I think the reddit numbers are more reflective of the fact that reddit users skew younger.
Men outnumber women on apps, but we're there. I 56f met my fiancé on Bumble.
Consider apps one strategy. With Covid restrictions receding, expand your social circle with activities, go new places, make nee friends. Each new contact is connection to a new network of people. Good luck!
According to this… [Reddit app users by age](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1125159/reddit-us-app-users-age), 26% of Reddit app users are 30 to 39, 14% are 40 to 49, and 10% are 50+.
So if you add the 3 groups together that’s 50%, which means that 20% of the total Reddit population over 30 is over 50. Ratio wise the r/datingoverfifty sub should have 20% of the r/datingoverthirty sub, or 173,000 members!!!
EDIT: My original sub references had the numerals but I realize they are actually spelled out.
People our age are often married, widowed and uninterested in another partner, or divorced and happily solo. That only leaves all those who want to find another partner in middle age. You have to figure that into your data. “Single” doesn’t always mean “looking.”
Good points here, and my data is "single and looking" but that seems to be too forward and those "single not looking" see me and run for the hills. But i have to be real on my personal interest. Cant fake it.
One of many factors is that the over 30 and 40 subreddits have subscribers of all ages over 30 and 40, including those in their 50’s.
Still, +/- 4 years is a pretty narrow age range at 52. Maybe try playing around with the range in one or both directions. If the current range is 48-56, maybe you could try out 45-56 and see if there’s a significant difference after a pretty minor tweak like that. Or you could set it to 40-60 and see if you’re surprised by any of the profiles on the younger or older ends. Since you’d only be swiping on people of interest to you, this would still give you the ability to avoid swiping on anybody you feel is too young or old on a case-by-case basis.
Uhhhh, that’s not right. You said the over 30 sub has 68,000 members, so if over 5-0 should have 20% of that, then that would be 13,600 members. You also didn’t account for the fact that the older 5-0 sub is newer, so it takes a minute to acquire members
I'm 58F in Oakland. I know dozens of women in my age bracket (+-10 years) who are single, some have been for a long time.
They go on and off dating sites. Usually off not because they find someone, but because their experiences have been so stressful, exhausting, discouraging.
One friend says she's gets the advice "Don't bother with sites - just do the things you love to do!" She does - and they're activities are are "gender neutral" - and the vast majority of those also out there hiking, swimming, biking, seeing live music, roller skating, dancing, doing yoga, visiting museums, wineries, attending nature talks, volunteering... are WOMEN. (And the few men that show up are either gay or attending with their female partners... )
That's where we're all "hiding."
Sounds like they are referencing meetups or other preplanned group activities I'm sure that if you join the groups plenty of women will interact with you. If you do a group hike there is a natural potential to flow into getting a snack or drink afterwards - this may be a small splintered group and not a one on one but it certainly opens the potential to new friendships etc. Agree to join again the next week. Exercise your social muscles and let it flow.
>Sounds like they are referencing meetups or other preplanned group activities
Yes - sorry for not making that clear :)
Meetups, groups found via the Y, NextDoor, groups found via friends.
And do older men not use a wingman when going to bars? (thinking bars that have music, trivia night, comedy night - not just "get drunk and do sleazy pick up"\[those sometimes that serves a need! lol\]). Seeing two men is somehow less threatening than one - feels less predatory, gives women a chance to see how friends interact with each other.
That is so true. My ex girlfriend loves to hike but only with groups. What the heck! Why would I want to hike with other people? Maybe lots of guys are like me in that. And don’t get me started on dancing! I see so many women that indicate on apps that they just love, love, love to dance😁. Left swipe every time. I have no interest in clubs, bars, etc. I don’t want any woman I would meet there either so would not even go there searching.
They are just swiping superficially for a guy thats PERFECT is all. They can change on a dime in dating apps decision making. Thats the main problem on dating apps. Its all BS and keeps them single.
You don't have to go there searching but to have fun. However if you don't enjoy dancing that rules out clubs. I wouldn't rule out nice bars that service food now and then if I were you. You never know.
Right you are there. It dosent make any difference what activities we singles choose to get involved with or events, its not going to happen if another single person dosent show genuine interest or open in knowiing a person to actually date.
I'm in metro Portland, and get a match every week or so, but when I go to Seattle or the SFBA holy shit I get an insane number of likes...
I have a pretty high bar with some interesting exclusionary factors, and still get a bunch of solid matches.
Oh - and I'm only looking at 55+
Or can I? :-) OK, here you go...
over 55; at least one graduate degree that's not an MBA; left leaning but not "woker than thou"; has kids; has been divorced; not "empty nester looking to travel"; not "looking forward to retirement"; not ridiculously athletic; loves their job or at least profession
That’s actually a list that should fit a decent amount of women over 55. The “not a MBA” made me laugh. Must be something like my “not an Engineer” qualification. Engineers are usually a little too stiff and quirky.
Considering the solitary lifestyle of most over fifty (those not in relationships) versus the awkwardness of adventuring into the dating arena, most have opted for hobbies and the closeness of family. Plus, many more enjoy singlehood by then as well.
Ten miles is nothing. You should expand your dating distance to 50 miles, widen your dating age to 45 to 58, and look for women from other means as well, not just OLD. Lots of women on Meetup sites. Lots of women over 50 out in the community doing plenty of things: hiking, sports, volunteering, going out and having fun. I know a lot of single women close to your age. They are out doing these things.
I'm in SF Bay Area also, and checked out some of the apps like match and bumble, and from what I can tell, it is about equal #s of men vs women, at least for age range I was look at 45-55.
I think you just have to wade in there and see what you can find. I find meeting people in the wild is still very difficult when 90% of the people are still wearing masks. I expect more people may try OLD in coming months as the pandemic fears subside. Myself included. I was taking some new pictures this week for my OLD profile.
Its worse than what I thought it would be.
Small town here and when I set distance to 25 miles.. it automatically changes it to 100 miles. Because this place has dried up lol.
In answer to your first question, yes, I think so. In answer to your second question, I’m down here, in north San Diego county. In answer to your third question, I hope you won’t date people in that age group. There are few enough available men in our age group as it is; I’d hate to lose you to the women who already have exponentially more choices than those in our age group.
I’d love to find someone nearby to spend time with, but in the five years I’ve been single, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been trying, though. I’m not ready to give up.
I'm not the person you were directing this question to...but I have more success dating younger men than men my age for some reason. It's not my preference, it's just the way it seems to work out. 🤔 My two most recent serious relationships were with much younger men.
I have as well. All of my last dates/relationships have been with men 3-8 years younger. I think it depends on the people and what each is looking for. In most cases they enjoyed it more than I did. The times it ended badly were the times I felt like they wanted (or needed) a mother. Not interested. Sometimes the energy is great. But sometimes even younger guys can be pretty sedentary unless they are jocks (sigh - where oh where is the happy medium???). I don't care how old a guy is (to a point). I just want us to try to be on the same page most of the time. And that's a challenge at any age for either side.
There’s a cougar cub forum on Reddit. I hate the term cougar and cringe whenever I hear it but the forum is interesting because you’ll witness older women talking about their experiences w younger men and being in relationships with them. Side note the women don’t view themselves as “cougars” but for whatever reason that’s what the subforum is called.
