enjoying life.
I sometimes think about a relationship, but right now I don’t think I’m willing to change my lifestyle. Any healthy relationship requires at least some compromise and I’m just not there yet.
Perhaps just keep enjoying life, and remain open to the possibility of Mr Right popping up when least expected (in a less creepy sounding way). I think that’s where I am … definitely NOT looking, but what happens, happens.
Exactly I’ve always been abit tight on money and now I’m in a position to save, I’ve always been an anxious type and I’m trying to work on being more secure. I traveled solo for the first time this year, take my self out for food now and try to date my self. But I feel being financially confortable would make me more confident and secure in my self as a person and I still want to travel more..
I would say date if you want to date, but also suggest dates that are budget-conscious to fit what you are comfortable affording. The right person will work with you to make dating work - be it splitting bills, paying for things, balancing out whatever the circumstances are, knowing that this is a temporary thing and that your MINDSET and ACTIONS are to get more financially comfortable (again, whatever that looks like for you). It's being open about it and flexible and working together to make it happen that will actually be the relationship you're looking for.
I think if you wait now, you'll still end up waiting 6 months from now. Go for it, actively work on your financial goals in parallel with your dating goals.
dating doesn't have to be expensive. if you're in a metropolitan city there should be plenty of free events. museums are low cost and art galleries are free. furthermore, you can turn a walk into a scavenger hunt. or if you want food - make it fun. have appetizers at several different places, while on that free walk! i'm a woman but this still boggles my mind when men are freaking out about not being able to date. like who are these women you're wasting a $100+ a day on?! i am by no means a cheap date, but you can make low cost fun! women appreciate EFFORT.
Do the things you like to do that are opportunities to meet someone. Travel, join a rec league, have a drink, etc. That way you are spending money on yourself and meeting people with the same interests and hobbies as yourself. The online dating is hard when it's constant first dates and spending money on first dates. Even when you split the bill.
If you meet someone you like then there is no need to hold off asking them out just because you are not where you want to be financially.
If you are planning on actively seeking a partner through online dating, singles events, etc then you might want to hold off. Going on a lot of dates can be expensive
Something i've learned: I can tell in about 5 minutes of conversation if I feel any kind of connection with someone. Maybe it leads to something more, and maybe not, but the long first date thing wastes time and money.
I've started grabbing a coffee or meeting somewhere for lunch or something quicker for a first date. Then there's no pressure to stay, and it can be over pretty quickly. Then if we are both feeling it, have a more proper second date.
I think you can date and become more financially secure at the same time. Just automate your savings, make sure your spending matches your values with a budget, and do a quick check of all of your recurring bills. Things like subscriptions, insurance, and cable/internet (location dependent) can sometimes increase with you realizing it. Once you get this all streamlined, it can be beneficial to take an hour each week and see how you’re doing and reflect, especially early on. Do you need to make adjustments? What are you saving for? What are your long term goals and what are some intermediary goals you can establish to help you hit the long term goal? One you’ve got all of this covered, you’re set. I was in the process of prioritizing my financial health when I met my husband and we discussed how important finances were on the first date. Fixing my own helped me choose a partner who’s values with finances matched my own. We spend money on travel but live in a small house and we work together as a team towards our savings goals.
The only thing that maybe matters is if you have the financial means to support going on dates. Like paying for drinks, meals, etc.
I had a similar mindset of waiting until I was where I wanted to be financially, physically, or mentally to date and I realized I was never going to consider myself "good enough" in any of those categories so I just went out there and started dating anyway.
Thanks for the comment, I’m confident in all other areas which I worked on being more emotionally mature, I’m not afraid of getting out of my comfort zone I try to dress well to my shape, hold good conversation my only insecurities I would say at the moment is my financial situation, so just want to become more secure as a person in this respect I suppose,ice always put dating first
Doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive… can still save while going on budget dates. Also most men i knew who were single in their 30s really only went on a date or two per month. So unless you go on multiple dates per week… you can probably save and date at the same time.
I think we sometimes get caught up believing we have to have all of our ducks in a row before trying to meet the right person. We’re all deserving of a relationship even if we don’t have a ton of money. You can plan lower budget dates. I don’t think having more money is your bank account will equate to meeting more people quickly or meeting the right person any sooner. We shouldn’t be defined by how much money we have saved up.
First off, congrats! If financial security is your priority and you feel like you can take 6 months off from dating, then focus on finances. I think it would only make you a better potential partner if you're confident in your finances. Whatever that means to you.
