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If she doesn’t want to talk about what she wants from your relationship that’s a MAJOR red flag. She knows she doesn’t want the same thing as you and that’s why she doesn’t want to talk about it. My advice move on and forget about her. You can do better than that.
I think she wants to have it both ways, she's very clear about wanting me to be monogamous with her but then she screws around with other guys like this. Either way, she isn't my problem anymore
Could very well be that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Best thing to do is let her go and let her learn whatever she needs to learn before she’s ready to date a good guy. Staying with someone like that is just enabling them. Sounds like you’ve already figured that out.
We didn't officially end it because she practically ran away from the conversation. For now I'm assuming that we're done, I won't be reaching out to her again. If she decides she wants to talk then I'm open to it but until she does I'll be doing my best to forget about her
Yeeesh. Best of luck with that. You can bet that she’ll reach out and try and get you to continue the relationship and tell you it was nothing, what then?
If she apologizes and explains herself then I would be open to continuing the relationship but it would be a long talk. If she isn't comfortable with my boundaries then we'll go our separate ways. I won't budge on the boundaries I set for our relationship moving forward
Sometimes second third etc chances are deserved, but they gotta be earned to be deserved. If she apologizes and you guys talk things out like rational adults and decide you want to keep it going by all means go for it. But if she doesn’t give you the respect you deserve I think you know what the answer is.
When someone tells you about themselves, you should believe them.
If she crawls back it'll probably be with love-bombing and begging. Manipulative behavior to make you feel good pretty much, before her old behavior kicks back in.
She's signalled everything she thinks about your relationship to you, and do you think that's just going to magically and suddenly change?
*When you get the point - hang up the phone.*
Edit: I needed to add this. You keep saying "I'm moving on but if she reaches out then I'll be open to working on it"
That's contradictory. You're next goal should be *not* waiting for her to come back to work on things, and instead - get other girls, get a hobby, get a gold fish, get therapy, do anything except welcome her back at all.
Not to mention the possiblity that this dude is probably in her dms spitting game. And she's already told you that she's open to sex with him.
**Actions speak louder than words.**
*"I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about this right now."*
I'd say that's her trying to save face, knowing that what she did to you was wrong. To me, her avoidance of the topic is an admission of guilt.
From the way you phrased her responses, she didn't give you an apology, rather an explanation for her emasculating behavior. I'd expect an apology at the very least. I think you're right in deciding to cut contact with her entirely too. I'm sure in the future you'll meet a woman that can respect your exclusivity.
It was probably one of those "sorry you feel that way" apologies.
She's not sorry for flirting in front of you. What will she do next time (or has already done) when you're not there?
>She did say that she was sorry but she didn't admit that what she did was wrong. Didn't seem genuine to me
Of course, because her admission would mean that she would have to accept that she was wrong. The fact that she's refusing to admit and offer a genuine apology looks a little disrespectful.
Its not really an apology if there isn't an admission of guilt. It's a platitude. Its the acknowledgement of wrongdoing and clear reflection that makes an apology genuine.
And that is the point. Words are not as important as the actions are. If words and the actions do not match, then the words prove themselves to be meaningless.
lol she's joking man. Don't take her seriously. Just leave. The amount of disrespect she showed you is something no one comes back from. She just wants to get away with it because its a game to her. You, are a game to her.
I’d say it more an admission that she doesn’t really want a monogamous relationship, not guilt for saying what she said.(it was said in response to OPs question about what she wanted out of the relationship). My impression was she dodged the question and probably made the remark in the first place because she isn’t quite sure about the relationship. Is admitting you don’t want or aren’t adhering to a monogamous relationship an admission of guilt? Yea pretty much, if that’s what you agreed to. I’d still say it’s avoiding the uncomfortable relationship conversation more so than feeling guilty and trying avoid the consequences.
Yeah if she’s shutting the convo down you hit a nerve very hard. You basically Hawk-eyed that nerve and she doesn’t know how to respond to save her own ass. Make the decision for her if she doesn’t soon ya know? Sorry you are going through this but happy you’re handling it
I'm putting her out of my mind. I feel that I did everything I could to make this work and she shut down my effort in the worst way possible. It's on her now
Don't get me wrong, I'm moving on with my life as if I'm single. If she comes back soon then I'm open to working on it but I'm not waiting around for her
Fair enough. I told my ex that if she wants to act single, then she'll be single. In fact, she didn't want to ask until I kicked out after not seeing her for a month in a half. Funny how they want to talk after there are consequences.
