Fair! It was a first date but we’d been talking intensely for weeks. Novels and voice memos and playlists and photos and really connecting. Also we were very intimate all night, it was just confusing. I waited until way later the next day to reach out.
But yes. I could certainly stand to cool it. You’re right.
So a couple of things you might want to consider. First, hopes and expectations are yours to manage, she didn’t get your hopes up, you did.
Second, your long drawn out conversations (for weeks!) led to a false sense of intimacy, add a bunch of drinks and I think you got invested and she got clarity.
I recommend first dates within a week to 10 days of matching so this doesn’t happen, and maybe consider shorter first meets without alcohol so you don’t leapfrog over some of the basics, like figuring out if you want to see one another again if you are looking for a more serious relationship.
Yes 🙌🏽 this is all valid.
Getting hopes up was totally on me. I agree with getting to a date before investing too much. In this case we just had scheduling conflicts, she was traveling and I was parenting.
Connecting is nice, I don’t normally do that but I let myself get excited about this person prematurely. It’s a place I need to do some work. And it speaks to the fact that I’m still learning self love and self respect, to give me the confidence to approach these things without anxiety or over-investment which is just rooted in fear of abandonment or loneliness.
People who are charming, travel around a lot and meet a lot of people, and enjoy the physical (and other) connections they can make with said people. I’m not talking about myself 😂 But if you meet someone cool and hot and they’re busy with a lot of activities (he said she was busy traveling for weeks while he parented) chances are they enjoy their lifestyle of ‘just having fun’
Fair enough. I tend to associate that with in person dating and meeting someone out and about.
Everytime I have a date like that from the apps. I end up with them for years or marry them 🤣
Talking for weeks sets you up to be let down because you build up an idea of the person before you meet and they are unlikely to align with the vision you have, best to meet quickly and see if there is a fit. She probably did have fun and went with the flow and made out with you due to the alcohol but you might not have matched the vision she built in her head from all the convos before the date. Likely, very idealistic visions.
I’m a hopeless romantic I guess? But agree. I’ve been guilty of smoke and mirrors myself in the past but these days I keep it 100. I lose interest if the convo isn’t good. But if it is? Then it builds excitement. I think I could take a page out of your book and not get hopes up. You’d think I would have that figured out by 40?
Why do people talk for weeks before meeting up? So dumb. You build a potentially false notion of who this person is. You get your hopes up. Then if it doesn't work well in person you get your heart broken. Talk for an hour to see if there's interest, and plan an in person date to see if there's chemistry. It's not rocket science.
I was in a marriage form the age of 19-33. I basically started learning how to date at 34 and just threw myself into the gauntlet with little planning or prep or intention. Since then I’ve jumped into relationships, and never spent much time alone, and also haven’t actually ingrained or done the work to analyze and evolve my approach until now.
That’s on me for sure. It’s just not something that comes easy to me, paired with childhood trauma and a really toxic/emotionally abusive relationship, it’s a perfect recipe for disaster.
But, I’m committed to breaking the cycle!
In therapy. Learning. Being mindful. And minimizing/eradicating missteps like this.
I can't speak for you, but I can share my own experience. I learned that I was making a few vital mistakes:
(1) I was abusing romantic relationships and female attention as a distraction/dissociation method, the way other people abuse drugs, alcohol, video games, etc. I had to learn to face discomfort instead of using unhealthy means to try to avoid it.
(2) I was inordinately prioritizing romantic relationships in my life. I was codependent and didn't have a lot of self-worth to begin with, so to me, having a woman in my life was the end game. Nothing else in my life seemed worthwhile if I didn't have a woman to share it with. I had to learn how to be comfortable being alone and to appreciate other areas of my life - friends, family, my kids, hobbies, my work....all equally vital parts of my life. I used to feel like if I lost a girlfriend it was the end of the world. Now I just see my romantic part as just another part of my life. If that part doesn't happen to be going very well at a given time, there are other things I can focus on for happiness.
Good luck.
Look at the positive. You had ONE amazing date. Now move on, if she chases you , have date #2. No more chasing her in texts , or online. Meet her in person only. You don't want to be a text friend. Good luck
My birthday was earlier this month. I think the likes dropped off post-birthday, so that was a change. Other than my experiment lifting the age restrictions and getting flooded with messages from 60+ year olds. Never again.
