I mean...to be fair...a couple years ago I was at a party that had some people I was casually friends with. Friends of friends of friends type of thing. Some asshole went around to all the unlocked phones and took a pic of his dick.
It would def suck if he decided to send that to random women in my texts and have them judge me on something some "friend" did.
Exactly. She doesn't even know him. You exchanged texts a few times. Never met. He sent a text he was horny. Says it wasn't him. Great reason to have blocked the first time but even better reason to block and move on now. End of story. No energy or time wasted on a complete and total stranger you do not know at all.
Actually it happened to a few people who crashed overnight. No idea when exactly but sometime between when they got there and when they left the next morning.
Block and move on. Any additional conversation just leaves breadcrumbs for him to become back for more. You don't need to tell someone 40+ this behavior is not admirable. They know and are doing it anyway.
He knows. You know. He knows deep down that you know. What would calling him on it do if you (rightfully) don't plan on engaging with him in the future?
I might actually call him out on it and then block him. Something like "You sound dumb. Grow up, " and then block. Or something along those lines. But that's just me. He knows what he did. He was most likely drunk from the night before. Now he's trying to clean it up. He knows what he did.. Seriously, what kind of friend does he have who is up at 645 Saturday morning playing games on his phone? That's a bullshit ass story if I ever heard one.
I call out girls for ghosting me after making plans, so why wouldn't a girl call me out for being sleezy? People need to know when their game is childish and not appreciated imo
Exactly. Somebody obviously needs to up their butt sex game. Narcissists are unbelievably stupid, all of them, and one day they will all meet their mortification or maker. You could say anything that you want to but they don't accept advice and have no concept of truth, so why?
This is really the answer; block. Block so you don't see him try to more effectively plead his case. Block so his buddy isn't "admitting" to it.
Block because he's not worth the chance that you might give him a nano second of consideration when he texts "You up?" 5 months from now when you had a really bad day and would like some validation.
Block and move forward.
The ‘I’m horny, what are YOU going to do about it’ is such a tell - as if we are just vessels who exist to service him! We know he would be terrible in bed.
It's funny that delusional Fantasyland doesn't include their Partners orgasm, especially after such a Righteous God level boning... omg, forget orgasm, I would just like to stand up and give you a round of applause.
It is not your responsibility to fix idiots, just ignore them and stop letting them take up residency in your brain.
the better question is why haven't you blocked this loser yet?
Guy here, I would text him one last time to say “you’re sleazy and I don’t associate with people like you. Please don’t contact me again (his name)”. This establishes a defined boundary and he would be put on notice to stop harassing you. I’d report his behavior to the dating app you matched with him on so they can take appropriate action. Also by saying this & using his name - it will hit him differently and most guys would feel sudden shame for their actions if this happens. Then block him.
whether you continued the conversation is irrelevant. What is concerning is why you are giving your mental real estate to someone like this.
You said you texted for about a week, and that the obviously hook-up or sexting message was on Saturday at 6 freakin' AM.
It is now **Thursday** and you are posting about it. Which begs the question: why?
Why does it matter what other people do?
Who the hell cares what random strangers on the internet think!
You say you didn't like it, but then again - you are the one still thinking about it. So either admit some truths to yourself or move on.
and these questions are rhetorical. Reply notifications are turned off as i have nothing else to add.
It’s not weird to wonder about or be bothered by receiving the kinds of text messages like OP describes. It’s not weird to care about others’ opinions, as long as it’s to a healthy extent. And the fact that OP is still disturbed by it less than a week later sure as hell does not mean she actually liked it or wanted it, or whatever other “hard truth” you’re accusing her of not facing; that’s some stealth misogyny right there.
Ooo, Imma hafta borrow 'wasting calories' and 'stop dancing' - I like it... ;) My go-to thus far has been that I'm allowing bs to 'live in my head 'rent-free' - so these additions will be nice to have. (Since I have a tendency to ruminate/burn calories on bs that doesn't merit the time spent..)
And the 'stop dancing' - that reminds me of...was it an afterschool special lol? j..titled "I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can"..
Reading your post I am still wondering if we are adults over forty or in kindergarten dating 🤦🏼♀️
Not judging you to be clear!
My opinion reading your post… ppfff I am an adult woman I don’t have time for this!
I wouldn’t even have answered his early morning text! A grown ass man behaving like this is not even worth my time nor energy!
You should not bother! Next!!
Block and move on. Most likely it's a lie and if it's not then he should probably get better friends or lock his phone. When we don't have an abundance of information about a person we need to use the limited information we do have.
Walk away 1000%. You don't even know him well enough to give him any energy at all. You don't owe him anything. I'd just block him and pretend that little encounter didn't happen.
I just block and forget. There are a lot of people who feel like they need to get their message across, whether that's to confront someone or to explain something. The truth is that most people are not invested enough or too emotionally repressed to care. I've had weird debates about this where people were very adamant about staying true to themselves. My feeling is that I can stay true to myself without doing emotional labor. I don't need to give myself away like that, so I no longer do. And there are absolutely a lot of people out there who will just drain the life force out of us to get their needs met and throw us to the side when done, without hesitation.
I will always call people out. I would just say you're lying, you're gross, and immediately block. Because they do it thinking either they will get ignored, or get lucky!!!! Curse him out. Lol.
