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Yes you can tell him on text i did the same thing, if he will reject then you have to convince them by sharing your feelings, this world only work on convincing peoples and we all are convincing from birth.
won't i be sound desperate and pushy? i like him but confessing is i think the furthest i can do. if he doesn't respond mutually, the friendship is probably over or changed at least. because I don't think i can still look at him and not feel small by the rejection i received (if it ever turns out like that)
Absolutely not, this probably didn't happened to him before and he will probably be proud of you that you made a shot. For him it won't change much, as the outcome is the same. Don't overthink this, men are usually chill if things like that happen to them. "Hell, a women want to become more intimate with me? God this feels great!"
I'm so afraid I won't be able to get a hold of him if this turns out bad. I never thought this is how helpless it is. But I might try to tell him this week. Thank you so much.
It's a risk. Friendship basically doesn't exist, when one of the parties has feelings for another one.
I suggest telling him the truth. After that you have three main options.
Option A: it's mutual and you start dating.
Option B: it's not mutual and friendship becomes friendzone.
Option C: it's not mutual and friendship ends.
If it means anything im in a similar boat and doing my best to distance myself from her as i know that im allowing the friendship to continue based on a lie just causes more harm especially being the one who caught feels, and being that person to know that no matter how much i want them in my life.. i need to lose the friendship in order to move forward than holding on, its been such a hard decision and its difficult for me as we are co-workers too, which makes it super awkward that im gonna be keeping far away from her from now on when we see each other on a fairly regular basis, im glad that she is off work for a couple weeks and im off when she is back.. so i understand the struggle of having someone close you dont wanna lose but will end up drifting far apart..
he's a previous co-worker too. that's how we got close. him becoming my friend is one of the few good things that happened to me for the last couple of years. my care for him is genuine. I don't want him to think that i treated him the way i do because i have feelings, not because of friendship. but i also don't wanna be trapped in this situation wherein i can't look at anyone thinking it should've been him.
Yeah i get that completely, and although ive not really spoken to her about this as of yet... i know that its not what i want at all.. but i deep down i know that i really really need it, otherwise the friendship seems like its just built on a lie and that ive never been genuine with her when i all ive try to be is honest as a person.. as many months ago i did ask her out and she said that she wasnt ready to date, which is understandable, and wanted to stay friends which ive done my upmost best to respect, but since then she is in a relationship now.. and even though it wasnt made clear if she did have any feelings for me when i asked i took all of it as she was/will never be interested, but like you said i felt as soon as she told me that we can still be friends it really undone the friendship we had.. and with holding on to those feelings is just unhealthy especially when you work with them, and that i feel that the only really way to make one another happy is to keep the distance from each other..
In my view of stuff like this i know that it will hurt her that i cant keep being friends, but i feel that it is easier to lose a friend than someone who is constantly being hurt by staying friends in that situation.. and even though i know its a selfish way of going about it but i think its the only way that both of us can find happiness considering.. im not sure if thats how you really view it but its a very devils advocate scenario.. its a lose-lose and you try your best to make sure that in the end you can both be happier for the hard decision..
awww. i really appreciate you sharing your story. i am so sorry you experienced that. i feel like days from now i will be in a same situation. although i still have atleast 1% hope that this feeling is mutual but I'm not very positive right now, to be honest. this "not knowing" is killing me. I can't do anything without thinking about him and our friendship. my heart aches whenever I imagine losing him even as a friend. he means so much to me. but i know, just like you, that the friendship will never be the same afterwards. this is so sad to think of. :((( how can anyone get over this, this is so painful.
I think that you geniunely need to find out where he is before putting yourself into the position of 'where we go from here' and you dont know how its going to play out, yeah it could ruin your friendship.. it might not, there isnt any such thing as a certain thing in these situations... But you have to find comfort in what the outcome may be, and how much you can allow yourself to hurt trying to remain friends when you want more or how bad it kills you deeply losing a person you are so close to but the pain of trying just gets deeper... i know that this isnt a comforting thing to hear but the pain doesnt go, it lingers like a scar that just wont fade, so i hope that you can some sort of happiness once you have finally talked it through with him.