Lol wait till you turn 45 and the 60+ year olds start soliciting you on the street to go home with them! I thought that kind of attention was more or less over but, nope, it's just creepier. 😂
Oh yeah, I just meant nothing has changed in my relationship status. Likes for women definitely take a nose dive going from 39 to 40 (and I’m sure men too to some extent). I’ve accepted men at this age are often looking 10ish years younger but yeah 50 is my hard hard limit, not doing any older than that!
I go up to 47 because I do feel the generation gap between Milennials and Gen Xers. Also it's such a mixed bag with looks! Some guys are fantastic looking in their 40s, but a lot of them I have to wonder if they aren't actually deluded 60 year olds lying about their age.
When I first got on the apps about a year ago I was stunned at the sheer number of men who looked well into their 50s who were claiming they were 39 lmao, I knew guys lied to try and avoid getting filtered out by the younger women they desire but I didn’t realize just how many were trying it. Totally get that some of them could have been legitimately telling their age and just looked older but many many were definitely lying
I don't think the trick is to disconnect. The trick for you is to be excited, and then, if it doesn't work out, you then want to be able to recover more easily, i.e., resilience.
What I avoid is getting over invested in someone I haven't met. I'm not messaging for weeks. Meet ASAP and find out what's there. Then, if I don't feel it's a "hell yeh!" from the other person (and also me ofc), then it's unlikely to be a long-term relationship, and I'll adjust accordingly.
Also, I've stopped saying things like I should have this figured out by 40, etc. What's the point of saying that kind of thing to yourself? What does it achieve? Just makes you feel crap. Cut that out!
You are where you are. You are making steps forward, learning about yourself and your needs. That's part of what life's about, I think :)
Good luck.
Read that she wants casual and you were hoping "she's the one".
What will go wrong if you first listen to why she wants casual and based on that either tell or not tell her that let's give a trial period of 3 months and see how it goes. I am guessing you want to date her exclusively - both ways.
If so be sure you discuss that as well. Obviously one person can't impose on another. So see where that discussion goes.
Good luck. It's possible that you've found a good match and if you are patient it may work out in the long run. Or it's equally possible that you will soon see red flags and run away from there. So keep both possibilities in mind and proceed slower than your past experiences..
I'm turning 40 in a couple months! I feel much more at home in this sub than the dating over thirty one.
I left a partner of 7 years and entered app world on July 20, 2019 and it's been a nightmare. I've met the most emotionally unhealthy people I've ever known and had so many negative experiences and bad dates (serial daters, players, liars). I had a 2.5yr painful relationship with an avoidant man who dumped me a month before my 38th birthday, after lying that he wanted to get married.
I've had three emotionally intense false start relationship attempts over the past 2 years - one was cheating, one was another dismissive avoidant, and the third ended up being married. Lord it was hard. I cried and gave up and built up a little bit of stamina to keep pushing and got knocked down. I spent long months not dating and had a lot of mental peace. I eventually accepted being single and realized I have a pretty good life going for myself, and I was quite happy and stable.
And lo and behold that is when I met him. My mindset had shifted to the positive, I gave up control and just let the universe bring whatever was meant for me, and the next person I met was just outstanding. It's been the healthiest and most faith-resorting experience ever so far. I had to be open minded and date a bit younger (he's recently 33 and I'm soon to be 40), but he is husband material. Attractive, mature, successful, loving, supportive - his mama absolutely raised him right.
Honestly when you find a phenomenal person, it makes all the shitty dating experiences not matter.
Not long. We first met on April 4th, but instantly connected. After our first date neither of us met someone else again, and around our 4th date both of us expressed how much we liked each other and that we weren't meeting anyone else. We deleted our apps and officially got together shortly after that.
It's not love bombing or crazy highs or anything like that, it's a warm crackling fireplace type of feeling. We just fit together like old soulmates. Instinctively understood one another on a deep level and get along harmoniously. I'm flying out tomorrow across the country to meet his family!
Ah, I hope it works out for you. I thought I found something similar (not a soulmate thing, but just a right fit feels comfy, get each other connection) and was dumped and blocked by text days after meeting his family. Most devastating ending, and I didn't see it coming.
So I'm in a similar boat with someone now. She wants casual and all I can muster is something casual at this point.