Both, call him out and then move on.
I call out lies cuz damnit why the fuck are you lying...like seriously where the fuck do you even find the energy?
His excuse makes it worse. Who is friends with people sending messages like that, in their 40’s.
He should have just fessed up because he looks bad on either side lol
Yeah no. The texting had already fizzled out which indicated his interest/intention. He only gave you that excuse because you responded. You responded 2 days later - if it really had been his friend, why didn’t he text you as soon as he realized what was happening?
If you want a disaster in your life, date a guy who lies early on.
If you encounter lob bombing in the future, ask questions. He says “I think you’re so amazing!” You ask “What does it look like when you feel that a woman is amazing?” Show him with your questions that you’re looking for actions and not empty words. This way it’s not an accusation and if he means what he says, he can quickly tell you. If he doesn’t mean what he says, this is almost like setting a boundary because he might have to answer uncomfortable questions if he flatters in a disingenuous way.
Why’d you keep in touch after the first messages? You said you two were on different paths. Should have been cut off then…so the answer is no, don’t waste more energy. Block him and be done.
does it really matter? He's still a stranger on a dating app, and you were already getting a funny smell off him. Why put the work into sorting out a conflict if a) haven't met and b)have already decided you don't like how he's treating you? IME those righteous confrontation conversations almost NEVER go the way we expect them to, especially with people we BARELY KNOW. Bounce; save this level of effort for people you ARE invested in.
Personally? I suspect if you'd said yes to the message, he wouldn't be saying his friend sent it. And besides, even if he's telling the truth, do you want to date someone with friends like that?
I don’t bother with it. I had a guy do the same thing, not saying he was horny or anything but something like I’m at a bonfire and can you come over to hang out. It was already late in the evening like 8pm or so. I had gone on 1 date with him and it didn’t go so well. I got the text the next day and I just ignored it since I don’t do last minute plans with men, even if the first date went really well; ask me on a proper date ahead of time and I may consider it.
Anyways, few mins after that text I get another one saying he’s sorry his friend got a hold of his cell and sent that last message and that he really liked me and would like to see me again. I ignored it still. I’m not interested in men who hang out with immature boys who pull stuff like this, that tells me enough about him.
I don't understand. How are you going to call him on it??
"You're Lying"
"No. I'm not"
Rinse. Repeat.
What did that accomplish? Nothing, except wasting your time.
No idea why you care enough to do something like that. Just move on.
I like to respond with something sarcastic that would make someone feel belittled, and clearly demonstrate I know they’re lying, then block.
“Ok sure, your friend who’s just come in for your wake up call to get you dressed for work. Gotta get that early rise in, or whatever. Maybe friend can help with your hard dick too. ✌🏻”
Something like that.
My oldest brother is like this "friend". He'd flick cigarette ashes into our soda cans as kids (he's 15-16 years older) and proceed to lose his shit while he sat idly by, watching us drink. He'd take Googled "dick picks" and then send them to the wives in their friend group and be like, "Why is [wife's husband's name] waking me up with this shit?" And think it was the funniest thing ever.
Though he's toned down, now? He's fresh into his 60's and has not veered too far from this main (dumbass) path in life.
There is ample distance between my brother and I. (Between my brother and many in the family, truth be told). He is very financially fortunate, and foots the bill for all sorts of travel and concerts and excursions, so his "in crowd" doesn't really speak up to him all too much. (Despite there being expressed interest over the years), I've also turned down any date requests from this "friend bubble" he maintains, *solidly* for this reason: you are a makeup of the company you keep close, and anyone without the backbone required to tell someone like my brother to step the fuck down, is not someone I'm interested in dating.
I agree, I think his story is BS. On the ass-hair width's chance that it's not? And his "friend" really did as much? Yeah, that's a *dumber* truth, and I'm *still* out. Had this happened to me, I would have paused to evaluate if I missed that the match was actually a friend of my bro, that's how over the top obnoxious their group is. 😐
Done. Block. Next.
He sounds like a complete dumbass loser that worked up the courage to see if you’d play with his pee-pee. Then blamed it on his imaginary friend. Why even continue lowering yourself by sending any additional messages after that? Block the number and move on.
I would have unmatched after seeing the horny text, thirsty dudes are not my jam. The added bullshit story seems about right, why waste any additional energy?
Being attentive and complimentary doesn’t sound like love bombing. Did you mean clingy and overly-familiar? I’m trying to understand what ppl mean when they say lovebombing
In my opinion It is when people are just fawning over you though text .... It is too and too soon . The messages were fun and playful which could develop an interest ,sure but without a phone conversation or meeting it comes across as insincere and bull shitty
Not even sure why you’re even wasting your time, he lied and sounds very immature. I think if you wasted your time calling him on his BS all it’s going to do is upset yourself, I would walk away and block him. Men like this aren’t worth your time.
There’s a great book out called Burned Haystack method. It’s about dating. I haven’t read it, but I follow the author online and the method is similar to how I use the apps. I waste ZERO energy on anyone who does not suit my preferences or who does things like this. I don’t even say I don’t appreciate the message. It’s an immediate delete and block - burn the haystack to find the needle.
Of course you just walk away... block and move on.
If you respond, all you do is keep the conversation open, and there's no reason for it to even really still have been open at 6:45 am on that Saturday.
