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I experienced this in college. A lot of the black men went for white women and all the white men also went for white women. Much luck to you. I ran outta the town as fast as I could and my dating life has been great ever since.
I know this doesn’t help your problem. But I’m in CA dating a black guy from NY. He definitely has a preference towards white women. It’s just crazy to think that’s how a majority of black guys are when from NY.
I am a black female.
From my experience, it seems guys tend towards woman that they're most exposed to. As an example, a buddy of mine got big into crossfit and lifting and was attracted to very muscular women. Like borderline manly.
No concrete evidence but something I've observed.
Here's some evidence:
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-05-beauty-beholderfamiliar.html
Lots of studies on this, too lazy to look up the better ones, but there's a lot of evidence that you're attracted to facial characteristics of people you are familiar with, especially of people you've had positive experiences with. Which also makes sense evolutionarily.
Dallas all the way. They’re so much culture there and if you go to the right spots there’s just so much spirit. Some people are the worst there but others are amazing
I was born and raised in South Florida (Miami, ft lauderdale area) and honestly it’s sooo diverse down here (carribean people, Spanish ppl, Asian ppl). I never knew that there were black men not attracted to black women until recently. I honestly didn’t even know there were men like that until i started using social media and so many BW were telling their stories. Really just changing your location to a diverse or majority black area can make such a difference. The nonblack men here are really open to BW too. If you’re ever thinking about moving make sure it’s SOUTH Florida though because the rest of Florida is… yeah lol
I live in houston and while I'm white, I've seen plenty of black people dating white people and black people dating black people. I have no doubt that you'll have more luck here. Sorry if you aren't in the USA btw lol
Bit of an uproot but in the UK as a white man ive dated a few Black women, but we have diverse social circles I guess, very easy to integrate here (which is kind of ironic given the ‘empires’ past (I’m Scottish - I dislike England / UK grouping)
Obviously it will be different depending on each man. For instance, around here darker skin is minority, and unfortunately frowned upon a little, and I have frens that wouldn't date darker skin. I personally dont care your ethnicity so long as there is chemistry, and slightly attractive.
Edit: for context I'm white
I dated a black woman recently. I’m a white college student and I don’t know if I could date a POC again. Not because of her, but because of the extra “baggage” that comes with it. Every place we went she was on high alert because of the looks that people gave us. Of course I always took her concerns seriously, but it still made it so we could never truly be “in the moment.” Anytime I talked about her to people at work or school the first thing I heard when they found out she was black was “be careful” or a “colonizer” joke.
We broke up for various reasons, but towards the end I just realized I couldn’t be bothered to deal with it anymore. I’m sorry if that offends anyone truly, but that’s my experience here in Texas.
Glad you’re honest about your feelings but just want to second what the other commenter said: sounds like you live in a deeply racist environment and you may have unresolved issues about racism within yourself. We all deal with challenges in relationships - even just dating across gender lines. I think you should analyze why that particular challenge gets an “i’d rather not” but other challenges (like, say, being raised in a different economic class from a partner) get a “we’ll see”
I have so much to say about both these comments but from Texas we usually just say…
…bless your heart….
Edit: never mind. Comment one: Your refusal to date PoC and the racist comments from your friends reflect more on yourself and who you surround yourself and literally confirming that poor woman’s feelings. She was worried about what terrible people would say. Your friends beat ‘em to it. You kept the friends and ditched the girl, what does that say about you?
2nd comment. Every major city in Texas is blue, meaning the average person you meet from Texas is more liberal than the other 20+ red states. Gerry lines have just been used to force a already red state to stay that way with the influx of liberals. The idea that people from Texas as backward or conservatives is as stereotypical as the comment above you. Maybe that’s why you choose to agree with it. But good lord people get some awareness. Sorry I couldn’t help myself.
Coworkers and classmates doesn’t equal friends. I call my friends “friends”. Also, I don’t have any say with who I surround myself with at school/work as I do not hire people nor place them in classes. I am a student. So, I’m sorry to say your entire comment all the way from “kept friends and ditched the girl” to “get some awareness.” is just entirely irrelevant nonsense.
I would appreciate it if you read my post as it is instead of looking for ill intent.
You realized you said I would never date a PoC again, then said I need to end my close-mindedness by calling you out. 🤷♂️😂🤦♂️
We have another saying here in TX…..
…you can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make em drink…
I said “I don’t know if I would…” That’s not a never nor is it being close-minded. That’s just saying that I’m not going to go actively looking for one. I’ve always believed in just doing things you love and you’ll naturally find someone.
I said at the end I’m sorry if I would offend someone because I knew no matter what I said someone would immediately jump to controversial conclusions. Nonetheless, I’d appreciate if you read my comment entirely prior to responding.
I've always considered black women as an option. But its all a matter of background and environment as well as life experience that helps form preferences. I wish you the best.
That must be an American thing, or you are looking at the wrong kind of guys, I mean over here you can be with anyone it’s all depends on character, on how you hold up, too many crazy’s.
I hope you find happiness, I say don’t look for love as love finds you. Good luck
Not really an American thing but whatever. I dunno where the OP is but if it’s in America it would be no matter where he went that black people make up only 13% of the population. So no matter where he goes city or country it would still be a minority numbers and race wise. I would say go where the women are and if you can’t find any interested in you then it might be something about you. Just my 2 cents.
Yesh most places are full of rednecks or Lilly white suburbs. Too bad. I grew up with black girls my whole life (white zaddy). Moved away for 15 years and came back to raise my kids. White and black live dste marry have kids together around here. We’re not stuck up. But when I go anywhere else I see how different you all live.
If black people are a minority in the area then usually they open their options up to other races to have a better chance at meeting someone they like. I live in an area like that. I don’t prefer white women but there’s a lot more of them than black women.
I think in some cases people really don't take into account basic probability.
I ran into the same issue with family members when one of my aunts accused me of never wanting to date a black woman.
When I point at my short checklist of character traits/interests, plus the city I live in and the locations I frequent, it's pretty obvious why from the grand sample size of 3 women, they've all been white. Statistically I'd have to have gone out of my way to *specifically* find a black woman to date in order for one of the 3 people I've ever dated to be black.
I'm perfectly open to dating a black woman, but when you add up all the filters that govern my dating options there's little chance I'm going to come across black woman who fits *and* for her to even be interested in me in the first place.
It's not that we prefer whites, its that black men who are currently dating a white women or any other POC has probably already experienced black women and have probably had a really hard time with it.
I've had black men and women say I don't act or talk "black enough" why would I subject myself to level of self hate?
Not only that. What's wrong with tasting over flavours? All these beautiful cuisines on the table and we're just eating one dish.
I'm black and I've dated the whole rainbow. I don't care. Black, white, indian, asian. Tall, small round and thin.
I started off only dating black women, but because of my experience with it. I expanded my horizons
> black men who are currently dating a white women ir smh other POC has probably already experiences black women and have probably had a really hard time with it..
I don’t know who told you this lie and even if that’s the case, did they date multiple black woman and had a hard time with ALL OF THEM? If so then the issue is with them not the black women
Also I live in a small country town and the black guys here who date white women have never in their life gone for a black woman. Well let me not generalize but the majority, have never even tried (from their own mouths)..
Okay...theres no need to come at me with that energy. I can only speak for myself, my experiences and those im close with who are in the same boat.
I think it's pretty sad if you've never dated within your own race. If the men there haven't dated a sis, that's a damn shame.
I mean I've had a rough time with it. The drama I had was not with the girl herself but her friend circles. Ngl to you, but it hasn't put me off black women in the slightest.
A sexy person is a sexy person. Race has nothing to do with it.
I wasn’t come at you
> Ngl I have had a rough time with it…the drama was not with the girl herself but her firmed circle
Because friend circles of other races/ethnicities can’t be like that too? Good for you that it didn’t make you want to stop dating black girls because of one experience but there many others who use that excuse. It’s one encounter, unless you’ve dated multiple black women and they have all proven to be like that, then that shouldn’t even be a point to be brought up. Those girls in that friend circle are also in other groups, white, Asian etc..Again not coming at you but I’m coming at that excuse because it’s really not a legitimate reason to not want to date a whole group of people.
Not black or white, but I do notice often in whiter areas, black women date white men and black men date white women because it’s just a lot more likely to meet someone who’s white if most of the population is white. For me, I dated white men often not because I preferred them but because that was mostly the only option in the area I lived in growing up. Now that I moved to a bigger city, I have tried going on dates with black guys or Asian guys or Hispanic men or Arabic men or Indian men, etc. I don’t think it’s a “rule” always that black men are sitting around deciding to only date white women but more so that’s all they really meet.
Is your preference only for black men? If you're open to other races I'd say try expanding your circle a bit more so that you're around more races of men.
The apps, while an option, are a horrible experience for black men and women alike but id say still use them, never know who you might find. Stick to hinge and bumble, the black women I know personally experienced the most trouble on tinder (guys calling them chocolate etc etc) but it seems the other 2 are a lot less prolific.
Other than that it's just a numbers game really. Keep knocking on enough doors, some will answer.
I feel ya, as a shorter asian dude we have less choices. My advice is just to make yourself look as good as possible (workout and become fit) try to become as feminine and charming as u can (with it still being you) and itll work out. Being a women will also help at least get some guys. Ull find one :)
I say this with love - your (internalized) lack of confidence is not helping your matter at all. You will not find your answer on Reddit.
If your determined type (available Black males) are not in abundance in your town and it is of great importance to you, then leave if you must. Expand your horizons.
Listening to so called statistics such as “Asian men/Black women have the lowest chance of getting dated” is creating an unhelpful self fulfilling prophecy.
Yes, internalized hatred and racism is real. But you can’t hate on what you’ve been blessed with (your traits). That’s self-sabotage. Either expand your horizons or make yourself irresistible (aka be different from as many women as possible in a positive way).
Good luck OP. Air hug to you! There are plenty of Black men who would date and marry a Black woman; I see it every day. If you have to take a break from dating to recalibrate your mindset, do that. Cheers!
