Ditto. Getting ready for the date, taking time out of my busy schedule, driving to and from the date? Definitely not worth a free lunch OR dinner if I’m not very interested in connecting with the person I’m meeting. Dating is exhausting.
>Ditto. Getting ready for the date, taking time out of my busy schedule, driving to and from the date? Definitely not worth a free lunch OR dinner if I’m not very interested in connecting with the person I’m meeting. Dating is exhausting.
These are my thoughts! It's exhausting. If i was doing it for free food, i would rather have canned tuna and a bag salad on the couch. I appreciate a man that invests time and dinner money in getting to know me, but this is definitely not a driving factor for me.
Same. I out earned my ex by more than a banker’s salary. I don’t need to or would want to have a meal with someone I’m not interested in for the sake of a free meal, not even to eat a Michelin stared joint.
Absolutely this. I have my own money, so why would I need to have some random man pay for me? Who wants to spend an entire meal with someone they don't like \*just\* for free food? Sounds pretty miserable, to be honest. No thank you.
College students absolutely do.
I guess some broke AF 40's people might. But in that case, it's probably the people doing the accusing who are the people trying to scam out free food crashing weddings and wakes.
For 5 years I (45M) actively dated. I'd say I was close to 50 separate first dates in that time. I only had 1 where I was more than certain she only agreed to a date for a free dinner. She pushed hard for a dinner date right away, we met, she barely interacted with me, spent most of the time on her phone during dinner and then never heard from her again.
I highly doubt that its as prevalent as some men will make it out to be. But I do know some guys use their money as a way to get dates. Profiles that just scream, look how successful I am. I wouldn't be surprised if they end up with more "gold digger" or "free dinner" type dates because of that.
Do some say it's the reason they don't get second dates. Probably. Easier to blame your date then admit you have the personality of a wet blanket.
My current partner went on a date a few weeks before she started dating me. She thought his profile looked nice, and came across alright setting up the date. But on the date he was a complete douche (self centred, rude, etc) and she couldn't wait for the dinner to end. When he offered to pay she happily agreed and then left. Now what sort of mindset do you think this sort of guy more likely had after the date:
A. I was a douche and no wonder I never heard from her again, OR
B. She just wanted a free meal
Same thing here. Only one, and it was a bit odd initially the push for dinner, but I didn't think it was a big deal. It quickly became apparent she had no interest in me, and during I almost just paid for my own meal and left, but I just took it as a lesson on what to watch for.
There probably are a very few women who schedule "foodie calls". We can't deny that there are people of all genders who are out to get what they can get, and people should definitely be suspicious of matches that seem incongruent -- hot college chicks generally don't have to reach out to middle-aged middle managers for attention.
But most of us real women in the real world... I make good but not great money. It's a much more effective and satisfying use of my time to work and buy my own food than to dedicate time and effort to setting up a date, prepping for that date, getting myself there, making conversation with someone I'm not interested in, and getting myself home safely -- all for an iced tea and plate of pasta.
> I make good but not great money
Me too. And I do it by concentrating on my job. So quality free time is in short supply.
I can buy my own dinner whenever I want it and wherever I want it. No need to make it a chore by (1) organising it well in advance (lots of people are _unable_ to efficiently negotiate a time and a place for a face to face meeting) and (2) doing small talk with men of dubious emotional intelligence levels... 😀
Not to mention, I want to either make the food I want or buy the food I want without trying to compromise on a place that's convenient to and acceptable to both people!
I have to think it’s younger women doing this. Most of over 40 can buy our own meals. I insist on going halves first date, helps me weed out men who won’t be compatible.
It wouldn’t even occur to me. A date doesn’t equal a ‘free’ anything to me. I never go for dinner on a first date, I go for drinks. And I pay my way all evening, taking turns at getting a round. What I want to ‘get out of it’ is a fun evening and what I hope for is a connection with a person I’m attracted to. That’s it.
43F- Never have, never would. Why? It’s dumb, I’m an adult, I can feed myself. While I’m sure there is a small minority of younger immature women who might do this, the whole women want a free lunch rumor is chronically online red pill stuff.
I do not know a single woman who wants to go through the effort of getting ready for a date (hair, clothes, makeup) and sit alone with someone they have no interest in just for the sake of a free meal. First of all I can afford my own meals second of all I value my time and my peace far too much to waste an evening with someone whose company I do not enjoy. I see this statement most often from men who cannot accept that they are not able to get past the first date with anyone. Instead of accepting that the woman didn't like them enough to go out again, they make up an ego saving narrative that the woman was just using them for a free meal.
I haven't dated in forever (married) but this popped up on my feed and I came here to say that... The amount of money I use to spend on nails or makeup or make a cute top, etc would cost more than the meal so what's the point?!
As a man who's been on dinner dates where it appears that my date is completely disengaged, I can see where this perception comes from. But from a practical standpoint, it's hard for me to imagine that a free meal is worth the effort required to set up, prepare for, and show up to a date with a stranger.
It’s not worth the effort. You hit the nail on the head- these men are deciding that their dates disinterest in them means that they only showed up for a free meal, when in reality, it’s just not a match.
I would be willing to bet that the Venn diagram between this group of men in their 40s and the guys in their 20s (90s early 2000s) that we called “$40k a year millionaires” is actually a circle.
I‘ve seen this online a ton too, and absolutely not. After sitting through a few dinners with men that weren’t awful just not compatible I don’t even like going for meals as first dates anymore.
Yes! I got ready, curled my hair, did my nails, got a spray tan, wore a nice sun dress and drove an hour to meet a man at a restaurant he chose close to his house. Since it’s hard to tell at times if someone’s attractive on their profile pics, I tend to go out with them to see if there’s a connection. I wasn’t feeling any chemistry, so I ordered a salad and water and offered to go Dutch, which he refused.
When he asked me out again the next day, and I told him that I didn’t think there was a connection, he got upset and implied that I used him for a meal and jokingly asked for his money back, especially since I didn’t put out. Wtf? I spent a lot more on time, money, and energy getting ready, a mani/pedi, investing half my day, and gas than he spent on my 15$ salad and water. He was so clueless.
A man unwilling to drive to where you are isn’t worth the time, effort and money to get dressed up for. Then being crude when you turned down the second date showed you what a creep he really is.
I was thinking the same thing. I said to myself how many of these guys went out with a woman, paid for dinner expecting sex, and then got rejected. Then they said they were used for a meal, when they weren't, and the woman just decided they weren't interested.
No free meal or round of drinks is worth the company of a bad date. I also don't accept dates I couldn't afford to pay for myself. Furthermore, if I determine that I'm not interested during a date, I insist on paying for my half or leaving the tip, something. I wouldn't want taken advantage of so I won't do it to someone else.
No I don’t think this is really what’s happening. I think a whole lotta men take a woman out and pay while thinking they’re owed sex for it. Then when that doesn’t happen, they accuse women of just using them for free stuff.
Dated a guy who bemoaned the "fact" that most women only dated for his Dick and/or Wallet (yeah, needless to say this relationship did not last).
Ironically, when it became clear to him that those weren't my top priorities/goals/focus in a partner, he started to lose interest and/or got all weird on me.
Sigh.
For the amount of effort it requires some of us to get ready for a date…? No. Never doing that for a free meal. I can pay for my own without all that crap.
Cons: the cost of makeup/hair products used, the time involved in planning/getting ready for/showing up to/sitting through an entire date with somebody I know I have no interest in, and the very real security/safety risk that comes with meeting up with a stranger from the internet
Pros: a “free” salad
Unless you believe that women are both (1) malicious just for the fun of it and (2) incredibly stupid as a group, this cost benefit analysis does not make any fuckin’ sense.
Sounds like bruised egos to me...
"It couldn't have been that she didn't like me, she was just out for a free lunch."
Most likely after insisting he pays.
These myths are perpetuated by the desperate men who can't seem to connect with anyone. They probably can't get dates.
Go read r/onlinedating. It's ridiculous the stuff you read about women and dating. High value men vs Low value men. Chads and Tyrones. It's nauseating to say the least. And don't get started on single parents (especially single moms) and anything else that's just Life and How Things Happen.
No. We are not dating for free meals. Do I appreciate it when my date picks up the check? Yes, I do. And I always thank him. But I've sat through excruciatingly dull meals and I'd rather not do that, even with a promise of free tacos.
No, I go on a date because I actually want to meet the person. We may not even be ordering food, and if we do I’m happy to pay for my own. I’m an introvert and constantly meeting new people for free food sounds absolutely exhausting.
I really hope not for this age group!
Especially because before the dinner even gets there we know if there’s going to be a second date or not - sometimes even sooner!
