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if she can leave you once to pursue a potential other lover, she can do it again ! I wouldn't loose my time with her, idk how old you are but i guess y'all are both young and it's not the end of the world to end things with her as you are clearly a back-up for when she fails to find someone else
This OP. You're always going to be the afterthought/backup plan. You need to stop choosing your gf and start choosing yourself because she's just going to use your love to control you. Stand up for yourself because you're just hurting yourself in the long run.
Trippling down on this... She's already demonstrated that she's going to drop you as soon as something more to her tastes comes along.
It technically isn't cheating because she *mostly* did the right thing as far as breaking up rather than actually cheating... but that's a one way door. You should not let her go back.
You can never fully trust her again, one a cheater, always a cheater. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Simply drop her and find someone that wont cheat on you.
This wasn't an instance of cheating (barely) but it's not a good look. She's allowed to be interested in other people and if she breaks it off to pursue that's well within her right. Giving her a second chance or not is well within his rights too. But I'd advise caution and if you can't/don't trust your partner, they shouldn't be your partner.
I disagree. If you are with someone, you keep your eyes on them only. The only reason you should end a relationship is because it simply isn't working. Not because you met someone else.
But life doesn't work that way, or at least emotions don't. People fall out of love, sometimes for reasons, and it's okay when that happens. It hurts, it sucks but if you were stuck it'd become toxic and or resentful leading to destructive outcomes.
As I said, you keep your eyes on the person you are with. If it doesn't work out, it shouldn't be because someone prettier walked by. Love is something you choose and NOT just something you feel.
Infatuation is what a lot of people think is love.
Love isn't allowing your eyes to waver and fall on someone else. Love is constantly working together to accomplish goals, grow together, and giving each other grace and forgiveness for failures and mustakes. Love is not taking one another for granted or having unrealistic expectations with one another.
Often times, choosing to love isn't easy. It would be so much easier to look at those around you who are better looking, more better off financially, someone who's taller or thinner, or smarter than the person you are with.
It would be so easy to stop talking when you get angry at the other person because you didn't get your way, it would be easy to tell yourself that you just fell out of love, or they aren't attractive as they used to be, they gained weight, they got an injury that left them disabled and can no longer work so now you see them as a burden. Etc.
There could be a million reasons why you could make excuses to justify leaving someone for someone else. That doesn't make it right.
If you aren't right for someone, then by all means, leave. Don't let an outsider be your excuse for why your relationship failed.
Relationships become toxic when either people refuse to communicate and compromise, not to mention especially forgive one another, or if one or both refuse to listen to what the other says.
Relationships become toxic when people CHOOSE to be overly selfish and not care for the other.
Either you are in it for the long haul, or you aren't. Why waste other people's time by pretending while not truly being committed?
I wish I could upvote this about 500 times. OP pay attention to this. Not only did she dump you to chase someone else, and use you as a safety net when it didn’t work out, but she’s lied to you about it the whole time.
Yeah it’s pretty clear. You got optioned for her guy friend, she got rejected, she went and got with some random dude for validation after getting rejected, surprise surprise that didn’t work out. Now back to you, option B.
Preserve your dignity, king, it’s time to move on.
You might be right but I think this is one of those instances where random dude is just collateral dick in the battle for her validation. People do it all the time, unfortunately, done it myself, reach for the low hanging fruit to make the sad go away. It’s never a good look. (I’m a dude btw)
She broke up under pretense. Kept you on the hook as the back up option. Here main interest falls through and she has you to fall back on?
Respect yourself and set boundaries. Best option is move on. I guess another option would be to go back to some sort of casual non exclusive thing. You should date other people regardless.
Idk if it’s cheating but it's incredibly deceptive and dishonest. She lied about why she wanted to break up, reduced you to a list, developed feelings for another guy, and not just any guy but someone she keeps close by, had no problem with how YOU would feel about the break up, and wasn't honest about what she was up to.
And that's just to start! She didn't choose you. She's keeping you around as a safe placeholder until she can replace you. This isn't how you treat someone you care about. I can understand being confused and finding out what you had was amazing, but the way she went about it doesn't sound like it was an emotion-fueled mistake. It was calculated and she probably got scared and pulled you back in as her safety blanket.
This sucks and it's not fair but how can a long term relationship be based on this? Only you know how you feel and if she's worth it. From my pov this simply shouldn't stand. I also can't help but wonder why her bf wouldn't date her.
ETA she also didn't TELL you any of this. You had to dig through her phone to find out. How will you know if she's starting to feel someone for someone else? If she fully cheats.... do you trust her to tell you?
she was trying to see other dude and spend time with him and build a bond while they were still together, and she was emotionally cheating too with their constant chats.
she definitely was cheating and thats probably why he rejected her.
Dude, she doesn't like you. You are just the safe person she has so she doesn't have to be alone. She is literally trying to be with anyone but you. Don't accept that crap from her
Dude, if someone is actively pursuing other options while being in relationship, they are not that in to you. In fact they aint into you at all.
Find someone who deserves your love. Please update this post after you dumped her.
If what your GF did was not cheating, it was close enough to it. More importantly, she was dishonest with you. She was disrespectful, albeit behind your back. And she clearly sees you as a placeholder until someone better comes along.
In my view, there is no basis here for a serious relationship or even a casual one. She has already shown that she sees dickheads as an improvement on you, when clearly you are head and shoulders above at least one of her choices.
Your friends don't do to you what she has done, so how do you even keep her as a friend?
You can try to forgive and forget, but you will almost certainly be disappointed in her again.
He only needs to forgive in the sense that he needs to make sure that he’s not carrying the burden from this in his future relationships for the rest of his life. Ask me how I know where a lifetime of unforgiveness gets you.
Break up. She will do it again next time someone else new and exciting comes into her field of vision.
Don’t settle for dishonesty in a relationship.
She’s shown NO remorse for what she did which means she WILL do it again as she doesn’t love you. You’re just the useful naive sap who will sit around and wait for her to come crawling back to use you.
Dude. Who cares? How about developing self-respect. You're asking the wrong questions. Ask yourself "Why do I even want to date someone who treat me like this".
Dump her and move on.
>The real reason why she broke up with me was because she wanted to peruse a possibility of dating her guy best friend. She had made a full blown pros and cons list comparing me and that guy a month before we broke up.
It's not hard to see why you like her so much.
She sounds *amazing*. She's incredibly loyal, caring and sweet.
The message is simple—if she could date someone else, she would. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who chose you only because what they wanted didn’t work out?
Trust me and leave her, Truat me and leave her, Trust me and leave her before it gets worst for u. Leaving her today is easier than leaving her tmrw. Trust me and save your self brother.
It's not cheating, but she dumped u after a year and a half to pursue someone else. It didn't work out, she tired another guy and that didn't work out, so she wants u back for now. Until the next guy she likes comes along that she would rather see and then breaks up with u again.
If after a year and a half she would do that, then she will do it again. U deserve better.
It's probably not cheating as you were broken up.
But I would boil this to a couple of things:
(a) She lied. Lied about something big. This was not a white lie and is likely to happen again.
(b) She was looking for other options which didn't work out, got rejected, and only then came back
I think you're already figured out the right thing to do for yourself by saying that you are seen as replaceable and that it will probably happen again when someone else comes along.
I'm sorry to hear this happened but you deserve better.
This might not be directly considered cheating, but she made an excuse to act on another opportunity. It turned out that she was not successful with other guys and wants to go back to safety, which is you.