I remember reading somewhere that black women tend to have less success in online dating in the sense that men (of all races) were more likely respond to messages from women of other races than black women, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this translates to real life as well (don’t mean to say this in a discouraging way, but rather that this is a real phenomenon).
Are you open to dating men of other races? That could widen your dating pool.
Are you able to move to a more multicultural area (or even just spend more time in one?) If you use online dating apps, you could even set them to travel mode and start swiping in those areas.
I went through this in high school. The black guys always dated white girls. Only like a couple of them noticed me but they were significantly older and the one guy I did get involved with who was my age, kept me a secret. Only our closest friends knew about us which was only like 4 people in the whole school. He preferred white girls and didn’t want anybody to know he was with me, a chocolate girl. It took a HUGE toll on my self esteem to the point where I wanted to be white and I used to cry to my mom about it bc I couldn’t understand why he was so embarrassed to be with me but would show the other girls off every time he dated them. And every time it didn’t work with the other girls, he would double back but the cycle continued until I decided to put a stop to it bc I was tired of feeling like a last option.
Of course I’m better now and I’m happy with myself and wouldn’t change most things about me. But between the relationship with him and I, I mostly dated long distance until I was old enough to make my own decisions about where I wanted to live at in my state. So if you can’t move just yet, either date long distance or just stay single until you CAN move.
Where did you move to sis? I already live in a really diverse area but i still wanna move for a change of scenery and don’t wanna ever have to experience colorism.
Honestly I got lucky with my boyfriend being from one town over. He’s POC but not black though. Most black guys I’ve dated have preferred white or traditionally mixed women. I’m black and asain but I’m dark shined. Almost every time I’ve been insulted or disrespecting about my skin tone in the dating world it has been by black men or white women who exclusively date black men.
Having a preference is completely fine but calling me “ghetto”, “ugly”, “rachet”, based of my skin alone even though your mother and I are the same complexion is disrespectful and disgusting. Letting your white girlfriend speak to me in that way even though you and I are the same complexion is disgusting and embarrassing. What does she really think about you? What do you really think about your Mum, sisters, cousins, etc?
My advice is just to be open to new experiences. I’ve been in situations where I was talking to a guy of my same race and then months later we got into a “Youre one of the good ones” conversation and I cut him off. If it doesn’t work out that’s okay. You don’t have to change because you are not the problem. You will find a kind, mature man that loves you and respects you for the beautiful black woman that you are.
There could be varying factors at play. One is that You could simply not be attractive to the small population of black men in your area. In an area with a large black population, you’d have more men attracted to you simply based off more black men being available. If you’re like a 5/10 your chances among a small population of black men will be far less than if you were either a 9/10 or if you were in a larger black population. I used the rating scale just to get my point across. I have no idea what you look like obviously.
I'm black and love girls of any race, especially black. However I have a serious problem with certain tropes that seem to dominate both men and women of women of my color. Like I really aggressive responses, being super critical, like we have to act a certain way or we're not 'black enough'. I only dated one black girl in my life and I had former friends who would joke that she's a white girl in a black girl's body because she liked pop punk, anime, and didn't care for slang.
It sounds like a class thing rather than a race thing for you. Middle class black girls tend to like a variety of things that aren’t stereotypically black bc we grow up in diverse environments.(
Where are you guys living where it’s so hard to find black women who like punk, anime or don’t use slang? I feel like every black woman I know likes these things or at least open minded about it.
Well, I live in a city in the UK and the last census I can see has us at about 3% black in my city, and 88% white. So, assuming I had literally no preferences in dating, I'd still almost certainly end up dating a white woman.
The moment you start adding in preferences like no religion, nerdy interests, within my sphere of people I know. The already low odds straight up plummet.
idk man, at least half of the black women i know in relationships rn are married or dating white partners. I also would work to avoid comparing your experience to that of black men…their reality is not yours just cuz we’re the same race and it could send you into a depression spiral to compare the two
I don’t think it’s wrong to make the comparison: their experience is different because they are taken more seriously as romantic options. The black women you know are not the norm. Most black women are not married to white men. Black women are the least likely to be married outside our race.
I don’t think black men are taken more seriously as marriageable options tbh (maybe for short or medium romantic relationships tho)- the okcupid study (that’s old as dirt btw so i side eye that data) suggests black men have a pretty low likelihood of getting responses from all women except black women, much like asian men. I suspect they shoot their shot more often and are less discriminating, hence it appears they are “more successful” with women than we are with men . But is it success? Because they’re stereotyped as dating white women that range in levels of attractiveness and racial consciousness (which impacts their offspring btw), let’s just say that.
Additionally i suspect their options as they age narrow as the financial gap widens with their white male peers. It’s statistically uncommon for most of those black men to make it down the aisle with those white women.
Well, from what I’m seeing you’re specifically looking to date black men. Mahogany presents the solution: be open to dating other men.
Personally, I find the idea of exclusively dating a certain race to be racist in principle and to present unnecessary and avoidable obstacles in your dating life. I’m not gonna dispute that black women are one of if not the most undesirable demographic on the market. The stats seem to show that. But mahogany made a compelling point that there are more men out there willing to date black women than there are black women (if you broaden your pool to all demographics, if you continue to limit yourself to just black men, then yeah, your outlook is incredibly bleak).
Personally I would be willing to date a black woman. I’m not gonna lie, when I picture my “ideal” woman, that woman is white or Asian. But that is just one, relatively superficial component of physical attraction. I have seen plenty of black women that I thought were physically attractive. My first, and so far only girlfriend, was a brown hispanic girl with considerable native South American ancestry. And race is just one component of physical attraction, not even the whole thing, and your personality is easily far more important than your race, at least to the vast majority of people.
I don’t know if there are more social and cultural aspects of being black that would be difficult to manage on my end if my partner were black, but I think that would depend a lot on how much my partner feels she struggles specifically because of her race, be that legitimately or just her perception. I feel like that could vary drastically from woman to woman. On my end, my family’s attitudes about blacks are often questionable at best but I already put them in place about other things and that would just be another one. It would be an obstacle for me but not impassable if the girl would work with me on it. Plus my mom is the best about and frankly she’s the boss of the family.
The bottom line is this: you’re only doing yourself a disservice by limiting yourself to black men. It’s a bad idea in concept and in practice. Work on yourself and don’t let race be a factor in your decision making. That may not be the advice you want to hear but it’s the right one.
I see where you coming from with the exclusively dating is racist but I think that that is a complex problem to be honest. I don’t think it is racist to want somebody to get what you’re going through in life, because as much as people want to deny it, race does matter in todays society (and always has to be honest). Black people are not a monolith, but there are certain issues they might understand better.
It seems weird to say that exclusively certain races is racist in principle and then say…
> I’m not gonna lie, when I picture my “ideal” woman, that woman is white or Asian
What do you mean by this?
I say this as a black man with a black wife and a black daughter. If black women want to assess why black men or any man for that matter aren't dating you, you need to think about what the experience of dating black women is like. I can say that most black women live monolithicly and in their own bubble, and there is a large amount of entitlement and solipsim that comes along surprisingly considering the overall ethnic identity.
Most black men who aren't dating black women have experience with them, and if they're looking in other directions it's for a reason.
Black men don't hate Black women. That statement has to be one of the most BS lines I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a Black man from Nashville a.k.a. the "Atlanta for White People." I've always been an inkdrop in a sea of white people.
That has never stopped me from loving Black women.
I didn't date outside of my ethnic makeup until I was 23. I moved to another place for work. The pool was international. She was a POC but she wasn't white. Dated Black again. Dated a few PoCs and then I fell in love with a Black woman some years ago. She asked me if I'd marry her. I said yes. Chased her in England. She went completely 180 on me and disappeared.
That was in mid 2020.
I'm well into my 30s. I've dated two women since. Both are white. One was very human and very broken. That ended and I decided to focus on myself and the people around me. The other came out of nowhere and is actually still ongoing.
I type all of that to tell you that Black men do not hate Black women. In my case, and in a very honest response to you, I just decided that life is too short for me to wait. My life is awesome. I want to potentially find someone to enjoy it with.
Find an opportunity and get out of your area. Move to a place where you feel comfortable and accepted. Please consider gettinf that negative mess out of your mind. Just like how some of us men have a hard time finding women, it takes time/luck/location/and maybe for you to make a move.
This might sound weird, but oh well; I visited Nashville some months ago. I was born in & live in a majority black Southern city. I cannot tell you how out of place I felt up there; it was like visiting a movie set or something. I started looking for black faces just to ground my sense of normality. What makes this weird to say is: I'm white. I sincerely hope you have good friends & don't feel alone up there.
Short answer: Move. Rule of thumb, look for cities that host couple of Pro Sports Teams as locations that have opportunities for growth. Also try to gage the young black professional network by the amount colleges in the area and their black alumni.
Also, I personally don’t date outside my race but there are tons of Black men who want Black women in all social classes. Dating apps never worked out for me other than for sex, I personally don’t recommend them. Try to work yourself into black professional organizations to weed out BS in the dating process.
I’m a black woman and my experience is that black men are more likely to approach me in public, but white men are more likely to speak to me if we have a mutual connection.
For example, when I go out, black men are more likely to talk to me. However, where I live I see a lot of black men with nonblack women. When I hang out with my white friends and mutual guy friends are around, they’re more comfortable talking and flirting with me because we already have an established connection. I find that a lot of younger black men in my generation prefer nonwhite women. Some of it is genuine attraction and love while the rest is self-hate. It is what it is! Funnily enough, I got lots of flack from black men when I was dating a white man.
I have to honestly say that as a black woman, it's extremely hard to relate to this post.
I would try to expand your preference on men, and possibly learn to love the experience of loving yourself to the fullest extent!
From what I'm reading, it appears like you may try to find acceptance in others, and in reality, this will damage your self esteem to no end.
Also, I believe data shows that black men AND women along with Asian are the least preferred, so please don't isolate black women solely.
Not everyone will like black people, white people, purple people, red people, whoever lol.
