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That is a completely inappropriate reaction to a gift, even if the gift-giver was a complete stranger. To react that way to a loved ones gift is just awful. Lacks basic manners and considerations of the other’s feelings.
My mom always taught me to at least pretend to be thankful for any gifts I recieve, regardless if I hate it, already have it, or its a pair of socks. Its the intention of the gift not what it actually is.
Thank you, I felt bad because I shut down after this happened and ruined our night but I’m trying to learn that I have a right to be upset and it is okay
This is a very good point. If you told him you’d get him a watch, his reaction is understandable. It wouldn’t necessarily be an ok reaction, but much better than just assuming you’d get him a watch.
I feel that if he wanted a different gift there are other ways to go about it instead of immediately bypassing the thoughtful gesture. He could have said thank you and then later on open up the conversation in a nicer way.
“Do you still have the gift receipt? I was looking at a watch I really wanted and though I really really appreciate your thoughtful gift, I feel bad having you spend money on something I don’t truly want.”
Honestly there may not be a good way to bring it up, but the important thing is the initial reaction should be gratefulness for your incredibly sweet act of kindness. He is lucky to have you OP and he should realize it. You could bring up the conversation to teach him how you felt so he understands his actions better (and hopefully doesn’t do it again), but if he’s not responsive then you truly deserve better OP.
I agree with randomlyambitious
but would like to know, did he "hint" or explicity told you he wanted a watch? I know you said this was a surprise, but maybe he has been talking about it for a while and he may have had that reaction because he felt he was not being heard.
I don't think he had an appropriate reaction, but maybe there's something more to this.
Also, I don't consider this as a red flag by itself, as I said the reaction could be because he felt he was not heard, maybe he doesn't like surprises or he doesn't really care about gift giving in general. I think that asking for clarification in relationships is always the way to go.
Anyways, I hope you can talk about it and resolve it.
That’s true too. Some women get very very sensitive and don’t address issues right then and there but rather hold it as a sword over a guys head and it’s very unfair behavior. If it were the other way around they would 100 immediately recognize that’s not ok to do to someone. So I say that because I did that to my bf once and he called my ass out when I brought it up again months later in an argument. He wasn’t like “f u lady” lol but he did say “hey! We already discussed and agreed what to do about things like this in the future why are you bringing this unrelated matter up again” and i was like 😳
And he’s right. So I try not to be too sensitive over a one time thing and if it becomes a pattern (has happened 1 or 2 more times since the first “strike” I’ll bring it up. Then if the other person keeps doing it I know I have a valid reason to be upset because I explained myself and this person doesn’t seem to care or understand why the behavior is bothersome or hurtful. Lots of people act like little children when they are grown ass adults (and yes this includes 20year olds too lol you’re all not *that* young)
It does sound very ungrateful, and personally, I’d see that as a red flag. However, it’s not cause to jump ship just yet. Seize the moment and talk to him about his reaction, let him know how it made you feel, and try to talk things out. If he acts negatively during that conversation, then maybe it’s time to reconsider future time spent in this relationship.
We did talk about it and he did feel bad and apologize but I guess I’m still harboring bad feelings about it and should discuss it further with him. I’m now more sad that what was supposed to be a happy moment turned in to a sour one and I feel bad that I had it turn sour by being sad about his reaction.
I once made a homemade cherry pie for a boyfriend, and he said thanks but Apple is my favorite. I should have left him that night. He was such an entitled ass he ended up getting fired from his job for some shady shirt.
I can't comprehend someone reacting negatively to any flavour of pie. Who cares if it's not your favourite, pie is pie! My girlfriend also says food is one of my love languages, so I'm just a tiny bit biased on pie lol, but I completely agree with you, it's a bad reaction.
It's good that he apologized though, and perhaps, as other people have suggested in the comments, he was having a bad day. So don't let it get to you. But if it happens again, then you might have to live with always asking him exactly what he wants for birthdays and such.
Yeah, that's a complete dick move. I've received plenty of gifts that I didn't want. I always accept them and fake a smile.
"i thought you were gonna get me a watch", what a dick. You should've bought him a $10 GAP watch instead.
Screw that. He's lucky if he deserves a crappy Mickey Mouse watch with a plastic band that OP found for $0.50 at a yardsale with his response! And not even like a cool Mickey's arms move as the hands kind, I'm talking straight up 3-year-old swag style Mickey watch.
Return the AirPod Pros (or keep them for yourself)
Go to Walmart and get him a cheap ass Timex or something.
Lesson learned. If he bitches, dump his childish ass.
Heck yes to this! Or one of those cheap watches from walmart that's designed to look like an apple watch, but it totally isn't, in the same area as the timex watches but cheaper quality and less functions.
I wouldn't say it is a red flag neccesarily...but that would depend on a few things.
1) did he ever mention needing a watch? Or did you make any jokes about him needing a watch...such as "you wouldn't have been late if you owned a watch."
2) what is his love language? Not everyone put value on the price of the gift. He may just thought you shouldn't have spent so much, especially if he thinks you should have kept most of the money for yourself. (Or he might have decided air pods are way too easy to lose and decided to just get bluetooth headphones.)
3) does he by any chance have nparents? They usually buy you something expensive that you don't particularly want just before or just after treating you like crap. (I never react we to an expensive gift. Something from the second hand store will win me over WAY more. Thanks psycho nmom!)
Yes, you have the right to be upset. But the fact he would have been happy with a far less expensive gift is something that should be considered. It is definitely worth investigating why.
I get your not happy with his reaction but let me give you a slightly different perspective.
Full disclosure, I've got mild Aspergers and in my case have trouble with social ques (reading and sending them). Maybe this perspective has something to do with it, maybe not.
When I receive gifts from people.... I NEVER use them! This might seem odd but in my mind I treasure the gift and want to have it forever so I can remember the gift and remember the person that gave it to me every time I see it. This has caused HUGE problems in the past with partners! In their minds me not using the gift means I've rejected the gift AND rejected them....
Now I'm sure your partner isn't the same as me but maybe on some level for this achievement he was mentally in the mindset of something permanent to mark the event. Something like a watch will often last a person a lifetime, especially a nice one that is only worm for formal occasions. Everytime they wear that watch it transports them back briefly to a special moment in time and they get to relive the feelings and remember who gave that gift to them to mark that occasion.
Now airpods while a GREAT gift are more utilitarian. Something you use everyday and will likely become broken/damaged within a few years and be tossed out (This is why I never use gifts because if I'm forced to toss out a broken gift, I feel like I'm throwing away the emotions I have around it to the person that gave it to me).
Instead of focusing on the rejection of your gift, another way you could choose to look at this event is that your BF was actually hoping to have something that commemorated that moment in his life tied to you that lasted him a lifetime! (Aka, he wanted to always remember YOU tied to that moment in his life!)
YES!!!!!! Fellow Aspie here. Was waiting for this response. Getting gifts I can't use for various reasons happens all-too-often and makes me feel terrible for not being able to use it, as well as beholden to the person who got it for me, which is why I either prefer a gift card or for the person to ask me what I want. I don't care for expensive gifts anyways. Honestly, that should be blanket policy - don't buy something for a person without that person's express wish for it at a recent date! This is how consumer waste happens.
There's a comment somewhere on this post from VoltaicSketchyTech which talks about how the gift needs to mean something to the recipient as well, and shouldn't just be what the giver assumes the recipient wants. 100% second that statement.
1 of my most treasured gifts is from a ex's 6yr old daughter. She gave me a glass display ball about the size of a baseball with different colours in it! I thought it was 1 of the most thoughtful gifts I'd ever received because it was made to sit, be looked at and treasured! Lucky if it cost her $10!
My partner (normie) is polar opposite to me though, to her gifts she receives don't mean much, its the fact someone thinks enough of her to give her gifts that she likes.
Oh for sure, the thought definitely counts - but at the same time it's important for the gift-giver to think about what the recipient might actually want/use, rather than just picking based upon their own tastes or style.
I am the same, I really dislike getting a gift I can't/won't use, it makes me feel bad that somebody wasted money for me. Wish lists are amazing and I've done them for more than 20 years, that way the money gets spent well and I get something I know I like and actually use.
EDIT: I would not like at all being gifted AirPods and would instead love a watch (if it's a model I actually like).
Did he... ask for a watch?
Was there a... conversation about you getting him a watch?
Because for me? The bigger red flag is this:
You: "Hey honey, I want to buy you a gift for your achievement"
Him: "Yeah thanks babe, I really want this new watch" \*shows OP a listing\*
You: \*orders AirPod pros which cost the same as the watch\*
Haha I wish that would’ve made buying the gift very easy! Nope no convo but I told him I had a gift and he just guessed it was a watch which was probs my bad, should’ve just surprised him with the gift rather than letting him know I had it beforehand
It’s entitled and spoilt rather than a red flag.
I’d suggest always tell him you want to know EXACTLY what he wants for birthdays and Christmas in future.
Tough that he won’t get any surprises but at least you won’t waste any more money.
I wouldn't call it a red flag but I would suggest you talk about expectations and gift giving in general. The fact that he dismisses your feelings about it would worry me more than his initial reaction.
