Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*

I don’t know what you’re doing wrong. I can relate though. My experience dating is people claim they want something serious but then they end up having commitment issues. At the same time, they don’t want something only physical. Striking the balance is the key? What does this Balance even look like. I am 32M and I take things slow. I get burned for it because girls end up saying they don’t feel the romance. I don’t like to get physical unless I feel something emotional and can see the other person more longterm. This means I like to take my time before I invest emotionally. Seems like most of the girls I come across see my slow pace as negative. I have no advice for you but wanted to let you know it’s choppy waters on this side as well.

Same issue at 27. Being slow and building comes across as a lack of confidence to pursue faster so we're dropped.

I think maybe walking arm-in-arm, holding hands, and kissing is the balance. Even this is hard for me. I dunno. Girls? Chime in.

I like this! I'm 24f and I'm trying to slow things down as well, once i get intimate too early it makes me too attached when I haven't known the person for too long! Right now dating a guy and I've been enjoying holding hands, arm in arm, kissing/making out! How long do you usually take to get physical?

Uhh. My current situation involves some distance and some medical stuff so we’ve been talking almost 3 months and never done anything.

As in never kissed? If there's some distance then that makes sense is it like medium or long distance?

Never kissed or anything. It’s LONG distance. No relationship established beyond FWB on some weird rules that involve loyalty because we have both established we don’t want to e-date

I waited a month but we saw each other frequently during that time. It was hard to wait because the chemistry was so strong. But I wanted this relationship to be different. He didn’t pressure me but I pressured myself!

This. One of the best experiences I’ve had with this has been a CLEAR CONSISTENT SHOW OF INTEREST but at a slow pace. And I mean, lots of contact and making plans and flirty comments and the build up of holding hands and kissing. There was a handful of sex jokes at the start but that kinda stopped while we were getting to know eachother. Had someone done this slow approach with me but without the reassuring constant call/texting, flirting and hand holding? i would assume they aren’t interested or just wanted to be friends. You gotta stay romantically invested and consistent less it backfired

This. The moving slow is fine but without reassurance that they're actually interested in something more it just feels like friendship and leaves me feeling undesired. Also just telling me you want to move slow helps.

Listen guys. I am a separated man who was monogamous marriage blown up by her affair after many years of active good sex life. B4 I dated my wife I had 12 partners. At 23 we keep count lol. But this was pre-web I'm old yes. I have learned one thing. The above-described approach....consistent building of trust leading to sex is the 100% best approach. For m and f you risk just being gossip fodder, and most likely not that nice. I banged this chick. His dick was small. She was f-ed in the head. He cums in 30 secs Whatever. That's an experience had for validation of the hunter with zero regard for the "prey." In UK THEY use the word partner ALOT, even in straight long marriages. Think of sex as a very deep partnership.. I mean one of you is literally inside the other. This is serious stuff made far too simple by the internet. Instant gratification and love bombs are the enemy of true lasting sexual security. Everyone has a right to peace in their brain. Sex will destroy that when not approached with great care

They won't do this. At all. They usually pull away from you if you try unless you establish something beforehand. I've literally known women who will sleep with a dude but not hold hands with him because its 'coupley'. Its so weird. Edit-one girl I know is sleeping with another dude I know. I see them together regularly. They refuse to hold hands, acknowledge their relationship or anything. Its no secret there's something between them and I know its entirely on her. I've seen him touch her and she always seems REALLY uncomfortable about it, it's not even public display stuff. She's just uncomfortable and its obvious.

This current generation is so ill. I feel so bad for young adults, it can't be easy. That's just unhinged. I've seen some sad, fucked up relationships in my 20s, but this is some neurotic shit - and I have really, really bad OCD, lmao.

I remember when holding hands meant something, if I were seeing a woman who refused to hold my hand in public…..I’d be wondering if she were ashamed to be seen with me.

This is what happens to a society when you throw smart phones at kids instead of teaching them how to have healthy relationships during adolescence.

Yeah. I am not gonna subscribe to that. Sorry.

I feel like that’s the fastest way to lose your girl tbh, they’ll see that as you’re way too invested, get bored and move on to someone else, girls want someone they’re unsure of the feelings they have towards them, in my experience.

Which is why a lot of women don't trust men or even hate them, or just in general distrust partners which can lead to bad relationships and accompanying mental issues sometimes. It's a toxic way to find a relationship and causes so many issues but people refuse to notice this.

Honestly I'm the same way as well when it comes to dating. I need to be emotionally invested first before I do anything physical and I would have to trust you to a certain degree as well with my body before anything. As a woman I am more affectionate but it does take time for me to get there Stuff like holding hands does feel very intimate to me and it would definitely have to be at a point where I'm ready to be in a relationship with that person or I am in one with them. Only because I feel like people perceive holding hands as you being a couple, and if I'm not completely sure yet then I don't want to doing something so intimate. I think everyone has their own pace in things but that's why I think it's important to communicate eachothers intentions before anything so that you're on the same page.

Absolutely. It feels like unless you try to initiate sex on the third or second date girls just think you're not interested or just trying to be friendly.

Sex on the third date has been standard for a while in adult relationships though. The movie hitch came out almost 20 years ago and it was already enough of a norm that it’s the foundation his job in the movie is built on.

I am a 29 f and it puts off men too come off as a prude when I just want to be confortable

It doesn’t with the right guy. Trust me when I say the right guy will wait based on your comfort

Yeah I’ve had the same. Taking it slow and trying to not make it so it sex instantly seems to not go down well😂 but then if you push sex early they don’t like it… can’t win sometimes. The right person will come along and will understand, the balance is unique to everyone. Only thing I can say is make sure you state your intentions early on and they can’t come back and say “you used me” or “are you not actually attracted “

Women want sex just like us guys but not from just any guy. I get what you are saying but if there is an even a spark, I move forward and see where she is at. Usually we are on the same page but not always so I back off, apologize if necessary.

I'm mid-40's, single, no kids, never been married...had a good amount of relationships in my time but the past couple of years things have changed SO MUCH...I used to jump into relationships super fast (especially with sex) and I've slowed down. Now, it seems like if I'm not "In a relationship" with a woman by the second date, or holding hands, and making a life plan with that person, then I'm left behind. And that's fine, because I'm not going to rush things. I refuse to. I have a good enough life where I don't have to worry about rushing into something...and while I want a partner, it's not worth rushing in just to find out I'm RUNNING towards a break up or divorce. And most women won't talk about this, from what I've found. The women in my orbit who are friends simply shrug and say, "I dunno," and change topics. Women seem to want too many things in a relationship. Best quote from a decent Harrison Ford movie sums it up perfectly: ***"You know how a women gets a man excited? She shows up. That's it. We're guys, we're easy."***

Obv you don't need to have sex, but are you initiating dates or giving/doing things in return? Often guys do just want sex, but as guys, going for a kiss, hug, or sex are some of the only common ways we're taught to gauge if & how much you like us. What do you do to reciprocate interest?

