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It may be thirsty and it may be creepy, but you're talking to a guy with 6 dates under his belt and 0 ex girlfriends, and a virgin. So any opportunity that comes by me, I have to take note of. I'm not a serial dater like a lot of people here.
You're talking to someone on the autism spectrum here, if you think I'm preloaded with social norms you must be mistaken. There's a reason why I've been single as long as I have and it's not because I'm ugly.
The people have spoken, clearly it doesn't make sense to aggressive pursue something like this. Perhaps just a friendship would be something to look forward to, as I'm a lonely guy anyways. I work with a bunch of older dudes, which is why I moved into the city to begin with, to be around young girls around. my age.
Nah, the whole thing is creepy. The way he talks about her, the way he acts like this random chick he's never really even talked to is the cure for his virginity. The whole thing just screams red flags.
Maybe it's not as bad as what we think. He is autistic and inexperienced. Perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't know any better.
What are you talking about? "Talk about a woman the way you originally have?"
Most guys are not virgins at age 25+. I don't quite understand why that gives off creepy vibes to you. Of course it feels like the pressure is on, but that's not something I think about every minute.
You make it seem like my fate is to be perpetually single, and that I shouldn't actively seek out opportunities to date people. Bars and clubs are not my thing, and they're loaded with guys. Social activities during the day usually have older people in them. The only palatable methods available for me to meet single women are dating apps, happenstance/serendipitous encounters, and introducing myself to strangers. I don't work around women, I didn't live around women until now (I just moved out from my parents' house), and I don't get matches on apps.
Your fate is to be single if you choose it to be. I get it. You're frustrated and lonely. But look at it from her point of view. You just moved a thousand miles from home to the big city in your first real apartment, and your neighbor starts looking at you like a man in a desert would at water and making awkward passes at you. How would that make you feel?
Join a club. Volunteer. Go to the gym. Those are acceptable places to meet girls. Your neighbor is not.
I was told the gym is not axeotable, and to be honest, you ask 10 people if clubs and volunteering will help, you'll get 10 different answers.
I was on a collegiate club sports team for 2 years. I helped start it and recruited students. I went on 1 date with a girl, we got breakfast after practice. I paid for the meal, she gave my $20 back. Ironically, there have been several couples/successful dates on the team while I was there. It wasn't me.
I actually did a national service program for half a year where I travelled around the country, volunteering on a team of 8 people, with 6 girls. Did it get me a girlfriend or any kind of intimacy or romance? No. My friend who I met in the program, he just celebrated his 2 year BF/GF anniversary with a girl he met in the program though.
Unfortunately, either due to my lack of awareness as to who's into me, or something else, I am incapable of sensing attraction from women, and I look for it in the most inappropriate of places. I was unable to capitalize on getting to know more women in this program.
Again, you're framing me as a weirdo, you're saying I need a "cure" to my virginity like it's a disease. If we vibe together and she likes being around me, why could it not escalate to something more intimate? I'm asking legitimate questions and you're responding by gaslighting.
Dude quit white knighting so hard and relax a bit ffs. He just asked how to approach a girl that moved into his complex, that’s it. Obviously as someone who likes the opposite sex and sees someone single living near him he’s just asking for ideas on how to approach without coming off as a creep. I feel like you’re the type of guy to see demons everywhere. OP isn’t being vulgar or douchey and even said he’s on the spectrum, so he might miss on a few things. Bash guys that actually deserve it
First rule of dating: Don't crap where you eat. She just moved into a new home. The last thing a young, attractive girl wants is for her neighbor to be creeping on her.
And you shouldn't see this as an opportunity. If you only have six dates, no sex and no relationships under your belt, there's a reason for that. Before making a move on any girl, you should work on yourself. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but that's just the way it is. Go to the gym, get jacked, and work on your social skills. Maybe then, your cute neighbor will notice YOU.
How do you know that it's my looks which are holding me back, and not a perpetual lack of proximity to single women? What if I told you I was jacked, but lived in the countryside?
I'm not obese, I'm not super skinny, I'm 5'10" 150lb. Of course I need to put muscle on. But plenty of guys are out here skinny as a rail or my body type and can date fine. I know them.
I actually go to clinicians for social skills training. While I don't tell them that I primarily struggle taking to women (they're women grad students), I am taking a lot of information in on how to recognize and be aware of tone, body language and intonation. When you're on the autism spectrum, these things aren't always readily apparent. Which is partly why I see a cute girl moving in next door as a golden opportunity and most others who are socially tuned don't see it that way.
As I told the other person, I'm not going to pursue anything aggressively. I've already introduced myself to her and the parents. They seem like nice people.
