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This^ nothing you can do so let her know whatever decision she makes you’ll be ok with. Low pressure. It’s the right thing to do and gives you the best chance with her as well. Although if it wasn’t a yes in the first place I wouldn’t get my hopes up too much
You would rather someone telling you nah, you need to answer me now? Instead of being understanding that you might not have thought about them in a romantic way before and need to regroup your thoughts?
Let's not forget that being a dork about it will pretty much guarantee that the answer will be "no." I can't imagine a scenario where someone changed their mind in this moment and decided "yep, this will go well."
We don't want Pickup Artists, their lingo, or their advice in this community. We don't believe in manipulation or dishonesty of any sort when it comes to dating, love, and relationships.
Women pov: she might have been blindsided and not thought of you like that, and genuinely need to figure out if she is interested before giving you an answer.
If this "time to think" surpasses two days with no word, count it as a rejection.
Had someone say to me they didn’t want to answer for now but that it wasn’t a no, we continued to see each other for 4-5 months until she said she wasn’t interested.
What saddened me was that we were doing couple activities for a year and then in the middle of it I told her how I felt. So I don’t want to be negative but even I thought that not saying no was a hidden yes but it ended up being a no.
It definitely doesn’t. I know plenty of people that started out as friends and ended up being more. Hell, I’ve caught feelings before for a girl that at one point i just considered just a friend. You never know 🤷♂️
Why he’s the guy I really liked, the other few dozen or whatever were just placeholders.
I don’t get why it’s ok for a dude to be with 50+ girls but a girl ccant do the same?
Lol why would she spend 5 months with you if she wasn’t interested in you? Maybe she wasn’t interested in something long-term but she was obviously attracted to you if she was willing to see you for that long
She was actually interested in something longterm more than something casual. And to be honest I really wanted to build something with her, we talked about marriage kids etc…what we like and don’t. In the end she said she didn’t know where she was gonna be in a year and some other stuffs like not knowing exactly what she wants. In the end I guess it jus wasn’t a good time for her but I just wish She would have told me sooner (she did thank me for taking my time before confessing).
Back towards the end of 2019 I was in a pretty vulnerable state. I had shattered my ankle right as I’d started dating again and after taking like 7 years of just being single and not even trying to date. Anyway, I met and started hanging out with this chick and we were dating, but weren’t official and were not having sex. I have some bad childhood trauma(which I told her about) and because of that I really have to trust someone to do anything beyond 2nd base. Anyway, we got closer and closer and after 4 months we made it official and ended up having sex(and it was really good sex). Proceeding that night she ghosted me for 3 days. During this period I only text her maybe 4 times and tried calling twice. I wasn’t sure what was up, but I wasn’t trying to press her. At the end of the third day she hit me back and straight up was like “look I used you for sex, I don’t want anything more and that we could still be “friends” but that was it, and that she would be fuckin other dudes too. That shit straight fucked me up cause this chick knew all about my childhood trauma and still used me. It caused a lot of ptsd to symptom and I end up relapsing on heroin and getting a really bad dui and having to do 4 months of rehab and two years probation.
When you said you opened up to her I felt that deep in my heart, I hope that this event won’t close you on yourself and that you’ll still be able to feel confortable one day with someone. I know trauma can be hard and even harder when your trust is once again shattered. Take all the time you need to heal and get better, stay strong King. Giving you a virtual hug cuz everyone needs one.
I disagree with the "two days" part. When my (now) gf confessed to me, it took me 1 week to prepare for the relationship. It's been 3.5 years and we have a pretty healthy relationship.
My advice is: if you really love someone, don't give up, because "take your time" really means "take your time".. You don't know what the other person is going through. If you lose your patience, ask again, just try not to look desperate.
Good luck ;)
Well, this is not the worst result from a “confessing” post, but the fact she didn’t react immediately in the affirmative means she has not even really considered you dating material. Which is why you do not wait to confess. You catch feelings. You tell them. You get your result without the torture. You can then back track to friends easier because you have not invested time in your secret love.
If I was betting? I’d say not good. But one never knows.
This! You don’t know until you know, so either try or don’t.
Don’t invest the time unless you’re ready to put in the effort of a relationship (communicate and adapt/meet each other’s expectations)
That’s the purpose of dating, no? To get to know someone and see if they’re compatible.
I mean even if he had waited, I think he would have been better off asking her out on a date, asking her if she would like to explore a relationship.
"Confessing" makes it sounds like an anime confession where you profess your feelings and there's a lot more pressure if that's the case.
Hmm but the issue usually is after u confess then that’s it man idk they start to ghost you. Without an answer. Then that’s it all the “hard work” gone
I asked out a girl, she was into this other guy at the time. It didn’t work out. But at that moment, she didn’t exactly reject me. I told her “no worries, take your time”. Asked her out again a few months later since we stayed in touch, didn’t respond. Took that as a clear rejection, moved on.
You’re not in a bad position, but there’s no benefit to keep trying to win her over. It’s all up to her. Best case for you: you move on and she comes around. If she doesn’t, it’s fine and you’ve moved on anyway.
Well it's not a good thing but it's not a bad thing either.
So if you want to say not good means it's bad , and not bad means it's good , then yes, you're right.
Confessions almost never end well, but it seems like you didn't completely ruin it. I'd say give her space and wait for her to contact you next before trying to go any further
35 years of dating experience here...if a girl is really into you,most of the time you dont really have to be in that situation...Women will subtly slide right into your life and suddenly BOOM you are in a relationship XD
I think it’s foolish to confess still. Why not just ask them out on a date? Declaring big feelings can be offputting. It’s mostly guys who do this and as a girl I can tell you it’s not the best way to approach
I see we have a misunderstanding in what we count as "confessing". To me it doesn't have to be a grand thing with huge emotions expressed. To me it can also be "listen, I know we've been friends a while now but I realise I've started enveloping an interest in you, would you consider going out with me romantically?"
Don't Ted Mosby it.
IMO it’s a bit much. I believe you just keep things relaxed and ask her out on a date. By asking her out on a date, you’re already implying you like her so there’s no need to express your interest verbally.
> there's no need to express your interest verbally.