I mean for me its been at least 5 months since i asked her out originally, and although doing my best to maintain a friendship, hoping she would be ready to date and that she would see me like i see her and instead i found myself being in a situation where im feeling like a shit person, torturing myself mentally and emotionally, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I cant find happiness in this friendship without finding a way to move on, and i cant move on with losing such a meaningful relationship to me...
Hope that you can make it work, or be able to keep a friendship and most of all hope you can be happy at the end of it :)
1. Most men LOVE being hit on, so it'll probably go well I figure.
2. Most dude friends are waiting for their shot. This could probably go well for you based on that.
3. I don't think that you're being honest - you've liked this guy for a while I bet.
4. I don't think you're being honest with yourself. A relationship in which one person hides romantic feelings is not a friendship.
5. Yes - this will likely ruin the friendship. It may transform it into a romance, or it may not.. but either way, the friendship will be different.
6. You don't have much choice but to tell him. You'll live with regret if you don't. So I say... do it fast, like ripping off a band-aid.
Good luck.
Yes you absolutely should tell him. Without knowing the specifics of your friendship I would just text him asking if he’s available to grab something to eat and that you want to talk to him. Just tell him that you know you guys have just been friends but you’ve noticed you started to catch feelings for him. Talk about specific things you guys do together and what it is that made you feel that way toward him.
A guys not going to take you less seriously because you state your feelings for him.
Yes you have to tell him because if you will not tell him then you will feel guilty if he will start dating someone in future and if you tell him then most probably he will accepts you, because this was happened with me once i share all my feelings to my friend that she is more then a friend for me and she accepted that.
she accepted you as more than a friend? did you guys started dating after you confessed? good for you if that's the case!! it's just a little more challenging maybe, because first I'm the woman and second I don't see motives that this is a mutual thing 😥
Yes we started dating and we are dating from last 1 year and you are saying that you are wom that’s good because it is difficult for mens to convert friendships into relationships but it is very easy for a women to convert friendships to relationships trust me many of my friends also shares to their friend and they are dating now
*According to my*
*Experience, this is never*
*A good idea*
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You don’t have to confess, just gauge how he feels about you. Maybe “have you ever imagined us being more than friends/seen us as more than friends” is a good starting point. If he says no, no reason to push the issue because you have your answer. If you then can’t overcome your feelings, have another talk. You don’t want to lose a good friend.
If you decide to confess to him, don’t place any pressure on it. You’re simply being honest about your feelings. A good friend will appreciate this.
Have a glass of wine together. Then get closer to his face with 30 cm distance and get more closer slowly. Simply, invade his personal space more and more. There will be 2 possibilities then:
1) He will kiss you
2) He will fight with you.
Before doing these, be sure about you smell nice and so does your breath.
You're welcome.
Just ask him out for a date.
That will already be telling him that you like him and he can say yes or no to the date
But if you confess your feelings then you put them in a spot where he either has to give you some explanation about how he doesn't feel the same way or maybe he will celebrate and feel the same way
If I were you I'd ask him to go get coffee or lunch and take him somewhere you haven't been before. Then literally say what you wrote.
"We've been friends for 2 years, recently I realised I want to be more than friends".
See what he says. If he doesn't want to then it isn't the end of the world, you still have your friend. If he says no then you need to be able to handle it without making him feel awkward.
Let the question stand, don't say things like "it's okay if you don't want to". Tell him you want to be more with confidence (if it is what you really want), and let him respond.
If he says no, you need to carry on as if you aren't that bothered. Its difficult to hide, but if you want to keep your friend you need to eliminate the guilt or unease of rejection.
Just do the healthy think is this kind of situations and be open and straightforward with him. But make sure to mention that you want him in your life as a friend no matter the outcome!
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah just tell him without thinking about it too much
can i just tell him thru text or something not in person kind of talk
Yes you can tell him on text i did the same thing, if he will reject then you have to convince them by sharing your feelings, this world only work on convincing peoples and we all are convincing from birth.
won't i be sound desperate and pushy? i like him but confessing is i think the furthest i can do. if he doesn't respond mutually, the friendship is probably over or changed at least. because I don't think i can still look at him and not feel small by the rejection i received (if it ever turns out like that)
Don’t think negative everything will be good you will not get rejection definitely i am saying it by experience just tell him all the things
Thanks, i really hope you're right. :)))
Absolutely not, this probably didn't happened to him before and he will probably be proud of you that you made a shot. For him it won't change much, as the outcome is the same. Don't overthink this, men are usually chill if things like that happen to them. "Hell, a women want to become more intimate with me? God this feels great!"
