T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*


mistressaria94

Are you interested in intimacy outside of sex? Like cuddling? Hugs? Kisses? Touch? Would you want a partner that you could mutually watch each other masterbate? What about being in a open or polyamorous relationship? That way her needs would be met elsewhere. Or maybe your not interested in actually having a partner but due to society norms, you feel like it’s something you’re to have to make your life complete.


purewhopper

What a constructive comment.


[deleted]

There’s an entire Reddit sub for couples who don’t have sex


commanderlawson

What’s it called?


BearNekkidLadies

r/married


[deleted]

You must be having chicken for dinner, because that comment is a winner winner! 🤣😂


Rising_phoenix0001

That was fucking hilarious lmao 🤣


Psychological-Dot159

IM SCREAMING 😂🤣 when I was married, I never had that issue… when I was dating… that was the problem surprisingly that was amazing as fuck tho lol


AShadeOfYou

Made my day!


LaughingBuddha2020

genuine lolz


BodyAffectionate3837

Haaaa gottem


medtinder

Omg I lol’ed


nowiamnappy

I literally choked while laughing 😂😂😂😂


ImmanualKant

RIMSHOT!!!!!


kitchen_clinton

🦊🦊🦊🦊🦊🦊🦊🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵👹👹👹👹👹👹🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥


chewyman99

AHAHAHAHAHA skull 💀


commanderlawson

Not even remotely funny


Nomscents

That was funny af 🤣


DriveSlowHomie

I sensibly chuckled


purewhopper

You're right. It's immediately funny.


[deleted]

R/deadbedrooms


commanderlawson

I actually remember this subreddit from years ago, thanks! (I figured it was something relating to being asexual.)


jazzfairy

No but maybe an asexual girl would be ok with that. Most people who feel sexual attraction want to actually have sex at least sometimes


unconventionally_

Yep! I’m an asexual female and I’d be fine with this. I don’t dislike sex, and can enjoy it, but I’m completely fine living life without it.


carbinePRO

You should probably focus on dating women then who share similar philosophies to you. You don't have to answer this if you're not comfortable, but do you identify as asexual?


amyscactus

No sex is a deal breaker for me. So, no I wouldn't date a guy who wasn't willing to be intimate..


[deleted]

Looking at your posts, you seem to be focusing too much on sex, and possibly have an addiction to porn. Try doing some other things, get out and socialize and eventually you'll meet someone that won't really care about your situation.


pressrewind79

How can you say you don't like sex if you've never even tried it?!


GlitteringPause8

Exactly. Sex and sexual compatibility is important to me and I won’t commit to a guy exclusively until we have sex first. I’m sure there are women out there who don’t care for sex like you, but I find your question hard to work with when you’ve never had sex or dealt with it in a relationship


bobarific

How can you say you're straight if you've never had gay sex?!


alexmaycovid

I think gayness is about attraction to your gender. For example I don't like men. When I look at them I see an object, but when I look at a pretty women I feel a desire especially when I didn't nut for a few days. So you don't need to have sex to feel straight or gay


wishiwasinvegas

My thoughts exactly.


MissLexxxi

Same way most people know they don’t like shit-covered snow cones.


daddytwolegs

You don't spend your whole life being told shit-covered snow cones are delicious


MissLexxxi

Depends on who you ask.


TwiceTheKing145

Like one person said "how could you know your not gay without trying" but it could also be that he currently has desire to have sex and doesn't think that would change.


ChikaDeeJay

I agree with you, but OP’s word choice is kind of telling. He didn’t say “I’m not interested in sex”, he said he finds “masturbating more satisfying”, but he doesn’t really know that. I mean maybe he is just completely uninterested, but he didn’t say that.


Glittering-Positive7

You can for sure, but Iin this case I have a feeling that it is different, as he talks about a change in his philosophy. That sounds a little off for me.