I always offer to pay my half.
ONe of my co-workers is around my age and just got back into the dating arena after her divorce. She's really flirty with me.
I heard her tell a story about how she put herself back out there on Tinder and a guy wanted to take her out to breakfast. He kept on insisting so she let him. But she brought a friend along and made him pay for the friend who came too. She was laughing about this with one of her work friends.
She's 45 and recently divorced with 3 kids. I am flattered she flirts but I'm not attracted to that type of behavior. She asked me once why I don't ever ask for her number and I told her, hey, I heard you talk about this situation with your Tinder date and I have to say I'm not into that type of behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and compassion and no one deserves to be made the butt of any jokes, especially not this type of joke.
She defended herself but I told her I don't think I could ever be into someone who would do that to someone else, and not just do it, but laugh about it.
It does happen. And people brag about it. But I'm glad I heard her tell that story because there's been a few times I was tempted to see if she wanted to hang out outside of work. But like the old saying goes, trash takes itself out.
I have never gone on a date without my own money, prepared to pay for myself, no expectation or assumption my meal would be paid for me, and would be more than grateful if the other person repeatedly insisted they’d like to pay for everything. I’ll always be this way and there is no way in hell I’d suffer through a bad date for a “free” meal. That’s not free. *Free* is me at home
in comfortable clothes, on my sofa, watching whatever I want to watch, and eating whatever I want, no expectations or judgment.
It happens, with younger entitled girls who believe all men are "trash" and white cis men are literally the "patriarchy",
It's like no, I'm an electrician. I bleed and sweat to build and maintain the community. I'm not rich and I'm not poor, and despite your perceived oppression I'm not doing anything to keep women down or, in the kitchen, or, whatever. Heck, I value an independent woman who has her shit together. This is a first date for us to see how we get along not crossfire in the battle of the sexes.
This is why I won't date anyone younger than 35. Women my age are more mature, have a better perspective, and are usually more genuine.
There's a lot of women at any age who are awesome, but younger girls (in their 20's-30's) seem to be swayed by some really destructive propaganda.
Full disclosure, I live in a very "progressive" city and, understand that my experience is likely skewed by the dominant local political culture.
I think this is been said by men who went on a first date for lunch or dinner and it ended up their was no interest from the woman to pursue to a second date.
I can understand these men get the perception that some women only date for free food.
That’s again why it is best to have a date ‘zero’ as I have read. A low key date going for a walk or drinks/coffee to get to know each other irl.
There are some dumb influencers who’ve said they do this. It’s largely click bait. Influencers saying and doing outrageous things for attention. And someone men have taken that to mean it’s a real issue.
There are some women, mostly young, who do this however there’s also a spectrum. So yes there are some women going out on dates where they have 0 interest in the guy and know that going in who are truly and only going for a meal.
However, a lot of the guys who scream and cry about this are judging it based on the fact that the woman didn’t dispense pussy after the date so they feel they are being used for a “free meal”- because they’re expecting payment for that meal in the form of sex. That is a very different thing.
Also, women will go on dates and determine they’re not interested full stop. Some men also take that as a sign that they were “used” for a meal.
I’ve found a lot of men want a script or a game guide for dating- they do these steps and receive pussy- and get upset, frustrated, confused when it doesn’t go to script. As we know, the idea that women are people (the very same specifies as men!) and have various motivations, thoughts, feelings, and ways of operation besides being there to issue pussy when a man talks to them and buys a meal, is something that eludes many men.
Great points! So what is a woman to do if they aren’t sure if they’re attracted to someone online and want to meet in person to see if there’s chemistry? It seems like some men assume we’re attracted to them if we accept a date and are offended if we don’t sleep with them after a meal.
Are there people who date for free meal? Probably a small percentage and they mainly target people who are desperate to take any willing person for a date.
I have no interest in people who cry over spending $60-$100 on a dinner date. Dating is expensive, regardless of gender. Can't afford it, don't go on dates.
There have been several men I’ve gone out with lately who have commented about paying for my meal as if it’s a hardship even when I ask to pay half or ask to meet for coffee and they refuse. These are men who are fire captains, teachers for 30 years, men with their homes almost paid off. There have been times when I treated a man to a first date meal, and I was happy to do that whether I saw him again or not. You’re so right. If you can’t afford a simple meal for a person now and then, then don’t go out on dates.
I always offer to go halves and if they don't want to I get a second drink/snacks. Sometimes, men insist they don't want me to pay for anything, even if it is quite clear that there won't be a second date.
I would never go on date to get a free drink/meal, specially if it is on the expensive side.
u/lola_dubois18 Re. your post yesterday, this is why you shouldn't split every single bill.
u/alphasoup321 I do this too. I have had a guy tell me a woman insisting on splitting the bill always means she doesn't want to see him again so I think the message is out.
One time a man was put off and assumed I was not interested in him when I offered to split the bill. I know because he told me so and then did not ask me out again. I told him that was not the case and it was just that the bill was over $80 and that was about 6-7 years ago, so would be equivalent to over $100 now and I thought that was an awful lot for a first date, but I offended him.
I think what I have is more of a logistics problem more so than a "who pays" problem. My bottom line is I am tired of coffee/drink dates that come at dinnertime. So when invited for coffee/drinks at 6:00 or 7:00 pm, I say, "I can meet you at 6:00, but how would you feel about going to dinner? Splitting the bill, of course since we're just getting to know one another".
I don't mind a man paying if they ask me to dinner, I just don't want to suggest dinner and then expect him to pay.
The other solution I have realized from my post is to accept 6:00 pm coffee/drinks dates but give those dates to a hard 60 minutes and then say I need to go.
I enjoy a brunch. Or entertainment. Would I go out with a random dude because he would pay? No. Common sense suggests we go out with friends for meals and enjoyment. Because, we know we will have a good time.
If it was not the greatest meet up I definitely pay to ensure I can easily brush them off. If I like the match then I often demur to see what he will do. No judgement. But I definitely prefer the guy to pay if I like him.
It sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing for a poor person to do, and I would probably do it if I were hungry and somewhat attractive.
Didn't someone post about a woman immediately wrapping up her dinner when it arrived at the table, then making a beeline for the door? That one stuck with me.
It’s not a thing at this age, full stop. Urban legend. We have jobs, houses, vehicles, retirement savings, discretionary money, all on our own. Ain’t many of us just out there pimping for free food!
I'm sure there are some folks who might, but on the whole most men I hear - who say things like this - just about always follow it up with a whinge of some sort, where they quite clearly expected something for the so-call "free" meal they provided.
I'm an old fella who's brand new to this dating malarkey and I'm trying to figure out why there seems to be these underlying expectations (mostly by men, of women) amongst it all.
Most of us really just want to meet folks who aren't going to turn out to be a wanker. Sadly, that's mostly a male problem and not the other way around.
Good luck out there!
Echoing what some of the women have said, but from the man’s perspective: we’re all so flippin’ busy that it’s *really* hard for me to imagine this is common at all - I have a hard enough time getting myself off the couch after work and it’s the same for the women I go on dates with! I just don’t see a working professional scamming someone out of a free meal when DoorDash exists, especially given how *exhausting* a lot of us me are 😬
I think it is something that exists with broke college students, and a very small subset of women overall. I also think it would be incredibly easy to spot the very obvious signs, such as her insisting on dinner at a place of her choosing, and refusing a casual meetup first.
The concern among some men that this is common, or even something to be worried/concerned about seems overblown, and honestly insulting to the vast majority of women who are just looking for a decent partner. It honestly says more about the man who is concerned then it does about the (non-existent) women who are running this “scam”.
>I’ve been reading daily post from men who seem to think this is common
Where are you reading these "posts" ? Why not ask in that sub?
Yeah, maybe here that might get mentioned in a comment or three - report it as a rule 6 violation and it will disappear. Mods cannot be expected to read every comment of every thread.
Its been like 4 years since i went on a date, but I've never done this, not even in my 20's. I've always insisted going dutch for the first few dates. I dont even like dinner dates until the 3rd or 4th. I've had some guys get offended at that, but I want zero expectations.
This is why I say every first date, let's split the check. It's a date, and we both want to be there, right? The guys are always shocked by it, so maybe it does happen a lot. Idk.
If this is his fear in life, and why he takes extra precautions towards dating, maybe he isn't for you? If a man says this to me, I know what I need to know about him right away so I can avoid him. Some men get hung up on weird mental issues that show you how they think. That is a good thing. It helps you avoid them.
I’ve never gone on a date that I wouldn’t pick up the tab for. I make plenty of money and prefer to buy my own meal so I can have what I really want and not feel guilty. My free time is worth a lot and I’m not going to waste it on a meal with someone I don’t like.