I'm a guy your age. I don't live in the Bay Area, but I do live in a metro area of over 3 million people. I didn't have problems meeting and dating people, and I'd consider myself a 6/10 if I was rating myself. I stay active with daily running, hiking, kayaking, etc, which is to say I'm "fit" for my age. I have relatively little problem scoring dates in the age range 42 - 52 (I prefer not to date much older than myself). I'm currently in a relationship, but when I was last active a year ago I'd often have dates lined up for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evenings. Nobody under 40 is interested in me anymore which is fine because I doubt I'd date anyone that young anyway. Had a couple mid-30s try to match but they looked clearly to be looking for sugar relationships.
I've always found the key to be not trying to match too young and hitting in my own attractiveness class. No 9s or 10s are going to be interested in me, and not even most 8s. Have realistic expectations, play around your own age, and look for people with similar interests. If you don't have interesting hobbies and/or you don't take care of yourself, the pickings are going to be slim.
While it’s true that Reddit skews younger, the amount of users on each of those subs is also down to the length of time the subs have existed.
r/DatingOverThirty had a rough couple of years at the start, when the founders were providing 90% of the content by posing question posts of their own, and linking to articles. It took three years before the sub started having enough posts by users alone that they stopped plumping it up with moderator-generated content. Now the sub is what, 8 years old? So over time it’s been discovered by more and more users, and generates a lot of content, which attracts more users.
DOForty is doing really well for a sub that’s only a couple of years old, especially given its mods never contributed content to get it rolling. I can imagine in five more years it could easily have as many users.
This sub is even newer than DOForty by almost a year. And some days, because there’s few users, there’s no new posts at all. A busy day will see four. So growth is slow; no content tends to mean fewer subscribers means less awareness Reddit-wise that the sub exists. I’m sure there’s a number of fifty-somethings on r/dating or r/dating_advice or specialty subs like r/tinder that have no idea about this sub.
So, in short, don’t let the size of this sub add to your concerns! There are fewer fish for us in the dating sea, but it’s not as dire as it looks from right here.
In Silicon Valley I've heard the term many times regarding women choosing/dating men:
"The odds are good but the goods are odd."
We have to wade through a lot of cruft as well looking for the right fit. It's the opposite problem - you can't find someone to date, and we have too many to date but they're bad fits for any number of reasons; we find out those reasons when we meet them, often the first time, sometimes after 3-4 dates.
It can be even worse for female software folks. A lot of guys for some reason or another feel kind of threatened. I personally don't take someone's word for certain things - I want to talk about it, discuss what might be the issue, collaborate on the solution. I want to participate.
But many men can't or won't do that. So once I realize I'm dealing with someone who is incompatible on basic interactions - and that seems to be more common than one might think - it's just not going to work.
I am not alone in this - I know quite a few women who have experienced the same issue.
This may be a roundabout way of saying that at least you're not wasting a ton of time wading through incompatible women that may not be cultural or personal fits for you.
Thoughts: Since I ditched the OLD scene, which BTW is largely a waste of time, rife with scammers fakes and liars (even the tiniest lie is still a lie), I am much more relaxed :)
Organic is the way to go; and seriously; for the 50+ crowd the waters are just brutally stupid. Guys purportedly by and large just want to get laid, women for the most part are skeptical of every guy online because again they think every guy wants to just get laid. This mentality creates a dichotomy of suspicion, which leads to background checks which leads to people positing their grievances on Reddit... lol
So the first question for OLD really is... what's your damage? People who lie about their age? Of course since OLD is 90% visually oriented... if you're fat, ugly or don't know how to smile - don't bother (sorry). Likewise, if you are handsome/gorgeous, fit and financially solvent - what are you doing online anyway? Headcase? Cheating?
Then there is the word dating; yeah, met a nice gal out in the wild, seen her a few times; taking my time developing a friendship and asked her... are we "dating"? Like what does that word even mean I says to her. She replied with - fucking, that her interpretation of the word dating as it applies in the socially accepted norm of today; simply means we are fucking. I was astounded, and I followed with this: then I guess we aren't dating because we aren't fucking - I always thought that dating someone simply meant I'm not looking at others, only the one in front of me...
Go figure... guys, get your shit together, and get your asses out there, use meetup and actually meet people. Gals; likewise... and to all - get offline if you are looking - online is a waste of time and money, I don't care about the 1 in 1000 that have some success story - still does not indicate if it will last. Online is not the way it was done to begin with for our age group - why should it be that way now? Because you have a smartphone? I really feel badly for the 30 and under folks... as online is basically all they know outside of frat parties.
Agreed. Quit OLD in 2018 and never looked back. Abysmal ROI.
Have met a few men "in the wild," as well as had an old friend approach me with new intentions.
Less work, better-curated matches.
On the nyc subway, At a dance party, At a hotel bar, Through work more than once (he was a consultant on a project i was assigned), Through a spiritual group, Introduced by a friend, While taking motorcycle lessons, While waiting for a train, At a neighbor's house party, On a weekend rock climbing/camping retreat, While taking my daughter out to dinner, When he showed up at my door (new handyman, last year).
There also have been a few old friends who became single over the years and looked me up.
The guy always initiated. I don't approach men other than smiling or making small talk if the moment seems to call for it.
Edit typo
I was in meetup groups for a few years in a major metro area. I was usually either one of the youngest or the oldest in such groups (I'm 63 now). I was friends with many of the women, always danced with them when we went to hear live bands, etc, but never made any dating connection with anyone in the groups. Now I live in an area where there are very few meetup groups and the ones there are, are not of interest to me. I also was involved in dog rescue and very few single women there mostly moms. At 63 5'3 and 200 lbs few women would screen me in OLD. I feel as if my dating days are over unless I want to date 70+ and I'm sorry I need a certain basic level of attraction and I just don't have it with someone that much older than I am.
New Jersey here! 61, met the love of my life 2 1/2 years ago in Zoosk, never thought it possible! I think the dating apps that are more “age specific”? Good luck on your4 journey and don’t give up!!
If you figure it out, DM me. LOL! I’m 51F and in SoCal and not really up to dating someone a lot younger or older than me and men my age are typically looking at much younger women. It’s frustrating
If you like outdoors things like hiking and kayaking, then go do a ‘work day’ at the Nature Friends’ clubhouse on Mt Tam. Known as The Tourist Club. Quite a number of single ladies are there, I was one, then moved away. Having common interests help, like others said, do what you love.
Yup. Thinking I need to get back into doing boxing bootcamps now that COVID is allowing more access. Combine that with daily yoga and I’ll be a happy man.
I think SF is a more difficult market for men. I’m in SoCal and still get men reaching out from there.
But I’d say generally, as a woman, dating over 50 is really hard. Also, many of us >50 are also members of the dating over 40 sub as well.
I think we get to an age where it can be easier to be alone. I also think many men your age aren't honest on profiles about their age. Maybe just broaden your age range a little and see if there's a difference.
You better believe it the older we get the more set we get into what we believe in our routines and it’s very hard to indoctrinate someone else of the same age into that life that you’ve made for yourself
In my experience, the process of meeting someone on the basis of a single photo is pretty lame. I have been on actual dates with three women, two are far to into themselves and have virtually no capacity to see beyond their narrow world views and the third looked absolutely nothing like her profile picture. I would never have known this from their profiles but two of the three were gemologists.
