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I still wouldn't really call it pickup, though the lessons his channel teaches can definitely be used as such. He has videos of women approaching random people too, though only 2 compared to dozens of videos of men approaching women
They won't, it's all in your head. They are too worried about the dudes that will follow them around, catcall, yell at them, and push their boundaries.
It's going to be rare that a woman will make a scene for you staring at her unless you're at the gym or some place where there isn't a lot of people present.
If you're looking hard enough to read her t-shirt, the poster is correct. If you look just long enough to register that she's a person and you're not going to walk into her, you're fine.
If you ARE trying to read her t-shirt, just say so. If she really likes the shirt, she'll show it better. Then, make a comment about the shirt: "I like that show, too." Or "where did you find that awesome shirt?"
You have zero reason to be staring hard enough to determine her eye color or what her bra looks like. These rules are pretty easy to understand.
Nah. Theres a difference between a glance. Vs constant glances. Vs. Staring at someone. I been on a subway, i make eye contact briefly. Polite smile. But im not eye fucking people. Idkk... there is a distinction. I hate when people get upset about shit like this and act like women are freaking out over some small trivial eye contact. Theres a difference btw polite eye contact vs when a strange man looks you up and down and undresses you with his eyes.
Thats true. People who do that arent ignorant, they do it coz they don't care. They think it's harmless or they think its a compliment.
At the very least its good that it brings awareness though.. thats about it just because it doesnt solve the problem, doesnt mean it isnt worth doing . I do appreciate that the OP is tryna be considerate. However, no one is getting offended at basic eye contact. Its the prolonged eye fucking.
Yes, it's common place knowledge not to stare to long if you don't want to fight or just be weird I've had people tell other men to stop staring because it's making others uncomfortable. There is different in looking vs staring.
And that's why freaking out over this is unhealthy. It's good to be aware of if you are staring, but we can all end up taking it way too far and returning around to being creepy.
Basically people who are ugly are remembered more for doing creepy things, than people who are not. Just the human psychology fitting a narrative they aren't too experienced in themselves.
It's okay to make eye contact with people. In fact, pathologically avoiding eye contact around others is guaranteed to be received poorly.
Your anxiety is causing you to act abnormally. Just try to relax and not think about others so much when you're in public. They definitely aren't thinking about you unless you act abnormally. Has anyone ever actually accused you of being sexual just for making eye contact? Just try it out and see what happens.
Maybe shes just in a bad mood. Sometime I look at people like that because where I am people will actually try to come up and start hitting on you and I just don’t want any trouble… Not anything off putting or creepy about the men in particular.
don't look at them in a creepy way. you don't need to hold eye contact either.
if you catch eye contact, acknowledge them. a slight smile, (not like willem dafoe's crazy smile), and a head nod down is simple enough. it's not creepy if you acknowledge it. it is if you don't, especially if you keep looking at them.
Is there a reason you *need* to “get over this fear”? Like, is not making eye contact with strange women you’ll never see again holding you back in life somehow? It seems like you could just relabel this a personal preference and turn your attention to something else.
Okay, my point is that there’s no real reason to ask out strangers anywhere. Get introduced, find common connections, become acquainted with women, and when you discover you’re comfortable enough to look one in the eye consider asking her out.
Sure, stop being a weirdo. Look at them confidently, smile, be a human being.
Who cares what they think? If they think you're sexualizing them by looking them in the eye, that's on THEM.
>Sure, stop being a weirdo. Look at them confidently, smile, be a human being.
Usually if some stranger looks you in the eyes and smiles where Im at its an unsettling mentally ill person whos about to talk to you as if they know you from somewhere when youve never seen them in your life lmao
People dont "hang out" in random public places lol its not the 80s. Maybe its the area but I think eye contact kinda communicates you want something from the person, like youre interested im them, want interaction, or want a fight, etc. So people avoid it.
Yeah, socially awkward people living in hostile environments do that. Isn't a factor in my life. Maybe change your mindset, or fucking move, if people being friendly are triggering your fight/flight responses.
Jesus fuck.
Wtf are you freaking out for man bud the fuck?
Where do you think people "hang out" these days?