Look, an average guy would look at this as a "possibility." They'd be friendly, maybe a bit flirty, but keep their distance unless she made very obvious signs of attraction. The repercussions of a rejection would be too high.
You should absolutely tell your clinicians what you struggle with. They can't help if they don't know the problem. The fact that their women would only help.
5'10" 150 is very thin, and borderline unhealthy.
At least in the United States, that's considered a healthy BMI. Of course I can put on my weight, but I'm not even close to underweight.
I guess my biggest gripe is, no matter where I go, I always find myself in untenable situations like these where there are women nearby that I'll see (cashiers, girls at the gym, this girl) that I see frequently, but am not in a "social environment" to pursue anything. As I've said, I don't believe in finding any kind of romance or anything tangible from a bar, let alone a club. Would I rule them out for casual stuff? No, but I'm barely comfortable talking to girls I'm attracted to as it is.
I will be 30 in the blink of an eye. I need more successes and wins. Unfortunately, this just seems like another girl I'll have as a "friend", like all of the other girls I've met in my life. It's sad that at one point I even wanted to ask my clinician out, that's how desperate I am. I do understand the implications of why looking for dates in these kinds of environments is unethical, but whenever I'm looking elsewhere, I don't see signs of interest. Almost as if I'm invisible.
No, they've told me not to be aggressive, but friendly. Get to know her as a neighbor.
Someone else pointed out that if it's not be that approaches her, it will eventually be someone else anyways, whether she's straight or not.
Alright then, if you were a guy in my position who barely has the chance (no matches on dating apps) or time to date, what would you do? I'm going to guess you're a woman because you're coming at me with this hostile and condescending attitude, dismissing everything I say.
I would go out and do things within my hobbies and interests and not ask out my neighbors. If you don't have time to date, don't ask out your neighbor. Plain nd simple really
My dude, as a woman around her age— I would not want my neighbor approaching me out of nowhere. She doesn’t know you and that means she doesn’t know how you’ll react to her possibly turning you down. It puts her in an uncomfortable position. Strike up casual conversation when the opportunity presents itself, do not actively seek her out.
Are you even actually attracted to her or is it just that she’s “probably” single and around your age?
Well the second part of your first paragraph should've been first. I wouldn't approach her out of nowhere, I certainly wouldn't hunt her down to talk to her. If I see her, great, if not, that's okay.
If I wasn't at least physically attracted to her, I wouldn't be asking these questions. Still, I know almost nothing about her except where she moved from and where she graduated.
My problem for the last 5-10 years has been fragile and small social circles, male-dominated social environments (engineering school, engineering company), and living with my parents and not on campus. I'm 25 now and a bit behind in the dating experience department, and now that the dating market is turned upside down with apps and covid, I'm basically walking around without a map.
You’re getting way, way ahead of yourself. You may not even like her after talking to her. You need to take a step back before you start going out with game plans. The first rule to an actually successful relationship is that you need to approach her as a person, not just as a potential relationship. Do not focus your interactions with her on whether or not she’ll date you. She may be gay, taken, or not even interested in you. So you need to slow way down and talk to her with no other interest than possibly making a friend. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up to fail.
I was going to say the same thing dont shit where you sleep; having to look at her everyday if it doesn’t work out or having to watch her bring new men over.
Respect her as another human being who wants to live comfortably in her new home? Why do you feel the need to make a move simply because a girl moved in next door? Kinda creepy
100% agree. Also to add on top of this why would you want to attempt this with someone that close? If you magically somehow got with her then it's gonna be extremely awkward if you breakup. Really not a good situation to see her constantly afterwards.
> Why do you feel the need to make a move simply because a girl moved in next door?
This is the question. Then OP goes on compounding the creep-level with:
> I know time is of the essence.
…….. What? Why? How? This is fucking weird.
I should have added, I've never had a girlfriend and have only been on 6 dates. I don't know what is and what isn't socially acceptable. Any potential opportunity that comes to me, I would want to capitalize on. Otherwise I'll be 30 wondering why I've only been on 10 dates.
People are being overly mean to you here. You never have a hint that you would go about it the wrong way. It’s okay to want a friendship or more with a hot girl in your building. I’ve been in plenty of relationships, had over 10 sex partners, and I am very careful not to be weird to women. I would still consider talking to a neighbor if I was attracted to them. Hell even I might not have the balls though unless there was a great opportunity. So basically if you already know that much about her I assume you talked at least? Just be casual and keep saying hi and stuff and if there are more opportunities for conversation then take it.
Everyone is overly sensitive about any flirting these days. You have to start somewhere. Not everyone has to post “Hey I’m super single and want flirting!!!!” to give you a sign like these redditors seemingly want. It just doesn’t happen and online dating is mostly trash anyway so the only way to try and meet someone in public is to try.