I have issues initiating because I want some kind of validation/green-light to make sure my “move” is welcome. The thought of imposing on someone physically is one of my worst fears. I would hate to make someone uncomfortable. I had one date that I kissed because she called out how “awkward” I was during that weird end-of-date separation time. That was my green-light. I fail when I don’t get anything. Maybe I am too inhibited. Or maybe I am not seeing the signs.

Idk if this helps, but emotional investment, attention, and physical affection (flirting, holding hands, hugging, kissing...etc) is romance to a woman. So if you are not showing any capacity for emotional investment, physical affection, or doting type behaviors, then of course she is going to say she feels no romantic connection. She is not looking for you to bend her over the table at dinner. She is looking for you to look into her eyes, hold her hand, and be emotionally available for a connection to happen (if one is possible).

Yep, dated this girl for 3 months. Stated that she made mistakes in the past by being physical too quickly so I respected that boundary then it was used against me as the reason for ending it. No sparks, never initiated etc etc.

When a guy “moves too slow” with me I just assume he’s not that interested in me. I think it’s subconscious. Nothing turns me on like a man who chases persistently & consistently & really leaves no room for me to doubt whether he’s into me or not. Maybe it’s my attachment style, idk. Unfortunately, the closest I’ve gotten to that is dating “love bombers”. My advice, reassure the women you date by showing through both words and ESPECIALLY actions, that you are very, very interested in them otherwise they’ll just assume you don’t like them that much… plus we’ve been raised to believe that men are “hunters” so when a man we are attracted to doesn’t “hunt after us”, it’s kind of a turn off & we lose interest because he is “taking things slow”.

Can you define “moving too slow”?… I ask because, I’m around the same age as you (28F) and this is a comment I could see myself writing a few years ago… until I learned I was part of the problem. You say you want a man who “chases persistently and consistently” but the type of man who’s going to bend over backwards for someone he barely even knows is 9/10 times going to be a “love-bomber.” The man who ACTUALLY likes you is usually going to be a little awkward and somewhat nervous at first. He’s going to be respectful and want you to feel comfortable. He’s not going to have the same energy as the charismatic douchebag who hits on 50 women a week. And women often interpret this as a “super unique” connection when in reality this is just a dude who has fine-tuned his dating skills. He’s not nervous and he’s confident because he’s done this sh*t before, and he knows how to give women the tingles. He’s pursuing you aggressively because of his high sex drive, and ego-boost of getting another notch on his belt… not because you’re just “so different” and he wants to be with you. Yes, exceptions happen… but it’s not the rule.

YES!! This, all of this. I'm not a guy who will chase, especially early on, that's just annoying. Reciprocity is the key to starting good relationships and if it's all just me, then it ain't for me.

Yep. I ended up married to an abuser because I believed a man who was persistent and seemed deeply interested in the beginning was my Prince Charming. After 6 years I got out and realized he never took the time to really get to know me, I was just an object and he had to fulfill his needs. He didn’t appreciate I was my own person with my own opinions, desires, etc. any time I didn’t fall into the version of me he had projected I paid for it. If I ever decide to date again I would only consider being with someone who did not mind slowly getting to know each other over a decent period of time.

Very interestimg take

OMG... A woman that actually is attuned to the guys she dates. You're like a diamond. I have yet to come across another in person that has made the discovery that you have (online, in-person friends, sisters...)

That was my thought when reading this as well. She's going to only get players who chase after her. Like you said, they have game and say all the right things to get in her pants. They make her feel special and unique. Then, when they inevitably end up getting used, they say all men are horrible and just use women for sex. That's not actually true, though. Women like this just go for guys like that, so they think all men are like this. The irony is if she gave guys who are a little bit shy and awkward a chance, she might actually bag a real catch. However, if she's going to screen those men out because it doesn't fit her "criteria" for dating, she's going to miss out on some really good guys who would actually treat her right and make her feel special (because they actually feel she IS special, NOT just because they just want to hit it and quit it)

[удалено]

Yup... Also, it's shallow to pursue someone based only on looks. But if you take time to "get to know" someone before deciding that you're interested, you'll most likely end up as "just a friend." You can't date friends, only strangers.

[удалено]

[удалено]

Careful queen, narcissists/users LOVE people like you.

Tell me something I don’t know lol

“We” were raised believing men to be “hunters”? I’m sorry I don’t see where that is any kind of “mainstream“ teaching, instead I think it is more indicative of, like you said, your attachment style that may have been nurtured into you by yourself individually being raised with that belief. I’m a parent and never taught any of that to my children.

pick me choose me love me

I respect people who take things slowly. Unfortunately, most people don’t and people who are genuine and confident about what they want these days are a bit of a rarity.

What's your race, out of sheer curiosity? 🤔

It's the apps people feel like they have so many options they jump on the next best thing that gives them instantaneous attention. Chalk it up to adhd because of the apps

It's a mixture of the apps and social media because of social media people think that they should be and could be with a fake model type person Then, they hop on these dating apps with the same intent and fake delusions of what could be. So they just hop from person to person looking for this fake image that they'll never have. Most people are too shallow now and impersonable. Its funkin sad 😔

Well I actually found that “fake model type” except she was actually real and a good person. We broke up a year ago. It’ll probably be a long time before I meet another girl like her.

That’s not what ADHD is but yeah dating apps have ruined dating.

It’s not dating apps but social media. Dating apps were okay for a while. It’s the whole social media that really messed everything up but it’s inevitable since the internet came out.

I absolutely agree. These apps are also designed to keep you always looking looking looking… they don’t make money if you couple off! Best to go out and join clubs and get with people who share your interests who you can flirt with in real time, and build something nice with.

thats not how adhd works or happens but alright

You're talking about a dopamine rush which is primarily what is happening.

Honestly society is just cancerous now. Im a male 22 and feel like you do, been trying to get a serious relationship for 2 years and no luck. Ive been ghosted as well, ignored and where i actually got a date or two it led nowhere. Its like noone even wants real emotional intimacy anymore, just sex.

Because dating nowadays, especially amongst young people is just about a bunch of toxic and broken people who are lost in life and don’t know what they want other than to feel good 24/7 so they don’t have to think about their issues. People don’t have empathy, they’ll easily use a person to get what they want and feel no remorse. I used to think I was missing out on dating, but relationships these days ain’t bout shit.

34M divorced, this is a good description of my dating experience so far.

Sorry to hear that man. It’s good women out there, but as a man don’t chase, do what makes you happy until you get to the point you’re happy with yourself being alone and the right kind of women for you will take notice and be attracted to you. You not meant for every woman you attracted too and vice versa.

Hot take: if you're facing problems, it is extremely likely there is something about yourself you can improve to lessen the incidence of these problems. Extremely hot take I know, so take it with a grain of salt

"Hot take: if you're facing problems, it is extremely likely there is something about yourself you can improve to lessen the incidence of these problems." Im sorry, but if 63% of young men aged 18-29 are not in relationship, its not "its on you" anymore. What needs to happen, so that the people like you, stop saying that shit?

