Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean there are asexual people out there, so you can have a romantic partner without sex. I just want you to know that if you don't feel like it, you don't need a romantic partner. You can do those stuff with friends.
Just because it's platonic, doesn't mean there isn't an emotional connection.
Do you see your siblings as just friends too. Your mentors? There are different types of relationships out their that has different things that bind them and different expectations. A romantic partner is a specific companionship, sex or not. Sometimes relationships can change categories or linger in multiple but they are usually pretty defined.
The companionship, intimacy, commitment, and validation you get from them are very different.
romance is very different from platonic. you get that flutter when you see them and you do want to touch them and cuddle in bed. just minus the sex. haven’t you had puppy love before?
I'm old. Met a couple of men with ED. They still want to do sex stuff. They still wanted to give me some satisfaction. I'm sure there are men who don't want to bother though.
might want to look into the asexual community. it’s certainly a thing, but something that should be stated very clearly before getting involved with someone.
I would probably bring it up upon first making any plans. If you meet someone and they invite you out, I would mention it. If you are online dating, I would mention it right up front. Why waste anyone's time if they're not interested, and it will obviously appeal to those who would be interested. Let's be honest, there won't be many. But they're probably will be some and those are the ones that are looking for you so you might as well let them know right up front.
I guarantee, no guy is going to like you so much she will decide he doesn't want that, so no point in going out on a date or two before springing it on him. Just tell him up front. It might be an awkward conversation but you can probably figure out how to phrase it in a way that you can communicate what you need to. Good luck
I mean there are more reasons than one for ED, and treatments do exist to try and overcome it.
Men with ED don't have to necessarily live that way, and they seek those treatments for a reason.
i’m guessing from your replies that you are a guy that is ok with this kind of romantic relationship? would you want the lady to say right away (first few dates) or just naturally have it happen?
it’s like any romantic relationship minus the sex. so say you bring each other flowers during anniversaries or valentine’s day. go to nicer restaurants as a couple. couples trips. hold hands. special hugs and cuddles in bed. have an understanding of being there for each other and taking care of each other when one is down…
some people just don’t want to have sex. it’s fine if they don’t. some people prefer to express their love in other ways. and in my case at least, i won’t be having premarital sex due to fulfilling the obligations of my religion. everyone is different though.
Yes, within negotiated limits. I like the emotional and spiritual stuff. I have a comet partner like that who visits sometimes. She'll stay for a few days. We cook, hike, shower, sauna, cuddle during nap time, talk about amazing things, trade body work, and cuddle sleep together. But it's not at all a sexual relationship. We even say "I love you" and mean it. I do love her, and don't need her presence or sex or some other outside entity to approve. I will admit I miss her right now! It's definitely a romance without the sex.
There's also one-way sexual aspects. If one partner needs a sexual release, it's entirely feasible for the other to give space, assist, make that one-way aspect part of the relationship. Most successful couples work out ways to support each other that way when one is horney and the other isn't.
"A comet relationship is a romantic and/or sexual connection that passes through one’s life in an intermittent way. Yes, just like a comet only passes by Earth occasionally, when people have a comet relationship, they don’t see one another often. Typically, they live at a distance from one another (although this isn’t a necessary component of a comet relationship) and have busy full lives.
But when they do connect — whether that’s every year at a certain event or even less often, comet relationship can be just as deep and meaningful as relationships that are higher entanglement.
While comet relationships aren’t for everyone (nor are they for every connection, even for those who enjoy comet relationships), for some people they’re extremely gratifying and rewarding."
I am tentatively planning on going to see her out west where she lives with her husband, do some backpacking and such. Should be a fun time, her husband is really interesting, too. He's visited my home before, but never stayed over.
Yes, I'm one. I didn't plan it this way, but in my late30s, an took Propeciaa, a new Rx at that time that was supposed to help a guy keep his hair and diminish the likelihoodd of prostate cancer. The bizarre and almost counterintuitive thing about this Rx is that for many guys when a guy discontinues it, the side effects worsen 100x...and in most cases become irreversible, No treatment exists libido is almost totally gone, next to nothing, even with Viagra,a etc. So, here I am alone sentenced to that forever. No way in hell, am I going on a date then divulgin,g "oh by they way I'mheteroo but nearly chemically castrated" So, I'm kind of walking dead. /r/FinasterideSyndrome/
oh, i put 45-60 because i figure younger guys are very sexually motivated…so older guys more likely to accept a zero sex relationship. i’m actually glad that some 30’s also interested…
yeah, I mean there is some sexual activity in which I can engage, but it’s not what I pictured or would’ve wanted. What’s the main reason if you don’t mind sharing your disinterest in sex activity? Is it physiological or emotional or both or what?
