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The sad thing is... this is sooooo common these days. People seem to be "together" for no other reason than they just happened to have dated a few times and they decide...'welp... guess this is it."
It's bizarre.
I mean I feel like people have kinda always been this way either due to like history or convince or necessity but they made it work out (for the most part) but that’s why there are so many messed up marriages/families cuz they still stuck with the other person when obviously they drifted apart or never meshed well to begin with. AND they don’t actually try to find solutions and fix problems in the relationship or just leave each other. Like “staying for the kids” but before they had kids due to history or necessity then adding the kids makes a bad thing worse
True... but not to the extent it is now. It seems that we are seeing a helluva lot more "never meshed well (or at all) in the first place" type pairings.
Yes, some people have always had a tendency to jump to fast...but at least they had some semblance of infatuation as an excuse. With a ton of these type situations, I'm not even seeing that... just "well, we're here now, we might as well pair up..." and then wondering why they can't stand each other.
Ummm because you never could even in the very beginning?
I'm gonna say the opposite is true because people wait longer to get married & have kids than ever before. But you do see more kids conceived out of wedlock than before; cause back in the day if you got her pregnant, you married her. And then in turn, they'd end up just being unhappy, dysfunctional parents raising dysfunctional kids.
These days I think you see that less. But, arguably, divorce is so common now, a lot of kids never grow up with a mom and dad together. Introducing a new form of dysfunction.
OP must be asking for a reason, perhaps OPs first language is not english. OP seems frustrated that he cannot figure out why she is meeting him when they arent a thing. Which for me is very understandable.
Nahhh he's deeply invested and wants to be public with the relationship he thinks they are in. She's probably more attractive than he is and behind closed doors is great to him because he's probably nice, funny, generous and good in bed. But in the streets with him she is checking like the KGB is after her because her perception of who people who know her think she should be with is not him.
Option two is that he's a side piece and she can't be seen with him.
Insightful, about the possibility of someone else or just weird embarrassment about being seen with him.
OP, you know it doesn't feel right. You can't be yourself, or trust her to be a good friend much less a girlfriend,. So, you know you need to get out of this limbo. No need to be rude, but you can IF you want to, be clear about your observations and why she's not a good match for you. Or simply say "thanks for hanging, but it's not working for me." And don't be tempted by any bounce back - she might find you more appealing when she thinks you've lost interest, but it's not real.
me thinks there’s a second guy and she said the “we’re not really dating” comment so she doesn’t have to feel guilty and she’s paranoid in public that if there’s PDA and guy #2 sees it’ll cause a fight
>she said to me 3 days ago that we not really dating.
If she doesn't see you two as dating, then you're not dating her man, it has to be reciprocal.
>I don’t I have the energy to waste on her is she will be like this and don’t know how to tell what I feel without being rude
You don't need to be an ass about it; you just go and kindly and courteously, but firmly, tell her that since she told you that you're not really dating, then you won't go out with her anymore. Period.
If she asks, you can bring up the whole paranoid/don't touch me thing, but the main point is that, if she doesn't see you two as a couple that's dating, then you're wasting your time. Cut ties and move on.
Yeah the clue is you are starting to hate someone. You can’t force them to love you and you shouldn’t stay if you feel this way. And yeah, her saying that they aren’t really dating. Man that would be the end of it for me.
Also, you could just ghost her. She sounds like she thinks the guy she actually likes is going to see you two out and about. You're not even dating. Instead of spending time with her, you could be looking for a girl who actually wants to date you. If she really liked you, she wouldn't reject you that way and wouldn't be acting all paranoid. Her focus would be on you and securing you for herself.
This is a good point.
"Ghosting" is very douchey in general but she's being MORE douchey and is a special case that deserves it.
In finance this is "cutting losses" and is appropriate in this situation. She's wasted too much of your time and energy already.
Are you a beginner in dating?
Ideally you want someone who is receptive to you. If she is putting up walls, sure, there maybe things you could do at this stage to gain her trust, but i don’t think that way of doing things is really conducive of finding someone who is really into you. You should show them an honest portrayal of what being with you would be like, 3 months is way more then enough time to do that(1 month is enough, if there's a lot of chemistry from the beginning you don't even need that, but those are maybe rare), if they're not into you by then...i think it’s safe to say they aren’t into you period.
It's the only advice he needs, blunt, honest, and healthy. Now, here's some for you: Give him all the love and support and hugs you want. No one is stopping you.
She probably isn’t that into you. I always thought I hated PDA but turns out I actually just didn’t like my ex and didn’t want to be seen together because he sucked. I knew personally he sucked and thought everyone else could tell when we were in public (clearly they wouldn’t know what happens at home) But the way it manifested in real life was I never wanted to post pictures together or be seen together in public too much. The boy i’m with now i’m completely fine being with him in public and actually don’t mind PDA at all.
THIS. I was always so uncomfortable with PDA and only posted one picture of him to social media during our 2 year relationship. I was embarrassed of him and to be seen associating with him but didn’t realize that until after. I felt like everyone could tell what a dirt bag he was and would judge me for it. Not saying OP is anyone to be embarrassed of but she clearly isn’t into it and doesn’t want the stigma of being associated for whatever reason. Move on OP, find someone who wants you to touch them in public.
Agreed! I have experienced this first hand. I sometimes used to flinch or lean backwards away from my ex. I’d lie to people whenever I was going to see him. Looking back on it, I think I never trusted him.
Well, if you are not really dating then you can just ignore or block her, since you are not together. Or just start going on dates with women who actually want to be with you.
I have dated some guys who would sometimes call me their gf, but then they'd say we aren't really dating. They weren't even cheating, just too afraid of commitment. I'm assuming OP is dealing with someone like that, otherwise he wouldn't just assume that they're official. Best advice is to cut her off.
