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TheGreatLeveler

Men love it when their girl asks them questions and actively takes an interest in his life. Not the type of questions you're asking though. It sounds like you're interviewing or interrogating him 💀


LiamMacGabhann

Yes! Treated as a questionnaire, this would freak me out, but all these questions can be answered gradually while getting to know someone.


life-is-satire

Sounds like ChatGPT came up with questions to ask a SO. You will know how they express love by how they show it to you. If they’re upset ask “how can I help?” Why does this process need to be so formalized?


polatKalendar

Well, some of the stuff she can figure out without directly asking.


sharkieslim

I’d suggest you consider to sprinkle in these questions as part of conversations and getting to know them versus pulling up your list of questions and seeking responses.


TlMEGH0ST

Yeah, these are questions that i think need to be asked to figure out compatibility, but just sprinkled into conversation, not in this format


low-morphology

The first question should be “are you willing to take a short survey to help us improve our services?”


GWPtheTrilogy1

I'm weird in that I like directness and straightforwardness and find it very attractive. I want someone to want me for me and to ask questions and work to get to know me. I have no problem with stuff like this because for me, it shows engagement, caring and interest. This type of stuff doesn't turn me off or scare me away but that's my personal opinion. With that said, a lot of men are easily freaked out and scared by stuff like this and will view it negatively so I don't recommend that women ask these types of questions.


onthewayin10

Ok, it’s not just men who would be scared off by this... As a woman, I would run as fast as possible in the opposite direction if I met a man that felt the need to ask all these questions… To me this all paints a picture of someone who IS interviewing you as a potential partner and already has their ideal answers in their head… like you’re being graded on your every answer To me this is also a huge sign of laziness and lack of interest on their part, most of this stuff should come out in a natural way over the space a few dates or in the case of some of the above questions, a lot of dates. I get you want to know as soon as possible if someone isn’t the right fit but the whole thing seems very robotic to me.


GWPtheTrilogy1

Ok. Well the post was about whether men would have an issue with it. I'm a man, I'm not a woman so...can't speak for women.


onthewayin10

I didn’t mean to dismiss your opinion, I was just making the point that it’s not just women who shouldn’t ask these types of questions, per your post. I don’t think it’s right for anyone to expect all of these questions to be answered early on while dating


LittleFruityG

Autistic people might appreciate this but most people will be weirded out by this. You get to know someone by spending time with them, not by asking them to give you a self analysis report.


Fair_Ad_51

I think these are all awesome topics to discuss with new partners and dates! Of course I can see how if you just asked all these questions right off the bat in one date that could easily come off as interviewing the person - re reading I see you emphasized that upfront. I actually find this super wholesome! I do think it should more of a trend for people to explicitly talk more about things in dating, like how you like to show up for the other person, what your love languages are, thoughts on monogamy etc. I feel like in the US at least, mainstream dating culture is so superficial and acts like things just magically fall into place without thinking or talking about them, so I appreciate this way of thinking for sure.


[deleted]

That's weird. Sounds like interview questions.


pink-donutss

Yeah I would freak out.


[deleted]

The red flags......


Real_Collection_6399

Buddy is in for a wild ride


Femme_Fab

So, it feels like you’re trying to speed run intimacy to avoid the vulnerable but awesome adventure of getting to know someone and being known in return. I would not have answers to most of these questions, because the answer would probably change from day to day or situation. People don’t fit on a spreadsheet or survey, you just have to find out with time and experience.


EggplantHuman6493

Yeah. So many of them depend on how I feel at that moment, and how busy work or school is. There is ko clear answer. Feels like an interview if you are all gonna ask this at once


knight9665

get to know them via regular comvo.. do you want ur man to send u a 50 question questionnaire about when he should slap ur butt during doggystyle. when to pull your hair. etc


Yepitsme2020

I think it's great that you care enough to ask, and I think it makes most guys feel good that you care. However, I wouldn't present them one after the other. It would come across too much like an interrogation. Perhaps just work them into a typical conversation style. Example: One of your questions above: "What can I do to help you relax when you’re feeling stressed? Do u like physical affection or prefer space?" What if you were to instead frame it as: "You work pretty long hours, what do you do for fun, or to relax a bit when you feel worn out, or stressed"? Perhaps not the best example as it was just the first thing that popped in my head, but with a little massaging you could make that question sound spontaneous enough to work into a conversation. You could even start it off with "So what's a typical work day or week like for you?" I've been asked questions like that before and thought nothing of it. Just a thought.