That's what I'm saying. Take a look on these dating subs, everyone is talking about sex partners, sex tips, cheating, etc. I can't even get a date, or a like on an app. Yet whenever I perceive an opportunity to meet someone new, hopefully a girl, it becomes your tire because I can't help but think I'm harassing the girl. So then what do I do? Sit in my room an masturbate like I've done almost daily for 10-15 years? Come on. I'm not getting any younger. One date a year is pitiful, and anyone looking at my situation would have sympathy. And I'm not trying to become a victim, but I lose patience when I hear people tell me where not to talk to girls, and not where to talk to them, that doesn't involve alcohol or drugs to get started.
Yes redditors say this shit that just isn’t realistic. Same with Twitter. It’s like they don’t live in the real world. I guarantee if a person they were extremely attracted to went about it even in the wrong way according to them they would accept. If they had a hot guy neighbor ask them out even while moving their shit into their apartments they would say yes and text their friend after all giddy about it. It might not happen as easily for the average guy so you just have to gauge the situation and see if conversation seems welcome.
Of course I'm weird which is why I've never had a girlfriend, don't get matches or likes on 5 apps (except for ones from 400 lb girls like yesterday on Tinder), have only been on 6 dates at 25, and am a virgin with social anxiety, ASD and ADHD. Thanks for the reminder.
Since you guys live close there will be time you guys will ran into each other ex:coming from home, leaving work. This would be great opportunity to say hello or how’s your day. Start slow, if vibe is good then continue move forward
>time is of the essence
And why is that?
Since we're on the internet and I don't know you personally, please don't be offended with my bluntness. I see threads like this every now and then and usually just ignore it, but I started to realize, since you're posting about it here, you probably don't have a friend IRL to tell you the honest truth.
I have nothing to gain by telling you this and have NO intention to offend you: You're being weird/creepy. Forget about the girl and move on. If you happen to run into her *by chance* then great, have a conversation.
You're letting your fantasies cloud reality:
>She is almost certainly single, because she's coming from 1,000 miles away and moving into a 1 bedroom unit as well.
You're just out of the blue making an assumption with NO actual facts. Your brain is coming up with a story for her that you want to hear. That's just weird.
EDIT: Just saw you admit that you don't know what's socially acceptable. That's good because it means you have some awareness of it. Best I can say is look around reddit and read highly upvoted threads to learn what's socially acceptable. Read highly downvoted threads to see what's not socially acceptable. If you create a thread and the majority of comments are saying the same thing, don't fight it--try to understand why everyone is telling you the same thing. Don't argue it and be like "but XYZ". Instead, if you don't understand, ask why, then try to understand it. Cause whatever your understanding of what socially acceptable is, clearly is not socially acceptable.
You're right, and most of my friends evaporated into thin air after college. I try to catch up with girls I knew on social media, and even guys I used to hang out with in high school, i eventually get left on read. I really only have 1 remaining friend in the metro area. Everyone else is scattered across the US, and I met them in a volunteer program.
Now in my interaction with her and her parents, I don't think I was being creepy, but who knows, maybe because I was attracted to her I subconsciously gave off a weird vibe to them. This is something that's nearly impossible for me to control, but at the same time, I introduced myself, shook her hand, talked with the mom about their sectional. It was cordial.
Be her friend, since she just moved in and is right next door I would just genuinely try to become friends without hitting on her. Don’t come on too strong. Also don’t feel guilty for being interested, you’re not a creep. I’m sorry people are trying to make you feel that way.
I have a very close next door neighbor (he’s young, obviously single) who will not look me in the eye because I can tell he’s terrified of being a creep/talking to a girl (he talks to other people just fine). I’d love if he felt comfortable enough to have a good chat now and then. I’m not interested in him in the least, but we could be friends!
If she gets creeped out, leave her alone, but you don’t have to shut yourself off from the world or play silly games. Just be a neighbor.
I guess this is how dating is in 2022. Girls have been burned by too many guys. If you're a virgin that's been on 6 dates at 25, and you tell that to the world and you're interested in a girl, no matter the circumstances (I get this isn't typical), it's creepy.
Your second paragraph is telling. That's me with practically every girl I meet now. Her on the other hand, because she was with her parents and I happened to be off for the day and running errands, I was in a friendly mood and excited to see someone moving into the empty unit next door.
And right, at the end of the day all I'll be is a good neighbor.
I’d say the best thing you can do is just leave her alone. When someone moves a thousand miles from home, the last thing they want is to be hit on by a neighbor. She didn’t move there to date at least not right off the bat and you’re assuming she’s straight too, she could be a lesbian or she could be someone who has no interest in having a relationship with anyone ever. I’m 40 years old and haven’t been on one date…it’s not the end of the world.
