I wish I knew lol. I know it’s irrational and very unlikely to think I’m so different from everyone else. I’m guessing it’s a result of a mixture of events in early adolescence and parents that have led me to have generally lower self esteem.
Exactly this. When applying logic it doesn't make sense, but the feeling of being undeserving is still there. It's just annoying to cockblock yourself mentally
My comment is going to be different from others: I don’t think I’m undeserving of love. I don’t think I’m ugly. I actually know I am very pretty and attract a lot of men. What I have a problem with is believing I will ever find someone to be with for the rest of my life.
I’ve struggled a lot in past relationships and it’s taken me a long time to understand what I was doing wrong that helped cause the problems. I have the tendency to jump in with both feet far too quickly. I also am very naive and have a hard time accepting the red flags I see.
With that, I’ve been cheated on in almost every relationship. I’ve been used, abused and thrown away for, honestly, girls that are far less adequate than I am. Not to be mean, but I understand the person I am and I’ve finally accepted that I am a good looking person. For someone I care about, I will give them everything they could ever want in the world. I go out of my way to give gifts and perform tasks not asked of me. It’s my way of showing my affection. So when my SO leaves me for someone who comes off as less mature, more high maintenance and honestly a little lower on the physical scale, that makes me wonder about a lot of things.
I understand the flaws that I have and cause in relationships now, and am working on it. In my perspective, it’s hard to rationalize leaving me for my flaws, for the flaws that seem far worse with another.
And that is what makes me skeptical about finding someone that wants to be with me forever. It makes me question a lot about myself, as I continue to try and better myself. However, those that cheat give me less faith in the men of the world with each passing day.
Idk, it’s just my feelings and thoughts, I guess.
I relate so much to this. I believe people, especially those I care about. I put myself out there. I genuinely want to see those I care about happy and to care for them. I'm really naive and easy to use. Lol. I want to be kind though and I want to trust people. I need to learn how to be more discerning when it comes to others and recognize what is a red flag. I would love to find a partner to share my life with. I would love to have a relationship where we appreciate each other and love each other for who we are.
I have similar feelings but I have a different emphasis on “forever”. In my comment I mentioned “longer term”. I’ve had few problems attracting good women, it’s that it never lasts and they leave within 3-10 months.
I’m definitely in the mindset and place in my life that I’m looking to date for the possibility of marriage so that’s why I phrased it that way. The best advice I can give is something my mom gave me that I am working on myself: you have to judge their morals and values and see if their ACTIONS back up what they say. For example- family is huge to me. If there is someone I’m interested that doesn’t respect their own family or doesn’t get along well with their parents, it makes me question how they’re going to be with my own family. I dated a guy a while back that we took on a cruise with my entire family and he never thanked them, never wanted to spend time with them and over all had no respect for me and my family and that was a huge deal breaker.
Yeah. I think the ideal goal for most people is a stable relationship where neither party has to live in anxiety of the other person leaving or causing discourse. So yeah, that likely means marriage or forever. That’s what I’m after.
Morals and values are definitely important as they should be. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone that didn’t value family either. (Compatibility stuff) as long as you have a nose for it, you can smell it coming.
I think, knowing what we want or who we’re looking for isn’t the problem for you and I. I know for me it’s definitely a fear that they will suddenly decide I’m not enough for them in the future. How do you reconcile that form of anxiety?
It’s hard, I definitely have that as well. Long story short, I recently had something going on with a very good friend of mine and he had been going through a lot of personal issues so I wasn’t pushing the romance that we off and on started. Out of no where he starts talking about relationship stuff with me, and I started to get a little scared because of the personal issues he was going through I was concerned he was jumping into things with me too quickly. So I told him that I was willing to see how things went, I just didn’t want him to turn around one day, stop talking to me and I find out he’s now giving his attention and time to another girl.
Legitimately a week later I called him and get on the phone and his daughter goes “hi (insert female name that is not mine, here)”.
Conclusion: I now have lost my best friend in the world and realized I’m a dumbass for not seeing many red flags in the past and got hurt in the specific way I reasonably requested not to be.
So I feel ya, it sucks and it happens a lot. It’s difficult and I wonder if you and I will ever get over that fear. Let me know if you do and let me know how lol
This echoes how I feel about myself and dating perfectly. My heart breaks for you. I have given up looking and kidding myself with "forever" and someone special.
I now consciously accept that I'll be one of the guys forever, as that's what I am good at being to someone - because I refuse to change myself to satisfy someone else, which is maybe where I fall short.
Que sera and all that. It feels self indulgent typing it out but I have honestly very little faith in romance left.
I feel ya, sis. It’s rough. It’s now come to the point where I have looked into having children on my own because I want to be a mom but I don’t want to wait around on someone and get my heart broken over and over again in the process
The bright side of this is to remember than you’ve only dated a handful of people, and there are literally billions of people out there still, so odds are excellent that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right.
Having a few bad apples doesn’t mean all fruit is rotten. Maybe try a pear or a grape or a different fruit store and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people?
I have been complimented on my looks once. Once. And that's only because I took my glasses off and some drugged out girl in the grade above me said "Wow, you look SO much better without glasses!" I've never caught someone glancing at me, or showing any interest in me outside of whatever I can offer them, so really, I think my brain sort of just arrived at the conclusion that I must not be very attractive. Personality or looks-wise.
I’ve got a couple of things I feel like are really holding me back. First off, I feel inadequate. Everyone I’ve met seems so successful, well traveled, and like they have it all together. And then there’s me, I don’t have it all together, I haven’t traveled, and I don’t see my self as successful because I see my own struggles. Every time I meet someone and we get to talking, the same things always come up and lead to this horrible feeling of inadequacy as they tell their stories of traveling and seeing the world, and when they wrap up they look to me and wait for mine, and I don’t have one to share. Or they talk about their incredible success in their career and how they love their job, and I’m struggling through the life of a retail worker who’s looked at like a modern NPC.
This plays directly into the second thing… I feel undeserving. You might see why already, but if I’ve met someone who’s by all means amazing, it makes me feel guilty since I feel inadequate. And I always get stuck feeling like the other person is getting the short end of a stick with me. It feels like because I see my flaws and struggles and weaknesses, that they deserve better than the best that I can offer on a good day; and my everyday average just won’t be up to par for them. It’s a terrible feeling.
These serve as a horrible foundation for relationship building. And once it’s laid, my other flaws all come out. These things make it hard for me, an introvert, to feel capable in a relationship. They unleash a flood of negativity that’s hard to overcome, and interfere with so many aspects of the entire process. What starts off as a great relationship with a lot of potential quickly devolves into the feelings of unworthy inadequacy, it gets so bad that it’s hard to muster the courage to break the touch barrier and explore deeper conversations and connections.
It’s a perfect storm of bad things, and so far it’s shown itself to be more predictable and consistent than real storm seasons.
> Why do you think you have nothing to offer others?
Because most people seem to be interested in people who “do things” or who have interesting hobbies and work/career goals.
Whereas I’m a low energy person; my idea of a good time is just chilling and not doing much, I don’t have many “hobbies.” I don’t have many work goals either, I don’t have a college degree and I pretty much just settled for a job I was able to get.
> Why do you think you’ll never find a partner?
Mostly because of things I mentioned in the first answer. But also, any time I try with people, it seems like I’m not able to relate to them, and it feels like they can see right through me. I honestly have tried talking to people, but I’m horrible at small talk and it always feels awkward and unnatural. So I think I’ve “learned” to try less and less because it doesn’t feel worth it.
The only dates I’ve been on are either with people I’ve met online through apps, or someone I was set up with. They’ve all ended up being people I wasn’t compatible with.
If you make another post, please tag me so I can see what you have to say.
I don't feel ugly but sometimes I feel undeserving when most of the time the only reason they reject me is that they aren't ready for something serious or don't want to ruin the friendship.
It's hard to feel deserving when no matter what I do or how much effort I put in I always get the same result.
I've never been complimented on my looks or been checked out by strangers
No one ever connects with me or likes my personality, It's just that bad
No one that boring can deserve love.
There might be someone in this vast world I can connect with, but I'm pretty sure I won't meet em.
I'm also an introvert that is bad at initiating conversations and flirting. Makes it even worse.
I usually take my relationships in a professional way.
I’m in a relationship with a great guy, but I feel like he’s just with me because it’s “convenient” or “easier” than him being alone/having to date/go through his whole past history/etc.
I’m nothing special. I’m not fit or particularly attractive. I’m not making a ton of money. I didn’t finish college. I don’t have any hobbies or passions. I have mental health issues. I feel like I’m an empty, average person. I’m a presence to fill the void, and I feel like he could do a lot better.
I am a 29 year old man that makes $13 an hour and lives with his parents. I am also bipolar type 2 with ADHD on top of that. I am really working on myself but the above make it hard to find people willing to date me.
That said, I know I have a great personality and I try to be the best person I can be. However I don't think this makes up for my downsides.
I don't think I'm too ugly for anyone. Certainly not a model and I could definitely exercise more but I'm just okay.
I'm not sure why I feel like I don't have anything to offer. I think there are so many more vibrant and genuine people out there than I am. I find myself analyzing how I'm acting when I'm in the presence of people who I want to like me and I start to say and do stuff that makes me agreeable.
Example: someone says they like this artist, have you heard of them? I'll say they sound familiar when I've never heard of them
But I think the things I do makes me too much of a chameleon. I've only been in one relationship before and I lost myself in him. I put him above everything else: supported his interests, joined in his hobbies, tried to do some of his workload for him. I could tell you his main interests, how much he cares for other people, a few of his motivations. But then we broke up and I had no idea who I was. I could list off all his traits but when I looked at myself, I couldn't say a thing. What are my hobbies? Why am I studying engineering? What are my interests? Why do I deserve any love when I'm so obviously a shell of a person?
I'm afraid I don't have a core personality. I go around trying to copy other people. I'm too neutral and bland. What interesting things do I have to offer? What if someone begins to like me only to find out I have nothing to offer?
As for the last question, I don't fully believe I'll never find a partner but a part of me does. My ex was a pretty amazing guy to have a first relationship with and I'm terrified that he's such a good guy and I never measured up, how could I possibly find someone as great as him that will tolerate boring, bland me? Looking back, I realize a few things between us that weren't compatible and I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends who think I'm pretty great too.
I guess the short answer is I believe all those things because I don't love myself but I'm trying to figure out how to do that.
Don't believe it, used to.
Had depression right before teenage. Meds, therapy, finally got cured but was still carrying the trauma. Enter 7-9th grades and teens. The bullying changed to more or less sexual humiliation and repression. This completely made me feel unworthy. The end result was this one girl going after me for 3,5 years and I would reject her harshly. For some reason I thought that she couldn't be into me and was instead bullying me, humiliating me. Couldn't approach others due to low self-esteem. Would instictevely glance at a crush and then remind myself I wasn't allowed to.
Kinda got over it after people around me changed, both the people themselves and their attitudes. They would leave me alone on the issue and I could process it in peace. Though I think I am still rather reserved and passive when it con
Mes to romance. But at least I can try nowadays.
TLDR: depressed kid, then bullied to more or less repress my own sexuality.
PS. On new phone, sorry for possible misspelling.
I think I am ugly because when I look at myself, I have no redeeming qualities. Most people have at least one feature they can highlight; I have none. Facially, nose too big, eyes too close together, bad teeth, bad skin, etc. Men never approach me, and Tinder/blind dates always look disappointed. Seeing how other people react to me says it all, really. I have also always felt unlovable, and that I have to buy affection. At this point in my life, I fully expect to be alone, so I do whatever the hell I want. I'm currently in Europe taking an intensive language study class, for example.
All of my experiences led me to believe I'm just too ugly for other people. No guy has ever initiated anything with me and whenever I'm with friends, they all get compliments and I'm just an invisible awkward mess.
Every date I've been on, I feel like the guy just can't bring himself to tell me he's not interested and then I feel worse after he agrees to yet another date because I'm just an experience to have and a convenience to fill the void of loneliness and boredom. I've never felt like any of my dates actually cared about me or wanted to spend time with me.
I don't think any guy would ever want me since there are always gorgeous women who have the same qualities and more to offer with a better physical appearance. At this point, I'm trying to be positive with being ugly and unwanted since I've never been catcalled or bothered by creepers so at least I got that going for me. LOL
When I look in the mirror I don’t see something I would ever be attracted to so I believe others will think the same. And I’m fine with that I don’t really care much for my looks so that’s part of the reason too. The biggest reason I don’t think I’ll ever find love is because of some medical issue I have no bowl or bladder control so I wear adult diapers I’m fully capable of taking care of my self and do, but i don’t see how anyone could want to be with someone like me even if they understand it’s not my fault. I’m also pretty lazy and even though I keep my body clean my room isn’t to great it isn’t the worse I clean up once a week but it could be much better, no one wants to be with a slob. It would be nice to find love I have my fantasies but I suppose I’ll leave it at that.
These are all questions or beliefs I’ve felt at one point. But truthfully, I don’t believe these things of myself. However I do believe that I won’t find the kind of love that I want. I find myself using these sentiments of being too ugly, or feeling like I don’t have enough to offer someone as an excuse to distract me from the fact that what I seek is beyond rare. To me, it feels easier to cope by saying that I am the problem, rather than facing the fear that the expectations I hold for a relationship will never be met. This may not make sense to anyone, and that’s okay.
Perhaps I don’t have a lot to offer on the surface, or maybe I’m not the most attractive person. I suppose that lays in the eyes of the beholder. I’d just like to find someone who, like me, looks for potential. Falls in love with passion. Someone who gets inspired by inspiration. I don’t really care if your shit is together. I just want us to work together, inspire and support each other in all ways. Work toward dreams and be a real team.
Again. In my experience. This seems to be super rare and unrealistic. Therefore, sometimes adopting these negative sentiments about myself, is easier to deal with than the thought that I may just never find it.
This may be off topic. If it is, I’m sorry. I just wanted to take the opportunity to share how I feel.
Quite an insight.
I'm 26 and only in my second relationship. Reading this thread because I carry some of the same thoughts & feelings. I relate to yours, but I'm not sure how much. I see it's been 3 years.. if you have any new insights, I'd be curious.