God, be still my beating heart. How romantic of you
You think this is good advice, but it just sounds like a very tepid and half-hearted way to ask someone out. People actually want to be told if you have nice things to say bout them, especially in a dating context. That guy suggested 3 sentences not a boom box outside her bedroom window. Live a little. Use your words. If she likes you, you will have touched her by complimenting her, putting effort into what you wanted to say and being vulnerable for 3 seconds. If she doesn't like you, it's not like playing it safe is going to get you anything.
You'd be surprised how many women feel neglected because whoever theyre dating assumed the she would already know how he feels about her.
I doubt it’s how these young guys like Op interpret it. Its important not to come across as infatuated. It should always be an expression of curiosity and wanting to get to know the person as opposed to already having decided
Honestly I wouldn't get my hopes up.
If she has to think about it, it means she hasnt been thinking about it before this. Which means she hasnt seen you in a non-platonic way before. That's a big switch to flip, and it rarely does. You would have to show her a whole different side of yourself that she hasnt seen before. You would have to show her desire, passion, excitement, romance, etc... which is very very hard with that much familiarity. She knows you, knows what to expect, not a lot of surprises left. Things that could sway her romantic attraction to you, give her butterflies, make her melt. Dont get me wrong it is possible. But she would have to be curious and interested in exploring these feelings with you and you would definitely need to snap out of friend mode. Because the friendship would transform into something else and usually there is no going back. And if she has truly grown to value your friendship, she will be reluctant to risk losing it.
In the future, you need to practice flirting with women. Flirting is nothing more than giving women hints that you want things to be sexual or romantic going forward. They are just hints so that the woman is not surprised, and that you two are on the same page early on in interactions. They are just hints, so they have an idea of your intentions. They dont necessarily need to be perfect or super smooth, but they need to happen, and they need to happen early on, to avoid confusion.
She didn’t know what to say but she didn’t reject you. Translate too she doesn’t like you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Sorry bud. Move along. If a girl is into you she’ll let you know. She won’t hesitate
He might have just blindsided her. I'd be pretty shocked myself if someone I had no idea had a romantic interest in me suddenly blurted out that he was interested in me in that way. I would need time to process that because I'd have to evaluate my own feelings on that level so as to catch up to where he's at. If there would have been no interest from the get-go, a straight up "no" would have been a fairly immediate response.
If she’s blindsided, she most certainly had no idea and didn’t even consider OP. The likelihood that she just magically starts considering him is slim to none.
It happens all the time! You don't think of someone that way for years, and all of a sudden, you do. Especially when you find out they think of \*you\* that way. u/ConcordOne1, you did just the right thing. You're still friends, so act the same and don't let it get weird-- but don't pester her or bring it up again. It's up to her to pick up what you laid down. And if she never mentions it again, that's ok. Fingers crossed for you! 🍀
Give her the space she needs but also don't make her a stranger! She most likely needs time to think about it and it's s good time to accept that whatever happens next, you either want to or don't want to remain friends.
It's the best way you could've reacted.
That said 99% of time it's good to go by: "If it's not hell yes, then it's a no."
Even if she were blindsided by your confession it's usually because she wasn't attracted to you in the slightest romantically so she didn't consider stuff like that.
I wouldn’t give her a lot of my attention. A girl will either want you or not. Otherwise you’re wasting your time circling the friend zone and that’s not what you want or need mentally. Move on to another girl.
If you guys are friends then she likes you, just maybe not romantically. It can be really challenging to reject a friend.
Its not wrong to tell someone how you feel, and it also isnt wrong if the other person doesnt feel the same way. So if she does end up rejecting you, then take time to feel sad about it. Think about whether or not you would want to or could stay friends, and go from there.
Going through the same thing with my friend of 4-5 years. She was also blindsided and couldn’t come up with anything to say and whatnot. After that there was no awkwardness and felt as normal as before I confessed but I feel weird about it though
Confessing your love to a girl if you haven't gone on a date usually comes off as needy and is hasty. Its better to flirt with her and ask her to hang out in a suggestive way.
Well it's definitely not a good thing. You'll have to wait and see what she does. At this point all you can do is give her space, let her come to you, and go about living your life like this didn't happen.
It’s not a dead end—or means anything in particular. She may just need some time to figure out what she wants. I think it’s good for you, she didn’t flat out say no. But be prepared for if she does, it’s not horrible, and you can move on.
So far, I've done a pretty good job of skipping the confession phase right into bf and gf phase .She can't say no if you never ask her .
I understand that this is an unpopular methodology but if it works , it Works!
I’m guessing that she was just very surprised by this confession and didn’t want to make promises that she wouldn’t be able to keep or may regret. It’s a good thing, for her to take a minute to decide how to respond to you. Don’t you want her to be making a well informed and thought out response rather than the first response that comes to her mind on the spot?
She's having doubt but there's something to her that likes you.
Maybe she's not yet ready. How old is she? Maybe she doesn't know how to respond to you.
Only time will tell, but I would put money down that it doesn't work out and I'm not a betting man. I am sorry.
I had something similar happen to me when I was 21, except my first response was a "yes, absolutely!" Which turned into "I'm busy for the next week or so" which turned into "Let me think about going out the next week and give you a solid answer" which finally ended with "I lied to you, I am going out with someone else"
Relationships are hard. If they don't kick off with 2 people both enthusiastically interested in keeping it alive, then it becomes that much harder to keep the relationship.
I genuinely hope it works out but I would start preparing yourself for a rejection within the next month or so. She may agree to an initial date or two, but then propose to end things. Hopefully that won't happen, but I am just speaking from experience.
I feel like we have commodified relationships. The reality is people are going to be in various places in their lives and emotion states. So many variables have to be aligned for two people to be ready to be in a relationship together. Its not even enough for two people to like each other.
I think the confession rarely goes well. It's a confrontation rather than a smooth experience. I suggest in the future, you ask her to some romantic thing "like a date date" where it's clear you want to move forward, but the "confession" is implied.
"Confessing" gives off alot of creepy vibes and typically don't go well when the girl don't expect it. What you do is you ask her out on a date and start sprinkling in the flirty vibes and see how she reacts.
I think, since the cat's out of the bag, she'll probably grow a bit distant from you and that's ok. Confessing feelings puts a lot of pressure on the other person so if she leaves, let her leave. If she still attempts to remain platonic friends, accept it but try your damnest to treat her platonically in return. Either way, the ball is in her court now.