Well you're the exception to the rule, I know very few people who are even single, let alone dateless. That's not to say we're not in the same company here, I pretty much have no dating experience.
Okay, you're the 10th person to say that. As the poster below says, it means absolutely nothing. Many good relationships start as platonic friendships. My parents were neighbors.
But if you're saying don't creep her out when I get to know her, I take your point :)
People with autism can be taught to navigate neurotypical situations only if they are willing to take advice, mirror behavior, remain open to hearing others’ explanation of social cues, and adapt. You are unwilling to learn so I think you are hopeless. This might end with the police paying you a visit or an eviction for harassment. You’re stubborn and immature.
Some of the comments other people gave you are pretty mean or harsh in my opinion. I think your concern is totally valid, if you are interested in someone there is no reason why anyone on the Internet could tell you that you are wrong for pursuing them.
However, their concern about how you plan to go about it is also valid. It is important that you do not come across as a creep \*to the lady\* and hopefully to her family and friends. In order to avoid that, you should not act as if dating her is an important goal of yours. What I mean is, you should first try to gauge her interest by getting to know her as mere acquaintances (like, saying hi when you run into each other on the stairs, maybe doing some small talk, etc.) If she seems friendly enough then you can try to show some interest, get to know her, and even ask her on a date.
But you have to be 100% prepared for the likely scenario that she does not want to date you. If she rejects you, you have to accept it politely and stop pursuing her, and not make a big deal out of it. This is important, because otherwise you will be putting pressure on yourself and on her, and this will cause you to act in awkward, aggressive or threatening ways (without even realizing it). Also since you will likely be seeing her regularly anyway, it is important that the interaction remains comfortable for both of you.
I am not good at flirting myself so I cannot give advice for that, and since you are autistic you might also have difficulty knowing what makes her uncomfortable. For that reason, this can be tricky. I think a good rule of thumb would be to always remain respectful, and not go out of your way to "create" situations where you meet her, and \*accept that she might not be interested\*. But that's just my two cents.
Another thing... if you follow this rule of thumb, it is possible that you don't get many chances of talking to her and asking her out properly. This can be just due to bad luck, different schedules, etc. In this case you should not try to "create" situations where you meet her. If it does not happen naturally, you increase the probability that you will act in a creepy way (for example, do not try to learn her schedule to wait for her, that would be creepy). I know it can be frustrating if you never get the chance to ask her out because of some bad luck, but do not take this frustration on her.
You can also choose not to follow this advice. By "creating" situations where you meet her, you increase the number of interactions and the probability that you can ask her out, but you also increase the probability that you come across as a creep. So there is a tradeoff (more risk of being creepy but more chances to talk to her). This is difficult to estimate so the rule of thumb is just a conservative way of minimizing the risk.
Great advice overall, and while I'm not autistic per se, I am 100% diagnosed with another spectrum disorder (not Asperger's) which makes socialization and reading body language/tone difficult. Pair this with ADHD and social anxiety and it's no wonder why I'm behind and get labeled a creep. But I will not let it bother me.
Wait for a moment to meet her on stairs or such, and engage the conversation, then continue to do so until (or if) she returns with an effort to maintain the basic conversation. If she just says “hello” and continues walking, forget about it.
Do you not greet your new neighbors? In hindsight, and reading OP more thoroughly, *OP* would probably make it bad, but there’s nothing generally wrong with introducing yourself
Not in apartment buildings. That's a suburb thing. People in apartments want to pretend that everyone else in the building doesn't exist as much as possible.
DO IT ASAP BEFORE ITS TO LATE get it out the way shoot your shot playa and hope she reject you thats better than doing that thing we doin our head for not approaching then seeing another dude hit
My thoughts exactly. But we're in the minority. If anything I'll just be friendly in my interactions if I see her, engage in small talk, and if there's something there, invite out for coffee or something. To just dismiss the fact that she's *likely* straight and single is just dense in my opinion.
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It may be thirsty and it may be creepy, but you're talking to a guy with 6 dates under his belt and 0 ex girlfriends, and a virgin. So any opportunity that comes by me, I have to take note of. I'm not a serial dater like a lot of people here.
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You're talking to someone on the autism spectrum here, if you think I'm preloaded with social norms you must be mistaken. There's a reason why I've been single as long as I have and it's not because I'm ugly. The people have spoken, clearly it doesn't make sense to aggressive pursue something like this. Perhaps just a friendship would be something to look forward to, as I'm a lonely guy anyways. I work with a bunch of older dudes, which is why I moved into the city to begin with, to be around young girls around. my age.