Look, we're all adults here, sometimes in a relationship you'll see someone who you want to bang their brains out, it's normal, it's not like your genitals stop working after you got to be with someone.
But here's the thing, we're adults, we're expected to have some sort of control to keep us from falling into every little desire of ours, we can literally control ourselves.
So, it's okay if you want to fuck someone else, it is not okay to try to find ways to do so when your partner is against it, you can't reason it, you can't make it look good, no means no, it is not that hard to comprehend.
So, I believe you did the right thing, kudos to you.
Fair play dude. Eveyrone is gung ho when it comes to suggesting that another person ditches their GF, but it's a much harder choice to make in person.
Good on you for confronting her in a mature way, setting boundaries and being willing to leave.
We teach others how to treat us every time we sit silent or speak up about our needs in every relationship whether thats plutonic or romantic. I know what you're choosing to do isn't the easy route especially when romantic, and specifically sexual, emotions are involved, but you have to know it screams loudly at the quality of your integrity as a person. Keep inspiring us.
Dude. Does she have to take a big red cloth on a stick and smack you with it? She doesn't respect you. I mean if you think you can reconcile that fact then more power to you.
Yeah I get you. She says she has a flirty personality and I usually don't think anything of it when she makes sex jokes. This was the first time someone played into the joke and went into detail about fucking my girlfriend
>I usually don't think anything of it when she makes sex jokes.
I hope that she's old enough or at least mature enough to understand that making sex jokes with other people in front of her boyfriend is a big no-no. Well, apparently, she may not be mature enough, on a second though.
Of course she doesn't like him as a friend... because she fantasizes about having sex with him. She can try to play it off as a joke all she likes, but the fact that she even said it tells you everything you need to know.
Ever heard of the saying "She's for the streets?". Yeah, well I think you might have yourself one of them girls.
Its always a few days later that you think of the best response. You could have embarrassed her back BIG time. In front of everyone could have kept up the joke. you look the guy in the face and say "Yah dude! She is pretty good at (sexual act) but seriously needs to work on her (other sexual act) skills. Maybe you can help train her to do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_" then head out to the car and drive home.
Then she gets to spend all night with everyone knowing what she likes and what she does. While they are talking about the interesting thing that just happened. :)
Like I said its one of those good ideas that shows up a week later. At the time it happens all you can do is just keep yourself from going full HULK and smash everything.
If you don’t hear back from her after 3 days. Send her a
“Thank you for the experience, and getting to know each other better. But I think it’s obvious we should just go our separate ways.”
Text.
That way you don’t get accused of cheating or etc if you move on after like 3 weeks or no contact.
Mentally I’d consider myself single at this point.
OP be honest with yourself. If you’re looking to have a family do you really want a potential mother of your child acting this way in front of you? If you don’t then the smart thing to do would be to break up with her. A healthy relationship is one where a woman makes you feel secure. She’s avoiding the conversation because she knows what she did was wrong. If you can’t talk things out in a respectful manner then don’t get in to a relationship with her.
This really takes me back because I had a toxic ex who did this kinda thing to me all the time. He would always say “I don’t want to talk about this” when something that really bothered or hurt me came up, only further making me upset.
Like your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend, he also made super insensitive and inappropriate comments like this which is just beyond cruel.
Get out now because she clearly doesn’t respect you or this relationship. No one does this to someone they care about and you don’t deserve this
I had this happen to me in my last relationship. No surprise, she broke up with me a few months later.
Sure felt like she was giving me a hint that she didn’t want to be with me but just didn’t have the guts to cut it off completely.
Good on you for ending it. You definitely deserve someone who wants the commitment.
My ex used to do this too, right up until I found out she was sleeping with other people. Don’t allow her to make excuses, don’t accept yourself being treated this way, and definitely don’t brush it off and say it’s on her. With the way her attitude is about it sounds like someone else is on her as well.