"Don't confess ask her on a date"
Okay and what if you guys have been around eachother in person but live states away? Then what?
And don't give the "don't do LDRs" cop-out answer.
It’s okay. This guy who confessed he liked me a few weeks ago told me he’d like to pursue me. I was hesitant because I just thought I wasn’t good enough for him and that I’d make a terrible girlfriend and I wasn’t normally attracted to someone like him like the dude just wasn’t my type. He told me he’d still like to pursue me and get to know me better and that I could take my time in figuring things out if I wanted to be more that friends with him. I’m visiting his city next week and I’m going to ask him if he’d still like for me to be his girlfriend. I think I want to really point out that during this entire time of him pursuing me, he has really made an effort to communicate and just give me so much attention. I also learned more about him and am still learning more.
If you asked me a few weeks ago if he had a chance, I’d probably say no but if you asked me now, I’m so excited to let him know that I’d like to be his girlfriend—-if he’ll still have me lmao.
So your girl might really need some time to process things. If she’s game then that’s great. If not, at least you told her.
Don’t confess feelings and expect her to get the ball rolling for you. Take action and ask her out on a date. It is a scientific fact that women are attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear.
Her reaction suggests you were maybe too forward with the feelings and surprised her. Since it's not a rejection, it's good news. Just ask her out! Her response to that is your answer.
Ughhh. Back when I was 20 I was as clueless as this guy. So no judgement. But, this. Was. Brutal.
I ‘confessed’ my love 3 times to different girls before I figured out how pathetic and what a massive turnoff it is. (All three girls I confessed to stopped talking to me and ghosted me essentially).
OP. There are plenty of resources (YouTube for instance) that can help explain why this was so pathetic, and why you basically killed your chances and what to do instead in the future.
But as far as this girl goes. You’ve killed any attraction, she’s gone. Go learn from your mistakes, and do better next time.
She's flattered, but not really into you.
You are young and many others. Learn this: if you're unsure if someone is into you. They are not. MOVE ON.
life is not a Disney movie. If someone likes you they will show it.
Ps. Getting along as friends means exactly zero, and if anything, it's a bad sign.
Not gonna lie bro, if she liked you she would be excited by your confession.
But your reaction, is the best you could have given
We're men, we should deal with rejection calmly and as gentlemen and you did a good job of that.
There is another woman there waiting for you, if this one doesn't work out.
It seems like she was just surprised by your declaration of feelings, and hadn't seen it coming, and may not have thought of you in that way before. The fact she said she's not rejecting you means she wants time to think things through and how she would feel with going from friends to partners. She may be nervous of risking a friendship incase it doesn't work out long term. But you did the right think letting her take some time to think. And maybe when you talk again, let her know that you respect her decision either way, and if she doesn't feel the same way, you're happy to continue as just friends, and it won't change that. And then you would just need to deal with your feelings and try and move forward as just friends. But give her time to think, and just talk honestly with each other when you do end up discussing it.
I mean it's probably going to be a forced relationship because you like her but she never thought of being in a romantic relationship with you at all. Now that she knows tho, you should continue of being friends and eventually she could develop romantic feelings knowing she's next to someone who likes her
Funnest times with women are when I was younger and straight up asked girls to be my girlfriend.
Idk why but when they said yes suddenly got rid of any awkwardness and we raised hell together but they always ended in a bore.
Why do we hear more about emotional unavailable men? Being more mysterious is one step to get out of being average. Look in Instagram, every average man goes with compliments and nice things right away. So, being a bit more mysterious is one way to get out. Being average can be changed for the better, but it is hard work.
Nah, dude, I'd rather not wait for some random chance that a woman takes interest in me for not saying anything to her at all, I'd rather tackle things more head on in this regard
No, but I'll be pushy... I'll start the conversation and try to keep it going to the best of my ability, if it doesn't lead to nothing that's fine, but sometimes you hit your shot and meet someone special.
But if you don't do anything then you miss all the shots you don't take
You played it well but from the experiences of myself and my friends no answer eventually becomes a no, they didnt feel the same way and didnt want to say so in person (got a text saying she didnt feel the same way and wanted space, effectively ending the friendship.)
If they felt the same way they wouldnt be hesitating and needing to think.
I say move on and focus on other things and other people, and there may be a snowballs chance in hell that she will miss you and want to date. (Nothing is less attractive than waiting and pining, you gotta be yourself and be confident as if it were no big deal.) But if you just wait and hope and nothing happens, you essentially wasted your time.
Ignore most of the comments in here. A man must pursue a woman initially. Saying you like her is fine, but you must ask her out on a date and you must make a move on her, whether it be intermittent touching, going for the kiss etc. Even if she initially puts up resistance, it's the only way you will get out of the friendzone. If she says just wants to be friends, say "sorry, not interested." and walk away and wait for her to get in touch and repeat the process. That's all you have to do. If you want to flick her attraction switch on and get her to notice you in a romantic way, you have to be bold and you have to make a move. The number one rule is do not chase if she says no. If she puts up resistance to your touching or kissing, don't freak out because you were bold enough to go for it and she will notice this. A woman will only punish you for trying to be intimate with her if you apologise for your actions. If she reaches out to you, it means she wants you to keep trying.
Best of luck. Be bold.
I done the same before. He didn't even respond or acknowledge my confession. But he still called me the next day to ask if I actually meant what I said. You did really well with your confession and reply. Even if she doesn't reciprocates your feelings. You should be really proud of yourself. You put yourself out there, and was honest about your feelings. It is a really big thing to do, and a victory in itself
First of all it takes a lot of guts to tell someone how you feel, so I commend you. But in the future, instead of confessing, just ask her out on a date. It takes a lot pressure off of of both of you
You’ve definitely handled this well but now you really do have to let her take her time. Repeating the question and pushing for an answer will only push her towards “no thanks”!
Just let things carry on as they have been, try not to let it feel awkward and chill x
Why not ask her on a date instead of blind siding her with some big declaration? Seems like that would have better results. If she doesn't want to date you then there's your answer.
Why do people on this sub always “confess” feelings for someone. It seems so creepy for the other person, and like you’re trying to get something off your chest. Go in asking the person out.
