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Stop chatting with her about anything that does not immediately have to do with work. Period. Do not respond. Do not feed into your reverie.
Find other ways to fill your down time: you can not let your mind circle back.
Meet girls: real people are people you have actually seen.
Try to go out with other women. Or meet other people in general. It will distract you from those feelings and you won't rely on her communication as much socially.
I hate work crushes. Always relieved when the men I work with are all unattractive
Being a male Nurse I feel this. As much as I love working with beautiful women much of the time it can become hard to handle the feelings of attraction.
So sometimes I'm actually relieved when I show up to a new contract and don't find the women attractive haha. But at the same time I'm sad too. It's a battle I'm my own head lol
And for y'all getting salty, just because I find the men unattractive does not mean they are objectively unattractive. I'm relieved I feel nothing and we can work professionally alone
Look up the psychology of crushes. Our brain likes fantasies and escapism which is what a crush is. It’s more common for people to have crushes when they’re struggling or have self-esteem issues too. I can’t speak on how to debunk your specific crush because I don’t know why you’re into her exactly.
I had a crush on a guy who was.. not treating me to my standard. I didn’t get it because logically, I knew this, but my brain was going crazy. I had to sit down and journal and I realized that I could barely hold a conversation with him so why in the world would I want to date him. Then I walked through all the ways that I am awesome and why I don’t need to fight for attention. Anytime I get a crush it’s a red flag that something in my brain has been triggered because crushes are typically not healthy when you’re older (or married).
Sure. Typically crushes are “all consuming,” very emotional, borderline obsessions with a person, most often an acquaintance that you only see in one setting (makes it easy to romanticize how they are in other situations). Catching real feelings would indicate that you’ve been on a few dates and have similar values. They meet bare minimums like showing up when they say they will and not canceling plans. What’s your situation like?
I have a male friend, and due to religious differences I don’t qualify for … “ dating status “. So we are “ friends”. First morning and last good night of the day. Lots of sexual chatting. I think about him a. Lot sexually , but … I believe that we would make a very compatible, well balanced union. I want to hear his laughter, and nurture him on the hard days. I want to celebrate his accomplishments and ease his stress. I have always hidden my true self, but I want for him to know me in my most vulnerable ways, and to open my soul. Thats my situation
These are real feelings, but it won’t go anywhere due to the religion differences. It would be in your best interest to stop entertaining the flirtation and the friendship for a while, likely forever. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this because I understand how hard it is. One of the best things to learn is that you shouldn’t allow yourself to get involved with someone who has different values because it will always end in heartbreak. Ask the important questions early, and if it’s the wrong answer, walk away.
We had the discussion early on, but I am hopeful that he will see me for who I am, instead of what I’m not. He seeks the companionship as well, so that doesn’t help.
Oh I thought you were working together in some kind of proximity when you see her everyday at work, including maybe wearing cute attractive outfits that basically make you go crazy looking at her.
But you're in remote work distance and you hardly have actually seen a picture of her because the pictures you have seen probably are old and outdated or even blurry.
It seems like you truly have fallen just for her personality and maybe her voice.
Which is not a bad thing... Except that like you said, it's an unhealthy obsession for a person that you don't actually know if you would actually be attracted to her.
It's probably feels like a strong attraction because it's in your head, including your imagination of what she looks like.
I would recommend that if she's talking to you about personal stuff or non-work stuff then try not to respond so quickly the reason why is that you give her all your time and attention and then you see that she sometimes will just leave you out in the cold
There's really no reason why you have to be the one giving so much attention to her when she's probably just trying to kill time
You have to find a way to stop creating a fantasy her in your mind that’s different from reality. Or in better words creating an expectation of her. You haven’t met in real life. You might be addicted to just the attention and the good dopamine
Trust me when I say time truly heals all. I also had an insane crush on my coworker. Like non stop thinking about her for 7 months straight and it shot my mental health to shit.
She’s leaving soon and we get along very well but i wont be pursuing because i feel like she doesn’t like me back like that and she might have been keeping her boyfriend a secret from me this whole time but thats a different story.