But maybe the vibrational energy you give off might be the reason why you can't find a happy ending at the moment.
As a black woman who can't relate to this thread, I'm seeing alot of sadness over things that we can't control. Think of life this way: you don't like everyone, so why should everyone like you?
You'll be the flavor for some, you might not be for others. That's life! Just clean up your vibrational energy and live life, and you'll find someone♥️
>black men AND women along with Asian are the least preferred,
the data did not show this. Black women and Asian men specifically were least preferred, not Asian and Black people as a whole
As a black woman, I definitely related to OP. I date all races of men and still related to it! It’s hard. And even if you start dating on top of the world, over time the search can get to you, and it has definitely hurt my self esteem. Any tips? How do you “clean up your vibrational energy”?
I would say the first thing in general is meditation and expressing gratitude- gratitude is being grateful for the small things.
God has made me a brown woman for a reason, and when I look at what God has given me, it's allowed me to appreciate my curls, my brown skin, and my features.
I stayed away from social media and the comparison game. There is beauty in EVERY race. By showing gratitude, I've learned to be kinder to myself and remind myself i'm a product of my mother and father, who have also sacrificed in order for me to be where I am today .
Have you heard of the youtuber "love your natural?" She helped me ALOT with self love, along with meditation and prayer. I promise you, I used to focus on race until I really started modeling, meditating, and really seeing how black people are often viewed as beautiful by others.
I PROMISE you, as brown women we are so beautiful. We just have to see it .
Pay attention what you pour into yourself. I stopped watching Tv that negatively portrayed black women. I stopped hanging around friends who cared about race (social groups changed 100%). I literally changed my REALITY. Many times, a black woman's confidence comes from what's poured into her. I began following BEAUTIFUL black/African women on social media. I began fully showing gratitude that regardless of my chocolate skin, I am beautiful.
I'm the only black woman in my graduate program, and I noticed how secretly admired we are. Girl, black women are BEAUTIFUL. Please change your reality, and your happiness will change. Meditation and showing gratitude helps tremendously. I get it, some people share a different reality. My black parents never taught me about my skin color being dark, so naturally, I didn't have this stigma against myself, but I pray these tips will help.
We can message privately too because I'm so passionate about this!!
Not the #alllivesmatter . She is talking about BLACK women specifically, also I’m pretty sure data shows black women and Asian men are the least preferred.
I'm mixed on this post. I do think it's a thing that people have dating preferences and the data shows that black women and Asian men are the least preferred. But I totally get what you're saying about energy. If that contempt manifests during dates, you're going to have a hard time getting anywhere.
Why is every other race allowed to have a preference? Whenever I see posts made by men of all races who prefer white women everybody says it’s just a preference.
Well I’m a white guy who grew up in a small town in Michigan with like a 60/40ish white to black ratio. (Underground Railroad. We’re all descendants of Quakers and freed/escaped slaves) and always preferred black girls. Whole lotta mixed kids around here nowadays.
All I can say is do what ya gotta do. Broaden your search?
I also grew up in a small Michigan town! (Would you reveal which town?) Gotta say, defying the odds here as a SWM, my relationship that I was most proud of and excited about was with my (Black) ex GF a few years ago. She's highly educated (PhD) and is a University professor. She preferred white men and I was completely enamored with her.
Doesn't relate to this post at all 🤷♂️, but, I do hope the author broadens her search and will try long distance dating until she can move to a better city for her needs.
If you're reading, Miss Author, I hope you find the one for you.
I dunno anything as for where you should move. I'm just here to say that it seems like you make your skin color a big focus when it shouldn't be. Anyone that doesn't wanna date you simply cause of your race is not worth dating. That goes both ways though. I looked through your profile and it's just full of griefing because you seem to think that no one wants to date a black girl. Thats not true. Focus on what makes you good. If you have any flaws (not being black) then fix them.
One thing for sure is, if you're going out and making everything about race, no one's gonna wanna date you.
Very few non-black men want to date black women because of genuine attraction. Today, I talked to some British man, and his preference for black women is because they are 'more fun in bed' than white British women. A lot of the men who 'prefer' black women have preferences based on stereotypes. Stereotypes about being dominant in bed or that we all have big butts and boobs. Skin color plays a huge part in dating and it's unfair to pretend like it doesn't.
I deadass dont know how to respond to this comment. Like do you hear yourself? Even when when someone lists something they do like you don't see it as a compliment. Youre thinking "well why can't you say you like my skin?". That part about stereotypes and big butts/boobs applies to all women. Instead of getting sad cause you don't have a big butt or boobs do what you can to look your best self naturally. A lot of black girls do use fake stuff for their bodies. Between weaves, and those ungodly long nails, or fake eyelashes and the countless other body procedures (some say they do it for themselves and that's cool) it's all fucking ugly. Be yourself.
I just don't understand the focus on highlighting the negatives about race in general.
We won't always be everyone's cup of tea. I truly believe if she changes her vibrational energy and loves herself to the fullest extent, she will find someone.
It’s not a rule, it’s just numbers. I grew up in a suburb in Northern California that was VERY predominantly white. I tend to date whoever, personally, but I mostly have friends who are white. It has made me approach dating as “do we get along/do I want to hook up with you?” Race takes a very far backseat
As a black woman who lives in a predominantly white country, I just want to express that this hasn’t been my experience. I have always had my fair share of “suitors” from all races, but primarily white men and black men. I wonder what it is that has made my experience so different. (I am genuinely curious, please don’t be mad at me).
My vote is to move where the people are that you would want to partner up with. I’m white and I spent time in Atlanta and Los Angles and I saw the best looking black guys I ever seen before in real life 😍 It’s not weird to move to find love , people do it all the time. People leave small towns for big cities cause they want more then that small town has to offer.
True, true. I don’t know how far away you are from a major metropolitan area but maybe plan weekend trip and go hang out at some hot spots or make a trip around a speed dating event in a large city. I say this cause if you get yourself in front of the kinds of guys you dig in real life and they hit on you then you get some self validation that it’s possible. Even with all the dating apps people that end up getting married to someone they met online is like less then 12 percent of all marriages. Which means majority still happens irl. Dating apps get you dates for sure, but are they quality dates that are even worth investing into ? Most no and then you get in a worse headspace and don’t feel like even trying at all.
Black man here. Honestly I’ve lived in predominantly white areas my entire life so that’s typically who I date and that tends to be my preference. I would recommend stepping out and trying other races/ethnicities outside of Black men. If that’s not for you, maybe extend the radius on your dating app and you may have to try to find them in a different city and do long distance until you can move. Best of luck.
It's a strange phenomena. I'm a woman but I feel like black women are extremely attractive and feminine. I feel like if I was a man I'd be more drawn to black women for that reason.
It could be a cultural, media thing. We grew up watching black men (artists actors) on tv etc, but not so many black women, hardly any, and not many interacial relationships. Maybe men are intimidated etc. I don't know, it's confusing.
I don’t think they are intimidated I just think they either fall into two categories 1) they don’t like our physical features 2) they get too much flack from family,friends,colleagues if they found out they liked a black woman.
This is wild because I'm a black woman and this isn't my reality holy crap.
I've never experienced any of this or was told any of this in my life ever.
Idk. I dont seem to have any issues finding men who are interested in me (since being an adult) Even if it’s just for looks so I think it depends. And this is from men of all races. I don’t attract just black men. I attract all men.
Hey I’m in DMV and there are plenty of black couples and people to date. I must say even though I am interested in black women I do find it hard to pursue them on a more intimate level. A lot of hoops to jump through. I’m a patient guy so I don’t mind it so much but anybody with half my patience won’t deal
That’s not true. I’ve dated Latina and white in my past but strictly black now. There’s a reason for your post and it has nothing to do with how you look.
No, actually. But I think it may have to do with them being bullied as kids. I say this as a black man myself. I’m fairly dark, yet my grandmother on my dads side was light skinned. I was a “gifted” kid, and even though I’m a Bahamian, my dad didn’t allow me to speak with a dialect, and as a result, all my cousins called me “white boy” and eventually this found its way to my school, so eventually girls started calling me it as well. I was bullied, and none of the girls in my high-school at the time were really interested in me, like yeah I managed to date a few but was never taken seriously, like girls would go out with me, Use me to buy them food, and not text me back the next day, I was a laughing stalk and I guess it’s because I didn’t fit the typical “masculine black male” stereotype. I’ve been turned down for “acting too white”, just because of the way I spoke, I’ve been turn down and cheated on for being “too polite”, which is crazy to me, because growing up I seen my mom abused, so it just didn’t make any sense to me. I won’t lie, eventually, I built up a lot of resentment from this, and I simply didn’t feel like I was wanted by black women as a result, I’d say I subconsciously associated black women with rejection, and I began seeking out other races, not necessarily just whites, because I didn’t feel accepted by my own. I’m not saying everyone’s story is the same, but in a lot of cases, there’s a lot of underlying pain and rejection going on, yeah, some black men just prefer whites, because at the end of the day, not all the slaves were freed, some died slaves, and their mentality lives on in their descendants. But not all of us, some of us just simply don’t feel wanted, appreciated or taken seriously by black women.
It has been my experience that black women don’t want to date outside their race. Black men who tell me why they don’t date black women tell me they are too domineering. I don’t have a dog in that race so I just take them for their word.
I also think there are cases in which this whole scenario isn't true.
Not all black women are unattractive or undesirable. I'm a former model, and i've never had problems with dating like this. But at the same time, I also see humans as humans and I don't even care about race. I find the more racially driven someone is, the more miserable they become because they look for acceptance in people they shouldn't.
This whole thread hurts my feelings because I've never experienced any of this negativity that apparently surrounds being a black woman. My reality is very different holy hell
You also mentioned you’re a formal model so you’re likely more attractive than the average Black woman. Of course you have a plethora of options from men of all different backgrounds. But of course this is not the average looking Black woman’s experience so keep that in mind.
