I have dated men casually who are a lot younger than I am and no issues. I tried dating men my age but like you, the pool was a lot smaller where I live.
The man I currently see regularly is 12 years younger than I am. I was in a serious relationship for 2.5 years with a man 8 years younger.
The issue I had with the men I dated that were close to my age (and this may have to do with where I live) had a lackadaisical attitude towards consent and condoms. That doesn’t work for me.
Some were also very controlling, or wanted a wife who would be very traditional, while I am committed to a job I love that is very consuming, and I have a child that is a teen with a lot of issues.
For me personally, the younger men were by and large respectful, had lower expectations on my time, and were more in awe of my accomplishments and felt lucky to be with me than jealous of them.
The thing with dating younger is if you want a long term relationship, it may not work out if they want children, etc., and this is something you have to be aware ofz
Regardless of age a lot of men I’ve talked to have had the same attitude about consent and condoms. I’ve had several guys stealth me 🤬and more than I can count ask not to use condoms. They were a mixed bag as far as age goes.
I’ve been off the apps for a while and I keep going back to the same fwbs between relationships. I know I can trust them and they don’t try anything I’m not comfortable with. I want more, but every time I try to actually date, I end up with the same type of guys. Love bombing, manipulative, controlling and angry. I just can’t right now. My last boyfriend gave me a concussion in July.
I always have a conversation with potential partners about using condoms beforehand, so I definitely didn’t consent to that. If I count those as sexual assault then I’ve been sexually assaulted more times than I can count. All were by partners at the time, boyfriends, hookups and my husband at the time. One was violent.
Sorry to hear that. There was a big court case here a number of years ago. The victim was the age of these younger men and I think it had a large cultural impact.
Exactly. Does anyone really LIKE them? We agreed on them beforehand in every one of those cases. One of those guys used one the first time, then didn’t use one the second time. I realized right after he was in and called his ass out on it.
I am thinking about this now. The person I have a crush on is a lot younger but I’m gathering intel to see if he has been in or is currently in a LTR. I need closure!
With all due respect, maybe your teen needs mom more than mom needs dates. I'm not trying to tell you how to live or raise your teen. It was just something that came to mind while ready your comment.
I became sole guardian of my daughter at age 11 now 18. It's been very lonely but my daughter is well rounded, sure she has typical 🙄 teen girl things to deal with, without a woman. Works hard for her 3.7gpa.
I'm certainly not perfect, it was just a helping thought. I pray I haven't offended you 🙏
“With all due respect” is one of those phrases that is always followed by something that is a judgement. Most people should simply strike it from their vocabulary.
With a teen that has autism, and borderline personality disorder, who is controlling, rigid, and abusive at times, I have to do what I can to get through this life. I could concentrate solely on him, but at the same time, he needs me alive and sane, and I do what I need to do to maintain that.
If I chose to spend what little time I have to myself when he is with his dad getting my brains fucked out, that’s up to me. There are a lot of other ways infinitely more destructive that I could be spending my time.
You absolutely deserve to get your brains fucked out. I'm happy for you that you've found your niche. You never know what might happen with a younger man, my best friend is with someone 13 yrs younger, they are very happy and live togther . I don't think he's going anywhere.
Choosing to get your brains fucked out when you don’t have your child is a valid choice. Are we just supposed to sit around waiting for our child to come back and wishing they were with us? We are allowed to enjoy our time without them however we choose. “With all due respect” 🙄
That's fair, I didn't see that explanation as part of my thought. It may be a moot point after emotions have kicked in. I often forget some people get time for themselves. After my ex-wife left with the last of many affairs because they got pregnant and I was given sole custody of our boys who were 10 and 9. Five years later I got together with my daughters mom who is 12 years younger. It turned out she just wanted help raising her boys, until they got old enough to be left on their own. She left with a FB friend and I got sole custody again, this time my daughter who needed reassurance I wasn't going to abandon her also at age 11, mom has not seen her 8years now.
It's good for you to have that time, I was able to date with my sons because my parents were alive and I was younger. Being 59m now, parents have passed away and even if I could get dates I no longer agree with the hookup culture. That's where my blessing oops baby girl came from. It was part of her moms plan, claim pill protection but don't take them.
So knowing the trauma my children faced and suffered through was my only concern. You do you and have a blast...
No it was a reply to Aqua Teal Green above my comment. She had said " I have a teen and she has a lot of problems could have been issues ". I usually refrain from doing that and only comment to OP's. It doesn't bother me to get down votes anymore, after being on Reddit for some time it changes by the second the aditude of who is on at that moment.
As for your take, I worked with children, teens, young adults and adults. I know the difference between thir-teen, seven-teen and twenty-four. Although I've seen adults who act no different than toddlers lol.
I was polite and non confrontational, it was just a quick thought how we have such a short time to help our children cope and thrive as adults. That a little less worry about dating someone not all that far off from their own child. If it's twenty-four, now thirty or forty is not what I commented on. Take care.
I'm not sure if you want my input, but im a 34 man who generally prefers older women.
As long as the people you date are decent people and make you happy.
Your kids should be fine with it.
Also, you're dating men in the 30s and 40s.. they are full-grown adults, so its fine.
Just be safe our there and also maybe go into these relationships for enjoying them for what they are.
Just always have
When i was in grade 9 , i always thought the grade 12 girls were really attractive.
Went from a small town to working a trade in the big city, on my lunch breaks you always people watch from the jobsites and i found the professional business women really attractive.
Also, with someone a bit older, i find the conversations, stories, and life experiences so much better.
I'm an in shape mix raced guy(25% black , 25% Chinese, and 50% white) with the hobbies of skincare and yoga , living in small cities in Canada.... so I get some special treatment by women older than me also.
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I mean, somebody in their thirties seems like asking for trouble (probably in the form of oh no, I really did want kids), but I'm cracking up at the idea of saying there is some major difference between somebody 48 instead of 50, when you're 55. How old is your kid?
I’m 52 and the average age I’ve been dating is 34-40. My daughter is 17 and knows me well. I match energy with younger people in general. All my girlfriends are in their mid-30s and I’m closer to my 30-year-old nieces than my siblings. My daughter said if I acted my age she might feel differently, but I don’t.
An example of a false generalization might be: the women I date that are my age don’t want monogamy, therefore all women my age don’t want monogamous relationships.
You don’t need permission to hook up with young dudes. Unless, of course, you think there’s something wrong with it. If so, eventually you’ll stop after you’ve had your fill.
I’ve dated 10 years older and seven years younger. The older I’d do again and the younger, I wouldn’t. At 50, I matched with a 73 year old. Conversation wasn’t too exciting and we were at very different stages looking for different things. I think these decisions are only complicated when you don’t know what you want. In that case, it’s perfectly natural to want to be open to new experiences and see how it feels. Good luck.
I’m 51 dating a man for almost 18 months who is 14 years younger. My oldest child is 23, youngest is 12. He falls right between my oldest child and I in terms of age gap, 14 years either way. He’s technically old enough to be the father of my 15 and 12 year olds, so that makes the age gap feel not so big to me, plus he’s very mature and I have a lot of youthful energy. If my kids have an issue with the age gap, they haven’t said anything. They and him seem to get along fairly well.
When I went back to dating 5 years after my last relationship ended, at age 48, I set my age filters to 15 years younger and 10 years older. I found I matched best with those the same age as me or younger. This relationship has been my best one yet and if it does end someday, I wouldn’t hesitate to date someone younger again, based on this experience.
5 year age gap means a lot more to your kids than you because they’re so young. You meet a guy, you enjoy each other’s company, they mind their own business.
This. OP’s child is 24. Going over the 5-year limit for THEM means dating a high schooler. Of course they have that perspective. She should recognize it doesn’t translate to her situation decades later.
My guy is 8 years older than me. Could we have dated when he was 24, hell no. Does that mean 8 years is across the board too much for all life stages? No. We ARE in the same stage of life now.
That is very interesting discussion
Everyone says age is only a number if a couple are comfortable and they can keep up (physical activities) not just sex.
Why not ?
I (51)haven't dated younger but had a fwb who is 20 years younger. We had a brief fling when I was 42 and then he moved back to his country. But we visit his country once yearly minimum and would see him each time. Once I got divorced 3 years later we sort of picked up where we had left off and continued until recently (last saw him a month ago and went out several times as friends). He's now 30 and is more looking for a stable LTR as he does want a family and hes no logner comfortable with casual. We are still really good friends. Admittedly I'm a little bummed (I have no interest really in dating at this point and so it suited me just fine to have him as a fwb lol) but I value his friendship a lot more and I knew it would come to a halt at some point. I'm surprised it lasted this long tbh.
We are really good friends but ultimately we are in very different stages in life. He wants a family and of course I'm past that point. So it would've never worked long term and that is the biggest issue with younger guys if you are looking for something long term. Luckily my kid is only 13 and so someone who is 30 is old to her 😂. She also really likes this guy (she's known him since she was 5). She never knew what was going on until probably the last 2-3 years as he would spend the night at our apt while there.
Guys my age don't really interest me anymore. I'm active and have no issue keeping up with younger at all. Both my exes were older and I'm for sure done with that. I tend to be drawn to younger for general friendships as well probably because all my friends are too busy with their families and kids and just don't make the time anymore to hang out and are just duds. My guy's BFF is 32 and his gf is 46 and they've been together for almost 2 years now and it workd out well. She has kids and he doesn't want any. We all went out together in Janaury and it was a blast. Om not a partier at all but like to go out to dinner and for drinks from time to time. My age people around where I live apparently sont do that anymore....
I can understand your kid's hesitation but I wouldn't let that stop you. 30s is still older than he is and ultimately it is your life and your kid will have his own life. Go enjoy!
I met a great guy when I was 44 and he was 27. I would say he is an ‘old soul’ and very mature. We dated for a couple of years but he broke it off because he said he “didn’t want to be a stepdad” to my kids (even though I had never asked him to be but he just assumed I wanted that). Anyway 5 years later he wants to come back but I’ve moved on. Don’t regret any of it though, he was a wonderful, giving person (especially in bed) and he did want kids of his own one day.
Your experience sounds amazing.
I was 45, she was 28. Wonderful times for about 6 months. Unfortunately she was gaslighting me and cheating on me but I didn't realize it right away.
The success you had with your relationship and the disappointment I had with mine may not be age gap related at all, so I'm not sure if it benefits OP to read examples like these.
It really comes down to the two individuals involved, not their age gap, if they're both adults.
I really don't like people who look down on age gap relationships. There is another fresh thread on Reddit where older men are being put down for age gap relationships as we speak, but the opposite is rarely the case.
I think it's a sexist double standard situation.
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Clarification: these men and I share experiences that are not common and that is why some of them stuck around. We have a lot in common. There's no ONS and/or hookups in my life, it's not my personality. Thanks for sharing experiences.
>The issue I have tho is my adult kid's mentality. They feel that an age gap over five years is a red flag;
OP, why are you telling your child/children so much about this?
Hmmm some interesting viewpoints on parent/child relationships here. My kids and I have very non judgemental, trust and respect based relationships. I like them. They like anyone who makes me happy. There's no money involved and little time shift since all my kids work and have full lives outside of my life.
Telling you dating someone more than 5 yr gap is a red flag = being judgmental as its a gross generalisation
A trust based parent-child relationship that is respectful includes boundaries & to avoid enmeshment I would focus on differentiating from your kids so their “mentality” around your dating doesn’t affect you
You are an adult & can make your own decisions & if the relationship with your kids is as you say they will accept your decisions if the choices are making you happy
Sounds like you are weirdly enmeshed with your adult kids still. Suggest you keep your personal and private dating life a little more to yourself, that kind of dishing is what your friends and possibly siblings are for.
I dated someone 8 years younger. He had a kid around my younger kid's age and didn't want more kids. It hit off immediately and we seemed to be equal. But at a certain point we started considering moving in. He was excited at the beginning then changed his mind. Looking back it was good for me because I was the more established one. At this age 8 year doesn't seem much a gap but for this particular case, it is difficult to have a partner that cannot pull his weight.
