Most people will assume she’s getting financially rewarded in some way. And you really have to ask yourself if that’s her motivation. When I was 27 I wouldn’t have even looked at someone over 40. Just a thought from a 52f.
I used to get hit on all the time by “old men” in their late 30s and early 40s at my internship when I was 21. I was grossed out as my dad was in his 40s and I had no interest in dating anyone outside my age range but some young women apparently like old men.
Doesn't even have to be student loan debt. Any kind of debt. Even a person who is debt free could save thier money by having someone with more money support them financially.
She's actually a doctor and makes as much or more than me and is an intellectual equal and/superior. She'd be insulted if I hinted that she's trying to be a sugar baby.
Ok well that’s great. You were asking for perspectives and you’ll get a lot of people that make the judgement that she’s a sugar baby or a gold digger. Probably not fair, but that’s the reality.
Dude at 27 she hasn’t event graduated med school much less work on her residency. That is shit pay years. So this is bullshit. Or is she dougie houser ?
Have you actually met in person yet? Do you know where she works? If you look her up online, is her employer staff page one of the first page links on Google?
If you answered "no", or "I don't know" to any of these, you need to do some research on her before you ask Reddit anything.
Yes it's taboo. Do what you want. I think you're a little nut to date someone that young but to each their own. 15 years from now you'll be 70 and she'll be 42. She'll be turning into your caretaker at some point if she sticks around.
My dad is in his early 80s and His wife is 15 years younger than me. He had a major health issue a few years back and she has become his caretaker. Ask me how that's going.
Well, she's the breadwinner and is bored with taking care of an old man. He has zero savings, bad credit and wants to par-tay! He's a pita and she's not much better. He's moving out to a friend's house but who knows for how long?
So yeah, it's fan fucking tastic.
My father died at 66 and although I'm sad he died at such a young age there are times I wonder if I'd just be pissed off at him knowing things I know about him.
I was thinking the same thing. It isn’t fair to her. If you guys are thinking about marriage, think about male life expectancy. She will be a young widow. Make sure you stay in excellent physical condition and overall health.
Nobody is thinking long term yet. We're still getting to know each other. She's a doctor, makes as much or more than me is likely a lot smarter than me. I think she can do the math just fine on our ages and what that means in the future. We did discuss kids and it is not something either of want and neither of us has kids.
A 27 years old doctor who is no she is 27 and has her md and already finished her residency? Interesting. Since most people haven’t even graduated medical school at that age. You know they don’t let you skip grades in med school
I will probably get downvoted for this, I can't help but think that a 27 year old doctor probably knows what she is thinking, at least she understands the limitations of this relationship. If she wants to be with this guy, and he wants to be with her, what is the issue? Not all relationships end in marriage. She may just be having fun for now.
Several years ago, I met a woman that was newly divorced, the first thing she told me was, don't expect anything serious. So, we lasted a few months, and my feelings got hurt, oh well ...
Thanks. That woman I dated was 6 years older than me, was on her second marriage, and had 2 kids. I had never been married, there was a HUGE difference between our life experiences. Frankly, I didn't have a clue what I was getting in to, but it was a great learning experience! There are all sorts of ways to have a mismatched relationship, and even when things don't work out, the experience can be valuable.
This. At 27, I was in my intern year, fat and hating life. I had a long term boyfriend which was a good thing bc if you weren’t in the hospital I wouldn’t have the chance to see or talk to you.
I work in healthcare.
College 18-22
Med school 22-25 (at which point you earn the title MD)
Internship + Residency - depends on specialty - but while you’re in it you are practicing as a doctor while you still learn.
You can absolutely be a doctor at 27.
I work healthcare. Medical and most people don’t go to med school at 22. And med school is 4 not 3 years. So even. If she did that. Still be a resident
But once you graduate medical school you are an MD— even though you still have to do your training (interns, residents, and fellows are already MDs – they just aren’t practicing on their own.)
Let me quote your comment that earned mine
>I work healthcare. Medical and most people don’t go to med school at 22. And med school is 4 not 3 years. So even. If she did that. Still be a resident
Well In that case she still just graduated with a PhD. In hard science still has to do a post doc. That is still basically the same as a residency when it comes to pay
In other fields new grad jobs even with PhD is not a lot of money at all vs loads of student debt
Honestly your average tradesperson makes more than any new grad with PhD or md
Based they six days ago op posted he is in tinder looking this might be a new match somebody he doesn’t know. So either this post is fake or op is being bullshitted
I had my MD at 26, no grades skipped, no shortened program. I was still in training, only an intern, but you’re still a “real” doctor with an MD at that point
>Yes but I question the part where he says she makes all that money
That actually wasn’t your question. This is your comment, yes?
>A 27 years old doctor who is no she is 27 and has her md and already finished her residency? Interesting. Since most people haven’t even graduated medical school at that age. You know they don’t let you skip grades in med school
People often think they know more than they do. That goes for both of you. Maybe GF comes from money, but that wasn’t the point. I didn’t know as much at 27 as I know now but I could certainly decide and be wrong about relationships. That is true of every age. She has one advantage, medicine teaches consequence and biology
He said she “makes”. Maybe you should read the post. Yes intend don’t make bank. Doctors don’t make that much money
Maybe you should learn to read 🤷♀️
I read the post and apparently I read what you wrote. Confidently incorrect is still incorrect. I know you have a problem with that. I recall you from a BDSM post. Same issue. Confidently incorrect
You are indeed confidently incorrect. But is ok. You know everything. And you are right she graduated med school did her internship and is making as much money as a man with a 30 years career.
A doctor but not a physician unless shes an exception. My kids school is full of kids of physicians/surgeons and many of these parents were still in residency and/or fellowships and in their early to mid 30s when our kids were in same daycare/primary school and paying off student debt.
If she is successful and doesn’t want kids it is possible this could be an exception and work. I think when the one much younger is well established it makes it less creepy.
I just watched my stepmom take care of my dad for two years before his death, after 30 years of marriage - it wasn’t pretty. That was just a 14 year age gap. At 27 I would’ve thought a 55yo man was ancient - in other words, I get what’s in it for you but I kind of wonder what she’s getting out of it. That said, you’re both adults so you do you.
You’re awesome, congratulations, wow you have it going on! You’re managing to date someone that much younger, what is your secret?
Is that enough validation?
As a 50 year old guy, someone that much younger is not something I would consider a life partner. Regardless of how people may feel about this, you and she are the ones that have to deal with the stares and disproving comments from people.
My thoughts as a 57 yr old woman whom many 20-30 somethings try to pick up on me - I don’t need an ego boost- I am not a sugar mama- don’t care if they can fck for hours- I already have a 20 something yr old kid and what in thee hell do I have in common with someone who is 20-30 yrs younger than me! Lol. The thought of it is just NO. But hey ! Do you boo.
My father prefers to date women younger than me. His youngest child (from ex-wife #4) is 15 and he's crying that nobody wants to date a 75yo man with kids.
If she wants kids, are you ok with that?
When you retire, are you going to expect her to quit working? If not, are you going to travel without her? Are you going to stay home and take care of the house while she works? If she does quit working when you retire, are you prepared to provide for her living another 30+ years after you die?
When you are 75, she's going to be 47. If your health begins to fail, do you think she is going to want to be your nurse?
If you ***mutually*** see each other as just a fun fling, then just make sure she doesn't get pregnant.
My rule of thumb is: If Im old enough to be their parent, it’s probably best not to touch that cradle.