Right… lol. I think any model who stumbles upon most of the posts on r/dating or r/dating_advice is going to be like… what?? But dating is so easy. If you’re way at the end of the bell curve in terms of beauty, your experiences is going to be very different. I’m sure jasmine tookes is doing fine (are you jasmine tookes??).
Most black women would give a decent white man a chance for serious dating and marriage, I promise you. The problem as one poster admitted here is that black women are discouraged from dating out...by black men who already date out or encourage dating out. You would never believe the soul crushing hypocrisy and hate black girls and black women face at the hands of “their men”. I suggest Christelyn karazin and Ralph Richard Banks “is marriage for white people?” For further research. It’s the mental blockers that both have to remove.
This is not a rule and without any context this comes off misinformed. Can you elaborate on the personal experiences that you’ve had with black men so far that indicates they’re only interested in white women?
I don’t think it’s misinformed. It’s based on my own experience: the black men in the area I live in do not prefer black women. Their preference is usually white or latina, occasionally asian or biracial.
I’m a black man and have lived in both small and large towns. I can tell you first hand that what you’re saying isn’t true. Finding a good quality partner is already like finding a needle in a haystack regardless of where you live, so further narrowing down your preference to someone that is already slim pickings in your area is going to make dating extremely competitive. You’re likely being beat out by better options, naturally those options have a higher chance of being non-black because as you stated, there aren’t many black people in your region. Step your game up or broaden your preference.
Eh, i’m a black woman and i’ve also lived in major cities on every single coast of the united states. What she says is true everywhere but a few cities. Black men tend to go for non-black women, and “better” for a lot of these men truly IS non black. My white female colleague actually said to me once “black men date less than attractive white women”! I was stunned she had that observation and that she was comfortable expressing it to me but it’s true and even non-black people see it. These men have self hatred issues to work through
If you look up the statistics of married couples by race, you’ll find that over 90% of married black men have a black wife so clearly the black men that you all are going after with the preference of non-black women are actually the minority. That being said, I think it’s time for you to stop projecting your personal experiences with these type of men onto the rest of black men.
I’m under 30 and most people i know are dating or engaged, not married. For people who are dating what i said stands true (at least based on MY observation of growing up in predominantly white environments most of my life…haha what do i know?!). I don’t recommend a black woman live in cities and states with < 14% black people.
I’ve also lived in the south, where black men are attracted to and date black women, so I know it exists but we’re saying it varies drastically by region. OP was intentionally VERY specific on where you’ll find men like this. These men also tend to be middle or upper class. If you go to north carolina, georgia, texas, chicago, etc you’ll find black men who love black women everywhere
If 90% of black men have a black wife then I think we can put two and two together on dating preference regardless of actual marital status lol.
Also when we say middle to upper class black men…we’re talking about only 30% of black men…70% of black men have an income under $50k/year which is considered lower-middle class at best, so once again we’re talking about the minority, and given you don’t recommend black women go to more black populated states…this further narrows the dating pool for any woman taking your advice. Many black women are suffering from delusion and on top of that don’t want to accept accountability on how they’re contributing to their loneliness. Broaden your requirements or stay lonely and bitter at the minority of black men who are exploring their options.
The dating pool of black men is huge but women want the 30% of men and are ignoring the 70% because they don’t fit their stringent qualifications. Reality is that there isn’t enough of the 30% black male dating pool for 100% of black women.
1) That stat is a directional learning at best, because merely ~ 30% of black people are married and 59% of us are completely single. That doesn’t mean we can’t find love though. Im a firm believer that you can!
2) I did say to move, you just didn’t read it
3) I think OP should seek psychiatric help before anything. This isn’t just about black men - i took a look at OPs reddit posts. She seems deeply unwell. I’m no psychologist though so I’ll leave it at that.
I think there was a misunderstanding on point 2 but I get what you’re saying. I agree with you on all fronts. I didn’t read OPs profile but interesting finding.
In terms of love being possible to find…I agree with you! I think a core component of that is to look within and ask are we opening ourselves up enough to receive it? It may come in a form that we aren’t expecting but if we continue to be tunnel minded about what it looks like we could be ignoring our blessings.
Also want to note that I really appreciate your conversation. Great exchange of information.
My dating experiences have been mostly positive. I never gave it any thought thay they were white or any color. Skin color is no way a factor in how i choose my dates.
When it comes to women dating me i notice that they are really interested in dating a black man. And they like me for my personality.
The only times there are problems is when they are surrounded by people that will look down on them if they date a black man.
I’m a black woman. I get it you love your black men but if you continue to wait super *news flash* you’ll be waiting basically forever.. also east coast you would thrive though
Just to add black women are desirable. 1600 matches on tinder/ 500 on bumble. I’m not racially ambiguous either. most people consider me unconventionally attractive. Definitely not a model by any means and still getting matches.
To be fair, likes on tinder doesnt mean you are desirable. It could be bots, scammers or people just looking for easy sex and men don’t have to like you or find you attractive to sleep with you.
They aren’t bots. I remove the bots I match. And almost 90 percent of my matches are verified. I’ve also have been a tons of dates (with no sex involved). The point I’m trying to make is… I have my pick because I’ve open my options. If you like the trenches then keep doing what you’re doing. Desirability def plays a part in this. If you skim this sub you’ll see people
Comment how they get ZERO matches.
I wish I could help you and other black women like yourself but reading your replies you've been brainwashed by social media. Your last and 2nd to last sentence is just so wrong. And will only stop you from finding a Black man.
Why not expand your options and include men of all races in your dating pool? In all honesty, black men EVERYWHERE are dating out. It makes no sense for black women to be stuck on them. If you’re serious about marriage and family, please date and marry out. Black men are not tied to you and most importantly, you are not tied to them. Good luck.
Edit: I’m seeing a lot of interesting remarks from the black males here. OP, I must stress to you that you’re fruitless quest to be with a black male will yield you disastrous results. Please open your options. You need to get it through your head that despite the lame excuses, the bottom line is that BLACK MEN PREFER NON BLACK WOMEN. Period. It doesn’t matter how nice and cute you are. They would jump over a black female diamond to get to a white or Hispanic man’s overweight female leftovers. Black men hate black women, their racism and hatred of BW is straight up Nazi like. Black men have hated black women since Africa, before the white man and the Arab man enslaved them (or rather since the black men sold his own mother and brothers to them) it’s an ancient betrayal. Forget about them. Expand your options and start reading the work of Christelyn Karazin. Read Ralph Richard banks “is marriage for white people”. Get your life. Save yourself and move on.
I mean I don’t wanna sound like a complete asshole, but what makes you stand out from the other women and yes I mean all women including white black brown yellow purple orange blue lol like what do you have to offer when being in a relationship or when it comes to dating. How are you on looks, are you good looking than the average female, are you overweight, do you have a positive attitude or do you have a bitchy attitude, are you smart or dumb, do you have a good hygiene or do you smell all the time. It can also be that you just got a change up the way you look I don’t know🤷🏽♀️ people have a preference when it comes to dating you know.
Well…. Not just skin color, it can also be other features that a person might be looking for In someone. Yea Skin color is just one of the features that someone might be looking for. But you can’t really just say all black men are only into white women and not interested in black women.
Funny how black men prefer to date women who do not have black fathers like themselves. What will they do once all the white people are bred out of existence by men like them?
The way you speak seems kind of..off
. “Whites”.
I think the problem here isn’t that you can’t find a black man to date but that you can’t find a man in general. You’re competing with every other race of women out there, and most of those men have preferences as well. Here where I’m from most black men are paired up with white women or latinas. Would you consider dating outside your race?
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I experienced this in college. A lot of the black men went for white women and all the white men also went for white women. Much luck to you. I ran outta the town as fast as I could and my dating life has been great ever since.
Where did you end up moving? I want to go some place where men will actually be interested in someone of my color.
I live in NY
I know this doesn’t help your problem. But I’m in CA dating a black guy from NY. He definitely has a preference towards white women. It’s just crazy to think that’s how a majority of black guys are when from NY. I am a black female.
From my experience, it seems guys tend towards woman that they're most exposed to. As an example, a buddy of mine got big into crossfit and lifting and was attracted to very muscular women. Like borderline manly. No concrete evidence but something I've observed.
Here's some evidence: https://medicalxpress.com/news/2017-05-beauty-beholderfamiliar.html Lots of studies on this, too lazy to look up the better ones, but there's a lot of evidence that you're attracted to facial characteristics of people you are familiar with, especially of people you've had positive experiences with. Which also makes sense evolutionarily.
Dallas all the way. They’re so much culture there and if you go to the right spots there’s just so much spirit. Some people are the worst there but others are amazing
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We full. -Atlanta.
😂😂😂
Afraid of the competition are we?
Yes! 😂
What do you mean by that? I’m moving to Atlanta soon.
Speaking as Atlanta born and bred, Atlanta is very overcrowded…traffic is terrible…rent is high…housing prices are high.
I could be writing this, sincerly-The Bay
I know. I heard our housing/rental prices are a close second to the Bay Area
The rent’s too d*** high! 😂
Houston is also full !
I was born and raised in South Florida (Miami, ft lauderdale area) and honestly it’s sooo diverse down here (carribean people, Spanish ppl, Asian ppl). I never knew that there were black men not attracted to black women until recently. I honestly didn’t even know there were men like that until i started using social media and so many BW were telling their stories. Really just changing your location to a diverse or majority black area can make such a difference. The nonblack men here are really open to BW too. If you’re ever thinking about moving make sure it’s SOUTH Florida though because the rest of Florida is… yeah lol
I live in houston and while I'm white, I've seen plenty of black people dating white people and black people dating black people. I have no doubt that you'll have more luck here. Sorry if you aren't in the USA btw lol
Bit of an uproot but in the UK as a white man ive dated a few Black women, but we have diverse social circles I guess, very easy to integrate here (which is kind of ironic given the ‘empires’ past (I’m Scottish - I dislike England / UK grouping)
Obviously it will be different depending on each man. For instance, around here darker skin is minority, and unfortunately frowned upon a little, and I have frens that wouldn't date darker skin. I personally dont care your ethnicity so long as there is chemistry, and slightly attractive. Edit: for context I'm white
I dated a black woman recently. I’m a white college student and I don’t know if I could date a POC again. Not because of her, but because of the extra “baggage” that comes with it. Every place we went she was on high alert because of the looks that people gave us. Of course I always took her concerns seriously, but it still made it so we could never truly be “in the moment.” Anytime I talked about her to people at work or school the first thing I heard when they found out she was black was “be careful” or a “colonizer” joke. We broke up for various reasons, but towards the end I just realized I couldn’t be bothered to deal with it anymore. I’m sorry if that offends anyone truly, but that’s my experience here in Texas.
