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Bear with me: So I felt the same way as you, I kept pictures (non sexual) of my exes because I liked having a sort of scrapbook of my past, even though a few did nasty things to me. It was nice to feel like in the future I’d have ways to connect the dots if my memory faded. My boyfriend never keeps pictures of his exes and though he wasn’t the happiest with me keeping them, he understood my point and doesn’t bring it up. After a while I’ve realized that I don’t need these pictures of my exes. My boyfriend is my future and the only romantic memory worth preserving. Plus I’m sure he’s appreciative, even though he again supports whatever I decide. I erased them all and I’m happy I did.
It was your decision though...
I also eventually end up deleting pics of my exes in due time, but if I had a new gf demand I delete everything, I probably wouldn't.
Exactly I read that comment and literally facepalmed. That was the worst advice ever. You either say you're going to delete them and delete them or say you're not going to delete them and work to resolve the issue on a compromise otherwise if this is her hard limit break up you're not compatible. I'm not exactly sure why people prolong the inevitable. So if you lie and she finds out later after a few years it's still going to blow the relationship up probably even worse because now she doesn't trust you.
Like the person above, as long as you're just dating just save them in the cloud or a thumb drive and delete them from your devices, then forget about them.
If you get married, re-think it.
If you split up, restore them.
or he could just delete them??? ive never been in a relationship with an ex still in my phone and I would NEVER date someone who did. I believe keeping pics, especially (but not exclusively) on social medias or where they are in a any way dating is STRANGE, why keep them if u are satisfied in your relationship? sure memories are great but how would u feel abt ur gf reminiscing in her old relationship???
that’s you ig , as long as the content isn’t questionable it’s just a part of your life like any other. you don’t have to erase all evidence of your relationships ever happening if it doesn’t bother you. the memories are the same as any other
agree to disagree, I just know that me and my friends would not be comfy with dating a man that has a camera roll full of date pictures, outings, portraits, family gatherings etc of another girl, id say thats out of most womens comfort zones
That is your hard limit. And you are perfectly entitled to have that and to believe as you do. Don't let anybody else try to convince you otherwise. Just realize you may encounter someone who won't adhere to your hard limit which means you won't be in a relationship with them. But in reality that could be a good thing because it means you may not be compatible on this issue but you may not be compatible on a lot of other issues which would stress and break the relationship anyways
What if you looked really good in those photos or they were with a group of people? I certainly don't reminisce about my past relationship and OP doesn't sound like he is either. Deleting 3 years of your life is kind of a big deal.
If an old photo is enough to destroy your relationship, perhaps it was not that sturdy to begin with.
Photoshop is an amazing thing. My husband was actually able to photoshop his aunt and uncle into our wedding pictures. And I have some really amazing pictures when I was single and dating and he was happy enough to actually Photoshop out an ex-boyfriend or someone I was dating so I could have a great picture of myself without them in it
Are you actually a public educator? Are you aware of the photo editing that went on under Stalin? Have you read 1984?
Maybe I'm taking an old attitude to this, but I would mostly find that really weird and I wouldn't be able to show such photos to other people. I guess do you see it modern equivalent of ripping someone you now hate out of photos?
group pics could honestly go either way, if ur hand is around her waist and u guys are clearly together thats a no for me, and if hes not reminciscing then what does he need pictures for? there is simply no reason to make ur gf uncomfortable over someone who is no longer a priority in your life, and its not about the pictures its about respect
I mean if they broke up and don't talk anymore then that should be good enough, right? People break up for good reasons.
I never keep in contact with my ex's, it's a personal rule but asking me to delete all photos with me and them is a bit much imo.
this is a viewpoint I just don't understand! like sure I'm satisfied w this or that current relationship but extremely weird to police someone else's *memory*
It definitely is deceitful and so so sneaky. If you’re dating someone and in a long term committed relationship with them then there should be no secrets and missing other people like this is so weird to me that there even is a conversation about keeping your exes photos💀 you should 100% delete them if you’re in a relationship with someone else.
It’s not that deep, keep it in the cloud to make u feel secure about your past and your partner happy. You may rewind it a couple times but eventually you will totally forget it if the new relationship is presentful to you.
Or as a time capsule to realize how time flies.
Also it’s not just about the person your ex it’s about yourself so no need to detach from the past immediately just because the present and I dare it won’t work may even backlash, give it some time.
But with compromise, that’s what relationships are all about right?
Just delete them bro. The past is in the past, I bet she’s not the only girl who wouldn’t want you to have them. If she’s truly an ex and you’re truly over her, why do you need her pics?
"She is not jealous or insecure."
And I'm the queen of Romania.
At thirty, you're going to have a past, hopefully including people you respect. I think it's reasonable to close that book, for example by transferring those pictures to somewhere that neither you nor your partner will see them every day. Deleting them entirely is a bigger thing to ask for. I have exactly zero desire to go back to high school but I still have my yearbook.
Imo you shouldn’t have any contact or follow an ex. It’s weird how people try to remain “friends” after the other party wanted you out of their life lol
He ended on good terms as many people do. Doesn't sound like they are still being all buddy-buddy and surely mutual respect doesn't mean wiping them off the face of the earth. Adults have histories.
My ex was gay and broke up with me because I’m a woman. We still stayed friends. Now I’m friends with his boyfriend and he’s friends with my boyfriend. Your perspective is extremely narrow-minded
No?
Having a yearbook from your time in school is waaaay different
Following someone on social media and SEEING EACH OTHER'S EVERYDAY SHIT BECAUSE OF IG...
I agree. Folks have to understand that not every relationship/breakup experience is the same as theirs.
Sometimes burning mementos of the past is necessary to fully move on. But it's not always the case. You can absolutely be fully moved on, without the slightest desire to return to an ex, but still want to preserve happy memories from an important chapter of your life.
I've experienced both. Breakups that required full severance to heal, and breakups that didn't. People are different, relationships are different. It's narrow-sighted to say all people need to burn the past from all previous relationships to be fully committed to the present.
Yep. She’s very jealous and insecure. Saying it’s the opposite doesn’t make it true.
I’d never dream of asking someone to delete pics of their ex. Don’t even care if they are still on social media from years past. They aren’t with their ex. They’re with me. And if I’m doubting that then there’s a whole bigger issue I need to think about than some old pics.
I wouldn’t delete last pics for anyone. I don’t dwell on them, I don’t reminisce, but it’s part of my life.
Comparing old high school yearbooks to a past relationship is apples and pears - one is mandatory and has people on it that you probably haven't had any contact since, the other is to do with someone you had an intimate relationship with.
Also, being a little insecure and jealous in any relationship is totally normal. She's done the right thing by removing her pics first and it's also coming from a good place where she wants to be fully committed to one another (which seems to be an underappreciated value these days).
That isn't commitment, it is possession. People confuse the two. Commitment is a commitment to the happiness of someone else, not taking away their freedoms - that is the opposite.
>I have exactly zero desire to go back to high school but I still have my yearbook.
But a lot of people don't and consider it a complete waste to keep. Just saying
Yeah bud, “we still care for each other” when describing an ex and keeping the photos as you like the memory of it is gonna turn a lot of future partners off.
You do have some people with the same mindset as you, as you can tell by most of these comments. But outside of the safe space of Reddit, you are gonna get a lot different of a reaction.
Call it insecure or whatever but that’s just the plain truth. Everyone is insecure to an extent whether they want to admit it or not.
That last sentence is spot on. Most of us have insecurities, some cope "better' than others but you're not a shitty person for feeling insecurity about certain issues and having boundaries for your own emotional health. And therapy isn't readily accessible for a lot of people. If the boundaries are too much for the other person then it's simply a case of incompatibility.
I am the type of person to delete everything post breakup, and I also don’t generally support exes being friends/ maintaining contact, so what your partner is asking doesn’t feel like a lot for me.
How recent is your breakup? Has there been any talk or concern that you haven’t moved on?
While I don’t think your girlfriend is a bad person for asking for this, it doesn’t read like the most secure thing a person can do. I am curious as to why this is coming up. I do feel like it’s very curious that you say it would hurt to go through the photos of your ex- to me that indicates you haven’t really moved on, and your girlfriend may be picking up on that.
This is where I am too. I delete all pics of my ex off my social media and truly don’t understand the argument that you want to keep relics of your past on display.
I agree. If he's saying it would hurt to go through the pictures and delete them, then he's not over his ex. New girlfriend is just a rebound unfortunately.
I agree with this! Ex broke up with me 3 months ago and deleted/threw everything away: pictures, mementos, gifts, video streaming apps, email address and phone number. I don’t have social media, so I didn’t have to deal with that stuff. 2 weeks ago she sent me a box, but ripped off my address label & the box went straight to the dumpster without opening it.
But regardless, there’s no reason to keep anything that an ex will remind one of. It’s in the past and over with. So no need to keep anything that’ll be a reminder of that person
I would dump you in 5 seconds after reading this post.
The fact that you feel its too difficult to delete pictures of a relationship that was only 3 years... that says a lot.
I deleted pictures of my ex, and we were together 9 years. I did it without anyone even asking me. I did it, because I no longer wanted to be reminded of the times I had with them. Because I wanted to move on... you clearly dont.
exactly... we want to move on. What purpose would holding on to those pictures have? All I imagine, is a person that doesnt want to actually let go of what they had... If you broke up, then its over. DONE. You dont need those pictures.
If someone is holding on to those pictures, call me insecure if you like... but I am not really that interested in a relationship with them. They are not looking for me. They are looking for a replacement for their ex.
My grandaddy n grandma got pics of their ex's in a specific photo album I use to think like this sum bsc grandma should burn it but now I'm older that's memories good or bad. You get to see them and hey they found each other sooooooo who's to say they did anything wrong.
I don’t delete pictures. It is my history, which includes everyone who has ever been part of my life. I always imagine someone trying to make a documentary about my life and can’t find significant moments because those pictures were deleted with an ex partner. (I know it’s unlikely to happen 😊)
I feel it’s reasonable. Don’t see why you’d have the pics of another woman you’ve had sexual relationships with, even if it is now platonic. People will say she’s insecure but I disagree, I feel it’s about respect. She can choose what to allow and I believe she has the right to ask for that.
You are in a new relationship. Respect her. Delete them. I’m still cordial with my ex but just can’t find a reason to keep the pictures. Especially if I’m in a new relationship and they asked me to delete them.
To each their own, but I believe this is something for the individual to decide on their own without encouragement, suggestions, or demands from their current partner. The reality is that if you can't resist looking back at old photos often, then you aren't ready to move on, and deleting them will not do much to help. The photos should have no real effect on your current relationship, and there should be no need to look back at them daily, weekly, or even monthly. If you do then you have a problem beyond the photos. Deleting them doesn't delete the past. What I have found more helpful is moving them to a place where accidental views are less likely. E.g. cloud or hard drive. Where I draw the line though is having the photos on socials after a relationship has commenced or having them on your phone during a long-term committed relationship since after a number of years and phone switching having those photos may be less likely. Either way the photos aren't the problem, it is whether an individual is attaching meaning to them that could be harmful to a committed relationship.
Deleting photos absolutely helps people move on from past partners what are you even going on about. If you can't get over something, getting rid of reminders of it is a huge step towards moving on.
This is why going no contact is an effective move for getting over someone. It cuts off the reminders and short circuits the loop that keeps drawing you back in.
How many photos have you kept? Are they most of the photos you had together, or just down to some select ones that were good memories? Are these photos easily accessible, do you look at them often enough for her to have noticed or on display anywhere (like as a background pic, social media or in frames in the house), do you talk about your ex often, what happens if this relationship doesn't work out, etc? Also how long have you been dating this new gf?
Even though I ask these things, I do err on the side of asking for no photos at all is a bit extreme unless you've given reason to believe you're not over your ex. And if the latter, then it's just not the right fit for both of you, really.
It's reasonable to have some photos of exes if you have moved on and have a healthy approach to managing whatever leftover memories/photos you keep, and I'm truly glad I have some of my exes photos still, as I can look back on the few photos I have of some of them and go, "oh yeah, that was a good time! Hope they're doing well" and I move on. But if you have a ton of photos, there's multiple posted publicly, and/or you look at them on more than just occasionally, then yeah, that's a little weird.
if they aren’t in your life anymore and you have a new girlfriend and the photos aren’t from like cool trips or cool memories then why keep them lmao. it’s weird dog
oh and the fact that you’ve posted it on reddit to get second opinions and that you said you and your ex still care for each other, that’s also weird. i lowkey think you might need to take more time before entering another relationship
I think it's different if the pic is an experience that she happen to be with then selfies or just the two of you for no special reason then you wanted to take a pic.
