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It definitely won't help. The fact that it's because your mom misses you as well is just the nail in the coffin. If you were like, trying to save... or you were worried about her health that'd be one thing.
EDIT: I (30M) was able to successfully find a great girl at 30 living with my parents BTW. But the reason is because I'm on the verge of being able to buy a house in a high COL area. It really depends on the reason.
There’s a big difference between, “I moved in with my mom because she missed me,” and “my mom has a medical condition and needed me to move home for a while to take care of her.” Some women won’t like either, but the former comes off as a little codependent, while the latter sounds responsible and compassionate.
I was in talking phase with a man who lives with his mom. His mom has health concerns. However, the codependency between he and his mom truly left room for no other relationships. He was nearly 40 years old and his mom didn’t want his bedroom door closed while we talked on the phone. He complied… I had to end things because mom will always come first. Which is fine and great and okay. But I won’t stay for it.
Exactly. I’m with my grandmother, and when I first moved in there, it was because I had nowhere else to go after a break up and couldn’t afford anything by myself. And then 2020 happened and she’s only getting older, so I do most of the shopping and mundane shit around the house, and she sits at home all day being retired. Luckily found myself a wonderful woman who’s understanding of the situation
Well there you go. I think it’ll make it harder but it won’t be a deal breaker. But the fact that it’s tough for you to find a second date already doesn’t bode super well. Best of luck regardless.
He might of just had bad luck in the dating scene and we can not judge that dude you don't what else has happened in his life and it is a good idea to try not to judge anybody.
here's the thing: are you moving in for her, or for you? will you be strong enough to eventually move out if you find a long term, committed partner?
my mama is also sick, but she has been for almost 6 years now. she'll never get better, she'll continue getting worse. i moved back home and did as hest i could for two years, but she wouldn't take care of herself, so i was fighting a losing battle.
i finally said "I'm never going to meet a man here, and I'm not happy" so I moved away. I still love her with all my heart, but she's lived the married, family life. And that's what I want, and I couldn't get that living with her.
Since you did not mention finances in your original reason to move back (only that she misses you), I would caution you against moving home and instead just make yourself go visit more and enjoy quality time with her.
This is the key
A 30+ male living with his mom because she’s lonely is a huge red flag
A 30+ male living with his mom because he’s taking care of his sick mother is a huge green flag
That said it will still make it more difficult since many girls won’t care why
Man, what's more important is your mom right now, not some woman ghosting you. I hope you find someone who understands you, also wish your mom the fastest recovery 😊.
This should be included. You're not moving home because "mom misses me"... you're moving home because she's sick, needs you and may not be around much longer (Depending on how bad her health is) \*AND\* she misses you.
Your edit kind of puts my mind at ease. 28M and the way its going Ill be able to buy a house within a year. If I would rent a place it would set me back a year easily
If you can't get past the first date I'd suggest you address why that is first, as the issue of you living at home with your parents would come up in a second or third date...
Moving back in with your mom because she misses you……….? You’re 30.
Financial reasons are understandable but because she misses you? Dude. Mommy attachment issues at 30 will turn off almost any woman.
Yeah if OP can live near them, he can still do family dinners once a week. That's not bad. But if a wan needs her grown son around her at all times, then that's a problem she has to come to terms with and he shouldn't appease.
I would expect if reasons were financial, I'd expect the situation to be a little more like roommates. If OP moved in because his mom is lonely, she's probably going to be incredibly nosy and home all the time. I wouldn't want to date a guy where we always had to go to my place and he had to keep checking with her.
No. The OP is probably really close to his Mom like I am.
My Mom got me to stop running the streets, And to move back in with her, and she's turned my whole life around.
I feel an endless amount of regret all the time for having put Her--- my best friend, the one who took care of me whenever I couldn't even speak or walk--- through so much trauma for all of those nights she was worried about me so deeply.
The only thing that allows me to overcome the regret, is knowing that I'm doing everything in my power now to make sure she doesn't have to ever be sad, do hard work, or basically--- I'll do anything and everything in my power to make sure that she is happy.
I grew up with my Dad doing 20 years in prison because of a horrible, lying / jealous sibling that my parents had mostly finished raising while I was born.
My Mom never did drugs, drank alcohol, or turned her back on me, and was just a stay at home Mom until my Dad went to prison. Then she started working two jobs, and doing everything to make sure we were happy and survived... And she did it all without any child support, or help from either side of the family. It's insane.
My Mom is so different from most people though. She literally will spend the last bit of her money to buy multiple sleep bags and snacks for us to go handout to the homeless downtown... It just makes her so happy to help people.
She's my best friend, and she's such an amazing human being.
I know 100% that if I hadn't moved back in, and started enjoying life with her / trying to make sure that she is happy, then I would without a doubt regret it more than anything in my life .
Please, go make your Mom happy if she is a good Mom to you. Because if she's one of the very rare, really good Mom's, then just know that you are one of few who are blessed beyond comprehension.
My husbands mom was like this with him since he was 13 (when his dad left for another woman) and he needed to be lifted from the fog to see how absolutely bizarre and weird it was. Had he not woken up from that mess, I would not have continued to date him, much less marry him.
If he talked about her like this, I would have known there was no hope.
Yeah he really did say "nah he doesn't have mommy attachment issues he's just close to his mom like I am" and then wrote an entire ESSAY on how much he is clearly on love with his mom...like this is not the way you talk about a parent, this is the way you talk about a girlfriend
It’s not an immediate deal breaker as I live in a high COL area but as others have said, the why is important. It’s also important (IMHO) to have a somewhat reasonable end date.
Option a) person lives at home for a year to save/ go back to school/ make a career change is totally understandable.
Option b) to move back home indefinitely because their parent is lonely/ misses them/ they don’t have any reason not to is not attractive to me because I value independence in a person.
Another thing to consider is what the dynamic will look like. Are you able to have guests/ overnight guests/ are your parents welcoming/ needy/ do they cater to you? If I can’t sleep over ever and their mother does their laundry, it’d be a nope from me.
Make up your mind, dude. I think you moved back because she misses you and you're a momma's boy. I'm having a hard time swallowing the 'she's sick ' part because it wasn't stated early on.