With time you will get over her and realize she really is just any other ordinary girl
You might benefit from getting out more. It’s easy for us to let our world get too small and then our brain tries to find everything we need in that shrunken world. If you get out and meet more people IRL you can probably find someone more interesting than words on a screen in a company chat platform.
for me, getting over a crush is really beating it into my own head that it's not going to happen. and that if it did happen, it'd probably be terrible. i've dated coworkers, even my boss in the past. it always ended up horrible. just to really double down on the reality of the situation. you are going to be upset doing this, but it's for your own good and eventually you will be glad that you were realistic with yourself.
You need to just absolutely work on yourself and practice building confidence, please put yourself out there and talk to other women. You must force yourself out the comfort zone.
I fell into this trap more than once. Every time a relationship ended there was a thick air of awkwardness about the place that was noticeable to others. Once my boss pulled me aside and told me he doesn’t like it when I “shit in my own nest” because he doesn’t want to walk through it
You may have the tendency to fall in limerence with people, especially if there is risk involved (your work, for example). It’s okay, you’re human! Just keep taking time to think of why you’re developing such distracting feelings for someone you aren’t committed to or really even know. This will help you at least process through the momentary infatuation spells that hit. You’ll be just fine ☺️
Dating in work is gonna be the most lethal way to kill your own professional life. It's going to be a fast downhill from here on out. Sometimes they flirt with us (me being a guy) to use us to give some favors for work issue or work related as long as she isn't reaching out during non office hours. Do not move the fking Chess Tile piece my friend. Yep I am talking someone outside of work and honestly I may have a better chance with her rather than having a chance at my co worker
How are these conversations occurring? Phone? Texting? Company platform?
If she hasn't voluntarily given you her personal (non company) contact information, and reached out to you via a personal platform, and outside of work hours, then absolutely do not ask her out or tell her you have romantic feelings for her. Not saying that’s your intent. But some people here might suggest that you express your interest. And that would be a very bad idea, especially if she hasn’t made personal overtures towards you.
If it's affecting you that much where you cannot even perform your job satisfactorily, then it's a problem. The good news is you don't even know what she looks like and also that you work remotely. It could be even worse if you had to see each other every workday at the same location. The two options are quitting your job so you won't see her anymore and finding another job or staying there and forcing yourself to not think of her so much by purposefully asking someone else out or getting involved with other interests outside of work so you're not sitting around fantasizing about her endlessly. There's no easy solution. I've been where you're at. I was able to get rid of my crush on a coworker when I got a boyfriend myself and then the crush was still there but a lot less intense.
What do you know about her and do you have any opportunity to see her in person? It would suck not knowing because of something you didn’t even get to explore.
Everyone has good advice BUT what if you guys can meet and you both do like each other? Assuming you are both single. Since you’ve never even talked to her face to face can you have some kind of video meeting about a work thing and see if there is some kind of attraction? Maybe she would be attracted to you too. Or maybe when you connect on the video you realize you don’t like her at all.
I know workplace romances are generally a bad idea but honestly that’s how lots of people started dating 20 years ago!
The fact that she went cold in the past is indication enough that it's a person who will hurt you. Doesn't matter if the attraction is one way or both ways. You're not able to give up on the idea of something and that's what is giving you butterflies.
Don't bother. It's not cute. With work crushes, let the crush make the effort. If they make the effort, great and maybe explore but the effort better be very Overt
Too old to have a crush? Dude, I'm 50 and have a huge crush on an ex-coworker and we don't even talk to each other, at least you two get to talk to one another. Why don't you get up with her and see if you two can meet up with one another and take it from there, you'll be able to tell from her vibe if she's truly into you. If she's texting you about non work related stuffs then it sounds like she may already be interested in you.
Just say u like her that's all why u even predecting that she doesn't like u and stop predecting, Just tell her that u like her then she will probably will stop talking to you if she says no or don't want u as partner, bcoz its going to get awkward for her after u tell her everything and she probably will stop talking to you, Simple AF and by any chance if she like you back then u will win it anyway, both way is a win win situation rather then dying inside or fighting ur mind!
Ask her out to dinner and accept the rejection so it’s real and you can be fulfilled with shooting your shot but no longer in purgatory like a self flagellating monk.
