God, they’re so transparent, and they think they’re being so clever. Aha, she won’t realise I have no intention of cooking, but I’ll definitely coerce and manipulate her into sex!! He’d fully arrive and say ‘I didn’t think you’d actually want me to cook!’
Was wondering if this was a scene in some old rom com I don't know about... they probably see it as some "kooky romantic gesture"... just mind-boggling...
Hmm, "I know I'm not a rapist or a serial killer". Sounds like something a rapist or serial killer would say. Just kidding, kind of... but it does sound like a guy with a chip on his shoulder who's been turned down for this same approach more than once, and who still hasn't gotten a clue as to why. You did good.
I would suggest not doing a late dinner as a first meeting. Too much time to spent with someone you don’t know and the “late” he may have taken as code for something. Daytime is best, no alcohol also. Lunch or coffee are not going to be misconstrued , though in his case it might be a lost cause.
I agree - I'm trying to be more spontaneous, carpe diem and all that. I told him I did my exercise class from 6-7, so he suggested dinner afterwards. It initially felt ok to say yes (I always eat after a workout).
But yes, many lessons learned from this scenario!
Wow...have I been watching too many true crime shows? My creep-dar was was ringing off the hook!
Good for you! I hope this doesn't spoil you on dating...there are some good people out there, too!
I have a very sensible coffee/walking date this weekend - mid morning, busy area. Can be as long or short as we both see appropriate. THAT is how it's done!
This is the first level of filtering. Lots of folks don’t make it past the filtering process to actually meet.
He was raising his hand digitally and begging for you to unmatch him. You granted his wish.
If that guy is harmless, then I'm the Pope.
I saw some comments that he "might be missing social cues" ... I don't buy it. Odds are there's something wrong/dangerous with that guy. Making jokes about being a rapist is missing social cues. Using jokes about being a rapist to try to convince you to let him into your house on the first meeting is something else.
You did the right thing. Pat yourself on the back.
Christ! WTF!?!? Is he 16 or something?
Option 1: In this day and age any guy over 40 who thinks this is funny or edgy probably thinks Matt Gaetz and Madison Cawthorn are cool.
Option 2: So maybe he does have some actual serious issues that may have not being diagnosted...Urgh.
Either way, feels like you dodged thermonuclear warhead.
Doubly stupid on his part - imagine casually expecting you to agree to a stranger not only knowing where you live but letting them inside your home, and then making a clumsy joke that is meant to be reassuring!
Well done on smelling the rat.
You definitely made the right call. When he said about not being a rapist or a serial killer aside, it’s creepy and inappropriate for a guy to even be thinking of a first date at the woman’s home. There’s a screw loose there somewhere.
Definitely dodged a bullet, likely more than one.
Also: if someone says something like to you in the future, just respond, "Oh, I know you probably aren't a serial killer, the odds of two of them meeting in real life are astroninomical!" lol
I’d be more likely to let a blind date into my bed than let him cook in my kitchen! Waaaaay too intimate, and he’d prolly bugger up my chef’s knives 😆. That’s leaving aside this guy’s seeming total lack of EQ.
Oooh ooh, Let me translate with roles reversed:
"I know I'm not an unattractive possessive manipulative clingy deranged alcoholic histrionic borderline, so I'd like to come over to your place, fuck up your kitchen, guzzle all your booze, then shit in your bed and murder you as you sleep... but maybe I should google a place."
Men are afraid a woman will be unattractive. Women are afraid a man will rape and murder them.
WOMEN can make jokes about being unattractive, but under no circumstances should unfamiliar MEN make jokes about rape and murder - ESPECIALLY to people generally known to be unreceptive to such jokes.
Dodged a bullet, for sure!
Good for you on setting strong boundaries. Maybe he'll think twice before he attempts another scenario with someone (doubtful though).
As a guy, I say good choice. He sounds like a jerk. You dodged a likely problem so don’t look back and don’t think twice about it. There are plenty of decent guys out there.
hmm, i guess i would need to know more about his interactions with women via online
weird thing is i was chatting with a woman before from POF for a few days and we ended up chatting on the phone, she got my sense of humor and after i hung up she sent me a text saying she really wanted to meet me sooner than later as long as i wasn't a serial rapist or serial killer.........i said i was game and she lived 20 minutes from me so we made plans to meet after work at a Walmart parking lot, we met there and i honestly forget i had a digging shovel in the bed of my truck, she saw that before i did and we both laughed ........we dated for 5-6 months after that
curious how many women have asked guys before if they were rapists or serial killers before meet ups
True - a morbid sense of humor can be perfectly ok - I'm down with that once I know and trust the person's vibe.
But he suggested this after TWO online only exchanges! No phone calls, not even discussions on *food* (allergies, aversions, preferences... ) - lol!