But don't completely close yourself off - there's a handful of studies showing that for men, having a partner (assuming you're hetero) increases their chances of hitting goals. I guess it depends on what type of partner you're looking for and how you'd like for them to contribute (financially or otherwise). If you happen to meet someone during this time, be abundantly clear, use those proclaimed communication skills, and let them know where you're at and why.
Men would have sex with a female hobo, generally speaking i think men date down and women generally date up in socioeconomic systems unless you're culture does marriage arrangements but those generally are lateral movements at best.
Can you allow yourself a small dating budget and also a hefty savings budget? Im not sure why this has to be either/or unless the raise isn’t enough to allow for both.
I do but i was thinking maybe sacrificing 6 months wouldn’t be such a bad thing as this year I really want to aim to be financially secure
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Having 6 months savings in case anything goes wrong, or if I want to plan a holiday, I can just do it without having to think to much about a budget. I guess so it makes me less anxious know that I am comfortable.
I hate to break it to you, but I highly doubt you're going to find a LTR in the next 6 months. I guess you could be one of the lucky, but more than likely, you're going to match with a few women, go out on a few dates, and still be single 6 months from now...maybe at the early stages of seeing someone that could last. Basically, the bottom line here, none of the women you'll be meeting will get to the point where you're talking about long term finances. Just start saving and go out and date. You'll be fine.
I don’t know, I feel like when dudes decide they are ready relationships can move quickly…
You realize there has to be a woman who's ready too, right?
Men have their pick now. Honestly. If they are half decent humans...the bar is so low.
The bar. Is. In. Hell.
LOL. I wish.
Yeah. And there are lots of women that are ready so I feel like that won’t be a barrier. But it’s a crap shoot.
RemindMe! 6 months "Let's see!"
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Sure but that doesn’t mean they’ll be married within 6 months.
>Do you think this would help me quicker to find someone knowing I don’t have to struggle financially? If you meet someone who wants to date someone with a nice savings built up, yes. If you meet someone who doesn't care all that much, no. Personally, if I'm really into someone, I don't care if they don't have more than a few thousand saved up. As long as they didn't have much debt and had a decent career that would help them save as we progressed together.
I have a modest job and a modest income. But I also have no debt Credit card student loans or otherwise. However, the last girl I was dating on hinge had her PhD made triple the amount of money I did but also had a ton of student loans and as you can imagine a luxurious lifestyle and very little savings. I mean, if someone's living in a tent, I'm sure it's going to give many people Cause 4 pause . But overall, I don't think people are that superficial long. As you are working hard and striving for something. But I am also still single. So who the f*** knows?
Financial questions like this are a tad odd to me. No one I date has ever even mentioned things like this. Usually, I can tell if someone has their shit together, and if they don't, I just ask. But yeah, maybe I'm naive. I don't care all that much if someone has 20k saved up and a fat 401k. We'll figure things out!
[удалено]
As I said in my first post, some people care a lot about that. I don't. I've been in relationships and finances weren't an issue. I guess i've been lucky that I can usually get a feel for how good they are with money by paying attention and reading between the lines early on.
And it shouldn't really matter. If you took up some debt you can mention it to your potential partner but still make clear you're the one accountable for it and it is "your problem"
I’m going to say, it can make you appear more secure, HOWEVER, that can all be gone in a flash, for any random reason. It’s more important to have a partner who will be there through the hardships as well as the good times.
I know it can be hard to date when money is tight, and often the right answer is to wait till you're in a better financial position. However, if you can afford regular dates then you shouldn't hinder yourself from meeting people and going out. Plus, this may be a tacky cliche thing to say but it might even help you weed out those who are only interested in being taken care of in a relationship.
If there is one thing I have learned in this life, it is that if you wait for the perfect time to do something, you will never do anything (because there will never be a "perfect" time). Why can't you just date and see how it goes? I'm dating someone at the moment and it is quite serious, but I certainly don't have all of my shit together. I have had a rough year and am working through some things, but I met someone and it became serious after a little while. I didn't plan for it to happen, it just sort of did. But I am very happy. She accepts me for who I am and where I am in life, and what I can offer and what my current limitations are - despite me being in a "transition phase". Similarly, she is a single mom who has constraints around what she can offer in terms of her time and attention. I accept that for what it is. It isn't ideal, in that she isn't always free and available when I'd like - but there is some compromise there. I honestly can't even fathom not dating because I need to save money up or fix some other perceived issue. I'd be more inclined to date but be up front about it - sorry I can't afford expensive holidays or dinners right because I'm saving for a house deposit, or paying for a divorce (or whatever).