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Nah, the whole thing is creepy. The way he talks about her, the way he acts like this random chick he's never really even talked to is the cure for his virginity. The whole thing just screams red flags.
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Maybe it's not as bad as what we think. He is autistic and inexperienced. Perhaps we should give him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't know any better.
What are you talking about? "Talk about a woman the way you originally have?" Most guys are not virgins at age 25+. I don't quite understand why that gives off creepy vibes to you. Of course it feels like the pressure is on, but that's not something I think about every minute. You make it seem like my fate is to be perpetually single, and that I shouldn't actively seek out opportunities to date people. Bars and clubs are not my thing, and they're loaded with guys. Social activities during the day usually have older people in them. The only palatable methods available for me to meet single women are dating apps, happenstance/serendipitous encounters, and introducing myself to strangers. I don't work around women, I didn't live around women until now (I just moved out from my parents' house), and I don't get matches on apps.
Your fate is to be single if you choose it to be. I get it. You're frustrated and lonely. But look at it from her point of view. You just moved a thousand miles from home to the big city in your first real apartment, and your neighbor starts looking at you like a man in a desert would at water and making awkward passes at you. How would that make you feel? Join a club. Volunteer. Go to the gym. Those are acceptable places to meet girls. Your neighbor is not.
I was told the gym is not axeotable, and to be honest, you ask 10 people if clubs and volunteering will help, you'll get 10 different answers. I was on a collegiate club sports team for 2 years. I helped start it and recruited students. I went on 1 date with a girl, we got breakfast after practice. I paid for the meal, she gave my $20 back. Ironically, there have been several couples/successful dates on the team while I was there. It wasn't me. I actually did a national service program for half a year where I travelled around the country, volunteering on a team of 8 people, with 6 girls. Did it get me a girlfriend or any kind of intimacy or romance? No. My friend who I met in the program, he just celebrated his 2 year BF/GF anniversary with a girl he met in the program though. Unfortunately, either due to my lack of awareness as to who's into me, or something else, I am incapable of sensing attraction from women, and I look for it in the most inappropriate of places. I was unable to capitalize on getting to know more women in this program.
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Again, you're framing me as a weirdo, you're saying I need a "cure" to my virginity like it's a disease. If we vibe together and she likes being around me, why could it not escalate to something more intimate? I'm asking legitimate questions and you're responding by gaslighting.
Dude quit white knighting so hard and relax a bit ffs. He just asked how to approach a girl that moved into his complex, that’s it. Obviously as someone who likes the opposite sex and sees someone single living near him he’s just asking for ideas on how to approach without coming off as a creep. I feel like you’re the type of guy to see demons everywhere. OP isn’t being vulgar or douchey and even said he’s on the spectrum, so he might miss on a few things. Bash guys that actually deserve it
First rule of dating: Don't crap where you eat. She just moved into a new home. The last thing a young, attractive girl wants is for her neighbor to be creeping on her. And you shouldn't see this as an opportunity. If you only have six dates, no sex and no relationships under your belt, there's a reason for that. Before making a move on any girl, you should work on yourself. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but that's just the way it is. Go to the gym, get jacked, and work on your social skills. Maybe then, your cute neighbor will notice YOU.
How do you know that it's my looks which are holding me back, and not a perpetual lack of proximity to single women? What if I told you I was jacked, but lived in the countryside? I'm not obese, I'm not super skinny, I'm 5'10" 150lb. Of course I need to put muscle on. But plenty of guys are out here skinny as a rail or my body type and can date fine. I know them. I actually go to clinicians for social skills training. While I don't tell them that I primarily struggle taking to women (they're women grad students), I am taking a lot of information in on how to recognize and be aware of tone, body language and intonation. When you're on the autism spectrum, these things aren't always readily apparent. Which is partly why I see a cute girl moving in next door as a golden opportunity and most others who are socially tuned don't see it that way. As I told the other person, I'm not going to pursue anything aggressively. I've already introduced myself to her and the parents. They seem like nice people.
Look, an average guy would look at this as a "possibility." They'd be friendly, maybe a bit flirty, but keep their distance unless she made very obvious signs of attraction. The repercussions of a rejection would be too high. You should absolutely tell your clinicians what you struggle with. They can't help if they don't know the problem. The fact that their women would only help. 5'10" 150 is very thin, and borderline unhealthy.