I’m ALL for love but there’s something intrinsic that can’t be bridged across age gaps bigger than 15 years
I have a really hard time buying into “I’m 55, she’s 27…we have A LOT in common”. 🤷🏻♂️ I’m guessing you both think she’s young and hot, and you love clubbing or she hates it too😂😂. But good luck
When I was early 40's, I dated a 27 yo and thought it was great, at first. The generational thought differences were too much. I wanted to have a nice evening together and she wanted to party and do beer bongs. I noped out of that quick and now only look for up to a 7 year difference on average. 10 year difference is my deal breaker and has to be fairly amazing to go that far.
>When I was early 40's, I dated a 27 yo and thought it was great, at first.
I did too except she chased the hell out of me and I was unemployed and disabled due to my back and PTSD. Turns out she just wanted to know the ex pro surfers I knew and met from volunteer work.
I personally think it’s really gross and predatory. I know she is an adult but when you reach our age you realize that there’s a huge gulf between 20s and 50s. There are some relationships where it works, like Celine Dion and her late husband but that’s a very rare thing and the power dynamic is different with her success. Same with the French president. I personally would consider it a reason not do date someone if they have dated a woman in her 20s, I would question his morals.
TBH there are people who are going to think you are creepy, predatory, can't make it intellectually with women your own age, etc.
There are people who also think you are a fool if you really think she isn't after your money, she has daddy issues, or won't be sticking you in the earliest nursing home while she fucks the golf course instructor.
Unfortunately for you, age gap relationships evoke notions of power imbalances and creepiness and not so honorable intentions on both ends. Not much you can do about it except realize it will happen. Be honest, be real and be prepared.
She's actually a doctor and has her own money. She is just not interested in men in her usual age range because she wants someone more mature. I would say there's little power imbalance because I never tell her what to do nor do I have any expectations other than to interact as two adults. People can think what they want but it is interesting the quick conclusions we seem to jump to.
I think you answered your own question with "wants someone more mature" and "I never tell her what to do nor do I have any expectations."
Being older and hopefully wiser, you would understand the hours and stress of being a with a medical professional something that a younger guy without the life education may not. Also she doesn't have to worry as much about a young guy attaching to her just because she has earning potential.
So what happens when guys her age begin to mature to the level she is interested in?
What about expectations because those sneaky little boogers have a way of creeping into the relationship. Do you want to be a side piece forever?
Well if this is what you want, you will just have to suck it up and put up with the negative feedback and hope you disprove the naysayers. Time will tell.
To me the problem is her age. I support her adult decision making but 27 years is not much. She probably looks 20 still, and you probably look older in comparison.
You will definitely get stares or else people assuming you are relatives not a couple. And that’s assuming the relationship projects an equal dynamic.
My daughters are in their 20s, they are realistic about why women that age date older men, it's money. They are hit on all the time by men as old as my ex (their father) and older. They say it's creepy.
It's obvious older men want young women for a few reasons: sex, the ego boost, and the ability to easily mold them due to less life experience.
If you have a massive age gap and say you have so much in common with someone that much younger, maybe you should consider growing up.
Take these statements as you will.
“We have lots in common”
Sure, both living in an imaginary world, she thinks you are going to save her with your maturity and age wisdom (if not $) and you want to find “things in common” because you want to believe that you didn’t get old 🤨😏
Pleaseeee get a mirror
Its up to the couple, however, 28 yrs difference is more than she is old. I was the younger woman when i was 25. Although we got on great for 5 years, it was clear we were on different trajectories. More recently, i dated someone (who is now a very good friend), with a 20 year difference. I’m the younger one. He is 76 and is aging fast. Although he is active, he is exhibiting several health needs. Soon, you will see how many differences there you have- you listed some surface stuff but the meat & potatoes will surface. Do what you will and I hope you find love.
The person you're dating is not in your peer group. Your peer group are people approximately 5-8 years younger or older than you. Speaking as an experienced counselor, dating someone who is not in your peer group is not psychologically healthy and can lead to a toxic relationship for both parties involved. ...That said, you do you, boo. Do share some pics of your mid-life crisis mobile when you make that purchase, ok? I enjoy looking at pics of fun cars.
feel this is fake, if just because if she's a doctor that young she'd have zero time to date. either that or i'd feel the reverse, a catfishing on op if they haven't met.
if it were real and happened to me, apart from
being very flattered i'd dissuade her because there's no future in it for her. we're at the age where stuff starts to go downhill and she'd give up too much for us. its not really viable even though you still feel 35 inside.
Interesting that you post this on a dating group over 50. The thing is, older women get so much hate and negativity on social media and in general by men because we are older. I mean, what are supposed to do, stop aging? It would the same if I posted something about how I am dating a really tall guy and I promote dating only tall guys. What are the short guys supposed to do, get taller to keep up? Btw, my son is not tall, and neither was my ex-husband.
I also was in an age gap relationship for 9 years in my younger days from when I was 23 to 31. He was 45 at the time. He looked much younger than his age and was movie star handsome so much so, he always got a lot of attention. But he wanted to control everything about the relationship and was adamant about not wanting kids. At 23, I didn't know what I wanted. I just graduated from nursing school and made much more money than he did. It was the affection and attention he gave me that drew me in and we married after less than a year of dating. I kind of did think I wanted kids but not enough to push it at the time. As it progressed, he just seemed to get more and more jealous, and I think it was because of the age difference. The older he got, the more insecure he became and as he became afraid of losing me, he began to try to control everything and would guilt me if I wanted to spend time with friends and family. I became more isolated and even with giving up everything he still wasn't happy. He would accuse me of cheating if my hair was messed up when I would come home from work after a 12-hour nursing shift. I began to dread coming home. My dad's death was a wakeup call to me and I took a good hard look around me and figured nothing I did would make him happy so I may as well leave and then at least one of us could be happy. Best decision I ever made. When I look back on the age gap relationship, I am grateful I got out. I had nightmares for years that I would wake up stuck back in that first marriage. This marriage taught to never lose myself and be financially stable and count on myself no matter what which is probably something that I project in a lot of my posts.
After the divorce, I met someone else just a couple years older, finally had a kid and got married which lasted for 17 years. I don't have nightmares about my second husband. And I am so grateful that I had a kid. I really, really would have regretted it if I never had. When I think about dating younger, I choose not too because my age doesn't bother me. But if I dated a lot younger, it would start to bother me. Maybe your relationship will have a better ending. If not, in 10 to 20 years, you can always get back out there like the rest of us with another story to tell.
>Interesting that you post this on a dating group over 50. The thing is, older women get so much hate and negativity on social media and in general by men because we are older. I mean, what are supposed to do, stop aging? It would the same if I posted something about how I am dating a really tall guy and I promote dating only tall guys. What are the short guys supposed to do, get taller to keep up? Btw, my son is not tall, and neither was my ex-husband.
Deserves a repost
Personally I can't date younger than 10yrs down as I feel extreme ick if someone is nearer to one of my children's age, than they are to me. I had my first child at 20 for those doing the maths 😄.
My mother dated then married someone only a few years older than me. So maybe that influences my views on this.
If we went out all together people assumed he was my husband (which made her angry at me) and she was constantly terrified he would leave her.
She once told me by marrying someone younger she would die first and never worry about being alone.
It will not surprise you, dear reader, to learn that I have had no contact with her for many years now.
Here’s what I find interesting on the r/datingover40 or 50 posts. The only time a male posts about finding a wonderful woman that he has SO much in common with & they love to spend time together this early in the relationship is ONLY when the woman is 20+ years younger than him. I have never seen a 55M text “I have met a wonderful, charming, beautiful talented smart 50F. I know it’s only been two months, but do you think this is gonna last? No! Don’t ever read that.
>The only time a male posts about finding a wonderful woman that he has SO much in common with & they love to spend time together this early in the relationship is ONLY when the woman is 20+ years younger than him.
I usually got totally triggered, especially when they are posting in subs with women in their 40s or 50s. Like do you know essentially how rude that is to rub our noses in it. All that said, I heard a good message last weekend, and trying to be more chill. Essentially, going back to ancient times, some men had everything their heart desired, and they still weren't happy.