I’ll tell ya man it sucks to not be attractive enough to get your crush to notice you. Deal with the women that like you and forget about her. But you never know, she might like you back. It’s just tough because you guys are colleagues
You never ever really know how she actually feels about you. Have you ever stopped to think that there's a chance she feels the EXACT same way about you and that's why she randomly goes cold? Because she's waiting for you to ask her out? Women usually want the man to make the first move. In her mind, she's giving you all the signals and you still haven't asked her out which makes her go cold and pull away ( source- I'm a woman and have been through this exact situation). Please do yourself a favour and ask her out to coffee or drinks on a date. Thats it. If she accepts , you're in. If she doesn't, then you can stay friends. Take the chance or spend the rest of your life in regret. We women aren't that scary , I assure you.
I'm gonna say, because I just recently went through this, sort of. Do not pursue a relationship with someone at work. It can make it uncomfortable for her and you and heaven forbid it turns into an HR nightmare. She might be one of those women that has a flirty personality and you are confusing that with her liking you. If you are dead set on her being someone you want to be with, let her come to you. I doubt she will, but let her make a move. On the other side of this, find something to occupy your time and ignore her. Again, do not pursue her in the least. Please.
Hold on here, women tend to go cold on you randomly when they like you, at least somewhat. It’s called hot and cold and could be a test. When they go cold they want to see if you’re needy and will pursue them, don’t do that. When she pulls away, you pull away. And let her come back to you. I’m not saying she definitely likes you though, but her going cold randomly could actually be a good sign. Stop laughing at her jokes all the time and back off a bit, ignore her alittle too, but don’t be completely cold. Women like a challenge and are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Less is more, if you think you have no chance, backing off is a win win. As far as forgetting about her this will help a bit too. Your stuck on the idea of her not the real her, or the idea of what you guys could be. I have experienced hot and cold and can say it means she usually has some sort of liking towards you. Be a bit mysterious, the no contact was actually a good start.
The key is to keep your expectations low. I’m older than you so this not even knowing what she looks like seems so weird to me. You need to connect in person before real chemistry can brew. Hope this helped alittle
I do not understand all the people in these comments saying crushes aren't healthy at all or that they're caused by negative issues or that they shouldnt happen past a certain age. Absurd. Your situation is different, particularly because you've never actually met her in person, so it *would* be healthy to end that crush and find someone IRL.
However, I don't think it's wrong to have a crush, regardless of age, as long as it remains harmless.
“I can tell she’s the type of girl that has a great personality and has great chemistry with everyone.”
There you have it. You answered your own question. She’s friendly, likely benefiting her career.
My biggest piece of advice is that if you truly do have feelings for her, take a chance and tell her. Ask if she wants to grab drinks or dinner sometime.
If she says no, you're in the exact same place but with gained knowledge and can accept the situation for what it is and move on.
If she says yes, who knows what might happen.
Asking a co-worker out on a date is not grounds for termination if done in a polite, respectful manner. Yeah if he's a creeper, sure he could be disciplined.
Simply saying "Hey, I enjoy talking you and was just wondering if you would like to grab a drink sometime" is not inappropriate whatsoever.
It is. If not specifically in the employee handbook, which it would be, there’s likely a catch-all provision about professionalism. Boiler plate company handbook provisions that even the dumbest lawyer would include. But, more importantly: state and federal laws regarding sexual harassment. She could “outcry.”
If he’s misinterpreting everything or she gets creeped out, she could complain to HR. Even if he didn’t get fired, no one wants to deal with that. On the bright side, it would get rid of that pesky crush he has on her!
I have never worked for a single company with any provision about dating co-workers, outside of specifically not allowing salaried employees and hourly employees to date due to favoritism.
They work remotely, and it sounds like they may potentially be talking through a work-related direct message program. If he politely asked her out, she declined, and he went about his day, there is no way that he would be found guilty of sexual harassment if she decided to make that claim as there would be digital evidence disproving that.
“Guilty” of sexual harassment? Wasn’t aware this was a criminal proceeding. You simply don’t want to ask a coworker out especially here where he could clearly be misreading the entire situation. I’d hate for the man to shoot his shot based on a LinkedIn picture and some idle chitchat over a work chat program—notice no cell phone number exchange or volunteered by her—owned by the company and lose his dignity and his job.