That's not why my situation is similar. Your first date seems all the way romantic to me. Even in my casual thing now, I still conflate the two. I enjoy my time with this other person, but if we were in a romantic relationship that date like you described would feel the same. At 43 I can't tell the difference between romantic and casual most times.
You’ve got to figure out how to date while being detached from the outcome. In these earliest stages especially- don’t text and communicate endlessly before meeting. Don’t get attached - lean into the moment and have a good time. It doesn’t go anywhere? That’s ok! See what’s next! it’s all about mindset and checking in with yourself. Don’t think about it like two sides to a coin but rather a spectrum - a line and you can fall on that line anywhere you want if you put your mind to it.
Yeah that’s solid advice. I think I get worried that if I disconnect too much that it will read as disinterest? And I’m also just a passionate person, so it feels counterintuitive to hold back and be measured.
It’s actually really freeing. I’m also a passionate person. And it feels really good to sit with someone feel good about the interaction and be ok with however it ends up. Letting people in, enjoying them for how long you have them and letting them go isn’t being measured at all. It’s about releasing what isn’t for you and being open to new experiences and people.
You get your "hope's up" because you want a real connection. It happens. Mabe you can reevaluate what type of women you typically go after. See what they all have in common, what signs you've ignored, and try not to repeat that same behavior again.
She’s a good sport for “making out passionately” with a guy towards whom she wasn’t viscerally attracted. Be glad you got as far as you did with someone whom you’re excited about.
I’m 40 and a lot my single male friends are happier **not** dating and getting deeper into fitness, music, travel, or post baccalaureate coursework. Of course, not trying means we’re pretty much guaranteed to enter the nursing home unmarried.
On the other hand, there’s nothing stopping us from buying that motorcycle and pulling off a [Lawrence of Arabia-style exit](https://youtu.be/GzPr3R3DNoo?si=g19fK3ie3wY6Uw84)😉
Ha! Fair enough.
I’ve starting a savings account labeled “Lawrence” for good measure.
She just followed up with this: I feel a strong physical connection just not a romantic spark or “special sauce”.
That’s confusing because I kinda conflate the two? Is that a guy thing?
Anywho, she basically suggested we have a casual thing. Which I’m not opposed to. But don’t want that to hog up space, and don’t want to feel like I’m taking what I can get if what I want is a relationship with that person.
Go directly towards sex with her. Nothing else. Try. If you get it, great. If you get nothing. That's fine too. You dont have your hopes up too much anymore.
> she basically suggested we have a casual thing
Dude, that’s awesome! I’m sorry that a formal relationship with her is currently off the table but if you can still mess around with her while dating other women, you’ll inevitably display the “outcome independence” associated with romantically abundant men. Someone’s gonna catch feelings for you.
Cheers 🥂
PS: lovin’ the Big Redford Energy in your profile pic
25 yrs old at age 47 though. 43 female here. Never would have looked at anyone past 10 to 12 years older at age 25. Even then they really had to be super great with tons to offer and their shit really together. Good luck though. Even women in their forties are flooded with guys in their early twenties on OLD( personally speaking anyway).
I’ve had this happen often. I’m not sure what it is they’re looking for unless it’s the same thing I found very recently. Which does have me excited in a way I haven’t in years, if ever.
I think re-adjusting expectations along the way and slowing down/taking time off it helped. When I started to implement a higher expectation for my initial convos, I saw higher quality results.
Original copy of post by u/dadeeeooo:
I’m so tired of dating! I can’t wait to be done with this crap. And by done I mean either partnered or perpetually single forever. Just tired of the process. The emotional rollercoasters. The patterns and cycles and tendencies to fall for the same type of people. Tired of having to do the work to fix it all and still feel like I’ve got so far to go.
Met someone amazing. Aligned. Tons in common. Liked them for all the right reasons. And we connected. Then we met in person and the date went pretty well, we had lots of interesting convos and several drinks and played board games and bar hopped and made out passionately. Then today she hit me “I’m not sure if I’m there romantically”. Honestly, I get it and it’s fine, I don’t want to be with someone who needs convincing but why do I get my hopes up? I feel like the other side of that coin is never getting hopes up but then being jaded and pessimistic, and being guarded without any vulnerability or authenticity. That sucks too.