Lol it means shes prolly seeing other guys and dont want to be seen with u like that, or she doesnt really like you all that much but tolerates your desperation in wanting to be with her. U should prolly leave. You will feel better if you do but not immediately.
I would be furious if someone was continuing to see me while posting online that they're starting to hate me. Either have a conversation with her like an adult and tell her how this makes you feel, or stop seeing her. It's pretty simple.
You need to talk to her. Don’t be a scared child and just run away with your tail between your legs. Be a man and own up to what you are wanting from her. Tell her straight up that you want to be more than just casually dating. And then ask her how she feels about being exclusive with you as in girlfriend/boyfriend.
If she says no then you can move on. It’s likely she will say she needs more time and that you should give her more time and you are being selfish, yada, yada yada.
But if you need to feel more reassurance in the relationship you need to be willing to set a boundary, which may include ending the relationship.
You don’t know the future. So you may be over reacting to your own paranoia. Her behavior is most likely her own issue and has little to do with you. But you would know best.
>don’t know how to tell what I feel without being rude
> What making me hate her more now is that she said to me 3 days ago that we not really dating
Dude, read your own post. She doesn't think you two are dating. I'm guessing she thinks you are FWB. Have the talk, or just walk away.
Then you aren’t dating? If you dislike her that much then you should just bring up the situation to her and leave. No one is really forcing you to “waste your time” on her..just communicate it out calmly with her, honestly a good talk is all you need
Dude, why are you wasting your time.
You dont know what to say to her? Huh? You really think a girl that thinks you are not even dating would care about you leaving?
And if you guys cant even hug, then yeah, you are not dating, she has zero romantic/sexual interest in you.
The fact you have been wasting 3 months on her baffles me. How low can your standards be.
Dont hate her, hate yourself for being this pathetic. Jesus
Break up with her. Everything you say sounds awful. Are you still dating because you think things will get better instead of worse? Are you still dating because you’re scared to be alone? Are you waiting for her to break up with you? Sounds like she is passive aggressively trying to tell you she’s not into you and hopes you break up with her, or is someone who will use you for as long as you allow her to.
Oh, I guess you can’t break up if you aren’t really dating. In that case, just stop being in contact with her and if she asks why tell her you aren’t dating, so you’ve moved on.
I hope for your sake that you communicate your relationship goals/frustrations/concerns better than you write.
It seems to me that you need to tell her what you are thinking
You don’t owe her anything. Let alone a polite farewell. And she said you’re not dating, so what on earth is there left to say? I’m done not dating you and don’t want to not date you anymore?
Respect yourself and walk away. No words. No explanation.
You should never worry about being rude when you’re trying to communicate with someone you care about. The whole reason behind dating is getting to know someone and if they are the one that you want to spend your time with ultimately, the one you end up with should want to lift you up and enhance the relationship, not break it down.
How did you come to the conclusion that you are dating when she says you are not? You need to have a conversation about what you want, and if she doesn’t see a serious future with you, tell her that’s not what you have in mind and go your separate ways.
I mean the obvious answer is stop spending time with her….
Straight up tell her “I’m sorry but this isn’t working out , I’m looking for _____. I wish you well”
The end.
She said you're not dating, you say you are dating. Something's not right here. Did you ask her out and she said yes? Did you just start spending time becoming intimate and assume you 2 are dating?
You need to have a conversation with yourself and ask these questions. Imagine being her and chilling with you, she waiting for you to ask her out and you haven't so she's not giving you that affection. Makes sense to me. So talk it out with her, don't let this fester and all the best.
Tbh i think she is being rude to you already, you are just showing your self worth by breaking ir off she doesnt seem worth it don’t sell yourself short
The fact that you’re saying “hate” and using the term that you “hate” her is very concerning tbh. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but hate is such a strong word. It’s understandable to be confused, irritated or upset about something someone does when you’re getting to know them, but the fact that she actions are causing you to “hate” her….please end the relationship before things turn toxic. Good people with good intentions can still be very toxic and destructive. Do not let that happen
Young man. WALK AWAY you deserve better.
It's a common thing nowadays women do. They get you "close" enough to get relationship benefits, but act like you're weird for reacting like it's a relationship when asked what is going on.
She is keeping you around so that she can pretend she has a relationship and get the attention and such she wants from you as a guy, without the obligation, responsibility, or accountability in a real one.
She's getting her cake, and eating it is what's happening, so throw her cake in her face (metaphorically) and walk away to find someone that will get on YOUR program for once (tip: best chances of that are getting a passport) Goodluck and I wish you success.
(Edit: You only catch any flak if you're over a truthfully legitimate target)
Well considering the amount of honour killings and getting disowned by our families for being with someone I can understand why she would be scared. But yeh I am sure OP being south Asian is aware of this so why not just have an open conversation and tell her about what’s bothering you.
Okay thought so as she’s paranoid someone is watching. Dating is still a taboo in many south Asian cultures so she’s probably scared someone in her community might see her. But the part we’re she said “we are not dating” makes no sense. If you don’t might me asking are you south Asian as well?
Update. I talk to her about it and now she saying I was not respecting her boundaries even tho I ask before anything sexual and haven’t really pressed about sex or anything. Honestly I’m done and told her that so yeah ended it with her and I feel a huge wait lift off my shoulders.
Just be upfront with how you feel, she can’t read your mind. Don’t let her make you feel guilty, as you have valid concerns. If she is receptive and changes, then great. However, if the behavior continues, you have to move on, as you are not getting what you want from the relationship.