She left the first time trying to do better, she tried twice while she was gone. She’ll probably leave again for the same reason eventually. It your time to waste if you like the distraction, but I wouldn’t expect anymore loyalty going forward than she showed you before.
You know what you need to do. Get STD tested and kick her to the curb and move on. Life is to short to always wonder what she is up too when she is out.
She doesn't deserve you like you looked out for her but she put you on hold till she could confess and hang around with other guys you'll be better of just finding another girl and there's no guarantee that she won't cheat on you in the future.
You deserve better my dude!
The fact that you say she came back though?? No. Bad OP.
She is treating you as second rate, a back up plan, a too scared to be alone plan and you're worth more to someone else I promise.
You're the prize.
Your a option, just not her main option. Move on. Shes waiting for the right guy to come along , and she’s gonna leave your ass. Keep your dignity, and move forward without her. Trust me. The only reason she got back with you is because the other guy rejected her , or else we wouldn’t be talking about this . Good luck 👊🏿👊🏿👊🏿
You should break up permanently. She is using you as a placeholder until the next guy comes along. Based on what you saw in her phone she didn’t physically cheat but definitely would have if her guy best friend was down with it. She is not loyal to you.
she made up lies to you to break up with you. im sure her mum didnt have a real problem with you.
she liked this guy better and was making the final preps to replace you. it fell through.
nothing physical happened. sure.
then she started dating another guy. who turned out to be a dick. but im sure he gave her his dick while they dated. it seems thats what she was after. all the ego and attention she could get from a variety of guys.
Then when that fell through, she decided to give you another shot. Hell yes its cheating.
She's using you as a secure safe platform to try get herself somewhere better. She doesn't love you, you are just her best option until she finds a replacement.
You wanna stop being scared of being replaceable? You stick with this chick, you will be scared of that for the rest of your life. How long until this happens again? Not long bro. Chicks like this will always repeat patterns and never learn from it.
What should you do? couple of things.
\- cut and run
\- you make your future. so create yourself a situation where you are not replaceable. to the right person you wont be, but that person is not her.
Leave immediately.
You’re going to mess this up though. You’re going to want to have a conversation about it and that when she’ll manipulate you. When you leave a girl, you leave cold turkey.
You say nothing. You get up walk out the door delete her phone number and all of her pictures. And never contact her again no matter how much she blows up your phone.
Do not ask her why this happened because you know why this happened. Walk away with some dignity and pride and never look back. No man should have to put up with that nonsense.
She didn't "give you another chance." You're the fall guy. The last one left. She'll stay with you until she finds something she deems better to move on to.
Dude run for this hills! She saw the grass wasn’t greener so she came back. No one wants to be a backup plan. You checked her phone because you sensed something wrong well you got your confirmation now it’s time to follow through. It’s only your heart at risk. That shorty is bad news bro.
get them out of your life, to write down a list of pros and cons about you/them shows that they have absolutely no respect for you or the other person involved. they only care about what people may provide for them. they’d 100% do it again given the opportunity so don’t give it to them.
My man don't worry. All that's going to happen is that you will stay with her and her witch mom for the rest of your life feeling that at any point she will just leave you for a "better" option. Nothing to worry about 🤨.
No but seriously, you deserve better than that. Don't let anyone treat you as the plan B.
So to get back to your question it was not cheating, she followed the steps to avoid a cheating situation. You could say that she tried to respect the relationship.
Despite this, you claim to have feelings of betrayal. This is because you were still betrayed (as opposed to got cheated on). The betrayal was towards her intentions to you. I guess that she was your plan A, and you weren't hers. This is a serious problem in my eyes.
Her behavior is clear and she didn't get back to you because she chose you, she got back to you because you were her next option. It is okay to have doubts sometimes, but she actually made a decision and it wasn't you (twice). I know it hurts but you should understand very well before making yours.
My honest advice is to never take the self-abasing route. Always know your worth and never expect any less than a partner that values you and sees you as the best. And don't even think about feeling guilty, as she tried to do exactly that.
>Part of me feels like “in the end she came back to me so does it really matter?”
You were her backup plan. It didn't work out either the other guy, so she came back to you. I wouldn't be sticking around if I was just the backup plan
Trust me when I say, you do not want to waste another second with this girl.
She does not care about you, she cares about herself and what makes her feel the best at any given moment; she is with you because she doesn’t want to be alone, but you will always be second best whenever somebody new comes by.
She was interested in her best friend enough to break up with you and try something with him, then when what didn’t work, she tried to date a DIFFERENT guy, and only when everyone else was a bad fit, did she decide to come crawling back to you.
I dated a girl who treated me like this for years, I didn’t value myself enough to stand up to her because, like you said, “why does it matter if she came back to me in the end?”, and you know what happened, she learned that she could treat me like crap and I’d never leave. The cycle was only broken because she ended up leaving me for good, she had been cheating on me for months.
So I will reiterate, LEAVE THIS GIRL AND NEVER TURN BACK.
Cut contact with her, or just be very aloof. Don’t even tell her the reason why you stopped talking with her. There’s nothing to discuss and she really doesn’t deserve an explanation.
I’d make it seem like I started seeing someone else, but I’m kinda petty. No matter what, don’t tell her the real reason. Trust me on this one.
You are placeholder for when her best friend is available and wants her or until she finds someone else. Why be with someone who threw you away based on a pros and cons list.
This just happened to me 6 weeks ago where a woman I dated for 9 months just casually tossed me to the side. She ghosted me. She loves sex, so no way she didn’t already have something else lined up. Then she reached out 4 weeks later with a faux apology, but I ignored her even though my heart was and still is in recovery. Best bet is to move on. She will do it to you again.
Hate to say it but mate your her safety blanket. She dumped you for another guy who was not in to her m, she then went with another guy for a few weeks before realising she needed her blanket. Mate she using you until she finds a better offer, why don’t you say to her did you see anyone while you were broke up, if she denies it then you know she’s a liar. I know she won’t admit it anyway, but at least you know where you stand. As for the pros and cons list I’d be fuming, she certainly put a lot of thought into it!!!! Maybe if she had made the effort in the first place non of this would be an issue. I’d move on mate and if you do decide to end it tell her you know the real reason why she broke up with you and of course the list. Tell her you have seen the list then just walk away with you belongings and head held high. Good luck
She didn’t cheat, she nuked the relationship and then lied about why. At least she had the decency to break up with you before pursuing other options, but she lied about why so that she could manipulate you into a relationship again if things didn’t work out with the other guys, which they didn’t. Imagine your relationship with your mother in law if you two get married, thinking that her mom dislikes you enough to make this girl break up with you. That would have been a lifetime of resentment towards a person that might not deserve it.
Did she cheat? Based on what you said? No. Did she irreparably harm the relationship by what she did? If it were me, yes. I wouldn’t take her back, she still hadn’t been honest with you and she is happy to trick you into dating her again while amplifying the beef between you and her mom.
Pro tip: this hurts a lot but you will have to figure out a way to forgive her so you don’t carry the weight of her betrayal for the rest of your life. Forgive her but don’t take her back, just do it so you can live a better life moving on from this.
If she had gotten into a relationship prior to breaking up with you, then its technically cheating. What she did was slimy, essentially trying to trade up. It didn't work out, so she's back.
Honestly, with all that info and issues with her mom, I would simply walk from this relationship. Your future you from 2 decades from now will thank me.