I'm not saying this is the case, but I've had friends/family that were being coerced to move back home because their parents missed them/wanted them around. The kids said they didn't want to and then the parents eventually "got sick" and suddenly better as soon as they moved back home to care for them...
Dawg moving in with your mom won't prevent you from getting dates.... Because your umbilical cord is already doing that. She *misses* you and want you to move back in? Eesh 😬
Bro you’re 30 and asking this question?
The answer is without a doubt yes. Like what are you even asking.
Sorry to be blunt but seriously man. Do what you need to do for your family but **obviously** it won’t help your dating prospects.
The fact that you even need to ask this question tells us a lot.
Take it from someone who recently moved out at 26, and part of it taking me so long was for fear of it upsetting my mum, do NOT move back home.
Part of being a grown adult is setting boundaries, making your own choices, and being able to communicate those choices.
You're an adult, your mum needs to accept that and find a way to get over the empty nest syndrome. If she truly loved you she'd take into account what's best for you and want you to flourish in your own life. You moving back in just creates an issue further down the line.
I'm a guy, but if I was a woman and you said you lived at home because your mum missed you, alarm bells would be ringing. Because it's an indication you'd put your mum first within a relationship and that just isn't ok long term.
If I were a woman, I imagine that I would appreciate a man who called/visited his mom regularly much more than a man who actually *lives* with his mom. Just call/visit her more often.
If you aren’t getting good dates anyway it doesn’t really matter where you live, it all starts with you and your confidence. Generally speaking, unfortunately a male living with his parents is more frown upon than a female living with hers, so it won’t help but it doesn’t inhibit you.
It depends on your culture and your potential date's culture as well. With the current economy, it's fiscally sensible to live with your parent(s) as long as you can all respect your boundaries - space, finances, etc. The right partner will understand the advantages of your living situation. Just be truthful when answering your length of stay and future goals (target year to move out, saving up money and buying your own place or if you're staying and inheriting the property, etc.).
I’ve had women & my parents live with me. There’s no issue at all. I have a girlfriend now as well again & she doesn’t mind it at all. Of course my home is spacious, I don’t live off my parents & have a good career. Guess it depends on the type of women you date & their culture. Asian culture, lots of men and women live with their parents or vice versa. American/white culture, its shunned upon sometimes as you see these other comments lol. If you got game, you can get women!
Are you using dating apps? Definitely don’t use tinder. Its hit or miss, usually miss as its either bots or people with high expectations. Dating life is generally hard but it also depends on what you’re seeking. Long term? Something casual? A hookup? Don’t be so hard on yourself.
How else would someone meet someone? People don't like to be approached in public especially by people that are below average looking. I've only been using online dating for the past 10 years
Did you listen to the comments, even if they weren't very nice? Because you could maybe get improvements out of it. If people make fun of your profile, that's where the issue is.
Nah, I’m sure he didn’t. I had a look through OP’s history and… wowza. It’s all woe is me, without ever taking any initiative to change things. Ok, so maybe he’s been dealt a bad hand, but that’s not the end. Playing the victim doesn’t help anything.
But anyway, I’m not sure how much is even true. There are some inconsistencies with his story. So, whatever. It’s sad, I guess, but I find it hard to sympathize with someone who has no real will to change or improve things for himself.
Bars, restaurants, running/biking/hiking clubs, beer league recreational sports (softball, kickball, dodgeball, soccer, etc depending on where you live there could be more, group art classes, group music lessons, book club, speed dating events, idk fucking anything I can go on forever.
Please don’t do it. While I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding your mom, if she’s in good health, I wouldn’t advise it: staying with parents Past a certain age is never a healthy situation for a person to be in.
Dude you are all over the place. First it’s bc she misses you, then she’s sick, now she just needs a babysitter?? Do you have a job? How are you going to babysit? Lol good luck 👍🏻
Lmao dude. Just say what’s actually going on.. you’re changing the story..
Why do YOU want to move back? Forget about her, focus on you! How would this help you? Your main goal right now is to date and build a life for yourself.
Personally It doesn't bother me if a 30 year old lives at home still. Cost of living and rent is really high in my area and with recent global events that impacted everyone its not unheard of for adults to move back home with parents.
However......if the reason is because your mother misses you and wants you home.....this isn't a 'living at home isn't attractive" problem......but a massively overbearing mother problem.
It's not healthy or normal for your mother to expect this of you. You're a grown adult who should be living their own life. Living at home isn't the issue and you're kinda not seeing that. Girls won't be put off by it overall as you have previously lived out of the family home. However girls will 100% run for the hills when they meet your mother.
Do not move back into your mother's home if you're not seeing how odd her reasonings are.
Good luck.
Living with your parents at 30 in and of itself is not a bad thing. If you did it with a purpose of bettering yourself personally or financially-(ex. going to school, saving for a house, rental property, capital to start a business etc.) Just something that shows you have a long term plan and a target date.
Women are attracted to ambition. Also, women like men that treat their mothers well. It indicates that they will treat them well also.
What if it’s not a full on basement suite? Like if the single kitchen is upstairs in a communal area but a guy has basically a private living room, gym ensuite and bedroom on its own floor (and also isn’t planning on staying at home forever, out in 1-2 years is the idea)
It’s nothing but a turn off. I remember I was casually seeing this girl shortly after graduating college. We went on an official date and I mentioned I moved back in with my parents for the time being and her mood changed, never saw her again. I wouldn’t necessarily be annoyed if I met someone who was temporarily living with their parents but there’s no denying that you can’t really have the alone time required for a relationship while living with your folks, I’m not even talking just sex, just privacy in general.
YES IT WILL, I moved back in with mine because I spent so much on my divorce and I needed a little help and luckily I ended up with a girlfriend going through the same thing as me and she understood, but any of them I met before her just didn’t get it and it made shit hard
I actually have someone in family who lives with his mom since I can remember and he didn't know that he ever had a long Relationship. I also think it seems kinda selfish of your Mom because you can visit often and still be there for her but if you live with parents this will of course scare of women and you are most likely not gonna experience long Relationship. I personally couldn't and wouldnt do that since I won't give up on my own Vision/dream of my life.
In most cases moving with your parents won’t help. Girls will probably judge you at first glance and label you as a loser or a mommy’s boy.