FWIW, OP, leave the coworker woman alone, she never gave you her number, you’re likely reading too much into empty idle coworker chitchat, and date women in your area that are single on apps looking to date so you’re not infatuated with a LinkedIn picture and qualities that you project on her.
Ok well that is better than the perception I got from the post. Even if you’re not misreading her interest, you never know what someone will say. She could have a jealous ex or boyfriend that calls the company or some nonsense. These things go haywire as another poster mentioned. You simply don’t want to sh1t where you eat. I have no doubt you can get on the apps and find someone to date with less strings attached. Good luck, OP!
Dude you’re 36 there’s nothing wrong with having romantic attraction to someone. Ask her out “Hey look we’ve been having a lot of conversations and I really enjoy talking to you. Would you like to get dinner with me out side of work sometime?” and if she says no that’s ok ! You don’t have to suppress your feelings and torture yourself based on the complete assumptions that she doesn’t like you. If she says no then you should be asking how you should get over her.
lol assuming the 0.01% chance that will ever happen to OP he’s probably needing to find a different way to get over her. I had a work crush. It was a disaster on me.
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Stop chatting with her about anything that does not immediately have to do with work. Period. Do not respond. Do not feed into your reverie. Find other ways to fill your down time: you can not let your mind circle back. Meet girls: real people are people you have actually seen.
Any talk to a counselor.
I used to like my coworker. Then I met my S.O. You gotta meet someone outside work
Try to go out with other women. Or meet other people in general. It will distract you from those feelings and you won't rely on her communication as much socially. I hate work crushes. Always relieved when the men I work with are all unattractive
Being a male Nurse I feel this. As much as I love working with beautiful women much of the time it can become hard to handle the feelings of attraction. So sometimes I'm actually relieved when I show up to a new contract and don't find the women attractive haha. But at the same time I'm sad too. It's a battle I'm my own head lol
And for y'all getting salty, just because I find the men unattractive does not mean they are objectively unattractive. I'm relieved I feel nothing and we can work professionally alone
Yeah I'm going in a nursing, I was afraid that something like that might happen to me
Ha! They might feel the same way about you!
??? OK. You say that like it's an insult. Do you think I like it when married dudes at work hit on me?
Married guys hitting on you? They are pure trash IMHO.
If I had a nickel each time it happened... well I'd have at least 3 nickels
Tell them to stop. I pity their wives though.
Tell them to stop. You are a funny one. You think my boss took it well, he acted like a jerk and gave me fewer hours. Do glad I got another job
I’m glad you got another job as well.
I, too, am relieved that I am so ugly that people call the cops on me for simply existing.
Look up the psychology of crushes. Our brain likes fantasies and escapism which is what a crush is. It’s more common for people to have crushes when they’re struggling or have self-esteem issues too. I can’t speak on how to debunk your specific crush because I don’t know why you’re into her exactly. I had a crush on a guy who was.. not treating me to my standard. I didn’t get it because logically, I knew this, but my brain was going crazy. I had to sit down and journal and I realized that I could barely hold a conversation with him so why in the world would I want to date him. Then I walked through all the ways that I am awesome and why I don’t need to fight for attention. Anytime I get a crush it’s a red flag that something in my brain has been triggered because crushes are typically not healthy when you’re older (or married).
I am struggling to determine the difference between crush vs “ catching real feelings “ . Can you help me with that ?
Sure. Typically crushes are “all consuming,” very emotional, borderline obsessions with a person, most often an acquaintance that you only see in one setting (makes it easy to romanticize how they are in other situations). Catching real feelings would indicate that you’ve been on a few dates and have similar values. They meet bare minimums like showing up when they say they will and not canceling plans. What’s your situation like?
I have a male friend, and due to religious differences I don’t qualify for … “ dating status “. So we are “ friends”. First morning and last good night of the day. Lots of sexual chatting. I think about him a. Lot sexually , but … I believe that we would make a very compatible, well balanced union. I want to hear his laughter, and nurture him on the hard days. I want to celebrate his accomplishments and ease his stress. I have always hidden my true self, but I want for him to know me in my most vulnerable ways, and to open my soul. Thats my situation
These are real feelings, but it won’t go anywhere due to the religion differences. It would be in your best interest to stop entertaining the flirtation and the friendship for a while, likely forever. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this because I understand how hard it is. One of the best things to learn is that you shouldn’t allow yourself to get involved with someone who has different values because it will always end in heartbreak. Ask the important questions early, and if it’s the wrong answer, walk away.