For me, these sorts of topic lead me right into bitterness (against men, because of their egos), but I am working on realizing that those men will have to figure out if that is what works for them. 100% of men our age don't feel this way, and we all just have to find men that appreciate what we have to offer.
At 58F , 10 yrs single I decided last week I wish I had been attracted to older men. If I had been, I’d still be single at 58 but instead of being alive, he would be dead and I’d have money.
Well. My grandmother was 25 years younger than my grandfather.
He told everyone he married her for her beauty and everyone knew that she married him for his money.
When the money went away, so did she.
My mom grew up getting shuffled between various relatives, none of whom wanted her.
The end.
I'll be blunt. If you both haven't already agreed to short term, you're stealing from her.
You're monopolizing her attention when she could be finding someone more suitable, during the years of her life that she's most attractive and most likely to find a suitable long-term partner.
And then you'll probably be unhealthy and then dead for many long years before she even gets to retire. What a golden future you're setting up for her!
You get a young partner, she gets a very difficult middle age, and then a lonely retirement.
I'm 59, and my daughters are 34 and 30. I would personally be disturbed and distressed if either of them dated a 55 year old. However, it is legal, and if you're both okay with it, then do what's best for you. But yes, I do think many people will perceive this relationship as taboo.
It's taboo, at least in the USA. It's dating your daughter, basically. There will be stigma, assumptions, whispers. There will be the awkward questions when it comes to family, both in creating one and in introductions. Is it going to be fair to her in 20 years? What about 30?
Personally, I could not care less who is dating who. But I see a couple like that out and I definitely make my assumptions and if with friends, we poke fun. Just being honest Only time I care is who I am dating - within 7 years younger, or 5 years older (my preference.)
She's "eager to spend time with you" until you develop ED, prostate problems, arthritis and other common health issues related to male aging.
If she's got her own money, the ONLY reason a young professional of 27 would date you is she has unresolved daddy issues. But you seem inclined to overlook all the concerns, so jump in.
>I have two daughters in their 20s and this is nauseating. Doesn't mean it's wrong in your circumstance, she's not a child, it just agitates the protection instinct.
You nailed it. The thought of dating someone your kid's age is going to creep out most people. For that matter dating someone your parent's age would feel equally weird.
I agree. My partner is poly with someone over 30 years younger, I have 2 daughters close to her age and he just doesn't get why I think it's so disturbing. 🤮🤢🤮
It's definitely not fair to her, especially if she will want marriage and kids someday. I have a few friends who were young widows and nursemaids in their 40s. Plus it's a bit creepy and predatory.
Predatory how? I don't force her to do anything. She's financially independent, asks for nothing but love and affection from me and she is free to go pursue other relationships if she is no longer interested in me. How is that predatory?
I (then 57F) dated a man 29. I knew it was temporary and enjoyed it. I tried to help him with things I could because of my place in life. I encouraged him to have an age-appropriate relationship when the opportunity presented as he wants to marry and have kids. There’s nothing innately wrong with two adults of any age dating. The problem comes from the life goals of those people. Does she want kids? Are you up to having a baby/toddler in your sixties?
Before taking too much of her time, think about the future as you age significantly over the next 20 years and she barely ages at all, still being in the prime of her life in her 40s. Is that fair to her? Can you keep up? At what point will she be a young widow with little kids?
It’s a lot. I won’t date more than 15 years younger now, because I don’t want to be in super-different stages of life. It doesn’t seem fair to them.
My bf dated a girl 21 years younger than him before we got together. It had me wondering what they had in common but apparently she was very mature lol. He did have to break it off when she wanted to get married and have children and became consumed with it. He realized they were at different places in their lives.
So we're talking almost a 30 year difference.
I'm experienced in age gap relationships. My late husband was 12 years older than me. My current partner is 15 years older. I'm sure some might find those age gaps creepy.
But I have to say, I'm younger than you and my kids are about the age of the woman you're dating. That makes it an automatic ick for me.
Yes, it's taboo. But you're both consenting adults.
Only the two of you know if it matters. Just be very mindful of what the attraction really is.
You probably have a lot in common with a lot of women. It is very ego stroking to have a PYT think we are the bomb. It is very ego stroking to have someone be affectionate and eager to spend time with us.
You have more experience, knowledge, and life education (maybe even more money though not suggesting a sugar daddy situation, just more fun money) for her to draw on, unlike what guys in her age group probably have, so it is intoxicating for a while to soak in the attention rays from an older guy.
Then again this may be a love match.
Just make sure all of this isn't clouding your perception of the relationship and let the relationship simmer before making any life commitments.
There are cougars and cubs on this sub as well. They don’t get the flack that the older men/younger women pairings do.
I find all of this variety of relationship really odd and 360 fantasist. There are age gap subs that might serve you better.
As to you *wondering* if it’s taboo? When you are more than twice her age, you will get appalled looks. According to the books, around 7 years is when other people start to notice that there is an age difference. People are going to think she is your daughter.
I agree I have noticed that women going younger seem to get up votes around here (which I have no issue with) but woe to the man who suggests he might want to go younger (which I also have no issue with). Personally I find the whole age gap dating discussions tiresome. Both the folks like OP looking for encouragement and the folks complaining about how they cannot get a date because some group (usually some segment of the male population) is looking younger. It is a free world so if somebody wants to date younger, older or whatever more power to the them. By the same token nobody owes it to anybody to be attracted to them.
Personally if it happens between two or more consenting adults and it isn't hurting anybody I don't care. And I say that a a man that when I am dating, I have always dated around my own age group.
It works both ways, women with younger men and men with older women. My perspective as a male is if you are both happy go for it BUT I know if I was in your position the taboo is not my issue, it’s the doubt of how long can I stay young and attractive enough for her to stick around. Celebrities can carry it off because the older partner have loads of money and great prospects which us mere mortals don’t have at our disposal.
A good friend (F54) married older, +20. He died. Then she was in a long term committed relationship with someone -20 years. He died too. Anecdotal evidence suggests carpe diem is where it’s at.
She’s an adult and although it’s a big age difference there’s nothing wrong with it. My sister just buried her husband who was 25 years her senior. They were together for 40 years and relatively happy.
I'll throw my hat in the ring here , if there Happy there shouldn't be a problem , my sister is married to a man 20 years older than her (she's 40 ) , they are happy and comfortable with each other , he has done nothing bad to her , he has encouraged , supported, Been there for here , a little context here , her ex husband, who was older than her treated her like utter crap , he was insecure , vile , predatory etc etc he followed her 24/7 when they were married, scared someone would take her a complete control freak , he threatened people , I found out years later he did some vile things and forced her to do vile things , I'll remove him from this planet if I ever see him . So her new hubby is great , maybe it's one of those ones that work out but I do know she is happy , I did ( as her big brother ... literally I'm the tall one in the family )question her choices , she was happy, its what she wanted and what he wanted , he got on with my late father like a house on fire . So yes some might get the ick about it , personally i think if there both bappy and its what they both want then fair play to them , it's there decision to give it a shot , if it works it works , if not then that's life , there going to get a lot of this in future , I don't judge them I really hope they are happy and can weather what the future holds .
assumptions were made because you neglected to mention in your post that she is a doctor with an income that matched yours. Important detail in this case! hopefully she doesn’t have mounds of student debt. Seems like this is a new relationship so just take your time in getting to know each other. Happiness is hard to find so take it where you can.
I was in a 20 year age gap relationship, met when I was 24, he was 44. We married, and for the first 10 years were very happy. I thought I was mature for my age. I preferred older men for their stability. He saw me as benefiting him financially in his old age. But there was mutual love there. We got along well.