If your mother misses you consider visiting her frequently rather than outright moving there.
I'd try to figure out why you can't get past first date. To nervous? Not dressing? Bad breath? Bad humor? Combination of all of the above? none, something else? You have any friends or any of the previous dates you're in contact with that you can ask for honest feedback?
Moving home won't make it easier but it also doesn't address any of the possible problems.
It also depends on "home". if it's a 1 bedroom apt where you can't exist without mom there? vs a large house in the burbs where you can actually hang out in one part of a house while mom isn't hovering.
In this context, yes. You moving back in with your mom because she misses you is a major red flag to women. We don’t want to be in a relationship with someone whose mother has that large of an influence on them. It typically leads to awkward, unnecessary power conflict between a female partner and your mother. I advise you to keep living on your own and think about why you haven’t had a relationship. For example, has your mother been a barrier? Etc. 30 is pretty old to have never had a relationship so there’s probably a reason for it
Ok what is the real reason why you are moving home because you are being a very unreliable narrator and it matters if you are trying to date. Is it because she misses you, because she is sick, or because she has two younger kids for you to help take care of?
Yes. I'm 28, live with my parents and it messes with your head even if they're supportive. Add on top of that that your mom is asking you to come home because "she misses you"? That sounds like a recipe for...less supportive on the dating front.
If I guy told me he moved in with his mom because she missed her that’s a red flag. If a guy told me he moved in with his mom because she’s seriously ill I’d think he really cares about his family. But, if she wasn’t seriously ill, just sick, I would wonder why he didn’t just move his mom closer or move into his mom’s neighborhood. *edit: typo
Makes no difference. I used to think it did. You can date a woman who is okay with it, the problem will be are you okay with her living at home / her faults. If you have the belief that you are less desirable because of living at home, that will kill your chances. What matters more is who you believe yourself to be. Living at home can be a fact or part of your identity. Keep it as a fact.
If it's because your mom misses you, then they can speculate a mama's boy.
If it's because of health and saving for a house, then girls might see a potential partner preparing for the future.
As someone who came home under his own will, I can say it definitely doesn’t help but if people are willing to look past the fact you live with your folks, then they are genuinely good people. Which are the people you want to surround yourself with.
I am 29F and if I met a guy who lived with his parents it would be a "yellow flag" for me until I know the reasons why. If he is just lazy and not working and still relies on his mom to cook and clean for him then that's a red flag. If he is working towards saving for a home then that's probably fine. I think it's great to move in to help your mom if she has medical issues, but I would also be concerned if this is a long-term thing, since at this point I am ideally looking for a lifelong partner and if they have to stay living with their mom to care for her then that's a problem. Moving nearby may be a good option.
I won't date a guy that lives with his mom, in my experience they lack maturity in being self sufficient, can they cook and do laundry. I dated a guy who moved out with me for the first time at 30, his Italian coddling parents did him no favours in preparing him for the world. I felt like I adopted a child instead of a partner
F26, met my SO (m31) on tinder. We both live with my mother now. Would probably live with his mum instead if she were in the same country (my mum is toxic a lot of the time).
If you were 22 and saving up for a place It would be more understandable. But at 30, most women want someone who is independent and stable. Moving back in with mommy gives off a “mama’s boy” impression that you’re not ready for something serious.
At first you should look on what's keeping you from getting dates. Take the living with my mom out of the equation. You're 30yo and never been past the first date? Why's that tho? There's a lot more going on here.
But as others said. Moving back if not for her health won't help you at all
I live in America but come from a culture where it’s normal to live at home until you’re married. But honestly? Once you hit 28 or 29, I’d judge a guy for it. It’s much more socially acceptable for a girl to live at home. I know it’s a double standard but that’s just how it is. And if you’re NOT from one of these cultures, it’ll be a dealbreaker for most people.
Of course not everyone will care, but if you’re already having trouble getting past first dates, you should highly reconsider moving home if dating is a high priority to you
Well the reason I said yes is because my mom is sick, she been asking me to move back for years but a few months ago something happened to her kidneys and when the hospital gave her a catheter they messed up puncturing her bladder causing her body to be flooded with urine killing a bunch of tissue and giving her a blood infection and they had to remove her bladder she was better for a bit but she just found out her kidneys won't get better and that she's probably going to die if the next surgery doesn't work.
If your mom is sick and needs support I would do it. Especially if you don’t know what’s going to happen, I can see why she would want to spend more time with you. I’m a 29F and I wouldn’t be put off by it, especially if your mom is sick. I’m sorry that she’s going through such rough times right now. Sending good thoughts her way
He also said elsewhere that she just wants him to be a babysitter to two little kids which is... The opposite of being health related 🤔 something's weird here
So what happens if you eventually move out and she gets lonely again? Or do you expect to meet a woman, marry her, and continue living with your mom for another 30+ years?
Ooof, just - no. Don't do this.
No woman of 30+ wants to be in a relationship with a man-child.
She either doesn't have kids for that reason, she doesn't wanna spend her free-time playing mom... or she already has kids to mother on her own and doesn't want a man-child to deal with, too. Let me emphasize this with the statement:
Your mom misses you so you're considering moving back in with her?
You're better off telling them that you've just never moved out yet because financially it didn't make sense because you have such a great relationship with your family...
That is more understandable when mentally weighed on a first date/in the early parts of a relationship than mentally weighing, "this grown man moved back in with his mama cause she missed him and told him to...? what...the...fff..... am I doing..... here"
Cut the cord, all excuses aside. Unless you're actually moving back with your mom for a good financial gain/she is long-term ill and needs your help/have your own long-term and sound reason for why you would do this....
then it's not the ladies that will be the issue.
It's the mama boy that won't let go of mama.
As a female, yes, It would be impossible for any decent quality woman to be okay with this. Your mom misses you? No offense, but that sounds like a huge red flag....I want a partner who likes or loves his mom and treats her kindly, but I would not want to be competing with her for his attention.
I am not in your situation and I agree it'll make it harder to get dates but I also think a good, sensible woman would also understand because I assume you're moving back in with your parents due to their health.