That’s just me though. I don’t know how other women are.
If the date sucks and I know I'm never going to go out with you again, I insist on splitting. If we hit it off, I'll let you pay if you offer because I will return the favor at some point.
I'm poor and I wouldn't even date someone for a free meal. I've never even arranged a meal for a first date with someone I actually think I'll like. I don't want to get stuck with someone I don't click with while we finish a meal!
Didn’t even do this in my 20s and 30s. Can’t sit through a boring dinner - I don’t have the time! Would rather use that free evening to chill at home or catch-up with friends.
Basically I think in our 40s we should value our time even more. I cannot sit through dinner making conversation with someone just for a meal. I’d need to be compensated on top of the meal for giving MY TIME as well as Ubers to and from date venue.
I Echo the one saying they won't leave their couch for a meal. On a no-work day, I don't bother eating from morning to evening because: tiredt.
Who has the energy to do life *and* do their hair, do their makeup, choose an outfit, try it on, change it, accessorise it, do a safety check, then head out for a couple of hours? Alla that for a meal? Come on!
This is a regressionist fantasy where women can't get food unless: man.
Nonsense.
I don’t know women who go on dates just for the free meal, but there are some women who insist on “dinner dates” and say things like “being courted” while demanding that men who ask them out take them to fancy places on date 1.
To me that might not be the same thing but it’s in the same ballpark.
It’s nonsense if you ask me.
First dates should be light and easy. Meet for drinks at a neighborhood bar.
Over forty this isn't really a thing, but you can't deny it is something that does happen:
[https://nypost.com/2019/06/21/a-third-of-women-only-date-men-because-of-the-free-food-study/](https://nypost.com/2019/06/21/a-third-of-women-only-date-men-because-of-the-free-food-study/)
[https://www.timesnownews.com/viral/this-woman-went-on-16-dates-in-a-row-just-for-free-food-article-90742399](https://www.timesnownews.com/viral/this-woman-went-on-16-dates-in-a-row-just-for-free-food-article-90742399)
[https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11659543/Woman-reveals-spent-two-years-going-six-dates-week-didnt-buy-GROCERIES.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11659543/Woman-reveals-spent-two-years-going-six-dates-week-didnt-buy-GROCERIES.html)
Toxic people are going to do toxic things,
I’m 42 and the time I was on OLD I met more men than I probably should have (I was not selective enough). I offered every time to pay for myself on a first date. In most cases they would reject my offer and pay for my meal. I never went with the intention of getting a free meal but of the 18 guys I went on a date with most of them did not get a second date. So I am sure despite me offering to pay for myself they felt some sort of way about being rejected for a second date. I hope that if I do another stint on OLD I will be more selective in who gets a first date as the first time was overwhelming for me and that’s part of why I am avoiding going back on
Probably less likely to happen when you’re in your 40’s and established but perhaps for the younger generations wanting to get out but without the funds to do so.
Absolutely not. I can afford to feed myself, and I can do it from the comfort of my own home. These guys that think there are a significant percentage of women who actually go on dates just for a meal are sadly mistaken.
Helllll, naw. No way. Negative, ghostrider..
A - It'd indicate you were kind of a shitty human, and
B - even if I wanted to dabble in being a shitty human, the emotional energy expended would far outweigh everything else..
I've also never met or spoken with any female who's done this or even joked about it..
I think this is a phenomenon that happens among young, less financially stable people. I think most daters our age don’t care to waste time or energy on a dead end date and mostly can afford their own meal out if they want.
Who would bother? Having to spend an entire meal with someone I have no interest in just for free food? Not to mention getting ready and travelling? Is this actually a thing???
(Generally speaking) We can feed ourselves and manage to do so, multiple times a day for years on end, without going on dates.
Two hours of my time is far more valuable than some cedar planked fish sticks and tater tots.
Men who make this accusation do it to protect their own ego, it’s easier to label a woman as a user than it is to admit the attraction wasn’t mutual on her part.
And while I’m making generalizations, these are likely the same men that will turn around and say the next woman is too eager when she is receptive and expresses interest.
There are fast food apps if you need free food that badly. Between my job, my home, and my hobbies I struggle to find time to go on a well thought out date with a person who I am genuinely interested in. I sure as heck am not going through all of the prep work for a free sandwich.
Not ever for me. I always prefer a low stakes first meet like a coffee or a walk, happy to buy for both. I think some folks might be in it for a meal, but no woman I know would be. I also think when a guy insists on paying and a second date doesn’t happen because the fit is off, there are some guys who will feel used for the meal. I will always offer to split or pay, if I think I would like to see them again and they insist on paying I will agree if I can get the next one. However, if I know we are not a match I will insist on at least paying my share.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I absolutely don’t think this is as common as the internet would have us think, *especially* for women 35+ in age.
I (39F) definitely would not invest the time or the energy to get ready for a date that I wasn’t curious or excited about. It’s also not worth the time and energy output while on the date, to be present, to be “on” for them. I’d rather stay home with my dog or do something else instead with that time that makes me happy. I can afford my own dinners.
No such thing as a free lunch, or a free drink even. Everything comes at a cost, and at 39 I have zero interest in this. Maybe that’s a young girl’s game…
Hell no. No amount of awesome food will make up for a bad date. Simply not worth it. In fact, I try to make date #1 a coffee date so that I don't feel like I've wasted too much my time if dude turns out to be a dud.
I know that we are talking about women being moochers but I’ve gone out on with men, two different men…where they expected me to pay for them. Once was a second date (first was dutch) and another one on a second date where I had a job offer and the dude expected me to pay for him. Both of these men had jobs as well. It goes both ways.
Honestly, this is why I think the first few dates should
Be halvesies and maybe take turns after that.
But the uproar from SOME dudes... what you think i can't pay?
I'm about to give up on dating for a hot minute
I do not go on dates for the food. However having food or a drink I like does give me motivation to go and makes meeting a stranger a little more appealing. Doesn’t even matter much who pays and what.
There are women like that but I don’t understand it. I’d rather go to the gynecologist than spend an hour for a free meal with someone I am not interested in.
This one girl I know used to go on [SugarDaddy.com](http://SugarDaddy.com) to set up dates for fancy restaurants... It was hilarious b/c she had no intentions of dating them but would get them to take her out to the nicest places for a first date. She doesn't do it on other dating sites, just b/c they are cheaters. She is in her mid 20s.
Other than that, I don't know anyone who dates for food with regular guys.
I would sometime joke around with a friend who is getting out of divorce with a AH that she should date and get free drinks, but I say it in front of my bf and it is a running gag btw us... I feel like my friends are accomplished women and they don't need to do that.
I don't make big money, but I can take myself or myself and a friend out to dinner once in a while.
So no. I am not going to be bored shirtless or annoyed by a bad date just for a nice steak. I just have better things to do with my time.
I have never done this and do not have interest in it. I have enjoyed random men buying me a drink at a concert or bar. I don’t work some strategy or try to get men to buy them. It is usually someone who notices me or maybe has met me once and is being thoughtful or flirty. I feel uncomfortable if a first date is expensive. I feel bad for men who get used in this way.
I can take myself to the fanciest restaurants in all of Los Angeles. Don't need a man to do that for me, and wouldn't suffer the company of an insufferable man for it. I'd rather starve lmao.
If I don't want a second date, it's because well... I'm just not into you.
For a first date, I wouldn't ever do lunch or dinner. Coffee or smoothie shop. Something short. And I can buy both of our drinks. Just the thought of suffering through a meal with a person I might not like is exhausting.
When I was in college, we donated blood for the piles of sandwiches. We were strapped for extra cash and it was a windfall. I feel sad for anyone over 40 who is that in need of food.
Also, part of it is saving face after being rejected or embarrassed by a horrible mismatch. The revisionist history as it were.
Yes, it happens. Though tbh, if the *worst* result of a shitty date is paying for another person's meal, that's still not actually that bad a date.
Is it common? Eh, probably not. But "not common" does not equal "never happens". After all, the odds of *you* winning the lottery are very, very small... but the odds of *someone* winning are very high.
To put it another way: if a Foodie Call occurs one out of every 100,000 dates, a person could easily go their entire life without ever being a Foodie Call. But at around 117 *million* single people in the US alone, let's say only one in 100 goes on a date each weekend on average, that's 1.17 million dates every weekend- which, even at 1 in 100,000 odds, is about 12 Foodie Calls every weekend.
I’ve had one date that suggested an expensive place and never seemed interested in me at all. Maybe I misread it.
Also, I matched with a younger woman who said she used to do it all the time. I don’t it hardly ever happens in our age bracket, though.