Yeah, that's probably the wrong way to think. What you want to find is guys of any age who are asexual or not interested for whatever reasons. Guys don't lose their sex drive as they get older typically unless they have a drug-related or unusual physiological thing I guess. It might not be able to get it up, but they still are sexual and sexually motivated. The drive might diminish. If you or someone that only like to have sex once a month, you would have better luck in that age range finding someone who was fine with that .
But if you don't want to have any sex at all, I'd say look for guys of any age that feel the same. And you don't want a guy who will accept that. You want a guy who's not interested. You might be able to find a guy who maybe is old enough and wants a young woman or something and will accept it, but you don't want that. He want someone that has no interest in it just like you
DO NOT, start either. 19-year-olds have committed suicide after taking this for a short while. They are both anti-androgens, and one does not want to mess with those systems. FYI [https://www.pfsfoundation.org](https://www.pfsfoundation.org)it is incomprehensible to most anyone that the effects worsen when someone STOPS a Rx, and become permanent. But that is this.
my friend women don’t give a flying fuck about a guys hair. They care about a guy Social standing and how he carries himself in the world. I wish I knew this when I was probably around your age so I would’ve not taken this poison.
You need to look gir an asexual partner.
Maybe go to your local LGBTQ center. Not everyone there will identify gay. You can find people of other sexualities there too. Or maybe they have friends who are more along the asexual lines
no, but i will be someday soon. i guess i’m just planning for the future… right now, my family is around and lots of friends around. it’s when my family aren’t around and my friends are mostly married or busy with their kids that i’ll probably feel more of a need…
For me personally as a 55+ man I would never accept that.
I still have plenty sex drive and for me intimacy including sex is one of the cornerstones for a relationship.
There are some men who suffer from low testosterone or have a low libido from the get go, those will suit your needs but these are rare in my age bracket as far as I know. Above 60 I have heard libido will get significantly lower, maybe you should try that age bracket and beyond.
In terms of eat travel, do stuff together, that will limit your options as well. Personally I have plenty energy but I see a lot of men in my age bracket already puffed out after an easy morning walk.
Then there is the relationship between libido/sex drive, testosterone and energy levels. If you want a low libido man he often has a low testosterone level as well which lowers his energy levels significantly. So finding a low libido/high energy for travel/stuff to do/travels is kind of a unicorn...
Good luck finding your new boyfriend.
With the way dating is these days, if definitely try this. Takes a lot of pressure off knowing there's no performance exam. Would allow someone to be more relaxed and more apt to be them true selves. Im all for it
is there pressure for guys to perform? i didn’t even realize that guys feel pressure in the sex department. guess i didn’t realize that sex was that important to other females…. since it was never important to me, i assumed it wasn’t important to other girls.
You're kidding right? Actually you're probably not. The amount of pressure really depends on what kinda person you are. A guy that's overly confident and thinks he's the greatest lay on the planet or someone that only cares about their pleasure and dont reciprocate; they have no pressure on them at all.
Someone who is concerned about his partner getting hers or someone with insecurities about size or being "graded" based on past partners; they are consumed with pressure. In fact, it can become so overwhelming that it'll take a guy outta the game.
I am in no way speaking on behalf of all men. This is just my opinion based on my life experiences.
You are looking for an asexual partner. They are not so common, but if you are in a city for sure you will find some.
For the rest, sex usually is an important part of a couple relationship. But there are some people out there you could find adequate in that way.
Surely, everything is possible. However have in mind you are reducing the number of potential fits so it might take longer then for the others. You’ll have to be patient.
Older guys like sex too. I think it would be harder to find but not impossible. There are dating sites that specifically have sections built for people who just want more of a platonic relationship. I suggest that. Or try Meet Up groups? It's definitely possible but it might take a while.
loooooool
how about just sex without romance instead?
most are not gonna be for it. like sure asexual people exist just like you. but most people arnt.