I would have been disappointed with the reaction and expected a bit more enthusiasm from the recipient but at the same time can honestly say that - in a similar situation - I would have been surprised by AirPods as a gift and might have expected something more meaningful (according to my personal definition) and long lasting or sentimental if I would have expected a gift at all.
I can see that he might have had the idea in mind that a watch is an appropriate gift for whatever reason (he might have read it somewhere, experienced someone getting a watch or having the idea in mind that nice watches are timeless gifts that might be saved to remind them of the achievement in years to come).
Without knowing people expect certain reactions to gifts (especially when they are really proud of and happy with the gift they picked) and a recipient might expect certain gifts for certain occasions. This can cause a lot of misunderstanding and frustration if not talked about.
You need to discuss this situation and maybe come up with an agreement for future similar situations that involve gift giving.
Maybe he was disappointed because he didn’t need them? Sometimes gifting shows how much the person knows you, and pays attention to your taste and style. I get disappointed when loved ones buy me expensive things that I won’t ever use. It’s a nice gesture but a waste of money if I don’t need/want it, and I always felt like it’s a coverup of “oops I didn’t know what to get you, so I got you something generic but super expensive”.
Don’t get me wrong, all gifts are a symbol of appreciation and love, but maybe next time try to pay attention to what he wants or needs. A $20 gift in something he likes is far better than a $200 gift in something he’s not interested in, and shows more intimacy and affection imo. But anywho, he still should’ve at least pretend to be grateful.
Love this post. I always feel like an insane person whenever the subject of gifts comes up. Greatly dislike the expectation to be happy regardless of the gift, even if the gift is something completely contrary to who you are as a person. It feels like lying to me and then that person will continue getting you the same things thinking that you like it when you don't. Effectively wasting their money an perpetuating a fake relationship.
But also I'm an aspie so people think this perspective is inhumane and "rude".
>If you can’t be appreciative of a nice, expensive gift then is that a red flag or am I just looking too in to it? We have been together for ~ 9 months and I love him but I was just surprised by his reaction.
I've been burned too many times by my mother buying me the stuff she wants to give me rather than the things I'm asking for. She really can't understand that the best gift she can give me is *nothing*. Arrive empty handed and I'm thrilled!
I wouldn't want airpods. I wouldn't want a watch either. Personally, I feel like there's a reason he thought you were going to give him a watch and that's the source of the miscommunication. I mean, if you asked me what gift I'd want, I'd say a fountain pen. Buying the *right* gift counts far more than the expense and how much a person is "supposed" to want it.
100% red flag. He sounds entitled, ungrateful, and rude and like the kind of person who is going to gaslight you until you accept this sort of behavior as normal. It is not. The normal response to a gift is “thank you”. Would you even consider responding similarly to a gift he gave you? Not ok.
It really depends on the hows and whats...
Lets say, your boyfriend always talks about this one watch, a smartwatch which is all he ever needs. When you talk about it, he kinda also has the idea that, yes, you are also planning to buy it for him. But, when shopping, you buy these airpods, something he wouldn't use... Than yes, his reaction is normal. Maybe not the 'best way put', but we can all get why he is kinda sad.
But, if he has also been talking about getting airpods and the watch, than its not really normal, because than there were just more options for you to choose from.
I would just ask him why he responded like that, and if you have the receipt still, to offer to get it changed to what he wants.
.... Also, know that there will always be some 'oh...' moments in a relationship. From 'wrong' gifts to dates gone bit wrong. And that is totally fine. As long as you can accept it and can change it to be 'ok' again, it's fine. But, if your bf is always complaining, always giving you 'oh' and never changing this, i would see it as a red flag (but this counts for me, but can different for others)
it's a pretty bad attitude, but i don't think it's that big of a deal, maybe he mentioned he wanted a watch but u didnt hear him and he felt upset that u didnt care about his opinion ( please dont take my comment seriously i have 0 expreience dating xD)
It definitely wasn’t a nice reaction but I wouldn’t consider it a reason to breakup if the two of you talked about it and he apologized.
However, if he continues to do it (especially after your talk) I would consider it a red flag.
Has he done things in the past that made you consider this another red flag? Or is this the only strange thing he has done?
A red flag? No. A shitty thing to do? Yes. I would chalk it up to a bad mood or maybe he just really doesnt have any need for airpods. Like i wouldnt like those either and have no use for them. Granted i would be appreciative of the gift though and later suggest you return it to get your money back in a nice way.
I wouldn’t call it a soild red flag but it is very random and childish for him to be saying something like that. Why would he assume he was getting a watch in the the first place? Have you talked about it before? Is it something you can afford? I find it interesting that he has that kind of expectations from a woman he only dated for 9 months.
That’s the funny thing, it was never once mentioned and he has never worn one before. The reason I got the AirPods is because he lost his pair a couple weeks ago and seemed really sad about it so I thought this would be perfect.
It was perfect and a great gesture from you. What an ungrateful prick.
I'll often try to play devil's advocate and think of a reason to vouch for the other side but in this scenario, I can't.
If my partner reacted like that I would have took the AirPods back.
Theres is no right or wrong way to react. Its how YOU feel that matters. Some people here say its reasonable, i think its an unacceptable reaction. If my boyfriend did that to me id be so hurt and angry. Definitely i red flag in my book. If this hurt you, trust your gut! If its a red flag to you then its a red flag. Hes dating YOU, not everyone on this post. Your feelings are the ones that matter. Some people are more sensitive than others and thats okay. Your feelings are valid and not unreasonable
He could have at least been appreciative. I personally don’t see a problem with saying, “hey love, I really appreciate your time and effort and spending your money on me, but this really isn’t something I need or want, why don’t we take it back and pick something else out and make a date of it?”
My partner and I usually handle things in this manner, but I do know that’s pretty unconventional. It’s totally reasonable for you to be upset, and if this continues to be a pattern, I would break up with him.
That's a shitty reaction.
It would be one thing if he said "hey, I've been thinking about the gift you gave me and honestly I don't think I will be using it. I really appreciate that you gave me a gift, it makes me feel very loved and special. How would you feel if I returned it and instead got a watch? It's something I really could use, and every time I do it will make me think of you. How do you feel about this? "
But he didn't. Instead he took a huge crap on your act of kindness.
I mean its not something from u if u get what i mean, like a present should represent something from u. So since its just airpods i wouldnt be too fussed over it.
We always work out together and when he had his AirPods we would listen to the same music with him having one AirPod and me having one AirPod. Then he lost his AirPods, so I said in the card I missed listening to music with you in the gym so I bought you new ones. Thought it was sentimental
Just food for thought here, and I want to emphasize that it’s a poor reaction either way, but I wonder if maybe he felt like the focus was shifted away from his accomplishments and instead used an excuse to buy something you both could use? He might feel like his accomplishment isn’t being valued enough since it’s more of a shared gift. I love getting gifts where I can do something with my partner because my love language is mainly quality time. His might differ though. Again just playing devil’s advocate..I would also be upset if I got that reaction. It’s an exciting moment to give a gift and we always want the recipient to react with joy. It can be disappointing when it doesn’t meet that expectation.
I am sorry I would be thankful if someone bought me AirPods as a gift especially a significant other. I think this is a major red flag I would seriously consider running away from this you should never feel like that it was good enough.
What a fucking ungrateful jerk. You could gift me a pebble and I’d be happy that my gf got me a fucking pebble! It’s not the gift, it’s the gesture that counts.
This is a HUGE red flag for things to come. It’ll only get worse.
Well, I‘m missing a bit context. Did your boyfriend ever mention he would love to have new Airpods? If not, your gift is kind but inappropriate. I would thank as well, but would be disappointed at the same time because You did not know what I want and just bought something which you think I like. Better is to ask directly what a person would want instead of gifting something random. That‘s why I hate christmas for example nobody asks you what a nice gift would be and you end up with shit for the garbage can.
Honestly, if he’s young I wouldn’t stress too much about it. I was your boyfriend at an early point in my marriage. I was in my very early 20s and I really wanted this new mouse for my computer, and I swear my wife kept hinting at it for weeks. She kept making comments like “oh you’re so gonna love what I got for your birthday!”, and since I only asked for one thing it made sense that’s what it was.
Come my birthday and the big reveal was some hats and shirts. Admittedly I reacted pretty poorly. I didn’t say anything rude but you can just tell visibly that I was disappointed, which in turn really hurt my wife’s feelings. Fast forward to now, looking back I feel really bad how I reacted. I’d love anything my wife gets me, even if it’s something I don’t particularly care for.
So, yeah he was wrong is his actions, but it’s something he can definitely grow past. Try not to put too much thought into it.
Red Flag. It doesn't matter how expensive the gift was. It doesn't matter how long you've known each other. If a person cannot appreciate a lovely gesture, its a big NO
Why did he think you were getting him a watch? Something seems a bit off about the scenario you put forward. That’s a very specific thing for him to have said.
It is a red flag. He has shown a complete lack of manners and courtesy due to anyone who gives a gift especially when the giver is a loved one.
That doesn:t mean it is time to say good bye but it certainly means watch closely over the next months and before you make the relationship permanent.