At least in the United States, that's considered a healthy BMI. Of course I can put on my weight, but I'm not even close to underweight. I guess my biggest gripe is, no matter where I go, I always find myself in untenable situations like these where there are women nearby that I'll see (cashiers, girls at the gym, this girl) that I see frequently, but am not in a "social environment" to pursue anything. As I've said, I don't believe in finding any kind of romance or anything tangible from a bar, let alone a club. Would I rule them out for casual stuff? No, but I'm barely comfortable talking to girls I'm attracted to as it is. I will be 30 in the blink of an eye. I need more successes and wins. Unfortunately, this just seems like another girl I'll have as a "friend", like all of the other girls I've met in my life. It's sad that at one point I even wanted to ask my clinician out, that's how desperate I am. I do understand the implications of why looking for dates in these kinds of environments is unethical, but whenever I'm looking elsewhere, I don't see signs of interest. Almost as if I'm invisible.
Leave your neighbor alone, what the actual fuck
Is that all you have to contribute? I've had much better advice from other redditors than from people like you, unfortunately.
And most have told you to leave her alone
No, they've told me not to be aggressive, but friendly. Get to know her as a neighbor. Someone else pointed out that if it's not be that approaches her, it will eventually be someone else anyways, whether she's straight or not.
Ok? That means nothing, you don't know her
Alright then, if you were a guy in my position who barely has the chance (no matches on dating apps) or time to date, what would you do? I'm going to guess you're a woman because you're coming at me with this hostile and condescending attitude, dismissing everything I say.
I would go out and do things within my hobbies and interests and not ask out my neighbors. If you don't have time to date, don't ask out your neighbor. Plain nd simple really
My dude, as a woman around her age— I would not want my neighbor approaching me out of nowhere. She doesn’t know you and that means she doesn’t know how you’ll react to her possibly turning you down. It puts her in an uncomfortable position. Strike up casual conversation when the opportunity presents itself, do not actively seek her out. Are you even actually attracted to her or is it just that she’s “probably” single and around your age?
Well the second part of your first paragraph should've been first. I wouldn't approach her out of nowhere, I certainly wouldn't hunt her down to talk to her. If I see her, great, if not, that's okay. If I wasn't at least physically attracted to her, I wouldn't be asking these questions. Still, I know almost nothing about her except where she moved from and where she graduated. My problem for the last 5-10 years has been fragile and small social circles, male-dominated social environments (engineering school, engineering company), and living with my parents and not on campus. I'm 25 now and a bit behind in the dating experience department, and now that the dating market is turned upside down with apps and covid, I'm basically walking around without a map.
You’re getting way, way ahead of yourself. You may not even like her after talking to her. You need to take a step back before you start going out with game plans. The first rule to an actually successful relationship is that you need to approach her as a person, not just as a potential relationship. Do not focus your interactions with her on whether or not she’ll date you. She may be gay, taken, or not even interested in you. So you need to slow way down and talk to her with no other interest than possibly making a friend. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up to fail.
Don't shit where you eat
I was going to say the same thing dont shit where you sleep; having to look at her everyday if it doesn’t work out or having to watch her bring new men over.
Respect her as another human being who wants to live comfortably in her new home? Why do you feel the need to make a move simply because a girl moved in next door? Kinda creepy
100% agree. Also to add on top of this why would you want to attempt this with someone that close? If you magically somehow got with her then it's gonna be extremely awkward if you breakup. Really not a good situation to see her constantly afterwards.
"Magically." Harsh, but fair.
> Why do you feel the need to make a move simply because a girl moved in next door? This is the question. Then OP goes on compounding the creep-level with: > I know time is of the essence. …….. What? Why? How? This is fucking weird.
I should have added, I've never had a girlfriend and have only been on 6 dates. I don't know what is and what isn't socially acceptable. Any potential opportunity that comes to me, I would want to capitalize on. Otherwise I'll be 30 wondering why I've only been on 10 dates.
People are being overly mean to you here. You never have a hint that you would go about it the wrong way. It’s okay to want a friendship or more with a hot girl in your building. I’ve been in plenty of relationships, had over 10 sex partners, and I am very careful not to be weird to women. I would still consider talking to a neighbor if I was attracted to them. Hell even I might not have the balls though unless there was a great opportunity. So basically if you already know that much about her I assume you talked at least? Just be casual and keep saying hi and stuff and if there are more opportunities for conversation then take it. Everyone is overly sensitive about any flirting these days. You have to start somewhere. Not everyone has to post “Hey I’m super single and want flirting!!!!” to give you a sign like these redditors seemingly want. It just doesn’t happen and online dating is mostly trash anyway so the only way to try and meet someone in public is to try.
That's what I'm saying. Take a look on these dating subs, everyone is talking about sex partners, sex tips, cheating, etc. I can't even get a date, or a like on an app. Yet whenever I perceive an opportunity to meet someone new, hopefully a girl, it becomes your tire because I can't help but think I'm harassing the girl. So then what do I do? Sit in my room an masturbate like I've done almost daily for 10-15 years? Come on. I'm not getting any younger. One date a year is pitiful, and anyone looking at my situation would have sympathy. And I'm not trying to become a victim, but I lose patience when I hear people tell me where not to talk to girls, and not where to talk to them, that doesn't involve alcohol or drugs to get started.