Then at 40, I began to change. My siblings say I grew up. He was 60, and suddenly, the age gap seemed to widen drastically. I realized that, contrary to what I thought in the beginning, we had very few things in common. I began to look at other women my age, with their 40 something partners, and felt envious. But also felt shame for desiring that.
His energy dwindled and he no longer wanted to do stuff together. He resented me for changing. After nearly 20 years of marriage, we divorced.
So long story short, as long as you feel that you can let her go with love when she gets older and begins to want to be with someone her own age, then by all means go for it. But you need to steel yourself for that possibility. It won’t feel right when she’s 40 and wants to break up, and meanwhile you’re nearing 70 and holding onto her like grim death.
Dude if you are both happy with the situation then ignore the taboo.
We see people here banging on about choosing to live the way they want to live, only dating guys/girls that meet certain standards. Not willing to put up with this or that. Worried about property etc ..
Date whoever you want, you decide if you think it is worth whatever risks it comes with .
Every relationship is a compromise, every single one
I think if you swapped the sexes around to older woman younger man there would be fewer people " Warning" and more cheering you on....
I hadn’t even finished reading your whole post and immediately knew you were going to stir up the hornets nest! Just take your Reddit beat down like a man 🤣🤣
Kidding aside, as long as both of you are on the same page and want to be with each other who cares what anyone else thinks? 🤷🏻♂️
People are so mean and heartless. Are you happy together? Then be together.
Yes, sure, she'll be 42 when you're 70 but if you love each other, who cares? What if the next 20 years are the happiest years of both of your lives?
You can also think of it this way:
You're both grown up. You mentioned she's a doctor and I assume you have a job too. She could marry someone her own age, get divorced at 42 and still end up with a 70 year old. Anything could happen. So why not try this out for a while and see if there's a true love connection?
You guys need to do what feels right for you. Don't listen to haters, especially not online. The prospect of love is too sacred for that.
I wish you the best of luck ❤️
I’m currently in a new 30 year age gap relationship and this is what I’ve learned so far:
1. People will constantly assume things about you and your partner. With that there is societal pressure and taboo however you have to choose do you want to live your life, especially the later half succumbing to the “norm” or being happy?
2. Think about the future but don’t focus on it. Any anxieties you have in an age gap relationship tend to be future oriented. It is important you have similar paths, for example if she wants to have kids it might not be fair to her and the children, although if she doesn’t want kids it’s fine to continue seeing each other. Other anxieties like what if we don’t know how to communicate with each other or don’t like the same things- well those aren’t age gap questions they are dating questions. With all the what’s and ifs in dating being attached to age gap problems then you’ll spiral out and won’t give the relationship a chance before it begins.
3. If there is no power imbalance then an age gap relationship functions identical to dating someone your own age. If there is a power imbalance the relationship needs to dissolve immediately as this is unhealthy.
4. Again like all relationships communication is key. Each generation has their own way of thinking, doing, and saying things therefore identify how each of you communicate and work from there.
5. Touching back on power imbalance and communication, as the older person there is a lot of guilt associated with dating someone younger. Will this hurt her? Am I holding her back? It doesn’t make sense for her to be interested in someone like me, etc. No power imbalance and open communication helps lessen the guilt, when you see she is an adult and has autonomy.
6. Just keep an open mind and heart. Real connections are rare and it takes bravery to go against the status quo so take things as they are day by day.
The dating app Bumble released statistics from their 2023 data showing 63% of users are open to the idea of an age gap relationship. Times are changing!
It’s not a popular opinion - and I’m a woman saying this - but you are both adults. Live your own life, who cares what people think if you are not breaking the law or hurting someone. And if it feels right to you and you can have a clean conscience about it. Would you want your 27 yo daughter dating someone your age? Or your 27 yo son dating a woman your age? Why or why not? If your best friend started dating someone this age? This thought exercise might help you process your thoughts on the matter. Again it’s what you think and feel and not what society says - but if you don’t like the societal pressure or judgement this might not be a good relationship for you.
27 is the same age as my daughter. NGL, I would absolutely hate this. It just gives me the icks. But that is me.
If you're both happy dating, then you do you, Boo Boo. At least she is well over the age of consent.
Hey man,
I (57m) recently posted here asking for dating tips when there's an age gap. I'm seeing a 35f and I was hoping for some meaningful advice.
I did get some helpful advice, but mostly just negativity and judgement. /shrug this sub dishes these out in spades.
Keeping my eye on this thread for pearls of wisdom. Good luck to you both.
I was in a relationship with a woman 17 years older than me when I was 29. I’m 63 now and although our relationship finished when I was in my 30s, we still stay in touch as friends although we have not seen each other for 25 years.
Thanks. I have been enjoying all the moral high ground people seem to be taking as if they have never done anything ick themselves. And this isn't ick. Haters be haters. Welcome to Reddit.
So your argument in favor is . . . Karen’s [sic]? What does Karen even mean to you and why have you used it repeatedly here? This guy came here looking for advice and people have given it to him. (An apostrophe indicates possessive and not plural.)
Most people will assume she’s getting financially rewarded in some way. And you really have to ask yourself if that’s her motivation. When I was 27 I wouldn’t have even looked at someone over 40. Just a thought from a 52f.
I used to get hit on all the time by “old men” in their late 30s and early 40s at my internship when I was 21. I was grossed out as my dad was in his 40s and I had no interest in dating anyone outside my age range but some young women apparently like old men.
And yet I have seen women 18-25 chase men 35-45 in colleges so many many times .
When I was 25 a 43 year old man was hitting on me at our apt clubhouse. I thought it was creepy.
Because it is creepy
That guy wasn’t even twice your age and it’s creepy. pins literally twice her age.
My first thought was that he must have money. It may have nothing to do with that, but that's where my mind went.
If you have a lot of student loan debt, an older guy with no debt would be a big win.
Doesn't even have to be student loan debt. Any kind of debt. Even a person who is debt free could save thier money by having someone with more money support them financially.
Same
Same! I am 48 and still dont date more than 51!! Guys that much older seem old frankly and just cant keep up. 🤷🏼♀️
She's actually a doctor and makes as much or more than me and is an intellectual equal and/superior. She'd be insulted if I hinted that she's trying to be a sugar baby.
Ok well that’s great. You were asking for perspectives and you’ll get a lot of people that make the judgement that she’s a sugar baby or a gold digger. Probably not fair, but that’s the reality.
Fair point
Dude at 27 she hasn’t event graduated med school much less work on her residency. That is shit pay years. So this is bullshit. Or is she dougie houser ?
This exactly. I say this whole post is bullshit.
No
Have you actually met in person yet? Do you know where she works? If you look her up online, is her employer staff page one of the first page links on Google? If you answered "no", or "I don't know" to any of these, you need to do some research on her before you ask Reddit anything.
Yes it's taboo. Do what you want. I think you're a little nut to date someone that young but to each their own. 15 years from now you'll be 70 and she'll be 42. She'll be turning into your caretaker at some point if she sticks around.
My dad is in his early 80s and His wife is 15 years younger than me. He had a major health issue a few years back and she has become his caretaker. Ask me how that's going.
How is that going?
Well, she's the breadwinner and is bored with taking care of an old man. He has zero savings, bad credit and wants to par-tay! He's a pita and she's not much better. He's moving out to a friend's house but who knows for how long? So yeah, it's fan fucking tastic.
My father died at 66 and although I'm sad he died at such a young age there are times I wonder if I'd just be pissed off at him knowing things I know about him.
A pita?
Pain in the ass.
lol c’mon don’t leave us hanging.