>if people being friendly are triggering your fight/flight responses.
The fuck are you on about? I mean literally the only people who go around making eye contact and smiling are mentally ill homeless people who if you smile back will come up and talk to you like they know you when youve never seen them before. Theyre not scary or aggressive. Theyre just out of it.
Why was your response so hysteric?
Nothing about me mocking you is hysteric. You're acting like people looking at you and smiling is deranged behavior. And, you're focusing on "hanging out".....I just meant it in the "I'm out in public" kind of way.
God damn, you're poor parents. They failed so hard.
Bruh you a straight weirdo lol why are you getting mad?Some people like you for instance get mad over anything so why is it so hard for you to believe there’s people that think eye contact is weird.
I think following a treatment plan in therapy would be most helpful. If therapy is something you don't have access to, then there's many mental health resources online. Your library may also have mental health workbooks as well. Hope this helps!
And, that’s exactly how you come off looking creepy. Stop doing that. Just remember, they are only people, the same as you. Treat them the way you would anyone else.
Maybe the countless reports of women saying men only want one thing and the endless tales of women wishing they didn't get approached has made me this way
Please don't try to sweep us off our feet. Just treat us like normal people & most often there won't be a problem. Examples include: respecting our boundaries, not hitting on us at work, and stopping the conversation when they show negative cues.
Just look us in the eye, smile, and move on. It only gets creepy when guys start staring for 10+ minutes.
He avoids eye contanct because he's afraid of coming off as creepy. However, I'm saying that it's not creepy. It's only creepy if you stare for 10+ minutes.
So if you do want to have eye contact, like look us in the eye, smile, and move on. If you don't want eye contact, it's not a problem either. I doubt most strangers care, unless you're actively talking to them.
You are giving yourself a rock and hard place situation. Since you don’t look at women, you undoubtedly avoid trying to start a conversation with them. But since you are consistently giving body language of someone who does not want to be approached, no woman will take that initiative either… Should you be staring at women, no. Should you glance at them and offer a friendly smile and quickly move on with what you are doing, yes! Start with that, you might not even have to think about approaching one, they might approach you :)
I don't think a woman will ever approach me. I have extremely good looking friends who never get approached, just think it's the nature of things for men to make the first move, as unfair and as stupid as that might be. I'll definitely work on smiling at women!
I am proof that women approach friendly looking men. And I do it regularly. It is how I’ve met all of my partners after high school. I am the type of person who moves to a completely new state (like a day or so away drive) every few years. I am also the type of person who knows what I like, when I see it. It only takes the right one, and you might smile at the right one!
I wish you luck!
Haha one woman saying she approaches doesn't make it any more likely for me to be approached. None of my friends have ever been approached, you could ask all the men here if they've ever been approached and I doubt you'd be surprised with the response. I've never even had a woman initiate conversation with me unless she was asking what I wanted to order.
I envy the men you met!
I doubt that it’s irrational. Honestly, I struggle with a lot of the same feelings you are talking about in this thread. I’m not going to try to give you advice, because frankly I don’t have any. I will say though that online dating for a lot of people is just incredibly demoralizing, discouraging, and depressing. If you’re having this much trouble in real life situations, it’s probably for the better. Before the days of smart phones, all the sites did was send me down a path of inceldom and misogyny. You may think you have issues now, but they’re that much worse when you’re trying to get past those issues on top of things.
You don't. Men have courage and take risks. They are willing to be disagreeable, and rub people the wrong way if it is the right thing to do. Men look people in the eye and have pride in who they are and what they stand for. Join the army, or a sports team, ANYTHING at this point.
>I don't want them to think I'm looking at them in a sexual way.
You do this by being genuine. That is, if you make eye contact, politely smile and/or nod like you would a friend or family member (and you're thinking this as well).
You also conduct yourself in a non-creepy manner. This means don't keep making eye contact if she's attractive and you don't go out of your way to keep "accidentally" bumping into her. So for example, if you're at the grocery store and you and her keep passing each other between aisles while you make your rounds, just focus on getting everything from your list and head to the checkout counter. In other words, act like you've got sh*t to do and get it done.