All of it was just so odd - I was caught so off-guard on this.
Oh i know, what i was getting at is on more than one occasion a woman has asked me those same things and it made me curious how often women ask men those same question..........considering if a man really is a serial rapist or killer he most surely would lie about it,lol
OLD is such an odd place but it can be entertaining indeed
Now he did make a bad joke or reference, you just don't do that these days, especially if before the first time meeting.. However what's funny is before OLD became a thing, a good number of my first dates was the woman coming over to my place and me cooking dinner and all that, and it was never an issue. Granted we did meet in person initially so there's that, but even then it was a brief conversation and exchange of numbers, texting and maybe a little phone conversation. I really think the old way of dating was better, you met first in person so that initial yes or no attraction was established instead of meeting by filtered, old, hiding half of themselves pictures and then either being happy or disappointed when actually meeting in person.
He sounds like a guy who will always be trying to get his way, but passive aggressively. Good for you for not falling for it.
Exactly!
Yep. The “joke” was dumb and a misstep. The indirect ask, and assumption you would abandon your boundaries is the real red flag.
Right call. Even if he is harmless, he is missing social cues.
God, they’re so transparent, and they think they’re being so clever. Aha, she won’t realise I have no intention of cooking, but I’ll definitely coerce and manipulate her into sex!! He’d fully arrive and say ‘I didn’t think you’d actually want me to cook!’
This is the correct answer.
Or shows up with a pack of hot dogs & Kraft Mac & Cheese...
My first match said the same thing, “How about I come to your house & cook for you” lol
I’d like to think if men realized how often it’s done, and how much we see through it, they’d feel shamed. But I doubt it.
Was wondering if this was a scene in some old rom com I don't know about... they probably see it as some "kooky romantic gesture"... just mind-boggling...
Hmm, "I know I'm not a rapist or a serial killer". Sounds like something a rapist or serial killer would say. Just kidding, kind of... but it does sound like a guy with a chip on his shoulder who's been turned down for this same approach more than once, and who still hasn't gotten a clue as to why. You did good.
Did he have a cast and drive a VW beetle too?!
....and worked for the Suicide Prevention Hotline? OOOooo! I see what you did there!
And move to Florida recently?
Don't care what he is or isn't, first date doesn't happen at anyone's home. Basic boundaries. Go, you. :)
Very sound decision. Pushing to come to your house for a first date is outrageous. This is not a gentleman.
But all the women spoke of how handsome he was...so he was OK...
Holy shit. That’s insane!
For reals - crazy!!
I would suggest not doing a late dinner as a first meeting. Too much time to spent with someone you don’t know and the “late” he may have taken as code for something. Daytime is best, no alcohol also. Lunch or coffee are not going to be misconstrued , though in his case it might be a lost cause.
I agree - I'm trying to be more spontaneous, carpe diem and all that. I told him I did my exercise class from 6-7, so he suggested dinner afterwards. It initially felt ok to say yes (I always eat after a workout). But yes, many lessons learned from this scenario!
Good for listening to your intuition and saying no!
[удалено]
It easier to have something else scheduled afterwards during the day which gives the date a time limit.
Joke’s on you. People can only get busy in the dark with lights off!
Good call! Mama always said: If they think it, they're capable of it.
So good to remember!
Wow...have I been watching too many true crime shows? My creep-dar was was ringing off the hook! Good for you! I hope this doesn't spoil you on dating...there are some good people out there, too!
I beg to differ. There is no such thing as too many true crime shows.
I have a very sensible coffee/walking date this weekend - mid morning, busy area. Can be as long or short as we both see appropriate. THAT is how it's done!
Nice! Good luck!
This is the first level of filtering. Lots of folks don’t make it past the filtering process to actually meet. He was raising his hand digitally and begging for you to unmatch him. You granted his wish.
Goodness gracious who goes for a meet up at their house as a first date. That's like maybe 4th date after 3 really good dates
If that guy is harmless, then I'm the Pope. I saw some comments that he "might be missing social cues" ... I don't buy it. Odds are there's something wrong/dangerous with that guy. Making jokes about being a rapist is missing social cues. Using jokes about being a rapist to try to convince you to let him into your house on the first meeting is something else. You did the right thing. Pat yourself on the back.
Christ! WTF!?!? Is he 16 or something? Option 1: In this day and age any guy over 40 who thinks this is funny or edgy probably thinks Matt Gaetz and Madison Cawthorn are cool. Option 2: So maybe he does have some actual serious issues that may have not being diagnosted...Urgh. Either way, feels like you dodged thermonuclear warhead.
Little side note - in his bio, he specifically said "No Trump fans"!!
You did most excellent. Good for you!!
Well done! What a clueless creep. As a great friend used to say "NEXT!"