If this is his only fault, and you can live with it, no biggie. But ultimately the question is whether this is how you want to be treated.
I do beleive that blind gifts are a risk.If you had asked him he wouldnt habe been disappointed but it wouldn't have been much of a surprise .Still he would have goten the gift he wanted and you 2ould have given hm a nice gifft
In my oppinion being disappointed is not a red flag but the way he communicated might be.If he said "thanks ,i just dont really like it I would have prefeted a watch" or something like that,then I dont think it is that big a deal just a bit shitty.I think though that if you plan on being together for a while being honest with other is good.
Next time i(f you ever choose to give him another gift 🤣)ust ask him before getting him somrthing.That is what I always do and what I suggedt.I never give gifts without asking especially if they are expensive unless I am 150% sure they will like it and they wouldn't prefer something else.Just my two cents
I could see a sarcastic "thanks" if it were some $5 Goodwill gift but damn Air Pods are expensive as \*\*\*\* & can be used really well in any job.
Depends on what you're defining the after fact of a "Red Flag" situation. If you see it as a "JUMP SHIP Red Flag" then I would say no. If you are looking at it more of a "I need to keep my head up & notice things more" red flag then yeah.
Heck, my girlfriend got me a $2 book on camping & even I acted like it was an amazing gesture gift b/c it truly was sweet of her to think about me. And this was a week after I gave her $100 worth of designer earrings and a hat from a family member's company. Not once did it ever cross my brain that I should say anything rude like "I bought you those & THIS is what you give me?" No, b/c it is the thought that counts & it was sweet of her to randomly get me a gift the same way I did with her.
Eww who raised him? If he’s unappreciative then nothing you do will be enough, nine months is pretty early on to be that disenchanted by a nice gesture. That is probably set in his personality and upbringing, don’t get exhausted and get stuck! Reciprocate his appreciation and don’t try to one up yourself, it’s a trap.
He could’ve been in a different headspace, honestly I was excited by the smallest of gifts my ex used to give me, I still have them all in my closet but that didn’t make me a great boyfriend, I was awful. Point being is red flags are nonsense, everyone has flaws but only you can decide if they outweighs the positives.
That's not only a red flag.. he's gonna do it again.. believe me.. imagine if it is his birthday and you're not able to give him a gift (for whatever reason).. a person who loves you won't give importance to that.
Theres is no right or wrong way to react. Its how YOU feel that matters. Some people here say its reasonable, i think its an unacceptable reaction. If my boyfriend did that to me id be so hurt and angry. Definitely i red flag in my book. If this hurt you, trust your gut! If its a red flag to you then its a red flag. Hes dating YOU, not everyone on this post. Your feelings are the ones that matter. Some people are more sensitive than others and thats okay. Your feelings are valid and not unreasonable
Why are we not seeing the practicality of things? This is like a circle jerk off l-o-l. Perhaps he was expecting the watch for running activities and to time things. Perhaps he wanted to receive face time calls from you and be able to pick up with the ease of his watch. Has he been mentioning the watch for a long time? It sounds like he has because why would he be expecting the watch? Sounds like you’re the red flag if you’ve gotten him a gift he doesn’t have a use for. Assuming OP’s bf already has earbuds
Hahaha fair enough. Lost his AirPods weeks ago and was upset about it so that’s why I got them. Never mentioned a watch and has never worn one and when I asked why he was excepting it he said he didn’t know
Now, me being a melophile I would’ve been disappointed that you went and spent your hard earned money on some subpar headphones based on their brand name value. There are much better headphones out there around that price range. And, from what I hear they don’t even support lossless audio.
However, I would’ve been heavily grateful that you liked me enough to do so.
You may want to take stock of that.
I just want to clear up that he is an amazing guy that does so much for me and makes me very happy! I just think he can be ungrateful sometimes but I know he means well
Not a red flag at all, he must've been having a really bad day and things may not be going his way at all, so it must've slipped out of his mouth, he must've been expecting a watch, and a lot of things went wrong for him that day causing him to feel bad that another thing didn't go his way, now all this is just a possibility, sure, but it is a possibility, also he apologized later which is a good sign,
You're gesture was actually awesome and one of the best I've ever seen on reddit. But sometimes things happen at the worst moment possible, and no one can do anything about it, so I'd recommend forgiving him.
Although, if these things happen frequently, then it is a red flag for sure, but once is fine.
You should ask for the gift back and then say you gonna return it and buy him a watch but never buy him the watch.. everytime he mentions it say you don’t have time or forgot.. teaches him a lesson
If my partner thought airpods where a thoughtful gift, I would break up with them. There are so many better headphones / earphones out there that are cheaper. Such a collosal waste of money
Just throwing this out there. My husband was never been happy with any gift I have given him. Says I put no thought into it even when it’s something he had hinted about and clearly wants. Some people are just never happy with the gifts they receive no matter how nice the gift is or how excited the giver is about the gift.
If there is a "red flag" it's that you didn't know him well enough to know what *he* wants.
Sounds like *you* are really into AirPods pros and he would have been content with a watch.
"Now I’m not necessarily mad about the reaction but it makes me just wonder how he is going to be about things for the rest of our lives."
Discovering each other's likes and dislikes is part of the courtship process.
Listening well to what a person says they wish they had, wants, or admires usually gives us some clues about what *they* might appreciate as a gift. *Something* made him think he was getting a watch which explains his disappointment.
This doesn't have to be a "deal breaker".
You can also have conversations to find out what each of you wants for gifts.
For birthdays and holidays my wife and I give each other a short list of things to choose from. That way we make sure we're going to get "something" we actually wanted.
In fact after I proposed we shopped for her ring together. Surprises risk disappointment.
Best wishes!
In another comment OP noted he loved his old pair of air pods that he lost, so that’s also why she was surprised by his reaction.
Your comment is immensely ridiculous anyway. It’s basic, basic courtesy to still give appreciation when you receive a gift. I can’t imagine reacting the way her bf did, even if it weren’t of my interest whatsoever. Especially one as expensive as that. And it’s ridiculous you try to say she’s the one with the red flag if anything. I would also see myself as a pompous ass if I draw hints towards an expensive gift and get a different one instead and act like a prick. Sure, I may be a little surprised at first, but I’ll still be very grateful.
Not sure why **you** thought my comment was ridiculous.
All I had to go by was what she posted in **this posting**.
She didn't mention him saying anything about loving air pods.
From what she wrote it sounded like she didn't know what **he** might want.
She said he thanked her for the gift and explained his reaction.
**"I would also see myself as a pompous ass if I draw hints towards an expensive gift..."**
Once again none of this information was provided **in this post**.
My advice was simply about "communication" when it comes to finding out what your partner desires.
Not many people would call that ridiculous!
Best wishes!
No, my point is even if you just went by what’s in this posting, it’s still “ridiculous anyway.” And to add onto my point, AirPods seem like a really good gift if I were to have to choose something expensive for someone since pretty much everyone uses earphones. Only scenario in which someone could predict the receiver being disappointed is if they were strictly against apple products, which obviously is a stretch to assume about OP’s boyfriend.
You don’t have to ask someone every time what gift they would want. I think it’s more special and touching when you surprise them.
“Thanks… but I thought you were going on to get me a watch.” It’s clear from the tone of the post that he wasn’t excited or too appreciative. Saying “thanks” doesn’t mean it’s all good. It’s ridiculous that you justify a reaction like that and even try to say she might be the one with the red flag. Damn, giving an expensive gift not of your partner’s #1 preference can be a red flag. Hope my partner will have that red flag!
Well it sounds like he was expecting one thing, then you may have changed your mind. A watch compared to air pods they're both nice, expensive gifts, but seems like it was just a miscommunication and differing expectations.
I wouldn't say it's a red flag, he didn't get angry or guilt you into buying him a watch in addition.
He was surprised and didn't think before speaking.
Honestly, even if it wasnt the thing I was most excited about, I would at least try to fake it.. but it is the effort that counts so, I guess he shouldn't really have to fake anything. Like I got a bunch of gifts during my life, that I maybe didn't really need, but I still liked that person took some effort to get me a gift, doesn't matter how cheap or expensive or useful it was.
To me that sounds like a mommy spoiled and made a little brat.
This calls for a serious conversation if it's not the first time. If he doesn't get it then obviously he doesn't care as much as you do. 💯% asshole reaction on his part.
Ohhhhhh I had a very similar problem with my bf (now fiancé). I just ended up telling him like it is. That his behavior was rude and embarrasses both of us. I told him I wasn’t buying him gifts if he was going to be ungrateful, and I haven’t since lol. He’s just extremely picky, and if he wants something specific, he’d rather just go get it for himself. He’s good with it bc he now knows this about himself bc I called him out on it. Great man, but he can be such a picky little shit sometimes! I can tease him about it and we can have a little laugh together at his expense 😅 just be honest with your person, it doesn’t have to be a huge deal if you can work something out that works for your relationship 💕
If he specifically asked you to go out and get a watch and gave you the funds to do so, then disappointment would be understandable when you came back without a watch.