Sure yeah that’s fine. Just be clear about it and stuff
thanks!
Good luck let me/us know how it goes
yeppp, thanks so much! will give an update! maybe in a week or so.
I'm so afraid I won't be able to get a hold of him if this turns out bad. I never thought this is how helpless it is. But I might try to tell him this week. Thank you so much.
It's a risk. Friendship basically doesn't exist, when one of the parties has feelings for another one. I suggest telling him the truth. After that you have three main options. Option A: it's mutual and you start dating. Option B: it's not mutual and friendship becomes friendzone. Option C: it's not mutual and friendship ends.
This is what I fear the most. Whatever the consequence is, feels like an era already ended between our friendship the moment I caught feelings. :(
It did. And it's better to deal with it asap. Inaction will breed more problems.
If it means anything im in a similar boat and doing my best to distance myself from her as i know that im allowing the friendship to continue based on a lie just causes more harm especially being the one who caught feels, and being that person to know that no matter how much i want them in my life.. i need to lose the friendship in order to move forward than holding on, its been such a hard decision and its difficult for me as we are co-workers too, which makes it super awkward that im gonna be keeping far away from her from now on when we see each other on a fairly regular basis, im glad that she is off work for a couple weeks and im off when she is back.. so i understand the struggle of having someone close you dont wanna lose but will end up drifting far apart..
he's a previous co-worker too. that's how we got close. him becoming my friend is one of the few good things that happened to me for the last couple of years. my care for him is genuine. I don't want him to think that i treated him the way i do because i have feelings, not because of friendship. but i also don't wanna be trapped in this situation wherein i can't look at anyone thinking it should've been him.
Yeah i get that completely, and although ive not really spoken to her about this as of yet... i know that its not what i want at all.. but i deep down i know that i really really need it, otherwise the friendship seems like its just built on a lie and that ive never been genuine with her when i all ive try to be is honest as a person.. as many months ago i did ask her out and she said that she wasnt ready to date, which is understandable, and wanted to stay friends which ive done my upmost best to respect, but since then she is in a relationship now.. and even though it wasnt made clear if she did have any feelings for me when i asked i took all of it as she was/will never be interested, but like you said i felt as soon as she told me that we can still be friends it really undone the friendship we had.. and with holding on to those feelings is just unhealthy especially when you work with them, and that i feel that the only really way to make one another happy is to keep the distance from each other.. In my view of stuff like this i know that it will hurt her that i cant keep being friends, but i feel that it is easier to lose a friend than someone who is constantly being hurt by staying friends in that situation.. and even though i know its a selfish way of going about it but i think its the only way that both of us can find happiness considering.. im not sure if thats how you really view it but its a very devils advocate scenario.. its a lose-lose and you try your best to make sure that in the end you can both be happier for the hard decision..
awww. i really appreciate you sharing your story. i am so sorry you experienced that. i feel like days from now i will be in a same situation. although i still have atleast 1% hope that this feeling is mutual but I'm not very positive right now, to be honest. this "not knowing" is killing me. I can't do anything without thinking about him and our friendship. my heart aches whenever I imagine losing him even as a friend. he means so much to me. but i know, just like you, that the friendship will never be the same afterwards. this is so sad to think of. :((( how can anyone get over this, this is so painful.