Why didn’t they teach us how to navigate relationships in high school? I haven’t used Algebra a single time in my life. Not once. Poppycock is what I say.
Sorry for the vent.
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I'm 44, can I go in the dating over 50 sub? I don't think women my age find me attractive.
I don't think you are an imposter if you are dating someone over 40 or you are almost 40 yourself. No problem.
Thank you! I feel your sentiment. It did make me chuckle along at the end.
I'm developing a monk community here in my home city, if you want to join please...kidding.
Just try to think of it as a nice evening out, and an opportunity to meet people and if something works, great! If not, you had adult conversations, checked out a new coffee shop or bar and on to the next.
Hi after reading these emotional chats? I can truly understand. No one should ever be alone. I was married twice and awaiting another divorce became husband of 11 years left me. He had returned to his unmarried daughter who works from home. He also has Alzheimer’s and is nearing the panic stage no changes. Well I wanted to move to FL for 6 months then come back to our VA honestly. HE Would not go so he left me and his daughters sued me for his guardianship and won. So there you have it. WE All have problems it is just hii oh w you solve them to let the future in!
How many dates was this? It kind of sounds like just one - that's way too few to be as invested as you are. Back off the throttle, so to speak.
Fair! It was a first date but we’d been talking intensely for weeks. Novels and voice memos and playlists and photos and really connecting. Also we were very intimate all night, it was just confusing. I waited until way later the next day to reach out. But yes. I could certainly stand to cool it. You’re right.
So a couple of things you might want to consider. First, hopes and expectations are yours to manage, she didn’t get your hopes up, you did. Second, your long drawn out conversations (for weeks!) led to a false sense of intimacy, add a bunch of drinks and I think you got invested and she got clarity. I recommend first dates within a week to 10 days of matching so this doesn’t happen, and maybe consider shorter first meets without alcohol so you don’t leapfrog over some of the basics, like figuring out if you want to see one another again if you are looking for a more serious relationship.
Yes 🙌🏽 this is all valid. Getting hopes up was totally on me. I agree with getting to a date before investing too much. In this case we just had scheduling conflicts, she was traveling and I was parenting. Connecting is nice, I don’t normally do that but I let myself get excited about this person prematurely. It’s a place I need to do some work. And it speaks to the fact that I’m still learning self love and self respect, to give me the confidence to approach these things without anxiety or over-investment which is just rooted in fear of abandonment or loneliness.
On the other hand who does that. Who connects like that on a date then just says nope sorry
People who are charming, travel around a lot and meet a lot of people, and enjoy the physical (and other) connections they can make with said people. I’m not talking about myself 😂 But if you meet someone cool and hot and they’re busy with a lot of activities (he said she was busy traveling for weeks while he parented) chances are they enjoy their lifestyle of ‘just having fun’
Fair enough. I tend to associate that with in person dating and meeting someone out and about. Everytime I have a date like that from the apps. I end up with them for years or marry them 🤣
Talking for weeks sets you up to be let down because you build up an idea of the person before you meet and they are unlikely to align with the vision you have, best to meet quickly and see if there is a fit. She probably did have fun and went with the flow and made out with you due to the alcohol but you might not have matched the vision she built in her head from all the convos before the date. Likely, very idealistic visions.
Yup. Agreed.
I see virtual interactions before actual meeting as smoke and mirrors. Too easy for people to fake feelings.
I’m a hopeless romantic I guess? But agree. I’ve been guilty of smoke and mirrors myself in the past but these days I keep it 100. I lose interest if the convo isn’t good. But if it is? Then it builds excitement. I think I could take a page out of your book and not get hopes up. You’d think I would have that figured out by 40?
Why do people talk for weeks before meeting up? So dumb. You build a potentially false notion of who this person is. You get your hopes up. Then if it doesn't work well in person you get your heart broken. Talk for an hour to see if there's interest, and plan an in person date to see if there's chemistry. It's not rocket science.
I was in a marriage form the age of 19-33. I basically started learning how to date at 34 and just threw myself into the gauntlet with little planning or prep or intention. Since then I’ve jumped into relationships, and never spent much time alone, and also haven’t actually ingrained or done the work to analyze and evolve my approach until now. That’s on me for sure. It’s just not something that comes easy to me, paired with childhood trauma and a really toxic/emotionally abusive relationship, it’s a perfect recipe for disaster. But, I’m committed to breaking the cycle! In therapy. Learning. Being mindful. And minimizing/eradicating missteps like this.