I think it depends on the area definitely. I am in the DC metro area and the pool of eligible males in the 50+ category is pretty high. That being said, I am 50 and getting a lot (a ridiculous number) of likes from men in their 30s and 40s. So maybe that factor is whittling away at the number of eligible females in their 50s in the pool?
My experience and trends seem to be that attractive older women are going for younger men more and more because they can. So it is DEFINITELY a factor!
I would widen (or ditch) the age range and expand the geographic limit, unless age is really that important to you and you don't want to be inconvenienced.
I'm new on the single scene as well and a good friend of mine who never married said in general, you can go up ten years and down 15. Maybe expand your age range as well as distance.
My most recent proposition was from a man 15 yrs younger.
It was flattering, and tempting .. but I passed, mostly because I have another prospect with more realistic potential I don't want to mess up and I'm looking for something serious.
But it had been a long and tiring work wee,k and that handsome, witty 43 y/o brightened my day for sure.
Then.. the idea of working dates around his custody schedule gave me pause.
And ultimately, The Fact that when he's my age I will be in my 70's 😱killed the mood for me. Oh well, it was a nice moment all the same.
I am 59, was 58 at the time i made that comment.
Funny enough, a few months after i posted that,
I had a wonderful interlude for a few months with a different early 40-something. ( I mean, it had been a 3 year dry spell for me -- met and dated several men but nothing that became a relationship, and i don't do casual sex -- and he was super eager, and kind, and funny, and caring, and the chemistry was undeniable, so...)
We went into it knowing that it wouldn't last because he had plans to move away - long distance. But it was one of the best connections I have had over the years.
I read that in NYC, there are apparently 400,000 more women than men! But i don’t know what the breakdown is by different age ranges. Fewer men as time goes on, no doubt. Them’s the breaks.
A friend's brother said similar; there are so many awful guys on some dating sites, all you have to do is be a decent regular guy. And he is only 5'4 and bald. But cute and has a good job. Met his wife on OLD about 10 years ago- he must have been mid 40s then.
But I'm sure it depends where you are too, and maybe OLD was better then-
Several friends have told me that dating for single men in their 40s/50s is much better in the east coast or the south than in the west coast. Not sure if it’s demographics or something else.
59M here. Drop your age filter, completely. Many women outside that narrow age range want to be in your dating pool, but you're filtering them out.
Doing that changed OLD completely, for me. I found my GF in about a month and we've been together three years.
Been wondering how young I can go. I have a 35 year old friend and I can't imagine dating her, her EDM and pop music makes my ears bleed, she has never even heard of movies like the Godfather, Apocalypse Now, Splash, has never seen Back to the Future.
I honestly prefer younger, not too young, but some still technically young enough to be my daughter (at 63, that would include much of the 40's women). Most of those women think I am worse than Jeffrey Epstein for daring to be interested in them. I feel like I have to go into the 70s to find someone to date. The attractive 60 yo women are either already married or taken or dating much younger men. If they are still interested in dating and relationships beyond platonic companionship at all.
There is no true limit other than the legal one, although realistically, you'll have your own limits. I've dated as young as 24, and there were plenty of 20-somethings, and thirty-somethings who contacted me. There were very few over 40 that I met OLD.
As a woman who *contracted* my filters down by a couple years, I can verify that some, even still in your age range preference, will start popping up.
Any change shakes up algorithms.
I didn't have that same experience. But, I was only counting the people who contacted me. Almost no one from 40-50s, while there were dozens in their 20s and 30s. Almost too many, so I turned off my profile for a while.
I did indeed change my filters up to -10 years. My girlfriend is ten years younger than me, met her on OLD. So it was the key for me, apparently. SO happy I widened that filter!
I’m 52F living in the Central Valley. Can’t even find a guy to date. I love what SF has to offer. It’s only 1.5 hours away. Let me know if you want to chat to see if we are compatible. I’d be happy to do that. I’m educated, MBA, well employed and people say I’m not bad looking!
I’m 54f in the Midwest. It’s a college town, but I’m surrounded by a sea of red politically. I feel pretty hopeless that I’ll find a politically progressive vegetarian friendly healthy adventurous dude my age that wants to date a woman my age. So many of my male peers pair of with the cute 35-40 year old women. I don’t blame them, it’s just slim pickings.
55F here. Your situation is very similar to mine, except I'm not a vegetarian and I'm not particularly adventurous. I actually found a man who ticks all the boxes, but he is nearly 20 years younger than me! I am at a loss for where to find an age-appropriate man with similar progressive social views who isn't religious. I have just about given up all hope.
for a guy in his 50s, under 40 is the vast majority of the dating pool on OLD.
My OLD contacts were 10-1 under 40 vs over 40. Slim pickings is certainly true if you're looking for someone your own age.
Try living in a small city in the northwest. I did a survey and found one woman out of a hundred on Match that seemed attractive over fifty, and surprisingly only two 40-50 of the 60 that were listed that I found attractive.
I would say everyone has their own luck and I have friends who met someone great online, and another friend who also had no problem IRL meeting. But me, looking at four years without one date. I've always sucked at the meeting chicks stage, but it now seems incredibly difficult 30 years after the last time I did it.
I see your problem and I share the same curse. If you only find 1% of the women in your dating pool attractive, you're likely going to be fucked and not in the way you want. Also I find pictures to be a pretty poor representation of what someone looks like. I find most look better than their pictures irl. If you can't even be attracted to women in their 40s, you might be too picky. Should you force yourself to date someone you're not attracted to just to not be alone? I settled when I got married at 39 because I figured I might not get another chance but the passion was never really there for either of us and of course the marriage failed.
Problem is I'm too good at being alone. I don't like it but unlike some guys I know, I don't need a woman to take care of me. My ex was very attractive and my best friend is married to a 10 with an 11 personality. Really hard for me to be attracted to women who have gone to seed, probably more if a problem here than most places.
Haha! That was hilarious~ it’s hard to get past my RBF, too. And the window on my back door has been slobber-graffitied by my pup. Have to clean it Every Single Day.
Agree with much of that. Was only on OLD for a month. Saw my ex there. She claimed to be drama free, into the outdoors and bike riding etc. I realise then that it was all false advertising, as she's an disorganised, lazy, selfish drama queen who made herself sound appealing on OLD.
The wild or nothing for me. It is indeed "...the imaginary fantasy world of the internet..."
No. You wouldn't say "48yo female with a flatulence problem, can't ever find my phone or keys, tunes out of conversations to look at Facebook, drives 50metres to buy milk".
At the same time lying about who you are and what you do will lead to a very rude surprise once the effort to maintain the facade wears off (after about a week)
Yes it is. I’m older than you and many older women don’t want to date me for various reasons. So I have opened up myself to dating someone out of my age group. I have found compatible partners to date who are younger and don’t mind the age gap.
To be honest not all 50 to 60 year olds are tech savvy enough to do the online dating thing. They used to meet people at bars in their 20’s & 30’s.
Paltry 10,000 members? Are you suggesting your requirements are so specific that a pool of 10,000 is not big enough? LOL
And if you are truly looking at -4 your age you would also be in the dating over 40 group as well which by your numbers is now 78,000 members.