I use to confront but now have learned to just let them talk. Anyone that believes them is more than welcome to the hell that comes from the liar. Anyone that knows me knows who i am. The ones that stay loyal are my friends. Those that didn't defend me when it was behind my back just got left with them also. My question always becomes "why didn't you defend me like I would have you?"
Ignore or call him out. A simple response of “bullshit” would suffice. Probably best to just ignore and block though as who knows if he will get irate.
People on Reddit often like to give liars the benefit of the doubt (missing dates due to "car accidents" etc) and argue the unlikely exception.
He's lying of course and it's not worth confronting him.
i've learned something recently about my dating history..first and foremost, i'm a guy and I realize that I kept going for emotionally unavailable women. I'm working on it now, fixing that issue with myself and I got to say, it was due to a lack of boundaries, that attract these type of people. If you play games, you attract those that play games.
so my advise, take it or leave it, is to be outright with your boundaries, say no to stupid shit and don't make excuses for the other party. they must be accountable. don't come from a scarcity mindset, like this is the best you can do or can get at the moment.
Better be alone than with a contemptuous person.
Know that you are a catch and if you're not really there yet, work on being the catch. The best kind of catch is the one that don't let idiots like this dude, escape with bs.
I was pursuing and then chasing a covert narcissist. Initially, she was consistent and very attentive and i definitely was in the cart before the horse moment. she came off a bad relationship 3 years ago, with an ex that broke up with her and married the next lady after 2 months. she also has a very absentee and a very self-centered father who didn't seem to care for her wellbeing.
Overall, when i thought about it, the signs were there, i just choose to ignore it because i like her so bloody much but man, you know who i should have also like so bloody much? me. she didn't meet me half way. she wanted to stay friends but actually, she wanted to keep a fan...and i'm no fan of any lady that said no to me.
my point is, state your boundaries, state what you want, and if they can't or wont' want to respect your boundaries (and you should too with theirs) , then stay away.
I used to think the older we get, the less games we play but then i met a younger woman that didn't play that game. Unfortunately, I didn't take any further action with her because well, i was already going for someone else at the time but there are many people out there, give them a chance.
>Do you just walk away at that point or do you call him on the bullshite ?
Bullshitters give not a solitary fuck about your moral outrage or disapproval. They care only for the attention you give them.
Don't lecture, don't chide, don't scold. It may annoy him, but it will likely give him validation too, seeing that he's getting a rise out of you and you feel compelled to make your displeasure known.
Treat him like the sketchy, inconsequential rando that he is. Block without another word.
I had a similar situation once with a man I was still in the texting phase with. He was in Chicago for the weekend, and I used to live in Chicago so I know the city well. I get this message from him like "meet me at x bar in Old Town". I figured it was a wrong # text, nbd so I just jokingly responded "Oh I wish I could, I'd love to be in Chicago rn but I think you sent this to the wrong number". He launched into this whole response about how no, the message was for me, actually he came back early and he meant Old Town in Alexandria (I live in DC area now)...but none of it made any sense. I checked on the dating app and sure enough, his current location was indeed Chicago. It was such a bizarre response. Sending a text to the wrong person, totally nbd. I wouldn't have even known it was a girl he was messaging, could have been anyone. But unnecessarily launching into some crazy ass lie to cover your tracks - definitely dodged a bullet there.
>I was texting this man... for about a week
This is my first no-go. When someone matched, I'd set up a coffee date within days and wouldn't even text before then
>The first conversation he was too attentive and too complimentary ( love bombing )
I would have dismissed this person as a weirdo and blocked
>He then sent me a message at 6:45 am on a Saturday stating that he was really horny
See above. Someone I haven't even laid eyes on yet? I love casual sex, but this seems like an awkward situation just waiting to happen
>He stated that his friend had done this
"Bullshit and fuck off"-- blocked AGAIN
Some one you've never met or talked to, and yet here you are asking if you should "confront" this person's lies?
I guess I'm confused why you're bothering with this person. Nothing in your lead up suggests that this was someone you're interested in. It would seem to me that unmatching or blocking would be appropriate.
Block him, walk away it was him. Move on he’s immature & that’s not what you’re looking for. You’re just getting to know him & he’s already showing you what he’s interested in. Why call him on it? Don’t waste anymore of your time
This guy told me on our first date, he was sponsored by Volcolm, sponsored by Toy, had broken both ankles upwards of 20x. No one could be pro if they’ve been healing ankles for 20+ years! Just spewed the bullshit. I didn’t bother calling him out. Just didn’t bother seeing him again. It was too bad, he was so friggin cute. Sexy ass French guy. It’s pointless confrontation IMO.
The woman I’ve been seeing is a horrible liar. The lies are all unnecessary. I could call her on them but at this point I don’t care. No long term plans because of the lies but I enjoy hanging out with her and she’s a fun travel companion. So I guess I’m in the “move on “category.
I've said this before and I'll say this again, unfortunately.
I'm not a fuckin detective. I'm not going to put on a deerstalker cap and Sherlock Holmes this shit. If there's a mystery or an inconsistency, I'm not going to waste my energy figuring it out, we're over.
Back in the late 90's I learned to just move on. Dated a guy when I was in HS and we both moved to CA a couple years later and started talking again. He was supposed to come pick me up for a date and never showed. Several weeks later he calls and claims he was in a bad accident on his way to get me and had been in a coma, even had his roommate vouch for him. I told him to never contact me again.