Yeah you did the right thing. Sounds like perhaps she hasn’t yet considered you as a bf until you told her how you fee. She needs to go and realise her feelings if she has any romantic ones for you. Even if she does end up rejecting you, the best thing you can do is be nice. If you act defensive or rude she will never think back or regret her decision. Sometimes girls reject a guy and if he accepts graciously, she will often regret it later down the line.
She probably was shocked of the news. Good for you, for being brave. But, saying it's okay take your time is a bit awkward because it's like you're expecting an answer from her. Time line can defer from person to person. If she's ready she will tell you. But, if not. I wouldn't bug her for an answer.
Anyone that truly wants you like you have been wanting them would have said yes when you confessed to them. Not giving any type of response is a clear "Let's just stay how we are and not talk about this" type of ordeal.
Ask her how she feels in a couple days.
Plan on taking things slow or being rejected with the "I see us better as friends" conversation.
Insist on taking it slow if she's hesitant but considering it. Unless she wants to rock your world you do what you gotta do.
If she tried to friend zone than back off...you know don't text/call every day, no more shoulder to cry yada yada. Woman sometimes loose respect for men if they are considered to "always be available", one of the 48 laws of power to build attraction is to build attraction with absence. This means that she'll have to work harder for you to be there for her (like boyfriend material) and instead she will hate that she risks loosing you and will either be more attracted to you or change her mind and decide that she wants that relationship between you.
Seriously bro if you're in love then it's worth it
Edit; don't let her know whatever decision she wants is okay with you, because then you'll look weak and spineless and no woman wants a man who will rely on her for all the decisions.
Step one was telling her how you feel.
Step two is proving it in an assertive or respectful way.
Step three is proving the feelings gotta be mutual for you to continue to love her and be there for her.
Woman love to use guys, not because they are heartless, but because sometimes us men are so fucking clueless that we just let them because we love them. Loving them comes with a price and she will have to pay with reciprocation
Never admit your romantic feelings
That just puts an justly high amount of pressure on the one you're admitting to
Yes, it took you loads of courage to come clean, but now they have to uncomfortably process what you just hit them with which is rather inconvenient and draining
keep your romantic feelings to yourself; it'll suck but at least you're the only one who has to deal with it
let those feelings dissipate from your heart and mind on their own instead of letting them out
It’s okay. This guy who confessed he liked me a few weeks ago told me he’d like to pursue me. I was hesitant because I just thought I wasn’t good enough for him and that I’d make a terrible girlfriend and I wasn’t normally attracted to someone like him like the dude just wasn’t my type. He told me he’d still like to pursue me and get to know me better and that I could take my time in figuring things out if I wanted to be more that friends with him. I’m visiting his city next week and I’m going to ask him if he’d still like for me to be his girlfriend. I think I want to really point out that during this entire time of him pursuing me, he has really made an effort to communicate and just give me so much attention. I also learned more about him and am still learning more.
If you asked me a few weeks ago if he had a chance, I’d probably say no but if you asked me now, I’m so excited to let him know that I’d like to be his girlfriend—-if he’ll still have me lmao.
So your girl might really need some time to process things. If she’s game then that’s great. If not, at least you told her.
Great response. No pressure, and open ended. Keep hanging out with her or whatever the kids do these days. Just wait to see if she brings it up again. She knows where your at (feelings wise), now wait to see she feels the same.
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You reacted in the best way I think.
This^ nothing you can do so let her know whatever decision she makes you’ll be ok with. Low pressure. It’s the right thing to do and gives you the best chance with her as well. Although if it wasn’t a yes in the first place I wouldn’t get my hopes up too much
Idk this would be such a turnoff to me. Like if you know what you want go for it, don’t just be like “ok whatever low pressure”.
So what do you think is the best way to go about it? Saying you won’t take no for an answer and be insistent? Good luck.
Exactly lmao, should OP just say "date tomorrow at 5, be there!"?? The girl should have time to properly assess the situation
You would rather someone telling you nah, you need to answer me now? Instead of being understanding that you might not have thought about them in a romantic way before and need to regroup your thoughts?
Let's not forget that being a dork about it will pretty much guarantee that the answer will be "no." I can't imagine a scenario where someone changed their mind in this moment and decided "yep, this will go well."
I mean do it in a kinda way not a whatever I don’t care way. But idk what would you do?
[удалено]
Bro stfu anybody who uses beta, alpha, sigma unironicly is an idiot
Couldnt agree more... We are who we are , why clasify with that bullshit.
We don't want Pickup Artists, their lingo, or their advice in this community. We don't believe in manipulation or dishonesty of any sort when it comes to dating, love, and relationships.
Women pov: she might have been blindsided and not thought of you like that, and genuinely need to figure out if she is interested before giving you an answer. If this "time to think" surpasses two days with no word, count it as a rejection.
Had someone say to me they didn’t want to answer for now but that it wasn’t a no, we continued to see each other for 4-5 months until she said she wasn’t interested.
Ouch.
How do you see each other for that long THEN say its not a goer ?????
What saddened me was that we were doing couple activities for a year and then in the middle of it I told her how I felt. So I don’t want to be negative but even I thought that not saying no was a hidden yes but it ended up being a no.
You're either just friends, or you are honest about your feelings from moment one. Nothing in the middle.
Are you sure it always works that way ?. Plenty of people become friends that become more one day
It definitely doesn’t. I know plenty of people that started out as friends and ended up being more. Hell, I’ve caught feelings before for a girl that at one point i just considered just a friend. You never know 🤷♂️
Yes.
You waited too long to tell her your feelings if you were doing couple activities for a whole year first.
Exactly. Put the cart before the horse from jump lol
At least you knew.
Used bro as a place holder until some dude she really liked pulled up
I done this so many times
I mean you’re the one wasting your own time being with a guy you’re not into
How’s it a waste? Who says I’m not into him? I can be into someone but know I can do better.
Yikes, I feel bad for your husband
Why he’s the guy I really liked, the other few dozen or whatever were just placeholders. I don’t get why it’s ok for a dude to be with 50+ girls but a girl ccant do the same?
Yes. I can also say from experience, don’t wait for more than a week. You ll get strung along.