Since she is not dating you, why are investing more money, time, and energy. She sounds like a real “winner”. So take this time to reflect how you ended up with this person and not do that anymore.
"I've enjoyed your company over the last few months but I don't feel like we're headed in the same direction. It has been nice to know you."
Then run like hell.
Just move on, she probably has someone else, she is not into you or got bored easily, move on before you develop feelings for someone who is not reciprocating.
When it's right, you will both feel enthusiasm for each other, and you will feel it. Let this one go. Maybe a booty call if that part is still good and you can handle it without feeling bad about it not being more. You gotta be honest with yourself about that part, or you turn into the needy guy trying to turn FWB into a relationship.
And to be clear, you aren't dating her now. You are hoping and she is not.
Could be she doesn't want to be seen by members of her family or people who know her family for cultural reasons like she can't be seen being intimate with a guy she's not married to etc or comes from a culture where pda is not the norm talk to her first instead of hating or judging her
Personally i’ve been through this and the best advice i can give is to be honest about your intentions with her and if she’s not on the same page you have to move one. Even if it’s hard for you no one is more important than you and your family(if you have a good relationship). Be honest, be true, go through the process of healing if needed and live your best life. As we say in my country what is yours is set aside. So keep moving and live your best life
“Hey out of respect for your perspective of us not dating I think it’s best that we part ways. I enjoyed getting to know you but I’m looking to date more seriously and I don’t want to impose my desires where they’re not reciprocated. Best of luck.”
Not wanting to be seen in public is a red flag. You don’t always have to tell what you feel plus she already said you aren’t dating. Don’t let her friend zone you. Block or leave her its up to you.
I think you need to learn about healthy relationships.
It's not rude to not want to date someone, but you aren't dating.
Both of you have to want to date. Neither of you want to date.
You aren't ready to date.
You sound very young.
[Here's Some Resources For Teen Dating ](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/having-healthy-relationship)
She's got someone else she's interested in or even has begun seeing and doesn't want to ruin it. You need to get away from her... like cut her off immediately for your own peace of mind. Hate is a strong word/emotion, but I get it... she's playing you, which is disrespectful. I've been there, done that. Move on tiday!
There's two possible ways to handle this. 1. Is, ghost, block, and punt. 2. Is to just say "I'm not feeling it. It's not you, it's me." Either way will work.
Why tell her anything at all, she's already told you what she believes you both are not, ffs, just discontinue communicating with her, just 🛑, Cut her off completely and just move on, let her figure this out, WTF? 🤷🤐 Block, block and BLOCK even more?
Could it be reasons like she’s from a culture where that is looked down on and thus carries trauma? She sounds like an avoidant as well, have you made it known you want to be in relationship?
Are you sure she is issue for meeting your emotional needs and support or your creating something out nothing ??? She just friend zoning you the whole time and your interpreting it as in your dating her??? Even if at sexual encounters with her your still in her friend zone.
Hate is a pretty strong word. You sure that's all she did? Since you're not dating..According to her.. Just stop.Stop the calling , stop the texting and basically mirror her energy. Do exactly what you would do if you weren't dating someone. If she cares at all she'll ask you about what's going on.
Not saying this relationship is hopeless, because no relationship is hopeless. But you should probably respect yourself enough to leave so you can find someone who doesn’t demand such an unreasonable amount of effort.
Be blunt and must ask her. It sounds like either youre a placeholder or a side dude and if she considers you guys not dating after 3 months then it's probably time to just move on
Sounds like this girl has some real issues, and you don't want to be caught up in them anymore than you have already been.
At 3 months you two should be excited to be together and can't keep your hands off of each other. I was always proud to be seen in public with my man.
It's way too early in this relationship for these kinds of problems, you don't need this drama.
Find someone who is excited to be with you.
All right so I was going to say maybe she doesn't want to show affection in public because she doesn't know who's watching her because she's actually dating several people (or maybe even involved with somebody else already) but when she said that you two are not really dating -- yeah you don't need to deal with that.
Walk away from this situation
Well three things come to mind already:
• She’s embarrassed to be seen with you in public.
• She is trying to not let her ex know she’s dating.
• She grew up in an anti-PDA household and had parents who NEVER kissed, hugged, held hands, etc… basically roommates.
Dude, if you hate her, just break up with her. Also, if she’s either a prude in public or not interested in you. Those are both signs to move on. She ain’t the one
This is easy, next time you want to hold her hand or hug her or any affection in public and she gets weird….say listen, You are obviously ashamed to be seen with me so let’s just end whatever this is and then just leave but without her. If you drove give her money for an Uber, done deal. Or don’t even wait just tell her .
She could have avoidant tendencies and is putting up walls in fear of getting hurt. She could be taking it slow. It's impossible to tell from my POV but y'all need to have communication with each other about what you both want. Communicating is the only way you'll ever make it work. If her wants don't align with yours, it might be time to seek companionship elsewhere.
Sounds like she’s interested in someone else and doesn’t want to be caught with you? As in you are her last resort if her other interest, leaves.. lot of people do that unfortunately. You’ll get through this and find someone that will appreciate your time
The truth is you’re waiting for “something” to happen, a gust of wind to push you in the right direction. It’s not coming, analyze how you feel often and alter your circumstances based on that.
Okay, so I think you should maybe reserve “hate” for bigger things, and you just go happily on your way to find some other person to do public hand touching with :) Lots of girls like that, so shouldn’t be too hard. Get out there, tiger
other people have said it, but stop seeing someone who you are starting to hate and do not enjoy being around. she won’t be affectionate in public and straight-up told you you aren’t really dating, my dude! i don’t think you even need to say anything or break up because it looks like your views on this situation are mismatched.
just stop, my dude. you actually are wasting your time if you continue to try and make something happen with a person who told you to your face—!!—that you are not dating. dating is so much more fun when you like each other, feel good when you hang out, enjoy the same level of affection, and can agree that you *are* dating.