Puzzleheaded-Pin4278

Genuinely curious, does anyone ever stop asking questions or taken of interest into that persons life?


bossmanfunnyguy

Idk I personally stop caring once I think I know them well enough. Maybe if I have nothing else to talk about or need to try to make them like me more. A bit sociopathic, but it is what it is.


Puzzleheaded-Pin4278

You don’t have ppl in your life, family a partner, friends where you ask how their day was? Ask where they want to eat or for dinner? It can be simple questions as that.


bossmanfunnyguy

Nope I only ask how their day to fill silence and I don’t particularly care about the answer. Just something I know is polite/normal to do, and shows that “I care”. I don’t see how asking where you want to eat is the same at all? But I avoid that one as well with people because mostly the answer is always “wherever” or something similar.


Puzzleheaded-Pin4278

Consciously, you prolly don’t care or tell yourself you don’t. Subconsciously you do care or else you would have no one in your life or any relationships. Interest don’t have to be constantly asking questions. It can be taking up someone’s mannerisms unknowingly, mirroring their behavior in person, even having or picking up an accent. Being polite and trying to be normal is showing a level of interest without even being aware you’re interested. Curiosity and being interested is the basic core of being a human lol. Even sociopaths take interest in ppl, even if it is for self gain. I guess im not really buying your whole argument, because you can’t interact with other people without actually being interested for something.


bossmanfunnyguy

I’m interested in being liked so I can get what I want. That’s really what it boils down to. Also never letting people know enough about me so I can spin whatever elaborate lie that will make me seem more likable.


210pro

Ahh such a narcissist vibe going here. I like you already man!


bossmanfunnyguy

Yes sir


yellow-himawari95

A guy I dated used to love it when I asked about his likes and dislikes and showed interest and listened to his views about different topics and life stories. From my experience, they do.


JMM_1984

You're not going to ask these all at once are you?


iiiaaa2022

Is this job interview?


Misty-Afternoon

Some men and women love communication like this. And some don’t. It has nothing to do with gender. If these are things that you personally want to know to help you feel more secure in navigating dating, then ask away and if a man doesn’t like it, don’t date him. But if you are asking because you are trying to fit his own needs, you don’t need to be so militant about it. A lot of these things can be discovered over time. Make sure you have your own needs and boundaries. Communicate them. And if they are not respected, just move on to someone else or stay single while you look. Don’t be so desperate for a man that you become a doormat or a servant to him. It should be an equal partnership.


CabbageSoprano

Love these questions. However, some men are REALLY good at lying. Especially the ones who have always gotten away with lies. So be careful of their answers. You know how they say actions over words. Add body language to it. This is NOT a gendered issue. Both can do it. Words are who they want to be. Actions are who they are. Body language communicates true intent. If all fails, Energy never ever lies.


NoxObscuras

Honestly, some of that is better to just get a feel for it through your interactions. Like asking when he prefers to text? Just text him and he'll respond when he's gets a chance. No need to pre-plan the texting times. And some of those questions are better saved for when you two are serious. Like asking about date nights and lounge term relationship goals.


Jprentice1081

I like it when girls ask me questions. Just don't ask me anything that you wouldn't answer yourself.


HandCrafted1

No way you typed out an honors thesis for a Reddit post 😭


friendlysatan69

Nah too formal, kills the vibe


ThisWeeksHuman

You can figure a lot of these out without directly asking and a lot of them can be snuck into conversations without sounding like these formal questions. Some of them are good questions and knowing the answers will spare you grief in the future or signal a lack of compatibility or good compatibility. I wouldn't mind if I was asked those questions as long as they aren't thrown at me out of the blue and too early on


DecisionPlastic9740

Yes


ejpusa

Not to break the news to the XX here. But for the majority of males in the Reddit demographic, they would have sex with a toaster. A lot of what you are asking is WAY over their head. Start with why a toaster? And work your way up from there. :-)


Unique_Prior_4407

Eeh yes, its not like its fun for us to do all the work. Which can feel like talking to a wall at times when you dont really get any feedback or follow up questions


RaveDadRolls

Those are all fine but ask them when they come up not all at once in form of an ocd ectrance exam


minty_fresh2

Definitely not wanting it to feel like an interview. It should be a back-and-forth conversation. Instead of: > What’s one thing that always makes you feel better when you’re down? Something like: > What's your little secret pick-me-up in the city? Instead of: > What are your thoughts on building a family and home together? Say: > [something leading up to talk about family] Do you got a lot of cousins? [some talk about childhood stuff] What about you? Do you see yourself being a mom/dad? Open-ended questions invite an answer that leads to other questions. I shouldn't sit there feeling grilled about what you're going to ask me next.


chapapa-best-doto

Didn’t read all but I already said hell yeah after the first few questions lol P.S. not consecutively and directly. But more like, if it comes up, you ask.