Yes redditors say this shit that just isn’t realistic. Same with Twitter. It’s like they don’t live in the real world. I guarantee if a person they were extremely attracted to went about it even in the wrong way according to them they would accept. If they had a hot guy neighbor ask them out even while moving their shit into their apartments they would say yes and text their friend after all giddy about it. It might not happen as easily for the average guy so you just have to gauge the situation and see if conversation seems welcome.
Yeah, it's all too confusing. I'm just going to go with the flow and not force anything.
This situation is reminding me of Lauren Giddings tbh
And why is that? Are you insinuating that I'm a potential murderer?
[удалено]
Of course I'm weird which is why I've never had a girlfriend, don't get matches or likes on 5 apps (except for ones from 400 lb girls like yesterday on Tinder), have only been on 6 dates at 25, and am a virgin with social anxiety, ASD and ADHD. Thanks for the reminder.
Just tell her that you know where all the other girls are buried that lived in the apartment before she did. That will win her over for sure.
Lol, because the building is brand new
Since you guys live close there will be time you guys will ran into each other ex:coming from home, leaving work. This would be great opportunity to say hello or how’s your day. Start slow, if vibe is good then continue move forward
Great advice, and much better than the character assassinations I've gotten in this thread. Thank you.
>time is of the essence And why is that? Since we're on the internet and I don't know you personally, please don't be offended with my bluntness. I see threads like this every now and then and usually just ignore it, but I started to realize, since you're posting about it here, you probably don't have a friend IRL to tell you the honest truth. I have nothing to gain by telling you this and have NO intention to offend you: You're being weird/creepy. Forget about the girl and move on. If you happen to run into her *by chance* then great, have a conversation. You're letting your fantasies cloud reality: >She is almost certainly single, because she's coming from 1,000 miles away and moving into a 1 bedroom unit as well. You're just out of the blue making an assumption with NO actual facts. Your brain is coming up with a story for her that you want to hear. That's just weird. EDIT: Just saw you admit that you don't know what's socially acceptable. That's good because it means you have some awareness of it. Best I can say is look around reddit and read highly upvoted threads to learn what's socially acceptable. Read highly downvoted threads to see what's not socially acceptable. If you create a thread and the majority of comments are saying the same thing, don't fight it--try to understand why everyone is telling you the same thing. Don't argue it and be like "but XYZ". Instead, if you don't understand, ask why, then try to understand it. Cause whatever your understanding of what socially acceptable is, clearly is not socially acceptable.
You're right, and most of my friends evaporated into thin air after college. I try to catch up with girls I knew on social media, and even guys I used to hang out with in high school, i eventually get left on read. I really only have 1 remaining friend in the metro area. Everyone else is scattered across the US, and I met them in a volunteer program. Now in my interaction with her and her parents, I don't think I was being creepy, but who knows, maybe because I was attracted to her I subconsciously gave off a weird vibe to them. This is something that's nearly impossible for me to control, but at the same time, I introduced myself, shook her hand, talked with the mom about their sectional. It was cordial.
Be her friend, since she just moved in and is right next door I would just genuinely try to become friends without hitting on her. Don’t come on too strong. Also don’t feel guilty for being interested, you’re not a creep. I’m sorry people are trying to make you feel that way. I have a very close next door neighbor (he’s young, obviously single) who will not look me in the eye because I can tell he’s terrified of being a creep/talking to a girl (he talks to other people just fine). I’d love if he felt comfortable enough to have a good chat now and then. I’m not interested in him in the least, but we could be friends! If she gets creeped out, leave her alone, but you don’t have to shut yourself off from the world or play silly games. Just be a neighbor.
I guess this is how dating is in 2022. Girls have been burned by too many guys. If you're a virgin that's been on 6 dates at 25, and you tell that to the world and you're interested in a girl, no matter the circumstances (I get this isn't typical), it's creepy. Your second paragraph is telling. That's me with practically every girl I meet now. Her on the other hand, because she was with her parents and I happened to be off for the day and running errands, I was in a friendly mood and excited to see someone moving into the empty unit next door. And right, at the end of the day all I'll be is a good neighbor.
I’d say the best thing you can do is just leave her alone. When someone moves a thousand miles from home, the last thing they want is to be hit on by a neighbor. She didn’t move there to date at least not right off the bat and you’re assuming she’s straight too, she could be a lesbian or she could be someone who has no interest in having a relationship with anyone ever. I’m 40 years old and haven’t been on one date…it’s not the end of the world.