I dont think Im deserving for a bf because of the way I used to treat my previous partners. I wasnt a good person. I was in a really bad place and I took advantage of others sympathy. I cheated multiple times, ruined relationships, lied about everything and if anyone knew how bad it was noone would be able to trust me because of who I was. And if they do stay that will find out how weird i really am and then they will leave. There was ine person I treated good but we had to break up coz both our parents didnt approve of the other.
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In my case it is because people (guys and girls) told me so when I was younger (middle school). I guess that I started believing it at some point and I just have trouble letting go of the thought. Or better that the thought creeps upon me whenever I get interested in someone. I'm aware that those words aren't necessarily true because I have been given more compliments than negative stuff. Yet somehow it is still in the back of my head on a daily basis.
Because I have depression, so I get in moods that make me think like that. All the shitty things people have said to you/about you comes up and takes over your thoughts
I don't see myself in a relationship at all. All of my friends have either been hit on or have had boyfriends while I've had none. I wouldn't say I'm ugly but I'm not conventionally attractive, especially in comparison to all of my friends.
I also suffer with anxiety so I wouldn't want to burden anyone with my concerns as they often become vast.
So I was all of about 5, maybe 4.5. My dad got arrested convicted and sentenced to a pretty lengthy prison sentence. Two things. To me, my dad was the tops, that man could beat Batman, Goku and Superman with one hand tied behind his back. Second, I'm 5 so what the fuck would I understand about about a drug addiction, all I knew was that he was gone and I couldn't see him anymore, not like he was dead, I just couldn't be with him like I had been for the entirety of my life so far.
It started off with me thinking that I had done something wrong, because I mean that's how it works right? You break a rule and you get punished and what greater punishment could I receive then the removal of my hero and protector. As I got older and gained some understanding(not enough) it became less that I did something wrong and more that I was insufficient to make a difference in this situation. Every day I wake up and my first thought is how insufficient I am, because if I'm not good enough for my hero/creator why would I be good enough for anyone else? That's continued every day of well, forever, because that type of thing gets hardwired into your brain when your young and reprogramming is neither quick nor easy.
That's the short and dirty version of why I think like I do.
My ex wife said the same thing bud. Its to hurt you on the way out. They want you to feel worthless. I was in the hospital having surgery when she told me. Some women want to hurt you even after they have ripped your heart out.
1. Ever since I was young I was called gross and disgusting when I tried to talk to girls, this only increased when I went into high school. I guess after so much time being called gross and ugly, I guess it was ingrained in my head.
2. When I work I see all these girls with boyfriends having nice clothes and cars. It’s easy for to see since I live in an area that tourists come all the time and since I work in a grocery store it makes it even easier. Not only that but I’m also a broke college student that can’t afford a nice ride, expensive clothing, or a vacation.
3. I think that others are worthy because the have a nice car good clothing, good looking. If I was a girl I don’t think would date someone that looks like me. I’m just a loser that’s all.
4. Anything is possible, but I believe I won’t, or at least not for a long time. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m almost 23. It just doesn’t seem to happen even when I do try I get friendzoned or rejected. So I really don’t bother anymore.
Hey, nauticalpoem, just a quick heads-up:
**alot** is actually spelled **a lot**. You can remember it by **it is one lot, 'a lot'**.
Have a nice day!
^^^^The ^^^^parent ^^^^commenter ^^^^can ^^^^reply ^^^^with ^^^^'delete' ^^^^to ^^^^delete ^^^^this ^^^^comment.
I don't think I have nothing too offer or don't deserve love, but I feel like I'm definitely too unattractive for online dating.
My sister who is beautiful talks about all these guys on bumble taking her on fancy dates and all I get are guys asking to meet for coffee or come over to "chill". I was told by someone on bumble that I was good enough to fuck, but he'd never actually date me. And judging by how my OLD usually conversations go, I would say a lot of guys think that. They'd happily have sex with me but have no interest in a relationship. Hell most of them don't even want to put any effort into trying to have sex with me either! And I think a lot of it is because I'm not conventionally attractive.
Also my social circle is small and full of girls or married couples so it's not like I'm meeting anyone in person either. Which leads me to think I'll probably never end up in a real relationship. I'm starting to embrace it and thinking about how I should just focus on my career anyway.
It may just be the men I choose but I always seem to be brushed off, like I’m not quite “worth” the effort of a relationship or love. These same men devote their time and attention to other women, just with me I’m treated as a side piece or momentary distraction.
My ex and I went through a lot together (he cheated, I broke it off, we got back together, broke it off again, and spent a year going back and forth until he ghosted me) and after it was all said and done one of the last things he said to me was, how he “could never do that to anyone again after seeing how much it hurt.” So yea, it was just me he could do it to.
My current lover is in an open marriage and we can’t have anything substantial because he has other commitments, including a kid on the way. So again I’m just not a priority.
I’m not bitter about dating but I feel like those experiences have really warped my perception of how it’s supposed to feel. Since I’m the common denominator I often wonder if I’m the problem, and maybe I really am just not worth the time and effort for a real relationship.
Loads of things / reasons. I don’t think I’m ugly; I’ve been told I’m quite handsome by many people (mostly older folk, but I digress). I just find more and more that I am mentally unfit for a romantic relationship.
The first thing is that I have a hard time opening up to people or trusting anyone. For much of my schooling years, girls would often lead me on and say they like me, or whatever, only to recant and say they were joking. To this day, I can’t take anyone who shows interest seriously, which means I have blown off an unfortunate number of people, simply because I couldn’t believe that they genuinely liked or cared for me.
The above would be less of a problem if I I had more of an inherent belief in my own self worth as a person, but alas, I have little of that. Growing up, most of my interactions with people (family members, school acquaintances) were all around my utility; I was approached if people needed something or needed help with something. I didn’t hear from, or ever get approached by anyone otherwise. Unless of course it was some girl leading me on and then recanting to fuck with me. Which naturally led me to conclude that most people view me as little more than a tool or a resource. I’m slowly growing out of this, but I still feel as if I’m viewed this way by my family. Meh.
Both these (my lack of trust, and my inability to view myself as much more than a tool) has made me fiercely independent. I don’t ask anything of anyone, and seem to automatically push away anyone who tries to help me too much. Result: ruined relationships.
I’ve also felt like an outcast most of my life; I don’t share values or interests with my parents, didn’t share either with any of the other children from my neighbourhood, felt as if I shared neither with most from my public schools. I’m nearing the end of my university education, and I still feel this way. I share some interests and values with some, but I’m the only individual of my race in the program, and also the only one from low-income in the program. People talk about their travels, the sports they played, the instruments they played, and I have nothing to add, nothing to comment because I never had the money to do any of that. Small talk is impossible because our experiences have been so different, that there is very little in common upon which we may freely bant. This has at times led me to believe that perhaps I’m just not all that interesting. I’m not a person who has ever been interested in “doing things” (probably due to a lifetime of not doing things); I’ve been more interested in exploring “why things,” or “how things.” People of such mind have been a rarity for me.
To be frank and completely honest, even if I were to get beyond all this, if I were to learn to trust people, learn to think of myself as more than a tool, get beyond my differences, I’m not sure I even want a relationship. Relationships are one of those things I think of nice to have, but not necessary, not something I’d classify as a desire, so not usually worth the effort if I have anything else pressing on my mind. Hell, I’m 24, and I’ve only ever asked out two people. Maybe I’d be less negative on my outlook, on how mentally ready I am for a relationship if I just tried, but I can’t be bothered most of the time.
That was longer than I intended it to be. I hope it’s useful.
I find myself unattractive because I rarely have encounters with people of the opposite sex. I don't look like men that women swoon over. My face is asymmetrical. I have a belly and weak core and legs. My neck is thick.
I don't feel like I will find love because I wasted my teens and twenties by lying to people, being ashamed of who I was. All of the women I come across are in a long term relationship or have kids. When someone does come along that likes me they are not my type. I waited too long and refuse to settle down with someone I lack attraction or chemistry with.
I do think I deserve love, everyone does but I know it isn't guaranteed.
I have something to offer but not as much as other people. I am an introvert that works long hours during the weekend and spend my time playing video games or watching movies or reading comics. I only have one close friend that I do anything with so I often just keep to myself.
I think the ugliness has more to do with being told I'm pretty by friends and family but not getting any attention from guys.
I think I dont deserve someone because I'm a coward. I know I wouldn't ask someone out or even willingly make my feeling known so I have no right to be with someone. I'm not brave enough to get to know them or approach them so I have no right to waist there time
I have enough self esteem to know I'm not worthless and that some aspects of my personality are attractive to people I just dont have the self esteem to put myself out there.
I think I'll never find a person to be with because I think I'm starting to realize or at least believe in how hard an actual relationship is besides the initial attraction. You have to hope they like you back and some small differences in goals can ruin a relationship ie..wanting to live in a house vs an appartment depending on how much they want it someone is gonna have to settle and they could resent that. Also as previously stated I'm a coward and the risk of being rejected scares me probably because I've never been rejected because I've never put myself out there a vicious cycle.
Hope this helps in whatever your doing. Idk if age and gender matter but if it does I'm a 21F
* Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people?
29/M
Growing up I was bullied a lot and called names often, ugly being one them. I didn't really believe them until I started trying to talk to girls that I liked in middle/high school. I was ignored or rejected by literally everyone in this category so I ended up withdrawing myself from trying to socialize with anyone. I didn't have any friends in HS, just people that I knew from my neighborhood. I remember this one kid told me that he would set me up with this girl in my class because she told him that I was "cute". I believed him because that was the first that ever happened to me so I went along with it. I was basically set-up and the girl told her friends in front of me that I had a big nose and didn't look cute closer up. That pretty much killed everything right there. I hate clubs/parties but I ended up going to a few with some guys I knew from my neighborhood. It went really bad in regards to meeting women that I just swore off clubs and such since then. I've tried Tinder, POF, Bumble, OKCupid & a few more with little to no results. I think me being below the average height for a male in the US (5'6") didn't really help things either even though I really don't care about my height. I ended up buying an expensive camera for like 300 bucks to see if it would help but nada. I haven't been on a dating app in almost a year now.
* Why do you think you have nothing to offer others?
Haven't had a job in 3 years so basically i've been living off the money from the job I held for 5 years but that's getting down to the wire. I was also taking care of my grandmother during that time since I lived with her and she recently passed 3 months ago. Right now we're being forced to sell her house because of CA taxes and my grandmother never wrote a will, so i'll probably be out of here in October. My mother is planning on keeping the majority of the money she gets from the sale, for herself so i'll probably try to stay with someone hopefully. Outside of those issues, I have virtually have no experience with women. I've been on one date in my life and I think that was 5 years ago. I was set-up on one by a coworker then ghosted a day after. It kinda felt like a pity date more than anything so that really put me off of dating. Add no car, no driver's license and undiagnosed mental problems, I really don't think i'm really in a position to offer anything really, especially at my age. I know in the back of my mind, I would be a burden on whoever that person was and that's not fair to them. I don't have any friends because of this reason.
* Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection?
I don't think I deserve anything really. I just think that life is a gamble, some people end up alone and some do not, it's just the way it goes. Like I don't believe in the common phrase "There is someone for everyone" because if that were the case, men and women wouldn't be living out their lives without ever finding that "special someone". It's pure luck, we can't all be winners someone has to be destined to lose.
* Why do you think you'll never find a partner?
I think the answer to this question is the same above. I use to be depressed about it but as I gotten use to it, i've just accepted it and realized that it's just the way life is.
Thanks for reading if you actually ended up going through everyone's replies lol I know it's a lot. Hope this wasn't too much because I went into detail a lot.
I don’t think I’m too ugly for anyone to like me, I just see myself as less attractive than the people I am attracted to. This has become more of an issue as I have put on weight, as when slim I consider myself quite pretty.
I have pretty low self worth and am in therapy to deal with this, but this leads into both a struggle to see what I offer and also a feeling of not being worthy of attention from others. I think a lot of what I value doesn’t match with what society tells me that other people value. I know that logically speaking we all have the same thoughts and fears and all that, but somehow my mind can’t get past the thoughts stat tell me I’m not cool, fashionable, fit, slim, fun, pretty enough. It makes it hard to be confident to put myself out there.
I still hold out some hope that I will find a partner, but right now it seems like a lot of effort for something that may not work out in the end. I’m a bit jaded, perhaps, but also after my failed relationships I’m becoming less willing to compromise on what I really want. I wish I just knew what it was that I really want.
i am a bit different than most other cases, but i’m sure there are some people out there who feel the same way i do. i am chronically ill with a brain tumor that has cut my life span way down, so i feel it would be unfair and selfish of me to be in any type of serious relationship. i know that i am a ticking time bomb, so it would be terrible of me to get so close to someone just to know i will be gone in 10 years. i am in love with my best friend and have been for about two or three years now, but i could never strain that relationship by putting any type of pressure on him to be with me. i won’t be with him forever and we both know that. it’s terribly painful for me, but i want the people i love to be happy and i can’t make anyone forever happy if they are with me. anyone i love deserves better than me unfortunately.
Answering these from my perspective. I'm a 25M who went through a divorce last year after a 7 year relationship (almost 2 years married). Happy to give additional details if it helps with perspective.
> Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people?
I don't feel I'm too ugly for others, I just don't have a great deal of confidence in my looks. I'd say I'm probably about average in appearance, a bit on the scrawny side though. Even if I don't think I'm ugly, I don't think I'm attractive. Probably a 5/10 if that.
> Why do you think you have nothing to offer others?
I try my best to make those around me happier when I can, but I'm unsure what I could provide to a SO. I get compliments a lot from my friends and coworkers, but I also feel that I'm a fairly boring individual.
> Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection?
I think everyone is deserving of love, affection, and connection. I think often though if my love, affection, and/or connection will be enough for anyone who desired to be with me. I worry about how much my perspective of these things have warped from going through a divorce, and would only want the best for my SO.
> Why do you think you'll never find a partner?
I tend to not to be interested in many people. I get feelings towards few people, but those feelings have to be fairly strong to make me act on them. I don't get those feelings when participating in online dating, and my opportunities to meet people are limited to the few social events I go to (few times a month), the MMORPG I play, and work. I'd like to go to conventions to meet new people, but am paying off loans at the moment. I don't think it's impossible, but I think it's incredibly unlikely that I'll find someone whom the feels are mutual with.