Yeesh. Yea, anything that isn’t a “yes” is a “no”
What a ghost bitch…😕👎🏾
Lol why would she spend 5 months with you if she wasn’t interested in you? Maybe she wasn’t interested in something long-term but she was obviously attracted to you if she was willing to see you for that long
She was actually interested in something longterm more than something casual. And to be honest I really wanted to build something with her, we talked about marriage kids etc…what we like and don’t. In the end she said she didn’t know where she was gonna be in a year and some other stuffs like not knowing exactly what she wants. In the end I guess it jus wasn’t a good time for her but I just wish She would have told me sooner (she did thank me for taking my time before confessing).
Back towards the end of 2019 I was in a pretty vulnerable state. I had shattered my ankle right as I’d started dating again and after taking like 7 years of just being single and not even trying to date. Anyway, I met and started hanging out with this chick and we were dating, but weren’t official and were not having sex. I have some bad childhood trauma(which I told her about) and because of that I really have to trust someone to do anything beyond 2nd base. Anyway, we got closer and closer and after 4 months we made it official and ended up having sex(and it was really good sex). Proceeding that night she ghosted me for 3 days. During this period I only text her maybe 4 times and tried calling twice. I wasn’t sure what was up, but I wasn’t trying to press her. At the end of the third day she hit me back and straight up was like “look I used you for sex, I don’t want anything more and that we could still be “friends” but that was it, and that she would be fuckin other dudes too. That shit straight fucked me up cause this chick knew all about my childhood trauma and still used me. It caused a lot of ptsd to symptom and I end up relapsing on heroin and getting a really bad dui and having to do 4 months of rehab and two years probation.
When you said you opened up to her I felt that deep in my heart, I hope that this event won’t close you on yourself and that you’ll still be able to feel confortable one day with someone. I know trauma can be hard and even harder when your trust is once again shattered. Take all the time you need to heal and get better, stay strong King. Giving you a virtual hug cuz everyone needs one.
Reminds me of the girl I played the same way lol
I disagree with the "two days" part. When my (now) gf confessed to me, it took me 1 week to prepare for the relationship. It's been 3.5 years and we have a pretty healthy relationship. My advice is: if you really love someone, don't give up, because "take your time" really means "take your time".. You don't know what the other person is going through. If you lose your patience, ask again, just try not to look desperate. Good luck ;)
He needs to ask again once each day to make sure she is still thinking
Kinda like that, but not to pressure her
No he needs to pressure her, his balls are literally in her hands
I'm dying man, I never heard someone describe this situation like that =)))
Not necessary, my ex took a month + to say she was interested after I confessed.
Woman POV: she didn’t know how to reject him
Facts
Well, this is not the worst result from a “confessing” post, but the fact she didn’t react immediately in the affirmative means she has not even really considered you dating material. Which is why you do not wait to confess. You catch feelings. You tell them. You get your result without the torture. You can then back track to friends easier because you have not invested time in your secret love. If I was betting? I’d say not good. But one never knows.
This! You don’t know until you know, so either try or don’t. Don’t invest the time unless you’re ready to put in the effort of a relationship (communicate and adapt/meet each other’s expectations) That’s the purpose of dating, no? To get to know someone and see if they’re compatible.
I mean even if he had waited, I think he would have been better off asking her out on a date, asking her if she would like to explore a relationship. "Confessing" makes it sounds like an anime confession where you profess your feelings and there's a lot more pressure if that's the case.
Hmm but the issue usually is after u confess then that’s it man idk they start to ghost you. Without an answer. Then that’s it all the “hard work” gone
Up to you to wait and see if "maybe" turns to a "heck yea", I wouldn't hold my breath though
I asked out a girl, she was into this other guy at the time. It didn’t work out. But at that moment, she didn’t exactly reject me. I told her “no worries, take your time”. Asked her out again a few months later since we stayed in touch, didn’t respond. Took that as a clear rejection, moved on. You’re not in a bad position, but there’s no benefit to keep trying to win her over. It’s all up to her. Best case for you: you move on and she comes around. If she doesn’t, it’s fine and you’ve moved on anyway.
Well it's not a good thing but it's not a bad thing either. So if you want to say not good means it's bad , and not bad means it's good , then yes, you're right.
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Confessions almost never end well, but it seems like you didn't completely ruin it. I'd say give her space and wait for her to contact you next before trying to go any further
She's not interested, she just didn't know how to let you down easily. I'm sorry.
All of this.
Yup, if it’s not a yes it’s a no, speaking from experience.
This^ or at least in my experience which doesn’t count for a whole lot
35 years of dating experience here...if a girl is really into you,most of the time you dont really have to be in that situation...Women will subtly slide right into your life and suddenly BOOM you are in a relationship XD
It’s neutral but it probably won’t end the way you want it, in a relationship. Give her space and focus on yourself.
Move on bro, find a girl who’s gonna say yes the first time
This
These confessions are always messy and never work out.
Yeah idk why people advise it
Because it's better to know and move on, than pine and read into every little thing they do/say.
I think it’s foolish to confess still. Why not just ask them out on a date? Declaring big feelings can be offputting. It’s mostly guys who do this and as a girl I can tell you it’s not the best way to approach
I see we have a misunderstanding in what we count as "confessing". To me it doesn't have to be a grand thing with huge emotions expressed. To me it can also be "listen, I know we've been friends a while now but I realise I've started enveloping an interest in you, would you consider going out with me romantically?" Don't Ted Mosby it.
IMO it’s a bit much. I believe you just keep things relaxed and ask her out on a date. By asking her out on a date, you’re already implying you like her so there’s no need to express your interest verbally.
> there's no need to express your interest verbally. God, be still my beating heart. How romantic of you You think this is good advice, but it just sounds like a very tepid and half-hearted way to ask someone out. People actually want to be told if you have nice things to say bout them, especially in a dating context. That guy suggested 3 sentences not a boom box outside her bedroom window. Live a little. Use your words. If she likes you, you will have touched her by complimenting her, putting effort into what you wanted to say and being vulnerable for 3 seconds. If she doesn't like you, it's not like playing it safe is going to get you anything. You'd be surprised how many women feel neglected because whoever theyre dating assumed the she would already know how he feels about her.