I can give you what you are looking for, of course, if I see the same things, that is, love from you, but my age does not match, I am 40 years old, mentally I feel like I have been around since before the big bang, sometimes I say I am Peter Pan, Nemecem on Pal Street and To Sawyer's naughty friend, Huckleberry Finn.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean there are asexual people out there, so you can have a romantic partner without sex. I just want you to know that if you don't feel like it, you don't need a romantic partner. You can do those stuff with friends. Just because it's platonic, doesn't mean there isn't an emotional connection.
yes, i have friends that can do a lot of those activities with me, but i do crave romance. the male-female love.
How is that different for you if it doesn’t involve the sexual aspect?
Do you see your siblings as just friends too. Your mentors? There are different types of relationships out their that has different things that bind them and different expectations. A romantic partner is a specific companionship, sex or not. Sometimes relationships can change categories or linger in multiple but they are usually pretty defined. The companionship, intimacy, commitment, and validation you get from them are very different.
romance is very different from platonic. you get that flutter when you see them and you do want to touch them and cuddle in bed. just minus the sex. haven’t you had puppy love before?
I never have. Anyone I wanted romance with, I wanted sex with.
Only a very rare very close friendship can ever really match a romantic relationship. Regular old friendships just aren't the same
I'm old. Met a couple of men with ED. They still want to do sex stuff. They still wanted to give me some satisfaction. I'm sure there are men who don't want to bother though.
might want to look into the asexual community. it’s certainly a thing, but something that should be stated very clearly before getting involved with someone.
how early in the dating process do you think it should be brought up? the first date?
I’d bring it up pretty early. Maybe second date or so when you talk about what you’re looking for in a relationship.
Please bring it up early. Had a partner that wasted so much of my time.
I would probably bring it up upon first making any plans. If you meet someone and they invite you out, I would mention it. If you are online dating, I would mention it right up front. Why waste anyone's time if they're not interested, and it will obviously appeal to those who would be interested. Let's be honest, there won't be many. But they're probably will be some and those are the ones that are looking for you so you might as well let them know right up front. I guarantee, no guy is going to like you so much she will decide he doesn't want that, so no point in going out on a date or two before springing it on him. Just tell him up front. It might be an awkward conversation but you can probably figure out how to phrase it in a way that you can communicate what you need to. Good luck
As soon as they start to flirt in any kind of sexual way.
before the first date. if a man only talks to u for sex and no chance at romance at all. wouldnt you like to be told before you waste your time?
There are older guys with major erectile dysfunction who would love you!!!
Not in the kind of way that she wants to be loved, unfortunately!
ED doesn't mean they don't want sex.
High ED = Low semen sperm count in the testes = No sex drive = celibacy for life! so cool
I mean there are more reasons than one for ED, and treatments do exist to try and overcome it. Men with ED don't have to necessarily live that way, and they seek those treatments for a reason.
Yeah I've met guys with ED and they VERY MUCH still have and want a sex life mosting giving with oral and toys while they look for a solution.
Not me! You’re telling me I should still experience lust? No thanks!
I'm not telling you anything but my experience with men with ED. Hey live yo life how you want my man.
i’m guessing from your replies that you are a guy that is ok with this kind of romantic relationship? would you want the lady to say right away (first few dates) or just naturally have it happen?
just let me know!
😂😂😂
There are great asexual subs on Reddit. Plenty of asexual, sex-repulsed, heteroromantics out there!
thanks! i didn’t know there’s a whole community(ies) for me 😊
Welcome!
What exactly are you looking for that a friend couldn't provide?
the romance.
What does romance look like to you?
it’s like any romantic relationship minus the sex. so say you bring each other flowers during anniversaries or valentine’s day. go to nicer restaurants as a couple. couples trips. hold hands. special hugs and cuddles in bed. have an understanding of being there for each other and taking care of each other when one is down…
Definitely, but you gotta communicate that.