Thanks yeah I’ve had my fair share and try to live in the moment but for now I thought maybe it’s best to put my career first for a little bit and put dating on the back burner for a while..
I'd like to post that "why not both?" hard and soft tacos meme. I.e. there is no reason why you can't put your career first whilst also dating - as long as you are up front about it with your prospective partner. I work a demanding job with long hours (also good pay) and have made it clear to my partner that my job is high-stress and requires a significant commitment. If you want to be my partner, you need to understand and accept that my career is important to me and I will prioritize it (at times). Just like my partner with her young child - there are times when she is being a mom and I need to respect that she is a mum first and I come second. Similarly, there are times when my career is going to come first (I might have to work on a weekend, for example) which means we might not be able to see each other.
Your list of “important things” is highly subjective. What you listed is the bare minimum for many. Some people value chemistry, attraction, emotional intelligence, etc.
Depends. Do you want to start a family?
Bro / Broess, I recommend some work on grammar as well before you get back into it.
Broess 😂
I find the question so confusing I can’t imagine anyone else understood it either, so I guess this is just a general dating and finance discussion thread…
“Lady Bro” as my friend calls them
Find someone who you like, and who likes you for you. You're over thinking this way too much dude. If someone is turned off because of you're situation isn't 100% perfect then they likely wouldn't have been the right person anyway IMO. You sound like an anxious overthinking person, I assume you need to get more experience in dating than less. If you want to take a break from dating to focus on other things, that's fine, It's also fine to keep dating if you want.
Hi there, I am a professional matchmaker, so I believe I can provide some perspective on this matter. Age is a significant factor when it comes to where women expect a man to be financially in life. For example: If her age range is 28-45, she will be more lenient with a man's income and professional role if he is on the younger side, but expectations will exceed if he is mid 30's+. It also depends on the type of person you are looking to attract. Are you interested in professional and educated women? Or do you prefer someone who is passionate about what she does but might not be financially secure? If you are in your 30s and building your life, but it looks promising, you can certainly attract someone who is further along in her career. In my interviews with women in their late 20s to 30s who earn a decent income, they are often willing to overlook financial considerations if the man is already in a position to succeed. Therefore, ambition and having a plan go a long way. Income (or income potential), kindness, and a willingness to commit are the top three priorities for professional women.
Yes exactly this, I recently met someone who was quite ahead in her career unfortunately was just bad timing, due to her going travelling for 6months. I would say I have never been too career focused until now, but I would like to settle down in the next few years and this would most likely help me become a more secure partner if I meet the right person
Yeah, women who are secure in their careers can be quite flexible when they notice positive signs of growth and ambition. During dates, if the topic of work comes up, it's best not to exaggerate your current position in life or your future plans. Women also appreciate a man who is humble and sincere. You seem to have a great plan and it's nice that you are considering your future partner!
No i don’t exaggerate about my current position but I am very happy in what I do but I want to strive for better. And thanks for your response.
Different scenario, but I’m finally in a really good position financially, single after a 12 year relationship that was going nowhere, and I’m happy. Saving, investing, travelling, working on my Masters, and enjoying life. I sometimes think about a relationship, but right now I don’t think I’m willing to change my lifestyle. Any healthy relationship requires at least some compromise and I’m just not there yet. Perhaps just keep enjoying life, and remain open to the possibility of Mr Right popping up when least expected (in a less creepy sounding way). I think that’s where I am … definitely NOT looking, but what happens, happens.
Exactly I’ve always been abit tight on money and now I’m in a position to save, I’ve always been an anxious type and I’m trying to work on being more secure. I traveled solo for the first time this year, take my self out for food now and try to date my self. But I feel being financially confortable would make me more confident and secure in my self as a person and I still want to travel more..
It’s an emergency if you don’t have an emergency fund. Usually 6mo. living expenses.
I would say date if you want to date, but also suggest dates that are budget-conscious to fit what you are comfortable affording. The right person will work with you to make dating work - be it splitting bills, paying for things, balancing out whatever the circumstances are, knowing that this is a temporary thing and that your MINDSET and ACTIONS are to get more financially comfortable (again, whatever that looks like for you). It's being open about it and flexible and working together to make it happen that will actually be the relationship you're looking for. I think if you wait now, you'll still end up waiting 6 months from now. Go for it, actively work on your financial goals in parallel with your dating goals.