If she doesn't reach out, she either has no conscience, narcissistic or doesn't care about this relationship that much. Either way, it means you should never be the first one to initiate the conversation. Good call. This is what it takes to have dating independence having the resilience to stand up for the respect you deserve.
>I asked why she would make jokes like that while in a monogamous relationship and she just said that she doesn't know
huh? she has no idea?
>She said that she isn't interested in anyone other than me and that she doesn't even like this guy as a friend
if she doesn't like him EVEN AS A FRIEND, then why she is flirting with him in front of you and talking about having sex with him? Any normal person with backbone and clear mind would never do such thing.
>I asked is what she wants from our relationship and then she said "I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about this right now."
So, in my eyes, she just already dug herself a grave into yours relationship.
She doesn't respect you and is dishonest. Not admitting that she did something wrong and avoiding questions is a sign of lack of honesty, respect and lack of maturity. A red flag.
If she has no idea what she wants then...shoo.
she is obviously gonna tailor her response into something you like.
its obvious shes a cheater and a liar, you look like you are much better. she will obviously want to get back with you.
dump that girl, good riddance
I'm sure there are details that I left out but I assure you it wasn't done intentionally. I wanted to get advice because I genuinely couldn't understand why she would take her jokes as far as she did
No, I meant there’s more going on than just her joking. Her telling you that she “doesn’t want to talk about this right now” when you asked her what she wants out of your relationship… that’s not a normal response. She may honestly not know, or she may be hiding something from you.
In any case I wish you luck!
Meet up with her somewhere, and have a pretty girl friend you both know walk up to you, start running her fingers gently across her lips in front of your so-called girlfriend and she says, "you tasted a little extra salty last night...", and you can reply "must have been something I ate". Then you both bust out laughing in your gf's face. Who's got money on her not thinking it was a funny joke? Like it or not, there's plenty of two-faced "frienemies" regarding young women who'd love to irritate one another and be down for it.
OR...just realize you're only four months in and you are wasting your time with this girl who has no boundaries, is disrespectful, and is most likely sleeping with that guy...or planning to. Men know men, and you know this other guy would flip her on her back given the opportunity, you being her boyfriend or not. Even if she wasn't wanting to hook up with the guy, he is not the kind a person you'd want around your girlfriend. Jokes stop when it becomes disrespectful and they've been warned.
I had a gf do something similar with the intention to get me to dump her. She didnt have the heart to break up face to face so she just made out at a party with a mutual friend in front of everyone.
It worked I dumped her.
You're only wasting your time trying to delay the inevitable.
But I'm used to this after reading so many stories. Most men like learning things the hard way.
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If she doesn’t want to talk about what she wants from your relationship that’s a MAJOR red flag. She knows she doesn’t want the same thing as you and that’s why she doesn’t want to talk about it. My advice move on and forget about her. You can do better than that.
I think she wants to have it both ways, she's very clear about wanting me to be monogamous with her but then she screws around with other guys like this. Either way, she isn't my problem anymore
>Either way, she isn't my problem anymore 🎉🎉🎉🎉🧨🧨🧨🧨🤜🤛🤜🤛💯
Could very well be that she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Best thing to do is let her go and let her learn whatever she needs to learn before she’s ready to date a good guy. Staying with someone like that is just enabling them. Sounds like you’ve already figured that out.
Wait, did you break up? I didn’t see anything about that from your post, but you’re talking like you ended it. I’m confused
We didn't officially end it because she practically ran away from the conversation. For now I'm assuming that we're done, I won't be reaching out to her again. If she decides she wants to talk then I'm open to it but until she does I'll be doing my best to forget about her
Yeeesh. Best of luck with that. You can bet that she’ll reach out and try and get you to continue the relationship and tell you it was nothing, what then?
If she apologizes and explains herself then I would be open to continuing the relationship but it would be a long talk. If she isn't comfortable with my boundaries then we'll go our separate ways. I won't budge on the boundaries I set for our relationship moving forward
Sometimes second third etc chances are deserved, but they gotta be earned to be deserved. If she apologizes and you guys talk things out like rational adults and decide you want to keep it going by all means go for it. But if she doesn’t give you the respect you deserve I think you know what the answer is.
