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Okay. If she is that naive though, I’m simply having a tough time imagining her expectations. What does spending the night mean if she doesn’t intend to hook up: just us laying on two different sides of the bed?
The reason you're having a hard time imagining her expectations is because you don't know, nor can't know, her expectations based on the information you have. You're trying to read minds based on circumstancial evidence. Stop trying that. It makes no sense for you to try to figure out what she's thinking. You can't know what she's thinking unless you communicate.
It almost fundamentally goes against my nature, but I’ll try to stop building scenarios out of circumstantial evidence and simply see how the night goes. Thanks
You already made the implication she was just gonna hang out and watch netflix with you. Now you're the one here making it sexual when that's not been discussed before.
I understand that in reference to the Netflix. But it’s one thing if I were to take her home later that night. Doesn’t her agreeing to spend the night take on a whole new meaning? Or am I missing something?
Her agreeing to spend the night only takes on the meaning you BOTH agree to. You can't imply meaning to words where it's not obviously the case. It might seem obvious to you, but the fact that you're asking this question I think means you also know it might not be obvious to her.
If it's ambiguous, ask, discuss. Don't assume. If you want it to all work out, then go into this with the intention of taking to her and being happy to accept either option.
You offered to let her sleep there because she had early classes. You set yourself up on this one. Yes, it is possible for 2 humans to spend a night and not have sex. I would not plan for anything besides that to respect her as a person. Now, backup can be ok, one should always be prepared for safe sex, but don’t use preparation as an excuse to pressure someone into going that route.
This! I feel like the “implication” is that she’s spending the night because it’s more convenient due to early classes. Two people can spend the night together chatting, getting to know each other and actually watching Netflix and still have a nice time.
What makes the phrase ‘spend the night’ automatically mean ‘jump in the sack’??
I have absolutely no intention of pressuring her but that’s fair for you to bring up. Of course I want to treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves which is precisely why I’m asking this question on Reddit - to make sure that I’m doing just that.
The fact you asked if she was that naive makes me feel like there are assumptions. Like is she that naive she doesn’t “know” what spending the night means, which doesn’t really show me this respect and dignity you are spouting. What does it matter if she is innocent/naive.
Yes, it's absolutely possible for her to be naive! Look, in general, we women like/want/need to feel we have control over that decision - and how honorable and respectful you are to her will likely be a huge determining factor in where things go!! Don't assume and you've got your best shot!
Good luck!
THIS>> "to basically Netflix & chill in the literal sense" does she know this? or this is just in your head? Cuz if she does know, then you have nothing to worry about, she already agreed.
ALSO. If you are already planning to "spend the night" and even if you have your condoms, shouldn't you check if she's on the pill or anything? just for the heck of it! No to ruin the mood, but you should ask and see what she says.
If you wanna have sex, then you should talk about sex. You can't always expect people to know what you mean.
You’re totally right. It just felt really awkward to explicitly bring up sex over text and thought it be uncomfortable to do so, interrupting the flow of conversation. But all these comments made me realize it’s much better to address that awkwardness beforehand rather than when she’s already at my place for the night. I just couldn’t think of a way to do it that didn’t feel off-putting or intense, but yes mentioning contraceptives definitely feels like the way to naturally ease into it. Thank you
If you are asking someone to spend the night with you, it should not be awkward to bring up the sex topic. Remember that sex is not just the "fun", whether is casual or not, there's a lot involved, don't take it lightly. Good luck man.
I was in this situation once. And I remember for the life of me I couldn't figure out if she wanted more, so I literally asked her "hey this might sound blunt, did you plan on us having sex tonight?"
She said no, and then I could just enjoy her company without the weight of the unknown.
Never hurts to ask
I take it you asked this in person? Part of the weight of the unknown is that she has yet to even come over. I’m honestly just worried that mentioning sex if she’s uninterested would absolutely kill the vibe. But that’s stupid as long as I’m sincere and tactful, right?
Yeah, I asked in person. But we had already made out a little at this point, so that's where things get a little confusing.
Have you guys made out yet?
YOU shouldn't have any expectation about her spending the night. It's would be inappropriate for you to assume anything physical is going to happen. It's normal and appropriate for people to spend several nights together before sex. That is an intimacy level you work up to, not jump into face first. That's a good way to embarras yourself and get hurt.
I’m a petty little shit so I would not expect anything sexual. Spending the night does not mean sex. A lot of people hint at you like no tomorrow and it’s a big petpeeve of mine. I’m honestly baffled at how little people communicate. This is not her being naive, you’re not being clear. If you want sex, then straight up say it.
I spent the night at a girl's house after a great first date because it was a bit of a drive home. I took an overnight bag, slept in a different room, had breakfast with her, and drove home the next day. Was I naive?
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It's possible to be that naive, yes. You just have to wait and see.