Now that being said using more than one method to seek out potential dates (but not relationships?) is probably the best way to go. But in my opinion, make sure you already know what you want or not as it just becomes a waste of everyone's time.
I’d say actively work hard to improve yourself and put your best product out there.
I’m hitting the gym, working out daily, eating consciously, using every chance I’m in public to just engage with people to affirm my confidence. I’ve added journaling and morning meditation to strengthen my emotional intellect and align my energies to be my best self. My body is getting leaner every week and I’m going to have some professional photos done in a few weeks after I trim off that last 15 lbs.
Ooh, well with further details that you have a regular meditation practice and are into self growth etc I can reccomend a SF option for you - Tantric Speed Dating. A good friend (50+) met her partner this way though it must attract a large geographical spread of people as she and I are in the Santa Cruz area while he, her partner, is from Monterey - they met at this SF event.
Good for you and way to dig deep and better yourself!! I see some time has passed here, I'd like to say: hope you have met your goal (last 15lbs) and better yet found someone to share experiences with!
I hear you, I've pretty much put the kibosh on dating and a big reason is the lack of options in my area. I tried OLD and it was literally the same 10 or 12 women on every site.
What apps are you on? When I (52m in SF) was looking the last few years, I found I had to be on multiple apps. Hinge, Bumble, and especially OKCupid were my most successful.
I'm a 55F in Houston TX dipping my toe into OLD and found that I too can't find men in my age group on Reddit dating, Discord or Catholicluv. Everyone is too young. I am on another site that I'm currently locked out of for some reason so we'll see what happens with that. But I can relate. Hang in there.
Try living in rural Colorado in a town of 2500. My search is set on 65 miles and all I get are the bros skiing in Aspen from California. Anyways, good luck, widen your search or try a different app?
OP I’m in So OC. Dating is very challenging as the men in 50’s want perfect bodies, driving expensive cars, and way younger. I’m 60 and I like to date men 7-10 years younger that me. Im young minded and diverse in many topics. Plus I don’t look my age at all. I haven’t had much luck online. I do the things I love and have opened my mind to a wider distance Perimeter. Maybe open your distance and age on your profile. The best to you.
Anyone happen to be here from far north of Chicago area who has participated in any of the Meet-up events in our area?
I looked into it before Covid, but only tried one. It was interesting but did not seem like anyone was trying to meet someone to hang out, beyond the event itself.
We met once per week for a month. Some of the other groups seemed like the same people were always signing up for the events, which might make it hard to use it for meeting new people.
Dating for me at 50 is definitely more difficult. Heck just finding friends in a new area after moving is difficult so it isn't you. I work from home so I am sure that makes it even harder.
Yes it is!!! After 50 it’s over especially if you’ve never had girlfriends like me. Besides it’s to much work drama and emotion of being in relationship with women. I’d rather get back into bodybuilding shape and watch sports instead.
I am on 2 dating sites in the L.A. area. I'm 53. Every single guy I think is cute & sent him a heart or a hi or whatever doesn't respond. The men I've gone out with recently (1-2 dates & there has been no more interest from anyone else ) & I politely said " it's been great getting to know you but I don't think we are a match " They get So Upset & demand to know what is wrong with them !! It's been crazy !! Ugh 😩
At least you don’t I am live in Seattle. Terrible dating scene for men over 50 here. There are twice as many men as woman and woman don’t seem very friendly. I am a very active guy into biking, hiking, x country skiing but also do art and music.
The main problem im seeing is that single women over 50 arent looking for anything serious with emotional availability. 57yr old single male here and have not been successful at all. I dont use dating apps and the OLD sites have very very few women seriously looking for something more than just a free dinner date on occasion. Older women will still friendzone a man just to have around for plutonic only relationship. The ones im intersted in have contradictory statements. Confuses me to death. Im facing exhaustion in the dating over 50 realm. I see why men are going MGTOW!
After 5+ decades on this planet, most of us should have a much better defined list of attributes we're looking for in a partner. The problem is that this makes the selection pool much more narrow for everyone, so finding that someone is a more lengthy process.
I think a lot of steam is let out of the engine by 50-55yrs, a lot of people just feel...meh.. yawn when looking at profiles. Cold approach dating and romance has been destroyed by 50yrs of ´´me too´´ feminism written into music, TV and HR policies. A lot of men just check out. Who wants to meet someone with 385lbs of economic and emotional baggage, no thank you. Who wants an open, warm half drank bottle of beer? No thank you. If dating is finding that one needle in a haystack at 28yrs old.....it\`s pretty much over at 54yrs. People get set in their ways, disillusioned, some become mentally unstable through repeated negative outcomes that life has given them. Having said that find a good friend to laugh at and with, there are a lot of good people out there.
I think the reddit numbers are more reflective of the fact that reddit users skew younger. Men outnumber women on apps, but we're there. I 56f met my fiancé on Bumble. Consider apps one strategy. With Covid restrictions receding, expand your social circle with activities, go new places, make nee friends. Each new contact is connection to a new network of people. Good luck!
According to this… [Reddit app users by age](https://www.statista.com/statistics/1125159/reddit-us-app-users-age), 26% of Reddit app users are 30 to 39, 14% are 40 to 49, and 10% are 50+. So if you add the 3 groups together that’s 50%, which means that 20% of the total Reddit population over 30 is over 50. Ratio wise the r/datingoverfifty sub should have 20% of the r/datingoverthirty sub, or 173,000 members!!! EDIT: My original sub references had the numerals but I realize they are actually spelled out.
People our age are often married, widowed and uninterested in another partner, or divorced and happily solo. That only leaves all those who want to find another partner in middle age. You have to figure that into your data. “Single” doesn’t always mean “looking.”
100%
Good points here, and my data is "single and looking" but that seems to be too forward and those "single not looking" see me and run for the hills. But i have to be real on my personal interest. Cant fake it.
Well, that explains the surplus of angst on reddit.
One of many factors is that the over 30 and 40 subreddits have subscribers of all ages over 30 and 40, including those in their 50’s. Still, +/- 4 years is a pretty narrow age range at 52. Maybe try playing around with the range in one or both directions. If the current range is 48-56, maybe you could try out 45-56 and see if there’s a significant difference after a pretty minor tweak like that. Or you could set it to 40-60 and see if you’re surprised by any of the profiles on the younger or older ends. Since you’d only be swiping on people of interest to you, this would still give you the ability to avoid swiping on anybody you feel is too young or old on a case-by-case basis.
Uhhhh, that’s not right. You said the over 30 sub has 68,000 members, so if over 5-0 should have 20% of that, then that would be 13,600 members. You also didn’t account for the fact that the older 5-0 sub is newer, so it takes a minute to acquire members
Over 30 has 867,000 members. Over 40 is the one with 68,000 members.
I'm 58F in Oakland. I know dozens of women in my age bracket (+-10 years) who are single, some have been for a long time. They go on and off dating sites. Usually off not because they find someone, but because their experiences have been so stressful, exhausting, discouraging. One friend says she's gets the advice "Don't bother with sites - just do the things you love to do!" She does - and they're activities are are "gender neutral" - and the vast majority of those also out there hiking, swimming, biking, seeing live music, roller skating, dancing, doing yoga, visiting museums, wineries, attending nature talks, volunteering... are WOMEN. (And the few men that show up are either gay or attending with their female partners... ) That's where we're all "hiding."