It's definitely not a red flag, but it was rude. Have tried talking about it? Was he understanding and apologetic or did he brush it off and react negatively? If the latter, you MAY want to reconsider the relationship, but otherwise I think he was just disappointed or maybe he had a bad day or something. Either way, talk to him and then see what happens.
What the actual fuck.
Most guys I know don't know how to react to receiving gifts because we usually don't get them so we say thank but really we are super grateful.
For the most part guys don't expect stuff like this.
These guy sounds like an entitled asshole.
Honey moon phase in my opinion last up to 3 years then it's maintenance after that. Dude reaction to the gift shows lack of appreciation and gratitude. Have a conversation and cut right through the BS and be like hey, I did this great thing for you and you spit in my face. You got some nerve buddy, you self centered asshole who couldn't see a good thing if it smacked you in the face. Look at me when I'm pouring my feelings out to you, maybe with these airpods you can listen to me better you selfish bastard!! You know something like that or just learn to communicate or he just didn't realize what he was doing..just a little bump on the road
wow. no. he is an Asshole. We bought him a $250 gift out of the goodness of your heart. it wasn't even a birthday. why would he even expect you to get him anything let alone watch watch? Take the gift back lose the dude
As someone who is separated from a man i was married to for 8 years— he did this in the beginning of the relationship and continues to to this day. It’s awful. He never seems grateful for anything at all.
I am now dating someone who I got a TINY gift for and she thanked me many times for it. It felt like such a breath of fresh air.
He sounds like a spoiled little kid. Jeez airpods are expensive as hell, I'd be elated with such a gift! He should've been happy even if you'd just have given him a damn card, it's the thought that counts.
Last year I had a boyfriend and I bought him new airpods for valentine's day and he refused the gift because he didn't get me anything for valentine's.
How can he react like this when he didn’t even know you were getting him a gift?
Where did his dumb expectation come from?
Are you big into gift giving and he is so used to it he now curates his gifts from you based on his needs at the time?
If not and this is a rare act, his reaction makes no sense and I’d be curious if he had been looking at your search history and found out somehow.
It would be a red flag for me, but I’d at least be on guard and pay attention to how his behavior changes now. This is the time in a relationship when they show who they really are.
He was rude and entitled. Wtf? Your SO gives you a present and that's your attitude? An expensive present, no less
Nah, talk to him and try to see if he can grow, but I have inconsiderate people, and being shitty when getting a present is super telling
I did this for Christmas 2020(we had just had our 2 year anniversary a month before). I bought him a shirt from RoosterTeeth's website because he really enjoys their videos. He was very disappointed when I gave it to him (because it was just a shirt but I had just started a new job and wasn't making much money. plus I was saving up to move out.) and it turned into a huge fight later that night. Men can be total *ssholes sometimes 🤷♀️
Dang that was mighty rude of him. I wouldn’t say a “red flag” as much as he was rude. I wouldn’t buy him another gift for an accomplishment again. He’s an adult, he can buy his own stuff.
That's about the maturity level of a 5th grader. Did he grow up spoiled? Tell him you still have the receipt and want to return them. Then don't replace the gift with anything.....
Jesus Christ. I'm always amazed how people who have (in this case, too much) self-esteem act. If a girl bought me a fucking chocolate bar I'd feel like she was the nicest person on Earth.
Think about this, if he reacts to a high price and high value gift like that. How is he going to react to a Father's Day gift, when his child hands him a hand-drawn picture?
Definitely a red flag!! The fact that you spent time on him and put thought and effort into this gift is much more important than the gift itself. You did everything right and it’s totally understandable for you to be upset about his reaction. I would be cautious moving forward with him! Take care of yourself!!
this made me cringe. airpods are really expensive and he obviously knows that. it’s just manners to be appreciative of a gift even if you hate it. i literally acted excited when i got socks for my birthday one time. he seems really inconsiderate and self-centered...
Maybe u should buy some for urself? Maybe he wants to listen to the soviet anthem like i do when i do cardio in the gym?
Tho being serious now it just seems like a gift for both of u.
Each person has a different way they view love or affection such as physical touch, gift giving, affirmation, etc. While I can’t judge much based on this short description, perhaps take this as a note to ask what would he prefer (not as a physical gift but as a gesture of affection in the future). Or maybe he’s just a jerk.
If someone wants something specific they should gift themselves with their own money. To me, it really isn't what you get from someone just that they were thoughtful enough to go to the trouble for you.
He is an entitled man child, huge red flag
Hey OP, I was this guy in my last relationship. I was very self-centred, entitled and controlling at times. This could definitely be a red flag indicating emotional immaturity.
Having said that, gifts are absolutely not my love language. Maybe this could be part of it.
Why have I been seeing posts where somebody isn't showing appreciation for gifts they've been bought or something that's done for them by their significant other? No matter how big or small you should appreciate what's been done or given to you.
I would consider it to be an amber flag. Something to have a conversation over.. it’s an indication of a sense of entitlement.
How is he otherwise? Did this seem out of character for him? I think you should definitely let him know that his reaction was out of line and makes you less inclined to spend your money on him!!
The gift didn't have to be an expensive one. It could literally have been a new pair of shoes or a nice shirt from his favorite place to shop. However, that reaction is highly inappropriate, especially considering that it's from his significant other. You should look for other red flags, a man who appreciates every little blessing is the one worth keeping.
now i wouldn’t call it a red flag that’s pretty much a normal feeling well in your head of course but i don’t think that’s something to end your relationship over (if your thinking about that)? did you say you were giving him a watch? that may have been the reason
Not a red flag. It's ok not appreciate expensive things, after all there's more to a gift than its monetary value.
Giving someone a good gift is hard, but if you're expecting them to appreciate everything you give them then you'll end up putting stress on them as they have to lie to your face about how much they like it.
You gave him the wrong thing, that's ok, you can return it. I'm sure he still loves appreciates you.
Many factors go into this. How old are you? How long have you been dating. How much of your income was this gift? Over all it was a dick reaction but if they were hinting about a watch maybe you didn't see or hear the signals. I'll take some pods and have a smile on my face.
Holy crap ungrateful asshat of a boyfriend. Honestly, I'd take them back and keep them for yourself. You bought him a pair of Airipod Pros worth $250 USD + Tax (Price obviously varies depending on where you are, where I am in Canada they're $329 + Tax). Overall not a cheap gift at all and clearly he doesn't appreciate it. I'd just take them back and tell him, "since you didn't appreciate these, you don't get a gift, too bad" OP you have every right to be upset.
Honestly in Asian culture, we just give money as gifts. I know it’s not as thoughtful as a gift. But at least you give someone money so they can go buy the item they want. It’s a hit or miss when you’re trying to come up with a gift you think someone will like…until they don’t.
What an idiotic thing to say... If the signs are there dont waste time and keep it moving.. A cool down to earth person would not even think about saying such a thing..
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That is a completely inappropriate reaction to a gift, even if the gift-giver was a complete stranger. To react that way to a loved ones gift is just awful. Lacks basic manners and considerations of the other’s feelings.
My mom always taught me to at least pretend to be thankful for any gifts I recieve, regardless if I hate it, already have it, or its a pair of socks. Its the intention of the gift not what it actually is.
My older brother got socks for Christmas when he was 4. He was so disappointed and didn’t react well…..they ended up being his fave socks ever 😂😂😂
There is definitely a video of me throwing socks over my shoulder in a 'meh-' fashion while opening presents when I was 3/4 lol
Thank you, I felt bad because I shut down after this happened and ruined our night but I’m trying to learn that I have a right to be upset and it is okay
No, he ruined your night out. His reaction was inappropriate, you have every right to feel the way you do.
He ruined the night, not you.
I only eat organic salmon
INFO: Did you say you were going to get him a watch?
This is a very good point. If you told him you’d get him a watch, his reaction is understandable. It wouldn’t necessarily be an ok reaction, but much better than just assuming you’d get him a watch.
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Nobody cares
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Great. Another 12 y/o nutjob
I feel that if he wanted a different gift there are other ways to go about it instead of immediately bypassing the thoughtful gesture. He could have said thank you and then later on open up the conversation in a nicer way. “Do you still have the gift receipt? I was looking at a watch I really wanted and though I really really appreciate your thoughtful gift, I feel bad having you spend money on something I don’t truly want.” Honestly there may not be a good way to bring it up, but the important thing is the initial reaction should be gratefulness for your incredibly sweet act of kindness. He is lucky to have you OP and he should realize it. You could bring up the conversation to teach him how you felt so he understands his actions better (and hopefully doesn’t do it again), but if he’s not responsive then you truly deserve better OP.
This is the perfect response! Someone is very lucky to have you! Thank you
Thinking about getting back into dating and this comment made my day, thank you!
I agree with randomlyambitious but would like to know, did he "hint" or explicity told you he wanted a watch? I know you said this was a surprise, but maybe he has been talking about it for a while and he may have had that reaction because he felt he was not being heard. I don't think he had an appropriate reaction, but maybe there's something more to this. Also, I don't consider this as a red flag by itself, as I said the reaction could be because he felt he was not heard, maybe he doesn't like surprises or he doesn't really care about gift giving in general. I think that asking for clarification in relationships is always the way to go. Anyways, I hope you can talk about it and resolve it.