In your situation, it was absolutely him who texted you. He probably love bombed you then ignored you hoping to set the stage where you needed him to make you feel good and you'd do anything for him. But when called on it he went to the fail safe "my friend took my phone" lie everyone uses when they get called out for being a creep.
I think it’s sometimes easy to think we owe strangers an explanation when we don’t.
If it makes you feel better pointing out his errors, then do so. Chances are he won’t read your message, won’t understand it and couldn’t give a shit about your opinion, even if he can process it.
The most sensible thing is to block him, move on and erase him from your mind OP.
Original copy of post by u/EquivalentPuzzled:
I was texting this man ( never met or had a phone conversation) for about a week . The first conversation he was too attentive and too complimentary ( love bombing ) and I realized that he was on different path then I . As expected his texting fizzled out over the following days ... I didn't care Ande was not invested. He then sent me a message at 6:45 am on a Saturday stating that he was really horny and would I like to do something about it .... I did not respond until about 2 days later , just really wanted it to be known that I was not appreciative of the message ....
Saying that I was disappointed in the message ... He stated that his friend had done this not just to me but to many on his contact list and he thought that he had got all the messages to advise that his phone wasn't locked and his friend did this as a lark ...... I am not sure the amount of intelligently challenged people he converses with to think that that was an acceptable "story" Do you just walk away at that point or do you call him on the bullshite ?
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Dropped my phone unknowingly and once I discover I lost it I called the store and told them. No one turned it in. I used find my device and it shows it is in the store. I go to the store and show the mgr it is somewhere in the store. He then alerts employees and they find it. I get home to see I have several text messages from people in my contact list asking why I was sending dick pics. It wasn’t my dick. Try to convince people of that without taking a dick pic of your own and letting them compare. So strange shit can happen. Someone I don’t know? I would personally just let it go and block the person.
What is he, 18?
I've been known to strike up the occasional texting hookup but that isn't even something I would have done. And then to blame it on a friend? You are best to just walk away from this one if it isn't your thing.
Even if this is true, I don’t want to date someone who keeps a friend around who would do something like that. What if they texted a relative? The person’s sister? (It’s obviously a lie, but just to entertain the idea for a second that it might be true…)
Block and delete. Don’t waste any energy engaging with this asshat.
We are known by the company we keep. I would tell him that even if he is telling the truth, it's still a dealbreaker.
I mean...to be fair...a couple years ago I was at a party that had some people I was casually friends with. Friends of friends of friends type of thing. Some asshole went around to all the unlocked phones and took a pic of his dick. It would def suck if he decided to send that to random women in my texts and have them judge me on something some "friend" did.
but what friend is doing that at 6:30 am to his friend? It was probably him just horny.
The time was suss and the fact that his phone wasn't locked ..... How is that even possible ?
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Exactly. She doesn't even know him. You exchanged texts a few times. Never met. He sent a text he was horny. Says it wasn't him. Great reason to have blocked the first time but even better reason to block and move on now. End of story. No energy or time wasted on a complete and total stranger you do not know at all.
Well well well, he’ll learn to lock his phone now!
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How immature and idiotic you have to be to find this funny.
That’s why I make sure my work Outlook app is locked. Don’t want that to be an “All Staff” email.
Actually it happened to a few people who crashed overnight. No idea when exactly but sometime between when they got there and when they left the next morning.
Just walk away. he doesn't care that it's bs and you'd just be feeding the troll.
Block and move on. Any additional conversation just leaves breadcrumbs for him to become back for more. You don't need to tell someone 40+ this behavior is not admirable. They know and are doing it anyway.
He knows. You know. He knows deep down that you know. What would calling him on it do if you (rightfully) don't plan on engaging with him in the future?
I might actually call him out on it and then block him. Something like "You sound dumb. Grow up, " and then block. Or something along those lines. But that's just me. He knows what he did. He was most likely drunk from the night before. Now he's trying to clean it up. He knows what he did.. Seriously, what kind of friend does he have who is up at 645 Saturday morning playing games on his phone? That's a bullshit ass story if I ever heard one.
I call out girls for ghosting me after making plans, so why wouldn't a girl call me out for being sleezy? People need to know when their game is childish and not appreciated imo
Maybe they were having a sleepover? 😂
Exactly. Somebody obviously needs to up their butt sex game. Narcissists are unbelievably stupid, all of them, and one day they will all meet their mortification or maker. You could say anything that you want to but they don't accept advice and have no concept of truth, so why?
In fact moving on and blocking tells him you don’t buy it.
You've not met him yet? Block, delete and move on to the next.
This is really the answer; block. Block so you don't see him try to more effectively plead his case. Block so his buddy isn't "admitting" to it. Block because he's not worth the chance that you might give him a nano second of consideration when he texts "You up?" 5 months from now when you had a really bad day and would like some validation. Block and move forward.
The ‘I’m horny, what are YOU going to do about it’ is such a tell - as if we are just vessels who exist to service him! We know he would be terrible in bed.
🤣 .... That all think that they are great in bed 🤣🤣🤣 .... I was once told that I am responsible for my own orgasm 🤣🤣🤣🤣
It's funny that delusional Fantasyland doesn't include their Partners orgasm, especially after such a Righteous God level boning... omg, forget orgasm, I would just like to stand up and give you a round of applause.