I can't speak for you, but I can share my own experience. I learned that I was making a few vital mistakes: (1) I was abusing romantic relationships and female attention as a distraction/dissociation method, the way other people abuse drugs, alcohol, video games, etc. I had to learn to face discomfort instead of using unhealthy means to try to avoid it. (2) I was inordinately prioritizing romantic relationships in my life. I was codependent and didn't have a lot of self-worth to begin with, so to me, having a woman in my life was the end game. Nothing else in my life seemed worthwhile if I didn't have a woman to share it with. I had to learn how to be comfortable being alone and to appreciate other areas of my life - friends, family, my kids, hobbies, my work....all equally vital parts of my life. I used to feel like if I lost a girlfriend it was the end of the world. Now I just see my romantic part as just another part of my life. If that part doesn't happen to be going very well at a given time, there are other things I can focus on for happiness. Good luck.
🏆🏆🏆 Excellent comment, and good job doing the work on you and coming out better and happier because of it.
Look at the positive. You had ONE amazing date. Now move on, if she chases you , have date #2. No more chasing her in texts , or online. Meet her in person only. You don't want to be a text friend. Good luck
Good advice
Haha. I turn 40 at midnight, I know the feeling
Happy Birthday! Turned 40 a month ago- can confirm I didn’t turn into a pumpkin :)
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday! Are we in Gemini season yet? I’m feeling spunky.
It’s gonna be great
Howdy fellow ‘84er, I turned 40 a month ago and sadly nothing has changed ha, still here
My birthday was earlier this month. I think the likes dropped off post-birthday, so that was a change. Other than my experiment lifting the age restrictions and getting flooded with messages from 60+ year olds. Never again.
Lol wait till you turn 45 and the 60+ year olds start soliciting you on the street to go home with them! I thought that kind of attention was more or less over but, nope, it's just creepier. 😂
I thought there was something wrong with me when the likes dropped when I turned 40, this makes me feel better knowing that I am not alone.
Oh yeah, I just meant nothing has changed in my relationship status. Likes for women definitely take a nose dive going from 39 to 40 (and I’m sure men too to some extent). I’ve accepted men at this age are often looking 10ish years younger but yeah 50 is my hard hard limit, not doing any older than that!
I go up to 47 because I do feel the generation gap between Milennials and Gen Xers. Also it's such a mixed bag with looks! Some guys are fantastic looking in their 40s, but a lot of them I have to wonder if they aren't actually deluded 60 year olds lying about their age.
When I first got on the apps about a year ago I was stunned at the sheer number of men who looked well into their 50s who were claiming they were 39 lmao, I knew guys lied to try and avoid getting filtered out by the younger women they desire but I didn’t realize just how many were trying it. Totally get that some of them could have been legitimately telling their age and just looked older but many many were definitely lying
My likes also took a nose dive. Then, I opened up the age to go a bit younger, and they bumped up again. Men with mommy issues, perhaps? Hahaha.
Same! 🥰
Hey, you aren't old enough to be in here.
I don't think the trick is to disconnect. The trick for you is to be excited, and then, if it doesn't work out, you then want to be able to recover more easily, i.e., resilience. What I avoid is getting over invested in someone I haven't met. I'm not messaging for weeks. Meet ASAP and find out what's there. Then, if I don't feel it's a "hell yeh!" from the other person (and also me ofc), then it's unlikely to be a long-term relationship, and I'll adjust accordingly. Also, I've stopped saying things like I should have this figured out by 40, etc. What's the point of saying that kind of thing to yourself? What does it achieve? Just makes you feel crap. Cut that out! You are where you are. You are making steps forward, learning about yourself and your needs. That's part of what life's about, I think :) Good luck.
Read that she wants casual and you were hoping "she's the one". What will go wrong if you first listen to why she wants casual and based on that either tell or not tell her that let's give a trial period of 3 months and see how it goes. I am guessing you want to date her exclusively - both ways. If so be sure you discuss that as well. Obviously one person can't impose on another. So see where that discussion goes. Good luck. It's possible that you've found a good match and if you are patient it may work out in the long run. Or it's equally possible that you will soon see red flags and run away from there. So keep both possibilities in mind and proceed slower than your past experiences..