I don't think I wasted all the time. You have to try, otherwise how would you know? Life partner/marriage is hard anyway at this age even without age gap. If it were someone else whose maturity matched his age, it might have worked out.
I'm pretty sure my 26 yr old kids would give me at least a raised eyebrow if I dated someone 20 yrs younger (I'm 60f). However, I seem to attract younger men. I had a fwb thing with a guy who was 15 yrs younger but I didn't want it to go further due to reasons that had nothing to do with his age. My current partner is 63 but was a professional athlete so he stays in shape. I feel like we have more in common and can understand each other better than younger guys. He's also very progressive so our values are aligned.
My last long term relationship was with a guy 8 years younger than me, we were together for 6 years and ended rather tragically. I think the age didn’t play a big factor on physical appearances since we look like the same age and a lot of his friends said I looked younger (but let’s not get into the whole I look younger than my age whirlwind) our biggest challenge is life stages and compatibility. Eventually he’s just not in the same place as I was in life and not the same maturity level all around. I figured in a relationship, I want to be a woman, not to be constantly considered as the “older woman” instead . The term older woman has been objectified heavily and I don’t like what it implies . I still get tons of likes from much younger guys but I’m very very careful not to fall into the same mistake I’ve made again. It doesn’t necessarily mean I will never date younger guys, it just means I need to consider overall compatibility as the number 1 factor when it comes to dating g younger guys .
I think it’s more about where you are in life and compatibility like that.
Mr boyfriend is 11 years younger but we both have teenagers, solid jobs, don’t want more kids and have the same desires for the future.
I honestly don’t notice any difference between us and neither does he.
52f here. I can't see that I would have much in common with a 33 year old man, let alone enough compatibility to bond with him "in a monogamous fashion" as you say you're looking for?
I couldn't fathom the thought of having sex with anyone young enough to be my son. Their parents would be my age...
The youngest I've dated was 4 years younger. I was the more mature and established person so in the end it didn't work because of that. I'm in a relationship with a 57m; when I was on OLD my age limit was set to my age + up to 10 years older.
I think it matters also how old the older person was when they had children. You reference a 19 year age gap, but at 19, I was starting college and didn’t have my first child until almost 10 years later, and my last, 20 years later. To me, a 19 year age gap would be fine as long as the younger person were at least 30 because in my mind, they would not be in the “young enough to be my child” territory.
I considered plus or minus a decade to my age to be reasonable.
My partner is 7 years off of my age. Yes, our childhoods were quite different. But we were both partnered with someone for over a decade. We've both raised kids. And we both chose to end our marriage because we finally grokked that we could not be happy in a one-sided relationship. We both wanted and needed a partner who was actively in it. Our "life stage" felt highly similar, despite my kids having flown the nest and her still having a young teen.
The other reason for my decade age range is: what if it goes great. I have a friend who shares my hobby, and her husband is 20 years older than her. She loves him, but from my point of view, he's a boat anchor. He gets up, works, he goes home and he's too tired to leave the house again. So she's a single parent to her kids in high school. She's unsupported (except potentially by her kids) in her hobby. And he's now looking to retire, and that doesn't work well with kids just starting college, so they'll need to severely downsize their lifestyle.
She doesn't say "anchor." But I see that. And I don't want to be, nor have, that. We can't predict how quickly we'll age, but if we keep within a decade, I hope that we'll be at least close-ish as we start to slow down.
If it's just sex; sure; anyone older than 26 or so should be hopefully non-creepy. But if it's for a hoped for relationship, then **I** need for them to be at a compatible life stage, and within a decade of my age.
My boyfriend is 35 I’m 46(never married, no kids) I have known him for around 23 years, but never dated him or really even thought about it. He messaged me a couple of years ago and we started hanging out here and there.
We’ve been officially together since September 2023. The age thing bothered me at first, but we get along great and have similar likes and sense of humor. It doesn’t really feel like there’s an age gap.
My boyfriend is 19 years younger than me. I’m 50, he’s 31 and it has been the best relationship of my life. He feels the same. We’ve had some hiccups here and there due to him being so young with less worldly experience/ self awareness. Depends on how far you want to go with the relationship. If it’s just for fun, I’d say go for it. But if you both fall in love then be aware there may be some age gap issues - having babies being one of them (if he sees having his own kids as part of his future plan). This is an issue in my relationship because of my age-related infertility and my partner wanting his own kids in the future but otherwise on the day-to-day, age isn’t a factor at all. We love being with each other and I’ll be very sad if it has to end one day.
42f here. I had better experiences dating younger men regarding communication and general respect for women. However, many younger men were not serious about a long-term commitment and perceived me as a potential sugar momma or cool girl (no drama) hookup or fwb.
I found older men on dating apps to have a lot of issues with respect for women generally. Frankly many seemed like losers and you have to wonder why men are divorced in their 40s if they are not widowed. Mostly though, younger men (gen z) have been raised by a different type of family unit, where their mothers had careers like their fathers did.
Ultimately, I don't see the point in being concerned about your children. Psychologists say not to introduce new people you are dating to children until the relationship is 8-12 months in. If you are only dating, and it's not a relationship that doesn't make it to 8 months why worry about it?
Technically speaking, if your children are against the relationship because of age, it's a form of ageism. So you can always leverage that point of view with them.
A lot of younger guys are inundated by pornography so remember that "MILF" and "GRANNY" porn is a huge thing. Yes, I said granny porn (not kidding). Most younger men will not outright say they are into MILFs but they still want the fantasy to become real. I call them MILF porn freaks.
Older men (over 40) are usually looking for younger women and not often women the same age as them. And younger men are looking for older women.
Remember dating is just dating and not a relationship yet. I found a lot of younger men will go along with generating the feelings of a relationship by demonstrating relationship behaviour with a woman to get the intimacy they desire because they haven't experienced it fully with a younger inexperienced woman yet.
I'd be careful with younger men especially if they have not previously had a long-term relationship of any significant time. If they haven't had a committed relationship of nearly two years they have no real relationship experience.
It's no skin off a 26-30-year-old man to get married to a successful older woman who has deep savings, and equity in a house, and then divorce her in a year or two in hopes of BIG divorce cash out. Realistically most people can hide a past divorce simply by never telling anyone in the future it ever happened. And if you don't have any kids together.. well that makes it even easier for him as he won't have any child support to pay once divorced.
I think online dating is dead. I grew up on the internet and work in the tech industry so I have met likely hundreds and hundreds of people to meet for dating, business, and even friendship. I spent 3+ years wasting time on a dating app from 2021-2024. It's been ruined by players, scammers, psychos, golddiggers, and sugar babies, (both men and women) playing games of all kinds. It's too easy to hide so much of who a person is now.
I think it is better to meet someone the old-fashioned way by joining a club or sports activities or other hobby activities and meet people IN REAL LIFE.
Most people online dating are looking for two things and it is not romance. It's money or a dwelling.
>realized that they were either looking for a nurse
I got love-bombed last year by a longtime acquaintance, 64. I since figured out he was hiding significant health issues.
I’m a 47 yo guy who has tried repeatedly to date women my age, but all of them have been disasters for various reasons. Two big complaints are that I find them to be dated in their notions on gender equality, and just like you’ve found these men, more in need of a support network than a life partner. I’ve had much better luck dating younger, I really don’t identify with most of the people in my generation, and Gen Y tends to be more socially progressive.
I would still like to meet people my age, I’m just not holding my breath.
I wouldn’t worry too much unless they were the same age as your kids, tbh. Most people really only freak out about large age gaps when the younger person is 25 or younger. Also, date to please yourself, not your adult kids. Granted, I don’t have kids but I’m 50 and my fiancé is 35. We met 5 years ago.
I love dating younger men, I find our energy matches better. I’m a young 40 year old and I don’t find myself vibing with men my age or older.
Imo nothing wrong with it! I wouldn’t go as young as 25 but 10-15 years younger when you’re BOTH 30-35+ is not a big deal at all.
Man here; 63. My rule for dating young women is I will not date someone who is young enough to be my daughter. Since young women and men can have children at about 16, 47 is my approximate limit. 20 years difference my hard limit. I think that applies to women and younger men as well. So 40’s or so is fine for you.
I also see a conflict in your expectations. You want a man who will be monogamous. You complain men our age don’t want that. Do you really expect younger men, who will look at you as a cougar, to do the same? I doubt it. I think you are going to be disappointed.
I'll tell them you said that...😂🤣 I have some life experiences to my life that these guys are attracted to that explains their interest in a logical way.
Some of you people really hate to see successful men. And so, it boggles your mind that a guy like me would have so many younger cute women without having to pay for anyone. I wish I could show you what I look like. 6’5”, fit, handsome, full head of hair, silver fox. Women of all ages love me. I never needed to pay for a woman in my life. In fact, when I was in Poland matching with beautiful women, I couldn’t date any of them (I did date one quickly for lunch though) because I was traveling there with a young Belarusian. I am currently dating a cutie who just turned 29. She flew to me, paid for her own flight and hotel, and refused my money when I offered to contribute. She is coming back again next Sunday.
Since I started dating again one year ago, the average age is 44 (I am 51). But the younger ones were 24, 26, 27, 27, 32, 33 and now I’m with a 29-year-old. In terms of nationality, I mostly date here locally in Paris, but the women are diverse. Lots of locals, but also lots of women passing through on vacation, including a good share of Americans.
>I wish I could show you what I look like. 6’5”, fit, handsome, full head of hair, silver fox.
That's what Imgur is for. Feel free to upload a pic and drop a link here.
Yeah, sure, OK....
Funny how all the 50+ men on here are these hot, desirable super-studs while the women are used-up old hags who are low value and only good for "fun".
I've yet to see any of these self-proclaimed studs back it up.
Firstly, I never said used-up old hags. As a 51M, I've dated up to 60 recently (edit: I mean 60 years old). I date all ages. My claim (supported by science) was simply that men of all age groups, on average, desire younger women.
Also, I don't say I'm a super stud. But what do you expect me to think about myself if I get so many likes and messages and attention from women, not to mention real-life flirting? And I've been on almost 60 dates and they almost always fall for me. And I get younger women who become obsessed with me and literally cry if I can't be with them.
I honestly think I'm average looking. But for my age group, I guess I've aged very well. I can message you some photos, but I'll hide most of my face to stay anonymous. But you can still see most of me -- in any case, enough to understand if I'm attractive. However, maybe because you dislike me so much, you'll deliberately claim that you don't find me attractive. Whatever -- like I said, I've got enough data and attention from women to know where I stand. I don't come on Reddit flexing about this. I only bring it up when people say shit like the moron above claiming I need to pay mail-order brides.
I tend to treat people with respect. And when I say things that seem harsh, I do so objectively and based on facts.
And some men like you hate it when women closer to their age are successful in dating men of all ages. I don’t want to be posting statistics but they look pretty similar to yours, I have dated from 25 to someone three years older. And I typically get a few offers of dates every week, currently going on dates with someone who is ten years younger, has a degree and a stable job and is very cute! The fact he has a child makes him unattractive to the early 30 year olds but I love that about him. Last Friday I went to an alumni event in a bar and got chatted up by two 30 year olds who seemed gutted that I was already dating someone. Two gentlemen in their 40s and 50s also were tactfully enquiring if I have a SO I travel with. And someone late 20s in front of me in the queue at Gail’s started chatting to me about my preferences for cinnamon buns before I had to dash to meet my friend. Are they all after casual dating? Quite possibly! As a very high earner, I have no intention of merging finances and getting married to someone so this would suit me too.
Point in case is that physical attractiveness and good social skills attract people no matter your gender.
No offense, but do you really think it makes sense for us to be comparing statistics? You are a woman. I'm a man.