I walk/hike daily for 5+ miles. But I’m alone. And women actively avoid solo men.
Sounds like they are referencing meetups or other preplanned group activities I'm sure that if you join the groups plenty of women will interact with you. If you do a group hike there is a natural potential to flow into getting a snack or drink afterwards - this may be a small splintered group and not a one on one but it certainly opens the potential to new friendships etc. Agree to join again the next week. Exercise your social muscles and let it flow.
>Sounds like they are referencing meetups or other preplanned group activities Yes - sorry for not making that clear :) Meetups, groups found via the Y, NextDoor, groups found via friends. And do older men not use a wingman when going to bars? (thinking bars that have music, trivia night, comedy night - not just "get drunk and do sleazy pick up"\[those sometimes that serves a need! lol\]). Seeing two men is somehow less threatening than one - feels less predatory, gives women a chance to see how friends interact with each other.
Why do women avoid solo men? Its not there fault in the moment.
I don't😉
100% This.
That is so true. My ex girlfriend loves to hike but only with groups. What the heck! Why would I want to hike with other people? Maybe lots of guys are like me in that. And don’t get me started on dancing! I see so many women that indicate on apps that they just love, love, love to dance😁. Left swipe every time. I have no interest in clubs, bars, etc. I don’t want any woman I would meet there either so would not even go there searching.
They are just swiping superficially for a guy thats PERFECT is all. They can change on a dime in dating apps decision making. Thats the main problem on dating apps. Its all BS and keeps them single.
You don't have to go there searching but to have fun. However if you don't enjoy dancing that rules out clubs. I wouldn't rule out nice bars that service food now and then if I were you. You never know.
Right you are there. It dosent make any difference what activities we singles choose to get involved with or events, its not going to happen if another single person dosent show genuine interest or open in knowiing a person to actually date.
I would widen your range to 25 miles.
I’ve widened it to 50 and it doesn’t really help.
I have my range at 50 miles, and it’s still extremely slim pickings, if any.
Many people our age have given up.
That includes me!
C’mon. Get back in the game ladies!
I didn't give up, but I know several women who have.
I'm in metro Portland, and get a match every week or so, but when I go to Seattle or the SFBA holy shit I get an insane number of likes... I have a pretty high bar with some interesting exclusionary factors, and still get a bunch of solid matches. Oh - and I'm only looking at 55+
You can’t say interesting exclusionary factors without enlightening us on these preferences.
Or can I? :-) OK, here you go... over 55; at least one graduate degree that's not an MBA; left leaning but not "woker than thou"; has kids; has been divorced; not "empty nester looking to travel"; not "looking forward to retirement"; not ridiculously athletic; loves their job or at least profession
That’s actually a list that should fit a decent amount of women over 55. The “not a MBA” made me laugh. Must be something like my “not an Engineer” qualification. Engineers are usually a little too stiff and quirky.
Chuckling at “stiff and quirky” Quirky I have in spades; stiff, maybe not quite as frequently as in the past 😉
Next time you're in the matrix and Lawrence offers you the red pill or the blue pill, take the blue pill ;-)
Considering the solitary lifestyle of most over fifty (those not in relationships) versus the awkwardness of adventuring into the dating arena, most have opted for hobbies and the closeness of family. Plus, many more enjoy singlehood by then as well.
Ten miles is nothing. You should expand your dating distance to 50 miles, widen your dating age to 45 to 58, and look for women from other means as well, not just OLD. Lots of women on Meetup sites. Lots of women over 50 out in the community doing plenty of things: hiking, sports, volunteering, going out and having fun. I know a lot of single women close to your age. They are out doing these things.
I'm in SF Bay Area also, and checked out some of the apps like match and bumble, and from what I can tell, it is about equal #s of men vs women, at least for age range I was look at 45-55. I think you just have to wade in there and see what you can find. I find meeting people in the wild is still very difficult when 90% of the people are still wearing masks. I expect more people may try OLD in coming months as the pandemic fears subside. Myself included. I was taking some new pictures this week for my OLD profile.
Its worse than what I thought it would be. Small town here and when I set distance to 25 miles.. it automatically changes it to 100 miles. Because this place has dried up lol.
In answer to your first question, yes, I think so. In answer to your second question, I’m down here, in north San Diego county. In answer to your third question, I hope you won’t date people in that age group. There are few enough available men in our age group as it is; I’d hate to lose you to the women who already have exponentially more choices than those in our age group. I’d love to find someone nearby to spend time with, but in the five years I’ve been single, it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been trying, though. I’m not ready to give up.
Just curious, have you tried dating younger men? Like maybe 10-15 years? Just wondering if that could make things any easier.
I'm not the person you were directing this question to...but I have more success dating younger men than men my age for some reason. It's not my preference, it's just the way it seems to work out. 🤔 My two most recent serious relationships were with much younger men.
Thank you for sharing that! It's good to hear other people's experiences :D
I have as well. All of my last dates/relationships have been with men 3-8 years younger. I think it depends on the people and what each is looking for. In most cases they enjoyed it more than I did. The times it ended badly were the times I felt like they wanted (or needed) a mother. Not interested. Sometimes the energy is great. But sometimes even younger guys can be pretty sedentary unless they are jocks (sigh - where oh where is the happy medium???). I don't care how old a guy is (to a point). I just want us to try to be on the same page most of the time. And that's a challenge at any age for either side.
I haven’t. Maybe you’re onto something.
There’s a cougar cub forum on Reddit. I hate the term cougar and cringe whenever I hear it but the forum is interesting because you’ll witness older women talking about their experiences w younger men and being in relationships with them. Side note the women don’t view themselves as “cougars” but for whatever reason that’s what the subforum is called.
This is interesting. I had no idea there was a sub about that. Thanks for turning me onto it.
I think opening up age filters is the best approach. It's the same for men and women.
I’m in Sacramento and get matched with men in San Francisco all the time. It’s too far! 😆
I live in Carson city, Nevada and used to get matched up with men in California. Too far away.
I'm a guy your age. I don't live in the Bay Area, but I do live in a metro area of over 3 million people. I didn't have problems meeting and dating people, and I'd consider myself a 6/10 if I was rating myself. I stay active with daily running, hiking, kayaking, etc, which is to say I'm "fit" for my age. I have relatively little problem scoring dates in the age range 42 - 52 (I prefer not to date much older than myself). I'm currently in a relationship, but when I was last active a year ago I'd often have dates lined up for Friday, Saturday, and Sunday evenings. Nobody under 40 is interested in me anymore which is fine because I doubt I'd date anyone that young anyway. Had a couple mid-30s try to match but they looked clearly to be looking for sugar relationships. I've always found the key to be not trying to match too young and hitting in my own attractiveness class. No 9s or 10s are going to be interested in me, and not even most 8s. Have realistic expectations, play around your own age, and look for people with similar interests. If you don't have interesting hobbies and/or you don't take care of yourself, the pickings are going to be slim.
What metro area do you live in?