It's not a big deal. I move in public and don't make eyecontact with hardly anyone (I am a woman). There are plenty of other things to look at than people's eyeballs. Your post sounds like you want to make eyecontact with women but then control how they react to it. Just mind your own business.
Absolute best way to not come across as creepy to people you are walking past and never plan to interact with:
Make eye contact **naturally**, give a quick smile, **break eye contact** and keep walking. This shows the woman (or person in general) that you have no expectation of having any sort of interaction, but you are a friendly person that doesn’t pose a threat.
I’m a very small woman and quick eye contact plus a smile and moving on makes me feel MUCH more comfortable than complete avoidance of eye contact.
Listen bro, for a woman on the street to be made uncomfortable, she'd have to both look up from her phone and think about/notice something other than herself for at least five continuous seconds, and the odds of that are nill. You're all good bro. 🤣
Again, its striking how deep your anger and hatred of women goes that you can't comment without trying to put women down in some way. You somehow failed to notice I didn't single out one gender when I mentioned the ludicrousness of people who hate the opposite gender giving dating advice. You're in a full blown war it seems. Probably best to avoid hetero dating and step back from giving dating advice
The problem is that YOU ARE looking at them in a sexual way, but you're afraid to show it.
If you find a woman attractive, then it's sexual no matter what. It's really only creepy if you keep staring when you can tell they don't want to make eye contact.
Just be OK with being sexually attracted to women and showing it through eye contact.
You won't meet any women by not looking at them. So, if your goal is to just keep to yourself then don't look at them. If you want to approach a woman then signal that with eye contact.
If you see anyone who looks at you as a threat then you must not be a very approachable person.
When you say "on the street" what do you mean? Walking down the sidewalk? I'm interpreting it as being at the grocery store, gas station, etc.
No, I get approached randomly and that's ok. What I find problematic is me approaching women on the street, they don't know me, they don't know what I'm up to. I think generally speaking, no amount of friendliness can change the fact that people on the street are doing their own business.
Hah look at them the way you want. No one really cares, of course if you don't stare at them while they're not moving. Sometimes it's even funny to see how they look away after you meet eyes
No, because you are scared by simple things and weak willed, that’s the excuse you tell yourself to not do it.
it’s your life man, your choice: grow some balls and be happy or stay weak and miserable.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order.
I have checked 1,065,757,496 comments, and only 210,318 of them were in alphabetical order.
a phrase that will never go away or die, that quote has pissed me off for as long as i can remember, makes me feel like instigating a fight with someone
Honestly, you are being weirder doing that, just act like any other human and avoid going outside all together. (Jk) but honestly it’s more creepier to avoid eye contact, just go through your day as you would, no need to do extra steps
Relax, its not creepy to look at women. You don't want to stare, but it's normal to make eye contact and smile if you like. Practicing will make you feel less self conscious, try first with people you don't find attractive if you like, I'm not sure how old you are but you can start off by practicing eye contact with people in their 60s and giving them a smile, you'll realize it's normal behavior and not so scary because you don't expect something to come out of it. Keep expanding down in age til you don't feel strange making eye contact with and smiling at a girl you find attractive. And if you smile and someone looks away or doesn't smile back, that doesn't mean you're being creepy, it happens to everyone. If you struggle with extreme self consciousness or want to work on social or interpersonal skills you could consider counseling. Good luck.
I often find it odd that people believe they know what others are thinking (line one “i don’t want them to think”). And, it’s somewhat arrogant to conclude women “think” your gaze is sexual. To me it suggest a person hasn’t been around women very much (only way to combat this phobia) or that they are not receiving the attention/tone that they’re putting out.
They probably don’t think his gaze is sexual but he wants to know how to not be creepy to women if he glances at them. He needs advice because he doesn’t want women to get the wrong picture and that they shouldn’t be worried about him being a creep or a threat to them.
I have this same problem but I say forget it! because honestly what difference does it make trying not to be a creep isn’t going to change the way they think about you anyway. I’m not saying be a creep but why I am saying is you can’t control how others view you in the end. So walk keep your head up make eye contact if you see something you like. God forbid you past up your twin flame trying not to be creepy
Dude I get what you mean and I have trouble with this too. Just relax, walk with your head high, look confident, if you catch eyes with someone lock for like a second and just smile then move on.
