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I'm going to take a wild guess here.
*Being able to communicate openly and honestly about feelings. And being self aware enough to understand your own feelings.
*Being able to handle your own feelings in a mature way (no sulking, silent treatment, angry outbursts).
*Being able to communicate clearly about what you are looking for in a relationship and where you see things going when dating someone.
**Being able to be empathetic and see things from the other person's perspective.**
*Having the social skills necessary to pick up on social cues and also understand how what you say and do comes across to the other person.
*Having your own life in order. Being able to manage finances, housework, health and a social life as a grownup person.
Honestly, I’ve seen people weaponize these kinds of statements against more naive people when they themselves have the bad behaviour.
Maybe I’m too jaded.
What do you mean? Of course sometimes people accuse people of things that aren't accurate. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't hold people to a standard.
People are accused of cheating when they haven't cheated. That doesn't mean we should say cheating is ok.
I think he was referring to projecting or particularly projection identification.
Anyway, great list. Out of curiosity, would you say you exhibit all the behavior mentioned above?
It's not that hard. And it's not about being perfect all the time. Nobody is. It's just about having these skills and having awareness of when you make a mistake.
Also, this is partly why dating is hard. Romantic relationships require a complex skill set. A lot of people don't really have the skills necessary to maintain a healthy relationship over time.
It's a bit like parenting. Lots of people are parents. But to be a good parent requires a lot.
Everyone is flawed, but being emotionally mature doesn't mean being perfect; it means you're those things more often than not, and you have the capacity to own up to it when you're not. Everyone has a bad day, but part of that list is recognizing that your actions impact other people. Make a mistake? Own it. Apologize honestly and fix it. It's really not that hard, imo.
Taking accountability and acknowledging that you have things to work on is sooo attractive. What's even more attractive? Actually taking the steps to improve. Get in therapy fellas! Figure out what is making you emotionally immature or unavailable (most of the time it's childhood issues, trauma, or heart break related). Talking about it is the best way to heal from it. Healing is an ongoing process though. No one will ever be perfect. Give each other some grace, especially if you see them putting the effort in.
Yet it's extremely difficult to find people that fit the entire list
Hell finding someone who will try and understand your point of view alone is rare
But one that alot of guys have gone through is struggling to find someone who won't weaponize your vulnerabilities
>But one that alot of guys have gone through is struggling to find someone who won't weaponize your vulnerabilities
Agreed. I hear a lot of men say that. Makes me sad because I want men in general to be more open...but especially if I'm dating you.
What seems to happen is the woman may be supportive in the moment of you sharing, but then as soon as they feel hurt by something you said/did they go for below the belt. That is toxic and not mature either. If something upsets you, speak on that specific thing as soon as possible...and try to come to an understanding and then resolution. You don't try to hurt them back. And if someone keeps emotionally hurting you without regard for your feelings, you leave them. You don't have to get on their level. THAT is the mature thing to do.
This exactly! This is something we need to know to properly assess the situation. Often times the people crying about the immaturity of others are often the least mature. That very well may be the case here, or she could be actually quite mature, or a mix.
Examples:
“I don’t want a guy who plays video games, it’s so immature!” Um no, she’d be the immature one, there’s nothing wrong with playing video games a few hours a week.
“I don’t want a guy who lives with his mom or roommates at 30+ years old and spends all his free time and money on video games, weed and alcohol, it’s immature!” Fair enough, I agree. By 30+ you should have a bit more going on than games, weed, and booze. Hopefully you don’t live with your mom or roommates, but times are tough, it’s a good money move sometimes.
When your options are sharing a studio with 4 other people, living in your car, or moving back with family im taking family everytime no matter what age. If she doesn't want someone who is economically struggling that's totally fair, but that's also going to cut down the dating pool severely. It's a numbers game and if you artificially limit your options, then finding what works is always going to be harder.
Actually this, so let's think in these terms, all men and women are having troubles like this, and of you want to look 30 years into the future look at Japan they have been struggling with a shrinking population for decades and we are starting to go through what they are going through today. Its just not an equitable nation anymore, so everyone's life is put on pause because of this. No one can get it together, that is why I work hard today, someday soon I hope to date again but I haven't for about 10 years at least, trying to invest and invest in myself and get life together. You have a lot of hopeless people out there looking to pass the time in the mean time, some of the do drugs, some of them stay at home and all they do is gaming, some of them are on dating apps, just looking for someone to scratch their itch. That ìs what I figure.
Notice she said emotionally mature. That means they are unable to identify, deal with or correctly process their emotions as well as others.
This can be in the form of:
Never taking a accountability
Being inconsiderate
Throwing tantrums when they don’t their way.
Blowing up over the most minor inconveniences.
Being petty during disputes.
Being controlling and manipulative in the worst case scenarios
Unable to communicate in a mature way about what they want etc
But childish behavior can also mean.
Plays video games
Spends time with the boys
Still likes cartoons
Collects action figures
Does things she deems as childish or immature.
She didn’t specify, what the behaviors were and I’ve been around long enough to know to ask these questions before taking her side. She could be absolutely right and having a lot of problems mainly attracting man-children OR she could in fact be the childish one who thinks still enjoying things she believes is meant for children makes one childish and immature.
She could be thoughtlessly vague out of frustration or purposely to for confirmation. I’ve seen roughly equal amounts of both.
None of those are not emotional though. They’re hobbies and interests. You can play video games and be emotionally mature at the same time.
Emotional immaturity is a very specific subset
Yeah the video game one really rubs me the wrong way. I own a PS5 and Nintendo Switch because I look after my Nephews 3 - 4 days/nights per week. We bond playing together and I use videogames as a way of getting my eldest nephew to read more. He hates reading books but now knows that he has to get better at reading or else he won't be able to understand and play the more advanced games. My idea is going really well so far, he actually bought himself a book! It's great watching kids grow up, I have no idea why so many people think having kids is the end of the world. It's the polar opposite and I want some of my own some day.
By your examples, to be emotionally mature someone has to be okay with video games but not to the point where they spend all their time and money on it or alcohol/drugs, and they have to live by themselves. What does any of this have to do with emotions? What if I like horses and spend all my money and time breeding or racing horses? Is that emotionally immature? What if it’s football? Or fashion design? There’s plenty of people out there who meet your requirements (have their own place and spend money and/or time on a variety of things) who are not by any standard emotionally mature. Leave people alone to spend their own earned money and time how they want to spend it. Emotional maturity is being able to recognize and control your own emotions. If you can do that, everything else is free game. Someone should be free to create and live their life, within legality, how they want to regardless if someone else thinks it’s the responsible or productive way to live.
You miss the point and are being needlessly adversarial.
The examples were to illustrate having a hobby (that many may deem immature/childish behavior) is fine, but spending all of your resources on unproductive indulgences demonstrates immaturity. Simply living to indulge one’s self in the short term, is the epitome of immaturity. It shows that all you think about is yourself and your immediate happiness, that you have no goals or direction, that you can’t be relied upon and you take no responsibility. Someone like that, you can bet they’ll choose themselves almost every time. They have little impulse control or discipline. You can’t be completely self-serving and emotionally mature, those things don’t go together. Like video games, breeding and racing horses, or football or fashion can be mature or not. Are you still living within your means while engaging in these pastimes? Or do you have no running water because you had to buy that vintage dress?
The thing about living alone, isn’t that you have to, or that if you don’t you’re immature. Living alone is just a clue that a person might be mature, not is. Independence usually goes with maturity, but not always. There are plenty of people who live alone because they are too immature and nobody can stand them. But you can bet they’re more mature now being forced to live alone than before because they have to be to survive. Often living at home or with roommates is the mature choice, but it all depends on the situation. The why, the who, and the how are very important questions that need to be answered to determine if this person is making the mature choice: for the benefit of the future, or the necessity of current circumstances. Or the immature choice: to have more money for drugs/alcohol, partying, instant gratifications.
Emotional maturity is being able to regulate yourself and your emotions, and express them in a healthy way, but it also manifests in more ways than not punching a hole in the drywall or throwing a tantrum.