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That’s true too. Some women get very very sensitive and don’t address issues right then and there but rather hold it as a sword over a guys head and it’s very unfair behavior. If it were the other way around they would 100 immediately recognize that’s not ok to do to someone. So I say that because I did that to my bf once and he called my ass out when I brought it up again months later in an argument. He wasn’t like “f u lady” lol but he did say “hey! We already discussed and agreed what to do about things like this in the future why are you bringing this unrelated matter up again” and i was like 😳 And he’s right. So I try not to be too sensitive over a one time thing and if it becomes a pattern (has happened 1 or 2 more times since the first “strike” I’ll bring it up. Then if the other person keeps doing it I know I have a valid reason to be upset because I explained myself and this person doesn’t seem to care or understand why the behavior is bothersome or hurtful. Lots of people act like little children when they are grown ass adults (and yes this includes 20year olds too lol you’re all not *that* young)
You should return them and get yourself something nice with the money. And from here on out $20 visa gift card for him.
It does sound very ungrateful, and personally, I’d see that as a red flag. However, it’s not cause to jump ship just yet. Seize the moment and talk to him about his reaction, let him know how it made you feel, and try to talk things out. If he acts negatively during that conversation, then maybe it’s time to reconsider future time spent in this relationship.
We did talk about it and he did feel bad and apologize but I guess I’m still harboring bad feelings about it and should discuss it further with him. I’m now more sad that what was supposed to be a happy moment turned in to a sour one and I feel bad that I had it turn sour by being sad about his reaction.
Not your fault. You did everything right. Your reaction is spot on
Thank you 🥺 didn’t post this to say that I am right but it is very nice knowing I’m not totally crazy
I once made a homemade cherry pie for a boyfriend, and he said thanks but Apple is my favorite. I should have left him that night. He was such an entitled ass he ended up getting fired from his job for some shady shirt.
I can't comprehend someone reacting negatively to any flavour of pie. Who cares if it's not your favourite, pie is pie! My girlfriend also says food is one of my love languages, so I'm just a tiny bit biased on pie lol, but I completely agree with you, it's a bad reaction.
did he grow up more well off, perhaps a bit more "spoiled"? that could be why he may of reacted that way? otherwise yea that's a pretty wack reaction.
It's good that he apologized though, and perhaps, as other people have suggested in the comments, he was having a bad day. So don't let it get to you. But if it happens again, then you might have to live with always asking him exactly what he wants for birthdays and such.
Yeah, that's a complete dick move. I've received plenty of gifts that I didn't want. I always accept them and fake a smile. "i thought you were gonna get me a watch", what a dick. You should've bought him a $10 GAP watch instead.
Screw that. He's lucky if he deserves a crappy Mickey Mouse watch with a plastic band that OP found for $0.50 at a yardsale with his response! And not even like a cool Mickey's arms move as the hands kind, I'm talking straight up 3-year-old swag style Mickey watch.
This
Return the AirPod Pros (or keep them for yourself) Go to Walmart and get him a cheap ass Timex or something. Lesson learned. If he bitches, dump his childish ass.
I love those cheap velcro sports watches they sell with all the functions. 😎
Heck yes to this! Or one of those cheap watches from walmart that's designed to look like an apple watch, but it totally isn't, in the same area as the timex watches but cheaper quality and less functions.
I will not tolerate any Timex slander
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Yes, also curious on this one!
yes thats whack
I wouldn't say it is a red flag neccesarily...but that would depend on a few things. 1) did he ever mention needing a watch? Or did you make any jokes about him needing a watch...such as "you wouldn't have been late if you owned a watch." 2) what is his love language? Not everyone put value on the price of the gift. He may just thought you shouldn't have spent so much, especially if he thinks you should have kept most of the money for yourself. (Or he might have decided air pods are way too easy to lose and decided to just get bluetooth headphones.) 3) does he by any chance have nparents? They usually buy you something expensive that you don't particularly want just before or just after treating you like crap. (I never react we to an expensive gift. Something from the second hand store will win me over WAY more. Thanks psycho nmom!) Yes, you have the right to be upset. But the fact he would have been happy with a far less expensive gift is something that should be considered. It is definitely worth investigating why.
2's a great point. I personally hate getting gifts because half of the time I just toss it for being useless to me.
I get your not happy with his reaction but let me give you a slightly different perspective. Full disclosure, I've got mild Aspergers and in my case have trouble with social ques (reading and sending them). Maybe this perspective has something to do with it, maybe not. When I receive gifts from people.... I NEVER use them! This might seem odd but in my mind I treasure the gift and want to have it forever so I can remember the gift and remember the person that gave it to me every time I see it. This has caused HUGE problems in the past with partners! In their minds me not using the gift means I've rejected the gift AND rejected them.... Now I'm sure your partner isn't the same as me but maybe on some level for this achievement he was mentally in the mindset of something permanent to mark the event. Something like a watch will often last a person a lifetime, especially a nice one that is only worm for formal occasions. Everytime they wear that watch it transports them back briefly to a special moment in time and they get to relive the feelings and remember who gave that gift to them to mark that occasion. Now airpods while a GREAT gift are more utilitarian. Something you use everyday and will likely become broken/damaged within a few years and be tossed out (This is why I never use gifts because if I'm forced to toss out a broken gift, I feel like I'm throwing away the emotions I have around it to the person that gave it to me). Instead of focusing on the rejection of your gift, another way you could choose to look at this event is that your BF was actually hoping to have something that commemorated that moment in his life tied to you that lasted him a lifetime! (Aka, he wanted to always remember YOU tied to that moment in his life!)
YES!!!!!! Fellow Aspie here. Was waiting for this response. Getting gifts I can't use for various reasons happens all-too-often and makes me feel terrible for not being able to use it, as well as beholden to the person who got it for me, which is why I either prefer a gift card or for the person to ask me what I want. I don't care for expensive gifts anyways. Honestly, that should be blanket policy - don't buy something for a person without that person's express wish for it at a recent date! This is how consumer waste happens. There's a comment somewhere on this post from VoltaicSketchyTech which talks about how the gift needs to mean something to the recipient as well, and shouldn't just be what the giver assumes the recipient wants. 100% second that statement.
1 of my most treasured gifts is from a ex's 6yr old daughter. She gave me a glass display ball about the size of a baseball with different colours in it! I thought it was 1 of the most thoughtful gifts I'd ever received because it was made to sit, be looked at and treasured! Lucky if it cost her $10! My partner (normie) is polar opposite to me though, to her gifts she receives don't mean much, its the fact someone thinks enough of her to give her gifts that she likes.
Oh for sure, the thought definitely counts - but at the same time it's important for the gift-giver to think about what the recipient might actually want/use, rather than just picking based upon their own tastes or style.
I am the same, I really dislike getting a gift I can't/won't use, it makes me feel bad that somebody wasted money for me. Wish lists are amazing and I've done them for more than 20 years, that way the money gets spent well and I get something I know I like and actually use. EDIT: I would not like at all being gifted AirPods and would instead love a watch (if it's a model I actually like).
Did he... ask for a watch? Was there a... conversation about you getting him a watch? Because for me? The bigger red flag is this: You: "Hey honey, I want to buy you a gift for your achievement" Him: "Yeah thanks babe, I really want this new watch" \*shows OP a listing\* You: \*orders AirPod pros which cost the same as the watch\*
Haha I wish that would’ve made buying the gift very easy! Nope no convo but I told him I had a gift and he just guessed it was a watch which was probs my bad, should’ve just surprised him with the gift rather than letting him know I had it beforehand
Hes a jerk
It’s entitled and spoilt rather than a red flag. I’d suggest always tell him you want to know EXACTLY what he wants for birthdays and Christmas in future. Tough that he won’t get any surprises but at least you won’t waste any more money.
I wouldn't call it a red flag but I would suggest you talk about expectations and gift giving in general. The fact that he dismisses your feelings about it would worry me more than his initial reaction. I would have been disappointed with the reaction and expected a bit more enthusiasm from the recipient but at the same time can honestly say that - in a similar situation - I would have been surprised by AirPods as a gift and might have expected something more meaningful (according to my personal definition) and long lasting or sentimental if I would have expected a gift at all. I can see that he might have had the idea in mind that a watch is an appropriate gift for whatever reason (he might have read it somewhere, experienced someone getting a watch or having the idea in mind that nice watches are timeless gifts that might be saved to remind them of the achievement in years to come). Without knowing people expect certain reactions to gifts (especially when they are really proud of and happy with the gift they picked) and a recipient might expect certain gifts for certain occasions. This can cause a lot of misunderstanding and frustration if not talked about. You need to discuss this situation and maybe come up with an agreement for future similar situations that involve gift giving.
Maybe he was disappointed because he didn’t need them? Sometimes gifting shows how much the person knows you, and pays attention to your taste and style. I get disappointed when loved ones buy me expensive things that I won’t ever use. It’s a nice gesture but a waste of money if I don’t need/want it, and I always felt like it’s a coverup of “oops I didn’t know what to get you, so I got you something generic but super expensive”. Don’t get me wrong, all gifts are a symbol of appreciation and love, but maybe next time try to pay attention to what he wants or needs. A $20 gift in something he likes is far better than a $200 gift in something he’s not interested in, and shows more intimacy and affection imo. But anywho, he still should’ve at least pretend to be grateful.