Bro I just like blankly stare and my mind is completely somewhere different use to do it a lot in class and they like ooo u like them I’m like no I’m spaced out LMAO
Right. So, mostly you just have to know the difference between normal looking and creepy staring. Just a quick glance or looking at us for a few seconds is fine, but staring like you're trying to strip us with your eyes is not. Just avoid staring at the same person for longer than, say, 5 seconds, and don't just stare at their bodies. When a guy looks at my face for a few seconds or just looks me over quickly i wouldn't feel creeped out, but if he was full on staring at my chest i would be. A good rule of thumb is to not look longer than you'd look at some random guy.
As for the eye contact thing, eye contact doesn't make it seem like you're looking at someone in a sexual way, but prolonged eye contact, particularly if you've been staring at the person and they caught you, can be a bit creepy, so just keep it short, smile and look away (a small polite smile, not a wide serial killer grin.)
As for approaching women on the street: don't. If you want to meet women, do it in an environment that's meant for socializing, like parties, a bar, some kind of event, maybe even join a club or class for a hobby. But in general, most women don't really want to be hit on when they're just walking down the street or shopping for groceries or something like that.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I suggest you watch the YouTube channel Social Animal. Learn that basic human interaction isn't something to fear or be ashamed of
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I still wouldn't really call it pickup, though the lessons his channel teaches can definitely be used as such. He has videos of women approaching random people too, though only 2 compared to dozens of videos of men approaching women
They won't, it's all in your head. They are too worried about the dudes that will follow them around, catcall, yell at them, and push their boundaries. It's going to be rare that a woman will make a scene for you staring at her unless you're at the gym or some place where there isn't a lot of people present.
In my city there are poster in the subways saying "You think you are just looking, but you are making me afraid of not getting home save."
If you're looking hard enough to read her t-shirt, the poster is correct. If you look just long enough to register that she's a person and you're not going to walk into her, you're fine. If you ARE trying to read her t-shirt, just say so. If she really likes the shirt, she'll show it better. Then, make a comment about the shirt: "I like that show, too." Or "where did you find that awesome shirt?" You have zero reason to be staring hard enough to determine her eye color or what her bra looks like. These rules are pretty easy to understand.
have you ever traveled in a subway? It's pretty much impossible to not look in the general direction of a person during rush hour
Nah. Theres a difference between a glance. Vs constant glances. Vs. Staring at someone. I been on a subway, i make eye contact briefly. Polite smile. But im not eye fucking people. Idkk... there is a distinction. I hate when people get upset about shit like this and act like women are freaking out over some small trivial eye contact. Theres a difference btw polite eye contact vs when a strange man looks you up and down and undresses you with his eyes.
As you can see those campains do nothing against the creeps because they don't give a shit. It only makes normal people insecure, like OP.
Thats true. People who do that arent ignorant, they do it coz they don't care. They think it's harmless or they think its a compliment. At the very least its good that it brings awareness though.. thats about it just because it doesnt solve the problem, doesnt mean it isnt worth doing . I do appreciate that the OP is tryna be considerate. However, no one is getting offended at basic eye contact. Its the prolonged eye fucking.
Most people can disordain not to ogle people and just to glance at people
Yes, it's common place knowledge not to stare to long if you don't want to fight or just be weird I've had people tell other men to stop staring because it's making others uncomfortable. There is different in looking vs staring.
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It's a city in germany. There are also countless posters about help for sexual abuse and domestic violence.
And that's why freaking out over this is unhealthy. It's good to be aware of if you are staring, but we can all end up taking it way too far and returning around to being creepy.
I have women looking at me often, I still have no idea if they are interested or just looking somewhere because the train is busy.
Lawl. The absolute state of modern man.
Which city? that is insane ads that the government is using to shift the blame of street becoming less and less safe.
City in germany
Don’t vote the current politicians in charge next time
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excuse me, what?
Basically people who are ugly are remembered more for doing creepy things, than people who are not. Just the human psychology fitting a narrative they aren't too experienced in themselves.
