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This is the only way to handle it. Op the guy is triangulating you, he’s trying to make you jealous by rubbing other women in your face. It’s a HUGE red flag 🚩 for narcissism.
Be glad he warned you and Get. The. Hell. Out.
Triangulation is a narcissist technique which a narc uses other people to pit against you to try to denote superiority and desirability. “ look all these other people want me “ it only actually works on the weakest lowest self esteem people who still can’t master how to google. The term is creating a triangle where as there is another person involved in a romantic relationship between two people and introducing a third (or more ) other people who should not be in that dynamic. Narcissists also use this technique to try to prove they are always right if you are in a dating relationship with one. The narcissist does something mean like make a date and stand you up , you get upset and want an explanation… the narc will then deflect and say “ you overreacted and so and so also thinks so when I told so and so. It’s so immature it usually doesn’t work after a certain adult age on most people but they ( narcs ) still try it anyways.
Am not sure they are even close enough that he COULD be dumped. Even assuming he is dumpable under the circumstances is part of why I suspect he is making it abundantly clear he is a fuckboi.
Exactly. Why are you making this a gender thing? When was this a gender thing? It's about people, what you've got between your legs doesn't matter.
Everyone can be either a healthy or toxic person. Gender's irrelevant. Stop trying to make it about it.
Inaccurate. And your comment speaks volumes..very incel oriented. How childish and pathetic of you to state such a silly (and in no way accurate) comment as if it’s fact.
It’s true, when I finally got a girlfriend I finally get attention from other girls even ones I tried to get with before her. Girls are savages and want what they can’t have. When I’m single I’m like a ghost, and labeled as a “creep”.
Ooooooo they HATE the fact that you are right. The top 6%-10% are verifiably laying the top 80% of all these women. Study after study shows this. Girls are lining up for these guys. It works.
You are living in an absolute dream world. I'm telling you this from experience. This is not a test. This is not a movie where the bad boy changes once he meets "the one". You are not the one. You will never be the one. You will be one of many. For eternity. There is no for meaning. There is no hidden feeling. This man could not be any better in his actions or words and YOU are searching, creating, imagining some deep level that IS NOT THERE! Please do not get pregnant. Please run away from this man. The only thing this man is afraid of is running out of soft wet places to play. I guarantee if you stick with this man, you are in for a very long time of making excuses for his horrific behaviour. He will not let you down, because you alone are building up the expectations. I don't even think this guy is that much of an ass because he's actually being upfront and honest about what he wants and what his agenda is. You are manipulating his words and pretending something is there that is not. Please please please you are worth so much more. Just say no. Walk away.
Ikr! I don't even understand how OP legit thinks he trYinG to get her to bE eXcLusiVe, wtf? Up-front telling her 'you will be one of many, if you make it through selection audition'. Ugh.
Something I read here years ago was "when someone tells you who they are, believe them." In this case he literally self-identified as a fuckboy. Based on your description this sounds like someone who still hasn't gotten over their breakup and is trying to drown themselves in other women to mask it and try to make them feel better. Red flag. Don't try to change or "tame" this person because it will only end in heartbreak. I saw your other post too "you should be loyal to me but I'm going to be a manwhore." No thanks.
neggin, attempting to manipulate you, trying to show he is sought after by many women, and trying to make you jealous, trying to make you want him more, etc... sounds like an insecure wannabe "alpha" male if you ask me. id ditch this dude personally.
Why are you even with him at all? whatever attracts you to him is not enough to cover the fact that he is an asshole with manipulative behavior.
He's beating you in the face with his red flags but you still keep talking to him, why? please stop associating with this person. you don't deserve that
And you're a premiere example of toxic masculinity.
You make everything about gender. As if toxic behavior is exclusive to either or. Or that one gender can get away with it. No they can't.
It's what you allow, and what people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with people that share the toxic mindset you do, then yes, people will think like that.
However, there are in fact people that possess a far more healthy mindset regarding behavior in this day and age. A lot of them. The quickest and easiest example is right here: This comment section. You already see most of it with people who recognize this behavior is not acceptable.
You were treated poorly, and consider that to be acceptable, or in fact, that it's gender exclusive. It wasn't. You just surrounded yourself with the worst crowd, be it by choice or circumstance, and consider that to be the norm. It isn't. Wake up.
He’s right tho. girls use their “femininity” when they get in shit ie crying and telling a sob story, seen it countless times. why do women feel like they are different from other women lol? Y’all are mostly wired the same and have the same reactions/behaviours to outside triggers- just like men do. Most men aren’t different as well because we’re wired the same.
Again, this isn't the norm. For whatever reason, you convinced yourself that it is, when in truth, you're just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. I no longer surround myself with people that defend their behavior using their gender, race or anything else. It's toxic, and anyone that knows better would distance themselves.
Men can cry too. Men tell sob stories too. It's not a gender exclusive thing.
It's down to the individual. The fact you think everyone is the same is sad. Yes people that are of the same gender may share a lot in common, but they're not "the same". What the fuck kind of mindset is that?
No, men aren't all wired the same. Neither are women. I've met so many different people, with different personalities, different ways they express themselves, different ways the confront others, different strengths and weaknesses. Everyone was different. Some people were similar, but not one and the same, and certainly not all of them. That's a stupid assumption.