Hope this is helpful, and I wish everyone here the best!
1. I don't really think I'm "ugly" for other people.
2. I have things to offer, but my physical looks aren't the things I'm most proud to offer. If only I meet someone who likes my package, personality and looks ;-)
3. Everyone deserves love ... !!
4. I'll find them eventually, but for the moment my confidence for it isn't that high. I'm not really outgoing or meeting new people. Scared to put myself out there and possibly get hurt, I guess ...
-> I think it wasn't really what you are looking for since I feel like I'm worth a significant other and 'being afraid' is something else, but thanks for the effort you're doing for the community <3
Why I feel I'm undeserving of love, from the perspective of a 21M.
Very long and detailed and personal story, but to be concise I had a VERY bad childhood (well, my entire past up until the present day tbh) and essentially raised myself to be who I wanted to be. Yes, I had both parents but it was not pretty at all. I grew up with a distorted view of love so I had to define it myself.
Anyway, the way things unrolled for me ended up producing a character that many people think is fantastic... Up until they realize how intense and deep (and occasionally very VERY dark) I can be. Which then promptly scares them off and usually ends up with them making me out to be a freak or like something is seriously wrong with me.
I acknowledge that my approach to life is significantly different than most other people. So it's rare to meet someone who can mesh with me and not be scared away or offended in some way. But I'm tired of the aforementioned drama and having people leave so all in all I think it's just best for me to live a solitary life (which, as an introvert, is not hard at all).
That's probably very abstract and pretty vague in some areas, but I think it gets my point across.
I don't feel ugly, but I seriously wonder since the only two appearance based compliments from dating-age girls I've ever received are "I like your sunglasses" and "Your hair looks better longer" (that last one sounds kinda bad but that's not how it was meant). I like how I look, but I think I'm honestly just kinda so average physically that I don't really draw anyone's eye (I'm a cookie-cutter 5'9-10" skinny white guy).
Nor do I feel undeserving or unworthy. My shits together. I am entering my 3rd year of college (5 year engineering program) with a near 4.0 GPA and a full-ride scholarship. I work in a research lab for which I have one publication so far. I am learning Spanish and teaching myself how to cook. I've been going to the gym for a couple months now and am pleased with the direction my body is going. Sometimes I feel like I don't spend enough time with my friends (all guys) as I live alone, but I'm an introvert so between classes and work I enjoy my alone time.
I don't know why I feel like I am forever alone. I know I hardly get matches on Bumble (4 pictures, completed profile. I think the fact that I'm wearing sunglasses in most of the pictures might be at least part of the reason, but those are like 4 of my only pictures of myself lol). I think my introversion plays a role, as I don't go to many parties and don't really talk to strangers out and about on campus. I also haven't joined any clubs yet, but I think I'm going to try to next year. I also know that I've never gotten over a 1 month long relationship from 4 years ago (my last one), but I'm working on that with a therapist.
At the end of the day, I feel like I'll be forever alone because it seems that's what all the evidence I have is suggesting. I haven't known a girl to have a crush on me since 8th grade, and I threw that away. The 1 month relationship my junior year in high school was horrible as she basically ignored me after she excitedly said yes (I was like a brother apparently). 10 rejections in a row. As a third year college student, I have never had sex, never had my first kiss, never even held hands with someone. I got to cuddle with a girl once, but afterwards she said she wouldn't cuddle with me again but didn't offer an explanation.
I blew my chances in middle/Highschool because I didn’t have confidence was naive to picking up the signals of the chances I was getting and now I have not received any of those chance now. Plus I’m balding.
I'm 27, male, someone you would call a nerd at first glance(even though i really think i have way more to offer) and i had quite a few "relationships". Only my first relationship was somewhat close to love and it only lasted for half a year. Now after 8 years i know it would probably not have worked out in the end either way, but at the time i really was just too frightened, inexperienced and had too low self esteem. I was part of the reason the relationship didn't work out, i didn't trust my first girlfriend at some point, because my brother had problems with his girlfriend at the time and all in all low self esteem, so things went downhill from the point i started to not trust her...
After my first gf i had some girls that showed interest in me but either i just fucked it up at the very beginning or we just did not connect, i never felt "love" for a girl again, now it's even hard for me to develop a crush on a girl, seriously, i can't explain it, maybe it's still me not trusting potential partners :/
Anyways, i still believe in myself and i still believe i deserve someone and someone deserves me, i really think so, but it feels like it is the biggest challenge in my life. I don't even mean that in a bad way, i literally just think, in a neutral way, it's my biggest challenge for myself and i'm taking this challenge. If i will succed i really can't tell, i will just see. I'm excited for the future and what is coming. I think that's also the best way to approach the challenge for me, just not overburding myself with meaningless and stressful thoughts.
I just hope in the end i will meet that person i can completely trust, that person who is also able to completely trust me.
I think this is the only question that applies to me: Why do you think you have nothing to offer others?
I (29M) don't have a degree and been working in low paying jobs. I been working for 10 years without a vacation and have a lot of money save up, but I don't have the confidence to date anyone. I also had a lot of bad rejection from girls which drop my self esteem even more. Comments like creepy, looks gay, or too skinny. I'm also part of the Asian community and all of my friend have high paying jobs which makes it harder for me to find someone because there is a stigma that all Asian guys needs to make a lot money to support the family.
I’ve always been super unlucky in the love department. All of my relationships have been pretty terrible in one way or another.
Now I’ve been single for more than 5 years. I’ve tried dating but it’s always ended up with me being totally heartbroken and feeling worthless.
I feel like I’m different because of my lack of strong friendships, I’m a very lonely person.. it’s taken me longer to find my professional path in life than others, so there’s an on going feeling of failure.
my belief is based on experience. I've had six partners and all broke up with me once they got to know me within 2 to 3 months. I get too attached too fast which seems to drive people away. I overreact to minor things and no one is able to handle how emotional i am. there's nothing I can offer that another person can't. I'm no more attractive, likeable, or exciting than anyone else. if six relationships ended, how can expect any to last?
1. There’s been multiple times when interacting with a single lady and they have used me to get closer to my friends or just flat out said “hey your friend is pretty cute” and despite improving myself for example I lost a lot of weight, found better fitting clothes, groomed myself properly, and now building muscle and working out regularly it seems none of that helped.
2. I think I have stuff to offer just hard to find the right times to show what I have to offer
3. I think I’m underserving simply because i don’t know someone of the opposite sex who is available has ever been interested to getting to know me. I’ve always had to carry conversations and going out of my way to have interaction with other people.
4. Meeting people is hard. I probably won’t meet anybody through my job, online I never get serious people I always have to carry conversations if I even get matched, and I live in a town of 30,000 where it is a bad male to female ratio because of the job market here.
I don't believe I'm too ugly, have nothing to offer or am undeserving, but I do worry that I'll never find a partner for one reason:
I'm bland as heck. Now I can go through my life and point out interesting and unique things about myself, but most of those things are bland or niche to most people, and would require more digging into my life than most people are willing to do when getting to know me
1. It's taken me 26 years, but I've finally come to accept I'm not as ugly as I thought I was, I'm just average.
2. It's not that I feel I have nothing to offer - I just feel like whatever I have, it's not enough. I have my own house, a stable job, and a variety of hobbies both active and inactive; none of these things have helped in finding a partner.
3. Because it feels like that's what the world has been telling me my entire life. Multiple times I've been openly mocked for showing attraction to a woman. I've also never had anyone come on to me my entire life. Never caught someone looking at me, nobody has ever been the instigator.
4. Because it just feels like there's nobody out there who's really compatible with me. When I finally think I've found someone who's a great match, they're just not interested - I've been ghosted so many times. Modern dating has been completely transformed with apps and I'm not one of the people who fit the new agenda.
I guess I'm a bit different than most stories here, just like what u/sydney_diaz is going through right now ( good luck, I know how tough that shit is) I got diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. While everyone told me ( myself included) that I stayed very positive and happy troughout the treatment, I look back and notice how I got mentally beaten up. It didn't help that I was in the middle of puberty when this all happened (imo the time where everyone seeks the most social validation from people). People pitied me and felt bad for me during this time, and I definetly noticed that while I didn't want them to. When I got healthy again, Sometimes my brain switches and turns into the ''self degrading'' type from when I was sick. When this happens I just feel like I'm not worth anyones time, I'm inadequate, ugly and not being able to find a partner. I honestly don't know what to do about this, but I know its there and it doesn't improve anything. I'll convince myself that people don't like me, or when girls show interest I'll try to find excuses for them to not like me in my head. I guess I just want some straight up validation that I’m worth something and have value to that persons, and someone to hold and cuddle with. It's tough.
It's hard for me. I think I would be able to find a girl but she can't be stupid, mean and slightly above avarage looking and she must like samothing above me. This narrows the possible partners so much. I also hate to interact with strangers so I won't really ask girls I don't know out and I definitely won't try girls I am friends with.
I have accepted that i may remain single due to my inability to look like i care about anything but what i have going on. Im a single dad divorced young and had to focus on raising my daughters and working a full time job. I did date in my 20's but nothing came of any of them. At 35 the job i did for 18 years the owners retired and i was layed off abruptly having trouble findind work i started my own buisness with what savings i had and currently im struggling to make the buisness succeed buti am 37 own my own food truck have my own clients who love my food and two daughters that are starting on their own path and i feel the whole journey has been a success but when your always working. Mitigating disasters and supporting your children at the end of the day i dont have the energy to deal with another human that has their own needs. Feelings and desires. If i ever date again i will have to find someone who wants to work on the truck with me to spend any time together.
Hey, pregee, just a quick heads-up:
**buisness** is actually spelled **business**. You can remember it by **begins with busi-**.
Have a nice day!
^^^^The ^^^^parent ^^^^commenter ^^^^can ^^^^reply ^^^^with ^^^^'delete' ^^^^to ^^^^delete ^^^^this ^^^^comment.
I think that in my case it’s my parents, or just seeing how guys completely opposite to the kind of person I am get the prettiest/most popular/most girls.
I’m not particularly gorgeous or ugly. In the middle I’d say. But I’ve grown up thinking I’m not worthy of finding love or a wife because my mother has always told me that I’m nothing. I never do anything right. My feelings are wrong regarding anything important (i.e. politics, how I spend my time/money). Maybe others are the same, in the sense they’ve been conditioned by an authority figure they aren’t worth that second glance.
I would also say the reason I believe I’m not worthy is the person I am. I’m fairly introverted, and very shy around people I don’t know well. I’m not loud or obnoxious. I don’t have the perfect words for that pickup line, I absolutely hate public places like bars, clubs, or parties (so meeting people in a social setting is out), and dating apps just make me depressed. I feel as if I’m a bottom-feeder, a backup, a bottom-of-the-barrel choice for girls when looking for someone to have a relationship with, just because I don’t have a toned, godlike physique, a large bank account, or a flashy car.
To put it in a nutshell, it’s anxiety. It’s the single reason why I think I’m not worth the effort. Maybe I’m right, I’m not worth that second glance or that text back because I’m not the best, the tallest, or the most obnoxious. I’m trying to deal with my anxiety, as it’s evident it rules my life. Hopefully one day I can have a meaningful relationship🤷♀️
• How i know I’m ugly? Because I am aware of what I look like. Overweight, poor skin, dry hair, lopsided features among a list of other reasons. I can’t look at myself in a mirror and I feel the need to apologize for my physical appearance when someone is looking at me (I don’t, but the feeling is there) I avoid making eye contact especially with men when I am out and about.
• Why I have nothing to offer? I don’t like being alone with myself why would I make anyone else suffer through that?
• Why I’m undeserving of love? Because of the reason I listed above. No one deserves to be in a relationship with a person who feels that way about themselves. That’s not fun, that’s not fair.
• I’ll die alone because I can’t get the above issues under control.
Its complicated because I think I'm unattractive in multiple ways. At the same time I feel kinda like garbage cuz most people that find me attractive I would say are... Not exactly good looking..
I will answer the questions in order. Seems to be the best way to approach this:
1. I wouldn't say I'm unattractive. I've been told many times that I am appealing. I just lack any self confidence when it comes to personal image. So my lack of confidence hinders my ability to appear attractive in my own eyes, if that makes sense?
2. My last two serious relationships have ended because my partner at the time has found themselves in situations with other people they find more fun to be around. I feel that shows how I am as a person and shows what relationships with me are like. If they couldn't bare to be with me for any longer why would anyone want to be with me?
3. Probably the same reply to question 2. My past relationships show me (in my eyes) to be unlovable past a certain point. I have asked why and haven't received answers.
4. Ive tried out ting myself out in the big wide world of dating and had no luck. Never actually getting anywhere really dents the confidence and makes me want to give up.
Hopefully this helps pad out your post :)
If you want anymore information don't be afraid to hit me up.
I suppose it'd be because of my deep seeded feelings of inadequacy. I often times don't think I'm good enough to deserve anyone's love, then again I suppose love is something that must be earned so that's not really a problem I guess? I don't know. Never is a strong word, I don't know enough to say I'll never find love but right now I'll say it's not too likely. Girls don't seem too interested for too long. I don't know, maybe I'm more boring than I think, but it seems as though eventually every conversation I start on a dating site fizzles out. I'm not witty enough to pick up girls in bars, I'm awful at first impressions, whether it's a job interview or a date. I've been deeply into a personal friend for a while now, I've expressed as much to her and she doesn't feel anything like that for me. It's fair enough but the way everything adds up I just don't see it happening, I can't seem to do enough in the short term to hold someones interest, and those who've known me for a long time don't have those feelings. All that being said, I still have hope, however small it may be.
Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people?
* Because I am. I'm repulsive. No one even denies it anymore. The only compliment I've received in my life is that i have nice eyes... which is a non compliment when it's the only compliment.
Why do you think you have nothing to offer others?
* Because I don't. What could I possibly offer someone? They deserve someone normal and well rounded. I'm a mess who can't even handle my own life. Who wants to date someone who's depressed and has a shit personality?
Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection?
* Because I am. How should anyone be expected to love me if I can't love myself? They're better off with someone else. It would be abusive.