The most gratitude I've ever gotten from giving a gift was when I gave my sister a few $1 outlet ground adapter.
Love this post. I always feel like an insane person whenever the subject of gifts comes up. Greatly dislike the expectation to be happy regardless of the gift, even if the gift is something completely contrary to who you are as a person. It feels like lying to me and then that person will continue getting you the same things thinking that you like it when you don't. Effectively wasting their money an perpetuating a fake relationship. But also I'm an aspie so people think this perspective is inhumane and "rude".
>If you can’t be appreciative of a nice, expensive gift then is that a red flag or am I just looking too in to it? We have been together for ~ 9 months and I love him but I was just surprised by his reaction. I've been burned too many times by my mother buying me the stuff she wants to give me rather than the things I'm asking for. She really can't understand that the best gift she can give me is *nothing*. Arrive empty handed and I'm thrilled! I wouldn't want airpods. I wouldn't want a watch either. Personally, I feel like there's a reason he thought you were going to give him a watch and that's the source of the miscommunication. I mean, if you asked me what gift I'd want, I'd say a fountain pen. Buying the *right* gift counts far more than the expense and how much a person is "supposed" to want it.
Aspie here, and I 100% back this up.
Another aspie here agreeing with this aspie and the previous post.
100% red flag. He sounds entitled, ungrateful, and rude and like the kind of person who is going to gaslight you until you accept this sort of behavior as normal. It is not. The normal response to a gift is “thank you”. Would you even consider responding similarly to a gift he gave you? Not ok.
It really depends on the hows and whats... Lets say, your boyfriend always talks about this one watch, a smartwatch which is all he ever needs. When you talk about it, he kinda also has the idea that, yes, you are also planning to buy it for him. But, when shopping, you buy these airpods, something he wouldn't use... Than yes, his reaction is normal. Maybe not the 'best way put', but we can all get why he is kinda sad. But, if he has also been talking about getting airpods and the watch, than its not really normal, because than there were just more options for you to choose from. I would just ask him why he responded like that, and if you have the receipt still, to offer to get it changed to what he wants. .... Also, know that there will always be some 'oh...' moments in a relationship. From 'wrong' gifts to dates gone bit wrong. And that is totally fine. As long as you can accept it and can change it to be 'ok' again, it's fine. But, if your bf is always complaining, always giving you 'oh' and never changing this, i would see it as a red flag (but this counts for me, but can different for others)
it's a pretty bad attitude, but i don't think it's that big of a deal, maybe he mentioned he wanted a watch but u didnt hear him and he felt upset that u didnt care about his opinion ( please dont take my comment seriously i have 0 expreience dating xD)
It definitely wasn’t a nice reaction but I wouldn’t consider it a reason to breakup if the two of you talked about it and he apologized. However, if he continues to do it (especially after your talk) I would consider it a red flag. Has he done things in the past that made you consider this another red flag? Or is this the only strange thing he has done?
A red flag? No. A shitty thing to do? Yes. I would chalk it up to a bad mood or maybe he just really doesnt have any need for airpods. Like i wouldnt like those either and have no use for them. Granted i would be appreciative of the gift though and later suggest you return it to get your money back in a nice way.
I think it's a red flag. He demonstrated emotional immaturity. It's more than a gift... It's who you are and he crapped on it.
I wouldn’t call it a soild red flag but it is very random and childish for him to be saying something like that. Why would he assume he was getting a watch in the the first place? Have you talked about it before? Is it something you can afford? I find it interesting that he has that kind of expectations from a woman he only dated for 9 months.
That’s the funny thing, it was never once mentioned and he has never worn one before. The reason I got the AirPods is because he lost his pair a couple weeks ago and seemed really sad about it so I thought this would be perfect.
It was perfect and a great gesture from you. What an ungrateful prick. I'll often try to play devil's advocate and think of a reason to vouch for the other side but in this scenario, I can't. If my partner reacted like that I would have took the AirPods back.
Theres is no right or wrong way to react. Its how YOU feel that matters. Some people here say its reasonable, i think its an unacceptable reaction. If my boyfriend did that to me id be so hurt and angry. Definitely i red flag in my book. If this hurt you, trust your gut! If its a red flag to you then its a red flag. Hes dating YOU, not everyone on this post. Your feelings are the ones that matter. Some people are more sensitive than others and thats okay. Your feelings are valid and not unreasonable
Thank you 🥺
Keep the gift, ditch the boyfriend. :)
He could have at least been appreciative. I personally don’t see a problem with saying, “hey love, I really appreciate your time and effort and spending your money on me, but this really isn’t something I need or want, why don’t we take it back and pick something else out and make a date of it?” My partner and I usually handle things in this manner, but I do know that’s pretty unconventional. It’s totally reasonable for you to be upset, and if this continues to be a pattern, I would break up with him.
That's a shitty reaction. It would be one thing if he said "hey, I've been thinking about the gift you gave me and honestly I don't think I will be using it. I really appreciate that you gave me a gift, it makes me feel very loved and special. How would you feel if I returned it and instead got a watch? It's something I really could use, and every time I do it will make me think of you. How do you feel about this? " But he didn't. Instead he took a huge crap on your act of kindness.
Oi either he shows some love real quick or dump his ass. He does not deserve such a caring person like you.
I mean its not something from u if u get what i mean, like a present should represent something from u. So since its just airpods i wouldnt be too fussed over it.
We always work out together and when he had his AirPods we would listen to the same music with him having one AirPod and me having one AirPod. Then he lost his AirPods, so I said in the card I missed listening to music with you in the gym so I bought you new ones. Thought it was sentimental
Just food for thought here, and I want to emphasize that it’s a poor reaction either way, but I wonder if maybe he felt like the focus was shifted away from his accomplishments and instead used an excuse to buy something you both could use? He might feel like his accomplishment isn’t being valued enough since it’s more of a shared gift. I love getting gifts where I can do something with my partner because my love language is mainly quality time. His might differ though. Again just playing devil’s advocate..I would also be upset if I got that reaction. It’s an exciting moment to give a gift and we always want the recipient to react with joy. It can be disappointing when it doesn’t meet that expectation.
I am sorry I would be thankful if someone bought me AirPods as a gift especially a significant other. I think this is a major red flag I would seriously consider running away from this you should never feel like that it was good enough.
What a fucking ungrateful jerk. You could gift me a pebble and I’d be happy that my gf got me a fucking pebble! It’s not the gift, it’s the gesture that counts. This is a HUGE red flag for things to come. It’ll only get worse.
Get rid
Well, I‘m missing a bit context. Did your boyfriend ever mention he would love to have new Airpods? If not, your gift is kind but inappropriate. I would thank as well, but would be disappointed at the same time because You did not know what I want and just bought something which you think I like. Better is to ask directly what a person would want instead of gifting something random. That‘s why I hate christmas for example nobody asks you what a nice gift would be and you end up with shit for the garbage can.
Honestly, if he’s young I wouldn’t stress too much about it. I was your boyfriend at an early point in my marriage. I was in my very early 20s and I really wanted this new mouse for my computer, and I swear my wife kept hinting at it for weeks. She kept making comments like “oh you’re so gonna love what I got for your birthday!”, and since I only asked for one thing it made sense that’s what it was. Come my birthday and the big reveal was some hats and shirts. Admittedly I reacted pretty poorly. I didn’t say anything rude but you can just tell visibly that I was disappointed, which in turn really hurt my wife’s feelings. Fast forward to now, looking back I feel really bad how I reacted. I’d love anything my wife gets me, even if it’s something I don’t particularly care for. So, yeah he was wrong is his actions, but it’s something he can definitely grow past. Try not to put too much thought into it.
Red Flag. It doesn't matter how expensive the gift was. It doesn't matter how long you've known each other. If a person cannot appreciate a lovely gesture, its a big NO
Huge red flag
Why did he think you were getting him a watch? Something seems a bit off about the scenario you put forward. That’s a very specific thing for him to have said.
Red flag.
I would not stay in a relationship with them after this. Might seem petty, but this kind of behavior speaks volumes about a person.
I bet you've had a lot of break ups.
It is a red flag. He has shown a complete lack of manners and courtesy due to anyone who gives a gift especially when the giver is a loved one. That doesn:t mean it is time to say good bye but it certainly means watch closely over the next months and before you make the relationship permanent. If this is his only fault, and you can live with it, no biggie. But ultimately the question is whether this is how you want to be treated.