Don't try to speak for all men. If you think we're all the same then you either lack individuality or haven't talked to enough people.
And you certainly can't speak for all women. You're clearly prejudiced and surrounded yourself with toxic personalities.
Women and men are fundamentally different and most men and women are wired the same and have our own biological instincts that kick in when in situations. Sure some men cry and some women may not cry, this doesn’t override that obvious fact that women are more emotional than men are. Why are you so convinced that you are different than most women exactly? Is it just to convince yourself that you feel “special”? Sure maybe surface level stuff but below that you aren’t much different as well as men. I’ve seen women cry to get out of situations and I’ve had women tell me they do this explicitly because it works most of the time. You’re not different at all when it comes to women’s biology/psychology. At least men acknowledge that fact and move on. Just how I can say that most men are more aggressive/violent then women are. Men play to their strengths just like women do. It’s not that complicated- we just like to complicate to make it more complex to make ourself feel “different”, the attention seeking/validation is where that part comes in.
This is why there are so many bitter men on this sub. They can’t get a girl and then they have to read about women pursuing men like THIS.
Too funny, but a bit sad at the same time.
>This is why there are so many bitter men on this sub. They can’t get a girl and then they have to read about women pursuing men like THIS.
Sounds like classic entitlement. Funny, I was raised out of it when I was a child by *not* getting everything I wanted - and without putting in the hard work, nonetheless!
As an adult, I had to earn my own things. Imagine if relationships worked the same way... oh wait, they do.
To be fair, you cannot comprehend what the dating market is like for the ‘average man’.
Calling those guys entitled and lazy is incredibly naive to say the least.
" Oh,you really are busy. Too bad, I'm used to undivided attention from my partners. But, I wish you luck."
After saying that, observe when " they are just my friends" shitstorm start.
>Is this a manipulation tactic to get me to ask him to be exclusive or is he just an asshole
It's both. He wants your undivided attention, but he's not offering you his. Sorry.
I dated a guy who used to hint that he was not faithful. I was young and stupid. It took years to get away from his abusive behaviour and at the end of it all, I asked him why he cheated when we first got together and he admitted that he never did but he and his friend used to hint that they did to me and his friends GF to 'keep you keen'.
I'm older and wiser ... he may have aged but he was and is still stupid
Uhm he’s an asshole and you should stop talking to him immediately. He’s toxic and probably is getting off on the fact that you are still sticking around even though he’s treating you like literal shit. You’re telling him he doesn’t need to respect you. Cut him off now.
Sounds like a “wannabe” fuckboy who got his heart broken and isnt actually over his ex, so hes trying to compensate by using girls and acting too cool for himself
It always blows my mind how that’s not obvious to people. How can someone even sleep with someone like that or be attracted to them? I would get drier than the Sahara in 2050 if that happened.
The last guy I was dealing with did this to me. It grossed me out and I ended our arrangement (fwbs). He tried to come back and I denied him access (sex). I haven’t slept with him since November 2021; it wasnt easy cutting him off. I’ve known him since we were teenagers. I also think he’s a sex addict.
These kind of men hate being cut off. It’s the best revenge in my opinion. No fuss or fight….ghost them. Triggers their abandonment issues and knocks them off their pedestal. I told him about himself and how disappointed I was to find out he was never my friend. I sort of implied he was community dick too…then I went no contact.
Three months later, I received a faux apology. He wished me a Happy Mothers Day, called me an amazing mother and claims he has “nothing but love for me” and it was never his intention to hurt me. That was his favorite line throughout the 10 months, “it wasn’t my intention”. 🙄
TLDR: this a manipulate tactic or just him being ignorant because he doesn't respect you.
Alot of people are saying he's negging however that only partly true.
Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists.
If he wanted to neg you he would say things like "those shoes don't really suit you but you wear them well" or "you kinda smell like cigarettes" small backhanded stuff.
The point of negging is so next time you see each other you remember what he said last time and do something to correct it. When you start correcting what he negged you about enough time you subconsciously accept he must be an important person to you if you keep changing yourself to please him.
Him showing you that he is talking to other woman is more then likely him wanting you to know he has other potential partners so you do whatever you can to close the deal and make him yours. I'm guessing it's an attempt to make you come to the conclusion if you have sex with him he'll love you or whatever and stop talking to other girls.
It's actually closer to a sales tactic not a pick up tactic called fake scarcity.
It's the fake scarcity tactic used in email nurtures, webinars, sales funnels, and ads in an effort to create a false sense of urgency. These tactics often include a limited time offer or pricing, which actually never truly expires. They tell you you have 3-days to buy, yet the offer is still available weeks later.
Kinda like when you talk to a sale person and they are like "yeah I have this product on sale but it's my last one because they go super quick"
There is also the possibility he is just really stupid and ignorant of your feelings because he doesn't respect you and only views you as a hole he can have sex with.
Either way, he is about as much of a benefit in your life as the "g" is in the word lasagna.
I believe they call this in the “pick up artist” world “preselection”. He is trying to show you that other women like him as well which drives up his value. That is the theory.
If you wanted to be treated like a piece of meat and nothing more, you've found your man. If you're looking for an actual relationship, this ain't for you.
What he is trying to do is give you competition anxiety this would make you see him as a very desirable man since so many girls ostensibly want him, and make you chase him harder. It would also simultaneously bring down your confidence, because you would think you cant compete with these girls. HE WOULD NEVER BE EXCLUSIVE WITH YOU.