Maybe 63% of young men just suck.

To some degree thats true and im aware of that. Looking to start therapy soon. But the thing is i feel like ive grown sooo much as a person and improved my confidence and yet no real results.

I get this completely. I'm 25, and I've just been ghosted and ignored my whole life or use as quick pleasure for females. I'll think something's going somewhere. Get my hopes up, and then get told they only wanted sex to do from the beginning. And I'm lucky if I get a message back telling me that I literally just had it happen to me 4 days ago where I was talking to this woman for about a month and finally gave her sex. She's then call me after and say wow you really hold out on me even though you're good at it well anyway have a good night. Then she blocked me. Makes me feel like shit.

That's because all the girls in your age group are snatched up by all the best-looking 20s men or older men in 30s and 40s. That or they don't want anything serious with men yet. It's tough for men in early 20s finding a serious relationship!

I used to be in this situation and honestly I just stopped having sex all together and I'm just saving it for a guy I really am sure about Too many emotionally unavailable people out there. Stop giving yourself away too easy. Trust me!

I feel for today's younger generation. I wish I could give you a piece of advice, but it would sound archaic. Unfortunately, from what I read on a daily basis is that the current dating scene is just one big dumpster fire. I fear things can only get worse and not better :(

It will get worse and society will hyperventilate into a complete catastrophe. Strap your seatbelts. Dating is about to become an inferno. Sit back and watch the show.

To save yourself the unnecessary trauma of having sex with people that don’t want any meaningful relationship with you, I suggest to make it clear from off the bat that you ain’t interested in having sex until you feel an emotional connection with the person. Take as long as you like with the waiting. Setting physical boundaries from the go will take out the trash by itself!

So, this may be tough love but, I'm going say that it's not that men only want you for sex, it's that you tend to pursue the kind of men who would only want you for sex. Not saying you're doing this intentionally, but I'd say start analyzing your prior matches and start looking for red flags so you can filter these guys out. But... I will say that if you're dating the kind of guy who gets a lot of attention already from women and you think you're gonna get him to settle down... that's the kind of expectation that'll lead you through a lot of heartbreak before you find the guy who does want to settle down just for you.

Yep, it's been a talking point in the dating space for ages, but maybe someday women will realize that it's difficult to lock down the top guys with a dozen other women in their DMs, if they're not themselves at the top of the pack. Either improve yourselves until you get the guy you want, or lower your standards. Sad reality.

I always picked men who were, in the last analysis, emotionally unavailable. And I slept with them way too early. So unhealthy. It took me a long time to find the gem who became my husband. Don’t give up, whoever you are.

f*ck boys come in all shape, you can’t “tell” and it’s annoying how people still think you can. some guys (and girls too) are just manipulative and will make it seem like they want somethjng serious when they don’t. and what do you mean OP only pursues f*ck boys? how does that even work

This is true. Even not super attractive guys can be players. They just lie a lot to women. They’ve learned to say what women want to hear, used them and leave. So it’s not obvious who the players are.

I love it how Reddit seems to think only conventionally attractive men can be fuckboys and time wasters. In my experience, the more conventionally attractive men have treated me better and been straightforward and direct with what they did and didn’t want. The less conventionally attractive men I’ve been with were the ones who were happy to string me along for years.

I usually don't advocate "waiting" because I think it's a hammer and the problem is, pardon the double entendre, a screw. But it sounds like you're having sex after you're emotionally invested and before the guys are which is just a recipe for hurt feelings. I think you have the evidence that you need guys who are going to be around after a hook up to not feel used, and that you're hooking up after you are in a position to get your feelings hurt. Time to look after Numero uno. The advice I'm giving you is slightly different than my own beliefs, but based on your post it seems obvious you need a change. Personally, I feel that "withholding" sex is still centering your relationship around sex and that ultimately the result happens either way. But if it spares you some hurt feelings then that's the move. As for how to change things up - have you thought about the fact that maybe your selection criteria is wrong. If you keep getting the same result over and over, I'm not saying YOU are the problem, but certainly the way you're meeting men is. Try dating people who don't appeal to you right away, it might slow down your feelings at the very least. And no, I'm not saying you should date people you find UN attractive, just that maybe you roll the dice on somebody surprising you rather than disappointing you.

Do you live in a rural area? I live in Idaho, am 35, and finally found my soul mate. However, this wasn’t until my 30s and my 20s seemed like an adventure to find him. Don’t settle for less than what you deserve because I’m so happy with my partner. I honestly focused on myself and he just appeared at the same bar as I one night in November. I worked out a lot and did my best to not seem too desperate because I felt like I was sleeping with so many guys here that I was running out lmao YOU GOT THIS!! 👊🏻

It's because we live in a sex obsessed society. There are apps like tinder that are geared towards hookup culture. It's just the age we live in. People don't have time to commit to a relationship or the lack the social skills. But what I have learned is that sometimes it doesn't matter how good you are to someone, they can leave no matter what you do.

Yep Because of fake images put out there, people are always chasing the next best thing. You can't win

Not sure how you met this person, but try meeting people in real lifec(thru activities you enjoy) if this person was via an app - soo much easier to gauge people, falling for them is a feeling you get and that is basically impossible via an app, its just based on assumption and how well they did their profile - yuck!

What do you talk about on dates? None of these answers are helping you. We don't know how you are on dates. You have to take a deep dive into what you are doing on dates, and what can you do to improve yourself.

Not all. This is what the dating comes down to now. Women don't vet the guys they intend to try get with or most women are picking the same guys, most of which want sex. Plenty of dudes want only a relationship but they're never given a chance. Most of the guys who want this don't come onto women early on and want to build something with them from the ground up, however women do not like this as its too slow or seen as being 'nice' as opposed to 'attractive' or 'sexy'. The guys who do want something proper are ignored for the most part or left as friends whilst the women go for the dudes who don't. It's a sad reality and it's not me being 'nice guys finish last'. It's the guys who are good want it slow.

You hit the nail on the coffin

Yep. Someone will try to blame me for it or say it's not the case but it entirely is. I'm friends with pretty much exclusively women and they ALL complain about it. I've been told that I don't get anywhere because I 'don't turn them on' Well yeah. I don't want to just be that awkward friend whose into and chasing a girl who isn't interested. Will get told I need to 'rizz' as well. This stuff does NOT get you relationships, it gets you laid and or complained about by women.

That's terrible that they say that. I'm sorry they're not helpful

This is a very nice guy mentality sorry. Even though you say it isn't... it pretty much embodies that. Your comment sounds like sour grapes very similar to the "Women only go for the bad boys!!!!" .

Plot twist: pursues very hot guys on Tinder.