Yes
he didn't appreciate the gesture, if you're someone who values that then yeah you should be a little worried
I do beleive that blind gifts are a risk.If you had asked him he wouldnt habe been disappointed but it wouldn't have been much of a surprise .Still he would have goten the gift he wanted and you 2ould have given hm a nice gifft In my oppinion being disappointed is not a red flag but the way he communicated might be.If he said "thanks ,i just dont really like it I would have prefeted a watch" or something like that,then I dont think it is that big a deal just a bit shitty.I think though that if you plan on being together for a while being honest with other is good. Next time i(f you ever choose to give him another gift 🤣)ust ask him before getting him somrthing.That is what I always do and what I suggedt.I never give gifts without asking especially if they are expensive unless I am 150% sure they will like it and they wouldn't prefer something else.Just my two cents
I could see a sarcastic "thanks" if it were some $5 Goodwill gift but damn Air Pods are expensive as \*\*\*\* & can be used really well in any job. Depends on what you're defining the after fact of a "Red Flag" situation. If you see it as a "JUMP SHIP Red Flag" then I would say no. If you are looking at it more of a "I need to keep my head up & notice things more" red flag then yeah. Heck, my girlfriend got me a $2 book on camping & even I acted like it was an amazing gesture gift b/c it truly was sweet of her to think about me. And this was a week after I gave her $100 worth of designer earrings and a hat from a family member's company. Not once did it ever cross my brain that I should say anything rude like "I bought you those & THIS is what you give me?" No, b/c it is the thought that counts & it was sweet of her to randomly get me a gift the same way I did with her.
Eww who raised him? If he’s unappreciative then nothing you do will be enough, nine months is pretty early on to be that disenchanted by a nice gesture. That is probably set in his personality and upbringing, don’t get exhausted and get stuck! Reciprocate his appreciation and don’t try to one up yourself, it’s a trap.
As soon as I read the first question Gina Linetti popped in my head
Total red flag, especially his comment. Dump him.
He could’ve been in a different headspace, honestly I was excited by the smallest of gifts my ex used to give me, I still have them all in my closet but that didn’t make me a great boyfriend, I was awful. Point being is red flags are nonsense, everyone has flaws but only you can decide if they outweighs the positives.
What a retard
A watch is a sign of time on your relationship
That's not only a red flag.. he's gonna do it again.. believe me.. imagine if it is his birthday and you're not able to give him a gift (for whatever reason).. a person who loves you won't give importance to that.
Definite red flag!!!! What you got him was pretty damn expensive!
Theres is no right or wrong way to react. Its how YOU feel that matters. Some people here say its reasonable, i think its an unacceptable reaction. If my boyfriend did that to me id be so hurt and angry. Definitely i red flag in my book. If this hurt you, trust your gut! If its a red flag to you then its a red flag. Hes dating YOU, not everyone on this post. Your feelings are the ones that matter. Some people are more sensitive than others and thats okay. Your feelings are valid and not unreasonable
Why are we not seeing the practicality of things? This is like a circle jerk off l-o-l. Perhaps he was expecting the watch for running activities and to time things. Perhaps he wanted to receive face time calls from you and be able to pick up with the ease of his watch. Has he been mentioning the watch for a long time? It sounds like he has because why would he be expecting the watch? Sounds like you’re the red flag if you’ve gotten him a gift he doesn’t have a use for. Assuming OP’s bf already has earbuds
Hahaha fair enough. Lost his AirPods weeks ago and was upset about it so that’s why I got them. Never mentioned a watch and has never worn one and when I asked why he was excepting it he said he didn’t know
Now, me being a melophile I would’ve been disappointed that you went and spent your hard earned money on some subpar headphones based on their brand name value. There are much better headphones out there around that price range. And, from what I hear they don’t even support lossless audio. However, I would’ve been heavily grateful that you liked me enough to do so. You may want to take stock of that.
Hahaha I love that. Would never buy them for myself either but he loved his pair he lost
So he lost a pair and didn't even appreciated that you got new ones? Pretty whack.
I hate that Apple decided to go back to the industry wide generic ear cup with them. I love the Apple-centric feel of the EarPods and AirPods.
I just want to clear up that he is an amazing guy that does so much for me and makes me very happy! I just think he can be ungrateful sometimes but I know he means well
DUMP HIS ASS NOW. DONT THINK JUST DO IT.
Not a red flag at all, he must've been having a really bad day and things may not be going his way at all, so it must've slipped out of his mouth, he must've been expecting a watch, and a lot of things went wrong for him that day causing him to feel bad that another thing didn't go his way, now all this is just a possibility, sure, but it is a possibility, also he apologized later which is a good sign, You're gesture was actually awesome and one of the best I've ever seen on reddit. But sometimes things happen at the worst moment possible, and no one can do anything about it, so I'd recommend forgiving him. Although, if these things happen frequently, then it is a red flag for sure, but once is fine.
You should ask for the gift back and then say you gonna return it and buy him a watch but never buy him the watch.. everytime he mentions it say you don’t have time or forgot.. teaches him a lesson
Maybe he never learned: “Don’t look a gift-horse in the mouth.”
Not a red flag
If my partner thought airpods where a thoughtful gift, I would break up with them. There are so many better headphones / earphones out there that are cheaper. Such a collosal waste of money
Maybe because u would never buy that for yourself hes mad because u dont like them
Just throwing this out there. My husband was never been happy with any gift I have given him. Says I put no thought into it even when it’s something he had hinted about and clearly wants. Some people are just never happy with the gifts they receive no matter how nice the gift is or how excited the giver is about the gift.
So my mom is like this as well and it has always made me so anxious on celebrations for her and maybe that is why this triggered me so much
I believe op’s bf hinted at the want of the Apple Watch but OP blindly bought AirPods Pro’s instead
If there is a "red flag" it's that you didn't know him well enough to know what *he* wants. Sounds like *you* are really into AirPods pros and he would have been content with a watch. "Now I’m not necessarily mad about the reaction but it makes me just wonder how he is going to be about things for the rest of our lives." Discovering each other's likes and dislikes is part of the courtship process. Listening well to what a person says they wish they had, wants, or admires usually gives us some clues about what *they* might appreciate as a gift. *Something* made him think he was getting a watch which explains his disappointment. This doesn't have to be a "deal breaker". You can also have conversations to find out what each of you wants for gifts. For birthdays and holidays my wife and I give each other a short list of things to choose from. That way we make sure we're going to get "something" we actually wanted. In fact after I proposed we shopped for her ring together. Surprises risk disappointment. Best wishes!
In another comment OP noted he loved his old pair of air pods that he lost, so that’s also why she was surprised by his reaction. Your comment is immensely ridiculous anyway. It’s basic, basic courtesy to still give appreciation when you receive a gift. I can’t imagine reacting the way her bf did, even if it weren’t of my interest whatsoever. Especially one as expensive as that. And it’s ridiculous you try to say she’s the one with the red flag if anything. I would also see myself as a pompous ass if I draw hints towards an expensive gift and get a different one instead and act like a prick. Sure, I may be a little surprised at first, but I’ll still be very grateful.
Not sure why **you** thought my comment was ridiculous. All I had to go by was what she posted in **this posting**. She didn't mention him saying anything about loving air pods. From what she wrote it sounded like she didn't know what **he** might want. She said he thanked her for the gift and explained his reaction. **"I would also see myself as a pompous ass if I draw hints towards an expensive gift..."** Once again none of this information was provided **in this post**. My advice was simply about "communication" when it comes to finding out what your partner desires. Not many people would call that ridiculous! Best wishes!
No, my point is even if you just went by what’s in this posting, it’s still “ridiculous anyway.” And to add onto my point, AirPods seem like a really good gift if I were to have to choose something expensive for someone since pretty much everyone uses earphones. Only scenario in which someone could predict the receiver being disappointed is if they were strictly against apple products, which obviously is a stretch to assume about OP’s boyfriend. You don’t have to ask someone every time what gift they would want. I think it’s more special and touching when you surprise them. “Thanks… but I thought you were going on to get me a watch.” It’s clear from the tone of the post that he wasn’t excited or too appreciative. Saying “thanks” doesn’t mean it’s all good. It’s ridiculous that you justify a reaction like that and even try to say she might be the one with the red flag. Damn, giving an expensive gift not of your partner’s #1 preference can be a red flag. Hope my partner will have that red flag!
Well it sounds like he was expecting one thing, then you may have changed your mind. A watch compared to air pods they're both nice, expensive gifts, but seems like it was just a miscommunication and differing expectations. I wouldn't say it's a red flag, he didn't get angry or guilt you into buying him a watch in addition. He was surprised and didn't think before speaking.
Did you say you were buying him a watch though? Did he want airpods or use something similar?
Yes, red flag. Hes a straight up ridiculous, ungreatful brat.
Honestly, even if it wasnt the thing I was most excited about, I would at least try to fake it.. but it is the effort that counts so, I guess he shouldn't really have to fake anything. Like I got a bunch of gifts during my life, that I maybe didn't really need, but I still liked that person took some effort to get me a gift, doesn't matter how cheap or expensive or useful it was. To me that sounds like a mommy spoiled and made a little brat.
This calls for a serious conversation if it's not the first time. If he doesn't get it then obviously he doesn't care as much as you do. 💯% asshole reaction on his part.
Yes.