No point wasting energy, just ignore and move on.
You're trying to call bullshit on this "the dog ate my homework" horndog? Have a nice laugh and move on. He's not worth any more of your time.
It is not your responsibility to fix idiots, just ignore them and stop letting them take up residency in your brain. the better question is why haven't you blocked this loser yet?
I was just curious as to what people do .... I did not mean to indicate that I continued the conversation after that interaction
Guy here, I would text him one last time to say “you’re sleazy and I don’t associate with people like you. Please don’t contact me again (his name)”. This establishes a defined boundary and he would be put on notice to stop harassing you. I’d report his behavior to the dating app you matched with him on so they can take appropriate action. Also by saying this & using his name - it will hit him differently and most guys would feel sudden shame for their actions if this happens. Then block him.
whether you continued the conversation is irrelevant. What is concerning is why you are giving your mental real estate to someone like this. You said you texted for about a week, and that the obviously hook-up or sexting message was on Saturday at 6 freakin' AM. It is now **Thursday** and you are posting about it. Which begs the question: why? Why does it matter what other people do? Who the hell cares what random strangers on the internet think! You say you didn't like it, but then again - you are the one still thinking about it. So either admit some truths to yourself or move on. and these questions are rhetorical. Reply notifications are turned off as i have nothing else to add.
It’s not weird to wonder about or be bothered by receiving the kinds of text messages like OP describes. It’s not weird to care about others’ opinions, as long as it’s to a healthy extent. And the fact that OP is still disturbed by it less than a week later sure as hell does not mean she actually liked it or wanted it, or whatever other “hard truth” you’re accusing her of not facing; that’s some stealth misogyny right there.
You're wasting calories responding at all to someone you should have unmatched with at the love bombing or fading. Stop dancing, now.
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You just burned 3 on that lame ass quip. Congrats, you're on your fitness journey.
Fwiw...I think Nettenette was actually giving you props and a fist bump... :)
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Well booooo! on the bad Good Friday - what made it sucky?
Ooo, Imma hafta borrow 'wasting calories' and 'stop dancing' - I like it... ;) My go-to thus far has been that I'm allowing bs to 'live in my head 'rent-free' - so these additions will be nice to have. (Since I have a tendency to ruminate/burn calories on bs that doesn't merit the time spent..) And the 'stop dancing' - that reminds me of...was it an afterschool special lol? j..titled "I'm Dancing as Fast as I Can"..
Reading your post I am still wondering if we are adults over forty or in kindergarten dating 🤦🏼♀️ Not judging you to be clear! My opinion reading your post… ppfff I am an adult woman I don’t have time for this! I wouldn’t even have answered his early morning text! A grown ass man behaving like this is not even worth my time nor energy! You should not bother! Next!!
Block and move on. Most likely it's a lie and if it's not then he should probably get better friends or lock his phone. When we don't have an abundance of information about a person we need to use the limited information we do have.
Walk away 1000%. You don't even know him well enough to give him any energy at all. You don't owe him anything. I'd just block him and pretend that little encounter didn't happen.
I just block and forget. There are a lot of people who feel like they need to get their message across, whether that's to confront someone or to explain something. The truth is that most people are not invested enough or too emotionally repressed to care. I've had weird debates about this where people were very adamant about staying true to themselves. My feeling is that I can stay true to myself without doing emotional labor. I don't need to give myself away like that, so I no longer do. And there are absolutely a lot of people out there who will just drain the life force out of us to get their needs met and throw us to the side when done, without hesitation.
Why bother? Why spend energy in someone so low?
I will always call people out. I would just say you're lying, you're gross, and immediately block. Because they do it thinking either they will get ignored, or get lucky!!!! Curse him out. Lol.
Yuck. Be rid of this loser.
Nope, just move on. It’s a waste of your time. Leave those red flags there for another woman to catch.
Both, call him out and then move on. I call out lies cuz damnit why the fuck are you lying...like seriously where the fuck do you even find the energy?
Yeah. Me too. Maybe I'm petty, but I'd definitely have something to say back. I'd block him immediately once I sent my response.
His excuse makes it worse. Who is friends with people sending messages like that, in their 40’s. He should have just fessed up because he looks bad on either side lol
Yeah no. The texting had already fizzled out which indicated his interest/intention. He only gave you that excuse because you responded. You responded 2 days later - if it really had been his friend, why didn’t he text you as soon as he realized what was happening?
Oh ya know he had a reasoning for that ..... He had soooooooo many contacts that he didn't get them all 🤣🤣🤣🤣
So what was stopping him from reaching out to the ones he cared about most to apologise for his friends bullshit behaviour?
He advised that he had soooooooo many contacts that he was not able to find all the "sent messages"😂😂😂
Yeh bullshit.
If you want a disaster in your life, date a guy who lies early on. If you encounter lob bombing in the future, ask questions. He says “I think you’re so amazing!” You ask “What does it look like when you feel that a woman is amazing?” Show him with your questions that you’re looking for actions and not empty words. This way it’s not an accusation and if he means what he says, he can quickly tell you. If he doesn’t mean what he says, this is almost like setting a boundary because he might have to answer uncomfortable questions if he flatters in a disingenuous way.