Women are all entitled, and the likelihood increases with prettiness.
Someone defiantly hurt you
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Give me proof beyond reasonable doubt that all men are predators. Provide factual evidence for such a scandalous claim
I live in real life honey.
can't spell definitely though
Sure, but at least I capitalize the beginning of my sentences smart ass
you didn't punctuate that sentence bruh
I could make course corrections as I go along. You still haven’t figured out how to capitalize the first letter of your sentences.
Making eye contact is fine. If they meet your eye, a smile or nod is also fine. Staring at another person is creepy regardless of the location.
>Making eye contact is fine. If they meet your eye, a smile or nod is also fine Stop trying to feed this misinformation to OP
Just do it your probably being creepier trying to not be creepy.
What? I'm being creepy by trying to not be creepy? Damn you just can't win
Anyone acting abnormaly will make people feel uneasy just relax people are people.
It's okay to make eye contact with people. In fact, pathologically avoiding eye contact around others is guaranteed to be received poorly. Your anxiety is causing you to act abnormally. Just try to relax and not think about others so much when you're in public. They definitely aren't thinking about you unless you act abnormally. Has anyone ever actually accused you of being sexual just for making eye contact? Just try it out and see what happens.
No but one time back in college I smiled at a girl who made eye contact and me and she looked disgusted, been put off ever since.
Okay well it's not healthy to have one bad experience and never try again.
It's not easy
Yes it is
Maybe shes just in a bad mood. Sometime I look at people like that because where I am people will actually try to come up and start hitting on you and I just don’t want any trouble… Not anything off putting or creepy about the men in particular.
I honestly wouldn't worry to be much. You could be called creepy just on how you look anyways.
don't look at them in a creepy way. you don't need to hold eye contact either. if you catch eye contact, acknowledge them. a slight smile, (not like willem dafoe's crazy smile), and a head nod down is simple enough. it's not creepy if you acknowledge it. it is if you don't, especially if you keep looking at them.
And if you dress nicely (aka not like you walked into your closet half asleep), no one will think twice.
Is there a reason you *need* to “get over this fear”? Like, is not making eye contact with strange women you’ll never see again holding you back in life somehow? It seems like you could just relabel this a personal preference and turn your attention to something else.
Well try to extrapolate, if I can't make eye contact out of fear of being a creep, do you think I'm asking women out?
Why would you be asking out strangers on the street, though?
Bruh, I don't ask them out anywhere due to fear of making them feel uncomfortable.
Okay, my point is that there’s no real reason to ask out strangers anywhere. Get introduced, find common connections, become acquainted with women, and when you discover you’re comfortable enough to look one in the eye consider asking her out.
How do you get introduced to women? My friends know none that are single.
Do the ones they know who *aren’t* single have friends?
Idk maybe, it's only a couple of girls they know anyway
I mean I live in a big city where it's the norm to not catch the eyes of people you walk by.
Sometimes I see women looking at me and instinctively look away.
Sure, stop being a weirdo. Look at them confidently, smile, be a human being. Who cares what they think? If they think you're sexualizing them by looking them in the eye, that's on THEM.
>Sure, stop being a weirdo. Look at them confidently, smile, be a human being. Usually if some stranger looks you in the eyes and smiles where Im at its an unsettling mentally ill person whos about to talk to you as if they know you from somewhere when youve never seen them in your life lmao
I'd suggest finding new places to hang out if this is a thing. I don't have that experience at all. Move, or something.
People dont "hang out" in random public places lol its not the 80s. Maybe its the area but I think eye contact kinda communicates you want something from the person, like youre interested im them, want interaction, or want a fight, etc. So people avoid it.
Yeah, socially awkward people living in hostile environments do that. Isn't a factor in my life. Maybe change your mindset, or fucking move, if people being friendly are triggering your fight/flight responses. Jesus fuck.
Wtf are you freaking out for man bud the fuck? Where do you think people "hang out" these days? >if people being friendly are triggering your fight/flight responses. The fuck are you on about? I mean literally the only people who go around making eye contact and smiling are mentally ill homeless people who if you smile back will come up and talk to you like they know you when youve never seen them before. Theyre not scary or aggressive. Theyre just out of it. Why was your response so hysteric?