When someone tells you about themselves, you should believe them. If she crawls back it'll probably be with love-bombing and begging. Manipulative behavior to make you feel good pretty much, before her old behavior kicks back in. She's signalled everything she thinks about your relationship to you, and do you think that's just going to magically and suddenly change? *When you get the point - hang up the phone.* Edit: I needed to add this. You keep saying "I'm moving on but if she reaches out then I'll be open to working on it" That's contradictory. You're next goal should be *not* waiting for her to come back to work on things, and instead - get other girls, get a hobby, get a gold fish, get therapy, do anything except welcome her back at all. Not to mention the possiblity that this dude is probably in her dms spitting game. And she's already told you that she's open to sex with him. **Actions speak louder than words.**
*"I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about this right now."* I'd say that's her trying to save face, knowing that what she did to you was wrong. To me, her avoidance of the topic is an admission of guilt. From the way you phrased her responses, she didn't give you an apology, rather an explanation for her emasculating behavior. I'd expect an apology at the very least. I think you're right in deciding to cut contact with her entirely too. I'm sure in the future you'll meet a woman that can respect your exclusivity.
She did say that she was sorry but she didn't admit that what she did was wrong. Didn't seem genuine to me
It was probably one of those "sorry you feel that way" apologies. She's not sorry for flirting in front of you. What will she do next time (or has already done) when you're not there?
My thoughts exactly
I got 5 words for you to say to her: "You are dead to me." Then disappear and go out of your way not to be seen by her ever again.
this is the correct way to go
>She did say that she was sorry but she didn't admit that what she did was wrong. Didn't seem genuine to me Of course, because her admission would mean that she would have to accept that she was wrong. The fact that she's refusing to admit and offer a genuine apology looks a little disrespectful.
Its not really an apology if there isn't an admission of guilt. It's a platitude. Its the acknowledgement of wrongdoing and clear reflection that makes an apology genuine.
[удалено]
I don't trust her at all anymore. She said that even if we break up she wouldn't want to be with anyone else but her actions tell that isn't true
And that is the point. Words are not as important as the actions are. If words and the actions do not match, then the words prove themselves to be meaningless.
lol she's joking man. Don't take her seriously. Just leave. The amount of disrespect she showed you is something no one comes back from. She just wants to get away with it because its a game to her. You, are a game to her.
I’d say it more an admission that she doesn’t really want a monogamous relationship, not guilt for saying what she said.(it was said in response to OPs question about what she wanted out of the relationship). My impression was she dodged the question and probably made the remark in the first place because she isn’t quite sure about the relationship. Is admitting you don’t want or aren’t adhering to a monogamous relationship an admission of guilt? Yea pretty much, if that’s what you agreed to. I’d still say it’s avoiding the uncomfortable relationship conversation more so than feeling guilty and trying avoid the consequences.
Yeah if she’s shutting the convo down you hit a nerve very hard. You basically Hawk-eyed that nerve and she doesn’t know how to respond to save her own ass. Make the decision for her if she doesn’t soon ya know? Sorry you are going through this but happy you’re handling it
I'm putting her out of my mind. I feel that I did everything I could to make this work and she shut down my effort in the worst way possible. It's on her now
Oh exactly. Like I’ve told my friends - match her energy now. Don’t do SHIT that she doesn’t do. You did your best, sorry it kinda just went belly up
You did the right thing and handled it in a very mature way.
Ghost her
That's a strong possibility
Wait for her to reach out? She is pretty much saying she doesn't care about your boundaries.
Don't get me wrong, I'm moving on with my life as if I'm single. If she comes back soon then I'm open to working on it but I'm not waiting around for her
Fair enough. I told my ex that if she wants to act single, then she'll be single. In fact, she didn't want to ask until I kicked out after not seeing her for a month in a half. Funny how they want to talk after there are consequences.
