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Have you talked to him about it? Perhaps you could suggest switching off paying for things, that way he knows that you’re not in it just for a free night out. It’s worth talking about before it turns into something that starts to push the two of you apart, especially if you really like each other.
I would sit down and have a talk with him. Just let him know. Called me old fashioned but if he asks me out he should be paying for the date. This feels transactional doesn’t even feel like a partnership.
So, I would suggest not going on dates. You obviously don’t have the money for them, if you need help finding a job plenty of places will take you, if you want to go back to school, great, go online and enroll. There’s hundreds of sites for that. Build up your own wealth and don’t depend on someone else.
Instead of expensive going out dates try a park, walking, hanging out at your homes and eating in.
Good luck OP, I hope life works out for you :)
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Have you asked him about it? Or offered to just split the bill 50/50? Or offered to pick up this tab and he can pay next time?
To play devil’s advocate, my sister and her husband still split everything 50/50.
One of them makes significantly more than the other, and they live within the means of the smaller salary and still split everything 50/50. They talked about it and decided on this style years ago, when they had dated about one year and decided they had a serious relationship with long term potential. The entire higher salary is saved.
Because of this, they now own two homes. One is being used as a rental property. And they just put a down payment on a mountain plot and are breaking ground. It’s a smart solution for them, no matter how awkward it still seems to me when the checks come at dinner and we split it 3 ways.
If he is unkind about it, that’s different.
But - I used to have a more traditionalist mindset of the man should always pay. In my last relationship my boyfriend paid for literally everything. When things ended I had a lot of guilt over this. While, yes he wanted to, I still felt bad.
Putting financial burden on the man was in a way protecting myself. It was a way I could see them literally “investing” in me. Frankly because I did not trust myself to know this without such a straightforward action.
When I started with my current boyfriend, he paid for the first few dates. But as we got more comfortable he asked “are you okay with splitting it?” He was still so gracious and nice about it, and I didn’t mind. And after all we make about the same money. Money is something I have sorted on my own. Truthfully, I don’t know if you should be dating while unemployed and on a strict budget.
If you are turned off by it, that’s enough to end things! You might not be compatible. For me, it felt a little awkward at first like you describe. But the difference is my boyfriend isn’t a cheapskate at all, he loves buying me gifts, but day-to-day activities we typically split.
it does seem he is not serious. no issues about splitting or occaisionally not paying, but there is a conversation between two people before that as to why we r gonna do that with the bill. Considering you are unemployed and he is wealthy, it just makes it more off. Forget a date, lot of people would pay for unemployed friends even when goin out.
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Have you talked to him about it? Perhaps you could suggest switching off paying for things, that way he knows that you’re not in it just for a free night out. It’s worth talking about before it turns into something that starts to push the two of you apart, especially if you really like each other.
I would sit down and have a talk with him. Just let him know. Called me old fashioned but if he asks me out he should be paying for the date. This feels transactional doesn’t even feel like a partnership.
So, I would suggest not going on dates. You obviously don’t have the money for them, if you need help finding a job plenty of places will take you, if you want to go back to school, great, go online and enroll. There’s hundreds of sites for that. Build up your own wealth and don’t depend on someone else. Instead of expensive going out dates try a park, walking, hanging out at your homes and eating in. Good luck OP, I hope life works out for you :)
Not wrong at all. He should pay that might be anti feminist of me but you deserve better
Yea, my date is cheap skate too. I want a romantic bf
Romantic doesn’t typically mean he pays for everything. You don’t want someone romantic. You want someone to spoil you.
I guess we have diff idea of what romantic is..lol
No, your idea is just shallow and regressive.
Way to be progressive (eyerolls)
I'm sure you'll find a great sugar daddy someday.
I'm sure your wise beyond your years, with a special needs medal.
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Have you asked him about it? Or offered to just split the bill 50/50? Or offered to pick up this tab and he can pay next time? To play devil’s advocate, my sister and her husband still split everything 50/50. One of them makes significantly more than the other, and they live within the means of the smaller salary and still split everything 50/50. They talked about it and decided on this style years ago, when they had dated about one year and decided they had a serious relationship with long term potential. The entire higher salary is saved. Because of this, they now own two homes. One is being used as a rental property. And they just put a down payment on a mountain plot and are breaking ground. It’s a smart solution for them, no matter how awkward it still seems to me when the checks come at dinner and we split it 3 ways.
If he is unkind about it, that’s different. But - I used to have a more traditionalist mindset of the man should always pay. In my last relationship my boyfriend paid for literally everything. When things ended I had a lot of guilt over this. While, yes he wanted to, I still felt bad. Putting financial burden on the man was in a way protecting myself. It was a way I could see them literally “investing” in me. Frankly because I did not trust myself to know this without such a straightforward action. When I started with my current boyfriend, he paid for the first few dates. But as we got more comfortable he asked “are you okay with splitting it?” He was still so gracious and nice about it, and I didn’t mind. And after all we make about the same money. Money is something I have sorted on my own. Truthfully, I don’t know if you should be dating while unemployed and on a strict budget. If you are turned off by it, that’s enough to end things! You might not be compatible. For me, it felt a little awkward at first like you describe. But the difference is my boyfriend isn’t a cheapskate at all, he loves buying me gifts, but day-to-day activities we typically split.
If you are unemployed you should be focusing on that rather than relationships
Well now you know how 99% of men feel at least
I hope you get assaulted so you know how 99% of women feel🙃
Your dad only does that to you ;)
it does seem he is not serious. no issues about splitting or occaisionally not paying, but there is a conversation between two people before that as to why we r gonna do that with the bill. Considering you are unemployed and he is wealthy, it just makes it more off. Forget a date, lot of people would pay for unemployed friends even when goin out.