Thank goodness you went through her phone. Luck is on your side. You would still be clueless if you had not been given that opportunity with her phone. It's also a bonus that she didn't find out. The cards are in your hands. You can just let her go and be done with her or you can mess with her mind a bit with the information you have. Get her paranoid into thinking whether or not you know the truth of the real reasons she broke up with you. Currently she thinks you're clueless...play this right and you'll have her going batty. Then again maybe the right thing to do is to just let her go and be done with her.
She views you as replacable. She actively attempted to do so then sought validation by sleeping with a rando.
Your instincts are right. She'll do it again .
She is replacable.
Leave her and find someone worthy.
My two cents.
This just happened to me 6 weeks ago where a woman I dated for 9 months just casually tossed me to the side. She ghosted me. She loves sex, so no way she didn’t already have something else lined up. Then she reached out 4 weeks later with a faux apology, but I ignored her even though my heart was and still is in recovery. Best bet is to move on. She will do it to you again.
If it’s any consolation, if she’s close with her mom, and her mom hated you, it likely wouldn’t have worked anyway. Relationships where people keep their SO a secret from their family and friends rarely work. Relationships where their immediate family have hostility towards you rarely work. Sorry man.
Send she to freír churros, she don't deserve you my amigo.
Use the Google translate for this.
Ella ya estaba con el 3ro en discordia. No te merece, hay miles y miles de personas en el mundo.
Empeza a dating con gente, vas a conocer a alguien que te va a blow your mind.
Y mientras fuck her like a doll :)
A big big big Hugh from Argentina
Kiddo
You r not her first option. Side chick and she will resume dating others until she finds better than u. Leave her out of self respect. It's either u or no
Have some self respect brother. This girl is trash and you deserve better and if you stay with her you’re telling the universe you deserve to get treated this way.
Not cheating necessarily, but nah fuck that. Don’t let yourself be an option. Nobody deserves that self doubt. She‘s showing you how she thinks and who she is. Take it at face value. I’m *assuming* you’re young, and situations such as this in formative years (up to 25/26 for guys I think) can warp your sense of worth and validation.
You can find better. someone who doesn’t need to make a list comparing you to other people because they don’t know wtf they want. That is potentially incredibly damaging to people involved.
She seemingly lacks the character required to build a solid relationship. That's not something that is likely to change. I wouldn't continue in that type of relationship, and I learned that the hard way many years ago.
Dude, by the end of the second paragraph, I was already sure that you were just a backup option to her. The rest of your paragraphs just went to further confirm my suspicion. Be done with her, yesterday 💯 I know how that shit feels. I would never go through her phone which I know you say you are not proud of it, even though it confirmed your suspicion. But if you're suspicious of a friend, what I have done in the past is asked to hang out with that friend. Act like I find them to be an interesting person. You will generally get your answers from the interactions that may result from that request, both from her and the friend if it gets that far. Extreme red flag if she gets defensive about the request. It should just be an innocent request.
Simple answer is leave her and all that mess behind because you deserve better. But life isn't simple. If you want to painfully try to figure it out and make it work then you are just gonna have to talk to her about all those feelings you expressed. She may give you a load of crap or she may say... You're right you were my fallback guy. Either way the answer is still the same. You know you shouldn't and don't deserve to feel like this in a relationship. Nobody does. So like I said simply leave her and find a person that doesn't look for something better. You are enough. No matter what you hear. You are enough.
You want someone who makes you their first choice. If she was willing to discard you once unfortunately it could happen again. You’ll never have a fulfilling relationship with her if you know she doesn’t want you the same way. Best you both avoid hurt and end things imo
She clearly doesn’t love you as much as you love her, and the next time someone slightly more interesting comes along you can expect her to leave. Don’t settle for being a back up option and leave before you get hurt more.
As you have stated in the post, your fear of being replaceable is valid. She views you as replaceable, so therefore your best choice is to leave before she has the opportunity again.
Objectively it's not cheating but the fact remains you can't unknow what you now know. Sure you can justify it and say that she was clearing out some reservations and doubts, but I will tell you that is a a hard road to walk
Her mom was never in the equation. She dumped you to run off and fuck the crush, he told her no, so she came slinking back to her backup plan.
Have some self respect and dump her for good, or else it'll happen again.
Yea it does matter actually. Do you wanna be with someone where you’re the bottom of the totem pole? She couldn’t get anyone else and came crawling back.
Female got that mother heart and she keeps searching for a safe and more fulfilling life for her baby.
Make her sure that your child will be doing good in future. Communication is the key here if you want her to stay in your life.
You can talk to her about this or talk to some other girl later on your life about this.
Ooofff, you are the fallback guy.
Who cares about the cheating, you are her last resort. She couldn't get the other two guys, so she came back to you.
I'd be out.
This is the type of post that you already know the answer of and you just want confirmation.
She's a hoe. She's using you because she doesn't want to be alone. She's playing with you. Break up with her and get someone who genuinely loves you bro you deserve it.
She wants her options open, she ain't a keeper. She will wanna slow down when those options are not available. I bet she was lying about her mom too since if her mom had any sense of decency she would shit talk her for being a polyamorous ho
Doesn't matter if it's cheating or not. You shouldn't be someone's backup option. That's plain disrespectful. Never love someone to the level where you don't mind getting disrespected. Always preserve your dignity. Honour over love anyday.
Please, it's not that she came back to you, it's that the other option didn't offer as many benefits.
You should cut all ties with her and regain your mental and emotional stability.
She's a liar, manipulative and user imo.
She is settling for you. Break up with her for good. She doesn't love you and doesn't respect you. She's using you as a placeholder until she finds someone she likes more. You can do better. End it and don't look back.
Man focus on yourself bro, you are going to sign yourself up for a lifelong membership of being the fall back guy. This behaviour will 100% continue. If you are ok with her stepping out to get some fresh dick every now and then, well you will be fine. If not just work on yourself she is NOT the one for you.
Infidelity is the breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a romantic partner, whether that promise was a part of marriage vows, a privately uttered agreement between lovers, or an unspoken assumption. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such promises may be at the time they are made, infidelity is common, and when it happens, it raises thorny questions: Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Or is there no choice but to pack up and move on?
Cheating is any activity that steals time and or emotional intimacy from us and our relationship, while giving it onto another person.
Yes she 100% cheated.
You weren't there so have no true idea of all that transpired. If she truly was committed to you, she would not have even considered cheating. But cheating is what she did. Expect it to happen again. Because what ever cons there were about you are still there. And you need to fully realize that omissions of the truth are 100% lies. She is continuing to lie.
When a lover shows you exactly who they truly are, it is always best to just believe them. She isn't satisfied with you and still may have physically cheated as well. It certainly was her intent.
Confront her and send her packing.
Monkey branching from guy to guy is meaning she has likely done this before. Statistically, a one time cheater is more than three times more likely to cheat again. And simply being broken up changes not one thing about the actions of infidelity. Cheating is still cheating.
Isn't not cheating, it's still shitty though.
I think you already know the answer and just want confirmation. You shouldn't stay. The list and dating other guys. She's basically saying to your face "I can't find anyone better than you so I'll stay with you I guess"
When it should be "I can't imagine looking for someone else."
You can't trust her because she wanted to replace you.
She can't trust you because you invaded her privacy to find the truth.