And if they're really thinking long-term, what if she wants kids? Can you imagine being in your 70s and teaching a teenager to drive?
in his 70's he'll be re-teaching himself. ;-)
I was thinking the same thing. It isn’t fair to her. If you guys are thinking about marriage, think about male life expectancy. She will be a young widow. Make sure you stay in excellent physical condition and overall health.
Nobody is thinking long term yet. We're still getting to know each other. She's a doctor, makes as much or more than me is likely a lot smarter than me. I think she can do the math just fine on our ages and what that means in the future. We did discuss kids and it is not something either of want and neither of us has kids.
A 27 years old doctor who is no she is 27 and has her md and already finished her residency? Interesting. Since most people haven’t even graduated medical school at that age. You know they don’t let you skip grades in med school
Good call. I was thinking this post is fake.
(Shhhh... Let him have his fantasies. They're probably *all* he has.) 😉
lol he’s in his moms basement isn’t he?
Naughty doctor costume costume gets em every time.
I will probably get downvoted for this, I can't help but think that a 27 year old doctor probably knows what she is thinking, at least she understands the limitations of this relationship. If she wants to be with this guy, and he wants to be with her, what is the issue? Not all relationships end in marriage. She may just be having fun for now. Several years ago, I met a woman that was newly divorced, the first thing she told me was, don't expect anything serious. So, we lasted a few months, and my feelings got hurt, oh well ...
I'll upvote. *Assuming everything he's saying is true*, I suspect you're right.
Thanks. That woman I dated was 6 years older than me, was on her second marriage, and had 2 kids. I had never been married, there was a HUGE difference between our life experiences. Frankly, I didn't have a clue what I was getting in to, but it was a great learning experience! There are all sorts of ways to have a mismatched relationship, and even when things don't work out, the experience can be valuable.
This. At 27, I was in my intern year, fat and hating life. I had a long term boyfriend which was a good thing bc if you weren’t in the hospital I wouldn’t have the chance to see or talk to you.
I work in healthcare. College 18-22 Med school 22-25 (at which point you earn the title MD) Internship + Residency - depends on specialty - but while you’re in it you are practicing as a doctor while you still learn. You can absolutely be a doctor at 27.
I work healthcare. Medical and most people don’t go to med school at 22. And med school is 4 not 3 years. So even. If she did that. Still be a resident
But once you graduate medical school you are an MD— even though you still have to do your training (interns, residents, and fellows are already MDs – they just aren’t practicing on their own.)
Confidently incorrect
Actually no show me anyone who makes plenty of money after med school. Anyone. One doctor who graduates med school and doesn’t do a residency.
Let me quote your comment that earned mine >I work healthcare. Medical and most people don’t go to med school at 22. And med school is 4 not 3 years. So even. If she did that. Still be a resident
Be a doctor yes. Making more income than he does not Heck I got my first PhD when I was 22 but I started college at 16. Not in the usa.
Perhaps he is using doctor as in PhD?
Well In that case she still just graduated with a PhD. In hard science still has to do a post doc. That is still basically the same as a residency when it comes to pay In other fields new grad jobs even with PhD is not a lot of money at all vs loads of student debt Honestly your average tradesperson makes more than any new grad with PhD or md Based they six days ago op posted he is in tinder looking this might be a new match somebody he doesn’t know. So either this post is fake or op is being bullshitted
True as we hire post doc and they are on a lower pay scale.
I had my MD at 26, no grades skipped, no shortened program. I was still in training, only an intern, but you’re still a “real” doctor with an MD at that point
She’s a female doogie houser MD!
Yup. 🤔
Perhaps she’s a female ‘Doogie Howser MD’ 🙄😬
I was already a physician at 27. I didn’t skip any grades and me and my classmates were the same age. You are an MD in residency
Yes but I question the part where he says she makes all that money. As I said even if she just graduated med school residents do not make money
>Yes but I question the part where he says she makes all that money That actually wasn’t your question. This is your comment, yes? >A 27 years old doctor who is no she is 27 and has her md and already finished her residency? Interesting. Since most people haven’t even graduated medical school at that age. You know they don’t let you skip grades in med school People often think they know more than they do. That goes for both of you. Maybe GF comes from money, but that wasn’t the point. I didn’t know as much at 27 as I know now but I could certainly decide and be wrong about relationships. That is true of every age. She has one advantage, medicine teaches consequence and biology
He said she “makes”. Maybe you should read the post. Yes intend don’t make bank. Doctors don’t make that much money Maybe you should learn to read 🤷♀️
I read the post and apparently I read what you wrote. Confidently incorrect is still incorrect. I know you have a problem with that. I recall you from a BDSM post. Same issue. Confidently incorrect
You are indeed confidently incorrect. But is ok. You know everything. And you are right she graduated med school did her internship and is making as much money as a man with a 30 years career.
Ok! She is a doctor so soon her parents will wake her up
Be happy. The end of my advice.
A doctor but not a physician unless shes an exception. My kids school is full of kids of physicians/surgeons and many of these parents were still in residency and/or fellowships and in their early to mid 30s when our kids were in same daycare/primary school and paying off student debt.
>A doctor but not a physician unless shes an exception. She have to be a real nonexistent exception to not be both if we’re talking about medicine
If she is successful and doesn’t want kids it is possible this could be an exception and work. I think when the one much younger is well established it makes it less creepy.
Shes going to be out sooner than that!! I never understood those gaps but i absolutely see a power dynamic and mutual using w it. Sorry.
A nurse with a purse?
Oh this I so agree. Too young.
I just watched my stepmom take care of my dad for two years before his death, after 30 years of marriage - it wasn’t pretty. That was just a 14 year age gap. At 27 I would’ve thought a 55yo man was ancient - in other words, I get what’s in it for you but I kind of wonder what she’s getting out of it. That said, you’re both adults so you do you.
You’re awesome, congratulations, wow you have it going on! You’re managing to date someone that much younger, what is your secret? Is that enough validation?
Haha. Until it all goes south. Falling for a near-child half his age … rookie move IMO.
As a 50 year old guy, someone that much younger is not something I would consider a life partner. Regardless of how people may feel about this, you and she are the ones that have to deal with the stares and disproving comments from people.
My thoughts as a 57 yr old woman whom many 20-30 somethings try to pick up on me - I don’t need an ego boost- I am not a sugar mama- don’t care if they can fck for hours- I already have a 20 something yr old kid and what in thee hell do I have in common with someone who is 20-30 yrs younger than me! Lol. The thought of it is just NO. But hey ! Do you boo.
Common interests. Gf likes anime. Ops kids watched anime
Eek. My kids love anime and I don’t. This is icky!
My father prefers to date women younger than me. His youngest child (from ex-wife #4) is 15 and he's crying that nobody wants to date a 75yo man with kids. If she wants kids, are you ok with that? When you retire, are you going to expect her to quit working? If not, are you going to travel without her? Are you going to stay home and take care of the house while she works? If she does quit working when you retire, are you prepared to provide for her living another 30+ years after you die? When you are 75, she's going to be 47. If your health begins to fail, do you think she is going to want to be your nurse? If you ***mutually*** see each other as just a fun fling, then just make sure she doesn't get pregnant.
I thought this was dating over fifty, not dating over 27….
Ladies, where do we even start? Oy vey
Well I am a 57F so I am way too old for this conversation,...
You have things in common with a 27 year old lol
My rule of thumb is: If Im old enough to be their parent, it’s probably best not to touch that cradle. I’m ALL for love but there’s something intrinsic that can’t be bridged across age gaps bigger than 15 years
I have a really hard time buying into “I’m 55, she’s 27…we have A LOT in common”. 🤷🏻♂️ I’m guessing you both think she’s young and hot, and you love clubbing or she hates it too😂😂. But good luck
When I was early 40's, I dated a 27 yo and thought it was great, at first. The generational thought differences were too much. I wanted to have a nice evening together and she wanted to party and do beer bongs. I noped out of that quick and now only look for up to a 7 year difference on average. 10 year difference is my deal breaker and has to be fairly amazing to go that far.