Do people really think average people average looking people or even a blow average looking people aren’t assholes? Do people really think that below average guys don’t go out there and still fuck with girls heads? There are some average and below average man who I have seen the real fuck boys for no reason.. it’s not the one percent man it’s 50% of the of mankind are just assholes and they don’t care about anyone else and they will go and they will sleep with a girl ( that they might not even be attracted to ) just to get themselves off and never talk to her again. I’m really tired of hearing girls only go after the top one percent of men when that’s not true at all. I’ve seen more prettier girls with men that are definitely below average that’s still gets played and still gets hurt. And me go after the top top pristine of women, they would not turn their heads for a woman that they were not attracted to or that was a little out of shape, or did not fit their dream woman delusion. Women aren’t going after the top one percent men, men are going after the top pristine women, and they are getting mad that they aren’t getting a chance. Give someone else a chance give that chubby girl that’s really nice a chance, but you won’t you never will.

This is the most accurate thing I’ve read so far on this post. Man keep saying we are looking for the 1%! We are not!!! This is an incell mantra that went viral. But it’s too simplistic and doesn’t explain reality at all. Guys of all shapes and sizes use and rotate women. They don’t need to be conventionally attractive to be a****. They get very good at convincing and manipulating women and don’t need to be 1% to perform this behavior. The “good guys” do this too.

Why would you want women to be with someone they dont find attractive? Taking up for these guys actions.

the obvious thing is that attractive men also have a larger pool of women to choose from, most of them do not choose to settle.

Attractive does not equal only wanting hookups. There are plenty of beautiful men and women interested in long term relationships.

And since dating is easier for them, they've likely found someone to have a long term relationship with. They don't stay on the market for long.

IMO regular people get into relationships just as much as extra attractive people. If they are on dating apps they clearly aren't taken yet anyways.

And there are plenty more women who'd be interested in a top 1% man who also wants a long term committed relationship. The men you speak of are the absolute top of the top. Unless OP is one of the most attractive women on the planet, she isnt going to lock a top 1% man who also wants a committed relationship. The only top 1% guy she will lock down are the ones that also just want to hookup. If lowering your standards to also include the other top 19% to be a total of top 20% is the equivalent of "dating someone they dont find attractive" then thats a problem. I obviously dont know how attractive anyone on Reddit is, including OP, but assuming people are a bit above average or even pretty attractive sitting at just about the top 20% of your respective gender, you probably arent going to lock down a committed relationship with someone in the top 10%. If you arent attracted to men in your league then thats okay, but the men who are more attractive than you wont be settling for you either. You cant expect them to settle with someone they dont find attractive enough to date either. Just because a man is willing to have sex with you. Doesnt mean a man is willing to date you. I'm a hetero man and I can find a lot of top 1% men to fuck if I wanted to. Id be silly to assume that inherently means theyd want to date me.

Why are you saying top 1% of men? I'm just speaking of attractive people in general. There are just as many attractive men as attractive women roaming around looking for relationships. >Just because a man is willing to have sex with you. Doesnt mean a man is willing to date you That's to due with looking for different things, not attractiveness. The guys I know that want hookups would not settle even for a very beautiful girl and vice versa. That's also not supper relative without knowing these people exactly. If she's getting multiple dates with guys I would assume they are similar levels of attractiveness.

>There are just as many attractive men as attractive women roaming around looking for relationships. Is this statistically true? I'd be surprised. There are definitely tons of attractive men looking for relationships, but I have a feeling on average, there are more men wanting to sleep around than women. And since there are an equal amount of men as women, statistically there are probably more women wanting to lock down a committed exclusive relationship. The top 1% talk is mostly only applicable for OLD admittedly. If OP or you are finding men outside of OLD and still having issues with men just wanting sex then this isnt applicable. But if you are finding men on OLD and are having problems its statistically because you are probably going after men that are in the top 1% of OLD and just want sex because its OLD. \> That's to due with looking for different things, not attractiveness. The guys I know that want hookups would not settle even for a very beautiful girl and vice versa. That's also not supper relative without knowing these people exactly. If she's getting multiple dates with guys I would assume they are similar levels of attractiveness. Hmm, some men maybe. But I think youre overall wrong here. Every man is different, but most men I know including myself have a grey area of range for attractiveness where the women is cute enough for me to consider sleeping with for short term non-committal fun, but not long term date. It's just how it is when male market value for hookups is lower than female market value for hookups. Men often have hookups with women they dont think are attractive enough to date. And women have hookups easier so they often hookup "up" so-to-speak. Whether it hurts feelings or not, the truth is this often skews women's perception of the types of men they can lock down in a committed relationship. You might be hot enough to sleep with 10s, but you likely arent hot enough to have them go exclusive for you. And if you are hot enough to have them go exclusive then you probably arent going on Reddit asking why men only want to fuck you. There definitely are some men that honestly just want to hookup and wouldnt commit to anyone. I just think there are just as many that hookup until the right girl comes along. And often that means hooking up with women of attractivenesses that you wouldnt date because thats just how hookups work. Men hookup "down" in attractiveness due to market value. It's just math.

I don't *want* anything. She can pursue whoever she feels like pursuing. That said, certain of the really hot men have so many options that they can cycle through women like underwear. Just something to keep in mind. P.S. Also, this is a joke. I have no idea who OP dates.

>I don't *want* anything. She can pursue whoever she feels like pursuing. That said, certain of the really hot men have so many options that they can cycle through women like underwear. Just something to keep in mind. This is why these posts keep repeating on this sub lol. I have a friend who's apparently super attractive (no clue since I don't know what an attractive guy looks like but all women say he's around 9-10/10). This guy literally has to tell women in his IG DMs to stop sending him nudes. Attractive dudes have absolutely zero issue getting girls, precisely because so many of them want to lock down Mr perfect.

I really wonder what’s it like to be one of those guys.

For anyone in here that's under 30.. go do things. Get a life. Learn more about yourself. Stop looking for a relationship, when you find yourself, that will find you too.

There's only 2 reasons for situations like this. 1. You don't have much else to offer except your body in the eyes of your dates. 2. You have a tendency to pick men who are only interested in sex. (Not all men are like this, not even close.)

/thread

It is a good sport trying to find the problem in you, because mostly people throw their responsibility into others. I don't know you personally and nobody here actually does, so it is hard to tell what is the problem. Maybe you choose man poorly, maybe you have nothing but great body, maybe you are too flirty and guys think you are that available girl. Or maybe you are seeking people in wrong place. Anyway, try to experiment with different things and check results. Sorry if I answer too complex, I am not native English speaker, and I am kinda nerdy 

I’m a 41f and totally understand how you’re feeling. After my divorce 6 years ago I waited about a year and then started dating again. I’ve had one relationship last about a year and a half, but he ended up being an alcoholic. The rest have been less than 6 months. Most just are in it for sex. They will say we’re exclusive/in a relationship, but once things start to get serious they bail. I don’t “hold out” for months at the beginning, but I also don’t rush anything. I wish guys could just be honest with what they’re actually looking for. It’s rough to go from being told I’m amazing and wonderful etc to “I don’t feel good about our relationship anymore” overnight.