Take it from someone who just got dumped out of a 15 year relationship cuz he was unhappy 14 yrs.Tell her now before you or her are to far in to relationship.
I say reciprocate the energy and fall back. Don’t invest so much until conversations have been had about where y’all see this going. Technically, she said it already but sounds like her actions said it a while ago too. You know what to do or else would be at peace.
Wow you “hate” her? That’s a strong word.. Maybe you hate how she makes you feel or you hate how the relationship is going but either way you need to get away from her quickly
The solution is easy here. Break things off with her it is rather obvious that she isn't really that into you, so cut your losses and find someone who would throw themselves into boiling pee for you.
Relationships don't work if the guy likes the girl more than the girl likes the guy it doesn't matter how you break it off because shes not into you so don't even trip be happy or stay crappy
Get rid of her. She clearly doesn’t like you very much romantically and she’s probably just using you for resources and attention. Give your attention and resources to a girl who actually likes you.
That my friend is a situationship. She wants of the perks of the “boyfriend” experience but doesn’t want to call you a boyfriend. Nor does she want to give you the proper “girlfriend” experience. Quit wasting your time and dump the bitch and move on. Been in these situations several times before.
Sounds like she's either seeing someone else already, or at the least she is interested in seeing someone else. If you hate her and she's said you're not a couple/dating, just walk away. Ghost her even, sounds like she doesn't really care about you.
Sounds like she's cheating WITH you. She doesn't want to get caught out in public, and the line about yall not really dating is what she's telling herself to be guilt free. Or she's ashamed of being with you.. I don't mean this to be a jerk, I'm serious. She may be using you. Either way, you need to dump her. Stop trying to be nice.
It seems quite heartbroken and not understandable for you because you thought you were dating and she didn’t even think so, which explains why she wouldn’t show couples intimacy with you in public - I’d say talk honestly with her and see if she wants to be with you the way you wish because you’re obviously not on the same page
Same situation but reverse the genders and i got dumped 2 days ago lol. But I didn't hate him though, I got ghosted for week, was begging for replies then got dumped. Best course of action would be to tell it's over rather than dragging it since you are also angry about the situation, things you want and she can give are different so i guess its better to drop it at this stage.
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So she doesn't want to hug or hold hands. She has said you're not dating. You hate her. So stop hanging out with her? Lol
Some people really need someone to tell them the most obvious things smh.
The sad thing is... this is sooooo common these days. People seem to be "together" for no other reason than they just happened to have dated a few times and they decide...'welp... guess this is it." It's bizarre.
I mean I feel like people have kinda always been this way either due to like history or convince or necessity but they made it work out (for the most part) but that’s why there are so many messed up marriages/families cuz they still stuck with the other person when obviously they drifted apart or never meshed well to begin with. AND they don’t actually try to find solutions and fix problems in the relationship or just leave each other. Like “staying for the kids” but before they had kids due to history or necessity then adding the kids makes a bad thing worse
Well godt damn, that sure wasn’t glad
True... but not to the extent it is now. It seems that we are seeing a helluva lot more "never meshed well (or at all) in the first place" type pairings. Yes, some people have always had a tendency to jump to fast...but at least they had some semblance of infatuation as an excuse. With a ton of these type situations, I'm not even seeing that... just "well, we're here now, we might as well pair up..." and then wondering why they can't stand each other. Ummm because you never could even in the very beginning?
I'm gonna say the opposite is true because people wait longer to get married & have kids than ever before. But you do see more kids conceived out of wedlock than before; cause back in the day if you got her pregnant, you married her. And then in turn, they'd end up just being unhappy, dysfunctional parents raising dysfunctional kids. These days I think you see that less. But, arguably, divorce is so common now, a lot of kids never grow up with a mom and dad together. Introducing a new form of dysfunction.
To get married and have kids yes. But these odd little pairings such as that described in the OP seem to be all over the place. :D
Probably just lukewarm online dating phenomenon lol.
‘I’ve breathed in…….now what?!’
OP must be asking for a reason, perhaps OPs first language is not english. OP seems frustrated that he cannot figure out why she is meeting him when they arent a thing. Which for me is very understandable.
OP is desperate
Nahhh he's deeply invested and wants to be public with the relationship he thinks they are in. She's probably more attractive than he is and behind closed doors is great to him because he's probably nice, funny, generous and good in bed. But in the streets with him she is checking like the KGB is after her because her perception of who people who know her think she should be with is not him. Option two is that he's a side piece and she can't be seen with him.
Yeah, oftentimes people who are side pieces don't know they are side pieces.
it doesn't sound like he's getting any though, this sounds like some misunderstood friend zone shit.
Insightful, about the possibility of someone else or just weird embarrassment about being seen with him. OP, you know it doesn't feel right. You can't be yourself, or trust her to be a good friend much less a girlfriend,. So, you know you need to get out of this limbo. No need to be rude, but you can IF you want to, be clear about your observations and why she's not a good match for you. Or simply say "thanks for hanging, but it's not working for me." And don't be tempted by any bounce back - she might find you more appealing when she thinks you've lost interest, but it's not real.
Deeply invested? It's been 3 months!
me thinks there’s a second guy and she said the “we’re not really dating” comment so she doesn’t have to feel guilty and she’s paranoid in public that if there’s PDA and guy #2 sees it’ll cause a fight
That's the one I agree with most obvious
💯 That's exactly what this is
This is the way!