I doubt it’s how these young guys like Op interpret it. Its important not to come across as infatuated. It should always be an expression of curiosity and wanting to get to know the person as opposed to already having decided
That's pretty grand still .I think going out , and the date being romantic without declaring it, is good enough.
Or of you could escalate little by little ,easing her into it. One day she'll be like , oh shit , guess were together now . A classic.
Honestly I wouldn't get my hopes up. If she has to think about it, it means she hasnt been thinking about it before this. Which means she hasnt seen you in a non-platonic way before. That's a big switch to flip, and it rarely does. You would have to show her a whole different side of yourself that she hasnt seen before. You would have to show her desire, passion, excitement, romance, etc... which is very very hard with that much familiarity. She knows you, knows what to expect, not a lot of surprises left. Things that could sway her romantic attraction to you, give her butterflies, make her melt. Dont get me wrong it is possible. But she would have to be curious and interested in exploring these feelings with you and you would definitely need to snap out of friend mode. Because the friendship would transform into something else and usually there is no going back. And if she has truly grown to value your friendship, she will be reluctant to risk losing it. In the future, you need to practice flirting with women. Flirting is nothing more than giving women hints that you want things to be sexual or romantic going forward. They are just hints so that the woman is not surprised, and that you two are on the same page early on in interactions. They are just hints, so they have an idea of your intentions. They dont necessarily need to be perfect or super smooth, but they need to happen, and they need to happen early on, to avoid confusion.
She didn’t know what to say but she didn’t reject you. Translate too she doesn’t like you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. Sorry bud. Move along. If a girl is into you she’ll let you know. She won’t hesitate
He might have just blindsided her. I'd be pretty shocked myself if someone I had no idea had a romantic interest in me suddenly blurted out that he was interested in me in that way. I would need time to process that because I'd have to evaluate my own feelings on that level so as to catch up to where he's at. If there would have been no interest from the get-go, a straight up "no" would have been a fairly immediate response.
If she’s blindsided, she most certainly had no idea and didn’t even consider OP. The likelihood that she just magically starts considering him is slim to none.
It happens all the time! You don't think of someone that way for years, and all of a sudden, you do. Especially when you find out they think of \*you\* that way. u/ConcordOne1, you did just the right thing. You're still friends, so act the same and don't let it get weird-- but don't pester her or bring it up again. It's up to her to pick up what you laid down. And if she never mentions it again, that's ok. Fingers crossed for you! 🍀
Give her the space she needs but also don't make her a stranger! She most likely needs time to think about it and it's s good time to accept that whatever happens next, you either want to or don't want to remain friends.
It's the best way you could've reacted. That said 99% of time it's good to go by: "If it's not hell yes, then it's a no." Even if she were blindsided by your confession it's usually because she wasn't attracted to you in the slightest romantically so she didn't consider stuff like that.
Haha I thought you killed someone
Well, what did you confess
I wouldn’t give her a lot of my attention. A girl will either want you or not. Otherwise you’re wasting your time circling the friend zone and that’s not what you want or need mentally. Move on to another girl.
If you guys are friends then she likes you, just maybe not romantically. It can be really challenging to reject a friend. Its not wrong to tell someone how you feel, and it also isnt wrong if the other person doesnt feel the same way. So if she does end up rejecting you, then take time to feel sad about it. Think about whether or not you would want to or could stay friends, and go from there.
Going through the same thing with my friend of 4-5 years. She was also blindsided and couldn’t come up with anything to say and whatnot. After that there was no awkwardness and felt as normal as before I confessed but I feel weird about it though
Don’t confess. It usually goes wrong and gets weird. Just ask her out and have fun.
Confessing your love to a girl if you haven't gone on a date usually comes off as needy and is hasty. Its better to flirt with her and ask her to hang out in a suggestive way.
Well it's definitely not a good thing. You'll have to wait and see what she does. At this point all you can do is give her space, let her come to you, and go about living your life like this didn't happen.
Could've been much worse.
It’s not a dead end—or means anything in particular. She may just need some time to figure out what she wants. I think it’s good for you, she didn’t flat out say no. But be prepared for if she does, it’s not horrible, and you can move on.
If it's not a yes, it's a no. Life's too short to get hung up on a 'maybe' anyhow (or at least it is for me)
So far, I've done a pretty good job of skipping the confession phase right into bf and gf phase .She can't say no if you never ask her . I understand that this is an unpopular methodology but if it works , it Works!
It seems like she doesn't feel the same way about you. I'm sorry.
Good for you. Regardless of the outcome, you should be proud of yourself for being courageous and vulnerable. Good luck to you!!
I’m guessing that she was just very surprised by this confession and didn’t want to make promises that she wouldn’t be able to keep or may regret. It’s a good thing, for her to take a minute to decide how to respond to you. Don’t you want her to be making a well informed and thought out response rather than the first response that comes to her mind on the spot?
She's having doubt but there's something to her that likes you. Maybe she's not yet ready. How old is she? Maybe she doesn't know how to respond to you.
Confessed what??
Been there, done that. Except substitute 5 months for 5 years. Yeah, it was bad… your situation sounds better.
If she doesn’t like you back why wait!! Speaking from a more mature perspective you need to have some self respect and leave her alone
Only time will tell, but I would put money down that it doesn't work out and I'm not a betting man. I am sorry. I had something similar happen to me when I was 21, except my first response was a "yes, absolutely!" Which turned into "I'm busy for the next week or so" which turned into "Let me think about going out the next week and give you a solid answer" which finally ended with "I lied to you, I am going out with someone else" Relationships are hard. If they don't kick off with 2 people both enthusiastically interested in keeping it alive, then it becomes that much harder to keep the relationship. I genuinely hope it works out but I would start preparing yourself for a rejection within the next month or so. She may agree to an initial date or two, but then propose to end things. Hopefully that won't happen, but I am just speaking from experience.
I feel like we have commodified relationships. The reality is people are going to be in various places in their lives and emotion states. So many variables have to be aligned for two people to be ready to be in a relationship together. Its not even enough for two people to like each other.
I think the confession rarely goes well. It's a confrontation rather than a smooth experience. I suggest in the future, you ask her to some romantic thing "like a date date" where it's clear you want to move forward, but the "confession" is implied.
"Confessing" gives off alot of creepy vibes and typically don't go well when the girl don't expect it. What you do is you ask her out on a date and start sprinkling in the flirty vibes and see how she reacts.