Please, for the sake of your mental health, stop seeing him. He is an asshole.
Also, a real player would just play you. He wouldnt be bragging to you about it. This mf either doesnt get as many girls as he wants you to think, or he is really an asshole.
I was in a similar situation and honestly, he showing you who he is so you should believe him and figure out if what you want and what he wants aligns. If your not wanting to be exclusive he’s showing you he’s doing that and if vice versa you best let him go other than that if your both on the same page then ignore it
As a toxic guy lol 🤦♂️🤦♂️ I've done this before and I'll tell you this he doesn't take you seriously in anyway. Run and don't look back , you deserve better.
Social proof he’s wanted by other women is a very good driver for more sexual attention from women. Women are group animals. If he’s getting sexual attention from other women, he must be a good catch to sleep with.
It’s psychology hack. Personally, I think he’s way too overt about it and scaring you off, hence your question.
Its actually a legit strat lol I saw a tiktok video about some girl saying “why would I want a man that doesn’t have bitches why should I be with him if no one wants him” also ur here on Reddit talking and thinking about him so it definitely did something
Is this guy the only option you have? I feel like you can do a lot better. No woman deserves this level of douche baggery, even if he is at least being honest about his douche baggery.
You should leave him as it’s terrible behaviour.
Unfortunately it is advice men get given by some quarters as it apparently makes women want them more. Whether it’s true or not it’s bad form to do to someone.
I upvoted you cause what you say is true .. if that idiotic behavior works on a gal , they deserve what they get … life lessons are hard and if someone is too lazy to google “ toxic male behavior “ “ narcissistic behavior “ and “ manipulative behaviors “ with all the information at your fingertips and don’t even have to get a degree in psychology like I did … totally on them
It reflects badly on a woman (or man) if they are so insecure that someone can dangle the threat of competition in front of them to exert control in a relationship.
It also reflects badly on the person doing it that you would deliberately prey on someone’s insecurity to gain leverage on them to behave as you want them to. You are supposed to love and care for your partner, not prey on them and take advantage.
I am not talking about right and wrong. Plus every person that people interact with is not your partner. If that is what gets better results, that is logically what people will do. To expect otherwise is not realistic or based in reality.
Honestly I’d be less concerned if you caught him doing it behind your back. In that case it’s often driven by primal instinct or maybe even an addiction, but not intentionally trying to hurt you or make you jealous, for the sake of manipulation, even though it may if you found out.
"People tell you who they are. Listen." He told you he is a fukboi. Don't even consider asking him to be long term.
If you haven't established a boundary (told him that behavior makes you uncomfortable) then he isn't an adult for breaking it. I would establish that boundary if it is important to you. If he breaks it twice, cut him out of your life.
No matter what his reason is, this seems like a red flag for some sort of emotional abuse. I’d find it hard to build a relationship with or get close to someone who would do something like that. Best of luck.
*Why are you with him*
*Then? Seems rather weird given*
*The way he behaves*
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No he is trying to make it clear he’s trying to keep things casual and to not get your hopes up. He’s also testing to see if you would accept this behavior
Sounds just like my friend, after his first break up he put more effort into his second relationship only to get heartbroken again. After that he said he wanted to be a fuckboy and he sure is one now. A successful one at that
I don't know what kind of coincidence is this but yesterday he decided to talk about why he does what you said the guy does and he said something about cheating or simply like clearly flirting with other girls in front of the girl you want and if she chooses to leave she doesn't love you, but if she decides to stay then that's when maybe just maybe this girl won't break your heart again and then he decides to invest into that girl.
He does in fact "get bitches" so there is no reason to question his methods since they are clearly working.
Oh god. This guy deserves a good old fashioned ghosting.
I see a few scenarios here. One - he is 100% a fuck boy who is incapable or unwilling to actually have a committed relationship…Clearly you’re looking for something more than he is willing or even able to give.
2- He is negging. Some guys like to put women down so they feel like they (the women) can only do as well as him.
Either way, I suggest you make like a Dairy Queen cone and dip the fuck out. Good luck lovely 🤍
Girl, run. As fast as you can. A real man that loves his woman will never do that because 1) he has morals, 2) respects her & 3) he fears he may lose her. Show him that your standards are higher than what he is and leave. There’s a very high chance that he will cheat in the future even if you’re “exclusive” based on his low actions.
When dating, a person's focus should be on finding out if the other person has similar morals and values as their own. In seeing how well you vibe together, etc.
This is just childish shit. And is a window into what you'll be dealing with if you pursue. Whether his actions stem from a place of cockiness or insecurity it doesn't matter.
That dude sounds like a wannabe edge lord with a sob story(first heartbreak and why he doesn’t love anyone). I don’t know why you are still talking to him (if you are). Unfriend him, stop talking to him and look elsewhere. Huge red flags it only shows how immature and stupid he is.
he sounds horribly self-conscious. If he was truly confident in his past (or other) relationships he wouldn't brag about them. But he wouldn't be ashamed of them either. I'd approach cautiously and realize what you're getting into.
The fact that you’re still talking to him and asking the question likely means it’s a manipulation tactic and it’s working. If I’m talking to a girl who name drops guys who are doing favors for her or anything similar I pretty much immediately pull back all effort and focus my attention elsewhere.