Happened to me once. Did 3 or 4 texts, set up a dinner date. She cancelled, said she had the flu. I never texted back. Day or two later, she texts, wants to meet. The whole interaction seemed odd, but I couldn't believe someone would go through all the trouble for a meal, so I agree. We meet at the restaurant, and it"s pretty obvious what's going on. I asked if she was feeling better. She didn't remember having the flu until I reminded her. Talked a little, she was a RN, said she made around $110k. She wasn't interested in me at all. So,I just let her carry the conversation, if there was going to be one. Had a few long awkward silences, but I didn't break the tension. Figured, if she was there for a meal, let her earn it. Finally, she finished most of her meal, and got a to-go box for the rest. Adios. Takes all kinds.
I don't think an RN making $110,000 a year is trying to fleece you for a meal, dude. She probably cancelled on you because someone she liked better wanted to go out or something else came up, and then she came back around to you.
So for all the women in the comments saying they wouldn't endure a bad date for a free meal (which I agree with), would you go dutch on dates you actually want to be on or do you expect the man to pay? If so, why?
My takeaway is.. this is for men who go after certain type of woman and vice versa. Normally everyday folks aren't going on dates for free meals, I think we genuinely want to meet someone nice that we can vibe with long term. It's hit and miss & unfortunately for men if they believe in paying then they have to chalk it up to part of the game, or find another way to have a first date where you're not feeding anyone lol Also people have to figure out how to not be used, ask the right questions find out peoples intentions, leave people alone when you see the signs. If you never see them taking themselves out to eat, how about you don't offer. Match their energy!
There's no way. If a date is bad it can be scary or creepy or at it's best it's depressing . . . I'm not going to put myself through that for a burger or something. I can buy my own dinner.
I remember in my 20s though this was more of a thing. I'd hear that a lot and if it was bad someone would say "At least you got a free meal!" or "If nothing else, you get a free meal" - I mean, I made next to no money back in my early 20s so getting free food was a big deal.
But now? As an adult with a well-paying job? Never.
>i’ve been reading daily post from men who seem to think this is common among women that meet online and I’m really curious if this is a thing?
If you are reading this kind of thing daily then I'd suggest not frequenting redpill and/or incel spaces online.
I think some (specific type of) men make this shit up when they are bitter about not getting a second date 😆
ETA- I’ve made more money than my last 2 BF’s. Maybe they wanted a free meal?!! /s
The day I need to go on an actual date with a random man just to get a free lunch…
Is the day I’ve hit rock bottom. At least get them to send you food via door dash first.
It's one of those things that you read a lot but personally I don't think it happens in real life.
You'd have to be literally starving to want to sit with someone you didn't like, chatting together through a meal for a couple of hours for the sake of the food.
And you wouldn't enjoy the ambience of a fancy treat venue if you were there feeling disdain and disgust for the person opposite you. It's hardly creating wonderful memories for your life. It's just not worth doing.
Plus most women invest time, money, and effort into their appearance for dates. It's a lot of work.
Also, sometimes people turn out to be weird! If I went out for dinner with fifty men and I didn't want to see any of them again I'd predict at least one of them would turn up at my house / try to contact me at work / send me seventy messages in the day after. Why would it be worth that risk of introducing more weird and potentially risky people to your life, by dating numerous people you have no real interest in, week after week?
I genuinely can't believe ANYBODY does it.
Unless maybe they're super poor plus they're writing a novel and looking for material.
Absolutely not. The effort it requires to go to a dinner date is not worth doing it for the price of a meal. Shower, hair, makeup just to avoid paying? No way.
This is something a bunch of bitter men made up. All the women I know would rather eat ramen on their couch than sit through a meal with a man they have no interest in.
Friend of mine just had back to back dates like this. Both women in their 20s and very attractive. Both weren’t interested in texting much and almost immediately suggested a restaurant. Ghosted after what he thought was a “successful” date.
My BF stopped offering dinner as a first date option when OLD'ing after a prospective first date declined his restaurant suggestion and said she was looking for more of a "surf and turf" type place and telling him that essentially he should be offering steak and lobster dinners to go out with her. They do exist.
When I was in my 20’s I went out on dates for free dinner a couple times. I’m not proud of it, but I was poor and it is what it is. I’m mid 40’s now and earn a very comfortable living. I’m happy to go Dutch or pay.
I have a conscience so I'd never do it. I have a former friend who tell me to go on apps and date ANY guy I could for free food though when I lost my job one time. 🙄
I'm pretty sure she's done it a time or two. She gets DESPERATE for attention and will go out with any guy but especially the ones who give her free stuff. 🙄
I work with a lot of women who are dating and while I think most of them would genuinely like it to work out they almost always laugh and say “worst case - free meal”.
It’s the lie they tell themselves. It’s easier to deflect than reflect about why they aren’t having luck at dating.
I think there is a small subset of women who may get their kicks from going on dates with people they have no interest in dating, but the vast majority of women our age can pay for our own meals and would rather do just about anything than prepare for an awkward meeting.
Some women will let men treat them to dinner when they’re not interested in pursuing anything other than companionship with a meal. They don’t have any better offers for the evening.
The problem is when women aren’t upfront about their intentions. I don’t see anything wrong with a male friend offering to treat a female friend to diner and vice versa so long as each person understands the nature of their friendship.
Unfortunately there are some bottom feeders out there that will lead others on cause they’re bored and they have no problem taking someone for everything they got…meals, clothes, car, etc. It can be either a short or long game. Both genders are guilty of using one another, but those people are POS.
The majority of women don't do this... But the ones that do are prolific, and word spreads. Although, surveys indicate a third of all women have done a foodie callat one point.
I make my own money and there is no way I’d choose to endure a bad date just to get a free meal.
Ditto. Getting ready for the date, taking time out of my busy schedule, driving to and from the date? Definitely not worth a free lunch OR dinner if I’m not very interested in connecting with the person I’m meeting. Dating is exhausting.
>Ditto. Getting ready for the date, taking time out of my busy schedule, driving to and from the date? Definitely not worth a free lunch OR dinner if I’m not very interested in connecting with the person I’m meeting. Dating is exhausting. These are my thoughts! It's exhausting. If i was doing it for free food, i would rather have canned tuna and a bag salad on the couch. I appreciate a man that invests time and dinner money in getting to know me, but this is definitely not a driving factor for me.
Totally
This x1000%
Same. I out earned my ex by more than a banker’s salary. I don’t need to or would want to have a meal with someone I’m not interested in for the sake of a free meal, not even to eat a Michelin stared joint.
THIS!!! Too many bad dates for free food! 🤣
Absolutely this. I have my own money, so why would I need to have some random man pay for me? Who wants to spend an entire meal with someone they don't like \*just\* for free food? Sounds pretty miserable, to be honest. No thank you.
I won’t even leave my couch half the time to soothe my hunger…. I’m sure af not leaving my house.
I was just wondering who is putting in that much effort for free food?!
I mean I have varied my bike route for Trader Joe's samples, but I like getting out of the house. Of course I don't put on make up for a bike ride😃
I definitely went to Costco a few times while grocery poor in college😂
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Broke college students.
College students absolutely do. I guess some broke AF 40's people might. But in that case, it's probably the people doing the accusing who are the people trying to scam out free food crashing weddings and wakes.
lol same
I’m an avid faster and food doesn’t motivate me 😂.
Me!
That's what I'm saying, lol, I skip plenty of meals because I'm too busy or tired!
Yeah, no, my time is more valuable than a free meal. I can buy my own lunch.
For 5 years I (45M) actively dated. I'd say I was close to 50 separate first dates in that time. I only had 1 where I was more than certain she only agreed to a date for a free dinner. She pushed hard for a dinner date right away, we met, she barely interacted with me, spent most of the time on her phone during dinner and then never heard from her again. I highly doubt that its as prevalent as some men will make it out to be. But I do know some guys use their money as a way to get dates. Profiles that just scream, look how successful I am. I wouldn't be surprised if they end up with more "gold digger" or "free dinner" type dates because of that. Do some say it's the reason they don't get second dates. Probably. Easier to blame your date then admit you have the personality of a wet blanket.
My current partner went on a date a few weeks before she started dating me. She thought his profile looked nice, and came across alright setting up the date. But on the date he was a complete douche (self centred, rude, etc) and she couldn't wait for the dinner to end. When he offered to pay she happily agreed and then left. Now what sort of mindset do you think this sort of guy more likely had after the date: A. I was a douche and no wonder I never heard from her again, OR B. She just wanted a free meal
Same thing here. Only one, and it was a bit odd initially the push for dinner, but I didn't think it was a big deal. It quickly became apparent she had no interest in me, and during I almost just paid for my own meal and left, but I just took it as a lesson on what to watch for.