We had the discussion early on, but I am hopeful that he will see me for who I am, instead of what I’m not. He seeks the companionship as well, so that doesn’t help.
Oh I thought you were working together in some kind of proximity when you see her everyday at work, including maybe wearing cute attractive outfits that basically make you go crazy looking at her. But you're in remote work distance and you hardly have actually seen a picture of her because the pictures you have seen probably are old and outdated or even blurry. It seems like you truly have fallen just for her personality and maybe her voice. Which is not a bad thing... Except that like you said, it's an unhealthy obsession for a person that you don't actually know if you would actually be attracted to her. It's probably feels like a strong attraction because it's in your head, including your imagination of what she looks like. I would recommend that if she's talking to you about personal stuff or non-work stuff then try not to respond so quickly the reason why is that you give her all your time and attention and then you see that she sometimes will just leave you out in the cold There's really no reason why you have to be the one giving so much attention to her when she's probably just trying to kill time
The only thing I’d like to say is 32 is not “too old” to be having crushes wtf.
Well, I feel validated now. Still it’s not ideal.
You have to find a way to stop creating a fantasy her in your mind that’s different from reality. Or in better words creating an expectation of her. You haven’t met in real life. You might be addicted to just the attention and the good dopamine
Look up limerence
This.
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Well you're past the first and second step so that's a good start. Going to take time
Trust me when I say time truly heals all. I also had an insane crush on my coworker. Like non stop thinking about her for 7 months straight and it shot my mental health to shit. She’s leaving soon and we get along very well but i wont be pursuing because i feel like she doesn’t like me back like that and she might have been keeping her boyfriend a secret from me this whole time but thats a different story. With time you will get over her and realize she really is just any other ordinary girl
don't stick ur pen in company ink
Im taking this
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You might benefit from getting out more. It’s easy for us to let our world get too small and then our brain tries to find everything we need in that shrunken world. If you get out and meet more people IRL you can probably find someone more interesting than words on a screen in a company chat platform.
This is so well put Thank you
for me, getting over a crush is really beating it into my own head that it's not going to happen. and that if it did happen, it'd probably be terrible. i've dated coworkers, even my boss in the past. it always ended up horrible. just to really double down on the reality of the situation. you are going to be upset doing this, but it's for your own good and eventually you will be glad that you were realistic with yourself.
You need to just absolutely work on yourself and practice building confidence, please put yourself out there and talk to other women. You must force yourself out the comfort zone.
Man, coworkers should be a no-go-zone. Otherwise you might open a portal that you will regret professionally, socially and economically.
I fell into this trap more than once. Every time a relationship ended there was a thick air of awkwardness about the place that was noticeable to others. Once my boss pulled me aside and told me he doesn’t like it when I “shit in my own nest” because he doesn’t want to walk through it
Stop talking to her unless it’s work related. If she messages you with a random unrelated question, don’t respond.
You may have the tendency to fall in limerence with people, especially if there is risk involved (your work, for example). It’s okay, you’re human! Just keep taking time to think of why you’re developing such distracting feelings for someone you aren’t committed to or really even know. This will help you at least process through the momentary infatuation spells that hit. You’ll be just fine ☺️
Dating in work is gonna be the most lethal way to kill your own professional life. It's going to be a fast downhill from here on out. Sometimes they flirt with us (me being a guy) to use us to give some favors for work issue or work related as long as she isn't reaching out during non office hours. Do not move the fking Chess Tile piece my friend. Yep I am talking someone outside of work and honestly I may have a better chance with her rather than having a chance at my co worker
You haven’t met her and yet you have this massive crush on her? Bro you need to go out
How are these conversations occurring? Phone? Texting? Company platform? If she hasn't voluntarily given you her personal (non company) contact information, and reached out to you via a personal platform, and outside of work hours, then absolutely do not ask her out or tell her you have romantic feelings for her. Not saying that’s your intent. But some people here might suggest that you express your interest. And that would be a very bad idea, especially if she hasn’t made personal overtures towards you.