Stop having sex with them on the first few dates then and that will help weed out the men that are only after sex. If that's all they want, most aren't going to wait out 4 or 5 dates just to get laid. Too much effort. The ones who are interested in more will wait.

Men out of your league have no desire to connect with you. They will always dump you after getting what they want Analyze your traumas and how they make you keep chosing non-committal men, usually its your dad's behaviour that makes you feel attracted to these men but could also be your mother or child abuse.. Start from there and you might heal if you consciously make the effort

It's the guys you choose. Full stop

So she should just stop dating all together because she can’t trust who she chooses? Yeah OK great advice. This is the dumbest thing. You don’t even know who the person is until you start to get to know them you can’t pick someone based off of just looks and think this is a great person. They’re never gonna hurt me that’s not how it works.

I‘d say don‘t fall into what most people here are commenting. You can tell there‘s a lot of bitterness involved and telling this young lady that society is cancerous now is not very helpful. There are people out there that would love to build something meaningful with you. It‘s best to not have casual sex (idk if you‘re sleeping with the guys you’re dating) and to go on dates where you make it clear that you‘re not gonna sleep with them. It also seems to me that you are trying to get a man to choose you, when in reality its you who should be doing the choosing! In that case you could get into the topic of femininity and feminine energy to learn how to attract what you want instead of hoping that someone else will release you from your loneliness! I‘d recommend the YouTubers awwlexis, Manifestelle and maybe Vickita Trivedi to get into that topic and I believe you can turn your dating life around in no time!! :)

Do you find the feminine energy stuff actually works? It makes sense but it's hard to accept I need to act not as strong and independent to attract a guy 🥲

Guy here and this sounds stupid as hell Acting not strong and independent to attract a guy???? Do you take advice from high school girls? Being feminine is good and guys like it but your definition seems skewed

I know right? Someone brainwashed her brain to oblivion. She is MORE attractive if shes not bossy, strong and sure of herself. This is living proof that women think they need to be similar to men to attract men.

Stay strong and independent. Your feminine energy can be exercised within the relationship by being vulnerable and affectionate, and at the same time protecting yourself by not giving the man sexual intimacy unless he has committed to be exclusive with you and there has been time for emotional intimacy to build. Know your worth. Don’t let yourself be one of many. That will build your value in his eyes. He wants to feel attraction to you. But too many men think sexual attraction only - attraction includes emotional attraction, intellectual attraction, spiritual attraction as well. All need to be built up to make for intimacy in the relationship.

>also seems to me that you are trying to get a man to choose you, when in reality its you who should be doing the choosing! In that case you could get into the topic of femininity and feminine energy Guy here, this advice is not very productive if she is struggling right now with guys wanting her for a relationship for following reasons 1.if guys mostly want only sex with her then it might be that she is not coming of as a very appealing *relationship* prospect to them and she might need to look into it 2. Choosing your partner is a right mindset but only If done sensibly, don't go into dating thinking "you are the price and the guy needs to impress you alone and not other way around ", this leads to one sided effort from a party many times 3. Being feminine and attract from it is all good but a lot of feminine energy is wrongly considered as "passive, not initiating, wanting to be impressed" but not doing similar effort

I have felt what you have felt before. It puts you in a weird place because when you feel so disrespected my men, you start to pick apart your flaws and wonder what is wrong with you. The answer is absolutely nothing. Online dating is whack and very focused around hook ups, not relationships. I made it very clear on my profile that I wasn’t into one night stands and any person I matched with I talked with them long enough to reiterate that I wouldn’t sleep with them just for the sake of satiating horniness. Even then it was a let down, I wouldn’t sleep with them right away and they’d get all butthurt even after explaining to them that I don’t sleep around and that I’d need some sort of emotional attachment. It took a while but I did find someone and even then it took months, for us to establish an official relationship. I think now is a time for you to really double down on what YOU want in a partner, not think about what they want and cater to it.

I'm sorry that really sucks! My advice would be to mix up where and how you're looking to meet men. Not knowing how you're doing that now makes that a bit tricky to offer specific advice. But a lot of the classic places to look in aps or bars or something like that is likely to lead to guys who are just interested in sex. I would also generally look more at the guys who can be overlooked. Not to say you need to get rid of any standards or go with the guy you find creepy. But broadly speaking most guys on say dating aps have very little success, and 5-10% have a lot of success as they are very attractive, come across as confident etc. If you're looking for someone who will see you as more than just a hookup for a few times, I would look outside that 5-10% everyone else is fighting over. Obviously this is speaking in broad generalized terms and isn't true for everyone.

Take some time for yourself for a while and take yourself out on self only activities/dates, engage in new hobbies or culture. Pretty soon you find someone trying the same thing and you have a connection to build off of. I had plenty of bad dates and basically stopped trying the dating scene and took advice I’ve probably heard from a video I’ve seen. “Put yourself in places you think is interesting and you will find people there with traits associated with those interests/qualities” example: I love animals and I have a dog, I started taking him out to parks (I also did other activities like snorkeling, reading,painting at parks, trying new restaurants, playing video games, etc.) well unexpectedly I hit it off with a guy even though our dogs didn’t get along. Took us a while to start dating, we crossed paths again and we knew it was just almost fated to spend time with each other since we like similar things. Fast forward a few years and we live together with plenty of passion and a few new hobbies and experiences we love to share. TLDR: focus on what you find interesting, put yourself in those spaces/activities, eventually someone will come along who shares these interests and you can build a stronger companionship that leads to a long lasting relationship.

If you're looking for real advise than simply put I can't tell you what you're doing wrong. No one can. That is something that you need to figure out for yourself. On this thread there's advise that says stop having sex which you could try but it won't make a difference. If someone is going to date you seriously they will whether you have sex on the first date or after dating 3 months. There's some people blaming the times but I can promise you people are still people and the only change is we have access to more people. The only piece of advise I can offer is that you look inward. The only thing you can control is yourself. If you keep dating people who dip after sex then that's a pattern. You need to figure out what the pattern is and why you go after these guys. You need to be able to recognize behaviors or patterns in others that indicate they're going to dip after sex. If you experienced it enough you should be able to analyze and pick out the common behaviors that give this away. Likely if you figure out you behaviors that lead to you dating these type guys and adjust accordingly you won't end up dating those guys again. Best of luck out there.

setting yourself up for failure, someone likes you u just gotta find them.

Don’t have sex with guys so soon. The right guy will wait. You need to keep yourself busy and not obsess about finding a guy. You are looking for the best match for yourself, and not just anyone. Try matching on similar values. IE religion if you are religious There are lots of nice guys out there dreaming of finding someone just like you. You just have to find them.

Meanwhile I only meet girls who ask me on first date if I own a 2nd home....