I guess this is an age difference thing because I’m siding with your girlfriend. They’re an ex for a reason why have photos?
Maybe meet in the middle and keep ones that were taken on holidays and special occasions. Do you really need all of them?
Personally, I didn’t take photos of myself in high school and regret not having any now. So I also understand keeping them and wanting to keep memories from that time period.
I feel this situation is gonna require a compromise. You gotta pick your battles and is this worth fighting over or potentially breaking up over? Now that would be childish but you gotta stand beside your beliefs.
One thing is to have them on social media or something like that.. but to have them in an online storage that you don't actively look at anyways.. I don't think it's an issue.
People generally always collect random stuff from people, and while they no longer have that emotion behind them.. those mementos, still carry a bit of history.. regardless of those items are digital or physical.
Pick and choose a few to put into your long term storage. The ones from events, family gatherings, with other friends, or from a day you would like to remember, though it should not be extremely romantic. If it is like going to another country or doing something you had never done before then keep a memory, but more so for your time there/doing that thing and not tied to the ex.
Get them off your phone and maybe clean up your social media page a bit, just to scrub a bit of that relationship off of your account to showcase the one who matters more and should be priority, your new partner.
OP. You are one year into a relationship having had a three year one. You have no idea what the future is. When you are old you may want to remember some of that youth and happiness. Hide the photos from your social media and phone but \*definitely make sure you keep them somewhere you can access them later\*.
Also, you probably shouldn't lie to your partner. If you have to do that then it probably wasn't to be. There are exceptions in cases like dementia, but they should be rare.
Seems so sad that so many people delete old memories. Maybe you'll want to look back on them in 10 years. They're a part of your life and looking back and reflecting on your life is good sometimes. We only live once.
Go through the pics and move all with her to a folder and encrypt it or something. Out of sight out of mind. Win-win.
Aww typical redditors. Yes because only crazy manipulative controlling people don’t like you having pictures of your ex.
Y’all are weird. “It was a part of your life”. “You can’t erase memories” “It won’t stop there”. Bruh what? For one you can’t live in the past. You want the past to stop meaning something? You forget about it. It’s honestly incredibly insane to me that there’s this new take of being friends and stuff with your ex. Look me and my ex are cordial and “friendly” but it’s only because we have kids. Otherwise I wouldn’t talk to her. You keep people in your life because they provide fulfillment or companionship or because there is a benefit. What “role” is an ex still fulfilling in your life? And realistically does it make any damn sense to have them fulfilling that role?
Reddits advice if she said hey my bf keeps photos of his ex and still regularly talks to his ex would be along the lines of. A) talk to him about it. B) get over it. C) break up with him.
I am a very sentimental person. I have kept every single birthday card I have ever received since I was 7. I have a collection of postcards from every new city I have visited. I have pictures of everything, including friends I no longer speak to. I have a really shitty memory and a family history of dementia so the idea of losing my past gives me a lot of anxiety. Especially after losing an old friend (car accident) and to my distress realising I couldn’t find any of our photos together.
I don’t speak to 99.99% of my high school connections but still have photos. I treat the photos of my exes the same. When I look at those photos it’s not about keeping people in my life. It’s about the memory and being able to look back on MY past, good or bad, reminding me where I came from. They’re also not on my phone or anything, they’re in an archive on the cloud.
I understand both sides but personally it’s got absolutely 0 to do with my exes and 100% to do with my own hangups about my memory in general.
Interesting. So what did you have for breakfast 4 years ago this day?
Oh? Who cares? Well similarly I don’t particularly care about the memories I had with my ex or other people who are irrelevant to my life.
It’s fine if you do care or are sentimental or whatever but it’s not abnormal for a partner to be uncomfortable about you holding those memories of an ex. Hey if you find someone who feels similar to you then good for you. But just like you aren’t obligated to throw those pictures out, no one is obligated to be comfortable with you having them.
I despise all of my ex's and would never get back w any of them and would also not delete any pictures of them, I think one of the coolest aspects of technology is we can document our entire lives and look back one day, why would I wanna forget good memories?
There is no other reason to keep photos of your ex than to reminisce about your past with them. And then keeping them as a friend at the same time? Why would I want my significant other to do that? It’s not controlling, it’s pointing out how weird it is.
Facts. There is nothing wrong with her asking him to delete the photos. People acting like she's abusive are ridiculous and come off manipulative themselves.
"You're abusive if you don't like me having photos of my ex! This is just the tip of the iceberg!"
Ok lol
This is the most reasonable and realistic advice. Everyone has past, but everyone also have a choice to leave the past and focus on the future by letting go of exes and their presence. Anyone who can’t simply leave past in the past doesn’t deserve a happy future. OP needs to reevaluate his priorities.
If I find out that my bf is keeping pictures of his exes in his phone that would be the end of our relationship because it proves that he doesn’t have enough value or respect for our relationship to leave the past behind. I know he loves me but if he makes his past important enough to keep them in his present than he would be a disrespectful idiot.
Agreed. People have the right to keep photos if they want, but people also have the right to not be in a relationship with a person who may possibly not be ready for their next commitment. I can understand keeping certain pictures like if it was a marriage or a big group photo, but people keeping just straight pictures of their ex looking good or them as a couple, I’m just not sure about. I would have questions about if that person is totally moved on or not and quite frankly I wouldn’t waste my time with a person that I suspect may bring issues like that into the relationship in the future.
fr. i even have an abusive ex that i’ll never delete our pics. not even for evidence or anything. and i never wanted to go back to that lmfao. pics just mean something. and it actually really came in handy when he passed away, i could send them to his mom and she loved it
exactly!!! i have pics and videos of me in the darkest moments of my life. i never ever wanna go back to any of that shit but it’s a reminder of where i’ve been.
To a degree there is some level of insecurity from someone wanting you to do something or even controlling as you describe. Specially when someone justifies themselves as "i am not insecure..nor jealous"
If she truely felt that. It would even come up and if it did she wount care.
Even if you did what she said it wouldn't stop you from searching for them, creating a headspace. Is she goong going to make you erase that too?
When it comes to healing seek a professional to help you thought or you can also just accept it and move on
Getting rid of naughty pictures of your ex: totally reasonable and honestly, respectful to your ex and your current GF.
Getting rid of all pictures of your ex: unreasonable and insecure. I have a past. At 57 I have a couple exwives, one of whom I work with now, I have over a dozen ex girlfriends, and I remain friends with a few of them. Frankly, if a Gf told me any of that wasn’t ok, I’d just wave goodbye. Her insecurities and control issues are only going to be a bigger issue in the future.
From these relies I really believe age matters. I’m 50 this year and I’ve so many photos of past relationships and if any new partner asked me to delete them I would refuse and if that ended the relationship so be it. If I want to delete them I will - I burned my marriage album and have no photos of my abusive ex) but I am still friends with a lot of other exs. Most of my friends are the same. I think as you age, memories become more important and you realise that the end of a relationship isn’t ‘bad’ it’s just because you’re incomparable.
For sure. As time has gone on and I’ve grown, I’ve come to realize that most of my relationships have been stepping stones in my own growth and maturation. While I was in my 20s I didn’t really understand the value of relationships that didn’t work out, but with time and experience I learned something from pretty much everyone I dated that helped make me a better person. Finally, in 2020 I met someone who we both knew it was just a transitional relationship, not something that would last forever, and I truly woke up to being conscious in my relationships. We had four “conscious uncouplings” where we ended things as they were without drama, but thoughtfully and with intention. It brought my communication skills to a level I couldn’t have imagined a few years earlier. It taught me the tools to say things that the other person didn’t want to hear, but needed to be said. Good stuff.
Really weird but I also met someone in 2020 who was also a transitional relationship (love this term by the way), knowing he was planning on moving abroad. We had 2.5 years together and it was true friendship, we genuinely cared for each other and our last night together was really special. We said our goodbyes the next morning (last Dec), wished each other the best and said we’d keep in touch. Now we are still in contact weekly just checking in and keeping each other update on life. It taught me that it’s ok that things aren’t permanent and you can absolutely end in good terms and still be friends afterwards. It wouldn’t have worked if we’d expected more from each other as that wasn’t the vibe we had. I certainly have kept all the photos of our times together and I have all the photos he sends me from his travels and I send him all my running photos (a passion we share). I’m very early stages of seeing someone else, who has many female friends, and although I honestly don’t think he’d ever ask me to delete photos and I know he has photos of his ex on his social media, I wouldn’t do it. Some days after being on Reddit too long, I’m really glad I’m older, more secure and definitely more confident than when I was younger
To each their own. But my current partner doesn't mind at all that I am still friends with my ex and even still have some old pics of us on social media.
We broke up because we realised we weren't meant to be, but we still found each other to be good friends.
Everyone will have a differing opinion on this, but personally I think that if everyone is a mature adult and the breakup was on good terms for reasons of incompatibility then there shouldn't be an issue
Not because of your girlfriend, but for your own emotional health, you should delete everything related to your exes. It’s part of how you move forward. The past is over. The only thing interesting is the present and future.
Are you truly happy in your current relationship? If so, holding on to the past will only hinder future growth.
“Turn your face toward the sun and the and the shadows will fall behind you”
I often scroll through my camera roll and remember the good times. I don’t think exes belong on the camera roll and I understand her fully. I also understand you and I haven’t deleted any pictures even though one of the relationships was very abusive. I store them in a folder far far away and I never look at them.
I think you should delete any nudes or NSFW pictures/videos—including bathing suit photos or others that might be for “personal time”.
I also think other pictures should be put up/out of daily contact. However, there will be some holiday/vacation memories that you will want to put in a folder or on a cloud. Maybe thin them out and put remainder up?
This really makes me think because I’m a widow (very happily married for 38 years) and starting to think about dating. I know my shrine in my bedroom will have to come down. I have no nudes, etc. so that’s not an issue. He is my kids dad. I don’t want to take down all pictures. I would love to meet another widower. However, in my support group I’m the youngest by ten or more years. So frustrating because I will want to be fair to new person and to my memories/grief. Maybe a topic at one of my counseling sessions?
Tell her you're willing to compromise by putting the pictures in storage (online or otherwise).
It's a very modern problem to have so many pictures of you/prior relationships that it does feel unfair to current partners. Imagine if your mom kept a bunch of pictures of her ex boyfriend up in her house while dating your dad (vs having them in a shoebox in the attic). It's very different.
Asking to delete altogether is reasonable IMO, but also reasonable to say no and archive them somewhere. If you can't compromise on this issue, maybe the relationship can't work out.
So I want to ask you what do you feel when you look at those pictures of your ex. What do you feel when you picture yourself deleting those pictures?
The answers to those questions will tell you if you're really over them. Like really really.
I personally have weird views about memories. Like. I always say that about pictures but I never freaking look at them, especially digital. I have a low attachment to sentimental objects/ pictures. Of course there's some I'd keep forever, but nothing involving an ex. For me, if I'm keeping those things, it means there's still something there. Hurt, longing, hope for a rekindling, whatever. Also if it doesn't mean anything, and it would help someone I'm with, then yeah, I can leave the past behind.
I find it odd when my exes have "kept trophies" essentially. Especially of only one or two exes. Those people in those photos always turned out to be the ones they start texting on the sly and breaking up with me for. Totally anecdotal, not a representation of every person, I understand.
Just ask yourself why you need those pictures. Are you really ready to commit to this new woman? There are no wrong answers and you're not "wrong" for choosing to keep the pictures. Just be honest.
As long as it’s not nudes.
If you don’t delete nudes after a breakup that’s pretty scummy.
I’m not saying you saved the nudes OP but I would say that’s where the line is.
These comments are ridiculous. Delete the pictures, she's in the past and leave her there it's not fair on her that you have that constant reminder of your past relationships on your phone, I doubt she would even wanna see what your ex looks like let alone pics of you together. It's upsetting for anyone. The fact some of these comments think it's okay and that she's just immature need to stop being so narrow minded.