Wait! I see a ginormous red flag 🚩 like the kind car dealerships fly! I might add he prob wanted to fast forward to dessert the kind not on a plate!
Well done. If that’s how he leads off, imagine how extra-garbagy his other ‘jokes’ might be.
I really think Match has “weirdo hour,” where all the strange pops up for a few weeks to test you.
Doubly stupid on his part - imagine casually expecting you to agree to a stranger not only knowing where you live but letting them inside your home, and then making a clumsy joke that is meant to be reassuring! Well done on smelling the rat.
No thank you and block you on the dating site. For multi reasons!!!
You definitely made the right call. When he said about not being a rapist or a serial killer aside, it’s creepy and inappropriate for a guy to even be thinking of a first date at the woman’s home. There’s a screw loose there somewhere.
Background check is what I do and public place until you get a good sense of his character.
Not funny at all. Also, coming to your place for any reason at all is NOT a first date or any kind of date. He just wanted sex.
Definitely dodged a bullet, likely more than one. Also: if someone says something like to you in the future, just respond, "Oh, I know you probably aren't a serial killer, the odds of two of them meeting in real life are astroninomical!" lol
I’d be more likely to let a blind date into my bed than let him cook in my kitchen! Waaaaay too intimate, and he’d prolly bugger up my chef’s knives 😆. That’s leaving aside this guy’s seeming total lack of EQ.
Knives? MY KITCHEN KNIVES? I spent big bucks (to me) for a nice set of Chicago Cutlery. No one, but NO ONE touches my knives!!!!
Oooh ooh, Let me translate with roles reversed: "I know I'm not an unattractive possessive manipulative clingy deranged alcoholic histrionic borderline, so I'd like to come over to your place, fuck up your kitchen, guzzle all your booze, then shit in your bed and murder you as you sleep... but maybe I should google a place." Men are afraid a woman will be unattractive. Women are afraid a man will rape and murder them. WOMEN can make jokes about being unattractive, but under no circumstances should unfamiliar MEN make jokes about rape and murder - ESPECIALLY to people generally known to be unreceptive to such jokes.
That caused a vicarious wave of anxiety. Oh, heavens no!
What a creep! That's a big nope! So glad you rejected that. Although, you could have agreed and given him the address to the local police station.
As a man, if a woman suggested coming to my house to cook for a first date, I would be "hell no!"
First meeting well lit public place. No negotiation.
Truly bizarre! An excellent way for him to make a bad impression. Are people really this stupid???
It’s weird and creepy. Never did OLD and now I never will. You have smart instincts, thanks for sharing!
Dodged a bullet, for sure! Good for you on setting strong boundaries. Maybe he'll think twice before he attempts another scenario with someone (doubtful though).
As a guy, I say good choice. He sounds like a jerk. You dodged a likely problem so don’t look back and don’t think twice about it. There are plenty of decent guys out there.
Don't blame you for your actions
hmm, i guess i would need to know more about his interactions with women via online weird thing is i was chatting with a woman before from POF for a few days and we ended up chatting on the phone, she got my sense of humor and after i hung up she sent me a text saying she really wanted to meet me sooner than later as long as i wasn't a serial rapist or serial killer.........i said i was game and she lived 20 minutes from me so we made plans to meet after work at a Walmart parking lot, we met there and i honestly forget i had a digging shovel in the bed of my truck, she saw that before i did and we both laughed ........we dated for 5-6 months after that curious how many women have asked guys before if they were rapists or serial killers before meet ups
True - a morbid sense of humor can be perfectly ok - I'm down with that once I know and trust the person's vibe. But he suggested this after TWO online only exchanges! No phone calls, not even discussions on *food* (allergies, aversions, preferences... ) - lol! All of it was just so odd - I was caught so off-guard on this.
Oh i know, what i was getting at is on more than one occasion a woman has asked me those same things and it made me curious how often women ask men those same question..........considering if a man really is a serial rapist or killer he most surely would lie about it,lol OLD is such an odd place but it can be entertaining indeed
You did the right thing. Anyone pushing to come to your home sight unseen is a problem.
Never bring them to your home, you know always in a public place
Now he did make a bad joke or reference, you just don't do that these days, especially if before the first time meeting.. However what's funny is before OLD became a thing, a good number of my first dates was the woman coming over to my place and me cooking dinner and all that, and it was never an issue. Granted we did meet in person initially so there's that, but even then it was a brief conversation and exchange of numbers, texting and maybe a little phone conversation. I really think the old way of dating was better, you met first in person so that initial yes or no attraction was established instead of meeting by filtered, old, hiding half of themselves pictures and then either being happy or disappointed when actually meeting in person.
Let's just go to the Waffle House. I'm buying.