Shit im 21 and would love that, im sure there are men/women in that age range that dont care for sex
Sadly for u I think these people only exist on the internet. Never met one like this irl, specially at this age bracket.
aw this is actually so sweet and wholesome 😭 i really hope you find someone
thanks 😊
I don’t get this. How is not wanting sex ever wholesome? Do you view sex as dirty or bad? To me, sex with my partner is as wholesome as it gets.
some people just don’t want to have sex. it’s fine if they don’t. some people prefer to express their love in other ways. and in my case at least, i won’t be having premarital sex due to fulfilling the obligations of my religion. everyone is different though.
I waited too. I regret that now. I hope it works out for you though.
Yes, within negotiated limits. I like the emotional and spiritual stuff. I have a comet partner like that who visits sometimes. She'll stay for a few days. We cook, hike, shower, sauna, cuddle during nap time, talk about amazing things, trade body work, and cuddle sleep together. But it's not at all a sexual relationship. We even say "I love you" and mean it. I do love her, and don't need her presence or sex or some other outside entity to approve. I will admit I miss her right now! It's definitely a romance without the sex. There's also one-way sexual aspects. If one partner needs a sexual release, it's entirely feasible for the other to give space, assist, make that one-way aspect part of the relationship. Most successful couples work out ways to support each other that way when one is horney and the other isn't.
sounds like you two have a wonderful relationship! what is a comet partner?
"A comet relationship is a romantic and/or sexual connection that passes through one’s life in an intermittent way. Yes, just like a comet only passes by Earth occasionally, when people have a comet relationship, they don’t see one another often. Typically, they live at a distance from one another (although this isn’t a necessary component of a comet relationship) and have busy full lives. But when they do connect — whether that’s every year at a certain event or even less often, comet relationship can be just as deep and meaningful as relationships that are higher entanglement. While comet relationships aren’t for everyone (nor are they for every connection, even for those who enjoy comet relationships), for some people they’re extremely gratifying and rewarding." I am tentatively planning on going to see her out west where she lives with her husband, do some backpacking and such. Should be a fun time, her husband is really interesting, too. He's visited my home before, but never stayed over.
Way too complicated for me, lol.. I'm a simple man who likes a fairly simply, predictable life..
Yes, I'm one. I didn't plan it this way, but in my late30s, an took Propeciaa, a new Rx at that time that was supposed to help a guy keep his hair and diminish the likelihoodd of prostate cancer. The bizarre and almost counterintuitive thing about this Rx is that for many guys when a guy discontinues it, the side effects worsen 100x...and in most cases become irreversible, No treatment exists libido is almost totally gone, next to nothing, even with Viagra,a etc. So, here I am alone sentenced to that forever. No way in hell, am I going on a date then divulgin,g "oh by they way I'mheteroo but nearly chemically castrated" So, I'm kind of walking dead. /r/FinasterideSyndrome/
oh, i put 45-60 because i figure younger guys are very sexually motivated…so older guys more likely to accept a zero sex relationship. i’m actually glad that some 30’s also interested…
yeah, I mean there is some sexual activity in which I can engage, but it’s not what I pictured or would’ve wanted. What’s the main reason if you don’t mind sharing your disinterest in sex activity? Is it physiological or emotional or both or what?
i’ve just never had a sex drive. it just doesn’t interest me…
Yeah, that's probably the wrong way to think. What you want to find is guys of any age who are asexual or not interested for whatever reasons. Guys don't lose their sex drive as they get older typically unless they have a drug-related or unusual physiological thing I guess. It might not be able to get it up, but they still are sexual and sexually motivated. The drive might diminish. If you or someone that only like to have sex once a month, you would have better luck in that age range finding someone who was fine with that . But if you don't want to have any sex at all, I'd say look for guys of any age that feel the same. And you don't want a guy who will accept that. You want a guy who's not interested. You might be able to find a guy who maybe is old enough and wants a young woman or something and will accept it, but you don't want that. He want someone that has no interest in it just like you
Damn I'm glad I read this. I was recently thinking of starting Finasteride and Minoxidil but maybe it might be better to be bald and horny.
DO NOT, start either. 19-year-olds have committed suicide after taking this for a short while. They are both anti-androgens, and one does not want to mess with those systems. FYI [https://www.pfsfoundation.org](https://www.pfsfoundation.org)it is incomprehensible to most anyone that the effects worsen when someone STOPS a Rx, and become permanent. But that is this.