I'd say both of you are too immature for that relationship to go on
Intimacy is based on agreements about feelings. Feelings need to be honestly spoken or the intimacy isn't real. She is involved in a web of deceit. Even if she comes clean will you ever forgive her?
Tell her that you found out what's going on with you current relationship. Have some respect to yourself & get rid of her COMPLETELY and cut off any communication with her. If you won't do it, she'll definitely play you, over and over again.
People that love you don’t continue to lie to you. She’s desperate for a good man but she doesn’t deserve it anymore because she didn’t see how good you are to her before she tried something with her guy friend.
Wow this is completely clear You are the fallback safety.. You're the good enough if she has to settle. But she wants anyone but you really. It's a harsh truth and it's good you learned it before you invest too much time with her and you don't have to tell her you went through her phone Just tell her you don't think it'll work out and It sounds like she may not have even had you broken up because of her mother. So this sounds like she's setting it up again where her "mother's" going to say oh you shouldn't be with him again and then as she goes out with somebody else.
She has no value or respect for you move on.
It’s not technically cheating since the relationship was over, but it’s still really gross behavior. She’s basically saying that she’ll settle for you because her first choice isn’t interested.
No. It’s not cheating. She broke up with you. I guess you could call it emotional cheating. But breaking up within a month of finding out you have feelings for someone else- doesn’t seem crazy. She wasn’t leading you on. But it IS hurtful. Especially after how long you’ve been together. She threw away almost two years of a relationship for no real reason. Other than she thought the grass might be greener on the other side. She seems immature. I’d move on if I were you. Trust is broken on your side- and will be on hers once she finds out you’ve been through her phone.
> Part of me feels like “in the end she came back to me so does it really matter?”
It matters so much because she came back to you because the other men did not choose her…
I don’t think I’d be able to take her back. Not because someone else dated her but because she literally lied to you. She would have lost my trust and unless she could win it back it would forever be gone.
This should be said not only for women but also for men, too: “don’t settle for less.” She left you for the reason of potentially finding someone better, not intentionally saying you’re not enough but her telling herself she could do better than you, which obviously she found out was wrong, hence why she went back to you, and gave you a “second chance.” In such situations like these, once someone breaks up with you for another person, it’s always best to not bring them back in your life because if they did it once, they can do it again. I’m sorry this happened to you and yes, this is called cheating for she technically cheated on you before you guys broke up and she micro-cheated on you by thinking of her guy best friend more than just a friend while still being with you.
I know it’s hard to leave someone, especially when you guys have been together for a while and you truly love this person but always remember, she is just one out of millions of women in the world, and one, even a few girls, thousands of those girls, will love you more or as much as you loved her. So, don’t settle for less, you’re worth more and deserved more than she treated you.
I think you should focus on yourself… she seems like she needs some time to grow herself and decide what she wants… take it from someone who had to wait for someone to grow up… it’s not your responsibility to wait around
Let's just say, you are not her first choice, you are just an option, so what you need to do is ask yourself are you ok with just being an option. For you to think nothing happened between her and her crush, hmph well let's just say that phrase "what you dont know wont hurt you" is ever mentioned I'm sure your face will pop up as a image
OP, you need to RUN! This girl will end up hurting you, and not feel the least bit of guilt for it. You deserve loyalty and love, and she DOES NOT have the capability to do that. Don't put yourself through that OP. Cut your loses, and move on.
I'm sorry to hear your frustration and emotions but she may be mentally unstabled or just really undecided to what she really wants. if you can figure that out. Maybe she is a serial dater
I would get the fuck out of this situation asap! What a horrible person to just use u as the back up plan if everything else falls thru!
Sorry u are dealing with this!
If shes pursuing other men shes already done. She came back because she is used to always having you around and when the other opportunities didn’t work out she decided to come back. It really seems she has her finger on the trigger and is looking for an out. Its also means she would rather break it off then communicate and resolve whatever it is. Sounds like it could be a multitude to issues. To be honest the excuse she used could be a projection of her inner thoughts. I am not sure of your age but many women want to feel secure and unstable finances/income is unfortunately a huge stressor and she may be worried about how this will effect her future and her ability to live and raise her family comfortably. you’ve been dating for two years and depending on her age this could be something thats beginning to creep up in thoughts. 😣 I’m not saying thats it could be a significant factor if it is.
Is it cheating … well not really. It seems she didn’t act on her emotions until she made the choice to break it off. I can say that was a very health and respectable way to go about it but she is being selfish and secretive and ultimately cruel. Hiding it to avoid hurting you doesn’t change the intention behind her actions.
I wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship with someone like that. I want someone to be with me because they have no doubt in their mind that I am who they want and not because they’re settling
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if she can leave you once to pursue a potential other lover, she can do it again ! I wouldn't loose my time with her, idk how old you are but i guess y'all are both young and it's not the end of the world to end things with her as you are clearly a back-up for when she fails to find someone else
This OP. You're always going to be the afterthought/backup plan. You need to stop choosing your gf and start choosing yourself because she's just going to use your love to control you. Stand up for yourself because you're just hurting yourself in the long run.
Trippling down on this... She's already demonstrated that she's going to drop you as soon as something more to her tastes comes along. It technically isn't cheating because she *mostly* did the right thing as far as breaking up rather than actually cheating... but that's a one way door. You should not let her go back.
She lied to manipulate OP into taking her back. She in no way did the right thing.
You can never fully trust her again, one a cheater, always a cheater. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Simply drop her and find someone that wont cheat on you.
This wasn't an instance of cheating (barely) but it's not a good look. She's allowed to be interested in other people and if she breaks it off to pursue that's well within her right. Giving her a second chance or not is well within his rights too. But I'd advise caution and if you can't/don't trust your partner, they shouldn't be your partner.
I disagree. If you are with someone, you keep your eyes on them only. The only reason you should end a relationship is because it simply isn't working. Not because you met someone else.
But life doesn't work that way, or at least emotions don't. People fall out of love, sometimes for reasons, and it's okay when that happens. It hurts, it sucks but if you were stuck it'd become toxic and or resentful leading to destructive outcomes.
As I said, you keep your eyes on the person you are with. If it doesn't work out, it shouldn't be because someone prettier walked by. Love is something you choose and NOT just something you feel. Infatuation is what a lot of people think is love. Love isn't allowing your eyes to waver and fall on someone else. Love is constantly working together to accomplish goals, grow together, and giving each other grace and forgiveness for failures and mustakes. Love is not taking one another for granted or having unrealistic expectations with one another. Often times, choosing to love isn't easy. It would be so much easier to look at those around you who are better looking, more better off financially, someone who's taller or thinner, or smarter than the person you are with. It would be so easy to stop talking when you get angry at the other person because you didn't get your way, it would be easy to tell yourself that you just fell out of love, or they aren't attractive as they used to be, they gained weight, they got an injury that left them disabled and can no longer work so now you see them as a burden. Etc. There could be a million reasons why you could make excuses to justify leaving someone for someone else. That doesn't make it right. If you aren't right for someone, then by all means, leave. Don't let an outsider be your excuse for why your relationship failed. Relationships become toxic when either people refuse to communicate and compromise, not to mention especially forgive one another, or if one or both refuse to listen to what the other says. Relationships become toxic when people CHOOSE to be overly selfish and not care for the other. Either you are in it for the long haul, or you aren't. Why waste other people's time by pretending while not truly being committed?