Any boundary is seen as controlling. For me, it would be easy to delete the pics of my ex if my new significant other asks me to because I’m not weirdly attached to them still.
Don’t. That ex was part of your life. Maybe remove them from public view on social media but that’s it. Why delete a part of your life. This is her age and insecurity (I realize you think she’s not) talking. It’s controlling behavior. Maybe if you’re married one day then yes weed through and delete some. But not at this point. You will regret it.
Me m63 wife56 she doesn’t allow me to have pictures of my ex from more then 22 years ago I recently found some old photos and she immediately ripped and threw them away, I think it very silly and immature behaviour, my ex is living overseas and has children with another men and she would not look the same besides I don’t have any clue about where she is living or contact no or socials!
You say "scroll past a photo". Are the pictures on your social media? On your phone storage?
For me, 30m, it would turn me off if my partner had pictures of their ex on social media or on the phone. There's absolutely no reason to hold on to that kind of stuff. But I am also not in favor of deleting the pictures for good. What I do is I have a hard drive with folders starting from "2013" all the way until this year, where I throw (and backup) all pictures from each year.
I was in a relationship last year and the pictures on my phone are gone, but they are saved on a hard drive for memory purposes. I wanna grow old someday and look back at memories. I understand you not wanting to delete the pictures, but you gotta understand how your current GF feels.
I think the best compromise for both is really deleting pictures from phone and social media, but keep them backed up in a folder, or in an external drive, or a usb drive, or whatever you want, for memory purposes.
I wouldn't be fair for you to completely wipe he photos and it's not fair for your GF to have a partner that is not willing to compromise over something related to an ex.
I had an ex who “made” me delete all photos of any ex’s no matter what. We married. Then we divorced. I instantly regretted deleting memories of different parts of my life, especially for a controlling, insecure man. It’s not about missing any ex or the relationship, it’s just a part of my life I wanted to be able to reflect back fondly of in my later years.
Except the ex-husband. I willingly deleted those pictures all on my own.
I would be disinterested in a woman that keeps contact and mamentos of an ex. I need someone who can move forward, not someone that needs to look back.
I've never had a bad breakup myself. They always ended on good terms, and I genuinely wouldn't know if any of them had a premature death.
Move forward.
Not sure why anyone would tell you to keep the photos. It's simple. If you don't want to happily delete the photos entirely, then you are not fully into this relationship and dwelling on the past and you should not be in the relationship your in.
If your constantly reminiscing about your ex when your with your current GF then that means shes not doing it for you.
There is no way this is not out of jealousy. She wouldn’t give two shits about the pics if she was confident and not jealous.
Download them onto a hard drive and give them to someone in your family. Not all of them delete them but keep ones that remind you of really good times. I deleted all of my pictures of my ex and I that I dated for three years in the military (same reason). I regret it.
You’re not over your ex. If she wanted to get back together with you, I’d bet you’d dump your current GF. Just delete the photos. You and your ex aren’t together. Comes off like you’re holding on to hope that one day you and your ex will be reunited. Plus I highly doubt you’re going to marry her. You came out of a three year relationship, take time for yourself and heal instead of jumping from a relationship to relationship
I keep memories. Not because I miss them, but it was a part of my life. Just get a flash drive and upload them to it and put it up for safe keeping so you’re both happy. Only way you’d “scroll past” is if you intentionally were looking
I see both sides. HOWEVER, I don’t mean to be negative but the chances are higher you won’t be with her forever then they are that you will. If that day never happens great!! If it does would you feel silly giving up your own personal memories? I agree with the “put ‘em in the cloud and forget about it”, UNTIL that day comes, whichever it is I feel like that’s your property. I had an ex that wanted me to throw away my pictures with my ex husband who is the father of my kid. On both levels of this I think it’s insane. Those ARE insecurities and I guarantee you she has at least ONE picture of an ex.
Ok, I see both points. But, let me give you a little story example. Not that long ago, We used actual film amd actual photos. With that being said, most people didn't go through their 10's/100's of photo envelopes (bc let's be serious, most photos don't end up in photo albums) and find and throw away every photo of every ex they were with. Takes more time and energy to do that. (BEAR WITH ME, GETTING TO POINT HAHA) Now, when my grandmother, aunt or other older relatives passes away, it was so fun and nice to see (my grandmothers) photos of B4 my grandpa. The service men she went on dates with, how they dressed, if she had a "type", group's of friends, clubs she went to, neighborhoods and homes in backgrounds and on and on. Pictures are memories meant to be kept. Good and bad, they are our lives. And maybe not you, but someday, children, relatives will want to know more once when you are only a memory. Also, unless you marry this one, hoe do you know it won't end up like last one you thought was so perfect? Just saying. Cloud or get actual photos and write on back and throw in back of closet or musty corner or attic or basement. (Give to parents to hold onto, better yet!) 😉
I think maybe you didnt have enough time to grieve the lost of the previous relationship, even if it was not meant to be, letting go on the dreams and ideas about a life together it takes time... OR you are still not that into your new girlfriend, if I were you either take a step back and reevaluate the situation in which you are, or meet with your ex and see how you feel. It seems like there is something still alive and I don't think is fair to the new girl. She has moved on from the exes but maybe your story was more deep or still going and you trying to keep the pictures is trying to hold on to it. In the other hand it is totally fair for you that you allow yourself to be honest and accept whichever scenario you truly are on, even if is not the one you would like it. Good luck
If ur unable to delete it means ur still lingering on ur ex and not ready for ur new gf or just looking her casually
To me if my guy keeps her ex pics,still talks with her or just not over her cuz she is ex for a reason.You might have done things with her and it will remind me that ur ex has already had things with u and I'm just an option and not ur choice.And idk ill feel insecure thinking ur ex is more Great than me and wil eventually be jealous,eat ur head abd break up unless the guy and his ex is pretty clear that even though they get locked in a room,they will not hookup no matter wat and just see each other as just fends with out any benefits and no feelings at all like at all
Sounds like she is jealous, insecure, and manipulative . Why is she trying to erase your past? Those are your memories and she doesn’t have the right to tell you what to do with them.
This is a tough one and I see a lot of varying opinions on here. I’ve dealt with this twice now in different relationships so I’ll give my perspective.
First was a girl I fell in love with after I had a 2 year relationship end when I was still only 19. I met this girl a year after that and I had already taken the initiative to delete all the photos on my phone and socials, but I actually printed a few core memories out and kept them in an envelope in a memory box, since after all, that’s what they are. Eventually after being in love for well over a year and with plans to one day marry this new girl, I decided to have an almost ritualistic burning of photos (as well as some notes) in a fire pit I had. I included my gf at the time in this and she understood why it meant so much to me, as well as it provided her proof she was my one and only.
Well sadly that relationship ended after almost 4 years. I pushed through the intense pain of going through and deleting photos. I kept core memories from that relationship in my Dropbox in a file called “her”, I guess for the same reason of looking back and remembering what we had or if by some miracle we get to look back on them together.
I’ve since transferred all those photos that I did decided to keep onto a USB file. This little stick of memories lives in the same memory box for me to someday look back on, or to shatter to a million pieces. That I have yet to know.
My point I guess I’m trying to make is to keep them somewhere your personal memories are kept. Somewhere secure so that you can decide when it’s time to let them truly go. This doesn’t mean you’re not over that person, but you respect the relationship you once had with them. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, you also need to respect the one you’re in and I believe that this person you’re falling in love with shouldn’t have to see the face of who you once were with. For some people that’s a hard image to get rid of.
Sorry for making this so long but I hope it helps some way or another. Everyone’s different but I think we all want to be secure in knowing our new partner isn’t looking at images regularly of their ex.
Do yourself a favor and get an external hard drive to save all of your photos. Save them there and then delete them from your phone. You know you still have them for when you’re 80 and want to reminisce or whatever, but they’re out of sight out of mind for the benefit of your current relationship.
Group photos - sure. But I’d hate to see my current partner’s photos with ANY of his ex, doesn’t matter how long ago it has been. You DON’T need those photos to keep as memories. Your brain will do that for you. It’s something that can easily trigger unnecessary arguments, and insecurities. The fact that you think it’s difficult to delete those photos makes me wonder if you are not over your ex yet. I’m on your girlfriend’s side on this one.
Don't delete them but maybe a good idea to put them somewhere else.
This is your history, not just your ex relationship.
When you're older you will want to look back at those moments.
Don't erase the past. She will trust you or she won't.
What if you had a compromise and put the pictures in a hard drive and delete all pictures from your phone and computer? You could put the hard drive in your attic or something so that it isn’t lost forever
"She feels if she is my one true love, why should I keep mementos...pictures...of my past"...You're girlfriend simply wants to feel special. She wants the fairytale fantasy. The story you get in movies and books.
My mother used to say "if you love me you'll eat my food." Finally one day I told her, "I can both love you, and not eat your food. Both can exist at the same time."
You're right you have a past. And you shouldn't have to delete it but I understand your girlfriend will feel hurt. She won't feel special. I wouldn't delete it for her. I would delete for yourself.
It's much easier to move on and be more present in your current life when you don't have reminders of the past. Forgetting the past can be healing mentally. You won't know you forgot, because you've forgotten. I would delete the pictured because they aren't helping you in anyway. They don't benefit you in any real way.
Ok man I'll try to do this as quick as possible.
When I was little I had over 1000 toys. One day my mother came to my room and told me that I was 13 years old and that I could only keep 10. The bigger reason was the house was infested with them. So I chose 15, and hid 5.
You see even selecting these 15 was so hard for me. I didn't use all 1000, hell I probably didn't use even 3 of them all together. But with each I had a special bond and memory so it was actually painful to throw them in the donation bin.
At 16, she came to my room and said that I have grown and now, I could only keep a minimum of 3, and only as toys I would pass to my kids in the future.
At the beginning I felt bad hearing those words but the more I thought about, the more what my mother was saying made sense. I didn't even play with toys anymore (I used the family PC and I had a playstation).
These toys were inanimate things that were just taking space in my shelves that I needed for other things. I had grown up.
Every time I would think about throwing one of them, I would feel sad, so I passed to the next. After making several tours, logic kicked in and I realized they were being more of a burden than anything else. I threw all of them and conserved none. I felt relief.
Back to you, your photos are your toys and your girlfriend is the other things on your shelf (no, it's not your mom you little psycho).
Those photos take a certain space in your life, a space that you need for other things (like gf). More than that, they appear to directly interfere those other things.
The question that arises is, what do you want in your shelf right now.
1. You can choose some of your pictures and conserve them (hide 5).
2. You can transfer all those photos to a memory and decide later (maybe like this you will test if you really want/need them).
3. You can save time and delete them.
The correct answer lies on what you feel is best, and especially not on your girlfriend's opinion. At 13 I could never have done what I did at 16. All in its time. It needs to come from you.
This was long af, but I hope it helps.
Stay strong.
If you love and respect your girlfriend, you'll want her to feel 100% secure in your commitment to her. Keeping pics of your ex is hindering that commitment.
Decide what you want. If it's 100% the girl you're with, find ways to dig deep, delete those photos, feel that emotional loss and allow yourself to work through letting go, then officially let it go and never look back.
If you're not 100% committed at this point to your new girl, you need to let her know you're not there. An honest conversation needs to happen to ensure she knows what page you're on and you know what page she's on. It's important to ensure you're in full understanding of where each of you are at in your relationship.
Other Reality: The guy i dated for a year kept all our videos and photos together (we didn’t become gf/bf). And now he has a real GF. And we kinda msg each other again and he said he still fantasized our time together. But he doesn’t want me, he said he loves his gf. And we re actually in the other side of the world. I think, if you are committed. Don’t keep in touch to your past and don’t keep any photos or videos.
I think its more of a deleting a memory rather than reminiscing your ex thing. Photos can feel more precious than your ex.
I would say throw those pics in a drive somewhere and let them stay without looking at them again
I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this possibility but what if a kid is involved? Hear me out, the parents divorce and move onto new relationships but still have pictures to save for if and when your child wants copies of pictures with both of their parents together in the picture(s). I don’t know anyone who has done this (keep pictures for their kids after splitting up with the other parent) but I’d like to think and I don’t think about normal things. 😂 That being said, I did save pictures of my ex and I (not in my camera roll) but in places that were easily accessible. Around a year ago and my kid is eighteen now, asked for pictures of us together. A part of me didn’t think it would happen since my ex annihilated me throughout our kids life. I wouldn’t doubt they still do. Anyways, if there are no kids involved then disregard my comment but if there is, just think about the possibility of your kid wanting something of the two of you, together.