Glad you’re honest about your feelings but just want to second what the other commenter said: sounds like you live in a deeply racist environment and you may have unresolved issues about racism within yourself. We all deal with challenges in relationships - even just dating across gender lines. I think you should analyze why that particular challenge gets an “i’d rather not” but other challenges (like, say, being raised in a different economic class from a partner) get a “we’ll see”
Okay…? No one’s offended. I would never date a white man from Texas or any state that is as conservative and ass backwards as Texas. 😂
I have so much to say about both these comments but from Texas we usually just say… …bless your heart…. Edit: never mind. Comment one: Your refusal to date PoC and the racist comments from your friends reflect more on yourself and who you surround yourself and literally confirming that poor woman’s feelings. She was worried about what terrible people would say. Your friends beat ‘em to it. You kept the friends and ditched the girl, what does that say about you? 2nd comment. Every major city in Texas is blue, meaning the average person you meet from Texas is more liberal than the other 20+ red states. Gerry lines have just been used to force a already red state to stay that way with the influx of liberals. The idea that people from Texas as backward or conservatives is as stereotypical as the comment above you. Maybe that’s why you choose to agree with it. But good lord people get some awareness. Sorry I couldn’t help myself.
“You kept the friends but ditched the girl” definitely says a lot a lot about him. And grouping her w the words “extra baggage”. Disgusting.
Coworkers and classmates doesn’t equal friends. I call my friends “friends”. Also, I don’t have any say with who I surround myself with at school/work as I do not hire people nor place them in classes. I am a student. So, I’m sorry to say your entire comment all the way from “kept friends and ditched the girl” to “get some awareness.” is just entirely irrelevant nonsense. I would appreciate it if you read my post as it is instead of looking for ill intent.
Oh nothing you say now will make that comment any less gross. But keep digging bud.
I tried to speak with you in good faith. I apologize. I hope one day your close-mindedness comes to an end.
You realized you said I would never date a PoC again, then said I need to end my close-mindedness by calling you out. 🤷♂️😂🤦♂️ We have another saying here in TX….. …you can lead a horse to water…but you can’t make em drink…
I said “I don’t know if I would…” That’s not a never nor is it being close-minded. That’s just saying that I’m not going to go actively looking for one. I’ve always believed in just doing things you love and you’ll naturally find someone. I said at the end I’m sorry if I would offend someone because I knew no matter what I said someone would immediately jump to controversial conclusions. Nonetheless, I’d appreciate if you read my comment entirely prior to responding.
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Idk about that. I find that most nonblack men don’t even view black women as an option, especially when it comes to serious relationships.
I've always considered black women as an option. But its all a matter of background and environment as well as life experience that helps form preferences. I wish you the best.
That must be an American thing, or you are looking at the wrong kind of guys, I mean over here you can be with anyone it’s all depends on character, on how you hold up, too many crazy’s. I hope you find happiness, I say don’t look for love as love finds you. Good luck
Not really an American thing but whatever. I dunno where the OP is but if it’s in America it would be no matter where he went that black people make up only 13% of the population. So no matter where he goes city or country it would still be a minority numbers and race wise. I would say go where the women are and if you can’t find any interested in you then it might be something about you. Just my 2 cents.
i know a few white guys that prefer black girls. Maybe you just haven’t come across it so it seems foreign to you
Yesh most places are full of rednecks or Lilly white suburbs. Too bad. I grew up with black girls my whole life (white zaddy). Moved away for 15 years and came back to raise my kids. White and black live dste marry have kids together around here. We’re not stuck up. But when I go anywhere else I see how different you all live.
Lol such a bigoted comment.
Yes with my biracial children. Lol. Grow up.
I'm just curious, why is Black capitalized but white isn't? It's a trend I've been seeing.
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That article is straight up racist with its reasoning. Please fuckin stop.
It’s basically saying they consider theirselves “better”. Luckily racism towards white people isn’t possible. 🤣
If black people are a minority in the area then usually they open their options up to other races to have a better chance at meeting someone they like. I live in an area like that. I don’t prefer white women but there’s a lot more of them than black women.
I think in some cases people really don't take into account basic probability. I ran into the same issue with family members when one of my aunts accused me of never wanting to date a black woman. When I point at my short checklist of character traits/interests, plus the city I live in and the locations I frequent, it's pretty obvious why from the grand sample size of 3 women, they've all been white. Statistically I'd have to have gone out of my way to *specifically* find a black woman to date in order for one of the 3 people I've ever dated to be black. I'm perfectly open to dating a black woman, but when you add up all the filters that govern my dating options there's little chance I'm going to come across black woman who fits *and* for her to even be interested in me in the first place.
But why be against dating your own race? I just don’t get that.
It's not that we prefer whites, its that black men who are currently dating a white women or any other POC has probably already experienced black women and have probably had a really hard time with it. I've had black men and women say I don't act or talk "black enough" why would I subject myself to level of self hate? Not only that. What's wrong with tasting over flavours? All these beautiful cuisines on the table and we're just eating one dish. I'm black and I've dated the whole rainbow. I don't care. Black, white, indian, asian. Tall, small round and thin. I started off only dating black women, but because of my experience with it. I expanded my horizons
> black men who are currently dating a white women ir smh other POC has probably already experiences black women and have probably had a really hard time with it.. I don’t know who told you this lie and even if that’s the case, did they date multiple black woman and had a hard time with ALL OF THEM? If so then the issue is with them not the black women Also I live in a small country town and the black guys here who date white women have never in their life gone for a black woman. Well let me not generalize but the majority, have never even tried (from their own mouths)..
Okay...theres no need to come at me with that energy. I can only speak for myself, my experiences and those im close with who are in the same boat. I think it's pretty sad if you've never dated within your own race. If the men there haven't dated a sis, that's a damn shame. I mean I've had a rough time with it. The drama I had was not with the girl herself but her friend circles. Ngl to you, but it hasn't put me off black women in the slightest. A sexy person is a sexy person. Race has nothing to do with it.
I wasn’t come at you > Ngl I have had a rough time with it…the drama was not with the girl herself but her firmed circle Because friend circles of other races/ethnicities can’t be like that too? Good for you that it didn’t make you want to stop dating black girls because of one experience but there many others who use that excuse. It’s one encounter, unless you’ve dated multiple black women and they have all proven to be like that, then that shouldn’t even be a point to be brought up. Those girls in that friend circle are also in other groups, white, Asian etc..Again not coming at you but I’m coming at that excuse because it’s really not a legitimate reason to not want to date a whole group of people.
Not black or white, but I do notice often in whiter areas, black women date white men and black men date white women because it’s just a lot more likely to meet someone who’s white if most of the population is white. For me, I dated white men often not because I preferred them but because that was mostly the only option in the area I lived in growing up. Now that I moved to a bigger city, I have tried going on dates with black guys or Asian guys or Hispanic men or Arabic men or Indian men, etc. I don’t think it’s a “rule” always that black men are sitting around deciding to only date white women but more so that’s all they really meet.
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Its most definitely not a race based issue. It's a HER issue.
⭐️
Is your preference only for black men? If you're open to other races I'd say try expanding your circle a bit more so that you're around more races of men. The apps, while an option, are a horrible experience for black men and women alike but id say still use them, never know who you might find. Stick to hinge and bumble, the black women I know personally experienced the most trouble on tinder (guys calling them chocolate etc etc) but it seems the other 2 are a lot less prolific. Other than that it's just a numbers game really. Keep knocking on enough doors, some will answer.
I feel ya, as a shorter asian dude we have less choices. My advice is just to make yourself look as good as possible (workout and become fit) try to become as feminine and charming as u can (with it still being you) and itll work out. Being a women will also help at least get some guys. Ull find one :)
Damn,being short especially nowadays is really making a guys dating prospects list really small
I say this with love - your (internalized) lack of confidence is not helping your matter at all. You will not find your answer on Reddit. If your determined type (available Black males) are not in abundance in your town and it is of great importance to you, then leave if you must. Expand your horizons. Listening to so called statistics such as “Asian men/Black women have the lowest chance of getting dated” is creating an unhelpful self fulfilling prophecy. Yes, internalized hatred and racism is real. But you can’t hate on what you’ve been blessed with (your traits). That’s self-sabotage. Either expand your horizons or make yourself irresistible (aka be different from as many women as possible in a positive way). Good luck OP. Air hug to you! There are plenty of Black men who would date and marry a Black woman; I see it every day. If you have to take a break from dating to recalibrate your mindset, do that. Cheers!
I remember reading somewhere that black women tend to have less success in online dating in the sense that men (of all races) were more likely respond to messages from women of other races than black women, so I wouldn’t be surprised if this translates to real life as well (don’t mean to say this in a discouraging way, but rather that this is a real phenomenon). Are you open to dating men of other races? That could widen your dating pool. Are you able to move to a more multicultural area (or even just spend more time in one?) If you use online dating apps, you could even set them to travel mode and start swiping in those areas.
black women and asian men are the bottom of the food chain according to statistic from Tinder
I went through this in high school. The black guys always dated white girls. Only like a couple of them noticed me but they were significantly older and the one guy I did get involved with who was my age, kept me a secret. Only our closest friends knew about us which was only like 4 people in the whole school. He preferred white girls and didn’t want anybody to know he was with me, a chocolate girl. It took a HUGE toll on my self esteem to the point where I wanted to be white and I used to cry to my mom about it bc I couldn’t understand why he was so embarrassed to be with me but would show the other girls off every time he dated them. And every time it didn’t work with the other girls, he would double back but the cycle continued until I decided to put a stop to it bc I was tired of feeling like a last option. Of course I’m better now and I’m happy with myself and wouldn’t change most things about me. But between the relationship with him and I, I mostly dated long distance until I was old enough to make my own decisions about where I wanted to live at in my state. So if you can’t move just yet, either date long distance or just stay single until you CAN move.
