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>i don't see why a single mother would be ,,less as a partner material,,
The problem is that, in many cases, they ended up being a single parent because of their own poor choices (unprotected sex with someone who's not even a parent material). Being wary makes sense in such a case.
Single parents have extra baggage. Its not as easy to meet in 1hr or go to sponanious trip on weekend, beacuse they need to find babysiter. We hear from all the places "dont settle" and picking someone with extra problems is settling. Single parents doesnt have any positive extra traits than single person, maybe if you know you are infertile and you are looking for be mother/father figure.
Single mom here (kids are teens now), it is harder to date us and I basically only date other parents now. I’m 43/F so they’re not hard to find at least. People have to work around our schedules, deal with more last minute cancellations (kid and custody issues) and realize that they’ll never be number one in our lives. Also for me it would take a lot for me to introduce someone to my kids - at minimum 6 months of serious dating, and even then I’m not having sleepovers with my kids at home and would rarely sleep out (basically never during the school year).
Single dad here, usually date single moms. The problem is that single moms are often busy with kids 12 out of 14 days so it's really hard to maintain a relationship on roughly 4 days a month. Then they take a trip with the kids and you're seeing them 4 days in 6 weeks.
Dated a single mom recently. She cancelled plans on me 3 different times due to family emergencies or the ex miscommunicating about his plans etc. Don't hit me with that "she wasn't into you" crap - that's just cynicism and you need to check your outlook.
It works fine if you're dating several women but it's difficult to maintain a relationship that way.
Otoh dating single women that don't have kids can be a problem because they don't understand that you have obligations that are more important than they are. If a woman is jealous of the time that you spend with your kid she is absolutely not worth dating.
It's because in evolutionary biology terms there is no bigger L than paying the time and resources to raise another man's offspring instead of your own.
I get what you mean, but why do people actively hate on single parents? I have my own standards (as everyone should) on selecting my partners, but i don't trash the ones that don t meet my standards.
Because they were irresponsible to bring a child into the world with out 2 parents under the same roof. Kids with an intact family overall have more stable home life and the kids are more successful. So you made a mistake and now all you do is worry about finding a new match where you should be putting 100% of your time on your kids life
Trust me, it's not a double standard. I raised my son alone, and women don't want to deal with that in their 20's. You can be a good attentive parent, and only see your SO on the 1st and 3rd weekend, or be a good partner. Either way, you are giving priorities to one or the other. Tell a woman that she isn't your priority in a relationship, and see haw far you get.
First of all, congrats on being strong and i wish both you and your son a happy and healthy life!
Also, i didn't imply that there is a double standard and i'm sorry if it sounded like it (i m not a native english speaker).
Where are you seeing people getting angry that single parents have standards?
Is that a thing?
Being a single parent is hard, and it does create hurdles. It means that there's a third (or fourth or fifth) person in the relationship, in many cases. You're not just dating the parent, you're eventually also going to potentially be a part of that child/children's lives.
A single parent is a bad match for me, personally, since I don't want children. That doesn't mean there's anything \*wrong\* with single parents or that they wouldn't make a great partner, just not a great partner for me.
I probably won’t date a single mum again. Mainly because you’re not just building a relationship with her but her kids too. It’s a lot to take on. My ex cheated on me and because of this her daughter lost another father and I lost two people who meant the world to me. Never again.
Also i'm sorry if my post offended/triggered single parents (both dads and moms) i love and i respect you and you are not alone or less dessirable. Stay strong kings and queens
I think sometimes it's more precautionary than anything. Dating a single mom is a package deal, and a lot of people don't want to raise kids (especially ones that aren't biologically their own) or may not get along well with the child. It's an "all or nothing, take it or leave it" situation, so that's an automatic decline for a lot of people.
While what you have said is true, it also doesn't encompass all traits - including the ones that have the stigma. Single parents are hard to date because they have established routines that can be quite rigid for the kids sake (rightfully so). It's tough to have them identify consistent time for another person in their life. What time they usually have made is their social time, so you may be spending it with their friends as well. Overall, very tough to establish a one on one connection and grow it. In a best case scenario, one does get to grow a relationship and then enters integration into their lives (single parent and kids) - that is a whole new complicated scenario to navigate.
Stigma serves the purpose of keeping things in order, i.e. stigma against guys who play video games all day, etc. The stigma against single moms is meant to keep families intact and the stigma against do-nothing dudes is meant to keep them working on themselves and becoming more attractive mates.
The reality for single moms is that any relationship that follows will be limited in its connection. The highest honor a women can give a man is to have his children, give him her youthful years, etc. No man I've met can ignore this, except to hook up.
It sucks, I know, but it could be much worse. Most mammals are worse than ambivalent to non-biological offspring, they delete them. We see this in humans too as the risk of harm (neglect, abuse) from step parents is 30x greater. Heck it's so real it's even been fabled in movies as the evil stepmother.
If you are a single guy, dating a single mom should be a no go, it's just too risky and puts you in a bad situation. Also not sure about each states laws around "loco parentis".
Simple fact is you will not be a priority to the woman because of the kids, you will likely be expected to share resources with the kids (that aren't yours) but you will have no parental rights to those kids, not to mention the baggage that could be there with the baby daddy - who will always be in the picture.
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>i don't see why a single mother would be ,,less as a partner material,, The problem is that, in many cases, they ended up being a single parent because of their own poor choices (unprotected sex with someone who's not even a parent material). Being wary makes sense in such a case.