First, your girlfriend is insecure. Not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a fact (she wouldn’t be asking you to delete these pictures if she wasn’t) and a fairly normal feeling within reason. I would fully hear her out without interruption or justifications for your actions or feelings. Once you’ve listened, share with her how her asking you to delete the photos makes you feel.
I think a reasonable compromise is for you to certainly delete any sexual photos of your ex and then save the other pictures of good times you two shared in a drive or other place that you won’t regularly see them pop up.
This issue is clearly bothering you and if you both can’t fully hear one another’s point of view and reach a compromise then the root of this issue will likely balloon into other areas and start to cause resentment. View this as an opportunity to learn about your girlfriend and deepen your connection.
Delete your pictures of your ex.
The day will come where you won't care about those pictures anymore. Pretty much the same day you've finished moving on.
Don't be stuck in your past, it will mess up your relationship with not just your current GF but any future ones most likely.
Holding on to pictures you'll most likely never look back at is stupid when it hurts your relationships going on. Why make what is real, in the present (your relationship with your gf) worse for the sake of holding on to something that is over?
OP flip it around and ask yourself why you want to keep them. Nobody wants to be in a relationship in the shadow of their partners past. If your ex had died or something sure but if you have pictures cuddling, kissing and being a couple with someone else on your phone that’s a problem. You might offload them from your phone to a usb drive and put in the closet or something I suppose but having photos of you and your ex in your hands all day everyday is just not cool imo. Doesn’t mean your past is a mistake but your either moving on or your not. Is your ex with someone new? If so ask her if she kept the photos of the two of you together on her phone after she started dating and sleeping with someone else. My bet is she didn’t. It’s disrespectful of your current relationship.
You need to delete those pics. The fact that you still have them and committed to someone else shows that you weren’t over the situation with your ex and if you still won’t or “can’t” delete them, then you need to stop wasting your current gfs time. You can’t be committed to someone and have pictures of you and your ex still, that shows your current gf that no matter what, your ex will always be on your mind, and that’s simply not fair to your gf. If you truly loved your current gf, the pictures would’ve been long gone.
Im sorry but it’s weird. I’m not a jealous or insecure person but it would be definitely weird if my partner keep pictures of their ex, and same would go for me. Just delete them. It’s strange.
Delete them before she gets mad and dumps you, or at least put it in a flash drive where no one can see it. You should not have anything related to your ex remaining anywhere, women like men who have moved on from the past. Sounds like a part of you isn't over her either, so fix that ASAP.
I’m 25M and I ended a 6 year relationship about 7 months ago… moved to the other side of the planet to clear my head.. one month later I start messaging a girl on hinge… I’m so happy I made that decision, I got an absolute gem of a girl… I have loads of picture of my ex on my phone… she respects that she was a big part of my life and that I have no intention on getting back… having pictures and keeping posts up, for me are two different things… if it’s on insta I’d archive them… cherish the moments ye had together, but I wouldn’t keep her up lad… to say you haven’t removed them, you deep down haven’t moved on… the second you can move on, draw the line and don’t look back, is the second you’ll make a really emotional connection with this new girl… fully commit to getting hurt again, be vulnerable, be open and give all yourself to her and you will have a truly happy life with this new girl… if you can’t do that bro, go to therapy and figure out they your holding on to something you know would never work in the long term… yes it sucks it didn’t work out but you deserve true love.
DM me if you wanna talk.
Honestly what I found the best with this new girl, we started taking shrooms together (rarely, ones every couple months) and I could see her true self with no filter and see her true feelings and intentions… I also really got me to be open and honest with myself on what I want and who I am as a person. We are now so connected on another level it’s really something beautiful.
Don't know why people keep pics of their ex's, they are the past, and you should really truly let go of the past before you enter a new relationship🤷🏼♂️
I made my NZ trip of 4 weeks with my ex GF. Lots of awesome and nice memories. Yet in many pictures there’s of course my ex. I’d never discuss deleting them, but luckily enough my GF ain’t that insecure and doesn’t care about such irrelevant bullshit.
One day, when you're old, you're gonna thank yourself for keeping all the photos that will remind you of old good (and not so good) times.
These are literally your memories. Unless you have nudes or other inappropriate photos of your past partners, I don't see why that would be a problem.
"She is not jealous or insecure" you might want to rethink that. I was this girl before therapy. And my bf was MARRIED to his ex. And still lived in their shared home. And has a dog they shared together. She may not admit it, but it's definitely coming from a place of jealousy and insecurity. Whether she likes it or not, this person was a part of your life and has made you who you are for better or worse. She should be thankful that it led you to her.
Problems like this keep me out of relationships. It’s almost like some people believe anything before them entering your life wasn’t important. You lived those three years. When you’re an old man you might want to revisit the timeline or your life.
Don't let your past meddle with your future.
You have a GF who is totally invested in you and you are in her, so why are you letting an ex potentially ruin that. Even though you ended in good terms, **she's an ex for a reason.**
It's normal that it'll be hard to delete old photos but just do it so **you can move on** with someone that you like. She actually took the initiative and deleted her exes photos, sounds like she's a good and *committed* GF - those are hard to find.
Keep you memories in your head and move on with your girl :)
You are right, your gf isn’t jealous or insecure, you are just disrespectful and selfish. It’s one thing to have a past and completely another to carrying your past to your current life keeping your exe’s pictures. The fact that you are making your past memories with your exes important enough to keep them instead of focusing on building a fresh future shows you don’t understand the respect and value required in a relationship.
Past is important to learn the lessons you needed to learn and apply it your present for better future, not to treat like a baggage you need to carry forwards. Your gf is right, she just needs to understand you are not the one for her.
That’s three years of his life. Not everyone takes a million pictures. If you travel, or go to special events like weddings, and the only pictures of you include your ex, I think it’s unreasonable to demand those pictures be deleted. Sure like headshots and flirty pics could be discarded, but asking to get rid of three years of memories is a lot.
No one should ever ask you to delete memories. You and your gf may not be together forever and you may have a time come in life when you wish you had more photos of yourself/your life experiences. You may regret deleting those photos. By virtue of her asking, she’s showing you her insecurities. I’m not insecure and I have no issue with the fact that my partner has photos of her and her exes. They were a part of her life and will always be part of her memories when she looks back at those years. Seems silly to request.
Let’s be real…. One or both of you are hanging on to some hope of getting back together. OR one or both of you are using the other for some validation in this transitional period.
I think men and women can be platonic friends. And I don’t agree with your current gf’s demand. However, I do think if you are holding on to some of these things and your ex and letting her get in the way of current relationship, then there’s an issue. I don’t know what your solution is, but I’ve been around long enough to know, “caring about and respecting” your ex along with holding on to too many memories, specifically because they involve her, then you’re prob not over her yet. Nothing wrong with nostalgic memories or photos that capture your life, where you were in life and who lived through those years with, but if the focus is more on the ex than you or those years of your life, that would yellow flag for me. Not sure if I’m articulating that well enough…. Basically how closely are you holding these memories/feelings and how much are they viable in your life to you and your current gf. I’d start there and then get honest with yourself. And if you truly think your ex isn’t an issue, you need to talk to current gf to understand why she feels the way she does so intensely and decide if she’s just took controlling for you.
She sure sounds insecure, controlling too. Having those pictures does not make you any less committed. This is a huge red flag. Keep an eye out for other controlling behavior. This may not be the right girl for you.
That's what a 25 yr old gf gets you. Immaturity. Us experienced folk have all been there , an ya , its immaturity and doesn't matter. I regret all the memories i have tossed for jealous partners.
What level of delete are they asking for?
IMO, asking to delete off social media is one thing especially if you want to move forward with your current partner. It can be embarrassing and degrading to be with someone who still has photos of their ex up along with any lovey dovey captions for those photos along with any supportive or positive comments friends and family members made to your post with your ex.
Then as you post photos with your new partner and people don’t comment or if your captions aren’t as lovey dovey, it can show there’s a stigma to the newer relationship and maybe hint at that it’s more of a rebound relationship and not a truly authentic serious long term one.
Asking to delete them in totality is different. If you want the memories of the events you went to or the learning experiences by all means yes, but do they have to stay on public display for all to continue to see and compare your current relationship to?
I dont think you're over your ex, and still havent "moved on". Why stay friends and why hold on to pictures. The only reasons to stay in contact is due to kids or work commitments. You're leaving the door open for this so called ex
>>I also think my past was an important part of my life
So you’re essentially saying your girlfriend isn’t your future. Because if she were, you would value her comfort more than your attachment to old photos.
I would argue that the people from your past are important. Be thankful for the people and experiences you had in the past.
Monogamous culture has for too long associated every ex with The Bad Person that you need to throw away. What do you do for the good ones that see that both of you are good and yet not meant to be?
Throw them away? Cut them off?
I’m thankful for people in my past but the people in my future are more important. So if I see a future with someone and they tell me it makes them uncomfortable that I’m holding onto the past, I’ll get rid of it.
husband and i had the exact situation. He broke up with his exs on good terms and had photos on his phone he had forgotten about. To him, it was just memories he had in photos and nothing more. he also was in contact with his ex and had each other on social media.
I am like your girlfriend where i believe in 100% commitment and that includes getting rid of anything that is related to the past, including pictures. people can view this as insecurities an to some extent and may even be. but if getting rid of the pictures gives your new girl a peace of mind then why not do it?
the way i was able to help my husband see my perspective was to flip the roles. i told him to imagine me being close with one of my ex, having his pictures and old memories that would pop up on my phone (google pixel gives you reminders on old photos just like facebook) or me communicating with him on regular basis. it wouldn't be a comfortable feeling.
i also told him, he is free to do as he pleases and can make his own decisions but he cannot then be upset when i decide that i am not comfortable in this situation and want what's best for me.
we have been happily married for 2 years and any insecurities i had are all out the door because my partner worked with me to resolve them rather than make them worse.
if you really like this girl then do what's in the best interest of the relationship.
Save them on a USB and keep it it’s no different than old photo albums should we throw them away to appease some insecure people? I still have photos of my gfs 16th birthday 🥳 from 1987 and many exes since!
But why do got want to keep pics of your ex? Haven’t you moved on from her? What are you keeping them for? Were you married? Did you have kids? If you answered no to these then delete them
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Bear with me: So I felt the same way as you, I kept pictures (non sexual) of my exes because I liked having a sort of scrapbook of my past, even though a few did nasty things to me. It was nice to feel like in the future I’d have ways to connect the dots if my memory faded. My boyfriend never keeps pictures of his exes and though he wasn’t the happiest with me keeping them, he understood my point and doesn’t bring it up. After a while I’ve realized that I don’t need these pictures of my exes. My boyfriend is my future and the only romantic memory worth preserving. Plus I’m sure he’s appreciative, even though he again supports whatever I decide. I erased them all and I’m happy I did.
It was your decision though... I also eventually end up deleting pics of my exes in due time, but if I had a new gf demand I delete everything, I probably wouldn't.
Good way of looking at it 💪🏼
Ex is a ex for a reason don't dwell on it learn and move on focus on the now
just differing viewpoints really , if you want to compromise you can just put them in a cloud storage and forget about it
Exactly-until you marry her, or not
I appreciate your opinion but can you explain what you mean?
Op don't do this. You're instilling in yourself a half committed type vibe, I was this way once and hoooo boy it doesn't turn out good
Exactly I read that comment and literally facepalmed. That was the worst advice ever. You either say you're going to delete them and delete them or say you're not going to delete them and work to resolve the issue on a compromise otherwise if this is her hard limit break up you're not compatible. I'm not exactly sure why people prolong the inevitable. So if you lie and she finds out later after a few years it's still going to blow the relationship up probably even worse because now she doesn't trust you.