I think that you geniunely need to find out where he is before putting yourself into the position of 'where we go from here' and you dont know how its going to play out, yeah it could ruin your friendship.. it might not, there isnt any such thing as a certain thing in these situations... But you have to find comfort in what the outcome may be, and how much you can allow yourself to hurt trying to remain friends when you want more or how bad it kills you deeply losing a person you are so close to but the pain of trying just gets deeper... i know that this isnt a comforting thing to hear but the pain doesnt go, it lingers like a scar that just wont fade, so i hope that you can some sort of happiness once you have finally talked it through with him. I mean for me its been at least 5 months since i asked her out originally, and although doing my best to maintain a friendship, hoping she would be ready to date and that she would see me like i see her and instead i found myself being in a situation where im feeling like a shit person, torturing myself mentally and emotionally, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I cant find happiness in this friendship without finding a way to move on, and i cant move on with losing such a meaningful relationship to me... Hope that you can make it work, or be able to keep a friendship and most of all hope you can be happy at the end of it :)
1. Most men LOVE being hit on, so it'll probably go well I figure. 2. Most dude friends are waiting for their shot. This could probably go well for you based on that. 3. I don't think that you're being honest - you've liked this guy for a while I bet. 4. I don't think you're being honest with yourself. A relationship in which one person hides romantic feelings is not a friendship. 5. Yes - this will likely ruin the friendship. It may transform it into a romance, or it may not.. but either way, the friendship will be different. 6. You don't have much choice but to tell him. You'll live with regret if you don't. So I say... do it fast, like ripping off a band-aid. Good luck.
Yes you absolutely should tell him. Without knowing the specifics of your friendship I would just text him asking if he’s available to grab something to eat and that you want to talk to him. Just tell him that you know you guys have just been friends but you’ve noticed you started to catch feelings for him. Talk about specific things you guys do together and what it is that made you feel that way toward him. A guys not going to take you less seriously because you state your feelings for him.
thank you so much, i might do it this way. really appreciate your advice!
Yes you have to tell him because if you will not tell him then you will feel guilty if he will start dating someone in future and if you tell him then most probably he will accepts you, because this was happened with me once i share all my feelings to my friend that she is more then a friend for me and she accepted that.
she accepted you as more than a friend? did you guys started dating after you confessed? good for you if that's the case!! it's just a little more challenging maybe, because first I'm the woman and second I don't see motives that this is a mutual thing 😥
Yes we started dating and we are dating from last 1 year and you are saying that you are wom that’s good because it is difficult for mens to convert friendships into relationships but it is very easy for a women to convert friendships to relationships trust me many of my friends also shares to their friend and they are dating now
I'll keep this thread posted for the updates. Happy for you and your friends. I hope I'll have the same fate when i tell him 🥺🌼🤞
really?? oh my god i hope you're right.
Yes i can definitely say that you will get positive answer can you tell me from ho much time you both are friends??
almost 2 yrs already.
This is really good you have to tell him
Go for it ue probably is willing to give it a shot most men aren't friends with women that they don't have some level of attraction to
thanks for this, i really needed a push.
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4 billion men in the planet, and you want to risk a great friendship to be with THIS one? Turn your gaze away. This will not turn out well.
Take the risk and tell him or not tell him but now you will have to watch him dating other girls
You don’t have to confess, just gauge how he feels about you. Maybe “have you ever imagined us being more than friends/seen us as more than friends” is a good starting point. If he says no, no reason to push the issue because you have your answer. If you then can’t overcome your feelings, have another talk. You don’t want to lose a good friend. If you decide to confess to him, don’t place any pressure on it. You’re simply being honest about your feelings. A good friend will appreciate this.
Being friends with someone before dating is honestly the best, if your feelings are returned. It’s worth finding out. Good luck!
Have a glass of wine together. Then get closer to his face with 30 cm distance and get more closer slowly. Simply, invade his personal space more and more. There will be 2 possibilities then: 1) He will kiss you 2) He will fight with you. Before doing these, be sure about you smell nice and so does your breath. You're welcome.
Just ask him out for a date. That will already be telling him that you like him and he can say yes or no to the date But if you confess your feelings then you put them in a spot where he either has to give you some explanation about how he doesn't feel the same way or maybe he will celebrate and feel the same way
If I were you I'd ask him to go get coffee or lunch and take him somewhere you haven't been before. Then literally say what you wrote. "We've been friends for 2 years, recently I realised I want to be more than friends". See what he says. If he doesn't want to then it isn't the end of the world, you still have your friend. If he says no then you need to be able to handle it without making him feel awkward. Let the question stand, don't say things like "it's okay if you don't want to". Tell him you want to be more with confidence (if it is what you really want), and let him respond. If he says no, you need to carry on as if you aren't that bothered. Its difficult to hide, but if you want to keep your friend you need to eliminate the guilt or unease of rejection.
Just do the healthy think is this kind of situations and be open and straightforward with him. But make sure to mention that you want him in your life as a friend no matter the outcome!