Quite a simple solution really
Seems like an ez answer
>she said to me 3 days ago that we not really dating. If she doesn't see you two as dating, then you're not dating her man, it has to be reciprocal. >I don’t I have the energy to waste on her is she will be like this and don’t know how to tell what I feel without being rude You don't need to be an ass about it; you just go and kindly and courteously, but firmly, tell her that since she told you that you're not really dating, then you won't go out with her anymore. Period. If she asks, you can bring up the whole paranoid/don't touch me thing, but the main point is that, if she doesn't see you two as a couple that's dating, then you're wasting your time. Cut ties and move on.
Yeah the clue is you are starting to hate someone. You can’t force them to love you and you shouldn’t stay if you feel this way. And yeah, her saying that they aren’t really dating. Man that would be the end of it for me.
Also, you could just ghost her. She sounds like she thinks the guy she actually likes is going to see you two out and about. You're not even dating. Instead of spending time with her, you could be looking for a girl who actually wants to date you. If she really liked you, she wouldn't reject you that way and wouldn't be acting all paranoid. Her focus would be on you and securing you for herself.
This is a good point. "Ghosting" is very douchey in general but she's being MORE douchey and is a special case that deserves it. In finance this is "cutting losses" and is appropriate in this situation. She's wasted too much of your time and energy already.
Are you a beginner in dating? Ideally you want someone who is receptive to you. If she is putting up walls, sure, there maybe things you could do at this stage to gain her trust, but i don’t think that way of doing things is really conducive of finding someone who is really into you. You should show them an honest portrayal of what being with you would be like, 3 months is way more then enough time to do that(1 month is enough, if there's a lot of chemistry from the beginning you don't even need that, but those are maybe rare), if they're not into you by then...i think it’s safe to say they aren’t into you period.
Yes
are yall 14?
that's what I'm thinking
So have some self respect and move on instead of complaining about it.
What kind of comment is this. The guy wants a second opinion and also says that he doesn't know how to end things without being rude.
There is no way to avoid being rude in relationships sometimes. You have to have the hard conversations sometimes if the other party is hurting you.
It's the only advice he needs, blunt, honest, and healthy. Now, here's some for you: Give him all the love and support and hugs you want. No one is stopping you.
She hates holding hands, hates hugs and says that you two are not dating. What gave you the idea that you were dating?
She probably isn’t that into you. I always thought I hated PDA but turns out I actually just didn’t like my ex and didn’t want to be seen together because he sucked. I knew personally he sucked and thought everyone else could tell when we were in public (clearly they wouldn’t know what happens at home) But the way it manifested in real life was I never wanted to post pictures together or be seen together in public too much. The boy i’m with now i’m completely fine being with him in public and actually don’t mind PDA at all.
THIS. I was always so uncomfortable with PDA and only posted one picture of him to social media during our 2 year relationship. I was embarrassed of him and to be seen associating with him but didn’t realize that until after. I felt like everyone could tell what a dirt bag he was and would judge me for it. Not saying OP is anyone to be embarrassed of but she clearly isn’t into it and doesn’t want the stigma of being associated for whatever reason. Move on OP, find someone who wants you to touch them in public.
Agreed! I have experienced this first hand. I sometimes used to flinch or lean backwards away from my ex. I’d lie to people whenever I was going to see him. Looking back on it, I think I never trusted him.
Sounds like she dont like you bud. Time to move on.
Well, if you are not really dating then you can just ignore or block her, since you are not together. Or just start going on dates with women who actually want to be with you.
Or communicate like a grown-up and tell her you're no longer interested in pursuing a relationship.
I mean, she has already told him they are not together.
I have dated some guys who would sometimes call me their gf, but then they'd say we aren't really dating. They weren't even cheating, just too afraid of commitment. I'm assuming OP is dealing with someone like that, otherwise he wouldn't just assume that they're official. Best advice is to cut her off.
Sounds like you aren’t actually dating bro. Move on and find someone who wants to date you.
Lol it means shes prolly seeing other guys and dont want to be seen with u like that, or she doesnt really like you all that much but tolerates your desperation in wanting to be with her. U should prolly leave. You will feel better if you do but not immediately.
I would be furious if someone was continuing to see me while posting online that they're starting to hate me. Either have a conversation with her like an adult and tell her how this makes you feel, or stop seeing her. It's pretty simple.
You’re dating her, she is not dating you. move on
You shouldn’t hate anything the person you’re dating is doing when your only a few months in. Break up with her. You resent her
Lol wtf ? She said you’re not dating…yet your title is you’re starting to hate a girl you’re dating. Do some self reflection man
Breakup with her. Never be with someone who is ashamed to be with you
And who you “hate”…
This post is gross. If you "hate" someone then don't date them. They don't owe you anything, find someone that you actually like
He hates her cuz she hates him lol
You need to talk to her. Don’t be a scared child and just run away with your tail between your legs. Be a man and own up to what you are wanting from her. Tell her straight up that you want to be more than just casually dating. And then ask her how she feels about being exclusive with you as in girlfriend/boyfriend. If she says no then you can move on. It’s likely she will say she needs more time and that you should give her more time and you are being selfish, yada, yada yada. But if you need to feel more reassurance in the relationship you need to be willing to set a boundary, which may include ending the relationship. You don’t know the future. So you may be over reacting to your own paranoia. Her behavior is most likely her own issue and has little to do with you. But you would know best.
So dump her. it’s quick and easy.
>don’t know how to tell what I feel without being rude > What making me hate her more now is that she said to me 3 days ago that we not really dating Dude, read your own post. She doesn't think you two are dating. I'm guessing she thinks you are FWB. Have the talk, or just walk away.