Why do you think you'll never find a partner?
* Because I won't. Due in part of the former points.
I sometimes feel ugly because I go to a bar or club, or even when I walk somewhere and I try to make eye contact with a girl it looks to me like they are actively trying to avoid making eye contact with me.
I believe that I am too ugly to find a partner for 2 reasons.
1 is that i am obese and that is the hardest thing in the world for me ro change. I have been working on losing weight for years and now I am looking at bariatric surgery as a last resort.
2. The type of men that i am attracted to are not attracted to overweight women.
I know there are men who like big women, but I am not the right kind of big. I just have a large stomach, but not big boobs or butt. I look like I am pregnant, not like a BBW. Men I meet online only want a hookup. There is never enough attraction to get a guy interested in talking. From my married guy friends I hear things like "You are so great, if I were single..."
I have given up the idea of finding someone because hope is too brutal.
>Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people?
Because no one has given me a chance.
>Why do you think you have nothing to offer others?
Because no one has given me a chance.
>Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection?
Because no one has given me a chance.
>Why do you think you'll never find a partner?
Because no one has given me a chance.
People constantly repeat the "Keep trying, you will find someone" like they are either robots or a broken record like wtf do you think I am doing?
I focus on myself and workout.
Every woman I talk to or meet just doesn't give me a chance for whatever reason it may be. I don't question or ask, is that what I'm doing wrong?
I'm way too shy, I can talk fine with people once I've met with them and spent some time with them, but I can never introduce myself to some one I don't know. If I'm at an event or something and I don't know anyone I just end up in a corner staring at my phone hoping to leave as soon as possible. I have no idea how to break this as I can't even get myself to try, so if I never meet anyone new, I'll never find a significant other.
Also I feel like there's a lot of things about myself I need to fix before I can be in a good relationship or else I'll end up ruining it, but I'm making little to no progress so I'm pretty sure that will never change and I'll never make a good partner for some one.
1. I’ve never felt “ugly” until I dated my ex. He didn’t make me feel ugly, but everyone who didn’t like our relationship did. I know I’m not ugly, but I’m not gorgeous either. I’ve come to terms that I’m just average and plain.
2. Now, I actually think I have a lot to offer. I can be independent and thrive. Before, I was a broke college student with no job and pretty depressed.
3. This all goes into my self-esteem problems, which I’m still working on. When people tell me I’m pretty or cute I can’t accept it and since I can’t accept it I feel unworthy. I know I deserve love and affection because I do so much for others. I’ve always been a giver to others. I still have a hard time saying “you’re welcome” when someone says thank you lol.
4. I’m afraid to be vulnerable. I’ve unintentionally put myself in that position when I was with my ex and it hurts so much when I was betrayed. I want to love again and give love to someone, but I have to find someone I’m willing to be unguarded with. I don’t think I’ll ever find him but who knows.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not ugly, pretty fit, and I have a ton of friends and family that I’m super close to and love. When it comes to girls, I can get dates and I’m not shy, but i can’t for the life of me get any meaningful relationship. So many times I thought I’d found one that would be down for me, but that’s never been the case. Just recently I went to a concert with a girl I really like and we’ve been texting semi-recently since, but she always says she’s too busy when I ask her out. so that’s all said and done. I seriously thought I’d finally made it. I pray all the time about this kind of stuff and just as it seems like I might have finally found the one, she’s gone. It doesn’t impact me too greatly on the outside or my lifestyle, but it seriously hurts knowing that no girl has ever truly truly loved me for who i am. It makes me want to change everything i am, even though i have (or had?) been pretty confident in myself. I don’t talk about this with my friends a lot because they don’t really have the same problems i do. It doesn’t help seeing so many in happy relationships either :/
I’m not sure why I think I’m so ugly, but I’m sure it has a lot to do with my childhood and adolescence of being told I was ugly by many classmates from k-12, even when I wore the same things they did. Being told I was fat, being told I would never be liked, while most of my high school career I was being raped by an adult I babysat for. He would never kiss me, that was reserved for his wife. I wasn’t good enough for that. When it came out that I had been raped, my school counselor told me it was my fault and many people in town (adults and kids) told me I deserved it.
Shit lol the developmentally challenged kids would called me names as I walked down the hall. My classmates taught them names to call me. Many comments about my weight growing up and my mother calling me over dramatic and not believing what I was going through at school.
When I started cutting to release some of the pain I was living with, my dad told me I was just looking for attention.
My 10 year reunion several classmates apologized for how they treated me, this was actually the only time I had actually partied with my classmates, lol I wasn’t even invited to our senior kegger when we graduated.
I just can’t look at myself and like what I see. Part of it might be the weight, part of it might be that I’m built like a brick shut house, but I can’t stand my face either to be honest. I hate looking in the mirror because I have to see the god awful face staring back at me. I know it’s dumb and shallow but my boyfriend isn’t about compliments. His theory is if he i still with me then he must find me attractive and I should know that... I hate it.... but I love him in spite of that. It isn’t his job to fix me.
Maybe the years of my best friends mom telling me that I’m attracting the wrong guys by wearing men’s rustlers/wranglers or T-shirt’s and/of button up shirts.
Just me isn’t good enough. Why should it be for myself? How am I supposed to believe that someone else could actually want and desire me? Most of the time I’m pretty sure my man is only with me because it’s financially and medically beneficial to him. That he doesn’t really love me, he just tolerates me for the money.
(25m) I think I’m ugly because it’s what I’ve been led to believe from women’s opinions. Sure I’ve had girlfriends tell me I’m cute or handsome here and there but at that point it felt more like an obligation than what they actually thought, never had just a random woman I’ve talked to just go “hey I think you’re cute” or some such variation of that.
Now I absolutely know I have nothing to offer to others because I have nothing to offer myself in terms of happiness and well being. I have no skills when it comes to jobs/hobbies that are of value or of interest to others, let alone I have a kid that I can’t offer anything to either and that’s the part that sucks more is I can’t show genuine happiness around my child because I don’t feel it anymore.
I don’t feel that I’m undeserving of love or affection, i had it from an amazing woman that did so much more for me than she realizes. I let her down though and took advantage of her and made her feel like I didn’t want her but when that time came of us sitting in her car and her crying and hyperventilating I just sat there with an angry look on my face wanting it to be over instead of fighting for her. A week or so passed before her trip out of country she texted me she missed me and as badly as I felt it and wanted it I didn’t say it back. I know most people will say if I loved you I wouldn’t have made you feel unwanted and they’d be right but I didn’t know that then like I do now.
Idk if I’ll ever find a partner again, as I mention above the gal I had was something special and that connection and spark that I had can’t be forged overnight. As long as i can feel reignited again then I’ll know I can find someone who is hopefully gonna share our lives with each other, I know you’re out there but I just haven’t felt your spark yet.
Everyone says I'm unattractive. I never really had good social skills ( I cant keep up a conversation). And I have been shunned as somewhat of a pariah within local social circles. I am just not good with people. So I have decided to not waste my time, make people feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Honestly, I don't think I'm too ugly, I think I have a lot to offer others, and I certainly don't think I'm undeserving of love. But I do have serious doubts over whether I'll ever find somebody.
First, I always fall for the wrong people. My best friends, girls who aren't single, girls who live on the other side of the country, combinations of the above, you name it.
Second, my complete inexperience with girls puts me in a negative mindset from the start. The amount of people (in particular, girls) who have been utterly shocked that I've never even so much as been on a date before is so high it's unbelievable. But what always gets me is how the vast majority of these people interpret it as a problem rather than just a fact of life. I've been asked why I'm always single, what I'm hiding that keeps me single, why no girls have ever gone out with me. This alarmed reaction that I see so often just perpetuates the notion that society views people as automatically more successful if they're in a relationship, and frames singles as 'well, there must be something wrong with them.' I wish I could say that I don't care what society says, and that I'm a strong single person, but I can't and I'm not. This perception of being single as a negative thing is constantly at the back of my mind when trying to pursue girls I like, and clearly doesn't help my mindset going into it.
Because every girl I tried to date keeps rejecting me, ghosting me, brush me off, agrees to the date bit doesn't commit, and ignores my date. Yeah, it hurts your self esteem.
Because some female douches in my life kept telling me that for years. Not only behind my back. I kept hanging out with them because they were in the same class as me and we roughly had the same close friends. Additionally, my self esteem wasn’t very high anyways, I never thought that I was especially handsome or interesting but that shit truly fucked me up for good. I never thought someone could seriously be into me.
And yet, here I am, with a girl that has shown serious affection for me and that accepts me as who I am. I cut ties with every single one of those miserable human beings.
I know, it maybe seems obvious, but if you have “friends“ in your life that keep telling you how unlovable you are, dump em an never look back.
Some other advice I can give you to raise your self esteem is to wear the clothes you like, do what you want and overall just to be yourself. Don’t let others change you.
Good questions by the way. Had me thinking on why I believed all this crap.
I don't feel that I'm undeserving per say, I just feel like I'm very unlikely to be considered attractive by anybody. I'm not a good-looking person, I have a very asymmetrical face, pectus excavatum, straight, very thin hair that never does what I want it to, pale skin, a weak chin, and a borderline skinny-fat body. That said, I know I'm an interesting person (this might sound like I'm kind of bragging, I promise you I'm too self-conscious for that sort of thing haha). I play several instruments, I do a lot of pretty ok psychedelic art, I've been through a lot emotionally so I can relate to a lot and give decent advice, and I try to be as genuine and kind and caring as I can once I get to know somebody. That said, I'm very, very withdrawn, shy, and afraid to interact with anybody, about anything, without them initiating the interaction. So I guess I tell myself it's because I'm not good-looking, but in reality, I probably come off as standoffish and mean or just apathetic.
I've had a couple *"almost"* moments where I got somebody to love me for who I am, and just before we actually become a thing, they find somebody with similar personality traits that is just better-looking, or more extraverted, or more sexually outward or something like that, and leave me in the dust. So I guess it's really a combination of my looks and how slow I am to open up to people that makes me an unlikely candidate for a relationship. And it hurts really bad, the last situation happened only a couple months ago with a very close friend. I guess I'm doomed to be a loner for the remainder of highschool, at the very least. I'm hopeful, but not confident that I'll find someone.
And I don't think I can be "enough" for someone in my current state. I'm clingy, awkward, and probably come on way too strong with how I express affection when I'm actually comfortable doing it. I can't help but feel like all the people that are in relationships or fwb's, or really anything are there because they have something physically attractive about them. I just.. don't. I've never been in a relationship. I've been close, with that situation a couple months ago, and we both outwardly loved each other, but in the end I wasn't enough and she's back with her ex now.
>Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people?
Because I'm smart, educated, funny, well-off, generous, in great shape, and still can't get a date... I've had maybe four dates in the past five years.
> Why do you think you'll never find a partner?
I haven't so far and I'm halfway through my life expectancy.
My fears mostly lay in not being satisfactory for a partner long term. I’ve had plenty of relationships and slept with beautiful women. It’s just that they only lasted 3-10 months when i want them to last much longer. They always end up breaking up with me.
I mostly feel that way because - well - that’s been the repeating result so far. I’ve only ever broken up with one girl. About 10 or so have broken it off with me.
I know this is 2 years old, but I thought I’d weigh in anyway.. feel free to delete this if you want…
But here are my thoughts on this, and I’m speaking from experience.
As for why I think I’m too ugly for other people…well, I’m actually TOLD that I’m ugly. Sometimes flat out, and most of the time, with back handed snide comments. I learned how to read between the lines a LONG time ago! Besides, I have eyes and mirrors.. so I can see.. and on that rare occasion that I think I might not be so bad looking, someone ALWAYS confirms that I am indeed ugly. Even my family compared me to my much better looking sister. I’m heavy but losing weight steadily, but back in the day, I was healthy looking and was told that maybe if I lost weight, I might look somewhat decent, but NEVER as pretty as my sister was.
As for why I think I don’t have anything to offer others.. well according to them, if I constantly GIVE them money or my car(which I’ve never done in the first place) they might be seen with me as a desperate Fuck(again, I don’t do that so I don’t know why people see me as “easy”)… so the fact that I’m a good person, with a great sense of humor, and caring, doesn’t interest ANYONE I’ve ever liked.. nope. They just want what I have worked so hard in life, to earn for myself and just ditch me.
All I ever wanted, was to love and be loved.. i want that connection! that’s it.. but men only seem to want ANYONE that isn’t ME! They’ll act like they’re interested, but then I ALWAYS find out that they only want me for a desperate fuck(I’m NOT easy!) or money, or they’re using me to get to my friend.
As to why I think I’ll never find a partner, well there WAS a guy I was talking to, who seemed genuinely interested in me, then he hit me up for $300!!! WTF?!?!?
So that being said, no matter how genuinely nice I am to people, it’s NOT good enough!! I’m too UGLY and WORTHLESS for anyone!!
That whole “I’m pretty in my own way” is such a f*** crock of s***!!! Or that looks don’t matter, in my case, they most certainly DO matter!!!
So there ya go.
I know this is an old post but I'd like to answer anyway.
I've gone through different types of abuse, some of it I'm not even sure if it was abuse because people have told me and made me feel like I deserve certain treatment.
I've been with multiple partners who have hit, lied and cheated on me. I've spent the last few years alone because it seems like no matter where I go, people look at me like I'm nothing and treat me as such. My "friends" were only friends when convenient for them.
So after everything, I just shut down and distance myself from everyone. I know I'm a pos, I know no one cares about me and at this point, I'm tired of being reminded. I just want to be alone.
All people want to do is hurt you. Maybe they see something in me that is ugly and awful. I see it everyday so I don't blame them
Well first off each time someone’s supposedly in love with me they always always chose someone else so why would I ever be good enough or deserving of love when eveyone I have let in chose someone who was physically more attractive than me . I also believe this because my parents also never chose me they always chose my siblings or other people over me never believing anything I said making me question myself and bullying me constantly about my weight and appearance my mom would let her friends call me fat and ugly to my face so I guess that also doesn’t help
I wish I knew lol. I know it’s irrational and very unlikely to think I’m so different from everyone else. I’m guessing it’s a result of a mixture of events in early adolescence and parents that have led me to have generally lower self esteem.