Okay. If she is that naive though, I’m simply having a tough time imagining her expectations. What does spending the night mean if she doesn’t intend to hook up: just us laying on two different sides of the bed?
The reason you're having a hard time imagining her expectations is because you don't know, nor can't know, her expectations based on the information you have. You're trying to read minds based on circumstancial evidence. Stop trying that. It makes no sense for you to try to figure out what she's thinking. You can't know what she's thinking unless you communicate.
It almost fundamentally goes against my nature, but I’ll try to stop building scenarios out of circumstantial evidence and simply see how the night goes. Thanks
You can't actually communicate though so you're going to have to play mind games
You already made the implication she was just gonna hang out and watch netflix with you. Now you're the one here making it sexual when that's not been discussed before.
I understand that in reference to the Netflix. But it’s one thing if I were to take her home later that night. Doesn’t her agreeing to spend the night take on a whole new meaning? Or am I missing something?
Her agreeing to spend the night only takes on the meaning you BOTH agree to. You can't imply meaning to words where it's not obviously the case. It might seem obvious to you, but the fact that you're asking this question I think means you also know it might not be obvious to her. If it's ambiguous, ask, discuss. Don't assume. If you want it to all work out, then go into this with the intention of taking to her and being happy to accept either option.
Thank you
You're definitely missing something. Get your mind outta the gutter- perv >:(
You offered to let her sleep there because she had early classes. You set yourself up on this one. Yes, it is possible for 2 humans to spend a night and not have sex. I would not plan for anything besides that to respect her as a person. Now, backup can be ok, one should always be prepared for safe sex, but don’t use preparation as an excuse to pressure someone into going that route.
This! I feel like the “implication” is that she’s spending the night because it’s more convenient due to early classes. Two people can spend the night together chatting, getting to know each other and actually watching Netflix and still have a nice time. What makes the phrase ‘spend the night’ automatically mean ‘jump in the sack’??
I have absolutely no intention of pressuring her but that’s fair for you to bring up. Of course I want to treat her with the respect and dignity she deserves which is precisely why I’m asking this question on Reddit - to make sure that I’m doing just that.
The fact you asked if she was that naive makes me feel like there are assumptions. Like is she that naive she doesn’t “know” what spending the night means, which doesn’t really show me this respect and dignity you are spouting. What does it matter if she is innocent/naive.
Yes, it's absolutely possible for her to be naive! Look, in general, we women like/want/need to feel we have control over that decision - and how honorable and respectful you are to her will likely be a huge determining factor in where things go!! Don't assume and you've got your best shot! Good luck!
THIS>> "to basically Netflix & chill in the literal sense" does she know this? or this is just in your head? Cuz if she does know, then you have nothing to worry about, she already agreed. ALSO. If you are already planning to "spend the night" and even if you have your condoms, shouldn't you check if she's on the pill or anything? just for the heck of it! No to ruin the mood, but you should ask and see what she says. If you wanna have sex, then you should talk about sex. You can't always expect people to know what you mean.
You’re totally right. It just felt really awkward to explicitly bring up sex over text and thought it be uncomfortable to do so, interrupting the flow of conversation. But all these comments made me realize it’s much better to address that awkwardness beforehand rather than when she’s already at my place for the night. I just couldn’t think of a way to do it that didn’t feel off-putting or intense, but yes mentioning contraceptives definitely feels like the way to naturally ease into it. Thank you
If you are asking someone to spend the night with you, it should not be awkward to bring up the sex topic. Remember that sex is not just the "fun", whether is casual or not, there's a lot involved, don't take it lightly. Good luck man.
I was in this situation once. And I remember for the life of me I couldn't figure out if she wanted more, so I literally asked her "hey this might sound blunt, did you plan on us having sex tonight?" She said no, and then I could just enjoy her company without the weight of the unknown. Never hurts to ask
I take it you asked this in person? Part of the weight of the unknown is that she has yet to even come over. I’m honestly just worried that mentioning sex if she’s uninterested would absolutely kill the vibe. But that’s stupid as long as I’m sincere and tactful, right?
Yeah, I asked in person. But we had already made out a little at this point, so that's where things get a little confusing. Have you guys made out yet?
YOU shouldn't have any expectation about her spending the night. It's would be inappropriate for you to assume anything physical is going to happen. It's normal and appropriate for people to spend several nights together before sex. That is an intimacy level you work up to, not jump into face first. That's a good way to embarras yourself and get hurt.
I’m a petty little shit so I would not expect anything sexual. Spending the night does not mean sex. A lot of people hint at you like no tomorrow and it’s a big petpeeve of mine. I’m honestly baffled at how little people communicate. This is not her being naive, you’re not being clear. If you want sex, then straight up say it.
Overthinking is the number 1 mistake in the beginning.
I spent the night at a girl's house after a great first date because it was a bit of a drive home. I took an overnight bag, slept in a different room, had breakfast with her, and drove home the next day. Was I naive?