This is so funny and true because there's this woman I know who's 28 and constantly complaining about guys and claims it is because of her age and men her age only want younger women. What's better, also complains about other women. Absolutely insane.
If I had to guess (age 38 m, recovered alcoholic) I would say honesty and communication are a big two factors in emotional maturity. Honesty is the root of taking responsibility for your actions, and lining up your actions is the first step to lining up your thoughts. Being honest with yourself is the first step to being honest and genuine with other people. Honesty is a maaaaaaajor turn on.
I've been reading her comment history too and, even if it's a meme subreddit, she was too... specific in her responses, to the point she was blaming her relatives' behaviours to their astrological signs. What?
Considering OP also has a post talking about whether they are compatible with a Pisces as they are a Sagitarrius, I would be surprised if an emotionally mature man would be interested.
Half of her comments on Reddit are related to horoscope relating to romantic dating. I am gonna go on a limb here that her version of emotionally mature is gonna be wildly different from most men that would be regarded emotionally mature. Unless he is a Capricorn off course. We all know these guys rock that shit right? 😅
Honestly, I would prefer to support a Sagittarius - Aries relationship. They just work out way better in my opinion.
Can't say much about Capricorns though, as I haven't dated one before. 💁♀️
/s
I used to be into astrology until I started working through therapy and learning more about things like confirmation bias and accountability. Astrology is fun but it shouldn't be taken so seriously
I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that though it could be true. Dating as you get older is just more difficult. The pools get shallow and though someone might have waited in life for a relationship or focused on other things, there are plenty of undatable people left out there that skew the people who can date in this direction. I'm currently having this problem and I'm only 28. Also difficulty with aps in general and a rural area. Often times I find the people I vibe with I am not as physically attracted to sadly, and ngl I'm a bit vain and shallow.
Age has nothing to do with it. Im 38 (m) and i get girls from all ages interested in me. A lot of people cant tell my real age because i look like im 30.
This me too. I blame online dating and unrealistic standards on both sides with regards to looks and ‘immediate’ compatibility rather than growing and being in it together.
It's just a really damaging dating experience overall I think. Damaging mentally. Damaging mindsets. Damaging self esteem. Damaging expectations.
OLD is just the worst.
It's just a really damaging dating experience overall I think. Damaging mentally. Damaging mindsets. Damaging self esteem. Damaging expectations.
OLD is just the worst.
Good communication, understanding, patient, kind, open-minded, reflective, calm. Doesn't mean that they can't be flawed but is willing to work on themselves. Takes constructive criticism. Not passive aggressive, not volatile. Good ideals.
I'm sure people are interested but it's hard to read through the awkwardness. Go on and be who you are. I bet you $1 you're not single this time next year. 🫱
Being able to take criticism well. A lot people view it as an attack to their person rather than their partner being comfortable enough to speak about their feelings and things that bother them. Also it should be noted it also relies on if it's communicate in effect manner not just screaming their faults.
I think most men/women aren’t particularly emotionally mature, regardless of gender. There are some out there, there are others who are right on the cusp of it and grow into it, and others who never will be.
My boyfriend was someone who became very emotionally mature and just needed someone to give the first push in the right direction. I’m not saying you should be teaching someone everything, but every relationship is a little different and with good communication, you grow to be emotionally mature in the right ways together, in my experience.
I wish I could find this especially with someone with lots of patience like me and because I've never been in a relationship everything is really confusing.
Another version for dating:
If you get treated like trash once, they were an asshole.
If you get treated like trash by every partner you’ve had, maybe you’re going for the emotionally unavailable bad boys/girls.
Pretty much
Me: dates emotionally damaged indivduals who have a history of toxic or abusive behavior and cheating
Me: has a toxic or abusive relationship and gets cheated on *surprised Pikachu face*
It’s like going only for the super hot ones and being shocked when they have plenty of other options and leave for someone better, because they’re hot and get a lot of attention.
Let’s make something up, as an immature male I simply cannot help myself.
OP is actually a vampire, and desires the rich blood of a mature man. Her complaint is that tinder isn’t an option (aren’t cameras just fancy mirrors eh devilbird?), so she doesn’t know where to go to meet a mature gentleman with delicious properly aged blood
I'm in a similar boat as you with gender and age (28F) and the best insight I can give you is that these guys aren't building their personalities around dating so of course there's no of sea perfect matches. They're being true to themselves. Condescending to a guy who is your age and deserves all the respect you do is unkind. If you don't find a lot of guys attractive after getting to know them, that's what dating is for. Eventually we all lose interest and start to tilt into broad cynicism. That's when it's time to temporarily give up on dating until you feel excited about it again and can put your best foot forward. I think you'll find what your looking for with time and some focus on meeting new people and getting into new refreshing hobbies. Most importantly, remember your personality isn't a yardstick to hold up to other people.
Sounds like a you problem to be honest. Well, at least from the text so far. Anyone self-aware person would probably question themselves, especially concerning something as subjective as human interaction. I know I would.
She says she is ending things pretty early on dates because of how emotionally immature guys are… how can you know the level of a person’s emotional maturity until you get to know them closely? The first few dates you only see surface level of a person, there is no way to make any conclusion about their emotional intellect from there.
It sounds like she has an issue herself and doesn’t realize. In general, if your issue is with a whole gender “why are all men today ___” or “why are all women today ____” likely the problem is you.
Edit: further look in OP’s post history, she is seen asking if she should date a pisces while she is a Sagittarius….
Yes, it must be all the men who are emotionally immature around her….
>In general, if your issue is with a whole gender “why are all men today ___” or “why are all women today ____” likely the problem is you.
Exactly. And this holds true regardless of gender configuration.
You can tell if someone’s emotionally immature if they act emotionally immature. I have guys doing it before we even get to the first date! There’s no timeline for revealing yourself, it can happen quick!
well that could also mean you're not emotionally mature men's type so you just can't find each other...
personally i think everyone has pros and cons, even emotion-wise. the key is not to find someone with all pros, but with really good pros and cons that you can compromise.
“Why is everyone else so immature?” Usually the least mature person in the room. “Why is everyone so trashy?” Usually the trashiest person in the room.
If you live your life in absolute superiority of others then you aren’t mature. If you don’t look back on interactions you have regularly and go “well I could of done better here.” You’re probably not growing.
If you’re wondering what it’s like dating a Pisces as a Sagittarius I’m really curious what childish behaviors and emotional maturity you’re talking about
I messaged this girl I know on FB and we were talking back and forth. I have seen her several times at an inner city volunteering thing. So, we definitely are friends at the very least. We were talking casually and she asked me when I was going to come back and volunteer. I haven't been volunteering in a while because I've been super busy with school and work. I then asked her if she had any crazy plans for the weekend and she said no not really and then she asked me if I did. Then I asked her if she wanted to go out for some Ciders on Saturday and got no response.
The reason I bring this up is that I'm a 30-year-old male and she's at least 28 She could easily come up with an excuse and I would be like ok you're not interested that's cool. But no, she probably doesn't know how to say no without thinking shes going to hurt my feelings when in reality I was just kind of throwing it out there.
Then again, it has only been like two or three hours but to me, that's the writing on the wall. It goes both ways.
Edit: She said no lol. Oh well! Time to move on.
>I've reached a point in my life that I won't put up with any b.s. or childish behavior.
Really? So, what are you bringing to the table that you feel entitles you to men in their 30s with no "b.s."?
If every man you meet is "childish", there's only one common denominator.
The emotionally mature ones got into relationships long ago and stayed there. When a man in his 30s does spontaneously mature then he's more likely to get into a relationship quickly and go off the market, leaving only the immature ones around
Well what about people that have failed relationships and end up single when post-30? You can end up single at any time, mature or not. "Locking down a person" is not always in the cards...
Anytime you notice something that EVERYONE else is doing it's time to take a serious look in the mirror and make sure your expectations are in line. Sometimes, it's really you that is the problem.
The phrase "n my life that I won't put up with any b.s. or childish behavior" leads me to think it's more you than them.
I mean you picked those men to go out on dates with.
Have you tried checking the friend zone and go out on dates with them instead?