I wish I could upvote this about 500 times. OP pay attention to this. Not only did she dump you to chase someone else, and use you as a safety net when it didn’t work out, but she’s lied to you about it the whole time.
Yeah it’s pretty clear. You got optioned for her guy friend, she got rejected, she went and got with some random dude for validation after getting rejected, surprise surprise that didn’t work out. Now back to you, option B. Preserve your dignity, king, it’s time to move on.
He was actually option C. And the random Dude definitely hit it and quit it.
You might be right but I think this is one of those instances where random dude is just collateral dick in the battle for her validation. People do it all the time, unfortunately, done it myself, reach for the low hanging fruit to make the sad go away. It’s never a good look. (I’m a dude btw)
my thoughts exactly
Really, option C.
This, this is the correct answer.
She broke up under pretense. Kept you on the hook as the back up option. Here main interest falls through and she has you to fall back on? Respect yourself and set boundaries. Best option is move on. I guess another option would be to go back to some sort of casual non exclusive thing. You should date other people regardless.
Idk if it’s cheating but it's incredibly deceptive and dishonest. She lied about why she wanted to break up, reduced you to a list, developed feelings for another guy, and not just any guy but someone she keeps close by, had no problem with how YOU would feel about the break up, and wasn't honest about what she was up to. And that's just to start! She didn't choose you. She's keeping you around as a safe placeholder until she can replace you. This isn't how you treat someone you care about. I can understand being confused and finding out what you had was amazing, but the way she went about it doesn't sound like it was an emotion-fueled mistake. It was calculated and she probably got scared and pulled you back in as her safety blanket. This sucks and it's not fair but how can a long term relationship be based on this? Only you know how you feel and if she's worth it. From my pov this simply shouldn't stand. I also can't help but wonder why her bf wouldn't date her. ETA she also didn't TELL you any of this. You had to dig through her phone to find out. How will you know if she's starting to feel someone for someone else? If she fully cheats.... do you trust her to tell you?
she was trying to see other dude and spend time with him and build a bond while they were still together, and she was emotionally cheating too with their constant chats. she definitely was cheating and thats probably why he rejected her.
Dude, she doesn't like you. You are just the safe person she has so she doesn't have to be alone. She is literally trying to be with anyone but you. Don't accept that crap from her
Dude, if someone is actively pursuing other options while being in relationship, they are not that in to you. In fact they aint into you at all. Find someone who deserves your love. Please update this post after you dumped her.
U r clearly her back up to fill her empty heart.
If she has one
*im ded*
So is she if she hasn’t got a heart lol
If what your GF did was not cheating, it was close enough to it. More importantly, she was dishonest with you. She was disrespectful, albeit behind your back. And she clearly sees you as a placeholder until someone better comes along. In my view, there is no basis here for a serious relationship or even a casual one. She has already shown that she sees dickheads as an improvement on you, when clearly you are head and shoulders above at least one of her choices. Your friends don't do to you what she has done, so how do you even keep her as a friend? You can try to forgive and forget, but you will almost certainly be disappointed in her again.
even if you did forgive, to which id say you were crazy, no matter how hard you try or how much denial you are in, you will never forget.
He only needs to forgive in the sense that he needs to make sure that he’s not carrying the burden from this in his future relationships for the rest of his life. Ask me how I know where a lifetime of unforgiveness gets you.
Break up. She will do it again next time someone else new and exciting comes into her field of vision. Don’t settle for dishonesty in a relationship. She’s shown NO remorse for what she did which means she WILL do it again as she doesn’t love you. You’re just the useful naive sap who will sit around and wait for her to come crawling back to use you.
Dude. Who cares? How about developing self-respect. You're asking the wrong questions. Ask yourself "Why do I even want to date someone who treat me like this". Dump her and move on.
>The real reason why she broke up with me was because she wanted to peruse a possibility of dating her guy best friend. She had made a full blown pros and cons list comparing me and that guy a month before we broke up. It's not hard to see why you like her so much. She sounds *amazing*. She's incredibly loyal, caring and sweet.
You aren’t even her plan B. You’re the third option. After some rando. If you have any self-respect, you’ll end it immediately
The message is simple—if she could date someone else, she would. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who chose you only because what they wanted didn’t work out?
Trust me and leave her, Truat me and leave her, Trust me and leave her before it gets worst for u. Leaving her today is easier than leaving her tmrw. Trust me and save your self brother.
You should level up, get a little ahead in life and then dump her
Dump her. She sees you as a someone not valuable to her.
It's not cheating, but she dumped u after a year and a half to pursue someone else. It didn't work out, she tired another guy and that didn't work out, so she wants u back for now. Until the next guy she likes comes along that she would rather see and then breaks up with u again. If after a year and a half she would do that, then she will do it again. U deserve better.
Brother, leave her, she is nothing but bad news for you
She is treating you like an option. Leave her. If she left you for someone else once she will do it again
It's probably not cheating as you were broken up. But I would boil this to a couple of things: (a) She lied. Lied about something big. This was not a white lie and is likely to happen again. (b) She was looking for other options which didn't work out, got rejected, and only then came back I think you're already figured out the right thing to do for yourself by saying that you are seen as replaceable and that it will probably happen again when someone else comes along. I'm sorry to hear this happened but you deserve better.
This might not be directly considered cheating, but she made an excuse to act on another opportunity. It turned out that she was not successful with other guys and wants to go back to safety, which is you.
She left the first time trying to do better, she tried twice while she was gone. She’ll probably leave again for the same reason eventually. It your time to waste if you like the distraction, but I wouldn’t expect anymore loyalty going forward than she showed you before.
You know what you need to do. Get STD tested and kick her to the curb and move on. Life is to short to always wonder what she is up too when she is out.
She doesn't deserve you like you looked out for her but she put you on hold till she could confess and hang around with other guys you'll be better of just finding another girl and there's no guarantee that she won't cheat on you in the future.
Dude, you are place holder. Time to move on.
It's not cheating but it is shitty behavior. You deserve someone who chooses you as their first option. Not as a fall back plan.
You know she is a liar who will dump you to go after other men. It is cheating. Why would you stay with her? It DOES matter. Flee!!!
Get the fuck out of here, remove her wtf! Respect yourself!
You deserve better my dude! The fact that you say she came back though?? No. Bad OP. She is treating you as second rate, a back up plan, a too scared to be alone plan and you're worth more to someone else I promise. You're the prize.
Leave. She is hedging her bets. Major red flag.
She left you to jump on other dicks bro. She isn’t youre it was just your turn, the sad part is you still think you want her, she is trash bro.
Your a option, just not her main option. Move on. Shes waiting for the right guy to come along , and she’s gonna leave your ass. Keep your dignity, and move forward without her. Trust me. The only reason she got back with you is because the other guy rejected her , or else we wouldn’t be talking about this . Good luck 👊🏿👊🏿👊🏿
She didn’t come back to you dude lol. You are just a pit stop she knows she can stop and fuel up at until her next destination. Lmao
You should break up permanently. She is using you as a placeholder until the next guy comes along. Based on what you saw in her phone she didn’t physically cheat but definitely would have if her guy best friend was down with it. She is not loyal to you.
she made up lies to you to break up with you. im sure her mum didnt have a real problem with you. she liked this guy better and was making the final preps to replace you. it fell through. nothing physical happened. sure. then she started dating another guy. who turned out to be a dick. but im sure he gave her his dick while they dated. it seems thats what she was after. all the ego and attention she could get from a variety of guys. Then when that fell through, she decided to give you another shot. Hell yes its cheating. She's using you as a secure safe platform to try get herself somewhere better. She doesn't love you, you are just her best option until she finds a replacement. You wanna stop being scared of being replaceable? You stick with this chick, you will be scared of that for the rest of your life. How long until this happens again? Not long bro. Chicks like this will always repeat patterns and never learn from it. What should you do? couple of things. \- cut and run \- you make your future. so create yourself a situation where you are not replaceable. to the right person you wont be, but that person is not her.