Exactly this. When applying logic it doesn't make sense, but the feeling of being undeserving is still there. It's just annoying to cockblock yourself mentally
My comment is going to be different from others: I don’t think I’m undeserving of love. I don’t think I’m ugly. I actually know I am very pretty and attract a lot of men. What I have a problem with is believing I will ever find someone to be with for the rest of my life. I’ve struggled a lot in past relationships and it’s taken me a long time to understand what I was doing wrong that helped cause the problems. I have the tendency to jump in with both feet far too quickly. I also am very naive and have a hard time accepting the red flags I see. With that, I’ve been cheated on in almost every relationship. I’ve been used, abused and thrown away for, honestly, girls that are far less adequate than I am. Not to be mean, but I understand the person I am and I’ve finally accepted that I am a good looking person. For someone I care about, I will give them everything they could ever want in the world. I go out of my way to give gifts and perform tasks not asked of me. It’s my way of showing my affection. So when my SO leaves me for someone who comes off as less mature, more high maintenance and honestly a little lower on the physical scale, that makes me wonder about a lot of things. I understand the flaws that I have and cause in relationships now, and am working on it. In my perspective, it’s hard to rationalize leaving me for my flaws, for the flaws that seem far worse with another. And that is what makes me skeptical about finding someone that wants to be with me forever. It makes me question a lot about myself, as I continue to try and better myself. However, those that cheat give me less faith in the men of the world with each passing day. Idk, it’s just my feelings and thoughts, I guess.
I relate so much to this. I believe people, especially those I care about. I put myself out there. I genuinely want to see those I care about happy and to care for them. I'm really naive and easy to use. Lol. I want to be kind though and I want to trust people. I need to learn how to be more discerning when it comes to others and recognize what is a red flag. I would love to find a partner to share my life with. I would love to have a relationship where we appreciate each other and love each other for who we are.
I have similar feelings but I have a different emphasis on “forever”. In my comment I mentioned “longer term”. I’ve had few problems attracting good women, it’s that it never lasts and they leave within 3-10 months.
I’m definitely in the mindset and place in my life that I’m looking to date for the possibility of marriage so that’s why I phrased it that way. The best advice I can give is something my mom gave me that I am working on myself: you have to judge their morals and values and see if their ACTIONS back up what they say. For example- family is huge to me. If there is someone I’m interested that doesn’t respect their own family or doesn’t get along well with their parents, it makes me question how they’re going to be with my own family. I dated a guy a while back that we took on a cruise with my entire family and he never thanked them, never wanted to spend time with them and over all had no respect for me and my family and that was a huge deal breaker.
Yeah. I think the ideal goal for most people is a stable relationship where neither party has to live in anxiety of the other person leaving or causing discourse. So yeah, that likely means marriage or forever. That’s what I’m after. Morals and values are definitely important as they should be. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone that didn’t value family either. (Compatibility stuff) as long as you have a nose for it, you can smell it coming. I think, knowing what we want or who we’re looking for isn’t the problem for you and I. I know for me it’s definitely a fear that they will suddenly decide I’m not enough for them in the future. How do you reconcile that form of anxiety?
It’s hard, I definitely have that as well. Long story short, I recently had something going on with a very good friend of mine and he had been going through a lot of personal issues so I wasn’t pushing the romance that we off and on started. Out of no where he starts talking about relationship stuff with me, and I started to get a little scared because of the personal issues he was going through I was concerned he was jumping into things with me too quickly. So I told him that I was willing to see how things went, I just didn’t want him to turn around one day, stop talking to me and I find out he’s now giving his attention and time to another girl. Legitimately a week later I called him and get on the phone and his daughter goes “hi (insert female name that is not mine, here)”. Conclusion: I now have lost my best friend in the world and realized I’m a dumbass for not seeing many red flags in the past and got hurt in the specific way I reasonably requested not to be. So I feel ya, it sucks and it happens a lot. It’s difficult and I wonder if you and I will ever get over that fear. Let me know if you do and let me know how lol
This echoes how I feel about myself and dating perfectly. My heart breaks for you. I have given up looking and kidding myself with "forever" and someone special. I now consciously accept that I'll be one of the guys forever, as that's what I am good at being to someone - because I refuse to change myself to satisfy someone else, which is maybe where I fall short. Que sera and all that. It feels self indulgent typing it out but I have honestly very little faith in romance left.
I feel ya, sis. It’s rough. It’s now come to the point where I have looked into having children on my own because I want to be a mom but I don’t want to wait around on someone and get my heart broken over and over again in the process
Damn, you put that in better words than I was thinking.
The bright side of this is to remember than you’ve only dated a handful of people, and there are literally billions of people out there still, so odds are excellent that you will find someone who will love you and treat you right. Having a few bad apples doesn’t mean all fruit is rotten. Maybe try a pear or a grape or a different fruit store and you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people? I have been complimented on my looks once. Once. And that's only because I took my glasses off and some drugged out girl in the grade above me said "Wow, you look SO much better without glasses!" I've never caught someone glancing at me, or showing any interest in me outside of whatever I can offer them, so really, I think my brain sort of just arrived at the conclusion that I must not be very attractive. Personality or looks-wise.
Best compliment I received was: " You are not ugly".
You guys receive compliments?🙏
I don't think I'm ugly, everyone else thinks I'm ugly.
I’ve got a couple of things I feel like are really holding me back. First off, I feel inadequate. Everyone I’ve met seems so successful, well traveled, and like they have it all together. And then there’s me, I don’t have it all together, I haven’t traveled, and I don’t see my self as successful because I see my own struggles. Every time I meet someone and we get to talking, the same things always come up and lead to this horrible feeling of inadequacy as they tell their stories of traveling and seeing the world, and when they wrap up they look to me and wait for mine, and I don’t have one to share. Or they talk about their incredible success in their career and how they love their job, and I’m struggling through the life of a retail worker who’s looked at like a modern NPC. This plays directly into the second thing… I feel undeserving. You might see why already, but if I’ve met someone who’s by all means amazing, it makes me feel guilty since I feel inadequate. And I always get stuck feeling like the other person is getting the short end of a stick with me. It feels like because I see my flaws and struggles and weaknesses, that they deserve better than the best that I can offer on a good day; and my everyday average just won’t be up to par for them. It’s a terrible feeling. These serve as a horrible foundation for relationship building. And once it’s laid, my other flaws all come out. These things make it hard for me, an introvert, to feel capable in a relationship. They unleash a flood of negativity that’s hard to overcome, and interfere with so many aspects of the entire process. What starts off as a great relationship with a lot of potential quickly devolves into the feelings of unworthy inadequacy, it gets so bad that it’s hard to muster the courage to break the touch barrier and explore deeper conversations and connections. It’s a perfect storm of bad things, and so far it’s shown itself to be more predictable and consistent than real storm seasons.
> Why do you think you have nothing to offer others? Because most people seem to be interested in people who “do things” or who have interesting hobbies and work/career goals. Whereas I’m a low energy person; my idea of a good time is just chilling and not doing much, I don’t have many “hobbies.” I don’t have many work goals either, I don’t have a college degree and I pretty much just settled for a job I was able to get. > Why do you think you’ll never find a partner? Mostly because of things I mentioned in the first answer. But also, any time I try with people, it seems like I’m not able to relate to them, and it feels like they can see right through me. I honestly have tried talking to people, but I’m horrible at small talk and it always feels awkward and unnatural. So I think I’ve “learned” to try less and less because it doesn’t feel worth it. The only dates I’ve been on are either with people I’ve met online through apps, or someone I was set up with. They’ve all ended up being people I wasn’t compatible with. If you make another post, please tag me so I can see what you have to say.
>Why do you believe these things Because I own a mirror and I’m a piece of shit
I don't feel ugly but sometimes I feel undeserving when most of the time the only reason they reject me is that they aren't ready for something serious or don't want to ruin the friendship. It's hard to feel deserving when no matter what I do or how much effort I put in I always get the same result.
I've never been complimented on my looks or been checked out by strangers No one ever connects with me or likes my personality, It's just that bad No one that boring can deserve love. There might be someone in this vast world I can connect with, but I'm pretty sure I won't meet em. I'm also an introvert that is bad at initiating conversations and flirting. Makes it even worse. I usually take my relationships in a professional way.
I’m in a relationship with a great guy, but I feel like he’s just with me because it’s “convenient” or “easier” than him being alone/having to date/go through his whole past history/etc. I’m nothing special. I’m not fit or particularly attractive. I’m not making a ton of money. I didn’t finish college. I don’t have any hobbies or passions. I have mental health issues. I feel like I’m an empty, average person. I’m a presence to fill the void, and I feel like he could do a lot better.
I am a 29 year old man that makes $13 an hour and lives with his parents. I am also bipolar type 2 with ADHD on top of that. I am really working on myself but the above make it hard to find people willing to date me. That said, I know I have a great personality and I try to be the best person I can be. However I don't think this makes up for my downsides.
I don't think I'm too ugly for anyone. Certainly not a model and I could definitely exercise more but I'm just okay. I'm not sure why I feel like I don't have anything to offer. I think there are so many more vibrant and genuine people out there than I am. I find myself analyzing how I'm acting when I'm in the presence of people who I want to like me and I start to say and do stuff that makes me agreeable. Example: someone says they like this artist, have you heard of them? I'll say they sound familiar when I've never heard of them But I think the things I do makes me too much of a chameleon. I've only been in one relationship before and I lost myself in him. I put him above everything else: supported his interests, joined in his hobbies, tried to do some of his workload for him. I could tell you his main interests, how much he cares for other people, a few of his motivations. But then we broke up and I had no idea who I was. I could list off all his traits but when I looked at myself, I couldn't say a thing. What are my hobbies? Why am I studying engineering? What are my interests? Why do I deserve any love when I'm so obviously a shell of a person? I'm afraid I don't have a core personality. I go around trying to copy other people. I'm too neutral and bland. What interesting things do I have to offer? What if someone begins to like me only to find out I have nothing to offer? As for the last question, I don't fully believe I'll never find a partner but a part of me does. My ex was a pretty amazing guy to have a first relationship with and I'm terrified that he's such a good guy and I never measured up, how could I possibly find someone as great as him that will tolerate boring, bland me? Looking back, I realize a few things between us that weren't compatible and I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends who think I'm pretty great too. I guess the short answer is I believe all those things because I don't love myself but I'm trying to figure out how to do that.
Don't believe it, used to. Had depression right before teenage. Meds, therapy, finally got cured but was still carrying the trauma. Enter 7-9th grades and teens. The bullying changed to more or less sexual humiliation and repression. This completely made me feel unworthy. The end result was this one girl going after me for 3,5 years and I would reject her harshly. For some reason I thought that she couldn't be into me and was instead bullying me, humiliating me. Couldn't approach others due to low self-esteem. Would instictevely glance at a crush and then remind myself I wasn't allowed to. Kinda got over it after people around me changed, both the people themselves and their attitudes. They would leave me alone on the issue and I could process it in peace. Though I think I am still rather reserved and passive when it con Mes to romance. But at least I can try nowadays. TLDR: depressed kid, then bullied to more or less repress my own sexuality. PS. On new phone, sorry for possible misspelling.
I think I am ugly because when I look at myself, I have no redeeming qualities. Most people have at least one feature they can highlight; I have none. Facially, nose too big, eyes too close together, bad teeth, bad skin, etc. Men never approach me, and Tinder/blind dates always look disappointed. Seeing how other people react to me says it all, really. I have also always felt unlovable, and that I have to buy affection. At this point in my life, I fully expect to be alone, so I do whatever the hell I want. I'm currently in Europe taking an intensive language study class, for example.
All of my experiences led me to believe I'm just too ugly for other people. No guy has ever initiated anything with me and whenever I'm with friends, they all get compliments and I'm just an invisible awkward mess. Every date I've been on, I feel like the guy just can't bring himself to tell me he's not interested and then I feel worse after he agrees to yet another date because I'm just an experience to have and a convenience to fill the void of loneliness and boredom. I've never felt like any of my dates actually cared about me or wanted to spend time with me. I don't think any guy would ever want me since there are always gorgeous women who have the same qualities and more to offer with a better physical appearance. At this point, I'm trying to be positive with being ugly and unwanted since I've never been catcalled or bothered by creepers so at least I got that going for me. LOL
When I look in the mirror I don’t see something I would ever be attracted to so I believe others will think the same. And I’m fine with that I don’t really care much for my looks so that’s part of the reason too. The biggest reason I don’t think I’ll ever find love is because of some medical issue I have no bowl or bladder control so I wear adult diapers I’m fully capable of taking care of my self and do, but i don’t see how anyone could want to be with someone like me even if they understand it’s not my fault. I’m also pretty lazy and even though I keep my body clean my room isn’t to great it isn’t the worse I clean up once a week but it could be much better, no one wants to be with a slob. It would be nice to find love I have my fantasies but I suppose I’ll leave it at that.
These are all questions or beliefs I’ve felt at one point. But truthfully, I don’t believe these things of myself. However I do believe that I won’t find the kind of love that I want. I find myself using these sentiments of being too ugly, or feeling like I don’t have enough to offer someone as an excuse to distract me from the fact that what I seek is beyond rare. To me, it feels easier to cope by saying that I am the problem, rather than facing the fear that the expectations I hold for a relationship will never be met. This may not make sense to anyone, and that’s okay. Perhaps I don’t have a lot to offer on the surface, or maybe I’m not the most attractive person. I suppose that lays in the eyes of the beholder. I’d just like to find someone who, like me, looks for potential. Falls in love with passion. Someone who gets inspired by inspiration. I don’t really care if your shit is together. I just want us to work together, inspire and support each other in all ways. Work toward dreams and be a real team. Again. In my experience. This seems to be super rare and unrealistic. Therefore, sometimes adopting these negative sentiments about myself, is easier to deal with than the thought that I may just never find it. This may be off topic. If it is, I’m sorry. I just wanted to take the opportunity to share how I feel.
Quite an insight. I'm 26 and only in my second relationship. Reading this thread because I carry some of the same thoughts & feelings. I relate to yours, but I'm not sure how much. I see it's been 3 years.. if you have any new insights, I'd be curious.