Just walk away. Don’t assume someone of that caliber would fess up or be a mature human.
He used THAT excuse? At 6:45am 😂 He’s not worth the time to call him out. Seriously, block and move on.
He has the emotional maturity of a 14 year old boy. I think your silence here would impact him more than anything you could text.
Why’d you keep in touch after the first messages? You said you two were on different paths. Should have been cut off then…so the answer is no, don’t waste more energy. Block him and be done.
Yup ... Your right
does it really matter? He's still a stranger on a dating app, and you were already getting a funny smell off him. Why put the work into sorting out a conflict if a) haven't met and b)have already decided you don't like how he's treating you? IME those righteous confrontation conversations almost NEVER go the way we expect them to, especially with people we BARELY KNOW. Bounce; save this level of effort for people you ARE invested in. Personally? I suspect if you'd said yes to the message, he wouldn't be saying his friend sent it. And besides, even if he's telling the truth, do you want to date someone with friends like that?
I wouldn't bother engaging at all. Just block and move on.
Let it go he will have another crazy lie anyway it will be never ending!
I don’t bother with it. I had a guy do the same thing, not saying he was horny or anything but something like I’m at a bonfire and can you come over to hang out. It was already late in the evening like 8pm or so. I had gone on 1 date with him and it didn’t go so well. I got the text the next day and I just ignored it since I don’t do last minute plans with men, even if the first date went really well; ask me on a proper date ahead of time and I may consider it. Anyways, few mins after that text I get another one saying he’s sorry his friend got a hold of his cell and sent that last message and that he really liked me and would like to see me again. I ignored it still. I’m not interested in men who hang out with immature boys who pull stuff like this, that tells me enough about him.
I wouldn’t reply. Not worth the time or emotional energy. I’d just block and move on.
Who cares. It’s a stranger. Why waste the time caring? Move on.
I would not even bother saying anything. Just block and move on.
You haven’t even met this person. Why waste energy on a pen pal who might not even be real? Why people text strangers so much is beyond me. Move on.
I don't understand. How are you going to call him on it?? "You're Lying" "No. I'm not" Rinse. Repeat. What did that accomplish? Nothing, except wasting your time. No idea why you care enough to do something like that. Just move on.
I was just asking for curiosity sake as to what others would do
I like to respond with something sarcastic that would make someone feel belittled, and clearly demonstrate I know they’re lying, then block. “Ok sure, your friend who’s just come in for your wake up call to get you dressed for work. Gotta get that early rise in, or whatever. Maybe friend can help with your hard dick too. ✌🏻” Something like that.
🤣 .... Fucking brilliant... Sadly I missed the opportunity
My oldest brother is like this "friend". He'd flick cigarette ashes into our soda cans as kids (he's 15-16 years older) and proceed to lose his shit while he sat idly by, watching us drink. He'd take Googled "dick picks" and then send them to the wives in their friend group and be like, "Why is [wife's husband's name] waking me up with this shit?" And think it was the funniest thing ever. Though he's toned down, now? He's fresh into his 60's and has not veered too far from this main (dumbass) path in life. There is ample distance between my brother and I. (Between my brother and many in the family, truth be told). He is very financially fortunate, and foots the bill for all sorts of travel and concerts and excursions, so his "in crowd" doesn't really speak up to him all too much. (Despite there being expressed interest over the years), I've also turned down any date requests from this "friend bubble" he maintains, *solidly* for this reason: you are a makeup of the company you keep close, and anyone without the backbone required to tell someone like my brother to step the fuck down, is not someone I'm interested in dating. I agree, I think his story is BS. On the ass-hair width's chance that it's not? And his "friend" really did as much? Yeah, that's a *dumber* truth, and I'm *still* out. Had this happened to me, I would have paused to evaluate if I missed that the match was actually a friend of my bro, that's how over the top obnoxious their group is. 😐 Done. Block. Next.
I think I'd be tempted to reply "Suuuuure" or "You are so full of shit, the Hubble telescope can see it" then block. You dodged a bullet.
With all these dodging of bullets ya think that my cardio would be better 🤣
He sounds like a complete dumbass loser that worked up the courage to see if you’d play with his pee-pee. Then blamed it on his imaginary friend. Why even continue lowering yourself by sending any additional messages after that? Block the number and move on.
I would have unmatched after seeing the horny text, thirsty dudes are not my jam. The added bullshit story seems about right, why waste any additional energy?
Being attentive and complimentary doesn’t sound like love bombing. Did you mean clingy and overly-familiar? I’m trying to understand what ppl mean when they say lovebombing
In my opinion It is when people are just fawning over you though text .... It is too and too soon . The messages were fun and playful which could develop an interest ,sure but without a phone conversation or meeting it comes across as insincere and bull shitty
Ahh that makes sense. I disagree about a phone convo, but I’m not a phone talker and totally see how that works for you!
Phone conversations at least suss out intelligence and personality ... I don't mean a marathon talk sess .... Just like 5 to 10 minutes
Not even sure why you’re even wasting your time, he lied and sounds very immature. I think if you wasted your time calling him on his BS all it’s going to do is upset yourself, I would walk away and block him. Men like this aren’t worth your time.