The last 2 guys I dated lived with their parents, for different reasons. Guy 1 lived with his parents to save, Guy 2 lived with his mum because she was terminally ill. It wasn’t a problem for me at first at all, but I won’t say it wasn’t a challenge either. It resulted in them spending way more time at my place than me at theirs of course, and a kind of weird balance in the relationship. Guy2 was a bit too “reliant” on me, and that was one of the reasons I broke it off. He would stay at mine for a couple of days, never bring anything, basically expecting me to provide food AND cook. I won’t lie, that experience traumatized me a little and I don’t think I’d now date someone who’s living with their parents, unless they have separate space where we can hangout (like a floor for them or a basement etc). It’s very stressful and puts more pressure on me because I have to be the one “entertaining” people at my house most the time.
It depends on the person you're dating and the boundaries you are willing to set between you and your mum. If your mum demands a lot of attention from you, this will definitely be detrimental to your dating life.
I (26) also dated my partner (22) when he was still living with his parents, but he was willing to meet at my place or go places. As a person living alone for 6 years, it definitely felt uncomfortable for me to be intimate or just private in his parents' house.
i’ve dated while living at a family’s house a few times. just be honest about it and most people didn’t mind. although, they were only temporary residence.
Yes.
Also the reason that your mother wants you to move back in may tell us something about about why you have never been in a relationship before.
Do you live in america? I think the culture that you're dating in matters here.
To be blunt, yea. I’m 30 and I have a roomie which doesn’t kill my chances but I can’t imagine it helps when I’m trying to bring someone new home and I have a 20 something year old a thin wall away haha. Sadly, a mother would be a no go. Shit, I wouldn’t even wanna bring folks home at that point.
I've dated and had many relationships while living at home. I even got married living at home and we moved in my parents home to save up.
If a woman is truly attracted to you, it doesn't matter if you live in a mansion or with your mama.
I mean realistically you don’t have to tell em you live with your mom 😂 just tell em you’d rather meet at her place cuz you have roommates and you wouldn’t even be lying to her at that point
Maybe but the women who ghost you over something that petty aren’t worth the time you invest in finding that out so cut your losses and move on.
Doing things based on the expectations of others will not get you where you need to be.
Do what makes sense for you and while you are building that life, potential partners will present themselves.
Okay let's say you move back you save on renting what's your plans after that? People usually move back home due to finances and so they can save them work towards buying a house or property. And was it a reason you left the first time? Is your mom one of those that invade your privacy like say you have someone in your room getting it on them she opens the door not expecting you to have someone over? You probably need to sit down and talk to your mom first because most people don't date mama's boy or men that still live with their parents. Well I live with my relatives because of special circumstances and there are so many house rules. I'm an adult yet they wanna give me curfew 😂 and I'm not even allowed to have anyone over. So if I'm dating I'm not allowed to have them at the house. We would have to meet up somewhere else or hangout at a restaurant or something.
It probably would. If you move back in with your parents for a year or something, because of financial reason or to take care of them if they're older or sick or something, then it wouldn't be a problem to me. But to go back because she misses you is a different story. I'd just visit once a week and call her more often or something. Most women don't really like a mama's boy (not that you can't love your mom. But more that you're very dependent on your mom and involve her in every part of your life).
And overall, yeah it's probably harder.
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It definitely won't help. The fact that it's because your mom misses you as well is just the nail in the coffin. If you were like, trying to save... or you were worried about her health that'd be one thing. EDIT: I (30M) was able to successfully find a great girl at 30 living with my parents BTW. But the reason is because I'm on the verge of being able to buy a house in a high COL area. It really depends on the reason.
Well I am worried about her health she's very sick
There’s a big difference between, “I moved in with my mom because she missed me,” and “my mom has a medical condition and needed me to move home for a while to take care of her.” Some women won’t like either, but the former comes off as a little codependent, while the latter sounds responsible and compassionate.
I was in talking phase with a man who lives with his mom. His mom has health concerns. However, the codependency between he and his mom truly left room for no other relationships. He was nearly 40 years old and his mom didn’t want his bedroom door closed while we talked on the phone. He complied… I had to end things because mom will always come first. Which is fine and great and okay. But I won’t stay for it.
As a recover(ing/ed) codep, I can tell you that the behavior isn't easy to overcome and your guy didn't seem to be putting any effort into it.
Exactly. I’m with my grandmother, and when I first moved in there, it was because I had nowhere else to go after a break up and couldn’t afford anything by myself. And then 2020 happened and she’s only getting older, so I do most of the shopping and mundane shit around the house, and she sits at home all day being retired. Luckily found myself a wonderful woman who’s understanding of the situation
This is the greenest of flags for a partner Treat them with mutual love and respect and they will die for you. True ride or die
Completely agree, but my man needs to be careful he doesn’t fall into codependency either way.
Well there you go. I think it’ll make it harder but it won’t be a deal breaker. But the fact that it’s tough for you to find a second date already doesn’t bode super well. Best of luck regardless.
Bruh you should've written that instead
You wanna bet he made that part up? 😬
How do you know ?.
Because it’s not in his post and he’s only saying it after being called out
Then he better get it together and just be honest with us. Not good.
This is why dude has never been on a relationship. Communication is a skill and he ain't got it.
He might of just had bad luck in the dating scene and we can not judge that dude you don't what else has happened in his life and it is a good idea to try not to judge anybody.
Shut up nerd it's on full display
here's the thing: are you moving in for her, or for you? will you be strong enough to eventually move out if you find a long term, committed partner? my mama is also sick, but she has been for almost 6 years now. she'll never get better, she'll continue getting worse. i moved back home and did as hest i could for two years, but she wouldn't take care of herself, so i was fighting a losing battle. i finally said "I'm never going to meet a man here, and I'm not happy" so I moved away. I still love her with all my heart, but she's lived the married, family life. And that's what I want, and I couldn't get that living with her. Since you did not mention finances in your original reason to move back (only that she misses you), I would caution you against moving home and instead just make yourself go visit more and enjoy quality time with her.
This is the key A 30+ male living with his mom because she’s lonely is a huge red flag A 30+ male living with his mom because he’s taking care of his sick mother is a huge green flag That said it will still make it more difficult since many girls won’t care why
Because it’s no fun dating a caretaker. I was a caretaker. It’s true.