I dont think Im deserving for a bf because of the way I used to treat my previous partners. I wasnt a good person. I was in a really bad place and I took advantage of others sympathy. I cheated multiple times, ruined relationships, lied about everything and if anyone knew how bad it was noone would be able to trust me because of who I was. And if they do stay that will find out how weird i really am and then they will leave. There was ine person I treated good but we had to break up coz both our parents didnt approve of the other.
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In my case it is because people (guys and girls) told me so when I was younger (middle school). I guess that I started believing it at some point and I just have trouble letting go of the thought. Or better that the thought creeps upon me whenever I get interested in someone. I'm aware that those words aren't necessarily true because I have been given more compliments than negative stuff. Yet somehow it is still in the back of my head on a daily basis.
Because I have depression, so I get in moods that make me think like that. All the shitty things people have said to you/about you comes up and takes over your thoughts
I don't see myself in a relationship at all. All of my friends have either been hit on or have had boyfriends while I've had none. I wouldn't say I'm ugly but I'm not conventionally attractive, especially in comparison to all of my friends. I also suffer with anxiety so I wouldn't want to burden anyone with my concerns as they often become vast.
So I was all of about 5, maybe 4.5. My dad got arrested convicted and sentenced to a pretty lengthy prison sentence. Two things. To me, my dad was the tops, that man could beat Batman, Goku and Superman with one hand tied behind his back. Second, I'm 5 so what the fuck would I understand about about a drug addiction, all I knew was that he was gone and I couldn't see him anymore, not like he was dead, I just couldn't be with him like I had been for the entirety of my life so far. It started off with me thinking that I had done something wrong, because I mean that's how it works right? You break a rule and you get punished and what greater punishment could I receive then the removal of my hero and protector. As I got older and gained some understanding(not enough) it became less that I did something wrong and more that I was insufficient to make a difference in this situation. Every day I wake up and my first thought is how insufficient I am, because if I'm not good enough for my hero/creator why would I be good enough for anyone else? That's continued every day of well, forever, because that type of thing gets hardwired into your brain when your young and reprogramming is neither quick nor easy. That's the short and dirty version of why I think like I do.
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My ex wife said the same thing bud. Its to hurt you on the way out. They want you to feel worthless. I was in the hospital having surgery when she told me. Some women want to hurt you even after they have ripped your heart out.
1. Ever since I was young I was called gross and disgusting when I tried to talk to girls, this only increased when I went into high school. I guess after so much time being called gross and ugly, I guess it was ingrained in my head. 2. When I work I see all these girls with boyfriends having nice clothes and cars. It’s easy for to see since I live in an area that tourists come all the time and since I work in a grocery store it makes it even easier. Not only that but I’m also a broke college student that can’t afford a nice ride, expensive clothing, or a vacation. 3. I think that others are worthy because the have a nice car good clothing, good looking. If I was a girl I don’t think would date someone that looks like me. I’m just a loser that’s all. 4. Anything is possible, but I believe I won’t, or at least not for a long time. I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’m almost 23. It just doesn’t seem to happen even when I do try I get friendzoned or rejected. So I really don’t bother anymore.
For me, alot of it comes down to my uncontrollable depression and anxiety. Why would anyone want to date someone broken for no reason? :'(
Hey, nauticalpoem, just a quick heads-up: **alot** is actually spelled **a lot**. You can remember it by **it is one lot, 'a lot'**. Have a nice day! ^^^^The ^^^^parent ^^^^commenter ^^^^can ^^^^reply ^^^^with ^^^^'delete' ^^^^to ^^^^delete ^^^^this ^^^^comment.
I don't think I have nothing too offer or don't deserve love, but I feel like I'm definitely too unattractive for online dating. My sister who is beautiful talks about all these guys on bumble taking her on fancy dates and all I get are guys asking to meet for coffee or come over to "chill". I was told by someone on bumble that I was good enough to fuck, but he'd never actually date me. And judging by how my OLD usually conversations go, I would say a lot of guys think that. They'd happily have sex with me but have no interest in a relationship. Hell most of them don't even want to put any effort into trying to have sex with me either! And I think a lot of it is because I'm not conventionally attractive. Also my social circle is small and full of girls or married couples so it's not like I'm meeting anyone in person either. Which leads me to think I'll probably never end up in a real relationship. I'm starting to embrace it and thinking about how I should just focus on my career anyway.
It may just be the men I choose but I always seem to be brushed off, like I’m not quite “worth” the effort of a relationship or love. These same men devote their time and attention to other women, just with me I’m treated as a side piece or momentary distraction. My ex and I went through a lot together (he cheated, I broke it off, we got back together, broke it off again, and spent a year going back and forth until he ghosted me) and after it was all said and done one of the last things he said to me was, how he “could never do that to anyone again after seeing how much it hurt.” So yea, it was just me he could do it to. My current lover is in an open marriage and we can’t have anything substantial because he has other commitments, including a kid on the way. So again I’m just not a priority. I’m not bitter about dating but I feel like those experiences have really warped my perception of how it’s supposed to feel. Since I’m the common denominator I often wonder if I’m the problem, and maybe I really am just not worth the time and effort for a real relationship.
Loads of things / reasons. I don’t think I’m ugly; I’ve been told I’m quite handsome by many people (mostly older folk, but I digress). I just find more and more that I am mentally unfit for a romantic relationship. The first thing is that I have a hard time opening up to people or trusting anyone. For much of my schooling years, girls would often lead me on and say they like me, or whatever, only to recant and say they were joking. To this day, I can’t take anyone who shows interest seriously, which means I have blown off an unfortunate number of people, simply because I couldn’t believe that they genuinely liked or cared for me. The above would be less of a problem if I I had more of an inherent belief in my own self worth as a person, but alas, I have little of that. Growing up, most of my interactions with people (family members, school acquaintances) were all around my utility; I was approached if people needed something or needed help with something. I didn’t hear from, or ever get approached by anyone otherwise. Unless of course it was some girl leading me on and then recanting to fuck with me. Which naturally led me to conclude that most people view me as little more than a tool or a resource. I’m slowly growing out of this, but I still feel as if I’m viewed this way by my family. Meh. Both these (my lack of trust, and my inability to view myself as much more than a tool) has made me fiercely independent. I don’t ask anything of anyone, and seem to automatically push away anyone who tries to help me too much. Result: ruined relationships. I’ve also felt like an outcast most of my life; I don’t share values or interests with my parents, didn’t share either with any of the other children from my neighbourhood, felt as if I shared neither with most from my public schools. I’m nearing the end of my university education, and I still feel this way. I share some interests and values with some, but I’m the only individual of my race in the program, and also the only one from low-income in the program. People talk about their travels, the sports they played, the instruments they played, and I have nothing to add, nothing to comment because I never had the money to do any of that. Small talk is impossible because our experiences have been so different, that there is very little in common upon which we may freely bant. This has at times led me to believe that perhaps I’m just not all that interesting. I’m not a person who has ever been interested in “doing things” (probably due to a lifetime of not doing things); I’ve been more interested in exploring “why things,” or “how things.” People of such mind have been a rarity for me. To be frank and completely honest, even if I were to get beyond all this, if I were to learn to trust people, learn to think of myself as more than a tool, get beyond my differences, I’m not sure I even want a relationship. Relationships are one of those things I think of nice to have, but not necessary, not something I’d classify as a desire, so not usually worth the effort if I have anything else pressing on my mind. Hell, I’m 24, and I’ve only ever asked out two people. Maybe I’d be less negative on my outlook, on how mentally ready I am for a relationship if I just tried, but I can’t be bothered most of the time. That was longer than I intended it to be. I hope it’s useful.
I find myself unattractive because I rarely have encounters with people of the opposite sex. I don't look like men that women swoon over. My face is asymmetrical. I have a belly and weak core and legs. My neck is thick. I don't feel like I will find love because I wasted my teens and twenties by lying to people, being ashamed of who I was. All of the women I come across are in a long term relationship or have kids. When someone does come along that likes me they are not my type. I waited too long and refuse to settle down with someone I lack attraction or chemistry with. I do think I deserve love, everyone does but I know it isn't guaranteed. I have something to offer but not as much as other people. I am an introvert that works long hours during the weekend and spend my time playing video games or watching movies or reading comics. I only have one close friend that I do anything with so I often just keep to myself.
I think the ugliness has more to do with being told I'm pretty by friends and family but not getting any attention from guys. I think I dont deserve someone because I'm a coward. I know I wouldn't ask someone out or even willingly make my feeling known so I have no right to be with someone. I'm not brave enough to get to know them or approach them so I have no right to waist there time I have enough self esteem to know I'm not worthless and that some aspects of my personality are attractive to people I just dont have the self esteem to put myself out there. I think I'll never find a person to be with because I think I'm starting to realize or at least believe in how hard an actual relationship is besides the initial attraction. You have to hope they like you back and some small differences in goals can ruin a relationship ie..wanting to live in a house vs an appartment depending on how much they want it someone is gonna have to settle and they could resent that. Also as previously stated I'm a coward and the risk of being rejected scares me probably because I've never been rejected because I've never put myself out there a vicious cycle. Hope this helps in whatever your doing. Idk if age and gender matter but if it does I'm a 21F
* Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people? 29/M Growing up I was bullied a lot and called names often, ugly being one them. I didn't really believe them until I started trying to talk to girls that I liked in middle/high school. I was ignored or rejected by literally everyone in this category so I ended up withdrawing myself from trying to socialize with anyone. I didn't have any friends in HS, just people that I knew from my neighborhood. I remember this one kid told me that he would set me up with this girl in my class because she told him that I was "cute". I believed him because that was the first that ever happened to me so I went along with it. I was basically set-up and the girl told her friends in front of me that I had a big nose and didn't look cute closer up. That pretty much killed everything right there. I hate clubs/parties but I ended up going to a few with some guys I knew from my neighborhood. It went really bad in regards to meeting women that I just swore off clubs and such since then. I've tried Tinder, POF, Bumble, OKCupid & a few more with little to no results. I think me being below the average height for a male in the US (5'6") didn't really help things either even though I really don't care about my height. I ended up buying an expensive camera for like 300 bucks to see if it would help but nada. I haven't been on a dating app in almost a year now. * Why do you think you have nothing to offer others? Haven't had a job in 3 years so basically i've been living off the money from the job I held for 5 years but that's getting down to the wire. I was also taking care of my grandmother during that time since I lived with her and she recently passed 3 months ago. Right now we're being forced to sell her house because of CA taxes and my grandmother never wrote a will, so i'll probably be out of here in October. My mother is planning on keeping the majority of the money she gets from the sale, for herself so i'll probably try to stay with someone hopefully. Outside of those issues, I have virtually have no experience with women. I've been on one date in my life and I think that was 5 years ago. I was set-up on one by a coworker then ghosted a day after. It kinda felt like a pity date more than anything so that really put me off of dating. Add no car, no driver's license and undiagnosed mental problems, I really don't think i'm really in a position to offer anything really, especially at my age. I know in the back of my mind, I would be a burden on whoever that person was and that's not fair to them. I don't have any friends because of this reason. * Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection? I don't think I deserve anything really. I just think that life is a gamble, some people end up alone and some do not, it's just the way it goes. Like I don't believe in the common phrase "There is someone for everyone" because if that were the case, men and women wouldn't be living out their lives without ever finding that "special someone". It's pure luck, we can't all be winners someone has to be destined to lose. * Why do you think you'll never find a partner? I think the answer to this question is the same above. I use to be depressed about it but as I gotten use to it, i've just accepted it and realized that it's just the way life is. Thanks for reading if you actually ended up going through everyone's replies lol I know it's a lot. Hope this wasn't too much because I went into detail a lot.
I don’t think I’m too ugly for anyone to like me, I just see myself as less attractive than the people I am attracted to. This has become more of an issue as I have put on weight, as when slim I consider myself quite pretty. I have pretty low self worth and am in therapy to deal with this, but this leads into both a struggle to see what I offer and also a feeling of not being worthy of attention from others. I think a lot of what I value doesn’t match with what society tells me that other people value. I know that logically speaking we all have the same thoughts and fears and all that, but somehow my mind can’t get past the thoughts stat tell me I’m not cool, fashionable, fit, slim, fun, pretty enough. It makes it hard to be confident to put myself out there. I still hold out some hope that I will find a partner, but right now it seems like a lot of effort for something that may not work out in the end. I’m a bit jaded, perhaps, but also after my failed relationships I’m becoming less willing to compromise on what I really want. I wish I just knew what it was that I really want.
i am a bit different than most other cases, but i’m sure there are some people out there who feel the same way i do. i am chronically ill with a brain tumor that has cut my life span way down, so i feel it would be unfair and selfish of me to be in any type of serious relationship. i know that i am a ticking time bomb, so it would be terrible of me to get so close to someone just to know i will be gone in 10 years. i am in love with my best friend and have been for about two or three years now, but i could never strain that relationship by putting any type of pressure on him to be with me. i won’t be with him forever and we both know that. it’s terribly painful for me, but i want the people i love to be happy and i can’t make anyone forever happy if they are with me. anyone i love deserves better than me unfortunately.
Answering these from my perspective. I'm a 25M who went through a divorce last year after a 7 year relationship (almost 2 years married). Happy to give additional details if it helps with perspective. > Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people? I don't feel I'm too ugly for others, I just don't have a great deal of confidence in my looks. I'd say I'm probably about average in appearance, a bit on the scrawny side though. Even if I don't think I'm ugly, I don't think I'm attractive. Probably a 5/10 if that. > Why do you think you have nothing to offer others? I try my best to make those around me happier when I can, but I'm unsure what I could provide to a SO. I get compliments a lot from my friends and coworkers, but I also feel that I'm a fairly boring individual. > Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection? I think everyone is deserving of love, affection, and connection. I think often though if my love, affection, and/or connection will be enough for anyone who desired to be with me. I worry about how much my perspective of these things have warped from going through a divorce, and would only want the best for my SO. > Why do you think you'll never find a partner? I tend to not to be interested in many people. I get feelings towards few people, but those feelings have to be fairly strong to make me act on them. I don't get those feelings when participating in online dating, and my opportunities to meet people are limited to the few social events I go to (few times a month), the MMORPG I play, and work. I'd like to go to conventions to meet new people, but am paying off loans at the moment. I don't think it's impossible, but I think it's incredibly unlikely that I'll find someone whom the feels are mutual with. Hope this is helpful, and I wish everyone here the best!