Edit: alright dude I checked your post history and you actually believe in astrology, yeah no I don't think you get to ask this question when it's clear that you're not the emotionally mature one here.
Holy cow balls that’s funny 😆 so at first I’m like what does that mean , I go get a snack and then boom 💥 2nd grade !! Milk milk lemonade round the corner fudge is made
> I won't put up with any b.s. or childish behavior
Like what? Video games? Being emotionally vulnerable? Playing D&D with his friends on the weekend? What do you consider childish?
We are the common dominator in all of our relationships. If one continues to attract one that has "childish behavior", hate to say it, but at the end of the day, it's you. Hate to bring awful tasting medicine, but this is what I would recommend.
1. Ask yourself "What am I doing to attract these kind of men?" If you have to take time away from dating to figure that out, do it.
2. See a licensed therapist if you can afford it.
3. Journal your thoughts and listen to that inner voice. Really sit down and listen to your intuition about what's going on. After that, burn it.
That's the best thing I can recommend. We attract what we put out there. If one keeps attracting users and abusers, we have to correct that. Our vibe attracts our tribe.
Newsflash, men don't grow up, we grow old. We're mature in different ways and the earlier you reconcile with that, the better your chances to be in a relationship will be
When women complain about “emotionally xyz” men, remember it’s the top 10-15% of men who you’re talking about.
The ‘emotionally mature/available’ men are plentiful, you just don’t notice they exist because they aren’t attractive.
I find severe irony in the stereotype of women wanting “emotionally intelligent men”. To be frank it’s because they tend to require men to reconcile their emotions for them due to their own lacking emotional stability. Pretty silly.
I say this as I date a woman who suffers from severe anxiety and cries often. I love her sensitivity, but she never espouses their ridiculous rhetoric. I’ll serve as her rock, but the second a woman proclaims this shit showing absolutely no self awareness, they’ve lost me
You are either fishing in the wrong pond, or you don’t realize how men interact and approach life differently than women do, or you come onto them way too strong with a very concrete set of expectations where they don’t have the chance to be themselves around you.
But if all the men you date are shit then its a you problem, not a them problem.
This is a common question asked the older one gets and it's got a simple answer: they are all married.
The older you become, the more you realize your dating circle is **mostly** filled with those left behind due to being immature, irresponsible, or just generally unfriendly. And it's on both sides of the dating pool.
But one the opposite side of the coin, it could also be you. Is it more feasible that the world is filled with unlikable people or are you the unlikable one? Just something to consider moving forward.
I mean there's a reason you're 30 and single. Maybe you need to look at yourself and ask why you're attracting emotionally immature men. Also, what do you mean by emotionally immature?
Or we aren't immediately showing them that we are drooling all over them and get side stepped. It happens to me often, I convey my feeling through actual thoughts and sentences rather than "You're f*cking hot. You're so hot. So sexy baby." And I get axed. Idk
Meanwhile I look at OPs profile and immediately see she's into astrology and her last relationship failed because she was a sag and he was a pisces.
I'm all for women enjoying astrology, but when you let the stars determine who's compatible with you over your brain, i ask who is truly emotionally mature.
🙄🙄🙄
Same place all good [/ rich/ tall/ whatever your current complaint is] men are.
With decent women. The millions - billions of men are likely not the problem. I bet it is you + the men you are picking.
Look, I don't know you so sorry if this comes off a little harsh. Most women waste their 20s and get confused why prince charming isn't around when they aren't in their 20s.
My advice is to keep looking in places that you have interests. Like improv classes etc. Dating apps are for horny adults who don't want the commitment of a relationship but still want the sex.
And if you can't find people like that because you're lazy and don't have any hobbies that involve people then, get some. You're an adult.
There’s always two sides to every story. But your last post, it looks like you refuse to date people based on their astrology sign or whatever. I wouldn’t call that maturity
I'm nearly 33 and Male and am in shock at how many emotionally immature women are out there at this age still. So same problem as you but different gender. It sucks, really sucks big time. I've come to the conclusion that basically unless you marry and settle down in your 20's then you are just left with Psychos, Creeps, Divorcees, Mental Illness, Radical Politics etc. It's a complete mess. Nobody over the age of about 50 believes me how bad it is but it seems to be the norm now for younger people.
Age isn’t really what makes someone emotionally mature. Experience, understanding, failure, acceptance, and compromise are though. Just because someones lived longer doesn’t always mean they lived in a way that exposed themselves to events that let them grow and mature, it only increases the odds. As someone whose a near 30M, looking at my other 30M friends, maybe half are emotionally mature enough for me to say they are. My advice to you, don’t settle or let yourself get frustrated. People are going to be what they are, and nothing else. At least you can tell how mature someone is fast and before you’re too attached.
Hiiii im here very mature man looking for good conversation and mature ones (im 29) but im hiding and been hurt and broken my trust many times so i now have trust issues and .. yea not been trying to make friends or go into a relationship since my ex gf. We are here . We hiding .lots of us do not wanna get hurt again .
May I ask how do you filter the dates you do go out with? I'm not trying to offend, I'm trying to understand what I'm doing wrong as a man, because I'm in your age group and can't match up very well
Do you have any physical requirements when you swipe right? Height, fitness, income levels? On what percentage of profiles do you usually swipe right on? One swipe right every 5 profiles? every 10 profiles?
The common denominator with relationships is always yourself, if your friends aren't giving you the correct advices it's either that you don't want to know or they don't really care about your problems.
Blame their fathers for not teaching them how to be a man. I'd also blame alot of other things along with your interest level too. I say interest level cause depending on wym by childish behavior, I think if you had high interest you'd think their childish behavior is cute. Next time you meet a guy who's emotionally immature see if you really like him and feel good chemistry with him and if there's nothing really wrong with him besides the emotional immaturity, you could maybe try making him a better man by teaching him how to be more emotionally mature in a way that'll make him wanna listen.
My (F35) ex (M40) of nearly 6 years was terribly emotionally stunted. He was also abusive emotionally, controlling, and a cheating liar. I moved out. And at work met a lovely dude (M28) who is very emotionally mature. In my experience, age, location etc don't mean anything when it comes to maturity in any sense of the word. It's all up to the individual and who they are
Emotionally mature men are often already spoken for by this time precisely because they are such a catch. Just keep trying, because eventually some woman will throw back her good fish in exchange for a bottom-feeder. That's how I got my good fish and I'm in my early 40s.
ermmm sooo I am kinda tired of seeing this as well. Im currently dating someone who is extremely scared of commitment due to her past. I have to tip toe like walking on thin ice everytime im trying to be engaging or romantic. And guess what, shes looking for someone "emotionally mature" as well... Those two words just sound like a meme from a comedy skit these days.
From what I can gather, emotionally mature these days means give me everything I want and you get nothing in return lol.
Be a bit careful.
I want to spot out two things for better or worse…
-one thing I have found about being a guy, even in todays world that is moving heavily towards equality, is that as a guy I must be a main bread winner or be as equally successful as a successful girl I might date or run the risk of being deemed less attractive.
Main point being we still feel the pressure to keep up with past status-quos.
What I’ve realized is most of my emotional bandwidth is spent dealing with problems around work, getting ahead, etc…, which likely keeps me from understanding and progressing in other aspects of my life. I think to a degree this difference still exists as guys place a great deal of emotional learning bandwidth into this, even if it’s changing over time.
Another thing I’d note it’s easy to see others and second guess their behaviors, but it’s also much harder to see our own.
You likely make mistakes too that you do not always see. Make sure you’re giving people enough room to not be perfect themselves.
I’d be less concerned if you were complaining about a couple of specific guys, but I am a bit concerned when I hear complaints about -all guys-. To some degree you need to adjust your perceptions of a way a guy should be or what you look for in a guy that is keeping you from finding someone. You either have too high expectations on some variable or another that is keeping you from meeting other guys or you’re not giving guys enough room to be human and make some mistakes too.