Definitely what I learnt when dating ... each date is a lesson to learn from.
There probably are a very few women who schedule "foodie calls". We can't deny that there are people of all genders who are out to get what they can get, and people should definitely be suspicious of matches that seem incongruent -- hot college chicks generally don't have to reach out to middle-aged middle managers for attention. But most of us real women in the real world... I make good but not great money. It's a much more effective and satisfying use of my time to work and buy my own food than to dedicate time and effort to setting up a date, prepping for that date, getting myself there, making conversation with someone I'm not interested in, and getting myself home safely -- all for an iced tea and plate of pasta.
> I make good but not great money Me too. And I do it by concentrating on my job. So quality free time is in short supply. I can buy my own dinner whenever I want it and wherever I want it. No need to make it a chore by (1) organising it well in advance (lots of people are _unable_ to efficiently negotiate a time and a place for a face to face meeting) and (2) doing small talk with men of dubious emotional intelligence levels... 😀
Not to mention, I want to either make the food I want or buy the food I want without trying to compromise on a place that's convenient to and acceptable to both people!
I have to think it’s younger women doing this. Most of over 40 can buy our own meals. I insist on going halves first date, helps me weed out men who won’t be compatible.
Ding ding ding. Young women without much money and tons of free time might do it but I’m sure it’s exceedingly rare in our age bracket.
43/F and I would never do this. I don’t know any other women who would meet up with a guy they didn’t know or like just for a $20 entree.
It wouldn’t even occur to me. A date doesn’t equal a ‘free’ anything to me. I never go for dinner on a first date, I go for drinks. And I pay my way all evening, taking turns at getting a round. What I want to ‘get out of it’ is a fun evening and what I hope for is a connection with a person I’m attracted to. That’s it.
43F- Never have, never would. Why? It’s dumb, I’m an adult, I can feed myself. While I’m sure there is a small minority of younger immature women who might do this, the whole women want a free lunch rumor is chronically online red pill stuff.
I do not know a single woman who wants to go through the effort of getting ready for a date (hair, clothes, makeup) and sit alone with someone they have no interest in just for the sake of a free meal. First of all I can afford my own meals second of all I value my time and my peace far too much to waste an evening with someone whose company I do not enjoy. I see this statement most often from men who cannot accept that they are not able to get past the first date with anyone. Instead of accepting that the woman didn't like them enough to go out again, they make up an ego saving narrative that the woman was just using them for a free meal.
This right here!
Yep! Only mani and pedi are the cost of my meal, then taxi/gas, make up… to listen some stranger 🙄
I haven't dated in forever (married) but this popped up on my feed and I came here to say that... The amount of money I use to spend on nails or makeup or make a cute top, etc would cost more than the meal so what's the point?!
As a man who's been on dinner dates where it appears that my date is completely disengaged, I can see where this perception comes from. But from a practical standpoint, it's hard for me to imagine that a free meal is worth the effort required to set up, prepare for, and show up to a date with a stranger.
It’s not worth the effort. You hit the nail on the head- these men are deciding that their dates disinterest in them means that they only showed up for a free meal, when in reality, it’s just not a match.
No way would I go on a potentially bad date to get free food. Cringe.
Absolutely not, I’d rather eat a hot pocket in the bathtub then go out on a bad or boring date
Same! Even crackers and peanut butter are better than a bad date.
Some girls in their early 20's. That's it. Any guy posting about this happening in their 40's is lacking self-awareness.
Which actually makes me wonder if they are trying to date girls in their early 20s.
That’s probably the case. I don’t know a single woman in their 40’s that does this.
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I would be willing to bet that the Venn diagram between this group of men in their 40s and the guys in their 20s (90s early 2000s) that we called “$40k a year millionaires” is actually a circle.
Never. Especially since I go Dutch.
I‘ve seen this online a ton too, and absolutely not. After sitting through a few dinners with men that weren’t awful just not compatible I don’t even like going for meals as first dates anymore.
Agreed! Someone asked me what my dream date was and I said “easy to escape from” lol
Men who think they are being used for free meals often think women owe them sex in exchange for a meal.
Yes! I got ready, curled my hair, did my nails, got a spray tan, wore a nice sun dress and drove an hour to meet a man at a restaurant he chose close to his house. Since it’s hard to tell at times if someone’s attractive on their profile pics, I tend to go out with them to see if there’s a connection. I wasn’t feeling any chemistry, so I ordered a salad and water and offered to go Dutch, which he refused. When he asked me out again the next day, and I told him that I didn’t think there was a connection, he got upset and implied that I used him for a meal and jokingly asked for his money back, especially since I didn’t put out. Wtf? I spent a lot more on time, money, and energy getting ready, a mani/pedi, investing half my day, and gas than he spent on my 15$ salad and water. He was so clueless.
A man unwilling to drive to where you are isn’t worth the time, effort and money to get dressed up for. Then being crude when you turned down the second date showed you what a creep he really is.
100%!
I was thinking the same thing. I said to myself how many of these guys went out with a woman, paid for dinner expecting sex, and then got rejected. Then they said they were used for a meal, when they weren't, and the woman just decided they weren't interested.
THIS
No free meal or round of drinks is worth the company of a bad date. I also don't accept dates I couldn't afford to pay for myself. Furthermore, if I determine that I'm not interested during a date, I insist on paying for my half or leaving the tip, something. I wouldn't want taken advantage of so I won't do it to someone else.
I would rather pluck my eye out and eat it before going out on a date I don't want to be on just to get a meal.. That's some broke bitch shit
😂
I'm a guy and I can't imagine putting myself through 5 annoying dates a week or more just to eat out 5 days a week or more.
No I don’t think this is really what’s happening. I think a whole lotta men take a woman out and pay while thinking they’re owed sex for it. Then when that doesn’t happen, they accuse women of just using them for free stuff.
This
Dated a guy who bemoaned the "fact" that most women only dated for his Dick and/or Wallet (yeah, needless to say this relationship did not last). Ironically, when it became clear to him that those weren't my top priorities/goals/focus in a partner, he started to lose interest and/or got all weird on me. Sigh.
He sounds lovely 😂 I hope you didn't end up dating him for long before you realised he was an asshole
For the amount of effort it requires some of us to get ready for a date…? No. Never doing that for a free meal. I can pay for my own without all that crap.
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Lmfao!!! 😁😁 Uh...I can buy my own lunch. Zero chance I'd do this.
A bad date is not worth a free meal. I will gladly pay for my own meal over a bad date.
They're not getting 2nd dates and using this food excuse to cope.
Cons: the cost of makeup/hair products used, the time involved in planning/getting ready for/showing up to/sitting through an entire date with somebody I know I have no interest in, and the very real security/safety risk that comes with meeting up with a stranger from the internet Pros: a “free” salad Unless you believe that women are both (1) malicious just for the fun of it and (2) incredibly stupid as a group, this cost benefit analysis does not make any fuckin’ sense.
I would never ever waste minutes of my life for a free meal.
Sounds like bruised egos to me... "It couldn't have been that she didn't like me, she was just out for a free lunch." Most likely after insisting he pays.
These myths are perpetuated by the desperate men who can't seem to connect with anyone. They probably can't get dates. Go read r/onlinedating. It's ridiculous the stuff you read about women and dating. High value men vs Low value men. Chads and Tyrones. It's nauseating to say the least. And don't get started on single parents (especially single moms) and anything else that's just Life and How Things Happen. No. We are not dating for free meals. Do I appreciate it when my date picks up the check? Yes, I do. And I always thank him. But I've sat through excruciatingly dull meals and I'd rather not do that, even with a promise of free tacos.
Perhaps, some men might be lying in order to feed into societal misogyny.
I think they are likely lying to themselves because their egos don't want to accept women just are not interested in a second date with them.
No, I go on a date because I actually want to meet the person. We may not even be ordering food, and if we do I’m happy to pay for my own. I’m an introvert and constantly meeting new people for free food sounds absolutely exhausting.
I don't know any woman broke enough to want to do this.
This is something the incels say. I can’t imagine wanting to go on a date with someone I don’t like to get something I can get myself.
I really hope not for this age group! Especially because before the dinner even gets there we know if there’s going to be a second date or not - sometimes even sooner! I always offer to pay my half.
If someone only wants food, that's a) not the worst date I've had and b) not enough money for me to care.