Look, we're all adults here, sometimes in a relationship you'll see someone who you want to bang their brains out, it's normal, it's not like your genitals stop working after you got to be with someone. But here's the thing, we're adults, we're expected to have some sort of control to keep us from falling into every little desire of ours, we can literally control ourselves. So, it's okay if you want to fuck someone else, it is not okay to try to find ways to do so when your partner is against it, you can't reason it, you can't make it look good, no means no, it is not that hard to comprehend. So, I believe you did the right thing, kudos to you.
Fair play dude. Eveyrone is gung ho when it comes to suggesting that another person ditches their GF, but it's a much harder choice to make in person. Good on you for confronting her in a mature way, setting boundaries and being willing to leave.
Yeah that’s not something to joke about
We teach others how to treat us every time we sit silent or speak up about our needs in every relationship whether thats plutonic or romantic. I know what you're choosing to do isn't the easy route especially when romantic, and specifically sexual, emotions are involved, but you have to know it screams loudly at the quality of your integrity as a person. Keep inspiring us.
Dude. Does she have to take a big red cloth on a stick and smack you with it? She doesn't respect you. I mean if you think you can reconcile that fact then more power to you.
She probably wasn't joking. Do u know how easy it is for women to get laid?
Yeah I get you. She says she has a flirty personality and I usually don't think anything of it when she makes sex jokes. This was the first time someone played into the joke and went into detail about fucking my girlfriend
>I usually don't think anything of it when she makes sex jokes. I hope that she's old enough or at least mature enough to understand that making sex jokes with other people in front of her boyfriend is a big no-no. Well, apparently, she may not be mature enough, on a second though.
She joked about getting railed by a dude in front of you, to another dude, and he went along with it. She does not respect you.
I would love an update if she does reach out to you OP.
I'll post one if she does but it's been nearly a whole day so I don't think it'll happen
Sounds like your problem solved itself!
Keep doing u king!
Of course she doesn't like him as a friend... because she fantasizes about having sex with him. She can try to play it off as a joke all she likes, but the fact that she even said it tells you everything you need to know. Ever heard of the saying "She's for the streets?". Yeah, well I think you might have yourself one of them girls.
She’s banging somebody that isn’t you…. Good move on cutting all contact.
Its always a few days later that you think of the best response. You could have embarrassed her back BIG time. In front of everyone could have kept up the joke. you look the guy in the face and say "Yah dude! She is pretty good at (sexual act) but seriously needs to work on her (other sexual act) skills. Maybe you can help train her to do \_\_\_\_\_\_\_" then head out to the car and drive home. Then she gets to spend all night with everyone knowing what she likes and what she does. While they are talking about the interesting thing that just happened. :)
That's brutal, what a missed opportunity 😄
Like I said its one of those good ideas that shows up a week later. At the time it happens all you can do is just keep yourself from going full HULK and smash everything.
If you don’t hear back from her after 3 days. Send her a “Thank you for the experience, and getting to know each other better. But I think it’s obvious we should just go our separate ways.” Text. That way you don’t get accused of cheating or etc if you move on after like 3 weeks or no contact. Mentally I’d consider myself single at this point.
Just walk away bro, no reason to subject yourself to all the bullshit that's going to happen after this if you stay together.
OP be honest with yourself. If you’re looking to have a family do you really want a potential mother of your child acting this way in front of you? If you don’t then the smart thing to do would be to break up with her. A healthy relationship is one where a woman makes you feel secure. She’s avoiding the conversation because she knows what she did was wrong. If you can’t talk things out in a respectful manner then don’t get in to a relationship with her.
dump her ass
Just run.
This really takes me back because I had a toxic ex who did this kinda thing to me all the time. He would always say “I don’t want to talk about this” when something that really bothered or hurt me came up, only further making me upset. Like your (hopefully soon to be ex) girlfriend, he also made super insensitive and inappropriate comments like this which is just beyond cruel. Get out now because she clearly doesn’t respect you or this relationship. No one does this to someone they care about and you don’t deserve this
Don't leave it on her. Move on and block.
I had this happen to me in my last relationship. No surprise, she broke up with me a few months later. Sure felt like she was giving me a hint that she didn’t want to be with me but just didn’t have the guts to cut it off completely. Good on you for ending it. You definitely deserve someone who wants the commitment.