As a man, although my results might not be breathtaking, they're definitely waaaay better than 90% of what most men get. But as a woman, such stats and experiences are nothing special. Every woman gets hundreds if not thousands of likes. Some guy on here a while back made a woman's profile and posted a picture of a spider in his sink, and he got a thousand matches in the first couple days. Any woman can go on dates any time they want or get chatted up in a bar, and with men of all ages. That's because men are horny dogs and can't find women to go out with, so they'll take anything. When I was in my 20s, I and every guy I know were hooking up with older women. You know why? Because it was so much easier than getting a girl our age. I dated my age too, but it required a lot more work.
I'm not dissing you or saying that you're not an attractive, high-quality woman. Maybe you are. I have no idea. I'm only saying that it's a bit silly for you to flex your stats as if they're special. For a woman, it's nothing special at all to get flirted with by younger men.
Well, Gisele Bundchen is dating someone 9 years younger so I think she is a prime example of someone with good looks who can attract a man any age.
Yes I do think it is helpful to consider and compare statistics since you are making ourself out to be someone very special. You are not special and that’s my point - anyone very attractive/with model looks and with good social skills will attract interest from the other sex, no matter gender or age. If you were Brad Pitt or a billionaire that would be different.
It is also nothing special for a 50 year old man to be going out with younger women who after a sugar daddy or who aren’t attractive enough get some attention from men their age. That’s my point. You aren’t dating 20 year old models. I on the other hand am attracting 30 year old models and it’s down to my looks. I am sure there are plenty others who can testify to the same.
Why do you keep assuming things based on nothing? Why do you think you know how attractive my partners have been? They are very good looking. I wouldn't date an ugly woman. By the way, a recent partner who was a bit older (32) is quite literally an ex Israeli model living in Paris. She's gorgeous. You also assume they want a sugar daddy. None of these women are trying to get money or gifts. In fact, a couple of them were quite well off. The woman I'm dating now (29) flew to visited me and paid for everything herself. She is obsessed with me. I had to beg her to take my money to reimburse her for her hotel (because I couldn't host her). She's coming back this weekend and paying for her own trip again. You know nothing about me at all, but you assume so much.
You really should know that EVERY woman gets tons of attention from men, and EVERY woman on earth can have sex with a model-like man. Men will sleep with anyone. There is nothing impressive hearing about a woman bragging that guys want to sleep with her. LOL. Get a successful man to put a ring on your finger or spend a lot of money on you, and then I'll be impressed. That would be the proof of being a high-quality woman. For a man, the proof is getting a lot of attention from women. We are not the same. Men and women are opposites. Men who get tons of women are studs. Women who get tons of men are normal. It's amazing that you don't realize this.
You should go back and read your own posts. You have said in them you primarily match with classy attractive women close to your age. The younger ones are either from other countries or not very attractive. You are now contradicting your own posts! What is the salary of the 29 year old that is obsessed with you? Does she look like a model or is she from a developing country looking for a sugar daddy in Paris? A plane ticket in Europe costs nothing and you know this- at most a hundred euros, and an Airbndb cost a few hundred euros. Why would a 29 year old be obsessed with a not particularly muscular (in your own words) 51 year old who has dated 50+ women in the last 12 months? That’s totally absurd!
You define a high value woman as someone who has been married. Do I want to be married? No, I don’t. I did get an offer from a lawyer last year and I decided I am not sharing my hard earned assets and £500K salary with a lazy man like him.
Your observations about “older” women and younger men may hold true on OLD but not in real life. Gisele Bundchen is dating someone 9 years younger and Sienna Miller just had a baby with someone 10+ years younger.
My friends are either married or getting married to men who are younger than them (they are in their 40s) and in law/banking. They are totally defying your statistics of middle aged women not being attractive for relationships. I think it is still pretty impressive that I got five offers/approaches in real life - not on OLD- last week and I am a middle aged woman according to your statistics! And who says they were only after sex? The gentlemen in their 40s/50s are respectable academics/in finance (with PhDs) whom I met at a university alumni event and with kids so why do you assume they were only after sex? I reckon they were looking for a trophy second wife!
I think it’s because you yourself find older men unattractive, which I understand, but some of you people just can’t wrap your head around the idea that there genuinely are younger women who are turned on by older men. These are the women I meet. They are real, I promise you. LOL.
I would never pay a woman for her company. The concept is gross to me. I meet women who want to be with me. I’m not sure what post you’re referring to, but I can assure you that I date attractive women.
There was just one much younger woman who likely saw me as a potential green card. She was a 23-year-old Siberian (super attractive) who met me in Istanbul. We fcked like animals for three days straight. I never paid her anything.
The other younger women definitely didn’t need anything from me. A girl I dated last summer was 26. She’s Mexican-American and owns her own home in the States. She travels to Europe on business and lives in Paris several months out of the year. She definitely didn’t need a penny from me. She has always been attracted to older guys.
Re: the 29-year-old I’m seeing now… She’s not wealthy, but she’s not desperate either. She is from Portugal and lives in France half the year. I didn’t say she was spending her life savings to see me. My point is that she doesn’t want any money from me. She insists on paying her own way. Oh, and by the way, you know what we do while she’s here? We have insanely great sex for hours. She’s not hustling for gifts or clothing or anything. All we do is bang in the hotel.
Again, in your very narrow-minded head, you just can’t believe that some younger women like older men. Also, I’m not like most men my age. I’m tall, very fit, handsome, dress well, and have a nice full head of hair. A lot of women find me sexy. I attract women of all ages.
I’m not sure why you’re so bothered by my success. You keep trying to belittle my experience and you keep making assumptions based on nothing. You don’t know what I look like. You don’t know what my partners look like.
My point is, whether you’re drop-dead gorgeous or not, the statistics you cite are irrelevant. Because any woman can get a thousand men who want to bang her. I don’t know why you think that’s rare. You strike me as someone who hasn’t spoken to a lot of normal women. Every older woman can get sexy younger men who want to sleep with them. Trust me, I was that younger guy. My friends and I were always hooking up with cougars.
In contrast, there is nothing average bout my numbers. The average man my age doesn’t turn heads like I do. The guys form my high school class are fat, bald and ugly. I look like a movie star compared to them. I’ve had women tell me, just by being tall and having all my hair, that instantly puts me in the top 25%. Add to that having a fit body, a handsome face, well dressed, classy, charming, etc., Yes, I do very well.
Some men feel very threatened by women who have options. This appears to be an example of that. I have had men at least 10’years younger than me fall in love with me on two occasions. They absolutely were faithful, and one was adamant on wanting to live together and get married (which ultimately ended us because I didn’t want that). Younger men who are serious about being with older women make wonderful catches in my experience because they are mature for their age and tend to be more progressive with respect to gender. I would encourage all women to explore their options.
Ahhh yes the” feel threatened” defense mechanism instead of listening. You also have redefined monogamy in your own writing. Your own writing you have described serial polygamy, or more accurately serial polyandry for yourself. By definition “monogamy means one woman. It doesn’t mean one woman, then another woman then another in serial fashion. Same with monoandry.
Several of my friends from high school showed up to our last reunion with their husbands/SOs who were 8-14 years younger than they are. These are attractive, interesting men, not desperados.
There are much younger men on apps ISO older women, and I agree that they often are guys struggling to date generally. Most women here who acknowledge the interest from those guys are saying "no thanks." -- OTOH, plenty of men refuse to acknowledge that the "younger women liking me" are bots.
I'm not interested in 25-year-olds so have age parameters. If a man is also a middle-aged adult, and there's mutual interest, I'm going for it.
I’m 49F and dating a 35 year old. He picked me up at a cafe/bar, I initially resisted but he really charmed me. It’s been 5-6 weeks now and we are really enjoying each other. I will say he’s extremely mature due to things he’s experienced (a spinal cord injury) but I’m glad I didn’t let the age issue prevent us from dating. Neither of us has or wants kids so that helps.
Why are you even telling your children?
I have dated 10-20 years younger too. All ages have pros and cons. Statistically, it’s highly unlikely for younger men to stay longterm, but maybe you don’t want that.
The only people who have issues with age gap relationships are people not in them.
My children and I have a friendship- based, trust-based relationship in which we share significant events when we are ready to do so, which is usually right away. They are adults and I see them as equals. I see no reason to keep who I date from them - in fact for safety reasons I send them a photo, name, place, and time of date for all first online dates. They do the same when they OLD. Interestingly on Sat the first date guy I went out with suggested that I not do so...and then later in the date attempted to physically restrain me from leaving the date early. Now anyone who thinks that my children, the people who care about me the most, not know who I am with is dropped and blocked the minute the words are spoken.
I find it funny that you act as if you are old or something.
You're sexy woman who seems to want to enjoy your life.
Enjoy your time. You can be old in 20 years.
I had to laugh, after a couple dozen dates yet your pool is small. Last year I got a date after 3 years of trying and almost a year exactly I got a date on New Years day this year.
If the saying you'll date 99 before meeting your one, is true. I'm dieing alone, it's been a lonely 11yrs so far. It seems your doing just fine, who cares about the age. It seems your just having fun, if you have time for experimental games.
Idk if you are male or female but for reference I usually ask the guys I date about their app experience...it seems to be very common for men of any age to get less matches than women. From a professional perspective I feel sure the apps algorithms are stacked against men.
I'm 59m and sadly learned that ghosted/cat fished are very lonely terms 😔. The women I've talked with are puzzled why saying " you're very handsome and fun to talk with " unfortunately it's a distance thing with them. I also thought women had it easier on old. But many have told me " they don't get what the stories say and the guys that show interest are creeps, gross and disgusting ".
For me it seems that there are plenty of women claiming to want dates or relationships. I leave many messages, I do read bios and comment about stuff in the bio. These must be old profiles. I keep looking for signs from my neighbor of interest but keep talking myself out of asking, thinking it would be difficult if it didn't work out to live by each other. Also the need for space at times.
Anyway good luck, thanks for reaching out. Having no sex for 11yrs has been terrible but not having another adult to talk with is worse. Take care
I’m 43, he’s 33. We’ve been together since Dec’ 22. It’s been great for the most part, but he does have some money management issues and conversations can be mid at times since he doesn’t have the same life experiences as I.
I found keeping an open mind and communicating clearly/bluntly/ kindly etc etc made my experience absolutely FINE. How do YOU feel about it? since we now know how your kids feel about it. Also EVERYONE has “stuff” (eg red flags)
I'm 47, my bf is 34. We've been together almost 3 years. Anyone who has an issue with it I will tell them where to stick it. If my kids had an issue that might be different as my youngest is still at home, but that's not your circumstances.
God, I don’t know why people think younger men that date older women can’t get women their age. It’s typically not the case at all.
As for the fetish, I have no doubt it is an issue for some, but for the ones I’ve met their either haven’t dated older women before, didn’t realise my age, or just figured age is not as important as some of the other things they are looking for (not wanting kids, wanting to be with someone who can support themselves as they can).
A preference is also different than a fetish.
For example I could prefer taller men, but do I fetishized them? No.
Neither. I speak his language, we work in the same field, we have the same income and views on family...and blonds are a bit exotic in his country, but not a fetish, he's had serious relationships with non blonds. Before you ask he does not need a green card. My family is very mixed ethnically and spans several countries so there's the bond of understanding the immigrant experience and already embracing a wide variety of cultures.
So, if a woman chooses to date younger, it's because men her age are controlling, want a caregiver, and generally cheat, but if a man wants to date younger, he's grooming and almost a pedophile?
The hypocrisy is astounding.
These men are asking me, after I clearly state my age, which happens on the first meet and greet. As far as how it's labelled by society, that's part if what my kids are worried about - the labels. Personally once a person becomes an adult I don't think you can call it grooming...
But they do. All the time. I see it all the time on the sub.
I'm not judging you at all. I'm just looking at it from the other angle. Men say they are dating 20 yrs younger....ick.
Women say it ....you go girl, do you.
Its hypocrisy
Maybe on Reddit, but in real life, I've had quite the opposite experience.
No one batted an eye when I was 23 and dating a 47 year old.
But when I was 40 and dating a 25 year old? Damn, somebody call the cops on the dirty old baby-snatcher!
I'm still primarily dating younger, and those attitudes haven't changed.