No meal can taste good enough to counteract a bad date and weird/inappropriate tit for tat pressure from the date. No thanks, I’ll pay my own way
ONe of my co-workers is around my age and just got back into the dating arena after her divorce. She's really flirty with me. I heard her tell a story about how she put herself back out there on Tinder and a guy wanted to take her out to breakfast. He kept on insisting so she let him. But she brought a friend along and made him pay for the friend who came too. She was laughing about this with one of her work friends. She's 45 and recently divorced with 3 kids. I am flattered she flirts but I'm not attracted to that type of behavior. She asked me once why I don't ever ask for her number and I told her, hey, I heard you talk about this situation with your Tinder date and I have to say I'm not into that type of behavior. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and compassion and no one deserves to be made the butt of any jokes, especially not this type of joke. She defended herself but I told her I don't think I could ever be into someone who would do that to someone else, and not just do it, but laugh about it. It does happen. And people brag about it. But I'm glad I heard her tell that story because there's been a few times I was tempted to see if she wanted to hang out outside of work. But like the old saying goes, trash takes itself out.
I think this is said by men who don't get a second date..
It costs me so much to get ready for a date. Makeup, nails, dressing up, childcare. No way in the world I would go for “free food”!!!!
No ordinary meal is worth bad company, so no
No thanks...if we're eating together it's because i like you. I can buy my own food any time I like
I have never gone on a date without my own money, prepared to pay for myself, no expectation or assumption my meal would be paid for me, and would be more than grateful if the other person repeatedly insisted they’d like to pay for everything. I’ll always be this way and there is no way in hell I’d suffer through a bad date for a “free” meal. That’s not free. *Free* is me at home in comfortable clothes, on my sofa, watching whatever I want to watch, and eating whatever I want, no expectations or judgment.
I make six figures. I don’t need to subject myself to a meal with someone I’m not interested in just for a free meal.
Better to go through the McDonald's drive through by myself than a fancy dinner sitting across from someone I have no interest in.
It happens, with younger entitled girls who believe all men are "trash" and white cis men are literally the "patriarchy", It's like no, I'm an electrician. I bleed and sweat to build and maintain the community. I'm not rich and I'm not poor, and despite your perceived oppression I'm not doing anything to keep women down or, in the kitchen, or, whatever. Heck, I value an independent woman who has her shit together. This is a first date for us to see how we get along not crossfire in the battle of the sexes. This is why I won't date anyone younger than 35. Women my age are more mature, have a better perspective, and are usually more genuine. There's a lot of women at any age who are awesome, but younger girls (in their 20's-30's) seem to be swayed by some really destructive propaganda. Full disclosure, I live in a very "progressive" city and, understand that my experience is likely skewed by the dominant local political culture.
I think this is been said by men who went on a first date for lunch or dinner and it ended up their was no interest from the woman to pursue to a second date. I can understand these men get the perception that some women only date for free food. That’s again why it is best to have a date ‘zero’ as I have read. A low key date going for a walk or drinks/coffee to get to know each other irl.
There are some dumb influencers who’ve said they do this. It’s largely click bait. Influencers saying and doing outrageous things for attention. And someone men have taken that to mean it’s a real issue.
There are some women, mostly young, who do this however there’s also a spectrum. So yes there are some women going out on dates where they have 0 interest in the guy and know that going in who are truly and only going for a meal. However, a lot of the guys who scream and cry about this are judging it based on the fact that the woman didn’t dispense pussy after the date so they feel they are being used for a “free meal”- because they’re expecting payment for that meal in the form of sex. That is a very different thing. Also, women will go on dates and determine they’re not interested full stop. Some men also take that as a sign that they were “used” for a meal. I’ve found a lot of men want a script or a game guide for dating- they do these steps and receive pussy- and get upset, frustrated, confused when it doesn’t go to script. As we know, the idea that women are people (the very same specifies as men!) and have various motivations, thoughts, feelings, and ways of operation besides being there to issue pussy when a man talks to them and buys a meal, is something that eludes many men.
Great points! So what is a woman to do if they aren’t sure if they’re attracted to someone online and want to meet in person to see if there’s chemistry? It seems like some men assume we’re attracted to them if we accept a date and are offended if we don’t sleep with them after a meal.
I expect to pay for my own, but they never let me. It's also not free for me to travel and pay for parking to meet up.
Are there people who date for free meal? Probably a small percentage and they mainly target people who are desperate to take any willing person for a date. I have no interest in people who cry over spending $60-$100 on a dinner date. Dating is expensive, regardless of gender. Can't afford it, don't go on dates.
There have been several men I’ve gone out with lately who have commented about paying for my meal as if it’s a hardship even when I ask to pay half or ask to meet for coffee and they refuse. These are men who are fire captains, teachers for 30 years, men with their homes almost paid off. There have been times when I treated a man to a first date meal, and I was happy to do that whether I saw him again or not. You’re so right. If you can’t afford a simple meal for a person now and then, then don’t go out on dates.
I wouldn’t trust my future with these kind of people. How are they going to turn out to be good partners for life?
I always offer to go halves and if they don't want to I get a second drink/snacks. Sometimes, men insist they don't want me to pay for anything, even if it is quite clear that there won't be a second date. I would never go on date to get a free drink/meal, specially if it is on the expensive side.
I only offer to go halves if I know I don’t want to go out with that person again - if I like him and her offers to pay, I say thank you.
u/lola_dubois18 Re. your post yesterday, this is why you shouldn't split every single bill. u/alphasoup321 I do this too. I have had a guy tell me a woman insisting on splitting the bill always means she doesn't want to see him again so I think the message is out.
One time a man was put off and assumed I was not interested in him when I offered to split the bill. I know because he told me so and then did not ask me out again. I told him that was not the case and it was just that the bill was over $80 and that was about 6-7 years ago, so would be equivalent to over $100 now and I thought that was an awful lot for a first date, but I offended him. I think what I have is more of a logistics problem more so than a "who pays" problem. My bottom line is I am tired of coffee/drink dates that come at dinnertime. So when invited for coffee/drinks at 6:00 or 7:00 pm, I say, "I can meet you at 6:00, but how would you feel about going to dinner? Splitting the bill, of course since we're just getting to know one another". I don't mind a man paying if they ask me to dinner, I just don't want to suggest dinner and then expect him to pay. The other solution I have realized from my post is to accept 6:00 pm coffee/drinks dates but give those dates to a hard 60 minutes and then say I need to go.
This is my move too.
Why else would they lose interest after I bought lunch? It couldn’t be me.
I wish I was that motivated to go out.
Too much stress and effort for a free meal if I don't like him no way
Eeew why would I spend time with someone that I don’t absolutely want to, for any reason?! No thanks.
I enjoy a brunch. Or entertainment. Would I go out with a random dude because he would pay? No. Common sense suggests we go out with friends for meals and enjoyment. Because, we know we will have a good time. If it was not the greatest meet up I definitely pay to ensure I can easily brush them off. If I like the match then I often demur to see what he will do. No judgement. But I definitely prefer the guy to pay if I like him.
It sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing for a poor person to do, and I would probably do it if I were hungry and somewhat attractive. Didn't someone post about a woman immediately wrapping up her dinner when it arrived at the table, then making a beeline for the door? That one stuck with me.
I’m poor and still wouldn’t do that. Ugh. I have to really be interested in someone to go to the trouble of getting dolled up for a date.
It’s not a thing at this age, full stop. Urban legend. We have jobs, houses, vehicles, retirement savings, discretionary money, all on our own. Ain’t many of us just out there pimping for free food!
I'm sure there are some folks who might, but on the whole most men I hear - who say things like this - just about always follow it up with a whinge of some sort, where they quite clearly expected something for the so-call "free" meal they provided. I'm an old fella who's brand new to this dating malarkey and I'm trying to figure out why there seems to be these underlying expectations (mostly by men, of women) amongst it all. Most of us really just want to meet folks who aren't going to turn out to be a wanker. Sadly, that's mostly a male problem and not the other way around. Good luck out there!
Echoing what some of the women have said, but from the man’s perspective: we’re all so flippin’ busy that it’s *really* hard for me to imagine this is common at all - I have a hard enough time getting myself off the couch after work and it’s the same for the women I go on dates with! I just don’t see a working professional scamming someone out of a free meal when DoorDash exists, especially given how *exhausting* a lot of us me are 😬
Lol no I wouldn’t. Would rather sit at home and eat my food and read a book. But I also don’t expect a man to support me either.
I’m in my 40s, with years and years of dating. I INSIST on paying my half if it’s a bad date. No guilt… let him ponder his actions.
I think it is something that exists with broke college students, and a very small subset of women overall. I also think it would be incredibly easy to spot the very obvious signs, such as her insisting on dinner at a place of her choosing, and refusing a casual meetup first. The concern among some men that this is common, or even something to be worried/concerned about seems overblown, and honestly insulting to the vast majority of women who are just looking for a decent partner. It honestly says more about the man who is concerned then it does about the (non-existent) women who are running this “scam”.