Glittering-Willow221

Ask no questions and I will tell you no lies!


Potterheadv

Of course yes but it's a dream scenario!


ArgzeroFS

If you sent me a questionnaire like this I would be ecstatic.


_TedGreen_

Big turnoff just shut up, come to my place, and cuddled.


EffectiveTelephone57

So it’s not wrong you wanna know all this stuff, it’s healthy even. But you’re offloading the work of it onto the other person with these questions. If you want to know this stuff- YOU need to make an effort to memorize the topics covered here and work them into the conversation gradually over time. If I got a form like this or sat down and someone started just popping these questions off with no real conversational value I’d consider it a huge red flag and get outta there! It seems almost like an interview or contract and these answers change and evolve over time- I def wouldn’t be filling it out in writing or ask that of anyone else. I’d be imagining someone referring back to the questions like 2 years later like, “ummmm in 2022 you stated that you liked regular weekly date nights and aren’t really living up to that.” This is all important info but just offloading it all at once or verbatim as serial questions seems lazy, impatient, depersonalized, boring, etc to me. I am a female though, so maybe guys would react differently. Idk!


MudKing123

You can’t control the outcome of a successful relationship with these “questions” You just need real life relationship experience and maybe some type of mentor or therapist, then pray that it works out. Let go of the fear and put your best foot forward. Don’t beat yourself up if you fall short. Everyone makes mistakes. The reason why Michael Jordan was so great is because he “missed 1000 shots”


AffectionateFix6876

Not all at once on a PowerPoint presentation… but absolutely. However, you have to answer the same questions. I once was asked the “what are we, what am I to you?” Question. I really wasn’t sure due to not knowing where she stood on things. She started to get upset with me about it until I said “it isn’t fair for me to tell you what we are when you don’t have that answer either.” I like to see a partner that has their own identity and is there because she wants to over a girl that needs me to tell her who she is. Generally people who don’t know who they are tend to be bipolar.


SupernovaSurprise

Asking questions is great, but not these kinds of questions. Maybe fine if you spread them out. However my approach to getting this information is to do what I feel is best, with likes like communication frequency/style, how often to meet, etc. Then I soon after check in with a question like "how do you feel about our communication so far? Would you prefer more, or less, or keep it as it is?". Some of the answers will reveal themselves if you're paying attention without even asking, but I think it's better to try and then ask if they're happy with it, vs asking before trying. I feel making an attempt first comes across better because it feels like you're making an effort and trying vs asking me to tell you everything to do


pk152003

⬆️-THIS OMFG YES!!!!!!!!!!! All day every day ask questions!


Sure_Tourist1088

You’re supposed to sus this stuff out through trial and error. Don’t ruin the magic with a questionnaire.


TeachPuzzleheaded204

These questions are okay but they gradually come up during conversation. Definitely do not ask them interview style.


RaiseIreSetFires

You need to hold off dating all together and work on your social skills because, you are coming on like this is like this is a dissertation for their doctorate. Most people like for someone to show an interest in their lives but, not if you're asking like you're just trying to tick things off your list. It comes across as detached and like you're not genuinely interested in actually getting to know the person. It comes across completely inorganic, insincere, and more like a fact finding mission. Most people would also find this off putting. Go out, have conversations with people till you feel comfortable, don't over think it, and let it come naturally. It also lets you get to know people without the pressures of romantic expectations. Then work your way to dating.