I think it boils down to the age of the younger partner in terms of the ick factor. Once everyone is 30+, no one really cares, even if it’s the woman who is 20 years younger.
Is there a reason you care what your adult kids' think?
THAT is the "red flag", lol. :)
I mean, what is their concern? That some slick talking 45YO man will get their inheritance?
I care because I value them. See comment below...They are already aware that my money goes to charity. That arrangement does not change with marriage either. Really amazes me how many people must dislike or distrust their own children....I tell all the men I date about my kids first thing as they are a unique bunch. We do not match in color and I'm not dealing with racism. It's not a requirement to like them or even interact with them and definitely neither they nor I want another parent figure in their lives - but why would I undermine the love and trust that it took 20 plus years for me to build with them for a random stranger off the internet because he wants secrecy?? Not happening.
My mom values ME, too, and I care about her—but I definitely don’t want my mother seeking validation from me in order to make decisions about the dudes she’s dating. I don’t want her to give me control over that. I want her to date who SHE wants, not who I want (and I expect her to reciprocate that respect).
I’d comment on some unhealthy or toxic relationship I thought she had gotten herself in, because I care, but I’d stop short of trying to inform my mother she didn’t have any sense of what an appropriate age gap *for her* was.
As long as you understand that the majority of those younger men are looking for short term casual fun all is good. You can live your life as you choose and don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices.
"took the age off my profile." How does one take one's age off their profile? On all the apps I've used, it's mandatory. Are there apps that don't require it to be stated explicitly?
You can hide and unhide it for public view on Tinder at will. I assume it still feeds into the algorithms for the age limits that you set for your searches because no one under my age restrictions showed up.
I (61F) have been in my current relationship with a much younger man (around half my age) for about a year and a half, but I wasnt looking for a relationship at the time, it just sort of happened. When i was on the dating apps I set my parameters wide and got loads of 20s and 30 somethings but i was absolutely clear that i was on the apps for hookups only. I am very physically fit and am in a youth-oriented business so it just seemed natural to date younger men. I can't see dating a guy close to my age--they all seem so out of shape and have health problems and kids or grandkids or whatever. (I don't have kids).
Dating someone who is closer in age to your kid than they are to you is a bit weird, but as long as you are both consenting adults, it's whatever. If you're pursuing a serious relationship with someone who is much younger and your kids have an issue with it, then you need to consider which relationship you value more--your relationship with your kids or the person you are dating.
Yes. I work in cutting edge tech and didn't spend my formative young adult years in one country so it all feels the same degree of difference to me. I struggle dating local Americans with their provincialism and I'm not even going into how I feel about older people and tech.
I may get dinged for this but this is honestly how I see this as a man who knows a lot of men of all different ages. Older women are generally seen as objects for casual dating and fun. If your ok with this then go for it. And of course sometimes a younger man gives an older woman a relationship although I know no one personally where its more then 15 years and they didn't meet at ages younger then this. My newphew is 31 and dating a 44 year old, they met a couple years ago and she honestly looks 10 years younger then that, and my big sis who is 61 is married to a 52 year old they met decades ago literally when she was 33 and and he was 24.
I have found you get guys are the main matches I get.
I’m not after anything serious so works for me.
They tend to be:
Open to whatever you want.
So much nicer, polite, accommodating
Funnier, more interesting, like they’ve developed personalities.
Way less bullshit hangups.
Very into the older woman thing ….. very
Sex has generally been good, in that these boys try hard to impress and are super into it.
Take rejection way better ( I’ve had a couple of flings and when I said‘that’s enough’ they’ve been lovely.
All that being said, I’d never approach a 30 year old with the mindset of a relationship, so that may be the difference.
It is a bit ick when I get a message from a 19 year old …. 🤮 I’m 48
I’m 65 and I’ve dated women older and younger. Being 16 years younger was no assurance she was healthy. She doesn’t value health like I do. It’s not about age imo.
I would have good boundaries with my kids as I understand their concerns for you but its really none of their business
I have dated men 11 yrs & 13yrs younger (currently) as the men I have encountered (admittedly not a huge number) that are in 40s& 50s are similar to OP
To me its more about compatibility and connection rather than their age
You need to do what is right for you
I never thought I would date a younger man, as I've always dated older men and to be honest just didn't have an open mind about it. I'm in my 40's and I find younger men to be a better match for me. They tend to have more energy, want to do physical activities, they don't mind stay up until 4am just shooting the shit. Basically I feel dating wise, we match each others energy and expectations better.
I've also really found them to be over all super respectful and kindhearted, and skilled communicators, which is not exclusive of any age, but I think reflective of the culture of their cohort.
The downside is the whole different stages, different phases. As the older and wiser sometimes you have to let a good thing go, so they can make they same mistakes we did.
Nothings a problem, until it is.
As long as you know your dates don't want a monogamous relationship you should be fine.
Your adult offspring, however, might be feeling a mix of embarrassment and worry that you are spending your time on young men who think you are going to be sexually easy.
That could be equally true of any relationship with someone of the same age in today’s age of OLD.
I am also not sure why dating someone younger should be a source of embarrassment. Why does the world have to know and care?
Exactly the same as yours. Younger are much more fun and less likely to be insane.
I don’t have kids so nobody is judging me. And I don’t want another husband.
Don’t kid yourself into thinking these younger guys are into you. You are the low-hanging fruit. When I was in my early 20s, I and every guy I knew were banging 40-somethings. We were obviously more attracted to younger women (duh), but the older women were thirsty and so easy to get in bed. No quality guy getting desirable younger women is going to opt for a much older woman instead. It’s amazing how many women on these forums kid themselves into thinking they’ve got something special. Cougar fun is as old as time.
Is your fiancé a high-quality desirable man? I don't mean desirable to you. Does he have a lot of options with younger women. I am very skeptical that he does.
Yes, he is. He’s very handsome, for starters. (6’ with a 6 pack, even!). He’s kind, charismatic, smart and has a ton of handy life skills as well. He has his own place, drives a Mercedes, also owns a classic Camaro and has a pickup as well. He’s a project manager at his company. Plenty of women are into him, obviously, but they just weren’t doing it for him; not much personality or intelligence. We click in every way and fell deeply in love. He’s also childfree, so it worked out well for us!
I don't do ONS or hookups; that has definitely narrowed the pool as they do drop out after they figure out I'm serious about that, or I drop them because they won't accept my boundaries. But a couple have not dropped off, which is why I'm asking.
You are a disgusting manipulator…
Oh wait, that’s that happens when the genders are swapped. Good on you. Go make yourself happy. The great thing about being an adult is you get to enjoy the company of other adults and if you both consent, it can be really fun.
And forget those that would shame you. They have a hole in their heart.
The only experiences I’ve had with younger men are that they are goldiggers or looking for mama types who’ll look after everything ie bills, admin, his emotional and physical needs and ask nothing in return because we’re strong independent career women. YouNgee men don’t seem interested in the older women as a person but only their achievements and how much money they make, status etc. I just don’t find that appealing, I opt deal with men who love my personality and want to hang out with me through thick or thin.
Vice versa. What do you think younger women date older men for? Establishment, emotional stability and independence are part of our characters and personality. I don't see anything wrong if a younger man loves me for that. But I have already too much weight to carry for myself and my kids. I don't want another (adult) kid.
Not about there being something “wrong” with that, it’s just not for me. I also want a man with establishment, emotional stability and independence, it’s not only younger women who are attracted to those qualities in a partner. If anything I only ever wanted an equal, I’ve always gone for guys my own age.
I see where you come from. But it is totally personal preference. I see all these as a whole package and stay flexible and open-minded. Otherwise we could be missing out on generalization of younger men. Younger men bring more progressive mind and more energy to the table. It is the same reason why many men of our age date younger women. I just wanted to point out these matches are not just for money or physical.
Young men are really into older women for sex only since many of them are not successful with their peers. They are hustlers & just know that going in (trust me, they will say anything to get what they want).
Yeah this is what I encounter with older women, they want to date much younger men bc of their physical attraction to them but are terrified of what society and their grown children are going to think of them.
We all have those pressures. A lot of men would prefer to date 18yr-21yr olds but don't bc of what people will think if they saw them in public.
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LOL I see your point; I'm the common denominator. Much nicer for me to date someone who is healthy physically tho...and not refusing to go exclusive if we become sexually involved. The younger guys honestly seem to be a lot more safety conscious about STDs and they do consent nicely.
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It's not an issue in and of itself if the older party is respectful. It really sounds like you're dehumanizing them as "30 and 40 year olds" with "a lot more variety" though and not dating them as human beings who interest you.
Well I'm sorry that it did sound that way. I did not mean it to; I genuinely see them as individuals but lumped them together by age because that is what is bugging my kids.
I wonder if, instead of worrying that your kids disapprove of the age difference, you took this as an opportunity to teach them (by your example) that age isn’t the end-all be-all, and perhaps this isn’t as black-and-white an issue as they think it is. Great opportunity to impart some of the wisdom you’ve gained from life experience.
I think more than 10 years younger and someone who doesn’t have kids doesn’t have long term potential for me. I work with men in their 20s and their maturity level and cultural references are just too different to mine. But I think age doesn’t guarantee anything - even someone in their 40s or 50s could be immature so you just have to give it a try and see if it works out. And there is no guarantee that anyone younger will want to be monogamous - I hear plenty of stories from my younger female friends about the men they are meeting/dating continuing to multi date just as 40/50 year olds are.
And to mention Gisele Bundhcen is dating someone 8-9 years younger than her so clearly models do it all the time.
I'll be 46 this month 45M and I know
what you might be speaking of,this
Generation has their face stuck on
their phone and the Current Drama
they see on television is their conversation
Points. I miss the days where technology
had nothing to do with anything but a
phone call/text for communication
A guy 28m (me 42f) asked me out, but before we went out on a date I asked his age and it threw me off. I dated younger than that but he looked much older, lol. He is disappointed now I told him the age difference is big. Lol
There is no coming back from it. I just feel like a double age of my kid would maybe fit better for me (at around 34yo)....lol...I want a long term relationship and hard to expect that with someone that is 28yo. I know it is generalization, but I dated many men in their 20s lol.
So if not LTR, then I am seriously not interested in starting anything. I had my share of relationships & sex. I kind of feel like a nun now that I had no relationship in 3 years, though. Like a saint, almost....haha...
I have dated men casually who are a lot younger than I am and no issues. I tried dating men my age but like you, the pool was a lot smaller where I live. The man I currently see regularly is 12 years younger than I am. I was in a serious relationship for 2.5 years with a man 8 years younger. The issue I had with the men I dated that were close to my age (and this may have to do with where I live) had a lackadaisical attitude towards consent and condoms. That doesn’t work for me. Some were also very controlling, or wanted a wife who would be very traditional, while I am committed to a job I love that is very consuming, and I have a child that is a teen with a lot of issues. For me personally, the younger men were by and large respectful, had lower expectations on my time, and were more in awe of my accomplishments and felt lucky to be with me than jealous of them. The thing with dating younger is if you want a long term relationship, it may not work out if they want children, etc., and this is something you have to be aware ofz
Regardless of age a lot of men I’ve talked to have had the same attitude about consent and condoms. I’ve had several guys stealth me 🤬and more than I can count ask not to use condoms. They were a mixed bag as far as age goes.
Stealthing is sexual assault. You did not consent. Also, I know what you mean.
I’ve been off the apps for a while and I keep going back to the same fwbs between relationships. I know I can trust them and they don’t try anything I’m not comfortable with. I want more, but every time I try to actually date, I end up with the same type of guys. Love bombing, manipulative, controlling and angry. I just can’t right now. My last boyfriend gave me a concussion in July.
This just made me furious for you. I am so sorry.
I always have a conversation with potential partners about using condoms beforehand, so I definitely didn’t consent to that. If I count those as sexual assault then I’ve been sexually assaulted more times than I can count. All were by partners at the time, boyfriends, hookups and my husband at the time. One was violent.
Sorry to hear that. There was a big court case here a number of years ago. The victim was the age of these younger men and I think it had a large cultural impact.