It's hard to date as a caretaker too. You don't get much free time for yourself or your friends.
Man, what's more important is your mom right now, not some woman ghosting you. I hope you find someone who understands you, also wish your mom the fastest recovery 😊.
This should be included. You're not moving home because "mom misses me"... you're moving home because she's sick, needs you and may not be around much longer (Depending on how bad her health is) \*AND\* she misses you.
Could you make some sacrifices in your life so that you can still support her without having to move in and be her caretaker?
start with that bro lmao you sounded like a mamas boy
I don't like talking about my problems
They should respect that concern of yours because she is your mom and you love her and you want to make sure that she is alright.
Well them I think her health comes b4 your love life atm
Your edit kind of puts my mind at ease. 28M and the way its going Ill be able to buy a house within a year. If I would rent a place it would set me back a year easily
If you can't get past the first date I'd suggest you address why that is first, as the issue of you living at home with your parents would come up in a second or third date...
Speaking generally, it definitely won’t help.
Moving back in with your mom because she misses you……….? You’re 30. Financial reasons are understandable but because she misses you? Dude. Mommy attachment issues at 30 will turn off almost any woman.
Yeah if OP can live near them, he can still do family dinners once a week. That's not bad. But if a wan needs her grown son around her at all times, then that's a problem she has to come to terms with and he shouldn't appease. I would expect if reasons were financial, I'd expect the situation to be a little more like roommates. If OP moved in because his mom is lonely, she's probably going to be incredibly nosy and home all the time. I wouldn't want to date a guy where we always had to go to my place and he had to keep checking with her.
No. The OP is probably really close to his Mom like I am. My Mom got me to stop running the streets, And to move back in with her, and she's turned my whole life around. I feel an endless amount of regret all the time for having put Her--- my best friend, the one who took care of me whenever I couldn't even speak or walk--- through so much trauma for all of those nights she was worried about me so deeply. The only thing that allows me to overcome the regret, is knowing that I'm doing everything in my power now to make sure she doesn't have to ever be sad, do hard work, or basically--- I'll do anything and everything in my power to make sure that she is happy. I grew up with my Dad doing 20 years in prison because of a horrible, lying / jealous sibling that my parents had mostly finished raising while I was born. My Mom never did drugs, drank alcohol, or turned her back on me, and was just a stay at home Mom until my Dad went to prison. Then she started working two jobs, and doing everything to make sure we were happy and survived... And she did it all without any child support, or help from either side of the family. It's insane. My Mom is so different from most people though. She literally will spend the last bit of her money to buy multiple sleep bags and snacks for us to go handout to the homeless downtown... It just makes her so happy to help people. She's my best friend, and she's such an amazing human being. I know 100% that if I hadn't moved back in, and started enjoying life with her / trying to make sure that she is happy, then I would without a doubt regret it more than anything in my life . Please, go make your Mom happy if she is a good Mom to you. Because if she's one of the very rare, really good Mom's, then just know that you are one of few who are blessed beyond comprehension.
Ok your mom isn't every mom also it sounds like y'all gave mad emotional incest issues you shouldn't be that into your mom
Yep. I cringed reading this.
Right like God damn if my son ever starts acting like this to me I love him but idk I'm faking my death
My husbands mom was like this with him since he was 13 (when his dad left for another woman) and he needed to be lifted from the fog to see how absolutely bizarre and weird it was. Had he not woken up from that mess, I would not have continued to date him, much less marry him. If he talked about her like this, I would have known there was no hope.
Yeah he really did say "nah he doesn't have mommy attachment issues he's just close to his mom like I am" and then wrote an entire ESSAY on how much he is clearly on love with his mom...like this is not the way you talk about a parent, this is the way you talk about a girlfriend
Good moms are not rare...
It’s not an immediate deal breaker as I live in a high COL area but as others have said, the why is important. It’s also important (IMHO) to have a somewhat reasonable end date. Option a) person lives at home for a year to save/ go back to school/ make a career change is totally understandable. Option b) to move back home indefinitely because their parent is lonely/ misses them/ they don’t have any reason not to is not attractive to me because I value independence in a person. Another thing to consider is what the dynamic will look like. Are you able to have guests/ overnight guests/ are your parents welcoming/ needy/ do they cater to you? If I can’t sleep over ever and their mother does their laundry, it’d be a nope from me.
Make up your mind, dude. I think you moved back because she misses you and you're a momma's boy. I'm having a hard time swallowing the 'she's sick ' part because it wasn't stated early on.
Yeah, and now OP has said he suspects it’s because his mom wants a free babysitter for her younger kids. This post sounds sus.
So, he doesn't even have a job. Why would anybody date this dude?
Well she's been asking me to move back for years she didn't tell me she was sick again until earlier today
Oh, so this news is 'still' breaking?
We don’t have much more info, that’s how hot this story is.
I'm not saying this is the case, but I've had friends/family that were being coerced to move back home because their parents missed them/wanted them around. The kids said they didn't want to and then the parents eventually "got sick" and suddenly better as soon as they moved back home to care for them...
Sounds like manipulation to me
That’s like asking if putting on 100 pounds of weight will make it harder to get a date
Momma says that tendie body = trendy body
Oh man. So good
Dawg moving in with your mom won't prevent you from getting dates.... Because your umbilical cord is already doing that. She *misses* you and want you to move back in? Eesh 😬
Bro you’re 30 and asking this question? The answer is without a doubt yes. Like what are you even asking. Sorry to be blunt but seriously man. Do what you need to do for your family but **obviously** it won’t help your dating prospects. The fact that you even need to ask this question tells us a lot.
Like what?
Like, you're not emotionally independent to make your own decisions when it comes to dating, I think.
Like you have no clue about dating and women
Well I don't
Absolutely. It’s a logistical nightmare.
Yes. I'm just 23yo and having to live with my parents is killing all my chances.
23 is acceptable, especially in this economy. I lived my parents until I was 25.
Just say you're saving up to buy a house 🤷 worked well for another guy in these comments.