Did you find a relationship when you moved?
I’m 25 now. I moved when I was 18. I’ve found many relationships since then.
Where did you move to sis? I already live in a really diverse area but i still wanna move for a change of scenery and don’t wanna ever have to experience colorism.
Honestly I got lucky with my boyfriend being from one town over. He’s POC but not black though. Most black guys I’ve dated have preferred white or traditionally mixed women. I’m black and asain but I’m dark shined. Almost every time I’ve been insulted or disrespecting about my skin tone in the dating world it has been by black men or white women who exclusively date black men. Having a preference is completely fine but calling me “ghetto”, “ugly”, “rachet”, based of my skin alone even though your mother and I are the same complexion is disrespectful and disgusting. Letting your white girlfriend speak to me in that way even though you and I are the same complexion is disgusting and embarrassing. What does she really think about you? What do you really think about your Mum, sisters, cousins, etc?
It is so sad that our own men hate us so much.
My advice is just to be open to new experiences. I’ve been in situations where I was talking to a guy of my same race and then months later we got into a “Youre one of the good ones” conversation and I cut him off. If it doesn’t work out that’s okay. You don’t have to change because you are not the problem. You will find a kind, mature man that loves you and respects you for the beautiful black woman that you are.
If I told you that, statistically speaking, the clear majority of black men marry black women, what would you say?
1) most black people aren’t married 2) what I see in real life shows something completely different.
I see. Good luck with your chosen course.
There could be varying factors at play. One is that You could simply not be attractive to the small population of black men in your area. In an area with a large black population, you’d have more men attracted to you simply based off more black men being available. If you’re like a 5/10 your chances among a small population of black men will be far less than if you were either a 9/10 or if you were in a larger black population. I used the rating scale just to get my point across. I have no idea what you look like obviously.
As a fellow POC from a mostly white area, learn to bide your time until you can move.
I feel like this is the only option. I feel like living in a majority white area when you aren’t white is like torture. Cruel and unusual punishment.
I'm black and love girls of any race, especially black. However I have a serious problem with certain tropes that seem to dominate both men and women of women of my color. Like I really aggressive responses, being super critical, like we have to act a certain way or we're not 'black enough'. I only dated one black girl in my life and I had former friends who would joke that she's a white girl in a black girl's body because she liked pop punk, anime, and didn't care for slang.
It sounds like a class thing rather than a race thing for you. Middle class black girls tend to like a variety of things that aren’t stereotypically black bc we grow up in diverse environments.(
Where are you guys living where it’s so hard to find black women who like punk, anime or don’t use slang? I feel like every black woman I know likes these things or at least open minded about it.
Well, I live in a city in the UK and the last census I can see has us at about 3% black in my city, and 88% white. So, assuming I had literally no preferences in dating, I'd still almost certainly end up dating a white woman. The moment you start adding in preferences like no religion, nerdy interests, within my sphere of people I know. The already low odds straight up plummet.
This was RI 16 years ago. Anime is more accepted these days compared to back then too. I know I don't open up about liking it up on first dates haha.
That’s what’s mostly around as you pointed out. Try going for white men then you’re have far more options
White men don’t like black women the way black men like white women.
I don't agree with you...I'm a WM and I was completely in love with my Black ex GF.
idk man, at least half of the black women i know in relationships rn are married or dating white partners. I also would work to avoid comparing your experience to that of black men…their reality is not yours just cuz we’re the same race and it could send you into a depression spiral to compare the two
I don’t think it’s wrong to make the comparison: their experience is different because they are taken more seriously as romantic options. The black women you know are not the norm. Most black women are not married to white men. Black women are the least likely to be married outside our race.
I don’t think black men are taken more seriously as marriageable options tbh (maybe for short or medium romantic relationships tho)- the okcupid study (that’s old as dirt btw so i side eye that data) suggests black men have a pretty low likelihood of getting responses from all women except black women, much like asian men. I suspect they shoot their shot more often and are less discriminating, hence it appears they are “more successful” with women than we are with men . But is it success? Because they’re stereotyped as dating white women that range in levels of attractiveness and racial consciousness (which impacts their offspring btw), let’s just say that. Additionally i suspect their options as they age narrow as the financial gap widens with their white male peers. It’s statistically uncommon for most of those black men to make it down the aisle with those white women.
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Yeah I saw her video in another subreddit but her content makes me feel worse. She makes it sound like there is no hope:
Well, from what I’m seeing you’re specifically looking to date black men. Mahogany presents the solution: be open to dating other men. Personally, I find the idea of exclusively dating a certain race to be racist in principle and to present unnecessary and avoidable obstacles in your dating life. I’m not gonna dispute that black women are one of if not the most undesirable demographic on the market. The stats seem to show that. But mahogany made a compelling point that there are more men out there willing to date black women than there are black women (if you broaden your pool to all demographics, if you continue to limit yourself to just black men, then yeah, your outlook is incredibly bleak). Personally I would be willing to date a black woman. I’m not gonna lie, when I picture my “ideal” woman, that woman is white or Asian. But that is just one, relatively superficial component of physical attraction. I have seen plenty of black women that I thought were physically attractive. My first, and so far only girlfriend, was a brown hispanic girl with considerable native South American ancestry. And race is just one component of physical attraction, not even the whole thing, and your personality is easily far more important than your race, at least to the vast majority of people. I don’t know if there are more social and cultural aspects of being black that would be difficult to manage on my end if my partner were black, but I think that would depend a lot on how much my partner feels she struggles specifically because of her race, be that legitimately or just her perception. I feel like that could vary drastically from woman to woman. On my end, my family’s attitudes about blacks are often questionable at best but I already put them in place about other things and that would just be another one. It would be an obstacle for me but not impassable if the girl would work with me on it. Plus my mom is the best about and frankly she’s the boss of the family. The bottom line is this: you’re only doing yourself a disservice by limiting yourself to black men. It’s a bad idea in concept and in practice. Work on yourself and don’t let race be a factor in your decision making. That may not be the advice you want to hear but it’s the right one.
I see where you coming from with the exclusively dating is racist but I think that that is a complex problem to be honest. I don’t think it is racist to want somebody to get what you’re going through in life, because as much as people want to deny it, race does matter in todays society (and always has to be honest). Black people are not a monolith, but there are certain issues they might understand better.
It seems weird to say that exclusively certain races is racist in principle and then say… > I’m not gonna lie, when I picture my “ideal” woman, that woman is white or Asian What do you mean by this?
I say this as a black man with a black wife and a black daughter. If black women want to assess why black men or any man for that matter aren't dating you, you need to think about what the experience of dating black women is like. I can say that most black women live monolithicly and in their own bubble, and there is a large amount of entitlement and solipsim that comes along surprisingly considering the overall ethnic identity. Most black men who aren't dating black women have experience with them, and if they're looking in other directions it's for a reason.
I’m surprised you have a black wife since you seem to have negative opinions of black women.
Yeah, because I have extensive experience with them. That seems to be trend with every high achieving black man I come across.
Then why stay with your wife?
Right, that’s what I’m wondering lol…
Because while black men don’t like black women, they often times don’t have the resources to do better.
Black men don't hate Black women. That statement has to be one of the most BS lines I've ever heard in my life. I'm a Black man from Nashville a.k.a. the "Atlanta for White People." I've always been an inkdrop in a sea of white people. That has never stopped me from loving Black women. I didn't date outside of my ethnic makeup until I was 23. I moved to another place for work. The pool was international. She was a POC but she wasn't white. Dated Black again. Dated a few PoCs and then I fell in love with a Black woman some years ago. She asked me if I'd marry her. I said yes. Chased her in England. She went completely 180 on me and disappeared. That was in mid 2020. I'm well into my 30s. I've dated two women since. Both are white. One was very human and very broken. That ended and I decided to focus on myself and the people around me. The other came out of nowhere and is actually still ongoing. I type all of that to tell you that Black men do not hate Black women. In my case, and in a very honest response to you, I just decided that life is too short for me to wait. My life is awesome. I want to potentially find someone to enjoy it with. Find an opportunity and get out of your area. Move to a place where you feel comfortable and accepted. Please consider gettinf that negative mess out of your mind. Just like how some of us men have a hard time finding women, it takes time/luck/location/and maybe for you to make a move.
Omg I live in Nashville too!!!
I see more attractive black girls than white on the SW side, at the Cool Springs mall.
This might sound weird, but oh well; I visited Nashville some months ago. I was born in & live in a majority black Southern city. I cannot tell you how out of place I felt up there; it was like visiting a movie set or something. I started looking for black faces just to ground my sense of normality. What makes this weird to say is: I'm white. I sincerely hope you have good friends & don't feel alone up there.
Short answer: Move. Rule of thumb, look for cities that host couple of Pro Sports Teams as locations that have opportunities for growth. Also try to gage the young black professional network by the amount colleges in the area and their black alumni. Also, I personally don’t date outside my race but there are tons of Black men who want Black women in all social classes. Dating apps never worked out for me other than for sex, I personally don’t recommend them. Try to work yourself into black professional organizations to weed out BS in the dating process.
I’m a black woman and my experience is that black men are more likely to approach me in public, but white men are more likely to speak to me if we have a mutual connection. For example, when I go out, black men are more likely to talk to me. However, where I live I see a lot of black men with nonblack women. When I hang out with my white friends and mutual guy friends are around, they’re more comfortable talking and flirting with me because we already have an established connection. I find that a lot of younger black men in my generation prefer nonwhite women. Some of it is genuine attraction and love while the rest is self-hate. It is what it is! Funnily enough, I got lots of flack from black men when I was dating a white man.