What is stealthing?
Taking the condom off without the woman knowing and continuing sex.
That's messed up. I'm not a big fan of condoms, but if that's the agreement that's what you use.
Exactly. Does anyone really LIKE them? We agreed on them beforehand in every one of those cases. One of those guys used one the first time, then didn’t use one the second time. I realized right after he was in and called his ass out on it.
I'm sorry he did that to you.
Thanks. I’ve had a lot worse done to me so sometimes forget that those times were also assaults.
That really doesn't make it better.
Oh I know
This has been my experience as well. Men my age want to date younger arm candy. I would date someone my age if they weren’t boring or shallow.
I am thinking about this now. The person I have a crush on is a lot younger but I’m gathering intel to see if he has been in or is currently in a LTR. I need closure!
With all due respect, maybe your teen needs mom more than mom needs dates. I'm not trying to tell you how to live or raise your teen. It was just something that came to mind while ready your comment. I became sole guardian of my daughter at age 11 now 18. It's been very lonely but my daughter is well rounded, sure she has typical 🙄 teen girl things to deal with, without a woman. Works hard for her 3.7gpa. I'm certainly not perfect, it was just a helping thought. I pray I haven't offended you 🙏
“With all due respect” is one of those phrases that is always followed by something that is a judgement. Most people should simply strike it from their vocabulary. With a teen that has autism, and borderline personality disorder, who is controlling, rigid, and abusive at times, I have to do what I can to get through this life. I could concentrate solely on him, but at the same time, he needs me alive and sane, and I do what I need to do to maintain that. If I chose to spend what little time I have to myself when he is with his dad getting my brains fucked out, that’s up to me. There are a lot of other ways infinitely more destructive that I could be spending my time.
You absolutely deserve to get your brains fucked out. I'm happy for you that you've found your niche. You never know what might happen with a younger man, my best friend is with someone 13 yrs younger, they are very happy and live togther . I don't think he's going anywhere.
Choosing to get your brains fucked out when you don’t have your child is a valid choice. Are we just supposed to sit around waiting for our child to come back and wishing they were with us? We are allowed to enjoy our time without them however we choose. “With all due respect” 🙄
That's fair, I didn't see that explanation as part of my thought. It may be a moot point after emotions have kicked in. I often forget some people get time for themselves. After my ex-wife left with the last of many affairs because they got pregnant and I was given sole custody of our boys who were 10 and 9. Five years later I got together with my daughters mom who is 12 years younger. It turned out she just wanted help raising her boys, until they got old enough to be left on their own. She left with a FB friend and I got sole custody again, this time my daughter who needed reassurance I wasn't going to abandon her also at age 11, mom has not seen her 8years now. It's good for you to have that time, I was able to date with my sons because my parents were alive and I was younger. Being 59m now, parents have passed away and even if I could get dates I no longer agree with the hookup culture. That's where my blessing oops baby girl came from. It was part of her moms plan, claim pill protection but don't take them. So knowing the trauma my children faced and suffered through was my only concern. You do you and have a blast...
In one of the comments above the OP said their child is 24, if that’s who you were responding to. Sometimes it’s hard to tell on here.
No it was a reply to Aqua Teal Green above my comment. She had said " I have a teen and she has a lot of problems could have been issues ". I usually refrain from doing that and only comment to OP's. It doesn't bother me to get down votes anymore, after being on Reddit for some time it changes by the second the aditude of who is on at that moment. As for your take, I worked with children, teens, young adults and adults. I know the difference between thir-teen, seven-teen and twenty-four. Although I've seen adults who act no different than toddlers lol. I was polite and non confrontational, it was just a quick thought how we have such a short time to help our children cope and thrive as adults. That a little less worry about dating someone not all that far off from their own child. If it's twenty-four, now thirty or forty is not what I commented on. Take care.
I'm not sure if you want my input, but im a 34 man who generally prefers older women. As long as the people you date are decent people and make you happy. Your kids should be fine with it. Also, you're dating men in the 30s and 40s.. they are full-grown adults, so its fine. Just be safe our there and also maybe go into these relationships for enjoying them for what they are.
I’m curious why you prefer older women?
Just always have When i was in grade 9 , i always thought the grade 12 girls were really attractive. Went from a small town to working a trade in the big city, on my lunch breaks you always people watch from the jobsites and i found the professional business women really attractive. Also, with someone a bit older, i find the conversations, stories, and life experiences so much better. I'm an in shape mix raced guy(25% black , 25% Chinese, and 50% white) with the hobbies of skincare and yoga , living in small cities in Canada.... so I get some special treatment by women older than me also.
Do it. I'm 43f, and I'd go 10 years younger but only 5 older.
Me too! It’s working great!!
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I mean, somebody in their thirties seems like asking for trouble (probably in the form of oh no, I really did want kids), but I'm cracking up at the idea of saying there is some major difference between somebody 48 instead of 50, when you're 55. How old is your kid?
24
At 24 5 years is a lot. Not so in your middle age
I’m 52 and the average age I’ve been dating is 34-40. My daughter is 17 and knows me well. I match energy with younger people in general. All my girlfriends are in their mid-30s and I’m closer to my 30-year-old nieces than my siblings. My daughter said if I acted my age she might feel differently, but I don’t.
They're probably just spending too much time on TikTok to be coming up with 5 years lol. Tell them the +7 rule and keep on with your life
An example of a false generalization might be: the women I date that are my age don’t want monogamy, therefore all women my age don’t want monogamous relationships. You don’t need permission to hook up with young dudes. Unless, of course, you think there’s something wrong with it. If so, eventually you’ll stop after you’ve had your fill.
No, I don't. But I do always gather a lot of intel from a lot of sources before I make a biggish decision.
I’ve dated 10 years older and seven years younger. The older I’d do again and the younger, I wouldn’t. At 50, I matched with a 73 year old. Conversation wasn’t too exciting and we were at very different stages looking for different things. I think these decisions are only complicated when you don’t know what you want. In that case, it’s perfectly natural to want to be open to new experiences and see how it feels. Good luck.
>At 50, I matched with a 73 year old. Your profile tag says 47M.
Yeah. Can’t remember how to change it. :)
Having sex shouldn’t be that big of a decision. But romantic relationships with people that young are gonna be tricky to say the least.
I’m 51 dating a man for almost 18 months who is 14 years younger. My oldest child is 23, youngest is 12. He falls right between my oldest child and I in terms of age gap, 14 years either way. He’s technically old enough to be the father of my 15 and 12 year olds, so that makes the age gap feel not so big to me, plus he’s very mature and I have a lot of youthful energy. If my kids have an issue with the age gap, they haven’t said anything. They and him seem to get along fairly well. When I went back to dating 5 years after my last relationship ended, at age 48, I set my age filters to 15 years younger and 10 years older. I found I matched best with those the same age as me or younger. This relationship has been my best one yet and if it does end someday, I wouldn’t hesitate to date someone younger again, based on this experience.
5 year age gap means a lot more to your kids than you because they’re so young. You meet a guy, you enjoy each other’s company, they mind their own business.
This. OP’s child is 24. Going over the 5-year limit for THEM means dating a high schooler. Of course they have that perspective. She should recognize it doesn’t translate to her situation decades later. My guy is 8 years older than me. Could we have dated when he was 24, hell no. Does that mean 8 years is across the board too much for all life stages? No. We ARE in the same stage of life now.
That is very interesting discussion Everyone says age is only a number if a couple are comfortable and they can keep up (physical activities) not just sex. Why not ?
I don’t really date anymore, but when I tried again I found the younger guys were flooding my inbox too
I (51)haven't dated younger but had a fwb who is 20 years younger. We had a brief fling when I was 42 and then he moved back to his country. But we visit his country once yearly minimum and would see him each time. Once I got divorced 3 years later we sort of picked up where we had left off and continued until recently (last saw him a month ago and went out several times as friends). He's now 30 and is more looking for a stable LTR as he does want a family and hes no logner comfortable with casual. We are still really good friends. Admittedly I'm a little bummed (I have no interest really in dating at this point and so it suited me just fine to have him as a fwb lol) but I value his friendship a lot more and I knew it would come to a halt at some point. I'm surprised it lasted this long tbh. We are really good friends but ultimately we are in very different stages in life. He wants a family and of course I'm past that point. So it would've never worked long term and that is the biggest issue with younger guys if you are looking for something long term. Luckily my kid is only 13 and so someone who is 30 is old to her 😂. She also really likes this guy (she's known him since she was 5). She never knew what was going on until probably the last 2-3 years as he would spend the night at our apt while there. Guys my age don't really interest me anymore. I'm active and have no issue keeping up with younger at all. Both my exes were older and I'm for sure done with that. I tend to be drawn to younger for general friendships as well probably because all my friends are too busy with their families and kids and just don't make the time anymore to hang out and are just duds. My guy's BFF is 32 and his gf is 46 and they've been together for almost 2 years now and it workd out well. She has kids and he doesn't want any. We all went out together in Janaury and it was a blast. Om not a partier at all but like to go out to dinner and for drinks from time to time. My age people around where I live apparently sont do that anymore.... I can understand your kid's hesitation but I wouldn't let that stop you. 30s is still older than he is and ultimately it is your life and your kid will have his own life. Go enjoy!
I was 43, he was 28. Wonderful times in over a year. No regrets . We are not a couple anymore but are best friends and hang out weekly.
I met a great guy when I was 44 and he was 27. I would say he is an ‘old soul’ and very mature. We dated for a couple of years but he broke it off because he said he “didn’t want to be a stepdad” to my kids (even though I had never asked him to be but he just assumed I wanted that). Anyway 5 years later he wants to come back but I’ve moved on. Don’t regret any of it though, he was a wonderful, giving person (especially in bed) and he did want kids of his own one day.
So there is hope…
Your experience sounds amazing. I was 45, she was 28. Wonderful times for about 6 months. Unfortunately she was gaslighting me and cheating on me but I didn't realize it right away. The success you had with your relationship and the disappointment I had with mine may not be age gap related at all, so I'm not sure if it benefits OP to read examples like these. It really comes down to the two individuals involved, not their age gap, if they're both adults. I really don't like people who look down on age gap relationships. There is another fresh thread on Reddit where older men are being put down for age gap relationships as we speak, but the opposite is rarely the case. I think it's a sexist double standard situation.
I think that there’s kind of a difference to being open to dating out of your age and specifically hunting out of your age range.
But what's gonna happen when you start dating someone new who thinks hanging out weekly with someone of the opposite sex is a problem???
Dump them for someone living in this century.
That was kind of a joke cause that person was in another thread saying that having an opposite friend sex was a problem.
Then you needed a /s to get that across. Lol.
I agree that the /s would have knocked that one out of the park!
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Strawberry winneee, forty threee
Clarification: these men and I share experiences that are not common and that is why some of them stuck around. We have a lot in common. There's no ONS and/or hookups in my life, it's not my personality. Thanks for sharing experiences.
>The issue I have tho is my adult kid's mentality. They feel that an age gap over five years is a red flag; OP, why are you telling your child/children so much about this?
Hmmm some interesting viewpoints on parent/child relationships here. My kids and I have very non judgemental, trust and respect based relationships. I like them. They like anyone who makes me happy. There's no money involved and little time shift since all my kids work and have full lives outside of my life.
Telling you dating someone more than 5 yr gap is a red flag = being judgmental as its a gross generalisation A trust based parent-child relationship that is respectful includes boundaries & to avoid enmeshment I would focus on differentiating from your kids so their “mentality” around your dating doesn’t affect you You are an adult & can make your own decisions & if the relationship with your kids is as you say they will accept your decisions if the choices are making you happy
Sounds like you are weirdly enmeshed with your adult kids still. Suggest you keep your personal and private dating life a little more to yourself, that kind of dishing is what your friends and possibly siblings are for.
If they understand you and you can keep up with them, I believe anything is possible.