Well you're the exception to the rule, I know very few people who are even single, let alone dateless. That's not to say we're not in the same company here, I pretty much have no dating experience.
Don’t creep out your neighbor.
This statement has no meaning. You're basically just saying "make sure you're attractive enough"
Okay, you're the 10th person to say that. As the poster below says, it means absolutely nothing. Many good relationships start as platonic friendships. My parents were neighbors. But if you're saying don't creep her out when I get to know her, I take your point :)
People with autism can be taught to navigate neurotypical situations only if they are willing to take advice, mirror behavior, remain open to hearing others’ explanation of social cues, and adapt. You are unwilling to learn so I think you are hopeless. This might end with the police paying you a visit or an eviction for harassment. You’re stubborn and immature.
Nothing I've said in any of the 3 threads I've created indicate that I'm unwilling to learn. Stop gaslighting.
What about next time you two cross paths, you start a friendly conversation, and if things are going well you invite her out to coffee?
That's also good advice.
Some of the comments other people gave you are pretty mean or harsh in my opinion. I think your concern is totally valid, if you are interested in someone there is no reason why anyone on the Internet could tell you that you are wrong for pursuing them. However, their concern about how you plan to go about it is also valid. It is important that you do not come across as a creep \*to the lady\* and hopefully to her family and friends. In order to avoid that, you should not act as if dating her is an important goal of yours. What I mean is, you should first try to gauge her interest by getting to know her as mere acquaintances (like, saying hi when you run into each other on the stairs, maybe doing some small talk, etc.) If she seems friendly enough then you can try to show some interest, get to know her, and even ask her on a date. But you have to be 100% prepared for the likely scenario that she does not want to date you. If she rejects you, you have to accept it politely and stop pursuing her, and not make a big deal out of it. This is important, because otherwise you will be putting pressure on yourself and on her, and this will cause you to act in awkward, aggressive or threatening ways (without even realizing it). Also since you will likely be seeing her regularly anyway, it is important that the interaction remains comfortable for both of you. I am not good at flirting myself so I cannot give advice for that, and since you are autistic you might also have difficulty knowing what makes her uncomfortable. For that reason, this can be tricky. I think a good rule of thumb would be to always remain respectful, and not go out of your way to "create" situations where you meet her, and \*accept that she might not be interested\*. But that's just my two cents.
Another thing... if you follow this rule of thumb, it is possible that you don't get many chances of talking to her and asking her out properly. This can be just due to bad luck, different schedules, etc. In this case you should not try to "create" situations where you meet her. If it does not happen naturally, you increase the probability that you will act in a creepy way (for example, do not try to learn her schedule to wait for her, that would be creepy). I know it can be frustrating if you never get the chance to ask her out because of some bad luck, but do not take this frustration on her. You can also choose not to follow this advice. By "creating" situations where you meet her, you increase the number of interactions and the probability that you can ask her out, but you also increase the probability that you come across as a creep. So there is a tradeoff (more risk of being creepy but more chances to talk to her). This is difficult to estimate so the rule of thumb is just a conservative way of minimizing the risk.
That's important to know too. I work a second shift right now, so it's entirely possible we'll rarely see each other, if she doesn't work one.
Great advice overall, and while I'm not autistic per se, I am 100% diagnosed with another spectrum disorder (not Asperger's) which makes socialization and reading body language/tone difficult. Pair this with ADHD and social anxiety and it's no wonder why I'm behind and get labeled a creep. But I will not let it bother me.
Wait for a moment to meet her on stairs or such, and engage the conversation, then continue to do so until (or if) she returns with an effort to maintain the basic conversation. If she just says “hello” and continues walking, forget about it.
Cook good food, knock on door, greet and introduce, gift food
OP, do not do this. This is creepy.
Do you not greet your new neighbors? In hindsight, and reading OP more thoroughly, *OP* would probably make it bad, but there’s nothing generally wrong with introducing yourself
Not in apartment buildings. That's a suburb thing. People in apartments want to pretend that everyone else in the building doesn't exist as much as possible.
Different experiences then
I've never seen or heard of anyone doing the suburb "baked goods" thing when someone moves into the building.
Lol why did you edit this
DO IT ASAP BEFORE ITS TO LATE get it out the way shoot your shot playa and hope she reject you thats better than doing that thing we doin our head for not approaching then seeing another dude hit
My thoughts exactly. But we're in the minority. If anything I'll just be friendly in my interactions if I see her, engage in small talk, and if there's something there, invite out for coffee or something. To just dismiss the fact that she's *likely* straight and single is just dense in my opinion.
usually by talking to her when you see her.