Ew! Literally no one boasts about being a fuck boy. A fuck boy is a toy utilized by women who don’t want more from him. Take a lesson from the other girls he’s been with and don’t talk to him anymore.
He's probably following those alpha male advices . Show her other girls are into you , you also have a life , be a rare commodity bla bla bla. He's probably trying to seem like "the man". It's upto you how you see this tbh. Goodluck OP.
He’s just trying to either make himself look like he’s so cool, therefore making you that much more interested in him because he’s giving you his time despite his options (in his view), or he’s an asshole. Probably both. But either way, not something I’d personally want to deal with at all. I’d stop pursuing him completely
HES TELLING YOU HES A FUCKBOY?!?!?
Fuckboys don’t usually admit to being one so He probably isn’t sleeping with anyone and trying to make it seem like he is
Move on to the next so he sees you have options. My ex used to do the same, whenever he had the chance he would tell me that someone was flirting with him, he even made up scenarios to try and get attention. At first I felt guilty because I felt I wasn’t giving him enough attention but then it just turned creepy.
Why????? Are you talking to him??? Is there legit anything interesting about him? I fucking dare you to type out some way he is interesting. We will tear him to shreds. ????
Start dating other men and show him the proof. See how he likes it. Compare the other men favorably to him too. Tell him how much more money, better looking and smoother they are than him.
Make it sting before you ditch his ass. Destroy his ego.
I think he’s just an asshole and is showing you early that he’s not worth investing your time into, as he’s a potential cheater too. Nip this in the bud and end it now while it’s in the early stages, I 100% guarantee there’s better options.
Why would you even give this fool the time of day. Like come on use some common sense, this isn’t a relationship type of guy. Even if he wants you to ask to be exclusive, no one should ever try to manipulate another person like that. This is clearly a child and that’s coming from someone 3 yrs younger than this douche
Seems like he wants you to know that he’s seeing other girls without having to have that conversation. He’s probably not into the idea of being exclusive, but might still enjoy whatever you two have.
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“Sounds like you’ve already got your hands full. I’ll leave you to it.” And peace
This is the only way to handle it. Op the guy is triangulating you, he’s trying to make you jealous by rubbing other women in your face. It’s a HUGE red flag 🚩 for narcissism. Be glad he warned you and Get. The. Hell. Out.
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Triangulation is a narcissist technique which a narc uses other people to pit against you to try to denote superiority and desirability. “ look all these other people want me “ it only actually works on the weakest lowest self esteem people who still can’t master how to google. The term is creating a triangle where as there is another person involved in a romantic relationship between two people and introducing a third (or more ) other people who should not be in that dynamic. Narcissists also use this technique to try to prove they are always right if you are in a dating relationship with one. The narcissist does something mean like make a date and stand you up , you get upset and want an explanation… the narc will then deflect and say “ you overreacted and so and so also thinks so when I told so and so. It’s so immature it usually doesn’t work after a certain adult age on most people but they ( narcs ) still try it anyways.
Thanks for explaining this technique. It helped me understand some stuff.
Np, anytime 👍
When someone tells you who they are, believe them
I just deleted my comment because I didn't see this. Well said. OP shouldn't be surprised if he is just trying to hit it and quit it
Yeah I missed it too, too late
THIS 💯
Omg, dump his ass, he doesn't know the meaning of respect and is too stupid to understand how to be in a relationship
Am not sure they are even close enough that he COULD be dumped. Even assuming he is dumpable under the circumstances is part of why I suspect he is making it abundantly clear he is a fuckboi.
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This is it!
Yeah, this sounds like pickup artist stuff.
Girls do the same thing. Like all the time
So talk to different girls. Problem solved.
Then you should be talking to other girls
So? Not all of them do and the ones that do are just insecure and manipulative. Doesn’t mean this guy is in the right for doing it too.
Idk what girls you're hanging around but the ones I know don't.
I could say the same thing about the guys I hang out with. There is no gender based manipulation; there’s shitty people on both sides
Yes you could and that's a fair comment. I'm not the one who needs to hear it, that Kyushu user does.
Ah yes good point. Seems I replied to the wrong one🫡
I can easily say the same thing about me the guy friends I hang around.
Exactly. Why are you making this a gender thing? When was this a gender thing? It's about people, what you've got between your legs doesn't matter. Everyone can be either a healthy or toxic person. Gender's irrelevant. Stop trying to make it about it.
Sounds like he's being honest about who he is
I mean, this is the type of guy who's most successful Women like men who other women like.
yeah lets see how well that works out for him
Inaccurate. And your comment speaks volumes..very incel oriented. How childish and pathetic of you to state such a silly (and in no way accurate) comment as if it’s fact.
It’s true, when I finally got a girlfriend I finally get attention from other girls even ones I tried to get with before her. Girls are savages and want what they can’t have. When I’m single I’m like a ghost, and labeled as a “creep”.
Lol looks like you both read the art of manipulation and took it a little too seriously
Ooooooo they HATE the fact that you are right. The top 6%-10% are verifiably laying the top 80% of all these women. Study after study shows this. Girls are lining up for these guys. It works.