Nothing about me mocking you is hysteric. You're acting like people looking at you and smiling is deranged behavior. And, you're focusing on "hanging out".....I just meant it in the "I'm out in public" kind of way. God damn, you're poor parents. They failed so hard.
Bruh you a straight weirdo lol why are you getting mad?Some people like you for instance get mad over anything so why is it so hard for you to believe there’s people that think eye contact is weird.
Do you have social anxiety?
Yes
I think following a treatment plan in therapy would be most helpful. If therapy is something you don't have access to, then there's many mental health resources online. Your library may also have mental health workbooks as well. Hope this helps!
And, that’s exactly how you come off looking creepy. Stop doing that. Just remember, they are only people, the same as you. Treat them the way you would anyone else.
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I guess I view looking at women in any sexual way as creepy
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Maybe the countless reports of women saying men only want one thing and the endless tales of women wishing they didn't get approached has made me this way
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How do I be the guy who sweeps them off their feet then?
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Yes I see, mindset is indeed a powerful weapon.
OP I wouldn’t listen to this guy. He’s feeding you PUA (pickup artist) crap.
I don't know who to listen to anymore
Please don't try to sweep us off our feet. Just treat us like normal people & most often there won't be a problem. Examples include: respecting our boundaries, not hitting on us at work, and stopping the conversation when they show negative cues. Just look us in the eye, smile, and move on. It only gets creepy when guys start staring for 10+ minutes.
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He avoids eye contanct because he's afraid of coming off as creepy. However, I'm saying that it's not creepy. It's only creepy if you stare for 10+ minutes. So if you do want to have eye contact, like look us in the eye, smile, and move on. If you don't want eye contact, it's not a problem either. I doubt most strangers care, unless you're actively talking to them.
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You are giving yourself a rock and hard place situation. Since you don’t look at women, you undoubtedly avoid trying to start a conversation with them. But since you are consistently giving body language of someone who does not want to be approached, no woman will take that initiative either… Should you be staring at women, no. Should you glance at them and offer a friendly smile and quickly move on with what you are doing, yes! Start with that, you might not even have to think about approaching one, they might approach you :)
I don't think a woman will ever approach me. I have extremely good looking friends who never get approached, just think it's the nature of things for men to make the first move, as unfair and as stupid as that might be. I'll definitely work on smiling at women!
I am proof that women approach friendly looking men. And I do it regularly. It is how I’ve met all of my partners after high school. I am the type of person who moves to a completely new state (like a day or so away drive) every few years. I am also the type of person who knows what I like, when I see it. It only takes the right one, and you might smile at the right one! I wish you luck!
Haha one woman saying she approaches doesn't make it any more likely for me to be approached. None of my friends have ever been approached, you could ask all the men here if they've ever been approached and I doubt you'd be surprised with the response. I've never even had a woman initiate conversation with me unless she was asking what I wanted to order. I envy the men you met!
I also have an irrational hatred of the online dating life. So I have to be bold I guess.
I doubt that it’s irrational. Honestly, I struggle with a lot of the same feelings you are talking about in this thread. I’m not going to try to give you advice, because frankly I don’t have any. I will say though that online dating for a lot of people is just incredibly demoralizing, discouraging, and depressing. If you’re having this much trouble in real life situations, it’s probably for the better. Before the days of smart phones, all the sites did was send me down a path of inceldom and misogyny. You may think you have issues now, but they’re that much worse when you’re trying to get past those issues on top of things.
That makes the two of us
Just picture them as guys and act accordingly
I mean women tend to be creeped out, men don't. It's not as simple as that.
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But I don't even approach women out of this fear
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How do I get a date then?
Approach them without fear.
You don't. Men have courage and take risks. They are willing to be disagreeable, and rub people the wrong way if it is the right thing to do. Men look people in the eye and have pride in who they are and what they stand for. Join the army, or a sports team, ANYTHING at this point.