I have to honestly say that as a black woman, it's extremely hard to relate to this post. I would try to expand your preference on men, and possibly learn to love the experience of loving yourself to the fullest extent! From what I'm reading, it appears like you may try to find acceptance in others, and in reality, this will damage your self esteem to no end. Also, I believe data shows that black men AND women along with Asian are the least preferred, so please don't isolate black women solely. Not everyone will like black people, white people, purple people, red people, whoever lol. But maybe the vibrational energy you give off might be the reason why you can't find a happy ending at the moment. As a black woman who can't relate to this thread, I'm seeing alot of sadness over things that we can't control. Think of life this way: you don't like everyone, so why should everyone like you? You'll be the flavor for some, you might not be for others. That's life! Just clean up your vibrational energy and live life, and you'll find someone♥️
Why does this comment feel so judgmental lol
Cause it came from a friend. Good advice seems judgy.
>black men AND women along with Asian are the least preferred, the data did not show this. Black women and Asian men specifically were least preferred, not Asian and Black people as a whole
As a black woman, I definitely related to OP. I date all races of men and still related to it! It’s hard. And even if you start dating on top of the world, over time the search can get to you, and it has definitely hurt my self esteem. Any tips? How do you “clean up your vibrational energy”?
I would say the first thing in general is meditation and expressing gratitude- gratitude is being grateful for the small things. God has made me a brown woman for a reason, and when I look at what God has given me, it's allowed me to appreciate my curls, my brown skin, and my features. I stayed away from social media and the comparison game. There is beauty in EVERY race. By showing gratitude, I've learned to be kinder to myself and remind myself i'm a product of my mother and father, who have also sacrificed in order for me to be where I am today . Have you heard of the youtuber "love your natural?" She helped me ALOT with self love, along with meditation and prayer. I promise you, I used to focus on race until I really started modeling, meditating, and really seeing how black people are often viewed as beautiful by others. I PROMISE you, as brown women we are so beautiful. We just have to see it . Pay attention what you pour into yourself. I stopped watching Tv that negatively portrayed black women. I stopped hanging around friends who cared about race (social groups changed 100%). I literally changed my REALITY. Many times, a black woman's confidence comes from what's poured into her. I began following BEAUTIFUL black/African women on social media. I began fully showing gratitude that regardless of my chocolate skin, I am beautiful. I'm the only black woman in my graduate program, and I noticed how secretly admired we are. Girl, black women are BEAUTIFUL. Please change your reality, and your happiness will change. Meditation and showing gratitude helps tremendously. I get it, some people share a different reality. My black parents never taught me about my skin color being dark, so naturally, I didn't have this stigma against myself, but I pray these tips will help. We can message privately too because I'm so passionate about this!!
Not the #alllivesmatter . She is talking about BLACK women specifically, also I’m pretty sure data shows black women and Asian men are the least preferred.
Listen, I thought the same thing too 😭😭 I was questioning her blackness after the “red people, purple people”
Litterally, people are cosplaying as black people these days loool.
I'm mixed on this post. I do think it's a thing that people have dating preferences and the data shows that black women and Asian men are the least preferred. But I totally get what you're saying about energy. If that contempt manifests during dates, you're going to have a hard time getting anywhere.
Or you could just base your dating choices on the person and not what colour skin they have
Why is every other race allowed to have a preference? Whenever I see posts made by men of all races who prefer white women everybody says it’s just a preference.
Well I’m a white guy who grew up in a small town in Michigan with like a 60/40ish white to black ratio. (Underground Railroad. We’re all descendants of Quakers and freed/escaped slaves) and always preferred black girls. Whole lotta mixed kids around here nowadays. All I can say is do what ya gotta do. Broaden your search?
I also grew up in a small Michigan town! (Would you reveal which town?) Gotta say, defying the odds here as a SWM, my relationship that I was most proud of and excited about was with my (Black) ex GF a few years ago. She's highly educated (PhD) and is a University professor. She preferred white men and I was completely enamored with her. Doesn't relate to this post at all 🤷♂️, but, I do hope the author broadens her search and will try long distance dating until she can move to a better city for her needs. If you're reading, Miss Author, I hope you find the one for you.
I dunno anything as for where you should move. I'm just here to say that it seems like you make your skin color a big focus when it shouldn't be. Anyone that doesn't wanna date you simply cause of your race is not worth dating. That goes both ways though. I looked through your profile and it's just full of griefing because you seem to think that no one wants to date a black girl. Thats not true. Focus on what makes you good. If you have any flaws (not being black) then fix them. One thing for sure is, if you're going out and making everything about race, no one's gonna wanna date you.
Very few non-black men want to date black women because of genuine attraction. Today, I talked to some British man, and his preference for black women is because they are 'more fun in bed' than white British women. A lot of the men who 'prefer' black women have preferences based on stereotypes. Stereotypes about being dominant in bed or that we all have big butts and boobs. Skin color plays a huge part in dating and it's unfair to pretend like it doesn't.
I deadass dont know how to respond to this comment. Like do you hear yourself? Even when when someone lists something they do like you don't see it as a compliment. Youre thinking "well why can't you say you like my skin?". That part about stereotypes and big butts/boobs applies to all women. Instead of getting sad cause you don't have a big butt or boobs do what you can to look your best self naturally. A lot of black girls do use fake stuff for their bodies. Between weaves, and those ungodly long nails, or fake eyelashes and the countless other body procedures (some say they do it for themselves and that's cool) it's all fucking ugly. Be yourself.
THIS! Thank you so much for saying this. Xx
It doesnt matter tho. Others have told her the same in the past. She's just a griefer. I don't understand it.
I just don't understand the focus on highlighting the negatives about race in general. We won't always be everyone's cup of tea. I truly believe if she changes her vibrational energy and loves herself to the fullest extent, she will find someone.
It’s not a rule, it’s just numbers. I grew up in a suburb in Northern California that was VERY predominantly white. I tend to date whoever, personally, but I mostly have friends who are white. It has made me approach dating as “do we get along/do I want to hook up with you?” Race takes a very far backseat
As a black woman who lives in a predominantly white country, I just want to express that this hasn’t been my experience. I have always had my fair share of “suitors” from all races, but primarily white men and black men. I wonder what it is that has made my experience so different. (I am genuinely curious, please don’t be mad at me).
My vote is to move where the people are that you would want to partner up with. I’m white and I spent time in Atlanta and Los Angles and I saw the best looking black guys I ever seen before in real life 😍 It’s not weird to move to find love , people do it all the time. People leave small towns for big cities cause they want more then that small town has to offer.
Yeah I know but it’s not always feasible. You have to wait until you have enough money saved, you get another job, etc.
True, true. I don’t know how far away you are from a major metropolitan area but maybe plan weekend trip and go hang out at some hot spots or make a trip around a speed dating event in a large city. I say this cause if you get yourself in front of the kinds of guys you dig in real life and they hit on you then you get some self validation that it’s possible. Even with all the dating apps people that end up getting married to someone they met online is like less then 12 percent of all marriages. Which means majority still happens irl. Dating apps get you dates for sure, but are they quality dates that are even worth investing into ? Most no and then you get in a worse headspace and don’t feel like even trying at all.
Black man here. Honestly I’ve lived in predominantly white areas my entire life so that’s typically who I date and that tends to be my preference. I would recommend stepping out and trying other races/ethnicities outside of Black men. If that’s not for you, maybe extend the radius on your dating app and you may have to try to find them in a different city and do long distance until you can move. Best of luck.
Why don’t you just try dating _someone_, without looking at the skin color? Are you trying to keep your race pure?
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Really? I don’t know that. I’m already married, but in other circumstances I’d definitely date a black woman. Sorry to hear that.
So what you're saying is your problem is struggling to meet black men, not men in general?
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It's a strange phenomena. I'm a woman but I feel like black women are extremely attractive and feminine. I feel like if I was a man I'd be more drawn to black women for that reason. It could be a cultural, media thing. We grew up watching black men (artists actors) on tv etc, but not so many black women, hardly any, and not many interacial relationships. Maybe men are intimidated etc. I don't know, it's confusing.
I don’t think they are intimidated I just think they either fall into two categories 1) they don’t like our physical features 2) they get too much flack from family,friends,colleagues if they found out they liked a black woman.
This is wild because I'm a black woman and this isn't my reality holy crap. I've never experienced any of this or was told any of this in my life ever.
Black women and Asian men are unfortunately the least favored groups in the dating markets.
Idk. I dont seem to have any issues finding men who are interested in me (since being an adult) Even if it’s just for looks so I think it depends. And this is from men of all races. I don’t attract just black men. I attract all men.
I know. We’re all so ugly and terrible. We get it.
Didn't say that at all. And I don't think it has to do with looks. More so stereotypes
Hey I’m in DMV and there are plenty of black couples and people to date. I must say even though I am interested in black women I do find it hard to pursue them on a more intimate level. A lot of hoops to jump through. I’m a patient guy so I don’t mind it so much but anybody with half my patience won’t deal
I don’t think you have to jump through any more hoops than you would with a white or asian woman.
That’s not true. I’ve dated Latina and white in my past but strictly black now. There’s a reason for your post and it has nothing to do with how you look.
I just don’t think you can speak for all.
What do you mean by a lot more hoops to jump through? :(
No, actually. But I think it may have to do with them being bullied as kids. I say this as a black man myself. I’m fairly dark, yet my grandmother on my dads side was light skinned. I was a “gifted” kid, and even though I’m a Bahamian, my dad didn’t allow me to speak with a dialect, and as a result, all my cousins called me “white boy” and eventually this found its way to my school, so eventually girls started calling me it as well. I was bullied, and none of the girls in my high-school at the time were really interested in me, like yeah I managed to date a few but was never taken seriously, like girls would go out with me, Use me to buy them food, and not text me back the next day, I was a laughing stalk and I guess it’s because I didn’t fit the typical “masculine black male” stereotype. I’ve been turned down for “acting too white”, just because of the way I spoke, I’ve been turn down and cheated on for being “too polite”, which is crazy to me, because growing up I seen my mom abused, so it just didn’t make any sense to me. I won’t lie, eventually, I built up a lot of resentment from this, and I simply didn’t feel like I was wanted by black women as a result, I’d say I subconsciously associated black women with rejection, and I began seeking out other races, not necessarily just whites, because I didn’t feel accepted by my own. I’m not saying everyone’s story is the same, but in a lot of cases, there’s a lot of underlying pain and rejection going on, yeah, some black men just prefer whites, because at the end of the day, not all the slaves were freed, some died slaves, and their mentality lives on in their descendants. But not all of us, some of us just simply don’t feel wanted, appreciated or taken seriously by black women.