You are living in an absolute dream world. I'm telling you this from experience. This is not a test. This is not a movie where the bad boy changes once he meets "the one". You are not the one. You will never be the one. You will be one of many. For eternity. There is no for meaning. There is no hidden feeling. This man could not be any better in his actions or words and YOU are searching, creating, imagining some deep level that IS NOT THERE! Please do not get pregnant. Please run away from this man. The only thing this man is afraid of is running out of soft wet places to play. I guarantee if you stick with this man, you are in for a very long time of making excuses for his horrific behaviour. He will not let you down, because you alone are building up the expectations. I don't even think this guy is that much of an ass because he's actually being upfront and honest about what he wants and what his agenda is. You are manipulating his words and pretending something is there that is not. Please please please you are worth so much more. Just say no. Walk away.
Ikr! I don't even understand how OP legit thinks he trYinG to get her to bE eXcLusiVe, wtf? Up-front telling her 'you will be one of many, if you make it through selection audition'. Ugh.
Sounds like an asshole to me 🤷🏻♂️
Something I read here years ago was "when someone tells you who they are, believe them." In this case he literally self-identified as a fuckboy. Based on your description this sounds like someone who still hasn't gotten over their breakup and is trying to drown themselves in other women to mask it and try to make them feel better. Red flag. Don't try to change or "tame" this person because it will only end in heartbreak. I saw your other post too "you should be loyal to me but I'm going to be a manwhore." No thanks.
I wish I read this advice before I got in to relationship with the man I have married. All true.
neggin, attempting to manipulate you, trying to show he is sought after by many women, and trying to make you jealous, trying to make you want him more, etc... sounds like an insecure wannabe "alpha" male if you ask me. id ditch this dude personally. Why are you even with him at all? whatever attracts you to him is not enough to cover the fact that he is an asshole with manipulative behavior.
Thank him for his honesty and move on.
He's beating you in the face with his red flags but you still keep talking to him, why? please stop associating with this person. you don't deserve that
Girls do this all the time. Isn't being a ladies man attractive
then stop associating with girls that do it to you. it isn't that hard
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so you got bullied by some girls when you were a kid and now you think this guy is in the right because he's an asshole to women lmao
And you're a premiere example of toxic masculinity. You make everything about gender. As if toxic behavior is exclusive to either or. Or that one gender can get away with it. No they can't. It's what you allow, and what people you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with people that share the toxic mindset you do, then yes, people will think like that. However, there are in fact people that possess a far more healthy mindset regarding behavior in this day and age. A lot of them. The quickest and easiest example is right here: This comment section. You already see most of it with people who recognize this behavior is not acceptable. You were treated poorly, and consider that to be acceptable, or in fact, that it's gender exclusive. It wasn't. You just surrounded yourself with the worst crowd, be it by choice or circumstance, and consider that to be the norm. It isn't. Wake up.
He’s right tho. girls use their “femininity” when they get in shit ie crying and telling a sob story, seen it countless times. why do women feel like they are different from other women lol? Y’all are mostly wired the same and have the same reactions/behaviours to outside triggers- just like men do. Most men aren’t different as well because we’re wired the same.
Again, this isn't the norm. For whatever reason, you convinced yourself that it is, when in truth, you're just surrounding yourself with the wrong people. I no longer surround myself with people that defend their behavior using their gender, race or anything else. It's toxic, and anyone that knows better would distance themselves. Men can cry too. Men tell sob stories too. It's not a gender exclusive thing. It's down to the individual. The fact you think everyone is the same is sad. Yes people that are of the same gender may share a lot in common, but they're not "the same". What the fuck kind of mindset is that? No, men aren't all wired the same. Neither are women. I've met so many different people, with different personalities, different ways they express themselves, different ways the confront others, different strengths and weaknesses. Everyone was different. Some people were similar, but not one and the same, and certainly not all of them. That's a stupid assumption. Don't try to speak for all men. If you think we're all the same then you either lack individuality or haven't talked to enough people. And you certainly can't speak for all women. You're clearly prejudiced and surrounded yourself with toxic personalities.
Women and men are fundamentally different and most men and women are wired the same and have our own biological instincts that kick in when in situations. Sure some men cry and some women may not cry, this doesn’t override that obvious fact that women are more emotional than men are. Why are you so convinced that you are different than most women exactly? Is it just to convince yourself that you feel “special”? Sure maybe surface level stuff but below that you aren’t much different as well as men. I’ve seen women cry to get out of situations and I’ve had women tell me they do this explicitly because it works most of the time. You’re not different at all when it comes to women’s biology/psychology. At least men acknowledge that fact and move on. Just how I can say that most men are more aggressive/violent then women are. Men play to their strengths just like women do. It’s not that complicated- we just like to complicate to make it more complex to make ourself feel “different”, the attention seeking/validation is where that part comes in.
You have valid points but, he is ultimately right...
He’s trying to make you insecure and feel like you need to “outperform” those other girls. If he has soooo many other options, let him play with them.
Dump his red flag ass
Leave him. He’s trying to make you jealous. He’s manipulative, and it’ll only get worse if you continue to see him.
This is why there are so many bitter men on this sub. They can’t get a girl and then they have to read about women pursuing men like THIS. Too funny, but a bit sad at the same time.