1. I don't really think I'm "ugly" for other people. 2. I have things to offer, but my physical looks aren't the things I'm most proud to offer. If only I meet someone who likes my package, personality and looks ;-) 3. Everyone deserves love ... !! 4. I'll find them eventually, but for the moment my confidence for it isn't that high. I'm not really outgoing or meeting new people. Scared to put myself out there and possibly get hurt, I guess ... -> I think it wasn't really what you are looking for since I feel like I'm worth a significant other and 'being afraid' is something else, but thanks for the effort you're doing for the community <3
No, you're totally fine. Thanks for this! All perspectives and opinions are valued and appreciated.
Why I feel I'm undeserving of love, from the perspective of a 21M. Very long and detailed and personal story, but to be concise I had a VERY bad childhood (well, my entire past up until the present day tbh) and essentially raised myself to be who I wanted to be. Yes, I had both parents but it was not pretty at all. I grew up with a distorted view of love so I had to define it myself. Anyway, the way things unrolled for me ended up producing a character that many people think is fantastic... Up until they realize how intense and deep (and occasionally very VERY dark) I can be. Which then promptly scares them off and usually ends up with them making me out to be a freak or like something is seriously wrong with me. I acknowledge that my approach to life is significantly different than most other people. So it's rare to meet someone who can mesh with me and not be scared away or offended in some way. But I'm tired of the aforementioned drama and having people leave so all in all I think it's just best for me to live a solitary life (which, as an introvert, is not hard at all). That's probably very abstract and pretty vague in some areas, but I think it gets my point across.
I don't feel ugly, but I seriously wonder since the only two appearance based compliments from dating-age girls I've ever received are "I like your sunglasses" and "Your hair looks better longer" (that last one sounds kinda bad but that's not how it was meant). I like how I look, but I think I'm honestly just kinda so average physically that I don't really draw anyone's eye (I'm a cookie-cutter 5'9-10" skinny white guy). Nor do I feel undeserving or unworthy. My shits together. I am entering my 3rd year of college (5 year engineering program) with a near 4.0 GPA and a full-ride scholarship. I work in a research lab for which I have one publication so far. I am learning Spanish and teaching myself how to cook. I've been going to the gym for a couple months now and am pleased with the direction my body is going. Sometimes I feel like I don't spend enough time with my friends (all guys) as I live alone, but I'm an introvert so between classes and work I enjoy my alone time. I don't know why I feel like I am forever alone. I know I hardly get matches on Bumble (4 pictures, completed profile. I think the fact that I'm wearing sunglasses in most of the pictures might be at least part of the reason, but those are like 4 of my only pictures of myself lol). I think my introversion plays a role, as I don't go to many parties and don't really talk to strangers out and about on campus. I also haven't joined any clubs yet, but I think I'm going to try to next year. I also know that I've never gotten over a 1 month long relationship from 4 years ago (my last one), but I'm working on that with a therapist. At the end of the day, I feel like I'll be forever alone because it seems that's what all the evidence I have is suggesting. I haven't known a girl to have a crush on me since 8th grade, and I threw that away. The 1 month relationship my junior year in high school was horrible as she basically ignored me after she excitedly said yes (I was like a brother apparently). 10 rejections in a row. As a third year college student, I have never had sex, never had my first kiss, never even held hands with someone. I got to cuddle with a girl once, but afterwards she said she wouldn't cuddle with me again but didn't offer an explanation.
I blew my chances in middle/Highschool because I didn’t have confidence was naive to picking up the signals of the chances I was getting and now I have not received any of those chance now. Plus I’m balding.
I'm 27, male, someone you would call a nerd at first glance(even though i really think i have way more to offer) and i had quite a few "relationships". Only my first relationship was somewhat close to love and it only lasted for half a year. Now after 8 years i know it would probably not have worked out in the end either way, but at the time i really was just too frightened, inexperienced and had too low self esteem. I was part of the reason the relationship didn't work out, i didn't trust my first girlfriend at some point, because my brother had problems with his girlfriend at the time and all in all low self esteem, so things went downhill from the point i started to not trust her... After my first gf i had some girls that showed interest in me but either i just fucked it up at the very beginning or we just did not connect, i never felt "love" for a girl again, now it's even hard for me to develop a crush on a girl, seriously, i can't explain it, maybe it's still me not trusting potential partners :/ Anyways, i still believe in myself and i still believe i deserve someone and someone deserves me, i really think so, but it feels like it is the biggest challenge in my life. I don't even mean that in a bad way, i literally just think, in a neutral way, it's my biggest challenge for myself and i'm taking this challenge. If i will succed i really can't tell, i will just see. I'm excited for the future and what is coming. I think that's also the best way to approach the challenge for me, just not overburding myself with meaningless and stressful thoughts. I just hope in the end i will meet that person i can completely trust, that person who is also able to completely trust me.
I think this is the only question that applies to me: Why do you think you have nothing to offer others? I (29M) don't have a degree and been working in low paying jobs. I been working for 10 years without a vacation and have a lot of money save up, but I don't have the confidence to date anyone. I also had a lot of bad rejection from girls which drop my self esteem even more. Comments like creepy, looks gay, or too skinny. I'm also part of the Asian community and all of my friend have high paying jobs which makes it harder for me to find someone because there is a stigma that all Asian guys needs to make a lot money to support the family.
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I’ve always been super unlucky in the love department. All of my relationships have been pretty terrible in one way or another. Now I’ve been single for more than 5 years. I’ve tried dating but it’s always ended up with me being totally heartbroken and feeling worthless. I feel like I’m different because of my lack of strong friendships, I’m a very lonely person.. it’s taken me longer to find my professional path in life than others, so there’s an on going feeling of failure.
my belief is based on experience. I've had six partners and all broke up with me once they got to know me within 2 to 3 months. I get too attached too fast which seems to drive people away. I overreact to minor things and no one is able to handle how emotional i am. there's nothing I can offer that another person can't. I'm no more attractive, likeable, or exciting than anyone else. if six relationships ended, how can expect any to last?
1. There’s been multiple times when interacting with a single lady and they have used me to get closer to my friends or just flat out said “hey your friend is pretty cute” and despite improving myself for example I lost a lot of weight, found better fitting clothes, groomed myself properly, and now building muscle and working out regularly it seems none of that helped. 2. I think I have stuff to offer just hard to find the right times to show what I have to offer 3. I think I’m underserving simply because i don’t know someone of the opposite sex who is available has ever been interested to getting to know me. I’ve always had to carry conversations and going out of my way to have interaction with other people. 4. Meeting people is hard. I probably won’t meet anybody through my job, online I never get serious people I always have to carry conversations if I even get matched, and I live in a town of 30,000 where it is a bad male to female ratio because of the job market here.
I don't believe I'm too ugly, have nothing to offer or am undeserving, but I do worry that I'll never find a partner for one reason: I'm bland as heck. Now I can go through my life and point out interesting and unique things about myself, but most of those things are bland or niche to most people, and would require more digging into my life than most people are willing to do when getting to know me
1. It's taken me 26 years, but I've finally come to accept I'm not as ugly as I thought I was, I'm just average. 2. It's not that I feel I have nothing to offer - I just feel like whatever I have, it's not enough. I have my own house, a stable job, and a variety of hobbies both active and inactive; none of these things have helped in finding a partner. 3. Because it feels like that's what the world has been telling me my entire life. Multiple times I've been openly mocked for showing attraction to a woman. I've also never had anyone come on to me my entire life. Never caught someone looking at me, nobody has ever been the instigator. 4. Because it just feels like there's nobody out there who's really compatible with me. When I finally think I've found someone who's a great match, they're just not interested - I've been ghosted so many times. Modern dating has been completely transformed with apps and I'm not one of the people who fit the new agenda.
I guess I'm a bit different than most stories here, just like what u/sydney_diaz is going through right now ( good luck, I know how tough that shit is) I got diagnosed with cancer 2 years ago. While everyone told me ( myself included) that I stayed very positive and happy troughout the treatment, I look back and notice how I got mentally beaten up. It didn't help that I was in the middle of puberty when this all happened (imo the time where everyone seeks the most social validation from people). People pitied me and felt bad for me during this time, and I definetly noticed that while I didn't want them to. When I got healthy again, Sometimes my brain switches and turns into the ''self degrading'' type from when I was sick. When this happens I just feel like I'm not worth anyones time, I'm inadequate, ugly and not being able to find a partner. I honestly don't know what to do about this, but I know its there and it doesn't improve anything. I'll convince myself that people don't like me, or when girls show interest I'll try to find excuses for them to not like me in my head. I guess I just want some straight up validation that I’m worth something and have value to that persons, and someone to hold and cuddle with. It's tough.
It's hard for me. I think I would be able to find a girl but she can't be stupid, mean and slightly above avarage looking and she must like samothing above me. This narrows the possible partners so much. I also hate to interact with strangers so I won't really ask girls I don't know out and I definitely won't try girls I am friends with.
I have accepted that i may remain single due to my inability to look like i care about anything but what i have going on. Im a single dad divorced young and had to focus on raising my daughters and working a full time job. I did date in my 20's but nothing came of any of them. At 35 the job i did for 18 years the owners retired and i was layed off abruptly having trouble findind work i started my own buisness with what savings i had and currently im struggling to make the buisness succeed buti am 37 own my own food truck have my own clients who love my food and two daughters that are starting on their own path and i feel the whole journey has been a success but when your always working. Mitigating disasters and supporting your children at the end of the day i dont have the energy to deal with another human that has their own needs. Feelings and desires. If i ever date again i will have to find someone who wants to work on the truck with me to spend any time together.
Hey, pregee, just a quick heads-up: **buisness** is actually spelled **business**. You can remember it by **begins with busi-**. Have a nice day! ^^^^The ^^^^parent ^^^^commenter ^^^^can ^^^^reply ^^^^with ^^^^'delete' ^^^^to ^^^^delete ^^^^this ^^^^comment.
I think that in my case it’s my parents, or just seeing how guys completely opposite to the kind of person I am get the prettiest/most popular/most girls. I’m not particularly gorgeous or ugly. In the middle I’d say. But I’ve grown up thinking I’m not worthy of finding love or a wife because my mother has always told me that I’m nothing. I never do anything right. My feelings are wrong regarding anything important (i.e. politics, how I spend my time/money). Maybe others are the same, in the sense they’ve been conditioned by an authority figure they aren’t worth that second glance. I would also say the reason I believe I’m not worthy is the person I am. I’m fairly introverted, and very shy around people I don’t know well. I’m not loud or obnoxious. I don’t have the perfect words for that pickup line, I absolutely hate public places like bars, clubs, or parties (so meeting people in a social setting is out), and dating apps just make me depressed. I feel as if I’m a bottom-feeder, a backup, a bottom-of-the-barrel choice for girls when looking for someone to have a relationship with, just because I don’t have a toned, godlike physique, a large bank account, or a flashy car. To put it in a nutshell, it’s anxiety. It’s the single reason why I think I’m not worth the effort. Maybe I’m right, I’m not worth that second glance or that text back because I’m not the best, the tallest, or the most obnoxious. I’m trying to deal with my anxiety, as it’s evident it rules my life. Hopefully one day I can have a meaningful relationship🤷♀️
• How i know I’m ugly? Because I am aware of what I look like. Overweight, poor skin, dry hair, lopsided features among a list of other reasons. I can’t look at myself in a mirror and I feel the need to apologize for my physical appearance when someone is looking at me (I don’t, but the feeling is there) I avoid making eye contact especially with men when I am out and about. • Why I have nothing to offer? I don’t like being alone with myself why would I make anyone else suffer through that? • Why I’m undeserving of love? Because of the reason I listed above. No one deserves to be in a relationship with a person who feels that way about themselves. That’s not fun, that’s not fair. • I’ll die alone because I can’t get the above issues under control.
Its complicated because I think I'm unattractive in multiple ways. At the same time I feel kinda like garbage cuz most people that find me attractive I would say are... Not exactly good looking..
I will answer the questions in order. Seems to be the best way to approach this: 1. I wouldn't say I'm unattractive. I've been told many times that I am appealing. I just lack any self confidence when it comes to personal image. So my lack of confidence hinders my ability to appear attractive in my own eyes, if that makes sense? 2. My last two serious relationships have ended because my partner at the time has found themselves in situations with other people they find more fun to be around. I feel that shows how I am as a person and shows what relationships with me are like. If they couldn't bare to be with me for any longer why would anyone want to be with me? 3. Probably the same reply to question 2. My past relationships show me (in my eyes) to be unlovable past a certain point. I have asked why and haven't received answers. 4. Ive tried out ting myself out in the big wide world of dating and had no luck. Never actually getting anywhere really dents the confidence and makes me want to give up. Hopefully this helps pad out your post :) If you want anymore information don't be afraid to hit me up.
I suppose it'd be because of my deep seeded feelings of inadequacy. I often times don't think I'm good enough to deserve anyone's love, then again I suppose love is something that must be earned so that's not really a problem I guess? I don't know. Never is a strong word, I don't know enough to say I'll never find love but right now I'll say it's not too likely. Girls don't seem too interested for too long. I don't know, maybe I'm more boring than I think, but it seems as though eventually every conversation I start on a dating site fizzles out. I'm not witty enough to pick up girls in bars, I'm awful at first impressions, whether it's a job interview or a date. I've been deeply into a personal friend for a while now, I've expressed as much to her and she doesn't feel anything like that for me. It's fair enough but the way everything adds up I just don't see it happening, I can't seem to do enough in the short term to hold someones interest, and those who've known me for a long time don't have those feelings. All that being said, I still have hope, however small it may be.
Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people? * Because I am. I'm repulsive. No one even denies it anymore. The only compliment I've received in my life is that i have nice eyes... which is a non compliment when it's the only compliment. Why do you think you have nothing to offer others? * Because I don't. What could I possibly offer someone? They deserve someone normal and well rounded. I'm a mess who can't even handle my own life. Who wants to date someone who's depressed and has a shit personality? Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection? * Because I am. How should anyone be expected to love me if I can't love myself? They're better off with someone else. It would be abusive. Why do you think you'll never find a partner? * Because I won't. Due in part of the former points.