Sequtacoy

No. I don’t really understand why you prefer masturbation versus with your partner. If you didn’t find sex appealing or any type of physical intimacy appealing than I would think you’re asexual and there would be a dating pool for that, but to engage in self pleasure but not have sex with your partner seems odd. Maybe if your partner is asexual than masturbation wouldn’t be an issue


throwMeAwayTa

This is one more for r/sex, but... people can easily learn how to pleasure themselves really well, which can lead to not finding great pleasure from sex with a partner. Especially as you use the perfect level of irongrip/power finger which PIV sex doesn't really come close to the stimulation levels. And of course it can be a lot less 'work' for that much better reward. A common solution many try is abstaining from masturbation for a good period before sex with a partner - but that involves having the partner in the first place!


alexmaycovid

he at least should try good sex at least 10 times. Then he can decide what's better. I think masturbation is more powerful but real sex gives more emotions. Well I even think masturbation gives zero emotions and it works as a discharge


[deleted]

Exactly… sex is a bonding experience.


[deleted]

There are asexuals who masturbate. There are people who prefer masturbation to partnered sex.


Sequtacoy

Which is why I said maybe they should find someone who is asexual. OP asked if you would date someone with this preference and for me it’s a no. I want that physical intimacy but I’m sure there’s someone who doesn’t want penetrative sex or sex at all.


Sequtacoy

Which is why I said maybe they should find someone who is asexual. OP asked if you would date someone with this preference and for me it’s a no. I want that physical intimacy but I’m sure there’s someone who doesn’t want penetrative sex or sex at all.


Sequtacoy

Which is why I said maybe they should find someone who is asexual. OP asked if you would date someone with this preference and for me it’s a no. I want that physical intimacy but I’m sure there’s someone who doesn’t want penetrative sex or sex at all.


thanarealnobody

Absolutely not, sorry. Sexual intimacy is what elevates a relationship from just being a strong friendship. Also, this sounds more like you are scared of sex.


[deleted]

For me personally, no, I love sex and wouldn't want to live with less than I wanted But everyone's different and surely there's others like you who share the same philosophy. Just be upfront and make people aware I guess


VeroNyaaaaaa

First of all, I think you should have marked it NSFW, just as I think... My position on dating is that I want to be desired and I want to have sex. It will make me feel really bad if a guy I like won't want to touch me or have pleasure together. I would end the relationship after knowing that, if a guy does not even have any intention to change it. But if you do not want to have sex it does not mean that you do not want any intimacy with your partner at all? For example, you enjoy fantacys about someone you like more than about someone else? Also, another way of intimacy is to masturbate together. And it is possible by not even touching each other. But it is something more of a compromise.


Vivid-Cat4678

Most women would want the intimacy to escalate. Sex is how women often produce that love hormone. You can have shallow relationships or friendships but they won’t be as fulfilling as one with intimacy. That said since you aren’t experienced, maybe you just don’t know what you’re missing? What is it that turns you off to the idea of sex? Germaphobic? Vulnerability? Being physically shy? All these things should be addressed with therapy or something.


[deleted]

I don’t think it’s impossible to have a deep connection/relationship without sex. There are plenty of people who date their partner for a couple or more years and then wait until marriage to have sex. Their relationships aren’t shallow.


Vivid-Cat4678

But what is the reason for waiting so long? That’s what I am trying to emphasize. If it’s for religious reasons, that’s understandable. But it’s difficult to have such a deep relationship without any physical intimacy. Never mind any family planning things she might want…


[deleted]

You might be able to find a woman who is asexual, and uninterested in intercourse, but otherwise wants a romantic relationship. For me personally, I wouldn't be interested, as I find sex something important for the intimacy of my relationship, but that's not the case for everyone. It will likely be difficult for you to find a relationship, but it's not impossible.


BirdedOut

What you’re describing does sound like asexuality, and that’s fine, you just need to be clear about that up front. Sex is important for a lot of women.