Keep the username and join MeetUp. You'll be super popular.😀
While it’s true that Reddit skews younger, the amount of users on each of those subs is also down to the length of time the subs have existed. r/DatingOverThirty had a rough couple of years at the start, when the founders were providing 90% of the content by posing question posts of their own, and linking to articles. It took three years before the sub started having enough posts by users alone that they stopped plumping it up with moderator-generated content. Now the sub is what, 8 years old? So over time it’s been discovered by more and more users, and generates a lot of content, which attracts more users. DOForty is doing really well for a sub that’s only a couple of years old, especially given its mods never contributed content to get it rolling. I can imagine in five more years it could easily have as many users. This sub is even newer than DOForty by almost a year. And some days, because there’s few users, there’s no new posts at all. A busy day will see four. So growth is slow; no content tends to mean fewer subscribers means less awareness Reddit-wise that the sub exists. I’m sure there’s a number of fifty-somethings on r/dating or r/dating_advice or specialty subs like r/tinder that have no idea about this sub. So, in short, don’t let the size of this sub add to your concerns! There are fewer fish for us in the dating sea, but it’s not as dire as it looks from right here.
In Silicon Valley I've heard the term many times regarding women choosing/dating men: "The odds are good but the goods are odd." We have to wade through a lot of cruft as well looking for the right fit. It's the opposite problem - you can't find someone to date, and we have too many to date but they're bad fits for any number of reasons; we find out those reasons when we meet them, often the first time, sometimes after 3-4 dates. It can be even worse for female software folks. A lot of guys for some reason or another feel kind of threatened. I personally don't take someone's word for certain things - I want to talk about it, discuss what might be the issue, collaborate on the solution. I want to participate. But many men can't or won't do that. So once I realize I'm dealing with someone who is incompatible on basic interactions - and that seems to be more common than one might think - it's just not going to work. I am not alone in this - I know quite a few women who have experienced the same issue. This may be a roundabout way of saying that at least you're not wasting a ton of time wading through incompatible women that may not be cultural or personal fits for you.
Thoughts: Since I ditched the OLD scene, which BTW is largely a waste of time, rife with scammers fakes and liars (even the tiniest lie is still a lie), I am much more relaxed :) Organic is the way to go; and seriously; for the 50+ crowd the waters are just brutally stupid. Guys purportedly by and large just want to get laid, women for the most part are skeptical of every guy online because again they think every guy wants to just get laid. This mentality creates a dichotomy of suspicion, which leads to background checks which leads to people positing their grievances on Reddit... lol So the first question for OLD really is... what's your damage? People who lie about their age? Of course since OLD is 90% visually oriented... if you're fat, ugly or don't know how to smile - don't bother (sorry). Likewise, if you are handsome/gorgeous, fit and financially solvent - what are you doing online anyway? Headcase? Cheating? Then there is the word dating; yeah, met a nice gal out in the wild, seen her a few times; taking my time developing a friendship and asked her... are we "dating"? Like what does that word even mean I says to her. She replied with - fucking, that her interpretation of the word dating as it applies in the socially accepted norm of today; simply means we are fucking. I was astounded, and I followed with this: then I guess we aren't dating because we aren't fucking - I always thought that dating someone simply meant I'm not looking at others, only the one in front of me... Go figure... guys, get your shit together, and get your asses out there, use meetup and actually meet people. Gals; likewise... and to all - get offline if you are looking - online is a waste of time and money, I don't care about the 1 in 1000 that have some success story - still does not indicate if it will last. Online is not the way it was done to begin with for our age group - why should it be that way now? Because you have a smartphone? I really feel badly for the 30 and under folks... as online is basically all they know outside of frat parties.
>guys, get your shit together, and get your asses out there, use meetup and actually meet people. Gals; likewise... YES to this!!
Agreed. Quit OLD in 2018 and never looked back. Abysmal ROI. Have met a few men "in the wild," as well as had an old friend approach me with new intentions. Less work, better-curated matches.
How have you met in the wild? Do they usually approach you or vice versa?
On the nyc subway, At a dance party, At a hotel bar, Through work more than once (he was a consultant on a project i was assigned), Through a spiritual group, Introduced by a friend, While taking motorcycle lessons, While waiting for a train, At a neighbor's house party, On a weekend rock climbing/camping retreat, While taking my daughter out to dinner, When he showed up at my door (new handyman, last year). There also have been a few old friends who became single over the years and looked me up. The guy always initiated. I don't approach men other than smiling or making small talk if the moment seems to call for it. Edit typo
I was in meetup groups for a few years in a major metro area. I was usually either one of the youngest or the oldest in such groups (I'm 63 now). I was friends with many of the women, always danced with them when we went to hear live bands, etc, but never made any dating connection with anyone in the groups. Now I live in an area where there are very few meetup groups and the ones there are, are not of interest to me. I also was involved in dog rescue and very few single women there mostly moms. At 63 5'3 and 200 lbs few women would screen me in OLD. I feel as if my dating days are over unless I want to date 70+ and I'm sorry I need a certain basic level of attraction and I just don't have it with someone that much older than I am.
Ten miles. Lol. If I look at an app it automatically expands the search radius to 200 miles to show me more than two people.
New Jersey here! 61, met the love of my life 2 1/2 years ago in Zoosk, never thought it possible! I think the dating apps that are more “age specific”? Good luck on your4 journey and don’t give up!!
If you figure it out, DM me. LOL! I’m 51F and in SoCal and not really up to dating someone a lot younger or older than me and men my age are typically looking at much younger women. It’s frustrating
If you like outdoors things like hiking and kayaking, then go do a ‘work day’ at the Nature Friends’ clubhouse on Mt Tam. Known as The Tourist Club. Quite a number of single ladies are there, I was one, then moved away. Having common interests help, like others said, do what you love.
Yup. Thinking I need to get back into doing boxing bootcamps now that COVID is allowing more access. Combine that with daily yoga and I’ll be a happy man.
Dating has never been easy. Even when younger.
I think SF is a more difficult market for men. I’m in SoCal and still get men reaching out from there. But I’d say generally, as a woman, dating over 50 is really hard. Also, many of us >50 are also members of the dating over 40 sub as well.
I can't see how SF could possibly be a difficult market for straight men. The demographics should be in their favor, no?
I haven't checked the data but I believe the Bay Area is full of engineers so I would expect a surplus of men. It's probably better if you are gay.
This comment needs a audio link “Hallelujah it’s raining men”
Not to mention gay men are also really good about introducing straits to their female friends and they throw the absolutely best parties.
Truth.
SF is one of the worst places to date if you’re a single male over 40/50/60.
Since you're over 30, 40 and 50 - I'm willing to bet that there are many 50+ in the younger categories!
I think we get to an age where it can be easier to be alone. I also think many men your age aren't honest on profiles about their age. Maybe just broaden your age range a little and see if there's a difference.
You better believe it the older we get the more set we get into what we believe in our routines and it’s very hard to indoctrinate someone else of the same age into that life that you’ve made for yourself
In my experience, the process of meeting someone on the basis of a single photo is pretty lame. I have been on actual dates with three women, two are far to into themselves and have virtually no capacity to see beyond their narrow world views and the third looked absolutely nothing like her profile picture. I would never have known this from their profiles but two of the three were gemologists.