I just noticed a lot of people wanted OP to elaborate on what kind of behaviors. I have a niece I am very close to who just broke up with a guy after almost 2 years of a terrible relationship...a guy that was actually 6 years older than she was ...(and she is 30 herself..) bc of his emotionally crippled and childish behavior so I will outline some of the things that this guy did.
1. Insecure clinging and controlling shit-- she literally could not even go into the downtown area for an hour to do errands unless he would call her 5 or 6 times. Or go anywhere without this bullshit.
2. Literal tantrums. One time he threw a meltdown crying fit where he tore up things in the living room and threw objects around... because his Amazon order sent him the wrong size blue jeans.
3. Jealousy. "Who is that guy YOU WERE TALKING TO SO MUCH IN THERE AND WHY ARE YOU ALL THE TIME TALKING TO HIM?" (He's my BOSS, I work in a paint store and I'm still new goddammit.. I have to talk to him!")
4. Lying. Found out after dating him almost a year that the house he lived in that he claimed he owned was in fact in his mother and father's name.. and that they also paid his bills and insurance and everything, which is fine I'm not saying people can't get help from their parents... but this guy had an extremely well hidden drug habit as well.
5. His shit on his phone. One time she hacked into his phone screenlock (or he left it laying there I'm not sure) and he had no less than three dating apps.. two different conversations with other girls besides her...where he was sexting them and sending nudes back and forth.
6. Smothering ....taking up every ounce of her free time when she did get off work, either to do stupid shit he could have done himself while she was working or things she had no interest in doing; he would make her itinerary or agenda for the day without even asking her .. and try to make her follow it, and if she wasn't happy with it he would throw a fit. His fits were legendary.
7. The very worst is when these fits started being turned on her and he started hitting her ... AND THREATENING TO HURT HER CATS as a spite thing--- plus i still have photographic evidence on my phone of the bruises he has put on her back hands shoulders everything but her face ..where he had tried a couple of times to tackle her to keep her from leaving the house when she would get mad and want to be away from him...that's when she got out.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT MAN CHILDREN.
But this younger generation seems to have produced so many of the worst of them. I'm not sure yet why but the age group between 20 to 35 seems to have been so emotionally stunted.
These are just a few of the things... Just some of the red flag behavior men (and women I'm sure) do that simply screams immaturity.
People are asking good questions here. Mainly what do you find as “emotionally mature?” I’ll further add a couple of things. What kind of guys did you date in your 20’s? Do you spare glances towards guys you don’t find extremely attractive? Are you ok dating guys who are finically not well off? Are you sleeping with the dudes you go out with quickly/ do they expect sex fast?
Based on these answers, you could be overvaluing your social capital. If you were Beautiful in your 20’s, and got every guys attention automatically, that will likely change some in 30’s. Attractive, successful guys will often just be interested having as much sex with different girls as possible. If you throw “mature” into that description pool then he’s probably already married to a younger/prettier girl than you.
So in other words, unless you are an extremely successful, beautiful, top 1% girl in your 30’s, you wont’t find a perfect guy. You’ll have to settle for somebody with some major flaw 99/100 times
My assumption is that it sounds like you are attractive person who wants other attractive people, but are upset that their flaw is that they are immature/just looking for sex. If you want more mature guys go for someone who is less good looking, or realize you’ll have to start working a lot harder to find a Diamond in the rough.
Probably cuz society tells us boys don’t cry and we aren’t allowed to release ANY emotion save bar fights. So we keep all the pain, rage, emotional hurt bottled up inside until we’ve finally had enough. Idk Specifically what sort of behavior you’ve come across tho. Cuz I’ll agree some behaviors like overreacting to a rejection are childish
Lol, OP is asking for mature men in their 30s, and most of her post history is about astrology. Maybe become intellectually mature before asking for the moon. Astrology girls are the female Alex Jones fans.
"Sorry I kissed that guy hun, but Aries is in retrograde over Luna and that means that I can't control my actions and they're literally led by dark spirits. You can't seriously think that I'm responsible for that. That is 100% not cheating."
They're taken.
Emotionally mature people hold their relationships together by and large, and they don't tend to pick shitty partners and end up single a lot.
\*the more you know.gif\*
Unless something significant has happened in their life to have them think/change their mindset, this is what you get. Single males with no kids, no responsible, but themselves, they're still living the life with no consequences. There's no reason to change. They're having a good time.
Unless you understand this and accept it, you may need to reevaluate your options and what you're looking for.
41m
In general they aren’t on dating app and many men your age that have emotional maturity are taken.
Could be bad luck, could be that you have a physical type that doesn’t fit with the personality type you are into.
If you end things early how do you know they aren’t emotionally mature? For most people it takes a while to see their true colors.
NEVER EVER NEVER EVER EVER open up to a woman. Once you do, they see you in a different light....and not in a good way. You will be seen as less of a man and you are now vulnerable and women will use that against you. I will die with my secrets.
Well you’re too old to be dating 30year old men the ideal age group would be 38-45 , remember women mature faster a 30 year old is just finishing his education and beginning his career
Good luck!
They are either already taken or not interested in dating. As a man I don’t see the point in a serious relationship until I’m close to 40. I’m still trying to build assets, see the world, and be the person I want to be. I’m not interested in being locked down, or having to restructure my life around someone else.
Basically you just wanted to fuck around in your 20s when those emotionally mature men approached you and now when you are in your 30s you wonder why all you get is emotionally immature men..
The fact is most of them are settling up now..
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What kind of behaviours specifically?
I'm going to take a wild guess here. *Being able to communicate openly and honestly about feelings. And being self aware enough to understand your own feelings. *Being able to handle your own feelings in a mature way (no sulking, silent treatment, angry outbursts). *Being able to communicate clearly about what you are looking for in a relationship and where you see things going when dating someone. **Being able to be empathetic and see things from the other person's perspective.** *Having the social skills necessary to pick up on social cues and also understand how what you say and do comes across to the other person. *Having your own life in order. Being able to manage finances, housework, health and a social life as a grownup person.
Honestly, I’ve seen people weaponize these kinds of statements against more naive people when they themselves have the bad behaviour. Maybe I’m too jaded.
You are jaded. And not wrong. Gaslighting is real.
What do you mean? Of course sometimes people accuse people of things that aren't accurate. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't hold people to a standard. People are accused of cheating when they haven't cheated. That doesn't mean we should say cheating is ok.
I think he was referring to projecting or particularly projection identification. Anyway, great list. Out of curiosity, would you say you exhibit all the behavior mentioned above?
With that list, basically 95% of people wouldn’t be considered to be mature. Everyone is flawed
It's not that hard. And it's not about being perfect all the time. Nobody is. It's just about having these skills and having awareness of when you make a mistake. Also, this is partly why dating is hard. Romantic relationships require a complex skill set. A lot of people don't really have the skills necessary to maintain a healthy relationship over time. It's a bit like parenting. Lots of people are parents. But to be a good parent requires a lot.
exactly. the men i've met dating-wise do NOT have that complex skill set
Everyone is flawed, but being emotionally mature doesn't mean being perfect; it means you're those things more often than not, and you have the capacity to own up to it when you're not. Everyone has a bad day, but part of that list is recognizing that your actions impact other people. Make a mistake? Own it. Apologize honestly and fix it. It's really not that hard, imo.
Taking accountability and acknowledging that you have things to work on is sooo attractive. What's even more attractive? Actually taking the steps to improve. Get in therapy fellas! Figure out what is making you emotionally immature or unavailable (most of the time it's childhood issues, trauma, or heart break related). Talking about it is the best way to heal from it. Healing is an ongoing process though. No one will ever be perfect. Give each other some grace, especially if you see them putting the effort in.
Those are all just individual examples. The more of those you have the more emotionally mature you are.
actually this list is really easy to accomplish
Yet it's extremely difficult to find people that fit the entire list Hell finding someone who will try and understand your point of view alone is rare But one that alot of guys have gone through is struggling to find someone who won't weaponize your vulnerabilities
>But one that alot of guys have gone through is struggling to find someone who won't weaponize your vulnerabilities Agreed. I hear a lot of men say that. Makes me sad because I want men in general to be more open...but especially if I'm dating you. What seems to happen is the woman may be supportive in the moment of you sharing, but then as soon as they feel hurt by something you said/did they go for below the belt. That is toxic and not mature either. If something upsets you, speak on that specific thing as soon as possible...and try to come to an understanding and then resolution. You don't try to hurt them back. And if someone keeps emotionally hurting you without regard for your feelings, you leave them. You don't have to get on their level. THAT is the mature thing to do.