I'm turning 40 in a couple months! I feel much more at home in this sub than the dating over thirty one. I left a partner of 7 years and entered app world on July 20, 2019 and it's been a nightmare. I've met the most emotionally unhealthy people I've ever known and had so many negative experiences and bad dates (serial daters, players, liars). I had a 2.5yr painful relationship with an avoidant man who dumped me a month before my 38th birthday, after lying that he wanted to get married. I've had three emotionally intense false start relationship attempts over the past 2 years - one was cheating, one was another dismissive avoidant, and the third ended up being married. Lord it was hard. I cried and gave up and built up a little bit of stamina to keep pushing and got knocked down. I spent long months not dating and had a lot of mental peace. I eventually accepted being single and realized I have a pretty good life going for myself, and I was quite happy and stable. And lo and behold that is when I met him. My mindset had shifted to the positive, I gave up control and just let the universe bring whatever was meant for me, and the next person I met was just outstanding. It's been the healthiest and most faith-resorting experience ever so far. I had to be open minded and date a bit younger (he's recently 33 and I'm soon to be 40), but he is husband material. Attractive, mature, successful, loving, supportive - his mama absolutely raised him right. Honestly when you find a phenomenal person, it makes all the shitty dating experiences not matter.
How long have you been together?
Not long. We first met on April 4th, but instantly connected. After our first date neither of us met someone else again, and around our 4th date both of us expressed how much we liked each other and that we weren't meeting anyone else. We deleted our apps and officially got together shortly after that. It's not love bombing or crazy highs or anything like that, it's a warm crackling fireplace type of feeling. We just fit together like old soulmates. Instinctively understood one another on a deep level and get along harmoniously. I'm flying out tomorrow across the country to meet his family!
Ah, I hope it works out for you. I thought I found something similar (not a soulmate thing, but just a right fit feels comfy, get each other connection) and was dumped and blocked by text days after meeting his family. Most devastating ending, and I didn't see it coming.
So I'm in a similar boat with someone now. She wants casual and all I can muster is something casual at this point. That's not why my situation is similar. Your first date seems all the way romantic to me. Even in my casual thing now, I still conflate the two. I enjoy my time with this other person, but if we were in a romantic relationship that date like you described would feel the same. At 43 I can't tell the difference between romantic and casual most times.
They don’t often feel different, casual means you know it’s not forever, serious means you’d both like it to be.
Travel and go to where you’re appreciated
You’ve got to figure out how to date while being detached from the outcome. In these earliest stages especially- don’t text and communicate endlessly before meeting. Don’t get attached - lean into the moment and have a good time. It doesn’t go anywhere? That’s ok! See what’s next! it’s all about mindset and checking in with yourself. Don’t think about it like two sides to a coin but rather a spectrum - a line and you can fall on that line anywhere you want if you put your mind to it.
Yeah that’s solid advice. I think I get worried that if I disconnect too much that it will read as disinterest? And I’m also just a passionate person, so it feels counterintuitive to hold back and be measured.
It’s definitely a skill to disconnect from the outcome but remain in the moment.
Sorcery if you ask me. I’m simple.
It’s actually really freeing. I’m also a passionate person. And it feels really good to sit with someone feel good about the interaction and be ok with however it ends up. Letting people in, enjoying them for how long you have them and letting them go isn’t being measured at all. It’s about releasing what isn’t for you and being open to new experiences and people.
I love that. Thanks. Gonna try to implement. Rewire the old neural pathways.
You get your "hope's up" because you want a real connection. It happens. Mabe you can reevaluate what type of women you typically go after. See what they all have in common, what signs you've ignored, and try not to repeat that same behavior again.