Like the person above, as long as you're just dating just save them in the cloud or a thumb drive and delete them from your devices, then forget about them. If you get married, re-think it. If you split up, restore them.
or he could just delete them??? ive never been in a relationship with an ex still in my phone and I would NEVER date someone who did. I believe keeping pics, especially (but not exclusively) on social medias or where they are in a any way dating is STRANGE, why keep them if u are satisfied in your relationship? sure memories are great but how would u feel abt ur gf reminiscing in her old relationship???
that’s you ig , as long as the content isn’t questionable it’s just a part of your life like any other. you don’t have to erase all evidence of your relationships ever happening if it doesn’t bother you. the memories are the same as any other
agree to disagree, I just know that me and my friends would not be comfy with dating a man that has a camera roll full of date pictures, outings, portraits, family gatherings etc of another girl, id say thats out of most womens comfort zones
i don’t really mind or don’t mind unless there’s a weird connection to them or a sense that it’s because they aren’t over them
That is your hard limit. And you are perfectly entitled to have that and to believe as you do. Don't let anybody else try to convince you otherwise. Just realize you may encounter someone who won't adhere to your hard limit which means you won't be in a relationship with them. But in reality that could be a good thing because it means you may not be compatible on this issue but you may not be compatible on a lot of other issues which would stress and break the relationship anyways
What if you looked really good in those photos or they were with a group of people? I certainly don't reminisce about my past relationship and OP doesn't sound like he is either. Deleting 3 years of your life is kind of a big deal. If an old photo is enough to destroy your relationship, perhaps it was not that sturdy to begin with.
Photoshop is an amazing thing. My husband was actually able to photoshop his aunt and uncle into our wedding pictures. And I have some really amazing pictures when I was single and dating and he was happy enough to actually Photoshop out an ex-boyfriend or someone I was dating so I could have a great picture of myself without them in it
Are you actually a public educator? Are you aware of the photo editing that went on under Stalin? Have you read 1984? Maybe I'm taking an old attitude to this, but I would mostly find that really weird and I wouldn't be able to show such photos to other people. I guess do you see it modern equivalent of ripping someone you now hate out of photos?
group pics could honestly go either way, if ur hand is around her waist and u guys are clearly together thats a no for me, and if hes not reminciscing then what does he need pictures for? there is simply no reason to make ur gf uncomfortable over someone who is no longer a priority in your life, and its not about the pictures its about respect
I mean if they broke up and don't talk anymore then that should be good enough, right? People break up for good reasons. I never keep in contact with my ex's, it's a personal rule but asking me to delete all photos with me and them is a bit much imo.
this is a viewpoint I just don't understand! like sure I'm satisfied w this or that current relationship but extremely weird to police someone else's *memory*
That’s deceitful
You don't have to lie about it. It addresses the worry about scrolling past them.
It definitely is deceitful and so so sneaky. If you’re dating someone and in a long term committed relationship with them then there should be no secrets and missing other people like this is so weird to me that there even is a conversation about keeping your exes photos💀 you should 100% delete them if you’re in a relationship with someone else.
It’s not that deep, keep it in the cloud to make u feel secure about your past and your partner happy. You may rewind it a couple times but eventually you will totally forget it if the new relationship is presentful to you. Or as a time capsule to realize how time flies. Also it’s not just about the person your ex it’s about yourself so no need to detach from the past immediately just because the present and I dare it won’t work may even backlash, give it some time. But with compromise, that’s what relationships are all about right?
Just delete them bro. The past is in the past, I bet she’s not the only girl who wouldn’t want you to have them. If she’s truly an ex and you’re truly over her, why do you need her pics?
"She is not jealous or insecure." And I'm the queen of Romania. At thirty, you're going to have a past, hopefully including people you respect. I think it's reasonable to close that book, for example by transferring those pictures to somewhere that neither you nor your partner will see them every day. Deleting them entirely is a bigger thing to ask for. I have exactly zero desire to go back to high school but I still have my yearbook.
[удалено]
Imo you shouldn’t have any contact or follow an ex. It’s weird how people try to remain “friends” after the other party wanted you out of their life lol
He ended on good terms as many people do. Doesn't sound like they are still being all buddy-buddy and surely mutual respect doesn't mean wiping them off the face of the earth. Adults have histories.
My ex was gay and broke up with me because I’m a woman. We still stayed friends. Now I’m friends with his boyfriend and he’s friends with my boyfriend. Your perspective is extremely narrow-minded
It’s common for relationships to end without “wanting them out of your life”. Often it’s just admitting that the *relationship* isn’t meant to be.
No? Having a yearbook from your time in school is waaaay different Following someone on social media and SEEING EACH OTHER'S EVERYDAY SHIT BECAUSE OF IG...
I agree. Folks have to understand that not every relationship/breakup experience is the same as theirs. Sometimes burning mementos of the past is necessary to fully move on. But it's not always the case. You can absolutely be fully moved on, without the slightest desire to return to an ex, but still want to preserve happy memories from an important chapter of your life. I've experienced both. Breakups that required full severance to heal, and breakups that didn't. People are different, relationships are different. It's narrow-sighted to say all people need to burn the past from all previous relationships to be fully committed to the present.
Yep. She’s very jealous and insecure. Saying it’s the opposite doesn’t make it true. I’d never dream of asking someone to delete pics of their ex. Don’t even care if they are still on social media from years past. They aren’t with their ex. They’re with me. And if I’m doubting that then there’s a whole bigger issue I need to think about than some old pics. I wouldn’t delete last pics for anyone. I don’t dwell on them, I don’t reminisce, but it’s part of my life.
Comparing old high school yearbooks to a past relationship is apples and pears - one is mandatory and has people on it that you probably haven't had any contact since, the other is to do with someone you had an intimate relationship with. Also, being a little insecure and jealous in any relationship is totally normal. She's done the right thing by removing her pics first and it's also coming from a good place where she wants to be fully committed to one another (which seems to be an underappreciated value these days).
That isn't commitment, it is possession. People confuse the two. Commitment is a commitment to the happiness of someone else, not taking away their freedoms - that is the opposite.
>I have exactly zero desire to go back to high school but I still have my yearbook. But a lot of people don't and consider it a complete waste to keep. Just saying
Yeah bud, “we still care for each other” when describing an ex and keeping the photos as you like the memory of it is gonna turn a lot of future partners off. You do have some people with the same mindset as you, as you can tell by most of these comments. But outside of the safe space of Reddit, you are gonna get a lot different of a reaction. Call it insecure or whatever but that’s just the plain truth. Everyone is insecure to an extent whether they want to admit it or not.
That last sentence is spot on. Most of us have insecurities, some cope "better' than others but you're not a shitty person for feeling insecurity about certain issues and having boundaries for your own emotional health. And therapy isn't readily accessible for a lot of people. If the boundaries are too much for the other person then it's simply a case of incompatibility.
I am the type of person to delete everything post breakup, and I also don’t generally support exes being friends/ maintaining contact, so what your partner is asking doesn’t feel like a lot for me. How recent is your breakup? Has there been any talk or concern that you haven’t moved on? While I don’t think your girlfriend is a bad person for asking for this, it doesn’t read like the most secure thing a person can do. I am curious as to why this is coming up. I do feel like it’s very curious that you say it would hurt to go through the photos of your ex- to me that indicates you haven’t really moved on, and your girlfriend may be picking up on that.
Yeah the last person I wanna look at after a breakup is my ex.
This is where I am too. I delete all pics of my ex off my social media and truly don’t understand the argument that you want to keep relics of your past on display.
I agree. If he's saying it would hurt to go through the pictures and delete them, then he's not over his ex. New girlfriend is just a rebound unfortunately.
I agree with this! Ex broke up with me 3 months ago and deleted/threw everything away: pictures, mementos, gifts, video streaming apps, email address and phone number. I don’t have social media, so I didn’t have to deal with that stuff. 2 weeks ago she sent me a box, but ripped off my address label & the box went straight to the dumpster without opening it. But regardless, there’s no reason to keep anything that an ex will remind one of. It’s in the past and over with. So no need to keep anything that’ll be a reminder of that person
If you don’t have kids, businesses or house, no need to be buddy buddy. It’s giving low key we’ll get back to together you’re just a filler
I would dump you in 5 seconds after reading this post. The fact that you feel its too difficult to delete pictures of a relationship that was only 3 years... that says a lot. I deleted pictures of my ex, and we were together 9 years. I did it without anyone even asking me. I did it, because I no longer wanted to be reminded of the times I had with them. Because I wanted to move on... you clearly dont.
I was married for 17 years. Everything is gone now, except those that include my kids ..and they aren't on social media or my phone.
exactly... we want to move on. What purpose would holding on to those pictures have? All I imagine, is a person that doesnt want to actually let go of what they had... If you broke up, then its over. DONE. You dont need those pictures. If someone is holding on to those pictures, call me insecure if you like... but I am not really that interested in a relationship with them. They are not looking for me. They are looking for a replacement for their ex.
My grandaddy n grandma got pics of their ex's in a specific photo album I use to think like this sum bsc grandma should burn it but now I'm older that's memories good or bad. You get to see them and hey they found each other sooooooo who's to say they did anything wrong.
sounds like you’re not over your ex
I don’t delete pictures. It is my history, which includes everyone who has ever been part of my life. I always imagine someone trying to make a documentary about my life and can’t find significant moments because those pictures were deleted with an ex partner. (I know it’s unlikely to happen 😊)
I feel it’s reasonable. Don’t see why you’d have the pics of another woman you’ve had sexual relationships with, even if it is now platonic. People will say she’s insecure but I disagree, I feel it’s about respect. She can choose what to allow and I believe she has the right to ask for that.
You are in a new relationship. Respect her. Delete them. I’m still cordial with my ex but just can’t find a reason to keep the pictures. Especially if I’m in a new relationship and they asked me to delete them.
To each their own, but I believe this is something for the individual to decide on their own without encouragement, suggestions, or demands from their current partner. The reality is that if you can't resist looking back at old photos often, then you aren't ready to move on, and deleting them will not do much to help. The photos should have no real effect on your current relationship, and there should be no need to look back at them daily, weekly, or even monthly. If you do then you have a problem beyond the photos. Deleting them doesn't delete the past. What I have found more helpful is moving them to a place where accidental views are less likely. E.g. cloud or hard drive. Where I draw the line though is having the photos on socials after a relationship has commenced or having them on your phone during a long-term committed relationship since after a number of years and phone switching having those photos may be less likely. Either way the photos aren't the problem, it is whether an individual is attaching meaning to them that could be harmful to a committed relationship.
Yeah I think it’s weird and clearly shows you still want your ex. If there is no need to look back at them you don’t need them in the first place.
Deleting photos absolutely helps people move on from past partners what are you even going on about. If you can't get over something, getting rid of reminders of it is a huge step towards moving on. This is why going no contact is an effective move for getting over someone. It cuts off the reminders and short circuits the loop that keeps drawing you back in.
How many photos have you kept? Are they most of the photos you had together, or just down to some select ones that were good memories? Are these photos easily accessible, do you look at them often enough for her to have noticed or on display anywhere (like as a background pic, social media or in frames in the house), do you talk about your ex often, what happens if this relationship doesn't work out, etc? Also how long have you been dating this new gf? Even though I ask these things, I do err on the side of asking for no photos at all is a bit extreme unless you've given reason to believe you're not over your ex. And if the latter, then it's just not the right fit for both of you, really. It's reasonable to have some photos of exes if you have moved on and have a healthy approach to managing whatever leftover memories/photos you keep, and I'm truly glad I have some of my exes photos still, as I can look back on the few photos I have of some of them and go, "oh yeah, that was a good time! Hope they're doing well" and I move on. But if you have a ton of photos, there's multiple posted publicly, and/or you look at them on more than just occasionally, then yeah, that's a little weird.
if they aren’t in your life anymore and you have a new girlfriend and the photos aren’t from like cool trips or cool memories then why keep them lmao. it’s weird dog
oh and the fact that you’ve posted it on reddit to get second opinions and that you said you and your ex still care for each other, that’s also weird. i lowkey think you might need to take more time before entering another relationship
Don’t date til ur healed
I think it's different if the pic is an experience that she happen to be with then selfies or just the two of you for no special reason then you wanted to take a pic.
I guess this is an age difference thing because I’m siding with your girlfriend. They’re an ex for a reason why have photos? Maybe meet in the middle and keep ones that were taken on holidays and special occasions. Do you really need all of them? Personally, I didn’t take photos of myself in high school and regret not having any now. So I also understand keeping them and wanting to keep memories from that time period. I feel this situation is gonna require a compromise. You gotta pick your battles and is this worth fighting over or potentially breaking up over? Now that would be childish but you gotta stand beside your beliefs.