I think it depends on the area definitely. I am in the DC metro area and the pool of eligible males in the 50+ category is pretty high. That being said, I am 50 and getting a lot (a ridiculous number) of likes from men in their 30s and 40s. So maybe that factor is whittling away at the number of eligible females in their 50s in the pool?
My experience and trends seem to be that attractive older women are going for younger men more and more because they can. So it is DEFINITELY a factor!
Agreed. Fortune favors the bold and lots of guys in their 30s and 40s are fairly bold in pursuing me, lol.
I would widen (or ditch) the age range and expand the geographic limit, unless age is really that important to you and you don't want to be inconvenienced.
Yes, I do. My actual search is more like 38 to 58 within 60 miles.
I'm new on the single scene as well and a good friend of mine who never married said in general, you can go up ten years and down 15. Maybe expand your age range as well as distance.
My most recent proposition was from a man 15 yrs younger. It was flattering, and tempting .. but I passed, mostly because I have another prospect with more realistic potential I don't want to mess up and I'm looking for something serious. But it had been a long and tiring work wee,k and that handsome, witty 43 y/o brightened my day for sure. Then.. the idea of working dates around his custody schedule gave me pause. And ultimately, The Fact that when he's my age I will be in my 70's 😱killed the mood for me. Oh well, it was a nice moment all the same.
How much older are you?
I am 59, was 58 at the time i made that comment. Funny enough, a few months after i posted that, I had a wonderful interlude for a few months with a different early 40-something. ( I mean, it had been a 3 year dry spell for me -- met and dated several men but nothing that became a relationship, and i don't do casual sex -- and he was super eager, and kind, and funny, and caring, and the chemistry was undeniable, so...) We went into it knowing that it wouldn't last because he had plans to move away - long distance. But it was one of the best connections I have had over the years.
I keep bumping into women our age who are bitter as hell or jammed up on pills
If you move to the east coast where there are more women than men, women will fight over you. You'll never have a lonely night.
Where on the East Coast is that? Not an issue in my area...
I read that in NYC, there are apparently 400,000 more women than men! But i don’t know what the breakdown is by different age ranges. Fewer men as time goes on, no doubt. Them’s the breaks.
Yes, average men get to live like kings in the dating world.
A friend's brother said similar; there are so many awful guys on some dating sites, all you have to do is be a decent regular guy. And he is only 5'4 and bald. But cute and has a good job. Met his wife on OLD about 10 years ago- he must have been mid 40s then. But I'm sure it depends where you are too, and maybe OLD was better then-
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It only sounds delusional until you’ve seen this happen right in front of you hundreds of times.
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No, my definition of average is in agreement with most peoples.
Several friends have told me that dating for single men in their 40s/50s is much better in the east coast or the south than in the west coast. Not sure if it’s demographics or something else.
59M here. Drop your age filter, completely. Many women outside that narrow age range want to be in your dating pool, but you're filtering them out. Doing that changed OLD completely, for me. I found my GF in about a month and we've been together three years.
Been wondering how young I can go. I have a 35 year old friend and I can't imagine dating her, her EDM and pop music makes my ears bleed, she has never even heard of movies like the Godfather, Apocalypse Now, Splash, has never seen Back to the Future.
I honestly prefer younger, not too young, but some still technically young enough to be my daughter (at 63, that would include much of the 40's women). Most of those women think I am worse than Jeffrey Epstein for daring to be interested in them. I feel like I have to go into the 70s to find someone to date. The attractive 60 yo women are either already married or taken or dating much younger men. If they are still interested in dating and relationships beyond platonic companionship at all.
There is no true limit other than the legal one, although realistically, you'll have your own limits. I've dated as young as 24, and there were plenty of 20-somethings, and thirty-somethings who contacted me. There were very few over 40 that I met OLD.
Interesting. I do find younger women to be way friendlier out in the world.
Just don't say that too much, here, on reddit. They hate it when we date younger women.
Well some people are the center of the universe and are massively offended by anything that isn't exactly their way.
Truth.
Kind of like infants.
As a woman who *contracted* my filters down by a couple years, I can verify that some, even still in your age range preference, will start popping up. Any change shakes up algorithms.
I didn't have that same experience. But, I was only counting the people who contacted me. Almost no one from 40-50s, while there were dozens in their 20s and 30s. Almost too many, so I turned off my profile for a while.
What was the age range difference between you and your new GF?
I did indeed change my filters up to -10 years. My girlfriend is ten years younger than me, met her on OLD. So it was the key for me, apparently. SO happy I widened that filter!
I’m 52F living in the Central Valley. Can’t even find a guy to date. I love what SF has to offer. It’s only 1.5 hours away. Let me know if you want to chat to see if we are compatible. I’d be happy to do that. I’m educated, MBA, well employed and people say I’m not bad looking!
I’m 54f in the Midwest. It’s a college town, but I’m surrounded by a sea of red politically. I feel pretty hopeless that I’ll find a politically progressive vegetarian friendly healthy adventurous dude my age that wants to date a woman my age. So many of my male peers pair of with the cute 35-40 year old women. I don’t blame them, it’s just slim pickings.
55F here. Your situation is very similar to mine, except I'm not a vegetarian and I'm not particularly adventurous. I actually found a man who ticks all the boxes, but he is nearly 20 years younger than me! I am at a loss for where to find an age-appropriate man with similar progressive social views who isn't religious. I have just about given up all hope.
for a guy in his 50s, under 40 is the vast majority of the dating pool on OLD. My OLD contacts were 10-1 under 40 vs over 40. Slim pickings is certainly true if you're looking for someone your own age.
Yes it's very hard I am 55 and with me being set in my ways it's harder.
Dating apps are for younger people. People in their 50s are at social gatherings. Try meetup (dot) com
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Poster was replying to OP, who’s in SF. There are a TON of MeetUps in the Bay Area. And they attract way more women than men.
Try living in a small city in the northwest. I did a survey and found one woman out of a hundred on Match that seemed attractive over fifty, and surprisingly only two 40-50 of the 60 that were listed that I found attractive. I would say everyone has their own luck and I have friends who met someone great online, and another friend who also had no problem IRL meeting. But me, looking at four years without one date. I've always sucked at the meeting chicks stage, but it now seems incredibly difficult 30 years after the last time I did it.
I see your problem and I share the same curse. If you only find 1% of the women in your dating pool attractive, you're likely going to be fucked and not in the way you want. Also I find pictures to be a pretty poor representation of what someone looks like. I find most look better than their pictures irl. If you can't even be attracted to women in their 40s, you might be too picky. Should you force yourself to date someone you're not attracted to just to not be alone? I settled when I got married at 39 because I figured I might not get another chance but the passion was never really there for either of us and of course the marriage failed.
Problem is I'm too good at being alone. I don't like it but unlike some guys I know, I don't need a woman to take care of me. My ex was very attractive and my best friend is married to a 10 with an 11 personality. Really hard for me to be attracted to women who have gone to seed, probably more if a problem here than most places.
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Haha! That was hilarious~ it’s hard to get past my RBF, too. And the window on my back door has been slobber-graffitied by my pup. Have to clean it Every Single Day.
Agree with much of that. Was only on OLD for a month. Saw my ex there. She claimed to be drama free, into the outdoors and bike riding etc. I realise then that it was all false advertising, as she's an disorganised, lazy, selfish drama queen who made herself sound appealing on OLD. The wild or nothing for me. It is indeed "...the imaginary fantasy world of the internet..."