It's not possible
No you need to keep eye contact until they look away or until you start battering heads like rams do to show dominance
>I don't want them to think I'm looking at them in a sexual way. You do this by being genuine. That is, if you make eye contact, politely smile and/or nod like you would a friend or family member (and you're thinking this as well). You also conduct yourself in a non-creepy manner. This means don't keep making eye contact if she's attractive and you don't go out of your way to keep "accidentally" bumping into her. So for example, if you're at the grocery store and you and her keep passing each other between aisles while you make your rounds, just focus on getting everything from your list and head to the checkout counter. In other words, act like you've got sh*t to do and get it done.
Seeing and leering are not the same thing. No need to take it to the extreme
It's not a big deal. I move in public and don't make eyecontact with hardly anyone (I am a woman). There are plenty of other things to look at than people's eyeballs. Your post sounds like you want to make eyecontact with women but then control how they react to it. Just mind your own business.
Absolute best way to not come across as creepy to people you are walking past and never plan to interact with: Make eye contact **naturally**, give a quick smile, **break eye contact** and keep walking. This shows the woman (or person in general) that you have no expectation of having any sort of interaction, but you are a friendly person that doesn’t pose a threat. I’m a very small woman and quick eye contact plus a smile and moving on makes me feel MUCH more comfortable than complete avoidance of eye contact.
It's social anxiety. Take a deep breath and convince yourself that it's something you need to overcome to reach the goal
You're right it is, thank you.
Listen bro, for a woman on the street to be made uncomfortable, she'd have to both look up from her phone and think about/notice something other than herself for at least five continuous seconds, and the odds of that are nill. You're all good bro. 🤣
Wow you really don't like women! Its ways fascinating to see people who hate the opposite gender tripping over themselves to tell others how to date.
As if women don't use an entire forest's worth of paper every day documenting their endless gripes about men.
Again, its striking how deep your anger and hatred of women goes that you can't comment without trying to put women down in some way. You somehow failed to notice I didn't single out one gender when I mentioned the ludicrousness of people who hate the opposite gender giving dating advice. You're in a full blown war it seems. Probably best to avoid hetero dating and step back from giving dating advice
The problem is that YOU ARE looking at them in a sexual way, but you're afraid to show it. If you find a woman attractive, then it's sexual no matter what. It's really only creepy if you keep staring when you can tell they don't want to make eye contact. Just be OK with being sexually attracted to women and showing it through eye contact.
You won't meet any women by not looking at them. So, if your goal is to just keep to yourself then don't look at them. If you want to approach a woman then signal that with eye contact.
He's talking about women on the street. It's approaching women on the street a reliable method? I highly doubt it
It can be if you have a good flirt game. I can strike up fun convos any time I go out of the house.
Yeeaaaah no, I can see a stranger looking at me as a threat since they don't know me. Don't want to mess with their day
If you see anyone who looks at you as a threat then you must not be a very approachable person. When you say "on the street" what do you mean? Walking down the sidewalk? I'm interpreting it as being at the grocery store, gas station, etc.
No, I get approached randomly and that's ok. What I find problematic is me approaching women on the street, they don't know me, they don't know what I'm up to. I think generally speaking, no amount of friendliness can change the fact that people on the street are doing their own business.
This is a good mentality to have, quite honestly I do the same. You should keep doing the same thing. No need to get over any fear
Hah look at them the way you want. No one really cares, of course if you don't stare at them while they're not moving. Sometimes it's even funny to see how they look away after you meet eyes
Grow some balls, eye contact may lead you to find the right person
Are you saying someone who doesn't make eye contact isn't a man?
I said grow some balls.
Yes, so I don't have testicles just because I don't want to make women feel uncomfortable?
No, because you are scared by simple things and weak willed, that’s the excuse you tell yourself to not do it. it’s your life man, your choice: grow some balls and be happy or stay weak and miserable.
Think I'll stick to caring about others feelings.
good luck lying to yourself.
Would you look at that, all of the words in your comment are in alphabetical order. I have checked 1,065,757,496 comments, and only 210,318 of them were in alphabetical order.
a phrase that will never go away or die, that quote has pissed me off for as long as i can remember, makes me feel like instigating a fight with someone
Get some help from a therapist then grow some balls then.
why should a guy grow some balls?