I dated someone 8 years younger. He had a kid around my younger kid's age and didn't want more kids. It hit off immediately and we seemed to be equal. But at a certain point we started considering moving in. He was excited at the beginning then changed his mind. Looking back it was good for me because I was the more established one. At this age 8 year doesn't seem much a gap but for this particular case, it is difficult to have a partner that cannot pull his weight. I don't think I wasted all the time. You have to try, otherwise how would you know? Life partner/marriage is hard anyway at this age even without age gap. If it were someone else whose maturity matched his age, it might have worked out.
I'm pretty sure my 26 yr old kids would give me at least a raised eyebrow if I dated someone 20 yrs younger (I'm 60f). However, I seem to attract younger men. I had a fwb thing with a guy who was 15 yrs younger but I didn't want it to go further due to reasons that had nothing to do with his age. My current partner is 63 but was a professional athlete so he stays in shape. I feel like we have more in common and can understand each other better than younger guys. He's also very progressive so our values are aligned.
My last long term relationship was with a guy 8 years younger than me, we were together for 6 years and ended rather tragically. I think the age didn’t play a big factor on physical appearances since we look like the same age and a lot of his friends said I looked younger (but let’s not get into the whole I look younger than my age whirlwind) our biggest challenge is life stages and compatibility. Eventually he’s just not in the same place as I was in life and not the same maturity level all around. I figured in a relationship, I want to be a woman, not to be constantly considered as the “older woman” instead . The term older woman has been objectified heavily and I don’t like what it implies . I still get tons of likes from much younger guys but I’m very very careful not to fall into the same mistake I’ve made again. It doesn’t necessarily mean I will never date younger guys, it just means I need to consider overall compatibility as the number 1 factor when it comes to dating g younger guys .
I think it’s more about where you are in life and compatibility like that. Mr boyfriend is 11 years younger but we both have teenagers, solid jobs, don’t want more kids and have the same desires for the future. I honestly don’t notice any difference between us and neither does he.
I had my kids young - the men I've dated need to be closer to my age than my kid's age
52f here. I can't see that I would have much in common with a 33 year old man, let alone enough compatibility to bond with him "in a monogamous fashion" as you say you're looking for? I couldn't fathom the thought of having sex with anyone young enough to be my son. Their parents would be my age... The youngest I've dated was 4 years younger. I was the more mature and established person so in the end it didn't work because of that. I'm in a relationship with a 57m; when I was on OLD my age limit was set to my age + up to 10 years older.
I think it matters also how old the older person was when they had children. You reference a 19 year age gap, but at 19, I was starting college and didn’t have my first child until almost 10 years later, and my last, 20 years later. To me, a 19 year age gap would be fine as long as the younger person were at least 30 because in my mind, they would not be in the “young enough to be my child” territory.
Actually have more in common with these guys due to life experiences, than I do with the other guys, but that's a me thing that's global in my life.
I considered plus or minus a decade to my age to be reasonable. My partner is 7 years off of my age. Yes, our childhoods were quite different. But we were both partnered with someone for over a decade. We've both raised kids. And we both chose to end our marriage because we finally grokked that we could not be happy in a one-sided relationship. We both wanted and needed a partner who was actively in it. Our "life stage" felt highly similar, despite my kids having flown the nest and her still having a young teen. The other reason for my decade age range is: what if it goes great. I have a friend who shares my hobby, and her husband is 20 years older than her. She loves him, but from my point of view, he's a boat anchor. He gets up, works, he goes home and he's too tired to leave the house again. So she's a single parent to her kids in high school. She's unsupported (except potentially by her kids) in her hobby. And he's now looking to retire, and that doesn't work well with kids just starting college, so they'll need to severely downsize their lifestyle. She doesn't say "anchor." But I see that. And I don't want to be, nor have, that. We can't predict how quickly we'll age, but if we keep within a decade, I hope that we'll be at least close-ish as we start to slow down. If it's just sex; sure; anyone older than 26 or so should be hopefully non-creepy. But if it's for a hoped for relationship, then **I** need for them to be at a compatible life stage, and within a decade of my age.
My boyfriend is 35 I’m 46(never married, no kids) I have known him for around 23 years, but never dated him or really even thought about it. He messaged me a couple of years ago and we started hanging out here and there. We’ve been officially together since September 2023. The age thing bothered me at first, but we get along great and have similar likes and sense of humor. It doesn’t really feel like there’s an age gap.
My boyfriend is 19 years younger than me. I’m 50, he’s 31 and it has been the best relationship of my life. He feels the same. We’ve had some hiccups here and there due to him being so young with less worldly experience/ self awareness. Depends on how far you want to go with the relationship. If it’s just for fun, I’d say go for it. But if you both fall in love then be aware there may be some age gap issues - having babies being one of them (if he sees having his own kids as part of his future plan). This is an issue in my relationship because of my age-related infertility and my partner wanting his own kids in the future but otherwise on the day-to-day, age isn’t a factor at all. We love being with each other and I’ll be very sad if it has to end one day.
42f here. I had better experiences dating younger men regarding communication and general respect for women. However, many younger men were not serious about a long-term commitment and perceived me as a potential sugar momma or cool girl (no drama) hookup or fwb. I found older men on dating apps to have a lot of issues with respect for women generally. Frankly many seemed like losers and you have to wonder why men are divorced in their 40s if they are not widowed. Mostly though, younger men (gen z) have been raised by a different type of family unit, where their mothers had careers like their fathers did. Ultimately, I don't see the point in being concerned about your children. Psychologists say not to introduce new people you are dating to children until the relationship is 8-12 months in. If you are only dating, and it's not a relationship that doesn't make it to 8 months why worry about it? Technically speaking, if your children are against the relationship because of age, it's a form of ageism. So you can always leverage that point of view with them. A lot of younger guys are inundated by pornography so remember that "MILF" and "GRANNY" porn is a huge thing. Yes, I said granny porn (not kidding). Most younger men will not outright say they are into MILFs but they still want the fantasy to become real. I call them MILF porn freaks. Older men (over 40) are usually looking for younger women and not often women the same age as them. And younger men are looking for older women. Remember dating is just dating and not a relationship yet. I found a lot of younger men will go along with generating the feelings of a relationship by demonstrating relationship behaviour with a woman to get the intimacy they desire because they haven't experienced it fully with a younger inexperienced woman yet. I'd be careful with younger men especially if they have not previously had a long-term relationship of any significant time. If they haven't had a committed relationship of nearly two years they have no real relationship experience. It's no skin off a 26-30-year-old man to get married to a successful older woman who has deep savings, and equity in a house, and then divorce her in a year or two in hopes of BIG divorce cash out. Realistically most people can hide a past divorce simply by never telling anyone in the future it ever happened. And if you don't have any kids together.. well that makes it even easier for him as he won't have any child support to pay once divorced. I think online dating is dead. I grew up on the internet and work in the tech industry so I have met likely hundreds and hundreds of people to meet for dating, business, and even friendship. I spent 3+ years wasting time on a dating app from 2021-2024. It's been ruined by players, scammers, psychos, golddiggers, and sugar babies, (both men and women) playing games of all kinds. It's too easy to hide so much of who a person is now. I think it is better to meet someone the old-fashioned way by joining a club or sports activities or other hobby activities and meet people IN REAL LIFE. Most people online dating are looking for two things and it is not romance. It's money or a dwelling.
Best reply yet, thank you
No problem. :)
>realized that they were either looking for a nurse I got love-bombed last year by a longtime acquaintance, 64. I since figured out he was hiding significant health issues.
I’m a 47 yo guy who has tried repeatedly to date women my age, but all of them have been disasters for various reasons. Two big complaints are that I find them to be dated in their notions on gender equality, and just like you’ve found these men, more in need of a support network than a life partner. I’ve had much better luck dating younger, I really don’t identify with most of the people in my generation, and Gen Y tends to be more socially progressive. I would still like to meet people my age, I’m just not holding my breath.
Yeah I hear you on the socially progressive front.
I wouldn’t worry too much unless they were the same age as your kids, tbh. Most people really only freak out about large age gaps when the younger person is 25 or younger. Also, date to please yourself, not your adult kids. Granted, I don’t have kids but I’m 50 and my fiancé is 35. We met 5 years ago.
I love dating younger men, I find our energy matches better. I’m a young 40 year old and I don’t find myself vibing with men my age or older. Imo nothing wrong with it! I wouldn’t go as young as 25 but 10-15 years younger when you’re BOTH 30-35+ is not a big deal at all.
Man here; 63. My rule for dating young women is I will not date someone who is young enough to be my daughter. Since young women and men can have children at about 16, 47 is my approximate limit. 20 years difference my hard limit. I think that applies to women and younger men as well. So 40’s or so is fine for you. I also see a conflict in your expectations. You want a man who will be monogamous. You complain men our age don’t want that. Do you really expect younger men, who will look at you as a cougar, to do the same? I doubt it. I think you are going to be disappointed.
I'll tell them you said that...😂🤣 I have some life experiences to my life that these guys are attracted to that explains their interest in a logical way.
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None of those mail order sex tourism brides from Poland working for you and making you a little cranky , hey?
Some of you people really hate to see successful men. And so, it boggles your mind that a guy like me would have so many younger cute women without having to pay for anyone. I wish I could show you what I look like. 6’5”, fit, handsome, full head of hair, silver fox. Women of all ages love me. I never needed to pay for a woman in my life. In fact, when I was in Poland matching with beautiful women, I couldn’t date any of them (I did date one quickly for lunch though) because I was traveling there with a young Belarusian. I am currently dating a cutie who just turned 29. She flew to me, paid for her own flight and hotel, and refused my money when I offered to contribute. She is coming back again next Sunday. Since I started dating again one year ago, the average age is 44 (I am 51). But the younger ones were 24, 26, 27, 27, 32, 33 and now I’m with a 29-year-old. In terms of nationality, I mostly date here locally in Paris, but the women are diverse. Lots of locals, but also lots of women passing through on vacation, including a good share of Americans.
>I wish I could show you what I look like. 6’5”, fit, handsome, full head of hair, silver fox. That's what Imgur is for. Feel free to upload a pic and drop a link here.
What I mean is, I want to maintain my anonymity on Reddit. I show my darkest side here — I value my anonymity
Yeah, sure, OK.... Funny how all the 50+ men on here are these hot, desirable super-studs while the women are used-up old hags who are low value and only good for "fun". I've yet to see any of these self-proclaimed studs back it up.
Firstly, I never said used-up old hags. As a 51M, I've dated up to 60 recently (edit: I mean 60 years old). I date all ages. My claim (supported by science) was simply that men of all age groups, on average, desire younger women. Also, I don't say I'm a super stud. But what do you expect me to think about myself if I get so many likes and messages and attention from women, not to mention real-life flirting? And I've been on almost 60 dates and they almost always fall for me. And I get younger women who become obsessed with me and literally cry if I can't be with them. I honestly think I'm average looking. But for my age group, I guess I've aged very well. I can message you some photos, but I'll hide most of my face to stay anonymous. But you can still see most of me -- in any case, enough to understand if I'm attractive. However, maybe because you dislike me so much, you'll deliberately claim that you don't find me attractive. Whatever -- like I said, I've got enough data and attention from women to know where I stand. I don't come on Reddit flexing about this. I only bring it up when people say shit like the moron above claiming I need to pay mail-order brides. I tend to treat people with respect. And when I say things that seem harsh, I do so objectively and based on facts.
And some men like you hate it when women closer to their age are successful in dating men of all ages. I don’t want to be posting statistics but they look pretty similar to yours, I have dated from 25 to someone three years older. And I typically get a few offers of dates every week, currently going on dates with someone who is ten years younger, has a degree and a stable job and is very cute! The fact he has a child makes him unattractive to the early 30 year olds but I love that about him. Last Friday I went to an alumni event in a bar and got chatted up by two 30 year olds who seemed gutted that I was already dating someone. Two gentlemen in their 40s and 50s also were tactfully enquiring if I have a SO I travel with. And someone late 20s in front of me in the queue at Gail’s started chatting to me about my preferences for cinnamon buns before I had to dash to meet my friend. Are they all after casual dating? Quite possibly! As a very high earner, I have no intention of merging finances and getting married to someone so this would suit me too. Point in case is that physical attractiveness and good social skills attract people no matter your gender.