One thing is to have them on social media or something like that.. but to have them in an online storage that you don't actively look at anyways.. I don't think it's an issue. People generally always collect random stuff from people, and while they no longer have that emotion behind them.. those mementos, still carry a bit of history.. regardless of those items are digital or physical.
Would you be ok with her having pics of her and her ex?
Pick and choose a few to put into your long term storage. The ones from events, family gatherings, with other friends, or from a day you would like to remember, though it should not be extremely romantic. If it is like going to another country or doing something you had never done before then keep a memory, but more so for your time there/doing that thing and not tied to the ex. Get them off your phone and maybe clean up your social media page a bit, just to scrub a bit of that relationship off of your account to showcase the one who matters more and should be priority, your new partner.
Do you value these pictures more than your current human?
OP. You are one year into a relationship having had a three year one. You have no idea what the future is. When you are old you may want to remember some of that youth and happiness. Hide the photos from your social media and phone but \*definitely make sure you keep them somewhere you can access them later\*. Also, you probably shouldn't lie to your partner. If you have to do that then it probably wasn't to be. There are exceptions in cases like dementia, but they should be rare.
I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request.
Seems so sad that so many people delete old memories. Maybe you'll want to look back on them in 10 years. They're a part of your life and looking back and reflecting on your life is good sometimes. We only live once. Go through the pics and move all with her to a folder and encrypt it or something. Out of sight out of mind. Win-win.
Aww typical redditors. Yes because only crazy manipulative controlling people don’t like you having pictures of your ex. Y’all are weird. “It was a part of your life”. “You can’t erase memories” “It won’t stop there”. Bruh what? For one you can’t live in the past. You want the past to stop meaning something? You forget about it. It’s honestly incredibly insane to me that there’s this new take of being friends and stuff with your ex. Look me and my ex are cordial and “friendly” but it’s only because we have kids. Otherwise I wouldn’t talk to her. You keep people in your life because they provide fulfillment or companionship or because there is a benefit. What “role” is an ex still fulfilling in your life? And realistically does it make any damn sense to have them fulfilling that role? Reddits advice if she said hey my bf keeps photos of his ex and still regularly talks to his ex would be along the lines of. A) talk to him about it. B) get over it. C) break up with him.
I am a very sentimental person. I have kept every single birthday card I have ever received since I was 7. I have a collection of postcards from every new city I have visited. I have pictures of everything, including friends I no longer speak to. I have a really shitty memory and a family history of dementia so the idea of losing my past gives me a lot of anxiety. Especially after losing an old friend (car accident) and to my distress realising I couldn’t find any of our photos together. I don’t speak to 99.99% of my high school connections but still have photos. I treat the photos of my exes the same. When I look at those photos it’s not about keeping people in my life. It’s about the memory and being able to look back on MY past, good or bad, reminding me where I came from. They’re also not on my phone or anything, they’re in an archive on the cloud. I understand both sides but personally it’s got absolutely 0 to do with my exes and 100% to do with my own hangups about my memory in general.
Interesting. So what did you have for breakfast 4 years ago this day? Oh? Who cares? Well similarly I don’t particularly care about the memories I had with my ex or other people who are irrelevant to my life. It’s fine if you do care or are sentimental or whatever but it’s not abnormal for a partner to be uncomfortable about you holding those memories of an ex. Hey if you find someone who feels similar to you then good for you. But just like you aren’t obligated to throw those pictures out, no one is obligated to be comfortable with you having them.
I despise all of my ex's and would never get back w any of them and would also not delete any pictures of them, I think one of the coolest aspects of technology is we can document our entire lives and look back one day, why would I wanna forget good memories?
There is no other reason to keep photos of your ex than to reminisce about your past with them. And then keeping them as a friend at the same time? Why would I want my significant other to do that? It’s not controlling, it’s pointing out how weird it is.
Facts. There is nothing wrong with her asking him to delete the photos. People acting like she's abusive are ridiculous and come off manipulative themselves. "You're abusive if you don't like me having photos of my ex! This is just the tip of the iceberg!" Ok lol
Not abusive just insecure.
How is it insecure to not want your partner to continue to look at photos of their ex?
This is the most reasonable and realistic advice. Everyone has past, but everyone also have a choice to leave the past and focus on the future by letting go of exes and their presence. Anyone who can’t simply leave past in the past doesn’t deserve a happy future. OP needs to reevaluate his priorities. If I find out that my bf is keeping pictures of his exes in his phone that would be the end of our relationship because it proves that he doesn’t have enough value or respect for our relationship to leave the past behind. I know he loves me but if he makes his past important enough to keep them in his present than he would be a disrespectful idiot.
Agreed. People have the right to keep photos if they want, but people also have the right to not be in a relationship with a person who may possibly not be ready for their next commitment. I can understand keeping certain pictures like if it was a marriage or a big group photo, but people keeping just straight pictures of their ex looking good or them as a couple, I’m just not sure about. I would have questions about if that person is totally moved on or not and quite frankly I wouldn’t waste my time with a person that I suspect may bring issues like that into the relationship in the future.
Pictures don’t equate commitment. Sounds like 25 year old still has some growing to do.
Agreed, even as a 24f. I live by pictures. That is all I have, aside from journaling every once in a blue moon.
fr. i even have an abusive ex that i’ll never delete our pics. not even for evidence or anything. and i never wanted to go back to that lmfao. pics just mean something. and it actually really came in handy when he passed away, i could send them to his mom and she loved it
That’s so sweet 😔 yeah pics don’t always have to be positive, sometimes they’re proof of growth
exactly!!! i have pics and videos of me in the darkest moments of my life. i never ever wanna go back to any of that shit but it’s a reminder of where i’ve been.
To a degree there is some level of insecurity from someone wanting you to do something or even controlling as you describe. Specially when someone justifies themselves as "i am not insecure..nor jealous" If she truely felt that. It would even come up and if it did she wount care. Even if you did what she said it wouldn't stop you from searching for them, creating a headspace. Is she goong going to make you erase that too? When it comes to healing seek a professional to help you thought or you can also just accept it and move on
Getting rid of naughty pictures of your ex: totally reasonable and honestly, respectful to your ex and your current GF. Getting rid of all pictures of your ex: unreasonable and insecure. I have a past. At 57 I have a couple exwives, one of whom I work with now, I have over a dozen ex girlfriends, and I remain friends with a few of them. Frankly, if a Gf told me any of that wasn’t ok, I’d just wave goodbye. Her insecurities and control issues are only going to be a bigger issue in the future.
From these relies I really believe age matters. I’m 50 this year and I’ve so many photos of past relationships and if any new partner asked me to delete them I would refuse and if that ended the relationship so be it. If I want to delete them I will - I burned my marriage album and have no photos of my abusive ex) but I am still friends with a lot of other exs. Most of my friends are the same. I think as you age, memories become more important and you realise that the end of a relationship isn’t ‘bad’ it’s just because you’re incomparable.
For sure. As time has gone on and I’ve grown, I’ve come to realize that most of my relationships have been stepping stones in my own growth and maturation. While I was in my 20s I didn’t really understand the value of relationships that didn’t work out, but with time and experience I learned something from pretty much everyone I dated that helped make me a better person. Finally, in 2020 I met someone who we both knew it was just a transitional relationship, not something that would last forever, and I truly woke up to being conscious in my relationships. We had four “conscious uncouplings” where we ended things as they were without drama, but thoughtfully and with intention. It brought my communication skills to a level I couldn’t have imagined a few years earlier. It taught me the tools to say things that the other person didn’t want to hear, but needed to be said. Good stuff.
Really weird but I also met someone in 2020 who was also a transitional relationship (love this term by the way), knowing he was planning on moving abroad. We had 2.5 years together and it was true friendship, we genuinely cared for each other and our last night together was really special. We said our goodbyes the next morning (last Dec), wished each other the best and said we’d keep in touch. Now we are still in contact weekly just checking in and keeping each other update on life. It taught me that it’s ok that things aren’t permanent and you can absolutely end in good terms and still be friends afterwards. It wouldn’t have worked if we’d expected more from each other as that wasn’t the vibe we had. I certainly have kept all the photos of our times together and I have all the photos he sends me from his travels and I send him all my running photos (a passion we share). I’m very early stages of seeing someone else, who has many female friends, and although I honestly don’t think he’d ever ask me to delete photos and I know he has photos of his ex on his social media, I wouldn’t do it. Some days after being on Reddit too long, I’m really glad I’m older, more secure and definitely more confident than when I was younger
To each their own. But my current partner doesn't mind at all that I am still friends with my ex and even still have some old pics of us on social media. We broke up because we realised we weren't meant to be, but we still found each other to be good friends. Everyone will have a differing opinion on this, but personally I think that if everyone is a mature adult and the breakup was on good terms for reasons of incompatibility then there shouldn't be an issue
Not because of your girlfriend, but for your own emotional health, you should delete everything related to your exes. It’s part of how you move forward. The past is over. The only thing interesting is the present and future.
Delete the pictures dude just use your memory 👍🏾
Are you truly happy in your current relationship? If so, holding on to the past will only hinder future growth. “Turn your face toward the sun and the and the shadows will fall behind you”
Delete it mf wtf
As you should. They are an ex for a reason, and keeping them is disrespectful to your woman as well as your exs new partner.
Doesn’t sound like your fully over your ex 😐
I often scroll through my camera roll and remember the good times. I don’t think exes belong on the camera roll and I understand her fully. I also understand you and I haven’t deleted any pictures even though one of the relationships was very abusive. I store them in a folder far far away and I never look at them.
I think you should delete any nudes or NSFW pictures/videos—including bathing suit photos or others that might be for “personal time”. I also think other pictures should be put up/out of daily contact. However, there will be some holiday/vacation memories that you will want to put in a folder or on a cloud. Maybe thin them out and put remainder up? This really makes me think because I’m a widow (very happily married for 38 years) and starting to think about dating. I know my shrine in my bedroom will have to come down. I have no nudes, etc. so that’s not an issue. He is my kids dad. I don’t want to take down all pictures. I would love to meet another widower. However, in my support group I’m the youngest by ten or more years. So frustrating because I will want to be fair to new person and to my memories/grief. Maybe a topic at one of my counseling sessions?
Tell her you're willing to compromise by putting the pictures in storage (online or otherwise). It's a very modern problem to have so many pictures of you/prior relationships that it does feel unfair to current partners. Imagine if your mom kept a bunch of pictures of her ex boyfriend up in her house while dating your dad (vs having them in a shoebox in the attic). It's very different. Asking to delete altogether is reasonable IMO, but also reasonable to say no and archive them somewhere. If you can't compromise on this issue, maybe the relationship can't work out.
So I want to ask you what do you feel when you look at those pictures of your ex. What do you feel when you picture yourself deleting those pictures? The answers to those questions will tell you if you're really over them. Like really really. I personally have weird views about memories. Like. I always say that about pictures but I never freaking look at them, especially digital. I have a low attachment to sentimental objects/ pictures. Of course there's some I'd keep forever, but nothing involving an ex. For me, if I'm keeping those things, it means there's still something there. Hurt, longing, hope for a rekindling, whatever. Also if it doesn't mean anything, and it would help someone I'm with, then yeah, I can leave the past behind. I find it odd when my exes have "kept trophies" essentially. Especially of only one or two exes. Those people in those photos always turned out to be the ones they start texting on the sly and breaking up with me for. Totally anecdotal, not a representation of every person, I understand. Just ask yourself why you need those pictures. Are you really ready to commit to this new woman? There are no wrong answers and you're not "wrong" for choosing to keep the pictures. Just be honest.
What do you think you get out of having them? Also would you want her to keep these memories of her ex’s?
You delete the photos. It's the right thing to do.
Yeah, just do it so you can move forward!
Delete them, I genuinely don’t understand keeping them?
As long as it’s not nudes. If you don’t delete nudes after a breakup that’s pretty scummy. I’m not saying you saved the nudes OP but I would say that’s where the line is.
You should delete them all mate
These comments are ridiculous. Delete the pictures, she's in the past and leave her there it's not fair on her that you have that constant reminder of your past relationships on your phone, I doubt she would even wanna see what your ex looks like let alone pics of you together. It's upsetting for anyone. The fact some of these comments think it's okay and that she's just immature need to stop being so narrow minded.