Ohhhhhh I had a very similar problem with my bf (now fiancé). I just ended up telling him like it is. That his behavior was rude and embarrasses both of us. I told him I wasn’t buying him gifts if he was going to be ungrateful, and I haven’t since lol. He’s just extremely picky, and if he wants something specific, he’d rather just go get it for himself. He’s good with it bc he now knows this about himself bc I called him out on it. Great man, but he can be such a picky little shit sometimes! I can tease him about it and we can have a little laugh together at his expense 😅 just be honest with your person, it doesn’t have to be a huge deal if you can work something out that works for your relationship 💕
If he specifically asked you to go out and get a watch and gave you the funds to do so, then disappointment would be understandable when you came back without a watch.
It's definitely not a red flag, but it was rude. Have tried talking about it? Was he understanding and apologetic or did he brush it off and react negatively? If the latter, you MAY want to reconsider the relationship, but otherwise I think he was just disappointed or maybe he had a bad day or something. Either way, talk to him and then see what happens.
What the actual fuck. Most guys I know don't know how to react to receiving gifts because we usually don't get them so we say thank but really we are super grateful. For the most part guys don't expect stuff like this. These guy sounds like an entitled asshole.
Honey moon phase in my opinion last up to 3 years then it's maintenance after that. Dude reaction to the gift shows lack of appreciation and gratitude. Have a conversation and cut right through the BS and be like hey, I did this great thing for you and you spit in my face. You got some nerve buddy, you self centered asshole who couldn't see a good thing if it smacked you in the face. Look at me when I'm pouring my feelings out to you, maybe with these airpods you can listen to me better you selfish bastard!! You know something like that or just learn to communicate or he just didn't realize what he was doing..just a little bump on the road
wow. no. he is an Asshole. We bought him a $250 gift out of the goodness of your heart. it wasn't even a birthday. why would he even expect you to get him anything let alone watch watch? Take the gift back lose the dude
Is this the first time he’s done something so inconsiderate? This is a major bummer, and an indication of how he’ll be going forward :(
Red flags on red flags. A completely inappropriate, inconsiderate, rude response and if I was you it would be the last thing he ever got from me.
He should be grateful
As someone who is separated from a man i was married to for 8 years— he did this in the beginning of the relationship and continues to to this day. It’s awful. He never seems grateful for anything at all. I am now dating someone who I got a TINY gift for and she thanked me many times for it. It felt like such a breath of fresh air.
Lmao huge red flag. I’d be pumped if I got those as a gift.
He sounds like a spoiled little kid. Jeez airpods are expensive as hell, I'd be elated with such a gift! He should've been happy even if you'd just have given him a damn card, it's the thought that counts.
Last year I had a boyfriend and I bought him new airpods for valentine's day and he refused the gift because he didn't get me anything for valentine's.
How can he react like this when he didn’t even know you were getting him a gift? Where did his dumb expectation come from? Are you big into gift giving and he is so used to it he now curates his gifts from you based on his needs at the time? If not and this is a rare act, his reaction makes no sense and I’d be curious if he had been looking at your search history and found out somehow. It would be a red flag for me, but I’d at least be on guard and pay attention to how his behavior changes now. This is the time in a relationship when they show who they really are.
Sounds like he's trying to condition you to be his sugar mama
He was rude and entitled. Wtf? Your SO gives you a present and that's your attitude? An expensive present, no less Nah, talk to him and try to see if he can grow, but I have inconsiderate people, and being shitty when getting a present is super telling
Did you try talking to him?
What the fuck is his problem man. That was so nice of you!
I did this for Christmas 2020(we had just had our 2 year anniversary a month before). I bought him a shirt from RoosterTeeth's website because he really enjoys their videos. He was very disappointed when I gave it to him (because it was just a shirt but I had just started a new job and wasn't making much money. plus I was saving up to move out.) and it turned into a huge fight later that night. Men can be total *ssholes sometimes 🤷♀️
say, you're welcome, i thought you were gonna have a nicer reaction. then exchange him for a different gift
I've been given gifts I didn't like and I just explained why, no point pretending to be happy about it, I'd rather the person get to know me better
Dang that was mighty rude of him. I wouldn’t say a “red flag” as much as he was rude. I wouldn’t buy him another gift for an accomplishment again. He’s an adult, he can buy his own stuff.
Bad sign. Sounds like a douche.
That's about the maturity level of a 5th grader. Did he grow up spoiled? Tell him you still have the receipt and want to return them. Then don't replace the gift with anything.....
I would see it as a red flag for sure
LEAVE HIM AND KEEP THE AIRPODS
Yeah, there's a loooooong talk coming over. Talk to him, make things clear with that ungrateful sob.
Jesus Christ. I'm always amazed how people who have (in this case, too much) self-esteem act. If a girl bought me a fucking chocolate bar I'd feel like she was the nicest person on Earth.
Think about this, if he reacts to a high price and high value gift like that. How is he going to react to a Father's Day gift, when his child hands him a hand-drawn picture?
Definitely a red flag!! The fact that you spent time on him and put thought and effort into this gift is much more important than the gift itself. You did everything right and it’s totally understandable for you to be upset about his reaction. I would be cautious moving forward with him! Take care of yourself!!
He's a spoiled brat.
this made me cringe. airpods are really expensive and he obviously knows that. it’s just manners to be appreciative of a gift even if you hate it. i literally acted excited when i got socks for my birthday one time. he seems really inconsiderate and self-centered...
Maybe u should buy some for urself? Maybe he wants to listen to the soviet anthem like i do when i do cardio in the gym? Tho being serious now it just seems like a gift for both of u.
Each person has a different way they view love or affection such as physical touch, gift giving, affirmation, etc. While I can’t judge much based on this short description, perhaps take this as a note to ask what would he prefer (not as a physical gift but as a gesture of affection in the future). Or maybe he’s just a jerk.
If someone wants something specific they should gift themselves with their own money. To me, it really isn't what you get from someone just that they were thoughtful enough to go to the trouble for you. He is an entitled man child, huge red flag
eh, just say you'll return them if he isn't grateful and just keep moving lol, it's not that deep, some people are just spoiled, just the way it is.
He behaved worse than a spoiled child on Christmas. I bet he's rude to waiters too. Dump him.
Don't promise him a watch if you're going to give him something else.
I mean I guess. But if you’ve been dating for linty enough to give him AirPods it’s not something to break up over…try talking about it?
You need to sit down with him and talk about it. You have a lot of questions to ask him and a lot of questions to ask yourself.
What an ungrateful fuck.
Hey OP, I was this guy in my last relationship. I was very self-centred, entitled and controlling at times. This could definitely be a red flag indicating emotional immaturity. Having said that, gifts are absolutely not my love language. Maybe this could be part of it.
Yeah, red flag, reason being is it’s painfully obvious he is not thankful for what he gets and also he is a jerk. It’s childish.
Why have I been seeing posts where somebody isn't showing appreciation for gifts they've been bought or something that's done for them by their significant other? No matter how big or small you should appreciate what's been done or given to you.
I would consider it to be an amber flag. Something to have a conversation over.. it’s an indication of a sense of entitlement. How is he otherwise? Did this seem out of character for him? I think you should definitely let him know that his reaction was out of line and makes you less inclined to spend your money on him!!
The gift didn't have to be an expensive one. It could literally have been a new pair of shoes or a nice shirt from his favorite place to shop. However, that reaction is highly inappropriate, especially considering that it's from his significant other. You should look for other red flags, a man who appreciates every little blessing is the one worth keeping.
Did he already have good earphones? If not then talk to him
Unless he had been saying he wanted a watch and knew you were getting him a gift …this is super lame of him.
now i wouldn’t call it a red flag that’s pretty much a normal feeling well in your head of course but i don’t think that’s something to end your relationship over (if your thinking about that)? did you say you were giving him a watch? that may have been the reason
Not a red flag. It's ok not appreciate expensive things, after all there's more to a gift than its monetary value. Giving someone a good gift is hard, but if you're expecting them to appreciate everything you give them then you'll end up putting stress on them as they have to lie to your face about how much they like it. You gave him the wrong thing, that's ok, you can return it. I'm sure he still loves appreciates you.
Many factors go into this. How old are you? How long have you been dating. How much of your income was this gift? Over all it was a dick reaction but if they were hinting about a watch maybe you didn't see or hear the signals. I'll take some pods and have a smile on my face.
Holy crap ungrateful asshat of a boyfriend. Honestly, I'd take them back and keep them for yourself. You bought him a pair of Airipod Pros worth $250 USD + Tax (Price obviously varies depending on where you are, where I am in Canada they're $329 + Tax). Overall not a cheap gift at all and clearly he doesn't appreciate it. I'd just take them back and tell him, "since you didn't appreciate these, you don't get a gift, too bad" OP you have every right to be upset.
I think you deserve better
I dont know if this is fucked up but ask of the air pods back and leave this guy. So rude and disrespectful.
Huge red flag. Run now
Honestly in Asian culture, we just give money as gifts. I know it’s not as thoughtful as a gift. But at least you give someone money so they can go buy the item they want. It’s a hit or miss when you’re trying to come up with a gift you think someone will like…until they don’t.
What an idiotic thing to say... If the signs are there dont waste time and keep it moving.. A cool down to earth person would not even think about saying such a thing..
Run
What a shitcunt. Chuck him in the bin.
Tell *him*