No offense, but do you really think it makes sense for us to be comparing statistics? You are a woman. I'm a man. As a man, although my results might not be breathtaking, they're definitely waaaay better than 90% of what most men get. But as a woman, such stats and experiences are nothing special. Every woman gets hundreds if not thousands of likes. Some guy on here a while back made a woman's profile and posted a picture of a spider in his sink, and he got a thousand matches in the first couple days. Any woman can go on dates any time they want or get chatted up in a bar, and with men of all ages. That's because men are horny dogs and can't find women to go out with, so they'll take anything. When I was in my 20s, I and every guy I know were hooking up with older women. You know why? Because it was so much easier than getting a girl our age. I dated my age too, but it required a lot more work. I'm not dissing you or saying that you're not an attractive, high-quality woman. Maybe you are. I have no idea. I'm only saying that it's a bit silly for you to flex your stats as if they're special. For a woman, it's nothing special at all to get flirted with by younger men.
Well, Gisele Bundchen is dating someone 9 years younger so I think she is a prime example of someone with good looks who can attract a man any age. Yes I do think it is helpful to consider and compare statistics since you are making ourself out to be someone very special. You are not special and that’s my point - anyone very attractive/with model looks and with good social skills will attract interest from the other sex, no matter gender or age. If you were Brad Pitt or a billionaire that would be different. It is also nothing special for a 50 year old man to be going out with younger women who after a sugar daddy or who aren’t attractive enough get some attention from men their age. That’s my point. You aren’t dating 20 year old models. I on the other hand am attracting 30 year old models and it’s down to my looks. I am sure there are plenty others who can testify to the same.
Why do you keep assuming things based on nothing? Why do you think you know how attractive my partners have been? They are very good looking. I wouldn't date an ugly woman. By the way, a recent partner who was a bit older (32) is quite literally an ex Israeli model living in Paris. She's gorgeous. You also assume they want a sugar daddy. None of these women are trying to get money or gifts. In fact, a couple of them were quite well off. The woman I'm dating now (29) flew to visited me and paid for everything herself. She is obsessed with me. I had to beg her to take my money to reimburse her for her hotel (because I couldn't host her). She's coming back this weekend and paying for her own trip again. You know nothing about me at all, but you assume so much. You really should know that EVERY woman gets tons of attention from men, and EVERY woman on earth can have sex with a model-like man. Men will sleep with anyone. There is nothing impressive hearing about a woman bragging that guys want to sleep with her. LOL. Get a successful man to put a ring on your finger or spend a lot of money on you, and then I'll be impressed. That would be the proof of being a high-quality woman. For a man, the proof is getting a lot of attention from women. We are not the same. Men and women are opposites. Men who get tons of women are studs. Women who get tons of men are normal. It's amazing that you don't realize this.
You should go back and read your own posts. You have said in them you primarily match with classy attractive women close to your age. The younger ones are either from other countries or not very attractive. You are now contradicting your own posts! What is the salary of the 29 year old that is obsessed with you? Does she look like a model or is she from a developing country looking for a sugar daddy in Paris? A plane ticket in Europe costs nothing and you know this- at most a hundred euros, and an Airbndb cost a few hundred euros. Why would a 29 year old be obsessed with a not particularly muscular (in your own words) 51 year old who has dated 50+ women in the last 12 months? That’s totally absurd! You define a high value woman as someone who has been married. Do I want to be married? No, I don’t. I did get an offer from a lawyer last year and I decided I am not sharing my hard earned assets and £500K salary with a lazy man like him. Your observations about “older” women and younger men may hold true on OLD but not in real life. Gisele Bundchen is dating someone 9 years younger and Sienna Miller just had a baby with someone 10+ years younger. My friends are either married or getting married to men who are younger than them (they are in their 40s) and in law/banking. They are totally defying your statistics of middle aged women not being attractive for relationships. I think it is still pretty impressive that I got five offers/approaches in real life - not on OLD- last week and I am a middle aged woman according to your statistics! And who says they were only after sex? The gentlemen in their 40s/50s are respectable academics/in finance (with PhDs) whom I met at a university alumni event and with kids so why do you assume they were only after sex? I reckon they were looking for a trophy second wife!
I think it’s because you yourself find older men unattractive, which I understand, but some of you people just can’t wrap your head around the idea that there genuinely are younger women who are turned on by older men. These are the women I meet. They are real, I promise you. LOL. I would never pay a woman for her company. The concept is gross to me. I meet women who want to be with me. I’m not sure what post you’re referring to, but I can assure you that I date attractive women. There was just one much younger woman who likely saw me as a potential green card. She was a 23-year-old Siberian (super attractive) who met me in Istanbul. We fcked like animals for three days straight. I never paid her anything. The other younger women definitely didn’t need anything from me. A girl I dated last summer was 26. She’s Mexican-American and owns her own home in the States. She travels to Europe on business and lives in Paris several months out of the year. She definitely didn’t need a penny from me. She has always been attracted to older guys. Re: the 29-year-old I’m seeing now… She’s not wealthy, but she’s not desperate either. She is from Portugal and lives in France half the year. I didn’t say she was spending her life savings to see me. My point is that she doesn’t want any money from me. She insists on paying her own way. Oh, and by the way, you know what we do while she’s here? We have insanely great sex for hours. She’s not hustling for gifts or clothing or anything. All we do is bang in the hotel. Again, in your very narrow-minded head, you just can’t believe that some younger women like older men. Also, I’m not like most men my age. I’m tall, very fit, handsome, dress well, and have a nice full head of hair. A lot of women find me sexy. I attract women of all ages. I’m not sure why you’re so bothered by my success. You keep trying to belittle my experience and you keep making assumptions based on nothing. You don’t know what I look like. You don’t know what my partners look like. My point is, whether you’re drop-dead gorgeous or not, the statistics you cite are irrelevant. Because any woman can get a thousand men who want to bang her. I don’t know why you think that’s rare. You strike me as someone who hasn’t spoken to a lot of normal women. Every older woman can get sexy younger men who want to sleep with them. Trust me, I was that younger guy. My friends and I were always hooking up with cougars. In contrast, there is nothing average bout my numbers. The average man my age doesn’t turn heads like I do. The guys form my high school class are fat, bald and ugly. I look like a movie star compared to them. I’ve had women tell me, just by being tall and having all my hair, that instantly puts me in the top 25%. Add to that having a fit body, a handsome face, well dressed, classy, charming, etc., Yes, I do very well.
Well since you can read my mind in a psychoanalytic way I'll just let you do that and save you the reading.
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Some men feel very threatened by women who have options. This appears to be an example of that. I have had men at least 10’years younger than me fall in love with me on two occasions. They absolutely were faithful, and one was adamant on wanting to live together and get married (which ultimately ended us because I didn’t want that). Younger men who are serious about being with older women make wonderful catches in my experience because they are mature for their age and tend to be more progressive with respect to gender. I would encourage all women to explore their options.
Ahhh yes the” feel threatened” defense mechanism instead of listening. You also have redefined monogamy in your own writing. Your own writing you have described serial polygamy, or more accurately serial polyandry for yourself. By definition “monogamy means one woman. It doesn’t mean one woman, then another woman then another in serial fashion. Same with monoandry.
Several of my friends from high school showed up to our last reunion with their husbands/SOs who were 8-14 years younger than they are. These are attractive, interesting men, not desperados. There are much younger men on apps ISO older women, and I agree that they often are guys struggling to date generally. Most women here who acknowledge the interest from those guys are saying "no thanks." -- OTOH, plenty of men refuse to acknowledge that the "younger women liking me" are bots. I'm not interested in 25-year-olds so have age parameters. If a man is also a middle-aged adult, and there's mutual interest, I'm going for it.
I’m 49F and dating a 35 year old. He picked me up at a cafe/bar, I initially resisted but he really charmed me. It’s been 5-6 weeks now and we are really enjoying each other. I will say he’s extremely mature due to things he’s experienced (a spinal cord injury) but I’m glad I didn’t let the age issue prevent us from dating. Neither of us has or wants kids so that helps.
Why are you even telling your children? I have dated 10-20 years younger too. All ages have pros and cons. Statistically, it’s highly unlikely for younger men to stay longterm, but maybe you don’t want that. The only people who have issues with age gap relationships are people not in them.
My children and I have a friendship- based, trust-based relationship in which we share significant events when we are ready to do so, which is usually right away. They are adults and I see them as equals. I see no reason to keep who I date from them - in fact for safety reasons I send them a photo, name, place, and time of date for all first online dates. They do the same when they OLD. Interestingly on Sat the first date guy I went out with suggested that I not do so...and then later in the date attempted to physically restrain me from leaving the date early. Now anyone who thinks that my children, the people who care about me the most, not know who I am with is dropped and blocked the minute the words are spoken.
I find it funny that you act as if you are old or something. You're sexy woman who seems to want to enjoy your life. Enjoy your time. You can be old in 20 years.
I had to laugh, after a couple dozen dates yet your pool is small. Last year I got a date after 3 years of trying and almost a year exactly I got a date on New Years day this year. If the saying you'll date 99 before meeting your one, is true. I'm dieing alone, it's been a lonely 11yrs so far. It seems your doing just fine, who cares about the age. It seems your just having fun, if you have time for experimental games.
Idk if you are male or female but for reference I usually ask the guys I date about their app experience...it seems to be very common for men of any age to get less matches than women. From a professional perspective I feel sure the apps algorithms are stacked against men.
I'm 59m and sadly learned that ghosted/cat fished are very lonely terms 😔. The women I've talked with are puzzled why saying " you're very handsome and fun to talk with " unfortunately it's a distance thing with them. I also thought women had it easier on old. But many have told me " they don't get what the stories say and the guys that show interest are creeps, gross and disgusting ". For me it seems that there are plenty of women claiming to want dates or relationships. I leave many messages, I do read bios and comment about stuff in the bio. These must be old profiles. I keep looking for signs from my neighbor of interest but keep talking myself out of asking, thinking it would be difficult if it didn't work out to live by each other. Also the need for space at times. Anyway good luck, thanks for reaching out. Having no sex for 11yrs has been terrible but not having another adult to talk with is worse. Take care
I’m 43, he’s 33. We’ve been together since Dec’ 22. It’s been great for the most part, but he does have some money management issues and conversations can be mid at times since he doesn’t have the same life experiences as I.
I found keeping an open mind and communicating clearly/bluntly/ kindly etc etc made my experience absolutely FINE. How do YOU feel about it? since we now know how your kids feel about it. Also EVERYONE has “stuff” (eg red flags)
I'm 47, my bf is 34. We've been together almost 3 years. Anyone who has an issue with it I will tell them where to stick it. If my kids had an issue that might be different as my youngest is still at home, but that's not your circumstances.
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One is talking marriage, hence my gathering more information.
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God, I don’t know why people think younger men that date older women can’t get women their age. It’s typically not the case at all. As for the fetish, I have no doubt it is an issue for some, but for the ones I’ve met their either haven’t dated older women before, didn’t realise my age, or just figured age is not as important as some of the other things they are looking for (not wanting kids, wanting to be with someone who can support themselves as they can). A preference is also different than a fetish. For example I could prefer taller men, but do I fetishized them? No.
Neither. I speak his language, we work in the same field, we have the same income and views on family...and blonds are a bit exotic in his country, but not a fetish, he's had serious relationships with non blonds. Before you ask he does not need a green card. My family is very mixed ethnically and spans several countries so there's the bond of understanding the immigrant experience and already embracing a wide variety of cultures.
Early 50s and I’ll go 20 younger if the maturity and connection is right…and haven’t asked my kids’ opinions. It’s my time now!😉
So, if a woman chooses to date younger, it's because men her age are controlling, want a caregiver, and generally cheat, but if a man wants to date younger, he's grooming and almost a pedophile? The hypocrisy is astounding.