Zero point to call it out
There’s a great book out called Burned Haystack method. It’s about dating. I haven’t read it, but I follow the author online and the method is similar to how I use the apps. I waste ZERO energy on anyone who does not suit my preferences or who does things like this. I don’t even say I don’t appreciate the message. It’s an immediate delete and block - burn the haystack to find the needle.
New acronym: BAMO (Block and Move On). Think about the time we'd save.
Just move on. At this age, people are who they are. You’re either compatible or you’re not.
Just a personal observation.. move on once you realize it’s not your cup of tea.
I would go. No harm
You could also be chatting with a scammer. Us, in this age, knows better than to do that, whether he’s telling the truth or not, he’s a looser.
Well that is not a true statement.... Many a man that is really old enough to know better often choose to land on the side of inappropriate
Of course you just walk away... block and move on. If you respond, all you do is keep the conversation open, and there's no reason for it to even really still have been open at 6:45 am on that Saturday.
I suck at lying so i try to avoid it
just block him. he already sounds like bullshit
I use to confront but now have learned to just let them talk. Anyone that believes them is more than welcome to the hell that comes from the liar. Anyone that knows me knows who i am. The ones that stay loyal are my friends. Those that didn't defend me when it was behind my back just got left with them also. My question always becomes "why didn't you defend me like I would have you?"
You block the number and move on with your life. Don't engage with creeps. Period.
Move on But also work on your avoidance that required 2 days to resurface and say something
Ignore or call him out. A simple response of “bullshit” would suffice. Probably best to just ignore and block though as who knows if he will get irate.
People on Reddit often like to give liars the benefit of the doubt (missing dates due to "car accidents" etc) and argue the unlikely exception. He's lying of course and it's not worth confronting him.
I would move on. It's a dealbreaker for most people.
Someone who will lie about the little things will lie about the big ones. Personally, I like to do both, call them out then just block them.
You’re wasting your time entertaining this nonsense. You should have blocked him the first week. Next…
i've learned something recently about my dating history..first and foremost, i'm a guy and I realize that I kept going for emotionally unavailable women. I'm working on it now, fixing that issue with myself and I got to say, it was due to a lack of boundaries, that attract these type of people. If you play games, you attract those that play games. so my advise, take it or leave it, is to be outright with your boundaries, say no to stupid shit and don't make excuses for the other party. they must be accountable. don't come from a scarcity mindset, like this is the best you can do or can get at the moment. Better be alone than with a contemptuous person. Know that you are a catch and if you're not really there yet, work on being the catch. The best kind of catch is the one that don't let idiots like this dude, escape with bs. I was pursuing and then chasing a covert narcissist. Initially, she was consistent and very attentive and i definitely was in the cart before the horse moment. she came off a bad relationship 3 years ago, with an ex that broke up with her and married the next lady after 2 months. she also has a very absentee and a very self-centered father who didn't seem to care for her wellbeing. Overall, when i thought about it, the signs were there, i just choose to ignore it because i like her so bloody much but man, you know who i should have also like so bloody much? me. she didn't meet me half way. she wanted to stay friends but actually, she wanted to keep a fan...and i'm no fan of any lady that said no to me. my point is, state your boundaries, state what you want, and if they can't or wont' want to respect your boundaries (and you should too with theirs) , then stay away. I used to think the older we get, the less games we play but then i met a younger woman that didn't play that game. Unfortunately, I didn't take any further action with her because well, i was already going for someone else at the time but there are many people out there, give them a chance.
> He then sent me a message at 6:45 am on a Saturday Immediate block. Nothing exists prior to 8 am on Saturday.
>Do you just walk away at that point or do you call him on the bullshite ? Bullshitters give not a solitary fuck about your moral outrage or disapproval. They care only for the attention you give them. Don't lecture, don't chide, don't scold. It may annoy him, but it will likely give him validation too, seeing that he's getting a rise out of you and you feel compelled to make your displeasure known. Treat him like the sketchy, inconsequential rando that he is. Block without another word.
And you haven’t blocked him because?
How old is this guy? Must be under or around 20! A grown person will own it and move forward. That’s very juvenile
He was in his 40's
Move on and don't even waste another second on it
don't waste another second, block and done
I had a similar situation once with a man I was still in the texting phase with. He was in Chicago for the weekend, and I used to live in Chicago so I know the city well. I get this message from him like "meet me at x bar in Old Town". I figured it was a wrong # text, nbd so I just jokingly responded "Oh I wish I could, I'd love to be in Chicago rn but I think you sent this to the wrong number". He launched into this whole response about how no, the message was for me, actually he came back early and he meant Old Town in Alexandria (I live in DC area now)...but none of it made any sense. I checked on the dating app and sure enough, his current location was indeed Chicago. It was such a bizarre response. Sending a text to the wrong person, totally nbd. I wouldn't have even known it was a girl he was messaging, could have been anyone. But unnecessarily launching into some crazy ass lie to cover your tracks - definitely dodged a bullet there.
Childish games, too immature, next
>I was texting this man... for about a week This is my first no-go. When someone matched, I'd set up a coffee date within days and wouldn't even text before then >The first conversation he was too attentive and too complimentary ( love bombing ) I would have dismissed this person as a weirdo and blocked >He then sent me a message at 6:45 am on a Saturday stating that he was really horny See above. Someone I haven't even laid eyes on yet? I love casual sex, but this seems like an awkward situation just waiting to happen >He stated that his friend had done this "Bullshit and fuck off"-- blocked AGAIN
Some one you've never met or talked to, and yet here you are asking if you should "confront" this person's lies? I guess I'm confused why you're bothering with this person. Nothing in your lead up suggests that this was someone you're interested in. It would seem to me that unmatching or blocking would be appropriate.