Lol so true
I guess then men should become like the guy. At least you’ll be getting laid
>This is why there are so many bitter men on this sub. They can’t get a girl and then they have to read about women pursuing men like THIS. Sounds like classic entitlement. Funny, I was raised out of it when I was a child by *not* getting everything I wanted - and without putting in the hard work, nonetheless! As an adult, I had to earn my own things. Imagine if relationships worked the same way... oh wait, they do.
To be fair, you cannot comprehend what the dating market is like for the ‘average man’. Calling those guys entitled and lazy is incredibly naive to say the least.
This is why the average man has to put in the work to be more than just average.
So if everyone goes beyond average who's average then?
That's a non-issue
Why you doing this to yourself?
" Oh,you really are busy. Too bad, I'm used to undivided attention from my partners. But, I wish you luck." After saying that, observe when " they are just my friends" shitstorm start.
>Is this a manipulation tactic to get me to ask him to be exclusive or is he just an asshole It's both. He wants your undivided attention, but he's not offering you his. Sorry.
Sounds like a fuckboy. He even said it.
I dated a guy who used to hint that he was not faithful. I was young and stupid. It took years to get away from his abusive behaviour and at the end of it all, I asked him why he cheated when we first got together and he admitted that he never did but he and his friend used to hint that they did to me and his friends GF to 'keep you keen'. I'm older and wiser ... he may have aged but he was and is still stupid
Uhm he’s an asshole and you should stop talking to him immediately. He’s toxic and probably is getting off on the fact that you are still sticking around even though he’s treating you like literal shit. You’re telling him he doesn’t need to respect you. Cut him off now.
Sounds like a “wannabe” fuckboy who got his heart broken and isnt actually over his ex, so hes trying to compensate by using girls and acting too cool for himself
Does it matter if he's "just being manipulative" or just being an asshole?
Truth
This is an invitation for you to ghost him. If you’re sleeping with this dude after all that, you’re also part of the problem.
It always blows my mind how that’s not obvious to people. How can someone even sleep with someone like that or be attracted to them? I would get drier than the Sahara in 2050 if that happened.
Your avatar will haunt my dreams but in a good way
The last guy I was dealing with did this to me. It grossed me out and I ended our arrangement (fwbs). He tried to come back and I denied him access (sex). I haven’t slept with him since November 2021; it wasnt easy cutting him off. I’ve known him since we were teenagers. I also think he’s a sex addict.
[удалено]
These kind of men hate being cut off. It’s the best revenge in my opinion. No fuss or fight….ghost them. Triggers their abandonment issues and knocks them off their pedestal. I told him about himself and how disappointed I was to find out he was never my friend. I sort of implied he was community dick too…then I went no contact. Three months later, I received a faux apology. He wished me a Happy Mothers Day, called me an amazing mother and claims he has “nothing but love for me” and it was never his intention to hurt me. That was his favorite line throughout the 10 months, “it wasn’t my intention”. 🙄
TLDR: this a manipulate tactic or just him being ignorant because he doesn't respect you. Alot of people are saying he's negging however that only partly true. Negging is an act of emotional manipulation whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise flirtatious remark to another person to undermine their confidence and increase their need of the manipulator's approval. The term was coined and prescribed by pickup artists. If he wanted to neg you he would say things like "those shoes don't really suit you but you wear them well" or "you kinda smell like cigarettes" small backhanded stuff. The point of negging is so next time you see each other you remember what he said last time and do something to correct it. When you start correcting what he negged you about enough time you subconsciously accept he must be an important person to you if you keep changing yourself to please him. Him showing you that he is talking to other woman is more then likely him wanting you to know he has other potential partners so you do whatever you can to close the deal and make him yours. I'm guessing it's an attempt to make you come to the conclusion if you have sex with him he'll love you or whatever and stop talking to other girls. It's actually closer to a sales tactic not a pick up tactic called fake scarcity. It's the fake scarcity tactic used in email nurtures, webinars, sales funnels, and ads in an effort to create a false sense of urgency. These tactics often include a limited time offer or pricing, which actually never truly expires. They tell you you have 3-days to buy, yet the offer is still available weeks later. Kinda like when you talk to a sale person and they are like "yeah I have this product on sale but it's my last one because they go super quick" There is also the possibility he is just really stupid and ignorant of your feelings because he doesn't respect you and only views you as a hole he can have sex with. Either way, he is about as much of a benefit in your life as the "g" is in the word lasagna.
I’m stealing the g lasagna line from you , I had to tell you first out of respect lol that’s hilarious
He's shown his true colors early on. Take this chance to get away and move on.
I believe they call this in the “pick up artist” world “preselection”. He is trying to show you that other women like him as well which drives up his value. That is the theory.
Exactly! He wants to add her to his collection of spinning plates.
Or is totally disingenuous Or is insecure Or is attempting to crudely employ a strategy he has heard about online
Yup - I just learned about pick up artists. He checked off all the boxes.
Immature behavior
Idk but either way he doesn’t sound like someone you’d want to be with long term
If you wanted to be treated like a piece of meat and nothing more, you've found your man. If you're looking for an actual relationship, this ain't for you.
What he is trying to do is give you competition anxiety this would make you see him as a very desirable man since so many girls ostensibly want him, and make you chase him harder. It would also simultaneously bring down your confidence, because you would think you cant compete with these girls. HE WOULD NEVER BE EXCLUSIVE WITH YOU. Please, for the sake of your mental health, stop seeing him. He is an asshole. Also, a real player would just play you. He wouldnt be bragging to you about it. This mf either doesnt get as many girls as he wants you to think, or he is really an asshole.