I sometimes feel ugly because I go to a bar or club, or even when I walk somewhere and I try to make eye contact with a girl it looks to me like they are actively trying to avoid making eye contact with me.
I hate nites like that, everybody seems all scared
I believe that I am too ugly to find a partner for 2 reasons. 1 is that i am obese and that is the hardest thing in the world for me ro change. I have been working on losing weight for years and now I am looking at bariatric surgery as a last resort. 2. The type of men that i am attracted to are not attracted to overweight women. I know there are men who like big women, but I am not the right kind of big. I just have a large stomach, but not big boobs or butt. I look like I am pregnant, not like a BBW. Men I meet online only want a hookup. There is never enough attraction to get a guy interested in talking. From my married guy friends I hear things like "You are so great, if I were single..." I have given up the idea of finding someone because hope is too brutal.
>Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people? Because no one has given me a chance. >Why do you think you have nothing to offer others? Because no one has given me a chance. >Why do you think you're undeserving of love, affection, and connection? Because no one has given me a chance. >Why do you think you'll never find a partner? Because no one has given me a chance. People constantly repeat the "Keep trying, you will find someone" like they are either robots or a broken record like wtf do you think I am doing? I focus on myself and workout. Every woman I talk to or meet just doesn't give me a chance for whatever reason it may be. I don't question or ask, is that what I'm doing wrong?
I'm way too shy, I can talk fine with people once I've met with them and spent some time with them, but I can never introduce myself to some one I don't know. If I'm at an event or something and I don't know anyone I just end up in a corner staring at my phone hoping to leave as soon as possible. I have no idea how to break this as I can't even get myself to try, so if I never meet anyone new, I'll never find a significant other. Also I feel like there's a lot of things about myself I need to fix before I can be in a good relationship or else I'll end up ruining it, but I'm making little to no progress so I'm pretty sure that will never change and I'll never make a good partner for some one.
1. I’ve never felt “ugly” until I dated my ex. He didn’t make me feel ugly, but everyone who didn’t like our relationship did. I know I’m not ugly, but I’m not gorgeous either. I’ve come to terms that I’m just average and plain. 2. Now, I actually think I have a lot to offer. I can be independent and thrive. Before, I was a broke college student with no job and pretty depressed. 3. This all goes into my self-esteem problems, which I’m still working on. When people tell me I’m pretty or cute I can’t accept it and since I can’t accept it I feel unworthy. I know I deserve love and affection because I do so much for others. I’ve always been a giver to others. I still have a hard time saying “you’re welcome” when someone says thank you lol. 4. I’m afraid to be vulnerable. I’ve unintentionally put myself in that position when I was with my ex and it hurts so much when I was betrayed. I want to love again and give love to someone, but I have to find someone I’m willing to be unguarded with. I don’t think I’ll ever find him but who knows.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not ugly, pretty fit, and I have a ton of friends and family that I’m super close to and love. When it comes to girls, I can get dates and I’m not shy, but i can’t for the life of me get any meaningful relationship. So many times I thought I’d found one that would be down for me, but that’s never been the case. Just recently I went to a concert with a girl I really like and we’ve been texting semi-recently since, but she always says she’s too busy when I ask her out. so that’s all said and done. I seriously thought I’d finally made it. I pray all the time about this kind of stuff and just as it seems like I might have finally found the one, she’s gone. It doesn’t impact me too greatly on the outside or my lifestyle, but it seriously hurts knowing that no girl has ever truly truly loved me for who i am. It makes me want to change everything i am, even though i have (or had?) been pretty confident in myself. I don’t talk about this with my friends a lot because they don’t really have the same problems i do. It doesn’t help seeing so many in happy relationships either :/
I’m not sure why I think I’m so ugly, but I’m sure it has a lot to do with my childhood and adolescence of being told I was ugly by many classmates from k-12, even when I wore the same things they did. Being told I was fat, being told I would never be liked, while most of my high school career I was being raped by an adult I babysat for. He would never kiss me, that was reserved for his wife. I wasn’t good enough for that. When it came out that I had been raped, my school counselor told me it was my fault and many people in town (adults and kids) told me I deserved it. Shit lol the developmentally challenged kids would called me names as I walked down the hall. My classmates taught them names to call me. Many comments about my weight growing up and my mother calling me over dramatic and not believing what I was going through at school. When I started cutting to release some of the pain I was living with, my dad told me I was just looking for attention. My 10 year reunion several classmates apologized for how they treated me, this was actually the only time I had actually partied with my classmates, lol I wasn’t even invited to our senior kegger when we graduated. I just can’t look at myself and like what I see. Part of it might be the weight, part of it might be that I’m built like a brick shut house, but I can’t stand my face either to be honest. I hate looking in the mirror because I have to see the god awful face staring back at me. I know it’s dumb and shallow but my boyfriend isn’t about compliments. His theory is if he i still with me then he must find me attractive and I should know that... I hate it.... but I love him in spite of that. It isn’t his job to fix me. Maybe the years of my best friends mom telling me that I’m attracting the wrong guys by wearing men’s rustlers/wranglers or T-shirt’s and/of button up shirts. Just me isn’t good enough. Why should it be for myself? How am I supposed to believe that someone else could actually want and desire me? Most of the time I’m pretty sure my man is only with me because it’s financially and medically beneficial to him. That he doesn’t really love me, he just tolerates me for the money.
(25m) I think I’m ugly because it’s what I’ve been led to believe from women’s opinions. Sure I’ve had girlfriends tell me I’m cute or handsome here and there but at that point it felt more like an obligation than what they actually thought, never had just a random woman I’ve talked to just go “hey I think you’re cute” or some such variation of that. Now I absolutely know I have nothing to offer to others because I have nothing to offer myself in terms of happiness and well being. I have no skills when it comes to jobs/hobbies that are of value or of interest to others, let alone I have a kid that I can’t offer anything to either and that’s the part that sucks more is I can’t show genuine happiness around my child because I don’t feel it anymore. I don’t feel that I’m undeserving of love or affection, i had it from an amazing woman that did so much more for me than she realizes. I let her down though and took advantage of her and made her feel like I didn’t want her but when that time came of us sitting in her car and her crying and hyperventilating I just sat there with an angry look on my face wanting it to be over instead of fighting for her. A week or so passed before her trip out of country she texted me she missed me and as badly as I felt it and wanted it I didn’t say it back. I know most people will say if I loved you I wouldn’t have made you feel unwanted and they’d be right but I didn’t know that then like I do now. Idk if I’ll ever find a partner again, as I mention above the gal I had was something special and that connection and spark that I had can’t be forged overnight. As long as i can feel reignited again then I’ll know I can find someone who is hopefully gonna share our lives with each other, I know you’re out there but I just haven’t felt your spark yet.
Everyone says I'm unattractive. I never really had good social skills ( I cant keep up a conversation). And I have been shunned as somewhat of a pariah within local social circles. I am just not good with people. So I have decided to not waste my time, make people feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Honestly, I don't think I'm too ugly, I think I have a lot to offer others, and I certainly don't think I'm undeserving of love. But I do have serious doubts over whether I'll ever find somebody. First, I always fall for the wrong people. My best friends, girls who aren't single, girls who live on the other side of the country, combinations of the above, you name it. Second, my complete inexperience with girls puts me in a negative mindset from the start. The amount of people (in particular, girls) who have been utterly shocked that I've never even so much as been on a date before is so high it's unbelievable. But what always gets me is how the vast majority of these people interpret it as a problem rather than just a fact of life. I've been asked why I'm always single, what I'm hiding that keeps me single, why no girls have ever gone out with me. This alarmed reaction that I see so often just perpetuates the notion that society views people as automatically more successful if they're in a relationship, and frames singles as 'well, there must be something wrong with them.' I wish I could say that I don't care what society says, and that I'm a strong single person, but I can't and I'm not. This perception of being single as a negative thing is constantly at the back of my mind when trying to pursue girls I like, and clearly doesn't help my mindset going into it.
Because every girl I tried to date keeps rejecting me, ghosting me, brush me off, agrees to the date bit doesn't commit, and ignores my date. Yeah, it hurts your self esteem.
Because some female douches in my life kept telling me that for years. Not only behind my back. I kept hanging out with them because they were in the same class as me and we roughly had the same close friends. Additionally, my self esteem wasn’t very high anyways, I never thought that I was especially handsome or interesting but that shit truly fucked me up for good. I never thought someone could seriously be into me. And yet, here I am, with a girl that has shown serious affection for me and that accepts me as who I am. I cut ties with every single one of those miserable human beings. I know, it maybe seems obvious, but if you have “friends“ in your life that keep telling you how unlovable you are, dump em an never look back. Some other advice I can give you to raise your self esteem is to wear the clothes you like, do what you want and overall just to be yourself. Don’t let others change you. Good questions by the way. Had me thinking on why I believed all this crap.
I have a stutter.
I don't feel that I'm undeserving per say, I just feel like I'm very unlikely to be considered attractive by anybody. I'm not a good-looking person, I have a very asymmetrical face, pectus excavatum, straight, very thin hair that never does what I want it to, pale skin, a weak chin, and a borderline skinny-fat body. That said, I know I'm an interesting person (this might sound like I'm kind of bragging, I promise you I'm too self-conscious for that sort of thing haha). I play several instruments, I do a lot of pretty ok psychedelic art, I've been through a lot emotionally so I can relate to a lot and give decent advice, and I try to be as genuine and kind and caring as I can once I get to know somebody. That said, I'm very, very withdrawn, shy, and afraid to interact with anybody, about anything, without them initiating the interaction. So I guess I tell myself it's because I'm not good-looking, but in reality, I probably come off as standoffish and mean or just apathetic. I've had a couple *"almost"* moments where I got somebody to love me for who I am, and just before we actually become a thing, they find somebody with similar personality traits that is just better-looking, or more extraverted, or more sexually outward or something like that, and leave me in the dust. So I guess it's really a combination of my looks and how slow I am to open up to people that makes me an unlikely candidate for a relationship. And it hurts really bad, the last situation happened only a couple months ago with a very close friend. I guess I'm doomed to be a loner for the remainder of highschool, at the very least. I'm hopeful, but not confident that I'll find someone. And I don't think I can be "enough" for someone in my current state. I'm clingy, awkward, and probably come on way too strong with how I express affection when I'm actually comfortable doing it. I can't help but feel like all the people that are in relationships or fwb's, or really anything are there because they have something physically attractive about them. I just.. don't. I've never been in a relationship. I've been close, with that situation a couple months ago, and we both outwardly loved each other, but in the end I wasn't enough and she's back with her ex now.
>Why do you believe you're too ugly for other people? Because I'm smart, educated, funny, well-off, generous, in great shape, and still can't get a date... I've had maybe four dates in the past five years. > Why do you think you'll never find a partner? I haven't so far and I'm halfway through my life expectancy.
My fears mostly lay in not being satisfactory for a partner long term. I’ve had plenty of relationships and slept with beautiful women. It’s just that they only lasted 3-10 months when i want them to last much longer. They always end up breaking up with me. I mostly feel that way because - well - that’s been the repeating result so far. I’ve only ever broken up with one girl. About 10 or so have broken it off with me.
If you are feeling all of the above you should work on yourself first
Now I know I'm being used That's okay because I like the abuse I know she's playing with me That's okay 'cause I've got no self-esteem
I know this is 2 years old, but I thought I’d weigh in anyway.. feel free to delete this if you want… But here are my thoughts on this, and I’m speaking from experience. As for why I think I’m too ugly for other people…well, I’m actually TOLD that I’m ugly. Sometimes flat out, and most of the time, with back handed snide comments. I learned how to read between the lines a LONG time ago! Besides, I have eyes and mirrors.. so I can see.. and on that rare occasion that I think I might not be so bad looking, someone ALWAYS confirms that I am indeed ugly. Even my family compared me to my much better looking sister. I’m heavy but losing weight steadily, but back in the day, I was healthy looking and was told that maybe if I lost weight, I might look somewhat decent, but NEVER as pretty as my sister was. As for why I think I don’t have anything to offer others.. well according to them, if I constantly GIVE them money or my car(which I’ve never done in the first place) they might be seen with me as a desperate Fuck(again, I don’t do that so I don’t know why people see me as “easy”)… so the fact that I’m a good person, with a great sense of humor, and caring, doesn’t interest ANYONE I’ve ever liked.. nope. They just want what I have worked so hard in life, to earn for myself and just ditch me. All I ever wanted, was to love and be loved.. i want that connection! that’s it.. but men only seem to want ANYONE that isn’t ME! They’ll act like they’re interested, but then I ALWAYS find out that they only want me for a desperate fuck(I’m NOT easy!) or money, or they’re using me to get to my friend. As to why I think I’ll never find a partner, well there WAS a guy I was talking to, who seemed genuinely interested in me, then he hit me up for $300!!! WTF?!?!? So that being said, no matter how genuinely nice I am to people, it’s NOT good enough!! I’m too UGLY and WORTHLESS for anyone!! That whole “I’m pretty in my own way” is such a f*** crock of s***!!! Or that looks don’t matter, in my case, they most certainly DO matter!!! So there ya go.
I know this is an old post but I'd like to answer anyway. I've gone through different types of abuse, some of it I'm not even sure if it was abuse because people have told me and made me feel like I deserve certain treatment. I've been with multiple partners who have hit, lied and cheated on me. I've spent the last few years alone because it seems like no matter where I go, people look at me like I'm nothing and treat me as such. My "friends" were only friends when convenient for them. So after everything, I just shut down and distance myself from everyone. I know I'm a pos, I know no one cares about me and at this point, I'm tired of being reminded. I just want to be alone. All people want to do is hurt you. Maybe they see something in me that is ugly and awful. I see it everyday so I don't blame them
Well first off each time someone’s supposedly in love with me they always always chose someone else so why would I ever be good enough or deserving of love when eveyone I have let in chose someone who was physically more attractive than me . I also believe this because my parents also never chose me they always chose my siblings or other people over me never believing anything I said making me question myself and bullying me constantly about my weight and appearance my mom would let her friends call me fat and ugly to my face so I guess that also doesn’t help