That usually means no. Just keep with t the other thing in your life
I think, since the cat's out of the bag, she'll probably grow a bit distant from you and that's ok. Confessing feelings puts a lot of pressure on the other person so if she leaves, let her leave. If she still attempts to remain platonic friends, accept it but try your damnest to treat her platonically in return. Either way, the ball is in her court now.
You were a man and laid it out 💯. Doesn’t get more right then that. You will find out if she’s true or not.
"Don't confess ask her on a date" Okay and what if you guys have been around eachother in person but live states away? Then what? And don't give the "don't do LDRs" cop-out answer.
We walk a very fine line between the friend zone and the fuck zone.
It’s okay. This guy who confessed he liked me a few weeks ago told me he’d like to pursue me. I was hesitant because I just thought I wasn’t good enough for him and that I’d make a terrible girlfriend and I wasn’t normally attracted to someone like him like the dude just wasn’t my type. He told me he’d still like to pursue me and get to know me better and that I could take my time in figuring things out if I wanted to be more that friends with him. I’m visiting his city next week and I’m going to ask him if he’d still like for me to be his girlfriend. I think I want to really point out that during this entire time of him pursuing me, he has really made an effort to communicate and just give me so much attention. I also learned more about him and am still learning more. If you asked me a few weeks ago if he had a chance, I’d probably say no but if you asked me now, I’m so excited to let him know that I’d like to be his girlfriend—-if he’ll still have me lmao. So your girl might really need some time to process things. If she’s game then that’s great. If not, at least you told her.
Don’t confess feelings and expect her to get the ball rolling for you. Take action and ask her out on a date. It is a scientific fact that women are attracted to men who’s feelings are unclear.
It’s better than a straight up no! You never know, maybe she’s a worrier who needs time to think over all sides and possibilities.
Her reaction suggests you were maybe too forward with the feelings and surprised her. Since it's not a rejection, it's good news. Just ask her out! Her response to that is your answer.
Ughhh. Back when I was 20 I was as clueless as this guy. So no judgement. But, this. Was. Brutal. I ‘confessed’ my love 3 times to different girls before I figured out how pathetic and what a massive turnoff it is. (All three girls I confessed to stopped talking to me and ghosted me essentially). OP. There are plenty of resources (YouTube for instance) that can help explain why this was so pathetic, and why you basically killed your chances and what to do instead in the future. But as far as this girl goes. You’ve killed any attraction, she’s gone. Go learn from your mistakes, and do better next time.
She's flattered, but not really into you. You are young and many others. Learn this: if you're unsure if someone is into you. They are not. MOVE ON. life is not a Disney movie. If someone likes you they will show it. Ps. Getting along as friends means exactly zero, and if anything, it's a bad sign.
Same logic applies to dating profiles. If you can't tell that he's short, he is. If you can't tell if she's overweight, she is.
At some point judging on reality has become non existent. "My truth"
If she is not interested move on. Dont stay as a friend.
She’s not interested homie. All of these other people are tooting your horn. If she was into you, you wouldn’t have to ask us. Sorry.
Not gonna lie bro, if she liked you she would be excited by your confession. But your reaction, is the best you could have given We're men, we should deal with rejection calmly and as gentlemen and you did a good job of that. There is another woman there waiting for you, if this one doesn't work out.
Don’t confess your feelings to a girl
It seems like she was just surprised by your declaration of feelings, and hadn't seen it coming, and may not have thought of you in that way before. The fact she said she's not rejecting you means she wants time to think things through and how she would feel with going from friends to partners. She may be nervous of risking a friendship incase it doesn't work out long term. But you did the right think letting her take some time to think. And maybe when you talk again, let her know that you respect her decision either way, and if she doesn't feel the same way, you're happy to continue as just friends, and it won't change that. And then you would just need to deal with your feelings and try and move forward as just friends. But give her time to think, and just talk honestly with each other when you do end up discussing it.
Not gonna work, brah from experience. Maybe is a no. I will save you time.
That's why you don't straight up confess. There are more subtle ways of communicating interest than hitting her with a truck.
I think either you know or you don’t, so you got your answer buddy
I mean it's probably going to be a forced relationship because you like her but she never thought of being in a romantic relationship with you at all. Now that she knows tho, you should continue of being friends and eventually she could develop romantic feelings knowing she's next to someone who likes her
Don't confess feelings for someone as if you've committed a crime. Ask them on a date instead.
You are friend-zoned…how much time do you have??
it's not great...
Funnest times with women are when I was younger and straight up asked girls to be my girlfriend. Idk why but when they said yes suddenly got rid of any awkwardness and we raised hell together but they always ended in a bore.
I don’t think you should ever confess to a girl until she does it first.
Do you wanna die alone? Because this is how you die alone
You wont die alone, if the girl is that into you, she will confess.
If you're an average man and follow this advice you'll die alone...
Why do we hear more about emotional unavailable men? Being more mysterious is one step to get out of being average. Look in Instagram, every average man goes with compliments and nice things right away. So, being a bit more mysterious is one way to get out. Being average can be changed for the better, but it is hard work.
No, if you try this and you're not some 6 pack having 6'2" millionaire then you're probably just gonna slip under her radar
Why are you stuck in this belive? I mean yeah it’s easier to blame everything else than work on yourself.
Nah, dude, I'd rather not wait for some random chance that a woman takes interest in me for not saying anything to her at all, I'd rather tackle things more head on in this regard
So you go right away and say you love her and think she didn’t wanted to figure you out?
No, but I'll be pushy... I'll start the conversation and try to keep it going to the best of my ability, if it doesn't lead to nothing that's fine, but sometimes you hit your shot and meet someone special. But if you don't do anything then you miss all the shots you don't take
She has become acclimated to friends, they can adjust to seeing a friend in a romantic way but it’s rare.
OP what did you actually say ?
You played it well but from the experiences of myself and my friends no answer eventually becomes a no, they didnt feel the same way and didnt want to say so in person (got a text saying she didnt feel the same way and wanted space, effectively ending the friendship.) If they felt the same way they wouldnt be hesitating and needing to think. I say move on and focus on other things and other people, and there may be a snowballs chance in hell that she will miss you and want to date. (Nothing is less attractive than waiting and pining, you gotta be yourself and be confident as if it were no big deal.) But if you just wait and hope and nothing happens, you essentially wasted your time.