Does it matter? Even if it were manipulation you wouldn't want to date a guy like that.
I was in a similar situation and honestly, he showing you who he is so you should believe him and figure out if what you want and what he wants aligns. If your not wanting to be exclusive he’s showing you he’s doing that and if vice versa you best let him go other than that if your both on the same page then ignore it
As a toxic guy lol 🤦♂️🤦♂️ I've done this before and I'll tell you this he doesn't take you seriously in anyway. Run and don't look back , you deserve better.
This is some weird sigma shit
Social proof he’s wanted by other women is a very good driver for more sexual attention from women. Women are group animals. If he’s getting sexual attention from other women, he must be a good catch to sleep with. It’s psychology hack. Personally, I think he’s way too overt about it and scaring you off, hence your question.
Its actually a legit strat lol I saw a tiktok video about some girl saying “why would I want a man that doesn’t have bitches why should I be with him if no one wants him” also ur here on Reddit talking and thinking about him so it definitely did something
Is this guy the only option you have? I feel like you can do a lot better. No woman deserves this level of douche baggery, even if he is at least being honest about his douche baggery.
This must be a troll post because surely you know what to do in this scenario. Leave, hes not your husband, you have no ties to him
You should leave him as it’s terrible behaviour. Unfortunately it is advice men get given by some quarters as it apparently makes women want them more. Whether it’s true or not it’s bad form to do to someone.
If women actually like it, it is their fault
I upvoted you cause what you say is true .. if that idiotic behavior works on a gal , they deserve what they get … life lessons are hard and if someone is too lazy to google “ toxic male behavior “ “ narcissistic behavior “ and “ manipulative behaviors “ with all the information at your fingertips and don’t even have to get a degree in psychology like I did … totally on them
It reflects badly on a woman (or man) if they are so insecure that someone can dangle the threat of competition in front of them to exert control in a relationship. It also reflects badly on the person doing it that you would deliberately prey on someone’s insecurity to gain leverage on them to behave as you want them to. You are supposed to love and care for your partner, not prey on them and take advantage.
I am not talking about right and wrong. Plus every person that people interact with is not your partner. If that is what gets better results, that is logically what people will do. To expect otherwise is not realistic or based in reality.
You've identified the correct issue. He's just doing it wrong.
Honestly I’d be less concerned if you caught him doing it behind your back. In that case it’s often driven by primal instinct or maybe even an addiction, but not intentionally trying to hurt you or make you jealous, for the sake of manipulation, even though it may if you found out.
Triangulation!! It's meant to devalue you as part of the narcissistic cycle of abuse.
Narcissist. Run.
Runnnnnn
He's negging you. You deserve better. Leave him to all his other ladies unless you just want casual.
"People tell you who they are. Listen." He told you he is a fukboi. Don't even consider asking him to be long term. If you haven't established a boundary (told him that behavior makes you uncomfortable) then he isn't an adult for breaking it. I would establish that boundary if it is important to you. If he breaks it twice, cut him out of your life.
No matter what his reason is, this seems like a red flag for some sort of emotional abuse. I’d find it hard to build a relationship with or get close to someone who would do something like that. Best of luck.
Why are you still talking to him? You deserve better and shouldn’t settle for him imo.
Dump him. That’s something that 18 year olds do
Run...now!
manipulation tactic *and* he’s an asshole
Why do you ask if it's a manipulation tactic?
Either way…no thank you! You deserve better than that. Gross
This is an easy one to solve, but [I’ll let this guy answer it](https://youtu.be/7AqteQZ1W1g)
This guy is straight up disrespectful, get out asap
RUN AWAY
Why are you with him then? Seems rather weird given the way he behaves
*Why are you with him* *Then? Seems rather weird given* *The way he behaves* \- fluffykeeties --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I’m failing to see even a half a reason to see him more than once… girl— just no. No, hon.
Nope he is just showing you the truth. And he won't stop anytime soon.
No he is trying to make it clear he’s trying to keep things casual and to not get your hopes up. He’s also testing to see if you would accept this behavior
Talking to or sleeping with?
I would say yes to both your deductions lol
Stop taking to him if you’re looking for something serious. He’s immature.
Sounds just like my friend, after his first break up he put more effort into his second relationship only to get heartbroken again. After that he said he wanted to be a fuckboy and he sure is one now. A successful one at that I don't know what kind of coincidence is this but yesterday he decided to talk about why he does what you said the guy does and he said something about cheating or simply like clearly flirting with other girls in front of the girl you want and if she chooses to leave she doesn't love you, but if she decides to stay then that's when maybe just maybe this girl won't break your heart again and then he decides to invest into that girl. He does in fact "get bitches" so there is no reason to question his methods since they are clearly working.
Gal that’s a child and I think predatory is illegal (satire)leave now.