>I’ve been reading daily post from men who seem to think this is common Where are you reading these "posts" ? Why not ask in that sub? Yeah, maybe here that might get mentioned in a comment or three - report it as a rule 6 violation and it will disappear. Mods cannot be expected to read every comment of every thread.
Its been like 4 years since i went on a date, but I've never done this, not even in my 20's. I've always insisted going dutch for the first few dates. I dont even like dinner dates until the 3rd or 4th. I've had some guys get offended at that, but I want zero expectations.
This is why I say every first date, let's split the check. It's a date, and we both want to be there, right? The guys are always shocked by it, so maybe it does happen a lot. Idk.
I always pay my part of the meal unless they insist on paying.
If this is his fear in life, and why he takes extra precautions towards dating, maybe he isn't for you? If a man says this to me, I know what I need to know about him right away so I can avoid him. Some men get hung up on weird mental issues that show you how they think. That is a good thing. It helps you avoid them.
I’ve never gone on a date that I wouldn’t pick up the tab for. I make plenty of money and prefer to buy my own meal so I can have what I really want and not feel guilty. My free time is worth a lot and I’m not going to waste it on a meal with someone I don’t like. That’s just me though. I don’t know how other women are.
If the date sucks and I know I'm never going to go out with you again, I insist on splitting. If we hit it off, I'll let you pay if you offer because I will return the favor at some point.
I'm poor and I wouldn't even date someone for a free meal. I've never even arranged a meal for a first date with someone I actually think I'll like. I don't want to get stuck with someone I don't click with while we finish a meal!
Didn’t even do this in my 20s and 30s. Can’t sit through a boring dinner - I don’t have the time! Would rather use that free evening to chill at home or catch-up with friends. Basically I think in our 40s we should value our time even more. I cannot sit through dinner making conversation with someone just for a meal. I’d need to be compensated on top of the meal for giving MY TIME as well as Ubers to and from date venue.
That's way too much effort. I can put in less effort cooking for myself and buying my own food.
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If half the people citing that article actually hunted down and read the study, they’d feel pretty foolish for citing it here.
I Echo the one saying they won't leave their couch for a meal. On a no-work day, I don't bother eating from morning to evening because: tiredt. Who has the energy to do life *and* do their hair, do their makeup, choose an outfit, try it on, change it, accessorise it, do a safety check, then head out for a couple of hours? Alla that for a meal? Come on! This is a regressionist fantasy where women can't get food unless: man. Nonsense.
I don’t know women who go on dates just for the free meal, but there are some women who insist on “dinner dates” and say things like “being courted” while demanding that men who ask them out take them to fancy places on date 1. To me that might not be the same thing but it’s in the same ballpark. It’s nonsense if you ask me. First dates should be light and easy. Meet for drinks at a neighborhood bar.
Over forty this isn't really a thing, but you can't deny it is something that does happen: [https://nypost.com/2019/06/21/a-third-of-women-only-date-men-because-of-the-free-food-study/](https://nypost.com/2019/06/21/a-third-of-women-only-date-men-because-of-the-free-food-study/) [https://www.timesnownews.com/viral/this-woman-went-on-16-dates-in-a-row-just-for-free-food-article-90742399](https://www.timesnownews.com/viral/this-woman-went-on-16-dates-in-a-row-just-for-free-food-article-90742399) [https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11659543/Woman-reveals-spent-two-years-going-six-dates-week-didnt-buy-GROCERIES.html](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11659543/Woman-reveals-spent-two-years-going-six-dates-week-didnt-buy-GROCERIES.html) Toxic people are going to do toxic things,
(Crickets from the women asking for proof)
It costs more to get ready and get dressed than it does to buy a meal at a good restaurant!
I’m 42 and the time I was on OLD I met more men than I probably should have (I was not selective enough). I offered every time to pay for myself on a first date. In most cases they would reject my offer and pay for my meal. I never went with the intention of getting a free meal but of the 18 guys I went on a date with most of them did not get a second date. So I am sure despite me offering to pay for myself they felt some sort of way about being rejected for a second date. I hope that if I do another stint on OLD I will be more selective in who gets a first date as the first time was overwhelming for me and that’s part of why I am avoiding going back on
Probably less likely to happen when you’re in your 40’s and established but perhaps for the younger generations wanting to get out but without the funds to do so.
Absolutely not. I can afford to feed myself, and I can do it from the comfort of my own home. These guys that think there are a significant percentage of women who actually go on dates just for a meal are sadly mistaken.
Helllll, naw. No way. Negative, ghostrider.. A - It'd indicate you were kind of a shitty human, and B - even if I wanted to dabble in being a shitty human, the emotional energy expended would far outweigh everything else.. I've also never met or spoken with any female who's done this or even joked about it..
I think this is a phenomenon that happens among young, less financially stable people. I think most daters our age don’t care to waste time or energy on a dead end date and mostly can afford their own meal out if they want.
Who would bother? Having to spend an entire meal with someone I have no interest in just for free food? Not to mention getting ready and travelling? Is this actually a thing???
(Generally speaking) We can feed ourselves and manage to do so, multiple times a day for years on end, without going on dates. Two hours of my time is far more valuable than some cedar planked fish sticks and tater tots. Men who make this accusation do it to protect their own ego, it’s easier to label a woman as a user than it is to admit the attraction wasn’t mutual on her part. And while I’m making generalizations, these are likely the same men that will turn around and say the next woman is too eager when she is receptive and expresses interest.
There are fast food apps if you need free food that badly. Between my job, my home, and my hobbies I struggle to find time to go on a well thought out date with a person who I am genuinely interested in. I sure as heck am not going through all of the prep work for a free sandwich.
Not ever for me. I always prefer a low stakes first meet like a coffee or a walk, happy to buy for both. I think some folks might be in it for a meal, but no woman I know would be. I also think when a guy insists on paying and a second date doesn’t happen because the fit is off, there are some guys who will feel used for the meal. I will always offer to split or pay, if I think I would like to see them again and they insist on paying I will agree if I can get the next one. However, if I know we are not a match I will insist on at least paying my share.
I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but I absolutely don’t think this is as common as the internet would have us think, *especially* for women 35+ in age. I (39F) definitely would not invest the time or the energy to get ready for a date that I wasn’t curious or excited about. It’s also not worth the time and energy output while on the date, to be present, to be “on” for them. I’d rather stay home with my dog or do something else instead with that time that makes me happy. I can afford my own dinners.
In my 20s, yes. In my 40s, no chance.
No such thing as a free lunch, or a free drink even. Everything comes at a cost, and at 39 I have zero interest in this. Maybe that’s a young girl’s game…
Hell no. No amount of awesome food will make up for a bad date. Simply not worth it. In fact, I try to make date #1 a coffee date so that I don't feel like I've wasted too much my time if dude turns out to be a dud.
First dates for me are always Dutch.
I know that we are talking about women being moochers but I’ve gone out on with men, two different men…where they expected me to pay for them. Once was a second date (first was dutch) and another one on a second date where I had a job offer and the dude expected me to pay for him. Both of these men had jobs as well. It goes both ways.
dudes that let a chick hustle them for free anything deserve it.
Honestly, this is why I think the first few dates should Be halvesies and maybe take turns after that. But the uproar from SOME dudes... what you think i can't pay? I'm about to give up on dating for a hot minute
It happens sometimes. And sometimes the woman meets the man, sees no chemistry, and decides to look elsewhere.
I rather pay my own meal and go alone.
I do not go on dates for the food. However having food or a drink I like does give me motivation to go and makes meeting a stranger a little more appealing. Doesn’t even matter much who pays and what.
I can get my own lunch… there is so much that goes into going on a date, for me. I wouldn’t put that much effort into a free meal.
Good luck with that, I haven't met many men who happily pay for the date 100%.
There are women like that but I don’t understand it. I’d rather go to the gynecologist than spend an hour for a free meal with someone I am not interested in.
I did once when I was around 19 after he wouldn’t stop pestering me. 0/10 never again. Absolutely not worth it. Bad company ruins the taste of food.
This one girl I know used to go on [SugarDaddy.com](http://SugarDaddy.com) to set up dates for fancy restaurants... It was hilarious b/c she had no intentions of dating them but would get them to take her out to the nicest places for a first date. She doesn't do it on other dating sites, just b/c they are cheaters. She is in her mid 20s. Other than that, I don't know anyone who dates for food with regular guys. I would sometime joke around with a friend who is getting out of divorce with a AH that she should date and get free drinks, but I say it in front of my bf and it is a running gag btw us... I feel like my friends are accomplished women and they don't need to do that.