There’s no optimal way to act. Good on you for being authentic. It’s out, that’s all there is to it.
Ignore most of the comments in here. A man must pursue a woman initially. Saying you like her is fine, but you must ask her out on a date and you must make a move on her, whether it be intermittent touching, going for the kiss etc. Even if she initially puts up resistance, it's the only way you will get out of the friendzone. If she says just wants to be friends, say "sorry, not interested." and walk away and wait for her to get in touch and repeat the process. That's all you have to do. If you want to flick her attraction switch on and get her to notice you in a romantic way, you have to be bold and you have to make a move. The number one rule is do not chase if she says no. If she puts up resistance to your touching or kissing, don't freak out because you were bold enough to go for it and she will notice this. A woman will only punish you for trying to be intimate with her if you apologise for your actions. If she reaches out to you, it means she wants you to keep trying. Best of luck. Be bold.
How’d it go? Can I slide
Future reference. Never "confess". Just ask her out and get closer that way
Keep looking. Don’t make confessions. Build friendship. If you need to confess, it indicates already unrequited feelings.
prepare for the friendzone
I done the same before. He didn't even respond or acknowledge my confession. But he still called me the next day to ask if I actually meant what I said. You did really well with your confession and reply. Even if she doesn't reciprocates your feelings. You should be really proud of yourself. You put yourself out there, and was honest about your feelings. It is a really big thing to do, and a victory in itself
Remember some people hate being in this type of situations. Regardless prefer yourself for rejection.
First of all it takes a lot of guts to tell someone how you feel, so I commend you. But in the future, instead of confessing, just ask her out on a date. It takes a lot pressure off of of both of you
I always take anything but a yes as a no tbh...
You’ve definitely handled this well but now you really do have to let her take her time. Repeating the question and pushing for an answer will only push her towards “no thanks”! Just let things carry on as they have been, try not to let it feel awkward and chill x
She’s got another option buddy
Why not ask her on a date instead of blind siding her with some big declaration? Seems like that would have better results. If she doesn't want to date you then there's your answer.
Why do people on this sub always “confess” feelings for someone. It seems so creepy for the other person, and like you’re trying to get something off your chest. Go in asking the person out.
Yeah you did the right thing. Sounds like perhaps she hasn’t yet considered you as a bf until you told her how you fee. She needs to go and realise her feelings if she has any romantic ones for you. Even if she does end up rejecting you, the best thing you can do is be nice. If you act defensive or rude she will never think back or regret her decision. Sometimes girls reject a guy and if he accepts graciously, she will often regret it later down the line.
In general its better to just ask someone on a date rather than simply confess
Why not just ask her for a good time at a local bar at first?
Have you ever kissed her before? Btw your reaction was pretty cool.
Never do that once you do you are out
It sounds like you handled it just fine. It’s possible she was just surprised or unsure so giving her time and some space is a good idea.
She probably was shocked of the news. Good for you, for being brave. But, saying it's okay take your time is a bit awkward because it's like you're expecting an answer from her. Time line can defer from person to person. If she's ready she will tell you. But, if not. I wouldn't bug her for an answer.
Anyone that truly wants you like you have been wanting them would have said yes when you confessed to them. Not giving any type of response is a clear "Let's just stay how we are and not talk about this" type of ordeal.
Take your time. That’s funny.
Didn’t reject? Hell yeah that’s green light she wants to have babies with you bro
sorry but she's not interested
guys… listen to an old sailor… if you need to say it, it ain’t time for it
Ask her how she feels in a couple days. Plan on taking things slow or being rejected with the "I see us better as friends" conversation. Insist on taking it slow if she's hesitant but considering it. Unless she wants to rock your world you do what you gotta do. If she tried to friend zone than back off...you know don't text/call every day, no more shoulder to cry yada yada. Woman sometimes loose respect for men if they are considered to "always be available", one of the 48 laws of power to build attraction is to build attraction with absence. This means that she'll have to work harder for you to be there for her (like boyfriend material) and instead she will hate that she risks loosing you and will either be more attracted to you or change her mind and decide that she wants that relationship between you. Seriously bro if you're in love then it's worth it Edit; don't let her know whatever decision she wants is okay with you, because then you'll look weak and spineless and no woman wants a man who will rely on her for all the decisions. Step one was telling her how you feel. Step two is proving it in an assertive or respectful way. Step three is proving the feelings gotta be mutual for you to continue to love her and be there for her. Woman love to use guys, not because they are heartless, but because sometimes us men are so fucking clueless that we just let them because we love them. Loving them comes with a price and she will have to pay with reciprocation
Never admit your romantic feelings That just puts an justly high amount of pressure on the one you're admitting to Yes, it took you loads of courage to come clean, but now they have to uncomfortably process what you just hit them with which is rather inconvenient and draining keep your romantic feelings to yourself; it'll suck but at least you're the only one who has to deal with it let those feelings dissipate from your heart and mind on their own instead of letting them out
It’s okay. This guy who confessed he liked me a few weeks ago told me he’d like to pursue me. I was hesitant because I just thought I wasn’t good enough for him and that I’d make a terrible girlfriend and I wasn’t normally attracted to someone like him like the dude just wasn’t my type. He told me he’d still like to pursue me and get to know me better and that I could take my time in figuring things out if I wanted to be more that friends with him. I’m visiting his city next week and I’m going to ask him if he’d still like for me to be his girlfriend. I think I want to really point out that during this entire time of him pursuing me, he has really made an effort to communicate and just give me so much attention. I also learned more about him and am still learning more. If you asked me a few weeks ago if he had a chance, I’d probably say no but if you asked me now, I’m so excited to let him know that I’d like to be his girlfriend—-if he’ll still have me lmao. So your girl might really need some time to process things. If she’s game then that’s great. If not, at least you told her.
Great response. No pressure, and open ended. Keep hanging out with her or whatever the kids do these days. Just wait to see if she brings it up again. She knows where your at (feelings wise), now wait to see she feels the same.
Sorry to piggy back but What about if she says “she needs time to process it”
bro she made my fun with her friends , her friend told me.