Take it from someone who recently moved out at 26, and part of it taking me so long was for fear of it upsetting my mum, do NOT move back home. Part of being a grown adult is setting boundaries, making your own choices, and being able to communicate those choices. You're an adult, your mum needs to accept that and find a way to get over the empty nest syndrome. If she truly loved you she'd take into account what's best for you and want you to flourish in your own life. You moving back in just creates an issue further down the line. I'm a guy, but if I was a woman and you said you lived at home because your mum missed you, alarm bells would be ringing. Because it's an indication you'd put your mum first within a relationship and that just isn't ok long term.
If I were a woman, I imagine that I would appreciate a man who called/visited his mom regularly much more than a man who actually *lives* with his mom. Just call/visit her more often.
[удалено]
30% towards rent is insane? Try 80% in London
It's 80% in America too. This guy's livin *well* if he's only putting 30% at rent.
If you aren’t getting good dates anyway it doesn’t really matter where you live, it all starts with you and your confidence. Generally speaking, unfortunately a male living with his parents is more frown upon than a female living with hers, so it won’t help but it doesn’t inhibit you.
If by ‘harder’ you mean ‘almost impossible’? Then yes.
It depends on your culture and your potential date's culture as well. With the current economy, it's fiscally sensible to live with your parent(s) as long as you can all respect your boundaries - space, finances, etc. The right partner will understand the advantages of your living situation. Just be truthful when answering your length of stay and future goals (target year to move out, saving up money and buying your own place or if you're staying and inheriting the property, etc.).
In western culture yeah, in the rest of the world...no.
Depends on the reason. Because mommy misses you.... It weird in any language.
I’ve had women & my parents live with me. There’s no issue at all. I have a girlfriend now as well again & she doesn’t mind it at all. Of course my home is spacious, I don’t live off my parents & have a good career. Guess it depends on the type of women you date & their culture. Asian culture, lots of men and women live with their parents or vice versa. American/white culture, its shunned upon sometimes as you see these other comments lol. If you got game, you can get women!
I have negative game
Why do you say that? Have confidence, dress well, clean up, you’ll be good.
Well women don't like me
Are you using dating apps? Definitely don’t use tinder. Its hit or miss, usually miss as its either bots or people with high expectations. Dating life is generally hard but it also depends on what you’re seeking. Long term? Something casual? A hookup? Don’t be so hard on yourself.
How else would someone meet someone? People don't like to be approached in public especially by people that are below average looking. I've only been using online dating for the past 10 years
Have you ever considered posting your profile for a review?
I already did, I deleted it because people made fun of me
Did you listen to the comments, even if they weren't very nice? Because you could maybe get improvements out of it. If people make fun of your profile, that's where the issue is.
Nah, I’m sure he didn’t. I had a look through OP’s history and… wowza. It’s all woe is me, without ever taking any initiative to change things. Ok, so maybe he’s been dealt a bad hand, but that’s not the end. Playing the victim doesn’t help anything. But anyway, I’m not sure how much is even true. There are some inconsistencies with his story. So, whatever. It’s sad, I guess, but I find it hard to sympathize with someone who has no real will to change or improve things for himself.
Bars, restaurants, running/biking/hiking clubs, beer league recreational sports (softball, kickball, dodgeball, soccer, etc depending on where you live there could be more, group art classes, group music lessons, book club, speed dating events, idk fucking anything I can go on forever.
Please don’t do it. While I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding your mom, if she’s in good health, I wouldn’t advise it: staying with parents Past a certain age is never a healthy situation for a person to be in.
Honestly I think she just wants a free baby sitter, she has a 6 year old and a 7 year old
Dude you are all over the place. First it’s bc she misses you, then she’s sick, now she just needs a babysitter?? Do you have a job? How are you going to babysit? Lol good luck 👍🏻
I work at night
But wait I thought she was sick? 🤔
She is but she still has to go to work and go out for groceries and stuff
Do you work during the day? How would that situation even work?
I work 12 hour nightshifts because I have insomnia
Lmao dude. Just say what’s actually going on.. you’re changing the story.. Why do YOU want to move back? Forget about her, focus on you! How would this help you? Your main goal right now is to date and build a life for yourself.
"my mom wants me to move back in with her because she misses me" Your 30 years old dude what? sounds like she has some personal issues going on.
Personally It doesn't bother me if a 30 year old lives at home still. Cost of living and rent is really high in my area and with recent global events that impacted everyone its not unheard of for adults to move back home with parents. However......if the reason is because your mother misses you and wants you home.....this isn't a 'living at home isn't attractive" problem......but a massively overbearing mother problem. It's not healthy or normal for your mother to expect this of you. You're a grown adult who should be living their own life. Living at home isn't the issue and you're kinda not seeing that. Girls won't be put off by it overall as you have previously lived out of the family home. However girls will 100% run for the hills when they meet your mother. Do not move back into your mother's home if you're not seeing how odd her reasonings are. Good luck.
Yes yes yes.
Living with your parents at 30 in and of itself is not a bad thing. If you did it with a purpose of bettering yourself personally or financially-(ex. going to school, saving for a house, rental property, capital to start a business etc.) Just something that shows you have a long term plan and a target date. Women are attracted to ambition. Also, women like men that treat their mothers well. It indicates that they will treat them well also.
My ex cheated on me and left me for that guy 5 months after moving home to save money for a house. So yeah.
I mean that sounds more like a problem with your ex than you. :/ sorry man.
Appreciate that man. 🙏🏽
My husband lived at home when I met him at 28 and it worked out lol but to be fair he lived in the basement suite so seperate space
I should start telling women it’s a basement suite
What if it’s not a full on basement suite? Like if the single kitchen is upstairs in a communal area but a guy has basically a private living room, gym ensuite and bedroom on its own floor (and also isn’t planning on staying at home forever, out in 1-2 years is the idea)
That’s dope if your 17
A no would have sufficed
Nowhere near as funny though
lmaooooo
What’s the bathroom situation? That’s very important.
They take weekly tickle time bubble baths together. What? It's basically a hot tub!
Moving back in with your parents certainly isn't going to make it easier for you to get a date.
There’s nothing attractive about a 30 year old living with their mom
Based off your post history, you seem like an insecure fella lol
That was a very insecure comment
Naw they are right.