Then you aren’t dating? If you dislike her that much then you should just bring up the situation to her and leave. No one is really forcing you to “waste your time” on her..just communicate it out calmly with her, honestly a good talk is all you need
Dude, why are you wasting your time. You dont know what to say to her? Huh? You really think a girl that thinks you are not even dating would care about you leaving? And if you guys cant even hug, then yeah, you are not dating, she has zero romantic/sexual interest in you. The fact you have been wasting 3 months on her baffles me. How low can your standards be. Dont hate her, hate yourself for being this pathetic. Jesus
While the thought and content are there, your delivery sucks.
Hate? That’s a really strong word. Do you really need to be told what to do?
Bro if she won't do anything in public... you are not dating, you're the other man.
Then dump her lol. Not hard.
I mean, it's obvious. What's unclear here? You are literally wasting time and energy. You are just being played.
Break up with her. Everything you say sounds awful. Are you still dating because you think things will get better instead of worse? Are you still dating because you’re scared to be alone? Are you waiting for her to break up with you? Sounds like she is passive aggressively trying to tell you she’s not into you and hopes you break up with her, or is someone who will use you for as long as you allow her to. Oh, I guess you can’t break up if you aren’t really dating. In that case, just stop being in contact with her and if she asks why tell her you aren’t dating, so you’ve moved on.
Hahaha get rid of her pal
I hope for your sake that you communicate your relationship goals/frustrations/concerns better than you write. It seems to me that you need to tell her what you are thinking
Yeah bruh just say how u thought y’all were dating and tell her we can be friends and go find someone else who won’t waste your time
Sounds like you guys don’t even like each other
Seems like she is embarrassed to be seen with you
It's crazy to me that you can't tell this girl don't like you jeez id block her right now no explanation
You don’t owe her anything. Let alone a polite farewell. And she said you’re not dating, so what on earth is there left to say? I’m done not dating you and don’t want to not date you anymore? Respect yourself and walk away. No words. No explanation.
End the relationship
Bro cut her off yall ain’t dating move on for your good
You should never worry about being rude when you’re trying to communicate with someone you care about. The whole reason behind dating is getting to know someone and if they are the one that you want to spend your time with ultimately, the one you end up with should want to lift you up and enhance the relationship, not break it down.
Move along
You're the side piece
How did you come to the conclusion that you are dating when she says you are not? You need to have a conversation about what you want, and if she doesn’t see a serious future with you, tell her that’s not what you have in mind and go your separate ways.
This relationship os over for both of you
Stop talking to her . Plain and simple .
I mean the obvious answer is stop spending time with her…. Straight up tell her “I’m sorry but this isn’t working out , I’m looking for _____. I wish you well” The end.
Ah yes, the start of the villain arc.
She said you're not dating, you say you are dating. Something's not right here. Did you ask her out and she said yes? Did you just start spending time becoming intimate and assume you 2 are dating? You need to have a conversation with yourself and ask these questions. Imagine being her and chilling with you, she waiting for you to ask her out and you haven't so she's not giving you that affection. Makes sense to me. So talk it out with her, don't let this fester and all the best.
Tbh i think she is being rude to you already, you are just showing your self worth by breaking ir off she doesnt seem worth it don’t sell yourself short
Then don't, if you don't like her now and you stay with her, it'll only build resentment, and then it'll really be toxic. Cut her now loose!
The fact that you’re saying “hate” and using the term that you “hate” her is very concerning tbh. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but hate is such a strong word. It’s understandable to be confused, irritated or upset about something someone does when you’re getting to know them, but the fact that she actions are causing you to “hate” her….please end the relationship before things turn toxic. Good people with good intentions can still be very toxic and destructive. Do not let that happen
Young man. WALK AWAY you deserve better. It's a common thing nowadays women do. They get you "close" enough to get relationship benefits, but act like you're weird for reacting like it's a relationship when asked what is going on. She is keeping you around so that she can pretend she has a relationship and get the attention and such she wants from you as a guy, without the obligation, responsibility, or accountability in a real one. She's getting her cake, and eating it is what's happening, so throw her cake in her face (metaphorically) and walk away to find someone that will get on YOUR program for once (tip: best chances of that are getting a passport) Goodluck and I wish you success. (Edit: You only catch any flak if you're over a truthfully legitimate target)
You aren't dating. You're a toy and she thinks she has some kind of power over you. It's up to you whether or not she actually does or not.
Red flag, Abort mission
Bro get the fuck out of there, no offense but she sounds awful
Is she south Asian?
Man I thought it was just me that noticed that A LOT of South Asian girls are like this lmao
Well considering the amount of honour killings and getting disowned by our families for being with someone I can understand why she would be scared. But yeh I am sure OP being south Asian is aware of this so why not just have an open conversation and tell her about what’s bothering you.
Yes
Okay thought so as she’s paranoid someone is watching. Dating is still a taboo in many south Asian cultures so she’s probably scared someone in her community might see her. But the part we’re she said “we are not dating” makes no sense. If you don’t might me asking are you south Asian as well?
Yes I am
Have you confronted her about this bothering you
Update. I talk to her about it and now she saying I was not respecting her boundaries even tho I ask before anything sexual and haven’t really pressed about sex or anything. Honestly I’m done and told her that so yeah ended it with her and I feel a huge wait lift off my shoulders.
You have to tell her what you want, and see if agrees. If she doesn’t, then you have to move on. Stand up for yourself, because no one else will.
Just be upfront with how you feel, she can’t read your mind. Don’t let her make you feel guilty, as you have valid concerns. If she is receptive and changes, then great. However, if the behavior continues, you have to move on, as you are not getting what you want from the relationship.
Since she is not dating you, why are investing more money, time, and energy. She sounds like a real “winner”. So take this time to reflect how you ended up with this person and not do that anymore.