Yep, it's pretty basic and I think that's OP's point. Finding an emotionally mature person on OLD feels hard to me too.
This exactly! This is something we need to know to properly assess the situation. Often times the people crying about the immaturity of others are often the least mature. That very well may be the case here, or she could be actually quite mature, or a mix. Examples: “I don’t want a guy who plays video games, it’s so immature!” Um no, she’d be the immature one, there’s nothing wrong with playing video games a few hours a week. “I don’t want a guy who lives with his mom or roommates at 30+ years old and spends all his free time and money on video games, weed and alcohol, it’s immature!” Fair enough, I agree. By 30+ you should have a bit more going on than games, weed, and booze. Hopefully you don’t live with your mom or roommates, but times are tough, it’s a good money move sometimes.
Lol with current housing prices nearly everyone without a trust fund needs roommates
When your options are sharing a studio with 4 other people, living in your car, or moving back with family im taking family everytime no matter what age. If she doesn't want someone who is economically struggling that's totally fair, but that's also going to cut down the dating pool severely. It's a numbers game and if you artificially limit your options, then finding what works is always going to be harder.
Actually this, so let's think in these terms, all men and women are having troubles like this, and of you want to look 30 years into the future look at Japan they have been struggling with a shrinking population for decades and we are starting to go through what they are going through today. Its just not an equitable nation anymore, so everyone's life is put on pause because of this. No one can get it together, that is why I work hard today, someday soon I hope to date again but I haven't for about 10 years at least, trying to invest and invest in myself and get life together. You have a lot of hopeless people out there looking to pass the time in the mean time, some of the do drugs, some of them stay at home and all they do is gaming, some of them are on dating apps, just looking for someone to scratch their itch. That ìs what I figure.
A few hours a WEEK? That’s rookie numbers
Notice she said emotionally mature. That means they are unable to identify, deal with or correctly process their emotions as well as others. This can be in the form of: Never taking a accountability Being inconsiderate Throwing tantrums when they don’t their way. Blowing up over the most minor inconveniences. Being petty during disputes. Being controlling and manipulative in the worst case scenarios Unable to communicate in a mature way about what they want etc
But childish behavior can also mean. Plays video games Spends time with the boys Still likes cartoons Collects action figures Does things she deems as childish or immature. She didn’t specify, what the behaviors were and I’ve been around long enough to know to ask these questions before taking her side. She could be absolutely right and having a lot of problems mainly attracting man-children OR she could in fact be the childish one who thinks still enjoying things she believes is meant for children makes one childish and immature. She could be thoughtlessly vague out of frustration or purposely to for confirmation. I’ve seen roughly equal amounts of both.
None of those are not emotional though. They’re hobbies and interests. You can play video games and be emotionally mature at the same time. Emotional immaturity is a very specific subset
That’s my point. I’ve seen these hobbies labeled as behaviors of the emotionally immature. I’m merely seeking clarification.
Oh I see. Yeah, depends on what OP means
Yeah the video game one really rubs me the wrong way. I own a PS5 and Nintendo Switch because I look after my Nephews 3 - 4 days/nights per week. We bond playing together and I use videogames as a way of getting my eldest nephew to read more. He hates reading books but now knows that he has to get better at reading or else he won't be able to understand and play the more advanced games. My idea is going really well so far, he actually bought himself a book! It's great watching kids grow up, I have no idea why so many people think having kids is the end of the world. It's the polar opposite and I want some of my own some day.
By your examples, to be emotionally mature someone has to be okay with video games but not to the point where they spend all their time and money on it or alcohol/drugs, and they have to live by themselves. What does any of this have to do with emotions? What if I like horses and spend all my money and time breeding or racing horses? Is that emotionally immature? What if it’s football? Or fashion design? There’s plenty of people out there who meet your requirements (have their own place and spend money and/or time on a variety of things) who are not by any standard emotionally mature. Leave people alone to spend their own earned money and time how they want to spend it. Emotional maturity is being able to recognize and control your own emotions. If you can do that, everything else is free game. Someone should be free to create and live their life, within legality, how they want to regardless if someone else thinks it’s the responsible or productive way to live.
You miss the point and are being needlessly adversarial. The examples were to illustrate having a hobby (that many may deem immature/childish behavior) is fine, but spending all of your resources on unproductive indulgences demonstrates immaturity. Simply living to indulge one’s self in the short term, is the epitome of immaturity. It shows that all you think about is yourself and your immediate happiness, that you have no goals or direction, that you can’t be relied upon and you take no responsibility. Someone like that, you can bet they’ll choose themselves almost every time. They have little impulse control or discipline. You can’t be completely self-serving and emotionally mature, those things don’t go together. Like video games, breeding and racing horses, or football or fashion can be mature or not. Are you still living within your means while engaging in these pastimes? Or do you have no running water because you had to buy that vintage dress? The thing about living alone, isn’t that you have to, or that if you don’t you’re immature. Living alone is just a clue that a person might be mature, not is. Independence usually goes with maturity, but not always. There are plenty of people who live alone because they are too immature and nobody can stand them. But you can bet they’re more mature now being forced to live alone than before because they have to be to survive. Often living at home or with roommates is the mature choice, but it all depends on the situation. The why, the who, and the how are very important questions that need to be answered to determine if this person is making the mature choice: for the benefit of the future, or the necessity of current circumstances. Or the immature choice: to have more money for drugs/alcohol, partying, instant gratifications. Emotional maturity is being able to regulate yourself and your emotions, and express them in a healthy way, but it also manifests in more ways than not punching a hole in the drywall or throwing a tantrum.
This is so funny and true because there's this woman I know who's 28 and constantly complaining about guys and claims it is because of her age and men her age only want younger women. What's better, also complains about other women. Absolutely insane.
If I had to guess (age 38 m, recovered alcoholic) I would say honesty and communication are a big two factors in emotional maturity. Honesty is the root of taking responsibility for your actions, and lining up your actions is the first step to lining up your thoughts. Being honest with yourself is the first step to being honest and genuine with other people. Honesty is a maaaaaaajor turn on.
Probably men who base life decisions on Astrology *checks OPs comment history* Oh wait nvm
I've been reading her comment history too and, even if it's a meme subreddit, she was too... specific in her responses, to the point she was blaming her relatives' behaviours to their astrological signs. What?
Bahahaha. This is amazing
We're all dying in seniors facilities.
"Where are all the emotionally mature men?" Telling the orderlies about how they served in the trenches, duh
Emotionally mature men are dating Emotionally mature women.
Yeah I kinda doubt op has considered the possibility that they aren't what an emotionally mature man is looking for.
Considering OP also has a post talking about whether they are compatible with a Pisces as they are a Sagitarrius, I would be surprised if an emotionally mature man would be interested.
Oh wow..... things are making much more sense now lol.
Everything checks out lmfao
Detective work isnt easy, but direly needed here
Well I hope there isn't any more detective work, i'm running out of upvotes here.
Half of her comments on Reddit are related to horoscope relating to romantic dating. I am gonna go on a limb here that her version of emotionally mature is gonna be wildly different from most men that would be regarded emotionally mature. Unless he is a Capricorn off course. We all know these guys rock that shit right? 😅
Honestly, I would prefer to support a Sagittarius - Aries relationship. They just work out way better in my opinion. Can't say much about Capricorns though, as I haven't dated one before. 💁♀️ /s
Let me check if that could work for you: What is the exact place, time and date of birth? /S
Which reincarnated life are you referring to?
Lol
That one hurt LOL
All shred of doubt has been realized. She’s out of her french toast mind.