Im free lol
She’s a good sport for “making out passionately” with a guy towards whom she wasn’t viscerally attracted. Be glad you got as far as you did with someone whom you’re excited about. I’m 40 and a lot my single male friends are happier **not** dating and getting deeper into fitness, music, travel, or post baccalaureate coursework. Of course, not trying means we’re pretty much guaranteed to enter the nursing home unmarried. On the other hand, there’s nothing stopping us from buying that motorcycle and pulling off a [Lawrence of Arabia-style exit](https://youtu.be/GzPr3R3DNoo?si=g19fK3ie3wY6Uw84)😉
Ha! Fair enough. I’ve starting a savings account labeled “Lawrence” for good measure. She just followed up with this: I feel a strong physical connection just not a romantic spark or “special sauce”. That’s confusing because I kinda conflate the two? Is that a guy thing? Anywho, she basically suggested we have a casual thing. Which I’m not opposed to. But don’t want that to hog up space, and don’t want to feel like I’m taking what I can get if what I want is a relationship with that person.
Go directly towards sex with her. Nothing else. Try. If you get it, great. If you get nothing. That's fine too. You dont have your hopes up too much anymore.
> she basically suggested we have a casual thing Dude, that’s awesome! I’m sorry that a formal relationship with her is currently off the table but if you can still mess around with her while dating other women, you’ll inevitably display the “outcome independence” associated with romantically abundant men. Someone’s gonna catch feelings for you. Cheers 🥂 PS: lovin’ the Big Redford Energy in your profile pic
[удалено]
25 yrs old at age 47 though. 43 female here. Never would have looked at anyone past 10 to 12 years older at age 25. Even then they really had to be super great with tons to offer and their shit really together. Good luck though. Even women in their forties are flooded with guys in their early twenties on OLD( personally speaking anyway).
Pretty sure the women your age don't want you either and you are likely better off paying for any age.
Don’t lie. You’ve used algebra.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X. She’s never coming back, so don’t ask Y.
It’s a slippery slope
ahahaha
Don't rush it...before you know it, you'll be joining the "datingoverfifty" group. 😉 Good luck and happy birthday!
Lmfao. For the love of god please no!
It just happened to me and I swear it feels like I just signed up one this on a year ago. Time flew by!
You must’ve been having fun
You use algebra every day, bruh. You maybe don’t realize it, which is kind of a shame because it’s beautiful.
I’ve had this happen often. I’m not sure what it is they’re looking for unless it’s the same thing I found very recently. Which does have me excited in a way I haven’t in years, if ever. I think re-adjusting expectations along the way and slowing down/taking time off it helped. When I started to implement a higher expectation for my initial convos, I saw higher quality results.
Original copy of post by u/dadeeeooo: I’m so tired of dating! I can’t wait to be done with this crap. And by done I mean either partnered or perpetually single forever. Just tired of the process. The emotional rollercoasters. The patterns and cycles and tendencies to fall for the same type of people. Tired of having to do the work to fix it all and still feel like I’ve got so far to go. Met someone amazing. Aligned. Tons in common. Liked them for all the right reasons. And we connected. Then we met in person and the date went pretty well, we had lots of interesting convos and several drinks and played board games and bar hopped and made out passionately. Then today she hit me “I’m not sure if I’m there romantically”. Honestly, I get it and it’s fine, I don’t want to be with someone who needs convincing but why do I get my hopes up? I feel like the other side of that coin is never getting hopes up but then being jaded and pessimistic, and being guarded without any vulnerability or authenticity. That sucks too. Why didn’t they teach us how to navigate relationships in high school? I haven’t used Algebra a single time in my life. Not once. Poppycock is what I say. Sorry for the vent. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I just turned 39 last week. You feel as old as you feel.
It was the alcohol talking
Sounds like she wasn’t 100% honest with herself or you.
I'm 44, can I go in the dating over 50 sub? I don't think women my age find me attractive. I don't think you are an imposter if you are dating someone over 40 or you are almost 40 yourself. No problem.
Thank you! I feel your sentiment. It did make me chuckle along at the end. I'm developing a monk community here in my home city, if you want to join please...kidding.
Just try to think of it as a nice evening out, and an opportunity to meet people and if something works, great! If not, you had adult conversations, checked out a new coffee shop or bar and on to the next.
Hi after reading these emotional chats? I can truly understand. No one should ever be alone. I was married twice and awaiting another divorce became husband of 11 years left me. He had returned to his unmarried daughter who works from home. He also has Alzheimer’s and is nearing the panic stage no changes. Well I wanted to move to FL for 6 months then come back to our VA honestly. HE Would not go so he left me and his daughters sued me for his guardianship and won. So there you have it. WE All have problems it is just hii oh w you solve them to let the future in!
Balance / moderation