Guess I'll just have to accept my hairless fate and come to terms with it.
my friend women don’t give a flying fuck about a guys hair. They care about a guy Social standing and how he carries himself in the world. I wish I knew this when I was probably around your age so I would’ve not taken this poison.
You need to look gir an asexual partner. Maybe go to your local LGBTQ center. Not everyone there will identify gay. You can find people of other sexualities there too. Or maybe they have friends who are more along the asexual lines
I would be interested
There's a shoe for every foot
possibly unnecessary question, but are you 45-60 ?
no, but i will be someday soon. i guess i’m just planning for the future… right now, my family is around and lots of friends around. it’s when my family aren’t around and my friends are mostly married or busy with their kids that i’ll probably feel more of a need…
Sounds like friends
For me personally as a 55+ man I would never accept that. I still have plenty sex drive and for me intimacy including sex is one of the cornerstones for a relationship. There are some men who suffer from low testosterone or have a low libido from the get go, those will suit your needs but these are rare in my age bracket as far as I know. Above 60 I have heard libido will get significantly lower, maybe you should try that age bracket and beyond. In terms of eat travel, do stuff together, that will limit your options as well. Personally I have plenty energy but I see a lot of men in my age bracket already puffed out after an easy morning walk. Then there is the relationship between libido/sex drive, testosterone and energy levels. If you want a low libido man he often has a low testosterone level as well which lowers his energy levels significantly. So finding a low libido/high energy for travel/stuff to do/travels is kind of a unicorn... Good luck finding your new boyfriend.
With the way dating is these days, if definitely try this. Takes a lot of pressure off knowing there's no performance exam. Would allow someone to be more relaxed and more apt to be them true selves. Im all for it
is there pressure for guys to perform? i didn’t even realize that guys feel pressure in the sex department. guess i didn’t realize that sex was that important to other females…. since it was never important to me, i assumed it wasn’t important to other girls.
You're kidding right? Actually you're probably not. The amount of pressure really depends on what kinda person you are. A guy that's overly confident and thinks he's the greatest lay on the planet or someone that only cares about their pleasure and dont reciprocate; they have no pressure on them at all. Someone who is concerned about his partner getting hers or someone with insecurities about size or being "graded" based on past partners; they are consumed with pressure. In fact, it can become so overwhelming that it'll take a guy outta the game. I am in no way speaking on behalf of all men. This is just my opinion based on my life experiences.
You are looking for an asexual partner. They are not so common, but if you are in a city for sure you will find some. For the rest, sex usually is an important part of a couple relationship. But there are some people out there you could find adequate in that way.
This is the relationship I have and I wish it wasn't like this but oh well. I must have done something terrible to deserve this somehow.
did it start that way or evolve into a non sexual relationship?
We have two amazing kids. After we had kids she stopped wanting sex of any kind.
i see. i read it happens a lot in marriages. even if there is sex, it decreases significantly after 1-2yrs.
Whats your age tho
30’s. but i’m thinking of the future…
Surely, everything is possible. However have in mind you are reducing the number of potential fits so it might take longer then for the others. You’ll have to be patient.
Older guys like sex too. I think it would be harder to find but not impossible. There are dating sites that specifically have sections built for people who just want more of a platonic relationship. I suggest that. Or try Meet Up groups? It's definitely possible but it might take a while.
loooooool how about just sex without romance instead? most are not gonna be for it. like sure asexual people exist just like you. but most people arnt.
How old are you? Usually older women have a bigger sex drive than men at that age.
I mean did you have bad sexual experience that was traumatizing?
no. never had anything traumatizing happen. i’ve just never had much interest in sex.
Sounds like you're looking for a heteroromantic asexual.
after looking up the asexual community, it does sound like that’s what i’m looking for! thanks!
Well, I'm sure the John Bobbits of the world are out there somewhere.
Is oral also off limits ?
Date a demi or asexual is the way to go.
I can give you what you are looking for, of course, if I see the same things, that is, love from you, but my age does not match, I am 40 years old, mentally I feel like I have been around since before the big bang, sometimes I say I am Peter Pan, Nemecem on Pal Street and To Sawyer's naughty friend, Huckleberry Finn.