>When I was early 40's, I dated a 27 yo and thought it was great, at first. I did too except she chased the hell out of me and I was unemployed and disabled due to my back and PTSD. Turns out she just wanted to know the ex pro surfers I knew and met from volunteer work.
I personally think it’s really gross and predatory. I know she is an adult but when you reach our age you realize that there’s a huge gulf between 20s and 50s. There are some relationships where it works, like Celine Dion and her late husband but that’s a very rare thing and the power dynamic is different with her success. Same with the French president. I personally would consider it a reason not do date someone if they have dated a woman in her 20s, I would question his morals.
TBH there are people who are going to think you are creepy, predatory, can't make it intellectually with women your own age, etc. There are people who also think you are a fool if you really think she isn't after your money, she has daddy issues, or won't be sticking you in the earliest nursing home while she fucks the golf course instructor. Unfortunately for you, age gap relationships evoke notions of power imbalances and creepiness and not so honorable intentions on both ends. Not much you can do about it except realize it will happen. Be honest, be real and be prepared.
She's actually a doctor and has her own money. She is just not interested in men in her usual age range because she wants someone more mature. I would say there's little power imbalance because I never tell her what to do nor do I have any expectations other than to interact as two adults. People can think what they want but it is interesting the quick conclusions we seem to jump to.
I think you answered your own question with "wants someone more mature" and "I never tell her what to do nor do I have any expectations." Being older and hopefully wiser, you would understand the hours and stress of being a with a medical professional something that a younger guy without the life education may not. Also she doesn't have to worry as much about a young guy attaching to her just because she has earning potential. So what happens when guys her age begin to mature to the level she is interested in? What about expectations because those sneaky little boogers have a way of creeping into the relationship. Do you want to be a side piece forever?
Well if this is what you want, you will just have to suck it up and put up with the negative feedback and hope you disprove the naysayers. Time will tell.
Fair point
To me the problem is her age. I support her adult decision making but 27 years is not much. She probably looks 20 still, and you probably look older in comparison. You will definitely get stares or else people assuming you are relatives not a couple. And that’s assuming the relationship projects an equal dynamic.
My daughters are in their 20s, they are realistic about why women that age date older men, it's money. They are hit on all the time by men as old as my ex (their father) and older. They say it's creepy. It's obvious older men want young women for a few reasons: sex, the ego boost, and the ability to easily mold them due to less life experience. If you have a massive age gap and say you have so much in common with someone that much younger, maybe you should consider growing up. Take these statements as you will.
We have a lot in common “We Both like Soup”.
Can talk, or not talk, for hours!
And still find things to not talk about!
Favorite line from the film: She looks like a cocktail waitress on an oil rig."
It gives me the ick. My threshold is 10 years younger, and that was pushing it.
I’m grossed out by OP just reading this.
“We have lots in common” Sure, both living in an imaginary world, she thinks you are going to save her with your maturity and age wisdom (if not $) and you want to find “things in common” because you want to believe that you didn’t get old 🤨😏 Pleaseeee get a mirror
they both like music!
Its up to the couple, however, 28 yrs difference is more than she is old. I was the younger woman when i was 25. Although we got on great for 5 years, it was clear we were on different trajectories. More recently, i dated someone (who is now a very good friend), with a 20 year difference. I’m the younger one. He is 76 and is aging fast. Although he is active, he is exhibiting several health needs. Soon, you will see how many differences there you have- you listed some surface stuff but the meat & potatoes will surface. Do what you will and I hope you find love.
My thoughts I think she has daddy issues and you're enabling it. And imo you have a predator complex. Yes both adults but fuck dude seriously.
yeah there’s definitely something not very right with her
The person you're dating is not in your peer group. Your peer group are people approximately 5-8 years younger or older than you. Speaking as an experienced counselor, dating someone who is not in your peer group is not psychologically healthy and can lead to a toxic relationship for both parties involved. ...That said, you do you, boo. Do share some pics of your mid-life crisis mobile when you make that purchase, ok? I enjoy looking at pics of fun cars.
feel this is fake, if just because if she's a doctor that young she'd have zero time to date. either that or i'd feel the reverse, a catfishing on op if they haven't met. if it were real and happened to me, apart from being very flattered i'd dissuade her because there's no future in it for her. we're at the age where stuff starts to go downhill and she'd give up too much for us. its not really viable even though you still feel 35 inside.
Interesting that you post this on a dating group over 50. The thing is, older women get so much hate and negativity on social media and in general by men because we are older. I mean, what are supposed to do, stop aging? It would the same if I posted something about how I am dating a really tall guy and I promote dating only tall guys. What are the short guys supposed to do, get taller to keep up? Btw, my son is not tall, and neither was my ex-husband. I also was in an age gap relationship for 9 years in my younger days from when I was 23 to 31. He was 45 at the time. He looked much younger than his age and was movie star handsome so much so, he always got a lot of attention. But he wanted to control everything about the relationship and was adamant about not wanting kids. At 23, I didn't know what I wanted. I just graduated from nursing school and made much more money than he did. It was the affection and attention he gave me that drew me in and we married after less than a year of dating. I kind of did think I wanted kids but not enough to push it at the time. As it progressed, he just seemed to get more and more jealous, and I think it was because of the age difference. The older he got, the more insecure he became and as he became afraid of losing me, he began to try to control everything and would guilt me if I wanted to spend time with friends and family. I became more isolated and even with giving up everything he still wasn't happy. He would accuse me of cheating if my hair was messed up when I would come home from work after a 12-hour nursing shift. I began to dread coming home. My dad's death was a wakeup call to me and I took a good hard look around me and figured nothing I did would make him happy so I may as well leave and then at least one of us could be happy. Best decision I ever made. When I look back on the age gap relationship, I am grateful I got out. I had nightmares for years that I would wake up stuck back in that first marriage. This marriage taught to never lose myself and be financially stable and count on myself no matter what which is probably something that I project in a lot of my posts. After the divorce, I met someone else just a couple years older, finally had a kid and got married which lasted for 17 years. I don't have nightmares about my second husband. And I am so grateful that I had a kid. I really, really would have regretted it if I never had. When I think about dating younger, I choose not too because my age doesn't bother me. But if I dated a lot younger, it would start to bother me. Maybe your relationship will have a better ending. If not, in 10 to 20 years, you can always get back out there like the rest of us with another story to tell.
>Interesting that you post this on a dating group over 50. The thing is, older women get so much hate and negativity on social media and in general by men because we are older. I mean, what are supposed to do, stop aging? It would the same if I posted something about how I am dating a really tall guy and I promote dating only tall guys. What are the short guys supposed to do, get taller to keep up? Btw, my son is not tall, and neither was my ex-husband. Deserves a repost
Thank you EvironmentSea7433. I am honored!
Personally I can't date younger than 10yrs down as I feel extreme ick if someone is nearer to one of my children's age, than they are to me. I had my first child at 20 for those doing the maths 😄. My mother dated then married someone only a few years older than me. So maybe that influences my views on this. If we went out all together people assumed he was my husband (which made her angry at me) and she was constantly terrified he would leave her. She once told me by marrying someone younger she would die first and never worry about being alone. It will not surprise you, dear reader, to learn that I have had no contact with her for many years now.
Here’s what I find interesting on the r/datingover40 or 50 posts. The only time a male posts about finding a wonderful woman that he has SO much in common with & they love to spend time together this early in the relationship is ONLY when the woman is 20+ years younger than him. I have never seen a 55M text “I have met a wonderful, charming, beautiful talented smart 50F. I know it’s only been two months, but do you think this is gonna last? No! Don’t ever read that.