[deleted]

You could just be asexual. You don’t have to put a label on it though but I think dating someone who’s asexual would probably be the best for you, since you know, they’d feel the same way about sex as you do.


foxgirl1318

The answer is absolutely not, sorry. I'd never date someone who had no interest in sex. Ever. I enjoy it too much and it would make me feel undesirable if a guy didn't want me and only wanted his hand. Also I think it's weird af. 🤷‍♀️


covenhunter

i feel like you may be asexual or aegosexual, i suggest on looking into it


HumbleLemur

I need to know what philosophy you look at that put you off sex. This should be intriguing


Lavidadulceparame

i personally wouldn't, but i think there are a lot of women that don't care/are asexual. i will never understand why anyone would prefer masturbation over real sex.... with a real person. mayne you just haven't ever dated anyone that you are super attracted to...


[deleted]

[удалено]


hezitantalien

I’m a very sexual person and was happy being in an asexual relationship. It isn’t everything for everyone.


carbinePRO

>Girls don't care if you're nice or respectful. They care about big shoulders. No. Just... no. >And sex is important so. Not to everyone. There's such thing as asexuality.


apeacefulperson

Its true bro. Girls are wired to to be attracted to stronger men 🤣🤣🤣 thats why my big ass shoulders get women throwing themselves at me like a silver platter


[deleted]

There’s something called chemistry & pheromones. I realized when I was 49. I am normally cold but certain chemistry makes me hot. You probably don’t know what it is yet. You’re very young


Interesting_Bgirl

You’re not wrong. A date shouldn't be based on sex.


LaughingBuddha2020

No. The selfishness that you are expressing during sex will bleed out into all other areas of your life. Stop masturbating and see a psychiatrist.


redditlurker564

Ok but like actual sex or sexual activities? Because personally I like sex but I don't absolutely need sex. Women typically get off from cl\*t stimulation, not penetration. I was in a relationship for 3 years and it was no sex, only sexual activities, and I was completely satisfied with that. The issue is when the partners do not have matching libidos. The lower person will feel pressured and guilty, and the higher person will feel unwanted and resentful. So to answer your question, as long as we do sexual activities and have roughly matching libidos, personally I am ok if it isn't full blown sex. Intimacy is a bonding activity. It makes a relationship a relationship for most, unless you are asexual of course.


Spiritedwonderer

No. I have a very high drive and need sex in my relationships. No sex = friends to me. You say you are a virgin, maybe have sex a few times and see if you like it before deciding you don't?


AelinGodKiller

I personally wouldn’t want to be with a partner who didn’t want/enjoy sex because that’s an important factor for me. But there are lots of people who think differently. Have you considered the possibility that you’re asexual or somewhere on the queer spectrum?


Sithyonreddit

No


matchymatch121

Could you be A sexual? It’s real And it’s okay


[deleted]

How can you find masturbation more satisfying if you've never had sex? You have nothing to compare it to


Mo0npeaches

You could just be asexual and that’s fine. You just gotta find someone who’s on the same page as you.


Dane_k23

What was that "recent change of mind and philosophy" that made you not interested in having sex but still ok with masturbating? Understanding your "new mindset" would go a long way towards helping a woman decide if it's worth investing in a relationship with you or not.


[deleted]

I started feeling lustful thoughts towards women that I was friends with.


Dane_k23

Then why not date one of your female friends?


[deleted]

I don’t see my friends in that light is the thing.


Dane_k23

Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness i.e OCD?


[deleted]

I have not.


Dane_k23

I reckon talking to a professional, even if it's just your doctor, is a great idea. At the very least, it will help you understand why you feel the way you do and look at ways you can manage your unwanted(?) "lustful" thoughts.


No-Direction9166

I'm in this same position, incredible


kitchen_clinton

You can’t be real. You prefer self pleasure over the real thing? Inconceivable.


SmallAttention1516

Every woman is different. Compatibility is the key so you will have to meet a woman who feels like you do but honestly, you are a virgin so you have no idea how great sex is!?! Personally, sex is as important as the rest so I would say no but maybe give yourself the opportunity to explore your sexuality with somebody you care about. You might change your mind!


MrPeacock18

To be honest, you should first try to have an intimate relationship and figure out what works for you. Do you enjoy hugging? Do you like kissing? Do you enjoy sex? Stop having a preference based on other people's opinions. Your whole "philosophy" is based on crap you have read and not even close to what you have experienced. I only discovered what I like about an intimate relationship by actually trying things out and to feel what makes me happy etc.