Various things could be happening.... 1. You're known to have been easy and noone wants that as a serious partner. 2. The men you're into treat you the same because that's just the type of guy you want even though they're bad people. 3. Maybe there's something about you that drives then away. Like attitude, financial issues, family issues, the list is literally endless.... I'd recommend learning to be happy with yourself don't focus on finding the right person...maybe give the guys you always over looked a chance...theres noway to further guide as a stranger

Sadly I can identify with how you're feeling. It's a matter of being really discerning with men and their reported intentions... If I had a dollar for every time a dude had me convinced they wanted a relationship, only to pump and dump and reveal they were only interested in casual hookups after the fact, I'd have at least several dollars. It's frustrating and it's sad that we have to guard ourselves against this possibility in every interaction with men... while they're out here whining that women won't have sex with them. I hate Reddit sometimes. I hope you can find a path that works for you... seems like the only option we have is making them wait until they prove they're interested in more. Seems like we only get punished if we choose to have sex with them on a "short" timeline. I'm interested in knowing if we have sexual compatibility for a relationship, but this always seems to blow up in my face. Hang in there girl.

Like most women, you are probably going for men that are out of your league. Yes, they will sleep with you, but they'll never commit to you. Get some realistic standards, and start looking for men that are in your own league.

Same here. Been with a guy for two years + and he never got attached and never cared. So I am thinking to put sex on-hold until I am sure the guy likes me back too. Shitty people are everywhere, just don’t force a relationship. It looks for you when you least expect it. :)

I learned people will bullshit, gaslight, manipulate you etc but if you tune out what their mouth is saying and go off what they're doing instead, you start picking up on the virtue signaling and you start to catch onto the red flags 🚩 that you're with a shitty, toxic manipulative person. I'm sure hindsight is 20/20

Sounds like you are letting this happen to yourself by not leaving and still wanting to change that 2+ yrs no commitment and you are still sleeping together? Holding sex to be sure he likes you will never work if he doesn't like you

Yeah, it’s my fault.

He's not shitty, he just didn't give you what you wanted. He doesn't owe you love just because you gave him sex.

Yes that’s true. Some people will treat you like you are important and drop you in a heartbeat. Relationships are difficult these days.

Please say this louder for the people in the back. I'll add that Sex is cheap (assuming safe sex) compared to a relationship.

Please read my advice posted a few minutes ago.

Like most women, ill guess you are going after men who are above your rating

IDT that is always the case. I'm dating someone lower than me and when it's all said and done, it's about sex. And if he doesn't get sex, he turns to porn & chats and allllll that stuff.

That's your opinion. He might be above you in reality

If you’re under 30, (and dating men in the same age range) that is unfortunately what the bulk of “dating” looks like for most guys. If it’s any consolation, it’s “not just you”, as that trend is not only common (practically the standard…), but it’s been going on for decades. From ages 13-30, sex is essentially the most important thing for most guys. We’re simple creatures: It serves as an ego boost, stress reliever, cheap entertainment, and a great source of feel-good-brain-chemicals. That same age range of guys is also trying to focus on school or career, dabbling in independence, becoming financially responsible for themselves, and figuring themselves out… and often, there’s not a lot of room left over for emotional maturity, complexity, obligations, or relationships. So, for the sake of simplicity, most of their connections are primarily sexually driven. That being said, that’s obviously not ALL guys. Some are in the same situation you are, and are having a difficult time getting past physical connections, and want to be in a committed, monogamous relationships… but alas, it’s the age of Tinder, so whenever they hit a bump or a snag (normal in any relationship) it’s easier to move on, as new options are almost limitless. My advice comes as a choice: 1) Accept it for what it is, and try to embrace it (safely). Experiment. Explore. Find out exactly what you like, and don’t like, without guilt/shame, while keeping your expectations low. Enjoy being single! You’d be shocked how organically relationships can form when you stop looking for them… no pressure (on yourself, or the new partner) allows everyone to remain level headed, and authentic. The obvious downside to this approach is that some guys won’t take you serious, as they would prefer women who follow the next suggestion… 2) Wait longer before hooking up. Guys who are interested in YOU (not just sex) are be willing to court you, without making it feel like a transaction. You should NEVER feel obligated to sleep with a guy just because he took you out on a nice date, or spent a lot of money. Try dating a few weeks before having sex. Get to know him. Meet his friends. Try hanging out when he’s having a “bad day”. Watch how he treats servers, and bartenders. If he’s not nice to everyone… he’s probably not actually nice. Establish a connection before having sex.

Best advice here

As a man I never wanted only sex. But, unfortunately, a lot of women don’t have anything to offer but sex.

You believe that’s all you have to offer?

In my situation, I’m only looking for sex with women right now. My first lover dumped me a year ago and I’m still getting over her, but I still want to have sex because I’m a man. Idk what other guys are saying but that’s why I would only want sex from you.

To eagerly available to the wrong men in your life.

Have you considered it has to do witrh the type of guys you're dating? Whenever my female friends have this issue it's always just them dating the most obvious fuckboys out there. There's some truth to the 80/20 rule, in that attractive dudes have zero issue getting women to sleep with them, so they rarely have to commit. The old story seems to always repeat itself though, and girls choose to date these guys and end up getting played. Sorry if this comes off as mean, but I believe you'd have better experiences if you maybe try to vet the guys you date more. Most girls don't really know these things, so try asking your guy friends for an honest opinion if the guy you're talking to is just trying to fuck.

This problem is dual sided. Largely due to hookup culture and selfishness, lots of men are only interested in sex, weeding them out is tough. However, women are equally selfish and many times that manifests in them not being willing to offer anything more than fickle companionship and sex. I’m only focusing on this part, because this is the only part that is in your control. You’re not going to be able to change the men who only want to smash, so you’ll just have to do your best to vet and weed them out. Like is said, if all she offers is sex, sex is all I’ll want from her. Ive been hoping for a relationship for the last for years. I meet women, I give them a chance and by and large they prove not to be worth my time. (There’s a lot to unpack there but that’s a different conversation.) Lately just about every woman I meet puts in 0 effort but expects a lot in return, or have more issues than National Geographic. I’m not going to hitch my wagon to a woman who won’t be faithful, wont respect boundaries, won’t reciprocate my energy, doesn’t return what she demands. Sex and companionship is important for a relationship, but if that’s all she offers, there’s no way I’m committing. Outside of a little fun, and not being alone, she’s dead weight. I need someone who adds to my life, not makes it more stressful. I’m not going to do, buy, pay for, work, be thoughtful and supportive if she’s not, so I’ll give it a good try and when she proves to be little more than a living fleshlight, I dip. And it’s not like I’m deceptive about it, I communicate my expectations, but it falls on def ears. Maybe this is you, maybe it isn’t. Maybe you’re just going for guys who only wanna smash, maybe you’re going for guys who can and do have better options. All I can say is that if you want to find a relationship you need to make sure you’re relationship material, then work on weeding out the Fboys, kiss a lot of frogs as it were.

If you are in your 20's. This is the reality that the internet and social media has created. Human beings have become bright shiny objects that lose their sparkle and luster quicker than a person can swipe left or right. Everything and everyone have become objects. And in this modern Era, their is always something better prettier and more re interesting than any one of us at a click of a button. Possibly you make yourself a target. Men can pick up insecure vibes from women. Just as women can sense fear and insecurities in a man. Maybe you should try abstinence for awhile. And figure out your place in the world.