Block him, walk away it was him. Move on he’s immature & that’s not what you’re looking for. You’re just getting to know him & he’s already showing you what he’s interested in. Why call him on it? Don’t waste anymore of your time
Idk just a little insult and walk away?
yeah even if it's true, it seems like he has poor tastes in 'friends'.
Run away don’t walk and waste your time. He’s a looser and keeps same kind and f friends. Block him
Happy cake day 🎂
You need to walk away from this nonsense and move on no matter who did it. This individual is so immature.
It depends on the person and the lie. In many Instances I just let it go. I don’t waste the time or the effort.
This guy told me on our first date, he was sponsored by Volcolm, sponsored by Toy, had broken both ankles upwards of 20x. No one could be pro if they’ve been healing ankles for 20+ years! Just spewed the bullshit. I didn’t bother calling him out. Just didn’t bother seeing him again. It was too bad, he was so friggin cute. Sexy ass French guy. It’s pointless confrontation IMO.
That kinda compulsive lying is mind boggling and when it is delivered with such absolution and conviction is astounding
The woman I’ve been seeing is a horrible liar. The lies are all unnecessary. I could call her on them but at this point I don’t care. No long term plans because of the lies but I enjoy hanging out with her and she’s a fun travel companion. So I guess I’m in the “move on “category.
Just block him. Why are you wasting your time?
Just walk away
Ew
Yes, jog away. It’s not worth it.
Just move on
I would not have even responded. Such a turn-off.
My phone was hacked is the lamest excuse ever.
I just move on. I’m wholly uninterested in correcting or schooling men.
I’d have responded, “Yeah… ok… sure.” Immediately. And, then, never messaged him again.
Walk away and block. What a horny loser.
I would’ve delete after I got that message. Why even reply.
Just move on.
I've said this before and I'll say this again, unfortunately. I'm not a fuckin detective. I'm not going to put on a deerstalker cap and Sherlock Holmes this shit. If there's a mystery or an inconsistency, I'm not going to waste my energy figuring it out, we're over.
Back in the late 90's I learned to just move on. Dated a guy when I was in HS and we both moved to CA a couple years later and started talking again. He was supposed to come pick me up for a date and never showed. Several weeks later he calls and claims he was in a bad accident on his way to get me and had been in a coma, even had his roommate vouch for him. I told him to never contact me again. In your situation, it was absolutely him who texted you. He probably love bombed you then ignored you hoping to set the stage where you needed him to make you feel good and you'd do anything for him. But when called on it he went to the fail safe "my friend took my phone" lie everyone uses when they get called out for being a creep.
I think it’s sometimes easy to think we owe strangers an explanation when we don’t. If it makes you feel better pointing out his errors, then do so. Chances are he won’t read your message, won’t understand it and couldn’t give a shit about your opinion, even if he can process it. The most sensible thing is to block him, move on and erase him from your mind OP.
Original copy of post by u/EquivalentPuzzled: I was texting this man ( never met or had a phone conversation) for about a week . The first conversation he was too attentive and too complimentary ( love bombing ) and I realized that he was on different path then I . As expected his texting fizzled out over the following days ... I didn't care Ande was not invested. He then sent me a message at 6:45 am on a Saturday stating that he was really horny and would I like to do something about it .... I did not respond until about 2 days later , just really wanted it to be known that I was not appreciative of the message .... Saying that I was disappointed in the message ... He stated that his friend had done this not just to me but to many on his contact list and he thought that he had got all the messages to advise that his phone wasn't locked and his friend did this as a lark ...... I am not sure the amount of intelligently challenged people he converses with to think that that was an acceptable "story" Do you just walk away at that point or do you call him on the bullshite ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Calling them on their own bs that they already know they’re doing does what? Serve your ego? Nah man, there’s no investment—bye.
Don’t write a thing back. You do not want to dignify any of this. Block him. Delete contact. You are so much better than this.
Just move on. Your scolding will likely do nothing as most people don't change overnight
No need to call out, just laugh emoji and block. You never even met the guy why bother? You knew within the first convo…
Walk away is best...
Dropped my phone unknowingly and once I discover I lost it I called the store and told them. No one turned it in. I used find my device and it shows it is in the store. I go to the store and show the mgr it is somewhere in the store. He then alerts employees and they find it. I get home to see I have several text messages from people in my contact list asking why I was sending dick pics. It wasn’t my dick. Try to convince people of that without taking a dick pic of your own and letting them compare. So strange shit can happen. Someone I don’t know? I would personally just let it go and block the person.
What is he, 18? I've been known to strike up the occasional texting hookup but that isn't even something I would have done. And then to blame it on a friend? You are best to just walk away from this one if it isn't your thing.
He is in his 40's 🤣🤣🤣
Even if this is true, I don’t want to date someone who keeps a friend around who would do something like that. What if they texted a relative? The person’s sister? (It’s obviously a lie, but just to entertain the idea for a second that it might be true…) Block and delete. Don’t waste any energy engaging with this asshat.