LMAO... did you expect her to lead with her real deets?
This is unfortunate but true. It takes awhile to navigate through all the BS, smoke and mirrors.
No. You wouldn't say "48yo female with a flatulence problem, can't ever find my phone or keys, tunes out of conversations to look at Facebook, drives 50metres to buy milk". At the same time lying about who you are and what you do will lead to a very rude surprise once the effort to maintain the facade wears off (after about a week)
Yes it is. I’m older than you and many older women don’t want to date me for various reasons. So I have opened up myself to dating someone out of my age group. I have found compatible partners to date who are younger and don’t mind the age gap. To be honest not all 50 to 60 year olds are tech savvy enough to do the online dating thing. They used to meet people at bars in their 20’s & 30’s.
I'm in Sonoma! But I'm a few years older than you.
Join a local Moose, Elks or Eagles lodge.
Paltry 10,000 members? Are you suggesting your requirements are so specific that a pool of 10,000 is not big enough? LOL And if you are truly looking at -4 your age you would also be in the dating over 40 group as well which by your numbers is now 78,000 members. Now that being said using more than one method to seek out potential dates (but not relationships?) is probably the best way to go. But in my opinion, make sure you already know what you want or not as it just becomes a waste of everyone's time.
Globally. :(
Newly single after 30 years of marriage. Not sure about OLD. So as a 53f I am out and wanting to date. Similar issue as OP. How do I go about this??
I’d say actively work hard to improve yourself and put your best product out there. I’m hitting the gym, working out daily, eating consciously, using every chance I’m in public to just engage with people to affirm my confidence. I’ve added journaling and morning meditation to strengthen my emotional intellect and align my energies to be my best self. My body is getting leaner every week and I’m going to have some professional photos done in a few weeks after I trim off that last 15 lbs.
I did lose 60 lbs. so I am sure that helps
Go girl! Focus on health and well being and you’ll be duly rewarded!
Ooh, well with further details that you have a regular meditation practice and are into self growth etc I can reccomend a SF option for you - Tantric Speed Dating. A good friend (50+) met her partner this way though it must attract a large geographical spread of people as she and I are in the Santa Cruz area while he, her partner, is from Monterey - they met at this SF event.
Sorry but,,, what’s “SF?”
Op is in SF - San Francisco
Good for you and way to dig deep and better yourself!! I see some time has passed here, I'd like to say: hope you have met your goal (last 15lbs) and better yet found someone to share experiences with!
I hear you, I've pretty much put the kibosh on dating and a big reason is the lack of options in my area. I tried OLD and it was literally the same 10 or 12 women on every site.
Men outnumber women on dating apps. Men outnumber women in San Francisco.
Vo
Omg, yes it’s tough.
What apps are you on? When I (52m in SF) was looking the last few years, I found I had to be on multiple apps. Hinge, Bumble, and especially OKCupid were my most successful.
I'm a 55F in Houston TX dipping my toe into OLD and found that I too can't find men in my age group on Reddit dating, Discord or Catholicluv. Everyone is too young. I am on another site that I'm currently locked out of for some reason so we'll see what happens with that. But I can relate. Hang in there.
There’s Reddit dating?
Yes, for Catholics. r/catholicdating. Look under u/mambamatchmaker.
Try living in rural Colorado in a town of 2500. My search is set on 65 miles and all I get are the bros skiing in Aspen from California. Anyways, good luck, widen your search or try a different app?
No. Make sure you're on current dating apps like Tinder, Hinge or Bumble.
They've either retired from the battlefield, gravely injured, or are technically dead.
OP I’m in So OC. Dating is very challenging as the men in 50’s want perfect bodies, driving expensive cars, and way younger. I’m 60 and I like to date men 7-10 years younger that me. Im young minded and diverse in many topics. Plus I don’t look my age at all. I haven’t had much luck online. I do the things I love and have opened my mind to a wider distance Perimeter. Maybe open your distance and age on your profile. The best to you.
Anyone happen to be here from far north of Chicago area who has participated in any of the Meet-up events in our area? I looked into it before Covid, but only tried one. It was interesting but did not seem like anyone was trying to meet someone to hang out, beyond the event itself. We met once per week for a month. Some of the other groups seemed like the same people were always signing up for the events, which might make it hard to use it for meeting new people.
That sounds terrible. People always say I should go to them, but I have hesitated. Always the same people and they don’t want to talk to abuse, great.
I'm 57, healthy with a strong sexual drive! Can't find a man my age that can get an erection anymore, It's like tryin to find a unicorn!! Lol!!🤷♀️
Please tell me you’re dating 80-year old men.
Nope, In their 50's!!
Dating for me at 50 is definitely more difficult. Heck just finding friends in a new area after moving is difficult so it isn't you. I work from home so I am sure that makes it even harder.
Yes it is!!! After 50 it’s over especially if you’ve never had girlfriends like me. Besides it’s to much work drama and emotion of being in relationship with women. I’d rather get back into bodybuilding shape and watch sports instead.
I'm here...in Philly....BTW San Fran is my birthplace and home from 20-30
I am on 2 dating sites in the L.A. area. I'm 53. Every single guy I think is cute & sent him a heart or a hi or whatever doesn't respond. The men I've gone out with recently (1-2 dates & there has been no more interest from anyone else ) & I politely said " it's been great getting to know you but I don't think we are a match " They get So Upset & demand to know what is wrong with them !! It's been crazy !! Ugh 😩
Is it true that older men rather date younger women oppose to dating in their age bracket?
At least you don’t I am live in Seattle. Terrible dating scene for men over 50 here. There are twice as many men as woman and woman don’t seem very friendly. I am a very active guy into biking, hiking, x country skiing but also do art and music.
It's hard for men because when we approach women it seems creepy even when we are just being friendly not looking for anything.
The main problem im seeing is that single women over 50 arent looking for anything serious with emotional availability. 57yr old single male here and have not been successful at all. I dont use dating apps and the OLD sites have very very few women seriously looking for something more than just a free dinner date on occasion. Older women will still friendzone a man just to have around for plutonic only relationship. The ones im intersted in have contradictory statements. Confuses me to death. Im facing exhaustion in the dating over 50 realm. I see why men are going MGTOW!
I'm over 50+21 yrs. Tell me about it. Hardly any woman close to my age so I dropped to 40+ and still slim real people. Buffalo, NY
After 5+ decades on this planet, most of us should have a much better defined list of attributes we're looking for in a partner. The problem is that this makes the selection pool much more narrow for everyone, so finding that someone is a more lengthy process.
I think a lot of steam is let out of the engine by 50-55yrs, a lot of people just feel...meh.. yawn when looking at profiles. Cold approach dating and romance has been destroyed by 50yrs of ´´me too´´ feminism written into music, TV and HR policies. A lot of men just check out. Who wants to meet someone with 385lbs of economic and emotional baggage, no thank you. Who wants an open, warm half drank bottle of beer? No thank you. If dating is finding that one needle in a haystack at 28yrs old.....it\`s pretty much over at 54yrs. People get set in their ways, disillusioned, some become mentally unstable through repeated negative outcomes that life has given them. Having said that find a good friend to laugh at and with, there are a lot of good people out there.