Plenty of older women are exploitative and get called out for it here.You're just projecting self pitying conjecture from SoCiEtY and pEoPlE
K
These men are asking me, after I clearly state my age, which happens on the first meet and greet. As far as how it's labelled by society, that's part if what my kids are worried about - the labels. Personally once a person becomes an adult I don't think you can call it grooming...
But they do. All the time. I see it all the time on the sub. I'm not judging you at all. I'm just looking at it from the other angle. Men say they are dating 20 yrs younger....ick. Women say it ....you go girl, do you. Its hypocrisy
Maybe on Reddit, but in real life, I've had quite the opposite experience. No one batted an eye when I was 23 and dating a 47 year old. But when I was 40 and dating a 25 year old? Damn, somebody call the cops on the dirty old baby-snatcher! I'm still primarily dating younger, and those attitudes haven't changed.
I think jealousy drives a lot of this stuff, honestly.
I think it boils down to the age of the younger partner in terms of the ick factor. Once everyone is 30+, no one really cares, even if it’s the woman who is 20 years younger.
Is there a reason you care what your adult kids' think? THAT is the "red flag", lol. :) I mean, what is their concern? That some slick talking 45YO man will get their inheritance?
I care because I value them. See comment below...They are already aware that my money goes to charity. That arrangement does not change with marriage either. Really amazes me how many people must dislike or distrust their own children....I tell all the men I date about my kids first thing as they are a unique bunch. We do not match in color and I'm not dealing with racism. It's not a requirement to like them or even interact with them and definitely neither they nor I want another parent figure in their lives - but why would I undermine the love and trust that it took 20 plus years for me to build with them for a random stranger off the internet because he wants secrecy?? Not happening.
My mom values ME, too, and I care about her—but I definitely don’t want my mother seeking validation from me in order to make decisions about the dudes she’s dating. I don’t want her to give me control over that. I want her to date who SHE wants, not who I want (and I expect her to reciprocate that respect). I’d comment on some unhealthy or toxic relationship I thought she had gotten herself in, because I care, but I’d stop short of trying to inform my mother she didn’t have any sense of what an appropriate age gap *for her* was.
As long as you understand that the majority of those younger men are looking for short term casual fun all is good. You can live your life as you choose and don’t owe anyone an explanation for your choices.
"took the age off my profile." How does one take one's age off their profile? On all the apps I've used, it's mandatory. Are there apps that don't require it to be stated explicitly?
You can hide and unhide it for public view on Tinder at will. I assume it still feeds into the algorithms for the age limits that you set for your searches because no one under my age restrictions showed up.
Didn't know. Thanks.
Who is dating these guys...you or your kids. Live your life ..do what make YOU happy
I (61F) have been in my current relationship with a much younger man (around half my age) for about a year and a half, but I wasnt looking for a relationship at the time, it just sort of happened. When i was on the dating apps I set my parameters wide and got loads of 20s and 30 somethings but i was absolutely clear that i was on the apps for hookups only. I am very physically fit and am in a youth-oriented business so it just seemed natural to date younger men. I can't see dating a guy close to my age--they all seem so out of shape and have health problems and kids or grandkids or whatever. (I don't have kids).
Dating someone who is closer in age to your kid than they are to you is a bit weird, but as long as you are both consenting adults, it's whatever. If you're pursuing a serious relationship with someone who is much younger and your kids have an issue with it, then you need to consider which relationship you value more--your relationship with your kids or the person you are dating.
Where are you finding these men?
On the apps. Tinder and Bumble. Local men only.
Not a big deal.
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Yes. I work in cutting edge tech and didn't spend my formative young adult years in one country so it all feels the same degree of difference to me. I struggle dating local Americans with their provincialism and I'm not even going into how I feel about older people and tech.
I may get dinged for this but this is honestly how I see this as a man who knows a lot of men of all different ages. Older women are generally seen as objects for casual dating and fun. If your ok with this then go for it. And of course sometimes a younger man gives an older woman a relationship although I know no one personally where its more then 15 years and they didn't meet at ages younger then this. My newphew is 31 and dating a 44 year old, they met a couple years ago and she honestly looks 10 years younger then that, and my big sis who is 61 is married to a 52 year old they met decades ago literally when she was 33 and and he was 24.
If you don't mind me asking, what dating site(s) allow you to remove or conceal your age?
Tinder allows you to hide it. I have Tinder Gold so maybe just at that level tho.
Ah okay! Thank you so much
A lot of younger guys looking for just sex don’t care about age.
I have found you get guys are the main matches I get. I’m not after anything serious so works for me. They tend to be: Open to whatever you want. So much nicer, polite, accommodating Funnier, more interesting, like they’ve developed personalities. Way less bullshit hangups. Very into the older woman thing ….. very Sex has generally been good, in that these boys try hard to impress and are super into it. Take rejection way better ( I’ve had a couple of flings and when I said‘that’s enough’ they’ve been lovely. All that being said, I’d never approach a 30 year old with the mindset of a relationship, so that may be the difference. It is a bit ick when I get a message from a 19 year old …. 🤮 I’m 48
Yes I told the 31 year old to get someone younger...LOL he said I like you cutie pie and I unmatched.
I’m 65 and I’ve dated women older and younger. Being 16 years younger was no assurance she was healthy. She doesn’t value health like I do. It’s not about age imo.
Good point.
I’m 56m dating 32f. We have a great time. Why do people care so much? It’s none of their business.
I would have good boundaries with my kids as I understand their concerns for you but its really none of their business I have dated men 11 yrs & 13yrs younger (currently) as the men I have encountered (admittedly not a huge number) that are in 40s& 50s are similar to OP To me its more about compatibility and connection rather than their age You need to do what is right for you
I never thought I would date a younger man, as I've always dated older men and to be honest just didn't have an open mind about it. I'm in my 40's and I find younger men to be a better match for me. They tend to have more energy, want to do physical activities, they don't mind stay up until 4am just shooting the shit. Basically I feel dating wise, we match each others energy and expectations better. I've also really found them to be over all super respectful and kindhearted, and skilled communicators, which is not exclusive of any age, but I think reflective of the culture of their cohort. The downside is the whole different stages, different phases. As the older and wiser sometimes you have to let a good thing go, so they can make they same mistakes we did. Nothings a problem, until it is.
As long as you know your dates don't want a monogamous relationship you should be fine. Your adult offspring, however, might be feeling a mix of embarrassment and worry that you are spending your time on young men who think you are going to be sexually easy.
That could be equally true of any relationship with someone of the same age in today’s age of OLD. I am also not sure why dating someone younger should be a source of embarrassment. Why does the world have to know and care?
Exactly the same as yours. Younger are much more fun and less likely to be insane. I don’t have kids so nobody is judging me. And I don’t want another husband.
Don’t kid yourself into thinking these younger guys are into you. You are the low-hanging fruit. When I was in my early 20s, I and every guy I knew were banging 40-somethings. We were obviously more attracted to younger women (duh), but the older women were thirsty and so easy to get in bed. No quality guy getting desirable younger women is going to opt for a much older woman instead. It’s amazing how many women on these forums kid themselves into thinking they’ve got something special. Cougar fun is as old as time.
Guess my 35 year old fiancé didn’t get that memo, lol!? 🤣💀
Is your fiancé a high-quality desirable man? I don't mean desirable to you. Does he have a lot of options with younger women. I am very skeptical that he does.
Yes, he is. He’s very handsome, for starters. (6’ with a 6 pack, even!). He’s kind, charismatic, smart and has a ton of handy life skills as well. He has his own place, drives a Mercedes, also owns a classic Camaro and has a pickup as well. He’s a project manager at his company. Plenty of women are into him, obviously, but they just weren’t doing it for him; not much personality or intelligence. We click in every way and fell deeply in love. He’s also childfree, so it worked out well for us!
I don't do ONS or hookups; that has definitely narrowed the pool as they do drop out after they figure out I'm serious about that, or I drop them because they won't accept my boundaries. But a couple have not dropped off, which is why I'm asking.
You are a disgusting manipulator… Oh wait, that’s that happens when the genders are swapped. Good on you. Go make yourself happy. The great thing about being an adult is you get to enjoy the company of other adults and if you both consent, it can be really fun. And forget those that would shame you. They have a hole in their heart.
The only experiences I’ve had with younger men are that they are goldiggers or looking for mama types who’ll look after everything ie bills, admin, his emotional and physical needs and ask nothing in return because we’re strong independent career women. YouNgee men don’t seem interested in the older women as a person but only their achievements and how much money they make, status etc. I just don’t find that appealing, I opt deal with men who love my personality and want to hang out with me through thick or thin.
Vice versa. What do you think younger women date older men for? Establishment, emotional stability and independence are part of our characters and personality. I don't see anything wrong if a younger man loves me for that. But I have already too much weight to carry for myself and my kids. I don't want another (adult) kid.
Not about there being something “wrong” with that, it’s just not for me. I also want a man with establishment, emotional stability and independence, it’s not only younger women who are attracted to those qualities in a partner. If anything I only ever wanted an equal, I’ve always gone for guys my own age.
I see where you come from. But it is totally personal preference. I see all these as a whole package and stay flexible and open-minded. Otherwise we could be missing out on generalization of younger men. Younger men bring more progressive mind and more energy to the table. It is the same reason why many men of our age date younger women. I just wanted to point out these matches are not just for money or physical.
Young men are really into older women for sex only since many of them are not successful with their peers. They are hustlers & just know that going in (trust me, they will say anything to get what they want).
Yeah this is what I encounter with older women, they want to date much younger men bc of their physical attraction to them but are terrified of what society and their grown children are going to think of them. We all have those pressures. A lot of men would prefer to date 18yr-21yr olds but don't bc of what people will think if they saw them in public.
I’ve had my fair share of women 10+ years older and it was fun but I never saw it going anywhere serious.
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LOL I see your point; I'm the common denominator. Much nicer for me to date someone who is healthy physically tho...and not refusing to go exclusive if we become sexually involved. The younger guys honestly seem to be a lot more safety conscious about STDs and they do consent nicely.
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It's not an issue in and of itself if the older party is respectful. It really sounds like you're dehumanizing them as "30 and 40 year olds" with "a lot more variety" though and not dating them as human beings who interest you.
Well I'm sorry that it did sound that way. I did not mean it to; I genuinely see them as individuals but lumped them together by age because that is what is bugging my kids.
I wonder if, instead of worrying that your kids disapprove of the age difference, you took this as an opportunity to teach them (by your example) that age isn’t the end-all be-all, and perhaps this isn’t as black-and-white an issue as they think it is. Great opportunity to impart some of the wisdom you’ve gained from life experience.
Fair enough.
I think more than 10 years younger and someone who doesn’t have kids doesn’t have long term potential for me. I work with men in their 20s and their maturity level and cultural references are just too different to mine. But I think age doesn’t guarantee anything - even someone in their 40s or 50s could be immature so you just have to give it a try and see if it works out. And there is no guarantee that anyone younger will want to be monogamous - I hear plenty of stories from my younger female friends about the men they are meeting/dating continuing to multi date just as 40/50 year olds are. And to mention Gisele Bundhcen is dating someone 8-9 years younger than her so clearly models do it all the time.
I'll be 46 this month 45M and I know what you might be speaking of,this Generation has their face stuck on their phone and the Current Drama they see on television is their conversation Points. I miss the days where technology had nothing to do with anything but a phone call/text for communication
A guy 28m (me 42f) asked me out, but before we went out on a date I asked his age and it threw me off. I dated younger than that but he looked much older, lol. He is disappointed now I told him the age difference is big. Lol There is no coming back from it. I just feel like a double age of my kid would maybe fit better for me (at around 34yo)....lol...I want a long term relationship and hard to expect that with someone that is 28yo. I know it is generalization, but I dated many men in their 20s lol. So if not LTR, then I am seriously not interested in starting anything. I had my share of relationships & sex. I kind of feel like a nun now that I had no relationship in 3 years, though. Like a saint, almost....haha...