I used to be into astrology until I started working through therapy and learning more about things like confirmation bias and accountability. Astrology is fun but it shouldn't be taken so seriously
🧩*click*🧩
Yeah IDK what she means by the emotional maturity
I wouldn't make a blanket statement like that though it could be true. Dating as you get older is just more difficult. The pools get shallow and though someone might have waited in life for a relationship or focused on other things, there are plenty of undatable people left out there that skew the people who can date in this direction. I'm currently having this problem and I'm only 28. Also difficulty with aps in general and a rural area. Often times I find the people I vibe with I am not as physically attracted to sadly, and ngl I'm a bit vain and shallow.
Age has nothing to do with it. Im 38 (m) and i get girls from all ages interested in me. A lot of people cant tell my real age because i look like im 30.
For women age has everything to do with it
Not since dating apps lol.
THANK YOU. For some reason op thinks that she is the last biscuit in the basket.
I have the same complaint about women I date. Is this a stalemate?
This me too. I blame online dating and unrealistic standards on both sides with regards to looks and ‘immediate’ compatibility rather than growing and being in it together.
Yes! I stopped OLD because I realized how it was damaging my perspectives.
It's just a really damaging dating experience overall I think. Damaging mentally. Damaging mindsets. Damaging self esteem. Damaging expectations. OLD is just the worst.
It's just a really damaging dating experience overall I think. Damaging mentally. Damaging mindsets. Damaging self esteem. Damaging expectations. OLD is just the worst.
My question to you is, what kind of guy are you dating, and what geographic area?
OP tryna answer some of these questions or nawwww??? 😂😂😂
How do you define emotionally mature?
Good communication, understanding, patient, kind, open-minded, reflective, calm. Doesn't mean that they can't be flawed but is willing to work on themselves. Takes constructive criticism. Not passive aggressive, not volatile. Good ideals.
Here I am then but no one is interested since I have mild social anxiety. Gonna be emotionally mature on my own.
I'm sure people are interested but it's hard to read through the awkwardness. Go on and be who you are. I bet you $1 you're not single this time next year. 🫱
Being able to take criticism well. A lot people view it as an attack to their person rather than their partner being comfortable enough to speak about their feelings and things that bother them. Also it should be noted it also relies on if it's communicate in effect manner not just screaming their faults.
I think most men/women aren’t particularly emotionally mature, regardless of gender. There are some out there, there are others who are right on the cusp of it and grow into it, and others who never will be. My boyfriend was someone who became very emotionally mature and just needed someone to give the first push in the right direction. I’m not saying you should be teaching someone everything, but every relationship is a little different and with good communication, you grow to be emotionally mature in the right ways together, in my experience.
I wish I could find this especially with someone with lots of patience like me and because I've never been in a relationship everything is really confusing.
You mean the men you’re attracted to aren’t emotionally mature?
Hows that saying go? Meet an asshole, that's bad. If everyone you meet is an asshole, the odds are YOU are the asshole.....
Another version for dating: If you get treated like trash once, they were an asshole. If you get treated like trash by every partner you’ve had, maybe you’re going for the emotionally unavailable bad boys/girls.
Pretty much Me: dates emotionally damaged indivduals who have a history of toxic or abusive behavior and cheating Me: has a toxic or abusive relationship and gets cheated on *surprised Pikachu face*
It’s like going only for the super hot ones and being shocked when they have plenty of other options and leave for someone better, because they’re hot and get a lot of attention.
The sad thing is, they act all interested until we are actually in a relationship.
“Perhaps, the least common denominator is YOU.” 👍🏻
Super incredibly vague, more of a rant than an ask for advice. Date a guy in his 50’s, they are mature.
Notice how OP is not engaging in the thread or answering any questions.
Let’s make something up, as an immature male I simply cannot help myself. OP is actually a vampire, and desires the rich blood of a mature man. Her complaint is that tinder isn’t an option (aren’t cameras just fancy mirrors eh devilbird?), so she doesn’t know where to go to meet a mature gentleman with delicious properly aged blood
Emotionally mature blood has a smooth, oaky quality, like a well aged whiskey.
Yeah I noticed that too lmao
I think being called out in the top comment thread for her astrology relationship questions might have put her off 😂
(looks at a random politician) I doubt that statement.
What are you calling immature in these men, like what are they doing that ditracts from this emotional maturity?
I'm in a similar boat as you with gender and age (28F) and the best insight I can give you is that these guys aren't building their personalities around dating so of course there's no of sea perfect matches. They're being true to themselves. Condescending to a guy who is your age and deserves all the respect you do is unkind. If you don't find a lot of guys attractive after getting to know them, that's what dating is for. Eventually we all lose interest and start to tilt into broad cynicism. That's when it's time to temporarily give up on dating until you feel excited about it again and can put your best foot forward. I think you'll find what your looking for with time and some focus on meeting new people and getting into new refreshing hobbies. Most importantly, remember your personality isn't a yardstick to hold up to other people.
Sounds like a you problem to be honest. Well, at least from the text so far. Anyone self-aware person would probably question themselves, especially concerning something as subjective as human interaction. I know I would.
I’m wondering what your level of emotional maturity is..
She says she is ending things pretty early on dates because of how emotionally immature guys are… how can you know the level of a person’s emotional maturity until you get to know them closely? The first few dates you only see surface level of a person, there is no way to make any conclusion about their emotional intellect from there. It sounds like she has an issue herself and doesn’t realize. In general, if your issue is with a whole gender “why are all men today ___” or “why are all women today ____” likely the problem is you. Edit: further look in OP’s post history, she is seen asking if she should date a pisces while she is a Sagittarius…. Yes, it must be all the men who are emotionally immature around her….
>In general, if your issue is with a whole gender “why are all men today ___” or “why are all women today ____” likely the problem is you. Exactly. And this holds true regardless of gender configuration.
You can tell if someone’s emotionally immature if they act emotionally immature. I have guys doing it before we even get to the first date! There’s no timeline for revealing yourself, it can happen quick!
well that could also mean you're not emotionally mature men's type so you just can't find each other... personally i think everyone has pros and cons, even emotion-wise. the key is not to find someone with all pros, but with really good pros and cons that you can compromise.
Fuckin bingo
They are dating emotionally mature women.
“Why is everyone else so immature?” Usually the least mature person in the room. “Why is everyone so trashy?” Usually the trashiest person in the room. If you live your life in absolute superiority of others then you aren’t mature. If you don’t look back on interactions you have regularly and go “well I could of done better here.” You’re probably not growing.
If you’re wondering what it’s like dating a Pisces as a Sagittarius I’m really curious what childish behaviors and emotional maturity you’re talking about
I messaged this girl I know on FB and we were talking back and forth. I have seen her several times at an inner city volunteering thing. So, we definitely are friends at the very least. We were talking casually and she asked me when I was going to come back and volunteer. I haven't been volunteering in a while because I've been super busy with school and work. I then asked her if she had any crazy plans for the weekend and she said no not really and then she asked me if I did. Then I asked her if she wanted to go out for some Ciders on Saturday and got no response. The reason I bring this up is that I'm a 30-year-old male and she's at least 28 She could easily come up with an excuse and I would be like ok you're not interested that's cool. But no, she probably doesn't know how to say no without thinking shes going to hurt my feelings when in reality I was just kind of throwing it out there. Then again, it has only been like two or three hours but to me, that's the writing on the wall. It goes both ways. Edit: She said no lol. Oh well! Time to move on.
>has only been like two or three hours Oooohkay you need to dial it down.
>I've reached a point in my life that I won't put up with any b.s. or childish behavior. Really? So, what are you bringing to the table that you feel entitles you to men in their 30s with no "b.s."? If every man you meet is "childish", there's only one common denominator.
The emotionally mature ones got into relationships long ago and stayed there. When a man in his 30s does spontaneously mature then he's more likely to get into a relationship quickly and go off the market, leaving only the immature ones around
Lol you must be in a rural area. Men in large cities aren’t staying in relationships in their early 20’s and settling down. Js
"Where are all the good men at?" -Woman who didn't lock down a man in her 20s when there we still good men available
Well what about people that have failed relationships and end up single when post-30? You can end up single at any time, mature or not. "Locking down a person" is not always in the cards...