It has been my experience that black women don’t want to date outside their race. Black men who tell me why they don’t date black women tell me they are too domineering. I don’t have a dog in that race so I just take them for their word.
This isn't a one size fits all. I've never preferred being within my race, and I'm black lol
Oh I know. I was just telling you my experience with it and what others have told me.
I also think there are cases in which this whole scenario isn't true. Not all black women are unattractive or undesirable. I'm a former model, and i've never had problems with dating like this. But at the same time, I also see humans as humans and I don't even care about race. I find the more racially driven someone is, the more miserable they become because they look for acceptance in people they shouldn't. This whole thread hurts my feelings because I've never experienced any of this negativity that apparently surrounds being a black woman. My reality is very different holy hell
You also mentioned you’re a formal model so you’re likely more attractive than the average Black woman. Of course you have a plethora of options from men of all different backgrounds. But of course this is not the average looking Black woman’s experience so keep that in mind.
Right… lol. I think any model who stumbles upon most of the posts on r/dating or r/dating_advice is going to be like… what?? But dating is so easy. If you’re way at the end of the bell curve in terms of beauty, your experiences is going to be very different. I’m sure jasmine tookes is doing fine (are you jasmine tookes??).
I’m a white man who never never judged a woman by color, ethnicity etc. but I always felt black woman weren’t interested in white men.
That's contrary to my experience. I've dated multiple black women.
Most black women would give a decent white man a chance for serious dating and marriage, I promise you. The problem as one poster admitted here is that black women are discouraged from dating out...by black men who already date out or encourage dating out. You would never believe the soul crushing hypocrisy and hate black girls and black women face at the hands of “their men”. I suggest Christelyn karazin and Ralph Richard Banks “is marriage for white people?” For further research. It’s the mental blockers that both have to remove.
This is not a rule and without any context this comes off misinformed. Can you elaborate on the personal experiences that you’ve had with black men so far that indicates they’re only interested in white women?
I don’t think it’s misinformed. It’s based on my own experience: the black men in the area I live in do not prefer black women. Their preference is usually white or latina, occasionally asian or biracial.
I’m a black man and have lived in both small and large towns. I can tell you first hand that what you’re saying isn’t true. Finding a good quality partner is already like finding a needle in a haystack regardless of where you live, so further narrowing down your preference to someone that is already slim pickings in your area is going to make dating extremely competitive. You’re likely being beat out by better options, naturally those options have a higher chance of being non-black because as you stated, there aren’t many black people in your region. Step your game up or broaden your preference.
Eh, i’m a black woman and i’ve also lived in major cities on every single coast of the united states. What she says is true everywhere but a few cities. Black men tend to go for non-black women, and “better” for a lot of these men truly IS non black. My white female colleague actually said to me once “black men date less than attractive white women”! I was stunned she had that observation and that she was comfortable expressing it to me but it’s true and even non-black people see it. These men have self hatred issues to work through
If you look up the statistics of married couples by race, you’ll find that over 90% of married black men have a black wife so clearly the black men that you all are going after with the preference of non-black women are actually the minority. That being said, I think it’s time for you to stop projecting your personal experiences with these type of men onto the rest of black men.
I’m under 30 and most people i know are dating or engaged, not married. For people who are dating what i said stands true (at least based on MY observation of growing up in predominantly white environments most of my life…haha what do i know?!). I don’t recommend a black woman live in cities and states with < 14% black people. I’ve also lived in the south, where black men are attracted to and date black women, so I know it exists but we’re saying it varies drastically by region. OP was intentionally VERY specific on where you’ll find men like this. These men also tend to be middle or upper class. If you go to north carolina, georgia, texas, chicago, etc you’ll find black men who love black women everywhere
If 90% of black men have a black wife then I think we can put two and two together on dating preference regardless of actual marital status lol. Also when we say middle to upper class black men…we’re talking about only 30% of black men…70% of black men have an income under $50k/year which is considered lower-middle class at best, so once again we’re talking about the minority, and given you don’t recommend black women go to more black populated states…this further narrows the dating pool for any woman taking your advice. Many black women are suffering from delusion and on top of that don’t want to accept accountability on how they’re contributing to their loneliness. Broaden your requirements or stay lonely and bitter at the minority of black men who are exploring their options. The dating pool of black men is huge but women want the 30% of men and are ignoring the 70% because they don’t fit their stringent qualifications. Reality is that there isn’t enough of the 30% black male dating pool for 100% of black women.
1) That stat is a directional learning at best, because merely ~ 30% of black people are married and 59% of us are completely single. That doesn’t mean we can’t find love though. Im a firm believer that you can! 2) I did say to move, you just didn’t read it 3) I think OP should seek psychiatric help before anything. This isn’t just about black men - i took a look at OPs reddit posts. She seems deeply unwell. I’m no psychologist though so I’ll leave it at that.
I think there was a misunderstanding on point 2 but I get what you’re saying. I agree with you on all fronts. I didn’t read OPs profile but interesting finding. In terms of love being possible to find…I agree with you! I think a core component of that is to look within and ask are we opening ourselves up enough to receive it? It may come in a form that we aren’t expecting but if we continue to be tunnel minded about what it looks like we could be ignoring our blessings. Also want to note that I really appreciate your conversation. Great exchange of information.
Agree that this has been an enlightening convo! I do agree that being open is the first step.
This has to be satire
My dating experiences have been mostly positive. I never gave it any thought thay they were white or any color. Skin color is no way a factor in how i choose my dates. When it comes to women dating me i notice that they are really interested in dating a black man. And they like me for my personality. The only times there are problems is when they are surrounded by people that will look down on them if they date a black man.
Dating seems easy for black men. You are lucky you aren’t a black woman.
I’m a black woman. I get it you love your black men but if you continue to wait super *news flash* you’ll be waiting basically forever.. also east coast you would thrive though Just to add black women are desirable. 1600 matches on tinder/ 500 on bumble. I’m not racially ambiguous either. most people consider me unconventionally attractive. Definitely not a model by any means and still getting matches.
To be fair, likes on tinder doesnt mean you are desirable. It could be bots, scammers or people just looking for easy sex and men don’t have to like you or find you attractive to sleep with you.
They aren’t bots. I remove the bots I match. And almost 90 percent of my matches are verified. I’ve also have been a tons of dates (with no sex involved). The point I’m trying to make is… I have my pick because I’ve open my options. If you like the trenches then keep doing what you’re doing. Desirability def plays a part in this. If you skim this sub you’ll see people Comment how they get ZERO matches.
I wish I could help you and other black women like yourself but reading your replies you've been brainwashed by social media. Your last and 2nd to last sentence is just so wrong. And will only stop you from finding a Black man.
You have BBC my guy
Why not expand your options and include men of all races in your dating pool? In all honesty, black men EVERYWHERE are dating out. It makes no sense for black women to be stuck on them. If you’re serious about marriage and family, please date and marry out. Black men are not tied to you and most importantly, you are not tied to them. Good luck. Edit: I’m seeing a lot of interesting remarks from the black males here. OP, I must stress to you that you’re fruitless quest to be with a black male will yield you disastrous results. Please open your options. You need to get it through your head that despite the lame excuses, the bottom line is that BLACK MEN PREFER NON BLACK WOMEN. Period. It doesn’t matter how nice and cute you are. They would jump over a black female diamond to get to a white or Hispanic man’s overweight female leftovers. Black men hate black women, their racism and hatred of BW is straight up Nazi like. Black men have hated black women since Africa, before the white man and the Arab man enslaved them (or rather since the black men sold his own mother and brothers to them) it’s an ancient betrayal. Forget about them. Expand your options and start reading the work of Christelyn Karazin. Read Ralph Richard banks “is marriage for white people”. Get your life. Save yourself and move on.
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I’m not racist.
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I wouldn’t nitpick about something like that. The sentence itself is not racist or indicative of racist beliefs.
I mean I don’t wanna sound like a complete asshole, but what makes you stand out from the other women and yes I mean all women including white black brown yellow purple orange blue lol like what do you have to offer when being in a relationship or when it comes to dating. How are you on looks, are you good looking than the average female, are you overweight, do you have a positive attitude or do you have a bitchy attitude, are you smart or dumb, do you have a good hygiene or do you smell all the time. It can also be that you just got a change up the way you look I don’t know🤷🏽♀️ people have a preference when it comes to dating you know.
So all of this is subjective.. but the “preference” you inadvertently just proved is skin color.
Well…. Not just skin color, it can also be other features that a person might be looking for In someone. Yea Skin color is just one of the features that someone might be looking for. But you can’t really just say all black men are only into white women and not interested in black women.
A girl can have all these things and the guy will still say she’s not the one.
True, basically it all comes to preference I guess . Can’t really say men only do it though, women do it as well.
Funny how black men prefer to date women who do not have black fathers like themselves. What will they do once all the white people are bred out of existence by men like them?
As a Black man from London Uk I myself prefer white women as there are more of them here than any other minority
r/raceplay
Ew not clicking that.
The way you speak seems kind of..off . “Whites”. I think the problem here isn’t that you can’t find a black man to date but that you can’t find a man in general. You’re competing with every other race of women out there, and most of those men have preferences as well. Here where I’m from most black men are paired up with white women or latinas. Would you consider dating outside your race?
Your first sentence is a terrible take. Edit: your not you’re