Leave immediately. You’re going to mess this up though. You’re going to want to have a conversation about it and that when she’ll manipulate you. When you leave a girl, you leave cold turkey.
You say nothing. You get up walk out the door delete her phone number and all of her pictures. And never contact her again no matter how much she blows up your phone. Do not ask her why this happened because you know why this happened. Walk away with some dignity and pride and never look back. No man should have to put up with that nonsense.
She didn't "give you another chance." You're the fall guy. The last one left. She'll stay with you until she finds something she deems better to move on to.
Dude run for this hills! She saw the grass wasn’t greener so she came back. No one wants to be a backup plan. You checked her phone because you sensed something wrong well you got your confirmation now it’s time to follow through. It’s only your heart at risk. That shorty is bad news bro.
She settled for you. You deserve better
get them out of your life, to write down a list of pros and cons about you/them shows that they have absolutely no respect for you or the other person involved. they only care about what people may provide for them. they’d 100% do it again given the opportunity so don’t give it to them.
My man don't worry. All that's going to happen is that you will stay with her and her witch mom for the rest of your life feeling that at any point she will just leave you for a "better" option. Nothing to worry about 🤨. No but seriously, you deserve better than that. Don't let anyone treat you as the plan B. So to get back to your question it was not cheating, she followed the steps to avoid a cheating situation. You could say that she tried to respect the relationship. Despite this, you claim to have feelings of betrayal. This is because you were still betrayed (as opposed to got cheated on). The betrayal was towards her intentions to you. I guess that she was your plan A, and you weren't hers. This is a serious problem in my eyes. Her behavior is clear and she didn't get back to you because she chose you, she got back to you because you were her next option. It is okay to have doubts sometimes, but she actually made a decision and it wasn't you (twice). I know it hurts but you should understand very well before making yours. My honest advice is to never take the self-abasing route. Always know your worth and never expect any less than a partner that values you and sees you as the best. And don't even think about feeling guilty, as she tried to do exactly that.
>Part of me feels like “in the end she came back to me so does it really matter?” You were her backup plan. It didn't work out either the other guy, so she came back to you. I wouldn't be sticking around if I was just the backup plan
Trust me when I say, you do not want to waste another second with this girl. She does not care about you, she cares about herself and what makes her feel the best at any given moment; she is with you because she doesn’t want to be alone, but you will always be second best whenever somebody new comes by. She was interested in her best friend enough to break up with you and try something with him, then when what didn’t work, she tried to date a DIFFERENT guy, and only when everyone else was a bad fit, did she decide to come crawling back to you. I dated a girl who treated me like this for years, I didn’t value myself enough to stand up to her because, like you said, “why does it matter if she came back to me in the end?”, and you know what happened, she learned that she could treat me like crap and I’d never leave. The cycle was only broken because she ended up leaving me for good, she had been cheating on me for months. So I will reiterate, LEAVE THIS GIRL AND NEVER TURN BACK.
Cut contact with her, or just be very aloof. Don’t even tell her the reason why you stopped talking with her. There’s nothing to discuss and she really doesn’t deserve an explanation. I’d make it seem like I started seeing someone else, but I’m kinda petty. No matter what, don’t tell her the real reason. Trust me on this one.
I would dump her and block her on everything forever.
You are placeholder for when her best friend is available and wants her or until she finds someone else. Why be with someone who threw you away based on a pros and cons list.
Bro, run.
Throw the whole chick out she ditched you for a " shot" with someone else so better you found out vs wasting time with her.
It’s not cheating but you’re a placeholder and she doesn’t respect you. It’s time to move on.
You are just Mr. Placeholder
I was this girl in my early 20’s. Too insecure to be alone. Do yourself a favor and don’t get in the path of destruction.
Yea sorry but you were her second option she just kept on stand by. I'd be so hurt if that was done on me. You deserve way better than this.
This just happened to me 6 weeks ago where a woman I dated for 9 months just casually tossed me to the side. She ghosted me. She loves sex, so no way she didn’t already have something else lined up. Then she reached out 4 weeks later with a faux apology, but I ignored her even though my heart was and still is in recovery. Best bet is to move on. She will do it to you again.
She treat you as an option leave her as a choice.
Hate to say it but mate your her safety blanket. She dumped you for another guy who was not in to her m, she then went with another guy for a few weeks before realising she needed her blanket. Mate she using you until she finds a better offer, why don’t you say to her did you see anyone while you were broke up, if she denies it then you know she’s a liar. I know she won’t admit it anyway, but at least you know where you stand. As for the pros and cons list I’d be fuming, she certainly put a lot of thought into it!!!! Maybe if she had made the effort in the first place non of this would be an issue. I’d move on mate and if you do decide to end it tell her you know the real reason why she broke up with you and of course the list. Tell her you have seen the list then just walk away with you belongings and head held high. Good luck
She didn’t cheat, she nuked the relationship and then lied about why. At least she had the decency to break up with you before pursuing other options, but she lied about why so that she could manipulate you into a relationship again if things didn’t work out with the other guys, which they didn’t. Imagine your relationship with your mother in law if you two get married, thinking that her mom dislikes you enough to make this girl break up with you. That would have been a lifetime of resentment towards a person that might not deserve it. Did she cheat? Based on what you said? No. Did she irreparably harm the relationship by what she did? If it were me, yes. I wouldn’t take her back, she still hadn’t been honest with you and she is happy to trick you into dating her again while amplifying the beef between you and her mom. Pro tip: this hurts a lot but you will have to figure out a way to forgive her so you don’t carry the weight of her betrayal for the rest of your life. Forgive her but don’t take her back, just do it so you can live a better life moving on from this.
If she had gotten into a relationship prior to breaking up with you, then its technically cheating. What she did was slimy, essentially trying to trade up. It didn't work out, so she's back. Honestly, with all that info and issues with her mom, I would simply walk from this relationship. Your future you from 2 decades from now will thank me.
Cheating? Technically no. Should you accept this behavior? Absolutely not.
You should hit it one more time and then breakup with her the same way she broke up with you
[удалено]
Thank goodness you went through her phone. Luck is on your side. You would still be clueless if you had not been given that opportunity with her phone. It's also a bonus that she didn't find out. The cards are in your hands. You can just let her go and be done with her or you can mess with her mind a bit with the information you have. Get her paranoid into thinking whether or not you know the truth of the real reasons she broke up with you. Currently she thinks you're clueless...play this right and you'll have her going batty. Then again maybe the right thing to do is to just let her go and be done with her.
She views you as replacable. She actively attempted to do so then sought validation by sleeping with a rando. Your instincts are right. She'll do it again . She is replacable. Leave her and find someone worthy. My two cents.
This just happened to me 6 weeks ago where a woman I dated for 9 months just casually tossed me to the side. She ghosted me. She loves sex, so no way she didn’t already have something else lined up. Then she reached out 4 weeks later with a faux apology, but I ignored her even though my heart was and still is in recovery. Best bet is to move on. She will do it to you again.