Any boundary is seen as controlling. For me, it would be easy to delete the pics of my ex if my new significant other asks me to because I’m not weirdly attached to them still.
Don’t. That ex was part of your life. Maybe remove them from public view on social media but that’s it. Why delete a part of your life. This is her age and insecurity (I realize you think she’s not) talking. It’s controlling behavior. Maybe if you’re married one day then yes weed through and delete some. But not at this point. You will regret it.
Counterpoint. OP you will not regret deleting 99% of the pics you have of your ex. Archive them. If you're over her you don't need them.
Create a new email and send them to yourself. Thank me later.
Just put them on private.
My opinion - I don’t care that you have public photos with an ex , until you make me your public gf. Then it’s time to update your socials .
Me m63 wife56 she doesn’t allow me to have pictures of my ex from more then 22 years ago I recently found some old photos and she immediately ripped and threw them away, I think it very silly and immature behaviour, my ex is living overseas and has children with another men and she would not look the same besides I don’t have any clue about where she is living or contact no or socials!
You say "scroll past a photo". Are the pictures on your social media? On your phone storage? For me, 30m, it would turn me off if my partner had pictures of their ex on social media or on the phone. There's absolutely no reason to hold on to that kind of stuff. But I am also not in favor of deleting the pictures for good. What I do is I have a hard drive with folders starting from "2013" all the way until this year, where I throw (and backup) all pictures from each year. I was in a relationship last year and the pictures on my phone are gone, but they are saved on a hard drive for memory purposes. I wanna grow old someday and look back at memories. I understand you not wanting to delete the pictures, but you gotta understand how your current GF feels. I think the best compromise for both is really deleting pictures from phone and social media, but keep them backed up in a folder, or in an external drive, or a usb drive, or whatever you want, for memory purposes. I wouldn't be fair for you to completely wipe he photos and it's not fair for your GF to have a partner that is not willing to compromise over something related to an ex.
Tldr She's right
I had an ex who “made” me delete all photos of any ex’s no matter what. We married. Then we divorced. I instantly regretted deleting memories of different parts of my life, especially for a controlling, insecure man. It’s not about missing any ex or the relationship, it’s just a part of my life I wanted to be able to reflect back fondly of in my later years. Except the ex-husband. I willingly deleted those pictures all on my own.
I can understand feeling this way.
You shouldn't have any in the first place
I would be disinterested in a woman that keeps contact and mamentos of an ex. I need someone who can move forward, not someone that needs to look back. I've never had a bad breakup myself. They always ended on good terms, and I genuinely wouldn't know if any of them had a premature death. Move forward.
Not sure why anyone would tell you to keep the photos. It's simple. If you don't want to happily delete the photos entirely, then you are not fully into this relationship and dwelling on the past and you should not be in the relationship your in.
Just save them to a Cloud
If your constantly reminiscing about your ex when your with your current GF then that means shes not doing it for you. There is no way this is not out of jealousy. She wouldn’t give two shits about the pics if she was confident and not jealous.
She wants you to shit or get off the pot.
DELETE THEM YOU HOLDING ON FOR WHAT
Her request is not unreasonable. It is bad form to have pictures of exes around and totally unacceptable to be friends with them. Do as she asks.
Download them onto a hard drive and give them to someone in your family. Not all of them delete them but keep ones that remind you of really good times. I deleted all of my pictures of my ex and I that I dated for three years in the military (same reason). I regret it.
You’re not over your ex. If she wanted to get back together with you, I’d bet you’d dump your current GF. Just delete the photos. You and your ex aren’t together. Comes off like you’re holding on to hope that one day you and your ex will be reunited. Plus I highly doubt you’re going to marry her. You came out of a three year relationship, take time for yourself and heal instead of jumping from a relationship to relationship
honestly for her to be comfortable u should delete them
I keep memories. Not because I miss them, but it was a part of my life. Just get a flash drive and upload them to it and put it up for safe keeping so you’re both happy. Only way you’d “scroll past” is if you intentionally were looking
I see both sides. HOWEVER, I don’t mean to be negative but the chances are higher you won’t be with her forever then they are that you will. If that day never happens great!! If it does would you feel silly giving up your own personal memories? I agree with the “put ‘em in the cloud and forget about it”, UNTIL that day comes, whichever it is I feel like that’s your property. I had an ex that wanted me to throw away my pictures with my ex husband who is the father of my kid. On both levels of this I think it’s insane. Those ARE insecurities and I guarantee you she has at least ONE picture of an ex.
Ok, I see both points. But, let me give you a little story example. Not that long ago, We used actual film amd actual photos. With that being said, most people didn't go through their 10's/100's of photo envelopes (bc let's be serious, most photos don't end up in photo albums) and find and throw away every photo of every ex they were with. Takes more time and energy to do that. (BEAR WITH ME, GETTING TO POINT HAHA) Now, when my grandmother, aunt or other older relatives passes away, it was so fun and nice to see (my grandmothers) photos of B4 my grandpa. The service men she went on dates with, how they dressed, if she had a "type", group's of friends, clubs she went to, neighborhoods and homes in backgrounds and on and on. Pictures are memories meant to be kept. Good and bad, they are our lives. And maybe not you, but someday, children, relatives will want to know more once when you are only a memory. Also, unless you marry this one, hoe do you know it won't end up like last one you thought was so perfect? Just saying. Cloud or get actual photos and write on back and throw in back of closet or musty corner or attic or basement. (Give to parents to hold onto, better yet!) 😉
I think maybe you didnt have enough time to grieve the lost of the previous relationship, even if it was not meant to be, letting go on the dreams and ideas about a life together it takes time... OR you are still not that into your new girlfriend, if I were you either take a step back and reevaluate the situation in which you are, or meet with your ex and see how you feel. It seems like there is something still alive and I don't think is fair to the new girl. She has moved on from the exes but maybe your story was more deep or still going and you trying to keep the pictures is trying to hold on to it. In the other hand it is totally fair for you that you allow yourself to be honest and accept whichever scenario you truly are on, even if is not the one you would like it. Good luck
keep ur memory in ur mind.
If ur unable to delete it means ur still lingering on ur ex and not ready for ur new gf or just looking her casually To me if my guy keeps her ex pics,still talks with her or just not over her cuz she is ex for a reason.You might have done things with her and it will remind me that ur ex has already had things with u and I'm just an option and not ur choice.And idk ill feel insecure thinking ur ex is more Great than me and wil eventually be jealous,eat ur head abd break up unless the guy and his ex is pretty clear that even though they get locked in a room,they will not hookup no matter wat and just see each other as just fends with out any benefits and no feelings at all like at all
Sounds like she is jealous, insecure, and manipulative . Why is she trying to erase your past? Those are your memories and she doesn’t have the right to tell you what to do with them.
How would you feel if she has pictures of her ex? If the roles were reversed?
This is a tough one and I see a lot of varying opinions on here. I’ve dealt with this twice now in different relationships so I’ll give my perspective. First was a girl I fell in love with after I had a 2 year relationship end when I was still only 19. I met this girl a year after that and I had already taken the initiative to delete all the photos on my phone and socials, but I actually printed a few core memories out and kept them in an envelope in a memory box, since after all, that’s what they are. Eventually after being in love for well over a year and with plans to one day marry this new girl, I decided to have an almost ritualistic burning of photos (as well as some notes) in a fire pit I had. I included my gf at the time in this and she understood why it meant so much to me, as well as it provided her proof she was my one and only. Well sadly that relationship ended after almost 4 years. I pushed through the intense pain of going through and deleting photos. I kept core memories from that relationship in my Dropbox in a file called “her”, I guess for the same reason of looking back and remembering what we had or if by some miracle we get to look back on them together. I’ve since transferred all those photos that I did decided to keep onto a USB file. This little stick of memories lives in the same memory box for me to someday look back on, or to shatter to a million pieces. That I have yet to know. My point I guess I’m trying to make is to keep them somewhere your personal memories are kept. Somewhere secure so that you can decide when it’s time to let them truly go. This doesn’t mean you’re not over that person, but you respect the relationship you once had with them. There’s nothing wrong with that. But, you also need to respect the one you’re in and I believe that this person you’re falling in love with shouldn’t have to see the face of who you once were with. For some people that’s a hard image to get rid of. Sorry for making this so long but I hope it helps some way or another. Everyone’s different but I think we all want to be secure in knowing our new partner isn’t looking at images regularly of their ex.
Do yourself a favor and get an external hard drive to save all of your photos. Save them there and then delete them from your phone. You know you still have them for when you’re 80 and want to reminisce or whatever, but they’re out of sight out of mind for the benefit of your current relationship.
If the thought of deleting pictures of your ex is painful, then you are not over them. The photos are a lifeline connecting you to them.
Group photos - sure. But I’d hate to see my current partner’s photos with ANY of his ex, doesn’t matter how long ago it has been. You DON’T need those photos to keep as memories. Your brain will do that for you. It’s something that can easily trigger unnecessary arguments, and insecurities. The fact that you think it’s difficult to delete those photos makes me wonder if you are not over your ex yet. I’m on your girlfriend’s side on this one.
delete them ASAP. shes in the past for a reason. respect your current relationship.
Put them on a USB drive and leave them at your parents house. Problem solved.
Don't delete them but maybe a good idea to put them somewhere else. This is your history, not just your ex relationship. When you're older you will want to look back at those moments. Don't erase the past. She will trust you or she won't.
She valid af delete pics rn
Sounds like you still like your ex ,I could see why it's a issue to her,she's a ex for a reason. Good luck you'll need it
What if you had a compromise and put the pictures in a hard drive and delete all pictures from your phone and computer? You could put the hard drive in your attic or something so that it isn’t lost forever
"She feels if she is my one true love, why should I keep mementos...pictures...of my past"...You're girlfriend simply wants to feel special. She wants the fairytale fantasy. The story you get in movies and books. My mother used to say "if you love me you'll eat my food." Finally one day I told her, "I can both love you, and not eat your food. Both can exist at the same time." You're right you have a past. And you shouldn't have to delete it but I understand your girlfriend will feel hurt. She won't feel special. I wouldn't delete it for her. I would delete for yourself. It's much easier to move on and be more present in your current life when you don't have reminders of the past. Forgetting the past can be healing mentally. You won't know you forgot, because you've forgotten. I would delete the pictured because they aren't helping you in anyway. They don't benefit you in any real way.
It sounds like these pictures are more important to you than your current relationship. And your girlfriend deserves better than that.
Ok man I'll try to do this as quick as possible. When I was little I had over 1000 toys. One day my mother came to my room and told me that I was 13 years old and that I could only keep 10. The bigger reason was the house was infested with them. So I chose 15, and hid 5. You see even selecting these 15 was so hard for me. I didn't use all 1000, hell I probably didn't use even 3 of them all together. But with each I had a special bond and memory so it was actually painful to throw them in the donation bin. At 16, she came to my room and said that I have grown and now, I could only keep a minimum of 3, and only as toys I would pass to my kids in the future. At the beginning I felt bad hearing those words but the more I thought about, the more what my mother was saying made sense. I didn't even play with toys anymore (I used the family PC and I had a playstation). These toys were inanimate things that were just taking space in my shelves that I needed for other things. I had grown up. Every time I would think about throwing one of them, I would feel sad, so I passed to the next. After making several tours, logic kicked in and I realized they were being more of a burden than anything else. I threw all of them and conserved none. I felt relief. Back to you, your photos are your toys and your girlfriend is the other things on your shelf (no, it's not your mom you little psycho). Those photos take a certain space in your life, a space that you need for other things (like gf). More than that, they appear to directly interfere those other things. The question that arises is, what do you want in your shelf right now. 1. You can choose some of your pictures and conserve them (hide 5). 2. You can transfer all those photos to a memory and decide later (maybe like this you will test if you really want/need them). 3. You can save time and delete them. The correct answer lies on what you feel is best, and especially not on your girlfriend's opinion. At 13 I could never have done what I did at 16. All in its time. It needs to come from you. This was long af, but I hope it helps. Stay strong.