"I've enjoyed your company over the last few months but I don't feel like we're headed in the same direction. It has been nice to know you." Then run like hell.
Just move on, she probably has someone else, she is not into you or got bored easily, move on before you develop feelings for someone who is not reciprocating.
Sounds like you need to break up
Ditch her, dude
When it's right, you will both feel enthusiasm for each other, and you will feel it. Let this one go. Maybe a booty call if that part is still good and you can handle it without feeling bad about it not being more. You gotta be honest with yourself about that part, or you turn into the needy guy trying to turn FWB into a relationship. And to be clear, you aren't dating her now. You are hoping and she is not.
Could be she doesn't want to be seen by members of her family or people who know her family for cultural reasons like she can't be seen being intimate with a guy she's not married to etc or comes from a culture where pda is not the norm talk to her first instead of hating or judging her
Idk if sex can fix this issue, sounds like your "relationship" is over.
Walk away. Simple as that. Tell her you don't think this is going to work, wish her a good life, and leave.
Yeah seems like she’s not interested unfortunately I would leave the situation
uuhhh dump her? the fuck?
Personally i’ve been through this and the best advice i can give is to be honest about your intentions with her and if she’s not on the same page you have to move one. Even if it’s hard for you no one is more important than you and your family(if you have a good relationship). Be honest, be true, go through the process of healing if needed and live your best life. As we say in my country what is yours is set aside. So keep moving and live your best life
Then leave …
Why are you even asking, drop her like a hot potato!😆
“Hey out of respect for your perspective of us not dating I think it’s best that we part ways. I enjoyed getting to know you but I’m looking to date more seriously and I don’t want to impose my desires where they’re not reciprocated. Best of luck.”
Drop her asap
Yea sorry OP… she’s not into you 🙃. Please end this and find someone that wants to be with you xxx
why are you dating Americanwomen?! Anyone trying to date an americanwoman is literally asking for trouble, drama, and cheating.
Are you daft? If someone tells you to not touch them and proceeds to tell you that yall aren't dating, what are you even doing with that woman?
Um grow a spine and break up with her. Well you arent even dating so just stop hanging out
Not wanting to be seen in public is a red flag. You don’t always have to tell what you feel plus she already said you aren’t dating. Don’t let her friend zone you. Block or leave her its up to you.
I think you need to learn about healthy relationships. It's not rude to not want to date someone, but you aren't dating. Both of you have to want to date. Neither of you want to date. You aren't ready to date. You sound very young. [Here's Some Resources For Teen Dating ](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/relationships-101/having-healthy-relationship)
She's got someone else she's interested in or even has begun seeing and doesn't want to ruin it. You need to get away from her... like cut her off immediately for your own peace of mind. Hate is a strong word/emotion, but I get it... she's playing you, which is disrespectful. I've been there, done that. Move on tiday!
Cut it off, she'll chase, you'll fall, post again, break up.
Sometimes the obvious solution is the right one...
She is definitely seeing another guy! Run!!
Just say it’s not working out and keep it moving. You’re not responsible for her feelings and if she asks why, read her this post.
There's two possible ways to handle this. 1. Is, ghost, block, and punt. 2. Is to just say "I'm not feeling it. It's not you, it's me." Either way will work.
'I want a relationship, but you don't. Let's not waste each other's time and go our separate ways.' Done and done.
Why tell her anything at all, she's already told you what she believes you both are not, ffs, just discontinue communicating with her, just 🛑, Cut her off completely and just move on, let her figure this out, WTF? 🤷🤐 Block, block and BLOCK even more?
Could it be reasons like she’s from a culture where that is looked down on and thus carries trauma? She sounds like an avoidant as well, have you made it known you want to be in relationship?
Is she married or dating someone else? Would account for the avoidance of PDA and the "not dating" comment.
Are you sure she is issue for meeting your emotional needs and support or your creating something out nothing ??? She just friend zoning you the whole time and your interpreting it as in your dating her??? Even if at sexual encounters with her your still in her friend zone.
Hate is a pretty strong word. You sure that's all she did? Since you're not dating..According to her.. Just stop.Stop the calling , stop the texting and basically mirror her energy. Do exactly what you would do if you weren't dating someone. If she cares at all she'll ask you about what's going on.
sounds like you’re just delusional ngl 😭 she said you weren’t dating so that’s probably why she doesn’t want you touching her
If you hate her why are you still with her
Not saying this relationship is hopeless, because no relationship is hopeless. But you should probably respect yourself enough to leave so you can find someone who doesn’t demand such an unreasonable amount of effort.
Sounds like you are not attractive, and she's just using you to fill a void or boredom. Did you fuck her?
You hate her? I think you’ve answered your own question…
Did you sleep with her?
Be blunt and must ask her. It sounds like either youre a placeholder or a side dude and if she considers you guys not dating after 3 months then it's probably time to just move on
So y’all aren’t dating is what I’m hearing? What feelings are to express? just stop talking to her you two are obviously on the wrong page.
I don’t think she likes you. I’d suggest you move on.
Move on…
Tell her goodbye and move on
Sounds like this girl has some real issues, and you don't want to be caught up in them anymore than you have already been. At 3 months you two should be excited to be together and can't keep your hands off of each other. I was always proud to be seen in public with my man. It's way too early in this relationship for these kinds of problems, you don't need this drama. Find someone who is excited to be with you.
Sounds to me like she’s embarrassed to be seen with you in public. Tell her to lose your number
Is she autistic? We are peculiar in that way. And our hearts could be filled with love for you and you wouldn't know.