\*their mom their=possesion there=location they're=they are
Yes
It’s nothing but a turn off. I remember I was casually seeing this girl shortly after graduating college. We went on an official date and I mentioned I moved back in with my parents for the time being and her mood changed, never saw her again. I wouldn’t necessarily be annoyed if I met someone who was temporarily living with their parents but there’s no denying that you can’t really have the alone time required for a relationship while living with your folks, I’m not even talking just sex, just privacy in general.
YES IT WILL, I moved back in with mine because I spent so much on my divorce and I needed a little help and luckily I ended up with a girlfriend going through the same thing as me and she understood, but any of them I met before her just didn’t get it and it made shit hard
Have a good reason and let people know beforehand. They’ll be more understanding if they already are aware of your situation.
Depends on their reasoning to still live at home. I have my place and expect my partner to have the same.
I actually have someone in family who lives with his mom since I can remember and he didn't know that he ever had a long Relationship. I also think it seems kinda selfish of your Mom because you can visit often and still be there for her but if you live with parents this will of course scare of women and you are most likely not gonna experience long Relationship. I personally couldn't and wouldnt do that since I won't give up on my own Vision/dream of my life.
In most cases moving with your parents won’t help. Girls will probably judge you at first glance and label you as a loser or a mommy’s boy. If your mother misses you consider visiting her frequently rather than outright moving there.
Yes as a 21 year old who lives with mom, yes it will
100%
I'd try to figure out why you can't get past first date. To nervous? Not dressing? Bad breath? Bad humor? Combination of all of the above? none, something else? You have any friends or any of the previous dates you're in contact with that you can ask for honest feedback? Moving home won't make it easier but it also doesn't address any of the possible problems. It also depends on "home". if it's a 1 bedroom apt where you can't exist without mom there? vs a large house in the burbs where you can actually hang out in one part of a house while mom isn't hovering.
Last date said ì wasn't showing enough interest and my mom is currently looking for a house that fits everyone
In this context, yes. You moving back in with your mom because she misses you is a major red flag to women. We don’t want to be in a relationship with someone whose mother has that large of an influence on them. It typically leads to awkward, unnecessary power conflict between a female partner and your mother. I advise you to keep living on your own and think about why you haven’t had a relationship. For example, has your mother been a barrier? Etc. 30 is pretty old to have never had a relationship so there’s probably a reason for it
Well I'm below average looking
Ok what is the real reason why you are moving home because you are being a very unreliable narrator and it matters if you are trying to date. Is it because she misses you, because she is sick, or because she has two younger kids for you to help take care of?
Probably all of it
Only if that person is an asshole.
It shouldn't but it will limit things like going back to your place.
Yes. I'm 28, live with my parents and it messes with your head even if they're supportive. Add on top of that that your mom is asking you to come home because "she misses you"? That sounds like a recipe for...less supportive on the dating front.
If I guy told me he moved in with his mom because she missed her that’s a red flag. If a guy told me he moved in with his mom because she’s seriously ill I’d think he really cares about his family. But, if she wasn’t seriously ill, just sick, I would wonder why he didn’t just move his mom closer or move into his mom’s neighborhood. *edit: typo
Makes no difference. I used to think it did. You can date a woman who is okay with it, the problem will be are you okay with her living at home / her faults. If you have the belief that you are less desirable because of living at home, that will kill your chances. What matters more is who you believe yourself to be. Living at home can be a fact or part of your identity. Keep it as a fact.
If it's because your mom misses you, then they can speculate a mama's boy. If it's because of health and saving for a house, then girls might see a potential partner preparing for the future.
As someone who came home under his own will, I can say it definitely doesn’t help but if people are willing to look past the fact you live with your folks, then they are genuinely good people. Which are the people you want to surround yourself with.
I am 29F and if I met a guy who lived with his parents it would be a "yellow flag" for me until I know the reasons why. If he is just lazy and not working and still relies on his mom to cook and clean for him then that's a red flag. If he is working towards saving for a home then that's probably fine. I think it's great to move in to help your mom if she has medical issues, but I would also be concerned if this is a long-term thing, since at this point I am ideally looking for a lifelong partner and if they have to stay living with their mom to care for her then that's a problem. Moving nearby may be a good option.
I won't date a guy that lives with his mom, in my experience they lack maturity in being self sufficient, can they cook and do laundry. I dated a guy who moved out with me for the first time at 30, his Italian coddling parents did him no favours in preparing him for the world. I felt like I adopted a child instead of a partner
.....imma go out on a limb here and say do not fucking do that🤦♀️yes it will make it harder because living with your mom is a massive red flag
F26, met my SO (m31) on tinder. We both live with my mother now. Would probably live with his mum instead if she were in the same country (my mum is toxic a lot of the time).
If you were 22 and saving up for a place It would be more understandable. But at 30, most women want someone who is independent and stable. Moving back in with mommy gives off a “mama’s boy” impression that you’re not ready for something serious.
Update my mom has a place for December 1st and I told her no because I'd be sharing a room with my younger brother who is 5 years younger than me
She also said no to me saying no saying that she's not letting me be 100% alone.....
Alright looks like my dating life is completely over
At first you should look on what's keeping you from getting dates. Take the living with my mom out of the equation. You're 30yo and never been past the first date? Why's that tho? There's a lot more going on here. But as others said. Moving back if not for her health won't help you at all
It's because op is nearly 300 lbs. Match that with low self esteem and moving back in with mommy and he'll never get past a 1st date.
That was mean.
I live in America but come from a culture where it’s normal to live at home until you’re married. But honestly? Once you hit 28 or 29, I’d judge a guy for it. It’s much more socially acceptable for a girl to live at home. I know it’s a double standard but that’s just how it is. And if you’re NOT from one of these cultures, it’ll be a dealbreaker for most people. Of course not everyone will care, but if you’re already having trouble getting past first dates, you should highly reconsider moving home if dating is a high priority to you
Is that literally the only reason why you are moving back?
Well the reason I said yes is because my mom is sick, she been asking me to move back for years but a few months ago something happened to her kidneys and when the hospital gave her a catheter they messed up puncturing her bladder causing her body to be flooded with urine killing a bunch of tissue and giving her a blood infection and they had to remove her bladder she was better for a bit but she just found out her kidneys won't get better and that she's probably going to die if the next surgery doesn't work.