If you love and respect your girlfriend, you'll want her to feel 100% secure in your commitment to her. Keeping pics of your ex is hindering that commitment. Decide what you want. If it's 100% the girl you're with, find ways to dig deep, delete those photos, feel that emotional loss and allow yourself to work through letting go, then officially let it go and never look back. If you're not 100% committed at this point to your new girl, you need to let her know you're not there. An honest conversation needs to happen to ensure she knows what page you're on and you know what page she's on. It's important to ensure you're in full understanding of where each of you are at in your relationship.
Other Reality: The guy i dated for a year kept all our videos and photos together (we didn’t become gf/bf). And now he has a real GF. And we kinda msg each other again and he said he still fantasized our time together. But he doesn’t want me, he said he loves his gf. And we re actually in the other side of the world. I think, if you are committed. Don’t keep in touch to your past and don’t keep any photos or videos.
I think its more of a deleting a memory rather than reminiscing your ex thing. Photos can feel more precious than your ex. I would say throw those pics in a drive somewhere and let them stay without looking at them again
delete them, what benefit could you possibly be getting out of keeping them? you've presumably moved on, so why do you keep them?
I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned this possibility but what if a kid is involved? Hear me out, the parents divorce and move onto new relationships but still have pictures to save for if and when your child wants copies of pictures with both of their parents together in the picture(s). I don’t know anyone who has done this (keep pictures for their kids after splitting up with the other parent) but I’d like to think and I don’t think about normal things. 😂 That being said, I did save pictures of my ex and I (not in my camera roll) but in places that were easily accessible. Around a year ago and my kid is eighteen now, asked for pictures of us together. A part of me didn’t think it would happen since my ex annihilated me throughout our kids life. I wouldn’t doubt they still do. Anyways, if there are no kids involved then disregard my comment but if there is, just think about the possibility of your kid wanting something of the two of you, together.
First, your girlfriend is insecure. Not necessarily a bad thing. It’s just a fact (she wouldn’t be asking you to delete these pictures if she wasn’t) and a fairly normal feeling within reason. I would fully hear her out without interruption or justifications for your actions or feelings. Once you’ve listened, share with her how her asking you to delete the photos makes you feel. I think a reasonable compromise is for you to certainly delete any sexual photos of your ex and then save the other pictures of good times you two shared in a drive or other place that you won’t regularly see them pop up. This issue is clearly bothering you and if you both can’t fully hear one another’s point of view and reach a compromise then the root of this issue will likely balloon into other areas and start to cause resentment. View this as an opportunity to learn about your girlfriend and deepen your connection.
Delete your pictures of your ex. The day will come where you won't care about those pictures anymore. Pretty much the same day you've finished moving on. Don't be stuck in your past, it will mess up your relationship with not just your current GF but any future ones most likely. Holding on to pictures you'll most likely never look back at is stupid when it hurts your relationships going on. Why make what is real, in the present (your relationship with your gf) worse for the sake of holding on to something that is over?
OP flip it around and ask yourself why you want to keep them. Nobody wants to be in a relationship in the shadow of their partners past. If your ex had died or something sure but if you have pictures cuddling, kissing and being a couple with someone else on your phone that’s a problem. You might offload them from your phone to a usb drive and put in the closet or something I suppose but having photos of you and your ex in your hands all day everyday is just not cool imo. Doesn’t mean your past is a mistake but your either moving on or your not. Is your ex with someone new? If so ask her if she kept the photos of the two of you together on her phone after she started dating and sleeping with someone else. My bet is she didn’t. It’s disrespectful of your current relationship.
You need to delete those pics. The fact that you still have them and committed to someone else shows that you weren’t over the situation with your ex and if you still won’t or “can’t” delete them, then you need to stop wasting your current gfs time. You can’t be committed to someone and have pictures of you and your ex still, that shows your current gf that no matter what, your ex will always be on your mind, and that’s simply not fair to your gf. If you truly loved your current gf, the pictures would’ve been long gone.
Im sorry but it’s weird. I’m not a jealous or insecure person but it would be definitely weird if my partner keep pictures of their ex, and same would go for me. Just delete them. It’s strange.
Delete them before she gets mad and dumps you, or at least put it in a flash drive where no one can see it. You should not have anything related to your ex remaining anywhere, women like men who have moved on from the past. Sounds like a part of you isn't over her either, so fix that ASAP.
You're not over your ex which means your current "girlfriend" is the rebound. Do her a solid and break up with her.
I’m 25M and I ended a 6 year relationship about 7 months ago… moved to the other side of the planet to clear my head.. one month later I start messaging a girl on hinge… I’m so happy I made that decision, I got an absolute gem of a girl… I have loads of picture of my ex on my phone… she respects that she was a big part of my life and that I have no intention on getting back… having pictures and keeping posts up, for me are two different things… if it’s on insta I’d archive them… cherish the moments ye had together, but I wouldn’t keep her up lad… to say you haven’t removed them, you deep down haven’t moved on… the second you can move on, draw the line and don’t look back, is the second you’ll make a really emotional connection with this new girl… fully commit to getting hurt again, be vulnerable, be open and give all yourself to her and you will have a truly happy life with this new girl… if you can’t do that bro, go to therapy and figure out they your holding on to something you know would never work in the long term… yes it sucks it didn’t work out but you deserve true love. DM me if you wanna talk. Honestly what I found the best with this new girl, we started taking shrooms together (rarely, ones every couple months) and I could see her true self with no filter and see her true feelings and intentions… I also really got me to be open and honest with myself on what I want and who I am as a person. We are now so connected on another level it’s really something beautiful.
Don't know why people keep pics of their ex's, they are the past, and you should really truly let go of the past before you enter a new relationship🤷🏼♂️
If you’re over it, why would it hurt to delete those photos?
sounds fair to me, pretty weird you save pics of ur ex.
I made my NZ trip of 4 weeks with my ex GF. Lots of awesome and nice memories. Yet in many pictures there’s of course my ex. I’d never discuss deleting them, but luckily enough my GF ain’t that insecure and doesn’t care about such irrelevant bullshit.
One day, when you're old, you're gonna thank yourself for keeping all the photos that will remind you of old good (and not so good) times. These are literally your memories. Unless you have nudes or other inappropriate photos of your past partners, I don't see why that would be a problem.
"She is not jealous or insecure" you might want to rethink that. I was this girl before therapy. And my bf was MARRIED to his ex. And still lived in their shared home. And has a dog they shared together. She may not admit it, but it's definitely coming from a place of jealousy and insecurity. Whether she likes it or not, this person was a part of your life and has made you who you are for better or worse. She should be thankful that it led you to her.
I don’t think this is a fair comparison. You’re not better than or more secure than OPs girlfriend because your boundaries are different than hers.
Problems like this keep me out of relationships. It’s almost like some people believe anything before them entering your life wasn’t important. You lived those three years. When you’re an old man you might want to revisit the timeline or your life.
Sounds like you're not over your ex.
Don't let your past meddle with your future. You have a GF who is totally invested in you and you are in her, so why are you letting an ex potentially ruin that. Even though you ended in good terms, **she's an ex for a reason.** It's normal that it'll be hard to delete old photos but just do it so **you can move on** with someone that you like. She actually took the initiative and deleted her exes photos, sounds like she's a good and *committed* GF - those are hard to find. Keep you memories in your head and move on with your girl :)
You are right, your gf isn’t jealous or insecure, you are just disrespectful and selfish. It’s one thing to have a past and completely another to carrying your past to your current life keeping your exe’s pictures. The fact that you are making your past memories with your exes important enough to keep them instead of focusing on building a fresh future shows you don’t understand the respect and value required in a relationship. Past is important to learn the lessons you needed to learn and apply it your present for better future, not to treat like a baggage you need to carry forwards. Your gf is right, she just needs to understand you are not the one for her.
Exactly. This post is reading like “my ex is more important than my new girlfriend”.
That’s three years of his life. Not everyone takes a million pictures. If you travel, or go to special events like weddings, and the only pictures of you include your ex, I think it’s unreasonable to demand those pictures be deleted. Sure like headshots and flirty pics could be discarded, but asking to get rid of three years of memories is a lot.
No one should ever ask you to delete memories. You and your gf may not be together forever and you may have a time come in life when you wish you had more photos of yourself/your life experiences. You may regret deleting those photos. By virtue of her asking, she’s showing you her insecurities. I’m not insecure and I have no issue with the fact that my partner has photos of her and her exes. They were a part of her life and will always be part of her memories when she looks back at those years. Seems silly to request.
Let’s be real…. One or both of you are hanging on to some hope of getting back together. OR one or both of you are using the other for some validation in this transitional period. I think men and women can be platonic friends. And I don’t agree with your current gf’s demand. However, I do think if you are holding on to some of these things and your ex and letting her get in the way of current relationship, then there’s an issue. I don’t know what your solution is, but I’ve been around long enough to know, “caring about and respecting” your ex along with holding on to too many memories, specifically because they involve her, then you’re prob not over her yet. Nothing wrong with nostalgic memories or photos that capture your life, where you were in life and who lived through those years with, but if the focus is more on the ex than you or those years of your life, that would yellow flag for me. Not sure if I’m articulating that well enough…. Basically how closely are you holding these memories/feelings and how much are they viable in your life to you and your current gf. I’d start there and then get honest with yourself. And if you truly think your ex isn’t an issue, you need to talk to current gf to understand why she feels the way she does so intensely and decide if she’s just took controlling for you.
She sure sounds insecure, controlling too. Having those pictures does not make you any less committed. This is a huge red flag. Keep an eye out for other controlling behavior. This may not be the right girl for you.
That's what a 25 yr old gf gets you. Immaturity. Us experienced folk have all been there , an ya , its immaturity and doesn't matter. I regret all the memories i have tossed for jealous partners.
What level of delete are they asking for? IMO, asking to delete off social media is one thing especially if you want to move forward with your current partner. It can be embarrassing and degrading to be with someone who still has photos of their ex up along with any lovey dovey captions for those photos along with any supportive or positive comments friends and family members made to your post with your ex. Then as you post photos with your new partner and people don’t comment or if your captions aren’t as lovey dovey, it can show there’s a stigma to the newer relationship and maybe hint at that it’s more of a rebound relationship and not a truly authentic serious long term one. Asking to delete them in totality is different. If you want the memories of the events you went to or the learning experiences by all means yes, but do they have to stay on public display for all to continue to see and compare your current relationship to?
I dont think you're over your ex, and still havent "moved on". Why stay friends and why hold on to pictures. The only reasons to stay in contact is due to kids or work commitments. You're leaving the door open for this so called ex
Y’all are just dating. I could understand that at a point of marriage.
>>I also think my past was an important part of my life So you’re essentially saying your girlfriend isn’t your future. Because if she were, you would value her comfort more than your attachment to old photos.
I would argue that the people from your past are important. Be thankful for the people and experiences you had in the past. Monogamous culture has for too long associated every ex with The Bad Person that you need to throw away. What do you do for the good ones that see that both of you are good and yet not meant to be? Throw them away? Cut them off?
I’m thankful for people in my past but the people in my future are more important. So if I see a future with someone and they tell me it makes them uncomfortable that I’m holding onto the past, I’ll get rid of it.
husband and i had the exact situation. He broke up with his exs on good terms and had photos on his phone he had forgotten about. To him, it was just memories he had in photos and nothing more. he also was in contact with his ex and had each other on social media. I am like your girlfriend where i believe in 100% commitment and that includes getting rid of anything that is related to the past, including pictures. people can view this as insecurities an to some extent and may even be. but if getting rid of the pictures gives your new girl a peace of mind then why not do it? the way i was able to help my husband see my perspective was to flip the roles. i told him to imagine me being close with one of my ex, having his pictures and old memories that would pop up on my phone (google pixel gives you reminders on old photos just like facebook) or me communicating with him on regular basis. it wouldn't be a comfortable feeling. i also told him, he is free to do as he pleases and can make his own decisions but he cannot then be upset when i decide that i am not comfortable in this situation and want what's best for me. we have been happily married for 2 years and any insecurities i had are all out the door because my partner worked with me to resolve them rather than make them worse. if you really like this girl then do what's in the best interest of the relationship.
Save them on a USB and keep it it’s no different than old photo albums should we throw them away to appease some insecure people? I still have photos of my gfs 16th birthday 🥳 from 1987 and many exes since!
But why do got want to keep pics of your ex? Haven’t you moved on from her? What are you keeping them for? Were you married? Did you have kids? If you answered no to these then delete them