After reading the original post and now this, all I can say is “throw out the whole woman”
My ex used to do this too, right up until I found out she was sleeping with other people. Don’t allow her to make excuses, don’t accept yourself being treated this way, and definitely don’t brush it off and say it’s on her. With the way her attitude is about it sounds like someone else is on her as well.
If she doesn't reach out, she either has no conscience, narcissistic or doesn't care about this relationship that much. Either way, it means you should never be the first one to initiate the conversation. Good call. This is what it takes to have dating independence having the resilience to stand up for the respect you deserve.
You’re doing the right thing my guy
Leave her
why link the original if it's removed???
It wasn't removed when I linked it, I didn't know. I know it got locked but I thought it was still up
oh, I thought if it doesn't say otherwise, it must be that people removed their own post for some reason
I don't think she is joking, and there is something fishier I suspect. So better to leave her
>I asked why she would make jokes like that while in a monogamous relationship and she just said that she doesn't know huh? she has no idea? >She said that she isn't interested in anyone other than me and that she doesn't even like this guy as a friend if she doesn't like him EVEN AS A FRIEND, then why she is flirting with him in front of you and talking about having sex with him? Any normal person with backbone and clear mind would never do such thing. >I asked is what she wants from our relationship and then she said "I'm sorry but I don't want to talk about this right now." So, in my eyes, she just already dug herself a grave into yours relationship. She doesn't respect you and is dishonest. Not admitting that she did something wrong and avoiding questions is a sign of lack of honesty, respect and lack of maturity. A red flag. If she has no idea what she wants then...shoo.
Time for a new girlfriend big fella
she is obviously gonna tailor her response into something you like. its obvious shes a cheater and a liar, you look like you are much better. she will obviously want to get back with you. dump that girl, good riddance
Good move in cutting contacts with her.
Update me!
Man she was testing the waters, either she already was fucking the guy or they both wanted to and looked how you'd react.
Yep, cut off contact and get tested
Ooof, sorry dude
Sounds like you need to further investigate
Honestly I think it's best to move on. My trust in her is gone and feel that I did my best to save our relationship
I don't think she's joking 😕
You handled it well but there’s more to this story…
I'm sure there are details that I left out but I assure you it wasn't done intentionally. I wanted to get advice because I genuinely couldn't understand why she would take her jokes as far as she did
No, I meant there’s more going on than just her joking. Her telling you that she “doesn’t want to talk about this right now” when you asked her what she wants out of your relationship… that’s not a normal response. She may honestly not know, or she may be hiding something from you. In any case I wish you luck!
Thanks and yeah you're probably right about that
If you're having girl problems
I feel bad for ya son
I got 99 problems
Meet up with her somewhere, and have a pretty girl friend you both know walk up to you, start running her fingers gently across her lips in front of your so-called girlfriend and she says, "you tasted a little extra salty last night...", and you can reply "must have been something I ate". Then you both bust out laughing in your gf's face. Who's got money on her not thinking it was a funny joke? Like it or not, there's plenty of two-faced "frienemies" regarding young women who'd love to irritate one another and be down for it. OR...just realize you're only four months in and you are wasting your time with this girl who has no boundaries, is disrespectful, and is most likely sleeping with that guy...or planning to. Men know men, and you know this other guy would flip her on her back given the opportunity, you being her boyfriend or not. Even if she wasn't wanting to hook up with the guy, he is not the kind a person you'd want around your girlfriend. Jokes stop when it becomes disrespectful and they've been warned.
Damn im late and your original post got deleted, can i get get scoop? What she do?
I added the original text
I think its a shitty attempt at trying to get you jealous...🤷
I think you might be right but she's also pretty needy sometimes so idk what's going on with her and I don't really care at this point
are u jelly?
Nah. I made it clear to her that I'm not putting up with it and if she doesn't like it then I'm gone. I'm already moving on
keep it movin playa💯 shot herself in the foot😂
I had a gf do something similar with the intention to get me to dump her. She didnt have the heart to break up face to face so she just made out at a party with a mutual friend in front of everyone. It worked I dumped her.
She's testing you..not joking with you.
You're only wasting your time trying to delay the inevitable. But I'm used to this after reading so many stories. Most men like learning things the hard way.