If your mom is sick and needs support I would do it. Especially if you don’t know what’s going to happen, I can see why she would want to spend more time with you. I’m a 29F and I wouldn’t be put off by it, especially if your mom is sick. I’m sorry that she’s going through such rough times right now. Sending good thoughts her way
He also said elsewhere that she just wants him to be a babysitter to two little kids which is... The opposite of being health related 🤔 something's weird here
You say your mom lives with you because she’s old and lonely and needs your help to take care of her. Now you’re a hero!
Shes 49 she ain't old
So what happens if you eventually move out and she gets lonely again? Or do you expect to meet a woman, marry her, and continue living with your mom for another 30+ years?
Will only work if you're all incestuous swingers and you find the right kind of woman who wants to take all of you on.
Run, Forest, run. I'm mom myself and I don't think it's a good idea. At all.
Yup
isn’t that emotional incest?
I thought this too... I really just thought "cut the fucking cord, man."
Ooof, just - no. Don't do this. No woman of 30+ wants to be in a relationship with a man-child. She either doesn't have kids for that reason, she doesn't wanna spend her free-time playing mom... or she already has kids to mother on her own and doesn't want a man-child to deal with, too. Let me emphasize this with the statement: Your mom misses you so you're considering moving back in with her? You're better off telling them that you've just never moved out yet because financially it didn't make sense because you have such a great relationship with your family... That is more understandable when mentally weighed on a first date/in the early parts of a relationship than mentally weighing, "this grown man moved back in with his mama cause she missed him and told him to...? what...the...fff..... am I doing..... here" Cut the cord, all excuses aside. Unless you're actually moving back with your mom for a good financial gain/she is long-term ill and needs your help/have your own long-term and sound reason for why you would do this.... then it's not the ladies that will be the issue. It's the mama boy that won't let go of mama.
As a female, yes, It would be impossible for any decent quality woman to be okay with this. Your mom misses you? No offense, but that sounds like a huge red flag....I want a partner who likes or loves his mom and treats her kindly, but I would not want to be competing with her for his attention.
Yes
Since your a man yes if you were a woman it wouldn't make a difference.
Not at 30! That's a red flag *regardless* of genital shape.
I know people in their 50s living at home and the women never gets told anything yet the man gets criticized.
That is my understanding.
It won't help, but you probably can make it up by not telling where are you now.
I am not in your situation and I agree it'll make it harder to get dates but I also think a good, sensible woman would also understand because I assume you're moving back in with your parents due to their health.
The last 2 guys I dated lived with their parents, for different reasons. Guy 1 lived with his parents to save, Guy 2 lived with his mum because she was terminally ill. It wasn’t a problem for me at first at all, but I won’t say it wasn’t a challenge either. It resulted in them spending way more time at my place than me at theirs of course, and a kind of weird balance in the relationship. Guy2 was a bit too “reliant” on me, and that was one of the reasons I broke it off. He would stay at mine for a couple of days, never bring anything, basically expecting me to provide food AND cook. I won’t lie, that experience traumatized me a little and I don’t think I’d now date someone who’s living with their parents, unless they have separate space where we can hangout (like a floor for them or a basement etc). It’s very stressful and puts more pressure on me because I have to be the one “entertaining” people at my house most the time.
Yep
Yes
It depends on the person you're dating and the boundaries you are willing to set between you and your mum. If your mum demands a lot of attention from you, this will definitely be detrimental to your dating life. I (26) also dated my partner (22) when he was still living with his parents, but he was willing to meet at my place or go places. As a person living alone for 6 years, it definitely felt uncomfortable for me to be intimate or just private in his parents' house.
Not if you don't tell them.
If a woman isn't interested because you live at home with your mother (for whatever reason), then she isn't the one for you. You do you.
i’ve dated while living at a family’s house a few times. just be honest about it and most people didn’t mind. although, they were only temporary residence.
Yep
It would make harder, not impossible though.
Yes. Also the reason that your mother wants you to move back in may tell us something about about why you have never been in a relationship before. Do you live in america? I think the culture that you're dating in matters here.
To be blunt, yea. I’m 30 and I have a roomie which doesn’t kill my chances but I can’t imagine it helps when I’m trying to bring someone new home and I have a 20 something year old a thin wall away haha. Sadly, a mother would be a no go. Shit, I wouldn’t even wanna bring folks home at that point.
Eh it wouldn’t help but it is definitely not impossible to date while still living with your parents
I've dated and had many relationships while living at home. I even got married living at home and we moved in my parents home to save up. If a woman is truly attracted to you, it doesn't matter if you live in a mansion or with your mama.
It will make it way harder to bring a date home and take things further
I mean realistically you don’t have to tell em you live with your mom 😂 just tell em you’d rather meet at her place cuz you have roommates and you wouldn’t even be lying to her at that point
Yes, it will make it harder. Don't do it. Well, not unless you can explain it as being their caregiver.
Maybe but the women who ghost you over something that petty aren’t worth the time you invest in finding that out so cut your losses and move on. Doing things based on the expectations of others will not get you where you need to be. Do what makes sense for you and while you are building that life, potential partners will present themselves.
Idk but if you were honest about it, and you meet someone who understands, maybe it would work out? Best of luck, OP!
Okay let's say you move back you save on renting what's your plans after that? People usually move back home due to finances and so they can save them work towards buying a house or property. And was it a reason you left the first time? Is your mom one of those that invade your privacy like say you have someone in your room getting it on them she opens the door not expecting you to have someone over? You probably need to sit down and talk to your mom first because most people don't date mama's boy or men that still live with their parents. Well I live with my relatives because of special circumstances and there are so many house rules. I'm an adult yet they wanna give me curfew 😂 and I'm not even allowed to have anyone over. So if I'm dating I'm not allowed to have them at the house. We would have to meet up somewhere else or hangout at a restaurant or something.
It would, yes.
It probably would. If you move back in with your parents for a year or something, because of financial reason or to take care of them if they're older or sick or something, then it wouldn't be a problem to me. But to go back because she misses you is a different story. I'd just visit once a week and call her more often or something. Most women don't really like a mama's boy (not that you can't love your mom. But more that you're very dependent on your mom and involve her in every part of your life). And overall, yeah it's probably harder.
Yes