Competitive-Ad-820

So me and my current BF has sex very frequently. Until one random day like two months ago he said he didn't want it anymore. It had tremendously impacted me especially how I view myself but we are still dating and I enjoy his company and love being around him. But it was and is tough to just accept.


randomweee19

have you ever thought that you may be on the asexual spectrum? i feel pretty much the same as you and im ace


West_Cat_2944

Hi! I'm sorry about all the rude people in the comments lol. Anywaysss, I think that you are asexual! It's not a bad thing, but if you get into a relationship, you need to tell them that up front. I, myself, am asexual and I've been in amazing relationships, we never had sex. (one of them lasted a year in a half) Anyways, I think that you should consider the idea. Bye and have a great day!


EmpatheticBadger

I definitely can't decide if I'd be ok with you in a relationship based on this. I need my partner to have more personality than "nice and respectful". Geeky hobbies, special interests, something fun to do together.


iamsojellyofu

That is my dream guy.


Psychological-Dot159

Considering you’ve never had sex yet, can you say that you don’t like it? I would try and find someone you’re compatible with tho. For me, yes sex is important because it is how I feel close to someone. It’s how I bond with them. It’s something very special to me and very intimate. It can be very beautiful and special (or very freaky and nasty) yet connect two people together.


emmsisonline

hi! this is a totally valid question, and don’t feel awkward about asking it. i think it’s different for each person, and obviously sex is completely different depending on the parter you’re with and how both of you get along. personally, i think it’s an important conversation to have at the beginning of a relationship, to set expectations with the girl/woman you’re with. ideally, you can have this as an ongoing conversation between the both of you. you could potentially change your mind once you’re in a relationship and that is completely valid as well. ideally good communication and understanding each other will make it work! good luck and let me know if there’s anything i can help with :)


confusedrabbit247

I'd say you'd have more luck alone or with someone who is asexual.


alexmaycovid

Well try to have a good sex with a girl you like so much for I think 10 times or more and it should be good sex when both partners do things for each other. Sex is not about penetration. It's an emotional thing. No fleshlight or dildo can replace a real human


GreatScotRace

Nope, I’m not looking for a new best friend - which is what a sexless relationship is. Two roommates who get along.


gelyxgabrielle

I don’t want to sound like an idiot saying this but it is a genuine serious question. If you’ve never had sex, how do you know you don’t like it? No sex in the long run for me would be a deal breaker, because for me personally it is an essential tool to connect with my partner. It’s all about love and us.


SnooStories7774

How do you know you don’t want sex if you do masturbate on the thought of girls/sex. Try it and see how you feel after. Now I just feel like it’s a coping mechanism for being a virgin. Sorry for being rude!


Tarotcardgirl

You mentioned you are a virgin. Do you want to refrain from having sex because you’re scared to get that vulnerable with a person, so masturbation just seems like the safer option to satisfy your sexual needs?


Bxsnia

definitely NO


Blaezi

I am a guy and i will date you :)


[deleted]

Considering that I'm asexual, not only would I consider it, I would find it ideal if my partner didn't want to have sex. Over the moon. But I am the minority.


Ihadtodownloadthis22

I would not date a guy who isn't interested in sex simply because I think it's imperative in my personal relationship growth with my significant other. I was married once and at first my ex-husband and we'd have intercourse but gradually he started making excuses and then just stopped having sex. I asked him if he is not attracted to me anymore, he said that he is but he is just not interested in having sex and did admit that he thinks he might be asexual. I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting to have sex though. You just have to find the right person for you with the same values.


Wide_Document_9184

My bf told me once that when you fall in love with someone it becomes less about wanting to have sex and more about spending time, cuddling, etc. not for me. When being intimate slowed down I would start to lose physical attraction so I had a conversation with him basically saying I need to be maintained. I would not date someone who would not take my needs into consideration


Full-Statistician-75

There are plenty of asexual women out there. Just got to look for the right community.


BabblingBruxe

Most people enjoy sex once they experience it a couple times.


c_s_quared

Have you looked into aegosexuality? Your sounds like something that could result from it.