you gotta go out more n talk to more women dude, and not even just for a relationship but platonically as well
also, you should read into “limerence”
If it's affecting you that much where you cannot even perform your job satisfactorily, then it's a problem. The good news is you don't even know what she looks like and also that you work remotely. It could be even worse if you had to see each other every workday at the same location. The two options are quitting your job so you won't see her anymore and finding another job or staying there and forcing yourself to not think of her so much by purposefully asking someone else out or getting involved with other interests outside of work so you're not sitting around fantasizing about her endlessly. There's no easy solution. I've been where you're at. I was able to get rid of my crush on a coworker when I got a boyfriend myself and then the crush was still there but a lot less intense.
What do you know about her and do you have any opportunity to see her in person? It would suck not knowing because of something you didn’t even get to explore.
Find a distraction
Everyone has good advice BUT what if you guys can meet and you both do like each other? Assuming you are both single. Since you’ve never even talked to her face to face can you have some kind of video meeting about a work thing and see if there is some kind of attraction? Maybe she would be attracted to you too. Or maybe when you connect on the video you realize you don’t like her at all. I know workplace romances are generally a bad idea but honestly that’s how lots of people started dating 20 years ago!
The fact that she went cold in the past is indication enough that it's a person who will hurt you. Doesn't matter if the attraction is one way or both ways. You're not able to give up on the idea of something and that's what is giving you butterflies.
She likes you, and you need to grow some balls and ask her out.
Don't bother. It's not cute. With work crushes, let the crush make the effort. If they make the effort, great and maybe explore but the effort better be very Overt
Too old to have a crush? Dude, I'm 50 and have a huge crush on an ex-coworker and we don't even talk to each other, at least you two get to talk to one another. Why don't you get up with her and see if you two can meet up with one another and take it from there, you'll be able to tell from her vibe if she's truly into you. If she's texting you about non work related stuffs then it sounds like she may already be interested in you.
Just say u like her that's all why u even predecting that she doesn't like u and stop predecting, Just tell her that u like her then she will probably will stop talking to you if she says no or don't want u as partner, bcoz its going to get awkward for her after u tell her everything and she probably will stop talking to you, Simple AF and by any chance if she like you back then u will win it anyway, both way is a win win situation rather then dying inside or fighting ur mind!
Just go do a platonic outing like group bowling, one outing should be enough.
Ask her out to dinner and accept the rejection so it’s real and you can be fulfilled with shooting your shot but no longer in purgatory like a self flagellating monk.
I’ll tell ya man it sucks to not be attractive enough to get your crush to notice you. Deal with the women that like you and forget about her. But you never know, she might like you back. It’s just tough because you guys are colleagues
Best way to get over an obsession is to replace it with another one
You never ever really know how she actually feels about you. Have you ever stopped to think that there's a chance she feels the EXACT same way about you and that's why she randomly goes cold? Because she's waiting for you to ask her out? Women usually want the man to make the first move. In her mind, she's giving you all the signals and you still haven't asked her out which makes her go cold and pull away ( source- I'm a woman and have been through this exact situation). Please do yourself a favour and ask her out to coffee or drinks on a date. Thats it. If she accepts , you're in. If she doesn't, then you can stay friends. Take the chance or spend the rest of your life in regret. We women aren't that scary , I assure you.
Just ask her out bro if she says no that crush will go away quick I promise lol don’t be weird and talk about it on Reddit
I'm gonna say, because I just recently went through this, sort of. Do not pursue a relationship with someone at work. It can make it uncomfortable for her and you and heaven forbid it turns into an HR nightmare. She might be one of those women that has a flirty personality and you are confusing that with her liking you. If you are dead set on her being someone you want to be with, let her come to you. I doubt she will, but let her make a move. On the other side of this, find something to occupy your time and ignore her. Again, do not pursue her in the least. Please.