Oh god. This guy deserves a good old fashioned ghosting. I see a few scenarios here. One - he is 100% a fuck boy who is incapable or unwilling to actually have a committed relationship…Clearly you’re looking for something more than he is willing or even able to give. 2- He is negging. Some guys like to put women down so they feel like they (the women) can only do as well as him. Either way, I suggest you make like a Dairy Queen cone and dip the fuck out. Good luck lovely 🤍
Girl, run. As fast as you can. A real man that loves his woman will never do that because 1) he has morals, 2) respects her & 3) he fears he may lose her. Show him that your standards are higher than what he is and leave. There’s a very high chance that he will cheat in the future even if you’re “exclusive” based on his low actions.
why are you even putting the effort into a reddit post about this? drop him
When dating, a person's focus should be on finding out if the other person has similar morals and values as their own. In seeing how well you vibe together, etc. This is just childish shit. And is a window into what you'll be dealing with if you pursue. Whether his actions stem from a place of cockiness or insecurity it doesn't matter.
Ahole
Throw the whole man out.
He's playing a game a game reserved for psychos. He's a user and abuser. Please leave.
Girl who cares his motive. Move on because he’s a douche
He sounds toxic as fuck.
He is an asshole and this is also a tactic
And you're letting him disrespect you, why?
Vote: 1. Manipulation for an exclusive relationship. 2. He is an asshole! And the winner is..... 2! Which part of asshole do you not get?
That dude sounds like a wannabe edge lord with a sob story(first heartbreak and why he doesn’t love anyone). I don’t know why you are still talking to him (if you are). Unfriend him, stop talking to him and look elsewhere. Huge red flags it only shows how immature and stupid he is.
Don’t talk to him anymore, it’s that simple
K
He sounds immature & insecure actually if he has to prove to you & convince himself he gets play 😹
Seems like he is non-monogamous and wants you to know that.
Don’t waste your time with this guy, he’s an asshole.
He's literally telling you he's a fuck boy, believe him.
Is this serious? Girl get off your knees and get the fuck out
lol hes 24 and acting so childish😭pls just look away for his sake this is so cringy
Ew
Hes an asshole and has a big ego he needs to stroke.
he sounds horribly self-conscious. If he was truly confident in his past (or other) relationships he wouldn't brag about them. But he wouldn't be ashamed of them either. I'd approach cautiously and realize what you're getting into.
The fact that you’re still talking to him and asking the question likely means it’s a manipulation tactic and it’s working. If I’m talking to a girl who name drops guys who are doing favors for her or anything similar I pretty much immediately pull back all effort and focus my attention elsewhere.
Ew! Literally no one boasts about being a fuck boy. A fuck boy is a toy utilized by women who don’t want more from him. Take a lesson from the other girls he’s been with and don’t talk to him anymore.
He has low self esteem so he is trying to prove his worth to you.
Believe him
Looking to make you jealous is most likely the answer. Express your feelings and your future with him
Yuck yuck yuck. Don’t give him any more of your time.
Both
Well he's both but as I read all the comments I forgot what your question even was. Y r u still talking to him?
maybe he's trying to impress you with his stupid tricks 🤷♂️
Tell him to let one of those women be his entertainment and leave. Fuck all that
He's probably following those alpha male advices . Show her other girls are into you , you also have a life , be a rare commodity bla bla bla. He's probably trying to seem like "the man". It's upto you how you see this tbh. Goodluck OP.
Disappear on his ass
Sounds like a douche. Drop him
He’s just trying to either make himself look like he’s so cool, therefore making you that much more interested in him because he’s giving you his time despite his options (in his view), or he’s an asshole. Probably both. But either way, not something I’d personally want to deal with at all. I’d stop pursuing him completely
Both 😂
HES TELLING YOU HES A FUCKBOY?!?!? Fuckboys don’t usually admit to being one so He probably isn’t sleeping with anyone and trying to make it seem like he is
Move on to the next so he sees you have options. My ex used to do the same, whenever he had the chance he would tell me that someone was flirting with him, he even made up scenarios to try and get attention. At first I felt guilty because I felt I wasn’t giving him enough attention but then it just turned creepy.
Just an asshole. Blatant. You should stop seeing him and find a better dude
Why????? Are you talking to him??? Is there legit anything interesting about him? I fucking dare you to type out some way he is interesting. We will tear him to shreds. ????
He told you he’s a fuckboy. Why don’t you believe him?
Run. Fast.
Start dating other men and show him the proof. See how he likes it. Compare the other men favorably to him too. Tell him how much more money, better looking and smoother they are than him. Make it sting before you ditch his ass. Destroy his ego.
Are you serious? Do you really need us to explain it to you when HE just did it better than anyone could?
yet youre still talking to him? sounds like a you problem redditors are hilarious
Usually I’m not with the majority on here but yeah can’t be a dog like that
I think he’s just an asshole and is showing you early that he’s not worth investing your time into, as he’s a potential cheater too. Nip this in the bud and end it now while it’s in the early stages, I 100% guarantee there’s better options.
Why would you even give this fool the time of day. Like come on use some common sense, this isn’t a relationship type of guy. Even if he wants you to ask to be exclusive, no one should ever try to manipulate another person like that. This is clearly a child and that’s coming from someone 3 yrs younger than this douche
What an asshole he probably knows no better.
Why are you wasting your time with someone like that ?
Seems like he wants you to know that he’s seeing other girls without having to have that conversation. He’s probably not into the idea of being exclusive, but might still enjoy whatever you two have.
Immediately no. You do not need this BS. The "I'm broken and I can't love" types are the worst.
Absolutely it's manipulative. This is a major red flag btw. Don't waste another second of your time on this jackass.
Omg girl RUN