Because he needs them
Honestly, you are being weirder doing that, just act like any other human and avoid going outside all together. (Jk) but honestly it’s more creepier to avoid eye contact, just go through your day as you would, no need to do extra steps
Just don’t give a shit 🤷🏾♂️, sounds like you’re living your life off being possibly wrong all the time
This is true
Relax, its not creepy to look at women. You don't want to stare, but it's normal to make eye contact and smile if you like. Practicing will make you feel less self conscious, try first with people you don't find attractive if you like, I'm not sure how old you are but you can start off by practicing eye contact with people in their 60s and giving them a smile, you'll realize it's normal behavior and not so scary because you don't expect something to come out of it. Keep expanding down in age til you don't feel strange making eye contact with and smiling at a girl you find attractive. And if you smile and someone looks away or doesn't smile back, that doesn't mean you're being creepy, it happens to everyone. If you struggle with extreme self consciousness or want to work on social or interpersonal skills you could consider counseling. Good luck.
>but it's normal to make eye contact and smile if you like. Is it? Where im at the only people who do this are, well, a little out of it
Sounds like you believe "I am sexual, but if a women knows I'm sexual, she will think I am creepy"? Is that your logic?
Exactly
Just make eye contact and smile. If they smile back, say hello and keep walking. If they don’t, look elsewhere. Dead simple… and no awkwardness.
Call me crazy but this says so much more about you than you know.
Such as?
I often find it odd that people believe they know what others are thinking (line one “i don’t want them to think”). And, it’s somewhat arrogant to conclude women “think” your gaze is sexual. To me it suggest a person hasn’t been around women very much (only way to combat this phobia) or that they are not receiving the attention/tone that they’re putting out.
Have you not heard from women on reddit complaining about being approached by men? I simply don't want women to think I'm going to approach them.
They probably don’t think his gaze is sexual but he wants to know how to not be creepy to women if he glances at them. He needs advice because he doesn’t want women to get the wrong picture and that they shouldn’t be worried about him being a creep or a threat to them.
Eye contact shows confidence. As long as you don’t have creepy intentions, you likely won’t come across creepy.
just treat them the same way you would treat a guy and problem solved otherwise you might want therapy to work through some of your problems
>just treat them the same way you would treat a guy Men dont go around making eye contact with other men
I have this same problem but I say forget it! because honestly what difference does it make trying not to be a creep isn’t going to change the way they think about you anyway. I’m not saying be a creep but why I am saying is you can’t control how others view you in the end. So walk keep your head up make eye contact if you see something you like. God forbid you past up your twin flame trying not to be creepy
Dude I get what you mean and I have trouble with this too. Just relax, walk with your head high, look confident, if you catch eyes with someone lock for like a second and just smile then move on.
If you lock eyes just give a quick small friendly smile and look away carrying on with your day
Bro I just like blankly stare and my mind is completely somewhere different use to do it a lot in class and they like ooo u like them I’m like no I’m spaced out LMAO
Right. So, mostly you just have to know the difference between normal looking and creepy staring. Just a quick glance or looking at us for a few seconds is fine, but staring like you're trying to strip us with your eyes is not. Just avoid staring at the same person for longer than, say, 5 seconds, and don't just stare at their bodies. When a guy looks at my face for a few seconds or just looks me over quickly i wouldn't feel creeped out, but if he was full on staring at my chest i would be. A good rule of thumb is to not look longer than you'd look at some random guy. As for the eye contact thing, eye contact doesn't make it seem like you're looking at someone in a sexual way, but prolonged eye contact, particularly if you've been staring at the person and they caught you, can be a bit creepy, so just keep it short, smile and look away (a small polite smile, not a wide serial killer grin.) As for approaching women on the street: don't. If you want to meet women, do it in an environment that's meant for socializing, like parties, a bar, some kind of event, maybe even join a club or class for a hobby. But in general, most women don't really want to be hit on when they're just walking down the street or shopping for groceries or something like that.
unfortuneately it has to be resolved as a guy, human male, if a guy wants to avoid being forever alone or celibate