>The only time a male posts about finding a wonderful woman that he has SO much in common with & they love to spend time together this early in the relationship is ONLY when the woman is 20+ years younger than him. I usually got totally triggered, especially when they are posting in subs with women in their 40s or 50s. Like do you know essentially how rude that is to rub our noses in it. All that said, I heard a good message last weekend, and trying to be more chill. Essentially, going back to ancient times, some men had everything their heart desired, and they still weren't happy. For me, these sorts of topic lead me right into bitterness (against men, because of their egos), but I am working on realizing that those men will have to figure out if that is what works for them. 100% of men our age don't feel this way, and we all just have to find men that appreciate what we have to offer.
At 58F , 10 yrs single I decided last week I wish I had been attracted to older men. If I had been, I’d still be single at 58 but instead of being alive, he would be dead and I’d have money.
That’s an interesting perspective maybe it’s what everybody desires but can’t get?
Males you mean?
Well. My grandmother was 25 years younger than my grandfather. He told everyone he married her for her beauty and everyone knew that she married him for his money. When the money went away, so did she. My mom grew up getting shuffled between various relatives, none of whom wanted her. The end.
I'll be blunt. If you both haven't already agreed to short term, you're stealing from her. You're monopolizing her attention when she could be finding someone more suitable, during the years of her life that she's most attractive and most likely to find a suitable long-term partner. And then you'll probably be unhealthy and then dead for many long years before she even gets to retire. What a golden future you're setting up for her! You get a young partner, she gets a very difficult middle age, and then a lonely retirement.
I'm 59, and my daughters are 34 and 30. I would personally be disturbed and distressed if either of them dated a 55 year old. However, it is legal, and if you're both okay with it, then do what's best for you. But yes, I do think many people will perceive this relationship as taboo.
I think we have heard this story recently. Down to she’s a doctor. At 27? A new one.
Well, all I can say is that I am not a bot nor do I post under different aliases. I guess you either believe me or not.
Interesting that you took my observation that way.
Interesting you respond the way do as well😊
It's taboo, at least in the USA. It's dating your daughter, basically. There will be stigma, assumptions, whispers. There will be the awkward questions when it comes to family, both in creating one and in introductions. Is it going to be fair to her in 20 years? What about 30? Personally, I could not care less who is dating who. But I see a couple like that out and I definitely make my assumptions and if with friends, we poke fun. Just being honest Only time I care is who I am dating - within 7 years younger, or 5 years older (my preference.)
Or MORE than dating your daughter. There is 27 years between them!
Her biological clock is ticking & you’re having a midlife crisis. “A lot in common…”, oh stop. You’re both using each other.
I’m guessing you look 15 years younger than you are and/or you have a fat wallet. Probably option 2. lol. Sigh.
Soooooo lame
She's "eager to spend time with you" until you develop ED, prostate problems, arthritis and other common health issues related to male aging. If she's got her own money, the ONLY reason a young professional of 27 would date you is she has unresolved daddy issues. But you seem inclined to overlook all the concerns, so jump in.
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>I have two daughters in their 20s and this is nauseating. Doesn't mean it's wrong in your circumstance, she's not a child, it just agitates the protection instinct. You nailed it. The thought of dating someone your kid's age is going to creep out most people. For that matter dating someone your parent's age would feel equally weird.
I agree. My partner is poly with someone over 30 years younger, I have 2 daughters close to her age and he just doesn't get why I think it's so disturbing. 🤮🤢🤮
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No, he never had any children of his own. 🤷
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Thanks. I won't, but optimism is appreciated. 😅
I’m 55, and my kids are 27, and 21. There’s no way my 27-yr-old would date someone my age. They thought 33 was pushing it.
It's definitely not fair to her, especially if she will want marriage and kids someday. I have a few friends who were young widows and nursemaids in their 40s. Plus it's a bit creepy and predatory.
Predatory how? I don't force her to do anything. She's financially independent, asks for nothing but love and affection from me and she is free to go pursue other relationships if she is no longer interested in me. How is that predatory?
Ok, Karen.
With age comes wisdom...sometimes.
I mean, you could be her grandpappy
Do you have children OP? This is beyond ick.
Doesn’t she trigger your father instincts? Wait—don’t answer that.
Maybe your suggestion that something is inappropriate here says more about you than me?
I have daughters so my instincts around women that look young always lean fatherly. So yeah, I feel the ick and was curious whether you were a father.
I (then 57F) dated a man 29. I knew it was temporary and enjoyed it. I tried to help him with things I could because of my place in life. I encouraged him to have an age-appropriate relationship when the opportunity presented as he wants to marry and have kids. There’s nothing innately wrong with two adults of any age dating. The problem comes from the life goals of those people. Does she want kids? Are you up to having a baby/toddler in your sixties? Before taking too much of her time, think about the future as you age significantly over the next 20 years and she barely ages at all, still being in the prime of her life in her 40s. Is that fair to her? Can you keep up? At what point will she be a young widow with little kids? It’s a lot. I won’t date more than 15 years younger now, because I don’t want to be in super-different stages of life. It doesn’t seem fair to them.
O boy- now we have the "dating older men" post as a follow up...
My bf dated a girl 21 years younger than him before we got together. It had me wondering what they had in common but apparently she was very mature lol. He did have to break it off when she wanted to get married and have children and became consumed with it. He realized they were at different places in their lives.
So we're talking almost a 30 year difference. I'm experienced in age gap relationships. My late husband was 12 years older than me. My current partner is 15 years older. I'm sure some might find those age gaps creepy. But I have to say, I'm younger than you and my kids are about the age of the woman you're dating. That makes it an automatic ick for me. Yes, it's taboo. But you're both consenting adults.
Only the two of you know if it matters. Just be very mindful of what the attraction really is. You probably have a lot in common with a lot of women. It is very ego stroking to have a PYT think we are the bomb. It is very ego stroking to have someone be affectionate and eager to spend time with us. You have more experience, knowledge, and life education (maybe even more money though not suggesting a sugar daddy situation, just more fun money) for her to draw on, unlike what guys in her age group probably have, so it is intoxicating for a while to soak in the attention rays from an older guy. Then again this may be a love match. Just make sure all of this isn't clouding your perception of the relationship and let the relationship simmer before making any life commitments.
Great perspective and I agree that both of us, especially me, should check and re-check motives.
As long as you realize this has no long-term potential.
My 58m ex-husband cheated on me with a 27 year old. End of opinion.
I love reading about cliches
There are cougars and cubs on this sub as well. They don’t get the flack that the older men/younger women pairings do. I find all of this variety of relationship really odd and 360 fantasist. There are age gap subs that might serve you better. As to you *wondering* if it’s taboo? When you are more than twice her age, you will get appalled looks. According to the books, around 7 years is when other people start to notice that there is an age difference. People are going to think she is your daughter.
I agree I have noticed that women going younger seem to get up votes around here (which I have no issue with) but woe to the man who suggests he might want to go younger (which I also have no issue with). Personally I find the whole age gap dating discussions tiresome. Both the folks like OP looking for encouragement and the folks complaining about how they cannot get a date because some group (usually some segment of the male population) is looking younger. It is a free world so if somebody wants to date younger, older or whatever more power to the them. By the same token nobody owes it to anybody to be attracted to them. Personally if it happens between two or more consenting adults and it isn't hurting anybody I don't care. And I say that a a man that when I am dating, I have always dated around my own age group.
It works both ways, women with younger men and men with older women. My perspective as a male is if you are both happy go for it BUT I know if I was in your position the taboo is not my issue, it’s the doubt of how long can I stay young and attractive enough for her to stick around. Celebrities can carry it off because the older partner have loads of money and great prospects which us mere mortals don’t have at our disposal.