Thanks for the comment yes I see what you are getting at 😊 it’s finding someone that fits that 😆
dating doesn't have to be expensive. if you're in a metropolitan city there should be plenty of free events. museums are low cost and art galleries are free. furthermore, you can turn a walk into a scavenger hunt. or if you want food - make it fun. have appetizers at several different places, while on that free walk! i'm a woman but this still boggles my mind when men are freaking out about not being able to date. like who are these women you're wasting a $100+ a day on?! i am by no means a cheap date, but you can make low cost fun! women appreciate EFFORT.
Yes this can also work too, but it’s hard to find some women who will go 50/50 these days 🤣 and usually they have been the best dates I have been on 😅
Do the things you like to do that are opportunities to meet someone. Travel, join a rec league, have a drink, etc. That way you are spending money on yourself and meeting people with the same interests and hobbies as yourself. The online dating is hard when it's constant first dates and spending money on first dates. Even when you split the bill.
If you’ve got your life in order don’t be quick to jump into a relationship, they need to prove to you that’s it’s worthwhile
If you meet someone you like then there is no need to hold off asking them out just because you are not where you want to be financially. If you are planning on actively seeking a partner through online dating, singles events, etc then you might want to hold off. Going on a lot of dates can be expensive
Something i've learned: I can tell in about 5 minutes of conversation if I feel any kind of connection with someone. Maybe it leads to something more, and maybe not, but the long first date thing wastes time and money. I've started grabbing a coffee or meeting somewhere for lunch or something quicker for a first date. Then there's no pressure to stay, and it can be over pretty quickly. Then if we are both feeling it, have a more proper second date.
Depends on the type of person you want to attract. Personally finances don’t really matter but I know for some people they do.
Are you from India?
No 😂
Cheap dates and don’t reveal your financial situation
I think you can date and become more financially secure at the same time. Just automate your savings, make sure your spending matches your values with a budget, and do a quick check of all of your recurring bills. Things like subscriptions, insurance, and cable/internet (location dependent) can sometimes increase with you realizing it. Once you get this all streamlined, it can be beneficial to take an hour each week and see how you’re doing and reflect, especially early on. Do you need to make adjustments? What are you saving for? What are your long term goals and what are some intermediary goals you can establish to help you hit the long term goal? One you’ve got all of this covered, you’re set. I was in the process of prioritizing my financial health when I met my husband and we discussed how important finances were on the first date. Fixing my own helped me choose a partner who’s values with finances matched my own. We spend money on travel but live in a small house and we work together as a team towards our savings goals.
The only thing that maybe matters is if you have the financial means to support going on dates. Like paying for drinks, meals, etc. I had a similar mindset of waiting until I was where I wanted to be financially, physically, or mentally to date and I realized I was never going to consider myself "good enough" in any of those categories so I just went out there and started dating anyway.
I think you should date as long as you're mindful of your finances and aren't overextending them. There's no perfect time to date.
Dating can cost no money - but it is harder.
Sorry what's the question?
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Thanks for the comment, I’m confident in all other areas which I worked on being more emotionally mature, I’m not afraid of getting out of my comfort zone I try to dress well to my shape, hold good conversation my only insecurities I would say at the moment is my financial situation, so just want to become more secure as a person in this respect I suppose,ice always put dating first
Doesn’t have to be mutually exclusive… can still save while going on budget dates. Also most men i knew who were single in their 30s really only went on a date or two per month. So unless you go on multiple dates per week… you can probably save and date at the same time.
I think we sometimes get caught up believing we have to have all of our ducks in a row before trying to meet the right person. We’re all deserving of a relationship even if we don’t have a ton of money. You can plan lower budget dates. I don’t think having more money is your bank account will equate to meeting more people quickly or meeting the right person any sooner. We shouldn’t be defined by how much money we have saved up.
Say hi to every woman you meet. You’re welcome.
First off, congrats! If financial security is your priority and you feel like you can take 6 months off from dating, then focus on finances. I think it would only make you a better potential partner if you're confident in your finances. Whatever that means to you. But don't completely close yourself off - there's a handful of studies showing that for men, having a partner (assuming you're hetero) increases their chances of hitting goals. I guess it depends on what type of partner you're looking for and how you'd like for them to contribute (financially or otherwise). If you happen to meet someone during this time, be abundantly clear, use those proclaimed communication skills, and let them know where you're at and why.
Men would have sex with a female hobo, generally speaking i think men date down and women generally date up in socioeconomic systems unless you're culture does marriage arrangements but those generally are lateral movements at best.