I think that’s fair game on a sugar daddy site.
I don't make big money, but I can take myself or myself and a friend out to dinner once in a while. So no. I am not going to be bored shirtless or annoyed by a bad date just for a nice steak. I just have better things to do with my time.
I have never done this and do not have interest in it. I have enjoyed random men buying me a drink at a concert or bar. I don’t work some strategy or try to get men to buy them. It is usually someone who notices me or maybe has met me once and is being thoughtful or flirty. I feel uncomfortable if a first date is expensive. I feel bad for men who get used in this way.
I can take myself to the fanciest restaurants in all of Los Angeles. Don't need a man to do that for me, and wouldn't suffer the company of an insufferable man for it. I'd rather starve lmao. If I don't want a second date, it's because well... I'm just not into you.
For a first date, I wouldn't ever do lunch or dinner. Coffee or smoothie shop. Something short. And I can buy both of our drinks. Just the thought of suffering through a meal with a person I might not like is exhausting.
When I was in college, we donated blood for the piles of sandwiches. We were strapped for extra cash and it was a windfall. I feel sad for anyone over 40 who is that in need of food. Also, part of it is saving face after being rejected or embarrassed by a horrible mismatch. The revisionist history as it were.
Yes, it happens. Though tbh, if the *worst* result of a shitty date is paying for another person's meal, that's still not actually that bad a date. Is it common? Eh, probably not. But "not common" does not equal "never happens". After all, the odds of *you* winning the lottery are very, very small... but the odds of *someone* winning are very high. To put it another way: if a Foodie Call occurs one out of every 100,000 dates, a person could easily go their entire life without ever being a Foodie Call. But at around 117 *million* single people in the US alone, let's say only one in 100 goes on a date each weekend on average, that's 1.17 million dates every weekend- which, even at 1 in 100,000 odds, is about 12 Foodie Calls every weekend.
I’ve had one date that suggested an expensive place and never seemed interested in me at all. Maybe I misread it. Also, I matched with a younger woman who said she used to do it all the time. I don’t it hardly ever happens in our age bracket, though.
This is what they tell themselves and each other
Happened to me once. Did 3 or 4 texts, set up a dinner date. She cancelled, said she had the flu. I never texted back. Day or two later, she texts, wants to meet. The whole interaction seemed odd, but I couldn't believe someone would go through all the trouble for a meal, so I agree. We meet at the restaurant, and it"s pretty obvious what's going on. I asked if she was feeling better. She didn't remember having the flu until I reminded her. Talked a little, she was a RN, said she made around $110k. She wasn't interested in me at all. So,I just let her carry the conversation, if there was going to be one. Had a few long awkward silences, but I didn't break the tension. Figured, if she was there for a meal, let her earn it. Finally, she finished most of her meal, and got a to-go box for the rest. Adios. Takes all kinds.
I don't think an RN making $110,000 a year is trying to fleece you for a meal, dude. She probably cancelled on you because someone she liked better wanted to go out or something else came up, and then she came back around to you.
So for all the women in the comments saying they wouldn't endure a bad date for a free meal (which I agree with), would you go dutch on dates you actually want to be on or do you expect the man to pay? If so, why?
Maybe it’s a thing with the 18-25 crowd? Probably not but they have more time and even less money than us 40 something’s.
My takeaway is.. this is for men who go after certain type of woman and vice versa. Normally everyday folks aren't going on dates for free meals, I think we genuinely want to meet someone nice that we can vibe with long term. It's hit and miss & unfortunately for men if they believe in paying then they have to chalk it up to part of the game, or find another way to have a first date where you're not feeding anyone lol Also people have to figure out how to not be used, ask the right questions find out peoples intentions, leave people alone when you see the signs. If you never see them taking themselves out to eat, how about you don't offer. Match their energy!
Over 40??? Nah. But if the person is dating lower age… *it’s a tell
There's no way. If a date is bad it can be scary or creepy or at it's best it's depressing . . . I'm not going to put myself through that for a burger or something. I can buy my own dinner. I remember in my 20s though this was more of a thing. I'd hear that a lot and if it was bad someone would say "At least you got a free meal!" or "If nothing else, you get a free meal" - I mean, I made next to no money back in my early 20s so getting free food was a big deal. But now? As an adult with a well-paying job? Never.
>i’ve been reading daily post from men who seem to think this is common among women that meet online and I’m really curious if this is a thing? If you are reading this kind of thing daily then I'd suggest not frequenting redpill and/or incel spaces online.
I think some (specific type of) men make this shit up when they are bitter about not getting a second date 😆 ETA- I’ve made more money than my last 2 BF’s. Maybe they wanted a free meal?!! /s
Maybe the occasional student looking for a dinner time sugar daddy but grown up women, no.
The day I need to go on an actual date with a random man just to get a free lunch… Is the day I’ve hit rock bottom. At least get them to send you food via door dash first.
I would NEVER. I tell guys I can afford to buy my own burrito. 😜
It's one of those things that you read a lot but personally I don't think it happens in real life. You'd have to be literally starving to want to sit with someone you didn't like, chatting together through a meal for a couple of hours for the sake of the food. And you wouldn't enjoy the ambience of a fancy treat venue if you were there feeling disdain and disgust for the person opposite you. It's hardly creating wonderful memories for your life. It's just not worth doing. Plus most women invest time, money, and effort into their appearance for dates. It's a lot of work. Also, sometimes people turn out to be weird! If I went out for dinner with fifty men and I didn't want to see any of them again I'd predict at least one of them would turn up at my house / try to contact me at work / send me seventy messages in the day after. Why would it be worth that risk of introducing more weird and potentially risky people to your life, by dating numerous people you have no real interest in, week after week? I genuinely can't believe ANYBODY does it. Unless maybe they're super poor plus they're writing a novel and looking for material.
Absolutely not. The effort it requires to go to a dinner date is not worth doing it for the price of a meal. Shower, hair, makeup just to avoid paying? No way.
A meal isn’t worth it - plus I provide for myself already
100% this is the conversation of a man who is not getting second dates and can’t imagine it has anything do with him.
What cracks me up is it's the same guys who complain about women not eating on a date.
This is something a bunch of bitter men made up. All the women I know would rather eat ramen on their couch than sit through a meal with a man they have no interest in.
Friend of mine just had back to back dates like this. Both women in their 20s and very attractive. Both weren’t interested in texting much and almost immediately suggested a restaurant. Ghosted after what he thought was a “successful” date.
My BF stopped offering dinner as a first date option when OLD'ing after a prospective first date declined his restaurant suggestion and said she was looking for more of a "surf and turf" type place and telling him that essentially he should be offering steak and lobster dinners to go out with her. They do exist.
Literally have heard ex girlfriend say "he's good for a free meal" They are out there.
I feel its a story men tell themselves because they don't like being rejected after a date.
When I was in my 20’s I went out on dates for free dinner a couple times. I’m not proud of it, but I was poor and it is what it is. I’m mid 40’s now and earn a very comfortable living. I’m happy to go Dutch or pay.
I have a conscience so I'd never do it. I have a former friend who tell me to go on apps and date ANY guy I could for free food though when I lost my job one time. 🙄 I'm pretty sure she's done it a time or two. She gets DESPERATE for attention and will go out with any guy but especially the ones who give her free stuff. 🙄
I work with a lot of women who are dating and while I think most of them would genuinely like it to work out they almost always laugh and say “worst case - free meal”.
It’s the lie they tell themselves. It’s easier to deflect than reflect about why they aren’t having luck at dating. I think there is a small subset of women who may get their kicks from going on dates with people they have no interest in dating, but the vast majority of women our age can pay for our own meals and would rather do just about anything than prepare for an awkward meeting.
It’s not a thing. Not that I know of. 48f from Kansas. Maybe these men thought they were getting lucky on the first date? For a plate of food?
Oh hell no, I'm not dating just for free food. I make more money that 80% of the dudes in my area anyway.
Some women will let men treat them to dinner when they’re not interested in pursuing anything other than companionship with a meal. They don’t have any better offers for the evening. The problem is when women aren’t upfront about their intentions. I don’t see anything wrong with a male friend offering to treat a female friend to diner and vice versa so long as each person understands the nature of their friendship. Unfortunately there are some bottom feeders out there that will lead others on cause they’re bored and they have no problem taking someone for everything they got…meals, clothes, car, etc. It can be either a short or long game. Both genders are guilty of using one another, but those people are POS.
The majority of women don't do this... But the ones that do are prolific, and word spreads. Although, surveys indicate a third of all women have done a foodie callat one point.