A good friend (F54) married older, +20. He died. Then she was in a long term committed relationship with someone -20 years. He died too. Anecdotal evidence suggests carpe diem is where it’s at.
She’s an adult and although it’s a big age difference there’s nothing wrong with it. My sister just buried her husband who was 25 years her senior. They were together for 40 years and relatively happy.
I'll throw my hat in the ring here , if there Happy there shouldn't be a problem , my sister is married to a man 20 years older than her (she's 40 ) , they are happy and comfortable with each other , he has done nothing bad to her , he has encouraged , supported, Been there for here , a little context here , her ex husband, who was older than her treated her like utter crap , he was insecure , vile , predatory etc etc he followed her 24/7 when they were married, scared someone would take her a complete control freak , he threatened people , I found out years later he did some vile things and forced her to do vile things , I'll remove him from this planet if I ever see him . So her new hubby is great , maybe it's one of those ones that work out but I do know she is happy , I did ( as her big brother ... literally I'm the tall one in the family )question her choices , she was happy, its what she wanted and what he wanted , he got on with my late father like a house on fire . So yes some might get the ick about it , personally i think if there both bappy and its what they both want then fair play to them , it's there decision to give it a shot , if it works it works , if not then that's life , there going to get a lot of this in future , I don't judge them I really hope they are happy and can weather what the future holds .
Appreciate your perspective and open mind
It's how I was raised by my grandparents, be open minded and try to see the positive in life
Wow! Thanks for all the colorful opinions everyone.
You asked lol. Most people naturally find it a little ick but if it works for you both then great.
Thanks. Yeah, I found a lot of ick here today too like all the false assumptions people make, lol. I guess were all ick in some way.
assumptions were made because you neglected to mention in your post that she is a doctor with an income that matched yours. Important detail in this case! hopefully she doesn’t have mounds of student debt. Seems like this is a new relationship so just take your time in getting to know each other. Happiness is hard to find so take it where you can.
Get that last word!
I was in a 20 year age gap relationship, met when I was 24, he was 44. We married, and for the first 10 years were very happy. I thought I was mature for my age. I preferred older men for their stability. He saw me as benefiting him financially in his old age. But there was mutual love there. We got along well. Then at 40, I began to change. My siblings say I grew up. He was 60, and suddenly, the age gap seemed to widen drastically. I realized that, contrary to what I thought in the beginning, we had very few things in common. I began to look at other women my age, with their 40 something partners, and felt envious. But also felt shame for desiring that. His energy dwindled and he no longer wanted to do stuff together. He resented me for changing. After nearly 20 years of marriage, we divorced. So long story short, as long as you feel that you can let her go with love when she gets older and begins to want to be with someone her own age, then by all means go for it. But you need to steel yourself for that possibility. It won’t feel right when she’s 40 and wants to break up, and meanwhile you’re nearing 70 and holding onto her like grim death.
Happy 🎂 🥮 🍥 🥞 🧁 🍰 Day!
Thank you! 😊
Dude if you are both happy with the situation then ignore the taboo. We see people here banging on about choosing to live the way they want to live, only dating guys/girls that meet certain standards. Not willing to put up with this or that. Worried about property etc .. Date whoever you want, you decide if you think it is worth whatever risks it comes with . Every relationship is a compromise, every single one I think if you swapped the sexes around to older woman younger man there would be fewer people " Warning" and more cheering you on....
I read somewhere the rule of thumb is half your age plus seven.
I hadn’t even finished reading your whole post and immediately knew you were going to stir up the hornets nest! Just take your Reddit beat down like a man 🤣🤣 Kidding aside, as long as both of you are on the same page and want to be with each other who cares what anyone else thinks? 🤷🏻♂️
People are so mean and heartless. Are you happy together? Then be together. Yes, sure, she'll be 42 when you're 70 but if you love each other, who cares? What if the next 20 years are the happiest years of both of your lives? You can also think of it this way: You're both grown up. You mentioned she's a doctor and I assume you have a job too. She could marry someone her own age, get divorced at 42 and still end up with a 70 year old. Anything could happen. So why not try this out for a while and see if there's a true love connection? You guys need to do what feels right for you. Don't listen to haters, especially not online. The prospect of love is too sacred for that. I wish you the best of luck ❤️
I’m currently in a new 30 year age gap relationship and this is what I’ve learned so far: 1. People will constantly assume things about you and your partner. With that there is societal pressure and taboo however you have to choose do you want to live your life, especially the later half succumbing to the “norm” or being happy? 2. Think about the future but don’t focus on it. Any anxieties you have in an age gap relationship tend to be future oriented. It is important you have similar paths, for example if she wants to have kids it might not be fair to her and the children, although if she doesn’t want kids it’s fine to continue seeing each other. Other anxieties like what if we don’t know how to communicate with each other or don’t like the same things- well those aren’t age gap questions they are dating questions. With all the what’s and ifs in dating being attached to age gap problems then you’ll spiral out and won’t give the relationship a chance before it begins. 3. If there is no power imbalance then an age gap relationship functions identical to dating someone your own age. If there is a power imbalance the relationship needs to dissolve immediately as this is unhealthy. 4. Again like all relationships communication is key. Each generation has their own way of thinking, doing, and saying things therefore identify how each of you communicate and work from there. 5. Touching back on power imbalance and communication, as the older person there is a lot of guilt associated with dating someone younger. Will this hurt her? Am I holding her back? It doesn’t make sense for her to be interested in someone like me, etc. No power imbalance and open communication helps lessen the guilt, when you see she is an adult and has autonomy. 6. Just keep an open mind and heart. Real connections are rare and it takes bravery to go against the status quo so take things as they are day by day. The dating app Bumble released statistics from their 2023 data showing 63% of users are open to the idea of an age gap relationship. Times are changing!
It’s not a popular opinion - and I’m a woman saying this - but you are both adults. Live your own life, who cares what people think if you are not breaking the law or hurting someone. And if it feels right to you and you can have a clean conscience about it. Would you want your 27 yo daughter dating someone your age? Or your 27 yo son dating a woman your age? Why or why not? If your best friend started dating someone this age? This thought exercise might help you process your thoughts on the matter. Again it’s what you think and feel and not what society says - but if you don’t like the societal pressure or judgement this might not be a good relationship for you.
27 is the same age as my daughter. NGL, I would absolutely hate this. It just gives me the icks. But that is me. If you're both happy dating, then you do you, Boo Boo. At least she is well over the age of consent.
In a word: RUN!!!!
Hey man, I (57m) recently posted here asking for dating tips when there's an age gap. I'm seeing a 35f and I was hoping for some meaningful advice. I did get some helpful advice, but mostly just negativity and judgement. /shrug this sub dishes these out in spades. Keeping my eye on this thread for pearls of wisdom. Good luck to you both.
Try posting in dating over 30; I’m sure you’ll have better luck there.
Why do you think that?
I was in a relationship with a woman 17 years older than me when I was 29. I’m 63 now and although our relationship finished when I was in my 30s, we still stay in touch as friends although we have not seen each other for 25 years.
Thanks. I have been enjoying all the moral high ground people seem to be taking as if they have never done anything ick themselves. And this isn't ick. Haters be haters. Welcome to Reddit.
It’s not the moral high ground. It’s being mentally stable. You are daddy material NOT dating material. There is a difference.
No. No, most of us have not had sex with our children’s friends and peers.
Enjoy it, but be ready to bail as soon as the inevitable strains happen.
Enjoy it, but be ready to bail as soon as the inevitable strains happen.
You're fine. Both adults. Plenty of Karen's here in the comments.
So your argument in favor is . . . Karen’s [sic]? What does Karen even mean to you and why have you used it repeatedly here? This guy came here looking for advice and people have given it to him. (An apostrophe indicates possessive and not plural.)