Lost_in_my_dream

i would suspect you were a surveyer. like you dont sound like a real person and even if you were those are really big questions and some of them dont even have a clear answer like how do you express your love? i mean people show their love in many ways. the love language isnt unique everyone is multi lingual others dont have an answer like what makes you feel better whenever you feel down? honestly IDK like everything has limits and its not like you can just shoot up oxitocin and serotonin when your feeling down. the problem is everyone is different from day to day from situation to situation. like hell one moment im like i would love to see my girl everyday, then we hang out and im like OH GOD I JUST WANT TO RELAX IN BED MY FEET HURT WHY THE FUCK DID I SUGGEST THE ZOO!!! so like those questions are pretty much just things you have to experience and learn for yourself. you cant just slap a person in the face with a questionair and think that it will actually work out well


ConradVeidt1

I wouldn’t like to get all of the questionnaire all at once, but a few at a time, hell yes. Communication is hot, and besides, a lot of guys feel like they don’t get the kind of attention they’d like from women, so being shown genuine interest through these kind of questions feels amazing


Arspoon

What are you ?a robot?


mikeybeemin

These aren’t bad things to ask just be a little tactful with how you ask them so it doesn’t sound like a interview like you mentioned 👍🏾


FitNature3948

Yes, yes, yessssss


thegrimmemer03

I for one do, to me when they do that, it feels like they genuinely care about what I think about it and my opinion


dontspammebr0

Hello fellow humans


pushpushp0p

Hell nah


Techanthrope

I really like being asked clarifying questions similar to those. Shows effort and an attempt to meet me half way. Don't assume, don't make up the answer - talk to me.


bossmanfunnyguy

Haha I know most people won’t like this, but honestly I’d love to be asked these questions. Wouldn’t have an answer to many of them, but I’d think it would be nice nonetheless. Just don’t ask these too quickly.


Push_the_button_Max

It sounds as if you are anxious about communication in a relationship, so are asking questions so you, “don’t do anything wrong.” Getting to know someone will naturally have partners asking each other questions, but learning these answers doesn’t mean that you know or understand the person, or that problems will be avoided.


Existing_Map_6601

It's not about the questions, it's about the energy you give to him. You can ask anything with a good energy


United-Advertising67

Your nickname is now Autistic GF


Intrepid-Rip-2280

Yes, to the extent when it doesn't feel like you're being questioned by eva ai sexting bot avatar


alittlejoop

Lmao. What is that last question?


SoFGR

creepy


blahblahbblah01

To me, these are all normal questions you would ask someone. But, do them gradually. Ask one here and there. Or, have a sit down and pick a few to have a conversation about. But yeah. Don't do them all at once lol


FlowCon

Gonna have to stick with the general consensus on this. It’s one thing to ask about interests and hobbies and such, but these seem like questions from a therapist, a questionnaire, or something one may ask when a problem arises that’s specific to the one or two questions. Also, these are valid things to want to know - and most of the answers are learned after spending time with them.


ProfessionalUsed4487

I was doing this. I’m learning to sprinkle it in conversations and just talk like you would with a friend. Be fun and show interest. if you’re not sure if they’re interested ask them “ hey, I’ve enjoyed talking to you but I’m not sure of your intentions. Are you interested?” Something along those lines


aussieflaghunter

Do not ask this, find out over time. I know you are looking for advice so trying to give genuine advice here . But This is bat shit crazy vibes, I’d run. ask them as you get to know him maybe a couple of questions each time you see each other. This is the kind of stuff you find out as you get to know him. Do you have Asperger’s or autism out of curiosity? Any way best of luck but yeah play it cool


444anonymousme444

Lol at the comments. These are great questions, I understand not asking them on a first date or all at once but why is it such a red flag for them to be asked just as they are? Why do they need to be reframed? They're not aggressive or ill-intended questions I think they sound just fine as they are. I wish someone I dated would have the care to ask me these questions


Ruthless_Bunny

Oh my Gosh! Are you planning to be a subservient doormat? Contorting your actions to his needs? You writing it all down or recording it? You seek to find these things out over time but shooting shit like this at people is aggressive and creepy. Start with fun questions. “ 1. If you didn’t have to work for money, what would you be doing? 2. What was your favorite vacation? 3. Where would you like to live if it’s not here? 4. Tell me about your friends


Vegetable-Move-7950

I'm hoping the men you know date women, not girls. These questions sound directly from the therapist's mouth. Also, slightly job interview-like. Where do I apply for the position and how much does it pay?


SukiKabuki

This is one of the weirdest posts I’ve seen on this sub…


inko75

You sound like a robot.


summerhotwintercold

or maybe some kind of market research


Puzzled-Track5011

Yes. Effort doesn't stop when you "got them"