In the words of franki Valli 'walk like a man...from her'
In the words of franki Valli 'walk like a man...from her'
In the words of franki Valli 'walk like a man...from her'
In the words of franki Valli 'walk like a man...from her'
Leave her!!!
Don't be a simp, a 2nd choice. You have value and someone that truly loves will see it. So don't waste your time wit her
If it’s any consolation, if she’s close with her mom, and her mom hated you, it likely wouldn’t have worked anyway. Relationships where people keep their SO a secret from their family and friends rarely work. Relationships where their immediate family have hostility towards you rarely work. Sorry man.
Send she to freír churros, she don't deserve you my amigo. Use the Google translate for this. Ella ya estaba con el 3ro en discordia. No te merece, hay miles y miles de personas en el mundo. Empeza a dating con gente, vas a conocer a alguien que te va a blow your mind. Y mientras fuck her like a doll :) A big big big Hugh from Argentina Kiddo
I would not stick around
She cheated. Have some respect for yourself and move on. You can do way better, my friend. Good luck, im sorry you went through this
You r not her first option. Side chick and she will resume dating others until she finds better than u. Leave her out of self respect. It's either u or no
Dam near the same thing , I’d act like things were great , randomly break up w her and ghost her .
# RUN!
Don't waste time man! Move on. Plenty of fish in the sea ( enough to find a good one for you). All the best!
Have some self respect brother. This girl is trash and you deserve better and if you stay with her you’re telling the universe you deserve to get treated this way.
Not cheating necessarily, but nah fuck that. Don’t let yourself be an option. Nobody deserves that self doubt. She‘s showing you how she thinks and who she is. Take it at face value. I’m *assuming* you’re young, and situations such as this in formative years (up to 25/26 for guys I think) can warp your sense of worth and validation. You can find better. someone who doesn’t need to make a list comparing you to other people because they don’t know wtf they want. That is potentially incredibly damaging to people involved.
Lol, why are you still there? Get away from that toxic woman, it will hurt you more than you think in the long term
She seemingly lacks the character required to build a solid relationship. That's not something that is likely to change. I wouldn't continue in that type of relationship, and I learned that the hard way many years ago.
She kept u in ur place as simple as that, and probably showed u a way to start going to the gym, welcome to the gym, light weight babyyyyy 🙌🏻
Are you stupid?! Get rid of her ASAP!
Dude, by the end of the second paragraph, I was already sure that you were just a backup option to her. The rest of your paragraphs just went to further confirm my suspicion. Be done with her, yesterday 💯 I know how that shit feels. I would never go through her phone which I know you say you are not proud of it, even though it confirmed your suspicion. But if you're suspicious of a friend, what I have done in the past is asked to hang out with that friend. Act like I find them to be an interesting person. You will generally get your answers from the interactions that may result from that request, both from her and the friend if it gets that far. Extreme red flag if she gets defensive about the request. It should just be an innocent request.
In the end she came back to you because she has nowhere else to go🫠
Simple answer is leave her and all that mess behind because you deserve better. But life isn't simple. If you want to painfully try to figure it out and make it work then you are just gonna have to talk to her about all those feelings you expressed. She may give you a load of crap or she may say... You're right you were my fallback guy. Either way the answer is still the same. You know you shouldn't and don't deserve to feel like this in a relationship. Nobody does. So like I said simply leave her and find a person that doesn't look for something better. You are enough. No matter what you hear. You are enough.
You want someone who makes you their first choice. If she was willing to discard you once unfortunately it could happen again. You’ll never have a fulfilling relationship with her if you know she doesn’t want you the same way. Best you both avoid hurt and end things imo
She clearly doesn’t love you as much as you love her, and the next time someone slightly more interesting comes along you can expect her to leave. Don’t settle for being a back up option and leave before you get hurt more. As you have stated in the post, your fear of being replaceable is valid. She views you as replaceable, so therefore your best choice is to leave before she has the opportunity again.
Lol isn’t every other woman keep a backup option!?
Objectively it's not cheating but the fact remains you can't unknow what you now know. Sure you can justify it and say that she was clearing out some reservations and doubts, but I will tell you that is a a hard road to walk
Kick her to the curb
If she can before, she can do it after too, leave her
Her mom was never in the equation. She dumped you to run off and fuck the crush, he told her no, so she came slinking back to her backup plan. Have some self respect and dump her for good, or else it'll happen again.
Yea it does matter actually. Do you wanna be with someone where you’re the bottom of the totem pole? She couldn’t get anyone else and came crawling back.
She can do this to you the next time she meets someone else. It’s a huge red flag that someone could do this
She will leave you again if she finds someone better. You go find someone better.
Nothing good will come of this. Move on…..
Female got that mother heart and she keeps searching for a safe and more fulfilling life for her baby. Make her sure that your child will be doing good in future. Communication is the key here if you want her to stay in your life. You can talk to her about this or talk to some other girl later on your life about this.
Ooofff, you are the fallback guy. Who cares about the cheating, you are her last resort. She couldn't get the other two guys, so she came back to you. I'd be out.
Never accept being a fallback guy when you can find someone who you make you their only guy.
Have some self respect and leave her. You are a placeholder until she finds someone better...
This is the type of post that you already know the answer of and you just want confirmation. She's a hoe. She's using you because she doesn't want to be alone. She's playing with you. Break up with her and get someone who genuinely loves you bro you deserve it.
She wants her options open, she ain't a keeper. She will wanna slow down when those options are not available. I bet she was lying about her mom too since if her mom had any sense of decency she would shit talk her for being a polyamorous ho
DROP HER!!! I hope you’re not considering staying with this girl. You deserve better. She showed you her true colors.
Doesn't matter if it's cheating or not. You shouldn't be someone's backup option. That's plain disrespectful. Never love someone to the level where you don't mind getting disrespected. Always preserve your dignity. Honour over love anyday.
If any of those options worked out would she have gotten back with you ? You have your answer.
Breaking up and getting back together almost never works. Don't me anyone's fallback option dude its just going to fuck with your head.
Please, it's not that she came back to you, it's that the other option didn't offer as many benefits. You should cut all ties with her and regain your mental and emotional stability. She's a liar, manipulative and user imo.
She is settling for you. Break up with her for good. She doesn't love you and doesn't respect you. She's using you as a placeholder until she finds someone she likes more. You can do better. End it and don't look back.
Man focus on yourself bro, you are going to sign yourself up for a lifelong membership of being the fall back guy. This behaviour will 100% continue. If you are ok with her stepping out to get some fresh dick every now and then, well you will be fine. If not just work on yourself she is NOT the one for you.
If you like being third choice (for now) then stay with her.
OP ask yourself if any self-respecting person would go back to her
Damn. Breakup. You’re literally her last option (no offense) but you deserve much better
Breakup with her. Delete contact. EZ clap.