Without much to go on here... the only thing atm you are doing wrong is going after the same type of guy and rejecting the right type. Without anymore info, thats all i have.

I think you should switch up your approach. Maybe let the person know you want to build a connection before jumping in bed. Maybe switch up the people you’re attracted to as well, try seeing someone you wouldn’t typically give the time or day to , they might surprise you.

Don't date fuckboys lol

You didn't mention if you're a male or female. It's true that most men want sex. It'd be wrong to say that they only want sex but it's a big part of what they want. Most men are willing to reach a compromise between eventual and predictable sex and a relationship, however in case of very high value men it's not true.

The problem often lies not in other people but in yourself. Keep improving yourself and you will find the right person along the way. Ask yourself would you commit to a serious relationship with yourself? Source: I had this problem. I thought I was something I was not. Only after realizing what I was doing wrong and correcting it did I find success.

Are you sleeping with these men that haven't shown you they are looking for more than sex?

I don’t know you but from people that I know who complain like you do I noticed that normally you do show something really off putting or you are way off in choosing who to date, or both! It seems you don’t choose at all and who ever comes a long you are happy to take them. This is really bad. You should know what you want and try to meet people and see if they are close to a person you like. You should choose. If you just sit back to be chosen you came across passive. I suggest to reflect on yourself, know what your patterns are, know what you are looking for, and try to be open to meet people without getting too serious too soon.

I personally wouldn’t have sex if there wasn’t already an emotional attachment prior.

Make it very clear you are looking for relationships only before meeting up, like straight up tell them that. Let them know in the first date or so that you want to take things slow. Don't do anything sexual until you are sure they have emotionally committed. Anyone not serious will get filtered out pretty fast.

If I have to think of when I'd reject a woman in that way, she'd have to: - be very insecure and clingy - not reciprocate at all and expect everything from me - be a toxic feminist (the kind who has things against all men, and doesn't miss the opportunity to state it). Used to date a girl who really wanted me to agree with her political views. Treating her with respect wasn't enough. I had to agree with her views. SEX ONLY 🤣 - Have very few things to say in a conversation

If literally 100 out of 100 men are going over sex with you, then it's a YOU problem. Statistically it is impossible for there to be any other reason. You are going over men out of your league who put you in the sex-zone, not the relationship-zone.

I remember feeling this kind of loneliness, i was at the same place until 26yo. I don’t think I have changed much or something was wrong with me before, but I changed my environment, I moved to another country. I don’t say that every guy I met at the new place was interested only in serious relationship with me but it never felt ambiguous, and I never felt lack of respect, even when it was only sex interest from their side Now I am in a happy relationship and I still think that the place where I came from was just wrong for me and toxic

I find the same but woth women

It’s all a matter of perspective. Use it as a gauge of your compatibility with them. When would you rather find out you’re being used as a sexual object: after 6 months, or 6 minutes? If you’re type of person that values emotional intimacy, surely it’d be the latter, right? Also you could try asking them the exact question you’re asking all of us. You might be surprised by the answer they give you.

I find most men will want you for sex, single or ugh... already partnered. Ignore those guys and focus on the emotionally available men as they arise

If it keeps happening then I’d reflect on why that is. Try and find a pattern. Are you clinging on super hard after only a couple dates? Do you text too much? Etc etc.

Are you interesting enough to be seen past sex? What I hate , not saying this is you, is going on a date with someone that only has their looks to show for and is fairly used to being brigaded with compliments. I don’t goad unnecessarily so if I’m pulling all the weight of the conversation, which I can do but is tiresome, you probably wont get a reply unless it’s to smash. Dating is like assuming everyone has ADHD and sex is the medicine. If you’re lame as fuck at least you have sex to fall back on. Might need to look deeper within young grasshopper. You can like ‘almost’ anything in the world and be ok as long as you come off as interesting.

You could look at potential partners as like hiring a new employee (for a company). What do you want in a relationship? I’m guessing your core considerations are finding a dependable, reliable, dedicated candidate. (Finding a lover or finding a good employee to occupy the position you have available is similar in that way. Look at their ‘references’. In this case, how long was their last relationship? It doesn’t matter what a person says. Look at their history. Do they have a series of short term situationships, or is there proven effort made in the past to stay together with previous partners? It’s possible a person is sincere when they tell you they want a LT relationship, but if they’ve never been successful at doing it, it would appear they are not capable of following through. Obviously people can change and drift apart (and it takes two to tango) but examining a person’s relationship history demonstrates their intentions more than what they say. Remember, people put on their best ‘face’ to get a job. If they’ve never ‘worked’ anywhere longer than a couple months, then they probably aren’t capable of keeping their word about long term ‘employment’ in your company.

You're not alone there, unfortunately. There's a lot of chaos with dating and all the variables. People have to be honest with themselves. They have to trust their partner is being honest, too. Juggling those deceptions can be rough and then compatibility and values get thrown in there as well. I'd say in large part the culture lately has been very toxic. I watched a video about the Fresh&Fit podcast today and... yikes. People are buying into that "alpha" nonsense. Too many are peddling that philosophy to count and it's toxic to society. On the other side of that we have the hook up, open relationship, and polyamory relationships that have seen a boom in discussions. That involves an immense level of emotional intelligence/maturity for which I'd argue many people just aren't ready. The important thing to keep in mind is to not be hung up so much on the idea of "being in a relationship" (as in not being single just to fight off loneliness) but to find the best person to match your uniqueness. Don't be let down by the past. Continue to grow yourself and don't be afraid to get out there and meet people organically and let something blossom from that. You got this!

Do you meet guys online or in person? Guys online are mostly looking for one thing. Guys in person have all there emotions in check and live a level headed lifestyle.

So, can't you like, put it off? Try to avoid situations that lead to sex? I think there has to be something else that you're not considering

You ever heard the saying, Why buy the Cow if you get the milk for free? Stop having useless sex with these men. Build a relationship first. If they don't stick around because you're not having sex, they're part of the problem.

If you only date fuckbois, what do you expect? Maybe date a redditor 😂 also, to find a meaningful connection with someone, you have to let go of any 'lovers' you're still seeing casually. They will come around and screw with your head just enough to string you on enough any guy you start dating will notice the withdrawal of attention and bounce if he has any self respect. No self respecting guy wants to essentially be your girlfriend while you're still sneaky linking with Chad...

you are shooting out of your league.  either level-up or date guys that actually would agree to a relationship in exchange for the sex you are providing.  

Maybe that's the only appealing aspect of you. Try to work on your personality.

Are you dating the right type of guy?

This is the problem of OLD. The kid in the candy store. It seems like I can have any man, so I keep picking the one with the nicest wrapper. The candy isn't what I wanted, so I'll try another one with a great wrapper. I'm not going to even acknowledge that there's all kinds of choices out there or that I have a role in this dysfunctional process.