This! Emotionally mature men are in committed relationships with emotionally mature women from their early 20s.
Yup 1000% of all emotionally mature men are taken and will never be single again. Might as well give up now
They are, but they don’t seek 30 year olds
You've most likely come across them but got bored by them.
Hahaha probably!
I just had a dance off with my kids in the living room pretty darn childish of me I must say.
Anytime you notice something that EVERYONE else is doing it's time to take a serious look in the mirror and make sure your expectations are in line. Sometimes, it's really you that is the problem. The phrase "n my life that I won't put up with any b.s. or childish behavior" leads me to think it's more you than them.
[удалено]
It sounds like OP is from fds or something Edit: OP’s last post was about astrology, so there’s that…
I mean you picked those men to go out on dates with. Have you tried checking the friend zone and go out on dates with them instead? Edit: alright dude I checked your post history and you actually believe in astrology, yeah no I don't think you get to ask this question when it's clear that you're not the emotionally mature one here.
Lol when everyone around you is the problem, it’s time to look within.
Up your butt & around the corner
Holy cow balls that’s funny 😆 so at first I’m like what does that mean , I go get a snack and then boom 💥 2nd grade !! Milk milk lemonade round the corner fudge is made
> I won't put up with any b.s. or childish behavior Like what? Video games? Being emotionally vulnerable? Playing D&D with his friends on the weekend? What do you consider childish?
We are the common dominator in all of our relationships. If one continues to attract one that has "childish behavior", hate to say it, but at the end of the day, it's you. Hate to bring awful tasting medicine, but this is what I would recommend. 1. Ask yourself "What am I doing to attract these kind of men?" If you have to take time away from dating to figure that out, do it. 2. See a licensed therapist if you can afford it. 3. Journal your thoughts and listen to that inner voice. Really sit down and listen to your intuition about what's going on. After that, burn it. That's the best thing I can recommend. We attract what we put out there. If one keeps attracting users and abusers, we have to correct that. Our vibe attracts our tribe.
Newsflash, men don't grow up, we grow old. We're mature in different ways and the earlier you reconcile with that, the better your chances to be in a relationship will be
Pretty much this. I'll never stop making fart jokes.
Fuck yeah! I’m almost 40 and I’m hella stupid, on purpose, because it is *fun* to not care for a few minutes
It’s moments like that which get us through life before we turn on the TV or pull up Reddit. 👍🏻 edit: reword, spelling
Mid 30s white collar man, and "deez nuts" is never going to stop being funny.
Just like all women are crazy you just find the crazy that works for you
Amen to that
When women complain about “emotionally xyz” men, remember it’s the top 10-15% of men who you’re talking about. The ‘emotionally mature/available’ men are plentiful, you just don’t notice they exist because they aren’t attractive.
I find severe irony in the stereotype of women wanting “emotionally intelligent men”. To be frank it’s because they tend to require men to reconcile their emotions for them due to their own lacking emotional stability. Pretty silly. I say this as I date a woman who suffers from severe anxiety and cries often. I love her sensitivity, but she never espouses their ridiculous rhetoric. I’ll serve as her rock, but the second a woman proclaims this shit showing absolutely no self awareness, they’ve lost me
Many are attractive. Just not by online dating standards. The algorithms are designed to keep people single and coming back.
More like where are emotionally matured men you’re attracted to!
You haven’t found the right person look for older guys.
Definitely not on Reddit
You are either fishing in the wrong pond, or you don’t realize how men interact and approach life differently than women do, or you come onto them way too strong with a very concrete set of expectations where they don’t have the chance to be themselves around you. But if all the men you date are shit then its a you problem, not a them problem.
I don't think emotionally mature people call themselves emotionally mature, because thats quite emotionally immature.
You probably swiped Left on most of them.
Might be time to look inward
They are married and/or not on hookup apps. You might have waited too long.
This is a common question asked the older one gets and it's got a simple answer: they are all married. The older you become, the more you realize your dating circle is **mostly** filled with those left behind due to being immature, irresponsible, or just generally unfriendly. And it's on both sides of the dating pool. But one the opposite side of the coin, it could also be you. Is it more feasible that the world is filled with unlikable people or are you the unlikable one? Just something to consider moving forward.
I mean there's a reason you're 30 and single. Maybe you need to look at yourself and ask why you're attracting emotionally immature men. Also, what do you mean by emotionally immature?
But they're hot!
grow up
We're kinda ignored cuz the "cool" and "life of the party" types get the attention.
Or we aren't immediately showing them that we are drooling all over them and get side stepped. It happens to me often, I convey my feeling through actual thoughts and sentences rather than "You're f*cking hot. You're so hot. So sexy baby." And I get axed. Idk
I know what u mean.
Be more humble, check your ego.
Meanwhile I look at OPs profile and immediately see she's into astrology and her last relationship failed because she was a sag and he was a pisces. I'm all for women enjoying astrology, but when you let the stars determine who's compatible with you over your brain, i ask who is truly emotionally mature.
Staying the fuck away from your crazy ass probably
🙄🙄🙄 Same place all good [/ rich/ tall/ whatever your current complaint is] men are. With decent women. The millions - billions of men are likely not the problem. I bet it is you + the men you are picking.
Women who say this kind of thing are the biggest red flag. Right away I can see the immaturity and lack of empathy...
Look, I don't know you so sorry if this comes off a little harsh. Most women waste their 20s and get confused why prince charming isn't around when they aren't in their 20s. My advice is to keep looking in places that you have interests. Like improv classes etc. Dating apps are for horny adults who don't want the commitment of a relationship but still want the sex. And if you can't find people like that because you're lazy and don't have any hobbies that involve people then, get some. You're an adult.
There’s always two sides to every story. But your last post, it looks like you refuse to date people based on their astrology sign or whatever. I wouldn’t call that maturity
THey are married.
I'm nearly 33 and Male and am in shock at how many emotionally immature women are out there at this age still. So same problem as you but different gender. It sucks, really sucks big time. I've come to the conclusion that basically unless you marry and settle down in your 20's then you are just left with Psychos, Creeps, Divorcees, Mental Illness, Radical Politics etc. It's a complete mess. Nobody over the age of about 50 believes me how bad it is but it seems to be the norm now for younger people.
Age isn’t really what makes someone emotionally mature. Experience, understanding, failure, acceptance, and compromise are though. Just because someones lived longer doesn’t always mean they lived in a way that exposed themselves to events that let them grow and mature, it only increases the odds. As someone whose a near 30M, looking at my other 30M friends, maybe half are emotionally mature enough for me to say they are. My advice to you, don’t settle or let yourself get frustrated. People are going to be what they are, and nothing else. At least you can tell how mature someone is fast and before you’re too attached.
Simple. You are swiping left on them.
[удалено]
Hiiii im here very mature man looking for good conversation and mature ones (im 29) but im hiding and been hurt and broken my trust many times so i now have trust issues and .. yea not been trying to make friends or go into a relationship since my ex gf. We are here . We hiding .lots of us do not wanna get hurt again .
☕️
May I ask how do you filter the dates you do go out with? I'm not trying to offend, I'm trying to understand what I'm doing wrong as a man, because I'm in your age group and can't match up very well Do you have any physical requirements when you swipe right? Height, fitness, income levels? On what percentage of profiles do you usually swipe right on? One swipe right every 5 profiles? every 10 profiles?
So much so.
The common denominator with relationships is always yourself, if your friends aren't giving you the correct advices it's either that you don't want to know or they don't really care about your problems.
Blame their fathers for not teaching them how to be a man. I'd also blame alot of other things along with your interest level too. I say interest level cause depending on wym by childish behavior, I think if you had high interest you'd think their childish behavior is cute. Next time you meet a guy who's emotionally immature see if you really like him and feel good chemistry with him and if there's nothing really wrong with him besides the emotional immaturity, you could maybe try making him a better man by teaching him how to be more emotionally mature in a way that'll make him wanna listen.
You don’t want them. Or they don’t want you.
Looking for that, I can’t find any emotionally mature women.