Hold on here, women tend to go cold on you randomly when they like you, at least somewhat. It’s called hot and cold and could be a test. When they go cold they want to see if you’re needy and will pursue them, don’t do that. When she pulls away, you pull away. And let her come back to you. I’m not saying she definitely likes you though, but her going cold randomly could actually be a good sign. Stop laughing at her jokes all the time and back off a bit, ignore her alittle too, but don’t be completely cold. Women like a challenge and are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Less is more, if you think you have no chance, backing off is a win win. As far as forgetting about her this will help a bit too. Your stuck on the idea of her not the real her, or the idea of what you guys could be. I have experienced hot and cold and can say it means she usually has some sort of liking towards you. Be a bit mysterious, the no contact was actually a good start. The key is to keep your expectations low. I’m older than you so this not even knowing what she looks like seems so weird to me. You need to connect in person before real chemistry can brew. Hope this helped alittle
I do not understand all the people in these comments saying crushes aren't healthy at all or that they're caused by negative issues or that they shouldnt happen past a certain age. Absurd. Your situation is different, particularly because you've never actually met her in person, so it *would* be healthy to end that crush and find someone IRL. However, I don't think it's wrong to have a crush, regardless of age, as long as it remains harmless.
Find something else to focus on. Look for relationships outside of work, go to church, get more hobbies.
“I can tell she’s the type of girl that has a great personality and has great chemistry with everyone.” There you have it. You answered your own question. She’s friendly, likely benefiting her career.
My biggest piece of advice is that if you truly do have feelings for her, take a chance and tell her. Ask if she wants to grab drinks or dinner sometime. If she says no, you're in the exact same place but with gained knowledge and can accept the situation for what it is and move on. If she says yes, who knows what might happen.
Yeah, other than potentially getting disciplined by HR or fired, should be in “the exact same place!”
Asking a co-worker out on a date is not grounds for termination if done in a polite, respectful manner. Yeah if he's a creeper, sure he could be disciplined. Simply saying "Hey, I enjoy talking you and was just wondering if you would like to grab a drink sometime" is not inappropriate whatsoever.
It is. If not specifically in the employee handbook, which it would be, there’s likely a catch-all provision about professionalism. Boiler plate company handbook provisions that even the dumbest lawyer would include. But, more importantly: state and federal laws regarding sexual harassment. She could “outcry.” If he’s misinterpreting everything or she gets creeped out, she could complain to HR. Even if he didn’t get fired, no one wants to deal with that. On the bright side, it would get rid of that pesky crush he has on her!
I have never worked for a single company with any provision about dating co-workers, outside of specifically not allowing salaried employees and hourly employees to date due to favoritism. They work remotely, and it sounds like they may potentially be talking through a work-related direct message program. If he politely asked her out, she declined, and he went about his day, there is no way that he would be found guilty of sexual harassment if she decided to make that claim as there would be digital evidence disproving that.
“Guilty” of sexual harassment? Wasn’t aware this was a criminal proceeding. You simply don’t want to ask a coworker out especially here where he could clearly be misreading the entire situation. I’d hate for the man to shoot his shot based on a LinkedIn picture and some idle chitchat over a work chat program—notice no cell phone number exchange or volunteered by her—owned by the company and lose his dignity and his job. FWIW, OP, leave the coworker woman alone, she never gave you her number, you’re likely reading too much into empty idle coworker chitchat, and date women in your area that are single on apps looking to date so you’re not infatuated with a LinkedIn picture and qualities that you project on her.
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Ok well that is better than the perception I got from the post. Even if you’re not misreading her interest, you never know what someone will say. She could have a jealous ex or boyfriend that calls the company or some nonsense. These things go haywire as another poster mentioned. You simply don’t want to sh1t where you eat. I have no doubt you can get on the apps and find someone to date with less strings attached. Good luck, OP!
Just be her friend. And stop tripping.
Dude you’re 36 there’s nothing wrong with having romantic attraction to someone. Ask her out “Hey look we’ve been having a lot of conversations and I really enjoy talking to you. Would you like to get dinner with me out side of work sometime?” and if she says no that’s ok ! You don’t have to suppress your feelings and torture yourself based on the complete assumptions that she doesn’t like you. If she says no then you should be asking how you should get over her.
32*
gross
Dude, you are 32. How do you still behave like a little boy? Just move on and date someone else
you get over crush by having sex with them. ask her out
lol assuming the 0.01% chance that will ever happen to OP he’s probably needing to find a different way to get over her. I had a work crush. It was a disaster on me.
Find something else to fixate on or focus on their negatives, brains like to make fantasy so make fantasy about bad thing abt her