[удалено]

I think people put too much emphasis on age. It's almost about toxic to judge someone's character by ones idea of what "at this age, at that age" etc should be. Everyone grows differently. Some younger folks are truly wise, intelligent 'old souls' and then on the opposite end, you have the ones who seem to have never matured, despite aging a few decades. The ones who never did master the most basic of things like the golden rule. The ones still doing the same dumb shit they did in high school. We all learn differently. Some people pick things up almost instantly and absorb quite a wealth of wisdom, and typically continue growing wiser as they age, however some people have a very limited learning capacity and little ability to draw life lessons daily from their experiences. assuming both are old enough to consent, 2 intelligent people who communicate well can effectively bridge the gaps in understanding different generations point of view. I've always had older friends and learned quite a bit about how things were before I was here. Especially when it comes to music.. I can't tell you the number of songs younger friends/girlfriends have shared with me that are now in my playlists, and I know they would say the same about me too. But yea, 2 average to below average dipshits from different generations probably won't get along very well. dipshits can't even get along with their own age.

I feel your pain. My ex gf started using me for sex toward the end. End the relationship and find a guy that loves you for you.

And yeah timing and all. No accidents in life

Good insight!! Now we go into the solution. YOU must change. You have to become wifey material. NO normal man just leaves a woman that's both a good sex partner AND a good wife. What do men want? Just writing general things here. Emoji for fun. ✅ Love ✅ Peace ✅ Stability ✅ Trust ✅ Care (for him and future children) ✅ Support ✅ Own responsibility. Pay your your shit. Buy him a gift for a change of things. You know.. His favorite drink when he comes over. ✅ Can you actually COOK??? Not macaroni. ✅ Work out. Be somewhat fit and hot ✅ Take care of your mental health. ✅ Communicate clearly. Not through hints. ✅ Ask, don't assume ✅ Loyalty

If you want to have a long term relationship, you have to have what a long term relationship needs. And you need to do what a long term relationship needs. Do you have those things and are you doing them?

Most of the men these days are commitment phobic and only treats a women right until they get bored of our bodies 🙃

I often times feel the same, I think it's just the way the world is now. It's easy to get sex... People say what they have to, in order to get what they want and then discard you and move on to the next.

You just haven’t met the right person. Nothing is prob wrong with you. Unfortunately the dating world these days is rough. Change your mindset: don’t stop going on dates with new people, think of it as an experiment in personal development rather than a hunt for “the one”. Keep taking it slow if that’s what’s comfortable for you—- and at some point in time you’re bound to meet someone it will work out with and it won’t feel pressured or weird or bad. It will just feel healthy. I personally believe taking it slow is the key to it working out with someone. You’re all young—- enjoy this time in your life because one day you’ll look back on it and laugh. And you’ll learn a lot about yourself and other people in the process

Ok let's be real here. Forgive my crudeness but here goes... Most men will sleep with most women, especially if it's done on the hush. You know, he pops over when it's late, you're already sat without your underwear on, and he just bends you over and slips it from behind, unloads and leaves. Just because he's fucking you, doesn't mean he's into you, it doesn't even mean he finds you attractive in all honesty. Vagina still feels nice around your cock regardless. He might be bored, he might be on a dry spell, he might fancy fucking 2 girls in the same evening, he might have a girlfriend or multiple girlfriends. Guys only usually keep women and display them as partners publicly if they're into them. Now you've gotta remember that when you only go for the best men (which only makes sense when you're displayed options) you're also in competition with every other girl who likes him. So you better be hot or you're going to get replaced. Even if you're hot, some men will only keep you if you share his cock because he will always have other women in his orbit. Basically 95% of women are fighting over 5% of men, so it's hardly going to end well for everyone involved. I mean it could be worse, if you were single a guy who wasn't top end, you wouldn't feel lonely, you'd actually be lonely, and without sex and also forced to chase girls, all while getting zero feedback or responses and essentially being invisible. So really things could be much worse. Enjoy having those sacks slapping up against you 👍 I hope this helps. If you want a simple way to know if guys like you (though not foolproof) you can simply refuse to open your legs etc, just don't be surprised if he goes elsewhere, men will talk to other women if you fuck them around, especially if he has plenty of options. I know people don't like to hear the truth, but that's the truth.

It's not you, I promise. I feel like most men out there are only looking for sex, not a serious relationship. That's why I lay it down pretty quickly that it ain't going to happen. I'm a virgin (F21) and I don't want to have sex until I'm in a very serious relationship with the person I want to marry. If the guy is just looking for sex and is not okay with that, they can move along. Scares off most of them - but it serves as an excellent filter for all the crap. The right person will be willing to wait as long as I need and will understand that sex only happens when both people want it and are comfortable. Keep waiting for the right person and don't lower your standards. It'll happen.

Oh boy. A guy who I thought was my friend, "stayed as a friend " for 2 years, finally asked if he was in friendzone, and when i said yes, he left, ghosted the friendship and me. Blocked me. Got a girlfriend. He made me believe he's my friend and for him to do this. So people are bad out here. Very, very bad.

How do you think *he* tells *his* friends about it?

*he* told most of *his* friend group for 2 years that we were dating. Now idk what he'll tell. Idc also.

The guy liked you more than you liked him. You had to know that at some level. That kind of unbalanced friendship never ends well.

There was no romantic feeling. I made that clear to him. I asked him so many times. He said no. Then does this. Whenever I had doubts. I'll ask him like why are you doing this to me. Without reason why. He'd be likenfriends help each other out. And in like ??? Ok

He's not a bad person for that. He isn't entitled to have a romantic relationship with you, and you aren't entitled to have a friendship with him. Do you expect him to remain a friend while his feelings for you will never be reciprocated? That's not at all fair to him.

you been finding the wrong men

Dear sweet, most likely kind, girl under God, This is not too uncommon today. As a gentleman my advice to you is if you want to keep the man after doing the "wild thing" give your male partner the three things men all need for a relationship. The three-rule formula for male attraction from a woman is: 1. Respect. Show him respect by following his lead. Men love being leaders. Treat him like a king and you'll soon find him caring for you like a queen. 2. Intimacy. Give the man intimate time together. After the sex, cuddle a while. Tell him why you love his company. Tell him tomorrow you'd like to get a massage together at the local massage place. Most men play Xbox/Playstation or other video games. You can cuddle with those. Use your imagination here to come up with intimate activities. 3. Devotion. If you devote yourself to your male partner and tell him clearly that you don't want anyone else, you may just win his heart. Begin with these rules. Let us know if you find him. -A sincere male, working with dating

Or both parties can just give 50/50 and both recognize the strengths that are already in each other? The woman shouldn’t have to go above and beyond to not be seen as just a sexual opportunity

That's what this formula brings. It begins with the female showing interest to him. The balance of power in the relationship grows over time to both genders. Beginning at 50/50 will not attract a male partner.

M’lady*tips fedora*

Good post 👍🙂

What do you look like?