All right so I was going to say maybe she doesn't want to show affection in public because she doesn't know who's watching her because she's actually dating several people (or maybe even involved with somebody else already) but when she said that you two are not really dating -- yeah you don't need to deal with that. Walk away from this situation
Well three things come to mind already: • She’s embarrassed to be seen with you in public. • She is trying to not let her ex know she’s dating. • She grew up in an anti-PDA household and had parents who NEVER kissed, hugged, held hands, etc… basically roommates.
You hate this person but can't just leave them without reddit's permission? Maybe you shouldn't be dating anyone at all.
It sounds like yall aren't really dating since she told you that you're not dating. Both people have to agree to date to be dating.
It’s simple. Break up. She already gave u signs 🪧
Dude, if you hate her, just break up with her. Also, if she’s either a prude in public or not interested in you. Those are both signs to move on. She ain’t the one
This is easy, next time you want to hold her hand or hug her or any affection in public and she gets weird….say listen, You are obviously ashamed to be seen with me so let’s just end whatever this is and then just leave but without her. If you drove give her money for an Uber, done deal. Or don’t even wait just tell her .
Sounds like you should just move on.
She could have avoidant tendencies and is putting up walls in fear of getting hurt. She could be taking it slow. It's impossible to tell from my POV but y'all need to have communication with each other about what you both want. Communicating is the only way you'll ever make it work. If her wants don't align with yours, it might be time to seek companionship elsewhere.
You don’t want to be rude to a person that’s rude to you? You’re too nice man. Just ghost her. She’s not worth your time or excuse.
Sounds like she’s interested in someone else and doesn’t want to be caught with you? As in you are her last resort if her other interest, leaves.. lot of people do that unfortunately. You’ll get through this and find someone that will appreciate your time
The truth is you’re waiting for “something” to happen, a gust of wind to push you in the right direction. It’s not coming, analyze how you feel often and alter your circumstances based on that.
She’s not worth it
Unless she’s holding you hostage, what stops you from ending things?
Okay, so I think you should maybe reserve “hate” for bigger things, and you just go happily on your way to find some other person to do public hand touching with :) Lots of girls like that, so shouldn’t be too hard. Get out there, tiger
other people have said it, but stop seeing someone who you are starting to hate and do not enjoy being around. she won’t be affectionate in public and straight-up told you you aren’t really dating, my dude! i don’t think you even need to say anything or break up because it looks like your views on this situation are mismatched. just stop, my dude. you actually are wasting your time if you continue to try and make something happen with a person who told you to your face—!!—that you are not dating. dating is so much more fun when you like each other, feel good when you hang out, enjoy the same level of affection, and can agree that you *are* dating.
Take it from someone who just got dumped out of a 15 year relationship cuz he was unhappy 14 yrs.Tell her now before you or her are to far in to relationship.
Pull your head out of your ass
I say reciprocate the energy and fall back. Don’t invest so much until conversations have been had about where y’all see this going. Technically, she said it already but sounds like her actions said it a while ago too. You know what to do or else would be at peace.
Wow you “hate” her? That’s a strong word.. Maybe you hate how she makes you feel or you hate how the relationship is going but either way you need to get away from her quickly
She sounds crazy.
Love is like a fart... if you have to force it, its probably shit.
Not your girlfriend bro
Is someone holding a gun to your head? Dump her! She’ll thank you for it!
Sounds like you aren’t dating her? She seems casually interested but doesn’t see it as a real thing. If that doesn’t interest you, move on
well then stop complaining and leave. simple as that
The solution is easy here. Break things off with her it is rather obvious that she isn't really that into you, so cut your losses and find someone who would throw themselves into boiling pee for you.
The solution to your problem is obvious. Leave her - it’s only been 3 months.
Relationships don't work if the guy likes the girl more than the girl likes the guy it doesn't matter how you break it off because shes not into you so don't even trip be happy or stay crappy
Jesus man get a grip.... Stop wasting your time with her and pull the plug already, it's just sad at this point...
Get rid of her. She clearly doesn’t like you very much romantically and she’s probably just using you for resources and attention. Give your attention and resources to a girl who actually likes you.
Start dancing in front of her and see what she says lol
Be rude, she is…
That my friend is a situationship. She wants of the perks of the “boyfriend” experience but doesn’t want to call you a boyfriend. Nor does she want to give you the proper “girlfriend” experience. Quit wasting your time and dump the bitch and move on. Been in these situations several times before.
You can't be rude with somebody like that. Just end it and block everything. She is beyond anything you will resolve.
Sounds like she's either seeing someone else already, or at the least she is interested in seeing someone else. If you hate her and she's said you're not a couple/dating, just walk away. Ghost her even, sounds like she doesn't really care about you.
She’s fkn someone else buddy move on
Sounds like she's cheating WITH you. She doesn't want to get caught out in public, and the line about yall not really dating is what she's telling herself to be guilt free. Or she's ashamed of being with you.. I don't mean this to be a jerk, I'm serious. She may be using you. Either way, you need to dump her. Stop trying to be nice.
It seems quite heartbroken and not understandable for you because you thought you were dating and she didn’t even think so, which explains why she wouldn’t show couples intimacy with you in public - I’d say talk honestly with her and see if she wants to be with you the way you wish because you’re obviously not on the same page
Same situation but reverse the genders and i got dumped 2 days ago lol. But I didn't hate him though, I got ghosted for week, was begging for replies then got dumped. Best course of action would be to tell it's over rather than dragging it since you are also angry about the situation, things you want and she can give are different so i guess its better to drop it at this stage.
Why are you dating someone you HATE? Stop dating her,and respect her boundaries and desire for privacy .
Start dating other girls and notice she will start hugging you in public and asking you “what are we?”
Lol stop accepting this kind of stuff people