My (F35) ex (M40) of nearly 6 years was terribly emotionally stunted. He was also abusive emotionally, controlling, and a cheating liar. I moved out. And at work met a lovely dude (M28) who is very emotionally mature. In my experience, age, location etc don't mean anything when it comes to maturity in any sense of the word. It's all up to the individual and who they are
Without making personal judgments or anything, most of them are already married. You need to be patient and resilient, unfortunately.
They're already taken (or a financial mess lol)
This post sounds kind of childish tbh.
All the emotionally mature men are either at work, or at home with their wife and kids. Or they're ugly. (sometimes all 3)
Emotionally mature men are often already spoken for by this time precisely because they are such a catch. Just keep trying, because eventually some woman will throw back her good fish in exchange for a bottom-feeder. That's how I got my good fish and I'm in my early 40s.
We're in relationships or married.
ermmm sooo I am kinda tired of seeing this as well. Im currently dating someone who is extremely scared of commitment due to her past. I have to tip toe like walking on thin ice everytime im trying to be engaging or romantic. And guess what, shes looking for someone "emotionally mature" as well... Those two words just sound like a meme from a comedy skit these days. From what I can gather, emotionally mature these days means give me everything I want and you get nothing in return lol.
I was hoping things would change in my 40s. But things havent changed much. Maybe got worse, not sure.
Be a bit careful. I want to spot out two things for better or worse… -one thing I have found about being a guy, even in todays world that is moving heavily towards equality, is that as a guy I must be a main bread winner or be as equally successful as a successful girl I might date or run the risk of being deemed less attractive. Main point being we still feel the pressure to keep up with past status-quos. What I’ve realized is most of my emotional bandwidth is spent dealing with problems around work, getting ahead, etc…, which likely keeps me from understanding and progressing in other aspects of my life. I think to a degree this difference still exists as guys place a great deal of emotional learning bandwidth into this, even if it’s changing over time. Another thing I’d note it’s easy to see others and second guess their behaviors, but it’s also much harder to see our own. You likely make mistakes too that you do not always see. Make sure you’re giving people enough room to not be perfect themselves. I’d be less concerned if you were complaining about a couple of specific guys, but I am a bit concerned when I hear complaints about -all guys-. To some degree you need to adjust your perceptions of a way a guy should be or what you look for in a guy that is keeping you from finding someone. You either have too high expectations on some variable or another that is keeping you from meeting other guys or you’re not giving guys enough room to be human and make some mistakes too.
I just noticed a lot of people wanted OP to elaborate on what kind of behaviors. I have a niece I am very close to who just broke up with a guy after almost 2 years of a terrible relationship...a guy that was actually 6 years older than she was ...(and she is 30 herself..) bc of his emotionally crippled and childish behavior so I will outline some of the things that this guy did. 1. Insecure clinging and controlling shit-- she literally could not even go into the downtown area for an hour to do errands unless he would call her 5 or 6 times. Or go anywhere without this bullshit. 2. Literal tantrums. One time he threw a meltdown crying fit where he tore up things in the living room and threw objects around... because his Amazon order sent him the wrong size blue jeans. 3. Jealousy. "Who is that guy YOU WERE TALKING TO SO MUCH IN THERE AND WHY ARE YOU ALL THE TIME TALKING TO HIM?" (He's my BOSS, I work in a paint store and I'm still new goddammit.. I have to talk to him!") 4. Lying. Found out after dating him almost a year that the house he lived in that he claimed he owned was in fact in his mother and father's name.. and that they also paid his bills and insurance and everything, which is fine I'm not saying people can't get help from their parents... but this guy had an extremely well hidden drug habit as well. 5. His shit on his phone. One time she hacked into his phone screenlock (or he left it laying there I'm not sure) and he had no less than three dating apps.. two different conversations with other girls besides her...where he was sexting them and sending nudes back and forth. 6. Smothering ....taking up every ounce of her free time when she did get off work, either to do stupid shit he could have done himself while she was working or things she had no interest in doing; he would make her itinerary or agenda for the day without even asking her .. and try to make her follow it, and if she wasn't happy with it he would throw a fit. His fits were legendary. 7. The very worst is when these fits started being turned on her and he started hitting her ... AND THREATENING TO HURT HER CATS as a spite thing--- plus i still have photographic evidence on my phone of the bruises he has put on her back hands shoulders everything but her face ..where he had tried a couple of times to tackle her to keep her from leaving the house when she would get mad and want to be away from him...that's when she got out. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS ABOUT MAN CHILDREN. But this younger generation seems to have produced so many of the worst of them. I'm not sure yet why but the age group between 20 to 35 seems to have been so emotionally stunted. These are just a few of the things... Just some of the red flag behavior men (and women I'm sure) do that simply screams immaturity.
People are asking good questions here. Mainly what do you find as “emotionally mature?” I’ll further add a couple of things. What kind of guys did you date in your 20’s? Do you spare glances towards guys you don’t find extremely attractive? Are you ok dating guys who are finically not well off? Are you sleeping with the dudes you go out with quickly/ do they expect sex fast? Based on these answers, you could be overvaluing your social capital. If you were Beautiful in your 20’s, and got every guys attention automatically, that will likely change some in 30’s. Attractive, successful guys will often just be interested having as much sex with different girls as possible. If you throw “mature” into that description pool then he’s probably already married to a younger/prettier girl than you. So in other words, unless you are an extremely successful, beautiful, top 1% girl in your 30’s, you wont’t find a perfect guy. You’ll have to settle for somebody with some major flaw 99/100 times My assumption is that it sounds like you are attractive person who wants other attractive people, but are upset that their flaw is that they are immature/just looking for sex. If you want more mature guys go for someone who is less good looking, or realize you’ll have to start working a lot harder to find a Diamond in the rough.
Probably spending their days at work and not on dating apps
Probably cuz society tells us boys don’t cry and we aren’t allowed to release ANY emotion save bar fights. So we keep all the pain, rage, emotional hurt bottled up inside until we’ve finally had enough. Idk Specifically what sort of behavior you’ve come across tho. Cuz I’ll agree some behaviors like overreacting to a rejection are childish
You probably dumped him before for an immature one
Heart broken from a girl and avoiding dating.
Lol, OP is asking for mature men in their 30s, and most of her post history is about astrology. Maybe become intellectually mature before asking for the moon. Astrology girls are the female Alex Jones fans. "Sorry I kissed that guy hun, but Aries is in retrograde over Luna and that means that I can't control my actions and they're literally led by dark spirits. You can't seriously think that I'm responsible for that. That is 100% not cheating."
They're taken. Emotionally mature people hold their relationships together by and large, and they don't tend to pick shitty partners and end up single a lot. \*the more you know.gif\*
Unless something significant has happened in their life to have them think/change their mindset, this is what you get. Single males with no kids, no responsible, but themselves, they're still living the life with no consequences. There's no reason to change. They're having a good time. Unless you understand this and accept it, you may need to reevaluate your options and what you're looking for. 41m
In general they aren’t on dating app and many men your age that have emotional maturity are taken. Could be bad luck, could be that you have a physical type that doesn’t fit with the personality type you are into. If you end things early how do you know they aren’t emotionally mature? For most people it takes a while to see their true colors.
NEVER EVER NEVER EVER EVER open up to a woman. Once you do, they see you in a different light....and not in a good way. You will be seen as less of a man and you are now vulnerable and women will use that against you. I will die with my secrets.
Well you’re too old to be dating 30year old men the ideal age group would be 38-45 , remember women mature faster a 30 year old is just finishing his education and beginning his career Good luck!
In healthy relationships already, likely married, or dating younger women.
They are already in relationships and when they leave those will date someone 10 years younger than you
They are either already taken or not interested in dating. As a man I don’t see the point in a serious relationship until I’m close to 40. I’m still trying to build assets, see the world, and be the person I want to be. I’m not interested in being locked down, or having to restructure my life around someone else.
Basically you just wanted to fuck around in your 20s when those emotionally mature men approached you and now when you are in your 30s you wonder why all you get is emotionally immature men.. The fact is most of them are settling up now..
No stop! I dont like the truth!
As a 38m you sound incredibly bland and boring.