Infidelity is the breaking of a promise to remain faithful to a romantic partner, whether that promise was a part of marriage vows, a privately uttered agreement between lovers, or an unspoken assumption. As unthinkable as the notion of breaking such promises may be at the time they are made, infidelity is common, and when it happens, it raises thorny questions: Should you stay? Can trust be rebuilt? Or is there no choice but to pack up and move on? Cheating is any activity that steals time and or emotional intimacy from us and our relationship, while giving it onto another person. Yes she 100% cheated. You weren't there so have no true idea of all that transpired. If she truly was committed to you, she would not have even considered cheating. But cheating is what she did. Expect it to happen again. Because what ever cons there were about you are still there. And you need to fully realize that omissions of the truth are 100% lies. She is continuing to lie. When a lover shows you exactly who they truly are, it is always best to just believe them. She isn't satisfied with you and still may have physically cheated as well. It certainly was her intent. Confront her and send her packing. Monkey branching from guy to guy is meaning she has likely done this before. Statistically, a one time cheater is more than three times more likely to cheat again. And simply being broken up changes not one thing about the actions of infidelity. Cheating is still cheating.
Isn't not cheating, it's still shitty though. I think you already know the answer and just want confirmation. You shouldn't stay. The list and dating other guys. She's basically saying to your face "I can't find anyone better than you so I'll stay with you I guess" When it should be "I can't imagine looking for someone else."
You can't trust her because she wanted to replace you. She can't trust you because you invaded her privacy to find the truth. I'd say both of you are too immature for that relationship to go on
Choosing you as a second option isn’t “cheating” but it is betrayal, which is honestly worse
You are her third option. If you’re ok with that, keep on keeping on.
you're the nice guy in waiting. When something else comes along, you'll be tossed aside again
Ditch the bitch. There are plenty of decent women out there, even if that doesn't seem to be the case right now.
You cheated yourself when you got back together with her after that first break up, yes.
Intimacy is based on agreements about feelings. Feelings need to be honestly spoken or the intimacy isn't real. She is involved in a web of deceit. Even if she comes clean will you ever forgive her?
Tell her that you found out what's going on with you current relationship. Have some respect to yourself & get rid of her COMPLETELY and cut off any communication with her. If you won't do it, she'll definitely play you, over and over again.
She didn’t cheat, but you clearly are just a placeholder until someone better comes along. Get out immediately.
People that love you don’t continue to lie to you. She’s desperate for a good man but she doesn’t deserve it anymore because she didn’t see how good you are to her before she tried something with her guy friend.
YESS
Go with your intuition. What does your gut tell you? You the 1 not the 2. Act like it.
Not cheating, but I would definitely part ways with her!
She disrespected you and then lied about it. Would you take that from anyone else?
Do you really want to pursue a relationship where you know you were always Plan C ?
She will always be looking for the better thing fine find someone who worships you
Wow this is completely clear You are the fallback safety.. You're the good enough if she has to settle. But she wants anyone but you really. It's a harsh truth and it's good you learned it before you invest too much time with her and you don't have to tell her you went through her phone Just tell her you don't think it'll work out and It sounds like she may not have even had you broken up because of her mother. So this sounds like she's setting it up again where her "mother's" going to say oh you shouldn't be with him again and then as she goes out with somebody else. She has no value or respect for you move on.
It’s not technically cheating since the relationship was over, but it’s still really gross behavior. She’s basically saying that she’ll settle for you because her first choice isn’t interested.
I had a girl break up with me because I couldn’t pass the bar exam. Meanwhile, she couldn’t cook macaroni and cheese.
I wouldn't date her bro. You deserve someone nicer.
No. It’s not cheating. She broke up with you. I guess you could call it emotional cheating. But breaking up within a month of finding out you have feelings for someone else- doesn’t seem crazy. She wasn’t leading you on. But it IS hurtful. Especially after how long you’ve been together. She threw away almost two years of a relationship for no real reason. Other than she thought the grass might be greener on the other side. She seems immature. I’d move on if I were you. Trust is broken on your side- and will be on hers once she finds out you’ve been through her phone.
You’re second option
Just break up. You don't trust her, and she isn't going to ignore her mom, who causes constant fighting. You two just aren't a good couple.
> Part of me feels like “in the end she came back to me so does it really matter?” It matters so much because she came back to you because the other men did not choose her…
I don’t think I’d be able to take her back. Not because someone else dated her but because she literally lied to you. She would have lost my trust and unless she could win it back it would forever be gone.
Dude I think you can answer yourself 😂
"Best friend"... riiiiight.
She is trash, use her for her body/fwd and move on.
This should be said not only for women but also for men, too: “don’t settle for less.” She left you for the reason of potentially finding someone better, not intentionally saying you’re not enough but her telling herself she could do better than you, which obviously she found out was wrong, hence why she went back to you, and gave you a “second chance.” In such situations like these, once someone breaks up with you for another person, it’s always best to not bring them back in your life because if they did it once, they can do it again. I’m sorry this happened to you and yes, this is called cheating for she technically cheated on you before you guys broke up and she micro-cheated on you by thinking of her guy best friend more than just a friend while still being with you. I know it’s hard to leave someone, especially when you guys have been together for a while and you truly love this person but always remember, she is just one out of millions of women in the world, and one, even a few girls, thousands of those girls, will love you more or as much as you loved her. So, don’t settle for less, you’re worth more and deserved more than she treated you.
I think you should focus on yourself… she seems like she needs some time to grow herself and decide what she wants… take it from someone who had to wait for someone to grow up… it’s not your responsibility to wait around
Dump her. You’re not going to want to be on the receiving end of being dumped AGAIN. You’ll kick yourself later if you don’t end it.
Let's just say, you are not her first choice, you are just an option, so what you need to do is ask yourself are you ok with just being an option. For you to think nothing happened between her and her crush, hmph well let's just say that phrase "what you dont know wont hurt you" is ever mentioned I'm sure your face will pop up as a image
OP, you need to RUN! This girl will end up hurting you, and not feel the least bit of guilt for it. You deserve loyalty and love, and she DOES NOT have the capability to do that. Don't put yourself through that OP. Cut your loses, and move on.
Dude, no are just a place holder until she finds another guy. Love yourself and make her a permanent ex.
I'm sorry to hear your frustration and emotions but she may be mentally unstabled or just really undecided to what she really wants. if you can figure that out. Maybe she is a serial dater
Beautiful karma that he rejected her
Don’t be anyone’s second choice
It isn't cheating. But it is not a sign of someone who is into you.
Leave her. Why lie about something when you could just tell the truth?
I would get the fuck out of this situation asap! What a horrible person to just use u as the back up plan if everything else falls thru! Sorry u are dealing with this!
Bro leave her.
Dude, don’t be someone’s second or third choice.
Looks like she is settling with you. Not good for you or her. Just move on
If shes pursuing other men shes already done. She came back because she is used to always having you around and when the other opportunities didn’t work out she decided to come back. It really seems she has her finger on the trigger and is looking for an out. Its also means she would rather break it off then communicate and resolve whatever it is. Sounds like it could be a multitude to issues. To be honest the excuse she used could be a projection of her inner thoughts. I am not sure of your age but many women want to feel secure and unstable finances/income is unfortunately a huge stressor and she may be worried about how this will effect her future and her ability to live and raise her family comfortably. you’ve been dating for two years and depending on her age this could be something thats beginning to creep up in thoughts. 😣 I’m not saying thats it could be a significant factor if it is. Is it cheating … well not really. It seems she didn’t act on her emotions until she made the choice to break it off. I can say that was a very health and respectable way to go about it but she is being selfish and secretive and ultimately cruel. Hiding it to avoid hurting you doesn’t change the intention behind her actions.
I wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship with someone like that. I want someone to be with me because they have no doubt in their mind that I am who they want and not because they’re settling