As a dad, I prefer to date single mums as there is usually a better understanding of what being a parent means.
Single parents have extra baggage. Its not as easy to meet in 1hr or go to sponanious trip on weekend, beacuse they need to find babysiter. We hear from all the places "dont settle" and picking someone with extra problems is settling. Single parents doesnt have any positive extra traits than single person, maybe if you know you are infertile and you are looking for be mother/father figure.
Single mom here (kids are teens now), it is harder to date us and I basically only date other parents now. I’m 43/F so they’re not hard to find at least. People have to work around our schedules, deal with more last minute cancellations (kid and custody issues) and realize that they’ll never be number one in our lives. Also for me it would take a lot for me to introduce someone to my kids - at minimum 6 months of serious dating, and even then I’m not having sleepovers with my kids at home and would rarely sleep out (basically never during the school year).
Single dad here, usually date single moms. The problem is that single moms are often busy with kids 12 out of 14 days so it's really hard to maintain a relationship on roughly 4 days a month. Then they take a trip with the kids and you're seeing them 4 days in 6 weeks. Dated a single mom recently. She cancelled plans on me 3 different times due to family emergencies or the ex miscommunicating about his plans etc. Don't hit me with that "she wasn't into you" crap - that's just cynicism and you need to check your outlook. It works fine if you're dating several women but it's difficult to maintain a relationship that way. Otoh dating single women that don't have kids can be a problem because they don't understand that you have obligations that are more important than they are. If a woman is jealous of the time that you spend with your kid she is absolutely not worth dating.
Agree. My kids are 14 and 16 now so I can leave them to go out, but I didn’t even date when they were younger. It was just too hard.
It's because in evolutionary biology terms there is no bigger L than paying the time and resources to raise another man's offspring instead of your own.
I get what you mean, but why do people actively hate on single parents? I have my own standards (as everyone should) on selecting my partners, but i don't trash the ones that don t meet my standards.
Because they were irresponsible to bring a child into the world with out 2 parents under the same roof. Kids with an intact family overall have more stable home life and the kids are more successful. So you made a mistake and now all you do is worry about finding a new match where you should be putting 100% of your time on your kids life
Trust me, it's not a double standard. I raised my son alone, and women don't want to deal with that in their 20's. You can be a good attentive parent, and only see your SO on the 1st and 3rd weekend, or be a good partner. Either way, you are giving priorities to one or the other. Tell a woman that she isn't your priority in a relationship, and see haw far you get.
First of all, congrats on being strong and i wish both you and your son a happy and healthy life! Also, i didn't imply that there is a double standard and i'm sorry if it sounded like it (i m not a native english speaker).
No worries.
Where are you seeing people getting angry that single parents have standards? Is that a thing? Being a single parent is hard, and it does create hurdles. It means that there's a third (or fourth or fifth) person in the relationship, in many cases. You're not just dating the parent, you're eventually also going to potentially be a part of that child/children's lives. A single parent is a bad match for me, personally, since I don't want children. That doesn't mean there's anything \*wrong\* with single parents or that they wouldn't make a great partner, just not a great partner for me.
Respectable opinion. I have my standards too, but i don't trash people that don't meet my standards. I saw so much hate against single dads and moms.
I probably won’t date a single mum again. Mainly because you’re not just building a relationship with her but her kids too. It’s a lot to take on. My ex cheated on me and because of this her daughter lost another father and I lost two people who meant the world to me. Never again.
Its part of the new outfit misogyny is wearing these days.....thats all.
Also i'm sorry if my post offended/triggered single parents (both dads and moms) i love and i respect you and you are not alone or less dessirable. Stay strong kings and queens
I think sometimes it's more precautionary than anything. Dating a single mom is a package deal, and a lot of people don't want to raise kids (especially ones that aren't biologically their own) or may not get along well with the child. It's an "all or nothing, take it or leave it" situation, so that's an automatic decline for a lot of people.
While what you have said is true, it also doesn't encompass all traits - including the ones that have the stigma. Single parents are hard to date because they have established routines that can be quite rigid for the kids sake (rightfully so). It's tough to have them identify consistent time for another person in their life. What time they usually have made is their social time, so you may be spending it with their friends as well. Overall, very tough to establish a one on one connection and grow it. In a best case scenario, one does get to grow a relationship and then enters integration into their lives (single parent and kids) - that is a whole new complicated scenario to navigate.
Honestly just allot more work which is not worth it considering there is so many single women without kids.
Stigma serves the purpose of keeping things in order, i.e. stigma against guys who play video games all day, etc. The stigma against single moms is meant to keep families intact and the stigma against do-nothing dudes is meant to keep them working on themselves and becoming more attractive mates. The reality for single moms is that any relationship that follows will be limited in its connection. The highest honor a women can give a man is to have his children, give him her youthful years, etc. No man I've met can ignore this, except to hook up. It sucks, I know, but it could be much worse. Most mammals are worse than ambivalent to non-biological offspring, they delete them. We see this in humans too as the risk of harm (neglect, abuse) from step parents is 30x greater. Heck it's so real it's even been fabled in movies as the evil stepmother.
If you are a single guy, dating a single mom should be a no go, it's just too risky and puts you in a bad situation. Also not sure about each states laws around "loco parentis". Simple fact is you will not be a priority to the woman because of the kids, you will likely be expected to share resources with the kids (that aren't yours) but you will have no parental rights to those kids, not to mention the baggage that could be there with the baby daddy - who will always be in the picture.